


Suddenly

by littlemisfit5290



Category: Homeland
Genre: Abandonment, Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bipolar Disorder, CIA, Canon Het Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Hospitalization, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Military, Mother-Daughter Relationship, PTSD, Rescue, Sexual Content, Swearing, Terrorism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2017-11-25 09:07:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 185
Words: 330,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/637299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisfit5290/pseuds/littlemisfit5290
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A multi-chap future I've imagined for Carrie and Brody and company. Involves lots of familiar faces, and one of my own creation named Farrah. Set post S2 finale. Carrie/Brody centric but many other relationships/dynamics explored throughout. Still very much a work in progress. Reviews are appreciated!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *Okay so this is the first official writing I've done for Homeland. Please be gentle/take pity on me. I've had a bunch of ideas for fics but this is the one that seemed to stick, and I've just been scribbling and adding to it lately almost obsessively. Be warned it's very AU, at times very fluffy, and I admit, unrealistic at times but that's what fanfic is for right? The title/general fic is inspired by the song "Suddenly" from the Les Mis film. I'm putting the first few installments I've finished out there to see if it gets any kind of love/interest. If it does I'll gladly keep going with it, have had fun writing it so far and, that's a good thing I think.* :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Homeland, that's Showtime. But if I did, the writing for the S2 finale wouldn't have made me weep buckets.

 

__   
  
  


* * *

_  
Yesterday I was alone_   
_Today you walk beside me_   
_Something still unclear_   
_Something not yet here_   
_Has begun_

Ch. 1

"Miss...Matthews? Why..why do...?"  
"Why do I what, Farrah?", Carrie asked, kneeling to the six year old's level on the ornate guest room rug.  
"Why...do, do you-"  
"Shh, don't get nervous.", she soothed. "You're doing fine."  
Smoothing the girl's headscarf that matched her own, she repeated her earlier question in English.

Carrie, Miss Matthews for the time being, had been Farrah's tutor. Teaching her English for the past sixteen months. During this stint in Baghdad her cover was a bespectacled, red-haired elementary school teacher.  
Like always Carrie took her assignment seriously, creating lesson plans and pop quizzes like she'd been a teacher all her life. Because of it Farrah had made major progress. She could now read, write, and speak English beautifully, only fumbling for words when she was nervous or emotional.

"Why..do, you have...to go?" Farrah pointed to the packed suitcase on the bed, sadly looking to Carrie.

Bowing her head, avoiding the girl's tears the way she would desk work at Langley, Carrie looked to the window at her right.  
She was two floors up but there was a fire escape. Her best shot at getting to her backup team parked and waiting a few blocks away from here, Faruq Hadad's gated residence.

Her cover that landed her under his roof was beyond blown now, and by Carrie's guess Hadad's men had already received their orders. She could all but feel their semi-automatics shooting the lock off on the door behind her.

Putting on her bravest face she turned back to Farrah. Reaching over to thumb a tear from her cheek.  
"Sweetheart, I finished my work as your teacher.", she smiled sadly.  
"You can read and write in English now, as well as I can! Farrah I did my job, what I came here to do."  
Farrah then threw her arms around Carrie's neck, holding onto her so tight she could barely breathe.  
"Don't go!"  
"Shhh, don't cry. Please don't cry."

The tender, tearful scene was interrupted by a loud pounding on the door that was soon kicked in.

"Run Farrah, hide! Now!" Carrie ordered, reaching for her holster at her ankle. While she couldn't imagine a guard physically harming Farrah, the first child of Hadad's third wife, she wouldn't risk her witnessing a gunfight.

After Farrah ducked into a nearby closet, Carrie turned, gun drawn, to face Hadad flanked by two of his guards. She knew she didn't have a chance against them, but took comfort in knowing she'd done her job.

This morning she'd turned over all her findings- incriminating documents and a tape recording-to Major Mendez who'd sent everything to Saul. All the proof needed that Hadad was responsible for the car bomb at Langley, doing his late friend Nazir's bidding and setting Brody up for his crimes.

Carrie recorded his confession on a wire last night. She'd been working up to the crucial conversation for a year, gaining trust and intel living under the roof of Hadad and his family.  
After thorough research she'd learned Farrah was his Achilles heel. He had sons from previous marriages who were grown and gone, but his daughter was his entire world. In order for Carrie to gain his trust, she'd have to gain Farrah's first.  
Clearly she'd succeeded, and didn't regret anything about tutoring the young girl. It had been a remarkable experience. The one bright spot of living under the roof of a known terrorist and having to pretend each day she wasn't disgusted.  
Last night before her promised nightcap with Hadad, Carrie prepared for an hour. Steeling herself to earn the confession however she had to. Reminding herself that whatever she'd have to say and do with the man, would be worth it if she managed to clear Brody's name.

She knew her tape wouldn't erase Brody's leaked one, but it was definitely a start for him.  
For his future Carrie wasn't sure she'd live to be part of as the guards and Hadad closed in around her.

She wasn't a gun expert, but it was clear her pistol was no match for the high powered sniper rifles staring her in the face. Slowly she lowered her weapon, setting it down at her feet.  
Raising her hands, she knelt on the rug and shut her eyes. Preparing for what she assumed was her imminent death. But hearing stunned gasps and scolding instead of shots ringing out she froze.

Slowly opening her eyes she saw Farrah standing in front of, but with her back to her.  
"Farrah!"  
Carrie looked on in horror as the girl slowly raised her hands to signal stop.

"Leave...her...al..alone!", Farrah cried, begging in English and Arabic for her father to drop his weapon.  
Slowly, nervously, Hadad did as he was asked and ordered his guards to do the same.

For a few off putting moments the room was silent. Until the bomb went off.

*************************************************************************************************************************************

When Carrie awoke she was lying face down in the smoky courtyard. Scratched up, bruised, ash darkened her torn clothing and headscarf. Coughing, as her eyes focused they filled with tears. _Shit._

The same sickening dread/guilt for surviving she'd feel each time she landed in this situation returned, but Carrie tamped it down. Slowly she took deep breaths. Her training reminded her to remain calm, try and survey the area. Her gaze wandered to neon green spray paint. Graffiti tagging a fallen gate.

She realized it was a trademark of a rebel group, that the bomb tossed in her bedroom was likely homemade. It hadn't been drone strike level but was still damaging and devastating. The rest of the yard was littered with debris and fallen burnt beams.

Wincing, Carrie freed herself from some rubble then spotted a flash of fabric. Another realization hit.  
 _Farrah._  
The girl she'd tried to protect by throwing herself over her the second the bomb shattered through the window.

Shifting to a kneeling position, she realized Farrah lay curled up nearby underneath some roof shingles. Moving them aside Carrie saw her eyes were shut, her headscarf was torn. There were scratches on her face but nothing too severe. What frightened Carrie most was how peaceful she looked in the midst of all the chaos.

"Farrah, Farrah wake up.", she commanded, shaking her shoulder. When she didn't stir Carrie checked her pulse and her breathing.  
"C'mon honey. Open your eyes, please.", she coaxed until finally she looked to be coming around, coughing as her eyes fluttered.  
"Farrah? Farrah can you hear me?"  
"Ms..Ms Matth-"  
"Shhh, shh...just relax. It's okay, I'm here."  
Adjusting Farrah's headscarf, looking her over she didn't seem to have any critical injuries. But fearing a concussion, Carrie raised her index finger and moved it to the left then the right, checking that Farrah could follow it with her eyes.  
Taking her doing so as a good sign, she checked for broken bones, bruises, bleeding. Nothing jumped out at her as dire, aside from them still sitting in the middle of what felt like a warzone. They had to leave and they had to leave now.  
"Okay sweetie, sit up for me now. Can you do that?"  
Watching her wince but manage, breathing a sigh of relief Carrie hugged her close. Trying to block her view of the damage.  
"Alright we're going now. Just hold onto me."

She could hear sirens in the distance but wasn't willing to stand around waiting. All she cared about was getting Farrah somewhere safe. That feeling intensified as she stood up to carry her out of the courtyard.

Moving towards the skeleton of the mansion she began to see the casualties. There was a familiar turban, its wearer crushed under a fallen pillar. She realized it was Hadad among his dead guards and told Farrah to close her eyes tightly. The maids had gone to their separate residence, but the lady of the house had taken to bed earlier that evening. Carrie saw her body in the front gardens.

It was only by luck and chance she and Farrah had lived. A miracle Carrie intended on making count for something as she held her tighter and walked faster and faster, fleeing the scene completely.


	2. Chapter 2

After walking for what felt like hours but was actually about ten minutes, Carrie reached the getaway car.  
It had moved a good distance from the planned rendezvous point once news of the bombing broke.

Agent Fuller reached from the driver's seat to open the passenger side door, reaching to pull Carrie into the vehicle when it looked like she would walk right past it.  
"Jesus are you alright? What the hell happened?"

Trembling, adjusting a sleeping Farrah in her lap, Carrie opened her mouth to answer but no sound came out. She didn't even know where to begin.  
"Who the hell is the kid?  
Buckling her seatbelt she turned to glare at him.  
"Just fucking drive.", she hissed covering Farrah's ears. Agent Fuller thought better of saying anything else.

...

"Carrie, you are aware how risky it was bringing her here, right?"  
Major Joy Mendez spat. Pacing the safe house study as Carrie stood, head bowed, in the center of the room.  
"I'm aware."  
"I don't even know what to say. You're practically second in command with the Agency. And your first time back in the field since you pull something like this?"  
"Major, I didn't pull anything. I was protecting a child!"  
"The child of our most wanted terrorist."  
"Hadad's dead."  
"Killing one man won't kill an idea. You know that better than anyone."  
"What would you have done if you were me? Abandon an innocent girl in a sea of rubble and bodies?"  
Shrugging, Joy perched on the end of the desk.

"I had to do this Major. What choice did I have? I am all Farrah has left."  
"Carrie..."  
"And what if I had left her behind. After her home is blown to bits an American she trusts turns her back on her? You know what kind of message that would send?"

"But Carrie have you considered all the repercussions, what could happen, what will because of this? The Agency can only offer you so much protection!"  
"Who's going to come after me? Fucking Child and Family Services? Farrah's parents are dead. Her two older brothers are off running around Amsterdam and probably don't even know she exists. She has no living grandparents, no aunts or uncles."  
"So what, you're going to adopt her? Foster her?"  
"I...I don't know! I haven't thought it that far through."  
"Well you had better think quickly. We're supposed to be out the safe house tonight, fly home tomorrow."  
"Yeah so I've heard.", Carrie sniffed, crossing her arms protectively in front of her.

This prompted Joy to stand and approach her, placing a hand on her shoulder in something resembling understanding.

"I do realize how difficult a position you were in. In answer to your question I don't know what I would've done. Probably the same thing."  
"I didn't plan on this. I mean, I'd come to care for Farrah but I never-"  
"I know. I do." Joy assured, getting a small nod.  
"Listen I set up a conference with Saul for a half hour from now."  
"Saul?", Carrie sputtered.  
"Does he know everything?"  
"He's been briefed. I think you should speak with him before you make any final decisions."

Shaking her head, now it was Carrie's turn to perch on the desk.  
"Carrie he had to know."  
"No I, I know. I just, I think I need some time to prepare here."  
"Alright, I'll leave you alone."  
"Wait, Major Mendez?"  
"Yes?"  
"Could you check in on Farrah for me?"  
Nodding, Joy smiled.  
"She is a sweet little girl. I understand why you came to care for her so much."  
"Yeah, well.", Carrie smiled, awkwardly but with a hint of pride in her eyes.

Once alone, she grabbed her purse then her iPhone, untangling the earbuds before starting up a playlist.  
Miles, Thelonious, even a little Coltrane. Barring booze it was her only hope of calming down before Saul's call.  
Along with a few pictures stashed on the device.

Thumbing through them she smiled at images of her dad, Maggie, her nieces. Landing on the penultimate photo she bit her lip. Her thumb ghosting over his smiling face, her hyped up mind calmed enough to drift back.

They'd been in bed at her place and after she'd gotten up to refresh their drinks, Brody got a hold of her phone and took a few self portraits.  
Some were innocent, most were inappropriate. Carrie eventually deleted them, too many people ran into stupid trouble because of things like that. But she'd kept a closeup of his face. Grinning, that sly gleam in his eyes.  
He looked rakish and rogue, goofy and gentle all at the same time.  
Sadly she thumbed to the last photo. One of the two of them. She was curled up on his shoulder wearing his shirt, laughing up at the camera not knowing as she was taking the shot, he was smiling down at her.  
Gently, lovingly, sadly. She cherished it. It was her proof that they'd been there. Together. In that perfect, playful place even for a short while.  
And it reminded her, reinforced for her that they'd made it there once. They'd be able to again. Someday.  
That knowledge tucked in the back of her mind was about all that kept her functioning lately.

Longingly she looked at them a few minutes more. Then checking the time, realized her conference with Saul was soon.  
Breathing in and out slowly, she drummed her fingers on the desk in time with the jazz until the song concluded.  
More at ease, removing the headphones she sat behind the desk as Joy entered with the satellite laptop. Powering it on before placing it in front of her.

"Carrie are you there?"  
"Yes, Saul."  
Warily she watched him stare her down through the screen.  
"So, the rumors are true?"  
His tone was questioning, like he was hanging onto false hope this was all a big misunderstanding. Carrie hated correcting him.  
"Yes."  
"What the fuck were you thinking?"  
He didn't yell, he sounded more disbelieving, disappointed. She didn't know which hurt worse.  
"Saul..."  
"I thought after everything with Brody, after we rebuilt the whole fucking agency, this kind of thing would be behind us. You throwing caution to the goddamn wind and nearly costing us everything."  
"Saul c'mon."  
"You asked to do this, Carrie. Remember? You barged into my office demanding to head up the task force. Saying over and over how you promised Brody you'd be the one to exonerate him."  
"And you were probably banking on my failing miserably, right?", Carrie scoffed.  
"Actually if anyone out there could pull it off, it'd be you."  
Taking the compliment, small and out of context as it was, she softly smiled. Saul's frown stayed in place.

"But now, I don't know. You've gone and added a whole other level here, Carrie. For God's sake, bringing Hadad's child to a safehouse?"  
"He's dead, Saul.", she bit back.  
"And his child? Her name is Farrah, she's six years old, she's my student, and she has no one left but me. I wasn't about to let her fend for herself in the middle of a fucking war zone!"  
From the look on Saul's face Carrie could tell her feelings weren't lost on him, but that he was in no mood to deal with emotional hangups. He'd crossed into that damage control mode she was all too familiar with.

"Listen, I'm about to get in touch with everyone of our known contacts in the area. See if they can assist, help us find some way out of this mess."  
"Assist how?"  
"We arrange for Farrah to go into the custody of a private citizen. Remove you from the situation involving her abduction entirely."  
"Abduction?! Fuck, Saul! I don't have her bound and gagged in the basement!"  
"A child disappears from her home in the company of a stranger. You got a better word for it?"  
Carrie bit her lip.

"Carrie, I know you had good intentions."  
"Yeah paved myself a whole new road to hell with them." she muttered. Saul chose to ignore it, waiting quietly for her to act intelligent instead of just smart with him.  
"There's got to be an alternative to some stranger knocking on the door and dragging her off.", Carrie said sadly.  
"Not unless you've got a different plan cooking."

The silence that followed was interrupted by a soft knock on the door that creaked open.  
"Farrah?", Carrie called, forcing a smile on her face as the girl entered the study.  
"Hi honey. You sleep well?"

Farrah shook her head and ran over, climbing onto Carrie's lap.  
"Shhh, it's okay. It's okay."

Rubbing her back, Carrie kissed the top of her head.  
"Hey, you want to meet a good friend of mine?", she asked.  
"Friend?"  
"Yes. See, he's right there."  
Shifting Farrah on her lap so she faced the screen, Carrie watched as she shyly waved at Saul.  
"His name is Saul. Saul Berenson."  
"Bear?" Farrah chirped.

Stifling a laugh, Carrie looked on as Saul smiled, waved back, and complimented Farrah in Arabic and English.  
Blushing she shied into Carrie's shoulder, before her stomach made a grumbling sound.

"Hey, are you hungry?"  
"Yes. What..what's cooking?", Farrah asked shyly, looking to both the adults.  
Carrie's laughter subsiding first, she answered.  
"Well, I don't know. Why don't you go over to the kitchen. I think there may be some fruit in there, maybe even chocolate?"  
"Chocolate?!"  
"Yes, tell Major Mendez if she asks I said you could have two pieces."

Delighted, Farrah hugged Carrie tightly then went to leave her lap. But not before waving goodbye to Saul.  
"Bye Bear!"  
"Goodbye Farrah.", Saul grinned, waiting until she scampered off before shaking his head.  
"You don't fucking play fair."  
"Have I ever?" Carrie teased, then bit her lip nervously.  
"Saul we have to do something. She feels safe here, happy even. I can't just leave her to fend for herself even in protective custody. I'd never forgive myself."  
"I wish to God you hadn't let me see her just now.", Saul sighed.  
"She worships you, Carrie."  
"Tell me what to do.", she begged.  
"Just give me an ultimatum or something."  
"Why so you can do the exact opposite?", Saul scoffed.  
"Carrie, I can't tell you what to do. Nobody can. I... actually...hold on."

Reaching into his desk drawer for a small address book he began flipping through it.  
"Saul, what?"  
"Mira knows someone. Ages ago when she was thinking about adopting or fostering, she and I had a meeting with a woman. Her name was...Amir. Something Amir."  
"You considered having kids?", Carrie asked in surprise.  
"No, Mira considered it. I went along with it to keep from eating fucking peanut butter for a month."  
"That sounds more like it."  
"Anyway,...ah, here's her name. Sabina Amir."  
"Is she local?"  
"She's not far from you. I'll try and negotiate some kind of arrangement for you and Farrah through her. Temporary custody, foster care, something. I'll tell her to keep a low profile with it. At the very least it'd offer you some kind of protection, going through proper channels instead of just, taking off to God knows where and hoping no one notices."  
"You can really arrange that?"  
"I'll do my best."  
"Thank you Saul."  
"Don't you dare go thanking me yet. Just take care of that girl.", Saul demanded before signing off.


	3. Chapter 3

After signing off with Saul, Carrie walked over to the kitchen where Farrah was seated on the counter top. Helping Joy pour sugar into a mixing bowl.  
"What are you two up to?"  
"Well, we poked around through the cupboards and decided we'd whip up some sugar cookies.", Joy answered.  
"Oooh.", Carrie grinned. "Let me get in on that."  
Smiling Farrah scooched down the countertop towards Carrie, looping her arms up around her neck once close enough to her.

"Hey you..", Carrie greeted scooping her up.  
"Did you tell Joy I said you could have some chocolate?"  
Nodding, Farrah grinned.

"How much did she give you, two pieces?"  
"No..."  
"How many then?"  
Smiling shyly the girl held up three fingers.  
"Three!", Carrie exclaimed.  
"Well, it seems somebody has a sweet tooth!"  
"Sweet tooth?", Farrah frowned.  
"Yes, it means that your teeth like sweets. That you like the sweets."  
Nodding in understanding, the girl smiled, then repeated her.  
"Yes. And I think you may have the biggest one in the world!", Carrie laughed, tickling Farrah til her laughter turned to squeaks. Meanwhile Joy stood mixing the dough, watching the scene in silent awe.

The last time they'd worked together Carrie had been frantic and fearful and barely holding on. The complete opposite of the woman joking and smiling now. She was more calm and grounded than Joy ever remembered seeing her.  
And in Farrah's case, despite the hell and upheaval she'd endured the past 48 hours, whenever Carrie entered the room she would come to life, acting like a normal carefree kid.

It was clear their bond and their need for each other ran deep. And now of the three standing in the room, the Major was the most fearful. Fearing the worst if Carrie and Farrah were forced to separate.  
Luckily, the timer on the oven went off and pushed the thought from her mind.

"Okay who's ready for the first round?"  
"Cookies!", Farrah squealed. Squirming out of Carrie's arms she ran over to the tray just placed on the table, making a grab for it.  
"Farrah no!", Carrie yelled but it was too late. Farrah had reached for and dropped the too hot to handle bit of dough, and looked ready to burst into tears.

"Hey it's okay. Come here, it's okay." Grabbing an ice-cube from the freezer Carrie placed it on the burn. Farrah winced at the sensation but stubbornly refused to cry.

"Look at that, how brave are you?", Carrie smiled.  
"With cookies like these they have to cool down before we can eat them, you understand?", she asked as Farrah nodded.  
Removing the ice Carrie was relieved to see the red nearly faded out.  
"See, check it out. All better.", she said, then kissed the injured finger.  
"All better.", Farrah nodded, pulling Carrie into another hug. Carrie then looked up at Joy who subtly wiped away a tear, then turned back to the cookies.

...

The trip back started as smoothly as it could. Saul arranged a private flight so as not to further stress his protege and her newfound foster daughter. To everyone's astonishment, his contact came through in a big way and managed to access needed documents and visas to give Carrie foster privileges. For the most part everything was on the up and up. Carrie was amazed she didn't have more hoops to jump through, but wasn't going to question how things had worked out or dwell on everything that could possibly go wrong. All that mattered was Farrah was safe with her. Going back to her house, with her.

That little detail sank in about a third of the way home. As Farrah slept half buckled in her seat, half leaning against her, Carrie's stomach began to knot. Her house, a home for a six year old? It was rare she invited even her nieces to come and spend the night.

All she had in her fridge was half a bottle of wine and stale Chinese takeout. Maybe if she was lucky there was low fat yogurt that hadn't expired yet. She didn't have children's books or board games. Or outfits for dress-up or toys, unless you counted what was in the middle drawer of her nightstand. Her pill bottles weren't childproof. Her backyard didn't have swings or a slide, or anything appealing to a kid unless they enjoyed playing with rusty gardening equipment.  
And if all that wasn't enough to make her place unsuitable for Farrah, the living room pinboard was covered with photos and documents linking the girl's deceased father to war crimes.

How Carrie was going to handle anything once this plane landed was beyond her. Already she felt a panic attack coming on.  
"Shit...holy..fucking...shit..", she choked out.  
Overhearing her, Joy stirred and looked across the aisle, concerned.  
"Carrie? Are you alright?"

She didn't answer. Shifting out of her seat, carefully so as not to wake Farrah, she raced to the back of the plane.  
Breathing hard she locked herself in the small restroom and sank onto the tile floor.  
Reaching in her pocket for her iPhone, she realized it was in her purse out front. Along with her pills.  
"Shit!"

Putting her head in her hands she rocked back and forth. All the responsibility she'd acquired, the preparations she'd have to make, the way her whole world had fallen off its axis the past 48 hours.  
The stress left her crippled and ready to cry her fucking eyes out.

"Carrie? Carrie are you alright?"  
Joy asked, knocking softly.  
"Carrie unlock this door. Carrie!"

When she didn't comply, Joy tried a new strategy.  
"I thought you'd want your purse?"

Reluctantly, Carrie reached up and flipped the doorlatch, then took back her bag.  
"Thank you.", she sniffled removing her phone and placing the earbuds. She hoped she could mellow out with just her music and avoid taking extra meds, especially since she had an audience. But she kept the volume on low to be polite to Joy.

"You want to talk?"  
"Will you leave me alone if I say no?"  
"Doubtful."

Carrie sighed, defeated. All she wanted was to be left alone, work through her fucked up emotions the way she'd trained herself to, on her own. She hated anyone seeing her when she got like this. It was a given she looked as fragile as she felt, and other people seeing her this way was humiliating.

But she managed to push down whatever pride she had left. Knowing if she didn't unburden in front of someone now, she'd risk detonating later on. And Farrah had been through enough explosions.

"H..How, the fuck, am I going to do this?", she choked out.  
"Carrie.."  
"I don't know how to handle this! How to be a mother! Christ, I can just barely take care of myself!"  
"Carrie, calm down."  
"What if I fuck it up?"  
"You won't."  
"Oh, don't be so sure of that.", Carrie sniffed.

"Just calm down. You'll manage. You'll be fine."  
"How do you know? You barely know me!"  
"You're not as much of a mystery to me as you think.", Joy smirked.

"Listen, I've watched you the past two days with Farrah. I've watched you talk her down after her nightmares. Sing Arabic lullabies to help her get back to sleep. I saw you console her after she burned herself, sneak her an extra cookie to make up for the one she dropped. Each time she's been afraid or upset, you talk her down. You make her feel safe. You're the only one who can. And God help anyone who so much as sneezes at her."

"Well Agent Fuller's practically had the plague all week.", Carrie snorted.  
"Carrie that little girl in there loves you. Not only that she needs you. You fought to protect her and to keep her. Now you have her."  
"We have eachother.", she said softly.  
"Right."

Starting to come to grips, Carrie nodded and smiled, then stood when she heard whimpering. Joy followed her to the back of the plane and watched her take Farrah from Agent Fuller.

"Farrah, are you okay?"  
"She started calling for you and crying."  
"Hey it's okay. I'm here, everything's fine. You're with me.", Carrie repeated softly til Farrah believed it and her tears subsided.  
Watching across the way, Joy smiled.  
"You'll be fine.", she mouthed sitting back down as Carrie nodded and followed her lead. Still holding Farrah close. Reaching for her phone with her free hand, she slipped one earbud in her ear and the other in Farrah's.

She looked up at her puzzled.  
"Just listen.", she instructed, then watched as the girl smiled. "My Funny Valentine" echoing softly in her ear.  
"Now, close your eyes. You need to sleep and so do I."  
Yawning, the girl nodded, snuggled close to her teacher, and slept soundly the rest of the night.


	4. Chapter 4

Once the plane began its descent and the jazz unfortunately had to go off, Carrie nervously stared out the window trying to plan her next move.  
The first thing she'd have to do was visit Maggie and her dad and make introductions. She knew they'd be in for a shock. So would most everyone that knew her. But she was banking on Farrah working her magic and convincing everyone the foster arrangement wasn't a mistake.  
Carrie figured if the girl could turn Saul to mush anyone was fair game.

She was also anxious to track down Brody. Since obtaining Hadad's confession, exonerating him was her top priority aside from Farrah. She'd planned on getting away to see him at some point. Her method of contacting him was a PO box only she and he had the address for. Carrie was hoping to return to see it containing postcards, letters, anything to provide some clue as to where, maybe even how he was.

It was essential for her to touch base with him somehow. Let him know she hadn't forgotten about him or their deal, that she had kept her word and cleared his name at least in part.  
Getting him back on home soil though was another challenge. Thanks to that damn tape he remained a would've been terrorist in the eyes of the country, his family. Him returning to live a normal life stateside was a pipe-dream, wishful thinking at best. Carrie had resigned herself to that, but not to never seeing him again. She loved him, God fucking help her, and somehow they'd be together again. They had to be.

A persistent tap on her shoulder though reminded her where and who she had to be right now.  
"Hey sweetheart, you sleep well?"  
"Yes." Farrah grinned.  
"I like the ja..the jazz."  
"You do?"  
"Yes. A lots."  
"A lot.", Carrie corrected.  
"And I'm glad. I'll play some more for you on the ride to my house."  
"What is your...house like? Is it, big?"  
"Eh, it's not too big. But big enough for the two of us."  
Satisfied with that answer, Farrah nodded. Then reached into Carrie's bag for a green pen and uncapping it, used it to doodle hearts and smiley faces on her hand.  
"What are you doing?"  
"I like to draw!", Farrah giggled, then grabbed Carrie's hand and started drawing a daisy on the back of it.  
"I see. You like to draw on me too?"  
"Your hand's..big...bigger! More room!"  
"Well, yes that's true.", Carrie chuckled. After a few minutes she held out her hand to admire the sketch, trying not to smudge it.  
"Very good work.", she praised.  
"Yes?"  
"Oh, I'm never going to wash this off!"  
"Good.", Farrah beamed.

"Hey listen though, if you're up for it later this afternoon, I was going to try and visit my sister."  
"Sister?"  
"Yes, her name is Maggie."  
"Mag. Maggie."  
Farrah repeated as Carrie reached for her wallet, taking out some family photos.  
"Who is..",  
"That's my father."  
"Oh."  
Looking on as Farrah's face fell, Carrie sighed.  
"It's okay if you miss yours.", she assured, but Farrah shook her head, ranting about guns and hurt and too much loud noise as she covered her ears.

Heartbroken Carrie unbuckled, ignoring the seat belt sign entirely, and reached to pull the crying girl close.  
"Shhh, that's over now honey. That's all over, we're not there anymore, okay? You're not there. You're with me. We're together and we're safe, I promise."  
When Farrah's crying lessened to a soft whimper, pulling back Carrie grabbed a tissue to dab the girl's eyes.

"Look I know so many things happened with your father that day. So many bad things happened. But, if you think about it so did something good."  
"W...what?"  
"That day he listened to you. He understood you. And he didn't let me get hurt. Because of him you got what you wanted, for me to stay with you. And I am staying, Farrah. I give you my word."  
"And I..I stay, with you?"  
"Yes."  
"Promise?"  
"I pinky swear.", Carrie smiled, holding out her pinky. Farrah didn't though.  
"Hey don't leave me hanging! I showed you this, remember?"

Thinking back Farrah frowned, but then recalled their first visit to the marketplace together. She'd wanted to buy a new doll with her allowance but forgot to bring her change purse. Remembering what her big brother Khaliq would do in that situation, borrow another person's purse, Farrah made a grab for Carrie's bag.  
Unfortunately she wasn't quick enough to get away with it. Her teacher grabbed her by the wrist and looked at her sternly, not letting her go. Farrah then saw a policeman walk by and got nervous. When Khaliq had "borrowed" and been caught, the owner of the purse demanded he go to jail. Farrah hadn't known her tutor very long. What if she wanted to send her to jail too?  
The officer walked over and asked if everything was alright. Looking up at the adults nervously, Farrah was shocked when her tutor lied. Said everything was fine, she was here buying her student a doll because she'd done so well on her quiz.  
Farrah hadn't done well on her quiz, and knew she hadn't done anything to deserve the doll.  
After the policeman left she began to cry, but Carrie knelt down and dried her eyes. Telling her if she pinky swore she'd never try and steal ever ever again, she could keep the doll and nobody besides them would know what happened. Farrah agreed and learned what a pinky swear meant, a promise nobody could ever ever break.

"I won't, let you hang.", Farrah giggled, lifting her pinky.  
"Good!", Carrie laughed, and kept their fingers linked until the plane touched down on the runway.


	5. Chapter 5

After landing and driving away from the airstrip, Carrie's first stop on the ride home was the PO box. To her delight it was full of postcards.  
"What are those?", Farrah asked from the backseat. Carrie turned and handed her the stack.  
"These are called postcards."  
"Postcards?"  
"Yes. They're notes from a friend of mine who's been traveling. And on the front there are pictures so I can see where he's been."  
"Can-a-da. Canada!", Farrah pronounced, looking at a card with a moose on the front.  
"Yes, good job.", Carrie praised.  
"Miss Matthews?"  
"Yes Farrah?"  
"What is a cab..cabin boy?"  
Carrie had to stifle a laugh.  
"Well, a cabin boy is, someone who helps out at a cabin."  
"Oh. Is your friend, cabin boy?"  
"No. But he wanted to be.", Carrie said wistfully as Farrah shrugged, continuing to flip through the cards.

"If you'd like though, there's a cabin I went to all the time when I was your age. I'd love to take you there sometime."  
"Is it pre..pretty?"  
"Yes, it's very pretty. There's trees and a lake, even a waterfall."  
"Water! Swim!", Farrah exclaimed.  
"Uh, not in a waterfall! But we can hike to go and see it."  
"Hike?"  
"Walk. We can walk there."  
"Ah. Okay.", she chirped as Carrie turned onto her street. Farrah had her nose pressed up against the glass of the window, looking out at the townhouses in awe.  
"Pretty!", she gushed.  
"Thank you.", Carrie grinned, pulling into the driveway.

Once parked she got out and opened Farrah's door. Unbuckling the girl's seat belt for her, taking her hand she helped her out of the car.  
"This is...your house?"  
"Yes it is."  
"And I..I stay?"  
"Yes. You're staying here, with me.", Carrie assured, getting down to her level.  
"That's okay, right?"  
Watching Farrah look toward the house and smile, Carrie got her answer.  
"It okay!", Farrah giggled before running up the walk.

"Hey! Wait up!"  
Going to unlock the door, Carrie was surprised to see it was already open.  
"What the.."  
"Surprise!", Maggie greeted.  
"Maggie? What are you-"  
"Saul called. Told me everything."  
"I..."  
"We'll talk later. In the meantime though.", grinning Maggie knelt to Farrah's level, as did Carrie nervously.  
"Hi honey, I'm Maggie."  
Farrah nodded but remained half hidden behind her teacher.  
"Farrah remember I showed you her picture?"  
Carrie asked but didn't get a response. Just a sympathetic look from her sister.  
"I'm sorry..", she mouthed as Maggie nodded and stood back up.

"Listen, how about we go upstairs. I can show you your room!", Carrie suggested, getting a nod as Farrah looped her arms around her neck.  
"Agh,", she groaned, lifting her.  
"Okay, let's go."

...

Walking upstairs, Carrie bit her lip til she tasted blood. Her guest room's design theme was minimalist on a good day. Far from comfortable and appropriate for a six year old girl.  
So her surprise was evident when she saw a flower cutout hanging off the doorknob, and after turning it saw the room was decorated in similar fashion. The walls were newly painted in pink and lavender, and a floral print comforter covered the double bed. Along with furry and fluffy throw pillows shaped like hearts and butterflies.  
There was also a dark pink mat placed properly in front of the window, and everything else Farrah would need for prayers.  
Carrie was moved to tears. Farrah let out a squeal and squirmed out of Carrie's arms to jump onto the bed.  
Then started jumping on it.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Carrie laughed as Maggie watched from the doorway, shaking her head.  
"I jump!"  
"No, you're _jumping_!", she corrected.  
"No, _you're_ jumping!", Farrah giggled. Grabbing Carrie by the hand she pulled her onto the bed.  
"Oh I am?"  
"Yes!" Farrah started bouncing higher so Carrie had no choice but to bounce too.  
"Okay girls, that's enough." Maggie sighed, arms crossed. Carrie playfully rolled her eyes.  
"Oh c'mon, _Mom!_ "  
"Yeah c'mon!", Farrah echoed.  
Laughing and high fiving her, Carrie bounced a bit more then landed on the bed as gracefully as she could.  
When Farrah kept bouncing, she arched a brow and the girl reluctantly stopped. Plopping down beside her on the bed.  
"So do you like the room?"  
"Yes!"  
"Well thank Maggie then. She's the one who got it all ready for you."  
Smiling gratefully at her sister, Carrie watched as Farrah jumped up and ran to her in the doorway.  
"Thank you."  
"You are very welcome, Farrah.", Maggie smiled hugging her.

The scene was interrupted by the doorbell and a loud knock.  
Farrah jumped, looking frightened, prompting Carrie to stand and scoop her up.  
"C'mon, let's go see who it is."  
Shaking her head, Farrah clung tightly to her.

"It's okay Carrie I can take her. You answer the door.", Maggie offered.  
"I'm fine Maggie.", Carrie said, a little defensively as she made her way downstairs.  
Unlocking the door she grinned brightly.

"Saul! C'mon in."  
"Saul?", Farrah asked shyly.  
"Yes, remember? Mr. Berenson?"  
"Bear!", she chirped as Carrie set her down.

Once in the foyer, Saul slowly knelt to Farrah's level to hand her a wrapped box.  
"This is for you."  
"For..for me?"  
Getting a nod, she tore the paper to reveal a velvet box.  
"Saul! What did you?"  
"What, I can't give her a present?", Saul scoffed.  
"Well, you _can_.."  
Farrah opened the red box to reveal an elegant music box shaped like a carousel. Complete with tiny horse figurines. She stared at it in awe, as did Carrie.

"Holy shit Saul.", she muttered, then realized who may have heard her.  
"Shit!", she hissed, slapping her hand over her mouth.

Rolling his eyes, Saul reached over and turned the small crank at the base of the music box. Making the horses delicately move up and down as the carousel spun in time with the chimes.  
Watching in delight, Farrah waited until the horses and music stopped before setting the gift back in the box.  
Then threw her arms around Saul's neck.  
"Thank you!", she grinned kissing him on the cheek.

Pulling back, Saul gave her a watery smile. Then listened intently as Farrah gushed about her room and the bounciness of the bed and how she had the perfect spot for the music box on the shelf of her dresser. She spoke in a mix of English and Arabic and very very quickly, but it was obvious how happy she was.

Stopping to take a breath, Farrah leaned over to whisper something in Saul's ear. Then made a break for the staircase.  
"What was that about?", Carrie asked with a laugh.  
"It's apparently my turn for a present.", Saul chuckled as he stood, then pulled his protege into a hug she returned.

"It's good to see you. Been too quiet around the office lately."  
"Well, look forward to a little more noise. Between the two of us Maggie's had it up to here, and we've been home less than an hour.", Carrie smirked, as Saul looked on disbelievingly.

"I still can't fucking believe it. You and Farrah, I just.."  
"Saul I know. You think I planned for this to happen? I just..I didn't know what else to do."  
Shrugging Carrie sat on the couch before he joined her.  
"Well you lucked out with her. She's terrific."  
"You've known her for five minutes!"  
"I know all I need to.", Saul smiled.  
"Well, your gift was a hit. Where did you even get that thing?"  
"It was actually my mother's."  
Carrie was speechless.  
"She'd given it to Mira in hopes Mira would give it to our kids. I just figured a kid ought to enjoy it."  
"My God, Saul!"  
"Don't make a bigger deal out of it than it is. Alright, Farrah liked it, that's all that matters."  
"Saul she loved it. And she loves you."  
"Well why wouldn't she?", Saul joked as Farrah skipped back in the room. Jumping up on the couch to sit next to him.  
"It's for you!", she giggled, handing over a folded sheet of paper. Drawn on it in crayon was a brown and gray teddy bear wearing glasses and holding a jar of peanut butter.

"Peanut butter. How did you know that was my favorite?", Saul asked. Farrah shrugged and smiled, then turned to hand Carrie a drawing. Unfolding it she teared up.  
"Oh, Farrah, thank you! It's beautiful!", she exclaimed, smiling at the sketch of a little girl holding hands with a tall redheaded stick figure.  
"It is you...and me!", Farrah grinned.  
"Sweetheart it's perfect, thank you.", Carrie smiled hugging her tight, as Maggie yelled from the kitchen.  
"Oooh, looks like dinner's ready. Why don't you go in and see what Maggie's whipped up. Kitchen's right through there.", she pointed as Farrah nodded and ran off.

"That's a good likeness.", Saul smirked, pointing to the drawing.  
"You know I didn't breathe a word to her about the peanut butter. She came to that conclusion all on her own.",  
Carrie chuckled as Saul studied the drawing a bit more closely. Mainly the names written underneath the figures.  
"I think she's telling me to eat more carbs or something."  
Laughing she pointed to the stick figure, then caught Saul's frown.

"Or at least she's telling Ms. Matthews that.", he sighed.  
"Carrie, does she even know your name?"  
"Saul, c'mon..", Carrie sighed, crossing her arms.  
"Your real fucking hair color?"  
"Hey you know I may keep the red. Change things up a bit.", she scoffed.  
"I'm serious. I doubt she has the first clue about what you do for a living."  
"Jesus Saul, she's only six!"  
"She's still perceptive though."  
"What makes you say that? Her figuring out you like peanut butter?!"  
"Carrie..", Saul groaned.  
"Farrah's smart. She's gonna ask questions. One of these days she's gonna wake up wanting to know your life story, and what are you going to do? Read her the dossier on Elaine Matthews at bedtime?"

Frustrated, Carrie stood up.  
"How long do you expect to keep the truth from her?"  
"Until the timing is better Saul! Shit. I just brought her here! I haven't even given her a tour of the house yet. She's still jet lagged, I'm still jet lagged. She's been through more the past three days than any six year old should! I can't just bombard her with the truth now!"  
When Saul stood and went to touch her shoulder she jerked away. Then sighed, guilt setting in.  
"I'm sorry, I just.."  
"It's okay.", Saul said. It was obvious Carrie was overstressed (and underslept), and in no mood to be badgered by him.  
"I'll show myself out."  
"No, Saul. Stay, really. Maggie's probably got enough food in there to feed an army."  
"Actually not that much..", Maggie interrupted, walking in the room with Farrah in her arms.

"Someone ate quite a bit and someone's a little sleepy now.", she said, handing her over to Carrie.  
"No..I'm not..", Farrah protested before yawning.  
"Yeah okay.." Rolling her eyes Carrie turned to bring her upstairs, as Saul made a move for his coat.

"Where are you going?", Maggie inquired.  
"Eh I should get back."  
"Not so fast. C'mon I have a plate for you in the kitchen."  
"But.."  
"Saul..", Maggie warned.  
Not in a position to argue, or turn down a good meal, Saul smiled.  
"Well, if you insist. But I'm afraid I'll be taking most of it to go."

Meanwhile upstairs, Carrie was turning down the bed as Farrah stood in the doorway pouting, arms crossed.  
"I am..am not.."  
"Not what?"  
"Tired!", she insisted.  
"Oh yeah then explain all that yawning downstairs.", Carrie smirked, patting the bed.  
"C'mon get over here. I should talk to you about something."  
Sitting down Farrah looked curiously at her nervous looking teacher.  
"Farrah, first off, I loved tutoring you and teaching you English. I enjoyed our lessons together so much."  
"Me too!", Farrah grinned.  
"But the truth is, tutoring...teaching, it's not my only job."  
"No?"  
"No. My real job, is going after bad people who do bad things."  
Confused, Farrah shook her head.  
"Was...was I bad?"  
"No! Oh, Farrah no. Not at all. But, you remember on the plane when we talked about your father?"  
Nodding, she bit her lip.

"Was...was he..bad?"  
"People he worked with, were bad.", Carrie answered.  
"Honey, the reason I stayed at your house was to make sure the bad guys didn't do anything bad. My job was to watch them. To spy on them."  
"Spy?"  
"Yes.", Carrie sighed.  
"And, in order for me to do that I had to pretend I was someone else."  
Seeing Farrah's clear confusion, Carrie did something she didn't do as often now, and reexplained herself in Arabic. Farrah seemed to understand better, the fog was starting to lift, but hurt was starting to set in.

"You...are not..Miss Matthews?", she asked, eyes narrowed.  
"No Farrah. My name is Carrie. Carrie Mathison."  
When Farrah turned away, silent, Carrie reached to turn her face back towards her but the girl shied away.  
"Farrah?"  
"No!', she yelled. Fighting Carrie off before running out.  
"Farrah? Farrah!"  
Taking off after her, Carrie ran downstairs, watching frantically as Farrah ran out the front door just before it shut.

Hearing hurried footsteps down the walk behind him, Saul turned around right as something collided with his left leg.  
"Whoa! Where are you off to in such a hurry?", he asked, getting down to Farrah's level to see her in tears.  
Hugging her close he saw Carrie standing in the doorway, looking relieved but heartbroken at the same time.

"Shhh..", he soothed, rubbing Farrah's back before looking to Carrie.  
Nodding, she took the hint and went back inside, shutting the door behind her as Saul carried Farrah over to the front stoop.  
Wincing a bit he sat down beside her.  
"I'm too damn old for this..", he muttered to himself.

Meanwhile watching from the window, fighting tears Carrie didn't even hear Maggie come up behind her.  
"Sweetie I'm sure Saul can talk her down."  
"She shouldn't have to be talked down.", Carrie snapped, fighting off her sister's touch. The last thing she wanted now was to be consoled, she wanted her student back inside. Knowing she was responsible for her being upset was killing her.  
"I fucked up, Maggie.", she choked out guiltily.  
"Her first night here I completely fuck up."  
"Shhh, Carrie.", Maggie sighed, hugging her.  
"You didn't do anything wrong. You just told her the truth, sweetie."  
"But if I just waited..until she wasn't, jet lagged. More settled in."  
"Then her finding out the truth just would've hurt more. Carrie you did the right thing, telling her now. Believe it or not you did."  
Carrie sniffed but looked skeptical.  
"Look, she had to find out sometime. And better now then ten years from now, when she can use the car to run off instead of just her little legs."  
"What!"  
Horrified, Carrie pulled back as her sister laughed, walking her over to the kitchen.  
"C'mon I'll put on some tea."  
"Unless it's of the Long Island variety forget it.", she snapped.  
"Why did you have to mention the car thing. Really though..."


	6. Chapter 6

"So, Miss Math...Carrie, finds bad guys?", Farrah asked after Saul reaffirmed what Carrie told her earlier.  
"Yes, she does. And she's very good at it."  
"She was...a good teacher too.", she said sadly. Curling up in Saul's lap.  
"I'm sure she was. But she can still be your teacher Farrah. She can still be everything she ever was to you. Her name may have changed but how she feels about you hasn't. Not a bit."  
Saul said knowingly.  
"I've known Carrie for, awhile. I was even her teacher."  
"You were?"  
"Back when the earth was cooling."  
"What?", Farrah frowned as Saul laughed.  
"A long time ago. I taught her how to spy, how to do her job. But I didn't teach her about kids. That's one thing I had no fuc...no clue about."  
"No?"  
"No. She figured you out on her own. She's a fast learner."  
"She says I am too!", Farrah exclaimed.  
"You're a lot alike. That's why you get along so well. Probably why you tolerate me.", Saul smirked as Farrah giggled and hugged him.  
"Alright, alright. I think Carrie should get some of that warm fuzziness. C'mon."

As Saul went to try and stand up, somehow Farrah climbed around him and onto his back, looping her arms around his neck in classic piggyback ride position.  
"C'mon Bear!", she giggled.

Cursing and muttering Yiddish under his breath, he carried Farrah inside. Prompting Maggie to burst out laughing.  
"Glad you're amused.", Saul scoffed.  
"Not half as much as Carrie will be. Go on upstairs, she's in her room."  
One look at the staircase got him shaking his head.  
"Not on your life."

Bending down he waited til Farrah slid off his back before standing again.  
"Okay, now go upstairs and give Carrie one of those hugs. That's an order."  
"You have to go?" Farrah asked sadly.  
"Afraid so. But I'll make sure to see you again soon."  
"Promise?"  
"Promise.", Saul smiled, giving Farrah a hug and kiss before stepping out.

"Okay c'mon sweetie.", Maggie said, taking her by the hand.  
Once upstairs she knocked on Carrie's door. It was open a crack and she could see her curled up on her side in bed. Dave Brubeck echoing through the speakers.  
"Knock knock."  
"I'm not hungry, Maggie."  
"You have a visitor though."

Nervously Farrah peeked through the door, then turned back to Maggie who nodded for her to go inside.  
"What?", Carrie muttered before hearing footsteps.  
"Car..Carrie?"  
Sitting up in bed, she managed a soft smile.  
"Hey you..", she sniffled as Farrah walked over and sat on the bed beside her. Then nervously pointed at the tear tracks on her face.  
"Why..why are you-"  
"Crying?", Wiping at her eyes, Carrie shrugged.  
"I guess I was a little scared."  
"Scared?"  
"Yeah. After you ran out I was afraid you didn't want to stay with me anymore. Was I wrong?"  
Nodding, Farrah smiled.  
"I want to stay."  
"You do?"  
"Yes."  
Blinking back new tears Carrie hugged her close.  
"I wish I could've told you the truth about me before, Farrah. I just couldn't."  
"It's okay..you..you just did your job.", Farrah acknowledged, pulling back as Carrie sighed.  
Flashing back to a crack of dawn driveway discussion she still wished the electrodes could've erased from her mind.  
Luckily Farrah couldn't so easily dismiss her for being CIA. Of anything she seemed intrigued by the idea.

"For your job...you get to dress-up to spy?"  
"Sometimes.", Carrie laughed.  
"Before I came to your house to spy I had to change my hair."  
"Yes?"  
"Yeah, I colored it. Here, see."  
Grabbing the picture of her and Brody she'd framed, showing it to Farrah she gasped. Looking in awe at the photo, then at Carrie, then at the photo again.  
"So, what do you think? Keep the red or go back to yellow."  
"Hmm. Yellow. I like yellow."  
"Okay then, I'll bleach it back tomorrow.", Carrie laughed, leaning back against the pillows while Farrah continued looking at the picture.  
"Your hair now? Look like his.", she grinned, pointing to Brody as Carrie's smile went sad.  
"Yeah, a little bit." Taking the frame from Farrah she set it back on the nightstand, then looked to Maggie who was frowning at her watch.

"You know I hate to say it but I think it's definitely past someone's bedtime.". she said as Farrah pouted.  
"I think Maggie's right.", Carrie said, arching a brow when Farrah poked out her lower lip more for effect.  
"Ha! You think that's going to work on me?"  
"No?", the girl asked shyly.  
"No. You think the bad guys I catch don't use that to get out of trouble?", Carrie winked. "Okay last one to your room has to make your bed tomorrow.", she challenged. Getting Farrah giggling and out the door.

"Alright c'mon. Last I checked the both of you should be in bed." Maggie said as Carrie stood up and pouted at her.  
"Oh you think your nieces don't use that to get out of trouble?'  
Sticking out her tongue, Carrie walked over to Farrah's room and watched the girl climb into the turned-down bed.  
After covering her up with another fleece blanket, she handed her a worn grey plush cat she'd dug out of her closet earlier.  
"Who is...?"  
"This is Merriweather.", Carrie answered.  
"I've had him since I was a girl. My father told me that he'd scratch and claw any monster that hid in my closet. And I'd never have any reason to be scared."  
"He is mine?"  
"If you want him."  
"I do.", Farrah grinned, hugging the cat close.  
"Well good, I'm glad he has a new home then."  
"New home? Like me?", Farrah asked, as if needing to confirm what deep down she knew.  
"Like you.", Carrie smiled.

...

It was half past midnight and Carrie had just closed her eyes when her bedroom door creaked open.  
"Carrie?"  
Sitting up she blinked, rubbing her eyes.  
"Farrah? Honey what's wrong?", she asked as she ran over to her.  
"Bad dream?"  
Getting a nod, Carrie motioned for her to climb into bed.  
"C'mon it's okay. It's alright."  
Holding her close Carrie struggled with how to talk her down and get her to go back to bed. It had been a long day and they both needed as much sleep as they could get.  
"I'm sorry.", Farrah whispered.  
"What?"  
"I'm sorry I keep..having the bad.."  
"The bad dreams? Oh, honey..", Sighing Carrie slipped an arm around her. Smoothing the end of her pigtail between her fingertips.  
"Farrah you don't need to apologize. I understand and I'm definitely not angry with you."  
"No?"  
"No.", she insisted.  
"You know sometimes I have bad dreams too."  
"You do?"  
"Yeah. Sometimes after I wake up from them I'm shivering or my hands will be shaking. Does that happen to you?"  
"Yes.", Farrah nodded.  
"What are your..dreams, about?" she asked curiously.  
Looking down and away from her, Carrie bit her lip.  
Out of control mobs, bombs, being blown up, burned alive, bridges. Brody. Brody being burned, blown up, Brody hung from a bridge. Nazir. Nazir aiming a gun at her head, a gun at Brody's head. That twisted smirk of his haunting them both from beyond the grave.  
The past few nights the dreams had all been the same, the worst she'd had in a long time.

Her and Farrah and Brody locked in the mill in the dark, lost, yelling for eachother. She's running through one of the tunnels when Nazir grabs her from behind, throws her into the wall. He pulls a gun on her but then sneers, turns, shoots Brody point blank instead. He calls out for her and she tries to crawl to him from her spot on the floor. But her muscles don't work. She's pinned down, helpless to help anyone else.  
Her only escape is when she opens her eyes. Some nights when she does she's still screaming.

"They're...they're like yours.", Carrie finally answered.  
"Pretty scary. But when I wake up I remember that I'm home, and I'm safe. And that helps me settle down. Makes me feel better."  
Nodding, Farrah curled up against the bed pillows. Her eyes getting heavier by the second.  
"Let me guess. You feel better in here?"  
"Yes.", she nodded sleepily.  
"Okay. Just for tonight though.", Carrie relented.  
Pulling the covers over them both, kissing Farrah on the head as she cuddled beside her, they finally fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Rolling over to stop her alarm clock, realizing she was in an empty bed, Carrie panicked before checking the time and feeling the sun hit her face.  
After getting up, taking her meds and cleaning up some, walking over to Farrah's room she saw she was nearly through with morning prayers.  
Standing quietly in the doorway, she patiently waited for her to finish. Despite living with her for over a year she'd never taken part in this ritual. Her cover as a devout Christian didn't leave much room for her to visit the mosque, and though she'd researched and observed enough to know basic pronunciation and translation of the prayers, she hadn't explored the religion, or really any others, beyond that. After everything she'd seen and everything she'd endured herself, atheism was really all she could identify with.

Once finished, Farrah turned around and gave Carrie a bright smile, then came hurtling at her wanting a hug.  
"Good morning!"  
"Good morning.", Carrie smiled, squeezing her tight before pulling back.  
"Hey, did you have any more dreams after you came to sleep in my room last night?"  
"No. Ex...except you.."  
"What?"

Tense, wondering if she'd spoken or worse yet screamed in her sleep, she looked at Farrah anxiously.  
"What did I do, Farrah?"  
"You snore!"  
"What?!"  
"You snore, like this..", Farrah laughed mimicking the sound. Rolling her eyes Carrie stood up.  
"Well, I'm sorry. I'm afraid I can't help that.", she scoffed as Farrah's stomach grumbled.  
"I think I can help that though. How about we have some breakfast."  
"Pancakes!", Farrah cheered.  
"Pancakes, really?", Carrie groaned.  
"Farrah how many times have I made you pancakes for breakfast? Shouldn't you be tired of them by now?"  
"No!", she giggled, skipping out the door and downstairs.  
"Okay fine. But if I make them you're helping me."

Once downstairs, walking into the kitchen Carrie grabbed a box of Bisquick from a cupboard and a bowl, setting the objects on the counter top.  
"Farrah can you grab the eggs out of the fridge, and the milk too?"  
"Okay."  
Watching her grab the items from the fridge, Carrie breathed a sigh of relief Maggie had thought to restock it.  
"Okay now come over here and crack two of the eggs into that bowl."  
Nodding, Farrah reached for an egg and frowning, gently closed her hand around it to crush it.  
"No, sweetheart.", Carrie laughed. 'Like this."  
Taking the egg from her she properly cracked it over the bowl. Farrah watched attentively, then tried again and was mostly successful.  
"Oooh hang on, just let me get that sliver of shell out of there..", Carrie frowned, plucking the white speck out of the yolk.  
"Ah, there we go. Good job though for your first try, I'm impressed. Now, grab that measuring cup and fill it."  
"Alls the way?"  
"All the way, and yes."  
It wasn't long before the batter was ready, the griddle was hot and Carrie got started on the pancakes. Mid flip though she frowned, hearing the doorbell.  
"What the..."  
"Who is..?", Farrah asked nervously.  
"Just stay here for a second. I'll go see."

Walking to the foyer, combing a hand through her hair to try and look presentable, she opened the door surprised at who was on the other side.  
"Virgil?"  
"Hey Carrie. I didn't wake you did I?"  
"No..I've been up for a bit." she shrugged. "What are you doing here?"  
"Just wanted to make sure you'd gotten home in one piece.", he smiled getting one in return.  
"Yeah?"  
Nodding, Virgil handed over a grocery bag.  
"Figured you'd need a new supply.", he grinned as Carrie opened the bag, finding it full of yogurt containers.  
"Well, thanks a lot. But if you must know, I am making pancakes this morning.", she said proudly.  
"Well! You just going all out for yourself or what?"  
"Actually it's a treat for somebody else."  
"Somebody else?"

Curiously Virgil followed her inside, noticing an unfamiliar face peek around the kitchen door.  
"Yes. Virgil there's someone I'd like you to meet."  
Motioning for Farrah to come closer, Carrie bit her lip when the girl stayed put.  
"It's okay honey, you don't need to be shy.", she assured, then walked back toward her to take her hand.  
"Carrie what the fu-"  
"Virgil..", she cut off as he walked closer.  
"This is Farrah. Farrah this is a friend of mine from work. Virgil."

"It's nice to..nice to meet-"  
Fumbling for the word Farrah looked up at Carrie nervously.  
"Nice to meet you...", she supplied softly.  
"Nice to meet you."  
"It's nice to meet you too...", Virgil said, shocked but managing a smile.  
"Farrah was my student in Iraq.", Carrie hinted. Catching on Virgil's smile went sad.  
"Oh."  
"Yeah. And we decided that she was going to stay with me.", Carrie said, bending to slip her arms around Farrah from behind.  
"Wow. Well, I think that's an awesome thing to have happen.", Virgil enthused.  
"Yes?", Farrah asked brightly.  
'Oh yeah."  
Getting down to her level Virgil gave her a knowing look.  
"See not only is Carrie really smart, she knows how to be silly too."  
"Guess that's one word for it.", Carrie snorted.  
"Silly?", Farrah asked.  
"Don't tell me she hasn't done that silly eye-roll thing of her's yet."  
"Eye roll?"  
"Yeah. See..there it goes.", Pointing at Carrie mid-roll, turning to look at her Farrah laughed.  
"And, just between you and me, she's got one of the best rooms to play video games in."  
"Video games?"  
"Farrah, you ever hear of a game called Mario Kart?"  
When she shook her head, Virgil gasped shaking his.  
"Well we'll just have to change that."  
"Yeah well how about after we have some pancakes.", Carrie smirked.  
"C'mon, before they get cold."

"Okay this is probably the most nutritious thing I've eaten at your house. Ever."  
Virgil got out through a mouthful of pancake.  
"Good, swallow it then. And I'm sorry but you slathered butter all over carbs. Not exactly health food.", Carrie retorted.  
"I'm sorry but to me anything that isn't stale or expired is quality food. Farrah, whatever you're doing keep it up."  
"Okay.", Farrah shrugged, not really sure what he was asking of her but content to drizzle more syrup on her pancake. And some on his.  
"Hey! What do you think you're doing?"  
"She's showing you I don't specialize in quality food.", Carrie chuckled as Farrah drew a smiley face with the syrup.  
"Okay I think you got enough on there.", Virgil frowned.  
Shaking her head no, the girl added eyebrows and a tongue sticking out of the smile.  
"Seriously now?"  
"She likes to draw."  
"And turn me a diabetic at the same time?", Virgil scoffed. With a flourish Farrah finished drizzling, then handed him back his fork.  
"Shit, she really is trying to."  
"Virgil!", Carrie scolded.  
"Oh, crap..ugh, damn it!"

"What does he say?", Farrah asked curiously.  
"He was offering to help clean the kitchen.", Carrie winked.  
"In the meantime why don't you go upstairs, change your clothes, and clean that sugar off your teeth. Maggie put some new outfits in the dresser for you, and there's a toothbrush in there too."  
"But..Mario Kart?", Farrah said sadly, looking at Virgil.  
"I haven't got the game on me now kiddo. But I promise, next time I see you I'll teach you to play."  
"Pink..swear?"  
Laughing, Virgil held out a finger.  
"Pink swear."  
"Okay!", Farrah grinned, dropping his pinky before running upstairs.

Clearing the table, Carrie arched a brow at Virgil to assist her.  
"Okay does my being a guest mean anything to you or-"  
"It means you decide if you want to wash or dry."  
"Dry."  
Following her into the kitchen, grabbing a towel he looked on disbelievingly as Carrie started the water for the dishes.  
"What, dish washing a foreign concept to you or..."  
"Look just, level with me okay."  
"What?", she frowned turning to him.  
"What the fuck is going on?", Virgil asked, just as concerned as he was confused.  
"Virgil.."  
"Don't look at me like that, it's a valid question. Ever since I walked in the front door it's like I'm in the goddamn Twilight Zone! Bizarro World."  
"You say Stepford and I'll kick your ass.", Carrie laughed darkly. Virgil stayed serious.  
"Carrie we've known each other a long time. I've seen a lot from you. I know a lot about you. But I feel like I don't fucking know the you standing here talking to me."  
"What's there not to know?"  
"'Well I've never known you to want kids, or even like kids for that matter."  
Getting a cold stare in return he sighed.

"I can see why Farrah may be the exception. She's got me wrapped around her little finger and I've known her less than an hour. I'm not worried about her being a problem for you."  
"So it's me you're worried about then.", Carrie said bitterly.  
"Honestly? Yeah. Carrie I love you. You know I do. But half the time you scare me shitless."  
"I don't scare Farrah.", she said softly. "And I don't plan to."  
"I know. Obviously you don't. But you can't control everything that's gonna happen. Especially with your work and.."  
"My illness?", she finished.  
"Christ Virgil, you think all that hasn't crossed my mind?"  
"I'm just concerned. Can you blame me?"  
Shrugging, Carrie sighed. Taking a seat at her small kitchen table.

"Look, I didn't mean to rain on your parade here.", Virgil said joining her.  
"Well it had to happen sooner or later. I thought Saul would be the one to ream me out but Farrah turned him to mush in record time."  
"Seems she has a knack for that."  
"Oh yes. That girl could turn a bucking bronco into a My Little Pony."  
Chuckling, Virgil nodded.  
"She's a sweet kid. You won the rugrat lottery with her."  
"Yeah. You want to talk about being scared shitless though.", after pointing to herself Carrie plopped her head in her hands.  
"I woke up this morning and I thought for a minute it was all a dream. My bringing her here, the whole thing."  
"You wish it was?"  
"For her sake.", she nodded, looking back up as her eyes welled up.  
"Carrie look at where she was though. Fucking Chez Hadad?"  
"You never saw her there, Virgil. She was loved. She was happy."  
"She had you."  
"She had Elaine Matthews. A private tutor whose only responsibility was her. Educating her, entertaining her. Now she has Carrie Mathison. Who's responsible for catching terrorists and taking her fucking meds on time. Like you said, my job. My illness. They don't mesh with having a pet rock, let alone a foster child."  
"Well there's a lot about you that doesn't mesh.", Virgil reminded.  
"But, you and that little girl. Oddly enough, you seem to. Maybe it's because you've both been to hell and back, I don't know. But, clearly she needs you and I think to some degree, you need her. I'm not worried about the two of you together, I'm worried about all the outside forces at work that could fuck it all up."

"Yeah, I know. Don't think that I'm cracked enough to think I can make a life for her and keep mine exactly as it is. Even I'm not that delusional."  
"What are you saying. You're gonna quit the Agency?"  
"I'm not handing in my two weeks or anything. I just, I'm gonna have to make a few changes. C'mon I'm half in charge, if anyone could do something like that it'd be me."  
"You're half in charge for a reason though Carrie. You earned it."  
"I know. It's because I take work seriously. I know how important it is. In general. Just, to me. With it I have an outlet, purpose, validation my fucked up brain is good for something. But..maybe I need more. Maybe the job's not enough for me anymore." she admitted almost fearfully. Her voice cracking over the words.

"I wish the day I saw Nazir's body I'd felt something. Triumph, relief, whatever you're supposed to feel when the monster you've chased for a decade has nowhere left to run. But instead, standing at that van, I knew I was just biding time, waiting for the next threat, the new target, the next fucking attack. And I was right.", Carrie sniffed.  
"It's never ending, Virgil. Chasing the bad guys. It never ends."  
"You're good at what you do though, Carrie."  
"I know. I've got the office and title and, picture with the President to prove it."  
"But that's not reason enough to keep at it?"  
"Well what if I have reason enough to do something else. Be something else.", she asked, her eyes wandering to Farrah's drawing hanging by a magnet on the fridge.  
"Look if you think this is easy for me to say...it's not. And if it's this difficult talking about it, doing it will be another story entirely."  
"You can manage. You'll do what you need to do."  
"You know I think my therapist would see this as actual progress. God forbid."  
"Well that's when you know you're fucked.", he snickered.  
"If I told her what I just told you in a session? Jesus, she'd fall off her fucking chair." Carrie laughed, then kept laughing and it proved contagious.  
Once his laughter subsided, Virgil stood up as did she.  
"Look, no matter what you decide, about the agency, Farrah, your hair?", he teased getting a look.  
"I got your back okay?"  
"Thanks..", Carrie smiled before they hugged.  
"Alright I'm gonna say goodbye to the munchkin before I leave.", Virgil said, then paused thinking about what he'd just said and who he'd just said it to.  
"This is still fucking weird. I only talk like that to my sister about her brat son."  
"I've only ever said it to my nieces. You think its freaking you out imagine how I feel."  
"Fuck...Carrie. You have a kid!"  
"Virgil, she's not _my_ kid. She's _a_ kid. Technically, she's my student and I'm fostering her."  
"Carrie, own up. You have a kid.", Virgil said simply. Shaking his head stunned as he walked out the kitchen door.


	8. Chapter 8

After Virgil left and she finished the dishes, Carrie frowned thinking how long it had been since she'd sent Farrah to get dressed.  
"Farrah?", she called. Nervously she walked upstairs and turned the corner towards her room, when she heard footsteps and a loud "Boo!"  
Letting out a squeal Farrah jumped out of the linen closet, giggling in hysterics. Laughing herself Carrie struggled to keep a stern face.  
"Okay, I see how it is!"  
"How is it?"  
"Not good for students who jump out of linen closets."  
"No?"  
"No. Because you know what happens to them?"  
"What?"  
"They...get, chased by their teachers so you better run quick!"

Taking off after Farrah down the hallway, the stairs, and clear through the rest of the house, after collapsing on the living room couch Carrie had just enough time to catch her breath before Farrah was up. Ready to run again.  
"Hey! Hold up you!"  
Sliding off the couch to her knees Carrie reached to grab Farrah by the waist, gently tackling her to the rug as she giggled.  
"Nonono..", she squealed trying to squirm away.  
"Yesyesyes.", Carrie mocked, tickling her before stretching back on the rug. When Farrah followed suit, Carrie rolled over on her side, tapping the girl on the nose before play-grabbing it.  
"Hey look what I got."  
"No, my nose! My nose!" Farrah giggled, grabbing up at her hands.

Finally they both settled down and lay side by side on the rug, staring at the ceiling.  
"So what do you think of Virgil?"  
"He is silly."  
"Yeah, he can be."  
"You play Mario? With us?"  
"Ooh, I don't think I'd be very good."  
Carrie frowned, getting a pout.  
"Alright, I'll make you a deal then. After you learn to play you can teach me."  
"I teach?", Farrah asked.  
"Yes, you teach."  
"And I give you a quiz?"  
"You would quiz me?"  
"Yes and you have to get A. Or no shopping."  
Farrah said sternly as Carrie gasped, crossing her arms.  
"You are very strict, you know that?", she grumbled as Farrah giggled and stood, pulling her to her feet.  
"We shop now though?!"

"Okay whoa, slow down you. First I'm still in my pajamas.", Carrie said pointing to her sweats.  
"And second, what was our rule before when it came to going shopping?"  
"We study first.", Farrah said glumly.  
"Right. Just because we're in a different spot doesn't mean there's different rules. But..."  
"There is but?!"  
"But...because we're still getting adjusted. we can just read today."  
"No writing?"  
"Not today, no. Now I have to go upstairs and get dressed. You go find your book and bring it upstairs once you do. Okay?"  
"Okay."  
Going upstairs, after taking a quick shower Carrie came out of the bathroom to see Farrah sprawled out on her bed, reading aloud softly to herself. Smiling proudly, she crossed her room to her closet and opened it. Farrah immediately looked up, then jumped up to explore it.

"Are you picking out my outfit for today?"  
"Yes.", she grinned reaching up to grab a black flowy sequin top.  
"You wear it?"  
"Well yes I do, but not today.", Carrie chuckled. Putting it back while Farrah amused herself with her silk scarves dangling from a hanger.  
"These your hijab?", Farrah asked excitedly, thinking since Carrie wore a head covering every day in Iraq she did here as well.  
"Oh no, Farrah.", Carrie sighed, then went on to explain how she kept her head covered in Iraq to be respectful, but where they were now, it wasn't custom unless your beliefs called for it to be. Farrah seemed to understand but looked solemn, even saddened by what she said.  
"But listen, you can borrow my scarves to wear any time you like. Just ask me first.", Carrie said, hoping it would cheer her up. Luckily it seemed to.  
"I borrow now?"  
"If you like, sure.", Carrie grinned as Farrah grabbed her pink and black print scarf and began draping it every which way around herself.  
"Alright I'm gonna get dressed. Can you read some more in the meantime? You were doing a great job earlier."  
"Yes?"  
"Would I make that up?", she laughed. "Now go on."  
After ushering Farrah out of her closet, Carrie had just thrown on jeans and chosen a top when her phone went off.  
Farrah grabbed it but nervously handed it over, looking afraid of it.

"It ring loud!"  
"Thank you.", Carrie laughed taking it from her.  
'And I'll try and do something about the loud. Hello?"  
"Carrie hi. It's Galvez."  
"Danny? What's going on. Saul told you I was taking today off, right?"  
"Yeah he did. Told me why too."  
"Of course he did.", Carrie sighed.  
"Anyway, what do you need?"  
"I was just calling to remind you your debrief is tomorrow at nine o'clock."  
"Nine?!", Carrie sputtered. "It was scheduled for one!"  
"Fuller and Murray asked if it could be rescheduled."  
"Well fuc- fudge, them.", she spat, lowering her voice.

"Danny, the only time Maggie could come by to babysit was after twelve thirty."  
"There's nobody else?"  
"No. Even if I was okay asking my dad he's on a golf trip with a buddy of his."  
"You could always just bring her to Langley with you.", Galvez suggested.  
"Have her sit in on a debrief discussing her father's fucking war crimes?! Are you insane?", Carrie hissed under her breath.  
"What if she just sits in your office? Lock the door and let her watch a movie or something. The debrief won't take more than an hour. Though with you..."  
"I've kept it short. Detailed, but short."  
"I think that'll be a first."  
"Is there anything else, Danny?", Carrie asked, then stifled a laugh at Farrah striking poses in front of her mirror.  
"What's so funny?"  
"I just have a wannabe supermodel on my hands."  
"Oh geez, look out.", Galvez chuckled.  
"You know I was stunned when I heard about her. Farrah, right? That's her name?"  
"Yeah. And you're not alone in your feelings. Trust me."  
"Well, she sounds terrific from everything I've heard. Saul can't stop talking about her."  
"Yeah she suckered him into giving her a present and a piggyback ride last night."  
"What about you?"  
"Just pancakes for breakfast. But that could change."  
"How is it working out so far? Is she adjusting?"

Ducking outside into the hallway Carrie leaned back against the wall.  
"Better than I expected she would. She's still having nightmares though. Most every night."  
"Well after everything that's happened it makes sense. At least you know about them though."  
"Yeah that's true. Last night after she crawled into bed with me she seemed to be alright. It scared me this morning when I rolled over and didn't see her."  
"This morning...ah. She was saying prayers?"  
"Yeah."  
"Hey listen you know, you ever have questions or need advice about any of that, I'm around."  
"Thanks. I don't know though Danny. Back in Iraq she had a whole house full of people who shared her faith. Now though..."  
"Carrie I can stop by to say prayers with her, bring her to the mosque. Honestly it's not a problem. I'd welcome it."  
"You sure?"  
"Of course."  
"I really appreciate that. I just don't want her to feel alienated."  
"She won't. Just curious though, are you going to keep tutoring her yourself?"  
"I don't know.", Carrie sighed guiltily. "I mean I'm going to have to go back to work eventually, I.."  
"Well have you thought about daycare, pre-K type programs for her?"  
"No. I..I haven't thought that far yet.", she said, growing more defensive. She wasn't used to feeling so unprepared for an interrogation and didn't like it.

"Hey. I'm not trying to lecture or make you feel guilty. I just, I think I know a place that may work for you. A good place."  
"Really? Where?"  
"Remember the mosque where we went, to meet that imam about..."  
"Tom Walker? Yeah I remember."  
"Well you remember even back then he was setting up all kinds of programs and projects to benefit the community?"  
"Yeah the guy was basically a saint."  
"Well after I found out about you and Farrah I did a little follow up on him and the mosque. The place is like a community center now. They teamed up with St. Mary's and acquired a hospital, even some residences. There's a daycare, after school programs. They're even in the process of creating a school."  
"Seriously?"  
"Carrie it's fifteen minutes from Langley. It'd be a perfect spot for you to bring Farrah."  
"It sounds it. Shit, Danny. Thank you."  
"It's no trouble, ooh crap. I gotta go. But, Carrie. It's a good thing, what you're doing. It's a good thing."  
"Thanks.", Carrie smiled before hanging up. Taking a deep breath she went back in her room where Farrah was toying with the diamond ring on her dresser.  
"Pretty!", she gushed, holding it up so the diamond caught the light.  
"It yours?"  
"Yeah, it is." Carrie said, taking it from her and returning it to the ashtray.  
"Okay so listen, tomorrow, I have a meeting at Langley, where I work. And you're going to have to come with me."  
"I go to where you spy?"  
"Well technically, yes."  
Cut off by Farrah's squeal, Carrie laughed.  
"You seem excited."  
"Yes."  
"Farrah, it doesn't frighten you at all that I'm a spy, does it?"  
"No. When you spy, you met me!"  
"That's right I did. But, it doesn't upset you that I go after bad guys?"  
"No. You prot..protect..me from, bad guys. At park.", Farrah reminded as Carrie's mind jumped back.

She'd been tutoring Farrah for just under a year, and realized she may have rubbed off on her a little too much. She'd asked to go to the park after dinner that night to practice her soccer and Carrie agreed.  
But realized once arriving Farrah wanted to show off her dribbling skills to four older boys. About the same age as her brothers. They had always scared her off the soccer field before, but she'd been practicing a lot lately and was eager to let them know it.  
Carrie tensed up seeing the boys all dressed similarly, with a green symbol on the upper arm of all their matching shirts. When Farrah approached them they began snickering and teasing her, asking her where she lived and telling her to go back like a good little girl. Carrie was set to intervene until Farrah piped up and she froze, listening to the girl brag about living behind the gates in her father's house.

Quickly the smirks of the boys turned to angry looks. They told Farrah she should run before something bad happened. If she was afraid she didn't show it right away, prompting the boys to close in around her.  
One of them pulled a switchblade from his back pocket.  
Carrie sprinted over and jumped between Farrah and the boys, who she soon realized were more men than boy. They were stronger and taller and had her outnumbered, but it didn't stop her training from kicking in.  
When one smirked and grabbed her from behind Carrie kicked back and up, incapacitating him before taking on his friend to his left. Punching him square in the nose.

When he still fought back she kneed him between the legs, then had to fight off the third tugging at her headscarf to try and throw her off balance. He did so just long enough for the boy with the knife to pull her against him, aiming the blade at her throat.  
Locking eyes with Farrah's fearful ones Carrie tapped into some reserve of adrenaline and kicked hard at his ankle. It was a risky move, but threw him off enough that he lowered the knife and lessened his chokehold.  
Prompting her to turn around and disarm him as he fell backward. The other boy catching him.  
Still wielding the blade Carrie backed away quickly, then grabbed Farrah by the hand and bolted. They'd lost the soccer ball in the process but luckily not their lives.

"I forgot about that.", Carrie said. Though she'd probably blocked it out for her own sanity.  
"You good at job, you keep doing it!"  
"Well, so long as I have your permission.", she chuckled.  
"Do I have permission to-"  
"To what?"  
"Get new clothes before Lang..Langley?, Farrah asked eagerly, giving Carrie a grin she couldn't resist.  
"Okay fine, yes. We'll go shopping. C'mon.", she sighed taking her by the hand and down the stairs.


	9. Chapter 9

The drive to work seemed to go quicker that day. Carrie put on jazz and she and Farrah, decked out in brand new outfits, had been playing "I Spy" the entire car ride.  
"I spy something, green."  
"Trees? Leaf? Bunny!"  
"Okay since when are bunnies green?", Carrie laughed, then looked to the road and slammed on the brakes in just enough time for the animal to hop across the road.  
Once it had, she took a few deep breaths before hitting the gas again.  
"Can I pet bunny?"  
"No Farrah. He just ran into the woods."  
"No! At home!"  
"You want a pet bunny?"  
"Yes!"  
"Um, I'll think about it, okay?", Carrie sighed, turning into the driveway to Langley.

Rolling down the window, she flashed her ID for security.  
"Miss Mathison.", the guard acknowledged then looked to the backseat. "And guest..."  
"This is Farrah. She's with me for the day."  
"I see."  
"If you have any questions talk to Mr. Berenson. He'll vouch for her."  
Rolling the window back up as Farrah waved, not getting one in return from the guard, Carrie pulled into the lot, parked, and then helped Farrah out of the car. Walking with her hand in hand to the front entrance.

Seeing how intimidated the girl was by the security, she gently squeezed her hand.  
"It's okay. All you have to do is walk between these two posts. Here, watch me."  
Walking through the metal detector, Carrie turned back to Farrah who jumped a mile when the detector next to them beeped.  
"C'mon sweetheart. It's alright.", she coaxed.  
Putting on a brave face, Farrah covered her ears and ran through the detector. Laughing when she made it through to the other side and was applauded by some bystanders.  
"See, was that so tough?"

On the walk to the elevator, spotting a guard and the gun at his side, Farrah jumped to hide behind Carrie.  
"Hey...shh, it's okay."  
"Everything alright Miss Mathison?", the guard asked curiously.  
"Yes, I'm sorry. She's just frightened of...",  
Seeing her nod to his gun the guard nodded in understanding, turning to move it to a more discreet pocket.

"Look Farrah. He doesn't have it anymore."  
Turning slightly Farrah looked him over and not seeing the weapon, smiled along with the guard.  
"Have a good day ladies.", he waved.  
"You too. Thank you.", Carrie said politely, leading Farrah to the elevator.

Entering the car curiously, the girl gasped when the doors shut behind her. Then looking up, she grinned when the numbered buttons all lit up.  
"I press?!"  
"Okay, go ahead. Number five." Carrie chuckled, watching her stand on her tiptoes to reach.  
When the car began to move, Farrah's eyes widened and she ran to grip the railing on the back wall.  
"Honey it's okay. It's almost over!"  
"Good!"

Soon they reached the fifth floor and then after a short walk, Carrie's office.  
Grinning when she saw the desk chair Farrah ran over, sat down and bounced a bit on the cushion before spinning in it.  
"Not too fast!", Carrie warned.  
Opening her briefcase on her desk she grabbed her report from a folder, then remembered Saul wanted to review it with her before the debrief.  
"Okay Farrah, I have to go to Saul's office down the hall but I'll be right back. Stay put."

After Carrie stepped out and closed the door behind her, Farrah smirked and spun more quickly in the desk chair. When she got dizzy, she stopped for a moment and then spun in the other direction. She stopped all together though when she heard a knock and an unfamiliar voice.

"Hey Carrie when you have a second I need you to-"  
Walking in the office Quinn stopped short.  
"You're not Carrie."  
"No.", Farrah frowned.  
"Who are you then?"  
"Who are _you?_ "  
"I asked you first."  
"I ask you second.", she giggled to Quinn's annoyance.  
"How old are you?"  
"Ladies..don't..tell."  
"You're a pushy kid you know that?", Quinn scoffed.  
"You're pushy!", Farrah mocked.  
"What's your name?"  
"What's yours?"  
"Peter Quinn."  
"Pete!"  
"No. Peter.", Quinn corrected.  
"No... Pete!"  
"Peter!"  
"Pete!"  
"PETER!"  
"PETE!"  
"I'm in a goddamn screaming match with a six year old. What the fuc-"

"Quinn?!", Carrie interrupted.  
"What the hell is going on?", she asked suspiciously. Looking from him to Farrah who'd jumped up to stand near her.  
"Is there a problem?", Saul asked joining them in the office.  
"I came in here to speak to your protege and wound up being interrogated by her.", Quinn pointed as Farrah stuck her tongue out at him.  
Rolling his eyes Saul scoffed.  
"Interrogated? She's six years old!"  
"I deduced that. Who the hell is she?"

Feeling safer with Carrie standing close, Farrah stepped forward to answer.  
"Farrah!", she yelled.  
"Farrah?", Quinn questioned before things clicked.  
"Holy shit."  
"Jesus, Quinn!", Carrie hissed, bending to cover Farrah's ears.  
"Sorry. I just can't believe it. That's some souvenir you brought back, Carrie."  
"Quinn...", she warned.  
"Getting through customs must've been an adventure. Fleeing Iraq with the child of a confessed terroris-"

"Enough Quinn.", Saul growled.  
Holding Farrah close, Carrie stared up at Quinn through narrowed, icy eyes.  
"Farrah, go on with Saul, okay?", she instructed.  
"But...?"  
"I won't be long, I promise. Saul, I'd like to speak to Quinn alone."  
"Fine. Make it quick.", he cautioned, taking Farrah by the hand and out of the office before shutting the door.

Once alone it took all of Carrie's strength not to break Quinn's nose. Standing back up she moved behind her desk to put a barrier between them.

"Hey I'm sorry for interrupting Romper Room but there was something I wanted to discuss with-"  
"What the hell is wrong with you? Saying her father is a fucking terrorist? In front of her?!"  
"Well wasn't he? Or did you screw him and happen to forget that detail?"  
"You son of a-", Lunging at Quinn over the desk he leaned towards her in turn.  
"That's not very motherly behavior is it?"  
"How the fuck would you know? I don't see your long lost son nominating you for Father Of The Year!"  
Carrie retorted, a triumphant gleam in her eye as Quinn backed up.  
"Yeah. I know about that."

"You don't know a fucking thing.", Quinn scowled.  
Scoffing, ready with a reply Carrie noted his less smug-semi pained expression and held her tongue. He chose not to.

"Look, think what you want. I don't give a shit. But for me, my situation, I did the right thing. I'm a goddamn sniper, Carrie. I knew even then I had no business with a kid. At least I had the _sense_ to realize that."  
At the "sense" remark Carrie bristled.  
"Nice Quinn. It wasn't enough for you to insult my student?!"  
"Student? That's really what you're calling her?", Quinn scoffed.

"What difference does it make what I call her? So long as I'm the one that she trusts and feels safe around. The one who's taking care of her."  
"Taking care of her? God damn it Carrie. How often does someone around here have to remind you to take care of _yourself?_ To pry yourself out of your office and go home at the end of the day, get some sleep, eat a decent meal!", he countered.

"Hey whatever happened to your declaration that you weren't worried about me?"  
"Difficult not to be when you're making the biggest mistake of your life."  
"Hey I've made plenty of mistakes. Enough to know the difference between them and a selfless act."  
"Selfless? Selfless my ass, Carrie. All you're going to do is wind up hurting Farrah and hurting yourself more. Or have you not been through enough."  
"You don't have the first clue what I've been through."

"Well you'll be in for a world of hurt because of this. The both of you will."  
"Be _in_ for one? After the bombing we _were_ in one!", Carrie said bitterly.  
"Look Quinn. Say whatever the fuck you want about all of this, call me out. Whatever. It's decided. It's finished. Farrah is legally in my care. Don't think I won't do whatever I have to to keep it that way."  
"What exactly? Are you leaving the CIA?"  
When Carrie didn't respond Quinn rolled his eyes.  
"Whatever you need to do, huh?", he scoffed.

"I'll do what I have to in my own time, in my own way. In the meantime, Farrah and I are managing. We're keeping each other afloat."  
"Keeping each other afloat? Do you hear yourself?", Quinn asked in disgust.  
"How does that sound remotely healthy for either of you?"  
"Oh quit pretending you give a damn about either one of us." Carrie scoffed.  
"Jesus, Carrie. You _are_ crazy, fucking delusional if you think this will work."  
"Well what's another drop in the bucket?"

Angrily she turned away from him, arms crossed.  
"Just get out, Quinn."  
"Gladly.", he spat, halfway out the door before turning back around.  
"I give you credit for one thing though. You got that fucker Brody out of the picture before you brought Farrah into it. At least he can't break her heart the way he broke his own kids."

"I said get out!"  
Running to slam the door on him, she hit at it when it didn't shut all the way. Once, then twice before shoving her whole body into it and then sagging against it. Certain she looked as defeated as she felt but past the point of caring.

Fighting back tears until she couldn't anymore Carrie slowly crossed back to her desk and sat down, taking deep breaths in an attempt to relax. Her debrief was in less than an hour and she couldn't go in ready to strangle the man across the table from her. Even though she entertained the idea of doing so to silence his goddamn voice, his harsh words replaying on loop in her mind.  
Settling for the alternate way to quiet them though she unlocked her desk drawer, uncapping her pill bottle before tossing two back. Then she docked her phone, switched on the speakers surrounding it and let the music permeate the room. Shutting her eyes she leaned back, hoping at the very least she'd drift back as well.


	10. Chapter 10

Docking her phone, Carrie switched on the speakers surrounding it and let the music permeate the room. Shutting her eyes she leaned back, hoping at the very least she'd drift back as well...

_They were in bed at her house, her draped comfortably over his chest as he stroked her hair. If she were any more content she'd start purring._  
"So what's this I hear about you being funny?", she teased, sitting up so she could see his eyes. They were bluer when he was happy.  
"I thought that had been established.", Brody smirked.  
"You mean with that circus act of yours back at the cabin?"  
"You don't like my juggling?", he asked, looking at her in a sad puppy dog kind of way.  
"I like a lot of things about you. But the clown thing?", clicking her tongue Carrie shook her head.  
"No good?"  
"Nope."  
"Guess the carnival won't be where I take you on our first date.", Brody scoffed as her eyes widened in surprise.  
"Our first-"  
"Well I figure if I'm gonna land that cabin boy job I'll have to win you over the old fashioned way."  
"Yes since I'm such an old fashioned girl."  
"A girl I happen to love.", Brody let slip.  
Biting her lip Carrie backed up, wrapping the bed sheet around her.  
"What happened to being careful?", she asked sharply.  
"Carrie.."  
"Brody. You said-"  
"I know what I said. And you don't need to say anything back or make any decisions yet. You don't need to say a fucking word. Not after the way I talked you out of saying anything at the cabin."  
"Well I want to get one fucking word in now, okay?"  
"Okay."  
"You know how I feel about you. I know how you feel about me. I want to just, give into that. But..."  
"But it's not that easy."  
"With you and me nothing is easy.", Carrie frowned, curling back up on his chest as he smoothed her hair.  
"I know. You said you still needed to think.", Brody recalled.  
"And I want to talk to Saul about things too. That's if I fucking hear from him anytime soon. If I wasn't so pissed at him for it I'd be worried.", she frowned. As did Brody, knowing that Saul wouldn't want to talk so much as try and talk Carrie out of having anything to do with him. 

_"Did talking with your sister earlier help at all?", he asked, thinking it best to change the subject._  
"Maggie worries. She always, worries. And the fact I hadn't kept her updated on you and me didn't help matters."  
"She only knows me as the son of a bitch who confronted you in that parking lot.", he said bitterly.  
"She knows more now. I do too."  
"I can't imagine rehashing all the shit we'd been through was a fun time."  
"Ranked about the same as the Nuremberg trials.", Carrie smirked getting him laughing.  
"But my niece actually helped shed some light on things."  
"Oh yeah?"  
"Yeah.", she smiled sitting back up.  
"I was telling Maggie about everything at the cabin, and she, Josie, came over to give me a hug. She asked me why I looked so happy."  
"What did you tell her?"  
"I said I'd spent some time with a friend of mine."  
"A friend?", Brody smirked.  
"A good..friend.", Carrie grinned. "And she said I should see them again."  
"Because you looked so happy?"  
"I didn't just look it. I was.", she smiled before her face went solemn.  
"You'd think that would be enough."  
Cupping her face in his palm, Brody gave her a soft smile.  
"Hey, it's a start. More than I could've hoped for from you after everything that's.."  
"Hey, don't. Don't go there.", she said firmly.  
"Lets just try and be here for now. Okay?"  
Shrugging Brody nodded, leaning back against the bed pillows as quiet crept in.  
"Well if being here involves us lying here awkwardly staring at your ceiling, I'd rather be someplace else."  
"Where? Prom?", Carrie teased. Thinking back to another time things between them had taken an awkward turn.  
"Actually..."  
With a sly grin Brody shifted out of her arms and out of bed. Slipping into his boxers and jeans. 

_"Yes, Sergeant?", Carrie smirked, curiously watching him cross the room to her closet._  
Grabbing her robe hanging off the back of it, he switched on her clock radio and jazz echoed through the room.  
"Brody?"  
Nodding for her to sit up he helped her into the robe, then taking her hand helped her to her feet.  
"How about a dance?", he asked with a grin.  
"A dance?"  
"Hey, I can be old fashioned too."  
Turning to slip on his shirt, he went to button it but Carrie stopped him.  
"No..don't.", she said softly as he turned back around to face her.  
Looping her arms up around his neck, his settled around her waist as they swayed back and forth to the slow song. 

_"So, could you see us doing this on a first date?" Carrie asked, smiling up at him._  
"In more appropriate attire? Absolutely."  
"Prude.", she teased leaning into his chest. Laughing, Brody's chin came to rest on top of her head.  
"How about tomorrow? After that fucking memorial..", he said bitterly. Leading her to back up enough to reach up, cupping his face.  
"It's a short service, Brody.", Carrie reassured. "You go, pay respects to the family, shake a few hands. Then take a seat close enough-"  
"To see you but not close enough to attract attention to us. I know this."  
"One look from you and we'll leave. You have my word."  
"What about you though? Tomorrow if you manage to get a hold of Saul.."  
"We'll talk. I'll talk to him, I'll do my best to figure this out. Figure me out. Figure..us out. But even if I don't..you're not supposed to know exactly how you feel about someone on the first date, right?", she asked getting him smiling.  
"Right. So its settled, you..me, tomorrow night. The Ashford. You wearing that dress over there in your closet."  
"Which one?"  
"The one that'll get every guy in the place wishing they were me.", Brody grinned as Carrie nodded, snuggling closer to his chest.  
"I love you, Brody."  
"I love you too, Carrie...Carrie? Carrie!"

"What?", she jumped. Opening her eyes to see Galvez looking down at her.  
"You have a nice dream?"  
"Danny, what the fuc-"  
"The debriefs in ten minutes, Carrie!"  
"Oh..shit. Shit!" Flustered she stood up, turning the music off before rifling through her briefcase.  
"It's okay. The boss is allowed to be a minute late."  
"I fucking fell asleep!", she spat.  
"Hey, happens to the best of us. Just be glad I thought to stop by here before I went to the conference room."  
"Shit..", running a hand through her hair she came to another realization.  
"Farrah. Where's Farrah?!"  
"She's fine. She's still in Saul's office."  
"But Saul's at the debrief."  
"That's why Max is watching her."  
"Max? As in Virgil's weird little brother, Max?  
"I stayed in there for awhile. Kept an eye on them. Farrah's insistent on making him talk."  
At this Carrie laughed.  
"Interrogator in the making?"  
"She's acting like a tourist in London would with the guards at Buckingham Palace. Telling jokes, flitting around to pester him, make him crack up."  
"Has she succeeded?"  
"Not yet but she's determined. Trust me, she's occupied."  
"You're sure?", Carrie asked warily. "No..no I'm going to check on her. See for myself."  
"Carrie we're already running behind."  
"But.."  
"Don't worry. If your report is as quick as you said we'll be done before you know it.", Galvez assured as Carrie nodded and followed him into the hall, locking her door behind her.

"By the way Quinn told me he won't be at the debrief. He'll just review the notes afterwards."  
"And Saul okayed that?"  
"He said it was probably for the best, considering.."  
"Fuck.", she spat. Embarrassed that their confrontation had all but forced Quinn out of the meeting. But relieved she didn't have to deal with him at the present moment as she and Danny entered the conference room.

Meanwhile in Saul's office, Farrah was getting bored. She'd done everything she could to make Max smile and laugh and talk. But he was so occupied on his computer he was unfazed by her efforts. Noticing his wallet that had fallen on the floor with a dollar folded in it, she grinned. Tempted to grab the bill and use at the vending machine down the hall. Remembering her pinky promise to Carrie though she frowned, stamping her foot. Until she remembered she could give the dollar back later.  
Grabbing a post it note she scribbled IOU on it, stuck it to the wallet and slipped out of the office without so much as a look from Max.

Feeling a little like a spy sneaking past the offices, wondering if Carrie would be proud of her, Farrah turned the corner to the vending machine and seeing no one else around, ran over to it.  
Threading the dollar through the slot she eyed a Hershey bar and grinned, punching in the code for it. The candy swung, set to fall to the bottom of the machine, but then got stuck.  
"No, my candy!", Farrah yelled tapping the glass.  
"My candy! Let go!"  
When it didn't budge she hit at and kicked the machine in frustration. Not hearing footsteps coming up behind her...


	11. Chapter 11

Frustrated Farrah kicked the vending machine, not hearing footsteps behind her.

Watching the struggle from a distance, Quinn stood arms crossed, biting his lip, looking around for someone, _anyone_ else to help. But another minute passed, then another, and shaking his head he approached. Clearing his throat so as not to startle her.  
"Your candy stuck?"  
"Yes.", Farrah answered, watching Quinn with suspicion and an arched eyebrow. Shaking his head he snorted, amazed how much Carrie had already rubbed off on her.  
"Need a hand?"  
"No..", she frowned. "I need, candy."  
Stifling a laugh, Quinn moved closer.  
"Alright I'll see what I can do."  
"You get it?", Farrah asked skeptically.  
"Give me a chance at least."  
Taking her spot in front of the machine he hit the side of it twice, then kicked the base three times before the candy fell.  
"You get it!", Farrah cheered as Quinn bent to grab the candy, then handed it to her with a bow.  
"For you."  
"Thank you, Pet..Peter.", she smiled shyly. Looking at her in surprise, Quinn smiled.  
"Pete's just fine.", he relented.  
"Just..don't tell anyone else."  
"Okay.", Farrah grinned, quickly unwrapping the candy before taking a large bite.  
"Looks like someone has a sweet tooth."  
"Yes! My teeth, like sweets.", she grinned with a mouth full of chocolate.  
"Carrie say so."  
"Ah, well if Carrie said so then it must be true."  
"Yes."  
"You like Carrie a lot, don't you?"  
The nod and happy little gleam in her eyes was the only answer Quinn needed.  
"You like Carrie too?", Farrah asked curiously, getting a shrug and a look in his eyes she had trouble interpreting.

"So, how long before you got bored in Saul's office?"  
"Max did not talk, at all!"  
"Yeah he's been known to do that."  
"I don't want to go back. I want Carrie."  
"I think she's still at her meeting."

When Farrah looked on the verge of tears, Quinn felt a small lump form in the back of his throat. _Goddammit._  
A little kid should not have this much pull with him but nonetheless...  
"Hey, Farrah, do you like magic tricks?"  
"Magic?", Farrah sniffled, wiping her nose with her sleeve.  
"Yeah. Like this. I think you have something in your ear, let me see.."

When he retrieved a quarter her jaw dropped as he handed it to her.  
"Again!"  
"Again? How much change you got in there?", Quinn laughed, pulling out a dollar this time.  
"Give this back to Max later, okay?"  
"Okay."  
"Look, if you want to you can wait in my office for Carrie."  
"Yes?"  
"As long as you promise to behave.", Quinn warned getting a nod.  
"Promise."  
"Okay, c'mon then." Taking her by the hand Quinn led her to his office.

...

"Yes Mira, I said I'd pick up the groceries on my way home from wor- -wait, you're going to start cooking now? It's not even one o'clock and your fam- -yes, I know your family's coming but I'm sure whatever you make they're going to love...okay. Okay. Hey I'm not arguing, who's arguing? You'll have your groceries soon. Yes, I love you too. Goodbye."  
Hanging up, a smile on his face that was always there when he spoke with his wife, Saul slipped his phone in his pocket and made his way to the stairwell.  
He'd ducked out of the debrief a few minutes early in order to take Mira's call, and hadn't minded in the least. Watching Carrie asked question after question about Brody's supposed innocence, proving it with each answer she gave, left Saul more unsettled than he cared to admit.  
Seeing how entangled she was with him, even still, tore at his heart and kept him up nights worrying.  
He hoped that Farrah becoming part of her life would be enough of a distraction, but it was clear after today her feelings for Brody were as strong as they'd ever been. It was only a matter of time before she'd figure out some way to get him back on home soil. Only a matter of time before she left the agency for a would've been terrorist. Hoping a walk would help clear his mind of that possibility, he took the longer route back to his office.

...

For the first time in what felt like her entire career, Carrie was counting the seconds until the day was over. Her confrontation with Quinn was still needling at her, and she may as well have been debriefed in the interrogation room with her wrists and ankles shackled.  
She'd been overly prepared like always but everyone took that to mean she had something to hide. Or someone to hide.  
Despite her presenting evidence to the contrary, Brody was still considered guilty until proven innocent. She'd been too right in knowing the day of the bombing that nobody else would believe him. Even with proof she was still getting those damn looks from everyone, assuming she was at her worst. That she couldn't see straight just because she happened to see the truth. Even Saul looked uncomfortable and agitated which just put Carrie more on edge. By the time the meeting was through she was drained and ready to call it a day even though it was only half past noon.  
It didn't help any her feelings for Brody, that she'd somewhat tamped down since that night in the woods, were rushing back to the surface. Between her daydream, Quinn's parting shot and rehashing her entire quest to clear his name, he was back on her mind full force. She was anxious to go through his postcards, start trying to piece together his whereabouts. It wasn't being back with him but as good as she could get. And she needed that, more than she wished she did.

Leaving the conference room she was on her way to Saul's office when her phone buzzed, indicating a text.  
 _"Some meeting huh? Don't know about you but I'm starving. If you and Farrah are up to it, want to grab lunch? My treat?"_  
Not one to turn down a free meal and sure Farrah would be fine with it, smiling Carrie replied to Danny's text.  
 _"Sure thing. We'll meet you in the lobby in ten. Thanks."_

Turning the corner to Saul's office, she poked her head in the door with a grin expecting to get one in return from Farrah. But instead got a bewildered look from Max as he glanced up from his laptop.  
"Hey Carrie."  
"Max." Stepping into the office she tensed up, realizing he was the only one in the room.  
"Where's Farrah?"  
"Um..."  
"Max..."  
Eyes narrowed Carrie searched the room, trying not to panic even though the only spot Farrah could possibly hide was in the filing cabinet.  
"I..."  
"Where is she?"  
"She was in here! She was sitting over in that chair drawing, I-"  
"Where the fuck did she go?!"  
"I don't know? Maybe she just..wanted to go for a walk? I-"  
"She's six, Max! Six years old and never been in this building once before today!", she yelled, slamming his laptop shut.  
"Look I can help look, I-"  
"Don't fucking bother!"  
Slamming the door behind her Carrie went to check the closest bathrooms and the vending machines nearby. Not seeing Farrah she turned and ran down the hall to her office. Only remembering she'd locked her door when she went to turn the handle.  
"Shit!"  
Leaning against it, fighting tears she ran a hand through her hair, trying to take deep breaths. She couldn't afford to panic or get worked up but calm wasn't coming easily to her. Not when Farrah was running around by herself in a building this size that was unfamiliar to her, and looked so intimidated here this morning.  
Pulling out her phone she went to start texting people for help when Danny called her.

"Hey I'm in the lobby, you on your way?"  
"Farrah's missing."  
"What?!"  
"She wasn't in Saul's office. Max wasn't paying attention to her and she must've walked out."  
"Did you check the bathrooms, down by the vending machines? What about your office?"  
"My office is locked. I checked the bathrooms. There was no sign of her."  
"Okay Carrie don't panic. We'll find her.", Danny assured, hearing her fight back a sob over the phone.  
"Look I'm at the lobby now, I'll take a quick look here and ask some of the security guys to help me search."  
"No! No, Farrah saw them when we came in and got scared because of their guns."  
"I'll tell anyone I ask to help to hide them. I promise. Did you try Saul yet?"  
"I just was about to before you called."  
"Okay call him, stay on the fifth floor, I'll start checking everyplace else."  
"Okay. Thank you.", Carrie choked out, hanging up before dialing Saul.

"Carrie what's going on?"  
"I can't find Farrah.", she cried, walking back down the hall to double check inside the offices.  
"What the fuck are you talking about? She's in my office."  
"Max wasn't paying attention and she walked out. I'm double checking the fifth floor now but I...I can't find her anywhere!"  
"Okay Carrie calm down. We'll find her, I promise. She couldn't have gone far. You call Galvez?"  
"Danny's checking the lobby and asked some guards to help."  
"Good. Good. I'm still down by the conference room so I'll check the offices near here. You stay put, maybe she'll find her way back to you."  
"Okay..okay I will."  
Knowing things were bad when she didn't argue with him, Saul started walking faster down the hallway, checking each room along the way.  
"Deep breaths Carrie. We'll find her, I promise."

After hanging up, fear knotted in Saul's gut and he remembered why he'd opted not to have children. He'd rather stare down terrorists or do a stint in a Malaysian prison than feel like this. This helpless, gut wrenching kind of fear he'd only known when Carrie was injured or captured, when Mira's cab drove off.  
If he felt this way though he knew Carrie felt it ten times worse. That alone prompted him to kick the search into higher gear.  
Nearing Quinn's office he was set to call in some more reinforcements when he collided with Danny.  
"You find Farrah yet?"  
"No. You?"  
"Just checked the lobby and no sign of her there, I figured maybe she hopped the elevator or something so I thought I'd try here.", Danny shrugged.  
"Well don't bother checking those offices. I just tried. We'll go this way.", Saul said.  
Passing by Quinn's office luckily he thought to poke his head in there.  
"Farrah!"  
"Bear!", she cheered, getting up from the chair to hug him.  
"Thank God.", Saul sighed, holding her close as Danny texted Carrie the news.

Within minutes she was at Quinn's office and once inside dropped to her knees, pulling Farrah into a tight hug.  
"I missed you!" the girl chirped, pulling back. Then frowned at the angry look on Carrie's face. Directed at Quinn still seated at his desk.

Sensing where this was headed Danny led Farrah out of the room, thinking it was as good a time as any for them to get her drawings from Saul's office.

"She was with you?", Carrie asked, standing up.  
"Carrie.."  
"I'm fine, Saul.", she spat.  
Rolling his eyes, Quinn leaned back in his chair.

"This whole time I was running around here in a complete panic looking for Farrah, she was with you?"  
"I found her by the vending machines. She was lonely, bored out of her mind with Max, missing you. So I brought her here. Kept her company."  
"And you didn't feel the need to tell me that? No call, no text, not even a fucking note!"  
"Hey, you figured things out eventually, right? You called in the cavalry, tracked me down. And it looks like she's just fine. So rather than reprimanding me for doing you a goddamn favor, why don't you find your "student"? Tell her not to run out on you in a strange building she's never been in before. Seems like simple parenting logic to me. Of course what the fuck would I know about that.", Quinn scoffed.

When Carrie looked ready to argue back Saul intervened, thanking Quinn before escorting his protege out and down the hall.


	12. Chapter 12

"Jesus, Saul!", Carrie snapped, jerking away from him as he frowned.  
"What the hell was that about?", he asked.  
"What? I'm not allowed to be angry when my foster daughter vanishes and Peter Quinn's the reason why?"  
"Oh for Christ's sake. He didn't have Farrah bound and gagged in the closet. He didn't abduct her. He kept an eye on her. Same as Virgil or Galvez or Max or me or anyone else would've."  
"Don't even get me started on Max."  
Crossing her arms Carrie turned away, flinching when Saul went to touch her shoulder. Agitated, he stepped around in front of her, then softened seeing the look on her face.

"Carrie, I know you went through some panic back there."  
"Some? I've had a gun held to my head and been less afraid.", Carrie sniffed, tears welling up in her eyes.  
"I know. I was scared shitless too. But Farrah wasn't. She wasn't someplace she shouldn't be or wandering the halls alone.", Saul offered, hoping to take the edge off the frantic state she was just starting to come out of.

"I still didn't know where she was. And forgive me if I didn't do handstands after seeing where she wound up."  
"Still, with this. What, is Quinn your personal punching bag today?"  
"After what he said when he first found out about Farrah?! What he said to me?! Jesus! Why isn't he yours Saul?" Carrie asked as he sighed.

"If I thought Farrah was in trouble with Quinn I'd have beaten him to a bloody pulp. But I saw her with him. She was content. He was fine with her. Maybe if you gave him half a chance before you went in there with guns blazing, you could've seen that for yourself."  
"I've seen all I need to from Peter Quinn."  
"Well if you kept your eyes as open about him as you did about Brody.."  
"What? I'd fall in his arms?", she scoffed. Clearly agitated with the conversation taking place.  
"I didn't say that."  
"No, you'd just prefer it. You'd prefer me with Quinn or Danny, even a fucking stranger on the street.  
And even if you won't tell me flat out, the way you acted in the debrief confirmed it."  
"What the fuck are you talking about?"  
"I wasn't halfway through my report when I looked to see you tuning me out and cutting me out. Completely."  
Swallowing hard she fought back a sob.  
"You sat back and did nothing while I was interrogated in there like a fucking criminal. Asked the same questions I'd already answered over and over like my answers would eventually change."  
"We were trying to be thorough."  
"Trying to trip me up.", Carrie corrected. "Look I know why. The thought of Brody being innocent, my being able to prove it? It scares the shit out of you."  
"No. What scares me is that you're still content to throw your life away for a man you can never hope to have a normal life with."  
"Since when has anything about me been normal?" she snapped as her phone buzzed. Reading the text guilt filled her eyes.  
"Farrah?"  
"She's hungry. Danny's taking us for a late lunch. I'd invite you but I'm picking the place and I think I've done enough to earn your disapproval today."

Slipping her phone back in her pocket she rolled her eyes and walked off. Angrily wiping a tear or two as she turned down the hall to Saul's office, where Farrah and Danny were playing an intense looking round of Go Fish.

"Do you have...eights?"  
Throwing his cards down in frustration, Danny looked up as Carrie quietly knelt down. Throwing her arms around Farrah from behind.  
Startled, the girl turned around and once seeing who was there, flashed a bright smile.  
"Carrie!", she squealed, hugging her back just as tight.  
"I missed you."  
"I missed you too honey.", Carrie sniffed before pulling back.  
"But..I think you and I better have a talk. Danny?", she asked as he nodded, standing up.  
"I'll head down to the lobby, wait for you there?"  
"Thanks."  
Once he left Carrie sat on Saul's rug with her legs crossed. Looking sternly at a shy looking Farrah.  
"Am I..trouble?"  
" _You_ are not trouble, but..you're in a little bit of it.", she informed.

"Farrah what did I talk about this morning at breakfast?"  
"That Virg can't buy yogurt because its wrong flavor. And that weather guy was wrong and could go and fuc-"  
"Wait! Let me rephrase that. What did I talk about with you?"  
"You said Langley is, big."  
"Yes, and what else?"  
"That I could get lost if I not, careful."  
Nodding, Carrie sighed, running her hand over Farrah's headscarf.

"That's what I thought happened when I came back here after the meeting and you weren't in here."  
"But I wasn't..lost. I just, wanted candy."  
"But you didn't tell me that, or Max or Saul or Danny or anyone. None of us knew where you were, Farrah."  
"With Pete!"  
"Well Pete didn't tell us you were with him. And you didn't tell me you were with him. Sweetheart I have to know where you are at all times. Not just here but, anyplace else. Otherwise I get scared. You understand?"  
Dropping her head guiltily Farrah nodded. Hugging Carrie and letting out a muffled apology against her shoulder.

"It's okay. C'mon, let's go get some lunch."  
"More candy?", Farrah grinned as she stood up.  
"I think you had more than enough today. Let's go."  
Taking her by the hand Carrie walked her to the elevator, letting her press the button before the doors opened to reveal Quinn.

"Pete!", Farrah cheered.  
"Hey kid. You two getting lunch?", Quinn asked, looking to Carrie who nodded, forcing a smile on her face.  
"Yeah. With Danny. We're already running late though. Excuse us."

Stepping around him into the elevator, she wasn't paying attention as Quinn stepped past Farrah. Subtly folding something into her palm before walking back to his office.

Waiting til Carrie wasn't looking Farrah slyly unfolded the envelope he'd handed off to her. Revealing a dollar bill, a Hershey kiss, and a post-it note with Quinn's phone number. _"Use for emergencies or if you're bored."_

Grinning brightly Farrah stuffed the envelope in her jeans pocket right as the elevator doors opened.  
"What are you smiling about?", Carrie asked taking her by the hand.  
"Nothing.", she blushed as they left the lobby.


	13. Chapter 13

"So what are you in the mood to eat, besides chocolate?", Carrie teased as Farrah pouted, flipping open the menu once they were seated at the restaurant.

"Hey if it helps any I may get the triple layer chocolate cake for dessert, and there's no way I can finish it by myself.", Danny grinned as Farrah's face lit up.  
"Thanks a lot.", Carrie scoffed. Shaking her head as the waiter approached them.  
After she ordered a salad and Danny asked for a cheeseburger, frowning Farrah tried to decide.  
"I hear the chicken fingers are really good here.". Danny suggested. Farrah looked up at him, puzzled.  
"Chickens have fingers?"  
"No, honey.", Carrie smiled trying not to laugh. "One order of chicken fingers please."  
"With extra fries.", Danny added, getting a glare.  
"What? Just welcoming her to America."  
"Yeah in all its deep fried supersized glory.", Carrie groaned, sipping her water while Farrah blew bubbles in hers with her straw.  
Clearing her throat not so subtly Carrie gave her a look.  
"Sorry."  
"It's okay.", she chuckled. Rolling her eyes before Danny spoke up.  
"So Farrah I was wondering. Tomorrow when I go to the mosque I was wondering if you'd like to come along with me?"  
Curiously she looked up. "I go with you?"  
"Yeah, if you like."  
"Carrie come too?"  
"Well, honey I was thinking you and Danny could go for prayers and then afterwards, the three of us could go and check out the community center they built there."  
"What is community center?", Farrah asked.  
"It's a place with a lot of different activities. People go there to read, play games, paint, draw, pray."  
"Yeah, and I bet you a lot of kids go there too.", Danny assured, but Farrah still looked wary.  
"I have to go?"  
"Well, sweetheart. I have to go back to work soon and I figured during the day, you can go to the community center and get to know other kids, practice your reading and play games. And when I'm done with work in the afternoon I'll pick you up."  
"But, I like... Langley!"  
Farrah protested.  
"I like you and Pete and Bear and Virg and Dan!"  
"Farrah you'll still be able to see all of us. I promise.", Danny assured.  
"But this way you can make some new friends your own age. Have more people to spend time with."  
Carrie said as Farrah busied herself folding the napkin on her lap.

"Farrah, honey talk to me, okay? What's wrong?", she asked. Nervous at how quiet and distant she'd gotten. Her nerves then went into overdrive when Farrah looked up with tears in her eyes.  
"I don't want to go! I don't want to!", she cried. Folding her arms over the table before plopping her head on them.

When the waiter came by with the food. Danny looked at him indicating it'd be to go, while Carrie rubbed Farrah's back. Standing she scooped her up.  
"C'mon honey we're going home.", she soothed, looking apologetically at Danny as they got the food, then retreated to the car.

After Danny dropped her back at Langley to get her car, promising to call him later Carrie drove home while Farrah dozed in the backseat. Sadly watching her in the rear view mirror, knowing she still had some time on the road, she called Maggie's cell on the speakerphone.

"Hey, sweetie. How are you? How's Farrah?"  
"We had a pretty rough day."  
"What happened? Is Farrah okay?"  
"She's asleep in the backseat. We're going home now."  
"Well what happened?"  
"I got out of my meeting and she wasn't in the office where I left her."  
"Oh, Carrie..", Maggie sighed.  
"She was fine. She was with this colleague of mine I didn't expect her to be with but she befriended anyway."  
"Well as long as she's alright."  
"Well that wasn't the rough part. Danny Galvez, that friend of mine who offered to take Farrah to the mosque, brought up bringing her there, us checking out that community center I told you about?"  
"How'd Farrah react?"  
"She refused to go. She looked terrified at the thought of it. She started crying, shaking her head. I don't know what to do.", she said softly. Periodically checking over her shoulder to make sure Farrah was still asleep.

"Carrie you're going to have to be firm about it."  
"But Maggie she was so-"  
"I know. But if you let her have her way with this she'll think some tears can get her out of anything. And she needs to socialize. Make friends. The community center sounded perfect for her."  
"I haven't even seen the place yet and I told her she was going.", Carrie said guiltily.  
"So bring her there tomorrow. Maybe seeing it will help you both."  
"It's just the look on her face when I told her she had to go. Even when I found her in Quinn's office she clung onto me for dear life. Asking me why I was gone so long."

"Carrie have you thought about taking her for counseling? I know a lot of good child therapists she could talk to."  
"Why so she won't turn out to be a nut like me!", she snapped. Then sighed.  
"Carrie..."  
"I know, I'm sorry. I just."  
"I know, rough day."  
"I'll think about what you said."  
"Good. And it's a good idea to show her the community center tomorrow. Trust me, you won't feel so guilty if you see she can have fun there."  
"That's good to hear."  
"Yeah the only one that'll feel heartbroken and scared will be you."  
"I'm hanging up now!"  
"Okay. Call me later though if you need to."  
"Okay, bye."

Pulling into the driveway she parked, then reached in the backseat. Gently shaking Farrah awake.  
"Farrah, we're home honey."  
Sleepily acknowledging that, she unbuckled her seat belt while Carrie opened the door for her.  
"You have a good nap?"  
Stretching, Farrah nodded as Carrie unlocked the front door and they went inside.  
"You hungry?"  
"Yes!"  
"Alright, I still have our stuff from lunch we can munch on but here.."  
Walking into the kitchen, she opened the fridge taking out some fruit to cut up.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Just making some fruit salad for us. I have some strawberries. You like bananas, right? And grapes?"  
"Yes.", Farrah grinned, sitting at the table. Opening her takeout container she reached for a chicken finger, cautiously taking a bite.  
"How is that?"  
"It good. You want?"  
"No thanks, I'm fine.", Carrie smiled, bringing over the fruit and her salad, along with some iced tea she'd poured.

"You're going to have to tell me some other foods you like so I know what to buy at the store when I go."  
"I can go with!", Farrah asked excitedly.  
"Well I usually go on my way home from work.", Carrie sighed as the girl's face fell.  
"I not go with you? To work?",  
"Farrah I can't bring you every day."  
"Is it be..because I took?"  
"Took what?"  
"Dollar from Max?", Farrah asked fearfully.  
"Oh no, sweetheart. No. But remind me to pay Max back."  
Sighing, Carrie reached across the table to squeeze her hand.

"Farrah I know we're still getting adjusted but, things are different here than they were in Iraq. With my job here, I can't be with you all the time and be your tutor. Soon, maybe next fall, you're going to have to be taught by other people. Not just me."  
"But, I like when you teach me."  
"I know. I like it too. But, if I want to do my job, you know...be a spy and protect you from the bad guys? I can't keep being your only teacher." Carrie said sadly as Farrah's face went even sadder. Moving her chair closer to her she pulled her onto her lap.

"I know it's a little scary to think about."  
"A lot scary.", Farrah corrected.  
"Listen though, all Danny and I talked about earlier was someplace where you can go just for a few hours. Just while I'm at work. If I could bring you to Langley each day with me, I would. But I can't. This community center though, we'll take a look tomorrow after you say prayers with Danny. Just see what it's all about. And we'll both keep an open mind. Right?"  
Carrie asked as Farrah sat up slightly, looking up.  
"You know this scares me a little too?"  
"You're scared?", she asked in surprise.  
"Yeah. Not being able to spend all day with you. It makes me sad and scared. But..I'm gonna be brave about it because I know you'll be having a good time and make new friends."  
"Yes?"  
"Oh yes. This will work out sweetie. I promise."  
"Pink swear?", Farrah asked shyly, getting a laugh and another hug.


	14. Chapter 14

After getting the call from Danny that he and Farrah were through with prayers, Carrie drove over to the mosque to meet them, but not before checking out the neighboring community center.  
The building was large and modern and the mosque had gotten an overhaul as well. There were some apartment residences, gardens, and the newly acquired hospital was just up the road.  
It was a well kept area and she felt comfortable there as of now. She just hoped Farrah would feel similarly.

After parking and tying a silk scarf to cover her head, leaving her car and locking it, she turned to wave at Danny and Farrah across the way.  
Waving back Farrah giggled and came running.  
"Hey you.", Carrie grinned. "How'd it go in there?"  
"It good.", she grinned.  
"It was good for me too.", Danny smiled.  
"So listen you want to check out that cool building we parked by?", he asked as Farrah eagerly nodded, stepping in front of the adults to lead the way over.

"Wow, she's excited! You must've really talked up our plan on the ride over.", Carrie smirked. Relieved but a little envious that Danny had been the one to convince Farrah to check out the center.  
"She was reluctant but I walked her by the gardens and made sure we passed by a window into a game room. Her face totally lit up."  
"Yeah I know that look well. Thank you though. You've been so terrific with her."  
"She's a terrific kid. It's easy to be."  
"So I figured after we explored a bit I'd break off from you guys, try and get a minute with the imam."  
"You'll get more than a minute, I called this morning and he invited the three of us to his place."  
"We're going to his house?", Carrie asked in awe.  
"I explained things to him and he was anxious to speak with you personally. And to make Farrah feel welcome."  
"Holy shit.", she marveled.  
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll make a good impression.", he laughed.  
"Danny, seriously. I can't even.."

Stopping just short of the entrance Danny sighed, turning to face her.  
"Carrie do me a favor. Stop thanking me."  
"But-"  
"Look when I found out what you did, turning your whole world upside down to protect Farrah and keep her safe. Watching you with her...honestly I think it's pretty fucking incredible. Admirable, whatever you want to call it."  
"Okay are you trying to make me blush?", she teased though she was touched by his words.  
"No but that would be an interesting thing to see.", Danny smirked.

Reaching the doorway, seeing the adults still a ways back Farrah turned, crossed her arms and stamped her foot impatiently.  
"Oooh seems we're in trouble."  
"C'mon, before she goes in without us.", Carrie laughed.  
Walking into the community center she surveyed the space, taking in every detail like any well trained spy would. The interior was spacious and modern, definitely kid friendly, but she started frowning in spite of it all.  
"Carrie? Everything alright?"  
"What?"  
"Is everything alright? You looked distracted." And still did to Danny's concern. Something about this place seemed to have her on edge all of a sudden.  
"I'm fine. Really, just forget it.", Carrie said defensively.  
"Carrie.."  
"C'mon. Pretty soon Farrah will be a mile ahead of us.", she said, continuing to look around with an odd feeling that she should stay put. Like she'd miss something if she didn't.

Before Danny could attempt to, Farrah interrupted the blonde's thoughts.

"Carrie! There are games!" Grabbing her hand she half dragged her off.  
"Okay you're gonna pull my arm out of the socket if you're not careful!"  
Eventually dropping her hand, Farrah ran to join five other kids about her age playing Twister.  
"Looks like she's adjusting pretty well.", Danny smiled as Carrie nodded.  
"Yeah, looks it."  
Trying not to get emotional at the sight she crossed her arms, standing a bit straighter.  
"So yeah, when did you say that meeting was?", she asked.  
Taking the hint she needed to focus on something else, Danny nodded then went to talk Farrah into accompanying them. Only managing to with the promise of a game of Twister later on.

Carrie meanwhile stood back, curious why she felt such a pull to this place. She was hoping it was because Farrah looked so content and kid-like here. But her gut told her there was more to it then that. Unfortunately she didn't have time to explore the thought further as Danny walked her and Farrah to the apartments.

...

"Miss Mathison, Mr. Galvez.", the imam greeted as his wife Zahira welcomed Carrie and Danny inside.  
While the adults reacquainted in the foyer, Farrah stood shyly behind Carrie, peering out once in awhile from behind her leg.

"Hello Farrah.", Zahira smiled. Getting to Farrah's level she began chatting with her in Arabic and Farrah eagerly chatted back.  
Meanwhile the imam nodded for Carrie and Danny to take a seat.  
Obeying his request, helping herself to some tea in the process, Carrie perched on the sofa across from him. Danny seated at her right.

"I really appreciate you taking the time to see us about Farrah."  
"Mr. Galvez has explained your situation. You have done a brave thing, Miss Mathison. Farrah is lucky to have you."  
"I'm lucky to have her.", Carrie smiled.  
"So you are still with the CIA?"  
"Yes. It was really a necessity after..."  
"I understand.", the imam said solemnly, not wanting to reflect on that horrible day.  
"I have heard you are second in command to the director now."  
"Yes."  
"That is quite an honor. Quite a responsibility."  
"It is. Farrah though is the responsibility on my mind at the moment, Imam."  
"Understandably."  
"Obviously with my work I can't be with her constantly. Not in the same capacity I could in Iraq. I have family and a few close friends I trust to watch her, but, I can't ask them to every day. And bringing her to Langley with me-"  
"I can see how that would be difficult to arrange."  
"It's not a setting I want her getting used to, lets just leave it at that.", Carrie shrugged.  
"She needs someplace where she can socialize with kids her own age. Someplace safe she can be when I can't be with her. That's my priority right now."

"I understand Miss Mathison.", the imam said calmly. Trying to put her more at ease.  
"I assure you Farrah will be well looked after . Zahira observed her earlier with other children who regularly attend the center, and she got along with them beautifully. She will be a welcome addition here."

"What about safety?", Danny chimed in. "Is there constant supervision? Professionals to keep an eye on the kids?"  
"Since our renovations we are a very secure environment. The way the day is structured for the children in our daycare program involves constant adult supervision. All activities, educational, recreational, spiritual are monitored. There is video surveillance, and anyone working or volunteering with children must undergo a background check and meet my standards."

"As well as mine.", Zahira chimed in, looking up from the game of cards she was playing with Farrah.  
"You can trust that Farrah will be well looked after."  
"Well, I guess that's all I can ask for.", Carrie softly smiled as Danny squeezed her shoulder.  
"It is easy to see you have both given the girl a loving home. You two should be very proud."  
"What?", Carrie laughed. Danny quickly moving his hand away.  
"No..we're not." "That's to say she and I, aren't.." "No.."  
"I'm sorry. I misunderstood."  
"Farrah is my responsibility, Imam. I'm her guardian. Danny is just helping us out. He's been a good friend.", Carrie explained.  
"Still, it is noble. What you both are doing for her."  
"Thank you."

After discussing the additions made to the mosque and the center, the structure provided for the kids attending that combined play and learning, the supervision they received from professionals and volunteers, Carrie felt more comfortable with the thought of Farrah spending her days here.

On her and Danny's tour of the center with the imam though, she couldn't shake the odd feeling she'd had since walking in, that seemed to be getting stronger. That there was more to this place she had yet to see.

"Miss Mathison, this way?", the imam said, nodding as politely as possible for her to keep up with him and Danny.  
"Coming."  
Hearing giggling and footsteps behind her, Carrie stepped off to the side as the group, about five kids, ran past her to an adult at the end of the hallway.  
Squinting a bit to see him she froze.  
Tall, male, jeans, button down shirt, brownish hair with a few stubborn streaks of red.

"Carrie?", Danny frowned. Wondering what had stopped her in her tracks just now and had her looking down, moving her ring from finger to finger.  
"It's nothing, I'm fine.", she dodged. Looking back up seeing the stranger was no longer there. She may as well have imagined him.

"Yeah you've been saying that all day but I can tell, something's up."  
"Nothing is up!"  
"Miss Mathison, Mr. Galvez?" the imam asked approaching them.  
"Is everything alright?"  
"Everything's fine, Imam. I...I just remembered I have some errands I have to run with Farrah though. We should probably be going."  
"I understand."  
Taking out his cellphone he called Zahira asking her to bring Farrah to the children's wing, then turned back to Carrie.  
"Farrah is sitting in with a group of children for a story but, Zahira will bring her back shortly."  
"Okay, thank you."

Carrie mumbled, stepping around them to take cautious steps down the hallway.  
"Do you have any more questions for me, Miss Mathison?"  
"I'm sorry?", she asked turning around.  
"He asked if you have any questions for him, Carrie.", Danny frowned.  
"No, thank you. I'm fine."  
"So we've heard.", Danny muttered under his breath. Shaking his head as Carrie kept looking around, flustered. Looking for something that clearly wasn't here anymore.

Approaching her he pulled her off to the side of the hall.  
"Danny what the-"  
"Carrie, what's the matter with you?"  
"Nothing!", she snapped. Jerking away from him as Zahira walked Farrah over.

"Carrie!", the girl whined.  
"We have to go?"  
"Yeah, honey. We do.", Carrie said, stealing another glance down the now deserted hallway. But instead of curious, now she just felt foolish and frustrated and anxious to leave.

"But we'll be back before you know it, you have my word."  
"Can I say goodbye to friend?"  
"I..sure! Go ahead.", she smiled as Farrah took off down the hall, and then the adjacent one. Ducking into a small room where her group was still listening intently to a story.

Maneuvering around them to the front of the room she threw her arms around the man telling it, as he chuckled in surprise.  
"Hey brat. Back so soon?"  
"I have to go."  
"Oh.."  
"But I be back tomorrow."  
"Good to hear.", he smiled earning another hug in the process.  
"Bye Nick.", Farrah grinned before scampering off.


	15. Chapter 15

"Thanks again Zahira but really, I'm fine. I ate four fluffernutter sandwiches with the kids during snack today. Yeah they kept making them and then were too full to finish them all. No, I wouldn't make that up! Look I'll be at your place tomorrow night for dinner. I promise. Alright, have a good night."

Hanging up the disposable cell (He actually preferred it. With less bells and whistles it better resembled a phone he'd have owned pre hole-in-the-ground) Brody stuffed it in his back pocket. Reaching for the keys to his apartment.  
He felt bad turning down Zahira's invitation but he wasn't the least bit hungry, and just wanted to crawl into bed in front of his small TV. It had been a long, interesting, strange, day. And he couldn't shake the feeling he'd missed something this afternoon. Odd since he knew the community center like the back of his hand.

He'd been a fixture there for months. He helped construct the addition where he now worked and lived. And now helped out with the youth group and after school groups. Weekdays from 8 to 3, sometimes 4:00.

The kids knew him as Nick. Not Nicholas, not Brody, not Sergeant, not Congressman, not "that Marine war hero guy.", though anti-hero would be the better term. By some miracle of Allah they didn't know or recognize him as a would've been suicide bomber either. Maybe it was their age. (He only worked with the younger set). Maybe it was the Just For Men streaked through his hair. Whatever the reason he was grateful.

He had a job. Unpaid but it provided a roof over his head. And offered the protection of a small but mighty community of good people. That had done the unthinkable and made him feel like a good person again. After the bombing Brody didn't think that was remotely possible.

He hadn't planted the C4 in his car that godawful day. He still had no fucking clue who had. But he'd felt as guilty as he looked and ran like hell when given the chance to.  
Once he reached international waters he traveled to Europe. Hair dyed a shade of "Espresso", color contacts that hurt his eyes like a mother, and cheap reading glasses that actually proved useful. With his fake ID's and a well affected British accent he had an adequate disguise in play.  
It bought him time in small towns to work and earn money for train tickets. Got him past security at borders frighteningly well.  
But living like a nomad lost its appeal quickly. When he reached Amsterdam he was tempted to get ridiculously high in a coffee shop. He did get ridiculously drunk in Hanover. And planned to go back to his room with a bottle of something, pass out and not wake up. But before crawling into bed with his booze, he made the mistake of going through the pack Carrie had given him one last time.

Sewn into a pocket at the base of the bag was an address scribbled on a post-it note. Brody realized it was for a PO box and proceeded to sob himself to sleep. The next morning, once his hangover subsided, he wrote out the first of about 40 more postcards. Vague messages with the same set of initials. "CB." It wasn't being with her but as close as he knew he could get.  
That was unless she actually did clear his name. He'd wanted more than anything to believe what she said that night. Knowing if anyone could do the impossible it would be her.  
Part of him, the non-selfish part of him, small but still existent, wanted her to admit to herself that she couldn't. That she'd given up the plan to absolve and find him, cut both of their losses.

But the selfish part of him wanted her to find him. Wanted her here snuggled against his shoulder when he'd fall asleep on the train. Her hand in his when he walked through crowded marketplaces and town squares.  
He missed that heightened, half-Irish, dangerous fucking drunk in her all through Dublin. He pictured her dragging him to a French bakery at the crack of dawn for croissants. He wanted to be the one to take her to Nepal and Uganda like she fantasized about. And anyplace else they'd agree on until they'd tire of life on the run. Somehow find somewhere to settle down.  
Maybe some chalet in the mountains that reminded him of her family's place. He could play cabin-boy and build fires and do the laundry. Whatever she fucking asked so long as she kept him from being alone.  
Even half a world away she still managed to keep her word about that. He reminded her with each card he mailed.

One would've thought he'd be sending cards to Jessica too. He wanted to miss her. He did miss his kids. And still shed a tear each night when he prayed for them. For Dana he shed a few more.  
He took comfort in knowing though they all had Mike, someone to be there. Be better for his family than he ever hoped or tried to be.  
But Carrie. He wondered who was there for her now. Saul, maybe. If he'd stopped raking her over the coals for helping him flee up North. She had her family, her sister and dad and her nieces. Maybe she had another guy. Maybe she had moved on. Unlike him.  
Years (had it really been years?) later, he remembered every last detail of that night in the woods. The tears in her eyes and the crack in her voice and the smell of her hair and the tiny whimper she'd made when he kissed her. God he missed kissing her.  
He'd gone four months before finally fucking someone. A brunette. Patricia something or other. She squeaked when she laughed and had been too tipsy to see past his hairdye. He'd left after she fell asleep and was on a train for Zurich the same night.  
Staring out the window, leg jiggling nervously to the annoyance of the man ahead of him, he felt empty and restless and tempted to jump off the train wherever it stopped next. He could hike into the mountains. Maybe he'd freeze to death.  
Eventually though he had enough of the cold. Enough time had passed for him to be seen in the sun. At least he hoped. He made his way to Barcelona, then Lisbon, Casablanca (his postcard from there was the only one he signed differently. He was Ilsa to her Rick after all)  
Afterwards was Cairo, Hebron, the West Bank. Eventually Damascus. Why he wound up there he still couldn't say. Maybe the fear was what he needed, a twisted adrenaline rush to keep him moving.  
Moving towards what he wasn't sure. Until his third day there, the auto repair shop he'd pass on his afternoon walks went up in flames. A neighboring house was just within reach of the blaze.

Brody ran over without thinking twice. Freeing a child from the shop who he knew the rescue workers wouldn't have gotten to in time. He was rewarded with grateful tears from the boy's family and a meal inside the still semi-intact house. The garage was destroyed, but his hands weren't and he did the best to help the construction process along. It gave him an opportunity to settle down. Be a builder. Find a way to be unbroken.

In a span of months he'd proven invaluable to the family. Once their home and business were rebuilt, they went about trying to rebuild him. They knew his story, they knew the tears he shed when confronted about it were those of an innocent, wronged man. In their eyes the way to healing was prayer. Where better to pray than at a mosque that conveniently needed some help being built.

Zahira met Brody in Toronto as asked of her by her older brother, Jabari. She quickly recognized the marine, his hair dye had faded, and she was tempted to run away and never see him again.  
But she also knew her brother. He wasn't a pushover, wasn't soft-hearted. And had no tolerance for extremism and zealots poisoning his religion. It was difficult to earn his respect and trust. So if he believed Brody was good, had accepted him into his home and family, so should she.

She and her husband still kept him as concealed as possible. He was never photographed and mostly interacted with children. Less likely to remember a face plastered all over the news when they were four years old.  
The Brody of three years ago would've been restless. Antsy.  
The Brody now though took comfort in being someplace for longer than a few weeks at a time. He had a simple, quiet life and took it for the blessing that it was.  
His only struggle was trying to block out the one reason he had to risk exposure. Jessica and Mike had moved to Charleston, West Virginia with the kids. Someone else though was less than an hour away.

One night after running some errands with the imam, from the backseat Brody asked if they could turn down her street, drive past her town house. He looked at the stoop where he'd stood holding her face and his mind wandered in the front door. To the kitchen where they toasted each other, then the stairs he'd carried her up when they'd gotten a little too toasted. The bed where they curled up next to each other the rest of the night and well into the next morning.  
He snapped from his reverie when the imam drove away. Concerned for the dissolved looking man in the back seat of his car and deciding it was for the best they pray before bed.

Brody hadn't gone back there since. Obviously he couldn't continue sending the postcards. There were only so many he could access that appeared to be from other countries. Repeatedly he'd asked the imam if the mosque could be implicated should he be discovered, why he would take such a risk on his behalf.  
The imam said repeatedly without his help in Damascus, Zahira's family would be destitute. Only a truly evil person with no respect for Allah would have abandoned them in their time of need.  
Brody eventually forced himself to stop feeling guilty. Finally accepted he'd been granted another chance.  
Though he still thought about the second chance Carrie had offered before the world imploded. He wondered what dress she would've worn on that date.  
He lay in bed that night wondering a lot of things. Like why at work today he'd felt so drawn to that new girl in his reading group. Farrah something or other. She was a sweet kid and had taken to him right away. She reminded him a lot of Issa. But there was something else about her he couldn't put his finger on. At least tomorrow he could keep trying to figure out what.


	16. Chapter 16

"Carrie? What name should she have?"  
Farrah asked from the backseat, holding up and admiring the doll Zahira had given her.  
"She pretty, yes?"  
"Yes, very pretty." Carrie said, trying to pay attention to Farrah, focus on the road and quiet all the chatter in her mind that had been replaying on loop since leaving the mosque,  
Why she hadn't thought to bring some extra pills...

"Carrie?"  
"Yes, what?"  
"What should I name her?"  
"I..I don't know, Farrah.", she sighed, racking her brain for names.  
"What about Juliet?"  
"No."  
"Angela?"  
"No, I know!"  
"What?"  
"Claire!", Farrah chirped.  
"Yes. Her name is Claire."  
"Okay, Clara it is then."  
"No, Carrie! Claire!", she whined. Wanting to know why she was so distracted.

...

After a few more minutes they arrived home and Carrie couldn't get inside fast enough. Hopefully if she took a pill now, mellowed out with her music, she'd settle down enough to go through Brody's postcards tonight with a fresh perspective, a clearer head.  
"We have pizza for dinner?"  
"Farrah no. Remember we bought stuff to make vegetable lasagna at the store?"  
"But..pizza?", Farrah pouted as Carrie sighed.  
"Okay we'll make lasagna tomorrow.", she relented, rubbing the bridge of her nose. There went her structure for the day.  
"Pizza!"  
Farrah cheered, skipping around the kitchen as Carrie dialed, ordered, then turned to face her with crossed arms.  
"Okay I want you to do some reading before it gets here. Go into the living room with your book. I'll be in in a minute."

Quickly she went upstairs to her medicine cabinet, unlocking it before grabbed her pills. Annoyed with the new child-proofed cap.  
"Stupid, fucking thing."  
Finally removing it, tilting the bottle to retrieve the pill she swore again. Realizing she was down to her last one and remembering Maggie had to pull a double shift tonight. She wouldn't have time to get a refill tomorrow until after work.  
Be worked up now...worked up at work. Weighing the consequences of each, knowing she could probably relax tonight if she put on her music and kept Farrah close, slipping the pill back in the bottle she capped it shut.  
"Carrie!"  
"I'll be right there." she sighed heading downstairs. Where to her frustration Farrah wasn't quietly reading.  
"Farrah? Farrah where are you?"  
"I here!" Giggling she ran at Carrie from behind the couch. Expecting to be lifted or tickled but, nothing.  
"Carrie?"  
"Farrah I thought I asked you to read your book."  
"I read at center. I want to play!"  
"Farrah please. Just go and read your book until the pizza comes."  
"But.."  
"Farrah!", Carrie snapped. Angrily the girl turned and walked to the couch, plopping down on the cushion and grabbing her book from the coffee table.  
Flipping it open on her lap she loudly flipped the pages, not reading one word on them.

They sat in a quiet huff until the pizza came, and even at the table eating they still weren't speaking to each other. Finally Carrie set her crust down, forced herself to be the grown-up and broke the silence.  
"Farrah I'm sorry I yelled at you before.", she apologized.  
"You no yell before.", Farrah whispered looking up. Eyes wide and wondering if something was wrong.  
"I know honey. I'm sorry. I'm just, tired. It's been a long day.", Carrie shrugged.  
"I'm not tired!"  
"Yeah, I noticed. Look how about I go upstairs and draw you a bath."  
"Bubble bath?!", Farrah grinned.  
"As long as you promise you'll try and settle down. Enough to go to sleep."  
"Okay.", she nodded.  
"Pink swear?"  
"Pink swear."

...

Once the bath was ready, after making sure Farrah wouldn't do anything silly or dangerous like try and hold her breath underwater, while she cleaned up Carrie went over to her room. Putting on the radio she went through some files Saul asked her to look at. Skimmed a parenting book Maggie had loaned her.  
Getting more and more bored each page she turned, she shut her eyes for a bit.

Not hearing Farrah get out of the tub and into her hot pink bathrobe. It was a match for Carrie's but smaller and fluffier. Seeing she only had one towel in the bathroom to dry off with, wanting another for her hair, Farrah remembered seeing one in the linen closet she'd tried to hide in that day.  
Going into the hallway, she opened it and climbed the shelves like they were rungs on a ladder to reach the top. There was a purple towel there she had her eye on.  
Standing on her tiptoes she grabbed it, then noticed something hidden behind it.  
It was a box with a ribbon tied around it. Like a present.  
She smiled, remembering when Carrie had scattered presents in different hiding places before for her sixth birthday. And assumed this was the gift she'd chosen to hide first. Her birthday was in two months after all.

Carefully she climbed down the shelves, making her way to her room with the box tucked under her arm.  
Shutting her door behind her she set it on the bed. Eagerly undoing the pink ribbon, then carefully folding away the cardboard and tissue paper layers.  
Revealing what seemed to be a perfect outfit for her doll. It was pink and soft like a blanket with little hearts embroidered on it in silver thread.

"Claire you have new pj's!", she squealed. Changing her into them before tucking Claire into the doll crib.  
"Now you stay warm."  
Changing into her own pj's, Farrah ran in Carrie's room and over to her bed. Shaking her awake.  
"Carrie I tuck Claire in, now you tuck me in! I want bedtime story too."  
"Okay sounds like a plan.", Carrie smiled getting up. Between eating an actual dinner (leftover salad with her pizza), her music and her catnap now, she was feeling better. But knew she couldn't afford any more setbacks tonight.  
"So you get Clare settled in for the night?"  
"Yes.", Farrah said proudly, pulling back the corner of the blanket in the doll crib.  
"She has warm pajamas too."

Thrown off guard, Carrie stepped back.  
"F..Farrah? Where...where did you find those?"  
"In closet. Surprise present!"  
Reeling, running one hand through her hair her other gripped the top of the bedpost.  
"Carrie? You okay?"  
Taking deep breaths she tried to get back in check. She couldn't start crying or anything, not yet.  
"Farrah, honey you should go to bed okay?"  
"But, bedtime story?"  
"Farrah it's time for bed." Pulling back the comforter she flipped on the nightlight. Then gave her a quick hug goodnight.  
"Sleep well okay?"  
"Carrie?"  
Farrah called but she was already out the door.

...

Now confused and nervous, but deciding to be brave, Farrah quietly opened her door and tiptoed down the hallway. Peeking in the partially open door as Carrie turned up the radio. Pacing around her room, running a hand through her hair she reached for her ring, sliding it from finger to finger. Then struggling to open her top dresser drawer, rummaged through it to take out something small, soft looking and the same pink color as the doll pajamas. Perching on the end of the bed she held it close to her face, taking shaky breaths that eventually slowed down. Setting the object down she got up and walked to her nightstand. Grabbing the postcards Farrah recognized from her first day here.  
She watched as Carrie knelt on the rug, skimming a card then setting it down on the floor. Doing the same with the next 38, arranging them in rows. Smiling at some, sniffling at others. After reading the last one, her face crumpled and she crumpled the card, throwing it aside. Saying a word Farrah wasn't supposed to hear a few times before she started crying, then started crying harder.

Farrah wanted to go over and try and help her. Figure out what was wrong but she was scared to. And almost crying herself. Sniffing her tears back though she tiptoed back to her room, grabbing a folded envelope from her jewelry box.  
Going downstairs, unwrapping her Hershey kiss on the way and popping it in her mouth, once swallowing the chocolate she grabbed the kitchen phone. Dialing with shaky fingers.

"Quinn speaking."  
"Pete?!"  
"Farrah?"  
Looking over her shoulder for Carrie, worried she'd see her on the phone with Quinn and get upset like she had been in his office, Farrah tried to talk but had trouble.  
"Farrah, is everything alright?"  
"N..no."  
"What is it? Where are you?"  
"At..house."  
"Did something happen? Are you okay? Is Carrie okay?"  
"N..No. Carrie's.."  
"What's wrong, is she hurt?"  
"She..."  
"Farrah, it's alright. Just tell me what's wrong. It's the only way I can help."

Hearing her fear over the phone Quinn sighed, running a hand through his hair and forcing whatever worry he felt down.  
"Farrah can I talk to Carrie?"  
"No!", Farrah cried.  
"She..she not know I..."  
"Alright then you have to be the one to tell me what's going on with her. Please."  
"She..she crying."  
"What?"  
"She... upset. She crying, she...she not stop!"  
"Do you know why?"  
"No, she just upset! I don't..."  
"Shhh, it's alright. Farrah, it's alright. Look, whatever is wrong with Carrie is not your fault. You understand? I'm going to come over."  
"Yes?"  
"Yes. I'll be there in ten minutes. Just leave Carrie be until I get there."  
"Yes. Okay Pete.", Farrah nodded, wiping her nose with her sleeve.  
"Good. You're a good kid Farrah, I'll be over as soon as I can."


	17. Chapter 17

Hearing a soft knock, after checking out the front window to make sure it was Quinn, Farrah ran to unlatch the door. Letting him inside before throwing her arms around him.  
"Pete!"  
"Hey kid. It's gonna be alright, I promise.", Quinn soothed, holding her until she was ready to be released.  
"Where's Carrie?"  
"In her room."  
"Which way..?"  
Taking him by the hand and upstairs Farrah pointed down the hallway. Looking nervous.  
"It's alright, Farrah. I'll check on her. Make sure she's alright."  
"She keep crying and I don't know why!", she said. On the verge of tears herself.  
"Hey..don't worry. You did the right thing by calling me."  
"She won't be mad?"  
"Not at you."  
After Farrah calmed down enough to go back to her room, Quinn went to the end of the hall and knocked on the partially open door.  
"Carrie? Carrie it's Quinn."

Looking up, alarmed, Carrie scrambled to gather the postcards scattered around her.  
"What the fuck are you doing here?", she asked, wiping at her eyes as he walked in the door.  
"Farrah called."  
"What?"  
"I gave her my number at Langley. Told her to use it if she needed to. Guess after seeing you, like this, she needed to."  
"I'm fine. She shouldn't have called.", Carrie sighed. Knowing full well Quinn wouldn't believe her but it was worth a shot.  
"You don't believe that, why the fuck should I?"  
Rolling his eyes he bent down, picking up a postcard Carrie hadn't managed to grab.  
"Give me that!", she growled.  
"If its so valuable why was it in the corner of your goddamn floor?", Quinn asked, reading it.  
"'Dreamed about us. Woke up to a thunderstorm during the driest summer on record here. Taking it as a sign. Missing you. CB.'  
Well that's the shittiest haiku I've ever read.", he snorted.

"Good thing. I hate poetry.", Carrie sniffed.  
"Farrah shouldn't have called you, Quinn."  
"You're right. She shouldn't have. Because I told her only to call if something was wrong, if she was scared."

Sitting next to her on the floor, he looked at her with an arched eyebrow.  
"So are you going to tell me what's wrong, or will I have to guess?"  
Not getting a response he rolled his eyes.  
"Is it the haikus? I mean I know they suck but wrong is a bit strong an adjective."

Laughing lightly in spite of herself, Carrie sniffled again. As Quinn got a better look at the card and went serious.  
"Let me guess, they're from Brody."  
Nervously Carrie looked up.  
"I'll take that as a yes. How long?"  
"How long what?"  
"How long has he been sending them to you?"  
"It doesn't matter. None of them are recent.", she said bitterly. "All of them were postmarked when I was still in Iraq. The newest one I have is six months old."  
"And that's what has you so freaked out."

"I have proof Brody is innocent, Quinn. He needs to know about it. And these cards are the only way he'd contact me. They're the only shot I have of tracking him down."  
"You're sure about that?", Quinn asked.  
"Of course I'm sure about that! What do you think? I have him stashed up in my family's cabin!", Carrie snapped, then sighed.  
"I don't know where he is. But he wouldn't stay anyplace for six months. Not unless..."  
Her voice cracking over the words she shook her head as she stood up, tried to shake the idea out of her mind. Brody wasn't dead. He _wasn't_ dead. Maybe if she thought it to herself enough she'd believe it with everything in her again.

Then out of the corner of her eye, realizing what she'd left on the bed Carrie quickly went to grab it. But she wasn't quick enough as Quinn stood up, reaching for it.  
"What is this?", he asked.  
"None of your fucking business, that's what!", Carrie snapped, reaching to grab it back from him but not succeeding.  
"Jesus Christ, can't you show a little respect for my privacy, in _my_ house!"  
"Tell you what, I'll show you the same respect in your house for _your_ privacy, that you and your ragtag bunch of investigators showed me."  
At her surprised expression he rolled his eyes.  
"Yeah, I know about that."

Unfolding his hand, Quinn got a better look at what appeared to be a small pink cap.  
"This looks a little small for Farrah."  
"How observant.", Carrie scoffed. When he didn't make some snide remark back at her, just stood there looking concerned and confused, she turned away. Folding her arms over her chest and hoping when she turned around he'd be gone. He'd be gone, his observing and questioning would be gone and she could think about something else.  
Something besides the day she'd bought the cap and onesie in the baby boutique on Elm that she'd walked past on her lunch hour.  
Three weeks after she'd taken the test in the third floor ladies room at Langley. Crying and cursing over it until she managed to wrap her mind around the results. Wondered if just the fact it had happened (this had never happened to her. She hadn't even had a scare in college) meant it was somehow meant to be.  
It hadn't been meant to be.

"I can't talk about it, Quinn.", Carrie whispered. "I won't talk about it. I haven't with anyone and trust me, you won't be the first!"

Watching her shoulders shake, running down what was said in the past five minutes that could've sent her on another crying jag, his eyes widened ever so slightly.  
"Carrie..you're not..."  
He knew the timeline wasn't right, but also knew what the alternative was and he was hesitant to say anything more.  
"No. Not anymore. No.", Carrie answered softly.  
"Shit, Carrie."  
Quinn barely moved to touch her shoulder when she jerked away. Turning slightly to face him with tears in her eyes.  
"No. Don't do that. You _can't_ do that.", she said fiercely.  
"Do what?"  
"You're not going to do this. Get pitying, sympathetic. Look at me like that."  
"Well what am I going to do then?"  
"You're going to keep being the cynical, cold-hearted, practical, impartial, son of a bitch I know and argue with."  
"I am?", Quinn asked, trying to hide his amusement at her words given the gravity of the situation.  
"Why?"  
"Because that's what I need. If anyone is going to, push me. Be that foil that gets at me just enough to do what I need to do, it's you."  
"Should I be flattered or offended?"

Rolling her eyes, she scoffed and sat back on the bed.  
"Quinn nobody knew I was..."  
"Yeah.", he nodded in understanding. Seeing her not wanting or able to finish the sentence.  
"So when Berenson was griping about you taking off those two weeks during the Langley rebuild.."  
"I told him I needed some time away from all the destruction, otherwise I'd have another fucking breakdown. He said he understood."  
"Liar. He was practically on the verge of a breakdown then."  
"Yeah well I wasn't exactly in a position to be much help to him.", she said coldly.  
"After you came back, that was when you made the scene in his office saying you-"  
"Had to go to Iraq.", she nodded.

"I didn't tell anyone though because I knew I'd get, concerned looks. Sympathy that I didn't want."  
"And questions you didn't want..?", he asked.  
"Yeah.", Carrie jerkily nodded. Though she knew anyone that knew her wouldn't need to ask who the father was.  
"I didn't need anyone to remind me that I'd lost something. Anyone trying to make me feel better about something that I'll never feel better about. All of it would just keep me stuck in the past and I didn't need that. I don't need that."  
"Well what do you need then?"  
One look in her eyes and he knew.

"Brody. You love him that much?", he asked. Then realized he already knew that answer too.  
"Forget it. I already have that figured out."  
"Yeah? When did you figure it out, Quinn? After you stabbed his hand? When I screamed at you about the need to protect our only asset?"  
"Don't you mean the need to protect _his_ asset?", Quinn smirked, getting one in turn.  
"Actually, I figured it out at your cabin."  
"My..my cabin?", Carrie repeated.  
"Yeah. That weekend before the bombing."  
"What?! You were spying?!"  
"Yeah. Be grateful I wasn't shooting.", he scoffed as she looked on in shock.  
"Don't look that surprised. Estes brought me in to 'take care' of Brody."  
"Estes what?!"  
"He wanted him to lead us to Nazir. After that was through he saw him as expendable. Too much trouble."  
"Why didn't you go through with it?"  
"Brody's info checked out. The only reason to kill him would be to benefit Estes. And I had no interest in that. Not at your expense."  
"Holy shit.", Carrie muttered.  
"I'm a guy that kills bad guys, Carrie. But after the bombing, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't rethink my decision."  
"He didn't do it, Quinn.", she insisted.  
"Hey, I read the debrief notes. I know. But regardless Brody's still in for a world of shit."  
"Yeah, I know."  
"And..that's not making you rethink things? Stopping you?"

"Why should it? Look, I proved that Brody was a terrorist when the entire country saw him as Captain America. Now I have to prove the opposite. You don't think I can handle that?"  
"You''re making it sound like its a fucking walk in the park, Carrie. You have an uphill battle here. All the way."  
"Tell me something I don't know."  
"Fine. You're going to need help."  
"You know I actually kind of knew that.", she smirked. But as quickly as it came it faded.  
"But I'm not cracked enough to think I'll get any. I'm representing a pretty fucked up cause."  
"This is a fucked up business. Those kind of causes come around eventually.", Quinn shrugged. Letting out a heavy sigh. Knowing he'd probably regret what he was about to offer but, knowing he didn't have many options and neither did she.

"I'll...help. If you need me to."  
"You will?", Carrie asked skeptically.  
"Yeah."  
"Bullshit."  
"Excuse me?"  
"Look Quinn. I may be crazy but I'm not a fucking moron.", she spat.  
"I never said you were."  
"You're telling me you want to help me help the man that you were brought in to assassinate?!"

"Hey, as you know goddamn well I didn't assassinate him. First time I've gone against orders in my entire fucking career. And I did it for your benefit. So you can let me walk out that door or you can let me help you on what would otherwise be a suicide mission."  
"Interesting choice of words."  
"Look if you want to go it alone, it's your choice. But you know I'm probably the best person to offer you any kind of help or backup."  
"How exactly? By being the person I trust the absolute least?"

"Think about how the people you trust the most would handle all this.", Quinn countered. "If Farrah had called Berenson tonight instead of me, how do you think he would've reacted."  
"Saul..would've-"  
"He would've judged you for getting too close, done his best to talk you out of whatever plans you have, guilt trip you about the agency and how much you're needed, and when all was said and done make you feel shittier than you already do.", he said knowingly.  
"You know I'm right. You're the fucking daughter Saul never had. He's the overprotective dad doing whatever he can to keep you from going to prom with an unapproved escort. And when I say whatever he can, I mean he'll get Brody in lockup before he'll watch you quit the agency to be with him."

"Look you don't know...Saul, he wouldn't-"  
"He's got power now. Add that to a hate for and/or fear of someone and you've got a dangerous combination. Look at fucking Estes. At least I'm impartial. I may not give a shit about you or your star crossed fucked up fairy tale, but I'm not going to railroad Brody into prison just because I'm the guy in charge and I can."

"Brody's innocent, Quinn. Saul wouldn't.."  
"Carrie be serious. You think Berenson would've turned a blind eye to these postcards? He'd leave your house, make one call and send an army after Brody. Hunt him down like a dog, bring him back, prove he's nothing more than a man who put on a suicide vest and make the charges stick. You're a fool to think otherwise."

Knowing he was right, but not wanting to admit it Carrie shrugged, putting her head in her hands.  
"Like I said, you're going to have an uphill battle here. Tracking Brody down and proving he's not the new face of Al-Qaeda. Tackling that alone can drive you mad."  
"That's not so much a drive as a short putt.", she scoffed.  
"There's a good chance at some point you're going to need some help. When you're ready to admit you do, Farrah's got my number."  
Quinn said as he stood up.  
"What so I can just call you? Like we're girlfriends or something?", she teased as he rolled his eyes, turning to leave.  
"Go check on your kid, Mathison. I'll see you tomorrow."


	18. Chapter 18

After gathering up the postcards, placing them and the small cap in her top drawer, Carrie let out a few slow breaths then looked at the clock. It was after 11. All she could do was hope Farrah had gone to sleep.  
Washing her face she changed into sweats and was set to crawl into her own bed. But she kept seeing the frightened, confused look on Farrah's face when she'd run out of the room. It sent a chill through her and she had to get up and check on her. Maybe if she saw her asleep it'd help her sleep. She hoped.

Opening the door a crack, sure enough the girl was out like a light, holding Merriweather close. But Carrie could see even in the dim room she was shivering, muttering in Arabic in her sleep.  
Kneeling down beside her bed Carrie gently shook her awake.  
"Farrah..Farrah wake up..."  
"No..no, NO!", Eyes cracking open, her breathing hitched as she looked around.  
"Where..?"  
"Shhh, shhh, it's okay. You're with me honey, you're okay.", Carrie soothed, holding her close. When she tried to pull back from the hug Farrah clung on tighter. Taking it as a sign to stay put, she climbed into bed alongside her. Propping up on the pillow she rubbed slow circles on Farrah's back.  
"Go to sleep now sweetheart. You're safe. I'm right here..", she repeated til Farrah drifted off again, then curled up and dozed off herself.

The next morning, after slipping out of bed to clean up and take her last remaining pill, she went back in Farrah's room and found her awake, seated in bed, staring back at her with a smile.  
"Morning!"  
"Morning honey. You okay?", Carrie asked, sitting beside her in bed.  
"Yes, I'm good."  
"You are, huh?", Carrie teased, tickling her under the chin until her laughing turned to squeaks. Once settling down though Farrah's expression went solemn.  
"You feel better?", she asked nervously, getting a sigh.  
"I always feel better when you're around.", Carrie said honestly, squeezing Farrah's hand.  
"But Farrah there's something I think we should talk about."  
"Yes?"  
"Last night when I got all upset, when I started crying it wasn't because of anything you had done. I need you to know that."  
"Then why? What happened?"

Trying to think of the best way to explain her condition to a six year old was no easy task. It didn't stop Carrie from attempting to though.

"You remember the other morning, before Danny picked you up to take you to the mosque. You didn't like the outfit we'd picked out and you didn't want to eat your breakfast and I said you must be in a bad mood?"  
"Yes.", Farrah said shyly.  
"And then later on, when you played Twister with the other kids you were laughing and happy?"  
"Yes, I had..good mood."  
"Yeah. You did. Well I have good moods and bad moods too. Only my moods are stronger than yours. And they last awhile longer too."  
"Why?"  
"Well because, my brain makes them happen that way.", Carrie shrugged.  
"Your brain?"  
"Yeah, something goes on...right there..", she said, pressing her finger to the side of Farrah's head.  
"And sometimes I'm really happy. I want to go out and have fun. But other times I'm really upset and I cry a lot. That's what happened last night."  
"Will..it happen again?"  
"Most of the time there's medicine I take that keeps it from happening. Keeps me from getting too happy or too sad. And when I get a good nights sleep and eat well, that helps too. But, I can't say for sure that it'll never happen again, Farrah. I just, want you to know if it does and you see me acting that way again, it is absolutely one hundred percent, not your fault."  
"No?"  
"No. And you did the right thing last night calling someone when you were afraid."  
"Even Pete?"  
"Yeah. I'd rather though you call Maggie first. She's a doctor so she makes sure I have medicine and do all the things I'm supposed to do."  
"Okay.", Farrah nodded.  
"I just.."  
"What, Farrah?"  
"The pjs..for Claire. They make you sad?"  
Sighing, wondering what possessed her to have this talk first thing in the morning Carrie bit her lip.

"Honey those clothes, they weren't meant for your doll. But, it was my fault. I shouldn't have just left them in the closet for you to find."  
"Who are they for?", Farrah asked, as Carrie took a few slow breaths, then gave her a watery smile.  
"They're for Claire now."  
"Yes?!"  
"Yes. I wouldn't dream of taking them away from her.", she said as Farrah grinned.  
"Now, c'mon lets get some breakfast. I need to get to work and you need to get to the community center."

Eagerly Farrah took off down the stairs. Carrie followed, but bent to pick up Hershey kiss foil from the bottom step.  
"I see someones sweet tooth got the better of them last night.", she smirked, handing the wrapper to Farrah who was sitting at the kitchen table. Opening a box of Rice Krispies.

Sheepishly the girl smiled, pouring some cereal into her bowl.  
"Where did you get the candy from, your new friend at the community center?"  
"No. Pete!"  
"Ah, I see.", Carrie muttered.  
"Carrie, do you like Pete?"

Turning around surprised, she arched an eyebrow.  
"Like as in how, Farrah?"  
"Like like boyfriend?"  
"How do you know about boyfriends?!", Carrie laughed.  
"TV."  
"Remind me to keep an eye on what you watch.", she sighed, taking a seat at the table and pouring her own cereal.  
"Quinn and I are just friends, Farrah."  
"Yes?"  
"Yes. And I don't see that changing anytime soon."  
"Because of man in picture?"  
"What picture, Farrah?"  
"In your room, he have..red hair."  
Finishing the rest of her cereal, Carrie stood up.  
"You know we should go and get ready or we're going to be late."  
"But..?"  
"Go on and get changed and be sure to brush your teeth. I'm going to take a shower and then we'll head out."  
Putting their dishes in the sink she nodded for Farrah to go upstairs. Letting out a heavy sigh once she had. It was too soon to talk about him. Too soon to talk without having some things figured out.


	19. Chapter 19

Walking to the elevator at Langley, Carrie debated taking the back stairwell to get to her office and to just hole up in there the rest of the day.  
Between her argument with Saul (who she hadn't spoken with since), her minor freakout at the mosque with Danny, and her meltdown that sent Peter Quinn to her house last night, she wasn't in the mood to see anyone from work. Maybe a security guard or two but that was it.  
Of course though the stairwell was being repainted and was closed off. Today of all days. Rolling her eyes she turned the corner to the elevator, and made it up one floor before it stopped and let Quinn on. _Shit._

Crossing her arms she bit her lip. She knew she had to say something, as much as she'd rather snap into frigid bitch mode, not say a word, continue staring at the panel of lit numbers on the wall ahead of her.  
"Quinn.."  
"Yeah?"  
Turning slightly she sighed.  
"I'm sorry about last night."  
"Don't apologize. Are you-?"  
"I'm fine. Thanks. But, I have a favor to ask."  
"What?"  
"I'd rather everyone here didn't know about-"  
"I understand.", Quinn nodded, knowing her request could apply to a number of things they'd discussed.  
"If Saul or anyone else..", trailing off Carrie's eyes welled up.

"Carrie, nobody else will know.", he assured.  
Breathing a sigh of relief, she nodded. Then rolled her eyes embarrassed as she reached for a tissue to wipe her eyes.  
"Shit I'm sorry, I just-"  
"It's alright. You had a rough night. It happens. Doesn't mean it has to be broadcasted."  
"Yeah, thanks."  
"So is this elevator ride especially long, or-"  
"Thanks too for being there for Farrah.", Carrie interrupted.  
"I fucking scared her so much, I-"

Now it was Quinn's turn to interrupt.  
"She wasn't too scared to ask for help. You should be proud of her."  
"Yeah I'm just not too proud of me right now."  
"Hey you're in control now though. That's what counts."  
"Yeah, I am.", Carrie nodded.  
"My offer still stands by the way, to help with your...plan.", Quinn said, grimacing on the last word.  
"Look a little less enthused."  
"Hey I said I'll help. I will help. Just don't expect me to enjoy myself."  
"I wouldn't dare."

Smirking as they reached their floor, when the elevator doors started opening Carrie gave him a quick, gratitude filled hug. Blaming the public display of emotion on her pill not fully kicking in yet.  
"Thanks for everything last night."  
"You're welcome.", Quinn said, waiting til the doors opened fully before letting go.  
As he stepped off the elevator he saw Danny step to the side, staring at him intently.

"Hi Danny.", Carrie greeted before turning down the hall to her office. Quinn was set to turn the opposite way towards his, but stopped short seeing Danny still standing near.  
"Something I can help you with, Galvez?"  
"Nothing, I just noticed you and Carrie in the elevator."  
"So?", Quinn frowned as Danny frowned back.  
"What the fuck, Galvez? You're looking at me like I kicked your dog or something."  
"Look, you have a second?"  
"Depends what for."

"Just..." Looking around, agitated, muttering under his breath Danny led Quinn into Quinn's own office.  
"Yeah, thanks. I didn't know already how to get here."  
Sitting down in his chair he looked at Danny quizzically.  
"Seriously what the fuck do you want? I may actually be busy today."  
"Busy with Carrie?", Danny asked bitterly.

"Oh fuck no." Quinn laughed darkly.  
"You seriously think something's going on?"  
"You hugged. She thanked you for last night."  
"Yeah Danny, I'm such a good lay I get thanked for it. In hugs."  
"Stop being a dick and just tell me.", Danny spat.  
"Tell you what?!"  
"Are you and Carrie together?"  
"What if we are? What is it to you?", challenged Quinn.  
"I just, I want to know."  
"Goddammit, get that puppy dog look off your face. Relax. Carrie and I aren't, I repeat, _aren't_ together. And I don't see that changing anytime soon. She's yours for the taking, Galvez. But with that mug of yours I doubt you'll get her."  
"What?"  
"Alright I take that back, it's not your face. But regardless, you're not going to get with Carrie. People's Sexiest Man wouldn't get with Carrie. Maybe she'd fuck him, but beyond that..."

Noting the defeated look on Danny's face, Quinn shook his head, rolling his eyes.  
"Jesus fucking Christ.", he groaned.  
"I don't know how it happened. but..."  
Reaching into the cupboard under his desk, Quinn retrieved a bottle of vodka, pouring him and Danny each a shot.  
"It's 9 AM."  
"It's 5 in Moscow. Want to pretend we're in Moscow?"  
Shrugging Danny took the shot as did Quinn, who didn't hesitate to pour himself another.

"I'm going to give you some much needed advice, Galvez. That will keep that bloated heart of yours from shattering into miniscule pieces."  
"What?"  
"Get the fuck over this schoolboy crush. Get out, get drunk, possibly laid, then cut your losses and move on. However you have to."  
"Why? So you can be with Carrie?"  
"Did you not hear a goddamn word I said? I am not with Carrie! I will never be with Carrie. And believe it or not, I'm okay with that."  
"You're telling me you're not attracted to her?"  
"Not in the way that involves moonlit strolls and long walks on the beach."  
"So if she walked in here now and asked you on a date, you'd turn her down?"  
"First off, Carrie wouldn't ask me that. And second, I'm not a "dating" guy. So yeah, I'd turn her down, but if she wanted to fuck in the elevator, I'd be happy to oblige.", Quinn said, downing half of his second shot before offering another to Danny. He declined.

"That's all you want in a relationship?"  
"It's all I'll have being the way I am, having the job I do. And I've made peace with that. Enough to turn down a life with my child and the woman I've loved since junior high." Quinn said bitterly, the alcohol doing more of the talking at this point. He never mentioned Julia or their son that had his old name. They were his past. But enough of one that he couldn't consider having a future, at least one of that kind, with anyone else.

"I..I'm sorry, Quinn. I didn't know."  
"Yeah well I'm a man of mystery. So are you going to nip this infatuation with Carrie in the bud or learn the hard way."  
"I can't just-"  
"Ah. The hard way. It's too bad I can't respect you for that but, you're clearly a masochist. I'm not into that."  
"Well it's a good thing I'm not interested in you."  
"Good thing you're not. I'd kick you to the curb.", Quinn laughed, sipping his shot.  
"You trying to get hammered before noon?", Danny asked getting a shrug.

"So what makes you so sure Carrie wouldn't go for me, or People's Sexiest Man or anyone?"  
"Two words. Sergeant Fucking Brody. Wait, three words."  
"Brody's been gone over a year."  
"Doesn't matter, she's still in love with the guy and I'm sorry, Danny. You're not going to be able to change her mind."  
Danny looked skeptical.  
"Brody fucked with her head so bad she was kicked out of the company. They're toxic together."  
"What can I say, it's love.", Quinn snickered.  
"You're such an expert."

"I know better than to be a third point on a fucking triangle. It doesn't matter if Brody's in no man's land or Antarctica or on the goddamn moon. Carrie's gonna track the son of a bitch down and then they're gonna walk off into the sunset with Farrah and their seven ginger children. And there's not a damn thing you can do about it."  
"She's throwing her life away for him."  
"Yeah talk to Berenson about joining his goddamn chorus. Now, if you don't mind, I have work to do so am-scray."  
Rolling his eyes Danny stood up.  
"I'm gonna bet you I can win her over."  
"Lucky for you I'm not a betting man." Quinn called out as Danny walked out, then finished the rest of his drink.


	20. Chapter 20

"Nick?"  
Turning around from the library bookshelf he was organizing, Brody gave Farrah a smile.  
"Hey brat, aren't you supposed to be in arts and crafts?", he asked curiously.  
"Yes but.."  
"But what?"  
"This book, too easy. I want new one. This one."  
Taking the book she handed him, Brody thumbed through it in surprise.  
"Farrah this is a chapter book. You sure you're ready for this?"  
"Yes.", she said proudly, handing over her library card.  
"Alright then, let's get it checked out for you."

Going over to the front desk he scanned the book, then looked down to see her frowning, almost studying him.  
"Everything okay?"  
"Yes. You just.."  
"What?  
Trying to put her finger on why he looked so familiar, but unable to, Farrah shook her head.  
"It nothing. I have book now?"  
"Yup, all yours."  
Handing it to her he gave her a smile, and a cautionary look.  
"Listen though, you get tripped up on some words don't be too shy to ask for help. It's a good book, I want you to enjoy it."  
"I ask you?"  
"You better.", he laughed.  
"And Carrie. I ask her too."  
At the name Brody's heart skipped a beat or two. Making him feel like a fool. It wasn't like Carrie was that unique a name.

"C'mon, we better get you to the art room."  
Reaching up to hold his hand, Farrah walked him out. Passing by a bulletin board in the hallway she pointed at a bright green flier.  
"What is this?"  
"I don't know, must be new." Moving closer Brody skimmed it.  
"Looks like there's a parade and a street fair this weekend."  
"Street fair?"  
"Yeah, there's probably gonna be games, some rides."  
"Food?"  
"I'm thinking there will be.", Brody laughed, then looked at her with an arched brow.  
"Hey did you get your lunch today?"  
Shyly, Farrah shook her head.  
"I wanted to finish card game and.."  
"Here. But you didn't get them from me."  
Eagerly she took the bag of pretzels from him and ripped it open.  
"Thank you."  
"You're welcome. But no more skipping meals. You want to grow up and be a spy you have to eat."  
"You know spies?", Farrah asked eagerly.  
"Yeah, kind of. Anyway promise me you're gonna eat."  
"Promise."  
"Pink swear?.", Brody questioned as Farrah grinned, linking her finger with his.

As they turned the corner to the art room, Brody noticed an unfamiliar younger man in the foyer, looking around and looking suspicious. At least in Brody's over-paranoid mind. He didn't want him confronted with Farrah so close, but knew if he kept walking and ignored him he'd likely regret letting him out of his sight.

"Okay brat..", he said getting to her level, not wanting her real name overheard by the stranger.  
"I gotta take care of something but Tina's in the art room right over there. Tell her I brought you over, okay?"  
"Okay!", Farrah smiled. Giving Brody a hug, she peeked over his shoulder just long enough to see the younger man. Her smile turned to a look of shock and her eyes went wide.

"Go on. I'll see you tomorrow.", Brody encouraged, motioning for her to go across the hall. Then he stood up, blocking her from doing otherwise.  
Farrah obeyed but kept looking over her shoulder until Tina brought her inside the art room.  
Meanwhile Brody turned to see the man going towards the exit.  
"Not so fast buddy."  
Knocking on a nearby office door, a short, stocky man opened it.  
"Bill."  
"Hey Nick what's going on?"  
"That guy in the foyer. You recognize him?"  
Frowning, Bill shook his head.  
"Figure out what he's up to. If he's looking for the mosque tell him it's the building next door."  
"I'm on it."  
Wishing that Damon had worked the day shift today instead, he was the more intimidating of the other two men that worked at the center, Brody turned back to the library but took the longer route, trying to walk off his agitation. Something about that man didn't sit right with him, and he'd be damned if some new threat came in and blew up his life here. Or anyone's for that matter.

...

"Farrah? Farrah?!"  
"Yes, what?", the girl snapped. Looking up from her drawing she'd been frantically working on since she sat down.  
"Can I borrow your green marker?"  
"No Carl! Not finished. Use blue."  
Pouting, Carl stood up and walked over to Tina.  
"Tina, Farrah's hogging the green pen.", the boy whined as Tina walked him back to his seat.  
"Farrah, Carl asked you nicely to borrow the green pen. Can you let him use it?"  
"But..?", Looking up, realizing she didn't have an option, frowning Farrah handed him the pen before going over to the easels. If she couldn't draw she'd paint instead.  
"Farrah? Is everything alright?"  
Ignoring her she put her paper on the easel. But stood rather than sat so Tina couldn't see what she was painting.  
"Farrah, could you please just tell me what- oh dear. Carl? Carl don't put that in your mouth!"

Rolling her eyes, relieved she had some space, Farrah continued drawing. Substituting paint for marker was working better than she thought. She just wanted to draw his face before she forgot it. The look in his eyes when he saw her and whatever that thing was on that gold chain he wore around his neck. She wondered if he'd stolen it like he used to steal toys from the marketplace. Maybe he'd stolen something and was here to give it to her. That had to be why he'd come here all the way from Iraq. Farrah hoped now that he was here, he'd stay.

...

After his disheartening conversation with Quinn and a dragging day at work, Danny jumped at the chance to duck out early and get Farrah at the community center. Carrie stuck her head in his office door asking the favor since she had to prep for a gathering at her house. Casual but still requiring a good vacuuming.

Besides the fact she'd been the one to ask him, as if he could refuse her, he was looking forward to seeing Farrah again.  
Maybe they could figure out a day to have that promised Twister game. Maybe seeing her would take his mind off how he'd fallen for her foster mother, who'd fallen for a would've been terrorist.

Shaking his head trying to shake the visual, Danny entered the community center. Smiling at Zahira who pointed him in the direction of the art room. Walking in he saw Farrah seated at an easel, painting something on a large white sheet of paper.  
Quickly freeing it from the easel, hoping it was dry enough, she folded the drawing as Danny approached.

"What you working on there? Something secret?"  
"Where's Carrie?"  
"She got stuck at work."  
"Stuck?", Farrah repeated, concerned. "She okay?"  
"She's fine. Just busy. And she wanted to get home to start getting ready for the party tonight."  
"Ah.", she nodded.  
"I told her I'd pick you up."  
"Okay. What secret code?"

Curiously she looked up at Danny with an arched brow. She and Carrie had agreed if anyone besides Carrie picked her up from the community center, they had to tell Farrah the secret code before she'd leave with them. It was a word only Carrie, Farrah, and the person responsible for the pickup knew. That way everything was safe and to Farrah's liking, spy like.  
With a laugh, Danny knelt to whisper in her ear.  
"Croissant."  
"Okay, we go.", Farrah smiled. Taking him by the hand she led him out of the art room, then looked up nervously.  
"Wait!"  
"What?"  
"I have to say goodbye to friend!"  
"What friend?", Danny asked as Farrah dragged him to the library. Walking in the room his eyes narrowed, seeing a tall man with his back to him organizing books. He had brownish hair that looked red in a certain light.  
 _Nah. Couldn't be._

"Dan!", Farrah whined, motioning for him to come closer.  
"Dan this is Mischa. Mischa, Dan.", she introduced as a young, blond, bespectacled girl about her age looked up from her book.  
"Hi!"  
"Hi Mischa. Nice to meet you. Good to see Farrah's got a friend."  
"Farrah helps me draw better and I help her read better.", Mischa smiled.  
"Well, that's good to know.", Danny smiled.  
"We should probably get going though Farrah. I promised Carrie I'd get you back soon."

While Farrah hugged her friend goodbye, Danny looked over and saw the librarian had left the room. Danny wished though he'd leave his mind just as easily. Him and his damn reddish hair.  
Suddenly his stomach knotted. If seeing this man triggered this reaction in him, Carrie's behavior their last visit made complete sense.  
Of course the scenario they both were apparently thinking made _no_ sense. There was no way Brody would be in the States, let alone dusting bookshelves in a children's library. But if just seeing a man walking around with a tall build and ginger highlights was enough to send her into a tailspin, it proved Quinn's point too damn well.

"Dan?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I all set."  
"Alright let's head out then."

Leading her out to the parking lot, listening as Farrah gushed about the chapter book she had checked out, Danny didn't notice the man in the garden across the way, seemingly texting on his phone.

Once Danny and Farrah got in the car and drove off, he brought the phone to his ear after dialing.  
"She is here. As you said. No, no chance to talk. I was, interrupted. A short, fat man." Agitated he rolled his eyes.  
"Yes, she saw flier. It was green, her favorite.", he smiled warmly.  
"Saturday, yes. We will find her, brother. Do not worry."  
Hanging up the phone, Khaliq smiled.


	21. Chapter 21

After he and Farrah got in his car, the ride to Carrie's was a blur. Danny hoped he could just make sure Farrah got inside the front door, then leave. Take Quinn's advice and find the nearest bar.  
He couldn't really explain his "schoolboy crush". He wasn't even sure when he began thinking of Carrie in that way. She'd sent a swat team after him when he was trying to drive to the hospital. Accused him of conspiring with Abu fucking Nazir. And yet he still had fantasies about the two of them dating and being a conspiracy theorizing terror fighting super spy power couple. And parents to boot.

"Geez, Danny get a grip.", he muttered to himself.  
"What did you say?"  
"Nothing, Farrah."

Pulling into the driveway, the girl grinned seeing Maggie's van parked in the street. She was excited to see her and Ruby and Josie, and was looking forward to meeting Carrie's father for the first time.  
"You come inside?", she asked as Danny shook his head.  
"Farrah it seems like a family thing, I don't want to intr-"  
"No, you come in!" When she didn't phrase it as a question, rather a demand, Danny sighed.  
"I'll tell you what, I'll walk you inside."  
"And you stay!"  
Realizing he was entirely whipped by a six year old girl, he shrugged. Giving Farrah a sheepish smile.  
"Only if Carrie wants me to."

Spotting them walking up the driveway through the window, Carrie smiled. Opening the door Farrah ran in and all but tackled her to the ground.  
"Aw, you missed me that much?", she laughed as Danny helped her up. Farrah in the meantime ran off to find Josie.  
"Thank you kind sir."  
"Anytime.", Danny smiled. Trying to tamp down his nerves as best he could, knowing this shirt was nowhere near as flattering with sweat stains.  
"And thanks for getting Farrah too. Gave me time to straighten things up around here."  
"It looks, great. Your place always looks great."  
"Okay now you're exaggerating.", Carrie smirked.  
"Why don't you come in, stay awhile. My dad's making some of his world famous sandwiches as we speak."  
"He got back from that golf trip of his?"  
"Yeah, Bill and him had another one of their legendary arguments and now they aren't speaking. Of course whatever the fuck they fought about will be water under the bridge as soon as they're up for more golf.", she shrugged getting a laugh.

"But he'll finally get the chance to meet Farrah. Maggie said he's been looking forward to it all day."  
"Well if it's a family thing I don't want to intrude, I-"  
"Don't be ridiculous. Virgil just did."  
"I'm gonna assume Max didn't?"  
"Yeah, seems he values his life.", Carrie snorted as Danny smirked. Clearly Max hadn't worked his way back into her good graces yet.  
"Anyways c'mon. You can stay for one drink, right? Please?"

Wishing she hadn't decided to go all polite on him just then, Danny sighed.  
"I guess one drink couldn't hurt.", he said as she smiled.  
"C'mon, the festivities are this way."

"No fucking way.", Virgil scoffed as Frank crossed his arms, arching an eyebrow.  
"You seriously drove all the way to Lake Erie from D.C and got there by dawn the following day."  
"Just went where I felt I had to be.", the older man said simply.  
"How did you not get pulled over twenty times for speeding?", Virgil asked getting a shrug.  
"For the record I've never gotten one speeding ticket. Now, disturbing the peace? Maybe a few of those, but never one for speeding."  
"He actually speaks the truth.", Carrie laughed, handing Danny a beer before perching on the arm of the couch next to Frank.  
"Who's your friend there, sweetheart?"  
"Dad this is Danny Galvez from work. Danny, this is my dad. Frank Mathison."  
"Mr. Mathison.", Danny smiled, walking over to shake his hand.  
"Call me Frank."  
Nodding Danny smiled, then awkwardly stepped off to the side with his drink. Avoiding the curious stare Virgil was giving him from across the room.

"So Carrie where's my newfound foster granddaughter? C'mon, where'd you stash her?"  
"I didn't stash her anywhere. Of anything she's hiding from you.", Carrie teased.  
"Well fine, I see how it is. Guess I'll just have to find her myself.", Frank smiled, spotting Farrah peeking out from the hallway.  
"Well look who I found?", he grinned as she shyly approached.  
"Hello there Miss Farrah."  
"Hello. I call you, Frank?"  
"You can call me whatever you damn well please."  
"Dad!", Maggie scolded as she walked in the living room.  
"Alright, I apologize. Whatever you darn well please."  
"That's more like it.", Carrie smirked.  
"So Miss Farrah, how about we go make some of my world famous sandwiches, huh? C'mon what do you say?"  
"Yes!", Farrah grinned as Frank walked her over to the kitchen.  
"Frank wait up, let me get in on that.", Virgil said, getting a look from Carrie.  
"What? These sandwiches are fucking phenomenal.", he said, finishing off the rest of the one in his hand before reaching the kitchen.

"So Maggie, where are my nieces at?"  
"They're painting a mural in your basement."  
"A mural?"  
"I think they finally settled on a rainforest motif but I could be wrong.", Maggie laughed.  
"Let me go see if Farrah wants to help. Dad's sandwiches don't take that long to make."

After Maggie left, Carrie turned to Danny who was swigging down what little remained of his beer.  
"Danny is everything alr-"  
"Hey, Danny?", Virgil interrupted as he walked back in the living room, mouth full of sandwich.  
"You know about cars right?"  
"My uncle was a mechanic so yeah, I know a bit."  
"You mind taking a look at mine? Something's fucked up with it and apparently if I take it to the dealer I'll be robbed blind."  
"Fuck, even I know that.", Carrie snorted, getting a glare.  
"Anyway, Danny do you mind?"  
"No. Not at all."

Following Virgil out the front door to his car, he frowned when he didn't pop the hood but rather, handed him another beer and a bottle opener.  
"I sensed you needed an exit strategy."  
"Thanks.", Danny shrugged, removing the cap.  
"So you got a thing for Carrie."  
"Damn it.", he groaned.  
"Quinn told you?"  
"No, you did.", Virgil scoffed.  
"Seriously. Standing in the corner like you were at your first frat party? Getting that freaked out smile on your face each time she looked in your direction. You were either looking to case the joint, which yeah, take it from me, not even worth your time trying. Or, you've got it bad."

Laughing without humor, Danny shook his head.  
"However I feel doesn't matter."  
"Ha, so you admit you feel something."  
"Will you shut up and let me talk?"  
Raising his hands slightly in surrender, Virgil smiled as Danny sighed.  
"Carrie's in love with Brody."  
"So what? You worried he's coming back or something?"  
"What do you mean so what? She loves him. And even if she was interested in me I'd be her second choice. A consolation prize."  
"Okay you're officially underestimating yourself."  
"No. I'm being honest with myself. Whatever I feel for Carrie will pass sooner or later."  
"You realize you just compared loving someone to a fucking kidney stone."  
"Pains about equivalent, right?", Danny laughed.  
"Don't joke. Have you ever had a kidney stone?", Virgil asked getting another laugh.

"Seriously, Danny. What's it gonna hurt just to tell her?"  
"My pride, first off."  
"Ever consider that she may feel similarly?"  
"She doesn't."  
"How do you know? She's been spending a lot of time with you."  
"Because of Farrah."  
"You realize Carrie wouldn't let you within a foot of that girl if she didn't trust you. And with Carrie, she trusts you and you're in. You're set."  
"She told the imam we were just friends, Virgil. That I was just helping her out."  
"So, keep helping her out."  
"Until what, she notices me?"  
"No, until you work up the nerve to tell her how you really feel. Believe it or not, I think she'll be receptive."  
"That's not what Quinn says."

"Quinn?!" Virgil laughed. "You're taking relationship advice from Peter fucking Quinn?"  
"He says he knows what he's talking about. He says Carrie's only got eyes for Brody. That I'm wasting my time."  
"Look Danny, _this_ is the best advice you can get. Forget that bullshit Quinn fed you and make a move. If she turns you down, she turns you down. But at least you tried."  
"Wait.", Danny frowned. "You just said that she'd be receptive."

"Well yeah, that's what my gut is telling me. Look, I've known Carrie for years. Years. Quinn's known her for months and is calling himself an expert?", Virgil scoffed, sitting on the curb as Danny joined him.

"That woman in there is formidable, infuriating, whip smart, stubborn as fuck, and if you spend a considerable amount of time with her you're liable to wring her neck. But, she's got one of the best hearts I know. I love her. I have for years. And I worry about her, really every goddamn day."  
"Carrie's proven pretty capable of taking care of herself, Virgil."  
"I know it. She's gotten out of some very fucked up situations because she's tough and too clever for her own good. But, I've seen her in some really bad, really dark places that I honestly didn't think she'd find her way out of."  
"Really?", Danny frowned curiously.  
"Yeah. She's more fragile then you'd think. There's a lot to her, Danny. A lot you don't know."  
"I'm willing to figure that stuff out though. I want to be there for her and for Farrah. I want to be that guy. If she can go for a fucking, demented would've been terrorist, why not me?"

"That whole thing with Brody, fuck if I know what that was all about.", Virgil sighed.  
"My best guess is he was like a challenge for her. A screwed up puzzle. And she got obsessed with solving him. Figuring him out. For all the guy has done, he's been through some major shit. So has she."  
"So what are you saying, they were fixing each other?"  
"I think they were trying to.", Virgil shrugged, finishing off his beer as Danny swigged some more of his.

"I also think that as much as she loved him, she could love someone else just as much. She deserves that much. I swear though if you get with her and fuck it up, I will break that face of yours til its worse looking than mine."  
Virgil threatened as Danny laughed.  
"Hey, I'm serious here."  
"I know. I know you are."  
Chugging the rest of his beer he chucked the bottle in a neighbors recycling bin.  
"I'm gonna talk to her."  
"Good man. Let me know how it works out. And if it does, let Quinn know too. I'd kill to see that little smug look of his disappear for a good three seconds."  
Virgil smirked before his phone went off. Answering it he leaned up against his car, rolling his eyes, while Danny stood up a little straighter and made his way inside the house.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought it'd be a good idea to keep this fic updated here as well as at FF.net. Hence the chapter adding. So um, yeah.

Straightening up the living room while everyone else was outside, Carrie looked up as Danny walked back in the front door. He looked a little nervous, maybe a little drunk. Of course who was she to judge.  
  
"Virgil's car better be running better than ever.", she chuckled. "You guys took forever out there."  
  
"Yeah, well."  
Shrugging Danny went to help her gather the bottles and paper plates.  
  
"It's fine I got it. My dad and Maggie are out back with the girls. You can join them if you want."  
  
"No, it's fine. I'm, fine.", he stammered.  
  
"Okay is everything alright?"  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"You've been on edge since you walked in the door. What's going on?", she asked. Moving closer as he backed away.  
"Danny?"  
  
"Carrie, there's something I have to tell you."  
  
"What?", she asked curiously. Frowning at how tensed up he was.  
  
"I..I, oh...fuck it."

Stepping towards her he pulled her into a kiss. Entirely thrown off guard Carrie's eyes stayed open. Wide open. Darting around and asking what the hell was going on.  
Before Danny had a chance to make the kiss more passionate she pulled back breathless. Not from excitement or attraction or lust, just utter shock.

"Wh..what the fuck was that?", she sputtered.  
  
"I'm sorry, I know. I did this, all wrong.", Danny sighed. He felt his face turning redder by the second. But he'd humiliated himself and stuck his neck out this much, why not go all the way.

"I just, Carrie? I think that I-"  
  
"What?! Just say it!"  
  
"I think I love you."

Deciding she heard him wrong, she  _had_ to have heard him wrong, Carrie repeated her earlier question.  
"What?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"Holy fuck."  
  
Slowly she sat down on the couch.  
  
"Carrie are you-"  
  
"I'm fine.", she cut off, not giving him the chance to show concern. He'd shown her enough tonight as it was.  
  
"I just, I can't-"  
  
"Look I just needed to say it. How we proceed is totally, completely up to you."  
  
"How we proceed?", she scoffed.  
  
"You realize you just dropped a fucking bomb in my lap!"  
  
"You were that surprised?"

Nodding, making the mistake of looking at his too pained face, Carrie felt sick to her stomach. If possible even more rotten than she felt after accusing him of being a terrorist.  
  
"Danny, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just, I don't feel the same way."  
  
"Yeah, I figured.", Danny shrugged, barely able too look her in the eye.

"Hey, listen to me though.", she asked, getting him looking at her just slightly.  
  
"You are a terrific guy. In spite of all my fuck-ups you still tolerate me. And you've helped me with Farrah more than anyone. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. I don't want to take advantage of you or lead you on. And that's all I'd be doing if we took this any further.", she sighed, trying to be honest but gentle about it. Not easy for her but she was giving it her best effort.

"I understand."  
  
"Look I know it's overused but it's the truth. You deserve  _so_  much better than me."  
  
"Well, this is overused too but it's the truth. You're terrific."  
  
"No, I'm really not.", Carrie laughed without humor.  
  
"You don't know everything about me, Danny. And I really fucking hope it stays that way."

After an awkward silence crept in, needing to break it Danny cleared his throat. His bloated heart as Quinn had aptly put it was doing that breaking to miniscule pieces thing, but there was something he still wanted confirmed.  
  
"Carrie?"  
  
"Yeah?  
  
"Just because...um. Are you telling me this, because you, you're still..."  
  
"Still what?"

His eyes then wandered to a picture on her sofa table. With her laughing and his blue eyes smiling, and them looking right and strangely perfect together despite how wrong,  _so_  fucking wrong their relationship was. Standing, shoulders now slumped, he knew he had his answer.

"Never mind. I should probably get going."  
  
"Danny, I'm so-"  
  
"No, don't apologize. The 'I'm sorry's' should be coming from me. Not you."  
  
"I just-"  
  
"I'll see you at work. Goodnight, Carrie."  
  
"Goodnight Danny.", Carrie sighed sadly as he walked out to the foyer then out the front door.

Shaking her head, stunned, she leaned back against the couch cushions. Rubbing the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes, not even hearing Maggie come through the sliding door.

"Carrie is everything okay?"  
  
"Yeah. Couldn't be better.", she groaned.  
  
"I thought things would be going better than better, after that kiss anyway."  
  
Eyes snapping open she sat up. "You saw that?"  
  
"Yeah, good thing the girls were busy playing soccer with Dad. Why didn't you tell me about him?" Maggie asked with a grin.  
  
"Because I didn't know he felt that way until tonight."  
  
"You're kidding."  
  
"No, I'm not.", Carrie sighed.  
  
"So its completely one-sided?"  
  
"Yeah. It is. He's a good guy, a terrific guy. But-"  
  
"But what, there's no possibility for anything between you two?"  
  
"Maggie I'd just be leading him on. Like I said he's a good guy. He doesn't deserve that. Now, can we please just change the subject."  
  
"I'm sorry, this is just so unlike you."  
  
"Unlike me how?"  
  
"It's just, you're not one to turn down guys. The Carrie I know would've taken Danny Galvez up on anything he had to offer.", Maggie said with a smirk.

"Yeah, well..that was before."  
  
Shrugging Carrie stood up to grab the last few stray napkins and plates.

"Before what? Congressman Brody?"


	23. Chapter 23

"Before what? Congressman Brody?", Maggie asked, arching a brow.

Jaw clenched Carrie turned back around.  
  
"I was going to say before Danny confessed his undying love for me.", she scoffed. "Why the fuck would you mention Brody?"  
  
"You mentioned him that night you came for dinner."  
  
"Not by name."  
  
"You told Josie the reason you were so happy was you'd been spending time with a good friend."  
  
"I've got friends!", Carrie said defensively.  
  
"Oh yeah? How many of them have an open invitation to the cabin?", Maggie asked with a knowing look.  
  
"Carrie how could I not have pieced things together about you and Brody? You told me that night you 'didn't' mention him you were thinking of quitting your job. What other reason would you possibly do that, aside from having a major conflict of interest on the horizon?"

"Okay how many times have I stormed into your house swearing that I was going to quit?", Carrie reminded.  
  
"That's not the point."  
  
"Well what is your point then, Maggie?", she asked, looking as agitated as she felt.  
  
"Brody's gone. He's been gone. And I haven't come crying at your door once since the Langley bombing about him, my job, or leaving my job. So why are you looking at me the way you would when I'd sneak in past curfew and you'd catch me."  
  
"You mean when you'd keep me up half the night scared? Well you're scaring me now so-"  
  
"What scared you? My not fucking Danny against the sliding glass door after he kissed me?"

Rolling her eyes, identically to the way she would each time Carrie climbed in their bedroom window at 1AM, Maggie let out a heavy sigh.  
  
"Carrie, it's been over a year since you came to dinner that night. And you're still turning down perfectly decent guys. I want to know if you're still carrying a torch. If you're still holding out hope that.."  
  
"You really didn't just ask if I was carrying a torch, did you?"  
  
"Can you stop answering my questions with questions and talk to me!"  
  
"Talk to you about what!", Carrie yelled, throwing up her hands in exasperation. Unaffected, Maggie crossed her arms.  
  
"Do you still have feelings for Brody?"  
  
"So what if I do?"  
  
"So what...Carrie. You keep hanging onto this idea of him and you. That's the worst thing you could be doing to yourself! I mean look at what he's already put-"  
  
"No.", Carrie cut off with a cold stare. "Don't fucking go there."  
  
"Why not? I was there!", Maggie bit back. Her resentment at the man that caused her sister's breakdown in the back of her mini-van coming back to the surface.

"I saw the way you looked at each other across that parking lot outside the police station. I saw how it affected you. I saw where it put you."  
  
Stung at the not so subtle reference to the psych ward, Carrie bowed her head.

"You hated him, Carrie. You had every reason in the world to hate him."  
  
"Well you know what they say about that fine line.", she laughed bitterly.  
  
"So you admit it then."  
  
"I'm not admitting to anything."  
  
"You have feelings for him. Still."  
  
Shaking her head she bit her lip, trying to keep from tearing up.  
  
"Whatever I feel doesn't mean a fucking thing, Maggie. Like I said, he's gone."

"You're right. He is gone. And you should be moving on. You still holding on like you're... it's not-"  
  
"Healthy? How did I know you were going to say that. Next is the lecture about how insane it is I'd want anything to do with him after what's happened. Right?"  
  
"I didn't say that.", Maggie insisted.  
  
"You didn't have to."  
  
"Look, I know I can't tell you how to feel."  
  
"That's right, you can't!"  
  
"But I can tell you I'm concerned."  
  
"Like that's anything new."  
  
"Carrie..."  
  
"Jesus, Maggie. I'm not up for another warning or cautionary tale about Brody. It wouldn't be any different from the ones that've been playing on loop in my mind ever since the night we met in the rain. I know how everyone feels. I know that how  _I_  feel scares the shit out of me. But it doesn't matter. I can't fucking help or control it. It's like my illness but worse. They don't prescribe pills for this as far as I know.", she weakly joked, wiping at her eyes as she sat back on the sofa where Maggie joined her.

"No, they don't. If they did I'd raid my supplies for them too.", she smiled.  
  
"I asked him why, you know."  
  
"Asked him what?"  
  
"Why I felt the way I did. He said I gave it up to him, like I lost my fucking virginity to him or something."  
  
"I thought that was to that, lacrosse captain. Stefan something or other your junior year of high school."  
  
"Try Stephen something or other in junior high.", Carrie corrected.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"What! It was eighth grade. I was a mature 14.", she smirked.  
  
"Yeah I think that's when your maturity peaked.", Maggie snickered, getting a glare.

"Carrie seriously though, I am worried. And it's not just because Brody is  _Brody_."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm as worried now as when you you were tracking Abu Nazir's every move. When you let the obsession take over and there's room for nothing else."  
  
"Some people see tenacity as a good quality."  
  
"And some people see it as worrisome. Some people like six year old girls."  
  
"What are you getting at?", Carrie asked, eyes narrowing.  
  
"I heard Farrah talking with Josie earlier. About you.", Maggie sighed. Not wanting to mention this but thinking she didn't have a choice.

"Why didn't you tell me you had an episode the other night?"  
  
"It wasn't an episode!", Carrie snapped.  
  
"But it was an incident, Carrie. An incident that could've been prevented if you hadn't skipped."  
  
"I didn't skip! I had a pill for the next morning and I thought I'd be fine until then."  
  
"But you weren't, were you?", Maggie said knowingly.  
  
"So what triggered it? What set you off? Farrah mentioned something about doll clothes. Cards she'd seen that had pictures on the fron-"

Trailing off her eyes widened.  
"Carrie were those picture cards, postcards?"  
  
Not getting an answer she shook her head.  
  
"That explains it then. That night Farrah saw you sorting postcards, the same way you sorted those clippings for your pinboard?"  
  
"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about."  
  
"Only this time you were charting out a different pattern, tracking a different man. Your meds were just going to slow you down right?"  
  
"Jesus Christ will you stop it!"  
  
"No, Carrie! Now you either need to accept the fact that Brody's gone or you need to talk about him with a psychiatrist. But this, what you're doing now. You can't keep going like this, it's not-"  
  
"Alright Maggie. Enough!", Carrie exploded.  
  
"Just quit the lectures and give me a fucking break. While you're at it take one from trying to be Mom!"

Whatever fleeting satisfaction Carrie felt at silencing and winning the argument, vanished at the look on Maggie's face. Playing the "Mom" card was dealing from the bottom of the deck every time, and despite knowing this...  
Guilt set in and all she could do was apologize. Apologize profusely. But it proved difficult when Maggie walked out the back door, led Josie and Ruby out of the yard and around the side of the house to the driveway. By the time Carrie ran to the front and pulled the curtain back their van was halfway down the street.

"Fuck.."  
Wiping at her eyes with her sleeve she grabbed her refill of pills and tossed one back, swallowing it dry.  
  
Afterwards, defeated, she went outside and shakily sat on the patio next to Frank. Who was contentedly watching Farrah dribble her soccer ball around the yard.  
  
"Your girls got some skills.", he smiled, getting a jerky nod and a sniffle in return.  
  
"Carrie?"  
  
Smile fading, without saying a word he slipped an arm around her as she leaned on his shoulder.  
  
"Shh..it's okay sweetheart. It's gonna be okay."


	24. Chapter 24

After Frank let her cry it out for a few moments, Carrie sat up embarrassed, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Shit, Dad. I'm so-"  
  
"Hey..that's what dad's are for, right?", Frank smiled.  
  
"If you want to talk I'm all ears.", he offered, checking his watch.  
  
"My fucking curfew's not for another half hour."  
  
"Dad, Maggie's just."  
  
"Yeah, I saw you two exchanging some words. Must've been harsh to send her home this early."  
  
"We had a sisterly disagreement. Happens sometimes."  
  
"Sometimes? You forget I raised the two of you.", he chuckled, barely getting a smile in return.  
  
"I crossed a line though, Dad. She wouldn't even let me apologize before she walked out."  
  
"Hey, just give her some time to calm down. Cool off. You want me to talk to her?"  
  
"No..that's okay.", Carrie shrugged.

"So, I may be a little fucked in the head but my hearings never been better. This disagreement of yours started when that Congressman's name was tossed around?"

Sighing, Carrie rolled her eyes.  
"Dad, I don't-"  
  
"Look you won't get any judgment from me. Remember I was at that infamous dinner your sister was talking about. Forget 20, you had a 100 watt smile from the minute you walked in the door, and I took it to mean one thing."  
  
"He's gone though, Dad.", she choked out as he held her a bit tighter.

"I know. But take it from me, it won't hurt if you hold onto him awhile longer. At least until  _you're_  ready to let go."  
  
"But Maggie, and Saul, fuck, even the postcards Brody sent. All of them are screaming at me to-"  
  
"Fuck what everyone and everything else says or screams at you. I know you have no problem with that. You take after me that way." Frank said proudly.

"It's okay if you still love him. So long as he loved you just as much, right?"  
  
"Somehow, in spite of everything."  
  
"Hey that's good. You gave him hell, kept him on his toes, in his place. I wouldn't expect anything different."  
  
"So what, we put each other through hell but we're a match made in heaven?", Carrie smirked before her face went solemn again.  
  
"Jesus, I'm talking about him like he's still here."  
  
"You're allowed.", Frank said as Carrie looked up skeptically.

"If I told you you couldn't do otherwise I'd be the biggest fucking hypocrite on the planet. You know how long I did the same thing with your mother?", he asked rhetorically, looking pained over the words.  
  
"If you love them, you don't have much choice. Especially mental superiors like ourselves."  
Weakly Carrie chuckled before her face fell again.

"Well Maggie doesn't see me as mentally superior. Neither do half my colleagues right now. I handed them proof on a silver platter that Brody is innocent and nobody fucking believes me."  
  
"Well see that's your own fault. You did too good a job proving Brody was a turned suicidal wingnut a few years back. Now, you just have to prove the opposite. But you've dealt with worse challenges."  
  
"Yeah, like her?", Carrie smiled, nodding to Farrah who was attempting tricky moves with the soccer ball.  
  
"As foster granddaughters go she's top drawer."

"Frank! Frank look what I do!", Farrah giggled, throwing the soccer ball in the air. Then jumped to bump it with her forehead. Unfortunately it traveled through the open sliding door, and rolled through the living room where Virgil bent to retrieve it.  
  
"Nice! New present for me?", he laughed. Getting a look from Farrah that prompted him to toss the ball back.  
  
"I thought you left with Danny.", Carrie asked.  
  
"I figured the guy could use some space. Broken hearts need time to heal." Virgil shrugged sitting on the lawn. Catching the look on Carrie's face he figured it was best to change the subject and turned to Farrah.  
  
"So kid, what were you trying to talk me about in the kitchen earlier? By the way, Frank. I'm gonna be duplicating that sandwich recipe for the next month. My wife will be thrilled I can make my own lunch."  
  
"Hey, that's the idea.", Frank grinned.

"Virg I ask if you go to the parade tomorrow."  
  
"Parade? What parade?", Carrie frowned.  
  
"I thought I saw a flier about a street fair or something near the new community center this weekend.", Virgil shrugged.  
  
"Yes! I see flier. And Tina and Zahira talk about it. We go?!", Farrah asked excitedly, dribbling the soccer ball closer to the adults.  
  
"I hear it's gonna be a scorcher tomorrow. Wear sunscreen.", Frank instructed, getting a smirk from Carrie.  
  
"Well that's if we decide to go."  
  
"Please!"  
  
"I can take her if you want, Carrie.", Virgil offered.  
  
"No, Carrie come too.", Farrah pouted.  
  
"Well, fine then. I'm not offended or anything.", he grumped.

"Farrah I'll think about it, okay?", Carrie said.  
  
"Can Dan come too?", the girl asked curiously.  
  
"Eh I think Dan's busy tomorrow kid. But, my offer still stands."  
  
"Look, we'll figure it out tomorrow alright? For now though it's way past someones bedtime."  
  
"Hey I still have ten minutes!", Frank said, pointing to his watch.

"C'mon Farrah, say goodnight."  
  
"Okay.", Farrah grumbled, giving Frank and Virgil hugs before dribbling her soccer ball inside the house.  
  
"Farrah not in the house, Farrah! Shit.", Carrie groaned as Virgil got to his feet.

"Listen though, my offer still stands to take Farrah tomorrow. I remember you not being crazy about crowds and excessive heat. Not that anyone ever is."  
  
"It's fine Virgil. I'm past that. Have been for awhile now.", Carrie said a little defensively.  
  
"Besides Farrah has her heart set on my going, no way am I going to tell her no."  
  
"Hey be careful with that.", Frank laughed. "I never said no to you and what color is my hair?"  
  
Laughing Carrie hugged him, a little longer than usual.

"Get some sleep, sweetheart. It'll be fine.", he assured. "So long as you remember to-"  
  
"Wear sunscreen, got it.", Carrie said as Frank said goodnight to Virgil, then made his way to the front.

"So I'll try and meet up with the two of you tomorrow. Keep your phone on."  
  
"Don't I always?"  
  
"And hey, just so you know. I kinda pushed Danny to tell you how he-"  
  
"It's okay, Virgil. I'm glad he just, admitted it. Hopefully he can move the fuck on to someone better for him."  
  
"He'd have been damn lucky to have gotten you.", Virgil said, getting a hug before he too headed out.

"Okay Farrah, that soccer ball better be stashed in a closet or something by now.", Carrie warned, stepping back in the house and shutting the door. Locking it behind her, she hit the lights then made her way upstairs. Frowning seeing Farrah's door shut, she knocked.  
  
"Farrah? Can I come in?"  
  
"Y..Yes! One second.", Farrah jumped, folding her painting of Khaliq back up and putting it under her bed as Carrie came in the room.  
  
"Okay bed's unmade, pjs are on. Teeth brushed?"  
  
"Yes.", Farrah smiled, flashing both rows as Carrie frowned, noticing paper sticking out from under the bed.  
  
"What's that, another mystery drawing?"  
  
"No! It..surprise.", Farrah covered, getting a curious look.  
  
"A surprise?"  
  
"Yes. It..not ready yet."  
  
"Ah, I see. Well will it be ready soon? I'm dying to see it."  
  
"Yes, soon."  
  
"Okay then. Looking forward to it."  
  
Kneeling to Farrah's level she pulled her into a hug.  
"Get some sleep okay? If we're going to this thing tomorrow we'll have to leave early."  
  
"You coming too, not just Virg?"  
  
"You bet."  
  
"We get popcorn? Ice cream? Cot-cotton.."  
  
"Cotton candy? Farrah that's a lot of food."  
  
"I share!"  
  
"Well, as long as you share. I guess we'll have to see. Now, under the covers. Go on."  
  
Nodding, Farrah climbed into bed as Carrie flipped on the nightlight, then turned to leave.  
  
"Carrie?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Will Maggie come to parade too?"  
  
"I don't know, Farrah."  
  
"You still mad?"  
  
"Honey I just said some things I shouldn't have. We had a fight, but we'll make up. I promise. Now, go to sleep okay?"  
  
Nodding, Farrah pulled the blanket over her, waiting for Carrie to close the door before pushing the drawing more under the bed. Not wanting anyone to see it aside from one person. Though she was worried she might not see him again.


	25. Chapter 25

"Okay Farrah, promise me you're going to stick close.", Carrie said, holding her hand tightly as they made their way to the mosque. The parade was starting there and would finish a few blocks away where the street fair was set up. Virgil had supposedly already arrived. Now just came the trouble of finding him.  
  
After letting Farrah dial his number Carrie took the phone back.

"Hey we just got parked near the mosque, where are you?"  
  
"About a block from you I think. You better hurry though, this shindig is starting soon."  
  
"Okay we'll be there in a few minutes."

Hanging up she took a tighter grip on Farrah's hand.  
  
"Why you hold so tight?"  
  
"You mean why  _do_  I hold so tight?", Carrie corrected getting a nod.  
  
"Because I don't want us losing each other, that's why."  
  
"I won't lose you, you won't lose me.", Farrah promised, swinging her hand in Carrie's as they walked.

...

"She is here.."  
  
"You are sure?"  
  
"Yes, she just arrived. With a blonde. Tall. Wearing olive jacket, white shirt, tight jeans.", Khaliq smirked, peering out from behind his binoculars.  
  
"Stop checking her out and tell me the direction she is walking in."  
  
"I need to check her out to figure that out, Samir."  
  
"Khaliq!"  
  
"Okay, okay.", he grumbled, rolling his eyes.  
  
"She is heading west. Towards the start of the parade."  
  
"They are still together?"  
  
"Yes. Holding hands like little schoolgirls. Though Farrah is still technically a schoolg-"  
  
"Khaliq!"  
  
"They look close, brother. Farrah looks.."  
  
"Manipulated? Brainwashed?"  
  
"I was going to say happy."

"That is your crush on her handler talking. You are watching a spectacle, Khaliq. The sooner we get Farrah to the church the better off she will be."  
  
"You mean the mosque, brother."  
  
"No. The church. I am a Catholic now. Our sister will be as well."  
  
"She was raised Muslim, brother."  
  
"She will adapt. The way I did after Father destroyed my faith, his putting bombings over blessings."  
  
"Father called himself a soldier of his faith. He acted in accordance with what he believed. Did what he felt he needed to, at whatever cost."  
  
"His actions were far from honorable.", Samir snapped, signing off.  
  
"So are your actions, brother." Khaliq groaned, flicking the off switch on his comm before moving closer to the crowd. Looking through the binoculars once more, a soft smile filled his face.  
  
"Do not worry, Farrah. I will protect you.", he promised, then glanced to the apartment complex behind him.  
  
"Even from him if need be."

...

"Virg! I can't see, Virg!", whined Farrah as she jumped up. Trying to see the parade even though she was standing behind a clump of too tall people.  
  
"Farrah I can't put you on my shoulders. The people standing behind us will get upset."  
  
"But I want to see!"  
  
"Tell you what, when Carrie gets back with your popcorn you can sit on her shoulders."  
  
"Why her?"  
  
"She's shorter than I am.", Virgil shrugged.  
  
"But.."  
  
"Farrah.", he warned.  
  
"Okay. I wait." Farrah grumbled.  
  
Crossing her arms she paced back and forth, looking up at other faces once in awhile before focusing on one in particular. One that looked familiar. When she blinked and rubbed her eyes, he was gone but she knew he'd been here. He  _had_  been here. Now all Farrah had to do was find a way to see him again.

...

Meanwhile Brody, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible in his Aviators and baseball cap, meandered though the crowd. Just enjoying being outside and having the sun on his face. He didn't get out of his apartment or the center much, and as grateful as he was for the protection offered there he missed the outdoors. Luckily with so many people around it wasn't likely anyone would take notice of him...

...

"Thank you.", Carrie huffed, rolling her eyes as she walked away from the concession stand. She'd paid her life savings for a bag of stale popcorn and had to wait in a never ending line to do it. But Farrah had wanted it and left her no choice but to buy it. Munching on a handful from the bag as she walked, she tried to hide how on edge she felt all of a sudden.  
  
She'd told Virgil heat and heavy crowds didn't get to her anymore, but she felt a nervous buzz in the air, a knot forming in her stomach. Even though she couldn't put her finger on it, something was up.  
  
Glancing up at the surrounding highrises while shuffling through the dense crowd, Carrie bit her lip. Eyes searching for something when...

...

"Oh, I'm sorry.", Brody muttered apologetically, relieved whoever he'd collided with just brushed past without making a scene. They were probably too distracted, hadn't even noticed him...

...

Too busy looking to the sky to notice she'd collided with someone, Carrie kept walking. Looking ahead until, not sure exactly why, she turned around.

He wasn't sure she'd seen past his sunglasses, but he'd seen  _her_.  
  
Not sure if he should turn and run away or run up and kiss her, Brody stood in place until the first shot rang out.

Luckily it was the only one. For Samir in his apartment hideout it had the desired effect. The perfect diversion, distraction, scare tactic. The crowd had taken off every which way in every direction possible. Just what he'd been after.

"CARRIE!", Brody yelled, disguise be damned as he took off after her. Going off instincts and just the need to know, to see (for the sake of whatever remained of his sanity) that she was okay. That she was safe, hadn't been tripped or trampled or Allah forbid been shot. But she'd already run headlong into the mob. Shouting after someone but he couldn't make out who.

"Farrah! FARRAH!"  
  
Yelling over and over til her voice went hoarse, Carrie didn't stop running. Weaving in and out of the crowd that had turned as chaotic as she was desperate. She was in too close proximity to everyone aside from Farrah, and between the heat of the day and her anxiety she felt trapped, crippled.  
  
Pausing she rested her hands on her knees, trying to get her bearings, catch her breath before she heard her name. Someone shouting it, screaming it from a distance. Chilled now despite the heat she took off running again, even faster now.

...

"Virg?! Carrie?! CARRIE!", Farrah cried, shouting at the top of her lungs. In the chaos she and Virgil had been separated, and she was stuck between too many people too tall to notice her, right in the middle of the street.

Jostled around in the crowd a tear slid down her face, then another. Between the gun shot and the running and the yelling and the sirens, she was scared for herself and scared for Carrie. What if something happened to her or to Virg, like what happened to her dad. The thought scared her so much she started screaming even louder even though she couldn't be heard. Or so she thought.  
  
Lifted away from the crowd and the chaos she squirmed around in her rescuer's arms, expecting when she turned around she'd see Carrie.

Instead it was a smiling man. Saying a children's rhyme her father told her when she was small. Recognizing it and him her whole face lit up.

Smiling back, Khaliq hugged her close, but then turned to walk them down a different street. Protesting in Arabic, Farrah shook her head, looking over her shoulder fearfully for Carrie. Telling her brother they had to wait.  
  
"There is no time, Farrah. Do not worry though, I am here to protect you now.", Khaliq promised, carrying her off and trying to ignore how she was crying against his chest.


	26. Chapter 26

The sound of Farrah yelling for her was all that kept Carrie in motion. Getting her through the dense, frenzied crowd. It was all that she let her ears tune into as she kept running. The sirens and the panicked chatter around her was nothing but white noise.  
  
So it was frighteningly noticeable when Farrah's yelling stopped. It hadn't tapered off or gone muffled, like she'd been gagged or forced to keep quiet. Carrie knew too fucking well how that sounded.

No, she'd stopped yelling by choice. She'd gone calmer. Maybe she'd been found.  
  
After all Virgil was here, maybe he'd found her. Maybe he'd called someone to help find her. Saul or Danny or Quinn. Even Max would've been a help. Maybe she should start calling for help.

Still running, she reached in her pocket for her phone when she was bumped into and shoved forward, losing her phone and her footing in the process. Unable to brace herself before she fell, she landed face down on the pavement.  
  
Pushing up on her arms she went to stand, but the slightest movement sent pain straight through her left knee, now sporting a nasty gash. All she could manage was to roll toward the nearby curb, try and get as far away from the mob as she could. As far away from her chance at seeing or hearing Farrah as she could.

Curled up tightly on her side, tears seeped through her shut eyes and she was shivering in spite of the heat. Sore, sweated up, scared, she felt trapped, pinned down. She'd lost someone. She couldn't help anyone.  
  
And she couldn't help but feel like she was back there, all over again.

...

Turning down a side street to bypass parade traffic on his coffee run, Quinn frowned hearing sirens and seeing squad cars turning down the main drag, parking in the lot near the mosque.  
  
"What the fuck..", he muttered, wondering what the hell was going on.

After parking he made his way over on foot. His eyes widening at the frantic crowd and the police trying to control it. Shaking his head he swore, then took off running to the scene. With his background and his training he figured he could be of some help.

"Can we get some help over here, please?!"  
  
Cutting over to the side of the street, Quinn saw a couple tending to someone shakily sitting on the curb.

"She was running after someone then got shoved by some jack-ass behind her. It was a miracle she wasn't trampled.", the man explained, getting a nod from his wife as she tried to clean Carrie's knee wound.

"Before she fell she was yelling for a girl, Tara, Cara? The way she was running, all upset. It must've been her daughter."

...

 _Daughter._  
  
Overhearing the woman as he walked past, Brody shook his head. Kicking his own mission into higher gear and walking faster. He felt guilty for not stopping. If he could, he would try and help everyone in the crowd he came across, but his priority now was finding Carrie. A childless (and as far as he knew, with every plan to remain childless) Carrie.

...

"Farrah. Her daughter's name is Farrah." Quinn corrected, trying not to panic at the fact that Carrie wasn't making eye contact with him and hadn't stopped shaking yet. Afraid to touch her he simply spoke.  
  
"Carrie, Carrie, it's Quinn. Can you hear me?"

"We tried that, she didn't respond."  
  
"Maybe not to you.", Quinn muttered. Standing, he told the couple to get Carrie to an alley across the way. It wasn't scenic but it was quiet and not in the middle of all the chaos.

...

"Carrie?! CARRIE!" Brody called, removing his cap to wipe the sweat from his brow. He was past caring if he drew attention to himself. The crowd had lessened up but there was still no sign of her and he was getting desperate.  
  
Scanning each face in the group of people ahead of him, with no luck, he turned back around before he was bumped into by...

"Goddammit! Watch where the fuck you're going!", Quinn snarled. He hated leaving Carrie behind with that couple but he had no choice. If she was going to respond to anyone he knew who it would be. And Farrah had to be around here somewhere.  
  
Instead of being able to track her though, he was wasting time with idiots not watching where they walked. This joker with his sunglasses and reddish hair that looked just like...

"Holy, you've  _got_  to be fucking kidding me."


	27. Chapter 27

Swallowing hard, Brody did the worst possible thing he could to avoid suspicion and went to walk away.

As stressed and thrown off guard as Quinn was, his vision wasn't the least bit impaired. Brody was in front of him, in the flesh and convinced some hair dye and sunglasses made for an adequate disguise. He wanted to walk away, find Farrah, go back to Carrie, pretend he hadn't bumped into her fugitive fuckbuddy. He wanted to turn the clock back to five minutes ago, but..  
  
 _I promise. I'll help with your...plan._

Cursing himself for going around making promises in elevators, Quinn grabbed Brody by the arm and dragged him where he'd told the couple to bring Carrie. Brody kept dragging his feet, protesting the whole way, in the worst affected accent Quinn ever heard.  
  
"For God's sake, get your bloody hands off me!"  
  
"Wow. How long have you been practicing that?", Quinn scoffed.

Rolling his eyes, defeated, Brody followed him towards the alley that Quinn then turned down to speak with someone.

"It's alright, we're fine now. I found some help."  
  
"I cleaned up her knee.", the woman said, standing up. "There didn't seem to be any major damage. Just some scrapes and bruising."  
  
"She still hasn't said anything.", the husband muttered. "I don't know what her deal is but she's not-"  
  
"It's alright, I can take it from here. Thank you for your help. If I were you I'd go that way-", Quinn nodded to the back of the alley.  
  
"Still pretty chaotic where I came from."  
  
After the couple nodded skeptically and walked away, Quinn walked back to Brody and grabbed his arm again.  
  
"Okay enough with this.."

"If I were you, Congressman, I wouldn't say another fucking thing.", he sneered.  
  
"There is one,  _one_  reason I haven't hauled your ass to Langley or just said fuck protocol and followed through on my original orders.."  
  
Noting the dark little gleam in Quinn's eyes, the knife he had on him, Brody bit his lip and jammed his scarred hand in his pocket.  
  
"And she's in there."  
  
"She?", Brody muttered. Turning down the alley his heart skipped an unhealthy number of beats.

"Holy sh..." Running over he knelt at Carrie's side. She was sitting upright, hugging her knees to her chest and shivering even though her hair and t-shirt were damp with sweat. Her head bowed, tears seeped from her eyes that were still squeezed shut.  
  
Brody had imagined hundreds of ways the two of them could reunite, how it would happen. But he'd never imagined this. Not this.  
  
"Carrie..."

"I brought you here because she shouldn't be alone and I need to find Farrah."  
  
"Farrah?", Brody frowned, still staring intently at Carrie but needing to know if this was just a coincidence or..  
  
"Yeah. She's Carrie's foster daughter."  
  
"Foster..", Trailing off he shook his head, dumbfounded as he turned to look at Quinn.  
  
"You're shitting me right?"  
  
"No. I'm not.", he said, looking agitated as he gave Brody the Reader's Digest version of the situation with Carrie and Farrah.  
  
"I...I can't believe it."  
  
"Yeah, she was quite the souvenir Carrie brought back from Baghdad."  
  
"Baghdad..."  
Quickly looking back to her, then at Quinn again, Brody's mind suddenly clicked and he moved closer to Carrie. Heartbroken as he realized the reason behind the state she was in.

"What? What is it?", Quinn frowned.  
  
"Nothing it's just. I think, I  _know_  why she's.."  
  
"Tell me."  
  
Reluctantly Brody stood up, this time taking Quinn by the arm as he lowered his voice.  
"In Baghdad, one of her stints there, Carrie told me she lost someone. Her translator. There was a mob that got out of hand and they burned the guy alive. Hung him from a fucking bridge."  
  
"Holy shit."  
  
"She said she was, pinned down. Couldn't get to him."  
  
"Same way she couldn't get to Farrah in that fucking mob out there. No wonder she's..." Trailing off he shook his head bitterly.  
  
"PTSD. I never even thought-"  
  
"Well you didn't know."

Looking back at her, anxious to help and hopefully get through to her, Brody frowned at Quinn.  
  
"Look, stick with your plan and find Farrah. Hopefully she'll be enough to snap her out of-"  
  
"No. Hopefully you will.", Quinn frowned back.  
  
"I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here, Sergeant Brody. I'm not known for that. You help Carrie, otherwise, I do what I was brought in for in the first place.", he said simply before leaving the alley.

Not letting Quinn rattle him, he was already rattled enough, Brody knelt back down beside her. Fighting every instinct telling him to pull her close and not let go.  
"Carrie? Carrie it's me. It's Brody."

He spoke quietly to her, like she was a frightened animal he was trying not to further spook. Her eyes were still shut and the tear tracks were fresh on her face. Still trembling, pale, it was like she trapped in some kind of nightmare. Brody knew that feeling all too well and couldn't bear to watch her suffering through it.  
  
He knew from experience touching her could trigger her lashing out, getting violent. But it didn't feel like talking at her would do any good. He had to get her responding to him somehow and he didn't see how that'd happen if she didn't pick up on him being here. Shifting closer he gave it his best shot.

"Carrie, it's just me. I'm just gonna hold your hand, okay?" Slowly reaching for her left wrist he grazed it with the pad of his thumb, then twined her slim fingers with his.  
  
"I'm here love, I'm right here."


	28. Chapter 28

_He was holding her hand again. Carrie wasn't sure how he was exactly. He was dangling from a bridge and she was covered in dust on the ground. And she'd cried and screamed in the tongue he'd taught her but couldn't stop any of it from happening. All she could do was watch as he was dragged off while she was pinned down. Trapped first by the out of control crowd, then by a man who took advantage. He'd pulled her out of the mob and against him, and she'd fought out of his grip then tried to run, but the sick fucker wasn't willing to let her go so easily. He wanted her to watch. With a knife at her back and his hand with a too tight grip on her jaw, he laughed as she cried and screamed and watched her closest friend here die.  
  
_ _But her friend was holding her hand now. And kissing it? What the fuck was that about? Her translator was a lot of things but overly affectionate wasn't one of them._

Lifting her head curiously at this new development, the white noise slowly faded out and her vision cleared to see them. Teary blue eyes laser focused on her clouded over pair.

"Carrie? Can you hear me?"  
  
She was looking right through him. Seeing but not really seeing him. It scared Brody shitless but he forced himself to calm down for her sake.

Moving closer he stroked her hair with his free hand then, not able to resist, kissed her forehead. When it didn't trigger anything he let his lips linger there. Then pulled back so they were nose to nose.

"I know you're scared, I understand. You know I do.", he sighed. Cradling her face in his palm as she continued giving off that same, frighteningly blank stare.  
  
"But you're not alone, okay? It's just like before, just like you told me."  
Smiling softly remembering that crappy motel room, Brody thumbed the tear track on her cheek.  
  
"I'm right here love, I'm gonna help you. And the first thing we're gonna do is get the fuck out of here."

Making sure one hand was still holding her's, he reached for his phone and texted Zahira, then the imam asking him to bring the van around. Knowing he'd be prompt about it helped him feel a little more at ease.  
  
He knew the longer they stayed here the more he risked being seen, having idiot bystanders add to the commotion. Carrie had enough of that going on in her head, he knew she didn't need more of it.

Resuming stroking her hair, Brody worked up the nerve to rub her shoulder. Unnerved that she hadn't said one word. Kept staring off across the way looking for someone who wasn't there.

"Nicholas!", Zahira called running over. Eyes widening seeing Carrie, she froze.  
  
"What has happened? Is she..?"  
  
"I'll explain later. Where's the van?"  
  
"It is parked around back. Although here, I found this near the curb. It is her's, yes?", she asked. Remembering Carrie fiddling with the green cased phone that day at the apartment.

Taking the phone, thumbing at the screen til it came to life, Brody laughed at the picture of him set as the background. Zahira looked and couldn't help but smirk.  
  
"Very flattering."  
  
"Yeah well.", shrugging he shoved it in his pocket before Zahira gasped, looking around nervously.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Where is Farrah?", she asked, as Carrie tightened her grip on Brody's hand.

"Farrah? Farrah?!", she choked out, looking around frantic as he cupped her face.

"Shhh. Carrie it's okay. We're looking for her. We'll find Farrah. I promise you we'll find her."  
  
"B...But.."  
She was trying to speak but she couldn't. It was like her brain had cut off communication with her mouth, leading her thoughts to just gather and multiply and overwhelm her.  
She started shaking again and Brody pulled away from her just long enough to remove his jacket, slipping it over her shoulders.

Then though he heard voices, one in particular sounding familiar. He identified it as the woman Quinn had spoken with earlier and froze. 

"Alright we need to leave. Now.", he said, in a commanding tone of voice he hadn't used since pre-capture in Iraq. He liked the way it sounded, felt. Being in action and in charge, helping someone besides himself.

Easing his arms around Carrie he lifted her as he stood up. Holding her tight against his chest. She fit perfectly in his arms and felt even more perfect. And he didn't let go of her even as he climbed in the backseat of the van that quickly left the lot.

...

"CARRIE! FARRAH!", Virgil had been yelling for them for over an hour, calling Carrie's phone non-stop with no answer. The mob had dissipated after the cops showed up, but he was still wandering around aimless and scared out of his mind. Not paying attention where he was walking until...

"Jesus, fuck! The second time this has happened today!", Quinn exploded as Virgil backed up, looking apologetic.  
  
"Quinn? When the fuck did you get here?"

"Followed the squad cars. Had to see what the hell was going on. Glad I did.", he sighed, walking alongside Virgil up the road.  
  
"You seen Carrie? I've been calling her for over an hour with no answer."  
  
"You seen Farrah?"  
  
"No.", Virgil said bitterly. Ever since they'd been separated he felt like an elephant was sitting on his chest. He was so worried about her he couldn't think straight, and had no idea what he was going to say to Carrie when he finally saw her again.  
  
"She was right there with me but then the fucking gun went off. I turned around and she was gone."

Seeing the guilt in his eyes clear as day, Quinn gave him a brotherly squeeze on the shoulder.  
  
"Look don't beat yourself up. From what I saw of this clusterfuck I would've been shocked if you'd managed to stay with her."  
  
"You never answered me, did you find Carrie?"

Biting his lip Quinn tried to decide how to best answer him. Then decided it was best to not answer him at all.  
  
"Did something happen to her? Was she hurt?", Virgil asked, trying not to panic.  
  
"She's being taken care of."  
  
"By who?", he asked, arching a brow.  
  
"It doesn't matter.", Quinn insisted. "What matters now is tracking down Farrah."  
  
"Bullshit! They both matter!"  
  
"Virgil, believe it or not I'm as worried for the two of them as you. But like I said, Carrie's being looked after. Her foster daughter isn't. And you know fucking well if you go to Carrie without Farrah tagging right along behind you, you're better off not seeing her at all."  
  
"I don't like this, Quinn. Not one fucking bit."  
  
"Yeah well we have that in common.", Quinn scoffed.

"You didn't get a hold of Saul, did you?", Virgil asked.  
  
"Berenson?"  
  
"Yeah, Carrie's mentor? Short. Balding. Bearlike?"  
  
"No, I haven't. I don't think we should involve him yet.", Quinn said. With Brody in the mix he knew for now, that Saul had to be kept in the dark. It didn't sit well with him but it was what it was.

"He deserves to know what's happened, Quinn. If he hasn't pieced things together already..."  
  
"He hasn't. He's coming home tonight from a trip he took with his wife. It was their anniversary, you want this to be his welcome home present?"  
  
"So what, we just don't clue him in?"  
  
"Why worry him now when we don't need to? We find Farrah tonight, this will all just be a bad dream in the morning. One an old man shouldn't have to go through. Understand?"  
  
Reluctantly, Virgil nodded.  
  
"Look I'm going to start driving around, try and track her down. I suggest you do the same."

Quinn said walking off. Leaving Virgil standing alone and wondering what the fuck had just happened. Trying Carrie's cell one more time with no answer, he resorted to the next best option.

"Hello?"  
  
"Maggie? It's Virgil, Carrie's friend?"  
  
"Hi, what's going on?"  
  
"Look have you heard from Carrie today at all?"  
  
"No, I've been running from sickbed to sickbed."  
  
"At the hospital?"  
  
"I wish. Josie and Ruby both have that stomach bug that's been going around. And now my dad's showing symptoms. I'm confined to the house."  
  
"Shit."  
  
"Yeah no kidding. I just checked my voicemail though. No messages.", Maggie said, even though given the fight she and Carrie had she hadn't been expecting to hear from her.  
  
"Virgil is something wrong?", she frowned.

"Why would you think that?"  
  
"I'm a mother, I have a sixth sense for this sort of thing."  
  
"Look just, let me know if you hear from her at all. I have to-"  
  
"So help me if you even think about hanging up!"

Sighing, Virgil ran a hand through his remaining hair.  
  
"Fuck, you sound just like Carrie. Just more edited.", he weakly joked.  
  
"Virgil, what the hell is going on with my sister?"  
  
"There was, an incident at the parade today."  
  
"What kind of incident...", Maggie asked, fear knotting in her gut as she flipped on the news. Soon enough she had a general idea and tears filled her eyes.

"Is she okay? Is Farrah? Wait, if you'd known you wouldn't have bothered calling me."  
  
"Look we're doing everything we can to track down Farrah. Just if Carrie calls you let me know."  
  
"God, If I could I'd leave right now to help you I just-"  
  
"I know, you can't. Shit, my phone's about to conk out. Just call Carrie's cell, see if she answers okay?"  
  
"Virgil if anything changes.."  
  
"I'll deliver the news in person, I promise."  
  
Nodding, Maggie hung up and braced herself on the kitchen counter, taking a few deep breaths before shutting off the news and grabbing her phone.

With Carrie buckled in beside him in the backseat, her head against his shoulder, Brody reached for her phone on his lap and checked the caller. Maggie. He was tempted not to answer, he'd be a fool to, but not only was Maggie Carrie's sister she was her doctor. If anyone would know how to handle this it'd be her.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm the fuck down, he answered.  
  
"Carrie?!"  
  
"No, it's not-"  
  
"Who is this. Who the hell are you?!"  
  
"It's Brody. Nicholas Brody."

 


	29. Chapter 29

Met with silence on the other end of the line, Brody sighed.

"Listen please don't hang up. I need you to not hang up."

"Why so I won't call the police?", Maggie snapped.

"Hey, believe it or not I'm not all too concerned for my own fate right now. You think I'd be taking fucking phone calls if I was?"

"Why are you answering my sister's phone then? What the hell are you even doing with her?!"

"I found her. I found Carrie at the parade."

"How were you even there?! Weren't there cops?!"

"You know I thought you'd be more interested in knowing what happened to your sister than in my criminal escapades.", Brody muttered.

"You should know I don't take well to sarcasm, Mr. Brody."

"It's just Brody. And I'm sorry, alright, I apologize. I just...Carrie's in bad shape."

"What? What's wrong with her? Has she been hurt?"

"Physically just some scrapes and bruises. But, she's told you what happened to her in Baghdad, hasn't she?"

Thinking back, Maggie's face paled.  
"She had a flashback? Did the mob at the parade trigger-"

"Yeah."

"Where are you bringing her?"

Looking up he saw the imam turning down the street to the hospital near the community center.  
"The hospital...?"

"No! Don't bring her there. She needs to be someplace calm, low-key. Bring her back to her house."

"I can't exactly arrange that.", Brody sighed. "Can I bring her to you?"

"I've got two girls and my father running to the bathroom every five minutes."

"Shit, that stomach bug?"

"Yeah."

"Look, I'll bring her back to where I'm staying.", he said, making sure the imam overheard.

"Where's that? Canada?", Maggie snorted.

"No. Closer actually."

"God, I don't even want to know how you're-"

"Good, it's better you don't."

"Just tell me, alright? How involved is Carrie in, your being back..."

"She's not. I swear, she's not involved. This is the first time I've seen her since the bombing. Which by the way, I was not responsible for."

"Carrie's said as much. But your taped confession told a different story."

"It told another story. One that had nothing to do with what happened at Langley that day."

"Look, I don't really care about you or what you did or didn't do. I care about Carrie. I care about her involvement in this, with you. If she gets implicated for anything involving you, or whatever we're calling this-"

"I promise you, she won't be. Nothing about my being here will be traced back to her. I'll make sure of it."

"What about the postcards?"

"Those stopped when I was stateside again. I haven't contacted or tried to contact Carrie since I've been back. Today was just a fucking coincidence. Nothing more."  
When Maggie didn't reply, Brody sighed, rubbing slow circles with his free hand on Carrie's upper back.

"Listen Ms. Mathison."

"Maggie. Just Maggie."

"Maggie, I know you have no reason whatsoever to trust me."

"How could I trust you, I don't even know you."

"You know the CIA's got a fucking target painted on my back. You know it makes absolutely no sense that I'm within one hundred miles of Carrie, let alone sitting next to her in the back of a van. But I am. I'm here with her risking everything, and I'd gladly do it again if it got her out of harm's way and kept her safe. I love her."

"You've hurt her.", Maggie reminded, sounding pained.

"I know. I know I have.", Sighing, equally pained, Brody brushed his lips on the top of Carrie's head.

"I've told her that. I've warned her about you. So has Saul. But, there's only so much we can say that she'll listen to."

"There's only so much anyone can say that she'll listen to.", Brody said, getting a light laugh as the imam parked the van in the back lot of the apartment building.  
"Alright, we just arrived."

"Tell me where."

"I'm in the apartment building by the new community center."

"What room?"

"4D. I know I can't stop you from sending the feds there to greet me with handcuffs."

"If Carrie doesn't get better you can expect them. But...I'll give you time."

"You will?"

"For her sake, not yours. I know if I sent anyone after you it'd just upset her more."

"Look I think I've got a handle on the PTSD, but what about her condition?"

"Does she have her purse with her?"

Checking, Brody noticed a small bag slung over Carrie's shoulder, the thin strap concealed under her t-shirt while the purse hung at her hip.  
"This green braided thing?"

"Yeah. Check, she should have her pills in there."

"Now hold on. My mother told me never to go through a woman's bag. Not until you're a couple blocks away from her at least.", Brody joked as he poked through the purse and found the prescription bottles.  
"I'm kidding, she never said that."

"I'm sorry, what does my sister see in you?"

"I honestly don't know.", he shrugged as he unbuckled his, then Carrie's seatbelt, the phone cradled under his ear.

"Look as far as the pills, she takes them in the morning but when she comes out of this she'll need another dose. After everything that's happened.."

"And with Farrah still..."

"How do you know about Farrah?"

"I have, sources.", Brody dodged.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that.", Maggie groaned.

"Anyway, what else will I have to do?"

"She'll need to eat something, and sleep is essential. Just be with her. Keep her out of trouble and preferably inside your apartment."

"Don't worry. I think I've used up my allowance of time outdoors for the next three months."  
Getting out of the van he scooped Carrie up and carried her to the elevator.

"Hey, you still there?", he asked Maggie.

"Yeah. I am. Look, as horrible as I feel about all this, if Saul or God forbid the cops start asking questions, I don't know you. This conversation never happened." she sighed.

"Maggie I swear, I won't let anything happen to her."

"I'm supposed to call Virgil back if I heard from Carrie. Does he know..?"

"No. Quinn's the only one."

"Peter Quinn?"

"Yeah, short, dark haired, shifty gleam in his eyes. Likes his knives too.", Brody scoffed.  
"But if Virgil calls tell him Carrie's being looked after. What he, what everyone should focus on is tracking down Farrah."

"Brody, you know Carrie's not going to sit still with her still missing."

"Yeah, I do.", he said as he got off the elevator and turned the corner to his apartment, quickly unlocking the door.

"But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it."

"I'm serious, Brody. She will fight her way out of that apartment to find her."

"Well if it's any consolation, she's not up to fighting quite yet."

"That's not exactly a consolation."

"Yeah, I know.", Brody sighed, gently setting her down on his small sofa.

"Just take care of her, okay?", Maggie said, wiping at her eyes.

"I will. I promise.", he assured. Hanging up he knelt down beside the couch and stroked Carrie's hair.

"I promise..."


	30. Chapter 30

Stopped at a red light, Khaliq glanced over his shoulder at Farrah curled up in the backseat of his van. She'd stopped crying, but the Happy Meal he'd bought her sat untouched in the bag on the seat next to her.  
  
"Farrah, why aren't you eating?"  
  
"I..I'm not, hungry.", she said softly as she stared out the window.  
  
"It is alright. I will cook us something when we arrive."  
  
"Where?"  
  
Not sure how to answer her, not sure Samir would like him answering her, chewing his lip he finally replied. "It is a surprise."  
  
"I don't..want surprise.", Farrah sighed, wiping at her eyes.  
  
"I want to go home."  
  
"Farrah I cannot-"  
  
"Take me home!", she wailed.  
  
"Farrah if I take you home, I will have to leave."

Frowning, she wiped her eyes.  
"No..you stay with me! And Carrie!", she said. Smiling for the first time in an hour just at the idea of that. She knew that Carrie and her big brother would get along fine if she introduced them.  
  
"Farrah, this Carrie. She is not your family."

Smile fading she shook her head.  
"No! She..Carrie is-"  
  
"Not your mother.", Khaliq said, getting a confused, overwhelmed look.

Deep down Farrah knew that was true, but it was difficult for her to hear. She knew she had another mom. She could remember the smell of her perfume and the jewelry she wore and if she really concentrated could picture the way she looked when she smiled.  
  
But Carrie was the one who'd taught her to read and made her waffles and calmed her down after she had bad dreams. And it didn't matter to Farrah what she called her or who she thought of her as. She missed her and wasn't willing to lose her forever. Even if it meant she could be with her older brother.  
  
"I don't..care.", she said defiantly.  
  
"Well what about our other brother? Would you  _care_  to meet him?", Khaliq asked as Farrah looked up curiously, and gave him a small nod. Not much of one but enough to keep him driving.

...

He'd knelt next to the couch watching her for what felt like hours, but it only had been fifteen minutes or so. Carrie hadn't moved, still staring vacantly at nothing particular on the opposite wall. She still looked lost, alone, someplace where she shouldn't be, and she'd looked like that for too fucking long now.  
  
It took all Brody's strength not to break down in tears or punch a wall. Possibly both. Instead though he stayed in place, squeezing her hand before kissing it.

"I'm sorry, Carrie. Damn it. I saw you in the crowd before that fucking gun went off. I should've run over, done something. Kissed you or carried you the fuck out of there before...I'm so sorry."

Not getting a response he moved to stroke her hair when he noticed it. A faint scar on the right side of her forehead. Tracing the mark with his thumb he remembered seeing it back when it was in all its hideous glory, the night he visited her after Nazir's death. He'd hated the man he once claimed to love, so viciously for putting it there.

His eyes traveled to her torn t-shirt sleeve and a purpling bruise underneath it. There were still brush burns on her wrists and upper arms from when she'd fallen. And Brody noticed a small scratch on the left side of her head had lightly bled against her hair.   
  
Debating if he should've followed his instincts, brought her to the hospital instead, his and Maggie's conversation replayed in his mind. Keep her comfortable, calm, don't leave her alone.  
  
He had the not leaving her alone part covered. He wasn't taking his eyes off her anytime soon. But he also figured she'd be more calm and comfortable if she was a little cleaned up.

Picking her up he brought her into his small bathroom, setting her down on the counter next to the sink.  
  
"Okay love, I'm just gonna help you clean you up a little. Don't worry I won't try anything. Unless you ask."  
  
It wasn't the time to joke but Brody figured if he appeared relaxed, it could only help.

Filling the basin with warm, soapy water he grabbed a washcloth and wet it, bringing it to Carrie's face. Cleaning the scrape on the side of her head, she flinched slightly at the contact but otherwise didn't react.

Shaking his head sadly he kissed her forehead, then massaged the cloth in slow circles on the back of her neck. When her t-shirt started to get saturated, carefully Brody went to remove it. Searching her eyes for any sign that he should stop. Not getting one he washed everywhere on her upper body not covered by her camisole, rewetting the cloth in the warm water frequently so she didn't catch a chill.

Brody was tapping into resistance he hadn't used since being tortured to keep himself in check. She was just as, if not more, beautiful then she was that night in the woods. He just wished her eyes reflected it, gave off that perfect spark again instead of sadness.  
  
He didn't let it get to him though. He knew if he kept it together, stayed in control he'd be able to bring her back. He had to. They'd been through too fucking much to lose each other all over again.

Enveloping her in his arms he reached around to wash her upper back. When his shirt went damp, he blamed the washcloth and her proximity before realizing she was silently sobbing against his chest.  
  
"Hey! Hey...it's okay. Shhh. It's okay Carrie.", he soothed.

When he tried to pull back, wanting to see her, her arm looped up around his neck to keep him in place.  
  
"Easy, easy...love. I'm not going anywhere."  
  
Waiting until she was ready to let go, once she did Brody held her gaze, smoothed her hair as she looked on wide-eyed, totally shocked.  
  
"Brody..."  
  
"Yeah." he smiled softly, cradling her face in his palm.  
  
"It's me."

 


	31. Chapter 31

"Brody?"  
  
"Yeah, it's me.."  
  
His soft smile went sad when her eyes filled with surprise, disbelief, utter confusion. But the complex mix of emotion there was far preferable to the lightless, lifeless look she'd been giving off since he'd found her in the alley.  
  
"But I don't..."  
  
"Shhh...", he soothed.  
  
Leaning into his touch, placing her palm over the back of his hand, Carrie looked up at him curiously.  
  
"But you shouldn't even be-"  
  
"Don't worry about that. I'm gonna explain everything, tell you anything you want to know. Just try and relax now though, okay? I promise that we're safe here."

With a frown she removed her hand.  
  
"Where the fuck is  _here_?"  
  
"Well it's not Canada in case you couldn't tell."  
  
"Brody..."  
So confused now that her head hurt, sighing Carrie looked down and away from him. Prompting Brody to lift her chin, trace the side of her face with his thumb.

"Look, if it helps you any pretend the information's classified. Right now all you need to know is we're still in D.C, we're safe in an apartment thanks to a lot of help from people we both trust, and more importantly we're out of that fucking parade."  
  
"The parade..", Carrie gasped as her mind clicked back. The gunshot, the mob, her fall...  
  
"I tried to get to you in the crowd Carrie, but I couldn't. By the time I found you, you were-"

"Oh my God. Oh, fuck." she choked out, eyes welling up. All she had to do was look at him to know what he'd seen today from her.  
  
"Carrie?"  
  
"I can't believe that you...you fucking saw me when I-"  
  
"Hey, after everything you've already seen from me..." Brody reminded as he smoothed her hair.  
  
"Don't even think about feeling guilty."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Carrie. None of it matters. Nothing except that you're back. You're not there. It's over and it's gonna stay that way.", he said firmly. Grabbing a nearby towel he dried off her shoulders. "You're with me, love. You're safe."

After he drew her back in his arms again, leaning against him, the warmth of his chest, smell of his aftershave, the sound of his heart in her ear settled Carrie down. Better than any of her pills could've. Finally she felt calm enough to talk. Explain, even though he owed her an explanation times five.

"I was back there, Brody.", she whispered as he rubbed her back.  
  
"I was right there, all over again. I heard him. He kept yelling for me but I was pinned down, I..I couldn't..I couldn't get there in time, I-oh..omigod..."  
  
Eyes dangerously wide she jerked back, looking around frantic.  
  
"Farrah..", she gasped. "Where..where the fuck is she? Farrah!"  
  
"Carrie.."  
  
Throwing the towel off she scrambled off the counter and out of the bathroom, running to look in the living room and the kitchen area.  
  
"Farrah? Farrah!"  
  
Not seeing her she doubled back and ran down the hall into the bedroom. Flinging open the closet door with no sign of her, she ducked down to look under the bed.

Heartbroken Brody stood watching from the doorway, blocking Carrie's path to leave. She ran up, tried to dodge him but he anticipated each move and stopped her each time.  
This just fueled her determination as she kept trying to shove past, swearing, yelling for Farrah the entire time. Finally Brody had no choice but to yell back.

"Carrie, she's not here!"  
  
"Get out of my way, you don't even know who the fuck I'm talking about!"  
  
"I know her! I know Farrah!"  
  
Taking advantage of her stunned silence, Brody spoke.  
"She goes to the community center."  
  
"How the fuck do you know that?!"  
  
"I teach her there. It's a long story."

Carrie was dumbfounded, but wasn't willing to wait around for his long story or his explanation or anything. Not when he was blocking her from tracking Farrah down, taking a grip on her shoulders. Squirming at the hold he had on her, when he didn't budge she started hitting at his chest. This time Brody just let her hit until she exhausted herself. Collapsing against his chest in tears.

"Quinn's looking for Farrah. Virgil too. By now they've called in the best to help search and every favor they've got. They wouldn't let you down, Carrie. You or your daughter."  
  
Tearfully Carrie shook her head against his chest.  
"Foster daughter.", she insisted.  
  
"She told me she wants to spy when she grows up. Says she wants to be just like you."  
  
Weakly laughing to keep from crying more, not really succeeding, she shook her head.

"Brody what if she's-"  
  
"Hey don't think like that. Don't even, it'll just make you crazy.", Brody sighed, not really thinking about his choice in words until he heard Carrie snort.  
  
"Fuck, you know I didn't mean..."  
  
"I've heard worse, Sergeant."

Wiping at her eyes she backed away from him with a smirk, but it faded when her knees started wobbling.  
  
"Whoa, hey c'mere. You should sit."  
  
"Brody I'm fine."  
  
"Just humor me, okay?"  
  
Arching a brow he nodded to the bed. Reluctantly she sat down, crossing her legs before she felt a chill.

"Here..", After grabbing a flannel shirt from his closet Brody sat beside her on the bed, helped her into it. "Try this on for size."  
  
"Thanks.", Buttoning it she turned towards him, noticing he couldn't take his eyes off her.  
  
"What, does the plaid bring out my eyes?", she asked, as playfully as she could given the circumstances.

Shifting closer Brody reached over, squeezing her hand.  
  
"Have I told you yet how much I missed you?"  
  
"No.", she smiled softly, squeezing his hand back before the reality of everything she'd done, everything he'd seen from her today came flooding back.  
  
"But I bet you didn't miss  _this_."  
  
"Carrie you told me about  _this._ And I told you I wasn't scared of it. I'm still not. All that scared me today was hearing that fucking gun and not being able to get to you."  
  
"Like I couldn't get to Farrah?", she sniffed, wiping her eyes.

Rubbing her shoulder Brody kissed the side of her head, sensing how tensed up she still was, for good reason. Then he remembered.  
"Hey just stay put for a second, I'll be right back."

Frowning, Carrie watched as he went out to the front and a few minutes later, returned with her purse. Grabbing it from him she reached past the pills for her iPhone, trying to untangle the earbuds.

"Hey who needs those things.", Brody said, taking the phone from her, sans headphones, and docking it in the speaker on his nightstand.  
  
"Hey that's the latest version, Marine. If you break it-"  
  
"Jesus, Carrie. What do you take me for?"  
  
"A man who was trapped in a hole when the  _first_  version came out."  
  
Rolling his eyes Brody managed to get jazz echoing through the speakers.

"What do you take me for now?", he asked with a smirk.  
  
"A man who can't even tell me what quartet is playing right now."  
  
"Dave Brubeck."  
  
"I'm impressed."  
  
"Well I do know how to read a name off a fucking screen."  
  
"Yeah, what else do you know?", Carrie asked with a smirk.  
  
"That you're gonna have to break into these, sooner rather than later.", Brody said, handing her the prescription bottles from her bag as her face went solemn.

"C'mon, one of each. Lets see it."

Sitting at the foot of the bed, Brody leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand. Acting all cute and charming and making Carrie want to have her way with him right there. It didn't hurt that the smug look on his face was starting to wear on her nerves. Agitated, 'just trying to shut you up' sex with him, while it wouldn't trump cabin, would beat parking lot by a long shot.

Forcing her mind out of the gutter she uncapped the bottles, taking a pill from each. Brody watching intently.  
  
"I could use some water.", Carrie requested as he nodded, getting to his feet.  
  
"From cabin boy to water boy. That's a demotion if I ever heard it.", he scoffed getting a chuckle out of her. It wasn't that full blown gorgeous laugh but was something they could build from.

"I'll be right back."  
  
Making sure Brody was out the door, Carrie reached in her purse for an Altoids tin, tossing the two pills inside it. She'd need to take them later, and she would.  
But she couldn't now. There was too much going on. Too much that had to be done.

 


	32. Chapter 32

"Never mind, Brody!", Carrie called, a knot forming in her stomach as she said the words. She'd never had trouble lying. For her job it was a requirement and in general it came second nature to her. But right now unusual, unfamiliar guilt was starting to creep in she wished she could tamp down.  
  
"What?", Brody asked poking his head back in the door.  
  
"I said never mind. I got them."  
  
"You should really eat something though. You like macaroni and cheese?", he asked, hoping so since he'd just put a premade pan of it in the oven.  
  
"I'd be fine with anything not served in styrofoam or cardboard. Farrah's insisted on take-out the past few nights."  
  
Mentioning her name Carrie's eyes welled up.  
"Shit..."  
  
"Hey..hey it's okay.", Brody soothed, sitting beside her on the bed. When he went to put an arm around her, to his surprise she shifted away.  
  
"Fuck, I just..I can't do this! Sitting around here pacing and crying and waiting by the fucking phone.", she snapped, standing up as Brody did the same.  
  
"I need to get out there! I need to look for her myself."  
  
When she made a move to leave Brody resumed his position in front of the door, getting her glaring.

"Okay, I'm over your whole bodyguard routine!"  
  
"You think it's a picnic for me? I feel like a fucking prison warden!"  
  
"So let me escape..", Carrie whispered seductively as he rolled his eyes.  
  
"Carrie.."  
  
"Brody if you expect me just to sit here, fucking rest-"  
  
"You expect me to let you leave?"  
  
"I won't blow you in!"  
  
"That's not what I'm worried about and you know it."

Knowing he had reason to be frightened, given what he'd seen from her just hours before, Carrie sighed, taking a deep breath before speaking.  
  
"Brody, I am useless sitting here right now. Quinn and Virgil need my help, I fucking know it."  
  
"You know neither of them are going to quit until they find Farrah."  
  
"What if they don't? What if they can't?"  
  
"They have the goddamn CIA at their disposal, Carrie. If their resources can't track down a six year old girl, who the fuck can?"  
  
"Their resources? What about  _my_  resources? Farrah's my-"  
  
"She's your daughter. It's okay for you to say that."  
  
"But not okay for me to find her? What kind of fucked up logic is that?", Carrie sniffed, folding her arms over her chest.

"She needs me, Brody."  
  
"You're right. She does need you. At one hundred and one percent when she's found. And as far as I can tell that means you eating a real meal and getting a good nights sleep."  
  
"Okay have you been channeling my sister or something?"  
  
"No. I talked to her though.", Brody shrugged getting a look.  
  
"You what?!"  
  
"She called your phone on the ride here. I saw it was her and I picked up."  
  
"You talked to Maggie?!"  
  
"Yeah. And the feds haven't shown up yet!"  
  
"Doesn't mean they won't!", Carrie exclaimed.  
  
"Carrie she said she wouldn't put you through that. The only person involved here Maggie gives a damn about is you. She's going to protect you."  
  
"Yeah and I know exactly how she plans to!", she scoffed, shaking her head.  
  
"You didn't hear our conversation. She sounded sincere."  
  
"She sounded sincere yesterday when she told me to give up on you."  
  
"Carrie I don't think she'll say a fucking thing. I mean look at me, I'm still here! Nobody's kicked in the door, hauled me off in handcuffs."  
Moving closer to her Brody smoothed her hair.  
  
"I know you're worried, convinced I've taken some huge fucking risk here but I don't care."  
  
"You should."  
  
"Why? Because you're the only one allowed to take huge fucking risks?", he asked knowingly.

"I can't take you off the grid for awhile? Bring you back to a room, settle you down. Make sure you're not running off the rails?"  
  
Annoyed not being able to counter that, Carrie frowned.  
  
"Consider this my returning the favor, okay?"  
  
"Returning the fav...Brody if this backfires."  
  
"Carrie...", he groaned.  
  
"Even if Maggie does keep quiet, there's Quinn to consider. People at the parade that could've recognized you. Like that couple that wouldn't leave me the fuck alone!"  
  
"Hey, she did a decent job fixing up your knee."

Exasperated Carrie groaned, running a hand through her hair before Brody came up behind her. Easing his arms around her waist as she leaned into his touch.  
  
"I had a plan for clearing your name,  _our way out_. Now though.."  
  
Pivoting she turned to face him she reached up, held his face.  
"We can't afford to complicate things more, I-"  
  
"Carrie, don't worry about it. I need you not to worry.  _You_  need you not to worry."  
  
"Yeah okay! Easier said than done when I'm fucking in love with-"  
  
Stopping short, her eyes welling up she looked up nervously as he took her hands off his face, stroked her hair.  
"I love you too."

Not sure what to say, how to react (aside from cry more, and she was fucking sick of crying), Carrie pulled him into a kiss. Gentle at first, but when she went to make it more passionate he pulled back. Hearing a timer go off in the kitchen.  
  
"Finally. You're hungry aren't you?"  
  
"Wait, you cooked?"  
  
"Don't look that surprised.", he scoffed, walking her to the kitchen before grabbing an oven mitt, taking the pan out of the oven.  
  
"What can I do to help?"  
  
"You can help me by sitting down."  
  
"Well aren't we demanding."  
  
Rolling her eyes she smirked but followed his instructions, sitting at the table as he dished out two bowls of mac and cheese. Setting one down in front of her along with a glass of wine. In spite of everything going on, the nervous energy trickling through her and the way her stomach knotted each time she thought of Farrah, Carrie couldn't help but smile. At him, at this.

"Brody this is so-"  
  
"It's not the Ashford but it'll have to suffice. For now anyway."  
  
"For now.", Carrie echoed as Brody toasted his wine glass against hers. Then looked on as she took a cautious bite of the mac and cheese.  
  
"Holy shit..", she marveled.  
  
"You approve?"  
  
"This is  _really_  good."  
  
Smiling, relieved, Brody ate a forkful.  
  
"Took me long enough but I finally remembered the recipe."  
  
"Remembered?", Carrie asked, sipping her wine.  
  
"Yeah, I made this all the time for Dana when she was little."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Jess wasn't much of a cook when we got married. This was the only thing Dana would eat and wouldn't complain about. You should've seen me trying to make it for her when I got back from Iraq."  
  
"Had a few failed attempts?", she smirked.  
  
"I almost burned the fucking kitchen down."

Getting a light laugh but not much else, Brody frowned as Carrie didn't do much but stir at the pasta.  
  
"Hey why are you slowing down?"  
  
"It's nothing, I'm fine.."  
  
Realizing he'd veered into kid conversation, Brody sighed.  
  
"Shit, Carrie.."  
  
"No, Brody. It's okay. You have kids. No reason you can't discuss them at your own fucking dinner table."  
  
Smiling softly he reached across the table, squeezed her hand.

"I'm gonna teach Farrah to make this, you know."  
  
"Not me?", Carrie asked.  
  
"Are you kidding?", Brody laughed. "I was scared letting you chop a tomato that night at the cabin."  
  
"I did fine!", she insisted.  
  
"Carrie you tried to peel the fucking thing."  
  
"Well at least I wasn't juggling them."  
  
"Hey I got your message about the juggling! I got it loud and clear.", he playfully pouted, getting her grinning.  
  
"Honestly though, I have gotten better in the kitchen since.", Carrie said.  
  
"Yeah okay."  
  
"I'm serious. When I was staying at Maggie's she taught me a few recipes. They're so basic even I can't fuck them up."  
  
"But Farrah's still partial to take-out?"  
  
"Hey I blame Danny Galvez for that. He got her eating French fries one day at lunch and it just snowballed from there."  
  
"Well they are a gateway food. Lead to the harder stuff. Pizza, chips, ice cream, those tubs of movie popcorn."

Seeing her eyes cloud over again, as she thought of waiting in that fucking line for the fucking snack Farrah didn't even get to enjoy, now Brody's stomach knotted up. When he shifted his chair closer though she shifted away.  
  
"Brody, don't."

Sighing, trying to keep his own frustration in check he stood up, clearing his spot. Sullenly Carrie took her bowl over to the sofa, then noticed an open folder on the coffee table, full of what looked like kids artwork. Sitting down she reached for it, getting a better look at what she realized was a copy of one of Farrah's drawings.  
  
"Brody?"  
  
"Yeah?", he asked, shutting the water off at the sink.  
  
"Why do you have these?"  
  
"Have what?"  
  
"Copies of all these drawings?"  
  
"The imam asked me to put together a collage of the kids artwork to put on display. I told the art class if anyone wanted to contribute to leave their drawings on my desk. I made the copies though so the kids could keep the originals."  
  
"Farrah left you a ton of her's.", Carrie noted.  
  
"I'm not surprised. She draws more than any kid I've ever met. You can look through the ones she chose to give me. I'm sure you've seen them already though."  
  
Tearing up Carrie closed the folder.  
"You're right. I have.", she sighed. Leaning back into the couch cushion as she quietly finished her mac and cheese.  
  
Sitting next to her Brody slipped an arm around her. Kissing the side of her head as she curled up on his shoulder. They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before Carrie made a surprising request.

"Will you tell me a story?"  
  
"What kind of a story?"  
  
"About the day a little girl in a hijab met a handsome on the run Marine."  
Lightly laughing, Brody smiled.

"I was almost finished reading, what the fuck was it...the mouse and cookie book but with a moose."  
  
 _"'If You Give A Moose A Muffin?'"_  
  
"Yeah! How'd you-"  
  
"That was Josie's favorite book. Every time I visited I'd have to read it to her twice."  
  
"She's got good taste.", Brody laughed.  
  
"Anyway, Zahira nods for Farrah to go in the classroom, but Farrah doesn't want Zahira to introduce her and interrupt the story for everyone. So she stands outside in the hallway, refuses to move until I'm done. The second I am she comes barreling toward me, asks if she can look at the book. So I hand it to her and she giggles, then runs to the back corner of the classroom and flips through the thing. Finishes it in record time."

Laughing, Carrie wiped at her eyes.  
"She loves animal books. Always reads through those the fastest. What did she do when she was finished, ask you for another?"  
  
"She actually asked for a reread of it. Says she liked it so much she wanted to hear it out loud."  
  
Holding Carrie a little tighter, Brody's smile went sad.

"When she left she gave me a hug goodbye. I'll be damned if she didn't remind me of Issa."  
  
"There are some similarities.", Carrie sniffed. "When I woke up in the courtyard and saw that her house had been-"  
  
"Yeah..", Brody nodded, sensing she didn't want to rehash that memory.  
  
"Fuck, I wasn't even scared for myself. And after I found her, getting her away from there was such a blur."

"You know when Quinn told me about it, told me you were taking care of her..it didn't seem that crazy to me."  
  
Shaking her head Carrie sat up, looking skeptical.  
  
"Brody if you're saying that just to spare my feelings, don't. I love Farrah and I don't regret for a second doing what I did, but c'mon. The Carrie you knew, raising a child? If that doesn't seem crazy to you maybe you should be the one on meds."  
  
"No, Carrie that wasn't what I meant."  
  
"What did you mean?"  
  
"I wasn't that shocked when Quinn told me because, in a fucked up way, part of me kind of knew already."  
  
"How?"  
  
"I don't know, I can't explain it. I just know the day I met Farrah there was something about her that was different. Special. Something I couldn't place that just made me want to keep a closer eye on her."  
  
"Something like me?"  
  
"Don't think anything else would make much sense.", Brody smiled, holding her face.

"And look, as far as what you thought I said before, if Farrah being a terrific kid isn't proof enough for you..it's  _not_  crazy that you're a parent, Carrie. It  _wouldn't_  be crazy for you to be a parent."

Leaning into his palm Carrie's gaze fell to their linked hands on the sofa. Blinking back tears as she flashed back to something she wanted to forget, that she had no plan to bring up now.

Sensing her change, not sure of what to say Brody decided to do the next best thing and leaned back against the arm of the couch. Prompting her to stretch out alongside him, pillowed against his chest as he held her close.  
  
"Honestly though, did you ever think that I'd..be.."  
  
"A super spy slash soccer mom?", Brody asked as she smirked.  
  
"Oh I'm a super spy now?"  
  
"According to Farrah, and she's as smart as they come."  
  
"I can't believe she wants to be a spy.", Carrie sighed bitterly.  
  
"Don't want her following in your footsteps?"  
  
"She should never have to see what I've seen.", she said gravely.  
"She's seen so much already, I don't-"  
  
Blinking back tears she curled up closer to him.  
  
"Shhh. She'll be back with you soon, love. She'll be back and everything will be fine.", Brody assured.  
"Everything will be fine."


	33. Chapter 33

Sitting cross-legged on the floor of the motel room, Farrah was busying herself drawing on napkins and corners of newspapers with the colored pencils Khaliq had given her.  
  
She hadn't said a word since they'd been in the car and ignored her burger and fries, only munching on some popcorn he'd bought her. The bag was still mostly full and folded over next to her.  
All Khaliq could do was hope Samir would win her over, get her talking. It was killing him that she wasn't talking. That wasn't the sister he remembered.

"Farrah, Samir will be here soon. I am sure of it."  
  
Not paying attention to him, Farrah continued doodling on a napkin.

"May I see?", Khaliq asked, sitting beside her on the rug. Shrugging Farrah pushed the napkin in his direction, showing him a completed drawing of a blond woman and a redheaded man holding a little girl's hand.  
  
He could also make out a rough sketch of him and a faceless, shadowy figure standing in the background. Khaliq didn't know the name of the redhead. Or the blond who was in more of the drawings. He knew though Samir would be able to identify her when he arrived.

After Khaliq learned Farrah had escaped the ruins of their home and lived, he contacted his brother who had the money and resources to figure out exactly who made that possible. All Khaliq wanted was answers, the name of the Good Samaritan who saved his sister's life so he could thank them personally.

Samir though used this information on his sister, her handler and their whereabouts to formulate a plan to get Farrah back. A plan involving guns and abductions. Khaliq had tried to get him to reconsider, at the very least to use a different, less risky approach. But his brother was a powerful man with a quick temper, and was more than capable of making Khaliq's life a misery if he went against him. All Khaliq could do was hope he'd soften after reacquainting with Farrah.

"Once Samir arrives we will leave this place. He has someplace much nicer where we will stay."  
  
"Where?", Farrah asked.  
  
"It is another surprise."  
  
"I do not like  _this_ surprise!", she wailed. Gathering up her drawings and pencils she curled up on one of the twin beds, staring intently at the wall.

"Farrah, I thought you would be happy to see me again. I have missed you very much.", Khaliq said sincerely.  
  
"I miss Carrie."  
  
"What kinds of things do you do with Carrie?"  
  
Smiling slightly, Farrah sat up.  
  
"We read and, play hide and seek! And she bring me to Langley and I meet Pete and Virg and Dan and Bear and.."  
  
"Wait, who is Bear?"  
  
Sifting through her drawings Farrah handed him a sketch of a smiling bearded man with glasses, eating peanut butter.  
  
"And the others?"  
Listening as Farrah described Carrie's colleagues, Khaliq couldn't help feeling concerned that his younger sister's closest friends were middle aged men, and frowned nervously at her.

"Farrah, do you have friends your own age?"  
  
"At community center. Mischa.", Farrah answered before her smile went sad.  
  
"I supposed to see her. Carrie, said she..she'd take us to park."  
  
Smile now faded completely, Farrah gave Khaliq a glare.  
"It not fair! I want to go home!"  
  
Climbing off the bed she ran to the door and started pounding on it.

"I want out! Let me out!", she yelled before the door swung open and Samir stepped inside.  
  
Looking down at Farrah with a glare, when he started scolding her loudly in Arabic she ran to hide under the desk in the corner.  
  
"Brother what are you doing!", Khaliq spat.  
  
"She was making a scene!"  
  
"You frightened her!"  
  
Swearing, Samir ran a hand through his hair. Trying to get a grip on his anger.

"Apologize to her or I will bring her back to the mosque."  
  
"I have told you, she is going with us to the church!"  
  
"Not until  _you_  convince her to."  
Khaliq said firmly, pointing towards the desk. Taking a few deep breaths, Samir crossed the room towards it, kneeling down.

"Farrah...?"  
  
"No!", she whimpered. Knees hugged to her chest she shook her head as a tear slid down her face.  
  
"Please come out. I would like to speak to you."  
  
"NO!", she yelled.  
  
"You raise your voice to me!"  
  
Standing up Samir slammed his hand on the desk in frustration, then looking for a sheet of paper grabbed one of Farrah's napkins and a pen, scribbling an address on it.

"Meet me here after you calm her down.", he ordered, shoving the napkin in Khaliq's palm before turning to leave.  
  
"No, brother!"  
  
After he turned around, shot him a glare, Khaliq felt a chill run through him but refused to show his fear.  
  
"Meet me at the church, in one hour, or expect to suffer.", Samir threatened before stepping out, slamming the door behind him.

Turning Khaliq crouched beside the desk as Farrah sniffled, climbing onto his lap.  
  
"Shhh..it is okay. He is gone now. He is gone."  
  
"I want to go home! I want Carrie!", she cried as he hugged her close, rubbed her back.  
  
"I am sorry, Farrah. I am so sorry."

Guiltily he held her close until finally her crying subsided. But checking the wall clock he felt a knot form in his stomach. If he didn't meet Samir at the church he'd be gambling with his life, and by extension Farrah's.  
  
Knowing if he was harmed he wouldn't be able to protect her from their brother's wrath.  
  
He had no choice but to follow orders. As much as it pained him to do so.

"Come now.", he sighed, standing up and taking Farrah by the hand. "We must get ready for church."


	34. Chapter 34

His eyes cracking open Brody squinted at the wall clock across the way. Realizing they'd only conked out for an hour or so, he turned slightly to smile at Carrie stretched alongside him on the couch. Head on his shoulder, her left arm curled possessively over his chest as she softly snored.

Brody didn't want to move, and certainly didn't want to make her, but the two of them sharing his small sofa all night wasn't a suitable option. Gently lifting her arm to free himself he shifted off the couch to stand. Carrie grumbled in reply to his actions.  
  
"What the fuck, Brody? We were fine.", she muttered, eyes half shut.  
  
"If by fine you mean us waking up tomorrow at a right angle.", Brody said, arching a brow as she reluctantly sat up, stretched her neck.  
  
"C'mon, you can have my bed."  
  
"Are you going to have it too?", Carrie asked suggestively, getting a look.

"Well I'm not going to watch you sleep on the fucking floor again.", she scoffed.  
  
"Again?", Brody questioned as she shrugged. Then it clicked for him.  
  
"If it makes you feel better I didn't  _enjoy_  the watching.", she half-lied. It seemed to be good enough for him though as he walked her to the bedroom.

When he went to grab a pillow for himself, she put her hand over it to stop him.  
  
"What?! I'll use it on the couch."  
  
"If you'd wanted to stay there you shouldn't have woken us up."  
  
"Carrie c'mon.."  
  
"No, Brody. I don't-"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I really need to say it?"  
  
Getting a befuddled look that she knew meant yes, she rolled her eyes in embarrassment.  
"I don't want to wake up and be alone. Not tonight, not after everyth-"  
  
"Hey..."  
Coming back around to her side of the bed Brody pulled her into a tight hug.  
  
"You won't be alone. You're  _not_  alone.", he assured. Pulling back he held her face, and settled for kissing her on the forehead. Anything else with the bed so close would be a risk.

After they turned down the bed Carrie got under the covers, watching a little too intently as Brody took off his shirt.  
  
"What are you looking at?", he asked, getting a devious grin. Prompting him to switch off the lamp on the nightstand as he climbed into bed.  
  
"Say goodnight Carrie.."  
  
"Goodnight Carrie.", she smirked.  
  
Rolling his eyes at the lame joke Brody felt her roll over and slip her arms around him. Outer spoon to his inner. It didn't take long for him to drift off and the same went for Carrie . Until the dreams started up. Waking up in a cold sweat she looked down to see her hands shaking. Slowly she inhaled, taking deep breaths in what proved to be a useless attempt to calm down.

That damn little voice in the back of her mind, not yet drowned out by white noise was reminding her to get up, get her meds. If she took the pills now she could still come back down. Too bad the rest of her didn't want to.  
Why should she have to? Why give up the rush, the thrill, the power that went with her curse that right now felt like a fucking blessing. All her restless energy, caged genius could be put _, should_ be put, towards something that was worth something. Something that counted, that mattered.

"Carrie?", Brody stirred, rolling over to see her sitting up in bed. Even in the dim light he could see her trembling.  
  
"Hey...it's okay. It's okay love, I'm here.", he soothed. Reaching to pull her into a hug she pulled back.  
  
"Carrie, what's wrong?"  
  
Shaking her head she gave him a sly smile, kissing him hard on the mouth. Nipping at his lips her hands wandered all over him, trailing over his muscles, his scars.  
Brody was slipping under her spell, fast, but when she pushed him back into the pillows he got a good look at her. Saw her eyes and wished like hell he recognized her.

Shaking his head he sat up, pushing her hands off and away from him.  
  
"Carrie.."  
  
"Brody...", she purred. Straddling him, her hands roamed to caress the scars on his back and she leaned in, nuzzled his neck.  
  
"No, Carrie!", he said forcefully, breaking free of her hold on him.  
  
"We can't. Not like this.."  
  
"How then? I'm open to suggestions.", she laughed, hurriedly unbuttoning her top before Brody stopped her, moving her hands away from her chest he was trying so hard not to look at.  
  
"Fuck, Carrie. I said no, not now.."  
  
"But-"  
  
"I'm not going to be used, damn it!"  
  
"Fine, fuck this.", she scoffed.  
  
"Carrie..."

Before Brody could make a move towards her she was up and off the bed. He managed to get to her though before she was out the door.  
  
"Carrie I'm sorry, I just-"  
  
"No, you were right okay. You were absolutely right, of course...you were right.", She spoke quickly but matter of factly leaving him puzzled. Why wasn't she putting up more of a fight?  
  
"I was righ-"  
  
"I can take the..the couch, that's better, much better. Will work just brilliantly, really."  
  
Watching her grab a throw blanket, pillow, and her phone and headphones from the nightstand, Brody frowned curiously.  
  
"Carrie are you sure you're-"  
  
"Yes, go back to sleep..just, I'm fine."  
  
Walking out she made her way to the living room but Brody followed, watching her from the hall as she wrapped the blanket around her, sat forward on the couch and slipped her headphones in. Thumbing through the art folder on the table.  
"Love, I can make us some tea if you-"

Realizing she hadn't even heard him, didn't seem to want to hear him, and not wanting to set her off if this was a way she dealt with her stress or her condition, against his better judgment Brody took her words earlier to heart and went back to his room. Crawling back into bed and hoping, praying, that the fear his gut was telling him to feel was unneeded.  
That she'd been telling the truth. That she  _was_ fine.

 


	35. Chapter 35

Opening his eyes, Brody rolled over to the unoccupied side of the bed and felt a pang of guilt, remembering Carrie resigning herself to sleeping on that tiny couch. If worse came to worse he'd help massage out any muscle kinks, so long as she didn't try anything again. He hoped that wild eyed look she'd given off was just a temporary one. That now that she'd slept she'd settled down.

"Carrie?", he called, getting out of bed and throwing on a shirt and robe.  
"You want something to eat? I might have some fruit. Maybe eggs?"  
  
Walking down the hall, he realized she wasn't on the couch and the kitchen was deserted.  
  
"Carrie?"  
Going to knock on the bathroom door, he found it open and the room empty and swore.  
  
"Carrie? Damn it where are you?"  
Frantic, he ran back out to the front and noticed the apartment door was open a crack. His face went ten shades whiter. "Shit! CARRIE!"

Going for his keys on the coffee table, he realized it was covered with sheets of paper. Copies of the drawings Carrie had been going through last night. They hadn't been tampered with but most of them were missing, and Brody didn't have to go through the pile to know which ones.

Leaving the apartment he locked the door behind him. Taking the back stairwell he took the steps two at a time, leaving the building through the back exit. The closer one to the courtyard and the side entrance of the community center.  
  
Brody hoped he'd find her outside on the grounds. The doors to all the entrances were all locked and only him, the imam and Zahira had the access code for the keypads. Of course though that hadn't deterred her. The side door had been propped.  _Of course she can crack a security code, idiot. She's fucking CIA._

Turning the handle he ran down the thankfully deserted hallway past the offices. Then through the cafeteria to the media room. Poking his head through the door he didn't see her using any of the computers, so his next stop was the art room. Once arriving his heart hurt at the sight.

All of Farrah's drawings, thirty to be precise, were scribbled on with highlighter ink and pinned haphazardly to the bulletin board in the corner. On the dry erase beside it there were bullet points and indiscernible lists.  
  
Brody was hesitant to approach. Part of him wanted to run away. But then she turned slightly towards him, enough for him to see her eyes.  
In spite of the wild, intense look they were giving off they were still the same pair that had intrigued him, seduced him, broken him, pushed him, comforted him, and had always been able to see straight through him. Even now when she ran up and faced him head on, meeting his frantic look with one of her own.

"Brody! Finally you're here! You're  _fast._ Fucking fast, really. This way..follow me!", she exclaimed, taking him by the hand.  
  
"You know Farrah well, just about as well as I do, more or less. You've observed and worked with her, you've watched her."  
  
"I've watched her draw, Carrie."  
  
"Yes, so you know!", she cheered. "You understand! Her drawings, her doodles. All the details, the descriptiveness in them,  _that's_ the key. That's the code we have to crack to get this conniving, kidnapping cocksucker. Honestly him versus  _us?_  Everything we have, that we know about Farrah? He doesn't stand a fucking chance!"  
  
"Carrie slow down, okay. Slow down..", Brody coached, backing up when she moved in closer.

"What we need to do is  _collaborate_. If we work together, we manipulate, dominate, we can  _dictate_  how this all goes, how it plays out. This op is ours for the taking, Brody.  _Fucking ours._  We just need to formulate a plan."  
  
"Carrie.." Speechless all Brody could do was watch as she flitted back to the bulletin board, motioning for him to get closer.

"See, look here, right here. With Farrah, her art. There's occasional sketches of sunflowers, smiley faces sprouting sunbeams, but those are sporadic. They're singular occurrences, nothing more. All these here are representations, reminiscences, reminders. Her preferred subject is people. People she knows, faces that are familiar to her. Me, you, Virgil, Saul, Quinn, Danny, Maggie, the mailman, just, everyone! This sketch though..", she said, gesturing to a rougher pencil drawing in the center of the board.

"It's incomplete, not as intricate. It's raw, rough. But it's real.  _He's_  real. There is some connection there. A close familial one, I'm sure of that. And it's not Hadad, that warmonger fucker impersonating a father. No, that bastard's buried deep in the back of Farrah's mind, thank God. This, this is someone else."

"Carrie let me just bring you back to the room, okay? We can talk more there-"  
  
"No, we can't! All this right here,  _this_  is the key. This what we need to focus on." she insisted, turning back to the board.  
  
"We need to focus on what?", Brody sputtered.  
  
"Her drawings? Carrie, what do they have to do with what's happened, I don't-"

Cut off when she turned back to him, confident, defiant, too triumphant looking for her own good, Brody went tense as she approached. Breathing hard, smirking up at him like she had a secret.  
"Because Farrah was taken by someone she trusted!"

Backing up he shook his head.  
  
"How the fuck do you know that?"  
  
"Because I know Farrah! She wouldn't go off, walk off, leave with just anyone, Brody. I know! I've taught her, trained her! Told her exactly what to do if anything like this ever happened. If she fought, fussed, fucking made a scene, she'd be too much of a bother, a burden. Anyone inane enough to abduct her would let her go. She'd be too much trouble for them! And Farrah, she's feisty, she can fight..I've seen it! In Iraq I taught her how."

"Love, I'm sure you have. I'm sure that Farrah did everything she could but she's six years old! Getting separated from you in a mob, she'd be too scared to know what to do."

"Of course she was scared! Obviously she was, I fucking was! But at the parade I could hear her yelling. She was screaming for me across the crowd but then all of a sudden she stopped."  
  
"There could've been a million reasons for that, Carrie. Someone could've thrown their hand over her mouth or-"

"No, I told you I  _heard_  her! Her scream, it wasn't muffled, muted, made to stop. No, she..she had seen someone. Someone she knew, and she went with them willingly. Stopped yelling for me by choice. That's it, that's the only scenario, situation. The only explanation that makes sense!"

"Okay..okay, just going off that theory though. Who, Carrie? Who else would she have gone with? Both you and the imam told me you're the only family Farrah has. That everyone else is gone."  
  
"Not him though..not him.", Carrie said knowingly, pointing to the pencil sketch. Examining it more closely she saw the young man portrayed in it was holding something, a change purse. Her mind, already in hyperdrive, was instantly triggered.

 _"Hey!", she shouted, taking back her purse as she grabbed hold of Farrah's wrist in the middle of the marketplace. Looking down she shook her head in amazement. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice you just now?", she scoffed, still holding tight as Farrah pouted, tried to squirm away from her._  
  
"When Khaliq take bag, he not noticed.", she muttered under her breath.

"Oh my God that's it."  
  
"What? What's it!", Brody sputtered.  
  
Elated, overwhelmed at the sudden break in the case, Carrie darted back to the white board, making more bulleted lists before turning back to the drawings. Scribbling a name under the centered one.  
  
"Kha..Khaliq? Who the fuck is th-"

"Farrah's brother. Farrah's older brother! See, in the picture he's holding a purse. Farrah told me, she said he used to steal them in the marketplace..", she said, eyes narrowing in a fierce glare.  
  
"That, fucking thief stole my student..."

 


	36. Chapter 36

Listening to Carrie, looking on as she stared daggers at the sketch of Khaliq, Brody was hesitant to even approach her but knew he had to.  
  
"Carrie..aren't we jumping the gun a little. Look, before you go asking for this guy's head on a spike can we talk about-"  
  
"She wouldn't have drawn him if he hadn't been on her mind. In her recent memory!"  
  
"But you said the drawing's incomplete."  
  
"No but see, it's dated there in the corner. This was not drawn long ago, Brody."

Stepping forward Brody tried to get a closer look, frowning and trying to place the man in the image.  
  
"I may have seen him."  
  
"You're shitting me! How sure are you, how certain-"  
  
"At the mosque. He was lurking around the foyer, looked suspicious, I asked Bill to take care of him."  
  
"Bill? Who's Bill-"  
  
"A guy that works with me. He could better identify him."

Reaching for his phone Brody hurriedly texted him, telling him they had to talk. When a minute passed, then two with no response, Carrie looked ready to explode.  
  
"Carrie, calm down. Maybe his phone's just-"  
  
"Look, fuck Bill, okay! Forget Bill! You said you saw Khaliq too, that..that's enough."  
  
"It's nowhere fucking near enough, Carrie. I'm seventy-five percent sure, if that, that I saw the guy in this picture."  
  
"Seventy-five? Jesus, fuck. No that's not enough, you're right. We need more evidence, proof to present.."

After she turned back to the sketches, Brody stood still, staring, trying to decide what the fuck he should do. He knew that had to help Carrie, the question was in which way. Her theory was plausible, but wouldn't be taken seriously by anyone if she was speaking a mile a minute, had that crazed look in her eyes.

Walking to a quiet corner he dialed Maggie. Luckily he'd thought to program her number into his phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Maggie? It's Brody."  
  
"How is she?", Maggie asked warily. Sensing even over the phone something was wrong.  
  
"I helped her out of the flashback. Got her to respond."  
  
"Thank God.", she smiled, relieved. "I..I have to give you credit, Brody. When she came back from Iraq, the first time..I had no idea what to do. Nothing seemed to get through to her. You, you did good."

"Look, just..hold your applause, okay."  
  
"Why? She took her meds right?"  
  
Not getting an answer her jaw clenched.  
"Brody?"  
  
"She..she told me she did, but-"  
  
"Damn it!"  
  
"Maggie, I swear. She looked me right in the eye and said she'd taken them. I-"  
  
"She's manic I take it."  
  
"Well you tell me..", Brody sighed.  
  
"She's talking a mile a minute, barely stops to take breaths. I don't know if she slept last night at all. She was out of my apartment at the crack of dawn and broke into the community center."

"Broke in?! Did the police-"  
  
"No. Luckily the alarms were down for repairs and, obviously I didn't report anything."  
  
"Well it's nice to see you're not completely useless."  
  
"Good! Glad to hear it.", he scoffed.  
  
"I'm heading over there now."  
  
"Wait, how's your family?"  
  
"They're better, actually. My dad's doing better so he can watch the girls."  
  
"That's good. Listen though, before you break a hundred traffic laws getting here-"  
  
"I don't get speeding tickets.", Maggie growled.  
  
"Okay, noted. Anyway, Carrie's got a theory about Farrah. Who took her."

"You know it's funny about her theories. The last one she had was about you and well hey, we both know where it landed her!"  
  
"We also both know that she was right.", Brody reminded.  
  
"And you can hate me all you want, but it doesn't change that your sister might be right again."  
  
"Brody, I know you want to believe that she's...but you don't-"

"Look when I first showed up and saw her here, I half expected her to run up and tell me Elvis was in the cafeteria making chili and that the sun was purple. But then I got a better look at what she was up all night working at, I did my best to listen to her, and I think her theory holds water. It makes sense. And fuck, if anything at all can help point us in Farrah's direction."  
  
"What is Carrie saying about her?"  
  
"That Farrah's brother is responsible."  
  
"Her brother?"  
  
"She's convinced Farrah went with whoever took her, willingly. That she trusted the person."  
  
"How the hell could she possibly know that?"

"She's basing it off of Farrah's scream just stopping, not sounding muffled. And these drawings of her's I had in my apartment. One of them is apparently a portrait of this brother, and Farrah drew it recently. Carrie thinks Farrah saw him and had him on her mind, explaining why she drew him."  
  
"None of that explains nearly enough, Brody."  
  
"It's her theory though, Maggie. One she's damn determined to stick to."  
  
"How can you agree with it?"  
  
"The drawing of the brother. He looks like a guy I might've seen at the mosque the other day, lurking around. I know, not exactly a solid case but-"

"Brody. Wait.", Maggie sighed, sitting at her kitchen table.  
  
"I'm not an investigator, okay? I'm not a cop. Carrie's my sister but I don't know, even after all these years, how to interpret these theories of her's. I'm the last person you should be bouncing them off of. I just want to do my job as big sister. I want to help her."  
  
"I know. And you can. I'm not trying to deny you that. Fuck, you've been Carrie's lifeline for years. You think I'd interfere with everything you do for her? You think I'd try to?"  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
"Look, just before you come over here with her meds, do a little investigating at her house. Look in Farrah's room, see if there's anything stashed away. Any drawings, hell, anything at all that would give us some kind of clue in finding her."  
  
"I'd be happy to do that, once I get Carrie going on her meds."  
  
"Are the pills she needs the ones on her now?"  
  
"Well, yes..but-"  
  
"I'll make sure she takes them. I mean it, I'll watch her do it. Just, do this. Not for me, for her. For Farrah. There's more than one way to help Carrie this time, Maggie. You know getting Farrah back to her will do more than any fucking pill out there."

Running a hand through her hair, Maggie sighed, contemplating what he was saying.  
  
"Alright, I don't know what I'll come up with but I'll try. I swear though if you let her skip..."  
  
"She won't. I won't let it happen."  
  
"For your sake you better not. Goodbye, Brody.", she said. Hanging up before grabbing her keys and driving over to Carrie's.


	37. Chapter 37

After getting off the phone with Maggie, Brody went to check on Carrie when his phone buzzed. The caller ID flashing an unfamiliar number. Against his better judgment, he picked up.  
  
"Hello?", he answered in his near perfected British accent.  
  
"For fuck's sake will you cut that out? Lose that thing already!"  
  
"Nice to hear your voice too, Quinn.", Brody scoffed.  
  
"How did you even get this number?", he asked.  
  
"I have my sources."  
  
"Shit, I don't even want to know."  
  
"Good, it's better that way. How's Carrie?"  
  
"Well, she's talking."  
  
"Good...that, that's good.", Quinn said, a hint of relief in his voice as he stirred his coffee.

He'd been walking around and driving all night searching until finally his exhaustion got the better of him. Instead of going home though he went to the cafe Danny and Carrie had brought Farrah to. Ordering breakfast and keeping a lookout. He didn't feel right going home, and doubted he'd be able to relax anyway.

"Listen, she's got a theory about Farrah."  
  
"What kind of theory could she have? You saw her, she was completely out of it after the parade."  
  
"Before she went completely out of it she could hear Farrah. She said she was yelling but then  _not_  yelling for her."  
  
"Yelling, but then not yelling. Wow, that's uh..that's really something.", Quinn sighed, leaning back in the booth. Rubbing the bridge of his nose he swore under his breath.

"Look I know what you're thinking, I know. But Carrie thinks Farrah stopped yelling because she saw someone she knew. She's convinced someone Farrah trusted was responsible for taking her."  
  
"Well answer me this then, who would Farrah trust enough to go off with aside from Carrie or someone from Langley? I'm sorry, that theory makes absolutely no sense."  
  
"Farrah's got a brother, Quinn. An older brother she drew a picture of recently. We think his name's Khaliq."  
  
" _And..?!_ "  
  
"And I'm waiting to hear back from a colleague of mine-"  
  
"I'm sorry, how the fuck does someone like you have colleagues?", Quinn interrupted.  
  
"A  _colleague_  of mine who may have  _seen him!_ ", Brody emphasized through clenched teeth.  
  
"Who  _may_ have?" Quinn groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Hey it could still be something to go off of. What have you come up with, anything?"  
  
"Virgil called the cops and sent that brother of his out looking. But no, we've come up with nothing yet."  
  
"Well do me a favor-"  
  
"Do  _you_  a favor? You're not dead, Brody. That's your favor!"  
  
"Do Carrie a favor then!", Brody growled.  
  
"Fine, what?"  
  
"Look into this brother thing. It could be nothing but it could be a lead."  
  
"Fine, I'll look into it."  
  
"Thank you. So, is there any other reason you called me?"  
  
"No, I just wanted to hear that accent one more time.", Quinn spat sarcastically.

"Quinn, I really don't have time for-"  
  
"How's Carrie, really? How is she holding up?"

Hearing the concern in his voice, Brody resolved to keep his snark in check.  
  
"She's been better, Quinn. Underneath all the theorizing she's doing she's scared out of her fucking mind."  _Literally_ , he thought to himself.

"What about the PTSD you mentioned, has that worn off?"  
  
"Yeah, but she's still not.."  
  
"Yeah, I figured. But at least you got her talking. That's something."", Quinn said solemnly.  
  
"I'm keeping an eye on her, Quinn. I'm not letting her out of my sight.", Brody assured before turning around, and paled when he didn't see Carrie at the bulletin board.

"Good, keep it that way. And remember what I mentioned yesterday. Still applies."  
  
"Your threat's coming in loud and clear, Quinn. Good bye."  
  
Hanging up, rolling his eyes, he went to look for Carrie.

"Fuck, Danny I have to go but please pursue this."  
  
"Wait, Carrie I don't-"  
  
"If I could get to my fucking car I'd go home and find the drawing myself but I can't! And I trust you! Check Farrah's bulletin board, her bureau, under her bed. The spare key's under the welcome mat. When you find the completed sketch call me back as quickly as you can."  
  
"But Carrie-"

Before he could get another word in she hung up her phone. Running a hand through her hair as she tried to take slow breaths.  
  
"That's a terrible spot for a hide-a-key, you know.", Brody said, giving her a sheepish smile as she whipped around, brushed past him to the dry erase board. Frowning, he followed her.

"Who were you talking to just now?"  
  
"It doesn't matter, it..it's finished. Besides there's so, so much more to be focusing on. Finding a fucking pen for starters-"  
  
As she rifled through papers, other drawings to find her green marker for the dry erase, shaking his head Brody spun her to face him, holding her by the shoulders.

"Carrie, right now all I want you to focus on is getting better."  
  
"What are you talking about, getting better? I'm fine, Brody! I'm better then fine. We're working together to find Farrah, and we  _will_  find her. I can feel it!"  
  
"And what's going to happen when we do? She's going to see you like this?"  
  
"See me like what?!", Carrie asked quizzically as Brody sighed, rubbed her shoulders he still was holding.

"You're not you right now, Carrie. I'm trying but I can't keep up. You're talking too fast. You're running around here after you fucking broke in this morning!"  
  
"Yes but I had to Brody. I needed someplace to work and this was it! It's ideal, idyllic! I-"  
  
"I know you needed to work. I wanted to help you, that's why I came here. But, I can't do a thing if I can't follow you and damn it, right now it's like I don't even know you!"

"Are you kidding, of course you know me!", Carrie insisted.  
  
"Brody you know me better than anyone's ever wanted to, ever would, ever will! We've discussed, debated, deliberated. And it's  _decided_. I love you, and you love me!" Smiling she reached up, stroked his face.  
  
"You  _love_  me."

"Yeah I do. And because I do, I can't watch you like this, Carrie. I can't.", he said sadly as her smile faded to a confused, fearful look. His words slowly sinking in as she backed up.  
  
"Look I'm gonna help you through this though, okay? I swear."

"But the work, all the work...I can't lose that! That  _won't_  happen again!"  
  
Carrie spun away from him but then turned, looked at him questioningly as she tensed up. Nervously she backed up, moved away from him as her mind jumped back.

 _"Sergeant Brody called."_  
  
"I..I don't know what you mean..."  
  
"I think you do."

_"This chart! It is very important, it is very meaningful!"  
  
_ _"What is wrong with her?"  
_   
_"I am about to SOLVE this fucking thing!"  
_   
_"Strip it."_

"Hey? Hey what is it, what's-"  
  
Moving around him to the boards Carrie turned, stood in front of them like she was guarding them.  
  
"What are you doing?", he asked as she glared.  
  
"Carrie seriously what-"

"You...you are  _not_  taking this away from me. Not again." she said coldly.  
  
"Take what away, what are you talking about?"

Utterly confused, Brody was at a loss until he got a closer look at her eyes and froze.  
  
She was staring him down the exact way she had in his hotel room, with that powerful, defiant, in control, take no prisoners look in her eyes. But looking closer he saw pain there too. The same he'd seen from her those two plus days he was shackled to that table. When she'd gotten her turn in the interrogation bunker, sat back in the chair across from him, made her own confession.

_Because of you I questioned my own sanity. I had myself committed to a mental institution.  
  
I lost my job too. _ _I lost my place in the world. I lost everything._

Looking at the board, back at her, guiltily Brody sighed, tried to speak.  
  
"Carrie I'm not...that won't. I won't let it. I mean it. Not after everything's that's happ-"

"You let it happen before! ", Carrie cried.  
  
"You caused it, created it, controlled it, you sent them in to confiscate...", her voice cracking she shook her head, blinked back tears.  
  
"They took it all! They took  _everything_  from me!"

"That won't happen again Carrie. Never again.", he insisted. He wanted to go up and hold her shoulders, hug her, something. But he didn't feel worthy and just stood still.

"Look, I know what I took from you, and it's nothing I can just put back. That first weekend at the cabin, for some bizarre reason you and I found trust between us. I felt it and so did you. But as quick as we found it, we broke it. We broke each other, almost beyond repair. And then I went ahead and broke you down more. I know you said that since we 'got to there' it doesn't matter, but it does. I need you to know how sorry I am. That I can't,  _don't_  blame you when you lash out like this, look at me the way you are right now because you're fearing the worst. I know I've given you every reason to.", Brody sighed as Carrie slowly moved closer to him.

"So maybe I deserve it. How right now you're giving me every reason to fear you again."  
  
"What?", she asked softly, even though she was sure he was referring to her current state and bowed her head.  
  
"Brody..."  
  
"You didn't take your meds last night, Carrie. You lied to me. Played me like a fucking violin." he said bitterly.

"I may not be able to blame you for not putting all your trust in me, for being afraid of me. But in spite of what I've done, don't put me in the same position you're in. Don't make me constantly wonder about or question you. I worked past that and I can't go back. You're it for me, you understand? If I can't trust you, I can't trust anyone!"

Bowing his head now, Brody didn't see her move closer to him, didn't look at her until he felt her still trembling hand cup his face.  
  
"You..you can trust me. _I give you my word._ You can.", Carrie said, gently kissing him as if to seal her words before she pulled back and walked over to grab her purse, taking out the Altoids container.

Retrieving the two pills she made sure he saw her take them, then looked over to see him looking at her.  
  
He was stunned, but more relieved than anything and showed so when he walked up.  
  
Pulled her into an almost too tight embrace. Holding her like he'd just woken up from a nightmare.

"Shh..it's okay..it..it's okay", Carrie stammered, but fought to keep her breathing in check, her voice calm as she held him just as tight.  
  
"Ev...everything's fine. Everything's fine."


	38. Chapter 38

After grabbing her key for Carrie's house, Maggie went to unlock the front door but to her surprise found it already unlocked.  
  
"Carrie? Carrie are you home?", she asked nervously. Cautiously entering the foyer she slipped her hand into her purse, reached for a container of pepper spray.

"Hello? Carrie?"  
  
Upstairs Danny left Farrah's room, quietly shutting the door while his other hand went to the holster at his side. Carrie had told him she couldn't get away and he assumed she wasn't expecting any visitors.

Descending the staircase, gun drawn he rounded the corner the same time as Maggie did. Him with his gun and her with her spray that she triggered as she let out a scream.

"AAAGGGH!", Danny howled, hands over his stung eyes. "Jesus fucking-"  
  
"Danny?!"  
  
"Maggie! What the, did you just mace me!", he asked, peering out between his fingers at Maggie's stunned face.  
  
"Pepper spray, actually. I'm sorry!"  
  
"Are you crazy, next time look before you use that shit!"  
  
"Well you were the one skulking around here with a gun! What else did you expect me to do? I'm not a freaking black belt!", she said defensively. Grabbing his upper arm she walked him to the kitchen, pulled out a chair for him.  
  
"Here, sit, take deep breaths. And move your hands away from your face. Blink a lot too."

Between blinks Danny saw her go over to the fridge and take out a carton of milk, getting him frowning.  
  
"I don't think milk and cookies will help much right now."  
  
"Well I don't plan on giving you milk and cookies. Maybe later if you cooperate.", Maggie smirked, pouring some milk into a spray bottle before walking back and spritzing his face.  
  
"Seriously what the-"  
  
"Milk will help calm down the burning. Then we'll flush your eyes."  
  
"Do you do this with every guy you pepper spray?"  
  
" _Accidentally_  pepper spray, and no. You're the only one that's had the pleasure. So far anyway."  
  
"Well hopefully it'll stay that way.", Danny said, getting a smile from Maggie as she brought him over to the sink, treated his eyes.

"Fresh air will help too. You want to sit outside?"  
  
"I wish but I haven't got time."  
  
"What were you doing here anyways?", Maggie asked curiously.  
  
"My sister breaks your heart so you break into her house?"  
  
"I didn't break in! I used the spare key. Why the fuck she hides it where she does I have no idea.", Danny scoffed getting a shrug.  
  
"But no, Carrie called me."  
  
"She did! What did she say to you?", Maggie asked.  
  
"Half of it I could barely make out. All I know is she wanted me to come here and look for a drawing of Farrah's."  
  
"That's why I'm here too."  
  
"Okay..look..", Danny frowned. "Farrah's a good artist but she's not some prodigy with an upcoming museum showing. Why is Carrie so bent on finding a drawing that we'd both be sent here to track it?"

Not wanting to tell Danny who'd actually sent her over, Maggie answered his question with another question.

"Wait, you don't know what happened to Farrah?"  
  
"No, I was away for the weekend. I was heading back to my place when Carrie called me."  
  
"Danny, Farrah was kidnapped at the parade on Saturday."  
  
"What?!", Danny asked, looking stricken.  
  
"Jesus. Kidnapped?! I had no..."  
  
"Here, you should probably sit back down." Maggie sighed, guiding him back to the kitchen chair.

"Carrie thinks that she was taken by someone she knew. That's why we're going through her art, her room. There's a chance her brother she just drew a picture of is responsible for this."  
  
"Farrah has a brother?"  
  
"Yeah. Older."  
  
"And Farrah drew him because she'd seen him?"  
  
"Yeah, that's the working theory anyway."  
  
"How sure is Carrie about this?", Danny asked.  
  
"Pretty sure. That's what Brod...that's what I was told." Relieved she'd caught herself Maggie got up, gave Danny a glass of water.

"Is this for my eyes or-"  
  
"No. You just looked thirsty."  
  
"Well thanks, but I can't just sit here if Farrah's been...who else knows?"  
  
"Virgil, his brother. Some guy named Peter Quinn."  
  
"What about Saul?"  
  
"He's been out of town but, no. As far as I know he hasn't been told-"  
  
"Why the fuck not? He's Carrie's goddamn mentor! He loves Farrah!"  
  
"I don't know Danny! Don't bite my head off.", Maggie frowned.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just Saul should know, am I right?"

Nervously Maggie bit her lip, unsure how to reply. Since the news broke she'd been dying to call Saul and tell him everything. Especially once she heard about Carrie's episode. All Maggie could think of was how set he was on looking after her during the last one she'd had. Bringing her chicken soup, sitting by her bed. He'd been her rock and he had been for over a decade. It felt cruel completely cutting him out for all of this, keeping him in the dark.

But then there was Brody. As much as Maggie had cringed at the thought of him being within ten miles of her sister, he'd proven himself the past few days. He'd helped Carrie through her PTSD nearly effortlessly and put his freedom at risk protecting her. When he texted earlier saying Carrie had taken her meds, Maggie was in awe.

There was also the fact that Carrie loved him, and Maggie was slowly starting to see why. For all his faults and flaws and the fucked up things he'd been through and done, Brody brought that good guy charm in spades. He'd been respectful and done what she'd asked. It had won Maggie over a little bit.

Still torn over what to do, Maggie took some comfort knowing that as much as Saul hated Brody, he loved Carrie more. Even if he was angry, if he was eventually forced to bring Brody in, if there was anyone Saul would delay the inevitable for it would be her sister.

"Maggie? Did you hear me?"  
  
"What, yes? I'm sorry, I got distracted."  
  
"We should get a hold of Saul, let him know what's going on. Right?"  
  
"Right..you're, you're right.", Maggie sighed as Danny nodded, stood back up.  
  
"Look I found a drawing under Farrah's bed. I didn't think much of it."  
  
"Can I see?", she asked.

After Danny reached in his back pocket, handed it over Maggie unfolded it on the table.  
  
"So this is the guy?", Danny frowned.  
  
"I guess so. Fucking rat bastard."  
  
"Whoa! I'd expect to hear that out of Carrie but-"  
  
"Hey remember I'm the big sister. Half those words I taught her myself."  
  
"I never would've guessed.", he smiled, getting a soft one in return before Maggie went serious again.

Remembering the situation at hand, what he'd been asked to do, he refolded the drawing.  
  
"Look I'll take care of this. And I'll get a hold of Saul too."  
  
"No, Danny don't. I know Saul. We're friends. I think he should hear this from me."  
  
"Okay then, as you wish."  
  
"Wait. Are you okay to drive?", Maggie asked nervously. "Maybe I should flush your eyes one more time."  
  
"Maggie it's fine. I'm fine. And I'll feel better once we find Farrah."  
  
"Yeah, that makes two of us.", she sighed, folding her arms over herself as she bowed her head.

"Hey..you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine. I just want this to be over."  
  
"We got the best resources to track Farrah down, Maggie. Everything will be fine." Danny said knowingly, getting a nod and another soft smile.  
  
"Hope you're right."  
  
"I will be. I'll show myself out."

Watching Danny leave, still smiling but unaware she was for a minute or two, finally Maggie snapped back to the situation at hand and grabbed her phone, nervously dialing Saul.

"Hello?"  
  
"Saul? It's Maggie."  
  
"Hi...what's going on?", he asked curiously.  
  
"There's um..there's something I have to tell you."


	39. Chapter 39

Sitting in his still parked car, Saul was reeling from Maggie's phone call. He'd just learned that Farrah had been kidnapped, that Carrie was a wreck and apparently in no condition to see anyone, even him.  
  
But she was theorizing, convinced that Farrah's older brother Khaliq had been responsible for this nightmare. Caused the diversion then snatched her at the parade.  
  
Running that possibility over in his mind, Saul told Maggie it was plausible but they had to do some more digging around. He offered to put together a task force, recruit Danny, Virgil, Quinn, everyone they had to search for Farrah. That way he could go and be with his protege. Hold her hand, bring her soup. Wait with her for the storm to pass. He felt it was the least he could do.

He and Carrie hadn't spoken since their disagreement at Langley. Rather than working past it, dealing with her, he'd avoided things, surprised Mira with a romantic trip. Conveniently been gone for the better part of the crucial first forty-eight hours when they'd had the best chance of finding Farrah. It made Saul sick to his stomach. All he wanted to do now was help.  
  
But Maggie had denied him even that. She'd been surprisingly cagey over the phone, not letting on where Carrie was even staying, repeatedly insisting he put all his effort into tracking down Farrah. Before Saul could demand more information she'd hung up, stopped taking his calls.

Now he was in his car unsure of where to go next. He could try Carrie's house, look up Maggie's address and go to her's. Or he could look into this Khaliq theory a little bit more.  
Thinking the latter option was his best bet he made a few phone calls. Got Virgil's and Quinn's voicemails in the process but at least he was starting something, doing something. Maybe Maggie had been right, he'd be better off active than sitting and keeping vigil. This time anyway.

...

Danny had called Carrie's cell three times with no answer. He wasn't sure what had happened, after all she'd called  _him_. Deciding it didn't make sense for him to drive all the way home and pace around waiting with the drawing, he drove over to the mosque and kept his cellphone close. Ensuring when Carrie did call he'd be close enough to her place or to Langley and could get the sketch to her promptly. He also figured prayer could only help at this point.

After he parked and locked his car, nearing the mosque he noticed two people leaving the community center through a side entrance he'd never used. They were heading towards the apartment complex nearby and moving quickly. Danny held back, watched before moving closer to get a better look at them. Once he did he froze, seeing the short red and the long blonde hair.

They were walking close together, almost guiding each other. There was a height difference and even from a distance Danny could tell it was a man and a woman. It was too coincidental to dismiss. Carrie being cryptic and insisting he call rather than telling him where and when to meet. Now that he knew she was protecting someone, who she was protecting, things became abundantly clearer.

He wanted to run over and confront them both. He wanted to punch Brody's lights out. He wanted to do a lot of things but kept in control, took a deep breath, knowing this would be better handled another way.

"Saul, it's Danny. I need you over at the community center. Now. You..you won't guess who I just saw here."

...

Saul was driving now, on the verge of getting his first speeding ticket in a long time as he made his way to the community center. He was a far cry from the man sitting numbly in the front seat unable to decide where to go, what to do first. At least now he had something he could direct his anger and frustration at. Finally he had something to take care of.  
His and Danny's conversation was on repeat in his mind. Brody was back. Carrie was with him. Farrah was still nowhere to be found. The combination of all of these, not necessarily related incidents had him rivaling Carrie in terms of barely keeping emotion in check.

Still driving, when his phone went off yet again, Saul hit the hands free button on the wheel so hard it nearly broke off.  
  
"What is it!"  
  
"Saul, it's Virgil."  
  
"What the fuck do you want?"  
  
"Quit barking at me I'll tell you!", Virgil snapped, getting Max's attention.  
  
"Will you quit watching me and do your fucking job! What did I bring you along for?"

Shrugging, Max continued wandering around taking photographs as Virgil sighed, leaned back against the side of the security van parked on a street corner.

"Excuse me?"  
  
"No, Saul I wasn't talking to y-"  
  
"Who are you with right now?"  
  
"Just Max."  
  
"Where's Quinn?"  
  
"I don't know, last I heard he was riding along with some cops."  
  
"Why did you call me then?", Saul asked.  
  
"I just got your voicemail. Heard your theory, Farrah's older brother is behind this?"  
  
"It's possible. We're not ruling it out."

Curious when Max waved over to him, standing by a trash can, Virgil frowned, walking over.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I just went to throw out my gum and saw this." Max said, handing Virgil some torn fabric he'd found jammed inside the trash can.  
  
"What the fuck? Scrap fabric?"  
  
"Look at the pattern, the color of it..", he pointed out as Virgil's eyes went wide.  
  
"Son of a-"  
  
"What? Virgil what is it?", Saul asked frantically over the car phone.

Virgil tucked his phone between his ear and his shoulder, sadly using his hands to unfold the fabric remnants. The satiny material looked like it had been shredded.  
  
"Virgil!"

"Saul are you driving?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Pull over then okay? You..you won't like this."

Frowning, Saul obeyed, trying to keep his worry in check.  
  
"You think someone Farrah trusted, someone who cared about her took her?"  
  
"We just went over this, Virgil. Yes. Her brother, Khaliq."

"If this brother of her's is so devoted to his sister, is a devout Muslim, why the fuck would Farrah's hijab be torn up in a trash can?" Virgil asked bitterly.

Now seething, glad he'd taken Virgil's advice, Saul rubbed the bridge of his nose and a tear from the corner of his eye.  
  
"Find Quinn and get to the community center. Maggie and I will meet you there."  
  
"Which one of us is going to tell Carrie?", Virgil asked, refolding the fabric reverently before slipping it in his pocket.  
  
"We all will.", Saul sighed heavily, putting the car in drive.


	40. Chapter 40

Having trouble keeping his eyes open, from his spot on the couch Brody sleepily looked on as Carrie sifted through her notes. Not wanting the two of them to stay in the art room the rest of the day, he took the liberty of copying her lists and scribbles from the white board onto sheets of construction paper for her. Leaving her to take Farrah's sketches off the pin board and sort them to her satisfaction. He wasn't about to take that kind of control over her work away from her. Not now, not ever again.  
  
Maggie had warned him that even after taking her pills it would take Carrie time to come back down. He was given strict orders to watch her as she did, not that he had a problem obeying them.

Hearing a sharp knock on the door, now officially awake Brody stood.  
"I'll get it, love."  
  
Opening the door his heart skipped about eight beats when he saw Saul staring him in the face along with a few others.

"Brody who's...Saul? Danny, Maggie, Virgil, Quinn?"  
  
Looking on as they all entered the apartment, Carrie was perplexed until she drew the obvious conclusion. Her whole face lighting up she rushed over to them.

"Oh my God, where is she?! Where's Farrah?!", she asked eagerly.  
"You must have found her or else why the fuck would you all be here! Wh..where is she?!"  
  
"Carrie, we came here to talk to you."

Biting her lip she bowed her head, shakily crossed her arms.  
"Maggie, if this is about our..disagreement, dispute, I'm so sorry, you know I never meant to-"  
  
"It's alright, sweetie. That's all water under the bridge.", Maggie assured. Nodding Carrie looked back up, eyed a fidgety looking Virgil.  
  
"Hey, what are you holding?", she asked curiously as his hands went behind his back. "Let me rephrase that, what are you hiding?"

Sighing, Saul stepped forward, removing his cap. He kept his eyes on Carrie, refusing to even acknowledge the figure standing next to her, for now anyway.  
  
"Carrie, like Maggie said, we need to talk, I-"

"No, Saul!", Carrie spat, eyes narrowed into icy slits as she stepped protectively in front of Brody.  
  
"So help me if you've come here to...you are not going to arrest, apprehend, accuse Brody of one fucking thing! He's innocent, he's got insight, he's assisting me! He's been invaluable during all of this!"

"Calm down, Carrie. I just want to talk to you about Farrah for now."  
  
"What about her?! She's not with you, you didn't bring her back here...she's not..oh my God."  
  
Trailing off she clasped her hand over her mouth, her eyes welling up with tears.

"Shit, she..she's been hurt. She's in, in the hospital, fuck..."  
  
"No, Carrie. We're still looking for her.", Quinn assured.  
  
"We've just been looking in the wrong places, Carrie. For the wrong man.", Virgil said as gently as he could.

"What the fuck are you talking about?", Carrie spat, grabbing her folder with the drawings.  
  
"Khaliq is the kidnapper! This proves it!"  
  
Taking the folder from her Danny sighed, shook his head.  
  
"Carrie these are just photocopies of some drawings-"  
  
"That prove our fucking point, Danny! You found the original sketch, right? You know Farrah draws what she knows, who she knows! And I know that _she knew_ the person who took her! She wouldn't have gone with them otherwise! She saw Khaliq, same as Brody saw him!"

Frantically Carrie turned back toward him, breathed the slightest sigh of relief.  
  
"Khaliq was at the community center. Brody saw him and sent him away!"  
  
"She's right.", Brody chimed in.  
  
"When did you see him?", Quinn asked him suspiciously.  
  
"The day before the parade. He was lurking around, looked like he was up to no good,"  
  
"That's rich coming from you..", Virgil muttered under his breath as Carrie shot him a glare.

"Anyway, I got someone to take care of him. Send him packing. But if he's Farrah's brother it makes sense she'd go with him if he asked her to. Right now from where I'm standing, Carrie's theory makes sense."

"Yeah aside from the fact Khaliq's a Muslim and would never have-"  
  
"Quinn..", Saul warned, not wanting that news divulged yet. Nodding in understanding, Quinn held his tongue.

Curiously, Brody frowned tempted to ask what they were discussing, or trying not to discuss. Carrie was the first to speak up though not having heard their muttering.

"Look there's more then the drawings to consider. There's what I last heard from Farrah at the parade! I..I heard her screaming for me. And I've told her that if she was ever taken or in trouble she should attract as much attention as possible. And she was! I heard her yelling for me but then it stopped.  _She_ stopped. And it was wasn't from her being drugged or gagged. The sound didn't taper it just, terminated. She must have felt safe again. She felt safe seeing her brother! He's the only other person she'd trust to take her anywhere! You all have to understand, I..I'm right about this!"

Sadly, Saul sighed, shook his head.  
  
"Virgil, show her.", he said solemnly, getting a look from Maggie.  
  
"Saul, I don't-"  
  
"Maggie we have to tell her."  
  
"When she's leveled out!", she hissed.  
  
"You told me that takes days, a week. We don't have that kind of time, no way we can keep her in the fucking dark that long!"

Looking to Danny who looked to be in agreement, Maggie sighed, nodding for Virgil to hand over the hijab.

Taking it from him Carrie frowned, shaking her head. "Where...where did you find-"  
  
"Max found it in a trash can on the other side of town."  
  
"It tore..". she muttered, examining it.  
  
"It..it must've torn. Khaliq wouldn't have let her wear a torn hijab, he couldn't have!"

"Carrie look at it. It's shredded, been cut to ribbons. Purposefully.", Quinn sighed.  
  
"Someone clearly didn't want Farrah wearing it."  
  
"No! That makes no sense! Khaliq is-"  
  
"A Muslim. Just like his sister.", Saul said. "If Khaliq had taken Farrah he wouldn't have laid a finger on her hijab, you know that. If anyone who cared for her at all had taken her, they wouldn't have disrespected her this way. Someone else was responsible for the kidnapping, Carrie. The hijab winding up in the trash proved it. Now we just have to accept it. Shift the manhunt in a different direction."

"But Saul, my theory makes sense. You can't just dismiss it like this! I..I'm right, I know I'm fucking right!", Carrie insisted turning around.  
  
"Brody tell them. Talk to them. You..you've seen the evidence, all the work. You understand! Just tell them!", she begged as he approached her.  
  
"Carrie-"  
  
"TELL THEM!", she yelled. Her breathing was shallow, her eyes were huge and she looked ready to lash out at him, hit at his chest, scream, swear.  
  
But Brody wasn't intimidated, didn't back away. He just stood still, stuck close hoping to reassure her. Even if she was wrong she wouldn't be left because of it, certainly not by him.

Sadly shaking his head he moved his hand to cup her face, that was already starting to crumple.  
  
"I..I can't, love. We don't know for sure now-"  
  
"No,  _we know!_   _I..I have_  to know. I have to be right about him, Brody. About all of this! I..I need to be right, I..I can't-"  
Her voice breaking she shook her head.  
  
"She...she needs me to be right.."  
  
"Shhh, I know..I know...", Brody soothed.

Pulling Carrie close he stroked her hair, rubbed her back, did his best to console her as she started to sob. Short staccato gasps that left him nervous, had him reminding her to breathe as he walked them over to the couch. Holding her close she started weeping, still holding Farrah's scarf close to her face.

Heartbroken, Virgil had to look away. Saul stood silent, still off to the side of the room as Quinn paced, looking ready to punch a wall in. Danny approached Maggie, rubbed her shoulder but reaching into her purse she walked over to the couch. Somehow holding it together enough to load a syringe.

Looking at her alarmed, Brody held Carrie closer, shaking his head. "No, Maggie. She doesn't-"  
  
"Brody, it's just a mild sedative. It'll work faster than her pills.", Maggie assured softly. "She really needs to sleep."

Reluctantly Brody nodded, looking on pained as she administered the shot. Afterwards, ignoring Saul's stone cold glare, he stood up, still holding Carrie as her crying started to subside.

Bringing her to his room he gently set her down on the bed. She was fighting the sedative the best she could, refusing to close her eyes.  
  
"Brody..", she muttered as he grabbed a throw blanket, covered her up.  
  
"No, don't. There's still so much to do. We..we have to-"  
  
"Shh, just try and get some sleep, love."

Taking off his shoes Brody went to curl up in bed alongside her but she stopped him, shaking her head.  
  
"No, you...you can't-"  
  
"Okay..okay. What do you need though? what can I get-"  
  
"The..the other brother..", Carrie mumbled before yawning.  
  
"What?", Brody asked, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Farrah.. she...she has another..brother, Brody.", she repeated, her eyes half shut.  
  
"We...we need to find him. We have to."


	41. Chapter 41

"Farrah.. she...she has another..brother, Brody.", Carrie repeated, her eyes half shut.  
  
"We...we need to find him. We have to."  
  
"Find who, love? Do you know his name? Carrie?" Brody went to touch her shoulder, shake her awake but stopped himself. She needed to rest, he just wished she could've told him more before she'd drifted off.

Covering her up with the blanket he kissed her cheek before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.  
  
"There's another brother!", he announced, getting looks from everyone in the living room.  
  
"The duck flies at midnight!", Quinn declared, getting a snicker from Virgil and Danny sitting next to Maggie on the sofa.

"What the fuck are you talking about?", Saul frowned as Brody approached him.  
  
"Farrah's got another brother. Carrie just told me."  
  
"Brody, I just gave her that sedative.", Maggie sighed. "She was probably out of it, not making sense. It's normal."  
  
"I don't see how looking into it would hurt us any!", Brody exclaimed as Quinn stood up.  
  
"Hey, who the fuck died and put you in charge?"  
  
"Who the fuck left me alone with Carrie to help her through her flashback?", he asked getting a glare.

Grabbing his laptop from his briefcase, Danny started doing some research. Meanwhile Saul stood up and made his way towards the hallway, catching Brody's eye.  
"Where the hell are you going?"

Angry enough to spit, Saul turned around, stormed over to him.  
"I'm going to see Carrie. Not that I need to run a goddamn thing past you. You're damn lucky I haven't called in a SWAT team for backup yet."  
  
"Who needs backup?", Quinn spat as Danny nodded, went to stand but Maggie shot him a look, indicating he keep researching.  
  
"Look we all know the only reason you haven't, is in that room right now trying to get some needed sleep. Leave her be!"  
  
"Don't fucking tell me what to do.", Saul growled as Maggie stood up, got between them.  
  
"Hey,  _he_  may not be able to but I sure as hell will!", she hissed.

"Both of you need to calm down! Like it or not, Carrie and Farrah both need you to come to some kind of truce. Brody you're already on thin ice being on this continent, so don't you even start making demands! And Saul, if you turn Brody in you will decimate Carrie. As much as we don't like it, you and I both know it. Same as we know my sister's suffered enough at the hands of her superiors. Don't be the boss to break her most by taking away the man she loves. In spite of everything the two of you have one thing in common. You both deeply care for my sister, so prove it. Find the little girl she's lost and stop with this goddamn pissing contest!", Maggie ordered as Virgil started clapping.  
  
"Finally, thank you!"  
  
"I'm starting to see the family resemblance.", Quinn laughed nudging Danny, but he was too busy staring, smiling in Maggie's direction.  
  
 _Shit. Here we go._

"Danny? Hey, earth to Galvez!"  
  
"Huh..what?"  
  
"What have you come up with so far?", he asked, nodding to the laptop.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Right."  
  
Looking back at the screen he started scrolling again then stopped, pointed.  
  
"Hey guys check this out."

After everyone stood around he highlighted the text on the page.  
  
"I think I found him. Samir Hadad. Holy shit. Says he converted to Catholicism in September of 2001."  
  
"After 9-11.", Brody noted.  
  
"Fed up with the extremism, the violence plaguing his own religion. He wouldn't have been the first.", Saul said, getting a nod from Virgil.  
  
"And he probably wanted his kid sister to embrace his change of faith."  
  
"I'll get a hold of the cops.", Quinn said as he stood up, took out his phone.  
  
"Tell them to investigate all the Catholic churches within a ten mile radius. Good place as any to start. We'll go too."  
Saul said, putting his cap back on as Brody approached him.

"I'll deal with this,  _with you,_  once Farrah's found. That girl is worth ten of you."  
  
"On that we actually agree.", Brody said as Saul, Quinn and Virgil stepped out while Maggie went to check in on Carrie. Danny meanwhile was trying to get everything in his briefcase and catch up to them.

"Here let me help.", Brody offered, helping to get the rest of his things together.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Look I have Carrie's phone so call if there's any-"  
  
"Yeah, I'll call. Tell Maggie I'll keep her in the loop too", he said, shaking his head guiltily.  
  
"If I hadn't gone so nuts after seeing you here I could've found this SOB an hour ago. All it took was a little googling."  
  
"Hey, it's alright. You find him now and you'll be the hero.", Brody encouraged.  
  
"Brody?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Take care of Carrie. Don't you dare fuck around with her. Not again."  
  
"I won't, Danny. I swear.", he assured.  
  
Nodding Danny stepped out right as Maggie left the bedroom.  
  
"Did Danny, er, did everyone leave?"

"Yeah, they did. Danny said though to tell you he'd keep you in the loop."  
  
"Good, that's..that's good.", she smiled softly.  
  
"How's Carrie?"  
  
"The sedative's not gonna wear off for a few hours. Once it does though.."  
Reaching into her purse she handed Brody a zipped bag.

"Her meds are in here. There's instructions in there too about her lithium. It'll have to be upped. But keep up what you've been doing, make sure she's sleeping, eating. Really watch her though. Especially once-"  
  
"Once what?"  
  
"The mania's followed by depression, Brody. It's always more difficult to treat, and I feel like until Farrah's found it'll be even more difficult."  
  
"How bad does it get?", Brody asked, trying not to look as fearful as he felt.  
  
"Well, her last major episode..",  
  
Seeing the look on his face, Maggie opted not to remind him how responsible he'd been for it.  
"She holed up in her room, didn't eat for three days. She also went to your house.."  
  
"And was arrested.", Brody finished. "With the psych ward as the grand finale."

"Hopefully this time things will conclude on a more positive note.", Maggie sighed.  
  
"What if they find Farrah tonight? Will that snap her out of this?"  
  
"It's too tough to say. But like I've told Saul it takes time. As much as I hate admitting it though, as strange as it is admitting it, I think your being with her is helping. You seem to be able to ground her, help her through when she's-"  
  
"Yeah. It's not easy, but I'm not about to leave or give up. It's not like I can leave here exactly, but..even if I could..I wouldn't. Not without her."

"Yeah well, you're proving better than most when it comes to dealing with this. Better than one person anyway.", Maggie said bitterly.  
  
"Are you talking about your mom?", Brody asked as she looked on surprised.  
  
"You know about-"  
  
"Yeah, Carrie told me."  
  
"I never thought she'd tell anyone."  
  
"I didn't press her for it or anything, she just..told me."

Sitting on the end of the couch, Maggie fiddled with a coaster on the coffee table. Spinning it.  
  
"Carrie doesn't hate her for it. Leaving. She should but she doesn't. I think there's a part of her that still hopes she'll come back. Say it was all some misunderstanding."  
  
"Were she and your mom close?", Brody asked sitting beside her.  
  
"They worked in the garden together. That was their thing. And every spring Carrie's in my dad's backyard weeding and planting. Even still."  
  
"I didn't know that.", he smiled, having a little trouble picturing Carrie content doing something so calm and simple.

"But Carrie always tried to make her proud, get her attention. Even as a kid. She'd come home with straight A's on every report card, taught herself to play trumpet because Mom loved Louis Armstrong. But it felt like nothing she did, nothing any of us did was good enough. And even before Mom left it was like, she was already gone. Like we weren't enough to keep her. Obviously we weren't."

"Well at least the two of you had each other. And your dad."  
  
"Yeah.", Maggie smiled softly. "You know he has what Carrie.."  
  
"Yeah. She's mentioned that to me too. I imagine that has them pretty linked."  
  
"It does. And growing up Carrie was always more game for his 'adventures' than I was."  
  
"She said something about you all renting a camper, taking a trip to the Great Lakes?"  
  
"Yeah. One summer when we were kids. Dad was unbelievably passionate about it. I think he had Carrie convinced when the stars came out mermaids would jump out of the water."  
Maggie chuckled, getting a laugh out of Brody before their faces went solemn again.

"I give you a lot of credit, Maggie. Doing what you do for them."  
  
"Well Mom didn't leave me much choice. I put my residency on hold for a year after she left to pick up the pieces and be there for my dad. Carrie doesn't know that."  
  
"Hey, your secret's safe with me."  
  
"When I got the call from Princeton about her first...a part of me kind of expected it."  
  
"She was in college when she...?"  
  
"Yeah. She wrote a thesis about reinventing music when her major was Arabic. Gave it to some professor who brought her to Student Health."  
  
"Holy shit.", Brody sighed.

"Yeah, it was rough. Still is. But at least now I know how to handle it with the meds. I have to admit, it was nice having a little help this time."  
  
"Hey whatever it takes, right.", he shrugged as he stood up and ran a hand through his hair, paced slightly.  
  
"Brody?"  
  
"I can't believe I caused this for her."  
  
"Brody you didn't-"  
  
"I did before! She didn't eat for three days and fucking committed herself because of me. And somehow she still.."  
  
"Loves you?", Maggie asked as she got up, moved to stand in front of him.  
  
"If it makes you feel better I don't understand it either."  
  
"Oh, great.", Brody laughed weakly, shaking his head.  
  
"But, she does.  _She does._  And so long as you love her back, I..I'm not going to get in the way. I'd be an idiot to get in her way."

Maggie said, getting an agreeing nod before they heard noise coming from the bedroom. Without a second thought Brody ran back and saw Carrie kicking her blanket off, muttering and crying out in the thick of what he could only assume was a nightmare.

"Hey! Carrie..Carrie it's okay, it's okay I'm here. I'm right here love..", he soothed, stroking her hair, holding her face. She didn't wake but she seemed to settle down. Getting Maggie breathing a sigh of relief, watching from the door as Brody curled up beside Carrie in bed. Mouthing for him to call her, getting a nod in return, she gave him a soft smile before turning to leave, shutting the door behind her.


	42. Chapter 42

Brody dozed off for a few hours beside Carrie, who thankfully hadn't had any more nightmares. Hearing his cellphone buzz on the bedside table he stirred, noticing a text from Zahira.  
  
 _"Just checking in on you and Carrie, hope all is well. If there is anything you need, please ask."_  
  
Smiling he replied with a quick thank you, then got up to stretch his legs, get some water. Careful not to wake Carrie he slipped out of bed and out the door.

Going to the front he noticed a medium sized cardboard box next to the sofa. It wasn't his, that he knew, and he wasn't sure where it had come from. Walking over he noticed a note taped to the side.  
 _"Some stuff I gathered up from Farrah's room, as asked. Hope there's a clue in here."_  
  


Recognizing Maggie's handwriting from the med instructions she'd given him, Brody picked up the box. Figuring she must've brought it with her earlier and in all the chaos forgotten to mention it. Setting it on the coffee table, opening the flaps he noticed some sketches, notebooks, children's books, a stuffed cat, and dolls of the Barbie and baby variety.

Picking up one of the latter he noticed she was wearing a pink onesie, similar to the dozens Jess had received at her baby shower for Dana. Brody couldn't help smiling. Apparently only actual baby clothes were suitable wardrobe for one of Farrah Mathison's dolls.

He started to go through some of the drawings and the notebooks when he heard footsteps.  
  
"Brody where, I..I need my pills! BRODY!", Carrie cried, flinging open the bathroom medicine cabinet as he came up behind her.  
  
"Hey, easy they're right here. I have them right here."

Handing them over with a glass of water, once she took them his arm went to the small of her back and they walked to the living room.

"You hungry? I can whip us up something. Maybe Zahira can order us take-out?"  
  
"I'm fine.", Carrie said hoarsely, shaking her head as Brody shook his.  
  
"You haven't eaten since last night, Carrie.", he said sternly as she shrugged, sat at the kitchen table.

"Listen either you decide what we eat or I'll be forced to. And if I decide you have to watch me juggle whatever I cook."  
  
"Oh no way..no fucking way!"  
  
"Shit, maybe I'll put on a clown act right here in the kitchen. I got the hair for it, I know way too many stupid jokes. Just give me some makeup, a pointy hat made out of newspaper..."

Even though she made every effort not to, she couldn't help creating that picture in her head and couldn't help laughing at it. Watching her Brody's heart swelled about four sizes.

"You Sergeant Brody, are the biggest fucking dork!"  
  
"Hey I've been called worse.", he chuckled sitting across from her, reaching to squeeze her hand.  
  
"So, you a  _little_  hungry yet?"

Giving him a soft smile, taking it as a yes Brody leaned in to kiss her. When he pulled back, holding her face he thumbed away a tear.  
  
"I'm sorry I just-"  
  
"Hey, it's okay."  
  
"I just wish you didn't have to deal with this. You've put your fucking life on hold for almost two days just to see me like-"  
  
"Whoa..hang on a second. In case you can't tell my whole fucking life now consists of story hour and making fluffernutter sandwiches. Don't get me wrong, it's better than I could've hoped for. But I don't care what the circumstances were or are. I have you back, Carrie. At least for this moment I have you back. And shit, if that's not worth putting everything on hold for-"

"But Saul, Quinn, Danny, everyone! They know you're here because of me, Brody. If Farrah wasn't still... you know they'd have taken you into custody."  
  
"They haven't though. Not yet.", Brody reminded.  
  
"Let's just focus on one thing at a time here. Getting Farrah home to you is all that matters right now. Even Saul acknowledged that."

"Yeah..you..you're right.", Carrie sighed before yawning.  
  
"You tired?"  
  
"A little, but that's normal. I should really eat something though."  
  
"Well you better tell me what you want otherwise-"  
  
"Alright, pancakes okay! I want pancakes. At least I won't see you juggling Bisquick boxes."  
  
"What's to say I won't?", Brody teased as he stood to take out the ingredients, while Carrie glanced over at the cardboard box with Farrah's toys and books. Eyes wide she stood up, walked over to it.  
  
"Brody where did you-"  
  
"Oh, shit.."

Quickly Brody ran up to close the box but knew it was too late. She'd already seen all of Farrah's things and he felt like an idiot leaving them out in plain sight.

"Carrie I'm sorry.", he sighed as she sat down, pulling the box onto her lap.  
  
"I asked Maggie to bring over some of Farrah's drawings and things, see if there was a clue in there to where she'd be."  
  
"Smart.", Carrie sniffed, wiping her eyes.  
  
"I thought so at the time.", Sadly Brody sat beside her, rubbed her shoulder.  
  
"Are you alright? I'll call Maggie to come back and get the box. It's not-"  
  
"No, Brody it's fine. Really."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure."  
  
"Well, if you're sure. So,who's this guy?", he asked, reaching for the plush cat and making it walk up Carrie's arm, headbutt her shoulder.  
  
"That, would be Merriweather.", she laughed.  
  
"I take it you gave him that name."  
  
"Yes, many moons ago.", Smirking she took the cat back from him.

"Farrah loves him though. She has to have him to sleep with every night.", she said before her eyes clouded over.  
  
"I bet Samir didn't know that."  
  
Brody held her a little closer.  
  
"We'll find her soon, Carrie. You know we will." Putting the cat back in the box, he went to close it but Carrie shook her head, reached for some of the other items.  
  
"I noticed she has a lot of books."  
  
"Yeah, she does. But every time I tell her to pick out a bedtime story she'll pick out the same one I've read her a hundred times."  
  
"Well everyone's got their favorites.", Brody shrugged, reaching into the box again.  
  
"Can I assume this is her favorite doll?", he smirked.  
  
"You went all out with the wardrobe for her, you know. Jess had these onesie things in every color after Dana's baby shower."

Smiling down at the doll he didn't notice Carrie's smile had faded. He didn't notice her demeanor change at all until she quickly stood up and crossed the room. Gripping the back of the chair as she tried to take deep breaths.

"Shit, Carrie what the...look, let me call Maggie alright, see if she can-"  
  
"NO! No..don't call her. I won't..I can't talk to her about-"  
  
"Alright, talk to me then.", Brody begged but she didn't turn around.

"Fuck, Carrie. Whatever this is can't be half as painful as what we've already put each other through!"  
  
"You don't know that..", she said softly.  
  
"Well I can't know until you tell me. C'mon, what is it about Farrah's doll that's got you so.."

Trailing off he looked at Carrie, who'd turned to look at him with tears and a too familiar looking pain in her eyes. The kind he'd known after he'd lost Issa. After he and Jess were first married and her being late turned out to be yet another false alarm. But Brody couldn't wrap his mind around Carrie being in the same situation. He just couldn't. Walking over he reached for the doll, picking it up.  
  
"Carrie this outfit, you didn't buy this for..."

When she turned away again his suspicions were nearly confirmed, but he still had to ask.  
  
"Were...were you..?"  
  
Seeing her nod Brody stood looking dumbstruck, fighting the need to sit down from the shock of it all.  
  
"But you...you and I were always. We used-"  
  
"Not always effective.", she said with a half humorless laugh, half snort. Like she still couldn't believe it herself.  
  
"Carrie, I-"  
  
"I didn't even know until I was two months along and then-"  
  
Knowing how her sentence would end Brody walked up, pulled her into a fierce hug.  
  
"I'm sorry, love. I'm so so sorry.."

 


	43. Chapter 43

After Brody walked them over to the couch Carrie curled up against him. Rubbing her back, he didn't realize right away he was crying along with her. When their tears finally subsided they just sat holding each other in silence, until he finally broke it.

"Does...anyone else know?"  
  
"No. Well, Quinn does but-"  
  
"Quinn?", Brody questioned. He was relieved she'd told someone, keeping something like that a secret couldn't have been easy but...  
  
"Peter Quinn?"  
  
"What? Do you think I told him because it could've been his?!", Carrie accused.  
  
"No..Carrie! Fuck..I meant, I wasn't..look don't put words in my mouth okay!"

Guiltily she sat up, wiped her eyes as Brody sighed, trying to keep his own grief in check.  
  
"I just didn't expect this. I'm trying to get up to speed, come to grips. I mean fuck..the thought of you...being pregnant, with my..our baby? It's just.."

When he trailed off disbelievingly Carrie nodded in understanding.  
  
"Yeah. That was basically my reaction too."  
  
"Did you just have a check-up one day and they.."  
  
"No, no I figured it out for myself. I was stunned. I mean, I never even had a fucking scare! Not even in college, but-"  
  
"Yeah. It's like you said though things aren't always effective. Things just happen."  
  
"Or they don't.", she sighed sadly as he looked on, regretting his words.

"No, don't look at me like that. Here I am having had time to deal with this and you're, still.."  
  
"Don't apologize. Shit. I mean I was the one waving that fucking doll around, demanding answers."  
  
"Answers you deserved.", Carrie reminded.  
  
"Brody, I swore that if we ever saw each other again."

"Hey.. _if?_ "  
  
"When, we saw each other again.", she corrected. "I was going to tell you everything. I give you my word I was."  
  
"What if..if you hadn't had the.."  
  
"It's okay. You can say it."  
  
"If you hadn't, miscarried. Would you have, gone ahead and.."

Biting her lip fresh tears filled her eyes.  
"I don't know. Brody, I don't. Back then after everything with the bombing, with you..I was staying at Maggie's because I didn't trust myself going home to an empty house. There was just  _so much_  going on! I mean..."  
  
Kissing her on the side of her head Brody held her tighter.  
"Yeah, I know.."

"After I took the test and I knew for sure, I just felt numb. Like I was walking around in this daze. I couldn't even wrap my mind around it. I didn't want to.", she wearily admitted.

"How come you didn't tell your sister, or Saul even?"  
  
Letting out a hollow laugh, Carrie snorted.

"Saul? Back then he was barely holding himself together. If I gave him any  _more_  reason to worry about me I could've put him in the fucking hospital. And with Maggie, she's told me she isn't after a niece or a nephew. Not at my expense."  
  
"You mean because of your-"

"Yeah. It would be hard. It would require, a lot."  
  
"Yeah I figured as much.", Brody nodded.

He remained solemn, strong, stoic in spite of everything he'd heard and still was hearing, and for the first time in a long time was grateful he was a soldier. He was trained to deal with pain and grief. He knew how to move past it enough to keep moving, and had put that knowledge to good use the past two or so days.

But he'd be a better liar than the polygraph proved him if he said he was moving past this conversation easily. If he wasn't as devastated over this as Carrie was. Maybe more so.  
He hadn't known this gut wrenching kind of pain since Issa. He'd had just enough time to fall in love with the boy before he was gone, and this felt like the most horrible kind of deja'vu.

In addition though to losing yet another boy, maybe girl if the outfit had been any indication, Brody came to the realization at Carrie's words he'd lost a dream, a dream with her, that he didn't even know until then he'd had. The realization was a selfish one though and he forced himself to bury it along with any lingering grief. Looking in Carrie's eyes he knew that was the last thing she should see in his.

"You know after it happened I went to work, made it seem like everything was fine. But then I wound up walking on my lunch hour to this baby boutique on Elm and I bought.." Nodding to the outfit she shook her head, wiped at her eyes.

"I don't even know why!"  
  
"You were grieving, Carrie. Everyone does differently."  
  
"After I took some time off, I told Saul I had to go to Iraq."  
  
"Wait, you went back?", Brody asked.  
  
"I'd gotten a lead, Brody. A chance to clear your name. There was no fucking way I was about to pass that up."  
  
"Even if it meant going back to where you'd-"  
  
Nodding, Carrie shrugged.

"What else was I supposed to do. Send someone in my place? Besides, if I hadn't gone I never would've met-"  
  
"Farrah.", Brody finished, getting a tearful nod.  
  
"Fuck, Brody. If I lose her too, I.."  
  
When her voice broke and trailed off Brody pulled her into a fierce hug.  
  
"You won't, I swear. You won't love.", he said gently but firmly, hoping with everything in him he was right.

...

After parking the surveillance van on a side street, Virgil turned to the group in the back.

"Alright this is the last Catholic church in a ten mile radius. If Farrah's not here I'll personally call in the National Guard.", he sighed as Quinn rolled his eyes.  
  
"Why exactly are we pinning all our hopes on Samir bringing her to a church?"  
  
"Maybe we should ask Brody. He seems to be our resident pro at finding sanctuary.", Danny scoffed.

"Hey, knock it off!" Max piped up getting surprised looks.

"You feeling protective of a certain ginger, Max?", Quinn smirked.  
  
"You bet.", Virgil scoffed.  
  
"Ever since that day at Langley when Carrie reamed him out, she has him scared shitless. He won't say a word against her. So since Carrie loves Brody, Max loves him too."  
At this even Saul couldn't help snickering.

"Seriously though guys, if Farrah's not here where the fuck do we look?"  
  
"Everywhere til we fucking find her.", Saul said simply, sliding open the van door before he proceeded to jump out.

Meanwhile the rest of the group turned to look at Quinn, who shrugged, unbuckling his seatbelt.  
  
"What? You heard the man. Let's go!"


	44. Chapter 44

After using the same strategy they had at the other churches (Saul and Virgil going in the front entrance and schmoozing their way past the vestibule, Max, Danny and Quinn going around back to explore), Virgil noticed a trail of popcorn scattered up the path to the stained glass entry door.

"Saul, check this out."  
  
"Virgil there's no time. If we don't bullshit our way into this place soon-"  
  
"Yeah. Bullshit our way into a church. If that's not invitation for a smiting I don't know what is.", he scoffed as Saul rolled his eyes.  
  
"Seriously though Saul, humor me for a second and look at this."  
  
Reluctantly Saul crouched down beside him, frowning at the sight.

"All it is is popcorn, so what?"  
  
"So...Carrie bought popcorn for Farrah at the parade."  
  
"Did Farrah ever get the popcorn from Carrie?"  
  
"No. But she'd been begging for it since the two of them showed up. Carrie told me. Maybe the brother wanted to get in Farrah's good graces, bribed her with a bag."

A glimmer of pride in his eyes, Saul let his hopes get a little higher.  
  
"Well what are we standing here for? Let's go."

Entering the vestibule of the church, Virgil went over and started chatting with one of the priests. His and Saul's story was altered slightly from church to church but the core of it was the same. Saul was Virgil's widower uncle interested in conversion. A bold faced lie but enough to get them in the door. After Virgil introduced Father Clarkson to his uncle Leonidas Goldstein, he texted Max about the popcorn trail.

"Smart kid that one.", Quinn smiled after seeing the message, then turned to pick the lock to the back door of the church. Once achieving entry he crept down the back stairwell with Danny close behind. Leaving Max to stand guard at the door.

Gun drawn, his back at the wall Quinn turned to Danny and made the classic "shush" gesture, wanting to listen to the chatter coming from another part of the basement. Hearing Farrah's voice, relief flooding his face, Danny began texting Quinn a translation of her Arabic, what he could make out of it.

Reading the texts Quinn's jaw clenched. Farrah was clearly beside herself and pleading to see Carrie, much to her brother's annoyance.  
  
"Glad I brought my knife.", he texted. "These jokers earned a little bad cop time."  
  
"That better not leave me to play good cop.", Danny sent in reply, getting an approving nod right as Farrah let out a yell. Unsure if she was in distress or her frustration had peaked, not willing to wait to find out, Quinn kicked in the basement door.

"PETE!", Farrah cried. Getting up she tried to run to him but Khaliq held her back. Samir meanwhile turned to the intruder, pulling a gun from his jacket pocket.  
  
"How rude of you to intrude on our family reunion."  
  
"Forgive me. Tend to ditch the rules of etiquette when dealing with kidnappers of little girls!". Quinn sneered.  
  
Hurriedly Danny texted Virgil for backup, then ran through the door to provide Quinn with some, sensing he'd need it.

"Sorry Father, my uncle's a bit under the weather so I don't think we can finish this discussion tonight.", Virgil said as Saul took his cue, breaking into a coughing fit.  
  
"I see, shall we continue at a later time?"  
  
"If the Lord commands it. Thank you for your time."  
  
After Father Clarkson excused them, and invited Mr. Goldstein to pray at the altar before leaving, Saul nodded and entered the chapel while Virgil went to pull the van around back.

Running down the aisle to the back of the church, Saul took the steps down into the basement two at a time. Once there his eyes widened when he heard Farrah scream.

Peering through the kicked in door he saw Quinn lying on the ground, his leg bleeding. Danny meanwhile was shakily holding a gun on Samir, who had one aimed at Farrah's head.

"Drop your weapon, and let my family go as we please."  
  
"Let Farrah go and we may consider it.", Danny growled.  
  
"We?", Samir questioned as Saul walked in, his gun drawn.  
  
"Bear!", Farrah squealed.  
  
"Farrah, listen. I just want you to stay put, alright? Just stay still.", Saul instructed, trying to remain calm and praying Carrie hadn't rubbed off too much on her foster daughter. If there was any time Farrah needed to follow orders it was now.

"Samir, we can do this the easy or the hard way. Let Farrah go and you and your brother are in the clear, free to go. It'll be like none of this ever happened."  
  
"I do not believe you."  
  
"You believe in putting the fear of God in a six year old girl?", Saul scoffed. "You have Farrah scared shitless right now. Let her go or things are gonna get messy."  
  
"You would threaten us in a place of worship?"  
  
"Who's making threats? Besides, my place of worship is two blocks over."  
  
"The synagogue?"  
  
"Yeah. One holy place you haven't gotten your fucking hands on yet."  
  
"Farrah should have the same faith as her family."  
  
"Good, so we agree. She can be a practicing Muslim. Same as the brother who's  _not_  scaring her out of her wits."

At this surprising information Samir turned just enough to look at Khaliq. Lessening his hold just enough on Farrah that she could squirm away from his gun. Just long enough for Saul to shoot at Samir's leg, knocking him off balance and knocking his gun out of his hand.

Swearing he sank to the floor clutching his leg, leaving Farrah free to run to Saul.  
"Shh, it's okay, it's okay Farrah.", he soothed as he held her close, hoping to shield her from all the chaos. Not noticing Samir making a move to reclaim his gun.

Luckily Quinn did. In spite of the blood loss and the mind numbing pain each time he moved, he managed to access his holster and rolling into position, got a clear shot at the back of Samir's head.

Blocking Farrah from the sight, holding her tight to his chest Saul stood and carried her away from the scene. Max in the meantime helped Quinn to a standing position, leading him upstairs and out to the van.

Danny, still reeling from everything that had taken place, went to follow them. Not realizing Khaliq was still behind him, reaching for his brother's gun. He got a shot at Danny's shoulder before he took off fearfully in the opposite direction, escaping through a hidden exit.

Meanwhile, struggling to get up the stairs Danny let out a yell before Virgil came running.  
  
"Jesus fuck..are you alright?"  
  
"Just give me a hand okay.", he winced as Virgil got him up the remaining stairs and into the van.

" _I swear to God.._ you fucking ask me again how I am, I'll smash the lenses in your goddamn glasses into your goddamn eyeballs!", Quinn snarled as Max nervously nodded, shifted away from him in the backseat.

Turning around from the passenger seat Saul gave them both an icy glare, still holding a whimpering Farrah as she shook.

"It's alright, everything's alright, Farrah..", he repeated, reaching for a bag at his feet.  
  
Retrieving a pink and black floral print scarf of Carrie's, he gently draped the fabric around Farrah's head, securing it with a loose knot under her chin. It wasn't a hijab but would have to suffice for now, and it seemed to settle her down.Still holding the girl close Saul dialed Carrie with his free hand as Virgil sped to the hospital.  
  
"Hey, Carrie. It's okay. We..we got her."


	45. Chapter 45

As soon as Brody stopped the car, dropping her off at the entrance to St. Mary's, Carrie bolted over to the front desk, alarming the nurse.  
  
"Excuse me ma'am can I help-"  
  
"My name is Carrie Mathison. My foster daughter was just brought in. Her name is Farrah and I need to see her right now, immediately! It's urgent."  
  
"Okay ma'am if you'll just give me a second-"  
  
"I don't have a second!", she hissed, slamming her hand on the desk for emphasis.  
  
"This is my daughter we're talking about, you understand?! She was abducted and held captive for two days before she was found and brought here! She's six years old, and if I don't fucking see her, find out how she is.."  
  
"Ma'am! If you can just try and calm-"  
  
"Carrie!" Walking up Brody held her shoulders, looked apologetically at the nurse.  
  
"Hi Ava."  
  
"Nicholas.", Ava said, recognizing him as the imam's assistant. Ever since the mosque acquired the hospital, the staff had gotten to know the imam, Zahira, and most everyone who worked with them at the community center.  
  
"Do you know this woman?"  
  
"Yes. I do. And I know the patient she wants to check in on. It's really important we get in to see Farrah. She's only six and I'm guessing she's scared out of her mind."  
  
"I understand. I will page the nurse on her floor. See if her doctor's allowing visitors."  
  
"Visitors! I'm her guardian for God's sak-"  
  
"Thanks Ava.", Brody interrupted, walking Carrie away from the desk.

"Don't bite her head off. She's just doing her job."  
  
"Yeah well looking after Farrah is  _my_ job.", Carrie snapped, crossing her arms.  
  
"Hey, we'll get you in to see her. This is a small hospital, well managed. Farrah's in good hands."

Shrugging, Carrie started pacing before seeing Saul approach her.  
  
"I'm going to go get us something to drink, love. I'll be back.", Brody said before walking off. He wasn't up for a confrontation and was pretty sure Carrie wouldn't be either.

"Carrie!"  
  
Without thinking twice she ran up to Saul and hugged him. He hugged her back just as tight.  
  
"Is Farrah okay? Was she-"  
  
"She was pretty shaken up, but nothing looked too serious. I'm no doctor but I think she'll be fine. Soon as she sees you."  
  
Nodding Carrie pulled back, wiping her eyes.  
  
"Where's everyone else? Danny, Quinn.."  
  
"Samir was armed, Carrie. He's in the morgue, but the fucker put up a fight."  
  
"Oh shit."  
  
"You were half right about Khaliq. He was definitely involved."  
  
"Where is he now?", she asked, eyes narrowed.  
  
"He got away.", Saul said bitterly. "We'll get him though, Carrie. Trust me."  
  
"I swear if he gets within a foot of Farrah-"  
  
"We got a guard outside her door. Best we got."

"Okay..okay.", Running a hand through her hair she knew she had a million questions she ought to be asking. But couldn't for the life of her come up with one. Then she noticed Max leaving and thought of about twelve.

"Saul, was anyone-"  
  
"Quinn's in surgery. When I got to the church basement he was already down, shot in the leg."  
  
"Fuck." Blinking back tears she knew she had to ask about the others.  
  
"What about, Danny, Virgil?"  
  
"Virgil's fine. I sent him home, told him I'd call if there was any change."  
  
"And Danny?"  
  
"He took a bullet to the shoulder. But he's out of surgery. He's good, I just came from there."  
  
"Jesus, he's got more lives than a cat."  
  
"And thank God for it. I think I saw Maggie in with him just now."  
  
"Okay are those two cozier lately or is it me?", Carrie questioned as Saul shrugged.  
  
"I have to go thank them though, I-"  
  
"Hey, there's still time for that. I think they'd want you to check in on Farrah first."

Deciding she had no reason to argue that, she nodded as Brody turned down the hall. Armed with trail mix from the vending machine and some bottled water.

Nervously Carrie looked to Saul. Who to his credit, was doing his damnedest to keep in check.  
"Saul.."  
  
"Look as far as I'm concerned, right now, he's not here.", he said gruffly.  
  
"Anyway, I should get home. Get some sleep. You'll call if there's any-"  
  
"Of course.", Carrie said before hugging him again.  
  
"Thank you, Saul.", she sniffled, hoping to really drive that point home. He seemed to get the message, kissing her on the cheek before leaving for his car.

"Carrie.", Brody called, motioning for her to come back to the desk.  
  
"Farrah is in room 213 with Dr. Lewis.", Ava said. "You may go in to see her if you wish."  
  
"Thank you.", Carrie said.  
  
Echoing her sentiment Brody walked her to the elevator. Getting off on the third floor, after taking a few wrong turns they reached the right hallway.

"Fuck, can they make this place any more difficult to navigate!", she ranted.  
  
"Hey, at least here you won't be stopped for fraternizing with a fugitive.", Brody reminded.

"I've been stopped for worse.", Carrie smirked, but her face went somber when they reached Farrah's room.  
  
Squeezing her hand he'd been holding, Brody brought it to his lips to kiss.  
"It'll be fine, love. C'mon, I'm right here with you."  
  
Nodding, standing a little straighter, after getting a nod from the guard she turned the door handle and walked in. Farrah was asleep. Even in the small hospital bed she looked tinier than ever. There were a few monitors she was tethered to that were beeping and she had an IV hooked up to her arm, along with a bandage on her right leg.

Chin quivering, Carrie shakily sat in the chair by her bed and reached for Farrah's small hand, kissing it then holding it close to her face. Tears slid down her cheeks and she didn't even bother wiping them away.

"Nicholas? Miss Mathison?"  
  
"Doctor Lewis." Shaking her hand Brody smiled, recognizing the older brunette as a friend of Zahira's.

"We gave Farrah a thorough exam. Aside from dehydration, minor bruising and a cut on her knee that needed some stitches, she's just fine."  
  
"Why is she sedated then?", Carrie asked hoarsely. "Why the IV and the monitors and..."  
  
"Farrah was very worked up when she was brought in, and after we took her down to x-ray she started to hyperventilate."  
  
"Oh my God.."  
  
"We gave her a mild sedative, then we stitched up her knee."  
  
"Is she in pain?", Brody asked warily.  
  
"No. We're giving her a low dose painkiller through the IV and some fluids, and just keeping her overnight for observation. But rest assured she's going to be fine."  
  
Nodding, Carrie managed a small smile, wiped her eyes.  
  
"Can I stay with her?"  
  
"Actually doctor, is there a lounge, even an empty room where we can stay?", Brody interjected, getting a look.  
  
"Brody.."  
  
"There's a lounge just down the hall. Since we're in pediatrics we have an overnight room for parents. It's yours for the taking."  
  
"That sounds terrific, just down the hall you said?"  
  
As the doctor nodded Carrie shook her head, held Farrah's hand a little tighter.

"Brody if you want to stay there you're more than welcome. I'm not leaving.", she said firmly.  
  
"Miss Mathison, the sedative will keep Farrah asleep for several hours. And you'll be notified immediately if there's any changes." Dr. Lewis assured, but Brody thanked her and gave her a look indicating he could handle things. Nodding, she took his word for it and stepped out.

"Brody, no. Farrah's been separated from me and scared out of her mind for two days. I'm not going to leave her by herself in a fucking hospital room!"  
  
"Well I'm not gonna watch you land a room of your own here after you keel over exhausted."  
  
"I don't keel. I've never keeled.", Carrie retorted. Still holding Farrah's hand, running her thumb over the back of it, she leaned forward in her chair, close enough to rest her head on the pillow. Trying to hide her yawn she wasn't successful.

"Carrie c'mon, her bed isn't big enough for the two of you and even if it was, you need to get a good nights rest. So does she."  
  
"But I can't just..."  
  
"We'll just be down the hall, love. She's got a guard and I'm sure half the doctor's on this floor at her beck and call. She'll sleep. You'll sleep. And the two of you will go home tomorrow."

Looking sadly at him, then back to Farrah, she was considering it but still not moving an inch.  
  
"If you can't do it for her do it for me. Not that I deserve it but.."  
  
"Do what for you?", Carrie asked.  
  
"Let me sleep next to the woman I love..", he smiled as she rolled her eyes. Letting out a half-laugh, half snort, she tried not to blush.  
  
"You're really resorting to sweet talk, Sergeant?"  
  
"Whatever works.", Brody said impishly, getting down to her level before slipping his arm around her, kissing the side of her head as she sniffled.

"Brody I can't just-"  
  
"I know. You think I wouldn't pull up another chair and plant myself next to her bed too? But you need your rest. That won't happen in here."  
  
"You sure she'll be alright?"  
  
"The doctor's saying so. I believe her."

Letting out a heavy sigh Carrie nodded in agreement. Slowly she stood up, brushed her lips on Farrah's forehead before reaching into her bag she'd brought with her.  
  
"Here, help me cover her up?", she asked as Brody nodded, draped the magenta throw blanket over her while Carrie tucked Merriweather under Farrah's arm not hooked to the IV drip.

"Get a good nights sleep sweetheart, okay? You're safe. I'm here and everything's fine. Everything's gonna be just fine. I promise."  
  
Smoothing her hair back Carrie kissed her once more before letting go of her hand. Right as Brody slipped an arm around her, walked with her out the door and into the hall.  
  
"Watch her like a hawk, understand.", he told the guard, getting a nod in return.  
  
"C'mon love, let's try and get some rest."


	46. Chapter 46

After he got Carrie to the lounge, Brody felt a pang of guilt leaving Farrah by herself. But he figured she was sleeping comfortably, and per Maggie's instructions Carrie needed to do the same, in a bed and not in a chair. Unfortunately she didn't even look content to sit down.

"You're not even going to try and sleep, are you?"  
  
"If I could I would.", she sighed. Pacing back and forth like a caged tigress.  
  
"Can you try and sit at least?", Brody asked pleadingly as she scoffed, arched a brow.  
  
"Well I was going to sit with Farrah and you fought me on that, so.."  
  
"Hey..hey. You can go back in with Farrah if you need to. You can go sprawl out in the middle of the hallway with a pillow. I just want you to get some rest, Carrie. Your sister told me..."  
  
"I know what she's told you!"  
  
"Okay..so you know I'm siding with her on this. Farrah's been through too much to see you sleep deprived and on the verge of another-"  
  
"Okay..okay. I get it.", Carrie snapped but then bit her lip, nervously turned to face him.  
  
"I really scared you, didn't I?"  
  
"Yeah. You did.", Brody admitted.  
  
"But I don't matter here. Farrah does. Just try and relax now for her sake."

Sighing, Carrie reluctantly perched on the foot of the bed.  
  
"I wish her bed was bigger. And that chair by her bed? They ought to make people sit in it when they're being interrogated.", she snorted before catching herself, letting out a sigh.  
  
"Jesus, here I am complaining. I should just be glad she's here. That she's gonna be alright."  
  
"She will be. This is a great hospital. One of the best."  
  
"Well they did let you past the front desk.", Carrie smiled softly.  
  
"Did I tell you I'm really glad you're here?"

Squeezing her hand, Brody shifted closer to her. "Did you ever think it would happen?", he asked softly.  
  
"Did you?"  
  
"Honestly no, I didn't."  
  
"You underestimated me?", she asked, arching a brow playfully.  
  
"Carrie I knew you'd try, I knew you'd do whatever it took to get the future you imagined for us. I did. I just never expected that-"  
  
"Hey, it's okay." she smiled at his rambling. "I'm not trying to give you a hard time."  
  
"You're not?", he teased, getting a swat on the arm.

"No, I'm not. I knew you weren't responsible for what happened. In spite of everything, I knew. But proving it?"  
  
Trailing off she ran a hand through her hair, stood up.  
  
"Getting Hadad to confess, even after he did there was so much shit to sort out. There still is."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I still have to clear your name, Brody. We have the admission on tape Hadad planted the C4. I've got documents and flash drives I stole from his house to back up his words. We have proof, but even once we go forward with it, there's still a long way to go to putting your life back together. But we've come this far. Trust me, I'm not giving up."  
  
Seeing the quizzical look on his face she frowned. "Why are you looking at me like that?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Like you're baffled I kept my promise to you. Like you don't care that I have. Jesus, don't you care about getting your life back?"  
  
"What are you talking about?", Brody asked incredulously. "I have it back."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Carrie I'm back here with you, and  _you believe me._  You know now I wasn't responsible, without a doubt. You have your proof. You won't hold a fucking gun to my head because you're unsure. That's all I needed from you."  
  
"Okay, now you're the one that's being crazy!", Carrie scoffed.  
  
"Why? Carrie I'm happy. I'm settled down, working. I'm back with you! That's more than I could've fucking hoped for."

"What about being cleared for a crime you didn't commit? Jesus Christ, Brody I have proof you're innocent! We come forward with that and you can stop hiding. Stop being confined to one city block, one shitty apartment!"  
  
"Hey my apartment is just fine!", he said defensively as she looked on wide eyed, totally shocked.  
  
"I can't believe this. You're settling for this? Resigning yourself to looking over your shoulder the rest of your life?"  
  
"Don't you get it? I don't need to anymore. Saul knows you're right about me otherwise he'd have dragged me off the second he came into my apartment. I haven't been cuffed yet. Between you, the imam and Zahira, I'm protected."  
  
"You're delusional!"  
  
"I'm safe, Carrie. I finally have some fucking peace!"  
  
"Well you'll find even more of it when you're proven innocent!"  
  
"Carrie, you know fucking well I'm no innocent.", Brody said bitterly.  
  
"Yeah, I do.", Carrie sighed, lowering her voice as she sat back down on the bed, squeezed his hand.

"But the one crime they've traced back to you isn't your crime, Brody. Do you actually believe what those fuckers on that tape and the news were saying? Do you believe you're guilty?!"  
  
"I'm guilty of plenty. You knew that before anyone else."  
  
"So what, is this some sort of penance? Self imposed exile? You have a masochistic streak I don't know about?"

"I'm not being a masochist. I'm being practical. Even if you do go forward with your proof, I still put on a goddamn suicide vest, Carrie. One I had every intention to trigger. They have my fucking tape to rebroadcast on every news channel if I come forward. Even if I'm not technically a terrorist-"  
  
"You're not.", she said as Brody shook his head, sighed.

"You interrupted me. The entire country sees me as one. I'm the new face of fucking Al-Qaeda. No amount of proof can take back my fifteen minutes of goddamn infamy, Carrie. Even you can't save me from that.", he said solemnly, the defeat in his eyes contrasting the fire in her's as she dropped his hand, stood up to leave.

"Again, you underestimate me."


	47. Chapter 47

After she walked out Carrie was at a loss as to where to go. Sit with Farrah, check in on Quinn, see Danny, her sister. She knew she couldn't go back in that lounge with Brody though. He'd completely caught her off guard, blurting out that he'd grown fond of his cage. Carrie couldn't understand his reasoning and she certainly wasn't going to try. Not now. Not when she had so many other things to worry over.

Grabbing some pills from her purse she swallowed them dry, then was all set to make use of that godawful chair in Farrah's room when she heard someone call her name.

"Carrie, hey."  
  
"Danny! What the fuck! Who gave you permission to be down here? You just got out of surgery!"  
  
"What? I'm using a wheelchair.", he shrugged, as an orderly wheeled him next to a bench that Carrie sat down on.  
  
"How's Farrah?", he asked.  
  
"They sedated her. She was really worked up when she was brought in. And she needed stitches for a cut on her leg."  
  
"Jesus.", Danny shuddered as Carrie rubbed his uninjured shoulder reassuringly.  
  
"She's okay though. She's gonna be fine. Thanks to you."  
  
"Not just me. Saul, Virgil, Quinn. Even Max stepped up to the plate."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah, by the way I'd keep Brody close when that guy's around."  
  
"What?", Carrie laughed in confusion as Danny chuckled, shook his head.  
  
"Never mind. But seriously, Farrah's okay. That's all that matters. Trust me, the sling's worth it."  
  
"Did you hear anything about Quinn?", she asked, looking concerned.  
  
"Maggie did some sniffing around. He's out of surgery. The operation went smoothly."  
  
"Thank God."  
  
"Yeah. It was his shot that got Samir, you know."  
  
"Saul told me.", Carrie sighed. "The other brother though, Khaliq..."  
  
"The son of a bitch got away. For now."  
  
"Wherever the fucker's hiding I'll find him. And I'll personally wring his neck.", she threatened as Maggie turned the corner, looking ready to do some threatening of her own.

"Danny!", she scolded. Her high heels angrily clicking on the floor she walked up to them.  
  
"I just wanted to check on Farrah. See how she was.", Danny defended.

"Something I could've done! All you had to do was say, 'Hey Maggie, instead of trying to work the nurse into bringing me more vanilla pudding, how about you go check in on your niece.", Maggie snapped, imitating the baritone in his voice.

Carrie couldn't help but snicker as Danny looked up from the wheelchair, sheepishly smiled. "I'm sorry. I figured you'd have better luck with her than I would."

"You are such a...c'mon." Rolling her eyes Maggie took hold of his wheelchair, thanking the orderly who nodded and left.  
  
"Maggie wait, he wanted to see Farrah!", Carrie protested.  
  
"We'll see her tomorrow after he's discharged."  
  
"Fine, fine. But if you insist on parading me around in this thing we're stopping by the cafeteria for more pudding." Danny insisted as Carrie let out a snort, watched as Maggie waved goodbye and promised they'd be back tomorrow.  
  
"Since when did they get so close?", she muttered to herself, standing up as an older, bespectacled nurse came from the other end of the hall. The guard watching closely a few feet away.

"Oh excuse me dear, I'm sorry. I'm just here to finish up my rounds and then I'll be on my way."  
  
"No, it's alright. Take your time.", Carrie said as she stood awkwardly in the doorway, not wanting to be in the way in Farrah's small room.  
  
"She's a darling little girl isn't she? You must be so proud.", the nurse smiled, busily checking the monitors and making notes.  
  
"I am. Is everything alright though? Everything's normal?"  
  
"Oh, she is doing beautifully. No need to worry."

Pulling out the chair by Farrah's bed, she nodded for Carrie to sit. Watching with concern as she did so.

"My dear, forgive me but you don't look like you've slept in days."  
  
"Yeah, well. That's because I haven't. Farrah was taken from me. She was kidnapped.", Carrie said, shuddering over the word as she reached for Farrah's hand.  
  
"Oh my goodness. Was the monster caught?"  
  
"One of them was."  
  
"Well you're not to worry, dear. The other one will be soon enough. And in the meantime this little dear is safe and back where she belongs."  
  
"Yeah. She is."

Blinking back tears Carrie leaned more forward in the chair. Not hearing the nurse step out, then return with a pillow and a blanket she draped over her shoulders.  
  
"You should try and get some sleep now too. Have to be awake and bright eyed for her when she wakes."  
  
"I guess I do, don't I?", she shrugged, giving her a shy smile.  
  
"Thank you so much."  
  
"Anytime dear. Sleep well now."

After the nurse left Carrie assumed her former position half curled up beside Farrah, half in the chair. She knew her back would be stiff as a board by morning but she didn't care. It wasn't until a few hours later she felt a small grip on her hand and her eyes fluttered open.

"C..Carrie?"  
  
"Hi sweetheart!", she smiled, a tear sliding down her face as Farrah smiled back at her, but then got a better sense of her surroundings and tensed up.  
  
"Where...?"  
  
"Shhh, you're in the hospital Farrah, but you're going to be just fine, okay? I promise. Everything's alright."  
  
"Y..yes?"  
  
"Pink swear." Grinning, Carrie linked their fingers, but her grin faded when Farrah tried to sit up in bed, her eyes nervously darting around.  
  
"What's wrong? Who are you looking for, honey?"  
  
"Where's..where's Virg? Dan? Pete, Bear?"  
  
"Saul went home last night to get some sleep. So did Virgil. But Quinn and Danny stayed here."  
  
"To sleep?"  
  
"Yeah. They worked a long time to track you down and protect you. But they're gonna be fine. Just like you."

Nodding, Farrah's eyes felt heavy again. But she had more questions and fought to stay awake and ask them. "Wh..what about K..Khal-"  
  
"Honey don't think about him, okay? Please.", Carrie begged, but from the look on Farrah's face it was clearly too late for that.  
  
"But Samir! He..he try to hurt-"  
  
"Shh, shh."  
Small size of the bed be damned she climbed in beside Farrah, mindful of the IV as she scooched down and slipped an arm around her, held her close.

"It's okay, Farrah. It's all over now. I promise it's all over.", she soothed, trying to remind herself of the same thing. "I'm so sorry it happened. That you were afraid."  
Guiltily she sighed and Farrah held onto her a little tighter.

"I..I not scared the..whole time. I..I was brave."  
  
"Oh I know. I know you were. I bet you were braver than me."  
  
Laughing lightly she brushed her lips on the top of Farrah's head.

"But you shouldn't have had to be that brave, Farrah. What happened to you never should've happened. But it's over and I'll make sure it stays that way. Neither of them are going to come after you any more. Samir's gone, and Khaliq's not going to get near you ever again. You have my word."

At her words Farrah shook her head, quickly squirmed out of her arms.  
  
"No but Khal..Khaliq, no!", she cried before she started protesting in Arabic. Insisting Khaliq had looked after her, that he hadn't done anything wrong, and that she had to know if he was okay.

Carrie may have understood the language, but not what she was trying to tell her. And didn't really want to understand anything about the man that kidnapped her little girl. She just wanted this nightmare to be behind them both.

"Wh..where is Khaliq?"  
  
"Farrah, I don't know."  
  
"You..you find him? Please?"  
  
Shaking her head, Carrie bit her lip, adjusted the blanket better over them.  
  
"Carrie?"  
  
"Sweetheart just try and relax, okay?"  
  
"But, Khaliq-"  
  
"Farrah, I don't want to talk about Khaliq! I don't!"  
  
Frowning up at the look on Carrie's face, the iciness in her voice when she said her brother's name, Farrah's lip began to quiver.

"Farrah, wait-"  
  
"No!", she cried, curling up in a small ball in the corner of the bed.  
  
"Honey, he took you away from me. He kept us apart.", Carrie sighed. Reaching to rub Farrah's shoulder her heart broke when she shied away.  
  
"Farrah, please?"  
  
Unable to get the girl to listen or look at her, now it was her turn to start tearing up.

 


	48. Chapter 48

After Farrah turned away from her, refused to even see her, Carrie didn't feel right staying but knew she couldn't leave, and numbly retreated to the chair, hugging her knees to her chest. Hours could've passed but she wouldn't have realized, and didn't until she heard the door creak. Looking up she saw Brody armed with a gift shop bag and two coffees. A peace offering of sorts. Carrie just managed a smile.

"Hey..", he whispered, unable to tell if Farrah was still asleep. Kneeling down next to her chair he handed her the coffee.  
  
"Thanks.", she whispered back as a nurse entered the room. Nodding to Brody for them to step out in the hall, give her space to work, Carrie couldn't get out of the room fast enough.

"Hey, you okay? Shit. Did you sleep at all?"  
  
Concerned, Brody led her over to a nearby bench, sat her down.  
  
"Look I'm sorry about last night, bombarding you with all that. It was the last thing you needed from me."  
  
"No, Brody it's not..." Her voice cracking she leaned forward on the bench, buried her face in her hands.  
  
"Hey...hey, what's wrong?"  
  
Rubbing her back he stroked her hair, trying to to calm her down. But he wished he knew what had her in such a state.  
  
"Is it Farrah? Did something happen?", he asked nervously as she sat up, wiped her eyes.   
  
"Carrie c'mon. Talk to me."  
  
"She wants to see Khaliq. She says he didn't do anything wrong, she wants to fucking talk to him. I told her just to forget about him and now she.."  
  
"What?"  
  
"She's not talking to me! She hates to even look at me! I...I fucked up!"  
  
"Hey, you haven't fucked up, okay. You haven't.", Brody smiled sadly, holding her face. "Carrie, that girl's as capable of hating you as I am of beating you at pool."

"Not capable?", Carrie smirked.  
  
"Not at all. Right now Farrah's just hurting, she's scared. She's just spent the night in a strange room and in a strange bed. She's more confused than a kid her age should ever be. You get her home and settled in, things will calm down before you know it."  
  
"But what about Khaliq? She wants to see him, Brody. She's scared for him, wants me to find him. She's not gonna settle for anything else."  
  
"Seems you've rubbed off on her a bit.", he teased but barely got a smile.  
  
"Look, how about I try talking to her? See what I can do."  
  
Shrugging, Carrie sighed.

"At the very least she'll start asking for you after I bore her to tears. C'mon, couldn't hurt right?"  
  
"I guess it couldn't.", she said before yawning. Catching Brody's eye she rolled her's, knowing exactly what he was going to say.  
  
"Save the speech. I'm going.", she muttered, yawning again as she walked over to the lounge.

...

Grateful Carrie hadn't fought him, Brody knocked softly on Farrah's door, opening it a crack. Rolling over at the creaking sound Farrah opened her eyes, then smiled.  
  
"Nick!"  
  
"Hey brat! How you feeling?"  
  
"Okay.", she shrugged as he gave her a once-over. Relieved that she was no longer hooked up to the IV or any other monitors.  
  
"Just okay, huh. Well you mind if I sit with you awhile, visit?"  
  
"No."  
  
Pulling a chair over Brody noticed the bandage on Farrah's leg had been changed to a neon pink strip of gauze.

"That is a very bright bandage."  
  
"It pink! I tell nurse I like pink."  
  
"Nice. Can I sign it?"  
  
"It's not cast!", Farrah giggled as he shrugged.  
  
"That's okay, still good enough to get signed, right?"  
  
Taking a pen from his pocket Brody scribbled his name on the bandage and drew a smiley face, getting her smiling to his relief.

"Thank you!"  
  
"Hey, anytime. Your drawings are still better though, I don't care what anyone says.", he complimented getting her blushing, but then her smile faded.

"Carrie says that too."  
  
"Well, she's got good taste. You know she's right next door, taking a nap. But I can get her for you if you-"  
  
Quickly Farrah shook her head, reached for Merriweather.

"She told me earlier you asked her to find your brother."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You know I get why you'd want to see him. You want to know if he's alright. I would too."  
  
"You have brother?"  
  
"Not any growing up. But I got to know a lot of guys when I was a soldier. And they became like my brothers."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Yeah. A lot of them went on to do a lot of great things. But the one I was closest to, Tom, he did a lot of bad things. I knew him well enough though to know he wasn't a bad person. He just got caught in a bad situation and then things got even worse. Kind of like what happened with you and your brothers, right?"  
  
Nodding tearfully Farrah held the cat closer.

"I know when the bad stuff Tom did caught up with him, he hid. He stayed away because he was afraid. Afraid he'd hurt the people he loved the most. I think that's what your brother's doing now, Farrah. I think he's hiding because he's afraid of seeing you hurt or scared again."  
  
"I..I was scared.", she admitted as Brody reached up, slipped an arm around her.  
  
"Yeah, I bet. But like Carrie said it's all over now, alright? You're safe. Nobody's gonna let anything like that happen to you again, you hear me? Not her, Quinn, Saul, Danny, Maggie, Virgil."  
  
"Max?"  
  
"Oh, how could I forget Max.", Brody snorted, getting her smiling.

"And you?", Farrah smiled shyly.  
  
"You bet. All we want to do is keep you safe."  
  
"But...I want Khaliq safe too!"  
  
"Yeah, I know you do.", he sighed. "But I think right now, his staying away is his trying to keep  _you_  safe, Farrah. He doesn't want what happened to you to happen again. Same as Carrie does."  
  
"Carrie does not like him."  
  
"Well I think Carrie's afraid of him. Same way people were afraid of Tom. But back then, he did what he thought was right. Same as Khaliq thinks he's doing the right thing for you right now. And he is. When you were away from Carrie, you missed her right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well she missed you too. She missed you more than anything in the world. She loves you more than anything. I think your brother knows that. And I think he's happy about it. He's happy to know you're being taken care of."  
  
"He is happy since I...I'm happy?"  
  
"Yeah. Are you happy?", Brody asked getting a shrug, half-hearted smile.

"Oh c'mon, I've seen you happier than that."  
Giving her a knowing look, he got another shrug and knew it was time to bring out the big guns.

"Well I don't know if this will help but, figured it was worth a shot."  
  
Handing over the gift shop bag Farrah sat up eagerly, pawing past the tissue paper to reveal a plush moose.  
  
"He is from book!", she grinned.  
  
"And, check out what he brought with him."  
  
Taking a bag of blueberry mini-muffins from him, Farrah hurriedly opened it, then frowned.  
  
"They are small."  
  
"You get more that way."  
  
"Ah, okay."

After she devoured the muffins she looked at the moose thoughtfully.  
  
"Trying to decide on a name?"  
  
"It is Marvin.", she said matter of factly.

"He...he on postcards!"  
  
"Postcards?", Brody frowned as Farrah nodded.  
  
"Carrie, she have postcards, from...from cabin boy. From Canada!"  
  
"Yeah I know she does. I'm the one who sent them to her."  
  
"You?!", she asked in surprise.

"Yeah. I was traveling around for awhile and I wanted to keep in touch with Carrie."  
  
"You two friends?"  
  
"Yeah. We are."  
  
Unable to miss the gleam in Farrah's eyes, Brody snorted, looked at her curiously.  
  
"Are you okay with that?"  
  
"Yes! Yes.", she grinned.  
  
"Well that's good to know."  
  
"How you meet Carrie?", Farrah asked eagerly.  
  
"How did we meet, well that's, that's kind of a long story.", Brody sighed, leaning back in his chair.

 


	49. Chapter 49

After she'd finally managed to get comfortable and drift off, Carrie was awakened by a sharp knock on the door. Groggily she sat up, stretched, wondered why whoever it was couldn't turn the fucking knob themselves. Until she saw who was on the other side.  
  
"Hey, mind if I sit? These crutches are a bitch.", Quinn winced.  
  
"Jesus, fuck.."  
  
After helping him into a nearby chair Carrie sighed, perched back on the bed.  
  
"How's Farrah?"  
  
"Fine. She's alright."  
  
"What's with the look? I'm not allowed to ask?"  
  
"No, of course you are, I'm just..."  
  
"Distracted or highly pissed off?"  
  
"Both! Between you and Danny I swear to God, the two of you are going to wind back up here with even longer stays!"  
  
"I fucking hope not. My nurse isn't exactly fond of me.", he grimaced.  
  
"Quinn seriously, what are you doing here? If I'd known you were this starved for companionship I'd have visited you myself. Saved you the walk."  
  
"It's fine, sooner I get up and moving the better. Besides, I figured between the two of us you'd be more starved for company. Farrah's still asleep isn't she? And I'm pretty sure Berenson's left."  
  
"I haven't exactly been lonely, Quinn."

Piecing it together Quinn sighed, rolled his eyes. "How the fuck is he even-"  
  
"The imam's acquired this hospital so.."  
  
"So let's see, apartment complexes, street fairs, places of worship, hospitals, community centers. Anyplace else we should mark as Brody approved safehouses?"  
  
Now it was Carrie's turn to roll her eyes, but then her expression softened. "Was it true what he said? That you let him stay with me at the parade?"

Shrugging, Quinn didn't say a word but gave her her answer.  
  
"Shit. You could've just followed through on your original orders. Dragged him to Langley-"  
  
"Yeah I could've but I didn't.", he snapped. "There's a reason I refrain from making promises in goddamn elevators. Things get messy, and we wind up with a man topping the most wanted list walking around like he owns the place."

"Quinn.."  
  
"I know I know. _He didn't do it._  I've heard."  
  
"He didn't. I just hope that he believes it."

"What do you mean?"  
  
Biting her lip, Carrie shrugged, hardly able to understand it herself.

"I told Brody about Hadad's confession, about all the proof I had this whole fucking thing was a setup. I told him he was going to get his life back and he tells me he's already got it back. Says he has a place to work where he's accepted, and now that I know without a doubt he's innocent-"  
  
"That he has you too. And that's all he'll need to be happy. Excuse me while I go throw up in that potted plant."  
  
Rolling her eyes, Carrie suppressed a smirk.

"Seriously though, Quinn. I think he's convinced this is as good as it can get for him."  
  
"Well surprisingly, I agree with him."  
  
"But he didn't do it!"  
  
"Does that really matter when the entire country is convinced otherwise? Carrie, you've known from the start all of this was going to be next to impossible to make right."  
  
"But I can't just settle for this. Even if he's content with this half life how the fuck am I supposed to be?", she sighed running a hand through her hair.

"So what do you want me to do then?"  
  
Surprised, Carrie frowned at him.  
  
"What? I told you I would help you, remember?"  
  
"Yeah, I remember. I just didn't think that you'd still-"  
  
"Hey I've said all along you're going to need help with this. And I don't think having Brody back in kissing distance is gonna help your cause."  
  
Looking at him annoyed, annoyed that he was right Carrie shrugged.

"Can I get back to you in a day or two? When I'm running on more than an hour's sleep?"  
  
"Sure. No offense but you look like shit."  
  
"Thanks. Thanks for that.", she scoffed. "No offense but you look just as if not shittier. Whatever is going on with your hair is just-"  
  
"Thank you, I appreciate that.", Quinn scoffed in return as he went to lift himself on his crutches, winced.  
  
"Fuck, hold on.", Carrie sighed, getting off the bed. "Let me get you back to your room."  
  
"No. You go be with Farrah."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Carrie."  
  
"Okay, okay.", she sighed. "I just hope she's not still mad at me."  
  
"Wait, what-"  
  
"It's nothing. We had a disagreement. It'll be fine."  
  
"Hope so. Because if Farrah of all people stays pissed off at you, you must be worse than Nurse Ratched back in my room."  
  
"Yeah? Stick around after comparing us. You'll know for sure I'm worse.", Carrie threatened with a smirk.  
  
"Goddammit, really now with the threats? I'm already a gimp!"  
  
"So I've noticed."

Rolling her eyes as he flipped her off, walked out the door, watching him turn down the hallway she waved over a nurse. Asking her to get the stubborn, dark haired man on crutches into a wheelchair before he wiped out on the floor. Nodding, the nurse ran up and helped Quinn into the chair. Getting him looking over his shoulder, glaring at a smirking Carrie.

Her smirk fading though, after going to the front desk and signing all the release forms, she made her way over to Farrah's room. Looking through the partially open door, she couldn't help but melt at Brody holding up Merriweather and a plush moose, making them talk like puppets in high pitched squeaky voices. He had Farrah laughing up a storm.

Quietly, Carrie knocked on the door, shyly smiling as she walked in.  
  
"What's going on? I could hear you laughing all the way down the hall."  
  
"Nick make Merriweather and Marvin fight! Marvin says he..he has better 'M' name.", Farrah giggled.  
  
"Hey, I was just going off the script I'd been given.", Brody defended. "She named the thing Marvin. I couldn't help myself."

Laughing lightly, Carrie perched at the foot of the bed.  
  
"Well Farrah I talked to the nurse and filled out all the paperwork. Everything's all set so we can go home."  
  
Shrugging, Farrah's smile faded along with Carrie's.  
  
"Oh c'mon, brat. Don't you want to go home?", Brody asked. "You'll get your bed back, you can show Marvin your room?"  
  
"You see my room too?!", Farrah asked eagerly as he sighed, bit his lip.  
  
"I wish I could, but I gotta get back to the community center."  
  
"Oh." Glumly she snuggled closer to Brody.  
  
"Aw, hey. I'll see you there soon.", he reminded but she didn't budge, prompting Carrie to speak up.  
  
"You know before we go I thought we could go and visit Danny and Quinn. They really want you to draw something on their casts."  
  
"Nice. How are you gonna turn an offer like that down?" Brody asked, getting an eager nod from Farrah right as a nurse entered with a wheelchair for her. Seeing it her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"I get to ride?!"  
  
"Yeah! C'mon.", Carrie urged as she scooped Farrah up and off the bed, but when she set her on the floor the girl frowned up curiously.

"They ride too?", she asked holding up her animals.  
  
"Of course."  
  
Grinning Farrah climbed into the chair and as she was wheeled out, she spotted someone familiar by the desk in a similar situation.  
  
"Pete!"  
  
"Hey kid. Wanna race?"

 


	50. Chapter 50

Looking at Farrah with a mischievous gleam in his eyes, Quinn did his best to ignore the death glare Carrie was giving him. Giggling, Farrah nodded and using her arms to propel the chair, wheeled up so she was alongside him.  
  
"Quinn, I swear to-"  
  
"On your mark get set GO!"

Propelling down the hall, making sure he stayed at a slower, safe pace so she wouldn't go too quickly, Quinn watched Farrah take the lead and get down to the end of the hallway.  
When she realized she'd won she started cheering, loudly, catching looks from some of the nurses and Brody and Carrie who shushed her. Making the shush gesture right back at them she giggled.

"Hey, you know how much I missed hearing that?"  
  
"Mag!"  
  
Getting out of the chair Farrah ran up and hugged her.  
  
"It's so good to see you, honey."  
  
"It good to see you too.", she smiled, before she saw Danny wave from his wheelchair.  
  
"Dan!", she squealed, right in Maggie's ear as she broke their hug, ran over towards him. Hugging him as well she was careful to avoid his arm in the sling.

"Hey so what's this I heard about wheelchair races? Don't tell me I missed out!"  
  
"No you didn't, we race again!"

Shaking her head as Farrah jumped back into her chair, Maggie shot Danny a glare that matched the one Carrie gave Quinn earlier.

"Just be careful okay? Don't go too fast.", Brody warned as Farrah frowned up at him from her chair.  
  
"No fast then it not race!", she declared, getting her chair in position beside Quinn's and Danny's.

"Danny, I swear if you-"  
  
"Maggie it'll be fine! I swear."  
  
"How? You can't even propel yourself!"  
  
"That's why I thought you could help me..", Danny smiled sweetly.  
  
"For crying out loud. Fine.", she relented, rolling her eyes. But after taking hold of the chair leaned to whisper in his ear.  
  
"But you'll be lucky to place third.."  
  
"Hey, wait! Unfair disadvantage! Maggie c'mon, you're killing me!", Danny protested as she smirked, pushed him at a snail's pace down the hallway.  
  
"F me..", he groaned, watching as Farrah and Quinn sped off laughing past him. Not seeing a nurse step right in their path. Swerving to avoid her, Quinn managed to get off to the side of the hall but Farrah's chair tipped, taking her down with it. The luckily unharmed nurse knelt down, tried to help Farrah up but she fought her off, started crying.

"No! Carrie! CARRIE!"  
  
"Shhh, it's okay. I'm right here, it's okay. Shhh."

Holding the whimpering girl close, Carrie turned with a glare aimed at Quinn, until realizing how guilty he already looked and felt. When he mouthed an apology, looked on fearfully, she nodded in understanding before looking back at Farrah.

"Honey, does anything hurt?", she asked as Maggie knelt down, gave her a once-over.  
  
Shaking her head no, Farrah bit her lip.  
  
"It was just the falling over. It scared you, huh?", Carrie asked knowingly. Nodding, Farrah climbed into her lap, hugged her close.  
  
"Yeah, I know. It's okay. You're with me, sweetheart. Everything's fine."  
  
Smiling, Carrie kissed the top of her head as she stood up, still holding her.

"Ma'am. I'm sorry but she should really use the wheelchair if she's leaving the hospital."

Met with an icy glare the nurse swallowed hard, backed up.  
  
"I suppose though we can make an exception."  
  
"Thank you.", Carrie said curtly.

...

After saying their goodbyes and signing some casts, still holding Farrah, Carrie and Brody made their way down to the lobby where Saul was waiting by the front doors.  
  
"Bear!"  
  
"Yeah he's come to pick us up, drive us home."  
  
Letting out a squeal, Farrah squirmed out of her arms and took off towards Saul, getting Brody laughing.

"With all the sleep she got she'll have energy to burn all day. Have fun."  
  
"Oh I'm sure we will.", Carrie smiled sadly as she turned towards him. Embarrassed when a tear slid down her cheek that he thumbed away.  
  
"Crying made sense when I was sending you off into the North Woods. But you're in the same fucking zip code now."  
  
"I know it. I don't know if it makes things easier or not."  
  
"That depends. Are you going to fight me if I do what I promised I would? That you should've known all along I'd need to do?"  
  
"I'd be an idiot if I told you not to try clearing my name. I just don't see how it's possible."  
  
"Well your not being guilty has us off to a good start.", she snorted, then let out a sad sigh, looked up at him.  
  
"Look, I understand where you're coming from."

"Do you?", Brody asked.  
  
"Carrie, for the first time in years I'm not hiding. Running all over hoping nothing catches up to me. I found a place to settle down, where I can stay for more than days at a time. That alone is more than I ever expected. Forget about being back with you.."

"But you're not back with me. Don't you get that? This isn't us being together, Brody. This is you going back into hiding, me going back to work and trying to prove you're innocent. I feel like my crying is warranted. We may as well be back at that fucking fire road.", she sniffed as Brody reached for her hand, squeezing it.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm even talking to you right now. I'm glad you feel safe, that you finally found some peace. But you must know this isn't the future I imagined for us. All we are is back where we started over a year ago. This isn't our way out!"

"I know it. It's an easy way out. And we don't do easy, do we?"  
  
"We haven't so far." Shrugging Carrie smiled, squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"All I need is some time, Brody. I just have to formulate a plan, figure things out. But I promise, your second chance? I'll make it happen.", she said firmly, but he could hear the desperation in her voice and could see it in her eyes.  
  
She was going to push herself to the brink again, go back to her bulletin board and go up against anyone that got in her way. And if she burned out, when she did, he wouldn't be there but Farrah would be. And the girl would have to deal with the inevitable fallout. Inevitable unless Brody intervened now.

"Hey, I know you will. I trust you about that. What I can't trust is you diving headfirst into my fucked up drama when you've just gotten through this nightmare with Farrah."  
  
"Brody.."  
  
When she sighed disapprovingly he gave her a knowing look.

"That girl needs a little peace, Carrie. So do you. Just take her up to your cabin for the weekend. Get away from all of this, take some time for the two of you. You've certainly both earned it."  
  
"Well.."  
  
"You can show her that trail to the waterfall. Play Lewis and Clark with her, I don't know."  
  
"She would like the waterfall.", Carrie smiled.  
  
"I think it'll do you both some good. Give you a chance to relax."  
  
"Relax? I don't know the meaning of the word.", she snorted.

"I'd love to help you get familiar with it sometime.", Brody teased, getting her grinning.  
  
"So would I. Whatcha doing this weekend?"  
  
"Hey now, just hold on a second, I'm not-"  
  
"C'mon, how am I supposed to do this relaxing thing alone? Knowing  _you're_  here alone."  
  
"Carrie I'm a big boy, remember."  
  
"Yes, I do.", she teased as he backed up.  
  
"Seriously, I can take care of myself!"  
  
"I know. But we can also take care of each other.."

Suggestively Carrie grinned as he shook his head, rolled his eyes.  
  
"You, Miss Mathison do not play fair."  
  
"I never have. Why start now?"  
  
"Look, just take Farrah to the cabin. Have fun. I'll try to do the same."  
  
Catching a flash of disappointment in her eyes, Brody went to say something right as Farrah yelped, waved from where she and Saul were standing.  
  
"Ah. Duty calls.", Carrie shrugged with a sheepish smile.  
  
"Hey listen, I'll be in touch okay?" Squeezing her hand, rather than feeling Carrie squeeze back she released it.  
  
"Yeah, okay.", she nodded quickly. Giving him a quick peck on the lips before backing up, turning to leave.

Feeling that nervous knot in his stomach again, Brody let out a sigh, watched her walk away. Unaware he was being watched as well.


	51. Chapter 51

Wistfully Brody watched Carrie walk off, then turned to see Quinn glaring at him from his wheelchair, but nodding for him to join him in a deserted hallway. Against his better judgement Brody did so.

"Yeah, what?", he grumped, sitting on a bench across from him.  
  
"I just want you to confirm something for me. Did-"  
  
"Farrah draw a dog on your cast? Yes. She did. Looks like a poodle.", he smirked as Quinn scoffed, winced uncomfortably in his wheelchair as he shifted positions.

"Did you tell Carrie that you were fine being a fugitive?"  
  
"No, I didn't say, what did she..? Look, unless you called me over here so you could follow through on your fucking orders-"  
  
"I would, but my knife's in my other hospital gown.", Quinn smirked in return.  
  
"Quinn.."  
  
"You know you're a fool, Brody. You're a goddamn fool for thinking for a second Carrie fucking Mathison would let things go, let anything go, let alone let things go on as is with the two of you."  
  
"I know, I've realized that. Look Quinn I don't have time for this right-"  
  
"No, hang on. My TV's a piece of shit and I'm starved for entertainment.", Quinn laughed darkly.

"Did I also hear you right just now? You expect Carrie to kick back at her cabin with Farrah after you've waltzed back into her life in need of aid?"  
  
"Hey I don't waltz!", Brody scoffed.  
  
"Listen, do you mind telling me why you're doing this, hassling me? Don't you have a fucking operation to recover from? I mean for someone who claims to hate my guts you seem awfully eager to chat me up."  
  
"Hey make no mistake, I do hate your guts. And Carrie knows this. But this isn't about you. This is about her."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's pretty goddamn obvious. Carrie's got Farrah back, now her sights are back on you. Saving you. She can say it's because she needs to get you justice, get the real bad guys, that she has to do her job. But it's not the whole story. The only way it would be was if she stayed the course I did. And if she had she'd have killed you in your sleep by now."  
  
"I'm sorry. The course you-"  
  
"I have a son, Brody. I have a son being raised by the only woman I've ever loved. He has my old name. He doesn't know I exist and he won't know. I've made sure of it."  
Unsure of what to say, if he should say anything Brody simply nodded.

"Any chance at having a remotely fulfilling personal life went away when I took my first job. I made my choice, there was no going back. When I read up on Carrie before I got to D.C she seemed just like me. Only taller, blond and not as sexy.", Quinn said, completely deadpan as Brody barely stifled a laugh.  
  
"I was wrong though. She's not like me. At least she wasn't after you came along and blew that life to hell for her."

His amusement fading fast Brody scowled. "Look, if you're gonna blame her for fucking opening her heart up to someone-"  
  
"I'm not. Just stating a fact here. She fell for you, became emotionally involved. Like me, she made a choice and there's no going back from it."  
  
"You're telling me a lot I already know, Quinn. Get around to asking me something here."  
  
"Fine. I'm going to ask a favor of you. One you should probably take me up on since you owe me your goddamn life."  
  
"I'd rather you go ahead and shoot.", he groaned.

"Would but again, my weapon's in my other dress."  
  
"Listen, just save the cute and the charm for Nurse Ratched over there in your room."  
  
Following Brody's eyes Quinn looked back over his shoulder, bit his lip seeing the nurse glaring at him from across the way.  
  
"Yeah. Definitely not as into me as the last one.", he admitted, turning back around in his chair.

"Anyway. Carrie's getting desperate. She was when there was a chance your postcards were coming from beyond the grave. She is now that you're back and have her perpetually freaked."  
  
"Hang on, did I or did I not help her through after the parade? After her episode?"

"You had your moments, but then you go spouting off bullshit about being content with life in hiding. Tell her you need her and then tell her to go away?"  
  
"I was telling her that to try and take some fucking pressure off her!", Brody defended.  
  
"Look, I don't want Carrie skipping her meds and dealing with full blown mania on account of me! She's done that before, and she doesn't have to now that I'm semi-protected at the mosque. Fuck. That's all I was trying to get across. I just want her to take a step back from my case, take some time with her daughter."

"Well as usual you've royally fucked up. So I suggest you do, not surprisingly, what I told Carrie to do for you when you were on the verge of self destructing."  
  
"And what was that?"  
  
"How much power has Carrie had over anything that's happened the past four days?"  
  
"Not a whole fucking lot.", Brody shrugged, knowing the only thing was her skipping her meds and not letting him know it. But even he recognized that as a perverse attempt at her getting some control back.

"So, you need to  _empower_  her. Give her some fucking control back."  
  
"What do you suggest I do?"  
  
"What did she do with you that day in the clearing?", Quinn asked, hoping Brody could tell it was a rhetorical question.  
  
"Wait, you told her to-"  
  
"Yes. I told her to go after you. But spare me the details of what happened once she did. I've been treated to enough from the two of you.", he grimaced.  
"Whatever she did was to benefit you. Bring you back from the brink. You should return the favor, for once in your miserable life."  
  
"Sounds like a genius plan. Aside from one glaring obstacle. How the fuck do you expect me to get up to a cabin three towns over? I'm pushing my luck being here as long as I have."  
  
"I'll handle it."  
  
"Should I ask how?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Can I ask you something else?"  
  
"Apparently I'm a fucking fountain of knowledge today. What?"

"Why are you going to all this trouble?", Brody frowned curiously. "I know you and Carrie are colleagues, friends even. But you're risking a whole fucking lot."  
  
"Because I  _can_  risk it. I've got nothing to lose."  
  
"Nothing?", he questioned.  
  
"All I have to my goddamn name is a sleeping bag, sniper rifle, and a dogeared copy of  _Great Expectations_."  
  
"Dickens fan?"  
  
"Pip's struggle is a timeless one."  
  
Shaking his head Brody suppressed a laugh.

"So basically, you're willing to risk all because you're a minimalist who wants for nothing?"  
  
"I keep shit simple. Always have."  
  
"Sounds like a concept I wished I'd mastered."  
  
"Yeah well, then you wouldn't be you.", Quinn said smugly, flippantly, in a condescending tone that got Brody snickering, and made him want to punch him at the same time.

"Anyway, I have to get back to Big Nurse. ", he grumbled, propelling away from the bench. "But you'll be at the cabin tomorrow night. Assuming you don't ask questions and fucking follow instructions."  
  
"That doesn't sound fishy at all.", Brody muttered to himself. Rolling his eyes, Quinn spun his chair back around.

"Here's the first one. You may want to pay attention to it. Don't waste a goddamn second of this weekend. Make the most of it. If not for yours and more importantly, Carrie's sakes, then for Farrah's. That girl deserves that much."  
  
"With that I agree completely.", Brody said sincerely as Quinn nodded, went to leave again.  
  
"Wait, Quinn."  
  
"Haven't we bonded enough this afternoon?"  
  
"Yes, plenty. I just wanted to.."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Sighing, Quinn shook his head. "Don't thank me. Just take care of them. And remember, I'm just a dress change away from doing serious damage."  
  
"Noted."

After Quinn went back to his room, tried to talk his nurse into getting some dinner, checking his phone Brody noticed a text from the imam. Replying he was on his way he made his way outside to the waiting van.

 


	52. Chapter 52

"Bear, you come inside too?", Farrah chirped up at Saul, holding both his and Carrie's hands as they walked up to the front door.  
  
"So long as I'm invited, sure."  
  
Nodding, Carrie unlocked the front door and Farrah quickly ran past her, through the foyer towards the stairs.

"Where are you going?"  
  
"Show Marvin my room!"  
  
Watching closely as she ran up the steps, Carrie couldn't help but laugh. Eyes misting up she walked over to the living room with Saul, sat on the couch. "I missed that."  
  
"Well, now you have it all back, thank God.", Saul smiled, squeezing her hand.  
  
"And I'll be damned if it, if she's, taken from you again."  
  
Smile fading, Carrie let out a nervous sigh. "Saul what about Khaliq? What if he-"  
  
"Hey, the bastard may have gotten away from us once, but we'll get him. It's only a matter of time. You know it."  
  
"I'm more worried about what will happen once we do."  
  
"What do you mean?", Saul frowned.

"I mean Farrah wants to see him. When she woke up at the hospital she asked me to track him down. I think she's convinced he was as much of a victim in all this as she was. She's scared  _for_  him, not of him."  
  
"Well, when we do track him down we'll get answers. See if Farrah's right or if the fucker had her duped all along. Either way though she'll be protected. Now that we know what we're up against."

"Who we're up against though is still Farrah's brother, Saul. She couldn't have been older than five when he left but she remembered him enough to go with him at the parade. She trusted him. She still does. He's her family and she loves him."  
  
"She loves you though too, Carrie. And you didn't see her face in that church basement when her goddamn family, when Samir, was holding her in a vice grip, held a fucking gun to her head."  
  
"Oh my God."  
  
Regretting letting that fact slip, Saul kept holding the hand Carrie hadn't clasped over her mouth.  
  
"I'm sorry. But it's better you know what we're dealing with. Khaliq could be the saint Farrah says he is or he could easily follow in his big brother's footsteps. It's too soon to tell, but my gut's saying we should keep our eyes open."

Nodding, working to get that horrible image of Farrah out of her mind, Carrie lowered her hand, spoke.  
  
"I know though she's going to ask about him. She's not fond of letting things go."  
  
"Seems you've rubbed off on her a bit."  
  
"At least she knows when to listen, follow orders. If she hadn't I don't know how she'd have gotten out of there alive.", she sighed, blinking back tears.  
  
"She did good. She's tough, feisty. She even left us a clue as to where to find her."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Virgil found a popcorn trail. Right outside the church where she was being held. He remembered her wanting the popcorn at the parade, pieced it together."  
  
"Holy shit!", Carrie exclaimed, a proud gleam in her eyes. "Remind me to buy her a rabbit or a pony. A lifetime supply of popcorn. Whatever she fucking wants.", she laughed.

"I'd go with a rabbit if I were you.", Saul chuckled, reaching into his back pocket for some folded sheets of paper.  
  
"Here, she had these folded up in her pocket. Must've drawn them when she was being held. Thought you'd want to have them."  
  
Taking the drawings, unfolding them Carrie laughed seeing the rabbit, smiled at the stick figures of her, Brody and basically everyone who'd been with them at the hospital, but frowned seeing another stick figure she recognized as the central drawing from her art room pinboard.

"Carrie what is it?"  
  
Handing over the sheet, she sighed as he swore under his breath. "She wouldn't have drawn him if he wasn't significant, Saul. If he wasn't important. Like I said he's her big brother. She loves him."  
  
"He's still a kidnapper, Carrie. That's who he is. That's who he always will be to you."

Even though Saul was right, the way he'd worded his statement set Carrie's teeth on edge. "Fuck, talk about deja'vu.", she snorted, his words to her in the hall that godawful day at Langley ringing again in her ear.

"For Christ's sake, Carrie. What is it?"  
  
"How long are we going to dance around this goddamn elephant in the room, Saul?"  
  
"What the fuck are you talking about?"  
  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about."  
  
Rolling his eyes Saul shook his head, clearly agitated this had to be brought up now.

"I held off on doing anything with  _him_  or  _to him,_  on account of Farrah being gone and you-"  
  
"Not being in my right mind?", Carrie asked bitterly.  
  
"What, you can say it. I wasn't. I flashed back to being in Baghdad, Saul. Before I knew it I was  _right_  back there. I was so fucking scared I couldn't even talk!"

Squeezing her hand again reassuringly, Saul looked on sadly, sympathetically as she teared up.

"And then you saw what followed it."  
  
"The PTSD. It what, sent you into a flight?"  
  
"Well my lack of meds played a part."  
  
"Lack of, goddammit! Carrie, did you...?"

Nodding she shrugged, knowing she ought to look and feel more ashamed. But she didn't. She'd accomplished her goal. Farrah was upstairs in her room. That was all that mattered.

"I did what I needed to do, Saul. And it paid off. Farrah's home with me. She's safe."  
  
"You still put yourself through that intentionally.", Saul scolded.

"It worked though didn't it? Jesus, I was desperate. I had to do something besides sit by the fucking phone. Going off the meds was my last resort though, okay? Trust me, it's not going to be a habit."  
  
"Okay, Carrie. Okay."  
  
"And Brody was there for me too, the whole time."

"It's the fucking least he could do after he put you through it himself.", he scowled as Carrie rolled her eyes.  
  
"You know it's strange how somehow I've worked past this but for the life of you you still can't!"

"For you to expect anything less of me, Christ. You still don't know a goddamn thing."  
  
Shaking his head he dropped her hand, stood up.

"Just so I'm clear, is this how it's going to be from now on? I mention Brody's name and immediately I'm shut out?", Carrie asked, trying her best not to get choked up.

"I don't deserve that, Saul. He doesn't deserve that."  
  
"He..? He doesn't deserve...", Trailing off Saul shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"He doesn't deserve one damn thing from you. Not one. Not after he fucking tossed you aside, landed you in that godforsaken hospital bed.", he spat bitterly.

"He's the only thing that kept me out of that bed the past four days! Brody made sure that I ate a decent meal, that I slept. He interpreted my theory, took the time to understand it, made sure I took my meds, compared notes with my sister, held my hand after everyone tried to convince me I was wrong."  
  
Coming to a realization Carrie paused, looked at Saul with a mix of triumph and hurt in her eyes that were glistened over.

"He did everything that  _you_  did before. And you can't deal with that. You don't want to deal with that. You want everything to go back to the way it was. Before Brody made his grand appearance and everything went to shit!"  
  
"And you're gonna blame me for it? For feeling that way?", Saul scoffed, looking pained.  
  
"If you are then I don't think we have anything left to say to each other."

"How about you say you actually believe me!", Carrie yelled as she stood, blocked his path.  
  
"How about you trust my judgment the way you've claimed to since you recruited me? Sent me into the field alone for the first time? How about you look at the proof that I risked my life for objectively? That makes it crystal clear Brody's not the monster the whole fucking world sees him as!"  
  
Lowering her voice she shook her head, blinked back tears.

"How about you understand that I wouldn't have a damn thing to do with him anymore if I didn't know, for a fact, that he needs me as much as I need him. It's not one-sided, Saul. It's not me holed up beside myself in my bedroom while he's running for fucking Congress. It's not me barging into his hotel room and arresting him, being his goddamn handler. There's balance now with us. Don't ask me how but there is. He and I, we've finally found some fucking peace!"

"Sure, and how long before it all gets blown to hell? Before you two destroy each other? Forgive me if I can't watch that happen for you again.", Saul said bitterly.  
  
"Saul..."  
  
"No, Carrie. You've made yourself, your choice, pretty damn clear. Allow me to do the same.", he sighed as he walked to the door, turned the handle as she tried one last parting shot. Mostly out of desperation.

" _Your_  choice is going to keep a man in hiding for a crime he didn't commit!", Carrie reminded as he turned around.

"You want to stay in denial about Brody, about me? Fine. Ignore his case, ignore me. Seek out justice when it serves your interests. Stick your head in the sand like fucking Estes now that you're at his desk. But know there's a reason I didn't make  _him_  my fucking mentor, my fucking anything for that matter."  
  
Wiping her eyes she shook her head, looking defeated despite winning this round.

"I need to check on Farrah. You can show yourself out.", she sighed, turning on her heel before retreating upstairs.


	53. Chapter 53

Making her way upstairs, Carrie knocked on Farrah's door before walking in her room, seeing her playing with Merriweather and Marvin on her bed. Trying to mimic the squeaky octave Brody had been using for their voices.

"Sorry to interrupt.", Carrie smiled. "Marvin still thinks his name is better?"  
  
"Yes. Merriweather not happy.", Farrah giggled, making room for Carrie on the bed.  
  
"I'm glad you're home, Farrah. I really missed you."  
  
"I missed you too.", Farrah smiled, climbing into her lap and hugging her. Getting hugged back just as tight.  
  
"Bear still here?"  
  
"No honey, he had to go home.", Carrie said as the girl's smile faded.  
  
"I...I hear you...you two..."  
  
"You heard us fighting?", she asked guiltily, getting a nod.

"I'm so sorry about that. Saul and I argue once in awhile. But we always work past it. And you know he cares about you so much."  
  
"He care about you too?"  
  
"Yeah, he does. Sometimes though I feel like he cares a little too much. And I get frustrated. That's what happened downstairs."  
  
"You frust...frustrate...?", Farrah stumbled, frowning in confusion over the word.  
  
"Frustrated. It means bothered, annoyed."  
  
"Ah. You  _frustrated_ -"  
  
"Good! Good job.", Carrie praised, but her face went solemn at Farrah's next words.

"You frustrated, with Khaliq because he care about me?"  
  
"Farrah, I'm not frustrated with your brother. And I don't hate him either."  
  
"Are you scared? Nick say you scared."

"Well, I was scared.", she admitted.  
  
"I was scared Khaliq had taken you away from me. I was scared when we were apart. But the truth is I don't really understand your brother that well. I don't know him, or why he felt he had to do what he did. But when we track him down I'm going to ask him a lot of questions, figure it out."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because that's another part of my job. If people do bad things I have to learn why they did. I have to get answers from them. Once they say what they did, why they did it, then I can stop them from doing it again."  
  
"You stop Khaliq?", Farrah asked nervously.

"After I find him, yeah. I'm going to figure out why he did what he did. And then afterward I'll decide what's going to happen with him."  
  
"Nick say, he hide because he don't...want me scared."

"Well I'm sure that's a big part of it. Brody, er..Nick, he told you a lot didn't he?"  
  
"He say you two friends! That you meet, in the rain."  
  
"Did he say anything else about how we met?", Carrie asked curiously.  
  
"He say you two become friends fast. That you beat up bad guys."  
  
"Yeah we've done that. Did he tell you that I beat him at pool too?", she smirked as Farrah shook her head.  
  
"He say you are his best friend. You take care of him."  
  
"Well, I try to anyway."

Looking on as Farrah yawned, then tried to hide it, Carrie arched a brow. "You getting tired?"  
  
Answering with a bigger yawn, Farrah cuddled closer. Prompting Carrie to help her into her pajamas and under the covers.  
  
"Yeah. When I eat a big dinner I get tired too."  
  
"I not have big.."

"Yes you did, and Saul agreed with me. You had a double order of chicken fingers, extra fries and a hot fudge sundae for dessert."  
  
"Is that big?", Farrah giggled as Carrie rolled her eyes, mimicking then tickling her.

"N..no, no you stop! Stop!", the girl squeaked. Rolling away before finally settling down under the covers.

"Now you need to get a good night's sleep because tomorrow morning, first thing, we're gonna pack our bags and go for a drive."  
  
"Drive where?"  
  
"It's a secret.", Carrie whispered in her ear as Farrah grinned, intrigued, then nodded for her to move closer.  
  
"You tell me secret?", she whispered back.  
  
"Well then it wouldn't be a secret anymore, would it? Now go on, close your eyes.", Carrie encouraged, still knelt beside her bed.  
  
"And listen, if you have any bad dreams or your leg starts hurting you, if you need anything at all come down the hall to my room and wake me up. Okay?"  
  
"Okay.", Farrah nodded, getting a smile, a goodnight and a kiss on the forehead in return.

After Carrie flipped on her night light and turned off the overhead one, then left and shut the door, Farrah bit her lip and clutched Merriweather and Marvin tighter. Her eyes darted around nervously and not long after welled up with tears.  
  
"C..Carrie? Carrie!"  
  
"Farrah? Honey what-"  
  
Cut off when Farrah scrambled out of bed and ran over to her, clung onto her for dear life, Carrie held her just as tight.  
  
"Hey, hey what's wrong? You were fine just a few-"  
  
"I get scared!"   
  
Whimpering, she hid her face in Carrie's shoulder.

"Shhh, it's okay. I'm here now, everything's alright. Everything's fine."  
  
Repeating herself, rubbing Farrah's back, Carrie held her until she was ready to be released.

"Okay look. Since we both need to get some rest, you grab Marvin and Merriweather, I'll grab this.."  
  
Reaching for the throw blanket she folded it under her arm, then took Farrah's hand in her free one. "You can sleep in my room tonight, okay?"  
  
"Like sleepover?", Farrah asked eagerly as they walked down the hall.  
  
"Except no movies, manicures, popcorn or pillow fights like the night you spent at Ruby and Josie's."  
  
"No?", she pouted.  
  
"Some other night when we aren't so tired. We need to sleep or we'll be too worn out for the surprise tomorrow, right?"

Nodding, yawning, in agreement Farrah curled up under the covers with her animals before Carrie draped the throw over her.  
  
"I just have to brush my teeth and get changed. You try and close your eyes though, okay. I'll be right back."  
  
"Okay."  
  
After she was fully ready for bed, leaving the bathroom, switching off the light, she saw Farrah curled up on her side with her back towards her. She was snoring, loudly, almost obnoxiously so. Odd since she never snored. It didn't take Carrie being a trained spy to know when she was being faked out.

"Wow, looks like someone was awfully tired. I guess she won't notice if I do this.."

Slyly grinning, she started tickling Farrah's foot poking out from underneath the blanket. Giving her props for keeping up the charade, feigning snoring and sleep for awhile before finally breaking, starting to squirm and laugh uncontrollably.  
  
"Okay, okay! St..stop, you stop!", the girl choked out between giggles.

Rolling her eyes Carrie sighed, plopped down beside on the bed.   
  
"What will I have to do to get you to go to sleep, huh?"  
  
"You sing?", Farrah asked shyly, getting a surprised frown.  
  
"Sing? Farrah I haven't sang to you in a really long time."  
  
"Please?"

It took Carrie a minute or two to remember the words, her Arabic was far rustier than it ought to be, but after humming the tune to get it back in her head she started the lullaby one of Hadad's maids had graciously taught her when she'd started tutoring. The song was about all that could settle Farrah then, and luckily it had the same effect now. Within a few minutes the girl looked to be out like a light.

 _"Tisbah ala khair_ , Farrah.", Carrie whispered, pulling the covers over them both as she lay curled up on her side. Eyes half shut she smiled as the girl echoed her Arabic in reply, but then followed it with something else.  
  
"M..Mama."

 _Holy shit._  
  
Eyes snapping open, jerking back and up til she was slightly sitting up, Carrie ran a hand through her hair nervously, took a few shaky breaths. Still in disbelief over what she'd just heard, but knowing from the way the word kept ringing in her ear she had heard it. In all it's surreal, strange, too fucking official sounding glory.   
  
After a minute or two she forced herself to lie back down, right as Farrah curled up closer to her, still sleeping soundly in spite of everything.   
  
Staring up at her ceiling wide eyed, biting her lip she reached over to her nightstand, fumbled around for her phone before grabbing hold of it. Struggling to unknot the earbuds, once doing so she slipped them in her ears, then thumbed to one of her playlists. Taking slow breaths she shut her eyes and started the music. Now she was the one in need of settling down.

 


	54. Chapter 54

"Are we here yet? Are we here?", Farrah repeated in the backseat. When she'd woken up this morning Carrie was already out of bed, and had eaten, dressed, and packed up their bags. She hadn't said much, but Farrah figured she was just being quiet so as not to give away any hints about the surprise.

"Are we  _there_ yet, Farrah. And no, not yet. Just be patient.", Carrie sighed as she continued to drive. She'd been up early, feeling wired after sleeping horribly. Even her music hadn't been enough to get her mind off what she'd heard last night (and luckily hadn't heard since). Unlike her though, Farrah had slept soundly and it was clear who was the more lively of the two of them.

"Carrie?"  
  
"Yes Farrah?"  
  
"Is surprise, cabin?"  
  
"How did you figure that out?"  
  
"Lots of trees! Like you said."  
  
"Okay, you got me. Yes, that's where we're going."  
  
Relieved to look over her shoulder and see Farrah smiling, looking excited, Carrie turned onto the thruway exit for the cabin. Already starting to feel better about taking Brody's advice.

"Carrie?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What do we do at cabin?", Farrah asked eagerly.  
  
"Well, you remember how I told you about the waterfall?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"I thought we'd hike there if it's nice out, and over to this clearing Maggie and I used to go to with all these wildflowers. I can show you the lake too."  
  
"Can I swim?"  
  
"You don't know how to swim, Farrah."  
  
"You teach?"  
  
"Well, I'll think about it.", Carrie sighed as she bit her lip. Just thinking how perfect Brody would be for that job.  
  
"Carrie?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Is this it?", Farrah asked curiously, though she was pretty sure she was correct after the car stopped. The second it was parked she unlocked her door, jumped out before Carrie could stop her. Before Carrie noticed another, unfamiliar, car parked not far away.

"What the...Farrah! Farrah stay on the porch, okay! Stay there!", she ordered.  
  
Getting out of the car, leaving it unlocked in case they needed to get away quickly, she made sure her canister of pepper spray was in her purse. She didn't think packing her gun was necessary with one readily accessible at the cabin, but was starting to regret that decision. Not recognizing that car had her on edge.

"Carrie?", Farrah whispered, hiding behind her after she joined her on the porch. Watching as she reached in her bag for her spray, slowly pushed open the screen door.

Adrenaline kicked in as she noticed the dim lights, heard muffled sounds and a distinct "what the.." coming from the direction of the couch. Her finger was on the spray trigger right as two shadowy figures poked their heads out from under the sofabed sheets. One of them letting out a shrill scream.

"Carrie!"  
  
"God what the...damn it, does she have pepper spray! Get that shit away from me!"

"Maggie?! DANNY?! What the...Jesus Christ!"  
  
Pulling Farrah towards her so the girl's face was pressed into her hip, Carrie's free hand flew to her eyes.

"You've got to be kidding. Are you two decent?!"  
  
"Almost!", Maggie squeaked, mortified as she hurriedly buttoned her top.  
  
"Carrie? I look yet?", Farrah asked, her voice muffled against the denim.

"Damn it. Hold on Farrah!", Danny groaned as he jumped out of bed, frantically searching for his boxers.  
  
"Fu...fudge, you two!", Carrie groaned, shaking her head as she uncovered, rolled her eyes.  
  
"Just get it together here okay, I just can't believe that you...whoa! Oh, shit!"

Quickly turning away after seeing Danny's not entirely covered ass, she stifled a laugh at the Snoopy print boxers he'd apparently located.  
  
"They were a gift, Carrie."  
  
"From someone who hates you?", she snickered as he shot her a glare. Meanwhile Maggie plopped her head in her hands, not sure if she should laugh or cry.

"Anyone de...decent?", Farrah asked, still trapped against Carrie's right thigh. Realizing that, she released her, getting a puzzled frown in return.  
  
"What you not let me see?"  
  
"Something you're not going to see until you're twenty five.", Carrie snorted.

"So uh, Farrah, want to go for a walk?", Danny offered as he finished buttoning his shirt. Nodding, Farrah looked pleadingly up at Carrie.  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Fine, go ahead. Just stick close to Danny, okay?"  
  
"Yes, yes.", she grinned, hugging her before walking up, taking Danny by the hand.

Once alone, Carrie turned to Maggie with a smug, knowing, approving smile.  
  
"Alright, go ahead. Just say it!"  
  
"I don't even know where to begin!", she laughed, sitting in the recliner across the way.  
  
"How long has this been going on? I mean the two of you were hanging out at the hospital, wait..wasn't he just discharged? How did you two...with his shoulder?"  
  
"He made it work."  
  
"I bet he did.", Carrie smirked, while Maggie blushed eight shades of red.

"Seriously though, when did the two of you start-"  
  
"This was the first time. I swear. We've just been spending a lot of time together since..."  
  
"Since what?"  
  
"Since I pepper sprayed him at your house.", she said sheepishly.  
  
"What?!", Carrie laughed.  
  
"He pulled his gun on me! I just reacted accordingly."  
  
"How the fuck did you go from pepper spraying him to...this? And you two being so close at the hospital?"  
  
"Well, we kind of bonded. During the whole thing with Farrah and you, he was really sweet."  
  
"And sexy, smart, strong. Licensed to carry a gun..."  
  
"Hey, don't get any ideas.", Maggie cautioned, a jealous flicker in her eyes, getting Carrie laughing.

"Don't worry. A certain former congressman has me occupied for the moment. Besides, you're the better sister, remember? You're better for Danny than I could've ever been. He's realized this. You should be happy. At least as happy as you were before I barged in on your romantic weekend in front of the fireplace."  
  
"You mean the freezer at this point. It's only ninety degrees out." she groaned, fanning herself.  
  
"Well a little sweat never hurt anyone. Clearly.", Carrie smirked getting a look, and a suppressed smile.

"I'm sorry though, this is just too-"  
  
"I know, it's crazy. I'm crazy."  
  
"No,  _I'm_ crazy. You're just in love.", Carrie teased, but her smile was sincere.

"Carrie, I'm not...we're, not..."  
  
"C'mon Maggie. You forget I know you. This whole thing, this is something  _I_  would do."  
  
"Something you've  _done_.", Maggie corrected, getting a look.  
  
"It's not something  _you_  do. You're not spontaneous. You don't just run off for a weekend and hook up with someone! Not unless you're so head over heels you can't even think straight."

"You've got a point, I'm certainly not thinking straight. And if you think I expected  _this,_ anything like this to happen you're wrong."  
  
Mystified, Carrie shook her head.  
"You bring a guy up to a secluded cabin in the woods and  _don't_  expect sex? And  _I'm_  the crazy one?"  
  
"Hey, maybe I am just as much. I don't even know what I'm doing! What I've turned into since..."  
  
"What you've  _turned into?_ "  
  
"Yes! Carrie, I'm not some teenager who can get away with this sort of thing! I work at a hospital! I have two girls to raise."

"They're with Dad I take it?"  
  
"I didn't even give him any notice.", Maggie sighed guiltily as she stood up, stripped the sheets off the bed then put the quilt down over the mattress. Needing to do something to distract herself.

"I just came back to the house, packed a bag, told the girls I had to work the night shift and left! After Danny was discharged I just, drove him here."  
  
"Well I don't think you dragged him here by force.", Carrie chuckled, but barely got a smile as Maggie continued remaking the bed.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with me!"

"Maggie...", Shaking her head she got up from the recliner, walked Maggie back to the bed and nodded for her to sit down before joining her.  
  
"Nothing is wrong with you. You're a grown woman, he's a consenting adult. You're allowed to do this sort of thing."  
  
"But you just said, I  _don't_  do this sort of thing. I don't, Carrie! I didn't even do this with Patrick!"  
  
"Maybe because Patrick was a prick?"  
  
"He's the father of your nieces.", Maggie reminded.  
  
"He's still a prick. Reproducing doesn't change that. He has two terrific girls and walked out on them before Ruby was four. If that's not proof he's a good for nothing asshole then-"  
  
"Okay, okay. I've heard all of this from you before, remember?", she sighed.

"I remember Dad and I telling you and you refusing to listen. That first Thanksgiving you brought him home for? I told you the fucker hit on me in the kitchen and you screamed at me, stormed out with him before dessert."  
  
"Alright, I know. I was a idiot."  
  
"Note the past tense. Trust me, Danny's one of the good ones. He'd have to be to get this far with you so fast."  
  
"We did have dinner after he was discharged."  
  
"Yeah? Where'd you take him?"  
  
"He took me to that new French restaurant. I drove but he paid. And got us two bottles of champagne and chocolate covered strawberries."  
  
"Your favorite! Fuck, Maggie that is obnoxiously sweet.", Carrie smiled.

"So when are you going to tell the girls?"  
  
"Yeah. I've been avoiding that. Everything's happening so quickly with us. But I feel like I have to be ready to walk down the aisle with him before I clue the girls in. I don't want them getting attached and then have everything fall apart."  
  
"What makes you say things are going to fall apart? Trust me, you introduce Danny to those girls, he'll be damned if he loses any of you. Look at him and I with Farrah. I think he really wants to be that superhero dad. Ruby and Josie may want it too."  
  
"Okay, you're thinking so far ahead here it's starting to scare me.", Maggie snorted.  
  
"I know, talk about role reversal."

Shaking her head Carrie leaned back against the pillows, stretched out her legs.  
  
"Okay, changing the subject. You brought Farrah up just to get away from things?"  
  
"Brody suggested it. Said her and I needed some time to ourselves."  
  
"Well look Danny and I will get out of your hair. I need to get back to the girls anyway and, Brody's right. The two of you earned a little R&R. You especially.", Maggie frowned seeing the bags under her sister's eyes.  
  
"What's that look?"  
  
"What are those bags? Carrie! How much sleep have you gott-"  
  
"Not enough. I know.", Carrie snapped, getting a look.  
  
"Last night, Farrah was scared so I let her spend the night in my room. I sang to her."  
  
"Aw, Carrie..", Maggie smiled.  
  
"Don't 'aw Carrie' me. This was not an 'aw' moment. It was followed by a fucking freak-out moment."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I told her goodnight in Arabic. She told me goodnight back, and then she called me Mom!", Carrie hissed, getting a broad smile in return.  
  
"Oh! Really?"

"Yes, why are you smiling? This isn't something to smile over. This is something that had me so freaked I couldn't shut my eyes.", she sighed, folding her arms over her chest.

"Carrie c'mon, you had to expect this sooner rather than later. Look how close the two of you are! And after everything that's happened the past few days?"  
  
"It was just her saying it. It made it real."  
  
"Are you saying what you two have together isn't real?"  
  
"No! No I'm not, I love Farrah, you know I love Farrah! I just..."  
  
"You're just scared. She threw a name at you, a label, something else for you to be."  
  
"Something by all rights I shouldn't be."  
  
"Hey, that's not true. That is  _not_ true." Maggie said firmly, taking Carrie by surprise before they heard the screen door and Farrah rushed over to them.

"Carrie I see the lake! I want to swim! Please, please, please!", she begged, climbing up onto the bed.

"Okay, okay. Later, I promise.", Carrie laughed as Maggie smiled, got to her feet and walked over to Danny.  
  
"You and I should probably head back. It's getting late and I promised the girls I'd be home to tuck them in.", she said as he nodded, squeezed her hands.  
  
"Fine, but Carrie? We call dibs here next weekend."  
  
"Well we'll just have to see about that.", Carrie teased as she and Farrah got up, said their goodbyes.

"You sure you're alright though, you have your meds, everything you need?"  
  
"Positive. Now, go. Be sickeningly adorable.", she grimaced as Danny rolled his eyes, slipped an arm around her sister before they walked out.  
  
Afterward she turned to Farrah, took her hand. "C'mon, it's time for your official tour."  
  
...

Alternating between sitting on the couch and pacing, Brody checked his watch for the eighteenth time. He'd made sure he finished his work and triple checked with the imam that it was alright for him to leave for the weekend, then packed himself a bag. Now he just was left to wait, impatiently, for Quinn to come through and get him to the cabin. He hadn't gotten a hold of Carrie to let her know, but hoped she'd be good with the surprise.

Deciding pacing wouldn't do much good, since he'd already eaten dinner he got himself a drink, went into his room and flipped on the TV. Hoping something would distract him from the loneliness of being back in this apartment by himself, for the first time since the parade.   
  
As chaotic and dramatic and angst filled as her short stay had been, it had been worth it just to spend time with her again. To hold her, make her dinner, make her laugh. He was counting the hours til he was back with her and Farrah at the cabin, and just wanted to know why it was taking hours. Why Peter Quinn got off on being so damn cryptic.

Between the booze, his boredom, and the scant amount of sleep he'd had the past four days, it didn't take long for Brody to drift off until he heard a clicking sound, muttering, footsteps. Cautiously he stood, made his way to the front as he fumbled around for the light switch on the wall. Not finding it he kept walking, trying to see through the darkness before he felt it. A sharp punch to his gut that brought him to his knees.  
  
"AGH! What the fuck!"  
  
"Hey, first instruction. Don't ask questions."

The threat followed by a punch to his nose, next thing he knew Brody was in even more blackness, He felt suffocated and wished to God he didn't know why. With the bag over his head and his hands tied back (his left more severely, as if he needed more of a hint who was behind this) he was strongarmed out the door, and what he assumed was down the hall and into the elevator.  
  
He could hear the distinctive "ding" when the car stopped at the right floor, then heard the doors open and shut before he felt a humid breeze. He was outside, in what he could only guess was the back parking lot. Then he heard the sound of a car door and unfamiliar voices.  
  
"Did you grab his stuff?"  
  
"Who needs stuff for a fucking cabin in the woods? Let him rough it."  
  
"Fine, help me get him in the back."

Realizing quickly the back meant the trunk, Brody rolled his eyes behind the bag as the car sped off. In what he could only hope was the direction of Carrie's cabin and not some abandoned hunting lodge. Knowing the man responsible for his capture that could very well be his destination.  
  
Cursing out Quinn, at himself for not asking fucking questions, taking fucking instructions, his scarred hand throbbed in angry agreement.

 


	55. Chapter 55

"Alright, are you full or am I gonna have to get you a third helping?", Carrie asked, arching a brow at Farrah across the table. They'd made spaghetti and salad after Maggie and Danny left, and she was stuffed, but the girl across the way from her looked ready for more.

"Are you kidding?"  
  
"I walk..I  _hike_ , a lot! Makes me hungry!"  
  
"Well, that's true. But, if you eat more spaghetti are you going to have room for cupcakes?"  
  
"Cupcake! I forget about cupcake."  
  
"How could you forget about cupcake?", she scoffed.  
  
"Look, help me with the dishes and then we'll have dessert."  
  
"I wash?"  
  
"No. I wash, you dry."  
Handing the towel to her Carrie started scrubbing their plates.

"So tonight, swim?", Farrah asked.  
  
"Tomorrow. It's supposed to rain tonight. Besides, I have to make sure I have a bathing suit here."  
  
"I have one?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure I packed it."  
  
"Ah, okay."   
Taking the dish from her, Farrah struggled to get a good grip on it before drying it. Once done she frowned at the cookie sheet resting on the counter top, holding slices of charred garlic bread.

"What we do with this?"  
  
"Oooh, forgot about that. Now and earlier. I'm sorry, you did such a good job making it and I let it sit in the oven too long.", Carrie said apologetically as she dumped the bread in the trash.  
  
"It okay.", the girl shrugged.  
  
"Where did you learn to make garlic bread anyway?"  
  
"Nick brought us to cafeteria. Teach us in kitchen!"  
  
"Wow. Well, you learned quicker than I did."  
  
"He teach you to cook too?"  
  
"He tried.", Carrie smirked, reflecting on the tomato incident. But when she looked down to hand Farrah another dish, she noticed the glum look on her face.

"Farrah? You okay?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh c'mon. I know that look does not mean okay."  
  
Leaving the remaining dishes to soak, Carrie took Farrah by the hand. Walked her to the living room where they sat on the sofa. "You didn't get that look til I mentioned Brody."

"Brody?"  
  
"Damn!", she scolded herself.  
  
"Nick! I meant Nick."  
  
"Why is Nick...Brody?"  
  
"Well, that's his last name. And that's what I call him."  
  
"I call him that too?"  
  
"That depends. What do you like calling him?"  
  
"Nick. But, Brody good too?"

Frowning Farrah bit her lip. "I think about it."  
  
"Okay, take all the time you need. I'm just glad you two get along."  
  
"Yes.", she grinned.  
  
"You know he's got a daughter too. She's older than you, but he can't really spend lots of time with her right now."  
  
"Oh. He spend time with me then!"  
  
"You'd like that, huh."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Yeah, I would too." Leaning back into the cushions Carrie slipped an arm around her. Farrah took the hint and snuggled closer.

"It's just tough because he works at the community center and he's needed there right now. But you'll see him there soon and in the meantime, you're stuck with me. Is that okay?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
"You guess? What do you mean you guess?"

Laughing, Carrie started tickling her but this time Farrah didn't stick around to take it. Sliding off the sofa she took off outside, then ran around the cabin leaving Carrie to chase her. Once losing her, Farrah ran back inside and hid in the kitchen. Hearing Carrie come back inside, she realized she hadn't found her yet and giggling, stayed ducked down in her hiding spot. Then noticed the cupcakes on a plate on the counter top, importantly the one with lots of sprinkles. Grinning, she stood just enough to reach the dish, and grabbed the cupcake before she felt a grip on her wrist.

"Gotcha!"  
  
"No..no fair. My cupcake!", Farrah protested as Carrie dropped her wrist. Then grabbed her own cupcake and ran into the kitchen to sit next to the girl on the floor.  
  
"Yours that has more sprinkles. How is that fair?"  
  
Using her finger to swipe some icing off Farrah's cupcake, Carrie got a look. "Hey!"  
  
Retaliating, Farrah copied her gesture, leading Carrie to swipe frosting onto the girl's nose. Soon enough more was on their hair and faces than the cakes themselves, and between the sugar and their actions they were laughing so much it hurt.

"Okay...okay...truce! Truce.", Carrie begged between giggles as she lay sprawled out on her back, struggling to sit back up.  
  
"What...what is truce?", Farrah asked her once she had.  
  
"A break, a rest, a  _reprieve_. Call for peace."  
  
"Okay. Peace truce."  
  
"Yes. Peace truce." 

Shaking on it, Carrie nodded for the girl to help her up off the floor. Once standing, she led her over to the bathroom and they brushed their teeth, then took turns getting changed.

After Carrie got dressed, went out to the living room and got a fire going, she turned down the bed. Then heard a crack of thunder outside that sent Farrah running to her, near tears.  
  
"Hey...hey it's okay. It's just a thunderstorm that's all."  
  
"It loud! Scary."  
  
"Yeah, it can be sometimes. But it's pretty far away from us."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Yeah, my dad taught me how to figure it out. See, look. The lightning just flashed so start counting until you hear the thunder. One..two..three..four.."  
  
Counting to twenty before Farrah jumped, clung onto her, Carrie lightly laughed.  
"That storm is still a ways off. Four miles between you and it."

"Four?"  
  
"Yeah. I promise it won't get to you. I won't let it."

Squeezing her tight she lifted her, brought her over to bed before tucking them both in. "Okay, you have Merriweather?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You warm enough, comfy?"  
  
"I good."  
  
"Okay, good."

Kissing her on the cheek, Carrie flipped off the nearby lamp, shut her eyes only to realize it wasn't even ten o'clock yet. Rolling her eyes, she made sure Farrah was asleep before slipping out from under the covers. Then snuck onto the front porch with her phone. It was windy and the rain was coming down in sheets. Sitting in one of the chairs she was content to listen to her music, watch it fall steadily. Maybe if she got lucky it would relax her.

...

Waking up when the van lurched to a stop, Brody's eyes opened and he almost panicked until remembering where he was, who'd landed him here. Pushing past the anger and claustrophobia he forced himself to breathe, remembered the reason he'd listened to Peter Quinn in the first place. Hearing the trunk open he was helped out by one of the two goons, until he was shakily standing outside the van.

"Okay, get this fucking thing off of me or I swear-"  
  
Before he could finish the threat the bag was yanked off his head. In just enough time for the rain to start up again, soak his hair.  
  
"Great. Just great. Quinn must be laughing up a storm right now.", he spat. Turning around he realized he was talking to himself, as the van door slammed shut and the driver sped off. Realizing he was Carrie's cabin, but also drenched and without the bag he'd packed, Brody groaned, shivering as he made his way towards the porch. As his phone that he'd happened to leave in his pocket suddenly went off.

"Hello?"  
  
"Brody. You arrived safe I take it?"  
  
"Jesus, fuck. Quinn where do you get off? Beating me up, bagging my head, throwing me in the trunk of a fucking van?!"  
  
"I had to make sure you wouldn't try anything stupid, like dodge us."  
  
"Try and dodge...why would I do that?!"  
  
"Why have you done half of the things you've done? Let's not forget you're still a fugitive."  
  
"A fugitive who you sent after Carrie to...ugh, forget it! I'm not going to waste time arguing. But for the record you've got a twisted way of getting even."

"Even?", Quinn scoffed.  
  
"You call this getting even. I call this a goddamn gift. You're at the cabin aren't you?"  
  
"Well, yes, but-"  
  
"Yeah, exactly. You're there. But consider your trip a taste of what's to come if you fuck up, with Carrie and by extension with Farrah. They're the only reason you're not in a packing crate bound for Siberia instead."  
  
"Siberia?"  
  
"Cold. Homeland for tigers, husky dogs. You'd learn to like it I'm sure."  
  
In spite of everything Brody couldn't help laughing in disbelief.

"Okay Mr. Answer For Everything! What am I supposed to tell Carrie when she sees your goon's handiwork? Haven't seen the damage myself yet but I'm sure I'll have some bumps and bruises to explain."  
  
"Fine. You fell down, walked into a goddamn wall."  
  
"Damn it, Quinn!"  
  
"I don't know. You're creative. Come up with something for yourself."

"How about I just tell her the truth.", Brody smirked.  
  
"And how about I tell my friends to go back? Let them start the work I'll get there to finish."  
  
"You're not going to kill me. Who else would banter with you in the middle of a fucking thunderstorm when there's a warm cabin not ten feet away?"

"Try a complete moron. The one who didn't think to pack a bag for said cabin."  
  
"I did pack one! That your goons decided wasn't worth bringing!"  
  
"Well, enjoy roughing it then."  
  
"I'm sure since your little plan worked out  _you're_  enjoying yourself right about now."  
  
"Well, guess he's not a complete moron after all.", Quinn snickered before hanging up as Brody rolled his eyes. Did the same before jogging towards the porch.


	56. Chapter 56

Once reaching the porch, Brody noticed Carrie curled up in one of the outdoor chairs asleep. It had probably been more comfortable outside then inside the cabin, but now the rain was cooling everything off. While he saw a fire still going inside keeping Farrah warm, he could see her foster mother shivering in her sleep.   
  
Walking up Brody scooped her up, and she didn't even stir as he carried her inside, set her on the bed. Draping the blanket over them both, he lightly laughed as Farrah cuddled closer to Carrie, and vice versa. If he had it his way he'd sleep at the foot of the sofabed, but wasn't about to wake either of them when they looked so peaceful.

He also knew he had to change into some dry clothes or risk catching a cold. Walking to the back of the cabin he found a spare bedroom complete with a closet and dresser. Trying his luck with the closet first he opened it to find various old shirts, pants, boots, a jacket or two. Assuming Carrie's dad had left them there once upon a time, assuming Carrie would be alright with him borrowing an outfit just this one time, he found a pair of sweatpants. After removing and draping his wet clothes over the dresser, he changed then climbed into the old looking bed.

Quickly he realized why Carrie opted for them to use the pull out couch. The too soft mattress sagged in all the wrong places and a giant crater formed when he lay down. It was the equivalent of sleeping in a fabric canoe. Still though, he'd certainly slept on worse. Brody didn't wake until late the next morning, thanks to the sun poking in through the blinds he'd stupidly forgotten to shut. Groggily making his way to the front, he saw Carrie and Farrah still curled up on the pull-out, still sound asleep.  
Before going outside to pray, he bent down to brush his lips on Carrie's forehead, then smoothed some hair away from Farrah's face. Even walking out he kept his eyes on them as long as he could.

...

Carrie's eyes opened about an hour later, before they started darting around, disoriented along with her. She had no recollection of coming back inside the cabin to sleep next to Farrah. The last thing she remembered was the sheets of rain outside, watching them gush over the roof to splash on the porch while her eyes got heavy and heavier still.  
She didn't feel hung over, even the sugar buzz from the cupcakes had worn off, and she was sure Farrah or the old woman at the bakery hadn't roofied her. But she was feeling very confused.

Sitting up, carefully so as not to wake Farrah, she frowned and then sniffed.  _Coffee? French toast?_ Shaking her head she blinked a few times, rubbed her eyes. She had to be still asleep or dreaming or hallucinating this. But she could still smell food and now was hearing suspicious noises.  
Shifting out of bed she unlocked the side table drawer, then retrieved the Altoids tin and gun. Turning away from Farrah when she loaded it with the bullets.

Making her way to the kitchen quietly, she could've sworn she heard someone singing. Sounding like a horrible Elvis impersonator.

"I'm proud to say she's my buttercup. I'm in  _love._ I'm all shook up!", Brody sang, lip curled, iPod and apron on, doing a little shimmy as he turned from the counter top back to the stove. Adding a cinnamon and egg dipped slice of bread to the pan so it sizzled. Still holding the gun on him, watching with her jaw dropped, Carrie was stunned almost speechless.

"Holy  _fucking shit_."

As he turned to chop up some fruit, seeing the gun out of the corner of his eye he let out a yell, jumped backward. "What the...Jesus! Will you put that away!", he ordered, yanking out his earbuds, trying to get his breathing back in check.  
  
"Okay Carrie, just put the gun down and I'll explain. Seriously, just  _put it down._ "

Nodding, shakily but starting to come to grips Carrie set down the gun, shaking her head. Then started to laugh as he looked on bewildered. "Yeah, your brandishing a weapon. Funny!", he scoffed.

Walking up, managing to get her laughter under control she stood on her tiptoes, pulled him into a kiss. Smiling under it, but eager to talk to her again, when he went to pull back she deepened it instead.

"Carrie, mmm..wait..", he murmured as she nipped at his lips, combed her hand through his hair. Now he just wanted to lift her onto the counter top, take her right there in the kitchen. But catching a whiff of burnt toast, remembered why he was in there in the first place.  
  
"Oh, shit!"  
  
Pulling back he cut over to the stove to turn the heat down.  
  
"Good, not as burnt as I thought."  
  
"Well, good. Now that that's under control,  _what the_ _fuck are you doing here?!"_

"Making breakfast."  
  
"Obviously."  
  
"Did I wake you up?"  
  
"Yeah. And Elvis is officially rolling over in his grave."

Smiling bashfully he flicked off the iPod. "Sorry, used to cooking in an empty house."  
  
"Brody, seriously how did you-"  
  
"I used a bag of mixed berries I found in the freezer."  
  
"Uh.."  
  
"'Put some in the fruit salad."  
  
"Brody..."  
  
"And with the rest I made some syrup for the French toast. Figured it's better than maple."  
  
"Brody!"  
  
"But you can have maple if you want! It's okay by me."  
  
"Brody, put down the spatula.", Carrie demanded.  
  
"But, I-"  
  
"Spatula down, marine!"  
  
Quickly Brody did as asked, trying not to look intimidated.

"How did you even get here? Is it okay? Why are you even-"  
  
"I missed you. I missed Farrah.", he admitted, giving her that sheepish, boyish look that ticked her off but also made her melt.

"Well I missed you too, but...shit! What the-" Moving closer she gasped.  
  
"What happened to your face?!"  
  
Reaching up, her fingers ghosted over the cut under his eye, his bruised, still swollen looking nose.  
  
"Carrie, it's not-"  
  
"Tell me, Brody."  
  
"Nothing! I got out of bed to use the bathroom and walked into the door."  
  
"Ouch..", she sighed, cradling his face and looking up sympathetically at him. He could feel his stomach knot over the lie.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
Nodding, he rested his hand on the back of her's. "Yeah I'm good. Better actually."

Smiling she drew him into another kiss, not so frantic this time. Eventually he forced himself to pull back, held her face as she slipped her arms around him. Her embrace was tight though and he tried to hide his wincing at it. Unsuccessfully.  
  
"Brody what..."   
Gingerly lifting his shirt she noticed bruising on his abs. It wasn't nearly as severe as his other marks and scars, but he flinched at her touch, getting her frowning.

"Jesus, how hard did that door fight back?!"  
  
"Carrie..."  
  
"Brody, who did this to you? Were you mugged?!"  
  
"No, I wasn't! It's just like I said, the door..."  
  
"Bullshit!", she scoffed, and he knew she wasn't having any of this.

"Fine. If I tell you though so fucking help me, you're not going to do a thing about it.", Brody insisted.

As much as he wanted to blow Quinn in, let Carrie let him have it (like he knew she would), the SOB had done him a favor. And made it abundantly clear at the hospital and over the phone he had Carrie's and Farrah's best interests at heart.

"I'm sorry, did you just tell me to sit back and  _not do anything_?", Carrie laughed without humor.  
  
"You are aware you're talking to  _me_ , right? What, did you get amnesia or something thanks to this mystery injury? Is your brain finally as fucked as mine?"  
  
"Enough of that." Brody growled, not offended at what she was saying about him, but at what she was saying about herself.  
  
"Enough lying to me then!", she bit back.  
  
"Alright, I'll tell you! I'll tell you. I'm serious though about you not pursuing this. These guys that did this aren't ones to forget faces. Believe me if they remembered mine, they'll certainly remember yours.", he lied. Again. At least he hoped he was.

"Forget faces, what are you talking about? Shit, is this...Brody does this have anything to do with Nazir or.."  
  
"No,  _no._  I swear to you. No.", he assured. Relieved he wasn't lying about that.  
  
"Well who then? What enemy have we got in common that'd try and...oh fuck... you don't mean, from the bar?!"  
  
"Bill gave me a ride up here and his tire went flat. We pulled over, got out to change it and we weren't that far from our favorite Neo-Nazi pool hall."  
  
"Holy shit."  
  
'The fucker must've been short on cash. Him and two of his buddies came after Bill, tried to mug him. I jumped in when he looked outmatched. The guy's a friend of mine. He's not in the greatest shape."

Getting a look, borderline ice glare from her, Brody sighed.  
  
"Carrie what would you have done in my place?", he asked knowingly, getting a shrug.  
  
"Point taken."  
  
"I made sure we got out of there as quickly as we could. I hoped the one guy wouldn't place me but..."  
  
"You're sure it was the same.."  
  
"88 tattooed on his upper arm, right?"  
  
"Yeah. His 'jersey number'. Jesus Christ. Of all the people to crawl out of their fucking hole."  
  
Seeing his mostly involuntary shudder at the word Carrie sighed, mentally kicked herself. "Damn it. I didn't-"  
  
"Hey. It's okay."   
  
Softly he smiled, nodded for her to come closer. She did so but cautiously, afraid if she held him she'd wind up hurting him. "C'mon, it's fine."  
  
Taking him at his word she slipped her arms around him again, gently, while he brushed his lips on the top of her head.  
  
"So you can stay the rest of the weekend? It's okay with the imam, Zahira?"  
  
"I cleared it with them both. It's all good."  
  
"It's all good?", Carrie mimicked, mocked in a lower voice as she backed up, looked up at him.  
  
"Who are you? Some idiot frat boy?"  
  
"Yes. Actually yes. I am. It's about time you figured it out.", Brody teased as she snorted, rolled her eyes.  
  
"Well if you're allowed here all weekend whatever will I do with you?", Carrie smirked.  
  
"Don't worry. Even an idiot like me has a few ideas."


	57. Chapter 57

Grinning, thrilled that he was here, that he could stick around this time, Carrie pulled Brody into another kiss before he pulled back, hearing a high pitched squeal.  
  
"NICK!"  
  
Stepping aside as Farrah hurtled at him, Carrie smiled, watched them hug.  
  
"Hey brat! Good seeing you."  
  
"You visit? You stay?!"  
  
"Well if you insist."  
  
"Eeeee!"  
Clapping her hands quickly she jumped up and down then hugged him again. Meanwhile Carrie frowned, sniffed as she looked to the stove.

"Um, Brody your pan here is..."  
  
"Oh, damn it!"  
  
Removing the charred beyond edibility slices from the pan, Brody dipped two more slices of bread in the batter than gave it another go.  
"If you guys want to get started, the coffee's done and the fruit salad's in the fridge."

Nodding appreciatively, while Farrah ran to set the table Carrie opened the fridge. Grabbing the covered bowl before noticing a pitcher on the top shelf.  
  
"You're kidding me.", she laughed in amazement.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You actually used that frozen OJ? That was in the back of the freezer the first time I brought you here! And probably ten years before that!"  
  
"Are  _you_  kidding me? I chucked that thing first chance I got. If I had opened it we'd have seen white or green as opposed to orange.", Brody shrugged.  
  
"Ugh! Okay stop."  
  
"Just enjoy the fresh squeezed over there."  
  
"I plan to. Farrah? You need any more plates or napkins for out there?"  
  
"Fork!", Farrah yelled back, her pronunciation not very clear.  
  
"Jesus! Did she just say what I thought she...?"

"I'm sorry honey, what?"  
  
"We need fork! And spoon."  
  
" _Fork_. She said fork, you jerk! Get your head out of the  _forking_  gutter already.", Carrie smirked, getting some coffee for herself.  
  
"No forking way.". Brody laughed, following her out of the kitchen with the French toast. Once everyone was served, seated picnic style on the floor with their plates, Carrie cut up Farrah's french toast then cut into her's. Taking a bite she nodded in approval.

"Really good, Brody. It beats oatmeal at least.", she teased.  
  
"It better. Been slaving over that old stove all morning."  
  
"You get here this morning?" Farrah asked between bites.  
  
"Last night, actually. I had to bring her in out of the rain.", Brody smiled, nodding to Carrie who looked relieved to hear it.  
  
"That explains it. Jesus, I didn't even hear you!"  
  
"You didn't open your eyes either. Guess you needed your rest.", he said, trying to hide his concern at the still visible bags under her eyes. Reaching over he rubbed her shoulder, getting a look indicating thanks but that he should stop fucking worrying about her. As if he could.

"Anyway. Who wants to go to the waterfall with me after breakfast."  
  
"Yes! Then I swim!", Farrah cheered, getting a sigh.  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Okay before I answer that. Let me just make sure I packed..."  
  
Getting up she unzipped Farrah's backpack, looked through it and then swore under her breath.  
  
"Carrie, what-"  
  
"Farrah, honey I'm sorry. I think I forgot to pack your bathing suit."  
  
"Oh.." Sadly the girl crossed her arms, bowed her head.  
  
"Well hey, there's lots of other stuff we can do around here.", Brody reassured. "The weekend's not totally lost."  
  
"And we'll come back soon so you can swim, Farrah. You have my word, okay?"  
  
Nodding, Farrah finished her French toast then poked around at her fruit before getting up. "I go get changed. Brush teeth."

"Okay, honey.", Carrie sighed, sadly watching her walk off before standing. Running a hand through her hair angrily.  
  
"How could I forget her fucking suit? All she's talked about is swimming since she found out we were coming here."  
  
"Hey, don't beat yourself up. We can always improvise something. Shit. If it gets any hotter out she can jump in the lake with her clothes on."  
  
"Yeah, you're probably right.", she nodded, giving him a weak smile that didn't do much to counter the guilt in her eyes. When she sat on the couch he stood up, joined her.

"You sure you're okay? You've been eating enough?"  
  
"I cleaned my plate.", she snapped.  
  
"Getting enough sleep?"  
  
"Brody c'mon."  
  
"Hey, I'm allowed to ask. How have things been between you two after everything?", he asked, rubbing her shoulder before she gave in, leaned on his.

"Farrah called me Mom the other night. Before she went to sleep."  
  
"What?! She did?"  
  
Nodding, Carrie sat up and the surprised smile on Brody's face faded, seeing the look on her's.  
  
"Well, look at it this way. There are plenty worse things she could've called you, aren't there?"

"It just didn't sound right, Brody. It didn't fit. I've always been Carrie to her. That's who we are. Carrie and Farrah. Before it was Miss Matthews and Farrah. I've gotten used to that. It just feels right."  
  
"Not quite so formal, right? Not so official?"  
  
"Yes, exactly." Leaning back into the couch cushions her hand swept through her hair again.

"Did you talk to her about it?"  
  
"No. She said it when she was half asleep. And hasn't said it since."  
  
"Well like I said, she could be calling you worse."  
  
"Brody she's six, not sixteen. She doesn't know 'worse'."

"Well take it from someone who has heard worse. Just look past the label here. All Farrah did was let you know what deep down she thinks of you as. It just shows how strong your connection is, in spite of everything that's happened to you both. It's pretty fucking amazing if you ask me."  
  
"You really think so?", Carrie asked, giving him a watery smile.

"Yeah, I do. Just don't forget her bathing suit again and I think you two will be fine."  
  
Rolling her eyes, she swatted him on the arm, before they heard Farrah let out a yelp. Jumping up they both ran onto the porch where she was crouched down, giggling about something.

"Look! Look what I find!"  
  
"You mean look at what you found?", Carrie corrected.  
  
"Okay, I'll take a look." Kneeling down next to her she gasped.  
  
"He like Merriweather, see!"  
  
"Yeah there's definitely a resemblance." Laughing she rubbed the gray kitten gently behind the ears.  
  
"Carrie, what the..." Sighing, Brody shook his head, rolled his eyes.

"That thing could have fleas, you know."  
  
"I think I'd be able to tell."  
  
"What if he's feral, rabid? His fur's all matted too."  
  
"He was out in a rainstorm all night, Brody. Wouldn't you be a little disheveled looking too?"  
  
Looking on dumbfounded, he laughed in disbelief. "I had no idea you were such a sucker for fuzzy and cute."

Rolling her eyes, Carrie continued petting the kitten as Farrah giggled, went to pick him up.  
  
"Nick, he purring!"  
  
"Farrah make sure he doesn't scratch-"  
  
"She's fine, Brody. If you're so worried why don't you give it a try?", she smirked.  
  
"No, that's okay, really."  
  
"Please Nick? He like you too?"

Looking between her and Carrie, knowing between the two of them there was no getting out of it, Brody sighed.  
"Well if you're gonna double team me like this.."  
  
Gently taking the cat from Farrah, when it softly sneezed, he rolled his eyes at the cooing that echoed it, looked down at the small gray fur bundle accusingly.  
"Perfect timing. Now I'm triple teamed with cute."

Taking the cat back from him, Carrie shot him a look.  
  
"Hey, I'll stay out of it. You want him, he's yours. Just don't come crying to me when he comes home with ticks or rabies or whatever."  
  
"He won't come home with ticks or rabies. He'll be a cabin or a townhouse cat. Indoors. Otherwise the doberman next door to me will have a fuc-..freaking field day."  
  
"We keep!", Farrah asked.  
  
"Yes. We keep. But he's gonna be your responsibility, alright?"  
  
"Yes. Okay.", she giggled, taking him back.  
  
"So does he get a name?", Brody asked.  
  
"Calvin."  
  
"Calvin. Okay. Sounds like Marvin's got a new best friend."  
  
"No, Marvin's a moose!"  
  
"Fine, fine. I stand corrected.", he muttered as they brought the kitten inside, set him down to explore the living room.

"He likes it!", Farrah cheered, following him into the kitchen.  
  
"Yeah. He certainly will when he gets his claws in all the furnit-"  
  
"Brody.", Carrie cautioned.  
  
"Look I'm going to run to the store, get Calvin some supplies. The two of you can get better acquainted."  
  
"Hey it's okay, I can go. Just let me get my hat and some-"  
  
"Um, no. Even if a hat were an adequate disguise, which it's not, you were just mugged by fucking Nazi's not ten miles from here. You're staying put."  
  
"Carrie.." Met with a look he knew better than to argue with, he sighed, gave her a nod that got him a kiss goodbye in return.

"Farrah, you want to come to the store with me?"  
  
"No, I stay here."  
  
"Oh, okay."  
  
Trying not to feel too rejected Carrie grabbed her purse, not catching Brody's smirk.  
  
"Ready to reconsider taking the plunge, buying that litter box? You just lost out to a goddamn cat."  
  
"Shut up."

After she walked out, Farrah left the kitchen and went onto the porch with her book.  
  
"Hey, what gives. I thought you were keeping Calvin company."  
  
"Carrie want me to read. She want you to like Calvin. It your turn with him.", the girl smirked, walking onto the porch as Brody rolled his eyes, plopped down on the couch right as Calvin meowed. Looked up at him with huge sad eyes.  
  
"Oh. Don't you even start."


	58. Chapter 58

Stretching back onto the sofabed, seeing as Farrah was content outside reading her book, Brody shut his eyes only to feel tiny paws jump onto him, and tiny claws starting to dig into his abs.  
  
"Hey! Watch it!", he barked as Calvin mewed, jumped off of him.  
"Thank you."  
  
Closing his eyes again it didn't take long for him to drift off. He hadn't slept well in the canoe bed, and figured squeezing in a quick nap before the hike to the waterfall would be a good idea. Sleeping soundly, he didn't feel Calvin jump back up and resume his earlier position. This time though the kitten curled up right on his shoulder, his loud purring lulling Brody into even deeper sleep.

"Okay, I've got food. A bowl for the food. I've got treats, a scratching post, litter, litter box. Some sort of catnip creature. And a pole with feathers dangling off it."  
  
"Feathers?", Farrah frowned, looking up from her book.  
  
"Supposedly kittens can't keep their paws off of them. Did I forget anything?"  
  
"You get collar?"  
  
"Damn it. Ugh, stupid. I knew I forgot something. Guess he'll have to go without. Speaking of which, where..."

Giggling, Farrah got up, motioned for Carrie to follow her inside before pointing to the couch. Specifically where Calvin had dozed off.

"Oh shit..", she laughed, covering her mouth with one hand and pulling out her phone with the other. After snapping a picture or two the phone rang. Seeing the caller, Saul, Carrie's smile faded and she shut it off.  
  
"Where...what the..", Brody muttered.  
  
"No! Nick don't move!", Farrah yelped, getting him frowning and her shaking her head. Annoyed she went back outside, returned to her book.

"You heard her! Stay put or you'll make him move."  
  
"If you think for one second I'm not going to move on account of a cat...", he scoffed as Carrie pouted.  
  
"C'mon Brody. He's purring and everything."  
  
"Hey, enough! Giving me that look.", Holding the still snoozy Calvin, Brody sat up, then stood up.  
  
"I'll just move him to a more willing shoulder, okay? Here."

Setting him down on Carrie, the cat continued to sleep unfazed, snuggled near the crook of her neck.  
  
"So I'm just supposed to walk around with him like this. All day!"  
  
"Oh c'mon Carrie. He's purring and everything.", Brody mocked.  
  
"Great. So in addition to crazy I'm a fucking crazy cat lady?"  
  
"Eh, not necessarily.", he teased. "I think to qualify you need three more of those draped on you, to be hopelessly single and, what's the last..oh yeah, unattractive."  
  
"You're saying I'm none of the above?", she asked, her voice teasing but with a flicker of seriousness in her eyes.

Leaning in to kiss her as an answer, after their lips met Brody heard a distinct hiss and jumped back. Getting Carrie laughing.  
  
"Hey! Okay if your new friend gets in the way of  _that_  with us-"  
  
"Settle down. He's just protecting me. Someone has to.", she smirked, lifting the kitten off her shoulder and onto the rug before resuming the kiss, getting over to the couch.

Not letting things get overly heated with Farrah just outside, they were interrupted by a loud meow and a scratching sound at the door.  
  
"I swear that cat.."  
  
"Fuck. Just remember where we left off, Sergeant. I got him."

Getting up Carrie opened the door, went to let the kitten onto the porch to be with Farrah, only to see the porch was deserted.  
  
"Oh shit. Farrah? Farrah!"  
  
Running outside she looked to her left, right, everywhere, with no sign of her.  
  
"Carrie what...what happened?"

Joining her on the porch, Brody's stomach knotted at the look on her face, then double knotted realizing she was out here alone.  
  
"Son of a...Farrah! FARRAH!", he yelled with no response. Keeping his own fear in check he forced himself to think rationally, calmly. Take control of the situation before Carrie had the chance to spiral out of control. Looking at her he could tell she wasn't that far off.

"Not again. This...this isn't fucking happening again...it...it can't! I-"  
  
"Carrie, Carrie look at me okay. Look at me.", he ordered, taking a grip on her shaking shoulders.  
  
"Don't panic, okay? We will find Farrah. I swear it."  
  
"Brody! I-"  
  
"Say it back to me. We'll find her."  
  
"But I-"  
  
"Say it, goddamn it!"

Swallowing hard she managed a nod. "We...we'll find her."  
  
"We will, okay. We will." , he promised. Quickly kissing her on the forehead, he rubbed her shoulders once more before running off the porch.  
  
"Go search around back. I'll look by the lake."  
  
"The lake!", Carrie cried, paling even more.  
  
"Shit. Brody, you don't-"  
  
"Just go around back. Yell if you find her.", Brody demanded, all the while praying that she'd be the one to and not him. Looking over his shoulder as he ran towards the dock, he saw her sprint around to the back of the cabin, then heard her yell. Relieved, he ran back the way he came and found her in the backyard, looking up nervously.

"What the, Carrie where are you look..."  
  
Using his hand to shield his eyes from the sun, squinting up he finally saw what she was. "Son of a..."  
  
"Farrah! Honey it's okay. It's alright, just stay there!"  
  
"It'll be fine, brat. I promise I'll help you get dow-"  
  
Cut off when Carrie rushed past him, Brody watched as she took off running towards the too tall looking tree. Set to scale the damn thing.

"No! Carrie no!", Farrah cried. Straddling one of the higher branches, she was clutching onto the trunk of the tree afraid to let go. But also afraid for anyone else to come up after her and help her. Calvin had tried and now the kitten was as stuck as she was.

"Farrah it's okay, I'll just climb up and-"  
  
"NO! Calvin...he, he up here too.", the girl sniffled as Calvin let out a loud mew, skittered over to a different branch.

"Rethinking that damn cat yet?", Brody scoffed as he jumped to grab hold of a branch near the base. Pulling himself up and onto it.

"Brody what the...? I'm perfectly capable of climbing up there and-"  
  
"I know. So go around to the other side and get Calvin. Leave Farrah to me."  
  
Nodding, rolling her eyes Carrie ran over to the other side of the tree, scaring the kitten off his branch and onto a different one. "Damn it, Calvin!"

Leaping up to grip the branch, once she climbed onto it and got semi-situated in the tree, she pulled down the branch the kitten was balancing on. Prompting him to walk from it onto her shoulders and to purr, paw at her hair.

"Oh don't you even. Trying to cute your way out of this. Because of you I'm climbing a fucking  _tree_  instead of-"

Interrupted with a meow, Carrie eyed Brody closely as he made his way to the higher branches where Farrah was still perched.  
  
"Nick!"  
  
"It's okay Farrah, I'm almost there. I'm almost behind you."  
  
"Nick, I scared!"  
  
"Farrah? Farrah look over here. Look at me.", Carrie coached as the girl turned her face towards her, looking pale.  
  
"You're okay, sweetheart. You're not going to fall."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Shhh. Just relax. Stay still and keep holding on just like you've been doing. Brody's almost behind you."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Yes. I can see him even though you can't.", she assured as Calvin leaped off her shoulder and onto the top of her head. Getting Farrah giggling and luckily enough, distracted.

"What? What's so funny?", Carrie frowned, feigning confusion even though she felt claws digging at her scalp.  
  
"Cal! He...he on your.."  
  
"What? Where is he?"  
  
"He's on Carrie's silly head. That's where.", Brody smirked, getting close enough to Farrah to wrap his arms around her waist. Pulling her off the branch he settled her on his hip, as she looped her arms a little too tightly around his neck.  
  
"Whoa! Hey, just ease up on your grip okay?", he choked out as she lessened her hold.  
  
"That good?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah that's better.", Brody coughed.  
  
"Just hold on. I'll get us down."  
  
After Brody climbed down and eventually out of the tree, Carrie went to do the same. As did Calvin who leaped off her head to land gracefully on his feet. His using her forehead as a springboard though left Carrie distracted, and about to lose her grip on the branch.

"Oh, oh shit. FUCK!"

Hearing her Brody ran to the other side of the tree and saw her dangling, just her left hand holding the branch.   
  
"Carrie! Look I'm right underneath you, okay. I'll catch you, just let go of the branch."

"Are you kidding!", she yelled, trying to regain her earlier grip and not get frantic. "Brody I'm too high up. You try catching me the both of us will wind up hurt."

"Jesus Carrie, you weigh a hundred pounds soaking wet. I'll brace myself and catch you, it'll be fine."

Biting her lip now she looked down and saw Farrah encouraging her too. Leaving her with no other choice. "Okay, okay I'll do it.", she nodded.

"Sometime today would be nice.", Brody sighed.  
  
"Hey! You try being the one fucking dangling up here!"

"Carrie! C'mon, it okay. Look at me!", Farrah coached as Carrie managed a slight smile, then shut her eyes and slowly unclenched her hand. Swearing the entire fall down.

Readying himself, Brody managed to catch her, then continued to hold her as she shook.

"Carrie? Love, you okay? You okay?" he asked nervously until he realized she was laughing, near hysterically. "What's so funny?", he asked, shaking his head before laughing at her.

Meanwhile Farrah watched, frowning and slightly concerned for the two adults in a giggling, tangled heap on the back lawn. "You two silly.", she scoffed as Calvin mewed in agreement.

Once she came to grips, caught her breath, Carrie frowned at her, arched a brow. "Oh, we're silly? Who was the one silly enough to go up a tree that high without asking first?"  
  
"I silly?", Farrah asked nervously, getting a nod as Carrie stood and walked over to her, then knelt to her level.

"Farrah if you wanted to climb a tree you should've asked me. There's plenty around here that you could've had fun on. Like, see that one over there by the cabin?"  
  
"Yes I see."  
  
"If you go out a little on that middle branch, you can touch the roof."  
  
"Carrie, you really want her trying that next?"  
  
"Hey, believe it or not, it's less risky than the gymnastics we were just doing.", Carrie said knowingly, shutting him up.  
  
"I thought I could climb that tree. I brave!", the girl protested.  
  
"Hey, I know you are!"  
  
"Then why I can't climb?", she whined as Carrie sighed, looked to Brody.

"Brat, we know you're brave. You're one of the bravest kids I've ever met. So you don't have to prove it by doing things that could get you hurt or make you feel scared. Especially without asking. Carrie's just looking out for you. You gave her a scare earlier."  
  
"And you gave him one too.", she reminded.  
  
"I..I scare?"  
  
"Yeah.", Carrie admitted as Farrah sniffled, hugged her.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"It's okay. I'm just glad you're not hurt."  
  
"I glad you not hurt.", Farrah echoed, leading the way back to the cabin.  
  
"I'm glad neither of you are hurt. Otherwise it'd just be me and that cat.", Brody scoffed as Calvin mewed, ran back up onto the porch.

"Well, it's going to be unless you keep up with us.", Carrie smirked, taking Farrah by the hand before subtly nodding to a path not far away.  
  
"Keep up with.."  
  
"Last one there has to jump in!"  
  
"Jump in?! Jump in what, we just climbed out of that stupid...hey!"   
  
Watching them take off running all he could do was shake his head, break into a run himself to catch up.

 


	59. Chapter 59

"C'mon you two, this way!" Carrie yelled over her shoulder. She and Farrah had started out strong on the race to the waterfall, but they were going at a quick clip and she didn't want the girl completely worn out. Now she was ahead of both her and Brody on the tree lined path.

"How much far?"  
  
"Farther.", Brody corrected as Farrah trudged alongside him.  
  
"And not too much from what I remember. You ready for a lift?", he offered, bending over so she could climb onto his shoulders. She did excitedly, patting him on the back.  
  
"Fast, we go fast!"  
  
"Hey hold on. We go too fast and we'll both fall over, brat."  
  
"You brat.", Farrah giggled, getting a laugh out of Brody as he reached into his jeans pocket. Pulled out a small compass. It was in the pack Carrie had given him that night at the fire road, and he brought it with him everywhere he went.

"What is.."  
  
"It's called a compass. Carrie gave it to me. See the arrow there? It tells us what direction we're going."  
  
"Ah, okay. Stop!" Farrah ordered. Still settled on Brody's back, she peered over his shoulder at the compass needle.  
"Now turn."  
  
Rolling his eyes he laughed, following her instructions as he turned left. Still watching the arrow Farrah gasped as it moved.  
  
"Other way!", she giggled. Obeying her once again, she kept giggling and then asked him to go backwards.  
  
"Backwards? Okay now you're just making me dizzy."  
  
"Nick, turn again! Again!"  
  
"Oooh, wait..don't think I can stand anymore. Too, dizzy. Look out, this isn't good!"

Playing dramatic, pretending to swoon Brody slowly dropped to his knees. "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"  
  
"No! Get up, you get up!", Farrah laughed, still on his shoulders as she pulled at the back of his shirt.  
  
"Hey!", Carrie interrupted, walking back towards them. "You two were supposed to be right behind me!"  
  
"Nick fall! Can't get up."  
  
"Is that so?", Carie smirked. "Because I think _Nick's_  just being a huge goofball."  
  
"Hey, who are you calling goofball?", Brody scoffed, as Carrie pried Farrah off his shoulders, put the girl on her back instead.  
  
" _You._  You goofball. If you'll excuse us we're going to the waterfall. Think you can make it?"  
  
"I'll do you one better.", Brody said deviously as he took off running. "Last one there is going in!", he mimicked as Carrie groaned, half exasperated and half loving the hell out of this. Letting Farrah down they both took off running after him.

Finally, a bit winded, Brody reached the waterfall and stood still. Staring admiringly at it for awhile before hearing footsteps behind him.  
  
"Pretty!", Farrah chirped running over as Brody put his arm out, stopped her from getting too close to the ledge.  
  
"Easy. That'd be quite a tumble."  
  
Coming up behind them Carrie watched, smiled as Brody sat beside Farrah on the ledge. Pointing out at the water and saying something that made her laugh. The sight was enough to make her tear up, and she feared moving and ruining the moment. But Farrah looked back and saw her, waved her over.

"There any room for me?", Carrie asked, perching beside the two of them before Farrah climbed onto her lap. "The view the same as last time?"  
  
Turning to face her Brody smiled. "Actually I think it's gotten better."

Slipping an arm around her shoulders they talked, laughed, watched the water and broke into the trail mix Brody made and bagged for them this morning. Then though, even with the water close and the mist floating around, it started getting humid and sticky out. Deciding they'd head back to the cabin, try and beat the heat, by the time they reached the property they were all just as sticky as the weather.

"I want to swim.", Farrah whined, looking longingly at the lake as they walked past it.  
  
"Well, what are you waiting for then?", Brody asked, getting a look.  
  
"Brody, she doesn't know how!"  
  
"I can teach her.", he offered, slipping off his outer plaid shirt to reveal the white tee underneath.  
  
"Carrie, please!", Farrah begged.  
  
"Farrah I forgot your swim suit, remember?"  
  
"Why don't you just give her your t-shirt?"

"Wonder why you'd suggest that.", Carrie scoffed as he stripped off his jeans. But she couldn't resist the look on Farrah's, and now Brody's face, and rolling her eyes slipped off her gray tee. Handing it to Farrah who giggled, thanked her, then ran to change behind a tree.

Meanwhile Brody smiled slyly at Carrie, now in her jean shorts and a black and purple lace bra. She wished she could walk over and kiss that stupid grin off his face, get that shirt off him too. But knowing the reason he'd opted to keep it on, her smile went soft, sadder.

"Okay, I ready!", Farrah cheered as she sprinted down the dock, ready to dive in.  
  
"Whoa, easy there brat.", Brody warned, running to scoop her up mid leap.  
  
"Nick!"  
  
"Let's take this one step at a time. Don't think you're ready for cannonballs just yet."  
  
Setting her down he dove in first, then surfaced and swam right up to the edge of the dock, reached his arms out. "Okay now I want you to jump at me, okay? I'll catch you and bring you over to where it's shallower. Good place as any to start."  
  
Now nervous, Farrah chewed on her lip and looked back over to Carrie who took the hint, approached her on the dock. "Hey, it'll be fine. You saw Brody with me at the tree, he's good at catching and besides, you're smaller than I am."

Nodding, Farrah put on her brave face managed a bit of a smile, then on Carrie's count shut her eyes and jumped in Brody's direction. He caught her easily and brought her over to the shallower part of the lake, leading Carrie to strip out of her cutoffs and dive in after them.

Once surfacing she shook her hair out, then swam over and saw Brody still holding Farrah, telling her to kick and only let go of him when she was ready. It didn't take long before she did let go, then dogpaddled over in his direction.  
  
"Hey, look at you!"  
  
"Carrie I do it! I swim!" Farrah exclaimed before letting her head dip underwater. Immediately Carrie swam closer and Brody made a move to grab her, hold her afloat. But soon enough she surfaced, then began splashing around the lake like she'd swam there all her life.   
  
Seeing how Farrah was calm and enjoying herself, Carrie opted to follow her lead and started floating on her back, closing her eyes, reveling in how good the sun felt on her face.

Grinning deviously, Brody motioned for Farrah to swim over and start splashing her. When the girl refused, shook her head stubbornly, he obliged.   
  
"Hey! What the fuc..BRODY!" Splashing at him in retaliation, Carrie smirked, jumped onto his back.   
  
"Brat! Help! She's got me!", Brody exclaimed as he thrashed about in the water, then started to go under leaving Carrie scrambling to get away from him, forced to do a sloppy backflip off of him into the lake.

Meanwhile Farrah, laughing so much at their antics wound up accidentally swallowing water, starting choking on it. Brody quickly sprang into action, swimming over to scoop her up, tap her on the back as she coughed.  
  
"You okay, brat?"  
  
After coughing some more, chin quivering Farrah's eyes welled up with tears. Whimpering she buried her face in Brody's shoulder.  
  
"Hey it's okay..everything's fine. I gotcha.", he soothed, rubbing her back as Carrie swam up, kissed the girl on the cheek.  
  
"C'mon honey let's get you inside."  
  
"If you're up for it we can try again tomorrow though, okay?"

Nodding slightly, Farrah coughed again as Brody swam up to the dock, lifted her onto it before climbing out of the lake. Carrie close behind them. Watching them as he carried her back to the cabin, she put her shorts back on then went to wring her hair out, only to notice her shoulders were beet red.  
  
"Oh, shit!" Craning her neck around and back to look over them, she saw her back was just as burned.

Once getting Farrah up to the porch, Brody walked back towards the dock and laughed curiously. Seeing Carrie attempting to turn her head 360 degrees.  
  
"Carrie!", he called, jogging back to her. "Jesus. Are you trying to give yourself whiplash or something? What's going on?"  
  
"Agh, why didn't I think to put some fucking sunscreen on?"  
  
Giving her a once-over, Brody sighed.

"Shit. You really are red. C'mon. I think I saw some lotion in the bathroom medicine cabinet. Hopefully it'll keep you from wanting to itch your skin off."  
  
"Yeah, hopefully.", she scoffed, before turning to him with a sly smile. Thinking of at least one perk to this whole obnoxious sunburn thing.  
  
"Think you can help me put it on?", she grinned suggestively as he arched a brow.  
  
"You have to ask?", he smirked as she took off running to the porch, leaving him to follow.


	60. Chapter 60

After Brody brought her back to the cabin, then left to get Carrie, Farrah got a towel for herself from the bathroom before spotting Carrie's phone on the coffee table. Eager to play a game or just play with the phone in general, she picked it up, turned it on before it rang. Recognizing the caller she answered.  
  
"Carrie? It's Quinn."  
  
"Pete!"  
  
"Hey, Farrah! How are you kid?"  
  
"I good! I learn to swim and we go to the waterfall and we eat French toast and I get a cat and..."  
  
"Whoa, slow down there. Can hardly understand you. Did you say you got a cat?"  
  
"Yes! Calvin. I want you to see him."  
  
"Right now, or..."  
  
"No! You come to house and see."  
  
"What does he look like?"  
  
"Grey. With stripes."  
  
"I'll be by with some treats for him when you get back."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Sure. He can have them so long as he doesn't scratch me. It sounds like you're having fun though."  
  
"Yes. I am."  
  
"How's Carrie doing? Is she alright?"  
  
"Carrie good. She get sun burn."  
  
"Ouch. You know that's why they invented this thing called sunscreen. Tell Carrie that."  
  
"Tell Carrie what?", Carrie frowned as she walked back in the cabin, heard the speaker phone. "Quinn?"  
  
"Hey Carrie."  
  
"What the hell do you want?", she scoffed.  
  
"I wanted to tell you something, but I think I'd rather just talk to Farrah. At least she missed me."  
  
"Jesus Christ.", she snickered, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Hey who are we talking to.", Brody frowned, looking at the phone before rolling his eyes. "I'll go and get that lotion."

Watching Brody walk off, looking annoyed, Carrie sighed and picked up the phone, taking it off speaker before going out onto the porch.  
  
"I take it someone didn't feel like chatting."  
  
"You stabbed him in the fucking hand, Quinn! I wouldn't be so eager to talk to you either."  
  
"Hey, we've had a few conversations since. Guess I just enjoyed them more.", Quinn sulked.  
  
"Quinn, I've got a bad sunburn and pain makes me cranky. Why the fuck did you call me?"  
  
"Saul told me you've been ignoring his calls."  
  
"Yes, I have been."  
  
"Any particular reason or..."  
  
"You know goddamn well the reason! And I'm sure he's told you every detail."  
  
"Actually he's been pretty tight lipped about it."  
  
"We had a fight, Quinn. It was ugly. And I came up to the cabin mostly for Farrah, partly because I'm fucking sick of his cutting me out when I dare go against him."

"Carrie, the day Berenson completely cuts you out is the day Brody and I make goddamn friendship bracelets and braid each other's hair."  
  
"Well. That would be an interesting look.", Carrie smirked.  
  
"Seriously. Saul's just concerned."  
  
"Well he's not my father. He doesn't need to be. And the man he's concerned about has gone above and beyond making this weekend special. For Farrah and for me."  
  
"Nice to see he can still follow orders."  
  
"What the fuck do you mean by that?"  
  
"Nothing. Listen, I have to go but just do me a favor and call Saul-"  
  
"Goodbye Quinn.", Carrie spat, hanging up.

Taking a few deep breaths she braced herself on the porch railing, looked out at the water to calm down. Only to feel arms slip around her waist.   
  
"Hey, you okay?"  
  
"Yeah. I just should've locked my phone away in the drawer next to the gun.", she groaned as he slipped his arms around her waist, kissed the side of her head. Smiling, leaning into his touch for a minute or two eventually she turned around. Then he made the mistake of coming into contact with her shoulders and saw her wince.  
  
"Alright, c'mon. We have to take care of this."  
  
...

"Ow, ow...  _ow!",_ Carrie whined as Brody tried to work the lotion into her still tender, raw looking shoulders. Trying to curb the peeling.  
  
"You know this is supposed to be soothing."  
  
"Well if supposed to means it's supposed to hurt like a motherfuc... _ow!_ "  
  
"Carrie? You okay?", Farrah asked nervously.  
  
"I'm fine, honey. I just forgot sunscreen and my shoulders are kind of burned."  
  
"Does it hurt?"  
  
"Not that bad. I'm just whining to bug him.", Carrie smirked, nodding to Brody as he rolled his eyes.  
  
"Farrah, I should probably comb your hair out before it gets knotted up."

Nodding, Farrah went to hang up her towel, grab her comb while Brody tapped Carrie on a not so burnt part of her shoulder, got her turning around.  
  
"You're not just whining to bug me, are you?", he said knowingly.  
  
"Eh, maybe a little.", she teased before he moved his hand, getting her wincing.  
  
"But it's still pretty fucking painful."  
  
"Sorry. The lotion should help though. And maybe don't wear anything too form fitting."  
  
"Damn. At least my spandex leather catsuit is at home.", she smirked as he let out a snort. Rubbed the rest of the lotion on her upper back.

"Agh, fuck! Please  _please_  tell me you're done!"  
  
"Yes, okay. Yes. We're finished here."  
  
Running up, Farrah sat down on the rug in front of Carrie, handing her comb over.  
  
"Oooh. Glad we're doing this now. I've already found a knot or two."  
  
"So are you two warm enough?", Brody asked. "I can get a fire going for us if you-"  
  
"Are you kidding, it's got to be ninety out. And I don't think the humidity will break anytime soon.", Carrie groaned.  
  
"Well what about ice cream? Anyone want some?"  
  
"Brody.."  
  
"But I-"  
  
"Will you just get over here, sit down? Hell, just force yourself if you need to.", she said arching a brow, patting the empty space on the rug next to her.

"It's a cold day in hell when _you're_  telling anyone to relax."  
  
"I know it. Honestly. Total role reversal."  
  
"What's that mean?", Brody frowned, sitting beside her as she shrugged.  
  
"I dunno, I just... this whole weekend things have felt slightly off kilter."  
  
"I'm gonna need more here.", he lightly laughed, confused.  
  
"My sister and Danny were staying here when Farrah and I showed up."  
  
"You're kidding. Were they...?"  
  
"Oh yes. We walked right in on it.", Carrie laughed, still in disbelief about the whole thing.  
  
"Holy sh...sugar.", Brody edited. Even though Farrah was mostly distracted, baiting Calvin with the feather toy.

"Danny and Maggie. I never would've guessed."  
  
"Well just imagine how I felt. I haven't seen Maggie  _that_ flustered since...I don't think I've ever seen Maggie that flustered."  
  
"Must've been strange. Like the two of you swapped, ah... _role reversal._ "  
  
"There you go." Laughing she pulled the comb through Farrah's hair once more before the girl went crawling after Calvin. Prompting Carrie to lean back against Brody's chest, his hand absently running through her hair.

"How are you doing, Farrah?", he asked.  
  
"I good.", the girl answered, but her smile went sad when Calvin got bored with the feathers, curled up in the corner to nap.  
  
After Carrie excused herself, went to get some water Brody reached into the side table drawer, grabbed a deck of playing cards. Opening the pack he shuffled them, arranged them out on the rug.

"What you doing?"  
  
"What am I doing? I'm playing Solitaire."  
  
"What is Sol..Solit.."  
  
"Solitaire. It's pretty simple really. The object is to get all the cards up there.", Brody said, pointing to the four cards in the upper right.

Nodding in semi-understanding Farrah took a handful of the cards and plopped them up in the right corner.  
  
"Well, that's one way to do it I suppose." Laughing, shaking his head Brody gathered the cards.  
  
"How about hearts? You know that game?" he asked as Farrah frowned, shook her head.  
  
"No. Is it as fun as fish?"  
  
"You mean go-fish? I don't know. I used to play hearts with my son though."  
  
"Son?"  
  
"Yeah, his name's Chris. He's just a few years older than you."  
  
Nodding, Farrah smiled as he dealt the cards out for a round of fish. "Carrie say you have girl too."  
  
"I do.", Brody said, his smile going sadder. "She's Chris' older sister. Her name's Dana."  
  
"She nice?"  
  
"Yeah. She is.", he answered as Carrie cleared her throat, tossed them both bottles of water.

"Here. Hydrate please.", she instructed as she plopped onto the couch, stretching back as she fanned herself. "Farrah, are you warm at all?"  
  
"No, I good.", the girl grinned, then grinned more at Brody once realizing she'd won the first round. "I win!"  
  
"Okay, that settles it. I'm teaching you hearts."


	61. Chapter 61

After eating sandwiches for dinner, playing a few rounds of hearts, fish, war, then a game of charades, now worn out and still warm Carrie and Brody were sprawled out on the rug, staring up at the ceiling while Farrah lay curled up on the sofabed, cuddling with Merriweather and Calvin both. Sitting up slightly, Brody looked at her in awe.  
  
"How the fuck is she...is that a fleece blanket she's got on?", he whispered.  
  
"Don't worry. She always does this.", Carrie sighed, sitting up in turn.  
  
"I've got three blankets on her bed at home. She likes to feel cozy."  
  
"Well there's a fine line between feeling cozy and feeling overheated.", Brody noted, looking at her nervously and tempted to yank the pink fleece off of her.  
  
"I know. But last night when we had the fire going I looked and she'd adjusted, was down to just one blanket. Trust me, she'll be fine."

"Will you?", Brody asked in concern. Judging from the way she'd been guzzling water all night and looked so tired the heat and her didn't mix.  
  
"Don't look at me like that. I'm fine.", she insisted, hoping she didn't come off as snippy but feeling like she had. Sighing, she managed a smile. Rubbed his shoulder reassuringly.  
  
"I'm  _fine_ , I promise. I'm just not fond of weather like this."  
  
"Well hopefully it'll pass. You said you wanted to show Farrah the clearing tomorrow, right?"  
  
"Yeah. And the heat's supposed to break tonight so..."  
  
"Good. I'm looking forward to it."  
  
"Me too. Hopefully I'll perk up a bit."  
  
"Hey, what if I happened to prefer you like this?", Brody teased, earning a swat on the arm but then a kiss on the lips.

Too warm to let it lead to much else, he made his way down the hall to the canoe bed. Carrie meanwhile grabbed a pillow from the couch and stretched out on the floor, not wanting to disturb Farrah or get within a foot of that fleece blanket. An hour passed by though and she still couldn't shut her eyes.

"Jesus. Fuck this.", she groaned as she sat up, then stood up. Walking out onto the porch she stared out at the water and suddenly a sly smile formed on her lips. Quickly she turned around, tiptoed past Farrah and down the hall to Brody's room, walking in through the partially open door.  
  
"Carrie? What the-"  
  
"Are you asleep?"  
  
"Trying.", he groaned, sitting up in bed before realizing she'd worn his white tee shirt to sleep in.  
  
"Hey, that's my shirt!"  
  
"Yeah well, it's your own fault for leaving it out. You want it back?", she teased.  
  
"Get over here and you'll have your answer."

Watching in intrigue as she made her way over to the bed, leaned in to kiss him he went to pull her closer but she pulled back. "Hey! What the-"  
  
"Shhh..", she purred. Pecking him on the lips once more she made her way to the door, motioning for him to follow her.  
  
"Carrie..what are you...Carrie!", he hissed but she'd already taken off down the hallway.

Rolling his eyes Brody quietly, quickly walked after her into the living room. Watching as she checked on a still sleeping Farrah, then made her way onto and off of the porch. Taking off towards the dock. It was dark out and she was a ways ahead of him, but he could still make out her silhouette, and what she was stripping out of.

"Shit! Carrie what are you-"  
  
"I thought it was pretty obvious."  
  
Kicking her thong off to the side Carrie slipped off his white tee, handing it to him. "You wanted this back?", she smirked before turning around, diving headfirst into the water as he quickly stripped, laughing as he jumped in after her. Finally he came up for air and gave her a devious grin, swam closer.

"You know we shouldn't be doing this."  
  
"We shouldn't have done a lot of things...", she smirked, moving in for a kiss before he pushed her back against the side of the dock. Breaking free of her lips he nipped at her neck, hands roaming all over her as her nails dug more marks into his upper back.

Before things kicked into a higher gear though, Brody forced himself to pull back. He wanted her. God he fucking wanted her, but their first time back wouldn't be in a goddamn lake. Not when he had other ideas.   
  
When he reached for her again, she expected he'd pull her onto the dock and take her right there. Instead though he lifted her over his shoulder, then tossed her back towards the center of the lake, a little too effortlessly.

"Wh...what the fuck!", Carrie sputtered once surfacing, not sure if she should be offended or laugh. Her face showed both emotions.  
  
With a laugh and a "Who, me?" look on his face, Brody swam backwards as she swam towards him. "Close your eyes.", he said.  
  
"Excuse me?!"  
  
"I said close your eyes. Don't tell me you never played Marco Polo as a kid."  
  
"I played Cops and Robbers.", she smirked.  
  
"Okay well, quick tutorial. What you do is close your eyes and try to-"  
  
"I know how to play, Brody!"  
  
"Okay then, prove it."

Accepting the challenge she squeezed her eyes shut. "Marco?"  
  
Quietly Brody floated around and past her, smug as he remembered how he'd kick most everyone's ass at this game as a kid. "Polo."  
  
Hearing him behind, then to the side of her, Carrie shot towards him but knew he'd slipped past her. "Shit! Marco?!"  
  
"Polo.", Brody smiled, dodging her again in the nick of time.  
  
"Marco!", Carrie yelled, clearly annoyed this time as he came up behind, leaned to whisper in her ear.  
  
"Polo-"  
  
"Ha!" Turning quickly she got a swipe at his shoulders as her eyes snapped open.

"Good job for your first time.", Brody congratulated as she grinned, swam closer.  
  
"So now that I've won, what's my prize?"  
  
Grinning he moved to lift her again but she flinched, eyes narrowed.  
  
"So fucking help me if you throw me again..."  
  
"Hey c'mon, don't you trust me?", he asked as she shook her head, wriggled out of his grasp.  
  
"I promise.", Raising his right hand he laughed. "This is a no throwing zone."  
  
Rolling her eyes she swam backwards. "Again, you're the biggest dork."  
  
"Thanks to you I'm well aware of that.", he teased as she snorted, started splashing at him to the point he had to shield his face.

"What the..Carrie! Cut it out or I swear-"  
  
"What?!", she smirked. Continuing to splash him right as lights flickered on from across the lake.  
  
"HEY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"  
  
"What does it look like?!", Carrie snorted as another light switched on.  
  
"WILL YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP!", a man's voice boomed.  
  
"Hey! You're the only fuckers making noise!", she retorted as Brody let out a laugh. But when they heard a shotgun being cocked they knew it was time they get a move on.  
  
"Oh shit!"

Quickly they swam to the dock and scrambled onto it, retrieving their clothes when they heard a loud thunderclap, saw lightning in the distance.  
  
"Nice. Great time for the sky to fucking open...", Brody groaned as it began hailing, and Carrie felt a piece strike her on the head.  
  
"Oh fuck, GO!"  
  
He'd thrown on his sweatpants and she'd slipped her shirt back on as they ran down the dock, back up towards the cabin through the pouring rain. When she went to run onto the porch though he stopped her and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her under the overhang and into a fiery kiss. The rain falling in sheets around them she deepened the kiss, pulled him closer until she was trapped between him and the cabin wall, that shook when the wind rushed past it.  
  
He kissed the line of her jaw, the curve of neck while her fingers combed his damp hair, dug at his scalp. Pulling him closer as he pressed himself into her, pushed her back into the wall.

Her hands came up around his neck and she brought her lips back to his, then she made a move to get those damn sweatpants off of him. Lightning flashed, her legs locked around him, and he was inside her before they heard the thunder. Tightening around him, his pace quickened until she cried out, triggering him. It happened as fast as it had their first drunken time in the backseat of her car. Not that either of them objected.

Catching their breath, her hand still in his hair as he supported her on the wall, Brody went to let her down but Carrie shook her head. Hid her face in the crook of his neck as she held him tighter.

"I just want to live here.", she whispered in his ear before meeting his gaze, budding her nose with his. Pushing her hair back he smiled, kissing her forehead, her eyelids, the tip of her nose before murmuring something against her lips.  
  
Realizing he wasn't concerned anymore with being careful, Carrie smiled, realized she wasn't concerned anymore either. "I love you too.", she whispered in his ear. Pulling back enough to see his eyes. Tearing up seeing his were glistened over.  
Entangled in emotions and in each other, everything felt slowed down, calmer now that they'd taken the edge off.But the storm hadn't settled down any and had cooled the surrounding air.

Feeling her shivering he kissed her once more, then let her down and pulled on his sweatpants.  
  
"Hey! What-"  
  
"You're half frozen under that shirt of mine, that's what! C'mon!" he yelled, wanting to be heard over the rain as he motioned for her to follow him to the porch.  
  
"C'mon _what_?!"  
  
"We need to get back inside!"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"GET BACK INSIDE!", Brody yelled, then realized from her laughing she had heard him. Agitated and officially soaked through, he shot her a glare. Then more of one when she shook her head.  
  
"No!!", she laughed.  
  
" _Carrie_!!"  
  
"I'm not going back in until I see you go back in!", she yelled, testing his memory as she slowly strode backwards.

Arching a brow, her hands went behind her back as she watched him closely, playfully. She wasn't going back inside the cabin until he did, and was content to do this dance around the perimeter of it all night.  
  
"Carrie for God's sake just go insid-"  
  
"You first!", she laughed, dodging him when he reached for her.

To avoid him still she ducked behind a tree, then took off forcing him to chase her. But after jumping over a puddle or two in the process, Brody looking to be enjoying himself.  
Watching him, Carrie realized this was starting to lose its appeal. Instead of being able to push Brody's buttons she had him playing along, beating her at  _her own_  game.

"Jesus, Brody. Get the fuck inside and I will too! What's so hard to understand!", she yelled over the wind.  
  
"I'm not letting you off that easy! You made a game of this, now you expect me not to play!", he laughed, clearing another puddle as Carrie stalked off, in the general direction of the porch.  
  
"Oh you're kidding.  _Now_  you go in without me!", he scoffed, looking at her incredulously as she shrugged, ran to the front door.  
  
Refusing to stay outside in the rain and play this stupid game by himself, he ran onto the porch as she ran inside, then locked the front door on him. "What the...Carrie! CARRIE!", he yelled, turning the knob.  
  
"Go jump in a few more puddles!", she laughed, smirking victoriously at him before going to check on Farrah.


	62. Chapter 62

Once Brody found a way to jimmy the door lock (old cabin, older lock, not too difficult), got back inside, after quickly sneaking into the kitchen, he saw Carrie knelt by a still sleeping Farrah.   
  
Looking up, appalled he'd gotten back inside so fast, quickly and quietly Carrie ran to beat him to the bathroom. He slipped past her though and locked the door, giving her a taste of her own medicine.

"Damn it, Brody! BRODY!", Carrie hissed.  
  
"Let me in there or I swear I'll-"  
  
"Shh! Are you trying to wake up Farrah?"  
  
"I'm trying to get into my own bathroom!"  
  
"You can, if you do one thing first."  
  
Letting out a snort she shook her head.  
"Are you serious?"

Rolling her eyes she groaned, ran a hand through her hair.  
"Fine. What?"  
  
"Get the corkscrew."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Get the corkscrew, and take your time."

Too caught off guard by the request to argue it, frowning Carrie went over to the kitchen, grabbing the corkscrew from the drawer. Looking over she saw Farrah was still asleep, but Calvin was awake and looking for food or companionship or both. Bending over she petted him, rubbing his ears before giving him a treat and a catnip mouse.  
  
"Here you go. Don't go too wild."

Walking back to the bathroom, knocking she turned the knob only to find the door no longer locked. Jazz softly echoed out of her phone resting on a shelf with the speaker volume blared, and Brody was in a tub of bubbles up to his chin. The bottle of wine was on the floor on the side of the tub.  
  
"Oh shit. You've got to be..."  
  
"Care to join me?"

Eagerly Carrie grinned. Locking the door, she draped her damp shirt over the radiator by his pants before slipping into the bath. Giggling as she submerged herself in the suds.  
  
"Hey, what the...get back here! Carrie!" Brody sputtered as she surfaced on his side of the tub, her back pressed against his chest.

"You're all sudsy.", he snorted as she rolled her eyes, kissed his cheek.  
  
"You know I'm starting to think Farrah's the grown up in your house."  
  
"Don't! She already thinks that."  
  
"Seriously though, between this, the lake, the racing, running through puddles like idiots just now."  
  
"Would you rather we start waving a gun around?", Carrie scoffed.  
  
"Point taken."  
  
"I'm just trying to relax like you suggested. I do that by having fun."  
  
"Hey, I'm not objecting. The past year I've barely smiled and now I'm running around with you laughing, getting yelled at.."  
  
"Threatened with a shotgun.", she smirked as Brody uncorked the wine bottle, handing it to her.  
  
"Thanks." Taking a healthy swig from it she handed it back.

"Nice that we get drunk  _after_  acting like lunatics."  
  
"Hey, watch it.", she scoffed as he bit his lip.  
  
"Hey you know I-"  
  
"Don't. It's alright. Again, been called worse."  
  
"Hey, don't get used to that, okay.", Brody said, brushing his lips on the top of her head.  
  
"I'll be damned if anyone calls you anything."  
  
"Oh so what, you're my protector now?"  
  
Taking from her tone she didn't care for that, he switched gears. "Partner in crime sound better?"  
  
"Much." Grinning she kissed him as he set the wine bottle on the side of the tub.

"Goes better with our adjoining cell deal too.", she teased but saw his eyes cloud over and was afraid she'd killed the mood. Sensing her worry he shook his head, kissed her again. This time more passionately before she pulled back, nuzzled his neck and nipped at his chest while her hand traveled down his abs and lower still.

"Carrie...", he murmured, taking hold of her face to kiss her again. He was tempted to take over, flip her under him but she took control, moved on top and then with him. They took it slower then they had outside. The door was locked and they had no reason to rush, only speeding up when they were close.  
  
She unraveled first and he followed, breathing her name under the kiss before she collapsed against his chest. Closing her eyes as he rubbed her back, ran his fingers through her hair. His eyes were getting heavier too, but when he felt the water start cooling he knew it was time they make a move.

"C'mon, I think our stuff's dry by now."  
  
Helping her out of the tub, they dried off and dressed, then brought the remaining wine out onto the porch. It was after midnight and they were both beat, but neither of them were willing to admit it. Sitting down in one of the porch chairs, her in his lap, his hand absentmindedly stroked her hair as she curled up on his shoulder. Watching the rain as they finished off the wine.   
  
Feeling her go limp, start to drift off Brody slowly went to stand, bring her inside but she shook her head.   
  
"No..don't. Just stay-",

"You're falling asleep."  
  
"Yeah. Feels good."  
  
"You'll feel better inside. Off this fucking damp porch.", he sighed but she didn't move a muscle.  
  
"Carrie..."  
  
"You feel good.", she murmured, eyes still closed as she curled up more against him.  
  
"Stay."  
  
Not having it in him to even try and deny her that, he shifted to a comfortable position in the chair, still holding her tightly. "Okay, love. Okay."

...

The next morning, seeing the sun even though her closed eyelids Carrie groaned, slowly squinted to see they were on the porch. She was in his lap, the wine bottle was at their feet. Slowly her mind clicked back to the lake, the chasing, the tub, and despite her worsening headache she couldn't help but smile.   
  
Not sure how Brody was remotely comfortable twisted up in that chair all night, knowing he certainly wouldn't be when he woke up, careful not to disturb him she stood and dragged another chair over, propping his feet up on it. It wasn't much but at least he had some space to stretch out. Kissing the side of his face she quietly walked back into the cabin, and saw Farrah petting Calvin on the bed.

"Hey, you sleep well?", she asked, shutting the door before sitting beside her on the bed.  
  
"Yes. No bad dreams. Where is Nick?"  
  
"He fell asleep on the porch. Before he wakes up though, how about we grab some trail mix and water and take a walk. I can show you the clearing with the wildflowers before it gets too hot."  
  
"Calvin come too!"  
  
"I think he'd rather stay here and sleep. Am I right?", Carrie smirked as the kitten mewed, curled up in a tiny ball on the bed.  
  
"C'mon, let's get out of here."

Taking the same trail they had yesterday to the waterfall, Carrie couldn't help laughing as Farrah insisted on navigating them herself. Using a hand drawn map from one of Maggie's notebooks.  
  
"Okay we go...here. No. Here!", she corrected as she turned right and went twenty steps forward, only to walk off the trail and right into a large shrub.  
  
"No! You in wrong spot!", she yelled, hitting it in frustration.  
  
"Farrah, are you sure I can't be in charge of the map?"  
  
"No. It my job."  
  
"Alright, you be in charge of the map, but let me help you get your bearings here."

Rolling her eyes she scooped the girl up, put her back on the trail before Farrah pointed, gasped as she ran towards something.  
  
"Hey! Wait for me!", Carrie yelled, following her only to see her stopped in front of a large deer. Luckily sans antlers.  
  
"Carrie! Look at-"  
  
"Shh. Shh, be quiet and keep really still."  
  
Silently they both stood, watched the deer nibble on a leaf before it made eye contact, then ran off in the opposite direction.  
  
"Wow!"  
  
"Yeah I like them too. Just don't go running ahead like that on me. You scared me."  
  
Looking up apologetically Farrah reached up, squeezed Carrie's hand as they walked. It was quiet aside from the birds and the light breeze rustling the tree leaves. The calm was working wonders for Carrie's headache and had done wonders for her nerves. Everything seemed to melt away up here. Part of her wished they could just stay.

But she was snapped from her reverie when she heard a shotgun being cocked. When it went off Farrah jumped and Carrie frowned, went tense. Technically the clearing was half on their property, and none of it was considered hunting grounds. She remembered her dad tussling with some drunks over that very subject, when they had gone on a hike and out of nowhere, heard a shot and then saw a deer being dragged. Carrie had been just a year older than Farrah, and had worn the same frightened look the girl was right now.

"It's okay honey, it's fine. I'll take care of this."  
  
"But.."  
  
"Don't worry. We're allowed here. They aren't."

Walking in the direction of the laughing and slurring, Carrie cleared her throat at the three men staggering around the clearing. None of whom looked sober enough to be within a foot of a firearm. Farrah followed her, and when she saw the flowers being crushed under the boots of the big looking men, her jaw clenched and she darted past Carrie towards them.

"What the-"  
  
"You stop! You crush them.", she scolded. Bending down she tried to pick some of the daisies around their boots.  
  
"Excuse me little girl, I think you ought to leave.", one of the men sneered.  
  
"No! You leave. Leave flowers alone.", Farrah ordered, looking up as he bent down.  
  
"Listen you little brat-"  
  
"Only Nick call me brat!"  
  
"You think you can talk to me that way!", the man half snarled, half slurred as he gripped Farrah by the arm, only to feel a sharp blow, then a tight grip on his own.  
  
"Hey what the-"

"Get the fuck away from her, now.", Carrie growled.  
  
"What the-"  
  
"I said move, asshole!", she barked as the man backed up, then caught himself and put a condescending smirk on his face.  
  
"Well, who's this big girl..."  
  
"Shut up. Not only is half this clearing on my property, the hunting grounds are across the lake."  
  
"Listen sweetheart, you're not gonna tell me where I can use my gun."  
  
"And you're not going to traipse around here shitfaced with it."

Disarming him before he could even realize what she'd done, the man shook his head and looked at her viciously. Making Carrie more angry than fearful as she rolled her eyes, removed the bullets and put them in the empty trail mix bag.  
  
"Get out of here, with your friends, and I won't press charges for trespassing.", she said simply, handing him back the weapon and the bag of bullets.

"Look, I don't like being told what to do."  
  
"And I don't like dealing with fucking morons first thing in the morning."

"Hey...hey! What's going on over here." A balding man asked, sauntering over with a shotgun in one hand and a flask in the other.  
  
"Ah, nice of you to join the party.", Carrie spat.  
  
"Look, whoever is the least wasted of the two of you can be the leader. Just get out. Trail is that way."

"Yes. Get out!", Farrah chimed in as the balding man frowned, made a move towards her but Carrie stepped in between them, getting him glaring.  
  
"Hey, she pipes up again and I'll put her goddamn scarf someplace els-"

Kneeing him in the groin, not even content seeing him just doubled over, Carrie struck his nose with the heel of her hand. The blows left him incapacitated on the ground, bloodied, but she had to fight the urge to finish the job.

"Any of you try following me? Expect the same.", she promised, taking Farrah by the hand as she turned to leave, only to feel an all too familiar object press into her upper back. Swallowing hard she took deep breaths, her mind racing to think of the best way to disarm him.

"I thought I told you I didn't like people fucking with me.."


	63. Chapter 63

Feeling the shotgun pressed into her back, recognizing the drawl in the owner's voice and wishing like hell she didn't, Carrie swallowed hard, looked over to Farrah.  
  
"Honey go to the cabin, okay. Go right now.", she ordered, trying to keep her voice steady and as calm as possible. It didn't keep the fear in the girl's eyes at bay though.  
  
"C..Carrie?"  
  
"Sweetheart I'll be fine, I promise.  _Just go to the cabin._ ", she insisted as 'Chief' let out a laugh.  
  
"Yeah go on sweetheart, just do what her pretty face says.",he mocked.

Eyes cold, using a simple but effective combination of movements, Carrie managed to disarm and pull the gun back on him. Only to hear Farrah let out a scream. Glancing over her shoulder she saw the girl shakily standing, whimpering, about to burst into tears, and then remembered what she was holding that had her so upset.

"Oh no...oh shit..", she gasped. Her eyes darting from Farrah, to the two men lying on the ground, and then to the one standing directly front of her. The idiot looked thrown by everything, but still was giving her a smirk, looked ready to get some revenge.

Knowing he wouldn't get it by landing her in jail for assault with a deadly weapon, Carrie backed up, looked at the gun once more before throwing it as far away as she could, deep into the trees.

"What the fuc...throwing my goddamn... you're still a fucking piece of work, aren't you!"

She'd made a break towards Farrah but he'd gotten hold of her hair, then arm before he shoved her down. Underestimating though how quickly she'd be back on her feet.

Angrily he staggered towards her, and left a scant amount of space for her to run. Backed against a tree on the far side of the clearing, Carrie knew she'd have to dodge and get around him, or fight the fucker head on. Knowing though dodging could give him opportunity to grab his buddy's gun, not willing to traumatize Farrah even more this morning, she opted to do some ass kicking.

Sizing him up she knew a well timed kick, well placed throw would bring the bastard to his knees. She sensed though he wasn't as drunk as his friends, and knew this encounter was way beyond him sporting for a fight. The pool hall incident had turned this personal for him, and she'd have to get creative to get out this unscathed. Even if it meant giving him the satisfaction of winning for a few horrible moments.

Faking him out,  _by_  faking him out and clumsily running to her left, she put up minimal resistance when he grabbed her, held her in a choke hold. His hot, boozy breath hit the back of her neck as he hissed in her ear about 'Opie'. Babbled on about her needing a protector. Between the dig at Brody and the flat out insult, Carrie wasn't scared so much as spurred to inflict severe pain.

Biting down hard on his arm that had her trapped, she kicked at his ankle then stomped on his foot. It wasn't as satisfying as kneeing him in the balls, but it was the quickest way to free herself and get towards Farrah.

She ran towards where she'd last seen her though and tensed up, not seeing her there or anywhere else near by, and forgetting in all the chaos where she'd told her to run to.  
"Farrah..FARRAH!"

...

Hearing her name Farrah wanted to stop, turn back around but she was confused. Frightened. Seeing the cabin not too far ahead decided to run the rest of the way there. She kept thinking about the man holding her arm and the guns and Carrie picking one up too, and just wanted to grab Merriweather and hide under her fleece blanket with him and Calvin. Stay there until Brody and Carrie worked it all out, told her the bad men were gone and she was safe. Running onto the porch her lip quivered, seeing Brody wasn't in the chair where he'd been sleeping earlier.

"Nick?! NICK!",she cried, running inside the cabin over to Calvin.  
  
"Calvin, where Nick?!"  
  
Mewing, the kitten ran to the back bedroom, started scratching at the closed door while Farrah knocked.  
  
"Nick!"  
  
"Brat, hey..hey! What's going on? What..."

Getting down to her level Brody realized she was shaking. Trying not to panic he brushed a stray hair off her forehead, took a gentle grip on her shoulders.  
  
"Farrah what is it. What's wrong?"  
  
When she didn't answer, shook her head as she looked down, tried not to cry, he tried his best not to panic. Gently reaching to lift her chin.

"Brat it's okay. Whatever it is, the only way I can help is if you talk to me. Let me know what happened. Look, you want Carrie to tell me instead? I-"   
  
When Farrah's eyes widened and she looked even more frightened, things clicked and now Brody was the one nearly shaking.

"Where is she..", he breathed, but fought to keep his voice calm, steady and collected. He tried again.  
  
"Farrah, it's okay. All you have to do is tell me what happened, tell me where Carrie is."  
  
"Carrie...she...she...the, the man...gun...hurt.."

Fumbling with the English, Farrah started speaking Arabic a mile a minute. Reminding Brody how Issa would get when he was nervous or upset. Then, and now, he had to concentrate and pay close attention to the words to understand them. But wished he had a more difficult time understanding what she was saying now. Something had happened to Carrie in the clearing, and had scared Farrah out of her mind.  
  
"Nick...he try, but she...the gun..."

"Shhh, shh..don't think about it okay. Don't think about it.", Brody soothed as he held her, rubbed her back, forced himself to take deep breaths in and out.  
  
"Listen you stay here. You stay here and lock the door until I get back."

"But-"  
  
"Farrah do  _not_  follow me. Understand?"  
  
Getting a nod and a still quivering chin, he hugged her again.  
  
"It'll be fine. Carrie will be  _fine_. Just keep Calvin company until we get back."

Grabbing his baseball cap on the way out the door, Brody broke into a run until reaching the clearing where he held back. Forced himself to stay back until he could assess the situation, like any trained marine sniper would. He saw two men were down but one of them had caught up to Carrie and grabbed her arm. He looked malicious and too damn familiar.  
  
"Motherfucking  _shit_.."  
  
Wondering what possessed him to fabricate a story about this Nazi fucker earlier on, when Brody heard him start taunting her, white dots flashed before his eyes before they iced over. Crouched in the trees not far away he grabbed the first weighty object he could get his hands on. It felt like a rock.

...

After breaking away from him, calling for Farrah and not seeing her, when "Chief" grabbed her arm for the first time since this ordeal started Carrie was panicked. She'd been caught off guard, distracted for the slightest second and turned her back on the fucker. Now he had the upper hand, but she wasn't intending on him having it very long.

She spun back towards him trying to figure out a way to get some leverage from his hold on her. Maybe flip him over. But while she was strategizing, he was aiming to throw the first punch, socking her square in the nose.

...

Hearing the sickening "thwack" of a fist hitting her face, seeing all the blood and her falling backward, Brody's stomach lurched and he tasted bile. He'd been forcing himself to stay hidden, in position, take down his target from a distance, stick to his training. But his training hadn't been worth shit after he'd been given his new orders in the desert. _Watch us demonstrate deathblows on your partner before you give the final ones. Resist and you'll be in that hole instead of him._

He wasn't looking at Tom's (allegedly Tom's) bloodied face though, he was looking at her's. He wasn't in the desert, this was the woods. But in the desert there hadn't been rocks. In the woods there weren't hulking guards holding him back.

Brody was on his feet before even realizing it, slamming the rock into the back of "Chief's" head. The idiot fell like a ton of bricks, missed landing on Carrie by a few seconds.

Helping her to her feet Brody took off out of the clearing, not letting go of her hand as they ran. They were a good distance away before he realized his name was being yelled.  
  
"Fuck! Brody slow down! Just stop!"

At first he didn't even hear her, let alone follow her instructions. But they were almost at the cabin and having run the whole way there, he was winded and forced to stop. Focus on everything around him instead of the nightmarish imagery in his head.

"Carrie, you okay?"  
  
"You have a tissue on you?"  
  
After he handed her one she cupped it around her nose, trying to curb the bleeding. It was just a trickle now but the throbbing was starting up. Her whole face hurt like a mother, but she'd been through worse.

"You...you know what you just did back there, don't you?", she asked as he turned to face her, trembling. Darty eyed. She hadn't seen that look since his double agent days. But was too worked up, had too many questions to let concern get in the way of getting answers.

"Carrie, I don't want to talk about-"  
  
"Well I do!", she yelled but then winced, feeling her nose throb as he walked over, switched out her tissue for a new one and held it in place. Thanking him she let out a heavy sigh.

"I'm okay, Brody. I just got a piece of his fist. He swung, I didn't duck in time. It happens."  
  
"I know, I saw it.", he muttered, backing up.  
  
"Did you see how over the top you were?", Carrie scoffed.  
  
"You slammed a rock into his fucking skull! What if one of his moron buddies had come to and seen you when we were back there?"  
  
"They didn't, Carrie. I was quick, I did what I fucking had to."  
  
"I was holding my own with them. You didn't have to-"

"What did you expect me to do, goddammit?!", Brody exploded.  
  
"Just to stand there and watch while someone beat the shit out of you!"  
  
"Beat the shit...it was one sucker punch!", Carrie yelled back before taking a breath, forcing herself to calm down.

"It was one punch, from one drunken asshole. He just got the better of me for one second!"  
  
"One is all it fucking takes."  
  
"Brody, it's okay! He didn't-"  
  
"It doesn't matter! He still, what I saw him fucking try to...never mind. _"_  
  
Shaking his head bitterly he shot her a look then stormed off.

"Brody, BRODY!" Yelling as he walked off down another trail, too far away to hear her, Carrie swore, then kicked at a tree before feeling her head and her nose throb in unison. Shaking her head she rubbed the bridge of her nose, fighting tears as she walked the rest of the way back to the cabin.


	64. Chapter 64

Knocking on the cabin door, finding it locked, Carrie loudly started knocking, yelling for Farrah who ran up and quickly unlatched it.  
  
"Carrie!"  
  
Hurtling over to her the girl practically jumped into her arms, held on for dear life. Carrie held her back just as tightly, tearing up when she started crying, saying in Arabic how afraid she'd been.

"Shhh, shhh, everything's fine. I'm fine. It's okay, I'm okay.", she soothed, shifting from a crouched over to a sitting position on the cabin floor as Farrah curled up in her lap. Buried her face in her chest as she cried.

They sat there holding each other for a long time, until finally they both calmed somewhat. Farrah was the first to pull back, but frowned nervously pointing up at Carrie's swollen and bloodied nose, the bruise forming beneath her eye.  
  
"They..the..the man hurt..."  
  
"Yeah.", Carrie sighed, sounding like a girl of Farrah's age. She hated admitting it but the proof was all over her face.  
  
"But it's okay. It's doesn't feel as bad as it looks."  
  
Still frowning Farrah shook her head, confused.  
  
"Farrah? What's wrong?"  
  
"You..get hurt? But you...you strong. You, don't get hurt!", she insisted. So long as she'd known Carrie she'd seen her as a superhero. A tall skinny blonde spy superhero who always got away too quickly to get hurt. She  _beat up_  the bad guys. None of them had ever beaten her back, and Farrah didn't understand how these men had been able to.

"No honey. No. That's not..."  
  
Trailing off, bunching the tissue more against her nose, Carrie sighed.

"Look, even though I know how to fight and I know how to get away, once in awhile I wind up getting hurt. Sometimes the bad guys get the better of me. Sometimes they're big with big fists, or they have guns.", she said but regretted her words when Farrah shuddered. Slipping an arm around her she held her close again.

"With those guys today, I fought them hard. They hurt me back but  _I didn't care._  I did what I had to to give you time to get away, and I'd do it all over again so long as it kept you safe. That's all I care about, okay?"  
  
Nodding, Farrah snuggled closer to her as Calvin walked up, purring and rubbing up against them.   
  
"Hey, did you miss me too?" Carrie lightly laughed, giving him an ear and belly rub before he scampered after a dust bunny. Farrah smiled but then her face went serious.

"Carrie, where's Nick? He say he be back after-"  
  
"Brody went for a walk, Farrah. After he and I took care of the bad guys he said he wanted to get some air. Clear his head."  
  
"He be back soon?"  
  
"I don't know, honey. May be awhile. C'mon though, before he gets back..." Getting to her feet she helped Farrah up.  
  
"If you grab the first aid kit out of the closet, bring it over to the bathroom and you can pretend that you're Maggie, help fix my face up."  
Eagerly Farrah nodded, ran to get the kit while Carrie walked over to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, frowning as she assessed the damage.

...

Meanwhile Brody, after taking the longer route back to the cabin, walked down by the dock and watched the water for a few moments. Then stripped down to his boxers and dove in, swimming laps back and forth as hard as he could. He tried to fill his head with thoughts of last night. How happy and stupid and fucking free he felt,  _they_ felt splashing around in the water, getting drunk in the bath, sitting outside watching the rain fall in sheets, her sleepily demanding he stay. If he thought about that, fixated on it, maybe the rest would just float away. He hoped anyway.  
  
Finally, worn out he climbed back onto the dock. Sprawling out on his back he dried off in the sun, shutting his eyes for awhile before working up the nerve to go back inside.  
  
Carrie was on the couch French braiding Farrah's hair. Brody could only see her in profile but noticed the cotton and gauze bunched underneath her nose, and a Snoopy bandage striped across her cheek. Farrah didn't look up from her book, but Carrie heard the door swing open and turned slightly to face him, stormy eyed.

"Farrah, honey.", she said, tapping her on the shoulder.  
  
"Did you feed Calvin yet?"  
  
"Oops. I forget."  
  
"Well go ahead, your braid's all finished."  
  
Jumping off the couch, Farrah saw Brody by the door and grinned, ran over to hug his waist.  
"Thank you Nick."  
  
"You're welcome, brat.", he said sincerely. Getting to her level he hugged her back tightly, kissed her head before she skipped over to the kitchen. Calvin at her heels.

Warily Brody stood back up as Carrie looked down, away from him.  
  
"Can we talk?", he asked as she shrugged, met his gaze again.  
  
"Are you sure you don't want to run off and avoid me? The door's right there, wouldn't dare keep you from it."  
  
"Carrie..."  
  
"No, don't Carrie me. You don't get to  _Carrie_  me.", she spat before biting her lip, remembering Farrah was in earshot. Motioning for him to step outside she angrily strode off the porch, down to the dock as he followed.

Crossing her arms she stared out at the water, swallowed hard before speaking.  
  
"Why did you run? From me?"  
  
"Carrie I didn't-"  
  
"Because barring our first weekend when everything went to shit, you've run  _to_  me, Brody. _With_  me. You  _didn't_  run when I got a goddamn SWAT team called on you, when I burst into your office after Gettysburg, after I held a gun to your head, had a full blown fucking episode..", she scoffed but then shuddered, averted her eyes in the pained way she would when she mentioned Iraq, her translator.

Sadly Brody walked up, went to touch her shoulder but she shook him off.   
  
"You're not afraid of that, you're not afraid of knocking Nazis out. But when I call you on it you take off?"  
  
"I came back, Carrie."  
  
"I see that. I want to know why you left in the first place."  
  
"It doesn't matter, love."  
  
"It does if you intend on calling me that!", Carrie retorted as he stepped back, looked stricken.

"Brody. This time we've spent up here. The whole time it's been so..." Not even knowing a word to describe it she laughed, tearfully and disbelievingly.  
  
"Real?", he offered as she nodded, her smile going sad.  
  
"If you feel it too then why did you run? Cut me out? Leave me standing alone in the middle of the damn woods and feeling like I royally fucked up with you,  _again._ ", she scoffed, remembering two times prior she'd felt similarly.

"Carrie I just needed some space, that's all."  
  
"And all I needed was for you to talk, explain what went through your mind when you-"  
  
"When I what, jumped to your defense? Is that what has you so upset?, Brody asked curiously, bitterly, desperate to get her interrogation lamp off him for a minute, maybe more.

He wanted the flashback triggered today to crawl back into the ugly depths of his psyche. Not to be exposed and magnified and rooted out. He wasn't up for it. And didn't want to put Carrie in the position to take charge of doing so tonight. Even fighting with her would be less excruciating than another Q&A.

"Seriously, is that the root of all this? You not needing a protector?", he mocked as she strode up, glared at him.  
  
"You said as much last night in the tub. And you're not one to refrain from disclosing when alcohol's involved." He knew it was a cheap shot but he hoped it worked, would distract her. From the ice in her eyes though he knew it hadn't.

"Don't you fucking dare try and talk your way out of this, turn things back on me! I asked you a question and I deserve a goddamn answer. Not you trying to turn this into an inane debate over my pride, my precious ego being bruised.", Carrie snarled.

"Which, for the record, it wasn't. I admit, I needed help today. Knowing Farrah was close by wasn't making what I had to do in the clearing any easier. You showing up when you did  _was_ needed. Necessary even. I've done my job long enough to know backup's not something to be ashamed of."

Feeling ashamed himself Brody sighed, dropped his gaze while his left hand twitched, fingered invisible prayer beads. He hadn't done that since he was on the run, and Carrie was surprised seeing it as well.  
  
"Brody, your-"  
  
"Don't. I just picked up the habit again. It's nothing."  
  
"When?", she frowned.  
  
"When what?"  
  
"When did you pick it up again?"

"A kid saw me doing it on a train overseas. Pointed it out. So did your friend June when she was helping me."  
  
"It's been that long?"   
  
Shrugging Brody glanced up at her. "Guess so."  
  
"You know, before I left for Baghdad, my cover didn't call for it but I got a copy of a Qur'an, did some research. I even talked to Danny."  
  
"About Islam?", he asked getting a nod.  
  
"I'd taken a few courses on it in college but I wanted a refresher for myself. Plus.."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't know, I guess it helped me still feel connected to you, in a way."   
  
Taken aback at the words, more importantly the sentiment behind them, Brody smiled and so did she. Only her's soon turned to a smirk.

"But even not having read up on anything, even being a fucking Atheist, I know you wouldn't be praying, wouldn't be going for beads that aren't on you unless you were..."  
  
"What.."  
  
"Upset. Uneasy, unsure,  _unsettled_. As far from 'free' as you've ever fucking been.", she said knowingly as he rolled his eyes, went to turn away but she took hold of his upper arm, shot him a stern look.  
  
"And we're not leaving this dock until I figure out why."


	65. Chapter 65

Laughing lightly, shaking his head in disbelief Brody moved Carrie's hand off of his arm. Feeling the urge to sit he did so in the middle of the dock.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"Even taking a long weekend doesn't distract you one bit, does it? You're still in that mode."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"I'm talking about just now. Look at you. You soften me up, get me to smile, play good cop, then go in for the kill with more questions. Accusations. Theories. You  _are_  always working, aren't you?", he said, more awestruck than annoyed.

"God help Farrah when she's a teenager and breaks curfew for the first time. You'll sit her down, get her talking. She'll be begging to be grounded in minutes."

Snorting Carrie sat down across from him, crossing her legs Indian style. Smiling deviously.  
  
"Well since you're such an expert on my tactics, are you going to cooperate?"  
  
"You still have your theory. Convinced without a doubt that something is wrong."  
  
Smile fading her eyes narrowed.

"It's not a theory. It's obvious something is wrong when you feel cutting me out is your only option."  
  
"Carrie, I didn't cut you out in the woods. I was trying to  _get_  you out. Get you the fuck away from them! That's all you saw from me."  
  
"No, it wasn't. I saw the look in your eyes in the clearing, Brody. I saw what you-"  
  
"Jesus, Carrie what did you want me to do? Use my words?"  
  
Shaking her head, clearly annoyed, she sighed.

"Look, I told you I didn't mind that you jumped to defend me. Not after those fuckers saw Farrah and I was too worked up to even see straight."  
  
"What the fuck did they do to Farrah?", Brody asked, stormy eyed.

"They scared the shit out of her when she ran into the clearing. She started yelling at them about crushing wildflowers. They yelled back so I ran in after her. All the assholes were trashed. On a normal day dealing with them would've been fun. But with Farrah there, I was so on edge I couldn't breathe. I panicked. Protecting her came first. Protecting myself became an afterthought."  
  
Nodding in understanding, all Brody wished was that he'd jumped into the fray sooner.

"That's why I'm glad you were there. I'm not upset about what you did, Brody. It was the way you did-"  
  
"What, I should've used a tree branch instead of a rock?"  
  
Getting an eye roll combination ice glare, Brody sighed, gave her an apologetic look.

"I saw you in the woods after you helped me up and we got the fuck out of there. I saw your eyes. And I didn't..."  
  
Trailing off she struggled to think of the way to say this that would hurt the least.  
  
"Look, do you remember at the community center when I had my..."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You told me that I  _wasn't_  me. That you didn't recognize me. Well today in the clearing I didn't recognize you."

When he looked down, away from her Carrie sighed and reached over, held his face.  
  
"I'm sorry, I just-"  
  
"No, don't apologize, Jesus." Moving her hand off his cheek, but still tightly holding it he met her gaze.  
  
"Tell me why I shouldn't then." Carrie said. Her voice was gentle but her eyes were laser focused on his as he spoke.  
  
"Our first weekend here you asked me about Tom Walker. I told you I killed, thought I killed..."

"Yeah. ", she nodded, before things clicked and she nearly gasped.

Ordinarily this was the part of the interrogation she craved. When the truth came out and motive and means were unveiled and she had her subject right where she wanted them. Broken, turned, ready to play ball. Right now though all she felt was guilt accompanied by mild nausea. Finally this morning made sense, in a horrible sort of way.

"I had to beat him to death. But not before they showed me the proper way of doing it."  
  
"Brody..."  
  
"They held me back. They made me watch them while they beat the shit out of him. And today I had to watch that..cocksucking, piece of...come after you..." His voice broke and his hands went to his face but she peeled them away, rested her's there instead.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's all over now and I'm  _fine_. Farrah and I are both fine. I promise.", Carrie assured, but when she went to move closer, hug him, he nodded and moved her hands away.  
  
"Okay. I..I'm okay."  
  
" _We're_  okay.", she corrected as he stood up, helped her up.  
  
"Do you believe me?"

He gave her a small nod as his supposed answer, but it didn't feel like an answer at all. Nor did his smile that looked like the ones he'd force onto his face when he was in front of a camera, that he'd practice making in front of his bathroom mirror.  
  
"Brody..."  
  
Tightening her grip on his hand, Brody squeezed it back but then dropped it. Nodded for her to follow him.  
  
"C'mon, we should get back to Farrah."

...

Holding a bag of ice against his throbbing face, nursing his beer Lee sullenly sat at the bar, looking to Steve who was polishing off his second cheeseburger. Apparently being disarmed and taken down a few pegs by a woman gave his friend an appetite. Lee on the other hand was still half doubled over, thanks to that damn kneeing directed at his groin.

"Chin up, man.", Steve got out between bites.  
  
"At least we're not eating supper through a straw like Jon tonight."  
  
"I guess. But the nerve of that blonde bitch.", Lee grumbled before hearing a throat clearing behind him. Turning he saw a set of crutches supporting an old friend.

"Who are you idiots badmouthing now?", the man asked as Steve got up, helped him get situated on the bar stool beside him.  
  
"A crazy broad that attacked us in broad daylight. Jon's stuck overnight at General 'cause of the whole thing. Got concussed or some shit.", Steve answered.

"Well c'mon. You knew one day that White Nation shit would catch up with him. Get his ass kicked. He knows better than to bring it up around me. You should've just left him to rot."  
  
"Hey!", Lee slurred, swayed as he tried to stand up.  
  
"That's my..my friend you're talking about and I'll be damned if you-"

"Easy..easy.", Steve coaxed, helping him sit back down.  
  
"How much as he had?"  
  
"Too much.", he muttered.  
  
"But what would you expect after his ego got busted. Getting his ass handed to him by that goddamn blonde."  
  
"She was tiny too...and all skinny, like who the fuck taught her to throw down like that, I don't-"  
  
Trailing off, dumbfounded Lee swigged down the rest of his beer, nodded to the bartender for another.

"Well tiny or not she must've had some big balls, taking on the three of you by herself. What did you do to provoke her?"  
  
"We were just gonna do a little hunting and she got all in our faces, hollering about her property, us trespassing on it.", he mumbled.  
  
"Where did you guys go?"  
  
"Bear Lake. Near all those old cabins.", Steve said.

"You know all those owners of those get twitchy and pissed when you bring guns there. You want to hunt you go to the other side of the lake. Even my nephew knows that and the kid's a goddamn pothead."  
  
"We weren't even shooting! Well, 'cept when Jon decided to test out his new gun.." Lee recalled.  
  
"Damn bitch got it away from him then chucked it in the woods."  
  
"She wasn't having any of your shit, was she?"

"I tell you, all those tricky moves of her's. Must've been a fucking cop or something." Steve shrugged.  
  
"Good enough of one to get her picture with the President.", Lee slurred as Steve looked on in surprise, along with his friend.  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"The...the blonde. Don't you remember? She got all that press at the White House, after that Abu Na-something or other got killed."  
  
"Wait, you sure that was-"  
  
"Course I'm sure. I only recognized her 'cause I thought she was hot. Turns out she's just fucking mean.", Lee whined.  
  
"Well since you know her so fucking well, what's her name?"  
  
"Started with C think. I dunno, my head hurts.", Lee groaned, nodding for more ice.

"Carrie. Her name was Carrie.", the bartender piped up. Rolling her eyes as she refilled his ice pack. "She ran into that mill to catch that terrorist. They promoted her to be basically in charge of the CIA. You sure chose the wrong woman to tangle with, guys."  
  
"We weren't tangling, we were just..."  
  
"Hey, the more you move your mouth the more your face will hurt.", the bartender warned.

"Well wish we could place that ginger fucker that ran in to defend her, helped her out.", Steve muttered.  
  
"Wait you just said it was only her."  
  
"No she had that kid with her...", Lee mumbled, adjusting his ice.  
  
"A kid ran in and helped her?"  
  
"No, not the kid. Some tall redhead in a baseball cap. Camo print. He's the one who beat up Jon."

"Wait, a camo print..."  
  
"Yeah.", Steve said, frowning at the look on his friend's face.  
  
"You know a guy that likes camo caps?", he laughed.  
  
"Shut the fuck up." Pulling out his cellphone he frowned, scrolling his messages while Lee looked over his shoulder.

"Say, who's Mike? You got a boyfriend..."  
  
"Knew there was a reason I quit hanging with you fuckers." Scoffing, standing up, he ordered a drink before grabbing his crutches, maneuvered over to a small table not far from the bar.

"Aw, c'mon back, bud. We were just."  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"Hey man, c'mon back." Steve said, warily looking on as the bartender brought a shot over.  
  
"Look you know what you get like with the booze, you shouldn't-"  
  
"Leave it, Steve. I'm fine."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Hey, you want to be fucking pals again all of a sudden? Tell me what that camo cap guy looked like."  
  
"I...I don't remember, man. Tall, red hair, that's all I got! We were all drunk. Jon probably got the best look at him and he's hopped up on pain meds right about now."

Sitting at the table, looking on as his friend drained the shot, scrolled through his messages, Steve tensed up, wondering what he was looking up or conspiracy-theorizing about now.

"Look the last time you got all worked up like this, things weren't good. What are you all freaked about no-"  
  
"You sure that blonde from the CIA you saw up at Bear Lake, that her name was Carrie?"  
  
"Yeah. Lee was sure anyway.", Steve shrugged, looking two stools over to see his friend slumped over asleep on the bar. Then turned back to see his other friend had gone red in the face, swearing under his breath.

"Shit..mother fucking..that son of a-" Slamming his phone down, after he went to get another drink Steve moved over, quickly thumbed to the text he'd been looking at. Squinting to read what "Mike" had told him.

_"Still digging up stuff on Brody? Jess just told me he took off for a weekend with some CIA woman, Carrie? May be worth looking into. Call me tonight if you're sober."_

Quickly flicking out of the message Steve noticed the phone background. It was a crinkled photograph of his friend back in his military days, with a group of men dressed in olive and khaki, all wearing camouflage print caps. Hearing footsteps Steve shoved the phone away from him, standing to help his friend sit back down.

"Hey slow down there, will you?", he snapped, seeing him drain the shot.  
  
"You shut up. And go get Lee over there home, I got some business to take care of, calls and shit."  
  
"Calls? Look man, I don't like where this is headed."  
  
Met with a glare he swallowed hard.

"Okay. Just do me a favor L. Let that nephew of yours know what you're up to. If he's not stoned have him give you a ride home."  
  
"Fine. Now will you leave me the fuck alone?"  
  
"Okay. Okay."

Shaking his head Steve walked over to the bar, tried to help Lee to his feet. "C'mon man let's go-"  
  
"Wait, what about...what's he doing?", Lee frowned, looking towards the small table.  
  
"Nothing, taking care of some business he says."

"Lauder _?_  Taking care of business? That's never fucking good.", he slurred as Steve nodded in agreement, helped him out the door to his car.


	66. Chapter 66

"One more game?", Farrah begged, looking up at both Carrie and Brody with sad puppy dog eyes. They'd been playing poker using candy as chips, and Farrah by far had the biggest pile.  
  
"I think we've played enough for one night, brat."  
  
"And hey, don't think you get to finish all your winnings in one shot.", Carrie said, arching a brow as the girl giggled, popped an M&M in her mouth.  
  
"Remind me to restock the candy in the cupboard before we leave tomorrow."  
  
Reminded that they were leaving tomorrow, Farrah's pout went even sadder. "We stay one day more?"  
  
"Honey I wish we could.", Carrie smiled sadly, slipping an arm around the girl.  
  
"Nick? We swim once more before we go?"  
  
"Are you sure you're up for it?", Brody asked, getting a nod.  
  
"I am sure. Yes."  
  
"Alright then, it's a date.", he smiled. Looking closely Carrie was relieved to see it was back to being genuine.

"Well if someone has a swim date in the morning, she should probably try and close her eyes. Get a good nights sleep.", she said knowingly.  
  
Going to pout, but thinking better of it, Farrah grabbed her pajamas and toothpaste and went over to the bathroom.

"Help me make up the bed?", Carrie asked, getting a nod from Brody but not much else.  
  
"Farrah asked me if you were tired from your walk earlier, if that's why you were so quiet.", she frowned, looking up at him intently as he shrugged.  
"I don't like lying to her."  
  
"Who said that you were lying? I took a long walk and I am a little tired.", he said, getting a look as Farrah ran up, petted Calvin who had jumped up onto the bed.

"You think Calvin will sleep on my pillow at home too?"  
  
"I don't know. I think there's a good chance though. Now go on, under the covers."  
  
"Good night, Farrah." Brody smiled, pulling her close before she blew a raspberry on his face.  
  
"Hey! Who taught you that?"  
  
"I teach myself.", she giggled, squirming away from him and under the blankets.  
  
"Good night, Nick."

After Brody moved aside, Carrie knelt down beside the bed, only to have Farrah try the raspberry trick on her.   
  
"Hey!", she snorted, arching a brow. "You may have pulled that over on him but it won't work with me. Nice hug, please?"  
  
"Okay, nice hug." Farrah smiled. Tightly squeezing her Carrie kissed the top of her head, then went to pull back but was stopped.  
  
"You stay?"  
  
Looking over her shoulder at Brody, she got a nod and a soft smile indicating she should.  
  
"Tell you what. I'll stay with you until you go to sleep."  
  
"You promise?"  
  
"You have my word. Now, get comfy while I go get changed."

Rolling over, Farrah fought back a yawn and kept her eyes open. Refusing to fall asleep until Carrie came back. A few minutes later she did, switching off the lamp before climbing into bed.   
  
Snuggling alongside her, the girl drifted off quickly. Carrie on the other hand was staring at the ceiling, unable to shut her eyes. She kept going over everything that had happened today with Brody in her mind. The weekend had been going so smoothly and perfect she should've seen the downward turn coming. She should've known they'd get tripped up and spend their last night together apart. She wondered if he was getting any sleep either.

Shaking her head, she rolled over and fluffed her pillow, careful not to disturb Farrah as she tried to get comfortable. Maybe if she was lucky she'd get an hour or two of sleep too.  
Lying on her stomach she felt something jump onto, then start kneading at her back and rolled her eyes. Calvin got himself situated on her shoulder, purring loudly, and the repetitive sound in her ear helped relax her. Finally she drifted off, but then heard muffled sounds coming from past the kitchen, down the hallway.

"What the..."  
Slipping out of bed, easing Calvin off her shoulder and onto Farrah's back, Carrie knelt down to unlock the side table drawer and retrieved the gun, then crept down the hallway. Her whole body on high alert.  
  
Her nerves were replaced with dread and a knot in her stomach when the sounds became clearer. Muffled cries and the same few words being yelled over and over, getting louder each time.  
  
"Oh, fuck..." Setting the gun down she took off down the hall, trying to get into the bedroom but unable to open the door.  
  
"Shit..fucking, shit..Brody? Brody!"  
  
Turning the knob she started pushing, shoving at it but it remained closed, and she realized the wood was swollen from the heat.

"Shit!", she hissed. After hitting at the door once more with her hand, taking a few steps back she braced herself and ran into it hard. Thankfully it gave on the first try. Climbing into the canoe bed alongside him her heart broke. He was sweated up, pale, shaking, and hadn't stopped muttering yet.

"Brody..shh, it's okay. It's okay..", she soothed.  
  
"Where..where is she goddamnit... what the..what the fuck have you done..where..."  
  
"Shh, it's okay. You're fine, Brody."  
  
"Carrie...C...Carrie.."  
  
"Yeah. I'm here, I'm fine! Shh.."  
  
Realizing he hadn't come out of the dream yet, that he was still having one about her, she bit her lip and tried not to get frantic. "Brody, I'm right here you understand? It's okay, you're not there. You're fine-"

"Leave her alone, p...please..just don't-"  
  
"No one is hurting me! I'm fine!"

Blinking back tears seeing how afraid he was, how nothing she was saying was bringing him relief or helping him out of this, Carrie shifted close enough to touch him. Smoothing his hair back she stroked the side of his face hoping he'd stir. Hoping he'd forget this the minute he opened his eyes. His muttering had switched back to Arabic and now he was begging, pleading with someone on her behalf and telling them not to take her. It made her feel sick and more desperate to bring him out of this.   
  
Tapping the side of his face with one hand, with her other she shook his shoulder, rubbed his arm. Suddenly though he took a grip on her's that slid down to her wrist, tightened around it like a vice.

"B...Brody, open your eyes. It..it's okay, ev...everything's fine..", she said.  
  
Trying not to wince or worse yet cry out, for fear it'd seep into whatever he was dreaming and make the nightmare even more real, with her right hand she kept holding his face. Tapping it until finally...

"NO!"  
  
Startled awake by his own screaming Brody fought to catch his breath. His eyes darted around frantically before finally finding her's.  
  
"C..Carrie. What-"  
  
"Hey."  
  
"H...hey.", he stammered, frowning curiously at her. His hands still shook and he felt clammy, knew he was trembling. But she was sitting at the foot of the bed looking at him, as calm as he'd ever seen her.

"What..what happened-"  
  
"Nothing.", she answered firmly. Moving closer she gave him a soft kiss on the lips. Her left hand coming to rest at the nape of his neck.  
  
"Carrie..", he sighed, shaking his head. He knew something was off but couldn't put a pin on what. And her eyes were stubbornly refusing to give anything away as she shifted closer.  
"Some...something happened. You wouldn't be here unl-"  
  
"I missed you.", she cut in, her tone taking him by surprise.  
  
"I..."  
  
"I missed you. And it's our last night. Our last night  _here_ , I mean."

He went to say something more but she moved in to kiss him again, shifting so she was on his lap. Before he knew it his hands were all over her and he tried to roll above, hold her hands above her head. Normally she anticipated that, welcomed it even, but now...  
  
"No, I don't-"  
  
Kissing him to avoid explaining, she stayed above him, kept control. It was faster this time, rushed but passionate, enough to clear his head and her's. Enough to keep them both from thinking, for a little while anyway. After, she lay against his chest. Her left arm still looped behind his neck.

"Carrie..are you-"  
  
"I'm fine.  _We're fine._  I promise.", she assured, kissing the scar on his chest before she got up, grabbing his flannel shirt off the rug.  
  
"Hey...hey..", Frowning, he went to reach for her arm but before he could, she leaned back towards him and kissed his cheek, nipped at his ear.  
  
"I love you. "  
  
Before he could get another word in, she'd thrown on his shirt and walked out, closing the door behind her.

Leaning back against the wall she warily pulled back the sleeve, swearing at what was already a bluish-purple bracelet around her wrist, with stray marks extending above it that would only look worse tomorrow. Shaking her head she swallowed hard, wiped her eyes before pulling the sleeve back down. Retreating back to bed.

...

"Hey Trish, where is he?"  
  
"Usual spot.", the bartender sighed, nodding to the corner table littered with empty shot glasses and crumpled. scribbled on napkins.  
  
"He hasn't closed out his tab either and I have to close up."  
  
"Here, this should cover it."  
  
"Thanks." Trish said, her smile going sad as she looked over at a still muttering Lauder.  
  
"You know I really thought he turned it around. He's barely been in the past few months, and the few times he has he's kept it to cheeseburgers and diet Coke."  
  
"Do you know what set him off?"  
  
"When I started my shift he was already half in the bag. But Ashley was working this afternoon, probably served him. I can ask if she knows anything."  
  
"That's okay. He'll probably clue me in sooner or later."  
  
"Hey, I know he needed a ride but would you rather I call you two a cab? I know pot's not quite the same as booze but-"  
  
"I'm good, Trish."  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure."

Laughing, all the brunette could do was shake her head at him.  
  
"I have to say you've really turned it around."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You're not the idiot punk who'd come in here trying to get served with that fake ID. You grew up."  
  
"Well it was either that or military school.", he shrugged.  
  
"Anyway, here. For putting up with him."

Reaching into his pocket he retrieved his wallet, unfolded some bills before handing them to her.  
  
"Thanks.", Trish grinned, before noticing two gym bags slung over his shoulder.  
  
"You running off to the circus or something?"  
  
"I wish. Good old Uncle L made me promise to bring his camping gear. Mine too."  
  
"Are you serious? A little tent won't be enough to hold you  _and_  his monster hangover.", Trish frowned nervously as he shrugged.

"Well if I didn't bring it I'd be in for worse."  
  
"Okay. You know best. Just, be careful, Z. Okay?"  
  
"I'll try to be."

Walking over he tapped Lauder on the shoulder, startling him out of his mumbling stupor.  
  
"Hey, about fucking time you showed up."  
  
"Uncle Lauder, look. About this camping thing, if you want to wait til next weekend we can-"  
  
"No! Goddamn it, you and I...we've been planning for this, remember?"  
  
"Yeah well that was before-"  
  
"Before what?!", Lauder snarled, propping himself up on his crutches.  
  
"Nothing, I just-"  
  
"Look I told you I was gonna take you before the summer was up and the timing is goddamn perfect. We're going tonight. There's just..something I gotta take care of though first.", he said, gathering up his scribbled up napkins.  
  
"What?"  
  
"When we get to Bear Lake I'll fucking tell you. Now c'mon, let's..let's go."  
  
"Okay..okay, we will. But we're getting you some coffee first.", he sighed, getting a sympathetic look from Trish as he led him out to the car.


	67. Chapter 67

The next morning Brody woke up, stretched, then looked at the clock on the wall. It was early. He had enough time to go outside to pray, get started on breakfast, take Farrah on her promised swim date. He was hoping by the time they had to leave things would be smoothed out between him and Carrie. He couldn't bear it if there was still lingering tension between them. Even after last night.  
  
What happened between them hadn't come as a complete surprise, but Brody knew there was more to it than her 'missing him'. All he could think was how those words were their code back when she was strictly his handler. How last night felt more like their spied on fucking in the motel room. Like her last ditch effort to keep him from running off the rails.  
  
He'd run off them and then some back in the clearing. And was kicking himself for letting it get to that point. It had set them back and now they had hours at best to make things right again. Brody told himself though he would. He had to. It was about his only way of hanging onto that fucking peace he'd been so desperate to get hold of in the first place.

Getting up he stretched again, made the bed, then made his way to the front only to hear clanging sounds and muttered swearing coming from the kitchen.  
  
"Agh, fuck!", Carrie spat, turning away from the waffle iron dripping batter to the blender dripping smoothie. The lid hadn't been fastened tightly enough.  
  
"Hey...hey!"  
  
"Oh! You're up."  
  
"Yeah!", Brody exclaimed, moving to clean up the blender mess, almost bumping into a cutting board loaded with fruit.  
  
"Maybe that's a good thing.", he scoffed. "You know if you wanted to help with breakfast you should've just said something."  
  
"I was up, figured I'd get started on it. You going to sue me?", Carrie scoffed, brushing past him to get back to the stove, right as the waffle iron started smoking.  
  
"Carrie are you sure you don't need any...whoa!"

Turning the heat off while she rolled her eyes, turned back to the other counter top Brody rolled his eyes, pressed his index finger firmly into her upper back.  
  
"Alright, c'mon. Let's go. We're going.", he sighed, ushering her out of the kitchen.  
  
"What the...Brody! I was blending back there!"  
  
"And you'll be able to when you get back. Though I saw something called wheat grass on the counter? May want to leave that out.", he snorted.

Once they were out on the porch she whirled around, glared at him while he looked on dumbfounded. "You mind my asking what the fuck you were doing?"  
  
"Handstands.", she spat.  
  
"Handstands. Okay, so you  _weren't_  trying to demo the kitchen our last day here."  
  
"I told you! I was awake. Thought I'd get a head start on-"  
  
"I thought you'd just want a quiet morning, chance to sleep in. You were up before Farrah was."  
  
"Well insomnia's a bitch. What can I say?"  
  
"I don't know.  _I_ can say though that I'm sorry."  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"For yesterday. Going off the rails like I did, denying it. Pretending nothing was wrong. You saw through all of it but I still...I just shut you out even more."  
  
"Brody..."  
  
"You didn't deserve that from me. And you shouldn't have to keep reminding me we're okay.  _I know_  we're okay."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yeah. I do."

When he reached over, held her face Carrie went to rest her hand over his but caught herself. Turning her head to kiss his palm before he leaned in to kiss her. It went from sweet to passionate before she forced herself to pull back.  
  
"I wanted to do that last night but you ran out so fast I missed my chance."  
  
"I had to get back to Farrah. Didn't want her to wake up when I wasn't..."  
  
"Yeah. I figured. It's fine. She needed you with her. Vice versa."

Nodding she leaned against him while his arms slipped around her waist, pulled her close.  
  
"I wasn't expecting to wake up and see you at the foot of the bed though. You really missed me that much?", he asked teasingly as she bit her lip.  
  
"Yeah. I did.", she answered solemnly.

Still holding her Brody looked out at the water, enjoying the quiet before breaking it. "I wish we could just stay here. It wouldn't be so bad, would it?"  
  
Shaking her head Carrie backed up, frowned up at him. "Brody..."  
  
"Just think about it for a second. I'd still be cabin boy. Still do the laundry, cleaning, cooking if you let me. Though now there'd be two ladies of the house to contend with. And that damn cat..."  
  
"Brody."  
  
"No, I know. He's family now. I understand. I'd adjust."  
  
"Jesus, will you just shut up for a second!", she laughed, exasperated as her smile faded.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"We can't stay, Brody. You need to go back for the imam, Zahira. They've been good to you. And I need to get back to getting you your second chance."  
  
"Carrie.."  
  
"Hey, I'm not arguing with you about this. And don't go throwing that 'Carrie, you've dealt with enough drama lately' line in my face. I was dealing with drama from fucking terrorists before we even met. This kind doesn't quite compare."  
  
"Carrie.."  
  
"I'm not going to hide, Brody.  _We're_  not."  
  
"Okay, okay..I know."  
  
"Okay.  _Good!_ ", she emphasized.

"Carrie? Nick?!". Farrah yelled as Calvin mewed, scratched at the door.  
  
"Coming Farrah.", Carrie yelled back. Leaning in she kissed Brody on the lips.  
  
"It's like you said, we're okay.", she assured as he nodded. Deciding for his own sake to take her at her word. Squeezing her hand he didn't drop it as they went inside.

"Okay I'm going to take care of this.", he insisted when they reached the kitchen.  
  
"You go and see Farrah, pet Calvin, I don't know."  
  
"No, you go see Farrah and pet Calvin.  _I_  started this, I'm going to finish it."  
  
"Carrie.."  
  
"Move it, Marine.", she demanded.  
  
"Okay, okay. Don't get testy."

Going to the living room he saw Farrah sitting on top of the made bed, giving Calvin a belly rub.  
  
"Hey. Calvin looks like he's loving life right now."  
  
"He happy.", Farrah grinned.  
  
"He like it here."  
  
"Yeah I know how he feels." Smiling he pet the kitten behind the ears.  
  
"You not quiet today."  
  
"Yeah. Carrie said you thought I was tired or sick or something yesterday."  
  
"You not smile right.", she said knowingly, as Brody looked on surprised and impressed at how observant she was. Though it shouldn't have been much of a shock with Carrie raising her.

"I was just upset yesterday after everything that happened in the woods."  
  
"Yes. Carrie get hurt.", Farrah said softly as he slipped an arm around her.  
  
"I know she did. And it never should've happened. But it's over now, brat. Carrie's fine. You know she's running around in the kitchen right now trying to make breakfast?"  
  
"She is?"  
  
"I tried to stop her but she kicked me out. So, let's just set the table and hope for the best, okay?"

...

Taking a small sip of her smoothie Farrah smiled, looked up at a nervous looking Carrie.  
  
"It good!", she said as Brody took her at her word.  
  
"I agree. Not half bad. Even without the wheat-grass.", he teased getting a glare.  
  
"What is wheat..wheat grass.."  
  
"Not sure but it looked pretty gross. Don't ever let her have you try it, okay?"

Nodding Farrah drizzled more syrup on her waffles, but then gasped, looked up in alarm.  
  
"Carrie! You get call!"  
  
"When? From who, honey?"  
  
"It was Bear. He leave message.", she said as she stood up, ran over to the sofa table.  
  
"I write it. He want you to call back before he becomes even older, crankier man."  
  
Rolling her eyes Carrie groaned, catching Brody's eye. Meanwhile, remembering she had to feed Calvin Farrah ran to the kitchen.

"You should get a hold of him, you know. It could be important."  
  
"Or it could be another lecture, sermon. Guilt-trip because I'm not behaving the way he wants me to."  
  
"Well I haven't worked a paying job in awhile, but aren't you supposed to listen to your boss?", he asked as Carrie glared, stabbed a strawberry with her fork  
.  
"My office is the same size as his."  
  
"Okay fine, Saul's not your boss but he is your mentor. Not to mention one of your closest friends. Is he really someone you want to write off over a lousy debate?"  
  
"Lousy debate? It's over you and all the reasons he can't stand you!"  
  
"Well I can't stand me either half the time. You haven't written  _me_  off yet."  
  
"Hey, I make no promises."

Rolling his eyes Brody ate the last of his waffle, then reached over and stole the last strawberry off Carrie's plate. Popping it in his mouth he got a glare.  
  
"You realize you're not helping your case, right?", she scoffed.  
  
"It's okay. The berry was worth it."  
  
"Ugh, you are such.."  
  
"Hey think of it this way, the more I bug you now, the less Saul will tomorrow when he starts in on me. Just trying to help you out here."  
  
"I don't need that kind of help.", Carrie smirked, standing up to clear her plate right as Calvin jumped onto the table, pounced after the cuff on her shirt sleeve. His claw snagging the fabric.

"Hey! What the-"  
  
"Calvin get down, you have food!", Farrah scolded, walking up as Carrie stood up.   
  
"He claw you?", the girl asked nervously only to notice marks under the frayed cuff. Nearly dropping the cat she caught Brody's attention.  
  
"Hey, what's-"  
  
"It's nothing! Just sit back down, both of you.", Carrie said sharply.  
  
Shaking her head, Farrah's eyes watered but she kept a brave face on. "I get Snoopy bandaid.", she said, running to the kitchen as Carrie turned, went to go after her.

"Farrah, wait. Farrah!"  
  
"Carrie, what? Did the cat scratch you that..."  
  
Catching sight of the bruises right as she went to hide them, Brody's jaw clenched. "When the fuck did...yesterday?"  
  
"I..I don't..."

At the quiver in her voice, the way she wouldn't look him right in the eye he bowed his head. Overwhelmed with the worst kind of deja'vu.  
  
"Let me see.", he said gruffly.  
  
"Brody.."  
  
"Let me see, damn it!"  
  
Shaking her head sadly she held her wrist out.  
  
"Mother fucking..."  
  
"Don't, okay! Don't. I'm fine. You didn't-"  
  
"Last night. That's when it happened, right? Last night?"  
  
"Damn it! I don't-"  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"You didn't remember!", she yelled. "You woke up and you didn't remember a thing that happened. I wanted it to stay that way!"

"So you figured fucking me would accomplish that?"

Her eyes icing over at the remark, she took a deep breath to keep from snapping.

"You were having a goddamn nightmare, Brody. I heard you yelling in your sleep. I ran in the back room and you were begging in Arabic for someone not to hurt me. Telling them to leave me alone."

" _I_  should've left you alone.", Brody said bitterly. Shaking her head Carrie walked up, went to touch him but he flinched, backed and turned away from her.

"Jesus, you didn't know what you were doing! That you were even doing it. You really think I'm going to punish you? That I'm going to run away in terror?", she scoffed. Before noticing he hadn't made a move to argue back, or made a move at all. He just stood still, defenseless. Taking her harsh tone and words like they were blows.

Realizing it she shook her head and walked over, took a steady grip on his trembling hands,  
"Look, if you haven't scared me off yet you're not going to. You were someplace else last night. You were afraid, you panicked. It happens. I know too fucking well that it does.", she sighed bitterly.  
"It was just a bad dream, Brody that's all."

Even though she was reassuring him, somewhat calming him down Brody couldn't take his eyes off her wrist.  
"I'm so sorry. Shit, I...I'm so sorry."  
  
"Shhh, don't.", she coaxed, bringing his hands close to her face, kissing them gently.  
  
"I know you. You never meant to hurt...it just happened."

" _What_  happened?", Farrah asked nervously. She'd been standing nearby and heard Brody apologizing, heard Carrie say he didn't mean to hurt and her brown eyes went wide, then went angry.  
  
"Farrah, I-"  
  
" _What happened?!"_ The girl shouted, taking Carrie aback. Brody looked just as stunned but didn't feel in a position to say or do anything as Farrah ran to stand between them.

"Nothing, Farrah. Everything's-"  
  
"You say he hurt!", she interrupted.  
  
"Honey no, I didn't say-"  
  
"And  _you_  say sorry! You... _you_  hurt her? You hurt her too?"

Looking down as Farrah stared him down, furious and betrayed and teary eyed, Brody stood frozen in place. Too stunned to speak. Taking his silence as an answer Farrah ran at him, started hitting at him with tiny fists wherever she could reach.  
  
"Farrah, Farrah stop! You don't-"  
  
"You hurt her! You..you like men with boots! You.. _you hurt her!_ ", she cried as Carrie took hold of her from behind, held the girl close as she squirmed, kept shouting at Brody in every language she knew.

"Shh, shh just stop. Just stop, just stop." Repeating herself over and over Carrie kept holding Farrah until finally she heard her. After she stopped struggling she started crying.  
  
"Shh. Shh."   
Turning her around, the girl hid her face in her shoulder and Carrie hid her's in her headscarf. Trying her best to keep from crying too at the situation. Everything going from good to bad to downright ugly,  _again_.

After she pulled back, dried her eyes, she was set to look up and mouth an apology, anything that would be remotely reassuring to Brody. Only to see he was already gone.


	68. Chapter 68

Looking up to see Brody was already gone, Carrie forced herself not to be upset by it. Worried for him. She assumed that he'd assumed after Farrah's outburst it'd be best to get out of the way, give them some space. She just wished he hadn't slipped out the door as easily as if he were Calvin. It was rather unsettling.

"Come here, Farrah. Come with me.", she coaxed, taking her by the hand and over to the couch. Farrah obediently sat down, legs folded under her, but picked a place on the carpet to stare down at.  
  
"Sweetheart, it's just the two of us now, okay? It's just us. Just you and me. We should try and talk and sort things out before we go home. Make sure everything's okay."  
  
"Are you.. _you_  okay?", Farrah asked nervously, so soft Carrie couldn't hear her at first.  
  
"I'm fine, Farrah. You have my word I'm  _fine_. I'm gonna stay that way too."  
  
"It..it not hurt?"  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
"Nick..when he..to your arm.", Farrah said nervously, with more fear in her eyes than Carrie had seen in a long time.  
  
"Farrah, Brody didn't do this to me on purpose. I need you to know that."  
  
"But he say-"  
  
"I know what he said. But I also know he did this accidentally, without even realizing it. He had a nightmare, honey. Just like the ones you and I have."  
  
"He get them too?"  
  
"Yeah. He does. Last night I heard him yelling and crying out in his sleep, even out here I heard him. So I went over to his room to wake him up. Like I do with you."  
  
"But I not hurt your arm when I..."

Sighing Carrie shook her head. "Just hold on for a second and let me explain, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Brody had a dream last night that someone was trying to hurt me. Trying to take me away from him. He didn't open his eyes when I came in his room but he felt me holding his hand, so he grabbed onto my arm. Like, the way I did with you at the parade or when we'd go to the marketplace together. I'd hold on so we wouldn't lose each other."  
  
Nodding Farrah met Carrie's gaze. "Nick afraid he lose.."  
  
"Yeah. He held onto me tightly. But he's strong and left behind a mark."  
  
"Like the man with boots did to me?", she recalled. Looking at the near faded out mark on her wrist as Carrie did the same thing. Working to keep her anger in check at the thought of that cretin laying a hand on her little girl.

"Farrah, why didn't you show me that before now?"  
  
"I..I don't know. I'm sorry." Farrah sniffled as Carrie slipped an arm around her.  
  
"Don't. Don't apologize, okay? I understand. You thought Brody hurt me the way the man hurt you."  
  
Nodding the girl curled up in her lap.  
  
"He didn't though, honey. He didn't. I know that's how it looked but, no. Brody would never hurt me like that on purpose. You remember he ran after those men in the clearing after what they did, right?"  
  
"Yes.", Farrah nodded as she wiped her eyes, pulling back slightly to look at her.

"Brody's a good man, Farrah. He's made a lot of mistakes but he cares about you and he cares about me. He just had a nightmare last night. We've had a lot of those the past few days." Carrie sighed bitterly, wishing with everything in her that wasn't the case.  
  
"But nightmares over now?", Farrah asked innocently. Getting a hug in return.  
  
"I'll do whatever I have to to make sure they are, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Nodding the girl tried to pull back but had trouble.  
  
"You still need hug?", she asked getting a nod.  
  
"Yeah. Is that okay?"  
  
"It okay."

After a few moments they finally pulled apart and Carrie was set to broach the subject of Brody, her and Farrah going to find him, mend fences when her phone started buzzing. Not thinking to check the caller she grabbed it off the table, answered.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Carrie..it's me."  
  
"Saul?"  
  
"Well, at least you still know the sound of my voice."  
  
"Look, I'm a little busy right now. Can I call you back?"  
  
"I've called you eight times. How the fuck are you still busy?"

Rolling her eyes Carrie sighed impatiently. "I'll be at Langley tomorrow."  
  
"Good. I'd like you to bring someone with you."  
  
"Saul, no. You can come by the house to see Farrah but I won't-"  
  
"I'm not talking about Farrah. It's Brody. Can you bring him by at ten?"  
  
"That depends. Should I take him to interrogation bunker one or three?", she scoffed. Nodding for Farrah to play with Calvin as she stood up, went over to the kitchen.

"Carrie..."  
  
"Because I know two is set aside for that arms dealer Quinn's interrogating. I wouldn't want him to have to pull his knife on two suspects at the same time. That's a lot of theater for one fucking cell."

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Saul sighed. "My office should work just fine. And I want you two there at ten. Not ten after, half past. Either I see that fucker on the other side of my desk or there won't be another conversation between us."  
  
"Jesus Christ, Saul. I don't-"  
  
"I'm gonna go over his options, Carrie. The three of us are going to sit down and figure this fucking thing out. Move past it once and for all."  
  
"But you said.."  
  
"I know what I said. I said a lot of things. So did you. But if we don't try and get beyond it, the relationship we've built up the past decade won't amount to a goddamn thing."  
  
"Saul-"  
  
"And for the record I'm not doing this for your benefit. Or his. Or because I'm a useless sap of a romantic. I'm doing it because I have proof you collected staring me in the face. And   
if I ignore it I'll be the exact son of a bitch I've refused to be my entire fucking career."  
  
"Saul, I don't-"  
  
"My office. Ten 'o clock tomorrow or the deal's off. Sergeant Nick Brody's not running the goddamn show anymore. Are we clear?"  
  
"Yes. We are."  
  
"Good. See you then. And give Farrah a hug from me."  
  
"I will. Goodbye, Saul.", Carrie sighed, hanging up.

...

After Carrie nodded to Calvin, went into the kitchen, seeing the kitten was asleep and in no mood to go chasing a catnip mouse, Farrah went out on the porch and saw Brody down by the dock. Thinking back on everything Carrie had told her, how it wasn't his fault, he'd just had a bad dream, would never hurt that way on purpose, swallowing hard Farrah made her way to where he was sitting. Walking up to tap his shoulder.  
  
"What the...Farrah?"  
  
"Hi Nick.", she said shyly as he turned more around to face her.  
  
"Is everything okay? Is Carrie okay?"  
  
"Yes. I..I wanted to talk to you. Say sorry."  
  
"Farrah, don't.", Brody sighed guiltily as she bit her lip, arms crossed. "I don't want you apologizing for one thing, you understand?"  
  
"But I yell at you."  
  
"I know. But you were scared, scared for Carrie. You felt like you had to protect her. You  _were_  protecting her."  
  
"But you not hurt her on purpose! And I yell-"  
  
"You thought that I had. It looked that way. But I'd never lay a hand on Carrie on purpose, Farrah. If I tried to she'd beat me to a pulp.", he weakly laughed as Farrah frowned,   
confused.  
  
"Pulp? Like juice?"  
  
"No. No, it's an expression. It just means she'd hurt me right back."  
  
"Ah." Nodding in semi-understanding Farrah sat next to him on the dock, looked at him apologetically.  
  
"I sorry I beat you to pulp.", she said shyly as Brody stifled a laugh.  
  
"It's okay. I'm recovering nicely.", he teased. But his face went solemn when her's did.  
  
"Carrie say you have bad.."  
  
"A bad dream? Yeah, I did. I thought someone was going to hurt Carrie. Take her away. That's why I held onto her. I know though, there's no excusing those marks.", he sighed   
bitterly as Farrah frowned, tilted her head.  
  
"But they mistake marks. Not like men with boots."  
  
"That's true I guess." Brody shrugged, wishing though she didn't have this level of understanding at only six years old.

"Listen though, I told you earlier but I'll tell you again. If anyone tries to come after Carrie or come after you, they'll have to get through me first."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Yes. If anything happened to either one of you, Farrah I have no idea what I'd do.", he admitted, then looked at her nervously.  
  
"You and me though, we're okay aren't we? We're still friends?"  
  
"Yes, we friends.", Farrah grinned, then giggled as she climbed onto his lap, threw her arms around his neck.  
  
Overcome by it all Brody smiled, watery eyed. "Good..that..that's good."

Kissing the top of her head he hugged her once more before she turned around, looked out at the water.  
  
"Listen, I know I said we'd have our swim date but..."  
  
"It okay. Carrie talk to Bear on phone and he wants us home."  
  
"He does?"  
  
"Yes. Next time we swim date?"  
  
"Sounds like a plan.", Brody smiled, standing up before helping Farrah to her feet.  
  
"Listen, I'm think I'm gonna take a walk, okay?"  
  
"I come too?"  
  
"I think I'm just gonna go solo this time, brat. Besides I think Carrie might need some help packing up your stuff."  
  
"Solo?"  
  
"By myself. If that's okay."  
  
"It okay, but be careful!", Farrah said sternly as he pinky swore he would, then walked off.


	69. Chapter 69

"Alright, as requested. A peanut butter, grape jelly, banana, and marshmallow fluff sandwich. Blech." Carrie grimaced, not able to hide her disgust at the combination as she set the plate in front of Farrah. Grinning the girl thanked her. Started eating her lunch.

"If that doesn't tide you over until dinner we'll stop somewhere on the ride home."  
  
  
"Nick drive back with us?"  
  
Frowning Carrie sat at the table, started poking at her salad. "I don't know actually. A friend of his gave him a ride up here. I'll ask when he gets back."  
  
"When he be back?"  
  
"I'm not sure.", she shrugged. Spearing a crouton with her fork. "After lunch though we should start packing, okay?"

Finishing off her lunch even though she wasn't all that hungry, Carrie got up and wandered out onto the porch. Calvin followed her and she scooped the kitten up, held him close before looking at her watch. It hadn't been as long as she'd thought but it had still been awhile since Brody left. Him taking off was bad enough, but him taking off without resolving things with Farrah was eating away at her. All she wanted was to turn back the clock to this morning and hide that damn bruise better.

"Carrie?"  
  
Her thoughts interrupted she turned around.   
  
"Hey. You finish your lunch?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Crusts too?"  
  
"Crust too.", Farrah smiled sheepishly, moving to join her on the porch. Her smile faded though seeing the intent way Carrie was looking out at the water.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, honey. Why?"  
  
"You keep looking down there. But Nick not there anymore."  
  
"What do you mean, anymore. When was he down there?"  
  
"Before lunch. When you were talking, on phone."  
  
"When I was talking on the phone you talked to Brody?"  
  
"Yes.", Farrah answered, leaning against the porch rail. "I walk over and say sorry. For beating him to pulp."

At that Carrie had to stifle a laugh. "Farrah, you didn't do that."  
  
"I know!", the girl grinned.  
  
"It was a joke."  
  
"But you two talked. You're friends again?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Good. That...that's good." Relieved, Carrie sat down in one of the outdoor chairs. Handed Calvin to Farrah.  
  
"It is? You not mad?"  
  
"No. I'm not."  
  
"So he be back soon, yes?"  
  
"Knowing now you two made up. Yes.", she said confidently.  
  
"I know he'll be back soon."

...

Brody had taken the trail to the waterfall, and even after climbing down to explore the base of it he kept walking. He hadn't been able to spend this long outside since he'd returned to the States, and figured he'd soak up as much sun and calm from the woods as he could.   
  
But the main motivation for turning his quick walk into a lengthy hike was avoidance. Even though he and Farrah had made up, even though Carrie had assured him repeatedly she was  _fine,_ he couldn't get those marks on her wrists out of his mind. They looked like the bands Nazir's zip ties had left behind, and that alone was enough to make him lose his breakfast.

Slightly winded from all the walking, he sat down on a tree stump, caught his breath. He'd prayed earlier, now he just wanted to sit and think. In spite of all the drama they'd been caught up in this weekend, the yelling and the interrogating and the goddamn Nazi's resurfacing, it had started out as nothing short of perfect and cemented what he already knew.  
He couldn't go back to a life of hiding and hair dye. Not now, what with promising swim dates and real first dates to the Mathison women back at the cabin. If he couldn't have a future with them he wasn't interested in pursuing one at all.  
  
Feeling more clear headed and focused now, ready to head back he went to stand only to hear snickering, feel a sharp pain at the back of his head, and see everything fade to black.

...

After struggling to open his eyes, Brody struggled to figure out his surroundings. He was sitting in a chair, not bound or tied up but his left leg felt like it was on fire. Pain shot through it at the slightest movement. Squinting down at it he realized the cause, a nasty looking wound a few inches above his knee. It hurt for him to even look at it, and he couldn't help thinking of the Gettysburg tailor impaling himself on that goddamn stake in the woods. Had he done the same thing? If so who brought him here instead of leaving him to rot? One name came to mind.

"C...Carrie..", he muttered. Keeping his eyes open enough to let them adjust this time. Hoping to see her, but his stomach rolled seeing someone else.

"Well, look who finally woke the fuck up. You always did like to sleep in. I remember I'd be up at the crack of dawn with Tom, you and Faber would still be snoring your fucking heads off."  
  
"L..Lauder? What..the fuck..where are...how the fuck did you..."

"Had some help. My buddy Jake did most of the leg work. Ha, get it. Leg..."   
  
Half laughing, half slurring Lauder drained the last of his beer, then tossed the can aside and uncapped his flask.  
  
"Glad he came along. My nephew wasn't too keen on my plan. Decided to go and hole up in the truck instead of helping me out. Got stoned on me.", he glowered in the boy's general direction.

Trying to turn, see this boy he was looking at Brody winced at the effort. Between his leg and his head he was in too much pain to see straight. But knew he had to get the fuck out of here, away from his drunken, possibly gun toting former friend.  
  
"L...Lauder. Fuck! You shot me in the leg? Figured that was the only way I'd stick around, have a fucking thing to do with you?"  
  
"Eh, wish I could take credit for that but c'mon Brody. Does that look like a bullet wound to you? With all your training you ought to know the difference." Lauder scoffed as Brody looked down at the injury again. Even if it wasn't caused by a bullet, it sure felt like he'd been pumped full of lead.  
  
"You always were pretty bright. You'd have to be to be fucking recruited by terrorists. Blow the goddamn CIA sky high." Rolling his eyes Brody shook his head, but regretted it when it throbbed.

"Don't sell yourself short there Lauder, I always saw you as bright. At least until you said that.", he growled.  
  
"If I had been responsible for the explosion at Langley that day, do you really think I'd be back here? Just hours away from the scene where it happened? I'm  _innocent_. I've got nothing to hide. And I bet you can't fucking stand it. he grinned, getting increasingly surly as he spoke.   
  
Before being beaten into submission in captivity, he'd made a point of antagonizing his captors. Saying and doing whatever it took to anger them. At first it was to prove he wasn't broken. Later it was to get them to knock him out faster. He hated how this situation was forcing him to slip back into old habits, with a man he used to call a friend no less.

"Listen. You may be bright. But you're not as clever as you think. I know exactly why you're back stateside and I know who made it happen."  
  
"You don't know shit."  
  
"But Carrie does, doesn't she? She knows everything. And why wouldn't she? You've only been fucking her since your goddamn homecoming."

At this whatever smirk Brody had worn disappeared.  
  
"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.", he snarled, then forced his mouth to say the next sentence. "That...that bitch, she illegally surveyed my house, Lauder! She scared the shit out of my daughter! Why the fuck would I have a thing to do with her?!"

"You mean why would you come to her defense?" Lauder smirked, taking another swig from his flask as Brody paled.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"What do you think? These woods aren't as secluded as you think. I've heard some stories. Over at our old bar as a matter of fact."  
  
"From who, a bunch of useless drunks?"  
  
"A bunch of useless drunks who placed your girlfriend at the clearing and you in your fucking camo cap running up right behind to protect her.", he sneered. "I think it's all fifty shades of fucked up myself, but I guess a fugitive will take shelter anywhere he can get it. You've been shacking up at her cabin? Waiting around for her to drive up and visit you? The days she has off from rebuilding her work?"

Swallowing hard Brody went to answer but Lauder didn't let him.

"But hey, don't get me wrong. I'd look forward to her visits too. Saw her picture in the paper."  
  
"You're about to cross a line there, Lauder. I sure as fuck wouldn't if I were you.", Brody growled menacingly.  
  
"Oh, what? I strike a nerve?" Shaking his head Lauder lowered himself into a beat recliner across the way from Brody's rickety chair.

"I was just complimenting you on your good taste, Brody. Pretty and can take damn good care of herself. Took on three drunks single-handed. I wonder how she'd hold up in prison for aiding and abetting. I mean, if she's fucking you she's got to be protecting your sorry ass."  
  
"Look, whatever this is keep it between you and me. Alright?! Leave Carrie the fuck out of it!"  
  
"I don't see how I can when I turn you in. The feds are gonna have plenty of questions and I'll have all the answers. I wonder if they allow conjugal visits when both parties are in prison." Lauder mused as Brody bristled.

"Let me ask then, why the fuck haven't you already turned me in? Why'd I wake up in this shithole and not a holding cell?", he asked.  
  
"I just wanted a chance to catch up with you, buddy.", Lauder sneered. Meanwhile Brody's leg went from throbbing to pulsating pain. Even without looking at the wound he could tell it was close to infected if not already.

"Yeah, you took a pretty hard fall. That trap nicked you good. I'd pour a little of this vodka on it, try and disinfect it but, dunno if I can spare it."  
  
"For Christ's sake, Lauder. C'mon. You wouldn't leave a man behind.", Brody said knowingly.  
  
"You were the last to ship out after I was captured. Even Faber left before you. You waited. You waited around for word on me. Figure out for sure I wasn't just MIA."

Shaking his head Lauder looked at him venomously, got up on his crutches and moved to stand right in front of him, reeking of booze and nearly shaking out of rage.

"I...waited.. for my.. friends. My goddamn brothers. I waited and I wished like hell I'd have been captured instead. I waited for the men I trained and served with. Not the fucking traitors that up and blew up anyone that got in the way of their goddamn brainwashing!"  
  
"I wasn't fucking brainwashed!", Brody growled, but regretting the exertion he forced himself to take deep breaths. "I wasn't.", he insisted, his eyes going from cold to pleading.

"Lauder, just give me a fucking chance. I..I'll explain. I'll tell you whatever you want to know, give you all your answers. And you can do whatever the fuck you have to with the information. Turn me in, land me in prison. Some bunker where I get a few square meals a day and not a shred of fucking daylight. I don't give a shit anymore. I'm tired. I'm tired of running and I  _won't._  All I ask is that you don't go after Carrie. Leave her, leave the woman I love, out of it."

"Why? So she can clear your name? Pin that bombing on someone besides her cabin boy fuckbuddy?"  
  
"She...she wouldn't. She wants to clear my name, she's tried to but she can't. She  _won't_  be able to. You'll get what you want. You'll put away the man that betrayed your friend. Your brother. The man that put a bullet in Tom's head. You'll get your justice. Just leave Carrie out of it. Please."

"So you fucking admit it then.", Lauder said, looking stony-eyed. "I've been waiting and waiting for you to fucking say it out loud."  
  
"I have.", Brody rasped. Watching nervously as Lauder moved closer, gripped the back of the chair he was in.

"Doesn't make one bit of it right." he snarled. Lifting his hand from his crutch just long enough to shove the chair and shove Brody out of it, before regaining his footing. Shaking his head disapprovingly at the man lying immobile on the ground, and slurring about him, Carrie, and adjoining cells before going to refill his flask.

 


	70. Chapter 70

"Okay, Farrah? I need you to triple check the cabin to make sure you packed everything." Carrie yelled from the bathroom where she was gathering up her makeup, meds, hair dryer. Returning to the living room though she saw Farrah sitting sullenly on the bed. Petting Calvin who was sitting in her open, empty suitcase.

"Farrah! What's going on? You were supposed to be almost finished packing!"  
  
"I pack when Nick's back.", the girl said stubbornly.  
  
"He should be back soon."  
  
"You say that already."

"Honey, if you're that worried you and I can go out and look for him ourselves."  
  
"But...men with boots." Farrah shuddered as Carrie bit her lip, sat next to her on the bed.  
  
"Hey, I understand if you're scared. But I'll be with you the whole time, and if there's any sign of trouble we'll come right back.", Carrie said. She was past the point of wanting to confront anyone she could bump into out there. Aside from Brody who would get some hell from her for taking off.

"It won't be like last time. You have my word. But if you want to stay here and wait for him to come back, I'll understand."  
  
"No, I brave! We..we go.", Farrah said firmly as she stood up.  
  
"Alright then, after you."

Going down the trail, glad it hadn't gotten too dark yet, with her and Farrah calling after Brody, Carrie had to adjust to calling him Nick for fear of his last name attracting attention. She half expected him to run up to them angry. Not thrilled with them yelling all over the woods in search of him.

"Nick?! NICK!", Farrah shouted, scaring some birds out of the trees in the process.  
  
"Farrah, shh."  
  
"But he need to hear us-"  
  
"Trust me, if he's out here he can.", Carrie sighed.

They walked for about a half hour more, hitting almost every trail with no sign of him. Carrie knew these woods well, but even not having that luxury it was tough to immerse yourself in them enough to completely disappear. Starting to worry but not letting on, she motioned to Farrah to keep up with her. Only to see the girl dart off the trail, towards a patch of trees surrounding a stump.

"Farrah, what the... don't do that! Jesus, do you remember what happened the last time you wandered off!", Carrie scolded, feeling bad for snapping but not up for a repeat of two days ago.  
  
"I'm sorry but look! It's Nick's!" Farrah exclaimed, bending to pick up the compass. Taking it from her Carrie swore under her breath.

"Farrah, how did you know it was-"  
  
"He say you give it to him. He always has it."  
  
Tearing up, but swiping at her eyes before Farrah could realize it, Carrie bit her lip. "Honey, it could've just fallen out of his pocket."

"No!" Farrah cried. "He say it keeps him from getting lost. Now he lost!", she sniffled. Then jumped hearing a thunder clap, right before rain started falling in sheets.  
  
"Nick?! NICK!" Wanting to be heard over the thunder she yelled louder and walked out from under the trees and back onto the trail. Getting drenched in the process.

"Farrah, c'mon!", Carrie yelled. "We're going  _this_  way!"  
  
"To the cabin?!"  
  
"Yes! Hurry up before-"  
  
"No! What about-"  
  
"Farrah, we  _can't_  stay out here! C'mon!"  
  
The rain was falling harder and she knew parts of the forest tended to flood. There was no way the two of them were about to get caught in something like that.

"NICK!", Farrah shouted once more, chin quivering before she ran to catch up to Carrie.

...

"Where..where the fuck is it..where...Carrie I lost it...I'm...I'm sorry, I lost it..."  
  
"What the fuck is he babbling about?", Lauder spat venomously at the man lying on the floor, concerned for something not in his pocket.

"What did you say?"  
  
"Why's he moving all over like that? An hour ago he couldn't even move that leg!" Frowning, Lauder watched his nephew bend down, get a better look at him.

"Fuck. He's sweating bullets. I bet he's running a fever!", he concluded standing up. Staring down his hopelessly drunk, still menacing looking uncle.

"You're high.", Lauder scoffed.  
  
"It's worn off. Look, this is fucking crazy. Did you even know what you planned to do once you and Jake brought him here?"  
  
"I wanted to teach him a lesson is what I wanted to do! Show him he can't go around shooting people point blank and strapping goddamn bombs to his chest!"  
  
"So you're just going to stand by and watch his leg get more infected?"  
  
"Hey, a little time on crutches might do him a little good.", he smirked.  
  
"Uncle Lauder, no. This has gone on long enough."

"You think you can talk to me that way? Treat me like some brat kid? For Christ's sake. Go smoke some more of that weed you brought along and leave me the fuck alone."  
  
Rolling his eyes Lauder maneuvered to the door. "Where the hell are you going?!"  
  
"Need another refill."

Watching spellbound as Lauder stumbled outside, wishing he'd nipped this thing in the bud when he saw his uncle's pal haul a former congressman into his trunk, reaching into his pocket he retrieved another joint along with his phone. Desperate beyond belief to use one, he opted for the other and dialed, forced to leave a voicemail.

"Hey, it's me. I know it's been like fucking forever, but my uncle's on a tear and he's done something. Something you need to know about. I can't get into it over the phone, but...just get in your car and get to Bear Lake as soon as you get this. If you can't get away or your mom gets fucking bent about it, make an excuse and get here anyway. Trust me. It's fucking serious, D. Bye.", Zander sighed before hanging up.


	71. Chapter 71

After grabbing some towels, Carrie went to the living room and saw Farrah sitting solemnly in front of the fireplace. They'd been dripping wet by the time they reached the cabin and the storm had been cold. Luckily she found some firewood Brody had stashed away that hadn't gotten wet from the rain. She had the fire going by the time Farrah changed into her pajamas.  
  
"Here, let me dry your hair a little before I rebraid it." Sitting behind her, Carrie gently toweled the girl's hair.

"Hmm. Looks like you're going to need a haircut soon. Remind me to make an appointment when we get home. We can go together and get pink highlights. How does that sound?", she chuckled but barely got a smile.

"It's going to be fine, Farrah. Brody will come back."  
  
"He is lost though."  
  
"No, honey. He's not. Brody's smart. He knows how to take care of himself in the woods. He'll be fine."

Shrugging, Farrah toyed with the compass in her palm while Carrie continued braiding her hair, even twining a purple ribbon through it.  
  
"Okay, what do you think?" she asked, handing over her compact mirror. Getting a small smile in return but not much else. Sighing, Carrie moved to sit beside her in front of the fire. Rubbed her shoulder reassuringly.

"Farrah, you know how for my job I have to look for people, figure out where they've gone?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, one of the ways we do that is by talking to the last person they talked to. Asking them lots of questions. We try and get them remembering everything about the last conversation they had with the suspect...person.", she corrected.  
  
"Now, you were the last person to talk to Brody. What did you say to him?"

Turning more towards her, legs crossed Farrah looked at her earnestly. "I answer, then we find him?"  
  
"I know your answering can only help us find him. So, go ahead. Tell me everything you two talked about at the dock this morning."

"I say, hi. He ask me if I was okay, if you were okay. I try to say sorry but he not let me. Said I should not app..apple.."  
  
"Apologize?", Carrie asked.  
  
"Yes! Yes, he tell me not to apologize. We talk about marks, that his were mistakes. We talk about pulp. And swim. Swim date for next time."  
  
"Did  _he_  tell you he wanted to have it next time?"  
  
"No. I say it because Bear say he want us to go home."  
  
"So, you told Brody about Saul calling me?"

"Yes." Farrah answered nervously. "Was it okay?"  
  
"It shouldn't not be.", Carrie frowned, muttering to herself as Farrah looked on, even more anxious than before.  
  
"So you know where Nick is now? We find him?"

Trying to figure out the best way to answer her, Carrie bit her lip as her phone rang. Before she could grab it Farrah did, right as Calvin decided to start mewing, then mewing louder for his dinner. Swearing under her breath Carrie scooped him up, brought him to the kitchen.

"Hello?"  
  
"Hey Farrah. It's Quinn, er. Pete."  
  
"I know it you!" Farrah grinned, twirling the tip of her braid around her finger.  
  
"How are you? How's the cat?"  
  
"Calvin good. He eating dinner."  
  
"Hey, speaking of which. I didn't know if he liked tuna or chicken flavor cat treats so I bought both kinds."  
  
"He like both!"  
  
"Good. Would feel silly keeping them for myself. Also plan on getting some more chocolate. I bought too much at the store and need to get rid of it."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Have to look good in my bathing suit." Quinn quipped getting Farrah laughing.  
  
"So are you going to tell me why you're this giggly or will I have to guess?"  
  
"I not giggly!", Farrah protested.  
  
"You are. But it's okay. I'm glad you're in a good mood. Are you guys on your way back?"  
  
"No, we still at cabin."  
  
"Still? That's a long drive to make at night."  
  
"We can't go back yet.", she said, smile fading out.

"Why not? Saul is really anxious to see the two of you." Quinn said as he leaned back in his desk chair. Mentally swearing as he tried to prep for whatever excuse he was bound to hear.

"No! We can't go back until we find Nick!", Farrah said stubbornly. Putting him on high alert.  
  
"Farrah? Where is Brody?"  
  
"I talk to him on dock and tell him Bear wants us home and he say okay that we not have swim date yet and he say he want to walk solo but he not back and he lost compass and..."

"Farrah, easy,  _Easy_. It's alright. Don't get upset.", Quinn soothed, hearing her sniffling over the line. "C'mon, you were giggling up a storm not two minutes ago. Don't worry. Everything's going to work out."  
  
"O..Okay."  
  
"Are you better?"  
  
"Yes, I better.", Farrah said, putting him slightly more at ease.  
  
"Good. Is Carrie there?"

Walking over to the kitchen, she saw Calvin was eating but Carrie was gone. Going down the hall she heard jazz echoing through the shut guest room door.  
  
"She in her room but I get her.", she said, knocking twice.  
  
"In a second, Farrah.", Carrie called. Coming out wearing the t-shirt Brody had worn last night, she took the phone from Farrah.

"Hello?"  
  
"Carrie, what the fuck is going on?"  
  
"It's nice to hear your voice too, Quinn.", she scoffed, taking the phone onto the porch.  
  
"So tell me I didn't hear this correctly. Brody went for a goddamn walk and never came back?"  
  
"I'm handling it."

"Are you? Because from where I'm sitting you let a fugitive out of your sight and free to roam the fucking woods."  
  
"Quinn...", Carrie sighed, swearing under her breath. "Look, you don't have the first clue what's going on! Jesus, your only source is an overtired six year old."

"Okay here's what she told me. Interrupt me if I'm incorrect. Sergeant Nicholas Brody took off this morning. Right after he learned the head of the CIA wants a sit down with him tomorrow. Anything ringing false here?"  
  
"Quinn, you don't understand."  
  
"I don't understand how you're not seeing the goddamn obvious."  
  
"I  _know_  Brody."  
  
"Believe me, that's been established.", Quinn scoffed, getting her glaring.  
  
"I was with him all weekend. We had an incident but we worked everything out. He wouldn't run. He  _won't_  run."  
  
"How can you be sure? If I was in his position I'd run like hell."  
  
"Not if you had reason to stay.", Carrie said firmly, mentally running down ways to bolster her argument.  
  
"He encouraged me this morning to talk with Saul. Why would he say that then take off when Farrah mentioned he called?"  
  
"I don't know. Why would he strap a goddamn bomb to his chest? Look, even if he didn't put on the pyrotechnic show at Langley like the world thinks, if you run the day before your sit down with the director of the CIA, it makes you look fucking guilty."  
  
"Don't you think I know that?! Jesus. I know what it all looks like, Quinn.", she sighed sadly, running a hand through her hair.

"Carrie. Look just take a seat, will you? And one of your pills if they're on you. The last thing Farrah needs is to see you on a tear."  
  
"How the fuck do you know if I'm on a tear?"  
  
"You sound upset. You're probably pacing. The hand not holding your cellphone is probably in your hair. And your chin's on the verge of doing that wobbling it does when you're ready to explode."

"Okay, if you're across the lake right now looking through your rifle scope, I'm swimming over there now to break the fucking thing."  
  
Ducking back inside she grabbed her purse and retrieved her pills before swallowing one dry. Then went back onto the porch.

"Hey, my gun will not be threatened by you under any circumstances.", Quinn snorted, shaking his head. "Carrie...if Brody doesn't come back tonight-"  
  
"I know Quinn, I know."  
  
"I can't believe he suckered me again, goddammit."  
  
"Hey! We don't know that he-"  
  
"It's my own damn fault. It is. I gave the fucker the benefit of the doubt and he takes the opportunity to earn his goddamn wilderness badge."  
  
"Wait, what?"  
  
"Wilderness badge. Like he's a fucking boy scout. They build fires, tie knots. All that shit-"  
  
"No, Quinn. What do you mean you gave Brody the benefit of the doubt?"  
  
"I told him to go to you. I arranged goddamn transportation for him."  
  
"What?!", Carrie asked, eyes narrowed.

"You sound surprised. Don't know why you are, how the fuck did you think he got there. Hitchhiked?" Hearing her silence on the other end of the line, Quinn shut his eyes, rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"This is the first you're hearing about this, isn't it? What bullshit line did he feed you? How did he explain himself?"  
  
"Quinn I have to go."  
  
"Carrie..."

Hearing a click on the other end, then a dial tone, swearing he slammed the phone back into the cradle. Furious at Brody for ditching, himself for letting it happen, and wishing he'd just sucked it up and shot the fucker the first time around.

...

Pacing around frantic, twirling the joint in between his thumb and index finger but refusing to light it up yet, Zander checked his phone again and swore. There were no missed calls, no voicemails asking what the fuck this was all about. Either help was on the way or he was being blown off. He could only pray it wouldn't be the latter.

Crouching down beside a too incapacitated looking Brody, he took the washcloth off the older man's forehead, brought it to the sink to rewet before putting it back in place. Just before the cabin door swung open.

"Hey, thanks for the help!", Lauder slurred, waving at the car driving off before stumbling back in the cabin and into the recliner.  
  
"Well we got our refill. Jake drove two towns over to the liquor store and the dipshit behind the counter didn't even know he was drunk.", he crowed. But frowned seeing his nephew not paying any attention, rapidly texting someone who'd finally replied to him.

"Too preoccupied with that fucking phone to even pay attention. Goddamn son of a-" Muttering under his breath he leaned back in the recliner, shut his eyes only to hear a car outside. Opening them he saw Zander jump to his feet, go outside to greet them.

"What the-" Frowning, Lauder sat up, propped himself to a standing position on his crutches before squinting outside. Trying to make out who else was out there. Why their expression had gone from stunned to frantic to furious in the span of a minute.

"Hey, what the hell is going on out there, who..."  
  
"I called for some help, Uncle Lauder. Look, just go in the back room and try and sleep off the shit ton you drank.", Zander spat, trying to lead him to the back bedroom.

"Get your goddamn hands off me!", Lauder snapped. "I'm not going anywhere til I know that godforsaken  _terrorist_  over there is finally taught a goddamn less-"

Silenced with a hard shove that knocked him off balance, knocked him out, Zander gaped down at Lauder, then at the figure behind him.

"Sorry. But if I had to hear one more  _fucking_  person call my dad a terrorist.." Brushing past him, after stepping over Lauder, crouching beside Brody, Dana looked at him wide eyed. Biting her lip she pulled out her phone.

"Hey, Chris? Yeah, yeah I made it here fine. It's a college, it's huge. Not much else to say about it. Are Mom and Mike still out? Yeah, just tell them when they're back I'm gonna look at a few other schools around here so, I'll be up here another week or two. Yeah. I'll check in with them in a few days. I promise. Okay, thanks."


	72. Chapter 72

"Dana...just, just fucking talk alright? Say something.", Zander pleaded.  
  
After hanging up the phone, hearing his explanation about Lauder knocking Brody out, dragging him here, she'd been sitting on the floor cross legged and silent, twining her hands she was staring at.

"Dana c'mon..just-"  
  
"Don't fucking touch me!", Dana snarled, recoiling when his hand barely brushed her shoulder. Standing up she ran a hand through her hair, trying to take deep breaths. The shock was starting to wear off, now reality was starting to sink in. Even though it all felt like a godawful dream more than anything else.

"Geez, okay. I just-"  
  
"Has he been like this..since your uncle...?", she asked fearfully.  
  
"Not the whole time. There was arguing. There was definitely arguing.", Zander shrugged.

"Look, I didn't know who else to call. I got stoned as soon as I realized what Jake and Lauder were up to. I just wanted to stay out of the fucking mess. But then I realized it was,  _your dad_  and I just.."  
  
"You thought you'd call me. God, just because I share DNA with him I'm supposed to have a plan?", Dana spat.

"It's not like I can call him a goddamn ambulance! If I bring him to the hospital I may as well turn him over to the cops!"  
  
"So what? We stay here? Crack open that thousand year old first-aid kit and pretend we're on fucking _Grey's Anatomy_?"

"Again, do you  _really_  think I have a plan?!", she cried as she knelt back down next to Brody, adjusted the washcloth on his forehead. His eyes were still closed but she heard him muttering under his breath. Listening closely she recognized the name all too well and cringed.  
  
"Hey, did he just say-"  
  
" _Her_  name? Yeah. He did."  
  
"He said it earlier too.", Zander recalled, getting a frown before he went on to explain about the cabin, Lauder learning about it and coming up here in search of Brody. Grimacing, Dana shook her head but he pressed on.

"You know if she's got a cabin here I can probably find the place, I-"  
  
"You're shitting me, right?"  
  
"Dana, what other options are there?"  
  
"Besides going to the woman half in charge of the CIA? A shit-ton, Zander."  
  
"Look, you said once that this, Carrie..and your dad were-"

"Fucking? Yeah, they were. But I think thanks to his suicide tape and it's trillion hits on YouTube, now she's in hot pursuit of more than that." Dana scoffed before glancing back at Brody. Blinking back tears. She was torn between hating the sight of him and wanting him to wake up and give her a hug, and wished like hell she had more of an ally in all this than her stoner ex boyfriend.

"I'm not handing him over to her. I don't care if she's not  _crazy_ like he said. I can't trust her not to land him in jail or to take care of him when he's this sick. I can't trust her, period!", she said emphatically as she stood up.

"Well who else is around these parts that can help? 'Cause I'm pretty sure anyone you find in these woods will gladly put your dad out of his misery."  
Zander scoffed, grabbing the ancient first-aid kit to dab what semi-resembled antiseptic on Brody's leg. Even at the stinging though the older man didn't move a muscle or open his eyes.

"He's gonna need real treatment soon, D. This shit's not cutting it and by now his fever's probably spiked."

Not sure what else to do, Dana started scrolling through her phone contacts only to land on one that could potentially help.  
  
"What's that look-"  
  
"There was a girl a year ahead of me at my school. Katie Murphy. She sat with me at lunch even though I was the freak loner transfer kid. She's gonna be premed."  
  
"Note the operative word,  _pre_.", Zander snorted, getting a scowl.  
  
"She got a job at a clinic this summer and it's closer to here than to Charleston. I'm thinking she has a little more expertise than us."

"So you're just going to call her? Say 'hey I need you to treat my dad who's got a gaping hole in his leg, who's also on the run from the cops and fucking Homeland Security?'"  
  
"You have a better idea?", Shrugging Zander shook his head, right as Dana started rummaging through her bag for a notebook and a pen that she uncapped.

"Dana what the fuck are you do-"  
  
"Just shut up for a second." Chewing on the pencap she hurriedly scribbled a message on the sheet of paper, then handed it to Zander who skimmed it, frowned.  
  
"Are you serious with this?"  
  
"You said you could find Carrie's cabin, right?", she asked.  
  
"Well yeah but-"  
  
"But nothing. Look, if her car's in the driveway then tape that note to it. Or to her fucking front door, I don't care."  
  
"What if she knows your dad's handwriting?"  
  
"He writes in all caps and I forged his signature. How do you think I got so many excused absences sophomore year?", she smirked before the gravity of things went and caught up with her.

"Look, you do this and your last shot of anyone close by helping your dad goes away. And what if he's been staying up here with her? What if they're birdwatching or camping or fucking again or something? You think she'll buy that he just up and left?"  
  
"He's done it before.", Dana scoffed, trying to cover Brody's leg wound with some gauze from the kit. Avoiding Zander's glare.  
  
"I'm not going to fight with you on this, Zander. Each time I've been around that woman she's caused a fucking shit storm. At my house, the police station. I don't trust, or  _like_  her. And I don't want her within a hundred miles of any of this. Maybe if we're lucky that note will slow her down."

"Okay. Okay I'll make sure she sees it."  
  
"Good. Thank you. Now will you help me get him to my car?"

Nodding, glad she was stepping up and taking control of this madness, Zander did the bulk of the lifting and supporting while Dana held back, made sure they both remained upright on the walk from the cabin to her car.  
  
"You thinking shotgun here or-"  
  
"God, Zander. Are you high?", she scoffed, opening the back passenger side door.  
  
"It's worn off, damn it."   
  
Once situating Brody in the back, panicked that he was still so out of it but not willing to let it get the better of her, Dana quickly went around, jumped in the driver's seat before rolling down the window.

"Listen are you sure you're good? I can call one of Lauder's friends to deal with him so I can go with you if you-"  
  
"No...fuck, he's  _my_  dad. You've done enough for him already. If anyone's gonna get caught aiding and abetting him it should be me, right?", Dana sniffed, swiping at her eyes.

"You know if you bring him to a doctor by law they have to treat him."  
  
"And if I see Katie and get supplies or whatever  _I_  can treat him without the cops or a SWAT team busting the door down."  
  
"Well do what you have to do. Just be careful, okay?"  
  
"I will. I'll try to be anyway.", she said before he nodded, went back towards the cabin before she called his name.  
  
"Yeah?", he asked as she got out of the car and threw her arms around him.

"Thanks."  
  
"It's fine."  
  
Pulling back after a moment or two she wiped her eyes.  
  
"Remember, make sure that note-"  
  
"She'll see it. Trust me.", Zander assured as she went back towards the car, buckling in before driving off.  
  
"Yeah. She fucking better."

...

"Okay, I think this is the last of it.", Carrie sighed, slamming the trunk of the car shut. After getting off the phone with Quinn she decided they had to get out of here tonight. It wasn't that late and she estimated they'd be back around eleven or so. She'd called Maggie to let her know she needed more pills and her sister graciously said they could crash at her place, have breakfast together the next morning. She'd sounded chipper on the phone, not even lecturing about her asking for a refill so late. Carrie didn't need to spy for a living to know something was going on.

"Farrah? C'mon let's go."   
  
Sleepily making her way off the porch, holding her backpack in one hand and Calvin's carrier in the other, once reaching the car Farrah froze, realized why the cat sounded so worked up.  
  
"I forget his litter!", she exclaimed as Carrie swore under her breath. Putting the carrier down by the car, they both ran over and unlocked the cabin, went back inside.

Meanwhile Zander peered out from behind a cluster of trees and knew it was now or never. It had taken him longer than he thought to reach the cabin, and he'd missed his chance to sneak the note onto the door. He knew though if he tried getting to the porch now he'd be noticed for sure. And if everything he'd heard about this woman from Dana was true, that was the last thing he wanted to have happen.

Quickly running over he ducked beside the car, unzipped the pocket of Farrah's backpack before stuffing the note inside of it. Assuming that it'd have to be unpacked and seen eventually. Hearing a yowl, than a hissing sound he looked and noticed the grey kitten's fur standing on end, his tail puffed up like a raccoon's.

"Nice kitty...nice-" Before he had a chance to zip the pocket all the way he heard voices and cautiously stood, then bolted back into the trees before anyone, aside from Calvin, noticed him.

"Okay, this should make the drive home less of a struggle.", Carrie snorted, getting the litter box situated inside the carrier, only to see Calvin flicking his puffed out tail. Looking agitated.  
  
"Carrie? He okay?"  
  
"I think he's just a little stressed. First car ride jitters?"

"It okay Calvin, everything's fine. You with me.", Farrah assured, getting the carrier set up in the back while Carrie hopped in the driver's seat. Once buckled in she backed out of the driveway but noticed Farrah take something from her pocket. Sadly looking at it in the palm of her hand.  
  
"Farrah? What's wrong?"  
  
"You sure Nick get home safe?", the girl asked, looking up from the compass.  
  
Focusing her eyes on the road Carrie bit her lip before nodding. "He'll be fine, Farrah. We'll all be fine. I promise.", she said, wiping at her eyes as she continued to drive.

...

"So Dad, what do you think of my driving huh?", Dana weakly joked, looking in the rear-view mirror to see Brody was still sweated up but still asleep. A blessing in disguise considering how fast she was driving. The road was pretty much dead at this hour and she had a lot of ground to cover if she wanted to get to the clinic by morning. Luckily she was in familiar territory, recognizing this exit thanks to all the pastures and clearings and homes that dripped money. The clinic was in a well to do area, which she figured would be to Brody's benefit.

Her hands were gripping the wheel tightly and she was blaring a death metal CD Zander had left on her front seat. It wasn't her type of music but it was definitely keeping her alert.

Suddenly noticing a car up ahead, she turned off her high beams but the driver coming the opposing way wasn't switching off theirs. Making it near impossible to see the road.  
  
"Jesus, fuck!", she yelled as she swerved, flipping the driver off.  
  
"ASSHOLE!"  
  
Once her eyes readjusted she realized she was in a ditch. Swearing the entire time she managed to drive up and out of it, but once back on the road a warning light blinked on and chimed. She didn't need to read what it was alerting though. She felt her front left tire going sluggish and not long after was forced to stop the car.  
  
"Damn it!"  
  
Near tears she was set to get out when she heard footsteps and froze, hands on the wheel before glancing in the backseat. Praying that whoever was out there would have the good sense to just keep on walking.


	73. Chapter 73

Hands gripping the wheel tightly Dana could only pray that whoever was near her car would walk right past. "Excuse me, can I help you?"  
 _No such luck._

"That depends. Are you the asshole who just drove me into that ditch and blew out my tire?", she spat. Getting a frown from the older woman standing beside her car.  
  
"Let me guess, you're not."  
  
"No. I live just up the road. But I was out walking and saw everything that happened. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."  
  
Rolling her eyes Dana got out of the car, preventing the woman from looking inside it.

"Listen. My name's Sonya. Do you need to borrow my phone to get a hold of the police or-"  
  
"No! No, it's fine. I just...I need to get my tire fixed and get back on the road like...now."  
  
"Dear, is everything alright-"  
  
"Everything will be fine after I fix my fucking tire!" Dana snarled, crossing her arms as she looked down, kicked at a pebble. "I'm sorry. I've just got an emergency on my hands and-"  
  
"What kind of emergency?", Sonya asked as Dana tensed up.   
  
"Dear, I'm a doctor. Maybe I can help."  
  
"No! I just-"

Hearing a shuffling sound, muttering, then a moan coming from inside the car (that had the driver's side door still open), Sonya frowned, peered into the backseat.  
  
"Oh my goodness.", she gasped.  
  
"Look, he..he's sick, okay. He's my dad, he hurt his leg and he needs help. I just want to get him to the Lake St. Clinic, I-"  
  
"Nonsense.", Sonya scoffed, noticing the leg injury but not much else in the shadows and dim light. Shaking her head she rummaged through her purse, grabbed her phone.

"Wait, I told you I didn't want the cops involv-"  
  
"I'm calling my brother to bring the car down. By the time we get your tire changed...look, we can treat him faster once we get him to the main house."  
  
"The main house...?", Dana frowned as the older woman dialed.

"Well the guesthouse is smaller but I suppose it'd work just as well. Hey, I need you to bring the car around to the main road. I've got an emergency, there's a man here I need to treat. No, the clinic's too far! If I don't at least try and treat...yes, alright thank you. Rex will be by soon, dear."  
  
"I'm sorry...Rex?"  
  
"My brother. I'm staying with him. He's military and I was head nurse at Walter Reed. We're good in a crisis."  
  
Eyes wide Dana tried not to panic. "Look, this is...I appreciate it but I'll just call a cab or something. I just-"

"Dear, you're rambling. And I've seen this injury before. Swollen, hot to the touch. Not to be blunt but your father could die if this infection isn't brought under control. Even not seeing his face I know that."

"Yeah and if you did see his face you'd probably be fine seeing that hap-"  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Nothing! I just...look, there's something you need to know, I-"  
  
"Sonya where is-", Rex interrupted.  
  
"Backseat-"

Stepping out of the path of the headlights all Dana could do was pray she wouldn't be recognized. Though she knew it was only a matter of time now that the interior lights were on before..  
  
"Holy shit."  
  
"Rex!", Sonya scolded.  
  
"No, I..I know him.", Rex stammered, turning to Dana. "I know you too. Your name's Brody."  
  
"Brody...", Sonya frowned before piecing it together. Then turned to stare coldly at her enraged looking brother. "Bring him to the house."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Bring him to the house!", she repeated.  
  
"Sonya, his face was all over the goddamn news. Every newspaper, poster, offering ten million for him!"  
  
"You've got plenty of money as is."  
  
"I don't care about that, I care about the fact that he's-"  
  
"What? Injured? Because that should be your only concern. I don't care who this man is, or where he's been, as a doctor it's my duty to care for him."  
  
"You've been retired for ten years.", Rex scoffed.

"It doesn't matter, the oath applies. And speaking of, _big brother. Y_ ou retired from the service but you're still a soldier, aren't you? When have you ever left a man behind?"

"Hey, you sure you're not a lawyer instead of a doctor?", Dana interrupted, getting a frown from Rex as he looked at her, then the man lying motionless in the backseat, then his sister.

"Alright, fine. But bring him to the guesthouse, it's closer.", he said gruffly. After a little effort on his and Sonya's part, they got Brody into his car before Sonya hopped in the driver's side, drove him up the path to the property.  
  
"Now, let's see about changing that tire.", Rex said.

Moving to get out of his way, Dana's knees wobbled and she had to brace herself on the car before she fell.  
  
"Whoa. Easy there. You alright?"  
  
Managing a nod but not much else she blinked back tears, bit her lip.  
  
"You could've left us here to fucking rot. Called the police, turned him in...why..?"  
  
"It's like she said. Never left a man behind. Now, c'mon. Give me a hand with this. I'd like to get back to the house some time tonight."  
  
Nodding, too stunned to do otherwise Dana handed him a nearby jack.

...

"Farrah? C'mon honey, we're here."  
  
Yawning, rubbing her eyes Farrah sat up, unbuckling her seat belt before Carrie helped her out of the car. Carrying the girl when she looked like she was going to nod off again.

Using her spare key she got the door open right as Maggie flipped on the lights and walked into the foyer. Danny at her heels.  
  
"Here Carrie. I can take her upstairs to Josie's room if you.."  
  
"Oh, sure. Thanks Danny."  
  
"No trouble."  
  
Curiously watching, after he went upstairs Carrie turned to Maggie, looking amused.  
  
"Well he looks comfortable here, doesn't he?"

"Yeah well, he better.", Maggie grinned, holding out her left hand.  
  
"Holy fuck!", Carrie gasped, admiring the ring before pulling her into a hug.

"How did he..when?!", she asked. Pulling back, motioning for her come to the living room, Maggie sat next to her on the couch.

"A few nights ago he met me at the hospital and brought me some dinner, and, we talked. I told him I was worried about telling the girls about the two of us. That I needed to know we were committed to each other or things really couldn't go any further. And he got down on one knee."

"I...I can't even. But isn't this going to be weird for the girls? They meet Danny once or twice and all of a sudden he's their stepfather?"  
  
"I'm only wearing the ring because I knew you were coming by.", Maggie said bashfully, lowering her voice. "The girls don't know we're engaged. But they're getting to know Danny and things are going well. Really well. The past week we've gone to the zoo, gotten ice cream, went to Ruby's dance recital. Then tonight he came by armed with grocery bags, wearing this frilly apron of his mother's."

"Shit. I can't believe I missed that!", Carrie laughed as Danny descended the staircase. Looking nervous by the time he reached the living room.  
  
"Can't believe you missed what?", he asked as Carrie smirked, put her hands on her hips.  
  
"You plus an armful of groceries plus a  _pink frilly apron_."  
  
"Damn it, Maggie! You said the pink would stay between the two of-"

"Wait, it  _was_  pink!", Carrie laughed, appalled as Danny rolled his eyes.  
  
"For Christ's sake-"  
  
"Hey! It's not my fault she tricked you.", Maggie defended. Walking up she slipped her arms around his waist, pecked his cheek as he turned towards her. Kissing her on the lips as Carrie cleared her throat.

"Yeah, get used to it. Ask Maggie, I always wanted a little brother to pick on."  
  
"Hey, not that much littler.", Danny scoffed, moving to slip on his shoes before Carrie walked up, hugged him.  
  
"Take care of her, okay? If you don't I promise you I'll-"  
  
"Rip my skin off. I know."

Rolling his eyes playfully he pulled back, grabbed his jacket.  
  
"Don't tell me she scared you off already.", Maggie frowned.  
  
"My new big sister? No way. I told you though, that buddy of mine from high school's in town."  
  
"More than two beers and I'm-"  
  
"A phone call away, I know."

Watching with a soft smile as they hugged, kissed again before Danny stepped out, Carrie shook her head disbelievingly as Maggie blushed.  
  
"Pink...frilly...apron."  
  
"Don't! It worked it's magic. That night he and the girls decided to make chili and blared the Pitch Perfect soundtrack the whole time they were cooking. I think Josie's got a crush on him now.", Maggie smirked as she blushed, glanced down at her hand on the walk back to the sofa.

"Back to this though, the ring was more for my benefit. He just wanted to make it clear he's not going anywhere anytime soon. He adores the girls and he loves me, Carrie. He loves me and I love him."  
  
"Jesus, Maggie you're going to make me cry."  
  
"Don't! Otherwise I'll be a mess all over again.", she protested.  
  
"So what did Dad say?"

"Danny went to him before even talking to me. Took him to the golf course and bought him a beer. Now he's the son Dad never had."  
  
"I can't even...this all just happened so fucking fast.", Carrie said, getting a snort in return.  
  
"Hey, you're the queen of moving along at warp speed. You and Brody? Please. One day you're getting trashed and,  _back seating_ it.."  
  
"Don't knock it til you try it..", she smirked.  
  
"The next you were ready to leave your job to be with..."

Trailing off seeing her eyes cloud over, Maggie frowned in concern. "Hey, is everything alright?"  
  
"Fine. I'm fine. I just want to see the ring again."  
  
"Carrie..."  
  
"What? Don't want to remind me what I turned down?" Carrie weakly laughed, looking down and away.

"Carrie c'mon..."  
  
"Maggie, I'm fine. I swear. I'm going to go check on Farrah."   
  
Before she could get off the couch she was stopped with a look, then Maggie's hand on her leg.

"Farrah's fine. She and the girls are probably up there telling ghost stories as we speak. What's wrong with you? Is it Brody? He said he'd keep in touch. Hasn't he?"  
  
"Yeah. He kept in touch."  
  
"Is he alright? I mean, Danny told me he's looking the other way when it comes to him. And I'm sure you can convince Saul to-"  
  
"No, Maggie."  
  
"No what?! Carrie, you're scaring me here."

Wiping at her eyes Carrie let out a slow breath. Too tired from the drive to keep the charade up she decided to just tell all.

"... And then after he disappears I find out from Quinn that  _he_  drove him to the cabin. Brody told me he got a ride from a colleague of his. That they were mugged by fucking Nazis on the way."  
  
"Carrie..", Maggie sighed, watching from the couch as Carrie paced.

"But it's not enough to bullshit me? He has to lie to Farrah too?!" Angrily she sighed, pushed her hair back with both hands.  
  
"Fuck..FUCK!"  
  
"Hey...hey. It's alright. It's alright. Look just, sit down. Try and relax. I'm gonna get us some water, okay?"

Quickly going over to the kitchen, Maggie grabbed two bottles from the fridge before returning, handing one over. Uncapping it Carrie took a small sip, sadly leaned back into the couch cushions.

"You can't do this to yourself now, okay? You're exhausted, you've been driving all night. And right now you've got some facts but not the whole story. Something you won't have until you talk to Brody and get to the bottom of all this."  
  
"The bottom of what? There's nothing to get to the bottom of, Maggie! He left. He lied and he left and all I'm doing is lying to myself if I say there's more to the fucking story."

"Okay. Okay. Look, I think right now you should just go upstairs, wash your face, get some sleep. Then tomorrow we'll have breakfast, you'll drop Farrah at the community center, give Brody a goddamn earful when you see him, drive him to Langley, and you'll be at Saul's office by 9:55."

"You're kidding yourself if you think it'll go that smoothly."  
  
"Carrie. Why did Brody leave the cabin in the first place?"

Holding up her wrist, Carrie frowned.  
  
"He'd have to know, if he knows you as well as he claims to, loves you as much as he says, that his missing that meeting tomorrow would hurt you more than any bruises ever could. Speaking of which..." Walking over to the bookshelf Maggie grabbed a first aid kit then sat back down, opened it.

"I give Farrah credit but I think you'll be better off with this.", she lightly laughed, switching Snoopy out for an ace bandage. "By the way, I  _found_  Snoopy cleaned but folded in the back of the upstairs closet the other day."  
  
"Oh shit. Tell him I really didn't mean to embarrass him about those, I just-"  
  
"No, it's fine. Now they're  _mine_. And I let him know it the other night when he came to bed."  
  
"Wait, he found you wearing-"  
  
"Yeah. And not much else."

Biting her lip to keep from laughing too loudly, Carrie covered her mouth, muffled a squeak. Finally she got her giggling under control, wiped at her eyes.  
  
"Thanks for cheering me up. Granted, a little TMI but still.."  
  
"Hey, I still owe you a lecture about your meds if you're interested, I-"  
  
"No..no thanks.", she refused, taking a hug instead.

"It'll all work out like it should, sweetie. I swear it."  
  
Nodding tearfully, Carrie pulled back. "Hope so."  
  
"C'mon, let's go see the girls."

...

Walking in the bar Danny anxiously looked towards the pool tables, the booths, before finally making his way towards the stools by the jukebox. Sitting down he flagged down the bartender, ordered a beer and gulped down about half, despite his stomach being in knots.  
  
It had been a white lie but it still _was_ a lie to his fiance of all people. His fiance, a Mathison woman ergo a walking lie detector. Facing her, plus the other two at breakfast tomorrow was a challenge he was in no way up to facing. He just hoped whatever this meeting consisted of, wouldn't involve anything classified. At least anything he couldn't break down and tell his soon to be wife if need be.  
  
Draining the rest of his beer Danny passed on ordering another before...

"Really? Couldn't wait til I showed up?"  
  
"Hey! Don't sneak up on me like that.", he growled, getting a look, arched brow.  
  
"How the fuck you're still in this business I'll never know.", Quinn scoffed. Sitting on the stool to the right of him he ordered a scotch.

"So, guess we're not in Moscow anymore, huh?", Danny joked, getting a stone-cold glare.  
  
"No. In Moscow you held off til I had a goddamn drink in my hand."  
  
"You poured it yourself!", he said indignantly. Rolling his eyes, a faint smirk on his lips Quinn sipped his scotch.

"Anyway, why the hell did you call at this hour?"  
  
"We have a problem."  
  
"What are you talking about, at Langley you said-"  
  
"I couldn't talk about it at Langley.", he said curtly, finishing his drink as Danny frowned.  
  
"Well what is it then-"  
  
"Three...fucking...words.", Quinn hinted before he flagged down the bartender, ordered them each a shot of vodka.


	74. Chapter 74

When Quinn subtly brought up Brody, Danny went tense. Became grateful for the vodka sitting in front of him.  
  
"Look, as far as,  _he_...goes I told Maggie I'd look the other way. For Carrie's sake.", he admitted.

"Well, for  _Carrie's sake_  I dropped him off at her family's cabin. And in doing so gift-wrapped an exit strategy for him."  
  
"Wait...you're saying he-"  
  
"He walked, Galvez. He left. Took off. Farrah told me over the phone and Carrie confirmed it."  
  
"Did he know that Saul wanted to meet-"

Met with a nod, Danny sighed, swore under his breath. "Have you checked in at the mosque?"

"He's got eleven hours before he's royally screwed. I assume we wait them out but prepare ourselves."  
  
"Ourselves? What about Carrie? If Br...if  _Agent Orange..._ "  
  
"Nice code name.", Quinn smirked.  
  
"Is AWOL, fucks her over again it's going to be-"  
  
"I know.", he cut off. Looking pained as Danny shook his head.

"It doesn't make sense he'd bail. This is his chance to put what's left of his fucking life together."  
  
"Galvez, honestly I don't give a shit about Orange's new lease on life. If he'd rather live out the rest of his days as a ginger Grizzly Adams, let him. What I do care about is him yanking the Agency's fucking chain again and again."

"By the agency's you mean Carrie's."  
  
"And Berenson's.  _Ours_. We've bent over backwards accommodating the fucker and instead of getting down on his knees in gratitude, following a goddamn order, he goes ahead and disappears.", Quinn said bitterly.

"Well assuming he doesn't make the meeting, what happens?"  
  
"Saul sends the dogs after him."  
  
"Yeah and Carrie's left to pick up what's left of him afterwards." Danny spat, already feeling protective towards and worried as fuck for his almost sister in law.

"Mother  _fucking_..."  
  
"My thoughts exactly."

Picking up his glass Danny slowly swirled the contents, then took a sip. "I think you should keep an eye on her, Quinn."

"As in stake out her house, camp out across Bear Lake with my rifle? Been there, done that. Besides I'm short on canned tuna."  
  
"I don't mean from a distance. I mean look out for her."  
  
"Carrie fucking Mathison needs looking after her as much as-"  
  
"Save the witty comeback for someone who gives a shit, Quinn."  
  
"Why Galvez, I'm wounded.", Quinn pouted.

"Seriously. Even if Carrie is pissed at you know who for leaving, you know that she'll defend him to the death. And Saul.."  
  
"Won't be very fond of it."  
  
"She could use someone in her corner when all this shit goes down. At the office, probably to help out with Farrah."  
  
"You realize not long ago that position was all you were after in life."  
  
"I know. But things change. I've got everything I need. Tomorrow though, who knows if Carrie will."  
  
"Carrie needs Farrah. Vice versa.", Quinn said knowingly.  
  
"I know...", Danny said as he paid for his drink, stood up.  
  
"But it wouldn't hurt them any to have someone else."

...

Slouched down in a chair in the corner of the guesthouse bedroom, Dana watched nervously as Sonya tended to Brody, stitching his leg wound.

"You can talk if you want to, you know. It won't distract me.", the older woman said as Dana frowned, sat up.  
  
"Where's Rex?"  
  
"Probably at the stables. That's where he goes when he's livid with me but isn't ready to confront me yet."  
  
"He's livid?"  
  
"He's not happy. But that's mostly my fault. He hates when I throw his being a soldier back at him the way I did. But desperate times..."  
  
"How desperate are things?", Dana asked warily, getting Sonya cursing under her breath.  
  
"That bad..?"

"You know I hate these traps with a flaming passion. That's what caused this, you know. One of those miniature jaws of life got a good grip on this leg and did not let go. Plus the damn metal was rusted. Do you know if your dad kept up with his tetanus shots?"  
  
"Um, no.", Dana scoffed.  
  
"Well, the drug cocktail I have going ought to cover all the bases."  
  
"So has his fever broken?"  
  
"Not yet, But don't worry, we're doing all the right things for it."  
  
"So Sonya? Can I call you that, Sonya?"  
  
"It's fine... Dana?"  
  
"Yeah. Dana. Is there any chance that he...he won't-"  
  
"If the scars I've seen on your father are any indication, he's survived far worse than this. I know it's difficult seeing him this way but I'm doing all I can. And I'll be damned if anyone tries to stop me."  
  
"Even a SWAT team busting through the door?", Dana snorted.

"Yeah. Even them.", Sonya smirked only to hear footsteps and a knock on the door.  
  
"Hey, don't worry. If that's the SWAT team they'd have already kicked it in.", she said with confidence, opening it.

"How is he?", Rex asked gruffly.  
  
"Better than earlier. But not out of the woods yet."  
  
"Well, keep me posted.", he said as Dana stood.  
  
"Wait, Rex? Is it okay to call you that?"   
  
Getting a nod she continued.  
  
"I just wanted to thank you. Like, you completely went out of your way to-"

Catching Sonya's cautionary glare she swallowed hard, reworded her statement. "Fix my tire earlier. I really appreciate it."  
  
"Just did what I could.", Rex said humbly, almost sounding ashamed.  
  
"I'll be in my study.", he said before stepping out.

After he left, thrown, Dana sat back down in her chair. Shaking her head in awe.

"Trust me, you're better off thanking him when all this is over and done and you're on your way out of here."  
  
"It's so strange though. Why is he so-"  
  
"Rex spoke very highly of your father after meeting him, Dana. He admired him, his story. How he was rescued from his captivity, his triumphant return home, putting his story out there, running for political office. My brother saw him as a hero. A real soldier. When the news, broke...he took it hard."  
  
"Yeah well so did everyone. But he didn't do it!"  
  
"Dana.."  
  
"No! Look I know my dad, okay? Fuck, I know him better than everyone, even my mom. I know what he almost...but that was before. This time it wasn't..it wasn't him.", Dana insisted, voice cracking.

"He didn't, that day at Langley. I know it. Do you think I'd be here with him if I believed he had!"

"Dana, stop. Just stop.", Sonya said sternly. "Let's get something clear. My involvement in all of this ends when your father is recovered, you understand?"

"God, I'm just trying to tell you the fucking truth!"  
  
"And I'm telling you that it's none of my concern. My only concern is seeing your father recover. And right now that ought to be yours too.", she said firmly, finishing up the last stitch.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to wash up, get some coffee. Maybe some food. Would you.."  
  
"No, I'm fine."  
  
"Suit yourself. The kitchen is just down the hallway. Come and get me if there's any change."  
  
"Okay.", Dana nodded, blinking back tears as Sonya stepped out. She gave the older woman credit for doing her job. Without her Brody probably wouldn't be alive. But it was clear Sonya didn't believe for a second, the man she was treating wasn't the red headed menace the world saw him as. Obviously Rex was unsettled about the situation. Dana judged he couldn't even look at Brody without feeling disgusted beyond reason.

She knew as soon as Brody was able to move freely though they'd have to make a run for it. Where to though Dana wished she knew.

Suddenly hearing a pained sounding groan she stood, pulled her chair up beside the bed.  
  
"Dad?! Dad?"

Slowly Brody's eyes cracked open, but any relief Dana felt seeing it soon turned to panic. He wasn't looking at anything in particular, though his head was turned directly towards her. And his eyes were glazed over, wide and giving off a frantic look.  
  
"Dad? Look, it's okay. What do you want, what can I..."  
  
"C...Carrie.." he mumbled.

"No. Damn it, it's Dana!", she choked out bitterly before biting her lip, pulling herself together and remembering what she knew here. Brody was out of it, and if he had been up at the cabin with  _her_ , she could've been the last semi-friendly face he'd seen. It made sense he'd be asking for her.

"Dad, Carrie's not here. She's not. I am."  
  
"C..Carrie. I'm sorry, I'm sorry...", he muttered feverishly under his breath. Hearing  _her_ name made Dana's skin crawl, but she kept reminding herself he wasn't in his right mind. How could he be if he was apologizing to her.

"Dad, it's okay. Don't think about her. She's not..."  
  
"I'm sorry, love. I'm sorry."

Wide eyed Dana stood up from her chair, trying not to get sick over the fact her was asking for her. That he called her  _that_. That he  _loved_  her. And that the note she'd felt so right  _to_  write, could have severed Brody's tie to someone who just may have, maybe, been protecting him the past few years.

"Fuck. FUCK!", she cursed as she started pacing anxiously. Picking up her phone she went to dial, only to see a missed call and voice mail from Zander.  
 _  
"Hey. Mission was a success, I found her cabin, saw her. You forgot to tell me she was hot. And that she had a kid? But anyway, she'll see the note. I'm sure of it. Hope you're sure about this though. Call me back if you can."_

Shaking her head she looked back over and saw Brody still muttering, starting to toss and turn in bed. Walking over she squeezed his hand.  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"Car...Carrie.."   
  
Angrily Dana swore again, texted Zander with her free hand.  
  
 _"Thanks. And yes, I'm **so** fucking sure about this."_

...

Closing the front door, then locking it behind him, as quietly as he could Danny made his way upstairs. The girls, Farrah and to his surprise a grey kitten, were sprawled out on the guest bed. While Carrie had conked out in an arm chair in the corner. He was convinced though her older sister would be awake still, pacing the floor and checking her watch.

Knocking softly on the master bedroom door he opened it a crack, saw Maggie thumbing through a medical journal on the bed.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey, you got in later than I thought. Having too much fun?", Maggie asked. Slipping her arms around Danny from behind as he sat on the bed. Softly giggling, she toyed with the buttons on his shirt, nipped at his ear.  
  
"Mags.."  
  
"What? I don't have to be at work til late tomorrow."  
  
"No. I just have to talk to you about something.", Danny sighed, turning to face her as she frowned.  
  
"What's with that look? What's wrong?"  
  
"I didn't meet up with a high school buddy tonight. Peter Quinn called me."  
  
"Why didn't you just tell me that?"  
  
"I didn't want to with Carrie around. He..he told me that Brody took off."  
  
"Yeah.", Maggie sighed. "Carrie told me the same thing."

"Quinn also said if Brody doesn't make that meeting tomorrow, he's fucked. Saul's gonna send the dogs after him."  
  
"It doesn't make sense though, Danny. Why would Brody run? What possible reason would he have?"  
  
"Look, I'm not the best intelligence officer but I know this much. You run before a meeting with the deputy director you're as good as guilty."  
  
"But Carrie's so convinced! She told me she has proof that Farrah's father.."

"Well maybe Brody was in on it with him. Is messing with her again. The guy's beaten the damn box, Maggie. He's shown he can lie."  
  
"No, Danny. It doesn't-"  
  
"I know, but with his track record?"  
  
"What if someone came after him and that's why he's still missing? Carrie told me some Neo-Nazi creeps found them up near the cabin..." Maggie said before her voice trailed off.

"What? What's that look?"  
  
"She also said Brody said he was mugged by Nazi's on his way up to the cabin, and that  _that_  was a flat out lie. He also told Farrah he was only taking a short walk and has been gone since this afternoon.", she sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose.  
  
"So he's lied twice and fucking disappeared when his fate's about to be decided by the CIA. That's what we know so far. And that he's Carrie's blind spot."  
  
"She loves him, Danny. And you can honestly say for sure he doesn't love her?", Maggie questioned, getting a shrug.

"He's shown he can turn on her, viciously so, if he has to protect himself."  
  
"But what about at his apartment, Danny. The entire time Farrah was missing, you saw the way he looked at Carrie! It was the same way that you look at me."

"I never said he doesn't have feelings for Carrie. I get that he loves her. I'd love her too if she helped me go on the run and escape. But however they feel doesn't matter. What does is the shitstorm that's going to go down if Brody blows Saul off tomorrow."  
  
"And that Carrie's going to wind up in the goddamn center of it all."

Shaking her head sadly she leaned back against the bed pillows as Danny slipped an arm around her, held her close.  
  
"Yeah, and Farrah too. I hate that she's caught up in everything."

"Carrie's been so terrific with her. But if I'd been her I'd have kept her completely out of this thing with Brody. Just, keep the two worlds separated. Farrah's so attached to him now. She was holding onto Brody's compass all night and kept looking like she was about to break down in tears."

"Farrah's got Carrie though, Maggie. That's enough."  
  
"It should be. But honestly with Carrie all swept up in this with Brody, all the drama, until it settles down that girl may as well have neither of them."  
Maggie sighed as Danny sat up, frowned.

"What is it?"  
  
"I just thought I heard something."  
  
"It's probably just the kitten, get back here..."

Carrie overheard before retreating downstairs, curling up on the couch in tears.


	75. Chapter 75

The next morning Carrie woke up on the living room couch, after sleeping an hour or two at most. The snippet of Maggie and Danny's conversation she'd overheard kept replaying in her mind. Her tears had subsided but now anger had set in at their words. Of all the people out there she never expected her longtime colleague and her sister to question her ability to care for Farrah.

They were concerned over her situation with and concern for Brody, afraid it was interfering with and taking away from her relationship with Farrah, placing the girl in the middle of the drama.

But Carrie knew better. She knew Farrah had come to care for Brody before knowing he and Carrie were involved, and that keeping the girl in the dark about him would just upset and cause her more pain. So instead of feeling apologetic or guilty, Carrie was agitated and insulted. Far from in the mood for a big family breakfast.

When Farrah came downstairs and tapped her on the shoulder, shook her completely awake, in spite of everything Carrie couldn't help smiling. Rolling over she reached over, squeezed the girl's hand.  
  
"Hey. How'd you and Calvin sleep?"  
  
"Good. You?"

"Okay I guess.", she sighed sitting up.  
  
"Look I know we said we'd eat breakfast here but we should try and eat fast, okay? Otherwise you'll be late for the community center."  
  
"Okay I eat fast. C'mon Cal we eat fast.", Farrah giggled, skipping over to the kitchen with the cat at her heels.

Feeling stiff from being on the couch all night, Carrie stretched her neck as her nieces ran downstairs.   
  
"Auntie Carrie! Farrah's new cat slept on our bed all night! He's  _so_  cute!" Ruby grinned.

"Can you talk to Mom and Danny about us getting one, please?", Josie chimed in, jumping to sit next to Carrie on the couch.  
  
"I'll see what I can do.", Carrie laughed as Ruby went over to the kitchen. Josie stayed seated though, frowned up at her curiously.

"Aunt Carrie, are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, Josie. Why?"  
  
"You didn't come back to our room last night. I woke up and you'd left."  
  
"I know, pumpkin. I just couldn't get to sleep up there, that's all.", Carrie admitted. Still getting a concerned look that broke her heart.

"Josie?"  
  
"Are you sad again? Like you were after all those people died and you came to stay with us?"  
  
"I'm not as sad as I was then, honey. I'm not.", she assured, now feeling some guilt set in.

After the bombing and the miscarriage, when she'd taken those two weeks off, one of them she'd spent holed up in the guestroom. Maggie had insisted she go back on her meds and her depression had kicked in hard. She barely ate and spent all day in bed listening to her music. Too exhausted to even cry. Finally one night she forced herself to go downstairs, get something to drink. But she saw Ruby and Josie getting a midnight snack, and how frightened they were over the state she was in. The next morning Carrie resolved to do something about it, get better for their sake if not her own.

"Are you not as sad because of Farrah? And your friend?"  
  
"Which friend do you...oh, you mean Brody?"  
  
"Yeah! Farrah said he was with you guys at the cabin."  
  
"Yeah, he was."  
  
"Can Ruby and I meet him? Farrah says he's fun and tells dumb jokes and has red hair. Like Ron!"  
  
"Ron..."  
  
" _Weasley._ From Harry Potter, Aunt Carrie!", Josie groaned, looking exasperated as Maggie yelled for them from the kitchen.  
  
"We'll be right there.", Carrie yelled back as Josie stood, helped her to her feet.  
  
"I think Brody would like Danny.", the girl chirped.

"I think the more important question is, do  _you_  like Danny?", Carrie asked, curious but desperate to get off the subject of Brody for a minute, maybe more.  
  
"Yeah! We had so much fun making chili with him. He wore his pink apron and danced around to the Cup song. He's  _so_ funny too."

"Yeah. Danny's been a friend of mine for awhile. I'm glad you and Ruby and your mom like him so much."  
  
"We do. And Mom kissed him good night the other night so I think she  _really_  likes him."

Josie grinned before going into the dining room. Ruby was pouring Farrah some orange juice and Maggie walked in with butter and syrup.  
  
"Okay everyone sit down and eat. Aunt Carrie's got to drop Farrah off at the community center soon."

"Here, you all can get started on these." Danny said, bringing out a plate of waffles. Eagerly the girls came after the stack with their forks but Carrie held off. Catching Maggie's eye.

"Carrie, aren't you hungry?"  
  
"The girls can have their pick first.", she said coolly. "Wouldn't want to look self-serving or anything."  
  
"Carrie.."  
  
"Is there still that fruit salad in the fridge?", she asked, getting a nod. "I'm just gonna go grab that, okay?"

"No, sit. I got it.", Maggie insisted, going into the kitchen and opening the fridge.  
  
"Hey, what else do you-"  
  
"Bring this out front okay? I'll finish up in here.", she said, handing Danny the bowl.

"Now wait, hang on! I've got a good system going in here. I'm in the zone. Seriously look at these waffles. Restaurant quality, am I right?"  
  
"Danny, take this to my sister!", Maggie said firmly as he nodded nervously, went out to the dining room.

"Here you go, Carrie."  
  
"Thanks.", she said coolly, taking the bowl from Danny as he surveyed things, checking that everyone had what they needed.  
  
"So how we doing out here?"  
  
"We good.", Farrah said, mouth full of waffle.  
  
"Farrah, swallow please."

Quickly doing so the girl smiled shyly. "Sorry."  
  
"Carrie, there's another batch still if you change your mind."

"Thanks but I'm fine. Farrah, before we go I want you to triple check that you have all your stuff. We haven't got time to make a trip back."  
  
"Hey, if she forgets anything I can always bring it to Langley with me.", Danny offered.

"I'm reminding her now so she  _won't_  forget.", Carrie said. She spoke calmly but the underlying ice in her voice was unmistakable.   
  
"Okay, I was just trying to-"  
  
"I'm fine, Danny. I'm fine, Farrah's fine. I just want that known, okay?", she snapped.  
  
"Consider it known.", Danny said, eying her warily.

"Okay this is the last batch monkeys. Make it last." Maggie said, setting the second plate of waffles down before spearing one with a fork, putting it on Carrie's plate.  
  
"Jesus. Really, Maggie?"  
  
"Sweetie, you should really eat somethi-"  
  
"I'm okay!"  
  
"No, you're not.", Maggie hissed. Rolling her eyes when Carrie did, she pulled her out of her chair and away from the table.

"For Christ's sake!"  
  
"Look, are you going to tell me what's wrong or are you going to make me guess?"  
  
"As if you don't know.", Carrie spat, getting a sympathetic look.

"Listen, I know a lot is riding on today but-"  
  
"Yeah, a lot is. My career and personal life are hanging by a fucking thread. But I'm dealing with it. I have been. And if you think for one second my relationship with Farrah's become less of a priority because of it.."

Mouth agape, Maggie looked on warily. "Carrie what made you think that-"  
  
" _You_  did. And don't even try telling me I heard you and Danny wrong. Listening in is part of my goddamn job description."  
  
"Well, whatever you did listen in on, you misunderstood, I-"

"Bullshit.", Carrie hissed. "I heard everything I needed to."  
  
"Carrie, I just said..look all of this now, with Brody.. things are just. Look tell me Farrah's not affected, that you're not consumed with it all to the point that she's-"

"What? Neglected? Shut out?  _M_ _ay as well not have me at all!",_ she spat bitterly as Maggie sighed, bowed her head.

"You know I may have Dad's fucked up mind and judgment, but don't go diagnosing and treating me for having Mom's _just_  yet. I haven't got a CVS run planned anytime soon.", Carrie growled, taking her sister aback.  
  
"Carrie, I-"

"As far as Farrah being affected? No shit, of course she is. She cares about Brody, and she cared about him before knowing he and I were ever involved. I may  _hate_  the fact that she's hurting and that she's in this with me but she  _is_  now. If I'm consumed, it's because she is just as much. So go ahead, call me a shitty excuse of a guardian for letting it all happen, letting her and I get up to our fucking necks in something we can't control but care about. But know that all this with Brody, however much we care about it, however much  _I_  do, it doesn't come remotely close to how much I care about Farrah. And she knows that. I thought you did too."

"Carrie, I never-"  
  
"We should go. Apologize to Danny for me. His waffles looked good."

Turning on her heel Carrie went upstairs, grabbed Farrah's backpack from the guestroom along with Calvin's carrier. Coaxing the kitten inside it, she scanned the guestroom for anything Farrah left behind. Not seeing anything she went back downstairs where Farrah was standing in the foyer. Looking nervous.

"Carrie? You okay?"  
  
"I'm fine, honey. I just don't want us to be late. Did you say goodbye to Ruby and Josie?"  
  
"Yes. And Dan and Maggie."  
  
"Good. Let's get going then."

"Carrie...", Maggie called after her. Reluctantly she turned, looked over her shoulder.  
  
"You have to know that I don't, I never said that you were like.."

"Okay, Maggie.", she said curtly before following Farrah out the door.

Watching them leave Maggie shook her head in disbelief.  
  
"Damn it!", she spat, prompting Danny to pull her into a hug.  
  
"I can't believe she overheard us."

"She misunderstood though. I mean you don't really think she's a bad mother, right?"  
  
"No, I don't. She's amazing with Farrah. It's just like I said, everything with Brody. God, if he doesn't turn up today, Carrie's going to be."  
  
"I know. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Carrie will turn to you for help, we both know it. You're her sister and she loves you."  
  
"Yeah well, she loves Brody too."   
  
Shaking her head Maggie made her way back to the dining room, leaning on Danny's shoulder the walk there.

"So help me, he better not fuck it all up."


	76. Chapter 76

"Farrah, lets go! Like I said we can give Calvin a tour of the house tonight!", Carrie yelled up the stairs, running a hand anxiously through her hair.

She felt like what little fruit she'd eaten at Maggie's wasn't going to stay put. Her stomach had been in knots since she woke up, and none of her queasiness had subsided after she checked her phone in Maggie's driveway. No new messages, no missed calls. So much for Brody promising to keep in touch.

"Farrah!"  
  
"I'm coming, I'm coming!", the girl yelped, scrambling down the steps and out the door. Carrie couldn't lock the house and get back in the car quick enough.

Checking the clock from the driver's seat she bit her lip. 9:28. She had thirty two minutes to get to the community center, drop Farrah off, then find and smack the shit out of Brody before bringing him to Langley. Making sure by ten he was on the other side of Saul's desk.   
  
She reached the parking lot at the mosque in ten minutes, shaving some time off their usual route after running a red light, or two. Once parked she reached back, unbuckled Farrah's seat belt.

"C'mon honey, I'm going in with you today."  
  
"You grab my backpack?", Farrah asked as Carrie nodded and grabbed the purple bag, saw the larger pocket was unzipped.  
  
"Hey, the last time this happened you lost your snack.", she sighed.

"And Nick give me pretzels!", Farrah grinned. After getting out of the car she ran up to the front doors of the community center. Anxious to see Brody and let him know that she'd found his compass.

Once inside she turned down the hallway towards the library, but looking over her shoulder saw Carrie was struggling to catch up to her in her heels. Shyly she smiled, slowed her pace.

"It's okay, I'm used to it. The lbrary's just down this way, right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Walking inside, they noticed Zahira in front of a group of kids, finishing up the group book for the day. Frowning Farrah ran up to her, started speaking to her in Arabic. Carrie stood watching from the doorway and though her Arabic was rusty, she knew exactly what Zahira was saying. The look on Farrah's face when she turned around said it all.

Tearfully the girl ran back towards the door but Carrie met her halfway and knelt to her level, held her close as she started crying.  
  
"Shh, it's okay."  
  
"But Nick? Where.."

"I don't know. But I'm gonna find out and get all of this straightened out, okay? All I want you to do is have a good time today with Mischa and Zahira. Can you do that for me?"

Nodding, Farrah pulled back, wiped at her eyes with her sleeve before taking a tissue from Carrie.  
  
"It'll be fine. I'll see you today after work, okay?"  
  
"Okay.", the girl sniffled. Hugging her once more Carrie kissed the top of her head, then stood up and left the library. Only to hear Zahira call after her.

"I am sorry, Carrie. But I did not want to lie to her about Nicholas."  
  
"Zahira, has he called? Tried to get in touch with you or your husband? Please, if you've heard anything..."

Shrugging, Zahira sighed. "I'm sorry, but I have not. There have been no texts or calls since he asked my husband and I for time off. But I am worried, what could have happened?!"

Shaking her head, wide-eyed, Carrie's hand went to her hair again. "I...I don't know, I have to go. Just, let me know if you hear-"  
  
"Of course, of course. Oh, and here. If you don't mind."   
  
Frowning, she took hold of Farrah's backpack being handed to her.

"We are taking the children to the zoo this afternoon. Farrah will not be needing this."  
  
"Are you sure? I mean all of her things-"  
  
"The less things they have to carry, the less things that can be lost, the better."

Zahira said knowingly, getting a small smile before Carrie said goodbye, walked back to the entrance and then through the parking lot. Reeling, her mind in hyperdrive, as she unlocked her car and climbed into the driver's seat. Setting Farrah's backpack on the passenger seat, seeing it was still unzipped she rolled her eyes. Tugging at the zipper was she found it was snagged on a sheet of notebook paper.

Wondering if it was a drawing, one that had a chance of cheering her up, Carrie unfolded the paper only to see familiar block handwriting.

_Carrie. I'm writing you because I couldn't handle saying this to your face. Things right now are complicated, painful even. You **don't**  deserve me. You never have. I'm taking some time. I'm going back into hiding to protect myself and I have help. I don't need you to go crazy again worrying about me. I just need you to let me go, to forget. Go on with your life. It's for the best for both of us.  
-Brody_

Hot tears filling her eyes, her jaw on the floor by the gas pedal, she didn't even notice the P.S scribbled sloppily across the bottom of the page.  
 _  
Tell Farrah if she asks that I'm_ _being taken care of_.  _Keep doing your job and take care of her._

The handwriting looked messier than his, especially towards the end of the note. The words on it felt and read all wrong. It was signed by him but didn't sound like him. Carrie reread it over and over, until the words blurred on the page and her head spun.

"Fuck...fucking. Shit!" Crumpling the note, tossing it aside, she put her head in her hands while her elbows rested on the steering wheel. Forcing herself to breathe in and out, over and over, once she stopped trembling she put the key in the ignition and peeled out of the lot.

Turning out onto the main drag she kept wiping at her eyes with her hand not on the wheel. But the tears kept streaming down her face, cheeks. She couldn't stop them, her heart hurt, and she was having trouble catching her breath. Finally, after nearly running a third red light she pulled over into a a nearby lot. Slamming on the brakes as soon as she was able she put the car in park, glanced at the clock that now read 10:05.

"Fuck... _FUCK!_ ", she choked out. Slamming her hand on the steering wheel she struck the horn but didn't care. The parking lot outside the church was deserted, and now it was starting to rain.

...

"In case you didn't get the memo Max we're not on a job, just getting breakfast. So can you put down those damn binoculars and quit staring out the fucking window!"  
  
"Sorry.", Max shrugged.  
  
"I can't take you anyplace, can I?", Virgil muttered as Max frowned, picked the binoculars back up again.  
  
"Hey, pull over!", he yelled.  
  
"I'm not pulling over so you can creep on unsuspecting women, Max."  
  
"She's not unsuspecting, it's Carrie."

"What?!" Pulling over Virgil stopped the surveillance van, peered out the window to see Carrie's car parked on an odd angle in the middle of a church parking lot.

"I didn't think she was that religious.", Max mumbled.  
  
"Because she's not.", Virgil said nervously. Getting back into the driver's seat he checked the time. 10:10. If Carrie was here it meant she was more than three hours late for work, which he knew was never a good sign. Driving into the lot he parked the van a few feet away from her car.

"Can I come?", Max asked.

"Are you shitting me? No. Stay here but get up front."

"Why?"  
  
"Because if her car's stalled out and she needs a lift, she's not listening to your goddamn mouth breathing the entire ride. Got it?", he asked, getting a shrug as Max clambered into the passenger seat, along with his set of binoculars that Virgil snatched from him, snapped in half.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Why do I bring you anywhere. Why?!", he spat. Handing them over he slammed the door shut, then nervously cut through the rain and over to Carrie's car.


	77. Chapter 77

"Carrie!", Virgil called, tapping lightly on the driver's side window and hoping he hadn't startled her. She jumped though, then rolled her eyes before rolling down the window.  
  
"Virgil? What the..what are you doing here?"

"No reason. We just saw you swerve into this lot like your life depended on it. The cops after you or what?"  
  
"No. I'm fine.", she said hoarsely.  
  
"Yeah and I'm a spokesman for Head and Shoulders.", Virgil scoffed as she snorted, looked down and away from him. "Carrie, what the hell is going on? Is it Farrah? Did something happen?"  
  
"No, she's fine. I just dropped her off at the community center."

"Hey Carrie.", Max greeted, getting a glare from Virgil as he stood next to him beside the car.  
  
"Hey Max.", Carrie acknowledged.  
  
"Why aren't you at the Brody meeting?", he asked curiously.

"What meeting?", Virgil frowned as Carrie slumped down in her seat, wiped her eyes. "Well one of you can answer me, can't you?"

"Saul called for a meeting today with Brody.", Max answered, getting a look.  
  
"How the fuck do you know about it?"  
  
"I had to go to Langley yesterday, install that new facial recognition software. I know things.", he said defensively.  
  
"Like that the meeting started a half hour ago..."

"Carrie?", Virgil questioned.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it, okay.", Carrie said softly as Virgil swore, paced beside the car.  
  
"I can't believe that son of a-"  
  
"DAMN IT, Virgil! I  _don't_  want to talk about it!", she exploded, getting a nod.

"Okay. C'mon then. I'll give you a lift home. Max, take her car."  
  
"No, don't. That's not necessary. I'm-"  
  
" _Fine_ , I heard. Too bad I'm not."  
  
"Virgil..."  
  
"Carrie, do it for my sake okay? Christ, I already saw your car smashed to shit once. Not exactly up for a repeat.", he said truthfully.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Carrie nodded and unbuckled. Grabbing her bag she walked over to the surveillance van while Max got into her car, put the key in the ignition.  
  
"Can he even drive?", she asked, frowning and watching intently as he left the lot.

"By some miracle, yes. C'mon." Opening the door for her, she smiled. Jumped in the passenger seat.  
  
"Oh, just so you know we're stopping for breakfast on the way."  
  
"I'm not that hungry."  
  
"Tough shit. I am."

The drive to get food and then to Carrie's house was too quiet for Virgil's liking. He'd done enough ride-alongs with her through the years to know she had the tendency to be a backseat driver. If he didn't glare at or curse out drivers who cut them off or tailgated them, she would jump at the chance and then criticize him for not being assertive enough. Even their infamous drive to Walden's speech when she was recovering from her episode, there was noticeable fire in her. Today though she barely said two words. Once outside of the house he turned to her nervously when she made no move to leave the van.

"Carrie, are you-"  
  
"Please, Virgil. I don't want to talk."  
  
"Okay, that's fine. But you can't just sit here all morose in the fucking van all day. C'mon."

When she still didn't move he resorted to another method of convincing. "Okay so let's assume you do stay in here all day. Farrah comes home and wants to see you. You're going to let her inside this piece of shit? Where  _Max_  and I practically live?"

Grimacing, Carrie shook her head and quickly left the van.  
  
"Yeah, that's more like it."

Following her inside Virgil set down a grocery bag in the kitchen. He'd made a run and picked up some things for lunch after she let him stop for coffee and donuts.  
  
"Max should be back with your car soon. At least I hope. I mean his moronic capabilities are infinite."

After putting away the groceries, putting some water on for pasta, he went in the living room, saw Carrie sitting forward on the couch with her knees hugged to her chest. Holding something crumpled up the palm of her right hand.  
  
"Let me guess, the credit card bill came in?", he joked but barely got a smile.  
  
"Can I see?"  
  
Shaking her head, Carrie crumpled it into a tighter ball, bowed her head.  
  
"Goddammit, Carrie."

Sighing sadly she lifted her head, wiped her eyes. Feeling guilty for worrying him so much, and knowing before Farrah got back she'd have to pull herself together.  
  
"I swear to God, Virgil, if your weird little brother fucked up my car...", she snorted, looking at him with a slight gleam in her eye.  
  
"He's paying for any damages. Otherwise I'll break his goddamn face.", he smiled, getting a soft one in return.  
  
"C'mon, you should really eat some lunch."  
  
"Fuck, don't tell me it's spaghetti."  
  
"Nope.  _Linguini_  this time."

Rolling her eyes Carrie got off the couch and followed him to the kitchen, only to see Max coming in the front door.  
  
"Max, if anything happened to her car I swear."  
  
"No, nothing happened, I found this though in the backseat."

Taking Brody's compass from him, Carrie's chin began wobbling but she swallowed hard, held it together.  
  
"Thanks.", she said softly.  
  
"Virgil made us lunch so c'mon. Through here."  
  
"Is it Brody's?", Max asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The compass, is it Brody's?"  
  
"It's none of your fucking business whose it is."  
  
"Okay.", Max conceded as they sat at the table, taking her by surprise.

"Thanks by the way, for bringing my car home.", she said sheepishly, getting a nod.  
  
"You know Max, you can stand up to me when I curse you out or treat you like shit. Especially after you went and did me a favor today."  
  
"Okay.", Max shrugged.

Appalled, Carrie shook her head, getting a shrug and "What can you do?" look from Virgil as he set down the bowls of pasta, sat down with his own.  
  
"So Max what did you find that was none of your fucking business?"  
  
"Brody's compass.", Max answered as Virgil bit his lip, twirled some pasta around his fork.

"Asking that was none of  _my_  fucking business."  
  
"It's alright, Virgil."  
  
"No! It's not alright!", Max said sharply, as Carrie jumped and Virgil dropped his fork.  
  
"Max..."

"It's not alright! It's not alright he's lost out there without it and that Saul's going to send the dogs after him for being lost. It's not alright!"  
  
"Holy fuck...", Carrie muttered, completely caught off guard by his outburst.  
  
"Also, Virgil! Your pasta sucks!", he yelled, getting up from the table.

Jaw on the ground, Carrie wasn't sure if it was alright to laugh, but couldn't help herself.  
  
"Oh yeah, go ahead. Encourage him!", Virgil scoffed.  
  
"Should I go and find him? Slip him some of my meds?"  
  
"Just finish your lunch, I'll deal with it. He's my brother after all."

After Virgil stepped out, pushing the pasta aside Carrie reached into her pocket, retrieved the compass. She remembered her dad giving it to her when she was a kid and wanted to join him on his yearly fishing trip. He bought it for her at the bait shop so she'd be distracted when he bought worms and hooks.

It was a junky old thing but Carrie had held onto it all these years. Kept it in the glove box of her car. She'd forgotten about it until the night she and Brody drove to the border. After the two of them stood horrified in the shop, watched his tape play all over the news, the remainder of the drive she'd sneak glances at him sitting in the passenger seat.  
  
Even in profile she saw the fright all over his face. He looked completely lost, his eyes doing that darting back and forth thing they'd do whenever he felt panicked beyond reason. More than anything Carrie wanted to just keep driving. Keep control in all of this for the both of them. Get them far away enough from this surreal fucked up nightmare that it couldn't haunt them anymore.

Seeing though that wasn't an option, that the stretch of highway was about to turn to trees, after she stopped the car and Brody climbed out, quickly she reached into the glovebox, grabbed and jammed the compass into the side pocket of his pack. He hadn't seen her place it there, it could've easily fallen out of the bag or he could've chucked it, dismissed it as the useless thing it was and lightened his load slightly. She had no idea he'd carry it on his person everywhere he went. See it as something of value.

She also had no idea someone who thought that highly of her to hold onto her cheap plastic compass all these years, could write so callous a note and then disappear.

Thinking of that balled up sheet of notebook paper on her couch she wanted to scream, break something, flush her meds down the toilet and let the mania course through her, get her feeling like queen of the goddamn universe.

None of that was an option though. Not with Farrah coming back here tonight, and not after the speech she'd made to Maggie earlier.  
Carrie wished she could go back in time to before the first day she'd dropped Farrah at the mosque, before the parade, the apartment, hospital, cabin. Back to when it was her and her foster daughter and that was it.

She always thrived on her being independent. Not needing a man aside from when she was in the mood for a few too many drinks and mindless fucking. She had to get back to that. At least an edited version of that. Getting up from the table she saw Max and Virgil standing by the door and approached them.

"I'm sorry for what I said.", Max shrugged.  
  
"It's okay. Trust me, you're not the only one here upset.", Carrie admitted, shrugging as well before Virgil spoke up.  
  
"Max is heading out but I'll stick around for the night."  
  
"Damn it, Virgil. You don't-"  
  
"Hey someone's got to clean up the kitchen, right?"  
  
Before Carrie could get another word in, Virgil was on his way there and Max ducked out the door. Rolling her eyes she went over to the kitchen as well, saw him doing the dishes.

"Will you at least let me dry?", she sighed, grabbing a towel from the rack.  
  
"It's not going to be like the last time, Virgil. You don't need to camp out here all hours keeping tabs on me."

"Hey, you've got a stocked fridge and since you sprung for that new TV, a nicer one than mine. I'm more than content to camp out."  
  
"Well I'm not going to have another fucking breakdown and spend the rest of the week in bed. I can't. Farrah needs me. Now especially."

"Hey...hey." Stepping back from the dishes Virgil moved to face her, as she reluctantly set the towel down, turned to look at him.

"I'm not trying to say this time's anything like the last time or that you can't take care of your own kid. Really, I'm not."  
  
"Then what are you trying to say?", Carrie asked, arching a brow.  
  
"I think you and Farrah could use some company right now. Besides, I only fucking promised her I'd teach her Mario Kart."  
  
"Shit. I forgot about that."  
  
"See..another reason I'm worth keeping around.", Virgil grinned, getting a light laugh before his smile went softer.  
  
"Carrie I'm just here to lend a hand, that's all."  
  
"Okay, I understand. And thank you. Really."

After quietly drying the rest of the dishes, hanging up the towel she excused herself, turned to leave.  
  
"Hey, where...?"  
  
"I'll just be a minute."

Making her way upstairs to her bathroom, after unlocking the medicine cabinet Carrie took her meds, splashed some water on her face, then docked her phone and stretched back on her bed. Stared up at the ceiling until her eyes went heavy.

"Alright, minute's up Carrie. Time to decide on a movie for us to-" Frowning, not seeing her in the living room Virgil walked down the hall, towards the foyer only to hear a soft meow, feel something dart past his ankles.  
  
"What the..where the fuck did you come from?"

Picking up the now purring kitten, Virgil draped Calvin onto his shoulder and went upstairs.   
  
"Hey, Carrie don't know if you know or not but-"

Seeing her curled up in bed, likely asleep, walking over Virgil draped a throw blanket over her then went back downstairs.  
  
"C'mon buddy, guess you're picking the movie."

Falling asleep in front of the TV with Calvin curled up on his shoulder, Virgil didn't stir at the first loud knock on the door, or the second. Finally the third combined with the doorbell jarred him awake, but disturbed Calvin in the process.

"Sorry little man.", Virgil apologized as the kitten hissed and leapt off him, flicked his tail.  
  
"What! I said I'm sorry!"

Rolling his eyes Virgil stood up and answered the door, only to see Saul on the other side looking ready to break it down.   
  
"Saul..."  
  
"Where is she?"  
  
"Saul, look just cool it alright? Take it easy."  
  
"Get the fuck out of my way.", Saul snarled, brushing past as he removed his cap.

"Fuck just slow it down, okay!"   
  
Standing between Saul and the staircase, blocking his path Virgil was met with a glare.  
  
"I'm not playing games, Virgil."  
  
"Neither am I! Look, just go drive around the block a few times and get your head together before you see her. All you'll accomplish now is making her upset."

Seeing that slowed him down ever so slightly, Virgil pressed on. Hoping to get Saul to reconsider this all together.  
  
"I'm serious, Saul. Look, you weren't the only one Brody made a fool of today."

"Maybe. But  _this_  time she fucking let him do it. She gave him goddamn permission to."  
  
"Saul.." Virgil sighed as the older man brushed past him, took the steps up to Carrie's room two at a time. Meanwhile Calvin meowed nervously, twined around Virgil's ankle before he scooped him up, walked him to the living room.

"C'mon, we shouldn't be here for this."


	78. Chapter 78

Jarred awake when she heard the door swing open, heard footsteps, Carrie rolled over on her side only to see Saul pacing the floor, looking ready to explode.

"So, where is he?", he asked gruffly as she sat up, shook her head.  
  
"Saul..."

"Already at the rendezvous point? You're just waiting for Farrah before you take off, find him and flee town?"  
  
"Yeah. I thought I should let her come home, have her snack before I handed her her fake passport and new identity."

Rolling her eyes as she got out of bed, Carrie crossed the room then stood near, leaned back against her dresser. Refusing to even make eye contact with the man to her right. Now looking at her dumbstruck and disapprovingly.

"This is no time for fucking jokes, Carrie. Christ, don't you realize the damage that schmuck has caused?"  
  
"Don't you realize the damage  _I've_ caused?"  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"C'mon, Saul.", Carrie sighed, turning to face him.   
  
"I'm the one that let Brody crash once he arrived at the cabin. I'm the one who turned my back and let him run. If you're that desperate to punish someone in all of this.."

"Still, with this.", Saul grumbled. "Even after everything you still come to the fucker's defense, protect him. Take responsibility for all the bullshit he's dragged you through? Is dragging you through!"

"Why shouldn't I? I'm just following your example!"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?", he frowned as Carrie snorted, looked at him incredulously.

"Do you think your mentoring me for over fourteen years meant something wasn't bound to rub off? Every time I've fucked up who's there to take the fall, cover for me, come to my defense? Where do you think I learned it from?", she asked combatively.

" _You're_  not a wanted fugitive with a price on your head.", Saul pointed out as Carrie shrugged, lightly laughed. Knowing that the opposite could've been the case had she stuck to the original plan with Brody.

"Right, as if I'm incapable of that.", she scoffed.

Letting out a heavy sigh Saul looked on somberly, held her gaze.

"I guess you've got that right. You are bending over backwards to protect a goddamn terror suspect. To most everyone you look as bad as the fuckers we put away."

"And let me guess, I look that exact way to  _you_  right now?", Carrie asked angrily.

Saul didn't respond but from the look on his face, she had her answer anyway. Getting her laughing bitterly as she shook her head, teared up and turned away.

" _As bad as one of them._  That's quite a far cry from your star recruit who only knew you as Mr. Berenson, right?", she muttered, knowing full well he could hear her. Shaking her head she crossed her arms, turned to face the window.

"Please go. Farrah's going to be home soon and, I can't-"  
  
"Carrie..."  
  
"I said go!", she cried, then heard the door shut as he did.

...

After Saul stepped out, not even acknowledged by him as he did so Virgil tensed up. Picking up Calvin before going upstairs. The kitten mewed in protest the entire walk up the steps.  
  
"Yeah I know. You think I like seeing your owner-mom upset?"

Knocking softly on the bedroom door he sighed, seeing the lights dimmed and Carrie curled up on her side in bed.  
  
"Carrie?"  
  
"What time is it?", she asked hoarsely, her voice muffled against the bed pillow.  
  
"It's almost three. What time do you want me to get Farrah at the community center?"  
  
"I'm fine, Virgil. I'll go."  
  
"Don't give me that. You're going to take a nap, a shower, do whatever you need to to get yourself together before she gets here."

Sitting up, wiping at her eyes Carrie sighed. Prompting Virgil to sit next to her on the bed, rub her shoulder reassuringly.  
  
"C'mon. You know Saul will cool off soon enough. The man loves you, Carrie. He has since day one."

"He said I was no better than the fuckers we put away, Virgil. And right now Brody's acting just like a fucker I should've put away.", she spat.  
"Who runs after leaving a fucking note like that, I don't-"  
  
"Wait, back up. What did he...?"  
  
"Nothing. Forget it."  
  
"Carrie..."

Not getting a response as she resumed her earlier position on the bed, Virgil set Calvin down on top of Carrie's shoulder before stepping out, shutting the door behind him before pulling out his phone. Once downstairs he scrolled through his contacts, dialed one of the numbers he'd luckily thought to program in.

"Hello?"  
  
"Danny?"  
  
"Hey Virgil."  
  
"Hang on. Sorry, still trying to figure out this new fucking phone. I thought I dialed Maggie's house?"  
  
"Yeah, you did."  
  
"You son of a...didn't waste any time there did you?", Virgil laughed, but sensed Danny's non-amusement over the phone.

"Why are you calling, Virgil?"  
  
"It's Carrie."  
  
"What about her?", Danny asked nervously.  
  
"She had a run-in with Saul."  
  
"Let me guess. Brody didn't show up for-"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Son of a bitch. How's Carrie?"

"How the hell do you think?", Virgil sighed. "She's upstairs now trying to get herself together before Farrah gets home."  
  
"Well look, I can get Farrah at the community center and I'll talk to Mags-"  
  
"Mags?", he teased.  
  
"I'll talk to  _Maggie_. See if she can come by the house after her shift."

"After her shift? Danny, if I'm not home for dinner my wife's going to make me cook for myself. It'll be like last night. Ramen noodles and Fruity Pebbles."  
  
"At the same time?", Danny grimaced.  
  
"Had some plain yogurt between courses. Cleansed the palate."

"Okay, since that's still too gross to think about, we'll figure something out. You'll be home for dinner."  
  
"Much appreciated. Thanks."  
  
"You're welcome. Just, Virgil...?"  
  
"Keep an eye on her. I know."

After hanging up with Danny, making sure the kitchen was clean and Calvin was fed, Virgil paced the living room, repeatedly checking his watch until..

"Where is she?", Maggie asked after letting herself in with the spare key. Making her way to the staircase.  
  
"Upstairs still. Should I go get Farrah or is Danny-"  
  
"He's on his way over there now. Thanks though, I have it from here."

"Wait, Maggie!", Virgil called but she was halfway to the landing already. "She might be asleep or-"  
  
"Thanks Virgil!", she yelled back as he shrugged, rolled his eyes.  
  
"Well okay, guess I'm officially off duty. What you say, little man? Want to go out for some beers? I'm buying."

Looking down as Calvin mewed up, disapprovingly, Virgil bent down, gave him an ear rub goodbye before stepping out.

Meanwhile, peeking through the partially open door Maggie sighed, seeing Carrie curled up in the corner arm chair. She had her headphones on as she glumly examined her fingernails, mulled painting them later with Farrah.

"Carrie?", Maggie spoke softly, knocked before entering but still managed to startle Carrie who jumped, removed an earbud.  
  
"What are you doing here?", she questioned. She'd assumed after the blow-up this morning her sister wouldn't want a thing to do with her.

"I just wanted to come by. See how you were."  
  
"Who told you?", Carrie muttered.  
  
"Danny."  
  
"Of course he did."  
  
Rolling her eyes she let out a snort, shifted in the chair.

"Carrie he's just concerned. So am I."  
  
"Right. Concerned for Farrah."  
  
"What?"  
  
"What exactly were you two discussing last night? How I'm ignoring, neglecting, on the path to abandoning my own foster child?"  
  
"Okay let's get something straight.", Maggie said forcefully.

"You are completely off-base in thinking that I think you're no better than Mom. I've never thought that, Carrie. You don't run, it's not you. You'd sooner bend something to your will than walk away from it."

Sitting up slightly, Carrie looked on in agreement.  
  
"I was concerned for Farrah and for you because you were both so attached to Brody. I was afraid if something took a turn for the worse you both would wind up hurt."

"Well you weren't that far off. About that something anyway.", she scoffed.

Wiping her eyes as Maggie moved the ottoman she was perched on closer to the chair. Squeezed Carrie's hand.  
  
"Still though. I never should've said what I said. I'm so sorry, Carrie."

"I accept your apology.", she said after a few moments. Getting a relieved smile in return.

"Look lets go over to my house. Danny can bring Farrah and we can bring that cat once we wrangle him."  
  
"Calvin. His name is Calvin.", Carrie corrected. "And I appreciate the offer but no. I'm not going."  
  
"Carrie, c'mon.", Maggie sighed.  
  
"You're saying you're just going to stay holed up here in the dark until Danny brings Farrah home?"  
  
"I'll be downstairs and chipper by the time she gets here."

"Look, you've had a rough day. You shouldn't have to put on an act and make believe you're alright when Farrah's aroun-"  
  
"It won't be an act!", Carrie snapped.  
  
"It won't. I'll talk to Farrah and I'll explain what's happened and then we'll deal with it. Figure out what comes next."  
  
"I understand! But why deal with it alone when you don't have to!"  
  
"Because I don't want her thinking we run to Aunt Maggie's every time something goes wrong!" Realizing that sounded a little harsh she sighed, bit her lip.

"Her and I need to be in our own house. Our own beds. It needs to be like before any of this ever happened."  
  
"Before any of..."  
  
"Before Brody showed up!", she snapped. "Before he found me, brought me to his goddamn apartment, before the hospital, the fucking cabin."

After her voice broke she looked down and away, but Maggie reached over, squeezed her hand and prompted her to look up.  
  
"I just want it to be like before."

"Before. Like before when you were staying up until three in the morning looking for new leads, a crack in the plan to set him up. When you were bent on tracking him down and righting all of this.", Maggie sighed.

"Until Farrah, Brody was all you thought about, Carrie. You'd jump every time his picture was shown on the news, panic every time a new rumor surfaced that he'd been found dead. The thought of him not surviving all this, you not being able to make things right for him. It had you scared out of your mind. Anyone could see how much you cared about him, how worried you were for him."  
  
"What's your point?"  
  
"That you still are.", she said solemnly."You're still worried about him. I can tell. And I can't expect you to feel completely differently about his situation in just a few hours. I'd be worried for you if you did!"

"I'm only  _worried_ , about Farrah. How she'll react to all of this once I tell her because of how much she cares about him."

Standing up Carrie ran a hand through her hair, then folded her arms over her chest. "He blew it off, Maggie. Brody blew it all off. Any chance he had at a future, he ran away like a fucking coward. He made a fool out of me, again. And I fucking know he's capable of it. I should've expected it, seen it coming.", she said bitterly. 

"It was right in front of my eyes, and I never saw it coming." Sitting down defeated at the foot of the bed, she got another pitying glance from Maggie before hearing the door being unlatched, footsteps from downstairs.

"Shit."

Quickly ducking into the bathroom she blew her nose, washed her face before Maggie walked in, stood next to her as she stood in front of the mirror.  
  
"Look, I'm more than happy to stay while you talk to her if you.."  
  
"No, Maggie. Her and I have to work through this thing ourselves, okay?"  
  
"Okay.", Maggie relented, but Carrie frowned seeing her smiling, wearily but proudly.  
  
"What's with the look?"  
  
"I'm just really impressed at how you're handling all this. The way you are."  
  
"Well what other way is there to handle it?", she shrugged. Looking painted as Maggie slipped an arm around her reassuringly.  
  
"It will work out, sweetie. It'll be fine. I promise, it'll be fine."

...

"You're still going to stand there and tell me he's going to be fine?", Dana snarled as Sonya sighed, shook her head.  
  
"Dana..."

"He's been out of it for over two days, has barely opened his eyes. I'm tempted to just say screw it, bring him to the hospital and take our fucking chances."

"I told you already, every patient responds differently to-"  
  
"Can you maybe not talk down to me like I'm some moron!"

"Can you not talk to me like I'm incompetent?", Sonya bit back.

"Like I haven't put my freedom on the line to help you! My brother and I have risked everything and you couldn't give a damn! If you're not the most ungrateful, selfish, self-absorbed..."

"Hey!", Brody growled. Still managing to sound forceful despite just having opened his eyes.  
  
"Dad? You..."  
  
"Oh my goodness..."

After Sonya rushed over with her stethoscope, checked his pulse, breathing, Brody looked up at her coolly. Waited until she was finished to clear his throat, speak up.

"Look, I may not know who you are, but please, don't speak to my daughter that way ever again."

Nodding, trying not to be intimidated at the calm but deadly serious look he was giving her, Sonya swallowed hard, stepped back.  
  
"I'll give you some time before I run an exam."  
  
"Thank you.", Brody said politely. But the ice in his eyes sent chills down Sonya's spine. After she stepped out though, the ice thawed into two orb shaped puddles.

"Dana." Looking at her mystified, he realized she was on the verge of tears too.  
  
"Hey..hey.."

On instinct Brody opened his arms for a hug, but was surprised as anything when Dana didn't even hesitate and ran straight to him. Held onto him like her life depended on it.

He flashed back to when she was five years old, got a sliver on the porch at a backyard barbeque. Jess, Jess' mom, his mom all ran over to console her but Dana shook them all off, only trusting her dad to remove the sharp painful thing from the bottom of her foot and make everything better. For some reason beyond his comprehension, she seemed to trust him now too. Brody knew he didn't deserve it, had done nothing to earn it, but he certainly wasn't going to question it.

  
"Shhh..", he soothed, stroking her hair as she continued to cry. "It's okay, baby. It's gonna be okay."


	79. Chapter 79

Despite Carrie's protesting, Maggie decided to stick around and straighten up until her shift, and instructed Danny to do the same. Farrah and Carrie were talking in Farrah's room, but Danny was pacing at the foot of the staircase, fearing their conversation wasn't going particularly well.

"They've been up there awhile. You think Carrie needs backup?", he frowned.  
  
"Ah, so this is what it's like being engaged to a CIA operative.", Maggie snorted, taking a seat on the living room couch before he joined her.  
  
"I'm serious, Mags. You know this shit with Brody is going to hit Farrah hard."

"And Carrie knows this. She also knows she wants to handle it on her own. We should respect that." Seeing him still looking antsy, she sighed, rubbed his shoulder.

"I know you're worried about them. You think I'm not? But we owe Carrie a chance to explain things without us charging in, taking over."

"I guess.", Danny said sullenly, leaning back against the cushions before his phone buzzed. Alerting a missed call and a text.  
 _  
Heard Agent Orange missed the meeting. How's Carrie?_

About to reply he heard voices, footsteps and Arabic being shouted. Immediately he tensed up and stood up, as did Maggie.  
  
"What are they saying?! What's Farrah-"

"You promised. You promised you'd find him, that you'd fix it. You promised.", Danny translated, feeling heartsick as he ran to the foyer, saw Farrah struggling with then managing to open the front door.

"I got her! I got her..", Maggie said, about to follow the girl outside but Danny stopped her, went out instead.

Now fighting back tears herself Maggie turned, saw Carrie sitting numbly on the staircase.  
  
"Carrie.."  
  
"No..Maggie, I can't...no."., she waved off. Bracing herself on the railing she shakily stood and retreated upstairs, slamming the bedroom door shut behind her.

"Shit.", Maggie swore, running a hand through her hair before glancing at her watch. Her shift was supposed to start in twenty minutes and she'd already gotten someone to switch with her so she could have this morning off.

Going back down the steps she grabbed her jacket, went outside to see Farrah sitting on the front stoop, knees hugged to her chest with her head bowed. Danny despite his efforts couldn't get her talking or listening to him at all. Shaking his head he stood, went over to Maggie.

"You want to swap? Maybe Farrah will be more receptive to you."  
  
"Danny I'm already running late, I can't-"  
  
"I know. I know. Wish I hadn't sent Virgil home just yet."

"Look as soon as my shift is done I'll come back. But call my dad. He'll be able to talk Carrie down at least."  
  
"Isn't he watching the girls?"  
  
"Well...maybe even a phone call would... damn it, I don't know!", Maggie spat as Danny sighed, took a gentle grip on her shoulders.

"Look just go to work. Don't worry. I'll take care of things."  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"I'm sure."

After reassuring her about four times more, giving her a hug and a kiss goodbye Danny was sitting on the porch on the step behind Farrah. Unsure of what to do. It was like she was in her own world and Carrie was in her's and he was on the fringe of it all. Feeling so distraught he didn't even bother checking his phone when it buzzed, alerting another text.  
  
 _"Galvez...wtf..answer me!"_

Not getting a response from Danny, frustrated Quinn decided to head over to Carrie's himself. He knew in his gut Brody wouldn't make the meeting, and it was all over Langley at half past ten that he hadn't shown. Brody's reasoning didn't matter. Quinn didn't give two shits about if the fucker lived or died. What did matter was Carrie and Farrah and how they were holding up in all this. And he'd get that answer with or without Galvez's help.

Pulling up outside Carrie's house he saw Danny trying to talk to Farrah and her shaking him off, going inside.

Danny was frustrated and concerned about Farrah but torn too, checking his watch again. He knew he had to be back to Maggie's to watch Ruby and Josie before Frank went out later that night. And that he had a maximum of five minutes more he could spend on Carrie's porch.

Needless to say when Quinn got out of his car Danny was relieved, could've run over and hugged him. Sensing this though, Quinn stepped back and away from him, glared.

"Galvez, I haven't had nearly enough vodka to make that okay."  
  
"Right. Sorry.", Danny apologized but Quinn was still scowling.  
  
"You also ignored my texts. Consider yourself on my list now."  
  
"Hit list?"  
  
"Oh, this list is worse.", he threatened.  
  
"Ooh, I'm terrified.", Danny snorted, but was met with a threatening look and swallowed hard.

"Okay, I'm sorry. In all seriousness though I need you to stay here, keep an eye on Farrah."  
  
"Where's Carrie?"  
  
"Not up to talking to anyone. I called her dad hoping he could get through to her but.."  
  
"It didn't work.", Quinn answered, getting a nod combination sigh.

"She's in a bad way, Quinn."  
  
"Yeah well, anyone of us could've predicted that. I can look after Farrah, try and get her talking. You though should get out. I don't make small talk with fuckers on my list."

"Again with that? What list out there is worse than a hit-"  
  
Getting another chilly stare, Danny decided he best shut up and follow orders, saying goodnight then walking over to his car.

After watching Danny drive off, Quinn walked up onto Carrie's porch, let himself inside the house where he saw Farrah sitting on the stairs, petting Calvin who was purring on her lap.

"Hi Farrah.", Quinn greeted, not wanting to sneak up unnoticed and startle her."Mind if I join you?"

Looking up, she shrugged, prompting him to sit on the step below her. Then he reached into his jacket pocket.

"I hope these are the right kind."  
  
Seeing the bag he was holding Farrah's face lit up. "You get treats!"  
  
"Of course. I promised you I would, didn't I?"  
  
"Thank you, Pete."

Taking the treats from him, giggling she poured a handful of them into her palm. Rolling his eyes Quinn reached over, reduced the pile by half.  
  
"You give him that many the first time out you'll just spoil him. Plus the bag will be gone in a day and a half."

Shrugging Farrah watched with a grin as Calvin sniffed at, then devoured the treats. Quinn meanwhile went solemn watching her. Even though she was smiling he knew things were off.

"So is everything alright? You looked blue when I came in."  
  
Confused Farrah looked up, frowned at him. "I not blue. I tan!"

"It's just an expression, Farrah. It means you look sad."  
  
"I fine. I don't want to talk about it.", she muttered, and Quinn was struck by how similar she was acting to Carrie.

"Well, since you're fine, how about we go out for ice cream?"  
  
"In cone?"  
  
"Of course. I don't know another way to eat it.", Quinn scoffed as Farrah grinned, stood up. "Make sure that Carrie is okay with it though."

"She upstairs. I just write note.", Farrah said, jumping down the steps instead of walking down them. Carrie always scolded her when she did it, but Carrie was also upstairs.

"Here I'll write the note. You go grab your jacket."

Nodding, Farrah ran over to the coat closet while Quinn went over to the kitchen, grabbed a notepad and one of quite a few green pens scattered around. Uncapping it he scribbled a quick message.

_"Took Farrah to Farragut Square for ice cream. Be back soon. Q."_

Taping the note to the front door so Carrie would be sure to see it, after helping Farrah into her jacket Quinn walked her to his car. Allowing her to sit up front just this once. She was thrilled about it and was chatty and bubbly the whole ride, but didn't say Carrie or Brody's name once.

...

After taking a shower to scrub the remnants of this hellish day off of her, stepping out of the tub Carrie felt her legs wobble and her head spin. Bracing herself on the counter she took a few deep breaths, then swore. Seeing she'd forgotten about the fan so the steam had built up in the bathroom, and realizing she hadn't eaten since having those linguini forkfuls at lunch.

Cursing herself again, knowing if she was this hungry Farrah must be too, she toweled off and changed into worn jeans, a tank top and an old Princeton hoodie. Then switching off her music, she made her way down the upstairs hall.  
  
"Farrah?" Knocking on the bedroom door she frowned, seeing no sign of her. Going downstairs she checked the kitchen, living room, then started to panic.  
  
"Fuck. Farrah!"

Jogging back to the foyer she saw the paper taped to the door and swore again, reading it.  
  
"Jesus, Quinn. Give me a fucking heart attack."

Thinking though some space would do both her and Farrah some good, she went to the living room and turned on her stereo. Getting Thelonious echoing through the room and permeating the downstairs. Her first instinct was to choose Miles, until she remembered the last time she'd played that record. Fuck Brody for ruining one of her favorite albums for her. Fuck him.

Going over to the kitchen she opened the fridge. It was well stocked but nothing looked appealing. She smelled something though that was stashed towards the back, and retrieving it folded back the wrapper.

"Damn it, Virgil.", she groaned, realizing it was half a Royal sub. He'd clearly bought it for himself but forgotten about it, and left it here to tease her. She'd been a vegetarian for almost four years, but if this didn't look incredibly appetizing right now..

Grabbing the sub and a bottle of water, she went to the living room, started eating and tried to mellow out. Trying not to think about her fight with Farrah, or fucking Nicholas Brody and his fucking note on her nightstand, or how she was about to go back on a four year life choice because of a goddamn sandwich.


	80. Chapter 80

"And when I finally got you here you were like, completely out of it.", Dana sighed, glad to be through with the explanation.  
  
"How long was I out?"  
  
"Over two days. Sonya told me it was normal but I still.."  
  
"Hey. I'm sorry I made you worry so much.", Brody said sincerely. Even though he knew he had so much more he had to apologize for.

"It's alright. I mean, all this time I was worried you were dead so.." Weakly she laughed, shrugged, as Brody sat up and she shifted her chair little closer to his bed. 

"How's your mom? Chris?"  
  
"They're alright. Chris is Chris, you know. And Mike finally closed the deal. Him and Mom got married last summer. Kind of had to to make Grandma happy."  
  
"Wait..so he and your mom.."

"Yeah. I've finally got a little sister." Dana smiled semi awkwardly, getting her phone out of her purse and thumbing to a picture. After handing it to Brody he smiled.  
  
"She's beautiful. What's her name?"  
  
"Violet. I think she's finally starting to recognize me."   
  
Her smile fading out she took her phone back. "Dad when you were out if it you kept muttering about.."

"Carrie?"  
  
Sensing Dana's disgust as she nodded, Brody sighed. "Dana I know you're not.."  
  
"A fan? No, I'm sorry. I'm not."  
  
"And I'm not saying you should be. But, you have to know she's helped me out a lot."

"She what, let you crash at her cabin all this time?"  
  
"She helped me flee to Canada. The night of the bombing."  
  
"Because she thought you were guilty?", Dana frowned.  
  
"No. Because she knew I was innocent. And that nobody would believe me but her."

"But if you didn't do it, then why couldn't you stay and let them just prove it?"  
  
"Because even innocent of that, doesn't mean I'm not guilty of other-"  
  
"Oh. So either way then you're still fucked."  
  
"Dana.."  
  
"What, Dad! I'm not going to sugarcoat it."

"Look. I know things aren't looking great for me, but I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing. Laying low, playing it safe until something presents itself that can help. The one thing I don't want is you worrying about me." Brody emphasized.

"What about Carrie? Do you not want her worrying about you? At least she can potentially help you."  
  
"I don't want Carrie anywhere close to this. Not anymore. Lauder threatened her at the hunting lodge."

"You're seriously worried about Zander's drunk psychopath uncle?"  
  
"I'm worried about what can happen if Carrie stays involved with this. Keeps sticking her neck for me and defending me. It could get her hurt."

"She seems like the type that's willing to take that kind of risk."  
  
"She shouldn't if it's on my behalf. Not when she's got a daughter of her own to worry about."  
  
"What?", Dana asked in surprise. "Wait, it's not... _yours_..."

"No.", Brody assured. "No. She...Farrah, is Carrie's foster child."  
  
"You're kidding. I never took her as the type."  
  
"She was on assignment in Iraq and was tutoring Farrah as part of her cover. Then Farrah's parents were killed. Carrie was all she had left."  
  
"Shit."

Not up to correcting her Brody sighed. "Anyway, Carrie, and Farrah, are better off if I'm just out of their orbit. I've already hurt them both.", he said guiltily.

"You love Carrie though.", Dana said, wishing it wasn't so but figuring she was better off calling it what it was. "I heard what you called her in your sleep, Dad. I'm not clueless."  
  
"However the fuck I feel doesn't matter.", Brody said sharply. "All that does is that she and Farrah are safe. And they are if I'm not in the picture."

"Well so what's your big plan then? Because right now the whole world thinks it's safer if you're not in the picture."  
  
"Really, I had no idea.", he scoffed, getting Dana smirking slightly.

"I'm going to go back to the mosque, thank the imam and Zahira for their help, and book."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Zahira's got a brother, and the imam has two sisters and some cousins. He told me once that their family and whatever resources they have are at my disposal so.."

"You're sure Carrie hasn't got any, more official sounding resources?", Dana asked.  
  
"I gave up any options the CIA could offer me when I missed that meeting."  
  
"What meeting?"  
  
"With Carrie's boss. At least I think there was a meeting. He and Carrie had been on the outs, but when her and I were at the cabin he wanted to see her immediately to discuss things."  
  
"In other words discuss you?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure. It was probably my last chance to plead my case. But whenever that was clearly I was MIA.", he sighed, reaching over to grab a small cup of water and the pain pills Sonya had left for him.

"Trust me, Carrie's probably hating me now as much as you hate her."  
  
"I don't, hate her. I mean I don't like or trust her but I don't  _hate_  her.", Dana shrugged.  
  
"You think if I find her and tell her that she could talk her boss into.."  
  
"No.", Brody sighed, shaking his head as he swallowed the pills down."Her boss has had it in for me since I threatened his protege staying on at the Agency.", he sighed. "It doesn't matter if I'm innocent. Saul Berenson would land me in Guantanamo before he'd let that happen."

Leaning back against the pillows, feeling worn out from just talking Brody crushed the paper cup in his hand, set it on the bedside table.

"It won't happen though, okay. Believe me, I'll disappear before I wind up in another cell.", he vowed. To reassure Dana as much as himself.  
  
"Great, so you'll disappear and I can lose you all over again.", she sniffed, sitting back in the chair.

"Lose me. Dana, I can't possibly...Look, you're going back to Charleston as soon as Sonya clears me. And you're lucky you have that long.", Brody said firmly. Even though the thought of saying goodbye to her again hurt more than his leg wound ever could, he wasn't about to put Dana or anyone he loved at risk ever again. Even if it meant never seeing anyone he loved ever again.

"Dad, no.", she bit back. "I'm not five years old and just going to do something because my daddy says so. Face it, you're not getting rid of me that easy."

"Dana. You have your mom to think about. And Chris and Violet, even Faber. If what you're doing gets back to them, it's too much of a fucking risk. The longer you stay with me the more dangerous it could get."  
  
"Like I give a shit about that."  
  
"Just as stubborn as your mother, I swear..."

"Say whatever you want but I'm not leaving until I feel right leaving.", Dana said firmly.  
  
"And by the way, Mom says I'm more stubborn than you."

"Yeah. Okay.", Brody snorted as Dana rolled her eyes and got up, grabbed a deck of cards she'd been playing Solitaire with earlier. Shuffling them she straightened the deck out, then set it on the tray table on Brody's bed.

"So you up for a round of "Hunt The Cunt'?"  
  
"Dana, really?"  
  
"Fine, fine. War it is."


	81. Chapter 81

"Okay pick your poison. Rocky Road or Mint Chip."  
  
"Chocolate!", Farrah cheered.  
  
"Or choose one that's not listed.", Quinn groaned. Seeing the sign the vender had put out only listed the two flavors.

"Actually I think I can scrounge up some chocolate. Give me one second." The twenty something redhead said, smiling sweetly at Farrah and Quinn both before going to the back of the truck.

"So, you've talked to me about plans you've got with Mischa, about the cat."  
  
"Calvin!", Farrah corrected.  
  
"Sorry.  _Calvin._  But I still don't know what had you blue at the house earlier."

"I tell you I not blue!  _I tan!",_ Farrah exclaimed, pouting as the woman handed over two chocolate cones. After paying her Quinn took a still sullen, scowling Farrah by the hand, to a bench not too far away where they could sit.

"Alright, I won't bug you about your being blue anymore tonight. Are we friends again?"  
  
Shrugging Farrah rolled her eyes, then looked up at Quinn with an exasperated smile."Yes. We friends again."

"Good.", Quinn said, thinking he ought to hold off on this line of questioning. At least for tonight anyway. They were almost to the bench when Farrah let out a squeal, dropping Quinn's hand as she darted off.

"Jesus, Farrah! What the-"  
  
"Bear!", the girl cheered. Running to the other entrance to the square to greet a weary looking Saul. Frowning, Quinn jogged to catch up to them.

"Bear! Pete buy ice cream!"  
  
"Well, how nice of Pete to do that.", Saul said as he stooped to her level, getting a shrug from Quinn.

"You want some too?"  
  
"I think I can be persuaded.", he smiled. Kindly but tiredly as Farrah turned to look up at Quinn, tugged at his shirt.  
  
"Pete I need money."  
  
"Hey, I already sprung for two cones."  
  
"But Bear wants..."  
  
"Here, Farrah. If the girl gives you change you can keep it.", Saul said, handing her a ten dollar bill.

"Yes?", the girl chirped, getting another nod before she took the money. Grinning she threw her arms around Saul tightly, kissed his cheek.  
"Thank you, Bear."  
  
"You're welcome Farrah.", Saul said, standing back up as Farrah darted back to the vendor, catching a look from Quinn.

"That kid really loves you."  
  
"Yeah well, the feeling is mutual."  
  
"This is what, the first time you've seen her since she and Carrie went to the cabin?"

"What are you getting at?", Saul asked gruffly.  
  
"Just that you keep going after Carrie like you've been, you'll be lucky to see Farrah on holidays.", Quinn scoffed, getting a glare.

"You think for one second I'm enjoying what's happening?"  
  
"No, but I think it'd serve you well to back off of Carrie a bit. Cut her some slack."  
  
"Like I haven't done just that for over a decade.", Saul scoffed.

"I know. She's a blind spot for you. But Brody is Carrie's blind spot. That's been established."  
  
"What's your point?"  
  
"So each time you throw Brody, what he's done, in her face you're reminding her how much she missed because of him. With Carrie that's the equivalent of stabbing her in an open wound."

"Any wound she has with Brody's fucking self inflicted.", Saul said bitterly.

"Well when that wound heals, when she recovers from all this bullshit, and _she will_ , keep treating her like you are and she's going to want nothing to do with you. She'll cut you out, Saul. Is that really what you want to happen?", Quinn asked knowingly as Saul looked on, agitated but paying attention.

"You need to move past everything with Brody. Goddammit, he's already screwed himself! The guy's so fucked up he's running from his best chance of being cleared. Eventually Carrie will realize he's past saving. But she has to come to that conclusion on her own. You force it on her, you'll just force her away, Saul. Fuck, you're already halfway there."

"Quinn, fourteen years is a hell of a long time to wipe away completely."

"Don't be so sure of that. Push Carrie once more about Brody when everything's this raw, and watch what she does."  
  
"I  _know_  what Carrie does.", the older man bit back. "I know more about her than you'll ever fucking know."

"Well, that being said you're being pretty cold towards her."  
  
"Christ, Quinn. I had no idea you were this protective of her."

"She doesn't need protecting.", Quinn said curtly. "But it occurred to me she could use a friend. Someone objective enough to see her side, who's not just zeroed in on destroying the man she loves."  
  
"I'm not fucking zeroed in on-"  
  
"Yeah? Then why did she confide in me that night instead of you?"

"What night? Confide in you about what?", Saul frowned as Quinn rolled his eyes, wished he'd kept his mouth shut.  
  
"Note the word confide.", he spat.  
  
"Is it about Brody, Farrah, what?"

Not getting an answer, agitated, Saul took Quinn by the arm and sat him on the bench, then sat beside him. "If something is going on with Carrie I have a right to know. She's my goddamn second in command."  
  
"It's not going on anymore if that's what you're worried about."  
  
"Peter.."

Letting out a heavy sigh, Quinn went on to explain why Carrie had taken off for those two weeks. He felt guilty (an unusual sensation for him), sharing something so personal that Carrie had told him in confidence, but he figured the end justified the means. If he told Saul this much, maybe he'd stop raking her over the coals about Brody, or at least understand better why she was so attached to him, even still.   
  
Seeing the look on the older man's face, Quinn realized he'd accomplished that and then some.

"I can't fucking believe...why didn't she say anything?"  
  
"Because you were having a goddamn breakdown yourself. She didn't want you stressed over her on top of everything else."  
  
"Christ, I have to talk to her."  
  
"Yeah, what are you going to say?", Quinn challenged.  
  
"'I'm sorry you lost Brody's baby but if you'll excuse me, I still have to track down then tar and feather his ginger ass?'", he scoffed.

"Why did you bother telling me if you didn't want me to confront her?"  
  
"So that when you decide to wage a full on war with Agent Orange, Carrie's still in the back of your mind. It'll prevent you from hurting her more than she's already been hurt."

Nodding, still disbelievingly Saul sighed, looking more fatigued if it was possible. "Well, thanks for filling me in." Slowly he stood up right as Farrah came running over with his ice cream.  
  
"Bear, I get you chocolate with sprinkles! And I keep change."  
  
"Thanks Farrah, but I'm about to get going."  
  
"But..."

Looking on confused as Saul gave her a hug, told her to keep the cone for herself and walked off, Farrah turned to Quinn. Frowned at him.  
  
"Pete why did he leave?"  
  
"I think he remembered something he had to tell Carrie."  
  
"Oh.", Farrah said sullenly, taking a few licks from the second cone before offering it to Quinn.  
  
"No thanks. I'm set."

Shrugging she walked over to toss it in a nearby trash can, only to hear something that made her ears perk up.  
  
"Farrah, what...?"  
  
"I thought I hear something.", she muttered. Turning in the direction of the sound, a familiar tune being hummed.

Getting to his feet Quinn went alert, feeling in his gut that something was off. Looking around his jaw clenched as he figured out the cause.  
  
"Farrah..."  
  
Walking up he put an arm around her shoulders, guided her away from the bench. "C'mon, it's time to go."

"But..", the girl frowned, looking behind her only to see the source of the sound. When she spotted him she smiled, but Quinn kept her walking, preventing her from trying to get any closer. He was ready to carry her out of the square if he had to after seeing who was unnervingly close by.

"Pete!", Farrah shouted, protesting in Arabic. Quinn somewhat understood her but kept walking faster, practically pushing her towards the path that led to the parking lot.  
  
Realizing that Khaliq's smile faded and cursing he rolled his eyes, picked up his pace.


	82. Chapter 82

"But Pete he want to see me. He want to SEE ME!", Farrah cried. Dragging her feet as Quinn swore under his breath and lifted her, threw her over his shoulder. Ignoring her small fists hitting at his upper back, and cursing himself for parking so far away from the square, he started power walking towards the path. Quinn knew it looked suspicious, him jogging off with a hysterical little girl, but it was preferable to Khaliq catching up to them and him being forced to pull his knife.

"Pete we stop, please!"  
  
Silently Quinn kept jogging towards the path but glanced back over his shoulder to see Khaliq, now rounding the corner and catching up.

Not all the way to the parking lot yet, Saul turned at the commotion he was hearing, and saw Quinn with a sobbing Farrah hoisted over his shoulder. Fearing the worst he jogged over to them.  
  
"Quinn what the..what happened?!

"Take Farrah to your car."  
  
"What? Why-"  
  
"Just take Farrah to your goddamn car!", Quinn ordered, and despite Farrah crying and thrashing around and repeating the word no, Saul knew the younger man meant business.

"C'mon now Farrah, enough. We have to-"  
  
"No, no, no, NO!", Farrah cried, squirming out of Quinn's arms during the hand off. As soon as her feet touched the ground she took off running back down the path.

"Fuck!", Quinn spat, taking off after her with Saul at his heels.  
  
"Quinn, who the fuck is she-"  
  
"Khaliq."  
  
"That goddamn son of a.."  
  
"C'mon, he was gaining on us."

Keeping up with Quinn's brisk pace, Saul spotted Khaliq in the distance and Farrah headed on the path straight to him. Luckily he caught up to her, grabbed hold of her before she could get within hugging distance of her big brother.

"Bear no! Khaliq..!"  
  
"Farrah listen to me, just listen. Think about Carrie. What would she say if she were here right now?"  
  
"But..but he my brother! He my BROTHER!", Farrah wailed, in a tearful mix of English and Arabic.

"And he took you away from us, from Carrie. He almost got you very, very hurt.", Saul reminded, his voice calm but his eyes staring daggers up at Khaliq.  
  
"But Bear..."  
  
"Shh.." Adjusting her in his arms so her face was hidden in his shoulder, Saul rubbed her back to calm her down, cleared his throat.

"Khaliq, let us leave quietly and we can forget about all of this, alright? We won't press charges for the kidnapping, the harassment, no harm will come to you or to Farrah. She's being cared for."

"By a crazy woman?", Khaliq spat, shaking his head as Saul glared.  
  
"What did you just say about her?"  
  
"I did some research. Your Carrie Mathison? She is unstable, yes? What business does she have caring for my younger sister, calling herself a mother?"

"Don't you fucking say that.", Saul growled, standing up as Quinn stepped over to hold Farrah, watched as Saul took Khaliq by the collar.   
"Don't you ever fucking say that. You understand me? Carrie Mathison's the best thing to happen to that girl. She loves your sister more than her own life."

"Then where is she?", Khaliq retorted, shoving Saul's hands away from his collar before stepping back. "Farrah Hadad is my sister. My only sister. My brother's wish was for her to be with her blood relatives, her family. She belongs, with her family.", he hissed as his hand went to his back pocket.

On instinct Quinn's hand went to his holster, but panic seized him realizing his gun wasn't there. It was locked in his glove box so Farrah didn't risk spotting it on him.

"Khaliq...easy.", Saul coaxed, but Khaliq still drew his weapon, then made a move towards Farrah.

Jumping between them Quinn lunged at him. Working to fight Khaliq off and wrestle the gun from him, only to hear it go off.

Instantly Quinn dove back to shield Farrah while Khaliq staggered back, fearing he'd been shot. Seeing who actually had, Quinn curled his arm around a shaking Farrah, pulled her against his right shoulder while his left hand went to put pressure on Saul's wound.

"Fuck,  _motherfucking_ , fuck!", he swore under his breath, right as Khaliq took off running before someone got in his path, threw him down.

Quinn couldn't make out who had until she ran over, called for an ambulance before reaching for Farrah, telling her to cover her eyes as she guided her away from the scene, towards a nearby patch of trees. Seeing her red hair as she walked off Quinn was beyond grateful they'd opted to get ice cream.

With Farrah secure he turned all his attention to Saul, overlapping and pressing both his hands against his chest to try and curb the bleeding.

"God fucking damn it, Saul. You stay with me. Stay for your wife, for Farrah, Carrie! You fight for Carrie, Saul or so fucking help me..."

Not hearing the sirens and then the EMT's running up behind him, Quinn jumped when he felt a tap on the shoulder.  
  
"Please move aside sir!"

Reluctantly doing as asked, fear filled his eyes when he saw Saul's slip shut. When a second EMT tried to jump in, assist, Quinn grabbed him by the arm.

"Sir, I don't-"  
  
"This man's the deputy director of the goddamn CIA. You make sure he fucking lives, understand?"

Nodding the EMT stepped in to help while Quinn looked over to the trees, saw Farrah huddled next to the ice cream lady who was attempting to console her. He wanted to join her but thought better of it, seeing his blood stained hands and shirt.

Turning back to the EMT's, wondering if they had a shirt or jacket to spare, something to clean his hands he saw they were already loading Saul into the ambulance. Running up to the driver's side window he knocked.

"Where are you taking him?"  
  
"St Mary's is closest."  
  
"Okay, thanks."

After the ambulance pulled away, moments later a squad car pulled up in it's place. One officer approached Khaliq who was regaining consciousness on the ground, while another approached Quinn.

"Sir, I'm Officer Benson, this is my partner Officer Crews. You mind telling us what happened?", she asked sternly.

Rehashing everything, shaking as he did so (more out of rage than fear), when Crews started reading Khaliq his rights, Quinn ran over, flashed his ID.

"Excuse me, what do you think you're-"  
  
"This man shot the deputy director of the CIA. The Agency should decide what happens to him. Local cops have enough shit to deal with as is around here."  
  
"Mr. Quinn, I..." Met with a chilly glare Crews nodded, told him after they took statements and filed their own report, the Agency would have a say in how to proceed.

Once reaching agreement with the cops, while Benson went to take the ice cream girl's statement, Quinn threw on a jacket Crews loaned him and approached Farrah. Scooping her up he held her close as she cried.

"P..Pete, I..I want..."  
  
"I know, I know. You'll see Carrie soon, okay. You'll see her soon."


	83. Chapter 83

Sitting on her couch, absentmindedly petting Calvin while Thelonious played on in the background, Carrie bit her lip after checking the time. Farrah and Quinn had been gone over an hour. While Carrie welcomed the quiet earlier, now she was starting to get nervous. How long did it take to eat ice cream? Moving Calvin off her lap she stood up to get her phone and her stomach rolled.

"Stupid, fucking sub.", she muttered as Calvin mewed.  
  
"What? Nobody's around to hear me."  
  
Snorting when the cat curled up in a ball on the couch, she picked up her phone right as it rung, startling her to the point she almost dropped it.  
  
"Jesus."   
  
About to answer she heard a too urgent sounding knock on the door. Her stomach rolled again. Two people trying to get a hold of her at the same time. Something was off, she could feel it. Answering the phone, putting it on speaker so she could read a new text message, she heard Virgil's voice, then read his message in type in Quinn's text. Her face went ten shades whiter as she hung up.

"Oh my God.."

Dropping the phone on, then bracing herself on the table by the door, her hands shook along with her knees that were about to give out.   
  
"Oh shit."

"Carrie? Carrie!", Danny called, knocking louder before using the spare key to get inside. Seeing her only standing with the help of a table, he ran over but she recoiled, avoided his touch.  
  
"I'm sorry I just...so you heard."

Not answering him she walked back to the living room, picked up the remote to turn on the news. Reading the crawler across the bottom of the screen, she heard the anchor parroting the words back. Breaking news, Farragut, armed, casualty.Turning the TV off before she could read the rest she walked back to the foyer, slipped on her shoes before grabbing her jacket.

Watching concerned, seeing her hands were shaking so much she couldn't put on the coat, Danny took it from her, helped her into it.  
  
"Th..thanks.", she murmured, before her eyes widened and she swore, made a break for the staircase.  
  
"Carrie? Hold on, wait!"

Following her down the upstairs hallway into Farrah's room, Danny watched as she grabbed a tote bag, started tossing stuffed animals, blankets, furry pillows, any comforting objects she could find into it. It was only when the bag was nearly full she realized she'd forgotten Merriweather. After looking under the bed she swore, threw open the closet.

"Carrie, stop. C'mon, we need to-"  
  
"She's going to want Merriweather!", Carrie growled as she whipped around, glared at him but Danny held his ground. Knowing they could be here all night looking for one stuffed animal when they both were needed at the hospital.  
  
"She just needs you, okay? All Farrah needs is you."

Her chin was the verge of collapse but Carrie managed a nod, held it together as she and Danny went back downstairs, walked outside to his car.  
  
"I'm sorry, Maggie gave me strict orders to drive you."  
  
"How did she..."  
  
"She's got a friend who's a surgeon at St. Mary's. She called and gave her the heads up. Maggie's on her way there though right now."

Nodding, she numbly climbed into the passenger seat. Not even buckling her seat belt until Danny prompted her to.  
  
"She'll be waiting in the lobby right when we arrive.", he assured, getting a slight nod before Carrie turned, looked down and away.  
  
"Carrie..."  
  
"Just drive, Danny.", she whispered as he nodded, sighed, and put the key in the ignition.

Carrie was silent as a Sphinx the entire ride, but Danny knew better than to try and get her talking. Even in the dimly lit car he could see how pale she was, and her hands were shaking to the point turning the radio dial proved a challenge. Getting her frustrated, cursing herself out as Danny turned the radio to a jazz preset. Hoping to offer her a little comfort.   
  
When they arrived at the hospital she was out of the car before it came to a complete stop. Once she got to the lobby, frantic, aimlessly she looked around for a familiar face.

"Carrie!", Maggie called, running over to her. Sighing sadly she took her by the arm, walked her past the front desk.  
  
"Farrah's just a floor above us, alright? Max and Virgil are with her. She wasn't hurt physically at all, not one scratch on her."

Nodding, breathing a little easier hearing that, Carrie forced herself to ask the next question. Her throat felt like sandpaper. "What about.."  
  
"He's in the OR right now.", Maggie said, walking her into the elevator. On the ride up she gave her the most general facts. Saul was shot in the chest and with no clean exit he needed surgery to remove the bullet.

"He's lost a lot of blood. Mira's donating now. I'm not a match but you are, so when you get the chance.."

Seeing Carrie still wearing a deer in the headlights look, Maggie sighed, stopped speaking before pulling her into a hug.  
  
"He'll pull through, sweetie. He will."  
  
Pulling back, still too overwhelmed to acknowledge this had actually happened, that there was a too real chance he  _might not_  pull through, Carrie blinked back tears, bowed her head as she crossed her arms.

"Look, he'll be in surgery for awhile, but my friend Dr. McClain's operating on him. She's the best."  
  
"Good.", Carrie said softly, then after a beat, spoke up again.  
  
"Wh...where's Farrah.", she murmured.

"She's over in pediatrics.", Maggie answered as Carrie glanced up, eyes wide.  
  
"Hey, it's alright. Like I said, she's not hurt. There's a lounge in the children's wing with crayons and games and toys. Comfortable chairs. She's in there with Max and Virgil."

Calming slightly, her eyes back to normal size she nodded, before another thought entered her head.  
  
"Quinn? Where's Quinn?"  
  
"He's at the police station. They wanted to formally take his statement. But he stayed in that lounge in a chair holding Farrah on his lap until Virgil and Max showed up, and the nurses and staff refused to question it. I think they were scared of what would happen if they did.", Maggie lightly laughed but didn't get a response.

"I need to talk to him."  
  
"You will, Carrie. You will.", Maggie promised, guiding her the rest of the way down to the children's wing, then the lounge. Seeing Carrie tense up, pale even more, she rested her arm at the small of her back.  
  
"It'll be fine, c'mon."

Farrah was curled up in Virgil's lap asleep as he sat in a teal, overstuffed plush arm chair.Max, seeing Carrie at the door, got up from the small, child-sized stool he was sitting on and went to wake the girl up.

"Max what the fuck!", Virgil hissed. "Hasn't she been through enough! Let her sleep for Christ's sake!", he spat, but then caught sight of Carrie too and looked at her sheepishly. Gently shook Farrah's shoulder.

"Hey, wake up short stuff. Someone's here to see you."  
  
"Virg...", Farrah mumbled sleepily. Rubbing her eyes she sat up, yawned before she turned and saw Carrie. Chin quivering she scrambled off his lap and the armchair, ran straight at Carrie who knelt to her level, pulled her close.

"Shhh, shhh..it's okay. It's okay, honey. It's okay."

Speaking in Arabic to settle her down more , Carrie switched from kneeling to sitting on the rug. When Farrah started recalling what happened, started crying and telling her the whole horrible story in Arabic, Carrie stopped her. Told her not to think about it, that it was all over. She kept repeating herself until Farrah finally nodded, snuggled closer to her before yawning again. Eventually she started to nod off, prompting Carrie to lay her down on a nearby furry rug, then reach for the tote bag.

Retrieving the pillow, blanket, and Marvin, once tucking Farrah in Carrie sprawled out alongside her on her stomach. Close enough they were nearly nose to nose, she kept rubbing slow circles on the sleeping girl's back. A last ditch effort to calm them both down.

Not wanting to interrupt the moment or worse, wake Farrah, Virgil quietly knelt behind Carrie on the rug. Tapped her shoulder as she turned slightly, watery eyed.  
  
"Look, Quinn filled me in on everything so if there's anything you wanna know, I-"  
  
"No, Virgil. Not now, okay?", she said softly, shaking her head before turning back to Farrah. Seeing she was out, softly snoring, taking her hand off her back Carrie twined it with the girl's. Linked their fingers.

"Okay.", Virgil said solemnly as Maggie returned to the lounge with a blanket. Draping it over Carrie she slipped off her sister's shoes. She didn't even stir.

Walking over to the opposite side of the room, Virgil plopped down into an orange bean bag chair. Put his head in his hands as Maggie approached, sat in front of him.  
  
"So, what happened?", she asked. "What did Quinn tell you?"  
  
"That Farrah's fucker of a brother snapped, pulled a gun on them. Quinn tried to wrestle it away from him but the thing went off and.."  
Trailing off Virgil sighed.

"It's so completely fucked up. And Farrah saw it all. The kid's gonna be a goddamn mess."  
  
"Hey, kids are tough. They're a lot more resilient than we think. I know, it's absolutely horrible what she's seen, but you know as well as I do that Carrie's equipped to deal with it. She's seen hell too."

"Well now she's floating around the seventh circle of it.", Virgil said mournfully.  
  
"Speaking of which, any word on Saul?"  
  
"He's still in surgery."  
  
"What are his chances?"  
  
"Depends on a lot of factors. But he's in good hands.", Maggie said as Danny softly knocked, entered the lounge and tiptoed around Carrie and Farrah so as not to wake them.

"Any word on.."  
  
"No, not yet.", she answered, then frowned at him curiously. "Where were you? Not trying to find a parking spot I hope."  
  
"I went over to Langley. Gave some of the higher ups an update on Saul. They then told me that since he's incapacitated..." Nodding over to Carrie he shrugged.  
  
"Wait, you're saying she's..."  
  
"If Saul's unable to perform his duties as deputy director..."

Distracted from that disturbing newfound information by her phone, Maggie stepped out as Virgil and Danny followed.  
  
"What's the verdict?"  
  
"He's out of surgery."  
  
"Wait, Carrie should hear this..", Virgil said but Maggie held him back.

"No, let her sleep. She, they need to sleep.", she insisted as Virgil and Danny reluctantly followed her to the elevator. Once upstairs they approached a panicked, pacing Mira. Stood next to her as Dr. McClain left the OR, approached them.

"How is he? How's Saul?"

 


	84. Chapter 84

After Carrie opened her eyes it took her a few moments to figure out her surroundings, but then she saw Farrah, the cheery, too fucking brightly lit children's lounge and it all came flooding back.

"Hey.", Max greeted, still sitting on the small stool across the way.  
  
"Hey.", Carrie muttered, sitting up as Farrah stirred.  
  
"Carrie?"

"Hey, you sleep okay?", Carrie asked gently, then looked up, shot Max a look. Nodding nervously he stood, stepped out of the lounge as Farrah sat up, frowned.  
  
"Where...?"  
  
"We're in the children's lounge at the hospital, Farrah."  
  
"Hospital.." When everything flooded back, the girl's lip began quivering. "Oh."

Slipping an arm around her Carrie sighed, kissed the top of her head.  
  
"How is Bear?"  
  
"I'm not sure, honey."  
  
"They...they take him away! On bed. With..wheels."  
  
"Yeah. That's called a stretcher."

"He hurt..bad?"   
  
Not knowing how to or wanting to sugarcoat something as serious as an injury from a shooting, one that Farrah all too likely had seen, Carrie bit her lip, nodded.

"Yeah. He was hurt badly. But right now the doctors are in with him and working to make him better.", she assured. But her stomach knotted up seeing Farrah's fearful expression turn to one of flat out rage.

"Khaliq...hurt...because, gun! He..hurt!", the girl spat as Carrie shushed her, rubbed her shoulder.

"Farrah, don't think about him okay? I don't want you thinking about him.", she pleaded. But could tell she wasn't having much of an impact.  
  
"But it his fault! It all his fault! He..he hurt.."

Pulling Farrah onto her lap Carrie held onto her tightly. For both their benefits. She knew if her hands were free right now she'd be punching walls in with them.

"Honey listen. Just listen to me, okay?", she asked after Farrah pulled back and breathed a little, calmed down some.  
  
"You remember the last time we talked about Khaliq? I told you that I was going to find him? Ask him questions and try and figure out why he did what he did?"  
  
"Yes.", Farrah nodded.  
  
"Well, right now because of what happened tonight, the police are doing that. They're going to figure things out and they'll make  _sure_  that Khaliq pays for what he's done."

Frowning now Farrah looked up, puzzled. "Why not you? It..it your job.", she said matter of factly. Carrie was about to answer when she heard a tap on the glass of the picture window. Looked to see Maggie on the other side of it.

"Farrah just do me a favor and stay...", Frowning, she grabbed a crayon and a notepad off the table where Max had been sitting.  
  
"Just sit here, draw a new picture for me okay? I'll just be out there with Maggie." Once she got Farrah situated, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek she stepped out into the hall.

"What's going on? Is Saul out of surgery?"  
  
"Carrie, look let's go somewhere else to talk, okay? Danny can come back down and stay with Farrah, I-"  
  
"I don't want to go somewhere else!", Carrie snapped, then sighed, bowed her head. "Just say it, okay? Wherever you tell me doesn't make a fucking difference."

When Maggie bit her lip, didn't immediately answer, looking up Carrie saw her puffy eyes and her stomach rolled again. Forcing her mouth to move her voice sounded small. Far away.  
  
"He's dead."

"No! No, Carrie.  _No._  Saul's not dead.", Maggie assured, but still had a pained expression on her face that sent Carrie's nerves through the roof.  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"They removed the bullet successfully. But, his heart stopped twice during surgery. They got it started again but..."  
  
"But what?! Just say it!"

"He's in a coma, Carrie."

When she didn't respond, didn't move, Maggie walked up, tried to coax her into sitting on a nearby bench, but Carrie didn't budge. When she finally spoke her voice was soft but not as small sounding.  
  
"How..long will he..."  
  
"We don't know. Not yet. I tried to get more information but, I couldn't."

Nodding, her eyes welled up with tears but she'd be damned if they fell. Crying, breaking down, falling apart wasn't an option. Not now.

"I want to see him."  
  
"Okay, we can do that. Mira put you on the approved visitor's list. But you're not going to have much time with him tonight."

Quickly Carrie nodded, set to head up to his room right then but paused. Turned back to look through the picture window.  
  
"I'll sit with her. You go. Floor three.", Maggie said, hugging her.

Carrie held on tight for a moment or two before walking down the hall. Once at the elevator, the trip to the third floor was a complete blur. She only knew she was in the right place when she saw Max and Virgil and Danny by one of the vending machines.   
  
Seeing her, Virgil and Danny approached while Max held back, bought another bag of M&M's.

"Carrie!", Virgil called as she turned towards him impatiently. Agitated.  
  
"Mira just left Saul's room a few minutes ago."  
  
"Okay. Well, thanks for the update!", she snapped as Danny walked over.  
  
"Carrie, they probably won't allow any more visitors tonight."  
  
"I'll only be in there for a fucking second, Danny. You can set a goddamn timer if you want."

"No, it's fine Carrie. Go on. You can have as much time as you need.", Mira said softly as she walked over, dried her eyes.  
  
"Oh, Mira. Look if my being there cuts into your time with him, I..."  
  
"It's alright. I need to go and make some phone calls anyway and, I don't want him to feel alone."

Nodding sadly, chin quivering Carrie gave her a hug, offered an apology but Mira wouldn't hear it. Kept insisting that he was just doing his job. Not feeling any less guilty though at her words, Carrie sighed, slowly walked over to Saul's room. But a younger, shy looking nurse stepped in front of her. Blocked her path.

"Ma'am I'm sorry but visiting hours are ov-"  
  
"I still have three damn minutes.", Carrie spat, brushing past her to open the door.

She didn't sit. Instead she stood in the corner shakily observing everything. He looked pale, frail, exhausted, far from peaceful. It was like he had actually died twice over.

She wanted to collapse in the chair by his bed and sob. She wanted to tear down the hideous framed artwork on the walls. Smash a hole in the window and in that ugly fluorescent light fixture on the ceiling. She wanted to swear and scream until that nurse or Maggie or some fucking security guard showed up with a needle to sedate her.

But she didn't do any of those things. She just stood still, silent, hands still shaking, only to jump when she head the door open behind her.  
  
"Sorry to cut into your two minutes but I wanted to..." His voice trailing off Quinn sighed, shook his head bitterly. "God fucking damnit."

"I thought you were helping the cops.", Carrie frowned.  
  
"They didn't need my help. The fucker's in custody. But.."  
  
"But what?"  
  
" _But,_ the Agency has a say in what..."  
  
"You mean  _I_ have a say.", she corrected, turning to face him.  
  
"Carrie..."  
  
Before Quinn could say another word she was out the door, heading towards the elevator.

"Carrie, what the...", Danny sputtered, getting up. "Where are you going?", he asked. Not getting an answer he rolled his eyes, ran up to the elevator she'd just called.

"I can't fucking believe you. You're just going to take off!"  
  
"You and Mira and everyone are here with Saul. Maggie's with Farrah-"  
  
"And what are we supposed to tell her when she asks for you?"

"That I'm out doing what she expects me to be doing, Danny. My fucking job.", she snapped as she got onto the elevator. Shutting the doors before he could say another word.


	85. Chapter 85

After confirming with the police that Khaliq was in CIA custody, breaking a few traffic laws along the way that luckily didn't catch up to her, Carrie turned into the driveway at Langley. Once parking she made her way to the side entrance, then swiped her key card to access the stairwell to the underground bunkers.When she reached them the eager, electric, take no prisoner's gleam in her eyes was replaced with a fierce glare. Seeing she wasn't alone.

"What the...how did you even..."  
  
"Took a shortcut. I had a feeling you were headed here.", Quinn sighed, following her down the next flight of stairs.

"He hasn't formally confessed. I think the Metro cops were just fed up and said fuck it, let someone else deal with him."   
  
Pleased, Carrie nodded and hurriedly continued down the stairs.

"We'll have some say in how this fucking plays out but not the final say. If Saul doesn't make it though, the balls even more in our court."  
  
When Carrie stopped walking and turned, jaw clenched and teary eyed, he sighed, shrugged.  
  
"Just telling it like it is."

Once they reached the bunkers Quinn paused in front of the door, then stopped, turned to face Carrie with a sympathetic but stubborn look.  
  
"What the fuck, Quinn. We're not just going to watch him over the monitors all night, are we?"  
  
"Well  _I'm_  not."  
  
"What are you saying? I'm not allowed in?"  
  
"I'm saying, that.."

" _Quinn._  That bastard in there kidnapped Farrah and shot Saul in the chest! He put him in a fucking coma!"  
  
"I know. I was there both times. But right now, this is hitting way too fucking close to home for you."  
  
"Are you saying I can't handle it?!"  
  
"I'm  _saying,_  you have the same look in your eyes that you did after we brought Roya in. After I stabbed Brody in the hand...speaking of which..."

"Jesus, I'm not here to talk about Brody! I'm here to get answers."  
  
"Answers that  _I_  can get.", Quinn said.  
  
"Look, you can watch the entire interrogation on the monitor. I'll even wear a goddamn earpiece so you can relay your questions to me."

"No, Quinn.", Carrie refused. "I have to do this."  
  
"I won't allow it."  
  
"You  _have_  to.", she reminded. "You said so yourself less than an hour ago. With Saul incapacitated I'm in charge."  
  
"Not of me. Pull that shit on Galvez or Virgil or Max."  
  
"What about your elevator promise." Carrie asked, arching a brow as he glared.

"That was to help you help Brody."  
  
"Well Saul is just as important. And he would want me to do this, Quinn. I fucking know it."

Seeing him still looking skeptical, concerned, Carrie resorted to another strategy. She was already overemotional so the tears came easily. "Please, Quinn."

"Goddammit.", he muttered under his breath.  
  
"One condition, I'm in there with you."  
  
"Fine, I'll wear an earpiece."  
  
"No, Carrie. I mean me standing right next to you behind that table."  
  
"I don't do two man interrogations, Quinn. That was one thing they decided not to bother training me for."

Going over to a nearby shelf he saw her grab a headset and an earpiece. Placing the latter, she handed him the former before brushing past him towards the door to the bunker. Before she could open it though he tapped her on the shoulder.

"Fuck, Quinn. What-"  
  
"Nothing. Just,  _eviscerate_  the fucker.", he encouraged.

Nodding she slowly exhaled then opened the door. Khaliq was shackled at his wrists to the table, and his ankles were cuffed to the floor. He was restless, jittery, trying to play it cool while the fear in his eyes gave him away.   
Carrie was relieved. This man clearly was not a hardened criminal. Of anything he resembled a scared, in over his head kid. She almost felt sorry for him. But then she remembered how Farrah had acted in the children's lounge. How she sounded, looked. Anger, fear, pain, betrayal had been all over her face, and the man seated across the room from Carrie had put it there. Within seconds he was back to being a good for nothing cocksucking gunman.

Silently she took a seat in the chair across from him. Her face set to an emotionless, steely mask as Khaliq looked on mystified and agitated.

" _You?_  Why did they send you! Why am I here, not at the police station?", he exclaimed.  
  
"They couldn't spare the holding cell so they farmed you out to us.", Carrie snorted.  
  
"What happened was an accident. There was a struggle and the gun, it just went off."  
  
"And shot my colleague in the fucking chest.", she snarled, standing up.

"Also that gun was registered in your name. You used it to try and abduct a six year old child."  
  
"That child is my sister!"  
  
"Who you've done nothing but terrorize since you reentered her life.", she spat.

"And here I thought your leaving her in the care of your warmonger father was enough of a low for you. You've proven me wrong, Khaliq. Ask my colleagues. That doesn't happen too often."

Sitting back in the chair she folded her arms over her chest, looked casually at him.

"You can ask the one outside watching this entire interrogation. The one who just told me to eviscerate you. I admit, I was surprised he asked me to. He's normally the bad cop. He stabs the hands that I bandage up."

 _"That was only one fucking time, Carrie. Hold off on getting his and her's knives and gauze for the bunker, okay?"_ , Quinn piped up in her ear.

"It's an interrogation tactic. It makes the suspect weak, vulnerable. Demonstrates  _our_  control. By the time my colleague's through with them, they're generally on the cusp of cooperating. Then I come in."

Uncapping a water bottle she brought in with her she took a sip. Flashing back to Brody for the briefest of seconds before her eyes iced over more.

"I thought you'd like to know that the man you shot tonight, that you left critically wounded and lying in a hospital bed, is the one who recruited me. He trained me himself, taught me every fucking thing I know. Before the first interrogation I ran alone, he told me my job, my only one, was to find out what makes people like you human. Not what makes you criminals,  _terrorists._ ", Carrie emphasized, knowing Khaliq had caused enough terror for her and Farrah both to qualify.

"The thing is though, I can't find it. I can't see the humanity in someone who abducts a child in broad daylight, almost gets her killed and then not a month after the fact, attempts the same fucking thing and nearly succeeds.", she snarled.

"He  _didn't_  succeed, Carrie. Even if he pulled five guns on us he wouldn't have succeeded.", Quinn said, sounding pained even still.

"I can't find a shred of decency in someone who knowingly pulls a gun anywhere near a child. Let alone uses it to force her away from the people who actually love her. People who selflessly risked their lives tonight protecting her. Farrah knows who really cares about her. That's why you came packing heat, right? You knew force and fear would be all that could motivate her to go anywhere with you!"

Carrie hissed as Khaliq snorted, rolled his eyes.  
"Farrah ran to me! She wanted to see me! The only person she ran from was your good friend the hit man."

"Hey, I prefer the term hired assassin. Christ, I'm black ops not a fucking Godfather character.", Quinn scowled.

Biting the inside of her cheek to keep from smirking, Carrie subtly tapped her right foot. Signalling she needed confirmation on Khaliq's comment one way or the other.

"Farrah ran to Khaliq initially but Saul got hold of her, talked about you and she calmed down. And after seeing his holster, she wouldn't have gone to fucking Disney World with him if he asked."

"Well right now, after seeing  _you_  were the only one armed, not only is Farrah scared to death of you she's furious with you."  
  
"How would you know? You were not with her at the square tonight!", Khaliq spat as Carrie got to her feet, walked around to his side of the table and rested her hands on it. Then leaned down so she was eye level to him.

"She had a nightmare about you. In the children's lounge a few hours ago. She started crying out, yelling at you to go away, to leave her alone!  _'emši! s _ebni!"_  
_

Not needing to speak Arabic fluently to understand what she was communicating there, Quinn nodded approvingly.  
  
"Good job. He looks rattled. Keep at it."

"You are lying!", Khaliq growled as Carrie stared him down icily.  
  
"No, I'm not. She hates you, Khaliq. Not only that, she fears you. And it's a direct fucking result of what you've done. Jesus, don't you just want to make it right?", she asked, getting a look she took to mean yes.

"Just turn yourself in. Fucking confess, own up. At the very least it'll give Farrah some closure. Maybe eventually she'll even forgive you."

"Forgive me? For an accident?", Khaliq asked incredulously.  
  
"You say I should confess. There is nothing for me to confess to. There was a struggle. The gun went off. Did you even consider that the man who wrestled me to the ground could have pulled the trigger?"

"He's lying. The gun was in his grip the entire time, Carrie. Only his prints are on it, and they checked both our hands for residue and I came back clean. Tell him it's all in the report and the ice cream girl can back everything up.", Quinn interjected as Carrie scratched the side of her nose, indicating she heard him and understood.

"We have witnesses, Khaliq. And the report filed by the police. And proof it was your gun. The residue from it is only on your hands. Only your fingerprints are on it. You brought it to the scene with every intention to shoot it.", she said bitterly as he scoffed, shook his head.

"It was  _your_  actions that forced the struggle. The struggle that resulted in the shooting of the deputy director of the Central Intelligence Agency of the United States. You really think the top brass will cut you a deal?", she snorted.

"Also, forget about you for five seconds and consider this. If you take this to court, try and plead your case, who do you think they'll call up as the first witness? You're going to make Farrah rehash every fucking horrible thing she saw? In front of a crowded courtroom with lawyers screaming at her? You'd put her through that kind of hell just to save your sorry ass?"

"Farrah would not betray me in court."

Seeing red, Carrie moved back to the opposite side of the table, looked at Khaliq menacingly.

"Let's get one thing clear here. Farrah is not going to so much as set eyes on your goddamn picture after what's happened. You understand me? I'll flee the country with her before letting you drag her into a courtroom."  
  
"Interesting you say that.", Khaliq muttered to himself.

"I'm really hoping that's a confession you just muttered under your breath."

"I was just saying, Farrah will protect me in court. Once I tell her I can easily keep the two of you apart."  
  
"Oooh. How ominous.", Carrie laughed, semi-amused.

"Why don't you twirl your mustache and tilt your black hat a little more there, Khaliq. Tie me to some fucking railroad tracks.", she scoffed. "Your so called threats don't mean shit. In case you forgot you're shackled to the goddamn table."

"Sabina Amir.", Khaliq said coolly as Carrie's eyes widened ever so slightly.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"She is the one who put together your so called foster arrangement, did she not?"  
  
"In case you're forgetting I'm not the one being interrogated here!"

"But you are the one who is nervous. Because I am right. Ms. Amir placed Farrah in your care. If only she had done it through the proper channels."

"You're one to talk about doing things by the fucking book!", Carrie spat. Trying to conceal that up until now she was completely confident Sabina had.

"I believe she would have if she had been given the proper amount of time. But your Agency requested the process be expedited. A rush job, as you call it was done. I know, I did my research. Did you ever wonder why Farrah was entrusted to you so quickly? Why you were able to leave Baghdad with her in just a matter of days, with nobody questioning you?"

Not getting a response Khaliq continued.

"I'm sure if the foster arrangement ever became an issue Mr. Berenson would explain himself to a committee. He was the one who helped set it up. But since right now he cannot explain, if the truth came out, how would it look to the court if a government employee, an  _unstable_  government employee was found to be illegally caring for a child."

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.", Carrie growled.  
  
"You have no say whatsoever in what happens to Farrah. You're about to be put away on criminal charges."

"Well if I am put away, you will be too, and then who will my sister have? Kidnapping is also a crime, Miss Mathison."  
  
"I didn't fucking kidnap-"

"You fled a country with a child who is not your own. I saw to it that Ms. Amir was promptly removed from duty. And if I am found guilty, if Farrah does not tell  _the truth,_  that there was a struggle and that this was all a horrible accident, then you will be removed from your duties too. To my sister, maybe even to your job."

Watching, blindsided as all this played out on the monitor, Quinn recovered and cleared his throat. All the while imagining reaching for his holster, walking to the two way mirror that looked into the bunker and shooting through the glass. One clean shot to end all this.

"Carrie, he's bluffing. All he's saying is complete bullshit. He's fucking desperate. Just stay on him. You're in control here, remember that."

Seeing her hand go to her hair, her eyes widening and tearing up he bit his lip, swore under his breath.

"Just turn it back on him. Scare him. Tell him how well a man who maims law enforcement holds up in prison. The guards will fucking destroy him."

The feed on the monitor was grainy but Quinn could see her jaw clenched, her hands shaking, and mentally kicked himself repeatedly in the ass for okaying this.

"Okay Carrie enough with this. I'm taking over and I want you out of there. Grab the water bottle and back away from the table if you acknowledge."

When she didn't move a muscle Quinn swore and got up from his desk, still watching the monitor as he slowly backed out of the room towards the door.

"I'm not fucking around, goddammit!"

Still not getting a reply, watching the screen he paled when instead of reaching for the water bottle, Carrie's right hand reached back for something in her back pocket.  
  
"Fuck.."  
  
Warily he looked away from the monitor to the shelf where she'd grabbed the earpiece, and something else from. "Motherfucking.."

Sprinting from the control room to the bunker, Quinn threw the door open only to see the flash of metal, then the blade sticking out of the back of Khaliq's hand.

There was only one medic on site, but Quinn had thought to text him as soon as he realized the knife was missing from the shelf.

After the medic entered the bunker, swiftly removed the knife and retrieved pain medication, disinfectant, bandages, Khaliq cried, swore, called Carrie every derogatory name in the book as she stood pale, shaking off to the side.

Cautiously Quinn approached her, gently taking her by the arm to guide her out of the bunker. Once outside after he shut the door, he was set to yell, curse her out. Until he saw her staring down at her trembling right hand that was smeared with blood.  
  
Biting his lip he swore before ducking into the nearby bathroom. Once he wet some paper towels he came back out, saw her standing straight-backed against a wall and trying to catch her breath.  
  
"Hey, easy. Deep breaths, Carrie. You're fine.", he assured, reaching for her hand with the towel but she jerked back and away from him, took off for the staircase.

"Carrie! Shit.."

Running up both flights of stairs, hands shaking so much she could barely get the doorknob, Carrie cursed and kicked at it until it gave before running outside, choking back tears and fighting for air. When her legs started shaking too she cursed, dropped to her knees. Once outside, seeing her knelt on the lawn, Quinn was hesitant to approach. Assuming she wanted space after sprinting off the way she had. But when he saw, then heard her start to cry...

"Carrie."  
  
Kneeling beside her he took off his jacket, draped it around her shaking shoulders before warily slipping an arm around her. Rather than recoiling, fighting him off (which he was far more prepared to handle), she hid her face in his shoulder and sobbed.  
  
"Shhh. It's alright, Carrie. It's alright."


	86. Chapter 86

After Carrie cried it out for a few minutes, mortified she was the first to pull back. Pulling Quinn's jacket a little tighter around her with one hand, while the other went to her hair.  
  
"Carrie, are you.."  
  
"I'm fine. I'm fucking fantastic. Why wouldn't I be.", she snorted, letting out a bitter laugh.

"Well if you're so fine let me have my jacket back, I'm freezing my ass off."   
  
Sniffling, she looked at him incredulously before shrugging, tossing it off her. "Fine, here."  
  
"Carrie."  
  
"Fuck, just take it! You wanted it back so badly, go ahead..it's yours. Just leave me the hell alone!", she shouted as she stood up, but quickly folded her arms over her chest in a last ditch effort to stop shivering.  
  
"Jesus, fuck..", she choked out, her teeth starting to chatter.

Rolling his eyes Quinn walked back up, somewhat forcibly helped her into the jacket before zipping it. "Stay here.", he commanded.

Too caught off guard to do otherwise, Carrie stood outside, watched as he ran to his car that was parked close by, unlocked it then grabbed something from the passenger seat and the glove box.

He returned with another jacket, a scarf that he handed to her, and something else she couldn't make out. Until he uncapped it and handed it to her too.  
  
"What the-"  
  
"Just drink. It'll warm you up.", he scoffed, sitting on the lawn before she joined him, took a swig from the vodka filled flask.

"So what the fuck was that back there.", he asked, taking the flask back from her.  
  
"Quinn.."  
  
"Not just theater, was it."

When she didn't respond, bowed her head he turned more to face her, saw her hands still quivering along with her chin.  
  
"I fucking lost it."  
  
"His bullshit about the foster arrangement crossed a line."  
  
"It wasn't bullshit, Quinn.", Carrie sighed, getting a skeptical look.

"It wasn't! Saul kept me out of the entire process. He told me about Sabina Amir. He said he'd speak to her. I took him at his word that everything was handled and above board. I was so fucking bent on getting Farrah out of Iraq, I never even..."

Her voice breaking she shook her head.  
  
"I never questioned it. Something had to be off for us to get away so fast but I didn't..."

"Hey. You know Saul, Carrie. You really think he'd fuck around with something this serious. That could cause this much damage?"

"He knew I wanted to get Farrah out of Baghdad! He knew we had a ticking clock there with my cover being blown. Maybe he thought it would never be found out. Neither of us expected Samir or Khaliq would even surface! I..I missed it. It was right in front of my eyes, every shady fucked up thing about the deal and I missed it all. Now, I..I could lose her!", Carrie choked out, clasping her hand over her mouth as her eyes squeezed shut against tears. Her whole body practically fighting back a sob.

"Shh, hey. Easy.", Quinn soothed, shifting so he was sitting right in front of her,

"Carrie look at me.", he said, his voice commanding but gentle at the same time. Reluctantly she looked up, moved her hand off her face.

"Nobody, not a judge, certainly not the man in that cell is going to take Farrah away from you. Blood relative or not, Khaliq shot a man, Carrie. He kidnapped Farrah."

"But so did I! At least he's her brother! What judge in their right mind would let a bipolar spy raise a child who only became her's illegally!"

"Hey, who says this thing is even going to go to court. You're getting ahead of yourself. Right now, Khaliq is the only man who suspects there's anything off about the foster arrangement. He's all we need to worry about."

"Yeah and I just stabbed him in the fucking hand.", Carrie said, shuddering as the scene replayed in her head.

"I take it that's not one of your standby tactics.", Quinn asked, getting a jerky nod.

"He's Farrah's brother for God's sake. If she ever finds out I-"  
  
"She won't. Look I don't want you to worry about this Khaliq thing. I'll handle it."

"Quinn no. I fucking brought all of this on myself. I didn't know for a fact that everything was above board and instead of looking into it, finding out one way or the other I ignored it. It's all my fault!"

"It doesn't matter. I want to help you out. Khaliq isn't the only one who can do some research. And Saul's not the only one with connections that aren't quite kosher."

"What are you trying to say, Quinn?"  
  
"I'm saying, leave this to me. Just focus on being there for Saul, being there for Farrah. I'm more than capable of making something like this go away, but not if you get involved."

Eying him nervously Carrie bit her lip. "I think I already have enough of Khaliq's blood on my hands, Quinn.", she warned as he snorted, rolled his eyes.

"Jesus, you think I really am a goddamn  _Godfather_  character, don't you."

Shrugging, for the first time since this ordeal started Carrie cracked a smile, but then looked down at her hands and cringed.

"I don't even know what fucking came over me. Jesus, I've never-"  
  
"Hey, it's done with. Best thing you can do is just forget about it. Besides, if anyone's responsible here, I shouldn't have let you within a foot of the goddamn place.", Quinn said guiltily.

"You really think you could've stopped me?", Carrie scoffed.

"I could've tried. After everything...Christ, Carrie. You had no business doing anything tonight but going home."

"If I hadn't come here I just would've been worked up all night.", she sighed. "And it's not like I've gotten a decent night's sleep since..."

"Since when?", Quinn frowned as she shook her head.  
  
"No. Forget it."  
  
"I'd rather not. Thanks.", Quinn scoffed.  
  
"Look I know you said that you didn't want to talk about Brody..."  
  
"I don't!", Carrie snapped but he looked on unfazed.

"Carrie, what the fuck happened?"  
  
"You  _know_  what happened! He took off at the cabin, he blew off the meet with Saul.."  
  
"There has to be more to it than that. Otherwise you wouldn't be this upset and-"

"Quinn.", Carrie cut off. "The only reason that I'm upset is because the son of a bitch in that bunker thinks he's fucking entitled to take Farrah away from me!", she cried.  
  
"If you really want to help? If you're serious? Resolve that!"  
  
"If I do, will you trust me?"

Thrown by his words Carrie let out a snort. "Trust you?"  
  
"Enough to tell me what the fuck really happened. You, Brody. I want to know."

Tearing up again she frowned, furrowed her brow.

"Why? Why do you care?"  
  
"Because someone fucking should.", Quinn said simply.

Not sure how to respond to that, Carrie jumped when her phone buzzed in her pocket. Going to grab it, she looked up to see Quinn making his way back towards the bunkers.

Realizing she'd left her purse holding her key card back in the control room she jogged to catch up to him. Not in the mood to be locked out tonight. Once inside, descending the stairs she answered her phone on the fourth ring. Hearing a small voice on the other end that made her tear up.

"Carrie?"  
  
"Hi sweetheart, you okay?"  
  
"I okay. But Maggie say I should call."  
  
"You're at her house?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Listen, Farrah I want you to put her on the phone for me."  
  
"But...no! I..I want to talk..."  
  
"I know. I want to talk to you too. Just give me a few minutes to talk to Maggie though, okay? I promise she'll put you back on the phone as soon as we're done."  
  
"Okay. She is here."

"Maggie?"  
  
"Hi Carrie."  
  
"Is there any..."  
  
"No.", Maggie sighed.  
  
"But there's no change for the worse either. When we left the hospital we were told he's in serious but stable condition."  
  
"The serious is scaring the shit out of me.", Carrie admitted, running a hand through her hair.

"I know. But like I said, he's in good hands, at a great hospital. And I talked to Mira, she said you'll be able to sit longer with him tomorrow. Er, today."  
  
"Good. That's good. Jesus, I'm so thrown off. I don't even know what day it is."  
  
"It's understandable. Time gets away from you during things like this.", Maggie said sympathetically before biting her lip.  
  
"Listen, I know you're not going to like this but I told Farrah she's staying over."

"Damn it, Maggie!"  
  
"Carrie, she's half asleep and already in a pair of Josie's pajamas. It's an hour from Langley to here. That's too long a drive."  
  
"I've made longer trips.", Carrie spat, reflecting on Canada.

"You shouldn't tonight. You need to get some sleep, Carrie. After everything that's-"  
  
"Put Farrah on."  
  
"Carrie..."  
  
"Just put her on the goddamn phone!", she snapped before rubbing the bridge of her nose. Taking a breath.

"Please, Maggie. If I can't be there tonight I at least need to talk to her."  
  
"Okay, I'll put her on. And you can come by whenever tomorrow. I'm working the later shift."  
  
"I'll be there first thing."  
  
"Alright. Farrah?", Maggie called as the girl came hurtling out of Josie and Ruby's room, down the hall towards her.  
  
"I coming!", she yelped as Carrie sniffled, hearing her over the line.

"Is it Farrah?", Quinn mouthed, getting a nod as Carrie sat down in of the chairs in front of the computer desk. Setting the phone down on it she put it on speaker.

"Okay, I here again."  
  
"Well hello again.", she laughed lightly.  
  
"Farrah are you sure you're okay staying at Maggie's tonight?"

"It okay. Frank was saying ghost stories."  
  
"You mean  _telling_  them."  
  
"Yes, he  _tell_  them.", Farrah corrected.

"Well look, if you get scared of the stories or anything else I want you to call my cell. Maggie's got the number on the fridge if you need to see it. I promise, you need me and I'll drive right over. You have my word."  
  
"Dan say you, at work?"  
  
"Yeah, I am." Picking up on her worry over the phone, Carrie sighed, ran a hand through her hair.

"You talk to.."  
  
"Yes. I talked to Khaliq, but I don't want you to think about what happened with him, okay? Just focus on something else. Something happy."  
  
"I try, but.."  
  
"But what? Talk to me, Farrah. It's okay."  
  
"I still mad.", Farrah sniffled.

"I know you are, honey. I am too. But like I said, just think about something else."  
  
"Is Bear better?"  
  
"Farrah..."  
  
"He still asleep?"  
  
"Yes. He is.", Carrie sighed.  
  
"He, get better though? Right?"

Biting her lip Carrie quickly wiped at her eyes, trying to decide how best to answer. Then realized she couldn't answer, not yet.  
  
"Sweetheart I can't tell you that. Not when I don't know one hundred percent that it'll be the truth. We just need to wait, okay? That's all we can do."

After a beat Farrah spoke up again, thinking this question was one Carrie could answer.  
  
"Are you okay? You have bad mood?"  
  
"Not as bad as it's been before. Really, I'm okay. C'mon I told you, talking to you always puts me in a good mood."  
  
"You have medicine though? For after we stop talking?"

"Yeah. It's in that purse you made for me. Remember, the green one Zahira helped you braid?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Yeah, I've got it right here.", Carrie smiled. Reaching for her larger purse she retrieved the smaller bag from it, twisting and twining the thin strap around her hands.

"I pick green because, it your favorite!"  
  
"Mm hmm. Just like purple's yours.", she mused.  
  
"I wearing purple pjs. With hearts!"  
  
"Yeah? Did you ask Josie if she's got a matching pair that'll fit me?"

"No!", Farrah giggled. Overhearing her Quinn softly smiled, but then cleared this throat seeing the time.  
  
"Oh, shi...Farrah, you should go to bed. It's really late."  
  
"No! I..I not, tired.."  
  
Hearing her yawning over the line Carrie snorted, rolled her eyes. "I heard that."

"Okay, I a little tired."  
  
"I knew it.", she grinned before hearing her name over the line.  
  
"Yeah? Farrah what is it, just tell-"  
  
"I, I love..you."

Squeezing her eyes shut against tears she shook her head, lightly laughed. Forgetting briefly that she was in a bunker deep underground and that the past few days had felt like a never ending nightmare.

"I love you too,  _habibti._  Sleep well okay?"

After hanging up Carrie grabbed her phone, jacket, bags before getting to her feet and seeing Khaliq over the monitor. Glaring, she cursed him under her breath before storming out of the control room, catching Quinn's eye.

"Carrie, Carrie!", he called, following her out in the hall only to see she was already more than halfway up the stairs. When he heard the door slam behind her he swore, hit at then leaned up against the wall.

He knew there was no point in going after her. She wouldn't tell him anything beyond what he already knew as to why she was upset. But Quinn knew there was more going on, there was always more going on. In order to figure out what though he'd have to come through for her, do what she asked regarding Farrah.

It would take some bold moves to make that happen, but luckily Quinn had thought ahead. Made a few of them already.

 


	87. Chapter 87

Entering the bunker coolly, walking up to the table Quinn set his phone down in front of Khaliq.

"You want me to call someone?"

"I want you to hear something."

Swiping a voice recording app on the screen, he leaned back in the chair as Carrie and Farrah's phone call echoed throughout the bunker. Quinn could see Khaliq's anger, but as the conversation played on some of the hardness in his eyes began to dissipate. By the time the recording concluded, he was pleased to see Khaliq looked semi-emotional over it.

"If you needed any more convincing that your sister needs Carrie.."

"It does not change the fact that I want Farrah to be with me."

"Why? So you can watch Farrah grow up bitter, resentful even? If you go ahead with your plan to separate her and Carrie, that's the only attitude she'll have towards you."

"Well what else do you suggest I do!", Khaliq snapped.

"I've got one suggestion that would be worth your while considering. You want to hear it or be treated to some sleep depriving death metal?"

"I will listen."  
  
"If you swear on whatever you consider sacred not to go after Carrie, to pretend you never even heard of Sabina Amir, I can get you out of this predicament you're in."

"How?", Khaliq scoffed. "It is not possible. You already have given your statem-"

"No. The woman from the ice cream stand gave her's. I was only at the station to hear it. She's an unreliable witness. Wasn't even on the scene when the gun was fired. And when I spoke to Officer Benson I was in a frenzied, panicked state. Too stunned by what had happened to remember specific details."

"What you said though, about the residue..."  
  
"My hands were cleaned on site before the cops even arrived. I didn't want to risk Farrah seeing Saul's blood on them."

"So you are saying then, it was indeed, a struggle..?"  
  
"Yes. It was a struggle resulting in a tragic, unfortunate accident. So long as your meet up with Sabina Amir was purely by accident. Something not worth repeating, speaking up about again.", Quinn said calmly as Khaliq looked on incredulously.

"Why are you doing this? You have just disproved each claim that your colleague made."

"As far as my colleague goes, her mentor combination father figure was shot tonight and her foster daughter witnessed it. She's been through more shit lately than most. But it's no excusing what she did. She had no business confronting you when her emotions were that high. And she certainly shouldn't have had a weapon on her. I'm sorry about that."

Shaking his head, feeling guilty now himself Khaliq bit his lip. "I did goad her. For all her flaws she did save Farrah's life, rescuing her from our home. I have only done all this, behaved like this because I was desperate."

"Well so is Carrie. You have to figure she's going to equal extremes because she loves Farrah as much as you. You're battling to protect the same person. It's admirable. Both of you are, but what you're doing is dangerous. You're both playing with fire. And if you keep it up Farrah will wind up losing you both. She'll wind up in the foster system because they won't trust her with you, or Carrie. She could even end up back in Baghdad in some godforsaken orphanage. Completely betrayed and broken and not even seven years old yet."

"It will never come to that.", Khaliq said firmly.  
  
"It could. Unless you and I are on the same page."

After a few moments pondering this, Khaliq cleared his throat, spoke. "We are."  
  
"Good. But just for my peace of mind.."  
  
After scribbling quickly on a yellow legal pad, tearing the top sheet off Quinn slid the paper across the table to Khaliq, then uncuffed his wrists.

"Sign this swearing that you'll keep quiet about what you know, and then I'll sign this.", he said. Drawing up another document promising the charges would be dropped.  
  
"Is this legal?"  
  
"It's on a legal pad.", Quinn shrugged, getting a frown.

"It's binding. And if either of us back out Farrah suffers. I just assume avoid that. Right?"  
  
"Right.", Khaliq said, taking the pen and the paper as Quinn stood up, crossed the room with the phone.

After about ten minutes he returned.  
  
"You sir, are free to go."  
  
"How did you?"  
  
"I gave my revised statement, called in a favor from an associate. As far as everyone's concerned this clusterfuck was nothing more than a struggle over a firearm leading to an accidental shooting."

"Thank goodness!"  
  
"But, if you go anywhere near Farrah before she's ready to see you, the next accident will be one involving.."  
  
Catching the hint Khaliq nodded. "I understand."

"Good.", Quinn said. Bending down to undo the shackles at Khaliq's feet. Once they were both standing again, Khaliq semi-shakily, Quinn led them both out of the cell and outside to his car. Helping the younger man into the passenger seat.

"Where are we.."  
  
"I'm dropping you off at my apartment. Buckle up please."  
  
Doing as asked Khaliq frowned. "Why? I have arranged a stay at a motel."

"That medic hopped you up on a shitload of pain meds and by the time we arrive at my place you'll be crying for more. I'm offering a secure place where you can crash, lay low for awhile."  
  
"I appreciate it."  
  
"You should.", Quinn said as he got in the driver's seat, pulled out of the lot.

After reaching his apartment, giving Khaliq his nightly dose of meds before setting him up in the guestroom, Quinn locked up and then got back in his car. Drove over to Carrie's. Once parked outside her house he peered in the front window, saw her wearing an oversized plaid flannel shirt. He didn't need to be up close and personal to know it was one of Brody's.

She was reading something too, a crumpled up looking sheet of paper. When he saw it was making her cry he shook his head, pulled into the driveway. Thinking now was as good a time as any to be bringing her some good news.

Hearing a car pull into her driveway Carrie jumped, looked out the window to see Quinn coming up the walk.  
  
"Shit." Wiping her eyes she folded the note back up in her pocket and got up. Opened the door right as Quinn was about to knock.

"Whoa."  
  
"What? I heard your car pull up.", she scoffed.  
  
"Look I was just about to go to bed so.."  
  
"Khaliq's not a problem any more.", Quinn interrupted as she paled.

"Fuck. So help me if his body's in the trunk of your car!"  
  
"No, Carrie. He's crashing at my apartment."  
  
"What the fuck did you do? Threaten his life?"  
  
"No. Just made a deal with him. As far as DC Metro is concerned what happened to Saul was a tragic accident."

Seeing her jaw clench he held up his hand to prevent her from slamming the door in his face.  
  
"And as far as Sabina Amir, Khaliq never heard of her. Never spoke with her. I have it in writing if you need visual confirmation."

Snatching the notebook paper when he offered it, Carrie read the untidy print, the signature at the bottom. The words on the page gave her hope, but she was still doubtful, wary of the man who'd signed on the dotted line.

"How do you know he won't go back on his word?"

"Every word we said to each other is on the monitors. I kept the surveillance on the whole time. You can take a look, see for yourself but to me, he seemed sincere. He came to see what he was risking by staying the course. His freedom, Farrah's sense of security. It was all being gambled with. And blackmailing, playing dirty. It's not the guy's style. You saw his face before you walked in the bunker. The guy was a fucking mess."

"Jesus, I mean I know he's not some hardened criminal but, I don't know, Quinn. After everything he's..."  
  
"Hey, I know. I do. But if I thought this guy was going to cause damage he  _would be_  in the trunk of my car."  
  
"Wait, seriously-"  
  
"Jesus, Carrie. No. We  _don't_  do that.", Quinn sighed, exasperated.

"But I wouldn't have let him turn into a credible threat. And I honestly don't think Khaliq will. For Christ's sake, he got emotional hearing you and Farrah talking on the phone."

"Wait, he heard?!"  
  
"Yeah, I recorded the two of you. Had a feeling it'd prove useful.", he said as she snorted, looked on angrily.

"You're upset?  _You're..._ you're unbelievable! You illegally survey a man for a month but one recorded conversation of yours and it's invasion of privacy?"

"I didn't fucking say that, I just...agh!", Carrie groaned, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Khaliq hearing that, what if he finds a way to use it against me?"

"You're being paranoid, Carrie."  
  
"No, I'm not! He was chomping at the bit for all this to go to trial, what if.."  
  
"He won't. He knows dragging you into court would just succeed in tearing Farrah apart. That stopped him."  
  
"No.  _You_  stopped him.", Carrie corrected.

"It's...it's really over? He won't..."  
  
"He would like to see Farrah and explain. But only if and when  _she's_  willing.", Quinn said as she tensed up, crossed her arms.  
  
"I don't want to think about that right now, I..I can't..."

"That's alright. It's fine.", he assured, then stepped back down the porch steps.  
  
"Well it's late. You're ready for bed. I should probably get going."

"No, Quinn! Wait."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You want to come in for a drink?"  
  
"Carrie..."  
  
"C'mon. One won't hurt."

Sighing Quinn was about to shake his head, go back to his car. But then thought about how his roommate for the time being, probably wouldn't mind a little more peace and quiet tonight. Shrugging he got back on the porch, moved closer to the door as she grinned.

"Fine. One drink."


	88. Chapter 88

"So the living room is just through...what am I saying? You've been here before.", Carrie said, giving Quinn a sheepish look as he stepped into the foyer.

"Just upstairs though. Farrah didn't give me the grand tour."

"Well, just walk through there and you'll find it. Go ahead and take a seat. I think I have some wine coolers?"

"Guess we really are girlfriends.", Quinn scoffed, taking a seat on the sofa.

Rolling her eyes, Carrie grabbed the vodka from the back of the freezer and two shot glasses. Then entered the living room gently waving the bottle.

"Better?"

Getting a nod she uncapped it, then sat on the couch and poured them each a shot. After though she lifted her glass to his, getting a frown.

"What the fuck are we toasting to?"  
  
"Just clink. We'll decide later."

Nodding in agreement, Quinn did as asked then downed the shot, as did Carrie before she poured them another round...and another...

"You have  _got_  to be shitting me. You actually went ahead and.."  
  
"You want to see it?"  
  
"Your  _tramp stamp?!_  Absolutely.", Carrie grinned eagerly, watching as Quinn lifted the back of his shirt to reveal the small patterned band striped across his lower back.

"Okay, please tell me you were drunk off your ass when you-"  
  
"Hey, these cartels? You can wind up doing some serious shit if your cover is deep enough."  
  
"And you were.."  
  
"Stoned in between tequila shots. To get close to the gang leader I told him I had a thing for his sister. He said she'd go for a man with a tat above his ass."

"Wait then..", Carrie frowned, puzzled.  
  
"That day I saw you, at the hospital after you were shot...?"

"I told you I'd been fucking that ER nurse. She hated the goddamn thing. Made me cover it up.", Quinn shrugged as Carrie burst out laughing, arched a brow.

"So...not only were you tattooed with a fucking tramp stamp, you were forced to put makeup on it? Christ! You're more of a pushover than I thought."  
  
"I'm trained to take orders, remember."  
  
"Fine then, take my drink order. Another please?", Carrie requested, holding out her glass as he poured some more vodka into it.

"After this we're taking a break.  _Acknowledge_.", Quinn slurred as she laughed, appreciating the spy lingo.  
  
"You're good at giving orders too." Leaning in Carrie grinned. "You've got a voice commanding. No, wait. Switch that."

"I do?"  
  
"Yeah. I almost,  _almost,_ listened to you that night in the van with Virgil."  
  
"You did not."  
  
"No but I almost thought about listening and that's fucking progress right there."

"Yeah but you...didn't.", Quinn reminded. "You didn't listen to my voice commanding, you took off  _running_  and they probably saw your goddamn hair glowing from the helicopter."

"You think so?", Carrie frowned, clumsily twining a lock of hair around her finger, examining it before turning to Quinn with a teasing grin.  
  
"Would  _you_  have noticed my glowing hair from up in a helicopter?", she smirked, taking hold of a fistful of her hair and waving it in Quinn's face. Rolling his eyes he took hold of her wrist, lowered it.

"I've noticed a lot of things about you."  
  
"Like what?", she asked with a smile.

"That despite your ever recurring fuck-ups you're  _still_ one of the best intelligence officers I've seen to date-"  
  
"You've seen to  _date_? You saying I'm  _dateable_?", she grinned as Quinn snorted, shook his head.  
  
"You? Fuck no."

"Ouch! Hey mister, I'll have you know that I'm-"  
  
"A good drinking buddy? Yeah, I know it. That's what I was going to say before you started with all that dateable shit.", Quinn chuckled, only to see her eyes cloud over as she backed up.

"Hey, what's.."  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"C'mon. What's the-"  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"No, you're not.", he said knowingly.

The alcohol freeing her tongue before she could stop it, Carrie rolled her eyes, spoke. "Brody said that I'm a good drinking buddy.  _Brody_  said a lot of things."

"Care to fill me in?", Quinn asked as she sighed, slumped back against the couch cushions.  
  
"Carrie...", he frowned.  
  
"What did he do?"  
  
"He didn't  _do_  anything. He...wrote something.", Carrie muttered.

"Wrote what? The great American novel?"  
  
"N..No!", she slurred, sitting up slightly as he smirked.  
  
"No wait, I got it. I got it. Lemme guess. The Fugitive's Field Guide To The Forest. A Memoir by Grizzly Ginger, no, wait...Grizzly Brody."

Suppressing a laugh she rolled her eyes, hit at Quinn's shoulder. "Shut up, you're not...no. No! That's, not what he wrote. Not even close."  
  
"Well fill me in or I'll just keep guessing."

Her smile fading fast she wiped her eyes, then reached into the chest pocket of her flannel shirt for the note. Not managing to retrieve it on it on the first try.

"Shit, what did I do with..."  
  
"You need some assistance there or..."

Rolling her eyes she snorted, shook her head. "Fuck you, Quinn."

Finally retrieving the note she handed it over, then downed the rest of her shot. Mulled pouring herself another.  
  
"Wow..", Quinn muttered, squinting at the crumpled sheet of paper.

"Whats it. Ugh, what  _is_  it?", Carrie groaned, correcting her slur.  
  
"I can't read his handwriting for shit."  
  
"See!", she exclaimed, slapping his shoulder. "I  _knew_ I wasn't the only one."  
  
"What the fuck do you mean by that?", Quinn frowned, rubbing the spot she hit.

"His handwriting on the postcards he sent me? It's different than this. It's fucking legible. The handwriting here? Complete chicken scratchings."  
  
"Scratch."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"It's chicken  _scratch._ Not scratchings."

"Ugh, who gives a shit. The point is...the same hand didn't write this note and  _those_  cards. I'm positive."  
  
"Carrie..I read those postcards, remember? Brody wrote in like, eight different styles."  
  
"Yeah and none of them were this messy!"  
  
"Maybe he adopted a ninth style of penmanship. Mountain man scrawl.", Quinn snorted as she sighed, rolled her eyes. "Carrie, seriously. You're grasping at goddamn straws. Are you trying to tell me you honestly think someone else wrote this note?"

"It's possible!"  
  
"And highly improbable. Why would anyone in their right mind write a note and sign a fugitive's name to it?"  
  
"I don't know. Why would anyone sleep with a suspected terrorist and fucking fall in love with them? Maybe because they're  _crazy_!", Carrie spat.  
  
"Carrie. You're not.." Trailing off it was Quinn's turn to sigh.

"No? Then what the fuck am I?"  
  
"I told you. You're straw grasping. Really, you're sitting around comparing handwriting samples. Save that shit for the lab geeks who work three floors below us at Langley."

"Quinn. It's not just the handwriting. The way the note reads, it doesn't sound like...Brody wouldn't have..."  
  
"You  _wish_  he wouldn't have.", he said knowingly.

Seeing her eyeing the booze Quinn reached for, refilled her glass before she spoke up, softly.   
  
"Can I help it if I'm more worried  _for_  him than angry  _at_  him?"

"It's easier being worried. To convince yourself he's hurt or in another hole or was eaten by a mountain lion, abducted by a goddamn Yeti. It's easier to believe that than to believe he'd actually be out there betraying and hurting you again."

Wishing she could mock him or smirk at the Yeti comment, all Carrie managed to do was curl up smaller against the couch cushions.  
  
"But Quinn..."  
  
"Don't. No buts.", he said firmly.  
  
"Do you remember that night I found you in your room and you wouldn't let me so much as pity you or see you cry?"  
  
"Yeah?"

"You said I'm the son of a bitch foil who gets you to do what you need to do. And what I'm saying you should do, in my  _voice commanding,_  is forget about Nicholas Brody. He's a pathological liar, Carrie. He's turned on you to save himself before, and this time around he wasn't even as calculating. He was so  _uncalculating_ he voluntarily gave up his last chance of ever having his name cleared. You should just accept he's past saving! He certainly fucking has."

Quinn sighed, leaning back against the arm of the couch. But bit his lip, went remorseful seeing the expression on Carrie's face. Her eyes clouded over with a combination of liquor and tears. Realizing then what he was still holding he apologized, handed her glass back.

"I refilled it but, if you don't want to drink it you don't-"

Grabbing it from him Carrie shook her head, drained the glass in one gulp.

"Shit.", Quinn muttered as she stared him down.

"Look, I...know, what Brody's done. I know that putting complete trust in him is beyond stupid. It's pure idiocy. But I get to decide when to write him off.  _I_  do. And I can't now. Not when I don't have all the, the facts. Findings. The explanations that I need."

About to protest, figuring all the explanation she ought to need was in the note she was holding, Quinn decided against it. Sure there was no use arguing with her over this.

"Once I  _get_ them, than I'll be the one to decide if I was right to be this worried or if I was wrong about everything, and if I am wrong I'll gladly rip his fucking pasty white skin off."

"Hey, that was  _my_  suggestion.", Quinn chuckled as Carrie laughed, shook her head to keep from crying.

"Seriously though, Quinn. You just said it's easier to be worried? It's not. I  _wish_  I could be angry. At least I'm familiar with that. Right now I'm just scared. panicked. I can tell that something is  _off._  That letter...the Brody who was up at the cabin with me, he never would've written it."

"And you would know wouldn't you.", Quinn sighed.

"Look, don't even say it. You think I'm too attached, too close. Who gives a shit. I've heard it before. I doubt you have though."  
  
"What do you mean by that?", he frowned.  
  
"I mean you've never encountered this with anyone, I assume."  
  
"Hey you know what they say when you assume things, don't you?", he snapped.  
  
"What? I'm wrong?!", she snapped back.

"Actually yes. The all knowing Carrie Mathison's actually called it wrong about someone. Alert the media."

"Whoa! Don't fucking bark at me, I didn't-"  
  
"You think you're the only person who's had reservations about cutting someone completely out of their life?!"

"Quinn..", Carrie frowned.  
  
"No. Forget it."  
  
"No, I'd rather not, thanks.", she mocked.  
  
"C'mon Peter. Talk to me."

Looking up sadly hearing his full name, albeit a full pseudonym, Quinn sighed, sipped some more liquor before speaking.

"I had to give up on someone who I loved unconditionally too."

About to argue the unconditional comment, but then realizing it was actually, unfortunately, true when it came to Brody, Carrie bit her lip.  
  
"Who?", she asked curiously, realizing right then how little she actually knew about him. How she'd never really asked, just left Virgil and Max to investigate him and not come back with much.

"What was her name?"  
  
"His name. And it was John. John Jr."  
  
"Wait. You don't mean...your son?!"  
  
"No Carrie, fucking John F. Kennedy's son." Quinn spat as Carrie fought the urge to roll her eyes, spoke after a beat.

"How did you even do that? Give him up? I mean, Farrah's not..even technically mine, but you saw what the thought of losing her did to me."  
  
Nodding, Quinn sipped more on his shot. Crossing his legs under him as he sat forward on the couch. "I only...managed, by picturing the life I'd have without him."

Scoffing Carrie looked at him in disbelief. "What the fuck does that even mean?"

"It means I pictured myself being able to make the world safer by ridding it of a few bad guys. If doing that cost me my life, it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference to John since he didn't know me. He wouldn't suffer. But he'd be safer."

Confused scowl leaving her face, Carrie sighed, looked on sympathetically.  
  
"Shit.", she murmured.  
  
"He  _is_  safer.", Quinn said honestly, adamantly.

"I realize that. I do. But the situations..mine and yours..."  
  
"What, what about them?"

"They're different, Quinn. They're different.  _We're_ different. You're shielding your son from danger by staying away. But out there, without my help, there's no telling what could happen to Brody. What he's chosen for himself is not safer than the protection he'd have had if he stuck with my plan. Fuck, I'm running the goddamn Agency right now.", Carrie snapped, wiping her eyes.

" _Nothing_  he's doing for himself now is safer than what I could be doing for him.", she insisted.

"Did you ever think though that you're safer without him? That maybe right now Brody's out there doing for you what I'm doing for John? Maybe somehow in the back of his warped head, by staying away he's working to shield you. Keep you safe."  
  
"I don't need shielding! And I don't need anyone to keep me safe! I just need..." Trailing off Carrie sighed, looked mournfully at the near empty vodka bottle.

"I need another drink."

Grabbing the bottle she poured the remaining liquor into her glass, but barely filled a third of it. Prompting Quinn to reach into his jacket pocket, uncap his flask.

"Hey! I forgot about that! You know you could've brought that out before we killed my entire bottle."  
  
"You do know it's my on-hand emergency flask. Only ever been brought out for a friend who was half frozen on the Langley back lawn."  
  
"You mean a  _girl_  friend?", Carrie asked slyly.  
  
"No. I meant Galvez.", Quinn snorted.  
  
"Really? Even with his Snoopy print boxer shorts?"

"Okay... _way_ TMI."  
  
"TMI?" Carrie mocked. "Jesus, you really are a dork."  
  
"Hey at least I'm not a drunk!"  
  
"Hold on now, you're just as drunk as I...me...shit. Maybe not.", she grumbled.  
  
"Well that's a problem we can solve."

Filling her shot glass Quinn grinned, lifted his flask to meet it. Shaking her head, Carrie laughed out loud.  
  
"What the fuck are we toasting to  _now_?", she slurred.  
  
"Just fucking clink. We'll decide later."


	89. Chapter 89

"Dad, are you sure this was the right..."  
  
"I left Rex a note, Dana.", Brody winced, as she led him as quickly as possible through the back field of the horse farm to where she'd stashed her car. Not easy since it was pitch black out and she and a walking stick were supporting all of Brody's weight.

"I thanked him. I told him that even though I wasn't responsible for the 12/12 bombing, he gave me way too much fucking credit, about everything. That I didn't even feel worthy speaking to him or thanking him face to face."  
  
"But, Dad..."  
  
"He already thinks I'm a coward and a disgrace. I just drove it home for him."

"Well what if he decides to turn the note you wrote over to the cops?"  
  
"I'll cross that bridge when I get to it."  
  
"You mean  _we_  will."  
  
"Dana...", he groaned as they finally reached the car. After she opened the door, Brody all but fell into the backseat.

"Forget it. I'm not going to argue with you about this.", Dana muttered, slamming the back door shut before going around to the driver's seat. Once in the car and on the road, after a beat Brody spoke up.

"Dana, I'm sorry. But after we get to the mosque you're going to have to head back to-"  
  
"Dad, please. It's dark and it's late. Let me just focus on one thing at a time here.", Dana sighed.  
  
"Okay. Okay."  
  
After she drove for about ten minutes more Brody felt his eyes start drooping and his leg starting to throb. "Sweetheart I'm going to try and nap, okay. Wake me up though if you need direct-"

"I've got GPS, Dad. We're cool."

Content with that answer, curling up in the backseat he balled up his jacket to use as a pillow. Then tossed back two of the pain pills from his small stash of them.

He didn't have a full supply. Certainly not enough for him to get hooked on, but the pills made his leg pain bearable and better yet, they allowed him a dreamless sleep. Ever since he parted ways with Carrie that had been hard to come by.

Checking the rear view mirror to see Brody was out like a light, Dana pulled over and parked then got out of the car. Partly to check her tire to make sure it was still intact. Mostly to finally get around to doing something that had been needling at her the past few days. Ever since her and Brody's discussion about Carrie.

Pulling out her phone she dialed the number she'd looked up at the house, and learned matched the first speed dial on Brody's prepaid. After a few rings she heard a voice she still wished wasn't familiar to her.

"Hi you've reached Carrie Mathison. Leave a message and I'll call-"

"Hey...why did we stop..", Brody mumbled, sitting up to look out the partially open window as Dana jumped, almost dropping the phone in the street.

"I'm just checking the tire, Dad. Go back to sleep."  
  
"Yeah? I don't know I'm not, sleepy. I'm actually feeling pretty light. Floaty.", he mused, turning to give her a dopey grin.  
  
"That's the drugs, Dad."  
  
"Oh. Is it? Drugs are  _bad_  though."  
  
"Yeah I know they're bad. Really bad."  
  
"I taught you that, right?"  
  
"Yeah. You did."  
  
"Okay good. I'm glad we had that talk."  
  
"Good night, Dad."  
  
"Good night.", Brody said cheerfully, adjusting his coat-pillow before conking out again.

Rolling her eyes, Dana got back in the car and drove until reaching a rest stop. Once there, after parking and seeing Brody was really asleep this time, she locked the car up. Needing a cheeseburger and a Red Bull for the road. Once inside she grabbed her phone, redialed the last number dialed. This time though instead of going to voicemail, on the fifth ring someone picked up.

"Hello! Peter Q and his voice commanding at your service! Who am I speaking to tonight?" A man's voice half laughed, half slurred as Dana frowned. Then heard an exaggerated sigh/whine.  
  
"Hey! HEY! That one's my...that's  _my_  phone!"  
  
"Sorry, I stand corrected. This is Carrie Mathison's goddamn answering service speaking. How the fuck can I help you?"  
  
"Oh! You are such a..."

Trailing off, then cracking up when Quinn scrunched up his face, started ranting in a British accent, Carrie was nearly doubled over from laughing. That wasn't enough though to deter her from her mission to reclaim her phone.  
  
"C'mon, Quinn. Hand it over..."  
  
"No!"  
  
"You son of a...give me my fucking phone! He...hello?"  
  
"Hello?", Quinn mocked in a squeaky girlish voice.  
  
"Ugh! Shut up!", Carrie scowled. Swatting at him only to have him get hold of her phone again, start yelling into it.  
  
"Whoever the fuck is there why don't you speak up? Please?"  
  
"Damnit Quinn, just give me my...agh!"

Tackling him, trying to wrestle the phone out of his grip, Quinn tried to roll above her but she kept him pinned. When he still didn't relinquish the phone Carrie pinched his arm, twisted the skin as he let out a screech.

"Goddammit Carrie! Agh! That fucking hurt!", he whined as her laughter turned to squeaks. When she went to roll off to the side, her phone resting on his hip dug into her leg.  
  
"Hey..is that an iPhone in your pocket or you just happy to see me."  
  
"Jesus Christ.", Quinn groaned, rolling her off him. Exasperated but still laughing as she smacked her lips together, made kissing sounds.

Still listening in Dana rolled her eyes, hung up in disgust. "I should've fucking guessed.", she muttered to herself before turning on her heel and leaving the rest stop. Her rage more than enough to fuel her the rest of the drive to the mosque.

...

The next morning Carrie awoke to find herself in her bed, in a shirt that certainly wasn't her's or Brody's, and with a wicked headache pulsing through her brain. Slowly she got out of bed and staggered into the bathroom, taking her pills that she chased with some aspirin. She did her damnedest not to hurl.

The last thing she remembered was Quinn doing an impression of Brody's fake accent, that actually sounded pretty convincing. But she had no idea how she'd gotten into Quinn's shirt and out of her pants. Well, she had an idea but her mind refused to go there.

"Quinn? Quinn! Are you still here?"  
  
"Morning sunshine.", he chirped, strolling in her room as she shot him a death glare. "Well aren't we ravishing."  
  
"Not with that ass tattoo you're not.", she snarled.  
  
"Well, at least you remember some of last night."

Smiling he handed her a cup of coffee that she took before slowly sitting down at the foot of the bed. "Anything else coming back to you?", he asked.  
  
"You spoke British..."  
  
"And sang Bohemian Rhapsody. You joined in on the high notes."  
  
"Fuck."  
  
"You weren't half bad. But your neighbor called the cops on us."  
  
"Quinn!"  
  
"I showed him my badge, did my best not to look trashed. You however I locked in the bathroom."  
  
"It locks from the inside."  
  
"Chair under the doorknob."

Rolling her eyes she groaned. "Jesus, what else. Oh fuck. Did you and I...did we?", she asked nervously, hoping he knew what she was implying.

"No. You did make a play for me though. Then tried to take your bra off and pull it out through your shirt sleeve."  
  
"Jesus. Did I?"  
  
"No. Just almost strangled yourself with it."  
  
"So how did I wind up in your shir-"  
  
"The flask got spilled all over yours. Didn't think you'd want your mattress to smell like a distillery."  
  
"So wait..you carried me upstairs?"  
  
"Yeah and you fucking fought me the whole way."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You kicked me in the knee twice and punched me in the ribs. My suggestion that you go to bed made you very cranky."  
  
"Jesus Christ.", Carrie groaned, mortified. "So how the fuck did you commit all this to memory? You were as drunk as I was!"

"Trust me, it was worth remembering."  
  
"Quinn.."  
  
"I rehydrated, took some aspirin last night before I crashed on your couch. And went for a jog this morning to clear my head."  
  
"What time is it?"  
  
"Eleven."  
  
" _Eleven!_ Fucking, shi..I have to get Farrah at my sister's. Check on Saul. Oh God, Quinn how's Saul!"  
  
"I called the hospital. There's no change."

Nodding her throbbing head, Carrie groaned, collapsed back against the bed pillows.  
  
"You know you're very dramatic when you're hung over."  
  
"And you're annoyingly not. Hung over."  
  
"How can you tell?"  
  
"You went for a fucking jog this morning!"  
  
"I came back though."  
  
"Yeah. You did.", she smiled softly, sipping some of her coffee before speaking again.

"Thanks. For sticking around. I..."  
  
"It's alright, you didn't look up to being by yourself.", Quinn said as she nodded sheepishly.

"Yeah. And at least one of us had the good sense to keep anything from, happening."  
  
"I didn't stay last night because I wanted something to.", he clarified, about to say more when Carrie's phone rang. Slowly she stood up, swearing as she looked around for the source of the vibrating.

"It's on your dresser. I thought you'd want it close by if Farrah..."  
  
Nodding, Carrie checked the caller and tensed up, answered.

"Maggie hi, what is it? What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to check in. You said you'd be by bright and early to get Farrah and.."  
  
"Shit, is she alright? Is she asking for me?"  
  
"Farrah's fine. Really. She and the girls are eating breakfast with Danny before he drops them at school."  
  
"This late?"  
  
"The weather was miserable and they cancelled the buses. They get a half day today."

"Oh fine, then. Well I'm heading over there now to get Farrah. I can say hi to them before they all head out."  
  
"Hold on, Carrie."  
  
"What?  
  
"You sound like you've had a long night.", Maggie said knowingly, rubbing the bridge of her nose.  
  
"Well my mentor was shot and my daughter saw it, so yeah, Maggie. I had a long night! What does it matter?"

"Carrie, you're hungover. Even over the phone I can tell. And it's freezing rain and slippery out right now. I don't think you should be behind the wheel just yet."

"Jesus Christ, Maggie. I'm fine to drive."  
  
"Carrie..."  
  
"Look I just want to see Farrah and give her a hug and bring her home, okay! You don't understand! I.."

Seeing her about to launch into the whole ugly story about last night, explaining why she was so desperate to see the girl, and knowing she had every right to feel that way, Quinn got up and took the phone from Carrie before she could stop him. Held a hand up to keep her from protesting.

"Maggie, hi. It's Peter Quinn. Look I'm at Carrie's now. Yeah. I'll drive her to your house to get Farrah. Is that alright? Okay. Okay, thanks."

Hanging up he handed Carrie back the phone. Looking slightly smug as she glared, agitated.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Is this going to become a habit of yours? Just jumping in to solve every little crisis that I come across?"  
  
"No. But I can make it a habit if you're interested."

"Ugh, damn it, Quinn!", she yelled, but her head throbbed at all the commotion and she swore. Sat back down on the bed hoping the wave of nausea would pass.  
  
"Shit. You really don't do well hungover."  
  
"This isn't just hangover. Fuck, I can't remember the last time I even ate something.", she groaned.

"Well we should change that. But take a shower first. Hot, cold, whatever you need to do. Meet me downstairs in twenty or I'm going without you."

"Wait, where?", she called as he made his way into the hall, ignoring her.  
  
"Going where! Quinn! Damn it!"

Rolling her eyes she shakily stood up, still swearing before downing her coffee, then following his instructions. Getting in the shower she turned the water on cold as long as she could stand it, then switched it to hot.  _Very_  hot.


	90. Chapter 90

After getting cleaned up, changed and grabbing a few more things for Farrah, hoping her headache would dissipate at some point Carrie made her way downstairs. Shaking her head when she saw Quinn at the base of the steps. Holding a to-go mug of coffee and what appeared to be some granola bars.

"Spartan much?", she smirked, taking the coffee but turning her nose up at the bar. "I thought you said we were eating."

"I know it's no egg white omelet but we're already running late.", Quinn said, stepping outside as she followed, then turned to lock the door.

"Which is why they invented something called a drive-thru!"  
  
"The only one on the way to your sister's house is a McDonald's. I've never eaten an Egg McMuffin in my life. Don't plan to start now."  
  
"Like you couldn't deal with some extra fucking calories. Just go on another mid morning jog.", Carrie snorted, getting into the passenger seat.

"Don't scoff. Running helps focus your energy. Clears your mind. Probably beats electroshocks by a goddamn long shot."  
  
"How the fuck would you know?!", she snapped as Quinn bit his lip, mentally cursed himself out.  
  
"I apologize. That was out of line."  
  
"It's alright. Hangovers leave me too sensitive for my own good.", Carrie shrugged, sipping her coffee.

They drove in silence for a few minutes more, until Quinn turned off at the exit before the one for Maggie's house.   
  
"What are you doing? The exit's not for another ten-"  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
"So where the fuck are you taking us?" Not getting an answer Carrie looked on befuddled, until he pulled into a beat up parking lot surrounding an even more beat up diner.

"We made good time, no traffic, so I figured we'd make a quick stop."  
  
"Quinn it's already.."  
  
"If we order fast we'll be in and out in twenty minutes. C'mon, you said you were hungry."

Too mystified to question things, Carrie followed him into the diner. Once seated at the counter he grabbed her a menu, placed his order with the waitress before she could even question it. Stunned at his choice, all Carrie could do was laugh, shake her head.

"Okay, so an Egg McMuffin is off the table, but a powdered sugar Belgian waffle is acceptable?"

"We split it. Cuts the calories by half and still cures your hangover.", Quinn said matter of factly as the waitress poured them both coffees, eyed him curiously.

"Fourth time in here this week, honey?"

"You make a good waffle.", he shrugged, getting grins out of Carrie and the waitress both. Earning them both glares as he sipped his coffee. Carrie just smirked until the waitress returned with the giant waffle, that looked more like carnival food than anything else. Eyes widened slightly she nodded for Quinn to divvy it up.   
  
"So you've been here four mornings in a row? That's a lot of hangover."

"Hey about you focus on getting rid of yours?", Quinn snapped.

"Fine.", Carrie shrugged, cutting into her half of the waffle. "Remind me to bring Farrah here sometime. She'll go wild."

"I'm sure she will.", Quinn said before checking the time, then nodded for the waitress to bring the check. Even though Carrie had only eaten two bites.

"Hey!", she exclaimed. "If I eat this any faster it'll wind up all over your passenger seat."

Rolling his eyes Quinn grabbed a take out container and shoveled the remaining waffle into it. Even the uneaten portion of his half before putting a plastic fork in the box too, handing it all to Carrie.

"Here. Now you can finish at whatever fucking pace you want."

Once in the car, Carrie continued to eat and Quinn drove a little faster towards Maggie's. Once he could breathe a little easier seeing they'd still arrive on time, he turned and stifled a laugh seeing Carrie scarfing down the waffle. Getting powdered sugar all over her face.

"What was the last thing you ate that could count as a meal?", he asked.

"You mean our liquid one last night didn't count?", she teased as he gave her a look. "I don't know. Vending machine trail mix?"

"From where, the hospital? That had to be stale as shit.", Quinn snorted.

"Yeah well, didn't think to set aside any that Brody had..."  
  
"That Brody what?"  
  
"Never mind.", Carrie sighed, continuing to poke at the waffle until finally finishing it when they reached Maggie's. When Quinn turned to unbuckle his seatbelt, he laughed out loud seeing powdered sugar striped across Carrie's chin and up her cheek, dotting her nose.

"What?", she snorted as he laughed again, then reached over, ran a finger across her cheek.

Instead of jerking back, scoffing or swearing at him, Carrie gave him a soft smile. Leaned in closer as if to kiss him.

"Carrie..", Quinn cautioned. Eyes darkening as he frowned, pulled back.  
  
"What?", she asked, surprised at the look on his face.

"Goddammit.", he spat. Rolling his eyes he got out of the car as Carrie's eyes narrowed. Unbuckling she slammed the door, followed his lead.

"Hey!"  
  
"Go inside and get Farrah. We're already running late."  
  
"What the fuc...hell, is your problem?!"

"What, you're editing yourself?"  
  
"Well dropping F bombs in the middle of the suburbs isn't exactly tasteful.", Carrie hissed, getting a look.  
  
"And trying to jump me in my car is?"

"Jump you?! I wasn't-"  
  
"Forget it. Just get Farrah.", Quinn said dismissively, turning away from her as she rolled her eyes, walked up the driveway in a huff.

...

Knocking loudly at the door, after Maggie let her in Carrie barely acknowledged her, or Danny standing close by. Just ran upstairs to the guest room right as Frank left the kitchen.

"What the...was that Carrie?"  
  
"She just went upstairs, Dad. Wanted to see Farrah."  
  
"Well, guess we should be grateful she wants to see anyone.", he pointed out as Maggie sighed, put an arm around Danny as they all retreated to the kitchen.

"Farrah? You awake?", Carrie asked, softly knocking as the girl shot up in bed, scrambled out of it towards her.  
  
"Carrie!"  
  
"Hey..it's okay, it's okay.", she soothed, hugging her.  
  
"I missed-"  
  
"I know, I missed you too."

After holding her for a few minutes more, Carrie was the first to pull back. "You get a good night's sleep?"  
  
"Yes. Like logs."  
  
"You mean you slept like a log."

"I sleep like logs."  
  
"Close enough.", Carrie laughed, shifting to a sitting position on the rug before pulling Farrah onto her lap.  
  
"Last night. At work, you...you talk to Khal-"  
  
"Yes I did. So did Quinn actually."  
  
"Pete?"  
  
"Yes, Pete."

Shifting on her lap to face her, Farrah gave her a small, shy smile. "Is he okay?"  
  
"Yeah. He is."  
  
"I yell at him, at park, I..."  
  
"Honey it's okay. You were upset, so was he. It's over though."  
  
"What about Khal.."  
  
"You and I will talk about him later, okay? There's a lot that happened and a lot you should know. Just, right now lets focus on one thing at a time. Getting you to the community   
center for starters, that is if you still want to-"

Farrah didn't answer her, instead started pawing through Carrie's purse that looked unusually overstuffed.

"I brought you something to change into. Tell me what you think.", Carrie asked, pulling herself to a standing position using the bedpost.

Curiously Farrah reached into the purse, pulled out a shopping bag containing a new pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and a purple hooded sweatshirt with silver stars all over it.

"This new!"  
  
"Yeah. I was going to surprise you with it at home, but figured I'd give it to you now. Do you like it?"  
  
"Yes!", Farrah cheered, throwing her arms around Carrie's waist, then thanking her.  
  
"You're welcome. Now go on, get dressed. I'll be downstairs."

Biting her lip Carrie went downstairs, walking into the kitchen before looking at Maggie sheepishly. "I'm sorry I just, sprinted past you. I just.."  
  
"It's okay. It's fine.", Maggie assured, giving Carrie a hug as she sniffed, pulled back.

"Jesus, I just can't stop crying.", she said, embarrassed.  
  
"It's okay. It's been a rough few days."  
  
"Any news about Saul?"

"No there's not. I just called.", Quinn said, leaving the study.  
  
"What the..."  
  
"It's chilly out there, Carrie. I couldn't just leave him to sit in your car.", Maggie defended.

"You make it sound like he's a puppy or something.", Carrie scoffed, pouring herself some coffee.

"He did give you a ride over here. I was just being polite, I-"  
  
"Don't. It's fine, Maggie. Really.", she sighed, taking a small sip of the beverage as Quinn frowned, checked his watch.

"It's getting late. We should probably get Farrah to the community center before going back to your house to get your car."

Nodding, after Maggie got her a to-go cup for her remaining coffee, told her to call if she needed anything, Carrie smiled, thanked her and walked over to the base of the staircase. Yelling upstairs for Farrah. When the girl didn't answer or come down right away she cursed, started pacing back and forth.

"You're gonna run a rut through the rug if you're not careful.", Quinn quipped, approaching her as she rolled her eyes. "If I'd said that to you last night you'd have laughed for a straight minute. Maybe longer."

"Well last night we were drunk off our asses.", Carrie reminded.  
  
"Didn't mean we didn't have fun."

Rolling her eyes again, this time more playfully she couldn't hide her smirk. "Quinn..."

"I'm sorry if I upset you back at the car. But if I thought our fucking each other wouldn't have any strings or consequences or create all this squishy emotional bullshit between us, we'd have banged at least twelve times by now."

"Twelve times?"  
  
"More or less. Either way we'd have fun.", Quinn acknowledged before biting his lip. "But you know we'd also feel like goddamn fools after the fact. I figure you've felt fooled enough lately."

"Got that right.", Carrie snorted, folding her arms over her chest. After a beat Quinn spoke up again, smiled softly.

"You're the closest thing to a friend that I've had in awhile. I'd rather not fuck that up."  
  
"Well, neither would I."  
  
"Good. So we're on the same page."

Nodding, Carrie returned his smile. "Yeah. We are."  
  
"Good. Now can we track down your kid and get the fuck out of here?"  
  
"Shit. Yeah. Farrah?!"

"I coming, I coming!", Farrah yelped, scrambling down the steps before jumping off the second one from the bottom. Landing on the rug with a flourish.  
  
"Ta da!", she cheered, arms up in the air as Carrie rolled her eyes, scooped her up.

"Hi Pete!"  
  
"Hey kid. Are you alright?", Quinn asked, getting a nod, shy look.

"I okay.", Farrah said. Curling up on Carrie's shoulder the remaining walk to the car.

...

The drive to the mosque started off unusually quiet. Even though he was driving, Quinn tried to cheer Farrah by reaching into the backseat, retrieving a quarter from her ear. Seeing though the magic trick wasn't having its usual effect, and that in trying to do it Quinn had almost driven off the road twice, Carrie unbuckled, demanded he stop the car. Getting out she climbed into the back seat. Slipped an arm around Farrah who seemingly wasn't okay at having to separate from her at the community center.

"Farrah, you'll be fine. Really. You'll get to see Zahira and all your friends."  
  
"No Nick.", Farrah sniffed as Carrie sighed. Tried to ignore the look Quinn now had overhearing that.

"Today's the art show though, right? That'll give you something to look forward to."  
  
"I don't know. Maybe."  
  
"Why not just try and stay for a little while. At least find out if your painting won a prize or not."  
  
"But..I don't..."  
  
"Look, if you get really upset and want to leave, just find Zahira and have her call my cell. I'll come right over and get you."

Feeling more at ease hearing that Farrah nodded, curled up closer to Carrie.  
  
"Okay."

"Yeah?"  
  
"Yes. I..I okay."  
  
"You're very,  _very_ brave Farrah. Do you know that?"  
  
"Brave like you?"  
  
"Yeah, brave like her.", Quinn piped up, pulling the car up outside the community center.

Shrugging Carrie gave him a small smile, unbuckled her's and Farrah's seatbelts. C'mon. I'll walk you in."

"Quinn, You'll wait?", she asked, getting out of the car with Farrah as he snorted, rolled his eyes.  
  
"No. You're hitchhiking."  
  
"Fuc..." Editing herself just in time, waiting until Farrah walked around and ahead of her Carrie slipped a hand behind her back, raised her middle finger.

Shaking his head, Quinn exited, locked up the car. "Fine. No hitchhiking but I get to go in."  
  
"Why?", Carrie frowned.

"Let me see where the kid goes each day. I'm curious."  
  
"Fine.", she shrugged as Farrah grinned, ran back to grab Quinn's hand, then Carrie's. Then kicked her legs up as they walked so they were forced to lift her up by her arms. When they went to let her down she shook her head, kicked again.

"Again! Please?"  
  
"Should we?", Carrie asked, arching a brow at Quinn.  
  
"Well she said please, didn't she?", he grinned, lifting Farrah again but higher this time. Forcing Carrie to compensate and lift along with him, to her annoyance.

"Jesus, you're going to pull my arm out of the socket!"  
  
"Well fine, if you're just going to whine about it." Letting Farrah down, in one fluid fast motion Quinn set her on his shoulders., then jogged the rest of the way to the front entrance.

"Hey! Slow down, I'm in fucking heels!", Carrie yelled.  
  
Rolling his eyes, Quinn stopped and let Farrah down with a flourish before bowing. Getting her giggling, then blushing.  
  
"Thank you Pete.", she said bashfully.  
  
"You're welcome.", Quinn said, taking her hand again as Carrie caught up to them both.

"C'mon. Show me around a little.", he requested as Farrah giggled. More than happy to oblige.


	91. Chapter 91

Once reaching the mosque and crashing for a few hours in Brody's apartment, after they both woke up, ate breakfast and packed, Dana followed Brody over to the community center where he was supposed to meet up with the imam and Zahira. They welcomed Brody into the office and asked Dana if she wanted to join them, but she opted to introduce herself with a half-hearted smile and a quick wave. Too drained and sleep deprived to be in good small talk first impression mode.

Stepping out into the hallway, she yawned and sat on a bench when about a half dozen kids sprinted past her.

"Jesus.", she scoffed as a frazzled looking teacher tried to catch up to them.   
  
"Hey, you may want to look into leashes!", Dana yelled, getting a glare that made her grin.

"Pete! My painting is here!", Farrah yelled, but saw Quinn was lagging behind with Carrie. Both distracted by a little girl who needed help displaying her popsicle stick mansion.

Stamping her foot Farrah pouted, crossed her arms. Stared mournfully up at her painting that she'd put a lot of time and effort into, but nobody was making the effort to come and see.

"Which one is yours?", Dana asked from the bench. When Farrah turned towards her, smiled, she stood up, approached her.  
  
"This one!", the girl cheered. Pointing upward as Dana nodded.

"Wow. That's really nice.", she said sincerely.  
  
"Thank you!"  
  
"I like that the sun is wearing sunglasses."  
  
"Me too! It funny, yes?"  
  
"Yeah, definitely. Are any of the other paintings here yours?"  
  
"Yes! We go this way!"

Thrown when Farrah grabbed her arm, half dragged her down the hallway Dana couldn't help but laugh. Thinking if a little girl she just met was this taken with her, maybe she had half a chance of getting along with Violet.

...

" _ma`a as-salāma_ , Nicholas. Good bye.", the imam said, giving Brody a sad smile.

" _ma`a as-salāma_ , Imam. And thank you.  _shukran_. You both have helped me more than you'll ever know."

"Yes, but you also helped us."

"You can still stay!", Zahira piped up. "Please. We are more than happy to accommodate you.", she said sadly as the imam slipped an arm around her shoulder.

"I know, Zahira. And I'm grateful, really. But I can't stay here any longer. I need to do this."

"But you are still injured!"

"I've survived worse.", Brody said gruffly.

"You've both been incredible though. I won't forget your kindness, and I'll always pray for you."

"As will we."

After the imam embraced him, offered him a blessing in Arabic, Brody left the office feeling more emotional than he had in quite some time. Making his way to the back exit where he'd told Dana to meet him, he heard footsteps, turned to see Zahira behind him.

"Nicholas! Wait!"

"Zahira, what...?"

"What about Carrie?"

"What about her?", Brody frowned, his eyes clouded over.

"She was very concerned about you. As was Farrah."

"Zahira..." Sighing he gently took her by the arm over to a side hallway.

"One of the reasons I'm leaving is to keep Carrie and Farrah safe. Everyone who I interact with is at risk, and I won't put either of them in harm's way. For Christ's sake, they've been through enough because of me."

"They care about you.", Zahira insisted.  
  
"They are both very attached. I have seen it. So has my husband."

"I care about them too, and that's why I can't stay! I won't cause either of them any more pain."

"If they love you, as much as you love them, they  _will_  be in pain if you leave.", she said knowingly as Brody sighed, bowed his head.

Shaking her's Zahira reached up, lifted his chin to see he was in tears.

"Listen to me. Carrie, she is in charge of the CIA. If anyone could offer you protection, at least until your name is cleared..."

"Zahira what are you talking about? Carrie's not the director. She doesn't have that kind of author-"

"What are  _you_  talking about?", Zahira frowned. Pulling her phone from her pocket to pull up the news report, Brody barely had a chance to glance at the headline when he heard Dana's voice echoing down the hall.

"Dad! Seriously you have to come look at this kid's artwork. She's like a freaking prodigy."

Walking back down the hall towards him, holding Farrah's hand, when the girl looked away from Dana and spotted Brody, her smile changed to a look of surprise. Then her brown eyes narrowed in confusion, with anger mixed in too.

"Oh shi...Farrah, I-"

"Wait.", Dana frowned, looking between the two of them.

"She's  _that_ Farrah?", she asked right as Farrah dropped her hand, let out a yell.

"Farrah, wait-"

"No! No no no!", the girl yelled, turning to run back down the hallway.

Meanwhile Quinn and Carrie, who'd been stuck making small talk with Farrah's art teacher, heard the girl yelling and broke into runs as well.

"Farrah? Honey what..."  
  
Bending to Farrah's level right as the girl collided with, clung onto her leg, Carrie looked up frantically at Quinn who was glaring at someone across the way.

"Quinn what? Oh, shit."

Weakened slightly by trying to chase after Farrah, but refusing to let on, Brody subtly moved away from the wall he'd been bracing himself on, stood straight. Luckily Dana was too preoccupied to notice.

"C'mon, Carrie. We should get Farrah to the art room.", Quinn said calmly.

Recognizing his voice even without the alcohol seeping through, Dana's eyes narrowed as she snorted, shook her head.

"Yeah bet you're dying to drop the kid off, keep going with what you started last night.", she spat as Quinn frowned.

"Last night, what the hell do you mean, I...ah.", he said as it clicked. "The mystery caller."

"What?! Dana, you called my house?", Carrie sputtered, and now it was Brody's turn to frown.

"Dana, why did you-"

"What difference does it make, Dad? Obviously she's not interested in  _you_  anymore! Already moved onto her next victim."

"Look, just watch it okay.", Brody cautioned.

"Watch what! You're not really going to defend her to me, are you? After all the bullshit she's dragged you through! God, she can't even wait a week before jumping into bed with this random-"

"Hey, that's enough!", he growled. Forcing himself not to wince or make it obvious that only one leg was supporting all his weight. Instead he concentrated on Carrie, saw the pain and rage flashing in her eyes and felt his heart break in half. Then it broke even more at her words.

"I don't need a  _protector_ , Brody."

"I...I'm sorry love, I just-"

" _Don't_  call me that.", she hissed as he nodded, took a step back.

"Yeah, like he even has to.", Dana spat. "It's obvious she's got her newest fuckbuddy to do that job."

"Hey! Watch your goddamn language.", Quinn snapped, moving to cover Farrah's ears but she fought him off. Prompting Carrie to take her hand, walk her a few feet away before getting to her level.

"Farrah, listen. I was talking to your art teacher, Ms. Dancy? That woman standing over there?"

"Ti..Tina?", Farrah acknowledged.

"Yeah. Tina. She's letting everyone present their art today in front of the class. I really think you should go with her, okay? You said in the car that you'd be brave and try and stay the day."

"But.."

"I know, I know but I have some things I need to take care of. And I'd rather you spend time drawing and with your friends than with me, okay?"

When Tina approached, started trying to talk her into staying Farrah bit her lip, still looked nervous.

"I see you soon?"

"Yeah, you will. I promise. For now though just go with Tina. You'll be fine.", she promised, hugging the girl. "I love you, sweetheart. I'll see you this afternoon, okay?"

"Okay.", Farrah sniffled, pulling back as Tina smiled, led her to the art room. Once she saw they were out of earshot, Carrie got back on her feet, stormed over to Dana.

"Look, I don't give a shit about how you feel or what you think about me. But  _so fucking help me_ , if you spout bullshit like that in front of my daughter again! Upset her-"

"I didn't upset her! I was looking at her art with her while you were off doing who the fuck knows what with him!", Dana retorted as Carrie stepped back, crossed her arms.  
  
"And how much of it was actually bullshit? You are with him now, aren't you?"

"Whoever the fuck Carrie's with is none of your goddamn business.", Quinn snarled as Brody glared, growled out a warning.

"Don't talk like that to my daughter."

"Well tell her to mind her own damn business then,  _Congressman_.", Quinn sneered.

"And both of you stay the fuck out of Carrie's. For Christ's sake, Brody. After everything you put her through you owe her that much."

"Quinn...", Carrie sighed as he put his arm around her shoulders. Since she'd had some trouble standing since spotting Brody, she actually welcomed the support.

"What  _he_ put her through? What about the other way around? I-", Dana spat as Brody held up a hand, stopped her.

"Dana, don't.", he sighed sadly. More than anything he just wanted to walk away. But he had the same weighted down feeling he'd had that day outside the police station. That night in the parking lot in the rain. He couldn't take his eyes off of Carrie. Only this time she knew it, was returning the favor in full.

Meanwhile Quinn's eyes darted back and forth between them, concerned. In spite of everything going on they looked like they wanted to leap into the others arms. Quinn wasn't jealous, but he had Carrie's back and knew damn well that Brody never fully ever would.   
  
Feeling obligated to break the spell between them, the only way he knew, arm still around Carrie's shoulders Quinn dipped her, gave her a steamy kiss on the lips. Luckily Carrie was too stunned to react immediately, and Brody had immediately looked away.

Horrified and disgusted, Dana turned back to look at Brody, saw him dejectedly turning to leave. But instead of following him, rolling her eyes she ran at Quinn, shoved him aside, then took a swing at Carrie's face. Striking the blonde's nose and knocking her off balance, onto the floor.

"Jesus fucking..", Quinn gasped. Rolling her eyes Carrie reached into her bag. Grabbed a tissue for her bloody nose.

"Dana! What the fuc-", Brody yelled. When he moved forward to hold Dana back, all Carrie could do was shake her head, laugh bitterly.

"No need. I'm fine.", she spat. Refusing help from anyone she stood up, then approached and looked at Dana. Looking more amused than anything else.

"You feel better?"

"I.."

"Look. Before you go full steam ahead with your melodramatic angst ridden teen TV drama  _bullshit._ Start incessantly whining about the blonde bipolar bitch who fucked up your father's life, broke his heart..."

Looking incredulously at the entire group, Carrie scoffed. But made the mistake of glancing at Brody an extra second too long and her chin wobbled as her eyes welled up.

"Take some comfort in knowing that he fucking broke mine too.", she hissed before turning on her heel, storming away from the scene.

 


	92. Chapter 92

Shaking his head in awe, Quinn cursed, rolled his eyes before going after her.  
  
"Carrie. Carrie!"

Not even acknowledging him, when he reached for her shoulder Carrie swore, swatted him away. When he was persistent though she turned around, stared him down coldly.

"I'm not even going to ask you what that was back there!"

"Well good, I thought it was pretty self explanatory.", he said flippantly as she glared, clenched her jaw.

"Look, don't blow this out of proportion. I did what I did to get our favorite congressman off your back, once and for all."

"What makes you think I needed you to  _do_ anything?"  
  
"The way you were looking at him. Like your eyes had met across a goddamn crowded room.", Quinn scoffed.

"However I was looking at him didn't make a fucking difference! I handled it, Quinn. And I didn't need you intervening. Let alone concocting this bullshit love triangle straight out of  _All My fucking Children._ "

"I was a  _One Life To Live_  guy myself.", he deadpanned not getting so much as a snicker. Instead she crossed her arms, blinked back angry tears.   
  
"Carrie, I just wanted to make sure Brody got the goddamn hint."

"Yeah, and since the opportunity presented itself you thought you'd  _twist_  the knife for him instead of just stabbing him with it.", she snapped.

At that whatever gleam in Quinn's eyes faded out. "Jesus fucking Christ. Even after everything you still come to his-"

Knowing exactly what he was going to say, Carrie cut him off with a wave of her hand, headed towards the exit.

"Carrie.."  
  
"No. I don't want to hear it!"  
  
When he tried to follow, hearing him behind her she turned, gave him a fierce glare.

" _Don't_  fucking follow me.", she ordered as he nodded, stayed in place as she exited the lobby.

Once outside she instinctively broke into a jog down the block. Maintaining a steady pace, she bit her lip realizing for all Quinn's fuckery today he'd been right about this. She hadn't run in awhile and certainly wasn't in proper footwear for it, but in spite of that her head felt clearer. Her mind began focusing on her breathing and the length of her stride and the sound of her shoes against the pavement, not the bullshit she'd been treated to just moments before.

Once turning the corner though she started to feel worn out, and eventually was forced to stop. Luckily right outside her destination. Hands on her knees she got her breathing back in check, then straightened up and swallowed hard. Walked in through the front entrance of the hospital.

Entering the double doors, once in the elevator Carrie got off on the third floor. Brushing past two orderlies and swearing at a candy striper before arriving at Saul's room.

"Excuse me, ma'am?", a nurse frowned as Carrie whipped around, glared at her.  
  
"I'm on the approved visitor's list!"

Nodding nervously, the younger woman backed away and ran off. Shaking her head Carrie swore, ran a hand through her hair before pushing open the door to Saul's room. This time she did sit down, and tears spilled down her cheeks before she could attempt to stop them.

"Damn you, Saul.", she hiccuped. Shaking her head disbelievingly at the weakened, slumbering, too fucking still state he was in.

Bowing her head she reached for his hand, then held it close to her face and cried. For him, for what landed him here in the first place, for Brody, for the humiliating encounter they'd just had at the community center, and for Farrah being terrified to leave her side as of late. She cried like she had no way of knowing if she'd ever stop.

...

After Carrie walked out, still reeling from everything that had just taken place, Quinn made his way back to the hallway, seeing Dana but no Brody.

"Where's your dad?"  
  
"Why? Do you want to arrest him?", Dana spat as Quinn groaned, rubbed the bridge of his nose as the teenager walked up to him.

"You know that he's innocent, right? Because believe me, I wouldn't be within a mile of this place if he wasn't."

"Look, innocent, guilty, whatever. I'm past giving a shit. I only asked because I have to get Farrah and the last thing I want is her and fucking Agent Orange bumping into each other again."

"Nice. You come up with that nickname all by yourself?", she scoffed, getting a scowl in return.  
  
"My dad's with the imam. They're praying. So don't worry, he and your brat kid won't be seeing each other anytime soon."

"Farrah's not my brat kid. She's not a brat, period. The person badmouthing her though...", Quinn said, arching a brow as Dana rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. I get it. You should know though I actually don't have a problem with her. Farrah."

"Well isn't that surprising."

"I'm serious. She seems like a good kid. I mean, in spite of everything."

"You mean in spite of Carrie.", Quinn finished, getting a shrug. "Well, regardless of what you think of her Farrah worships the ground she walks on. That's just fucking obvious."

Not really able to argue that Dana shrugged, figured she'd change the subject. "Your name's Quinn, right?", she frowned, studying him.

"Yeah, legally."  
  
"And you work at the CIA, with Carrie."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So, was that kiss earlier just for show?"

"Hey, it got your dad to back off didn't it?", Quinn asked, getting a shrug.

"I don't want my dad with Carrie. I don't trust her."

"Well I don't trust your dear old dad either."

"So we're on the same page then? That they shouldn't be together?"

"That's stating the goddamn obvious.", he sighed, sitting on a bench that Dana joined him on.

"I gave your dad the benefit of the doubt recently and he stabbed Carrie in the back."

"He does love her though. Unfortunately.", Dana grimaced.

"Well in spite of everything Carrie has similar symptoms."

"Are you like, jealous?", she asked curiously.  
  
"Of your father? Fuck no."  
  
"So you don't like Carrie in that way."

"No. I have her back. I care about her. And Farrah. But that's the extent of it."

"Would make things a shitload easier if my dad felt like that.", Dana grumped as Quinn leaned forward, rested his chin on his hands before glancing at her.

"How are you so goddamn sure his deep undying  _love_  for Carrie hasn't fucking subsided yet?", he asked as she sighed, rolled her eyes.

"He was asking for her when he was barely conscious. He kept,  _apologizing._  He even fucking called her  _love_."

Eyes widening slightly Quinn sat straight again. "Wait. What the fuck do you mean barely conscious? I.."

"I mean he was fighting a leg infection and a too high fever and was completely out of it for three days straight."  
  
"Jesus fucking...", Running a hand over his mouth Quinn shook his head, then after a beat spoke again.

"What happened to him exactly."  
  
"He got knocked out by my ex boyfriend's psychopath uncle in the woods. And his leg got caught in a trap, then got infected."  
  
"Holy shit."

"Yeah, no kidding.", Dana muttered, wringing her fingers together.  
  
"He told me that he missed a meeting? Do you have any idea what that-"  
  
"Yeah I do, goddammit.", Quinn spat, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Fuck me.", he muttered as Dana smirked.  
  
"Thanks but no thanks."

Rolling his eyes again, Quinn shook his head, stood up as did Dana.

"I should probably go check on Dad."  
  
"I should probably check on Carrie.", he said, knowing though it'd be best he find Farrah first.

"Where do you think she went?"  
  
"My guess is the hospital."

"Jesus! I didn't hit her that hard!", Dana exclaimed as Quinn snorted, shook his head.  
  
"No. Her mentor is there."

"Wait, her mentor? My dad mentioned him. Saul something?"  
  
"Berenson. He was shot two nights ago.", he said as Dana's eyes widened.  
  
"Shit."  
  
"Yeah."

"Is he going to be alright?"  
  
"They don't know yet.", Quinn said, turning to leave before Dana ran up, blocked his path.

"What, you going to take a goddamn swing at me now?"  
  
"If this Mr. Berenson is in the hospital, who's in charge of the C-"  
  
"His second in command. If you'll excuse me, I should try and find her."

Biting her lip, Dana watched Quinn walk off, then ran a hand through her hair, paced the hallway before hearing her name.  
  
"What is it? What's wrong?", Brody asked in concern.

Taking a deep breath, trying to relay everything that Quinn had just told her, Dana hadn't gotten past telling him about Saul's coma before Brody swore, then turned, started limping back towards the imam's office.

"Wait! Dad, what-"  
  
"I'm just getting my jacket, Dana."  
  
"And going where exactly?", she asked, but had a feeling she knew the answer as Brody walked over to the coat rack, grabbed the jacket and slipped it on.

"Dad, no. You-"  
  
"I need to see her."  
  
"Didn't you fucking hear her just now! She just said-"

"I know what she said. But Saul's nothing if not a father figure to Carrie. He's one of her closest friends and Farrah loves him too. I can't just leave without checking up on them, seeing for myself that they're-"

"Isn't Peter Quinn doing that job for you!", Dana spat, but saw the pain in Brody's eyes and bit her lip, looked on guiltily.

"Dad, you saw Carrie with him back there, I..."  
  
"I don't give a fuck about whatever's going on between them.", Brody said gruffly, getting a skeptical look.

"Really, Dana. I'm not going to turn into some raving jealous prick at the thought of Carrie fucking Peter Quinn. I don't have the fucking right to, I know I have no claim on her! She can be with whoever she wants. I just..can't leave here without..without telling..."

"What...?"

"Look, if you don't drive me over there I'm just going to walk.", Brody said firmly as Dana looked on nervously.

Seeing the sweat on his brow and how his good knee and leg were locked, supporting all his weight, Dana frowned. Maybe getting him to the hospital wasn't such a bad idea.

"Okay, c'mon. We'll go.", she sighed, helping him the rest of the way into his jacket and then out the back exit to her car.


	93. Chapter 93

Meanwhile out front, Farrah was practically clinging onto Quinn as he carried her out to his car. Once Tina brought her over to the art room, she went unnervingly quiet until Zahira took her aside, asked her what was wrong. Farrah burst into tears, missing Carrie, scared for Saul, underslept and understandably frightened for two of the people she loved most in the world.

Luckily Quinn had reached the classroom just as Zahira stepped out to call Carrie. He assured her he'd get a hold of Carrie instead, and tried texting but then just opted to go straight to the hospital. Certain that's where she'd be.

Once Farrah was buckled in the front seat, he pulled out of the lot then turned to the girl staring out the window, tapped her shoulder to get her attention.

"Yes?", she sniffled, turning towards him.  
  
"I just wanted to tell you, if I bring you to see Carrie.."

"I want to see her!"  
  
"When, I bring you to see her, you know she's probably visiting Saul. Er, Bear." Quinn corrected as Farrah giggled.

"Saul Bear?", she parroted.  
  
"Yeah. Saul Bear. You know he's asleep, right?"

"Zahira say, bears do not sleep, they hib...hiber.."  
  
"Hibernate?"  
  
"Yes! Bear  _hibernate_."  
  
"Well, that's what he's doing now. Hibernating. And he may have to for awhile."

"Mag say that.", Farrah said solemnly as Quinn's face went somber.

"If you want, I can ask the front desk to page Carrie. Have her meet us in the lobby or the children's lounge where you and I were."  
  
"No! I want to see Bear."  
  
"If you're sure..."  
  
"Yes. I want to say hi.", she said firmly.

"Alright, I'll make sure you can.", Quinn promised, turning into the lot for the hospital.

Walking inside, after chatting up and then sweet talking the nurse (to the best of his ability), he got Farrah permission to go with him to the third floor. Holding her hand tightly Quinn told her to stick close and Farrah obeyed. But jumped and all but clung onto his leg when a patient on a gurney was wheeled past them.

"Farrah, it's okay. It's fine."  
  
"I don't like bed with wheels!", she choked out as Quinn bent down, scooped her up.

"Say, Farrah. You remember the last time you and I were in the hospital? What we did with the wheelchairs? You remember that?"

"Yes! We..we race!"  
  
"And you won. Beat Galvez and I by a damn longshot."  
  
"Galv?"  
  
"Sorry, I meant Danny."

"Ah, Dan. Yes, I remember now.", Farrah grinned, still curled up against Quinn's chest but slightly calmer now as they approached Saul's room.

Letting her down, he peered in the window, but bit his lip seeing Carrie clutching Saul's hand close to her face.

"Pete? We go in?", Farrah chirped.  
  
"Here, you go in first.", Quinn said as she nodded, pushed the door open a ways.

Hearing a creak, sitting up slightly Carrie turned, puffy eyed to see a flash of purple fabric, then Farrah's face poking through the door.Stunned, she sat up straight, wiped her eyes as the girl ran at her, climbed onto her lap. When she hugged her, Carrie sniffled, then broke down crying all over again.

"It okay. It okay.", Farrah soothed, reaching around to stroke Carrie's hair with her right hand, gently tap at her back with her left.

Laughing lightly, recognizing the gesture Carrie pulled back, ran her hand over Farrah's headscarf.  
  
"Honey, who brought you here? I.." Trailing off when she saw Quinn in the doorway, she mouthed him a thank you and he nodded, walked away.

Sighing, Carrie shook her head, got Farrah situated on her lap.   
  
"It's really good to see you.", she said softly as Farrah grinned, playfully budded her nose against her's. Getting Carrie laughing, feeling more at ease than she had in days.

"Bear still, hib...hiber?"  
  
"Hibernating?", Carrie asked with a laugh.

"Who told you that?"  
  
"Zahira, and Pete in car."  
  
Looking wistfully at Saul, Carrie nodded.   
  
"Yeah. He still is. But if he was awake he'd tell you how happy he is you're here to see him. You can talk to him if you want."

"Yes? Even with eyes close?"  
  
"Closed. And yeah. He'll be happy to hear your voice."

Nodding, turning slightly on Carrie's lap, Farrah reached for and rested her small hand over the back of Saul's.  
  
"Hi Bear."

Tearing up when the girl started speaking in Arabic about her day, the art show, how she'd been carried into the community center, seeing as she was occupied, after promising she'd be right back Carrie stepped into the hallway. Looked around for Quinn she realized he was nowhere to be found.

"Figures.", she groaned only to feel dizzy. Bracing herself on the wall she tried to think back to when she'd last eaten. That waffle and some coffee. That was it. Unfortunately her stomach had been in knots since and she had virtually no appetite.

Dreading the thought of having a bug on top of everything else going on right now, she swore. Resolved to try and choke down something from the vending machine and to drink some water. Moving away from the wall though, her head spun and she swore again, sank onto a nearby bench before plopping her head in her hands.

"Pardon me dear, is everything alright?"

Looking up Carrie recognized the older woman as the nurse who'd given her that blanket in Farrah's room. Swallowing hard she forced a smile on her face.

"Yeah, why?"  
  
"Well, your nose looks swollen, you look green, and these benches are nowhere near comfortable enough to sink down onto like that."

"Don't, I...I'm alright. My nose is fine. And I just get a little queasy in hospitals. That's all."

"Is that darling little girl of yours here with you? Farrah?"

"Yes. She's just over there across the hall. We're visiting someone. I should probably get back in there though so, excuse me."

Slowly getting to her feet, Carrie looked in the window, saw Farrah curled up in a small ball by Saul's shoulder, fast asleep. Blinking back tears, her hand went to her mouth, right as the nurse walked over, rubbed her shoulder reassuringly.

"Poor darlings. Both of you. If you like I've finished my rounds. I can go in and sit with her."

"No, it's fine. I'm finished out here so..."

"I don't think so dear. Now the nurse's station you want is just two floors down. You can take the elevator, ask there which doctor's on call now."

"A doctor? I don't need a doctor. If I did, my sister practices at another hospital, so-"

"But sweetheart, you're in  _this_  hospital. And if I'm not enough to convince you, look in that room. Now that little girl in there has been through too much! Even looking from here I can see that."

Crossing her arms Carrie bit her lip, did her best not to get snappy.

"I know she's been though too much. We both have. But she has  _me._  Farrah has  _me_."

"You're all she has, dear. And so long as that's the case you are not going to play fast and loose with your health. Not as long as I'm employed at this hospital. Is that understood?"

Ready to reply with something snappy, storm off, swear, Carrie thought better of it seeing the no-nonsense stubborn look the nurse was giving her, and knowing she was right about Farrah only having her.

"Alright, fine. But just a quick exam. I need to get back to Farrah."

"I understand that. And I'll stay with her, I'd love it. But you are not going to settle for anything less than thorough."

"I won't. You have my word."  
  
"Good girl." The nurse said with a smile, walking Carrie down to the elevator. When Carrie protested, said she'd find it on her own she was met with that same, stubborn look and decided she best shut up.

...

"C'mon. The woman at the front desk said Saul's room is on this floor.", Dana said as Brody stood, tugged his baseball cap down more over his eyes, then followed her down the hallway.

Frowning though, feeling like the ICU was a few floors up, when he went to say something he felt Dana grab hold of his arm, drag him into an exam room.  
  
"Dana! What the fuc-"

"The woman at the front desk said she'd send a doctor over in a few minutes.", Dana said.  
  
"What the...I told you! I don't-", Brody sputtered as she rolled her eyes, pointed for him to sit on the exam table.

"They'll probably kick me out once they get here so I'm gonna go get coffee or something"  
  
"Dana..."  
  
"Dad. You're hurt, you're in a hospital. Get fucking looked at! I'll be in the cafeteria."

Once Dana left, thoroughly agitated Brody's eyes darted around the too fucking small room as he drummed his fingers on the table. Right as a nurse walked in, smiled and left a paper gown for him to change into.

"No fucking way.", he muttered when she was out of the room. Slowly getting to his feet he peered into the hallway then partially opened the door. Made his way outside.


	94. Chapter 94

Once in the hallway after catching his breath, steadying himself Brody chewed his lip. Strategized. He'd contend with Dana later, maybe even follow through on an appointment like she wanted. But he wasn't about to sit twiddling his thumbs in a cell like exam room when Carrie could be just a floor or two above him.

He knew this was probably his last chance to have a face to face with her, and that before he could even think of leaving he had to apologize, explain himself, say a proper goodbye. Brody had accepted the fact he had to leave. What he couldn't accept was not getting closure beforehand. Slowly maneuvering down the hallway he swore, feeling his leg seize up after just a few steps.

Still swearing he fumbled around in his back pocket for his prescription bottle with one hand, bracing himself on the wall with the other. Grabbing the bottle he went to empty it but found it already empty.

"Motherfucking..."  
  
Shaking his head he winced but knew he had to keep moving. At the very least to a quieter hallway to get his bearings. But after forcing himself to press on again he was forced to stop. Hearing Carrie's voice. Knowing he wasn't near ICU yet he frowned, rounded the corner just enough to see her leaving an exam room like the one he'd just escaped from.

"Ms. Mathison. As I said you should really consider waiting for the test results, I-"

"As  _I_ said, I don't have time to stand around here waiting for an hour. You can call me with the results. Right now I need to get back to my daughter and I need to visit my friend. A patient in  _your_  ICU who should probably be getting more attention here than me!"

"But you said-"

"I know what I said. I asked for a check-up and I got it. Now if you'll excuse me."  
  
"But ma'am, I-"

"Good bye doctor. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice."

Heart in his mouth hearing "test results", Brody tried to get a better look down the hallway Carrie was in. Wanting to figure out if she'd been seen by a nurse or some kind of specialist, if he had a legitimate reason to be freaking the fuck out right now. Too worked up to think of his own predicament though, after putting too much weight on his bad leg he stumbled, swore. Luckily he got back on his feet somewhat before Carrie turned around.

"Brody? What the-"

"Nothing. I...I just wanted to make sure you were okay.", he said honestly.

"What?"

"After Dana hit you at the community center, I-"

"Brody I've been fucking pistol whipped before, okay? I can handle being bitch slapped by a teenager."

"I'm sure. Look, I just. I wanted to.."

"You know I thought I told you to leave me alone."

"I know, I heard you. It's just..."

"What! Can you speak in complete sentences?!"

"I heard about Saul."

Thrown hearing that Carrie's scowl faded.

"You did?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I couldn't believe it. I mean a fucking coma? I can't even-"

"I know. It's been difficult.", she said awkwardly, running a hand through her hair. "Look I should really go up and see him. That's the whole fucking reason I came here...", she sighed. Trying to walk around him he moved, blocked her path.

"Brody..."

"Wait! For Christ's sake just wait a second!"

"Look, I appreciate your concern but I'm managing, alright? I'm doing just fine!"

"Can the doctor you just finished with across the hall back you up on that?", Brody asked as her jaw fell.

"What the...Jesus Christ, Brody! You fucking  _spied on_  me?"

At her indignant look and her words all he could do was laugh.

"Really? You're going to be upset with me for...  _Really?_ ", he laughed, but she was stone cold serious. "I'm sorry. Okay, I am. It's just you saying that..."

"You thought it was funny. This is all just one big fucking joke to you, isn't it?"

"Carrie..."

"Look, I asked you to leave me alone. Please. Before we make things any worse between us."

"Things can get worse between us than they are right now?", Brody scoffed.

"Carrie, I owe you a fucking explanation. I can't just walk away from all of this until I-"

"Why not? You had no problem walking away before!", Carrie spat as he bowed his head.

"Really. It's better if you just do, Brody. For both of us. I mean, Jesus, after everything we've put each other through..."

"After everything don't we deserve some fucking peace?", Brody asked, watching her chin quiver involuntarily.

"You mean what we had  _before_  you took off? Before you lied and left and made a goddamn fool out of me!"

Not getting an answer, just a guilt ridden look that pissed her off more Carrie pressed on.

"I mean forget about how you broke my heart, made me feel horrible for letting Farrah anywhere  _near_  you, did you think about how your little trip would make me look in front of my colleagues? What I'd be up against at Langley after you blew off the meeting with Saul? Did you fucking care at all?", she cried as Brody looked on with even more remorse. Shook his head.

"Carrie. I'm sorry. For Christ's sake I never planned, I didn't want this to happen, okay! I didn't fucking want this!"

"Then why did you leave me that letter?!", Carrie hissed.

"What letter? What are you talking about?"

Laughing bitterly she rolled her eyes. "Jesus. You know for an expert liar you're pretty pathetic at playing dumb."

"Who's playing?!", Brody sputtered. Breaking into a sweat as his leg began to throb.

"Carrie, can we just please go someplace quiet and-"

"Why? I'm fine right here!"

"Just someplace where we can talk!", he said through clenched teeth before forcing himself to take a deep breath, get it together. Then he reached into the inside pocket of his jacket, retrieved a small white rectangle that Carrie recognized as her business card.

"Fuck. But I don't. Why do you still...?"

"I kept it."

"Why?"

"You said that I could use it anytime, 24-7. I want to use it now. It's like the last time. I...I've really had the worst fucking day.", Brody sighed, giving her a soft smile when he saw her eyes were welling up as she took, ran her thumb over the card. When he took a painful step closer though she shook her head and shook him off. Stepped back as if he'd tried to burn her.

"Carrie..."

"No! Stop it. You can't just track me down after everything, hand me my goddamn business card you kept and just expect me to go to pieces and cry and fall in your fucking arms or something. Was that what you  _wanted_!"

"No! It wasn't...it's not! Jesus, I don't want you to go to pieces, or fall anywhere! You...you're too strong for that. You're one of the strongest people I've ever known..."

"Brody..."

"No, you...you're brave, you're brilliant, fucking  _beautiful_." he lightly laughed, but with a dazed look in his eyes that were darting around, starting to have trouble focusing.

"You know me better than I know myself! I need that, Carrie. I need to talk with the only person out there who understands. Please."

"Brody..." Thrown at how vulnerable he was acting, sounding, Carrie frowned, only to notice the locked, rigid way he was standing. Frown deepening she glanced up at him, noticed beads of sweat on his brow.

"Brody? What's wrong with you? Why are you..."

"Nothing! I..I'm fine! It's like I just said, all I want is to go someplace quiet and talk."

"You're sweating bullets right now!" When she moved closer, reached to feel his forehead now it was his turn to jerk back.

"Hey! If you're allowed to question me after I leave a goddamn doctor's office, I'm allowed to do this.", she spat but Brody backed away again, winced in the process.

"Why are you favoring that leg?"

"Hey, I...I told you I wanted to sit down didn't I?", he shrugged as Carrie rolled her eyes, swore then tried to cut around him.

"Wait! Where.."

"Where the fuck do you think? Trust me, you're way beyond your usual shade of pale right now."

"For Christ's sake...Carrie!", Brody growled, still not getting out of her path.

"Jesus. You really think I'm going to let this go? You're sweating, you're in pain, you're  _in a hospital._  I'm finding you a goddamn doctor!"

"I don't need one I..I don't. I...I just need you, okay?", he insisted as she protested, kept yelling at him but he had trouble hearing and understanding as her face and image began blurring.

"I just... need..."

Looking on in horror as his leg all but gave out, Carrie took a grip on his biceps. Tried to keep him from collapsing entirely.

"Goddammit, Brody! BRODY! Can I get som _e_  fucking _help_  over here!" she yelled over his shoulder, still tying to hold him upright as best she could as he slumped over more in her arms.

"Jesus,  _fuck_. Someone get over here!"

Finally two male nurses, and the candy striper she'd frightened earlier ran up. She and the one nurse eased Brody to the floor while the other ran to get a gurney.

Watching them load Brody onto it, Carrie tried to follow but was stopped by the first nurse. "What the fuck are you doing? I'm going with him!"

"Ma'am I'm going to need you to tell me as best you can what happened."

"He fucking collapsed in my arms, what do you think happened?!"

"Are you kin? Family?"

"Yeah, I'm his little sister.", Carrie said as the nurse rolled his eyes.

"Well be that as it may, I can't let you access his room until the exam's complete."

"He's going to want me there when he wakes up!"

"I see. The two of you are close siblings?"

"Yeah, thick as fucking thieves.", Carrie spat, but got an eyeroll that made her cringe, tense up.

"Please, I just want to see him for a few minutes. That's all."

"My apologies ma'am but I'm afraid I can't allow it.", he said, turning to walk away.

Focusing on her frustration and sheer rage at the situation so she wouldn't break down crying, Carrie shook her head, let out a snort.

"This is complete bullshit, you know that right?!", she hissed as the nurse rolled his eyes again, turned back toward her."He's going to want me in there when he wakes up. I know it. You may as well just let me in right now, I-"

"I'm sorry ma'am but as I said, I'm afraid I can't do that. I can though let the cops in to take care of him."

"Excuse me?!", Carrie laughed as the nurse stepped closer.

"Between you and me, that 'brother' of yours looks an awful lot like that Langley bomber. The one they're offering that reward for?"

Carrie's heart was in her mouth but she managed to keep her face impassive, unaffected. "Not to me, no.", she shrugged as the nurse looked at her skeptically, then turned to walk away, made a grab for his phone.

Seeing the hall was empty for the moment aside from the two of them, running up Carrie tapped him on the shoulder, stopped him by a supply closet.

"Yeah?"

"There's actually something I'd like to tell you. Do you have a minute?", she asked, giving him a suggestive smile.

"Well that depends..", the nurse said, slipping his phone back in the pocket of his scrubs.

"You know how I said that guy was my brother? I wasn't exactly telling the whole truth.."

"Didn't think so...", he grinned as Carrie moved closer. Reached up and around to the nape of his neck where she toyed with the strings on his smock.

"You want to know the rest of it? The whole story?", she breathed, reaching her free hand back to the knob of the supply closet.

"I think I might...", he said as she giggled, opened the door.

"Come closer, I gotta whisper it." When he was laughing too and close enough, Carrie reached up to pinch down hard at a pressure point near his neck, managing to effectively knock him out.

"Good riddance, fucker."

Easing him onto the floor of the closet, with trembling fingers she fumbled around in her purse, grabbed her phone and dialed the second speeddial.

"Hi. Yeah, it's me. Um, I'm at St. Mary's and...no I know Saul's condition hasn't...Farrah's fine! Don't worry she...she's fine. It's about...yeah, how'd you fucking guess?", she sniffed, wiping at her eyes.  
  
"Please, Maggie. I...I really need your help."


	95. Chapter 95

After calling in a few too many favors and pulling countless strings, Maggie arranged for Brody to be transported to the Naval Hospital. With the assistance of Ava who knew Brody and the general situation.

Quinn in the meantime spoke to the nurses (including the one had Carrie knocked unconscious) and the candy striper. Told them to remain quiet and forget about who they'd seen for the sake of national security. Seeing that he was a trained black ops sniper the staff agreed to back off.

While Brody was transferred, Carrie brought Farrah over to Maggie's house and ate dinner with her, Frank, Danny and the girls. Waiting until Farrah was full and fast asleep before going back to the hospital.  
  
Quinn agreed to stay with Saul until Mira showed up, allowing Carrie to stay with Brody as long as she needed. He'd also spoken with Dana and assured her Brody was being properly cared for, that she could have the night off. She was crashing at the mosque apartment.

Walking in the hospital lobby Carrie paced around, anxiously keeping an eye out for Maggie. Refusing to sit and wait. If she did she'd risk falling asleep, though right now she was so exhausted she was restless, wired, basically buzzed.

"Carrie! C'mon this way.", Maggie said, walking her through a door leading to the side stairwell, then to a basement level wing that looked to be undergoing renovations.

"I had to pull a lot of strings. But his case was severe enough that the top brass on the board couldn't in good conscience look the other way."

Half listening, half sickened at the shady backroom quality of this wing, Carrie wished she'd just dragged Brody to her car and driven him to the cabin. Taken her chances and had Maggie treat him there.

"I know what you're thinking, Carrie.", Maggie sighed.  
  
"No, you don't.", Carrie snapped, crossing her arms protectively over her chest. "When we were at St. Mary's with Farrah Brody walked around like he owned the place. Now he's getting threats left and right from the people who were supposed to be treating him. I knew I had to get him out of there, I just don't understand why!"

"There's new ownership that just came in recently. Lots of turnover, new faces. I don't know a soul on the board anymore. I'm sure the imam lost a lot of whatever pull he had."

"I should've guessed. What about Ava? Was she.."

"Let go. Yeah. Luckily we had an opening at our front desk."

Relieved to hear that but still bitter about everything, Carrie's frown deepened as they continued down the dim, makeshift corridor.

"Where the fuck even is he?"

"Consider it a VIP suite.", Maggie snorted, getting a hurt filled glare.

"Carrie, it's better than the alternative. If I could treat him from home you know that I would. But I think his attempt at doing that did him more harm than good.", she spat.

The stitches had been done extremely quickly and had almost pulled out entirely when Brody collapsed. Maggie wanted to blame him but after seeing his injuries she didn't have the heart to.

Once reaching his room, Maggie went to enter but Carrie stopped her. "Maggie, wait..."

  
"Sweetie, it's going to be alright."  
  
"I need to know what's wrong with him. I want to know everything."

"His leg got the worst of it. It was chewed up in a steel trap from the looks of things. His leg was stitched by a professional but it was done very quickly. And from the looks of things Brody didn't take it easy after the procedure. He's got a serious infection. That explains the fever and why he passed out."

"Is he...he's not going to-"  
  
"With infection anything's possible. But we've got him properly stitched up, have him on proper antibiotics. The only thing..."

"What? Just tell me!"  
  
"When Brody collapsed he sustained a concussion. Those nurses who helped you didn't seem to get there quickly enough to catch him."

"Fuck." Carrie choked out, running a hand through her hair.

"He went down pretty hard and there was some swelling, so we've got him sedated."

"Great, as if I haven't seen enough of that."

"Carrie, he'll be fine. I'm monitoring him. I'm the only one handling his case. Trust me, I won't let anything happen to him. There's even a guard assigned to his room."

"To keep people out or keep him in?", she scoffed as Maggie sighed.

"Carrie..."  
  
"I'm sorry, I am. I just..."

Shaking her head Maggie walked up, hugged her tightly.

"You've been through hell lately, I know. But Saul's condition is stable and that's the best we can expect. And Brody will make a full recovery. You're not alone in this, sweetie. I promise you're not."

Nodding, blinking back tears after a few moments Carrie pulled back.

"You want me to go in with you?", Maggie asked.

"Do you need to give him an exam?"

"Let me just check his vitals, then he's yours for the night."

"What if something-"

"The call button's connected to my cell. And if I'm with a patient the call goes to my friend Nadine."

"Josie's godmother?"

"Yes. She knows the situation and is here to assist if I need her. You can trust her though."

"She's been the head nurse here since you were a resident."

"I know, she's basically a grandmother to the girls. She'll help us though if we need her to."  
  
"Only her?"

"Only her."

Nodding again, Carrie entered Brody's room first. Instead of seeing the tubes and monitors and bandages, her eyes lasered in on the handcuffs shackling his right wrist to the bedpost behind him.

"It was one of the conditions of my treating him, Carrie."

"It's bullshit. Where the fuck is he going to go!", she hissed.

"I know, I know." Maggie sighed sadly as Carrie grabbed a chair, pulled it up beside Brody's bed. Then reached up and slid her fingers between the cuff and his wrist to absorb the pressure, keep the metal from leaving a bruise.

"Carrie..."  
  
"He's in this bed because of me, Maggie."  
  
"That's not true..."

"If I'd listened to him instead of screaming at him he wouldn't have gotten worked up enough to pass out. He wouldn't have been seen. He wouldn't be fucking  _stuck here_. We could've gone to the cabin, come up with a plan!"

"Okay..enough of this. Enough." Maggie said firmly, turning Carrie's face towards her.

"You're not to blame for this, do you understand? Beating yourself up won't make him better and just make you worse. I brought you here so you could rest. I knew better than to send you home, but I will if you don't at least try and rel-"

"Okay, Maggie. Okay.", Carrie sighed.  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"Yes. I want to stay, please."  
  
"Alright."

Smiling sadly, Maggie grabbed a blanket, draped it over Carrie's shoulders before reaching into a cupboard, grabbing a speaker dock for her phone.

"I figured you could relax better with your music on. Though how I still don't understand.", Maggie said as Carrie laughed, hearing Thelonious blare over the speaker.

"Jazz is an acquired taste, Maggie."  
  
"Well I still don't like it. Try and relax though, okay? The call button's right-"

"I see it. Big red dot in the corner, hard to miss.", Carrie sniffed, her fingers still in place by the cuff as she scooched the chair back. Though her arm was suspended she could rest her head on Brody's chest. Hear his heartbeat in her ear as well as bleating over the monitor. That along with the jazz was slightly calming her down.

"You are going to be so stiff come morning.", Maggie sighed, only to see Carrie's eyes had slipped shut.

After putting a pillow in place to prop her extended arm, scribbling some notes on Brody's chart, Maggie quietly stepped out and Carrie's eyes opened as soon as she heard the door close.

"I just didn't feel like talking to her anymore.", she weakly laughed, embarrassed as she sat up slightly.

"I'll talk to you though, for a little while anyway."

Resting her chin near his sternum she looked at him sadly, watched him sleep.

"This is almost over, Brody. You have my word.I..I can't live like this anymore. I can't let you fucking live like this anymore.", she sniffed, rested her forehead against his.

"I'm so sorry. I promise I'll make this right.", she vowed before pulling back.

She was fast approaching exhausted but knew she had to take care of this now. Grabbing her phone she started texting, but fumbling with the keyboard swore a few times before sending the message.

_"Hey, how is the Bear?"_

A few moments later.

 _"Still hibernating. How's Agent O?"  
_  
 _"Doing the same. I need to talk 2 you."_  
 _  
"Now?"_  
 _  
"Not over OL. Tomorrow AM. Waffles before work?"_  
 _  
"Cu at 8."_  
 __  
"K. Thx."

Setting her phone down on the nightstand, after checking her finger placement between Brody's wrist and the cuff, Carrie got as comfortable as she could in the chair then reached for his free hand. Twined it with her's over his chest before curling up near his shoulder. Falling asleep in minutes.


	96. Chapter 96

Sitting at the counter of the diner, Carrie was alternating between drumming her fingers and checking her watch, then her phone for the time as she waited for Quinn. About to switch up the routine and sip some coffee, she realized the cup was empty and swore under her breath.

"Here, honey.", the waitress said, reaching for the pot of decaf.

"What? You're saying I'm not  _worthy_  of the real shit? Goddamn decaf's all I deserve?"

"Goddamn decaf's all you need at this point. Look at you! You're wound tighter than a spool of thread."

"I'm wound just enough, thank you. Now may I have the coffee I paid for, please?"

"Well so long as you said  _please_.", the waitress snorted, shaking her head. "I'm just concerned about you, honey."

"Yeah well don't be.", Carrie snapped, then sighed. Looking to apologize only to see the waitress had taken the hint, moved away from her.  
  
"Shit.", she groaned. Stirring some sugar into her coffee and hoping it hadn't been spit in.

When her phone buzzed she grabbed it, to see it alerting her about three voicemails.

_"Miss Mathison this is Dr. Carlin calling about your results from the tests we ran two weeks ag-"_

Deleting it she rolled her eyes, played the next message.

_"Carrie, it's your sister. I just found out about your checkup you had awhile back and have your lab results in my hand. Now I know why you haven't returned my calls the past two weeks! I can't believe this has happened but regardless you **need**  to call me so we can discuss-"_

"Not at this fucking moment I don't."

Deleting the second message she warily played the third.

_"Hello Carrie. This is Dr. Addison. Your sister asked me to call so we could set up your first appointment with-"_

"Jesus Christ."  
  
Hanging up she hid her face in her hands, let out a groan.

"Still no word from our dark haired friend?", the waitress asked as Carrie frowned, looked up.

"I thought you'd decided to ignore me."

"Well the breakfast rush is over. You've got my full attention."

Rolling her eyes Carrie stirred her coffee again.

"I'm surprised your friend's running so late. He's made all your little meetings here the past couple of weeks. Most of the time he's here before you."

"It figures. The day we're supposed to finish formulating, finalize everything he's fucking nowhere to be found.", Carrie spat, running a hand through her hair.

"Well, he's a man after all.", the waitress shrugged. "But you two have been in cahoots over something. All cozied up in that booth day after day. What, you two planning on getting away? Someplace romantic?", she asked with a gleam in her eye as Carrie snorted.

"Hardly."

"I don't know. He's a handsome one. And you've definitely had a kind of glow about you lately-"

" _Don't_  say that.", Carrie ordered as the waitress shrugged again, walked off.

Hearing someone at the door Carrie spun around on the stool.

"Finally! Where the fuck have you been?"

"There was bumper to bumper traffic. Jesus. How long have you been sitting here?"

"Awhile.", she grumbled, taking her coffee over to the usual booth where Quinn sat across from her.

"Before we start may I say for the hundredth goddamn time I don't think this is a good idea?"

"May I say for the hundredth time I don't give a shit?", Carrie snapped as he rolled his eyes.

"Quinn, this plan is a necessity at this point. And you promised me you'd have my back, fucking be there. But if you want out, fine. Leave. Exit the same way you entered."

"I was planning on that unless you know a better way out of here.", Quinn said, seeing as there was only one entry door to the diner. Carrie simply glared.

"Damn it, Quinn! I don't-"

"Look I'm not planning on bailing. I just want you to think about things. We start this and there's no going back for you. You're putting every fucking thing on the line, I-"

"I understand. I'm completely entirely aware. Rest assured."

Frowning curiously at the wired look she was giving off, the way her hand had been shaking since they'd sat down, Quinn leaned back in the booth, stared her down.

"What? What the fuck are you looking at?"

"How much coffee have you had?"

"What kind of a question is that?", Carrie snorted.

"Alright then, how much have you slept?"

"Enough?", she answered, getting a look that made her roll her eyes, cross her arms. "I napped for awhile next to Brody last night. Four hours. Maybe five."

"How much longer is he gonna be out? It's been two weeks already."

"The head injury sustained was more severe than Maggie thought. That's why he's been sedated so long. But she says his recovery looks promising, he's progressing. That I just need to be fucking patient.", she lightly laughed, wiping her eyes.

Seeing the pained look on her face, Quinn was about to switch subjects before she did.

"She kept repeating that, reiterating, expecting it'd help me relax but it was a wasted effort really. I shut my eyes but barely slept."

When he looked on, still too curiously she frowned. "Is there a reason you're fixating on my fucking REM cycle?"

"Because now that you've roped me into this madness we're partners, Carrie. We've been working together at this for two weeks now and you're not some goddamn mystery anymore. I know when you're on and I know when you're not yourself. You're  _not yourself._  You look completely strung out and-"

"Strung out?"

"Your goddamn hand hasn't stopped shaking since we sat down."

"Like I told you already I'm just jumpy, jittery. Too much coffee. I don't think I needed the extra jolt." Sighing she pushed the cup away from her, thinking that would be enough to resolve the issue. It wasn't.

"This is way past too much caffeine. For Christ's sake, I haven't seen you this on edge since that day at Brody's apartm..."

Frowning, remembering what Saul and Virgil had told him on the ride to the mosque that day, what he could expect to see from Carrie when they arrived, Quinn's jaw clenched.

"Carrie...are you-"

"I'm  _fine_ , Quinn. I'm fantastic, just leave it alone. That's all I ask."

"Sorry, I can't do that."

"Why the fuck not!"

"Because part of that partnership I mentioned is having each others backs. We can't do that if you're holding out on me, especially about your goddamn general state of being. You think I'd trust you to go in the field armed right now?"

"We aren't in the field, we're in a fucking diner! And I'm not armed in case you were asking."

"I wasn't, I-" Exasperated, Quinn groaned, rubbed the bridge of his nose. "For fuck's sake..."

Biting her lip, knowing for the sake of everything she had planned she couldn't afford alienating him, sighing Carrie rested her arms on the table, leaned forward as he reluctantly met her gaze again

"Quinn, I'm still the same person who came to you with this plan two weeks ago. Nothing has changed! I'm only slightly on edge, energized."

"You're acting like Farrah after Virgil gave her that fucking bag of Pixie Sticks."

"So I'm enthusiastic, can you blame me?!"

"Enthusiastic? About what, clearing Brody by sacrificing yourse-"

"I'm not sacrificing anything!", Carrie snapped.

"Look when all is said and done, this will make complete sense. I'm certain of that."

"Yeah? Well I'm certain you're holding out on me. You've seen firsthand how I feel about that sort of thing."

Rolling her eyes Carrie picked up her butter knife. "Will this suffice or do you want the server to bring a fucking steak knife?", she asked, handing it to Quinn as he swore, set it down.

"You are a piece of work, you know that?", he groaned as she snorted, leaned back in the booth. When he remained serious though she went solemn.

"Quinn, what we're doing is of the utmost importance, you understand? You told me before that by being the person I trusted the absolute least, that I could trust you the most to help me. I'm holding you to that!"

"So let me get this straight, because we aren't fucking or because I'm not a father figure to you I'm not allowed to give a shit?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Carrie, if Brody or Berenson were conscious right now, you'd be dodging them left and right, going behind their backs, or you wouldn't be doing this at all. But because you're only dealing with  _me_ , someone who's not the love of your life or your goddamn mentor, you think you're entitled to do whatever you have to. And I'll just nod and smile and go along with it. Whatever fucking risk it poses to you be damned."

"Oh Jesus. Please don't tell me the public display you put on at the mosque was for anything more than show.", Carrie grimaced.

"Please don't tell me that because we're not boning I'm not allowed to give a fuck about you!", Quinn snarled.

"Quinn, I..."

"Because I do. I care. About you and Farrah and the fact that right now, if that girl saw you she'd-"

"She'd what? Be intimidated? Get the goddamn idea in her head that I'm not..."

"Not what, Carrie.", Quinn asked quietly as she bit her lip, bowed her head. She went to pick up her coffee mug again but he set his hand on her wrist, stopped her from lifting it.

"Why are you even asking? It's obvious you already know.", she spat as he shrugged, nodded.

"Yeah. I did see you after Farrah's kidnapping and you weren't exactly-"

"Yeah I know. I was there too.", Carrie snapped before biting her lip, toying with a sugar wrapper on the table.

"I'm not doing it loosely or lightly, Quinn. As of now it's needed, necessary."

"Necessary? You're going off your meds, Carrie. Risking becoming unstable. What about Farrah? For Christ's sake, have you thought about how she'll react to this? Do you care that she'll-"

"Don't fucking tell me I don't care about my child.", Carrie growled. Surprising even herself though at her tone, reaction, she sat back in the booth. Folded her arms protectively over herself.

"Why else would I even be doing all of this?", she muttered under her breath as Quinn frowned, shook his head in confusion.

"Wait, what are you trying to say? You're doing this  _for_  Farrah? That doesn't make any sense. She...wait."

When the alternative dawned on him he sat back in the booth. "Shit. Fucking  _shit_. You're..."

Jerkily Carrie nodded, refused to make eye contact as Quinn's eyes narrowed into thin blue slits.

"Did you just find out or was this just another secret you planned on keeping?"

"I suspected for awhile. Just got a call though confirming."

"Is it changing the plan any."

"No. It's not. Press conference is still scheduled for tomorrow at ten. We come forward with the proof, my statement, and those cocksucking cuffs can finally come off."

"And get put on  _your_  wrists?", Quinn scoffed as the waitress came by with his usual. Cutting the waffle down the center he plated half of it for Carrie only to glance up, see her hand was clasped over her mouth.

"Look, if you want to yell at me for stating facts go ahead. No sense bottling it all up and-"

When she shook her head, got to her feet Quinn quickly stood up, followed her into the single stall restroom. Locked the door behind him he sighed, held her hair back as she vomited.

"So hey, if just talking about the plan triggers this in you what the fuck's going to happen when we're at the press conference?"

Unamused, Carrie shot him a glare as she stood up, rinsed her mouth out at the sink.

"I was half serious, Carrie. Look, I'm not one for signs but maybe no-name in there is trying to tell you to think about this scheme some more.", Quinn shrugged, looking at her semi-playfully as her eyes widened in surprise, then annoyance.

"You did not just fucking say that to me."

"Alright, obviously the warm and fuzzy hasn't kicked in with you yet-"

"It's  _not_  going to!"

"Fine, let's try logic then-"

"No, lets try you going along with what we've meticulously planned out the past two weeks, Quinn. Not giving me this bullshit about my being too emotional or compromised, not thinking clearly because I'm, I'm..."

Shaking her head she shook off the thought.

"I'm doing my job, Quinn."

"Carrie..."

"No! You told me you gave up a life with your son and his mother to protect them. To do your job. How is what I'm doing tomorrow not offering that kind of protection? Who the fuck are you to judge me for it?"

"I'm not judging you."

"You're not."

"No. I'm in no position to judge. What you're doing is admirable. But it's got me very afraid."

"For me?", Carrie asked in disgust.

"For you,  _of_  you. It's a combination of the two.", Quinn said, trying to sound casual but the look in his eyes gave him away.

"Quinn c'mon."

"Carrie, I'm serious. When this shit hits the fan-"

"You better duck.", Carrie shrugged, unlocking the bathroom door before Quinn sighed, followed her out.


	97. Chapter 97

His eyes cracking open Brody squinted, let them adjust to the light.  
  
"Carrie...Carrie?!", he muttered, confused. Her face was the last thing he remembered seeing before the world had gone black. When his eyes fully adjusted he frowned at his cell like surroundings. He was in a dingy cinder block walled room with dim lighting, lying on a cot with an IV hooked to his arm and monitors bleating at him.

Seeing a pillow on the chair by his bed, with a gray hooded sweatshirt folded on it he recognized as Carrie's, he took comfort in knowing that she knew he was here. That she could be just down the hall from him. Turning, wincing at he did so, he hit the call button only to spot something silver out of the corner of his eye. Handcuffs dangling off his bed post. If they'd been attached to his wrist they weren't anymore.

"Well how's our favorite patient?"  
  
Shrugging, Brody frowned curiously as the older nurse flitted from one side of his bed to the other. Checking his vitals and scribbling on his chart.

"Excuse me ma'am?"  
  
"Oh call me Nadine, dear. Everyone does.", she said sweetly as Brody managed a half smile.

"Where am I exactly, Nadine?"

"You're at the Naval Hospital. And from the looks of things, if you take it easy you won't be here too much longer."

"Are you the doctor who was assigned to me?"

"No, that would be Margaret, dear. Dr. Mathison?"

"Maggie. Okay.", Brody sighed, relieved he was being treated by someone he trusted, or someone Carrie trusted at least.  
  
"She'd be here now but she had to go clean up some new mess that sister of her's got into."

"Carrie?"  
  
"Yes, that's the one."  
  
"What mess, what are you talking about?", he asked, trying not to get frantic as Nadine bit her lip. Then was bumped aside when the door opened and bumped into her backside.

"My goodness!", she exclaimed.  
  
"Sorry, I..I'm sorry.", Dana muttered.  
  
"Are you family?"  
  
"Yeah, I am."  
  
"Oh. Well I was just about to tell him-"

"No, you don't have to. I'll tell him."  
  
"Tell me what?!", Brody sputtered, forcing himself to breathe and not get worked up. Even though the monitors signaled he was having a hard time of it.

"Dear, you need to relax. Your vitals.."  
  
"My vitals are fine. They'll be better when someone tells me what the fuck is going on!"

Giving Nadine a look indicating she had this under control, when the older woman rolled her eyes, stepped out, Dana moved closer to Brody's bed. "You look better. You're awake, that's good."

"Dana, I feel better than I have in weeks, alright? Just tell me what the fuck's going on with Carrie. I know she's been here."

"That could be my pillow.", Dana snorted as he shot her a look.

"It's not your sweatshirt though, is it? Now c'mon, has Saul taken a turn for a worse? Is Farrah.."

"No they're both fine, for now anyway."

"What does that mean?", Brody asked as Dana sighed, sat in the chair by his bed before grabbing her phone.

"Carrie, was up to some stuff while you were asleep. At least she got you out of those handcuffs though."

Handing him the phone Brody squinted at the video playing on the screen.

"What is this, is she giving a press conference...?"  
"Here, I'll turn the volume up."

_"In the months following the Langley bombing on 12/12 an undercover operation was set up overseas. While stationed in Iraq an Agency asset obtained a recorded confession from the now deceased Faruq-al Hadad, in which he explained in extreme detail his role in carrying out the attack."_

"Jesus, that's the evidence. She got that recording from Hadad herself!"

"I figured. She talks about it for a few more minutes. I thought that was the end of the conference but then.."

As Brody watched intently the tape played on, and Carrie's emphatic speech turned from a defense of him to a confession about herself. One that sent the crowd into a frenzy and soon after, two cops who escorted her from the podium. Brody went paler than the bedsheets, clasped his shaking hand over his mouth.

"Dad, are you okay? Should I call the-"

"I'm fine. I...I'm fine.", he insisted.

"And you're getting me the fuck out of here!"

"No, Dad. Look you were just sedated for two weeks! I can't just-"

"Dana, if you get me out of here I won't leave the couch for two more weeks. I swear. I just need to go to Maggie's. She's a doctor, if anything's wrong she can treat me from her house."

"And if Carrie isn't there?"

"The cops wouldn't have released her to anyone besides her family, I'm positive."

"Alright, I'll take you. There's a way out through the back that we can use to get to my car."

"How'd you find that out?"

"I'll tell you on the way.", Dana said, going out to keep watch in the hallway while Brody disconnected from the IV's, dressed, grabbed Carrie's sweatshirt, and made his way to the door. He was moving slowly but looked more steady on his feet, thanks to his leg being properly stitched and having had time to heal.

Following Dana, Brody was surprised at how she'd found this back route outside.

"Hey, you said you'd tell me how you found this hidden exit."

"Thanks to all the construction and renovations it works as an entrance too. Someone showed me it."

"Which someone?", he asked curiously as Dana pushed open the door, led him out to the lot and her car.

"Carrie. We were both here last week after visiting hours and she was like, beyond determined to see you. So she found a way inside."

Pleasantly surprised that two of the women he loved more than anything had interacted without any bloodshed, Brody got situated in the passenger seat as Dana pulled out of the lot.

"Did anything else happen between the two of you that night?"

"She kept saying she had to get in to see you, that she was going to clear your name. When I told her visiting hours were over, that you were probably still asleep anyways, it was like she didn't hear me or she didn't care. She ran around the construction site for ten minutes, kept saying she had to work around the fucking wall. It was like we were playing Storm The Castle or something."

"Jesus fucking.."

"The way that she was saying it, the way she was talking? She was all worked up. Acting like she did that day at the house, the day she told me to call you.", Dana said as Brody sighed, bit his lip before speaking.

"You're saying she was manic."

"Is that what it's called?"

"Yeah. It is."

"What causes it?"

"When she doesn't take her meds, or something traumatic happens to her she can go into these flights."

"Meds for what? I thought you told me she wasn't crazy.", Dana frowned.

"She's not, she...Carrie's got a mood disorder, Dana. She's bipolar. The meds she's on, lithium, clozapine, they're meant to keep her stable."

"You're saying she's gone off of them?"

"She could have. I don't know. Would you mind driving a little faster, please?", Brody asked, getting a glare.

"For fuck's sake, Dad. I mean I know you're desperate to get to her because you love her and you love her kid, but she made the choice to go off her meds and confess at the press conference and land knee deep in all of this shit.  _You_  didn't. You're not responsible for her."

"Dana..."

"Most of this she's brought on herself, but you're sitting here with this look like it's all on you. It's not this time, it wasn't even all on you the last time, not after she..."

Too angry now to even speak, Dana clenched her jaw.

"After she what. Dana, just tell me what you-

"She fucking  _spied_  on us, Dad!", she spat bitterly, pulling the car over as her hands shook.

"Three days ago she went on live TV and said she illegally surveyed our house for an entire month! She broke in and she put up cameras and watched you and me and Mom and Chris like we were some fucking reality show! And you can honestly sit there and tell me it was all okay because you  _really_ _were_  that fucked up and that what you did or didn't do or tried to do somehow cancels out all her bullshit? Are you telling me you can work past what she did! Because if you can, that's really fucking fantastic but I CAN'T."

"And I don't expect you to.", Brody assured, speaking calmly but his eyes were clouded with guilt, shame, unshed tears as Dana drove the remaining way in silence to Maggie's house. Parking the car in the street.

"I can't expect you to.  _Ever_. But you have to know, your feelings and her history with us aside, at that press conference three days ago Carrie sacrificed  _everything_ for my benefit. And I'm  _not_  about to take that as an act of deserved generosity. Not after what I've fucking done to her. Right now, all I can do, is let her know what she's done wasn't for nothing. I do love her, Dana. As fucked up as we both are, as much as we've fucked each other over in the name of something we thought was bigger and more important than ourselves, the only time either of us feel free, like we have any fucking peace in our lives at all is when we're with each other. It's twisted and so fucked up I can barely explain it or understand it, but it's there. And I'll do whatever it takes to hold onto it. To hold onto her.", he said sincerely, swallowing hard before speaking again.

"I just wish that didn't have to involve conjugal visits to prison."  
  
"Well she's probably out on bail by now.", Dana shrugged, getting a snort, then a sigh as Brody went to exit the car. Only to feel her hand on his arm.

"Look, I know you're angry about what she did and that your entire fucked up situation with her has come to this even more fucked up place, but aren't you even slightly relieved to not be public enemy number one anymore?"

For the first time since getting into the car with her, Brody smiled. "It's given me time to make things right with you again, with us. I'd be a fucking moron not to be grateful for that."

"I guess you're about to tell me Carrie's responsible for that too."

"I think I've told you enough about Carrie today. Look, I'll be fine here. Why don't you go back to the community center, take a breather."

"Honestly, I'm a little too keyed up to drive back now. Is Farrah inside you think?"

"I'm sure she is.", Brody said, getting a half smile as he and Dana got out of, locked the car, then walked onto the porch and rang the bell.

Seeing who was outside, Maggie gave Brody a slightly sympathetic look, stepped onto the porch as Danny followed, looked on coldly.

"Can we come in?"  
  
"I don't think that's a good idea, Brody.", Danny spat as Maggie sighed, turned towards him.

"Danny she's going to want to see him before..."

"Before what? She winds up in the fucking nuthouse again thanks to him?!", Frank snarled, storming onto the porch as Brody swallowed hard, took a step backward.  
Meanwhile Dana stepped around everyone to get inside, muttering about going to see Farrah.

"Mr. Mathison, I.."  
  
"You know you should just save it, alright? My daughter has been dragged through another goddamn shitstorm because of you, you lousy-"

"Look, I didn't know Carrie was going to do any of this!"

"The same way you didn't know she'd sign up for three fucking courses of ECT, zap her brain to rid it of you! I only wish it were that easy. Maybe she wouldn't be in half the mess she's in now!"

"Dad!", Maggie interrupted, pulling him aside.  
  
"There's more going on here that you don't know. Remember, as Carrie's doctor I had a say in this!", she hissed as Brody frowned, shot her a look.

"What the fuck possessed you to if you don't mind my asking?", he asked sharply,

"Hey!", Frank scowled as Maggie sighed, shook her head.

"Dad, if you're going to defend anyone I'd rather it be Carrie. And Brody, if you're so curious about her go upstairs and speak to her. But you of all people should know I didn't want this to happen."

"Then why did you sign off on it?"

"Did you want her confession to land her in a jail cell?", Maggie snapped as Brody sighed, leaned back against the porch rail.

"But I don't understand. The fucking CIA found out about the surveillance. I told them and the police I wouldn't press charges. I thought it was settled!", he protested as Danny swallowed hard, spoke.

"Brody I'm not a lawyer but I'm pretty sure, you come forward with information that sensitive, that loaded, regarding the Agency, that was probably classified or even sealed, there's going to be legal consequences. Forget the fact that she's the newly appointed director."

"She wanted a scandal and she got one, Brody. All eyes are on her now instead of you and if I know Carrie at all it's what she wanted. The only thing I have control over is this nightmare landing her in the psych ward instead of the state pen."

"The psych ward..fuck me.", Brody sighed as Frank scowled, walked up and grabbed his collar.

"How about I just punch your fucking lights out instead you piece of-"

"Hey settle the fuck down. Both of you!", Danny yelled, jumping in to separate the two of them as Dana rolled her eyes at them all through the window. Then took Farrah by the hand.

"C'mon, we shouldn't be here for this."

 


	98. Chapter 98

Sitting on the back porch, Dana was trying her best to distract Farrah with a deck of cards.

"You have any fives?"

"Fish!", the girl giggled, but not long after her face went solemn again.

"What's wrong? You're kicking my as...butt, right now."

"I worried about Carrie."

"Yeah?"

"She say she has to go away and spy."

"Well you know she'll come back. And you've got a lot of other people to take care of you while she's gone."

"She say because of her plan, Nick come back."

"Are you okay with that?"

"I like Nick, but.."

"What?"

"He leaves, and Carrie gets sad."

"Well, I think what Carrie's doing is to make sure my dad sticks around. She's like, protecting him."

"Yes?", Farrah asked getting a nod.

"What's with that look?", Dana asked, seeing the contemplative expression on the girl's face.

"Carrie say, she protect someone else too."

"Oh yeah?", Dana frowned. Not sure what to make of that one.

"I ask, who. And she say it surprise."

"Well, surprises can be fun I guess."

"I still scared.", Farrah said tearfully, wrapping her arms around herself as Dana moved closer.

"Yeah, I know what that's like. When my dad left for Iraq I was scared too. But he came back. Carrie will too."

"It take a long time?"

"It took my dad awhile to come back but with Carrie I don't think she'll be gone  _that_  long. Maybe she can even call you."

"Even though she at work, being spy?"

"Yeah. I think she'll miss you a lot."

"I miss her lots."

"Well my dad's gonna miss her too. You can miss her together."

"You stay with us? Miss her with us too?", Farrah asked eagerly.

"I actually have to go home. I have a brother and a little sister I need to see."

"Ah."

"But I'll visit a lot."

"You visit me, and Nick."

"Yeah."

"And you sure he stay?"

Getting a nod, Farrah grinned as Dana held out her pinky.  
"You pink swear too!"

"Yeah, only way to make a promise, right?"

Nodding, after they twined pinkies Farrah got up, grabbed the notepad and pens they had grabbed out of the living room.

"You drawing a picture for Carrie?", Dana asked.

"Yes. She take it on spy trip. You help?"

"Sure. I don't think my drawing skills are as good as yours though."

"I teach Carrie, I teach you too!"

"Wait, I thought Carrie was  _your_  teacher.", Dana teased.

"She was, yes."

When Farrah started talking about their lessons in Iraq, started slipping into Arabic in the process, Dana nodded and smiled and chimed in with a few words Brody had told her and that she'd learned in one of her classes at school. Farrah giggled though at her mispronunciation.

"Hey, cut it out. Maybe Arabic is something else you'll have to teach me."

"Not now. Now we draw.", the girl said stubbornly, studying the drawing briefly before turning back to Dana, smiling.

"Nick is right. You are nice."

"Thanks. He says you're nice too. I know he cares about you a lot.", Dana said truthfully as Farrah's face fell.

"I not want him to leave again."

"Well, do you want to pink swear again, just to be on the safe side?"

Nodding eagerly, Farrah nodded, twined their fingers again.  
  
"He won't leave. I'm positive."

...

"Carrie, look I'm not leaving until you open the fucking door. I... I have your sweatshirt. You want it back?"

Not getting an answer, Brody fought the urge to kick the damn thing in. Reaching for the knob one more time, he felt it turn under his hands and breathed a sigh of relief. Looked at her as the door swung open and she shrugged, reached for the hoodie.

"Thanks.", she said, giving him a sheepish smile as she slipped it on. His face though remained stern.

"I'd cram it in my suitcase it but I just got the thing closed and I'm only allowed one personal carry-on. I swear, the psych ward's worse than fucking airport security.", she snorted, but seeing the look on his face, crossed her arms and went solemn.

"For Christ's sake, Carrie."

"You know, you're still supposed to be resting, recuperating! Not running around ripping your fucking stitches open.", she scolded. "How did you even get discharged?"

"Hey I'm sorry, but you lost any right to interrogate me when you got yourself arrested on live TV."

"I was just escorted by the officers, Brody. Christ, I wasn't even cuffed on camera."

Shaking his head, stunned, Brody plopped down on the foot of the bed, rested his arms over his knees as he stared at his shoes.

"What were you thinking, Carrie? Why did you do this, I-"

"Why the fuck do you think? You're a free man now, Brody!"

"And all it would've taken was you coming forward with the evidence on Farrah's father to prove that. But three days ago at that conference you offered yourself up as some kind of fucking sacrifice!"

"No, I didn't! Jesus. Look don't make me out to be some fucking martyr with a messiah complex, alright?. What I've done isn't all on account of you, Brody. My motivations, my methodology.."

" _Don't_  tell me there's a method to your fucking madness!", Brody spat as she snorted, shrugged.

"Of course not! That's a shit cliche."

Exasperated, Brody lightly laughed to keep from crying. "What was all this on account of then, Carrie? For Christ's sake. You just gave up your entire career, a chance to be deputy director to what, do an unneeded stint in a rubber room?"

"Unneeded? Do you honestly think I signed up for this on purpose?! That this was  _all_  my decision, my doing?"

"Hey, I wasn't the one who told you to spill state secrets in the middle of a fucking press conference! How did you even set something like that up?"

"Quinn and I..."

" _Quinn?_  Oh, great.", he snapped.

"Are you jealous?", Carrie asked, arching a brow.

"At your meeting repeatedly with a guy who stabs hands for fun?", Brody scoffed. "Has a hand in landing you in lockup for who the fuck knows how long.", he muttered under his breath as Carrie's smirk turned to a scowl.

"Quinn didn't have a  _hand_  in any of it! He just assisted, did as asked. He's been a friend."

"Yeah, that kiss was  _real_  friendly."

"So you  _are_  jealous."

"For Christ's sake, Carrie."

"Peter Quinn is just a friend, Brody."

"Well with friends like that who needs..."

"Hey, at least he didn't drive me to the edge of my own sanity and not give a shit about leaving me there!" Carrie snarled as Brody swore, bowed his head in shame.

"So that's what this is all about, isn't it. You're still angry. And who the fuck am I to blame you. I just wish you'd have punished me instead of yourself.", he sighed before it occurred to him he was being punished just as much because of this.

"Then again, being forced into watching this all play out, Jesus. Maybe that is the right way to go about it.", he weakly laughed, eyes welling up as she sat beside him on the bed.

"Brody, no. None of this...that's not why I'm doing this, you have to know! I.. I fucking forgave you! None of this is revenge or retaliatory based, you have to believe that!"

"Then what is it based on, you wanting to help? You made me out to be some wronged victim of circumstance and you out to be a raving psychotic!"

"And who is the press paying attention to? Who does the public want to see punished and who's getting their sympathy? Who's easier for them to swallow as some cocksucking criminal, the former  _soldier_  or the bipolar  _spy_?!" Carrie asked.

"I had valid reasons for all of this, Brody."

"It's all to earn us what, a shot at a future? If that's true how the fuck does your getting locked up accomplish it? What good does it do either of us?"

"Maybe it's about more than us...", she said softly but he didn't seem to hear her.

"What about your family? What about  _Farrah?!_  You know what all this is going to do to her? Her seeing that conference is the equivalent of Dana seeing my fucking suicide tape!"

Waiting until he'd calmed enough to hear her, Carrie spoke. "After I was released to Maggie two days ago, she and I sat down with Farrah and I told her a tailored version of the truth."

"What does that even mean?"

"I told her that I was going on an assignment. That my speech was all a structured set up. That I knew the officers escorting me on the tape and they were just pretending. That it was all part of a  _plan_. A plan that I put together so I could protect people. People both her and I believe in who would benefit."

"People like me.", Brody said bitterly as she reached for, squeezed his hand.

"Not just you, your family."

"My family? Are you saying I should... Christ, is this the part where now that my name's cleared I get out of politics?"

"You're not a politician! Not  _presently_.", she frowned as he rolled his eyes.

"You know what I mean. When you were trying to get me immunity, what were your words exactly? Afterwards I move to the town of my choice? Somewhere far far away...?"

"No! It isn't! This is the part where you stay put! For Farrah.", she said solemnly as his face fell.

"She adores you, Brody. Believe me there aren't many others out there I'd consider, but she cares for you. I..I need you to take care of her. She needs you to-"

"Take care of... Jesus, Carrie!" Caught off guard Brody ran a hand through his hair, stood up.

"Look you know how much I care about Farrah. You know I'd take a fucking bullet for her! But-"

"But what? Not long ago you told me you'd be content being a fucking  _cabin boy_  for us! What's changed?"

"Nothing! Nothing's changed.", he sighed. Shaking his head wearily he sat back down on the bed.

"It's just, look. When Farrah wakes up after a nightmare. And she's upset and wants someone to sing her to sleep or read her another bedtime story, who's the only person who she wants to see? When she's finished with a drawing who ends up with it on their refrigerator? It isn't me, Carrie. I've come to love that girl downstairs like she's my own, but she doesn't want me when she's scared or happy or just wants to, babble. She wants the only person out there she sees as her parent. The woman she trusts enough to and feels right calling Mom. Even if it is by accident.", Brody reminded as Carrie looked down and away from him, wiped her eyes.

Feeling horrible for making her cry but hoping like hell he was getting through to her, he reached over, held her face in his palm. On instinct Carrie's free hand went to cover the back of his as she sighed, blinked back tears.

"Carrie, the only person Farrah's going to want caring for her is you. Now I'll do whatever I have to, I'll look after her, you know I will. But you can't just swap you out for me and expect everything to work out like magic. You can't put that on me, it's a fantasy!"

"Well it needs to fast become a reality.", she spat, moving his hand off her face. "For Christ's sake, my follow up in court is first thing tomorrow."

"That was fast."

"Yeah well, Senator Andrew Lockhart must have the presiding judge on his payroll."

"You're saying he's railroading you into-"

"I'm sure. Almost certain. He's chomping at the bit to fill Saul's and my shoes at the Agency. Fuck, he's already approached Danny with his offer to take the 'overwhelming burden and stress' off his shoulders."

"You saying Galvez is next in line to-"

"Unless Lockhart gets his way, yes. But Danny stepped up after 12/12. Brought in a lot of new agents, brought them up. Became the new me, basically. Only not blonde and bipolar.", Carrie shuddered as Brody shook his head, twined their fingers and shifted closer to her.

"Well regardless how Lockhart or any of those fuckers with cameras see you, all Farrah sees you as is her mom, Carrie. I'm not enough for her, and if she were here she'd tell you that herself.  _You're_  all she needs."

Brody said knowingly as Carrie unlaced their hands, stood up looking agitated.

"No, all she  _needs_  in this life is someone stable. Sane, someone who can keep her secure, keep her safe."

"What are you talking about? You're all of those-"

"Brody, c'mon. You're not blind or brand new to my behaving like this. Jesus, I've been off my meds for nearly a month. I'm so past stable that I couldn't  _see_  stable if I turned around, tried to find it through a fucking telescope."

When his mouth formed a thin line and his eyes iced over she bowed her head, bit her lip til she tasted blood.

"It was needed. I did what was necessary."

"Why? So you could look as crazy at that conference as you must've sounded defending me!", he snapped as her eyes narrowed. Now it was his turn to feel ashamed.

"Motherfucking...I'm sorry, I just.."

"No, it's alright. You've got good reason to be disapproving, dismayed."

"Dana said as much that you weren't, but, shit. I guess I didn't believe it. I should've known though as soon as I you opened the door that you weren't-"

"Sometimes it's not quite so obvious."

After an awkward beat or two Brody spoke again. Only one thought in his head.

"Why, Carrie?"

"It's complicated."

"No, it isn't. It's not. Just tell me why you went off your meds, agreed to any of this, the conference, the arrest. Were you blackmailed? Did that fucker Lockhart get to you? Is Farrah's  _brother_  pulling something? What, he threatened you into looking unstable so he can get custody of her?"

"No! No, it's nothing like that."

"Then what is it! Damn it, what the fuck out there could possibly have this much of a hold on you that you'd sacrifice your entire career, time with your child-"

" _Another_  child!  _Your_ child!"

"What? Wait, don't tell me that Dana-"

"Jesus Christ, Brody, no! Not Dana. I'm sorry but I'm not nearly as swayed by her as you are!", Carrie snorted, crossing her arms and turning away as he frowned incredulously. Then it finally dawned on him.

"Wait, you..you're..." Slowly standing up he moved closer to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, turned her gently towards him.

"The pregnancy is just one piece of the puzzle though. There's a plethora really of pieces. But it's all part of the bigger picture, the plan, I...

Rubbing her shoulders that were starting to shake, when her voice cracked and he heard her swear, Brody pulled her close, started rubbing her back.

"Shhh, It's alright love, just breathe.", he soothed as she did so, albeit raggedly. Hid her face in his chest. "Shhh.."

Kissing the top of her head Brody held her tightly, not wanting to let go but eventually willing himself to. Reluctantly pulling back he reached into his back pocket, pulled out his phone and sat back on the bed.

"Brody, what...who are you calling?", Carrie asked, wiping her eyes as he misdialed the number, swore.

"Brody!"

"I'm going to find us a fucking lawyer."

"What? What for!"

"We're going to go to court. You'll take back your plea, confession, whatever. We'll sort things out with the judge, make this go away. They can put  _me_ away if they have to! I don't care if the proceedings drag on for the next six months, Carrie. I just know _you're_  not going to get locked up, not on account of this."

"Brody everything's already been set up, it's settled!"

"And what, I don't have a say?" Rolling his eyes he went to dial, right as Carrie strode over, made a move to snatch the phone from him. Brody saw her out of the corner of his eye and lightning quick switched the phone to his other hand, turned away from her.

"What the-"  
  
"I've got Grade A reflexes." he shrugged as she let out a snort, then after a moment climbed up onto the bed, tried to sneak up behind him for the phone. He spotted her and dodged her again.

"Jesus, will you cut that out? I fuck up dialing this number again and they'll start tracing my phone."

" _They will? Who_ will? The netherworld known as the NSA?", Carrie scoffed. "Take it from me, you've got  _nothing_  to worry about."

"Nothing, huh?"  
  
" _Nearly_  nothing.", she snorted, pinning his free arm behind his back and holding it in place.  
  
"Ow! Hey!"

Rolling her eyes she shifted, maneuvered so she was straddling him. Then with her free hand she shoved him until his back hit the mattress. When she laughed, went to grab the phone from him he smirked, used his legs and weight to swap positions. Get her beneath him.  
  
Laughing, panting slightly, he grinned and went to dial the phone he'd managed to hang onto, only to go serious, catching the watery, weary look in her eyes.

"Brody please, calling anyone now would just be counter intuitive, cause more fucking controversy. I can't.."

"Okay..okay I won't, I..I won't.", he assured. Kissing her to seal his words he rolled off and to the side of her, stroked her hair.

Seeing what he was still holding she arched a brow.

"Cell phone  _down_ , sergeant."

Rolling his eyes, swearing under his breath Brody tossed the phone to the foot of the bed. Then stretching out alongside Carrie, reached to rest his hand on her still flat stomach.

"So how far along are..."  
  
"Just a few weeks.", she said softly.

"And you're one hundred percent sure that you want to go ahead, have the-"

Jerkily she nodded but then looked away, prompting him to reach for her face, thumb a tear off her cheek as he sighed.

"Then you have to make me feel one hundred percent sure about tomorrow, what you're doing. Or so fucking help me they'll have to put me in the padded cell next to you."


	99. Chapter 99

When Carrie was hesitant to answer Brody let out a heavy sigh, reached to hold her face with his free hand.

"Look, I've done what you asked. You've got my full attention. Can you please just me why you're doing this.", he asked, with a mournful tone in his voice that made her chin quiver.

"C'mon, Carrie. I need to know."

Jerkily she nodded, sat up as he did the same. Taking hold of both her hands as she swallowed hard, spoke. "You remember that night at the motel you asked me what kind of future I imagined for us?"

"Yes. Please don't tell me this was it, I-"

"You're interrupting me.", she cautioned as he nodded, apologized.

"Well it wasn't this. I never planned on impromptu press conferences, pregnancies. I never fucking fantasized about raising a foster child, having more family to worry about than my father and Maggie. My life was my job and that was more than enough. Enough until Farrah. My entire world was fucking flipped because of her and not in a negative way. I need her but she needs more than me. She needs a family."

"What are you talking about? You're her mom, she has Maggie, your dad. She has Saul who's basically a surrogate grandfather. Virgil and his brother are her weird funny uncles. Quinn...well, she sees some kind of good in him I'm sure."

"She's lost her brothers."

"She's gaining another. Or a sister. I mean they may be her redheaded step sibling but she'll love him or her, I'm sure of it."

"What about a father?"

"What, is this where I come in?", Brody asked, getting a look.

"Brody.."

"What, Carrie..", Exasperated and overwhelmed by the situation he groaned, put his head in his hands.

"What do you mean, what? Farrah needs a father she can trust not to terrorize her, who's not surrounded by guards and guns and gets himself and her house blown up!'

"Carrie, how the fuck am I the man for that. You know my past better than anyone, I-"

"But Farrah doesn't. She won't. Hadad is responsible for enough of her nightmares. I wasn't about to let his setting you up contribute to any more of them. Cost her another father figure. As if I don't know firsthand how that fucking feels!", Carrie spat, her outburst taking Brody aback as he sat up, looked closely at her.

"Carrie.."

"I mean I know it's not like Frank Mathison isn't downstairs right at this moment, pissed and pacing and punching walls in. But I know what it's like to think that he's so far gone there's no fucking way he's going to find his way back. I've seen him at his most manic. I've been there when his flight is in full swing and he's set to start the fucking fridge on fire and there's no getting him off that ledge, keeping him from taking that leap so you just go along with it.   
  
And you think it's going to be fun when you're six years old and he gets you up at three AM, asks you to go on this amazing exciting adventure with him. So you say yes and sneak out your window without making a sound so Maggie and Mom don't hear, and get in the car and go on a drive to this, garbage dump.

And he says there's treasure trapped there that you're both going to try and find. Until he's arrested for trespassing and you're too busy dumpster diving, digging through dirt piles to hear or see the police. So you're just stuck there deserted in December when it's dark, and your coat is at home and you're so cold your teeth are chattering.  
  
And you're barely conscious when the cops show up with Mom, and Maggie who found you you under a fucking heap of old clothes and carried you to the car. And when you wake up in the hospital later with tubes up your nose and a needle in your arm, Mom and Dad are in the corner of the room swearing at each other and you're just stuck watching the scene play out until they finally fucking stop and turn to see you."

"Jesus, fucking..."

Averting her eyes to avoid seeing the sympathy, heartache in his, Carrie bit her lip, composed herself before speaking again. She hadn't thought about that incident in decades and bringing it up was almost like reliving it all over again. Seeing she was still avoiding his eyes, not sure of what he could possibly say Brody shifted closer, slipped an arm around her and kissed the side of her head.

"Afterwards he went on meds. For a month. Then it was back to miracles in the stars and my swearing I could see them too. Talk about self fulfilling prophecies."

"Carrie..."

Shaking her head she moved out from under his arm, reached for his hands instead. "If it was just me, if I wasn't raising Farrah, hadn't reconnected with you, things wouldn't be nearly as extreme, this, essential. I'd manage without meds, put whatever mania ensued into my work. I could justify it if I was  _just_  my job but, I'm not anymore! I can't be that."

"Because of me.", Brody sighed knowingly.

"And Farrah. I told you she's the catalyst, contributing factor for so fucking much of this. You think I'd throw myself in the psych ward if I didn't believe it was the best way to protect her?"

"You're really saying you think you're capable of doing to her what your dad...?"

"There's a chance.", Carrie sighed.

"But I'm here, Carrie. For Christ's sake, I've seen you at... look, your sister said when Farrah was kidnapped that I helped ground you. I stayed with you, I held your hand, I convinced you take your fucking meds-"

"Well my fucking meds are pretty frowned upon right now!", Carrie spat.

"And as far as you being around being enough, I already had an incident with your daughter."

"I know. Dana told me, but it doesn't mean.."

"Brody, it does mean something. It means everything.", she admitted softly, wiping away tears as she spoke.

"Ever since my diagnosis I've been so fucking scared of something like this. More than threats or terrorists or any terrifying fucking thing I've come across in the Middle East. I'm scared of being exactly what sent my mom on her never ending CVS run. I'm scared of frightening Farrah as much as my father frightened me. That I'll wind up alone not of my own doing but because I drove everyone I was crazy enough to love away."

Wrapping her arms protectively around herself Carrie bowed her head, ashamed, exhausted, still reeling from what she'd just revealed and knowing she wouldn't be surprised if Brody got up and walked out upon hearing it. She'd almost think better of him for it. Now that he was semi-freed from his demons why would anyone in their right mind sign up for a round with hers.

Curling up smaller, her head still bowed she jumped slightly feeling his arms slip around, then pull her against his chest.

"You're  _not_...crazy.", he emphasized. Sniffling she slipped her arm up, looped it around the back of his neck and he just held onto her tighter. Perfectly content if they remained clung together like this for the rest of their lives, seeing as how safe, comforting it felt.

"I'm going to do this, Brody. I have to.", she whispered as he sniffed but nodded.  
  
"Okay. Okay."

Pulling back slightly she wiped her eyes, shook her head.

"It's the right choice, course of action. Besides it freeing you up for Farrah, it's best for the baby too. I can get a routine set up, get adjusted to the lighter dose of meds. My stay won't be the entire pregnancy but it's during the time frame when there's the most chance something can go-"

"Hey don't. Don't even think like that. You and the baby will be fine. And once you're out of there I'll make sure you are."

"Yeah?"

"Of course, whatever you need. Midnight runs to the store when you've got cravings, backrubs. I can even serenade your belly with Elvis songs, how's that sound?" he grinned getting her laughing, rolling her eyes before his face went solemn again.

"Brody?"

"I just.."

"What?"

"The doctor's appointments, ultrasounds, I want to be there for those. Be there for you. I want to be able to see you more than twice a week or whatever the fuck's allowed."

"Well I don't think they're going to bend whatever rules they have for-"

"I'll figure something out. I'm not about to let them just cart you off for months without...I'll figure something out."

"But I-"

"It shouldn't be like this!", he said sharply.  
  
"For Christ's sake, we've been through enough bullshit as it is."

"I know. I know.", Carrie sighed, shifting away from him on the bed before standing.

"I mean you think I'm alright with it? Abandoning you and Farrah! If there was any way around it you know I'd be taking it but...there's not. I've decided and it's done."

"Wait, you really think you're abandoning...Carrie.", Shaking his head Brody stood up, moved closer to her.

"Abandoning is what your mom did to you and Maggie and your dad. It's what I did to my family. It's not what you're doing here. You're working in what you believe is our best interests."

"But wait, you just said..."

"I know what I just said. Chalk it up to my being a selfish prick though, okay."

"Well if you insist..."

A smile finding it's way onto her face, he rolled his eyes, stroked her hair.

"Look, we'll get through this, okay. I'll look after Farrah."

"Will you at least try to get along with her surrogate family in the process?"

"Well your dad isn't exactly my biggest fan but that could change. Maggie and I can manage, and Danny seems like a decent guy."

"I'm talking about Quinn. Farrah and him are close and he's helped me out a lot."

"For Christ's sake, Carrie...the man stabbed me in the fucking hand!"

"And he also came this close to shooting you in the fucking head but he didn't.", Carrie reminded.

"Look, Farrah's going to have enough trouble adjusting. Even though her and I talked, anything that could help ease the transition..."

"Okay I understand. I do. For Farrah's sake, I'll give Quinn the benefit of the doubt."

"Thank you.", Carrie said, giving him a relieved smile before moving back to, slowly lowering herself back onto the bed.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just a little lightheaded. Maggie says it's normal."

"Hang on a second..", Brody said as he went into the bathroom, brought her a paper cup with water.

"Thanks.", she said, taking a sip as he sat back down next to her, rubbed her shoulder.

"So about this sentencing tomorrow, you're sure there won't be any tricks, surprises. You're not going to be hauled off to the state pen?"

"I look awfully good in orange but no. No. Maggie's made sure of it."

"How though, she's not a lawyer."

"But her best friend happens to be. She's gotten Dad out of scrapes in the past, and she reminded the judge that you didn't press charges but that I confessed, pled guilty, and prior to my sentencing I'd be released to my sister who's a licensed physician. I don't think there will be any surprises, slip ups."

"If there is I swear I'm intervening. Telling them to lock me up instead. It's not like I'm not used to cells anyway."

"Brody enough, please. I don't want to think, talk about tomorrow anymore."

"Alright, alright, that's fine. I just assume not think about anything either."

"Anything?", Carrie asked slyly as she shifted onto his lap, slipped her arms around his neck.

"Oh c'mon. Carrie..."

Nipping at his lips she giggled, ground against him as he rolled his eyes.

"Fuck me..", he groaned, exasperated, but she took it as a suggestion and grinned, started slowly unbuttoning his shirt. Kissing each of his scars as she revealed them.

When her lips went lower, knowing this couldn't last much longer Brody pulled her up then took hold of her. Felt her legs wrap around his waist as he stood, went to set her down on top of the dresser.

"Not here!", Carrie whined, shaking her head.

"Jesus, that's right up against the wall! Everyone will-"

Making a move to carry her to the bathroom instead, she kicked her heel into his lower back.

"Are you shitting me, that's my  _niece's_ bathroom!"

"Motherfucking...isn't this the guest room? I-"

"Ugh, just, back to the bed. Now! Go!"

"But-"

"Either we go back to the bed or this  _isn't_  happening!"

"I don't think it's happening either way.", Brody groaned, letting her down as he shook his head, defeated.

"Jesus! You're telling me you're giving up on all of this  _that_  easily.", Carrie asked, throwing off her hoodie and the thin tee underneath.

Grinning at Brody as he all but lunged at her, pinned her back against the pillows. Kissing down her neck he reached back to unhook her bra only to hear a knock.

"Carrie? NICK!"

"Oh shit...Farrah?", Carrie called, seeing the doorknob jiggle before she heard a soft thud, then a loud knock.

"Yes! The door no work!"

"In a second, Farrah..", Brody sighed, getting up and getting himself straight as Carrie quickly zipped her sweatshirt and leaned back against the pillows. Laughing as she shook her head in awe.


	100. Chapter 100

After Brody unlocked the door Farrah darted past him, jumped onto the bed to sit beside Carrie. Throwing her arms around her tightly.

"Looks like someone sure missed someone.", Brody smiled as Carrie sniffed, held the girl tighter before letting go.

"You finish packing?"  
"Almost. Brody was just helping me."

Nodding, trying not to tear up Farrah bowed her head, fiddled with the corner of the comforter.

"Farrah?" Slipping an arm around her Carrie tried not to break down when Farrah climbed back onto her lap. Clung onto her for dear life.

"Shh. It's okay. It's okay.", Carrie soothed, rubbing her back before glancing tearfully at Brody who took his cue, cleared his throat and sat at the foot of the bed.

"Hey listen, Farrah. Tomorrow after I drop Carrie off-"

"And I start my assignment..", Carrie filled in.

"Right. I was thinking maybe I'd set up a picnic lunch at the community center. In the library? You, me, Zahira, the imam, some of your friends could be there."

"Picnic?", Farrah frowned, turning slightly to look at him as she wiped her nose on her sleeve.

"Yeah. I'll bring a blanket. Make some sandwiches, fruit salad. Maybe some chocolate chip cookies with M&M's?", he asked enthusiastically, getting a halfhearted shrug.

"Okay.", Farrah sighed, snuggling closer to Carrie.

"What, that doesn't sound fun?", she asked.

Sniffling again, Farrah choked out about wanting Carrie there too. Speaking in Arabic assuming Brody couldn't understand her. She looked up in surprise though when he piped up in the same tongue. Said he wished the same thing could happen.

 _"hal tatakallam al-lughah al-'arabīyah?_ , Farrah asked curiously.

" _na'am, qalīlan._  Yes, a little.", Brody said, but added he didn't speak Arabic very well and was hoping she could give him lessons.

"Dana, she ask for lessons too."

"She did?", he asked, getting a nod.

"Yes, I teach her drawing too!", Farrah chirped.

"Taught her to draw.", Carrie corrected.

"Taught to draw." Pulling out the sketch she and Dana had been working on downstairs Farrah handed it over to Carrie.

"Oh Farrah, it's beautiful!"

"It is for you. For your as..assign..."

"Assignment."

"Assignment.", the girl repeated.

"Good job!", Carrie praised, looking at the drawing and tearing up.

"Assignment, wait until after picnic?"

"No, Farrah. It can't.", she sighed as Farrah's face fell even more."But listen, we're going to have breakfast tomorrow before I go, right? Pancakes?"

"Yes. We..have them." The girl yawned before snuggling closer to Carrie. Prompting her to lean back against the bed pillows.

Seeing both their sets of eyes starting to droop, Brody shifted off the bed, went to grab a blanket off a chair, but then remembered Farrah's menagerie of stuffed animals and stepped across the hall to Ruby and Josie's room, asked for and got Farrah's backpack. Unzipping it he grabbed Merriweather and Marvin, along with Calvin who'd run over to him, started purring.

On the walk back to the guestroom he overheard Carrie singing Farrah to sleep. Growing emotional, but managing to get himself together, Brody went to open the door when the lullaby concluded, but felt claws sink into his upper arm and let out a yell. Sending a now spooked Calvin sprinting off down the hallway.

"Motherfucking..Calvin!", he growled, realizing the cat had drawn blood. Cutting over to the bathroom he cleaned and treated the scratch down his arm, then made his way back to the guestroom.  
But by the time he got there Carrie and Farrah were curled up alongside each other, fast asleep.

Approaching the bed he tucked the plush cats under Farrah's arm, then draped the blanket on her and Carrie both before stepping out as quietly as he'd entered. Descending the staircase, far from tired but feeling thirsty, Brody spotted Dana curled up on the living room couch. After draping a nearby throw over her, he walked into the kitchen and saw the overhead light on and Maggie sitting at the table, absentmindedly thumbing through a magazine.

"Getting caught up on some reading?"

"I guess you could say that.", she sighed, flipping it shut.

"Is Carrie asleep?"

"Last I checked."

"Good."

"She sang Farrah to sleep then conked out next to her."

"I'm glad. They could both use the rest."

Getting to her feet Maggie went over to the refrigerator. Grabbed a plate draped in plastic wrap that was housing leftover cheesecake. Reaching into the silverware drawer she looked over her shoulder at Brody.

"Would you like some?"

"Please.", he grinned, taking a fork from her before she uncovered the dish, set it down between them before sitting down across from him.

"It's one of my worst vices. Stress eating.", Maggie sighed, getting a light laugh.

"Hey there's worse ways to cope, right?"

After eating a forkful Brody got a ravenous look on his face."Motherfuc...sorry."

"It's fine. I can consider that a positive reaction though, right?"

"Extremely positive. Shit."

Rolling his eyes, embarrassed he shook his head.

"Jesus, excuse my French."

"No, it's okay. Between my dad and Carrie believe me, I'm plenty used to it.", Maggie smiled before going serious.

"Speaking of which, I'm sorry for how he behaved on the porch."

"Don't, there's no need to apologize."

"I tried to explain things to him. I told him you're not the enemy."

"This time.", Brody reminded.

"Right. But even so he still.."

"Maggie really, it's fine. I have a daughter too. If any guy put her through half the bullshit I've put Carrie through I'd have beaten him to a bloody pulp.", he said sincerely.

"Well not to change the subject but Dana's a sweet girl. She and Ruby really hit it off. They were Instagramming earlier."

"Sorry, instawhatting?"

"Instagram. It's like a photo editing and sharing site."

"Ah. Do you do it?"

"Are you kidding?", Maggie snorted.

"Sorry, thought it was like, Youtube. You know that's a funny video."

"Wow. And I thought I was behind the times.", she chuckled as he shrugged, ate some more cake.

"Anyway. It was nice to see Ruby making friends. She's on the shy side. I know your daughter's older but, she made an effort to get to know her. Seems she's got a good heart."

"Yeah. She does. You can thank her mom for that though. That's all Jessica."

"I don't know. Dana seems like a bit of a daddy's girl to me.", Maggie said knowingly as Brody's smile went solemn."I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a sore subj-"

"No, it's not that. I was just thinking of something else, I..." Figuring he'd just bite the bullet and ask, he swallowed his bite of cake then spoke.

"Look, in your professional opinion. Carrie's decision, what she's doing because of the pregnancy..."

"You mean the hospital."

"Yeah. Is her going to such an extreme really fucking necessary? I mean of course I want what's best for her, the baby, but is a stay at the psych ward really...", he trailed off as Maggie sighed,nodded in understanding.

"I'm not going so far as to say it's excessive. Carrie's being proactive about her health which is good. And her motivations for what she's done, there's a lot of factors at play. You, Farrah..."

"Yeah, she's said as much."

"As screwed up as it sounds, the timing of everything is actually ideal. She's not that far along yet so her stay will overlap with what will be the rougher part of the pregnancy for her. And the baby and her mental health are going to have top priority. She'll be in a stable environment, get a routine, some structure. Her meds can be properly monitored, adjusted."

"I understand the benefits it'll offer her but, for Christ's sake. It's not like she's booking a stay at Club Med here. It's the goddamn psych ward. How long can she hold out in a fucking hospital without getting depressed or frustrated or wanting to climb the walls?", Brody asked, flashing back on his times spent in cells and holes and how similar the environments could be to a locked ward.

"I just...shouldn't her emotional health and well being, general state of mind be taken into consideration too?"

"Brody, I have considered it. Believe me, it's my biggest concern.", Maggie sighed. Taking a particularly large forkful of cheesecake.

"I'm sickened at her being separated from Farrah. I mean I know you love that girl like she's your own but..."

"But I'm not her mother. I know."

"As Carrie's doctor, I'm for it. As her sister, I absolutely hate what she's decided, putting herself through. But she  _has_  decided."

"No, I understand. I do. I just wish to God I wasn't part of the fucking reason she..."

Setting down his fork Brody plopped his head in his hands, prompting Maggie to reach across the table, rub his shoulder.

"I know."

Feeling the sympathy in the gesture he sat up, looked up at her in surprise, semi-awe.

"Jesus. You know you and Carrie are more alike than you know."

"How so?", Maggie asked, amused.

"You've both got every reason to hate the sight of me yet somehow..."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better I did, for awhile. Hate you."

"Good, that's good to know.", Brody snorted, rolling his eyes playfully.

"But then I don't know, I thought about your situation and I began to hate  _that_  more. Carrie's hated it even longer. Luckily she was in a position to at least try and get you out of it. She did everything in her power to get you out of it. And now that she has..."

"I've got to make the most of that."

"Just be there for Carrie, Brody. That's all I ask."

"I have a choice?", he lightly laughed, taking another bite of cake.

"So tomorrow, you're absolutely sure there won't be any surprises. Nothing tacked onto her sentence, bogus rulings."

"As far as I can tell everything's under control. I mean you didn't press charges-"

"And I don't plan to."

"She pled guilty so it won't go to trial. I doubt her stay will exceed five months."

"Five...? For Christ's sake."

"I know, it feels like a lot but-"

"But it's not the state pen."

"It's also the same hospital she stayed at the last time...so, that should help."

"What about visitation? Can I see her? Can Farrah?"

"You, yes. But Farrah..."

At the look on her face, Brody frowned. "Maggie she's upstairs right now clinging to Carrie for dear life."

"I know, but Carrie was very specific. She doesn't want Farrah inside the psych ward. Period."

"She's going to be lost without her."

"Who's going to be lost without who?", Maggie asked rhetorically, before swallowing hard. Forcing herself to bring up the next subject.

"Look, I know Carrie's asked you to take care of Farrah. And I know you're certainly capable of it, but..."

"But what?"

"I think she should stay here, Brody. The guestroom is already made up. She can be with the girls, Danny, me, my dad. And you can come over and visit, stay as often as you like."

"No, Maggie.", Brody refused.

"But..."

"No. Look, Carrie got me cleared primarily so someone she trusts can stay with Farrah."

"She trusts me!"

"Of course she does, Jesus. I know that. But she specifically asked me to take care of Farrah and I'm going to fucking do it. I appreciate the offer, and I probably will have you take her a few nights here and there, but there's no way I'm backing out of the one thing she's asked me to do."

"Well, if you're sure."

"I am. One hundred percent.", he insisted as a smile crept onto his face.

"Besides, it's not like I couldn't use the practice."

"That's right.", Maggie grinned.

"I mean, shit. I still can't believe it."

Smile fading slightly Brody took another forkful of cheesecake.

"I mean after she lost. I never thought she'd consider..."

"Neither did I. But, I mean I know a baby's not going to be a walk in the park but after seeing Carrie with Farrah. That girl grounds her so much. Another girl or boy will just add to that."

When Brody's smile faded all together Maggie frowned curiously at him.  
"What?"

"Just, that word. Grounding. I..I don't like the sound of that. The idea of that."

"Brody it's not like I'm saying she's a teenager with a curfew. I'm saying her condition evens out when she's with.."

"I know that. But there's evening her out and then there's trapping her."

"Hey, you know that she was willing to leave the CIA to be with you."

"I know she was."

"And she loves Farrah. And will love your baby."

"I'm not saying she won't, but I'm saying she loves her job too. I know it was her choice to burn bridges with the Agency and maybe now she's fine with it. But what about three years from now, when she's got two kids and she's restless or bored, fucking resentful. What if she thinks she's made the wrong decision?"

"Brody, there's only so much you can navigate Carrie's thought process, okay? There's only so much any of us can."

"I just don't want to see her with regrets. Stuck in a fucking hole she can't get out of. I couldn't live with myself if that happened."

"Well, maybe she won't be in as much of a career-less hole as we thought."

"What does that mean?", Brody asked.

"I mean, after Carrie's situation with the CIA the first time, Saul told me there was no way she'd ever set foot at Langley again."

"But then she became my handler."

"Danny told me she was run off book. And he doesn't see why in situations down the line the same thing can't be done."

"Wait, I mean I know he's the big man in charge now but.."

"But...Saul and Carrie are both invaluable to the Agency."

"Well Saul can come back."

"It's doubtful he will."

"Really?"

"I've been talking to Mira. I guess Saul's told her more than once in recent years if he was ever critically injured on the job, almost lost his life, if he recovered he'd retire to put her fears to rest."

"So what, if Saul wakes up Danny would consult with him? And Carrie?"

"If the situation warranted it, yes. They're both brilliant at what they do and could be good resources for him. Also Virgil said he could even use help with his freelancing."

"Carrie working with him and Max five days a week?", Brody laughed.

"It's something at least. Once the baby's born and things are settled, she may need something like that."

"Hey wasn't that the point I was trying to make five minutes ago?", he teased as she smirked.

"Well what's that they say about great minds?", Maggie asked before fighting back a yawn.

"You alright?", Brody asked.

"Yeah, just a little past my bedtime."

"Go on to bed then, I got this." Brody said, standing up to clear the empty cheesecake plate. After setting it in the sink he felt Maggie come up behind, hug him.

"Wow, offer to clean a plate and look what it gets me.", he laughed, turning around and hugging her back.

"Just do good by my sister, okay?"

"I will, Maggie. I swear it.", Brody assured as Maggie nodded. Pulling back she gave him a smile.

"You know we should do this again sometime."

"You bet. Chocolate cake next time though, okay?"

Rolling her eyes she said goodnight and stepped out before Brody turned, finished the dishes. Then went to find another couch, chair, part of the floor to sleep on not wanting to go upstairs, risk waking anyone up. Only to hear footsteps and realize he had.

Frowning, he slowly went to leave the kitchen only to be met with a shove, pushed back against the refrigerator then passionately kissed.

Returning the favor until he went breathless, he shook his head, forced himself to pull back as she snickered.

"Carrie, Jesus...", he half laughed, half sighed in exasperation.

"Something wrong?"  
  
"Is something..for Christ's sake, you were afraid they'd hear us in the guestroom! But the middle of the kitchen is alright?"

"I didn't say we were going to stay here..."

"Then where the fuck do you suggest we-"

"Settle down, sergeant.", she scoffed. Reaching under the countertop into the wine cooler, for a bottle of sparkling grape juice, she took Brody by the hand and led him down the hall.

"I know a place."


	101. Chapter 101

After catching their breath, twined and tangled in the backseat of the car on a blanket she'd remembered to grab, laughing, Carrie lay draped over Brody's chest. Traced his scars with the tip of her finger.

All the while he was rubbing her back, his hand caressing the bare skin beneath her unzipped sweatshirt. The bottle of bubbly -non-alcoholic, he'd checked- was drained and resting on the floor. Even on nothing but grape juice, they'd still been fucking and laughing like they were drunk.

"So. Driveway sex...?"

"Hey. At least it isn't parking lot."

"Close enough.", Brody scoffed as Carrie rolled her eyes, leaned in to kiss him again as his hand wandered, cupped her right breast as he sat up.

Softly she moaned, straddled him as he deepened the kiss. She'd officially lost track of the time, of how many times they'd been together since she'd pulled him into her car.

Between hormones, the heat between them being preferable to the cool night air, and her hearing in less than ten hours, she was all but addicted to him and vice versa.

Soon enough he'd tossed the sweatshirt off her while her nails scratched at his shoulder, and he huffed out her name against her neck before her back arched and they fell in on each other. Spent and forced to catch their breath again.

Reaching around her for the sweatshirt Brody draped it back over her shoulders, then stretched back as Carrie lay sprawled on top of him.

"You alright?", he asked, cupping the back of her head with his hand as she nodded. Resting her chin on his sternum she grinned, traced his eyebrows with the pad of her thumb.

"Yeah. Just hit the grape juice a little too hard.", she snickered as he rolled his eyes, took her lower lip gently between his teeth.

After contentedly kissing for awhile she pulled back, curled up on his chest close enough to hear his heart. Her eyes slipping shut as he stroked her hair.

"You warm enough?", he asked, adjusting the blanket so it draped around them better.

"Mmhmm. Are you?"

"Yeah I'm good."

Smiling softly he reached for, held her face.

"You are so beautiful."

"Well we've been fucking for over an hour. Of course you're going to say that.", she snorted, then averted her eyes hoping to hide that tears were prickling in them.

"Carrie.."

"What?!"

He wasn't surprised or intimidated at her snapping at him, just continued giving her that intense, laser focused stare, waiting with infinite patience for her eyes to eventually dart back to his.

Meeting his gaze Carrie almost shuddered, it felt like he could see right through her. He probably could.

Tugging the blanket more around her, when he helped get it snugly around them both she shook her head, sighed.

"What is it? I just said-"

"It's not what you said. It's how you said it."

"How did I say it?"

"Like it wasn't just some sweet nothing bullshit to get me into bed, or something for you to say to me once I got there. You said it like..."

"Like who would, someone who's in love with you?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't know.", Carrie snorted, set to look away again but this time Brody held her face and her gaze. Didn't let her so much as try to.

"Before you I never got past pillowtalk bullshit. I never let myself get past that.", she admitted.

"Yeah, I figured as much.", Brody shrugged, smoothing her hair as she turned her head, kissed his palm. "I remember you asked me at the fire road why you felt the way you did. As if I fucking knew how to answer you."

"Well, you did answer me."

"Only because I knew why I felt the way I did. I just churned out the reason and switched out the pronouns."

"What?"

"I gave it up to you, Carrie. Way before you gave it up to me."

Not expecting that one she tried to formulate a response, something, anything.

"Wh..when?"

"When what?"

"When did you give it up to me?"

"When I woke up at the cabin after having what must've been a nightmare, and I opened my eyes and saw you."

"Brody..."

"You kept telling me I was with you, that everything was alright, that I was safe. And I believed it. For the first time in who the fuck knows how long."

"Until the next morning when everything went to shit.", Carrie scoffed.

"But in spite of that things held true, didn't they? I'm with you. Safe. Everything's fine. At least, at this moment everything's fine."

"Well I hate to break it to you but that moment's up after the hearing tomorrow.", she sighed.

"You know, you're usually the optimist of the two of us.", Brody reminded as she shrugged, went solemn.

"Hey."

Gently tilting her chin up he thumbed a tear off her cheek. "It'll be fine, Carrie. It will."

Sniffling, she managed a nod, soft smile before leaning in to kiss him. Deepening it, Brody took over. Settled on top and moved slowly and with her as her nails dug into the scars on his back.

Afterward, she resumed her position against his chest while he pulled the blanket around them both, kissed the side of her head. All the while thinking about the next five months. Highly doubting they'd be able to be like this in a hospital bed.

Getting emotional at the thought of having to separate from her,  _again_ , before he knew it Brody found himself vocalizing it.

"Don't leave.", he said gruffly. But hearing the words he realized his mouth had gotten ahead of his brain. Unfortunately Carrie hadn't realized that.

Sitting up she shook her head, glared at him.

"Shit. Carrie..."  
  
"Are you trying to make all of this more difficult for me?"

Swearing under her breath she grabbed and zipped her sweatshirt, pulled on her jeans.

"Look, don't. Jesus...it just slipped out, I-"

"Well that slip up? It made me feel even fucking shittier than I already do!"

Reaching for the door handle Carrie fought off his touch. When he was persistent, she cringed. Yelled at him to fuck off before opening, slamming the car door.

"Motherfucking...Carrie. CARRIE!", he yelled but she ignored him, took off up the driveway and inside the house.

Swearing again, Brody punched the back of the seat until his fist ached. Afterward, defeated he tugged on his jeans. Wrapping the blanket around himself tightly he tried his best to get comfortable in the now very uncomfortable backseat. Mentally scolding, cursing himself out until he finally fell asleep.

...

After curling up beside and managing to get a few more hours of sleep beside Farrah, careful not to wake the girl up Carrie slipped out from under the blanket and then into the bathroom. Showering, she got changed into her outfit for court, then went downstairs to get started on the pancakes she'd promised to make.

Peering out the front window she noticed that her car, that she'd left the keys in after fleeing last night, was no longer in the driveway.

"Fuck. FUCK.", she spat, tears filling her eyes. Knowing with Brody's tendency to run from conflict between them, that he could have driven to fucking West Virginia by now.

Deciding to channel her frustration and anger into energy to put towards pancake making, she walked over to the kitchen. Started retrieving bowls, pans, Bisquick and blueberries from the cupboards and making lots of noise. Enough to rouse Dana who yawned, wandered into the kitchen as she rubbed her eyes.

Seeing her out of the corner of her eye, Carrie nearly dropped the pan.

"Dana? What the..what are you doing here?"

"Crashed here last night after I dropped my dad off.", she shrugged, getting a coffee mug from the top cupboard before starting a pot.

"Well feel free to make yourself right at home!", Carrie scoffed, appalled at seeing her so comfortable here. Enough to rummage through Maggie's kitchen and know her way around it so well.

"Hey your sister said I could. I mean I did babysit your kid all afternoon."

"Next time I'll just slip you a crisp twenty. Send you on your way."

"My rate's double that at home.", Dana snorted as Carrie rolled her eyes, then sighed. Knowing Farrah must've gotten along halfway decently with the teenager if they collaborated on a drawing and spent the afternoon together. And that Dana had volunteered to stay yesterday, had done so without being prompted.

Keeping that in mind she spoke up again.

"Thank you. For watching Farrah."

"It wasn't awful or anything. She's a good kid.", Dana shrugged, pouring coffee for herself.

"Yeah. She is.", Carrie said softly, willing herself not to tear up.

"She showed me the drawing the two of you worked on.", she said, remembering she'd have to wrangle the sketch into her suitcase somehow.

"Yeah, she said she was going to give it to you. For your 'assignment'."

Hearing the way she emphasized the last word Carrie's features hardened.

"I'd rather she see it as that than know I'm doing a stint in the fucking psych ward.", she snapped as Dana frowned, sipped some of her coffee.

"She said you were doing all this to protect someone. Farrah did."

"She's right. I'm protecting Brody. Trying to."

"She said there was someone else too."

"Isn't my doing all of this for one person enough?!", Carrie deflected getting a shrug, nod, but still a cold stare from the teenager.

"I guess. But shit, going to all this trouble? You must've really come to love my dad when you set up cameras and fucking watched his every move." Dana spat as Carrie shook her head, set the spoon down and turned towards her.

"As much as I'd love listening to you berate, belittle me right now, I have to finish Farrah's breakfast. She'll be downstairs in about eight minutes and shouldn't have to hear over pancakes how much you hate me."

"I don't hate you.", Dana said, getting a skeptical look.

"You don't.", Carrie snorted.

"No. I don't,  _like_  you. Or trust you. But I don't hate you."

"You don't?", she asked, less aggressively.

"You got my dad sympathy instead of a death sentence. I'm still not completely sure how but-"

"Nothing was guaranteed. It was a gamble. I wasn't sure if any of it would do any good at all. Gain Brody anything."

"It did though. It did.", Dana sighed.  
"And I guess, in spite of everything you did, all the surveillance and shit, I guess I kind of owe you.", Dana shrugged as Carrie rubbed the bridge of her nose, shook her head.

"No, Dana."

"You knew my dad was innocent and you proved it. You were like, the only other person who cared enough to-"

"Dana, enough. You don't owe me. I was just doing my job. And I don't need anyone indebted to me for that. You understand? It's unnecessary. Unwanted."

"Well what do you want?"

"I want some help getting these fucking pancakes ready.", Carrie snorted as Dana moved closer, started ladling batter onto the griddle.


	102. Chapter 102

Seven or so minutes later Carrie heard footsteps, turned to see Farrah in her purple pajamas sleepily rubbing her eyes, hair tousled and half out of its braid.

"Morning, Farrah."

"Morning.", she yawned.

"Are you ready for breakfast?"

Nodding, Farrah rubbed her eyes again, sat down at the table.

While Dana finished up with the pancakes, Carrie walked over and sat in the chair next to the girl. Almost immediately Farrah climbed onto her lap, snuggled against her shoulder while Maggie, Danny and the girls came downstairs. They were buzzing around, chattering, conversing with Dana but Carrie wasn't paying attention to anyone besides her still too quiet daughter. Since Farrah was still sitting on her lap after the pancakes were served, she decided they'd share a plate.

"Carrie? Carrie?!"

"Huh? What?", she muttered, spearing some pancake on one of the forks before handing it to Farrah.

"I asked if you knew where Brody was.", Maggie repeated, pouring some coffee as Danny and Frank served themselves, then opted to watch TV with the girls in the living room.

"Looks like you have your answer.", Carrie said, nodding to the front door as it swung open.

Cutting up the rest of the pancakes with her fork, she was too fixated on the plate in front of her to pay attention to the man who'd just walked in.

"Hey brat. You sleep alright?", Brody asked.

"Yes.", Farrah shrugged as he pulled out a chair, sat next to her. Then reaching over, he grabbed a blueberry off her plate and tossed it up in the air. Catching it in his mouth before chewing it. The trick got Farrah giggling, and put a ghost of a smile on Carrie's face but little else.

"Here, Dad. Stop eating her's.", Dana snorted, shoving a plate at him as he thanked her but only took a few bites.

"Still too full from last night I think.", he sighed, looking to Maggie as Carrie frowned, looked between them.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Brody and I finished off that cheesecake last night. We sat in here for awhile. Talked.", Maggie answered as Carrie nodded, looked sheepish.

"Oh."

"Talk about what?", Farrah piped up.

"We talked about what kind of food I should get for the picnic this afternoon.", Brody smiled.

"That's where I was earlier. Drove over to the store, picked it up."

"Well, now we know!", Carrie snapped as she and Farrah cleaned their plate. But she regretted her harsh tone seeing the confused, nervous frown on the girl's face.

"Farrah, I..."  
Eyes welling up Carrie swallowed hard, looked to Brody apologetically.

"I'm sorry. I didn't..."

"No, don't. It's alright.", Brody said, reaching over to squeeze her hand. A silent apology and plea on his end that they focus on the good and the great about last night, not the bad and downright ugly.

Twining her fingers with his in agreement, Carrie nodded right as Farrah shifted off her lap, set her plate on the counter then excused herself. Mumbling about needing to brush her teeth before running into the foyer, up the steps.

"Fuck. Fuck!"

"Carrie...Carrie, look at me. It's alright.", Maggie soothed as Carrie stood up, paced. "Just try and calm down, okay?'

"Calm down? I have a hearing I have to be at in less than an hour and Farrah's fucking furious with me!"

"She's not furious. She's afraid."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?!", she scoffed. Wiping her eyes as she leaned back against the island in the center of the kitchen.

"Look, I can try and talk to her if you want...", Dana offered.

"Yeah, I can go with her.", Brody added. "See if maybe she-"

"Why?! She's not going to want to talk to either of you!", Carrie snapped before looking down and away. Ashamed.

"Carrie, they were just trying to help-"

"I know, Maggie. I...I know."

"Look, Farrah may be upset right now, but maybe her talking with one of us could help. Everyone in this house cares about her. She needs to know she's not going to be all alone in the world after you go away."

"And she will know that, eventually. But right now she's not going to respond, be receptive. You would all just be wasting your fucking time."

Excusing herself, Carrie went upstairs and knocked on the shut guestroom door before entering. Saw Farrah sitting on the foot of the bed, looking down sadly at her packed suitcase.

"Farrah? You okay?"

Nodding, the girl looked up, wiped her eyes. It didn't take Carrie being a trained spy to know it wasn't the truth.

"It's alright if you're not.", she assured, sitting beside her on the bed.

"No. You say I brave. I..I be brave.", Farrah said stubbornly, turning more towards her as Carrie bit her lip. Moved closer to smooth her braid.

"Honey, I don't want you trying to feel something that you don't. If you're afraid or upset it's alright. It's okay! I won't be angry, annoyed. I just want you to be honest."

When Farrah shrugged, looked away, blinking back tears Carrie shifted closer still, tried to keep it together.

"If I had to be completely honest I'd tell you that I'm upset. I'm a little afraid too.", she admitted as Farrah gasped, looked up in surprise.

"Yes?"

Nodding, Carrie's tears fell faster than she could wipe them away, and she shook her head, lightly laughed. Out of embarrassment and just to keep from breaking down all together.

Nervously chewing her lip, when Carrie covered her eyes, swore under her breath, Farrah knew it was her turn to move closer and climbed onto her lap. Knelt so she could reach her arms up and around her neck.

"It okay. It okay.", Farrah soothed, rubbing Carrie's back as she cried. "I see you soon. You say so. I see you soon.", she reminded, pulling back slightly. Getting a small nod.

"Yeah. You will.", Carrie sniffled.

"Look, as soon as I can I'm gonna call you, alright? You have my word I'll figure out, find a way to do that.", she promised, remembering the discreet lock-picking kit Virgil had given her ages ago and how it'd be useful for accessing locked offices after hours.

"I see you though. I see you soon.", Farrah insisted as Carrie nodded, not wanting to let on that five months wasn't exactly a short stint.

Not wanting to interrupt the moment but knowing he had to, Brody knocked, opened the door.

"It's time, love.", he said softly, poking his head in the guestroom.

"Okay, I...okay." Nodding Carrie pulled Farrah into another hug. Squeezing her eyes shut against more tears.

"I see you soon."

"I know. You know I love you, right?", Carrie asked, still holding Farrah as she nodded.

"Yes. I..I love you too.", she said softly. Nodding, Carrie forced herself to pull back right as the door creaked open more.

"Hey, listen brat." Walking over to the bed Brody knelt to Farrah's level, reached to rub Carrie's shoulder.

"Maggie and Frank and Danny and I, we're all gonna head out with Carrie. But Dana said she'll stick around, stay with you and the girls."

"And Calvin?", Farrah asked. Snorting, Brody held up his bandaged arm.

"Yeah, and Calvin.", he scoffed.

Rolling her eyes, Carrie went to stand up right as Farrah stood up on the bed, threw her arms around her tightly. Reciprocating, Carrie lifted her up.

"I love you,  _habibti_."

" _uḥibbuk_ ", Farrah echoed, and said again she'd see her soon before Carrie set her down, quickly stepped out.

Swallowing hard Brody wiped at his eyes, bent down and set his hands on Farrah's shoulders.

"So you keep an eye on Dana and the girls for me, okay?", he teased, getting as much of a smile as the girl could manage.

"I'll see you later for our picnic, okay."

"Okay.", Farrah sniffed before Brody hugged her too, then stood and grabbed Carrie's suitcase. Stepped out.

Watching, then following Brody as he left, peering down the hall, once she saw him and Carrie descend the staircase, walk out the front door Farrah darted back into the guestroom, shut the door behind her.  
  
...

"Okay truth or dare.", Ruby smirked as Dana chewed her lip, took a moment to decide.

"Truth."

"How many boys have you kissed?"

" _Just_  kissed?", she scoffed.

"Yeah!", Ruby said eagerly as Dana sighed, shook her head.

"Sorry. I forgot I'm hanging out with the just out of middle school crowd."

"Hey guys, should we go see how Farrah is?", Josie asked, nervously looking up the steps.

"Shit, I forgot she was up there."

"And she says  _I'm_  immature.", Ruby muttered as Dana ran upstairs, knocked on the guest room door.

"Hey, Farrah? You want to come downstairs? Watch a movie or something..."

Trailing off when she opened the door and saw the room was empty, running over to the bathroom, Ruby and Josie's room, then back in the guestroom, Dana was in too much of a state to see the window overlooking the backyard was opened just a crack.  
  
...

"How's the temperature, guys?", Maggie asked, glancing over her shoulder to the backseat of the minivan at Carrie and Brody. Then to Frank in the passenger seat.

"It's fine, Maggie. Thanks.", Brody said gruffly, twining his hand with Carrie's over the center armrest as she continued staring out the window, practically off in her own world.

"So is Danny supposed to meet us all down at the courthouse or what?", Frank asked.

"He's getting Max and Virgil and Quinn at Langley first. Then he'll swing by."

"Fancy black op freelancer types can't get their own ride over?", he muttered, pressing the button to open the window a crack, then pressing it again to close it. Getting Maggie glaring.

"Danny figured us all carpooling would be for the best."

"What's that noise?", Brody frowned.

"It's just Dad being four years old with the window, Brody."

"Hey, watch it.", Frank snapped.

"No, I don't think that was it."

Looking over to Carrie, Brody sighed when she didn't acknowledge him. He wondered if she even heard him.

"Well this van's as old as the hills. Something probably needs to be tuned up or replaced. It's probably nothing.", Maggie shrugged, hitting the gas slightly as Farrah tensed up, curled up in a smaller, more motionless ball in the trunk of the van.

 


	103. Chapter 103

Once arriving at the courthouse, Brody could've sworn he still heard that same suspicious sound even after Maggie stopped and parked the van. Unfortunately he'd made the mistake of saying so, prompting Frank to ask him to do an inspection himself.

"Dad, it's freezing outside!", Maggie protested, pulling Frank aside.

"Hey what's the harm in him taking a quick look under the hood?"

"Carrie's going to want him with her in the courtroom!", she hissed, getting Frank swearing, rolling his eyes.

"She's going to have us there! What the fuck does it matter if Red over there's late getting inside. He's making sure that decrepit old van doesn't kill us!"

"I'm not going to discuss this with you right now. Especially not here! I-"

"Maggie it's fine, really.", Brody said. When she went to say otherwise he held up a hand shook his head.

"I'm serious. Look I'll take a quick look under the hood and I'll be in the courthouse in five minutes.", he assured, then moved to help Carrie out of the car.

"You sure you're okay with this? I promise I won't be long."

"Fucking Christ! Look just stop stressing okay?!", Carrie snapped, brushing off his help as she slid out of the backseat. Once standing she smoothed out her skirt. Shook her head as she turned to face him.

"Brody, I just need to be sworn in, then sentenced. And so long as things are settled today in a timely way, that's structured, set up so there's no surprises, I..I'm terrific."

"You swear it?"

"Yes! For Christ's sake.."

Rolling her eyes she, arched a brow, raised her right hand.

"I solemnly swear that I can take twelve or so steps that way..", she sighed, pointing the short distance to the sidewalk.

"Then through the front doors and detectors, unchaperoned, straight to the courtroom, without causing chaos or creating a fucking circus."

Shaking his head Brody suppressed a laugh.

"Okay, if you insist."

"I do.", Carrie said firmly.

Wanting to lean in to kiss her, but feeling Frank's glare boring into the back of his skull, Brody settled for squeezing her hand instead. After everyone walked over to the courthouse, he turned his attention to the car where he heard the same shuffling, rustling sound. Only it didn't seem to be coming from under the hood so much as the rear of the vehicle.

Frowning, he was about to open the trunk when his phone went off in his pocket. Fishing it out he answered, heard a panicked sounding "Dad" on the other end.

"Dana? What is it? What's wrong?"

"I was downstairs with Ruby and Josie after you guys left and Farrah was still upstairs, but when I went to the guestroom to check on her, she..."

"Dana, easy. Just tell me what happened, okay?"

"We can't find her! We searched the entire house, the yard. I..I don't know where the fuck she went!"

Running a hand through his hair, Brody began pacing the lot. Getting looks from Max, Quinn and Virgil after Danny dropped them off, went to find a parking spot.

Not seeing them though Brody kept cursing, pacing. Too panicked to even think.

"Hi Brody.", Max greeted, tapping him on the shoulder as he jumped, glared.

"For Christ's sake, Max! What the..why the fuck did you sneak up on me like that!"

"I..."

"Look I'm an ex-Marine trained in fucking combat! Sneak up behind me without warning and I could kill you!"

"Sorry.", Max shrugged as Virgil came up behind, smacked him upside the head.

"Dad! Are you still there? Dad!", Dana screamed through the phone.

"I'm here, baby. I'm here. Look just, just keep checking the house, the neighborhood. I'll make some calls. We'll find her though, don't worry."

"Find who?", Quinn muttered as Brody hung up. "Brody, what the fuck is going on?"

"Is it Carrie? Did she take off?", Virgil asked.

"No. No, Carrie's inside."

"Farrah.", Shaking his head, Quinn paced, ran a hand over his mouth before speaking again.

"What happened? Where is she?"

"We don't know. Dana and Maggie's girls were watching her but she took off."

"Son of a bitch.", Virgil spat as Quinn pulled out his phone.

"Who are you calling?", Max asked.

"A goddamn singles hotline, who do you think?", Quinn snapped. Before dialing 911 though his ears perked up. Hearing the same sound that had bothered Brody earlier.

"What the fuck was that?", he frowned. Along with Virgil who approached the van, shook his head.

"Virgil, what?", Brody asked.

"Unlock this fucking thing, won't you?"

Fumbling for the remote Brody did as asked. When the trunk unlatched, popped open he nearly jumped seeing Farrah pop out too. Throwing a blanket off herself as she sat up.

"Farrah?! How did you-"

"C'mon. Like you never tried the same shit at her age.", Virgil snorted, scooping Farrah up and out of the trunk.

"Right? Maxie and I used to do this all the time."

"No we didn't.", Max mumbled as Virgil glared, set Farrah down.

"Milady...", he grinned.

"Thank you, Virg.", Farrah giggled before catching Brody and Quinn's glares. Shrugging sheepishly, she smiled at them.

"Farrah? What are you doing here!", Brody sputtered as she went serious, climbed back into the trunk and grabbed something out from underneath her blanket. After jumping back out she held it out to show them.

"Carrie forget drawing. I bring it!"

"Farrah, you showed me that drawing a week and a half ago.", Quinn sighed.  
"You could've given it to Carrie long before now."

"I forget.", she said shyly, bowing her head and folding her hands behind her back. All Brody could do was shake his head.

"Farrah do you know how much you scared Dana and the girls? They went to see you in the guestroom and you were gone! They thought you got lost!"

"I not lost. I here!", Farrah grinned, but was met with disapproving looks from everyone. Aside from Max who was checking his watch.

"Aren't we supposed to be inside?"

"Look you guys go. I'll take Farrah in the van back to Maggie's.", Virgil offered but Farrah refused, shook her head.

"No."

"Farrah c'mon-"

"No! I need to give Carrie drawing!"

Seeing Brody's frustration, Quinn chimed in. Saying she didn't belong here today and Carrie had said so, but Farrah shrugged him off.

Trying his luck, Virgil tried convincing her to leave with him but she began protesting and yelling in Arabic.

"Okay. She's lost me.", he sighed.

"I can stay with her.", Max offered.

"Stay with her where, Max? On the courthouse steps? Underneath that fucking oak tree?", Virgil scoffed.

"No. Inside the courthouse. There's benches."

Texting Dana to tell her Farrah was with them, then seeing the time Brody swore under his breath. His take-charge military side starting to kick in.

"Okay we have to get a move on here. Max, stay with Farrah. Farrah? No wandering off. You stay glued to Max's side, okay?"

"Yes. I glue.", Farrah promised.

"Good."

"But I give Carrie drawing, yes?"

"We'll get it to her, okay? Now c'mon, let's go."

"Hold her damn hand, Max!", Virgil barked.

"Right. Sorry.", Max muttered as they walked to the courthouse. After Brody and Virgil headed up the steps, went inside, Quinn whipped around. Stared the younger man down.

" _This_  time, she doesn't leave your side or line of sight for one goddamn second.  _Acknowledge_."

Nodding, Max gulped.

"I..I acknowledge."

"Ow! Max! You hold too tight!", Farrah whined.

"Sorry."  
Loosening his grip, he followed Quinn inside the courthouse. Still holding Farrah's hand as she turned, saw Danny by the water fountain.

"Dan!", Grinning she started waving as he turned around, stunned.

"Farrah what the..."

"Goddammit Galvez, move. We're already late."

Watching Danny disappear behind the doors, along with everyone else, Farrah's face fell and she tried to follow them but Max wouldn't let go of her hand.

Agitated, she started yelling at him in Arabic, only to get frowned at by some guards nearby.

"Hey! She can yell in whatever language she wants to!", Max shouted as Farrah moved to stand behind him. Sitting down on a bench nearby, they both glared at the guards who averted their eyes, embarrassed.

"Max?"

"Yeah?"

"What you do when you spy?"

"I um...I people watch."

"Yes?", Farrah asked enthusiastically.

"Yeah. I watch people and I take their pictures to show Quinn or Carrie."

"Pictures? You have cam... _cam_..."

"Camera?"

"Yes! Camera!"

"Uh huh.", Max nodded.

"You have it now?"

"Actually I just have this on me right now.", he said, pulling his phone from his pocket and putting it to the camera setting.

"I see?"

"Sure, just let me show you how to-"

Taking it from him Farrah held the phone out and grinned, pressing the button to reverse the camera and then taking a series of selfies.

"How did you figure out so-"  
"It easy.", Farrah giggled. Moving closer to Max she got him in a few of the selfies and they both stuck their tongues out, made silly faces.

"Here, you'll like this too." Setting the camera to a binocular setting, Farrah watched, grinned as Max zoomed in on the guard's frowning face.

"Let me! Let me!"

Taking back the phone, Farrah turned it on a crowd of people entering the courthouse.

Zooming in on a pair of bright red high heels a woman was wearing, she giggled, called them pretty before focusing the camera on someone standing nearby. Then gasped.

"No...no, no! NO!"

"Farrah? What?", Max asked, trying not to panic as Farrah cowered behind him, making every attempt to hide from one of the people who'd just walked in.

When he asked who it was, not getting an answer he shifted closer. Told her to whisper the name or some clue to him.

"Pretend you're a spy. Just describe one thing about him to me.", he said, then pulled back after hearing her answer. Frowned at her.

"Boots? What does that even mean, I-"

"No! NO!", Farrah cried, scrambling off the bench when she saw the man heading in their general direction.

"Shit! Farrah? FARRAH!", Max yelled after her, running to catch up right as the courtroom doors opened.

"Farrah!", he yelled again as everyone in the courtroom turned, stood up at the commotion.

"What in the..."

Shaking his head Frank stepped into the aisle with Quinn. Meanwhile, Brody, Maggie and Erin, Carrie's lawyer, did their best to keep her seated.

"What in the fuck is your brother doing!", Quinn snarled as Virgil shook his head, ran over to find out along with Danny.

They both got to Max, but none of them could intercept Farrah as she ran at the man that just entered, started kicking him in the shins and screaming.

"What in the...ORDER! Order in this court!", the judge bellowed, banging his gavel.

"Remove this child from my chambers at once!"

"I apologize for the disturbance, your honor.", Erin said as Maggie looked guiltily at her, all the while praying Danny or Virgil or someone had gotten Farrah under control.

Meanwhile Brody had an arm around Carrie's shoulders. Trying to keep her from self destructing, and/or chasing Farrah down herself.

Shaking him off though, when Carrie turned and stood, got a better look at who Farrah tried to attack, she was completely stopped in her tracks.

"Motherfucking  _shit_..."

 


	104. Chapter 104

"Motherfucking  _shit..."_

"Miss Mathison!", the judge growled, slamming his gavel again as Carrie jumped, turned to face him.

"Carrie, we talked about this!", Erin hissed. "Judge Mayer and expletives...remember?"

"I apologize your honor, I just-"

"Miss Mathison, please let your attorney you've appointed speak for you!"

"My client apologizes, your honor.", Erin sighed.

"Oh now I wouldn't take that as an apology, judge. I don't think Miss Mathison there has ever been sorry about one thing in her life, including threatening me with my own goddamn gun!"

"Excuse me, sir?!", Judge Mayer snarled, looking enraged.

"The name's Jon. And I thought I was pretty clear! That crazy bitch sitting over there.."

"HEY!", Brody growled, as Frank stepped in, held him back.

"I want to file a complaint. Make a statement. And I plan to represent myself."

"Well I don't plan on hearing another word from either of you until this chaos is settled. I'm calling for a twenty minute recess!", Judge Mayer spat, banging his gavel as everyone shakily stood up, watched him exit to his chambers.

"Meet me outside as soon as you get her settled.", Erin snapped, storming out of the courtroom.

"I'm getting this prick out of here if I have to knock him unconscious first."  
  
"Danny..."  
  
"It's fine, Mags. I got this."

After watching Danny and the guards escort Jon out, relieved, Maggie turned her focus to Carrie, now standing shakily in the corner next to Brody.

"Carrie, it's alright..just take deep breaths okay? Deep breaths.", she soothed.

"This...this can't be fucking happening, Maggie. He can't just..."

"Shhh. Shhh. C'mon let's go outside, get some air..."

"What about Farrah?!", Carrie asked, her eyes wide and darting around right as the girl ran up.

"Carrie!"

"Farrah, sweetheart stay here with Brody, okay?", Maggie insisted, knowing she and Carrie had to speak to Erin and that there was a chance Jon was still outside.

"But..."

"Hey, brat. It's alright. Carrie and Maggie just have to.."

"No!", Farrah cried, running off and calling after Carrie before Quinn blocked her path, picked her up before she could get out the doors.

She was squirming, hitting at him but he calmly let her as he carried her over to one of the benches.

"It's alright, Farrah. Everything's going to be fine. Remember, I don't break promises."

"But man..with boots...he..he here! He hurt, flowers, guns..Carrie, he..he hurt!", Farrah cried, clinging onto Quinn tighter as Brody knelt down, rubbed her back.

"Farrah he's not going to get near you or Carrie. Danny and the guards took him out of here. You don't have to worry, okay?", Brody assured, then stood when Virgil cleared his throat, waved him over.

"Well our good buddy Jon's out there sitting pretty between two armed guards. He's staying put for the next fifteen minutes."

"What about Carrie?"

"Reconvening with Erin. Maggie and Galvez and Frank are there too. Now it's time for you to fill  _me_  in. What's this shithead's story?"

"The prick is bad news. He's had it in for Carrie since she embarrassed him at this pool hall a couple of years ago."

"Do I want to know?"

"She found out he was white nation, asked him if there was such a thing as a supremacist fist bump?"

"Holy shit.", Virgil laughed in disbelief.

"She was drunk, but it didn't stop him from trying to take a swing at her. We retaliated, got the hell out of there. After we laughed about the whole thing. But she crossed paths with him and a few of his buddies in a clearing near her cabin a few weeks back."

"How ugly did it get that time?", he asked warily as Quinn stood, draped his jacket over a half asleep Farrah before approaching the group.

"More importantly how did Farrah get involved?"

"She and Carrie were taking a walk and they ran into Jon and his friends in the woods. Farrah ran up, yelled at them for crushing flowers under their boots and they scared her. One of the fucker's grabbed her by the arm. Needless to say Carrie went on the offensive."

"Understandable given the goddamn circumstances."

"Well I'm guessing the judge isn't gonna see it that way.", Brody said bitterly."This Nazi asshole saw the press conference. He knew enough to come here today to make his case. Gets to torment Carrie and get some fucking payback at the same time."

"Makes Carrie out to be a vicious lunatic who attacked him unprovoked. Watches more time get tacked to her sentence. He can even drag Farrah into it if he wants. Paint Carrie as an unfit parent who lets her kid run wild."

"Son of a bitch.", Virgil sighed, leaning against one of the benches as Max frowned, spoke up.

"Hold on though. If-"

"Max shut up! Now's not the time for-"

"You shut up!", he retorted.

"For Christ's sake, guys. Grow up.", Brody scolded.

"Just let your brother talk, Virgil.", Quinn said.

"Judge Mayer was already pissed about all the disruption. What's to say this bigshot coming in making claims without his lawyer isn't just going to piss him off more?"

"He makes a good point.", Brody acknowledged, right as the judge reentered and everyone began filing into the courtroom.

Quickly Max wrapped Farrah up more in Quinn's jacket before scooping her up. Bringing her into the hallway right as Carrie came through the doors.

"How is.."  
  
"She's okay. Just taking a nap."

Blinking back tears Carrie smoothed a stray hair off Farrah's face, kissed her cheek before Maggie walked her back towards the bench.

"Hey..", Brody greeted, meeting her and Maggie halfway and slipping an arm around her shoulders. "It's gonna be fine, I swear it."

"I know..I...I  _know_.", Carrie jerkily nodded. Leaning more into his touch as he kissed the side of her head, then sat beside her and twined their hands.

"All rise."

Doing so, Carrie turned to look across the aisle and saw Jon smirking at her across the way. Eyes narrowing, when she felt Brody's grip tighten on her hand she looked away, bowed her head.

"I'm okay.", she said under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear.  
  
"I know you are.", he said at an equally low volume. Still holding her hand as Erin cleared her throat. Shot them a warning look.

"I'm calling for a twenty four hour recess in light of the latest developments, and  _disruptions."_  Judge Mayer said, glaring at Jon and Carrie both.

"Mr..."

"Guster, sir. Jon Guster."

"Mr. Guster. During the recess I suggest you appoint an attorney to make a  _formal_  statement against the defendant. Your barging into my courtroom unrepresented, in informal attire, and using foul language is certainly not helping your cause.", Judge Mayer said sternly.

"And during the recess she what, just walks? Gets to attack me again, turn my own weapon on me and beat me up!", Jon sputtered as Quinn scoffed. Rolled his eyes at him.

"As for the defendant, Miss Mathison, I'm remanding you to the psychiatric facility for the length of the recess."

"What! Your honor, is this some kind of goddamn joke?!"

"Dad!", Maggie hissed before looking to Erin.

"Your honor, permission for my client to be supervised by Dr. Mathison for the length of the recess?"

"Permission denied. Court will reconvene in twenty four hours.", Judge Mayer said firmly, slamming the gavel once before standing.

"All rise."

Shakily Carrie did so, using the back of the bench ahead of her for support as Brody slipped an arm around her. When he heard Jon snickering he went tense but didn't acknowledge him.

"Brody.."  
  
"Ignore him, just ignore the fucker.", he coached as an officer approached him and Carrie.

"Miss Mathison, I'm here to transport you to the facility."

"We can take her over ourselves.", Maggie hissed.

"I'm sorry ma'am but she's been remanded by the court. It's my job to transport.", he said sympathetically.

"Just give us a minute, okay?", Brody asked as the officer nodded, stepped off to the side, along with Frank and Maggie who went to consult with Erin.

"Look, we'll get this straightened out.", he assured, taking hold of her shoulders."You pled guilty, Carrie. You came forward. Whatever this asshole says isn't going to add on to what you already signed onto."

"It  _already is_., Brody." Carrie hissed.

"I have to wait a goddamn day for this all to be decided. My stay could be extended, elongated _,_ exponentially! All thanks to this slow-witted subhuman shithead not seeing past his self centered, cracked moral compass to conceive the idea that I've confessed! I..I came forward on my own! I'm committing myself but does the cunt care? No he wants to twist the knife, knowingly wound. All because I threw his weapon in the woods and he's too thick witted to track it himself. He...he's furious. He wanted to start a fire under me but Farrah's the only one who fucking felt it...she..."

Chin quivering she bowed her head as Brody moved his hands to her face, thumbed a tear off her cheek.

"She's so frightened, fragile. I...it's not fair! She should never fucking have had to...it's not right! It's not..."

When her voice broke and she trailed off Brody pulled her tight against his chest, forced himself to keep from breaking down entirely.

"Shh. She'll be okay. We'll all be here, we'll help her.", he assured. Pulling back his hand went to her hair.

"When you say all, you mean.."

"I'll make nice with Quinn and everyone else, the best that I can. Who knows I might actually need their help.", Brody shrugged.

"Farrah's not that much of a handful.", Carrie lightly laughed.

"I didn't say we'd just be helping  _her_. Don't think for a second that asshole Guster is gonna spout bullshit about you and get away with it."

"It's not all bullshit, Brody. If he wants to he can-"

"I don't give a fuck what he wants! What  _we_ want is this prick to crawl back into whatever hole he crawled out of."

"What happened to you not liking that word?"

"Hey, so long as it applies to him...", Brody scoffed as the officer cleared his throat. "Just a few more seconds, okay?"

Leaning in, his lips briefly playing over her's, Carrie pulled back but he kept his hands on her face.

"I'll make this right, I swear."

"I know. I..I know.", she sniffed.

"Do you believe me? 'Cause that's all I-"

"All you care about. I..I know that too.", she lightly laughed, blinking back tears before biting her lip, then speaking again.

"I also love..."

"I know. I love you too.", Brody sighed, hugging her again as the officer approached them.

"We'll work this out, and Farrah will be  _fine_. Just...you promise me you'll take care of you and..."

"I will. I.. I will.", Carrie promised, forcing herself to pull back for real right as Maggie and Frank approached.

After hugging, saying goodbye to both of them, she saw the officer reach for his cuffs out of the corner of her eye.

"Those aren't necessary.", she hissed as he nodded. Motioned for her to follow him out through the back entrance of the courthouse.

After watching her walk away, swearing under his breath Brody stormed out of the courtroom, looking ready to punch a wall in. Before he could attempt doing so though he heard Quinn come up behind him. Along with Danny, Virgil and Max.

"What are you all doing here, who's with Farr-"

"Farrah's fine. She's with Maggie and Frank.", Danny assured.

"That didn't answer my first question."

"We are all going to get a drink, and figure out what the fuck to do about a certain Nazi. You in?", Virgil asked.

"I sure could use that drink but, Carrie asked me to take care of-"

"Farrah's fine. But if this fucker gets his way tomorrow, Carrie won't be. I'd have thought you, more than any of us wouldn't be okay with that happening.", Quinn said knowingly. Chewing his lip, Brody nodded.

"What's the plan?"

"Buy the first round and we'll tell you.", Danny said as they all exited the courthouse, made their way to his car.


	105. Chapter 105

After about four hours of thorough research and digging up dirt, and a twenty minute conversation, Quinn, Max, Virgil, Danny and Brody walked into Carrie's house to meet Maggie. Trying to conceal their exhaustion.

"So, how was the mission, boys?", Maggie asked curiously, sitting in the chair across from the sofa.

"I saw shit today I never want to see again.", Virgil grimaced, still scarred at having to break into and poke around the godawful van Jon had suggested Carrie check out.

"Christ, I need to go home and shower."

"Yeah, that was really gross.", Max shuddered.

"Did you get past the grossness enough to take some pictures?"

"Yeah, we did. Felt dirty committing everything to film though."

After Virgil handed her the phone, Maggie shuddered, handed it back after scrolling through just some of the photos.

"Well it was equally fun using the database at Langley to look up white supremacist facts and imagery. I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure nobody was behind me."

"Galvez you're the acting director now.", Quinn reminded. " _You_  should be looking over shoulders, not the other way way around."

"Yeah well, my shadows aren't exactly ones to avert their eyes.", Danny sighed, referring to the team of men assigned to him who followed his every move at Langley.

"Well you guys got what you needed, right? Enough dirt to discredit Jon? Keep him from testifying? Enough to put him in his goddamn place?"

"Oh, we've put him in his place alright.", Virgil said knowingly as Quinn snorted, rolled his eyes. "What's with the look, Quinn? I was paying you a compliment. You did terrific with him earlier."

"Where did you have him exactly?", Maggie frowned.

"I met the fucker in his garage once we compiled all the dirt on him and got his story straight. I told him to back off or else suffer the consequences."

"And scared the piss out of him. Literally.", Danny said.

"I just handled him the way I would any goddamn criminal."

"I didn't see you stab him in the fucking hand.", Brody scoffed.

"No, that tactic's reserved for the worst of them.", Quinn replied coolly, getting a glare.

"Anyway, I think it's time I call it a night.", Danny yawned, getting to his feet.

"Mags, you want a ride back to the house?"

"Actually I'm gonna stick around here for awhile."

"Okay, I'll see you at home then.", he smiled, giving her a hug. Prompting Virgil to make kissing sounds, smack his lips together. Earning him a glare from Danny and a punch in the arm from Brody.

"Ouch! What the..."

"Thanks a lot, man.", Danny laughed, slipping on his coat.

"Anytime.", Brody grinned.

"I'll see you guys. Good work."

"Hang on Danny, I'll walk you out.", Virgil said, rousing a sleeping Max before they all exited.

"I'm gonna go on upstairs, see Farrah.", Brody said, excusing himself before heading to the staircase. Meanwhile Quinn quietly stood up, made a move for his jacket when...

"Wait, Peter?"

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

Shrugging, he went to sit back down on the couch but Maggie frowned, shook her head.

"No. Not here.", she said, bringing him out to the back patio. Avoiding Frank who was finishing something up in the kitchen.

...

After poking his head in Farrah's room, seeing she was out like a light, Brody cut back down the upstairs hallway only to see Frank sitting on the landing, eating a sandwich.

"Nick? What the..."

"Sorry. Didn't mean to disturb."

"No, it's alright. It's a free stairwell."

"What are you eating?"

"One of my world famous sandwiches. Want a bite?"

Shrugging, Brody sat beside him on the stairwell, took the half of the sandwich Frank handed him.

"Thanks."

"What do you think?", Frank asked as Brody chewed, swallowed approvingly.

"Not bad. World famous you said?"

"Oh yeah. You know Carrie practically lived on these."

"She's a vegetarian though.", Brody frowned, getting a laugh.

"Didn't used to be. And hey, have you seen the state of her fridge since you got her pregnant?"

"No."

"Looks like she bought out the deli case at the supermarket.", Frank chuckled.

"You're kidding."

"Hey, I never kid about lunch meat.", he said as Brody stifled a laugh. Ate some more sandwich before Frank cleared his throat, spoke up again.

"Look, Nick..."

"Brody. It's just Bro-"

"For Christ's sake, just let me call you Nick!"

"Fine. Nick..Nick's fine.", Brody shrugged.

"I know you and I got off on the wrong foot."

"That's putting it mildly."

"Well you hurt my little girl! You expect me to be goddamn civil towards you after that?", Frank spat as Brody sighed, bowed his head.

"I don't. I apologize, Frank. If I could go back and undo everything-"

"That's not exactly possible, is it?"

"No. But, in spite of everything Carrie's given me a second chance. I owe her my life. And I'd lay mine down for her's without a second thought."

"Would you have done her stint in lockup for her?"

"Yeah. I would've.", Brody said without hesitation.

"Good answer. Considering it's the second time she's been there on account of you."

"Mr. Mathison..."

"Call me Frank, damn it!"

"You can hate me forever because of what I did. But don't think I don't regret it. I mean Jesus, when I found out from David Estes about her getting ECT..."

"You had visions of  _Cuckoo's Nest_  and felt nauseous?", Frank asked as Brody's features hardened.

"I had visions of when I was tortured."

"Electricity was..."

"A preferred method, yeah."

After awkward silence set in Brody was the first to break it.

"I told her to get some help. I didn't know that was what was being offered. And I know what she went through isn't the same but it's close enough. Close enough that it did make me fucking nauseous."

"Hey, you may have floated around every circle of hell. I'm not making light of or denying that. But it didn't mean you had to drag my daughter into it with you. She didn't deserve that, Nick. Regardless of what she did."

"I understand. I have a daughter too. And if anyone out there put Dana through half the bullshit I put Carrie through..."

Shaking his head, Brody sighed.

"I promise I'm gonna keep her safe, Frank. She's it for me. I wouldn't be sitting on this fucking staircase right now if it weren't for her."

"You got that right.", Frank snorted as Brody fought to keep his patience in check.

"Look, you can hate me as much as you want or have to. I'm used to it. But I ought to tell you now, once Carrie's released and all this bullshit is behind us, I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

Glancing up at him, amused, Frank shook his head.

"And what the hell makes you think that she'll say yes?"

"I don't care if she does or if she doesn't.", Brody shrugged.

"I just want her to know that she's stuck with me. Even if she won't get married, I'm committed-"

"Nice word choice there."

Ignoring the snark, Brody fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"I'm  _committed_  to her.", he emphasized. "For better or worse."

"For richer or poorer, til parted by death, yeah. I got it."

"Does that mean I have your approval?"

"The only approval you're gonna need in all this is Carrie's. And I think there's a snowball's chance in hell you'll get it. But I gotta give you credit for trying. It's more than any other asshole she's been involved with was willing to do."

"I'm not your average asshole.", Brody snorted, getting a laugh and a bit more sandwich.

"You know I saw the way you were with her back at the courthouse. I may be fucked in the head but my vision's twenty-twenty."

"I just wanted to talk her down.", he growled.

"Don't get defensive. I know you were. Carrie was standing there running her mouth at a mile a minute. Ranting and raving. And you just stood with her, didn't bat an eye."

"I've seen Carrie when she's manic, Frank. I've seen her when the meds and depression kicked in and she could barely get off the couch."

Nodding, Frank let out a sigh, set his plate down on the stairs.

"I'm telling you, it can happen a hundred times but that bullshit never gets easier to handle. One day you feel like you're the ruler of the whole damn universe. The next you want to just crawl into a hole and...son of a bitch."

"Don't. It's alright.", Brody said gruffly.  
  
"Anyway, Carrie told me awhile back I ought to be scared. I'm not though."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah. I mean, I've been scared of her for a lot of reasons before, but the bipolar? No. I'm more scared  _for_  her thanks to that."

"Well that's better than can be said for her mother. That's for damn sure.", Frank sighed.

"Look, I know better than to tell Carrie to steer clear of you. She's a grown woman, taken care of herself for years now. But I am going to tell you she's my baby girl and has been through hell. All I've wanted since I found out she was too damn much like me, is for her to find some fucking peace."

"That's pretty rare for her. I know.", Brody smiled softly.

"The only reason Carrie and I are still together after all the shit settled is we found peace with each other. We wouldn't be so desperate to hang onto each other for any reason besides that. I swear, I'll do whatever I have to to make her happy. As long as she lets me anyway."

"Well, that's all I can ask for I suppose.", Frank shrugged, standing up."Well, that and you sticking that damn plate in the dishwasher when you get the chance.", he asked as Brody rolled his eyes, nodded.

After Frank walked off, Brody pulled himself to his feet with help from the railing, then went to bring the plate to the kitchen, but was intercepted by Maggie at the base of the stairs.

"Hey. I was just about to-"

"No. You're not. Come with me."

Taking him by the hand Maggie took the steps back up two at a time.

"Maggie, what the-"

"Just follow me and I'll explain!"

"Explain what?!", Brody sputtered. Tugging her arm until she finally stopped walking, turned to face him.

"It's about Carrie. I'm worried about her."

"Well for Christ's sake, so am I! But what's that got to do with you dragging me around?"

"Just let me drag you the rest of the way and..."

"Maggie, stop. You remember how I said you and Carrie can be a lot alike?", Brody asked, arching a brow as she glared.

"I'm  _not_  manic."

"You could've fooled me.", he scoffed, walking her onto the landing.

"Look just take a breath and talk. Why are you so worked up?"

"I told you! It's Carrie. I just...her being at the hospital. Alone. I called and they aren't letting anyone get in contact with her besides whatever temp quack they want to set her up with.", Maggie scoffed.

"Hey, since when are you one to throw that word around?"

"Since the quack treating her isn't me.", she snapped before rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Anyway. I can't get through to her to update her on the Jon situation. So she doesn't know and will probably be up all night worrying. Which is the last thing she and the baby need right about now."

"Maggie I know all this.", Brody said bitterly. "Honestly, I'm trying really hard not to fucking think about it. I-"

"Someone should be with her.", Maggie cut in, getting him frowning curiously.

"I agree. But there's nothing either of us can..."

Catching the grin forming on her face, the gleam in her eyes, Brody's frown deepened. If he needed any more proof that Maggie was Carrie's sister...

"What's that look, wait...you don't mean..."

"C'mon, Brody."

"But I don't...how the fuck do you expect to pull something like that off?!"

"Well let go of my arm...", she said, breaking out of his hold to grab his hand. "And I'll tell you!"


	106. Chapter 106

"Are you honestly sure that this will work?", Brody asked as Maggie nodded, helped him into one of her old labcoats.

"Carrie's supposed to be treated by Dr. Winters, but her stay wasn't supposed to start for another twenty four hours. With Dr. Winters out of town, the hospital needed a replacement during the recess. So I called in a favor with a friend of mine, got the name of the replacement they were considering, called him, and told him since I was assigned to treat Carrie his services were no longer needed. Meanwhile my friend told some staff that the replacement they had in mind backed out, but she knew  _another_  doctor who'd take the case. The hospital was in a jam so they agreed to it."

"Only they haven't put a face to the new guy's name..."

"So the new guy is going to be you.", Maggie said brightly as Brody frowned. Checked his reflection again in the bathroom mirror.

"Relax, the dye is just wash out. I used it on Josie's hair for the school play."

"Looks like I combed chocolate syrup through my hair.", he grimaced. Rolling her eyes, Maggie fixed the collar on the labcoat.

"For one night it'll be fine. Carrie won't mind."

"You sure about that?"

"Yeah. She's always gone for brunets.", she teased as Brody snorted, stomped out of the bathroom.

"Until you!", she laughed as he shrugged, sat on the foot of the bed. Glancing down at his hands he saw they were twitching, fingering invisible prayer beads. He didn't fight it.

"I still don't think I can just waltz up to the front desk without being recognized. Or forcibly removed. What am I even supposed to say?"

"As little as possible.", Maggie said firmly.

"Besides, your bodyguard will do all the talking for you."

"That's true..", Brody muttered, distracted until realizing what he'd agreed with just then.

"Wait. What?!", he asked, looking up right as Quinn walked into Carrie's room. Wearing a leather jacket, a black shirt and jeans, with his hair slicked back and his Glock strapped to his side.

"Mother... _fucking_..."

"One bodyguard at your goddamn service.", he muttered as Maggie grinned, nodded approvingly as Brody stood up. Mouth agape.

"What the...is this a joke? How the fuck am I supposed to sell this?!"

"Say that you received some ugly threats against your life where you last practiced, and ever since you've had a guard on you.", Quinn said simply.

"You're a respected but very fearful doctor, and you take yours and your patients' security very seriously.", Maggie added.

"And what, Quinn's just going to-"

"Be your goddamn mouthpiece. I'll run interference with any staff we run into, and stand guard outside Carrie's room while you tend to your 'patient'."

"Okay, as much as I'm looking forward to playing dress up with my standard edition black-ops bodyguard...", Brody sighed as Quinn let out a snort, offended.

"What about Farrah? I know you told me she needs her rest, but if Quinn and I are going to all this trouble to sneak in,  _to comfort Carrie_ , wouldn't having her daughter there make sense? I mean you've come up with backstories for the two of us, why not her?"

Shaking her head Maggie sighed, leaned back against Carrie's dresser.

"Brody, even if I could come up with some logical explanation for a six year old accompanying you to a locked ward, Farrah being there wouldn't comfort Carrie one bit."

"C'mon, Maggie. You telling me one hug from that girl wouldn't do Carrie a world of good?"

"It would, if Carrie hadn't specifically told me she didn't want Farrah within a mile of the hospital. Half the reason she checked herself in was to avoid frightening her. She didn't want her to deal with what her and I did because of Dad when we were kids.", she sighed.

"Look, if I thought bringing her to visit would help I'd have arranged it by now. But this is Carrie's choice. We should respect that. Besides, Farrah's curled up in her own bed asleep. She's got Dad and I here with her. She'll be fine tonight. I can't say the same about my sister though."

"You know speaking of your sister, I think we should get going, Dr.  _Tobias_.", Quinn said, handing him a realistic looking fake ID tag to pin on his coat.

"Tobias?", Brody grimaced. "That's the best we could come up with?"

"Hey, when you come up with the game plan you can choose the name's for the ID's.", Maggie piped up, before muttering something about glasses and running off to grab her pair of readers.

Once she was gone Brody stood up, turned to Quinn.

"So you're one hundred percent sure you got our friendly neighborhood neonazi to back off?", he asked. Not having been allowed to confront Jon earlier.

"You really wanted to be in that garage didn't you?", Quinn said knowingly.

"I just wanted to look the prick in the eye and tell him he was finished."

"Well he knows. My putting a gun to the fucker's head didn't break him so much as letting him know we knew where his van was parked. That scared him shitless."

"Even so, he tries anything at the courthouse tomorrow and I'm gonna fucking strangle him, I swear."

"Hey, we talked about this. I've got  _Great Expectations_ and a gun. You've got a woman that loves you and two kids with her. Who's got more to lose?"

"For Christ's sake. Quinn, I understand that but I can't just-"

"You  _can_  just. Last I checked you've got more than enough blood on your hands already,  _Congressman._ "

Rolling his eyes, agitated, Brody went to sit on the bed again but Quinn shook his head, stopped him.

"Don't. You'll wrinkle.", he spat as Maggie walked back in the room. Lifted and pushed the dark glasses up and onto Brody's nose.

"Maggie, Jesus. Are these really-"

"Your eyes are far too blue to go completely unobstructed."

"Was that supposed to be a compliment or-"

"Shh. From now on you stop talking unless it's in your accent.", she ordered.

Rolling his eyes Brody cleared his throat, muttered a scientific sounding phrase as Quinn snickered.

"What?!"

"That sounded fucking pathetic."

"Oh, so you can do better?", he challenged as Quinn cleared his throat, then mimicked him in a near perfect British accent. Cheering, Maggie looked ready to applaud.

"Fuck me.", Brody spat.

"Brody, you'll be fine. Just let him do most of the talking."

"May as well. I am your goddamn mouthpiece after all."

"A mouthpiece I'd like to shove a sock into..", Brody muttered.

"Nice,  _doctor_. Very nice. I'm only guarding your goddamn life!"

"Hey, hey..boys. C'mon. Are we gonna have to call this off?", Maggie asked, eying them both.

"No.", they muttered in unison.

"Good. Then go!", she demanded, watching in amusement as they both walked out.

...

After getting out of the car outside of the hospital, Brody fixed his collar then pushed the reading glasses higher on his nose before squinting.

"What's with the face?", Quinn asked.

"Nothing. I just can't see for shit in these things. They make everything worse. Blurry."

"Well take it up with your goddamn optometrist.", he scoffed. Then held an arm out when Brody tried to walk ahead of him.

"What the-"

"Stay the fuck behind me."

"Jesus, Quinn. You're my fake bodyguard, not a fucking human shield!"

"Since we got out of this car I'm your  _real_  bodyguard, and a human shield unless you feel the need to be recognized,  _Doctor_.", Quinn hissed.

"Alright, fine. Just calm the fuck down! You're making me nervous.", Brody muttered as they walked towards the front doors.

"Good. Look nervous then. Keep your head down, fidget. Shake like a goddamn leaf."

"Shake? Are you kidding me?"

"A man doesn't hire a round the clock guard for himself unless he's freaked the fuck out. Right?"

"Yeah, guess that makes sense.", Brody acknowledged, slumping his posture slightly as he walked, while grabbing the manila folder out of his back pocket acting as Carrie's 'chart'.

"How's this look?", he asked. Thumbing through the folder he started muttering and mumbling in his affected British accent.

"Impressive.", Quinn said.

"You think?"

"Why the fuck would I lie?"

"Uh, let me think of about fifty reasons.", Brody snorted.

"I'm serious. Just, keep that shit up and we might have a shot at pulling this off."

Once through the front doors, Brody shuffled behind Quinn towards the reception desk. Not making eye contact with the receptionist, Renee.

"Can I help you?", she asked, eying Quinn.

"I'm escorting Dr. Tobias to his consultation with his patient."

"Patient's name?"

"I believe it's Mathison...", Quinn frowned, turning to Brody who quickly nodded, swallowed.

"Y..yes. Quite right. Mathison. Yes.", he convincingly stammered as Renee frowned.

"What's his problem?"

"Problem, ma'am?"

"Yeah! What's the good doctor's problem?! He's shaking like a leaf, standing all hunched over and hiding there. What's wrong with him?"

"What's wrong with him?", Quinn asked, eyes narrowed.

"What's  _wrong_  with him? The man has had eight threats made against his life in the past three weeks! Doctors across the country are desperate to get their hands on his research, threatening to kill him over his life's work. He isn't supposed to be on the bloody street after dark but he's traveled here, on behalf of his patient to treat her tonight in person. And you have the gall to ask what's  _wrong_  with him!"

"Shit. I am so sorry. I didn't-"

"Ms. Mathison's room number, please."

"I'm just gonna pull it up. Just a second now."

"Thank you, madam."

"Madam! Well.", Renee blushed.

"It's much appreciated, really.", Quinn said, giving her his most charming smile.

"Oh you're much appreciated too, honey.", Renee grinned, not as shyly at him this time, prompting Quinn to look down and away.

"Now these are your visitor badges. Right there is Miss Mathison's room number and floor number. Here's one for you,  _Doctor_..."

"Why thank you, love.", Brody said quietly, taking the tag.

"And one for you. Mr. Bond, double 0  _sexy_."

Not feigning embarrassment this time, Quinn bowed his head.

"Also, I was asked to tell the doctor, Ms. Mathison's not allowed any outside visitors during the court recess."

"I understand. I'll be standing guard outside, keep to my post."

"Oh I bet you will, sugar.", Renee smirked as Quinn swallowed hard, turned to Brody.

"Come along, doctor. This way."

"Oh yeah, you both walk away. Nice and slow now. Yeah!", she grinned ,letting out a slow whistle. When Quinn turned back to look at her she waved.

"You have a nice night now, double 0 sexy!"

"Don't turn around. Just keep walking, damn it.", Quinn growled as Brody bit his lip, tried to keep it together as they approached the elevator.

"Shut up. Just shut the fuck up.", he warned, all but shoving Brody into the car once the doors slid open, and ignoring him as he doubled over from laughing.


	107. Chapter 107

Lying down, staring up at the flickering fluorescent light, reminding herself to not cross over into panic mode, after her eyes landed on an unsightly water mark, some cracks in the ceiling Carrie swallowed hard, rolled over onto her side.

Pulling the scratchy wool blanket around herself she let out a slow breath. Hoping to calm down enough to get at least an hour of sleep. Since she had arrived at the hospital early, in handcuffs, with no space for her in the entire fucking psych unit they'd brought her to a sparsely furnished detention cell with a propped open door. It was a solitary unit, for that she was grateful, and she'd been given a cot and polka dotted hospital gown to call her own. The only reason she'd obtained a blanket was a guard had seen her shivering. He had either taken pity on her, or an interest in her exposed legs. Carrie was too exhausted to give a shit.

Trying again to drift off she heard swearing from down the hall. Followed by shrieking that sent a chill down her spine. Bundling up more under the blanket she squeezed her eyes shut against tears, cursed herself for letting them form. She was supposed to be tougher than this. She chased terrorists for a fucking living. But this place always found new ways to scare her.

The only thought going through her mind was if Jon's plot worked against her, how she could be the one shrieking to be let out of here. Her sentence could go from five to however many months, she could wind up going into labor in a room like this. Farrah would feel as confused and abandoned as she had felt when her own mother left. Brody would have the baby to look after, but would he still look at her the same way? Or would he want out, resent her the way her mom resented her dad and his bipolar.

The thought made her cringe. She hadn't been this anxious since her first time in psych after her flight in college. Back then she had no idea what was about to happen. It felt like all control had been taken away from her. Thanks to Jon she felt the same way now. Her sentence, treatment, everything, felt up in the air and she may as well have been a terrified twenty two year old again.

Hearing footsteps that sounded like they were approaching her room, she jumped, pulled the blanket more around her.

"The doctor would like to know why his patient isn't allowed the luxury of a closed door!"

"What the..."  
Frowning, swearing that voice sounded like Quinn's, if Quinn was suddenly British, Carrie chewed her lip. Wondered if she really was losing it.

"Sir, regulations insist-"

"Regulations?!", Quinn cut in.

"Yes, sir."

"Well I don't give a damn about regulations. If you'd like for Dr. Tobias to consult with his patient, he insists the door stay shut and I stand guard outside it. I'm being handsomely paid to do my job and I intend to do it. In spite of venial shitheads like you."

Biting his lip the younger man stepped around Quinn, unpropped the door.

"It'll close now, sir.", he said meekly.

"Thank you.", Quinn scowled as Brody muttered a thank you, quickly stepped inside the room and shut the door behind him.

"I'm all set in here."

"What?", he asked, still in character in case the guard was still nearby.

"I..I've got my meds. I have a blanket. I don't need anything. Please just go."

Hearing the fear in her voice Brody whipped around and removed the glasses. Saw she had her back to him.

"Carrie..."

"I said I'm okay.", she cried.

Moving towards the cot he went to touch her shoulder but she flinched. Prompting him to walk around to the opposite side of the cot. Kneeling down he saw her shaking under the blanket, wrapped up in it like she was in a cocoon.

"Just leave me alone. Please."

"Hey...hey..."

When the blanket was moved from her face, she jumped and jerked back, wide-eyed, until her eyes focused on who was actually with her.

"Brody?"

"Hey.", he smiled, lightly laughing at the stunned expression on her face.

"What the..."

"What? Too hard to imagine me as your temporary shrink?"

"Holy fuck.", Carrie sputtered, sitting up on the cot.

"Don't worry, I didn't break in and I'm not trying to break you out."

"So why are you here?", she asked as he grinned, took hold of her face before kissing her, gently before she responded. They kept at it until their heads spun. His from adrenaline and her's from utter confusion. Not that that kept her from tugging his lip between her teeth while her fingers scratched at his scalp. Finally, breathless, Brody was the first to pull back.

"For the record I didn't come here just for that.", he said, getting to his feet.

"No?", she grinned, swinging her bare legs back and forth over the side of the cot before extending her left towards him, moving her foot teasingly up his thigh.

"No. Just gonna say that up front." Pushing her leg off him he sat down at the foot of the cot.

"Why are you sitting over there?"

"Because I sit any closer to you when you're just wearing that...", Shaking his head he gestured to her thin gown.

"There's no telling what's gonna happen."

"Prude." Carrie scoffed.

"So again, why are you here?"

"Quinn and I were sent over."

"Quinn's here?!"

"He's my bodyguard.", Brody shrugged as her jaw dropped.

"You're shitting me, right?"

"How else was I supposed to get in here without everyone asking questions? Though I think the disguise helped too."

"You mean the chocolate syrup in your hair?", Carrie snorted.

"Did you do that yourself?"

"No. Maggie did. She arranged the whole thing."

"How?"

"She gave me her old labcoat. Made some phone calls. Told the temporary doctor who was supposed to treat you that his services weren't needed tonight."

"And sent you here in his place?"

"For one night she figured it was okay. She wanted someone to be with you tonight."

Hearing that Carrie's eyes went stormy and she swore under her breath.

"Carrie? What-"

"Jon's going to testify, isn't he? He's gonna lengthen my stay. Fuck!"

"Hang on, I didn't-"

"Why would she go to all the trouble of sending you here! She just wanted you to soften the fucking blow!"

"No, Carrie. You don't-"

"His plan..it's going to work! My stay's extended, the asshole gets his wish and I'm just stuck here until-"

"Carrie!", Brody interjected, making her jump.

"Jesus Christ!"

"I'm sorry I just... Jon's not a problem anymore."

"What?"

"We took care of it. Galvez, Quinn, Virgil, Max."

"Did you shoot him?"

"For Christ's sake Carrie, we don't do that!", Quinn yelled from the other side of the door. Rolling his eyes he popped in his earbuds, certainly not in the mood to hear every word they said tonight.


	108. Chapter 108

"Okay if you didn't shoot Jon, then..."

"We just dug up dirt on him, Carrie. We found his van, ran a background check. Then we confronted him, said we expose all the shit he'd been up to and discredit him in front of the judge. The prick decided to back off."

"And you're sure, absolutely sure, he won't-"

"The asshole's through, Carrie. I swear.", Brody assured.

"Holy shit."

Seeing her shivering when a draft rolled in from the vent above, Brody took off his overcoat and slipped it around her shoulders. Grinning, he gestured to the labcoat and ID tag he was wearing. Carrie didn't so much as smile.

"Hey, are you..."

"Fine. I'm fine. Just, walking a little to calm down.", she sighed, walking back and forth in front of the cot with her arms crossed.

"Well now you're making me nervous. Sit back down.", Brody said. Watching her pacing reminded him of when he'd do the same in confined spaces.

"This isn't a typical room here, is it?", he asked nervously, eyes darting around.

"Just where you're held when they have nowhere else to put you. It didn't help that I came in with cuffs on. They probably thought I was a fucking hardened criminal.", Carrie scoffed, before glancing over and seeing Brody's clenched jaw, how tense and uncomfortable he looked. Then she put two and two together. How a place like this must look and feel to him. Climbing back onto the cot she reached for, squeezed his hand.

"You okay?", she asked as he turned, managed a soft smile.

"Yeah, I'm good."

Arching a brow disbelievingly Carrie shook her head.

"I don't believe you."

"Really. I'll be okay. Don't worry."

Bringing her hand to his lips he gently kissed it, prompting her to shift closer to him. When he went to lie back on the cot though, she stayed seated upright.

"C'mon, Carrie. You need to get some sleep. We both do."

"Yeah well I can't."

"Because you're convincing yourself you can't.", Brody sighed. "Just lie back. You'll probably fall asleep soon as your head hits the pillow."

"I doubt it.", Carrie snorted, looking skeptical.

"You know you're acting like Farrah right now. Only she's not as bratty."

"I'm not bratty. And if I am it's because I can't fucking sleep."

"Prove it then. Lie down.", Brody said stubbornly.

"What happened to keeping a safe distance?", Carrie smirked.

"I'm past that. Now I'm just lonely over here."

"Lonely?", she questioned.

"Lonely. And in a room that may as well be a fucking cage."

Shaking her head Carrie snorted.

"Great, playing on my sympathy. You're seriously trying to guilt me into going to sleep?"

"Whatever works.", Brody smiled slyly as she groaned, reluctantly curled up next to him on the cot as his arm snuck around, pulled her close.

Draping, then curling her left arm around his chest possessively, Carrie let out a half sigh-half yawn. Feeling his fingers comb through her hair.

"So how...how is..."

"She's okay. She was asleep when Quinn and I left."

"Really?", Carrie frowned.

"It's early for her to be in bed."

"I think it was just a long day for her.", Brody said. Regretting his words when her face fell.

"You'll see her tomorrow, Carrie. Danny said he'd make sure she got to the courthouse. You can give her a hug, make her laugh. Let her know everything's gonna be okay."

"Brody I know, I just..."

"Yeah.", he nodded. Hearing the pain in her voice and knowing a few minutes on the courthouse steps together was nowhere near enough time. Holding her close he kissed the top of her head.

"I wanted to try and sneak her in here tonight, but..."

"Wait, what?", Carrie asked sharply.

"I thought it'd be good for you, for you both, if you saw each other, I-"

"No, it wouldn't have!"

"Carrie..."

"Not in here! Jesus Christ, Brody. A six year old getting a tour of the fucking psych ward?"

"I'm not saying we'd throw her in lockdown with you! I'm saying the two of you go on the grounds, spend some time..."

"No, Brody.", Carrie refused.

"I told Maggie already, I don't want her thinking I'm away because I'm sick. I'm not going to scare her like that!"

"Carrie, you and I both know you're not..."

"It's still a hospital. And Farrah hates them. She finds out I'm staying at one she'll think that something's wrong with me. Medically. I won't put her through that! And the last thing I want is some patient or staff member walking around and frightening or giving her the wrong idea."

"Okay, okay. I understand. I won't bring her."

"Swear it!", she insisted.

"I swear. I swear.", Brody assured. Holding her a little bit closer.

"I'm sorry. I just...I can't..."

"It's okay.", he soothed as she sniffed, tightened her arm around him.

"I miss her."

"I know you do. But she'll be okay. We will too. At least right now we can keep each other company."

"Yeah.", Carrie nodded, wiping her eyes.

"And you've got some company with you on a regular basis."

Lightly laughing he moved his hand to her stomach as she rolled her eyes.

"You know there's not much to feel there yet. All I've felt is fucking nauseous every morning."

"You want me to call Maggie, have her bring you something tomorrow when she drops your suit off?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Crackers. Sprite?"

"No, I'll..I'll be fine.", Carrie laughed, knowing it was nice of him to offer but it wouldn't do shit.

"You know I had a checkup earlier, before they stuck me in here."

"And?"

"Everything looks good. I'm seven weeks already."

"Makes sense.", Brody mused before a sly grin filled his face.

"I think it was in the rain, you know.", he said as she laughed, frowned at him.

"What makes you say that? What about the bathtub?"

"Hey, I had no issues with the bathtub. I'm just saying it happened in the rain."

"He says with such certainty.", she mocked.

"Look at our history though. First time we met, not at your office."

"In the rain."

"First time we were together sober."

"Well, I guess..."

"You guess. You know I'm right."

"Okay, fine. You're fucking right. You're a dork but you're fucking right."

"Thank you.", Brody said smugly before going serious. "So, are you going to want to find out the sex? When you can I mean."

"Yeah. I think so. It'll just be easier to wrap my head around all this if I know..."

"No, it's fine. It's your choice."

"You don't want to know, do you?", Carrie said knowingly as he shrugged, looked away.

"It's okay if you don't. Next time I have an appointment I'll ask and you can leave the room."

"Assuming I'm here for it."

"You will be. Today was just a weird exception. I did want you there though, I do...want you there."

"Okay. Noted."

After comfortable silence kicked in, seeing as neither of them were ready to sleep yet, Brody broke the quiet with an odd suggestion.

"So you want to play a game?"

"A game?"

" _Not_  doctor. Just gonna say that up front."

Her eager grin changing to a skeptical frown, Carrie shrugged.

"Sure. What did you have in mind?"

"Two truths and a lie?"

"You're joking."

"What? I thought you'd like it."

"I liked it when I was eight and sleeping over at a friends house.", she laughed.

"At the very least it'll kill time."

"Yeah, or bore us both to sleep."

"Hey, what makes you think I'm gonna bore you?", Brody scoffed.

"Fine then, impress me."

"Fine. I was born in the desert. I took my dad's car for a joy ride before I even had a permit. I had a dog growing up named Tito."

"Tito?", Carrie laughed.

"Yes. Tito."

"Okay fine...um.", Biting her lip she ran through each statement in her head.

"Well I know the joy ride is true."

"Shit. The polygraph.", Brody groaned as she laughed.

"I never saw you as the dog type. Especially one called Tito. But the desert?"

Nodding, he put his hands behind his head, leaned back more against the pillow.

"My dad was stationed in the Mojave. I was born at the base there."

"I had no idea.", Carrie murmured, propping herself up on the pillow.

"How long did you live there?"

"Just when I was a kid. We moved around a lot. I was in high school when we settled down in Virginia."

"And you met Jess?", she asked, not jealous so much as curious.

"Yeah.", Brody said, swallowing hard before looking back to her, smiled.

"Anyway, your turn. Sorry I bored you."

"No, you didn't. Mine might put you to sleep though."

"You're kidding, right?"

Rolling her eyes she smiled, tried to decide.

"Okay. I learned to play trumpet when I was seven. I had a fling with one of my professors in college. I've never smoked."

"Shit, you are good at this."

"Hey, you're the one who asked an intelligence officer to play a truth game.", Carrie scoffed, before her eyes clouded over.

"Former intelligence officer, I mean."

"Hey, I didn't-"

"No, I'm alright. I...I'm alright.", she assured, resting her chin on his chest.

"Well the trumpet thing I could see. The smoking? I dunno. I smoked once and I was nowhere half the rebel I'm sure you were."

"You're probably right.", Carrie grinned as he frowned curiously at her.

"So you actually, with your professor..."

"Of my foreign affairs class.", she smirked.

"Nice.", Brody snorted.

"He wasn't that much older. And he wasn't married or seeing anyone at the time."

"How long were you with him?"

"My freshman year. But then he got serious and I got spooked. I broke it off. It just got to be too much.", she shrugged, running her thumb over one of his scars. Even with his shirt and labcoat on she managed to find, trace the one by his collarbone.

"If you're up for even more honesty, you're the longest relationship I've ever had."

"Yeah?"

Nodding, a smile broke onto her face.

"And, you're the only man I've been with who felt compelled to dress like a shrink and break into my hospital room.", she said, getting him laughing.

"You know you can tell Maggie that I'm keeping the lab coat. And the hair."

"Bullshit! You're washing that dye out before Farrah sees you tomorrow and you fucking scare her."

"Well, fine.", Brody huffed as Carrie pressed a kiss where her fingers had been, moved them to undo the labcoat and start on his shirt buttons.

"You can keep this though."

"Good. I think it works for me."

Rolling her eyes Carrie dragged her lips down his chest, kissing his scars as she revealed them.

"Hey...now hold on. In here?"

"What?"

"Carrie we're in a fucking locked ward."

"Note the operative word  _locked_.", she smirked.

"Peter Quinn is right outside the door.", Brody sputtered, trying not to react to her hand wandering, undoing his belt.

"It's not like he hasn't heard us before."

"Carrie, no. We're not fucking in here.", he said sharply as she snorted, rolled her eyes and rolled away from him.

"Jesus.", she huffed. Folding her arms over her chest.

"Carrie..."

"No, it's fucking fine, Brody. Really."

"It's fine when you're gonna lie there pouting the rest of the night?"

Rolling her eyes again she stared up agitated at the ceiling as Brody moved closer. A boyish, puppy dog grin on his face.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?", he asked, snuggling closer and moving his arm over her til his hand settled on her hip.

"Stop acting cute. It's fucking annoying."

"You sound crabby. Are you crabby?"

"Yes, I am!"

"Well you don't have to be crabby. There's no law saying you have to be or anything."

"Jesus Christ.", she groaned. Rolling over as his other hand moved towards her ribs.

"Brody!"

"What?", he asked cheekily. "You're not ticklish, are you?"

"Fuck no." she snorted, still turned away but biting her lip, refusing to let on.

"Are you sure? You're absolutely sure you're not..."

"Yes! Goddammit Brody, I'm not-"

Before she could protest further his hand on her hip shot up to her neck and he started tickling under her chin. Getting Carrie squirming, struggling to get away from him. He was stronger though and managed to keep her pinned, still giggling too loudly given the setting.

"I swear if you don't, agh, STOP! Stop you fucking son of a...", she squeaked as he relentlessly kept it up. Managing though to free an arm Carrie reached up and through his unbuttoned lab coat and shirt, pinched his upper arm and twisted the skin.

"Ow! What the..."

"Ha!", Carrie laughed, looking triumphant as she finally caught her breath, sat up.

"Motherf...ow! That hurt!"

"Hey if you don't stop whining I'll have to do it again!"

"You really are crabby.", Brody snorted as she grinned, made a pinching motion with her fingers. Then though her smile went softer.

"Can I tell you a secret."

"Are you going to pinch me again?"

"No.", she laughed, shaking her head.

"Fine, what is it?", he asked, moving closer as she leaned in.

"I'm really glad you're here.", she whispered. Eyes misting up as he took her face in his hands, let his lips play temptingly over her's before they resumed their earlier position. Squashed together in the too small bed.


	109. Chapter 109

"I'm really glad you're here."

"Too bad it can be for the next five months.", he sighed as she shrugged, kissed his cheek.

"It's the right thing to do, Brody. My being here. At least more right than the alternative. Forget about my fucked up brain, what was the other reason I agreed to do this."

"To protect me."

"And to keep you here! Otherwise the three of us and Farrah would all be to Istanbul by now."

"Istanbul?"

"Or Peru, Norway. Wherever the fuck you're supposed to run to when you're with the most wanted terrorist in the world."

"If I was still the most...none of you would've run with me. I'd have disappeared before-"

"I would've found you.", Carrie said firmly. "Either I would've or they would've. And either way we'd have been fucked."

"Carrie..."

"Running with you may not have been an option, I know that. But neither was letting them catch up to you and sit back and do nothing while they hung you from a fucking bridge."

"Hey..."

Seeing her eyes welling up Brody smoothed her hair.

"It's okay. We're here. Things are good. You're right. Whatever happens over the next five months is preferable to whatever bullshit we'd be up against otherwise. Honestly I don't think I could've lived like that again. And I wouldn't have let you.", he said, reflecting on how stressful running and hiding for all that time had been.  
Despite Carrie's mettle and Wonderwoman-esque abilities, he'd never subject her to that kind of life. Let alone Farrah.

"How did you live like that? I mean, where did you go after the fire road? I know my contacts kept you going for awhile but, you must've broken off from them to meet Zahira's family."

"Yeah, I did. June helped me get to Europe, sent me to a few places there but after France I think, things were up to me."

"Were you scared?"

"I figured if they hadn't caught up to me after the first few months I was doing a decent job, but yeah, I was terrified. I just kept my head down, stayed quiet, kept moving. Writing the postcards to you helped though. They helped a lot. Made me feel like I wasn't so fucking alone in the world."

"Well, that was kind of the point.", Carrie smiled. "I saved them you know."

"The cards?"

"Yeah. They're in my top dresser drawer. Except for one of them anyway."

"Too crude for your tastes?", Brody teased, knowing full well the notes never got overly suggestive.

"Hey, you're more the prude of the two of us.", Carrie smirked before going somber again.

"No, it was the last one you sent. It was postmarked months before I started reading them and I thought it was the last one because..."

"Carrie.."

Wiping at her eyes she shook her head.

"Fuck. Crying's become the new normal for me now."

"I've got a clean sleeve if you're interested.", Brody offered, holding out his arm as she snorted, shook her head.

"That's Maggie's fucking labcoat."

"Yeah but she gave it to me. Hopefully for keeps."

"For keeps? What are you, five?"

"Go ahead. Mock what I'm gonna wear in my new profession.", Brody pouted.

"What happened to being a builder or a teacher? A cabin boy?"

"Oh the doctor thing's part time, don't worry. I'll still do the laundry.", he joked.

"Honestly though, I never expected I'd be doing anything but running and hiding the rest of my life. Settling down, working. It felt like a fucking pipe dream."

"It's not. Not now anyway.", Carrie reminded as he shrugged.

"Still don't feel like I deserve it."

"You do.", she said emphatically as he sighed.

"Even if that's true, what's to say all this won't blow up in our faces?", he asked, then rolled his eyes. "Sorry, shitty choice of words."

"Hey, we've made it this far. Right?", Carrie asked as he shifted towards her, reached for her face.

"Yeah, we did." Resting her hand over his she smiled, budded her nose against his before he pulled back.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah."

"What about me scared you?"

"What?"

"That night at the cabin before the bombing, you said that I scared you."

"Brody..."

"Look I won't feel hurt or walk out of here. I just, I want to know."

"Everything about us scared me.", Carrie admitted softly. "How fucked up our getting together was, after all the shit we put each other through. How crazy our even being civil with each other must've looked."

"I don't like the word crazy anymore.", Brody said gruffly. Getting a soft smile that soon faded.

"It scared me how I never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. It still scares me actually.", she shrugged. Getting a questioning look.

"What? Weren't you scared when you first fell in love?"

"Are you kidding? I was fucking terrified.", he said as she laughed.

"I was just a stupid kid who'd fallen head over heels for the girl across from me in chemistry. And as if that wasn't enough I had her gun toting dad watching my every move."

Snickering, Carrie shook her head. "If it makes you feel better my dad hasn't held a gun in years."

"You know it does believe it or not." , Brody grinned before going serious again. Still holding Carrie's face and memorizing how the palm of her hand felt over his own.

"I didn't think I'd feel that way about anyone again. And then you showed up at that support group."

"You're saying I looked that good with my hair dripping wet outside of my car?"

Getting an arched brow that she took to mean yes, Carrie rolled her eyes playfully.

"You looked like someone I wanted to get to know. Who I felt like I had to get to know."

"Well you got to know me pretty well in the backseat."

"I didn't mean just in  _that_  way.", Brody sighed, slightly exasperated.

"No, I know. I do. I mean, I felt I like I had to get to know you too. Not just in  _that_ way. Not that I objected to it.", she teased, sliding her hand down his chest as he gave her a warning look. Rolling her eyes she kissed him, and kept kissing him until he pulled back. Breathless and too hot and bothered considering where they fucking were.

"Are you sleepy yet?"

"No.", Carrie admitted before laughing, seeing the expression on his face.  
" _You_  are though."

"I'm exhausted.", Brody groaned.

"Well then go ahead and sleep,  _Doctor._  I'll be fine."

"No. For Christ's sake, Carrie. You're my patient. How would it look?"

"It would look completely normal since you're not a real doctor!", Carrie reminded, getting him pouting.

"Brody c'mon. Go to sleep. I'll be okay. You have my word."

Nodding, knowing he best take her at it or be a zombie in court tomorrow, reluctantly Brody closed his eyes. His arm coming to rest around her middle as she snuggled closer to his chest.

Within minutes Brody was in a deep sleep, not hearing or feeling her slip off the cot and duck into the bathroom stall nearby.

He started dreaming though. The same one he'd had too many fucking times in recent weeks, only with an alternate setting that eerily matched the room they were in right now.  
He was lying in the fetal position on the cell floor as the cement walls began closing in around him. Only in this version of the dream it wasn't just him he had to worry about. He couldn't move from the space on the floor where he was being kicked at and beaten. And was forced to listen to Carrie's screams as the walls slowly closed in to crush her.  
All he could hear was screaming, even after he woke and sat up in bed. Realized he was alone on the cot.

"C..Carrie?! CARRIE!"

"What the...oh fuck."

Seeing him shaking even in the dim light, jumping back onto the cot Carrie stroked his slick hair. Cringed when the brown dye came off on her hand.

"Shit. Wh..what happened?", Brody sputtered, still shaking and trying to catch his breath even though he couldn't remember why.

"It was just a nightmare, Brody. That's all.", Carrie soothed, kissing the side of his head.

"No. It..it wasn't. Couldn't have, I..I heard screams. Someone screaming."

"It happens here. It happens a lot. I...I'm sorry. I don't even let myself hear it anymore.", she sighed as she moved closer, saw his jaw was clenched and his eyes were stormed over.

"Brody..."

"I can't believe they stuck you in here. Whoever fucking arranged this..."

"Brody just stop, okay. Just stop.", she said firmly as he turned to look at her.

"It's only for a few more hours. That's all." Hugging him, looping her arms around his neck Carrie could feel his heart still jackhammering away in his chest and felt her's break in half.

"Just a few more hours."

"I know. I'm sorry it's just.."

"I know." Holding his face, she budded her nose against his before pulling back, needing him to see her.

"It's okay though. You're with me, we're safe. We're  _fine_. Okay?"

Nodding, bowing his head he let out a slow breath. "Okay."

"C'mon, lie back.", Carrie coaxed, one arm around him while her other reached for, pulled the blanket over them.

...

Quinn had been sitting outside the door playing guard dog all night. Listening to classical music on his phone, trying to tune out anything and everything happening in the room behind him. Not needing a repeat listening of what happened at the safe harbor site.

Hearing a woman's scream though he threw down the headphones and jumped to his feet instinctively, only to see two nurses running in the room down the hall. Sitting back down, still alert, he heard Carrie trying to soothe Brody behind the shut door. The pure love in her voice felt like miniature daggers poking at his heart.

He wasn't jealous of Brody. To Quinn Carrie was a friend, and to fuck that up would be something he knew he'd live to regret. But he was becoming increasingly jealous of what she and Brody had. Them being so close you could hardly tell where one ended and the other began. He'd had that once. And on the rare times he recalled it, remembered he had no chance whatsoever of regaining it, he was tempted to punch a wall or shoot something or worst of all, get on the next flight to Philadelphia and track down her precinct. Kiss her then ask whose eyes their son had.

Picking his phone back up, biting his lip he dialed. Getting her voicemail which he knew was probably for the best.

 _"Hello you've reached Julia."  
_  
 _"And John! John Diaz!"_  
  
"John! Mijo the machine's gonna cut us off...  
  
"But I live here too!"  
  
"Sweetheart I know..but, agh! Ten seconds left, okay. Hi! You've reached John and Julia Diaz. We're not in but leave a message and we'll get back to you."  
  
"You forgot the name and number part, Mom! Leave your name and number and we'll call you b-"

Too caught off guard to smile or laugh Quinn hurriedly replayed the message. Heard again that Julia was going by her maiden name and that no mention had been made of whatever prick she said she'd settled on the last time he heard her voice. Once he was assured that he wasn't wishfully thinking/hearing things, Quinn redialed to hear the message again, and again, and again...

 


	110. Chapter 110

Even though they were both lying back on the cot, both exhausted beyond reason, both Carrie and Brody were staring up at the ceiling, studying the cracks and watermarks and how ugly the light fixture was. He was stroking her hair, she was curled up on his chest. But sleep was escaping both of them, Brody's nightmare still haunting him and her by extension.

"You and I really need to get some sleep."

"Yeah, no shit.", Carrie scoffed.

"I'm sorry I got you spooked.", Brody sighed.

"It's alright. Jesus, I was already halfway there just being in here."

"Well what do you suggest we do? If we don't get some rest we're gonna be dead on our feet tomorrow."

Nodding, Carrie rolled over so she could see his face, smoothed his hair. "Tell me about the nightmare. What you remember of it anyway."

"Why? That seems counterproductive.", Brody frowned as she shook her head.

"Maggie told me to do this. When I came back from Iraq and woke up screaming every night. She said it helps to talk about things. Not to just bottle it all up and let the fear get even more debilitating. Her words, not mine. And she's a doctor so..."

Shrugging, Brody sat up slightly.

"It makes sense I guess. Just half the time I don't even remember what they're about.", Brody sighed. "I just wake up in a cold sweat and don't know the fuck why."

"You don't remember anything?"

"Not really. Just bits and pieces."

"Well, humor me. Even talking about the bits and pieces will get them more out in the open. Maybe they won't scare you so much."

"You sure you want to hear what I might remember? I don't want to go scaring you."

"It's okay. I've been through my share of shitty things too.", Carrie said softly as he nodded.

"Just close your eyes and lie back."

Eyeing her, Brody smirked. "Are you gonna try something?"

"Lie back Marine.", Carrie ordered.

Leaning back against the pillows Brody sighed, shut his eyes.

"Okay, with the bits and pieces you remember, where do they take place?"

"It's in a cell. It's always in a fucking cell."

"Are you walking around, lying down?"

"I'm on the ground."

"Who's watching you?"

"Guards. Just, faceless guards."

"Are they saying anything?"

"Just yelling. Nothing specific. But I keep getting kicked, beaten up."

"Okay.", Carrie sighed, swallowing hard and starting to regret asking him to reflect on all this. Twining her fingers with his she kept talking.

"What else is happening?"

"The walls. They keep closing in, the room gets smaller around..."

"Around who, you?"

"No. Not just me."

"Who's there with you?"

When he squeezed her hand tighter Carrie had her answer, and knew for both their sakes she couldn't keep this line of questioning going.

"Hey, open your eyes, okay?"

Doing as asked Brody saw the guilt in her eyes and sighed, shook his head.

"I'm sorry. Jesus. This was so fucking stupid, I shouldn't have-"

"No, don't. It's okay.", Brody assured, getting a look.

"Carrie I'm serious. Look, I can count on one hand the amount of times I've told anyone about my nightmares.", he said, raising one finger.

"And you were right, Maggie was right. At least talking about them takes some of the edge off. I just wish I hadn't upset you."

"Brody, it's alright. I'm not..."

Shaking his head he sat up, took his face in her hands as she tearfully looked up, met his gaze. Leaning in til their foreheads touched he thumbed a tear off her cheek then kissed her there, dotted her whole face with kisses before reaching her lips.

Tugging his lower one between her teeth Carrie's hands went to his chest, slid the unbuttoned jacket and shirt off his shoulders.

Wanting to take his time, be the one seducing her for a change, when she made a move to tear off the hospital gown Brody stopped her, slowly helped her out of it before kissing her throat, her collarbone, all over her exposed chest.

Slyly grinning he kept going, placed a few tender kisses on and down her stomach while her hand went to his hair.

Biting her lip she fought to keep her breathing in check, flat out refusing to give Quinn or anyone else passing by her door a show.

Eventually though, when his teasing and touches got her eyes rolling, knowing she couldn't keep this up much longer Carrie took hold of his head, brought his lips back to her's and kissed him, unfastened and slid her hand down his jeans.

They made love until they were too exhausted to even think. But when the ugly overhead light went on the next morning, Carrie realized she was by herself on the cot and froze, wondered if she'd imagined everything.

Sitting up, looking around for a sign she hadn't completely lost it, her eyes landed on a note attached to the side wall.

Swinging her legs off the cot, crossing the room she tore the post-it note down, quickly read it.

_"Quinn and I figured we best get out of here before anyone suspected anything. Maggie's on her way to get you and Galvez is with Farrah. We'll see you guys at the courthouse. And don't worry about Jon. If he shows his face he knows what's coming to him._

_Yours, Brody._

_PS.  
_ _Thanks for keeping the nightmares away last night._

Blinking back tears, Carrie smiled, went to change into her real clothes. All the while wishing she had an alternate outfit. She was dreading the thought of having to wear the same pantsuit that she'd all too likely sweated through yesterday at the courthouse. Opening the small cupboard acting as her closet, she found a dry cleaning bag with another post-it note attached.

_"Figured you could use a fresh outfit. Maggie told me Farrah picked it out when she dropped it here this morning. She's got good taste._ _Also there's blush and something called foundation in the suit pocket. Maggie told me to tell you that too._ _Personally I don't think you need it. You're beautiful enough. But I'm also a guy who doesn't know shit about things like this. Where as you probably do. I'll see_ _you soon, love._

_-Brody_


	111. Chapter 111

After getting changed and fixing her face so her complexion wouldn't look so ghost-like, Carrie perched on the end of the cot waiting to be escorted out of her room. Wishing Brody had been able to stick around and pose as her doctor for another hour until her release. Instead, two burly balding men showed up outside her door. Both of them big enough to snap her like a twig.

"Fuck. They sent the big nurses?", she scoffed. Feeling punchy and smart-alecky even after getting a few hours of sleep.

"Just two of you body builders to escort me? You think that's enough?", she snorted as the men stared her down, looking less than amused.

"What? Can't take a joke?", she muttered, rolling her eyes as she slid off the cot.

Neither of the men got handsy with her on the walk downstairs, but one of them had taken a death grip on her arm, getting her wincing.

"Jesus Christ! Next time just handcuff me, okay?", she spat as the men all but shoved her in Maggie's direction.

"Hey Carrie.", she said. Smiling nervously at the two men while Carrie, sensing her fear, glared at them.

"What? It wasn't enough you took a death grip on my arm? You have to scare my sister shitless too?"

"Carrie... _stop talking_.", Maggie hissed through a clenched teeth smile. Taking an equally tight grip on Carrie's arm as she led her outside.

"Hey I think I've been manhandled enough this morning!", she snapped. Moving Maggie's hand off her bicep.

"Well how about next time you don't get snappy with two men who could snap you in half!"

Rolling her eyes Carrie shook her head. "Tweedledee and Tweedledum weren't going to do shit to me. You worry too much."

"Well you give me good reason to most of the time.", Maggie retorted, unlocking and getting inside the mini-van. Waiting for Carrie to buckle up before leaving the lot.

"So, have you talking Brody into surrendering your labcoat?"

"Well he's determined to keep it. I may as well just let him.", she lightly laughed as Carrie went solemn.

"Thanks for helping him get in there to see me."

"It was a one time thing though, okay? I can't-"

"I know, Maggie.", she said, giving her an appreciative smile.

"I'm glad it worked out. I just wanted someone to tell you about Jon so you wouldn't feel so stressed out."

"Well it worked. I..It helped."

"I had a feeling.", Maggie grinned, but when silence kicked in she figured she should switch subjects.

"So did you have a check-up? How's my niece or nephew doing?"

"Everything looks good.", Carrie answered softly, her eyes clouding over.

"If everything looks good, why the face?"

After a long pause, Carrie swallowed hard, spoke. "How's Farrah doing?"

"Carrie..."

"Great, she's upset. I fucking knew it."

"It's just going to take her some time to adjust. But she will."

"Or she won't and she'll just hate me."

"Why would you say something like that?!", Maggie asked.

"Why not? I'm abandoning her the same way Mom did us. You're really going to try and tell me you don't hate  _her_?"

"It's different, Carrie. It's completely different. Mom left for selfish reasons that we'll never know. She stopped caring about any of us. But look at how concerned you are for Farrah right now. Look at what you've done for her, Brody, the baby. All of it so far has been  _for_  your family."

"Well it's not going to feel like it after we're finished at court.", Carrie sighed as Maggie took her hand off the wheel, rubbed her shoulder.

"You just miss them, sweetie. That's normal. Frankly a bit new for you. All these years you've only had to look after and worry for yourself. It's tough when other people are brought into the mix."

"More like impossible.", she snorted, wiping her eyes.

"Well, you have to remember these people in the mix love and are worried for you too. And they're not going to hold what you're doing against you. Not after everything you've done for them. Think about it, without you where would Farrah and Brody even be?"

Shrugging, Carrie sniffed, blew her nose.

"There's so lucky to have you, Carrie. And your baby's going to be lucky too."

"Yeah, lucky they'll have their Aunt Maggie who's actually sane."

"You know how I feel when you talk like that.", Maggie said angrily, getting an apology and a subject change.

"You know Brody doesn't want to know. If it's a boy or a girl."

"You do though."

"Well I told him it'd be easier to wrap my head around if I found out but..."

"I'll go with you to that sonogram, okay? We'll find out and cry and get excited, and then I'll go out and start buying pink or blue onesies.", Maggie grinned as Carrie went tense.

"Jesus.."

"Carrie?"

"I haven't even thought about any of that! Where the fuck are we even gonna put him or her? My place is barely big enough for two people! I..."

"Carrie, it'll get figured out, okay?"

"But..."

"This stuff is the last thing you should be worrying about. Understand? I'm an old pro at this. So is Brody."

"Well yeah but..."

"But, nothing. It'll be fine, okay?"

"But I..."

"Carrie. It will be  _fine._ "

...

After arriving at the courthouse, parking the van, as soon as Carrie exited it she heard a loud squeal from across the parking lot. Looked up to see Farrah hurtling in her direction. Meeting her halfway Carrie scooped her up after the girl jumped at her, held onto her tightly.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, honey.", Carrie sniffed, blinking back tears as she pulled back from the hug, ran a hand over Farrah's headscarf.

"So how are you, are you okay? Did you sleep well last night?"

Shrugging the girl sighed.

"How's Calvin doing?"

"He okay. He sleep in my room, and purr loud.", she groaned getting Carrie laughing.

"Well he knew you wanted company."

When Farrah shrugged again, arms still draped around Carrie's neck she rested her head on her shoulder, held on tighter.

"I miss you lots."

"Yeah. I know.", Carrie said softly. Holding her close for a few more seconds, when Maggie pointed to her watch, knowing that they didn't have a lot of time Carrie set Farrah down. Took her hand.

"C'mon, let's take a walk."

Walking her over to the courthouse steps so they could have some privacy, Carrie sat down and Farrah curled up next to her on the step. Looking around nervously and remembering who she'd seen here yesterday.

Picking up on her fear Carrie slipped an arm around her, rubbed her back.

"Farrah I want you to know I didn't know Jon was gonna be here yesterday. I had no idea."

"He scary."

"Yeah, I know he is. But last night I spoke to Brody, and he told me him and Quinn and Danny and Max and Virgil all teamed up to scare him. Keep him from doing any more damage."

"Damage?", Farrah frowned.

"They made sure he wouldn't go spewing any more bullshi...any more garbage. That he wouldn't say anymore things that could get me in trouble. He's not going to show up here today. And if he tries to he'll get in trouble. He won't be able to stay."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Okay, that good.", Farrah said, shifting so she could lean against Carrie's arm.

"You know though you weren't supposed to stay here yesterday either. You weren't even supposed to be here.", Carrie sighed, as Farrah shrugged, hid her face in her arm shyly.

"Hey, hey?!", she gently scolded, tilting Farrah's chin up.

"Talk to me, Farrah. Why did you sneak into the trunk of Maggie's van?"

"To give you drawing!"

"Honey you drew that picture three weeks ago. You had all that time to give it to me to pack."

Sadly, Farrah leaned against her arm again, held onto it this time.

"I don't know what to say to make you feel better,  _habibti._ I don't.", she said softly, voice cracking as she spoke.

"All I can tell you is I  _am_  coming back. And you're going to be taken care of while I'm gone. You won't be by yourself. Brody will be here, and Maggie, my dad. The girls. Quinn, Max. Virgil, everyone."

Seeing as that didn't do much to get her attention, Carrie tried another tactic.

"Hey, you want to know a secret? About why I have to go away to spy?"

"Secret?", Farrah asked, sitting up.

"Yeah. I can only tell you and you have to promise not to tell anyone else. Can you do that?"

Eagerly, Farrah nodded, looked up at her with a grin.

"Alright then, zip your lips.", Carrie said as Farrah frowned, looked confused before Carrie made the gesture. Giggling, the girl copied her.

"Now, throw away the key."

Giggling Farrah nodded, made a pitching motion with her right hand.

"Now, move closer. If I don't whisper it it won't stay a secret."

Obeying, Farrah shuffled closer, climbed onto her lap.

"Okay, you remember how you told me that Mischa told you she was gonna have a little sister or brother?"

Nodding, Farrah frowned as Carrie moved to whisper in her ear.

"Well when I go away and spy, I'm gonna try and get you one too."

Stunned, Farrah's jaw fell but she quickly closed her mouth, remembering her zipped lips.

"That's one of the reasons I have to go.", Carrie said nervously, chewing her lip and hoping Farrah would be as enthusiastic as her friend was over her new sibling. When she didn't respond right away though, her whole body went tense until finally.

"I want boy. I want brother."

"Y...you do?"

"Yes."

"Why do you want a brother?"

"Because he no wear Claire's clothes!", Farrah grinned, getting a hug right as Maggie walked up, cleared her throat.

"Carrie, c'mon. We have to go in."

Nodding, standing up she took Farrah by the hand into the courthouse where Brody was standing in the lobby beside Quinn. Seeing her he smiled while Maggie led Farrah inside the courtroom.

"Hey."

"Hey.", Carrie smiled, walking over as Brody pulled her into a tight hug. Sliding her arms up around his shoulders she laughed as he kissed the top of her head. "I missed you. Almost as much as I miss that labcoat."

"Hey!", Brody said, arching a brow before pulling back. "How are you? Really?"

"I just want this fucking thing to be over."

"It will be soon enough. So far no sign of our big booted friend either."

"You're positive that he won't-"

"Carrie..."

"I know, I'm just..."

"It's okay. It'll be okay.", Brody assured, hugging her again as Quinn cleared his throat.

"Break it up you two. Judge wants us inside.", Quinn said as Carrie turned to him.

"Sorry, didn't mean to ruin the moment."

"No, it's not that. I...thanks. For playing bodyguard last night. It meant a lot."

"It's alright. You shouldn't have had to stay in a shithole like that by yourself. Even just for twenty four hours."

"Guys c'mon. We gotta go.", Danny said as they all filed into the courtroom, and to Carrie's relief Jon was nowhere in sight.

Not content sitting next to Maggie and everyone in the back of the courtroom, Farrah ran down the aisle, scrambled into the chair beside Carrie where Erin was supposed to sit.

"Jesus, Farrah! You can't-"

"Carrie..."

"I'm sorry, Erin. She's just-"

Catching the older woman's glare, Farrah's face crumpled and she climbed onto Carrie's lap.

"Farrah, c'mon. You can't-"

"All rise.", the bailiff bellowed as Judge Mayer entered. Standing, Carrie had no choice but to hold onto Farrah who was draped around her neck and refusing to budge. Catching the judge's eye.

"Ms. Mathison?"

"I'm sorry your honor, she just-"

"Hold on. Is this the same child who caused all that ruckus yesterday in and outside my courtroom?"

"Your honor, I-"

"Answer the question, Ms. Mathison."

Swallowing hard, Carrie nodded.

"Yes, your honor."

"Tell me, what is the child's name?"

"Farrah, sir. Her name's Farrah."

"Well, Miss Farrah. Are you aware you caused quite the disturbance in here yesterday?"

Shying against Carrie's shoulder Farrah shook her head.

"Farrah, I need you to answer him, okay? Say yes."

Adjusting the girl's weight in her arms Carrie nodded for her to look at the judge, speak.

"Yes."

"Can you tell me why you caused such a fuss? What made you run around a court of law yelling and screaming?", Judge Mayer asked as she shook her head, whimpered.

"Your honor, please. English isn't Farrah's first language.", Carrie said, eyes narrowed.

"Well she seemed to understand me before. Farrah? Can you answer the question?"

"I scream..because, I scared."

"Of what exactly, young lady?"

"Of man with boots.", Farrah said softly.

"I take it by man with boots she means Mr. Guster?"

"She does your honor.", Carrie said coldly.

"Well, Farrah you'll be pleased to know that Mr. Guster isn't going to appear in this courtroom today. He withdrew his statement."

"Your honor, I'd like to remind you that the child is six years old.", Erin said.

"No, she understands. Children are smarter than we give them credit for.", Judge Mayer said as Farrah blushed, smiled. "Farrah, he's not going to say bad things about Miss Mathison or frighten you today. There's no reason for you to be scared."

"Yes?", Farrah asked, getting a nod, prompting her to wriggle out of Carrie's arms and run behind the bench. Jump onto Judge Mayer's lap. "You are sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Are you sure you'll behave yourself in my courtroom?", he asked.

"Yes. I sure. Pink swear.", Farrah giggled, linking her pinkie with the older man's.

"Good. Now go sit back down so I can get all this settled for your mother. Go on."

"Okay!", Farrah grinned, hugging him before Maggie ran over, mortified but relieved the judge wasn't furious. Taking Farrah by the hand she led her back to sit with her, while Carrie shook her head.

"Jesus Christ.", she muttered in total disbelief.

"Ms. Mathison, in light of Mr. Guster withdrawing his statement, your sentence will remain as follows. Four months in the psychiatric facility followed by mandatory weekly sessions with a licensed therapist."

"My client accepts the conditions, your honor."

"Very well then, court is adjourned."

Standing up, letting out a slow breath Carrie managed a small smile as Erin laughed, patted her on the shoulder. "He reduced the sentence by a month! Guess your girl won him over."

"She's been known to do that.", Carrie laughed as everyone gathered around.

"Well, looks like you sneaking in the trunk yesterday paid off.", Danny laughed, picking Farrah up as Maggie rolled her eyes.

"I swear, I nearly stopped breathing when the judge called her name."

"That makes two of us. Jesus fucking Christ.", Quinn sighed.

"Hey, at least a certain someone decided to stay away.", Brody said, still sounding relieved as Frank nodded.

"Guess the jackass did have a half a brain after all.", he said before looking around, frowning. "Hey, where the hell did my daughter disappear to?"

"They wouldn't have escorted her to the facility without family present.", Erin frowned.

"I know, I was supposed to sign a release! Make sure that everything-"

Before Maggie could finish her sentence, Quinn cleared his throat, pointed to the courtroom door that was now ajar as Brody swallowed hard, broke into a jog. 

"I'll be right back."


	112. Chapter 112

Once outside the courtroom, Brody looked ahead of him, down the surrounding hallways until he spotted her in a deserted corridor. Arms braced on a drinking fountain with her head bowed as she took deep breaths.   
  
Swearing under his breath he jogged over, then cleared his throat so as not to startle her.

"Hey."

"Fuck.", she sighed, wiping her eyes that were already red and puffy.

"Carrie..."

"I'm fine. I just didn't want Farrah seeing me like this. She's already upset enough, I..."

"Farrah's okay. She's with Danny and Maggie, pestering Quinn. She's fine. You on the other hand..."

"Brody I just said-"

"Yeah, I heard. Doesn't mean I'm buying it."

Rolling her eyes Carrie walked away from the water fountain then back towards it, arms crossed. Brody let her pace a few more times but eventually walked up, blocked her path.

"What the, goddammit! I don't-"

"Carrie..."

Chin quivering she bowed her head to try and hide it, then squeezed her eyes shut against new tears starting to form.

"Hey..." Pulling her close Brody rubbed her back, before she broke down sobbing against his chest. The last time he'd heard her cry like this had been Farrah's kidnapping and in his office at the Gettysburg shooting. Though all the stress she'd been under the past week warranted more than a few tears.

Walking her over to a nearby bench he simply held her, stroked her hair. Not sure of what he could even say to console her and thinking words would be cold comfort to her anyway.

Eventually her tears subsided and she stayed put in his arms. Curled up with her eyes closed against his damp shirt as she listened to him breathe, felt him rub slow circles on her back.

Afraid she'd fallen asleep Brody cleared his throat, spoke. "Any better?"

"Well I don't feel worse.", Carrie shrugged, sitting up before grimacing. "I must look like hell though."

Meeting his gaze she arched a brow as he swallowed hard, chewed his lip.

"You don't want me to answer that.", he said nervously as rolled her eyes, reached into her suit pocket for the makeup compact. Opening it she shuddered and immediately closed it.

"Shit, you're right."

Putting the compact back in her pocket she felt paper and smiled, retrieved the post-it notes.

"Hey, I know those!", Brody chirped as she smirked, rolled her eyes.

"They were sweet. Thank you."

"They were fun to write. Maybe that's something else I can be."

"Cheesy romance writer? Post-it novelist?", Carrie teased, slipping the notes back in her pocket.

"Hey, beats plenty of alternatives."

"That's true.", she sighed, leaning back against his chest.

"Can we just say screw the whole psych ward thing? Run off to Nepal? I'm sure Farrah wouldn't mind."

"Of course not. She's adventurous. No, I'll go back to the house, pack some bags. You get some more fake passports made up.", Brody said.

"The sad thing is I actually would.", Carrie laughed bitterly as he rubbed her back.

"Yeah, me too.", Brody sighed. After a beat Carrie spoke again.

"Hey, do me a favor. Remind me what I did for a living?"

"You were an intelligence officer, worked to capture terrorists. Probably made them cry in the interrogation room. Confess to every nefarious thing they dared to do."

"So four months in psych. Not that big a deal, right?"

"No. Not at all.", Brody smiled as she sat up. Leaning in to kiss her he heard throat clearing behind him.

"C'mon lovebirds. Gotta get going.", Maggie sighed as Brody stood, helped Carrie to her feet as Farrah stood shyly with her back against the wall.

Walking over Carrie knelt to her level, smoothed her headscarf.

"I'm going to call you as much as I can, alright? Tell you what I'm up to."

"Yes?"

"Pink swear.", Carrie smiled, blinking back tears as she linked her pinkie with Farrah's, then pulled her close.

"It's only four months, okay. It'll go by fast. Here."

Reaching into her bag she pulled out a green sparkly marker.

"All the days I'm gonna be gone I asked Maggie to circle on the calendar in your room. Before you go to bed put an x on the day with this. That way you can keep track. And I'm gonna do the same thing with the calendar I have. Only I use this pen."

Showing the purple marker to Farrah she laughed as the girl grinned.

"My favorite!"

"Yeah. Here though, I want another picture.", she said, holding out her left hand as Farrah smiled, uncapped her pen. Settling on a daisy, once finished, her chin quivered again as Carrie pulled her into another hug.

"I love you more than anything. You know that, right?"

"Yes.", Farrah sniffled as Carrie held her tighter, kissed her cheek.

"You stay brave for me, okay?"

Nodding, Farrah clung on tighter before Carrie finally broke the hug, wiping her eyes as she stood up.

"C'mon, Dad wants to talk to you for a second.", Maggie said, walking her over to Frank who had been hitting at the vending machine, angry that it wasn't working.

"Dad, please! I have snacks back at the house.", she grumbled.

"Just this damn machine! Piece of goddamn garbage doesn't even work.", he grumbled before turning to Carrie. Seeing the state she was in he knew he had to keep it together.

"You'll be fine, sweetheart.", he said, hugging her. "Don't let any of those fuckers mess with you."

"Dad..."

"I mean it. They'll try to. Everyone in that joint's up to something. But you won't let them get to you, right?"

"Right.", Carrie nodded.

"That's my girl. That's my girl."

Seeing Brody standing nearby Frank stepped aside, went to kick the faulty vending machine in frustration, but seeing the escort officer approaching thought better of it, made his way to the entrance doors.

"I'm sorry folks but we're running short on time."

"Here, let me go through the documentation with you and her lawyer once more.", Maggie said, dragging the officer off so as to buy Brody a few more minutes.

"I wish I could ride over there with you. I mean I know we aren't married but for Christ's sake, I..."

"Brody I'll be fine, okay? I..I'll be fine.", Carrie said, holding the side of his face and thumbing away a tear before it slid down his cheek.

"Hey, enough of that. If you start than I'm going to start!", she said, placing her hands on his chest.

"Look I'll get visitation privileges soon. If they try and fight me I'll insist."

"I know. I know."

"This is the right thing, alright?"

"Yeah, okay."

"What, you don't believe me?"

"Just wish it didn't hurt so much.", Brody sighed, feeling embarrassed at how raw and emotional he sounded, but knowing if he put up a front she'd be able to see straight through it anyway.

"Yeah. Me too.", Carrie sighed, leaning against his chest while he tightened his hold around her waist.

"You take care, okay. And you call me. If you need anything in there I'll work something out, get it to you."

"I know. Keep me updated on Farrah though, okay? I mean it. I want to know everything. She gets a fucking paper cut I want to hear about it."

"I know. And you will.", Brody sighed, kissing the top of her head right as the officer walked back over. Hearing the footsteps/throat clearing, Carrie glanced up, clutched Brody's shoulder as he kissed her lips, the side of her face.

"I love you so much, I-"

"I know.", Carrie interrupted, pulling back slightly and squeezing his hand. "I know."

Blinking back tears she managed a soft smile. Held his hand as long as she could while walking before having to let go.

Watching as the guard and Maggie walked her off, swallowing hard Brody struggled to keep in check, knowing Danny would be bringing Farrah by any second.

Feeling a tap on his shoulder though he turned, saw Quinn standing near instead.

"What's going on? Danny was supposed to bring Farrah by to-"

"Farrah said she wants Frank and Danny driving her back to Carrie's. I'll give you a ride over though, all your shit is in my car anyway."

"But I was supposed to bring her to the community center, I-"

"Not for another two hours, technically.", Quinn said as Brody tensed up, then saw Danny walking Farrah towards the front doors.

"Hey, brat.", he smiled, getting to her level as she tightened her grip on Danny's hand. "Look I thought Quinn could drive us over to the community center. We can get going on the picnic I told you about."

When Farrah shook her head no, backed up, Brody ran a hand over his face warily, stood back up.

"Hey man it's fine. We'll all meet up back at Carrie's, regroup and go on from there, okay?", Danny said, in a nervous, upbeat sounding voice. His eyes pleading with him to play it cool.

"Yeah, sounds like a plan.", Brody said, forcing a smile as he looked down at Farrah and she looked away.

"Alright then. After you, Farrah. Dunno about you but I'm sick of this place.", Danny said, taking her hand and walking her out while Quinn approached a still, somber, almost shellshocked looking Brody.

"Hey, I'm with Galvez. Let's get the fuck out of here before someone remembers you're a goddamn former fugitive.", he said firmly, guiding him out the main doors to his car.

 


	113. Chapter 113

Staring numbly out the passenger seat window as Quinn drove, Brody heard the sniper talking about something or other but wasn't paying attention, until he felt a shoulder tap that felt more like a punch.

"Hey! Jesus! That was the only way you thought you could get my attention?!"

"It's the only way that worked. I've been talking over here for ten minutes straight and you haven't said a fucking word."

"Sorry, dear. Next time I promise I'll pay more attention.", Brody scoffed.

"And I wondered why Jessica let you go so easily.", Quinn retorted, getting an icy glare in return. "Sorry. That was out of line."

"So what are you so fucking desperate to talk to me about that you'd deck me?"

"You haven't said a goddamn word since we left the courthouse. Farrah really shook you up, didn't she."

"Shaken up doesn't quite cover it.", Brody said bitterly.

"She wouldn't even look at me. And when she did she looked absolutely miserable."

"Can't say I blame her. You're not much to look at.", Quinn joked, getting another glare.

"How about we just go back to not talking, that sound good to you?"

"Farrah's upset, Brody. She's upset and processing."

"For Christ's sake, Quinn. She's not a computer she's a six year old girl."

"Who's had to say goodbye to her mother twice over now.", Quinn reminded. "Look I don't know shit about kids. But I know a little about Farrah. She'll warm back up to you. Right now though you're just Carrie's replacement."

"And Carrie's shoes aren't easily filled.", Brody said mournfully.

"Farrah will adapt eventually. She liked you once upon a time didn't she?"

"If you mean when we first met and she wasn't just barely tolerating me, than yeah."

"Barely tolerate...will you listen to yourself?", Quinn scoffed. "Just give Farrah some time. The next four months won't be a nightmare. Not unless you turn them into one."

"Jesus. You think I'll voluntarily make any of this harder on myself?"

"Well, who the fuck knows with you.", Quinn muttered as he continued to drive.

"Listen, Quinn..."

"What happened to you not wanting to talk?"

"For Christ's sake, just give me a second here."

"Fine. What's on your mind?"

"Carrie told me you helped her and Farrah out, a lot."

Keeping his eyes on the road, Quinn shrugged, bit his lip before speaking.

"Carrie's a friend. And Farrah's a great kid. I've been there for them.", he said softly before his eyes narrowed in a glare. "If you're reading into things, think this is about that fucking kiss at the community center..."

"No! Jesus, it wasn't about that.", Brody said sharply. He'd since forgotten about that day but as soon as Quinn mentioned it, the image popped right back in front of his mind's eye.

"What makes you think I'd want to even bring that up, I-"

"Get that goddamn look off your face. All of that was an act and trust me, Carrie wasn't thrilled over it."

"Are you finished?", Brody asked, getting a scowl. "What I was trying to do was thank you. For being around when they needed it."

"I was glad to do it.", Quinn shrugged as Brody chewed his lip, spoke up again after a beat.

"Look, I know you and I are never going to be friends."

"Well I was responsible for that..", Quinn said with a hint of pride, nodding to his scarred hand.

"In spite of that, Carrie's insisted I make an effort here for Farrah's sake. Try and..."

"And what, get to know me? Spend some goddamn quality time?"

"Hey it's not for  _my_ benefit. It's for Farrah's. You being around to help distract her from Carrie not being there. She wants us to at least be civil to each other too."

"Carrie wants a lot of things, doesn't she..", Quinn muttered as Brody's eyes narrowed.

"Hey, whatever Carrie wants from here out she gets, alright? Even if it means you and I pretending we don't find the other despicable.", he said firmly.

"Fine, Jesus Christ. For Farrah's sake I can probably..."

"Good, that's good.", Brody said. Relieved at least one of Carrie's assignments for him seemed to have gotten off to a smooth start. "So listen, I'm having that picnic today at the community center. I could make a few more sandwiches if you're interested."

"Brody..."

"What? Too much too soon?"

"Yeah, a little. Besides, I've got a shit ton of catching up to do at Langley.", Quinn sighed, but knew he'd feel shitty bailing entirely on Farrah and after a beat, reconsidered.  
"I can try and stop by though later."

"Okay. Thanks.". Brody said as Quinn pulled up next to Carrie's townhouse.

"Anyway I should get in to see Farrah. Thanks for the ride."

"Anytime."

...

Grabbing his things out of the backseat, after leaving the car Brody made his way up the walk to the house. Right as Quinn remembered he'd left his coat there in favor of Frank's old bomber jacket he still had on. Swearing under his breath he put the car in park, right as Brody walked in the front door.

"Brody, hey."

"Maggie..." Frowning, seeing the tense way she'd greeted him Brody set his bag down on the floor, looked at her curiously.

"What's going on?"

"Well, I was just-"

"Is it Carrie? Did something happen at the hospital?"

"No, no. Carrie's fine. It's just her daughter is refusing to come downstairs."

"What do you mean refusing?"

"She's been up there since Danny brought her home. And she didn't say two words to him in the car."

"Where's Danny now?"

"He had to get to Langley so he asked me to come over. Only I haven't got a ton of time, my shift is in just over an hour."

"Well that's why I was gonna bring Farrah to the community center. Besides I have to be there. Zahira and the imam are expecting me in  _less_  than an hour."

"Well, hopefully you can convince her to-"

"Farrah!", Brody called loudly up the steps. Not getting an answer he tried again before turning back to Maggie.

"Did she give Danny a reason, any explanation?", he asked as Maggie rolled her eyes.

"Does she really need one?! You saw her this morning!"

Feeling bad for getting snappy with him she took a breath, spoke again.

"Look, I can't blame her for being upset but we can't just let it go and watch things get even worse."

"Well, even I know that much.", Brody snapped back. Calling up the steps again, cursing when he didn't get a response, he jumped slightly when the door opened behind him.

"Hey, easy. And watch your goddamn language. I could hear you outside."

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Forgot my coat.", Quinn shrugged as Maggie went to grab it. "What the hell is going on? I thought you guys would be on your way out."

"We would be aside from the fact that Farrah..."

"Pete!", Farrah cheered. After hearing Brody yell for her a second time she'd pouted, walked down so far as the landing before spotting Quinn and running down the rest of the steps. Hugging him once she got there.

"Hey, kid. How are you holding up?", Quinn asked as she shrugged, stepped back. Meanwhile Brody gave him a pleading look, indicating he try and suss out what was wrong.

"You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"I sure."

"Okay. What about this picnic then? You psyched up about it yet?"

"Psyched?", Farrah frowned.

"Excited, looking forward to it.", Quinn supplied. "I heard it will be a good time."

Shrugging again Farrah crossed her arms.

"Well, you know I told Brody I'd try and make a stop over there later this aftern-"

"You come!"

"Well, I..."

Met with another hug, Quinn bit his lip and wished he'd kept his goddamn mouth shut. Seeing as there was no way he could back out now.

"Peter just said he'd try, sweetie.", Maggie said, returning with the jacket as Farrah frowned, broke the hug.

"Farrah look, it'll still be fun. I wouldn't lie to you about that.", Brody said, getting another shrug right as his phone buzzed, rang in his back pocket. Excusing himself he went over to the kitchen and seeing the caller, hastily answered.

"Hey, sweetheart."

"Dad. You on your way back to the mosque yet? Zahira just asked me and she looked pretty concerned."

"I'm, working on it. I'm still at Carrie's."

"Still? What's going on?"

"Nothing, Farrah's just..."

"Wait,  _Farrah's_  giving you a hard time? What the hell did you do?"

"Nothing!", Brody growled before biting his lip, sitting on one of the kitchen chairs.

"Nothing I can think of anyway. She's just sulking and shrugging at me. Won't come down the stairs when I call her. Hey, you were a six year old once."

"Yeah, and so were you.", Dana laughed. "What's your point?"

"What did your mom and I do when you'd act out?"

"Well time out was one of Mom's favorite methods. I don't know. Dad, seriously. What is asking me this going to accomplish?"

"Well I don't remember much from back then and if your mom or I did something that had an impact, got you to stop acting bratty, I thought you'd have a shot at remembering it."

"What makes you think I've stopped acting like a brat?", Dana laughed, but could hear Brody's non-amusement over the line.

"Jeez. Farrah's really got you on the ropes, doesn't she?"

"She doesn't want a fucking thing to do with me."

"Dad she probably just wants some space. She's upset. I mean her mom was just hauled off to the nuthouse and everything."

"Dana...", Brody cautioned.

"Sorry. But do you really think she's pissed at  _you_  or the situation in general?"

"Probably the situation. But..."

"Farrah's not gonna stay mad at you. I don't think she will anyway. I mean you're the parent here, not me."

"Guess I should probably get off the phone and try and be one then."

"You'll be fine. Jesus, Dad. She's six not sixteen. You're not totally screwed yet."

"Thanks.", Brody scoffed as Dana said goodbye, hung up.

Going over to the living room he started prepping, reminded himself he'd seen combat, been fucking tortured. A moody six year old shouldn't bring him to his knees. Once there, deciding to show the authority he remembered he had, Brody cleared his throat.

"Farrah. Go upstairs and get your things together. We have to go in a few minutes."

"But, Pete...", Farrah protested as Quinn shook his head, moved her off his lap.

"It's fine, Farrah. I was on my way out anyway.", he said. Figuring he best take himself out of this mix before he got in too deep. Thanking Maggie after they traded jackets he slipped out the same way he'd come in. Not envious of Brody in the slightest.

"Go on, Farrah. We have to leave soon so just grab your backpack and..."

"I have to change.", Farrah grumbled as Brody frowned, seeing she was already dressed.

"Wait, what's wrong with what you've.."

"I have to  _change_!", she shrieked. Running over through the foyer, to the staircase she loudly stomped up them back to the landing. Making a lot of noise despite her size.

Plopping down on the chair in the corner Brody leaned forward, ran a hand over his face.

"Brody? Are you alright?"

"I'd like to know what happened to the sweet kid who'd laugh when I made a plush moose talk.", he scoffed, shaking his head.

"Her mommy's gone and she misses her.", Maggie sighed, sounding equally defeated.

"Do you want me to try and talk to her? Or why don't you call Dana? She seemed to get along well with Farrah at my place the other night."

"No, I just got off the phone with Dana now. She says this is my job as 'parent'. Besides after Farrah's disappearing act I don't think she's up for more one on on time."

Slowly standing up Brody leaned against the sliding glass door leading to the back patio.

"I have to do this. I just wish I knew what the fuck I'm supposed to say to make her feel better. It's not like I can bring her over the next four months to even see Carrie."

Knees tucked against her chest as she sat on the staircase, Farrah bowed her head as a tear slid down her cheek. She knew Carrie was away spying but part of her hoped she could get a chance to see her once or twice. Not being allowed to for four more months made her feel even sadder than she felt in the car.

"What about a phone call? Can we even arrange that?", he asked as Maggie shook her head.

"It's going to take awhile for Carrie to get privileges. Maybe a month. And when she does who knows how long outgoing calls can even last? She'll probably have a minute or two to talk to her at most."

Another tear sliding down now, Farrah ran up the remaining steps and bolted into her room, shutting the door behind her. Then, remembering what Carrie did one time when she was really upset, she pressed in the button on the knob before climbing onto her bed. Pushing Marvin off of it, but holding Merriweather tight.


	114. Chapter 114

Swallowing hard, after getting Maggie's assurance that she'd stay put for awhile longer in case he needed reinforcements, Brody trudged upstairs, knocked softly on the shut bedroom door. Judging it was Farrah's because of the flower cutout hanging on the door knob.

"Farrah? It's me. Can I come in?"

"No!", Farrah yelled back.

"Look, the imam and Zahira are expecting us. We have to help them get the picnic set up."

"I not ready!", she cried.

"Are you dressed?"

Not getting an answer Brody tried again.

"Farrah? Are you dressed?"

"Yes.", she grumbled.

"Good, then I'm coming in."

Turning the knob, finding it locked, Brody bit his lip to keep from swearing. Knowing yelling, or yelling at her, would make the situation worse, he reached into his back pocket. Grinning when he retrieved a lock pick he'd forgotten to give back to Quinn after last night. Once jiggling, freeing the knob, Brody made his way inside Farrah's room, waving the pick to indicate how he'd done so.

"Your friend Pete gave me this. It came in handy."

Turning around he jammed the pick through again, breaking the lock as Farrah gasped, stared at him.

"No more locking your door, okay? You can close it, but locking anyone out is done as of today. And be honest, Carrie wouldn't have let you lock yourself in your room either.", he said, arching a brow as Farrah turned away, arms crossed as she sat on the foot of the bed.

Meanwhile Brody surveyed the space, looked at her prayer mat facing the window, smiled at the stuffed animals and assortment of furry and fluffy pillows on the bed. When his eyes landed on Marvin on the floor, his smile faded as he bent down, picked him up.

"What happened to Marvin?"

"He fall.", Farrah said softly, grabbing the moose from him and setting him on her nightstand.

"You remember the day I gave him to you? With the muffins?", Brody asked. "We were at the hospital, you asked if I could come back to your house, see your room?"

Getting a nod he continued.

"It's a really nice room. You've got good taste."

"Thank you.", Farrah sniffed, hugging her knees to her chest.

"So, you almost ready to go? You're all dressed.", Brody noted, sitting next to her before leaning over, loudly sniffing her shoulder. "You smell clean."

"I not ready yet."

"Why not?"

"My braid!", Farrah cried, picking it up off her back and holding it up.

"It no look good."

"Hey, I think it looks great.", Brody complimented as she shook her head, flopped down into the sea of pillows by her headboard. "If you want though I could try fixing it for you."

"You not know how.", Farrah sniffled, wiping her eyes.

"Well lets keep this between us but I'm a pretty fast learner.", Brody said playfully.

"You could teach me if you want."

"Carrie know how without teach.", Farrah cried as his smile faded.

"Yeah, Carrie knows a lot, doesn't she?"

Reaching over he gently rubbed her shoulder and to his surprise she didn't shy away. "Brat, I know I'm not Carrie. She's prettier. Smarter than me. Her hair smells like flowers. Doesn't look like a clown wig.", he deadpanned, getting a half smile.

"We're not the same. And I know I can't be her for you. I can't replace or try to do everything she can, and I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have to miss her so much. I miss her too."

Getting emotional himself, he kept rubbing slow circles on Farrah's back until she sniffed, turned to look at him.

"Yes?"

"Yeah. Of course I do. I love Carrie. Just as much as you do. And she knows it. 'Cause she asked me to do one thing for her when she was away. She asked me to take care of you.", Brody said, reaching for her face and thumbing a tear off her cheek.

"I made Carrie that promise, Farrah. And I'm gonna keep it."

Blinking back new tears, when Farrah shook her head and shook him off, hid back in the pillows, Brody stood up, swore under his breath. Pacing a bit, running a hand over his face he took a deep breath, spoke again.

"Look, you and I have to be at the community center in twenty minutes. So if you're not downstairs in ten I'm gonna have to come back up here and carry you to the car.", he said, calmly but firmly.

Walking out, closing the door not all the way behind him he saw Maggie standing nervously on the landing.

"How'd it go?"

"She barely said two words to me. She locked her fucking door!", Brody spat, shaking his head.

"Damn it. I'll talk to her about that. She has no business playing with locks."

"Oh it's okay 'cause I just broke it. Jammed a lock pick in and just left it there.", he laughed bitterly.

"I wrecked the goddamn door in a rented townhouse. I was forced to do that! Jesus fucking..."

"If it's any consolation her landlord is a really good guy. I-"

"What the fuck made Carrie think this would be a good idea!"

"Hey, easy with the barking, okay? She can probably hear you!", Maggie hissed, taking his arm and walking him down the stairs to the foyer.

Sitting on the bottom step Brody sighed, leaned forward to finger invisible prayer beads.

"What's that? Nervous habit?", Maggie asked, leaning against the railing.

"Kind of. Just when I'm stressed and don't have my prayer beads."

"Prayer beads? I...oh.", Catching on she crossed her arms.

"I'm sorry for barking, I just. This is a disaster. It hasn't even been a day and she's crying, locking her door. Next thing I know she's gonna try and run off to the circus."

"Well the carnival doesn't pass through til the summer so, I wouldn't worry yet."

Getting a look Maggie sighed, sat next to him on the step.

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to joke you off this ledge. Like you said it's only been a day. Things aren't doomed, Brody. Far from it."

"I can't braid her hair.", Brody sighed, looking ashamed.

"Well that doesn't make you the scum of the earth.", Maggie laughed lightly as he shrugged.

"I can go up and fix her hair. Get her ready to face the world. Or at least come back downstairs."

"Okay, thanks.", Brody said solemnly.

"Look, I know I questioned Carrie's decision to let you take care of Farrah-"

"Hey, you questioned right."

"You interrupted me."

"Sorry. Carrie's not fond of that either.", Brody said, giving her a sheepish smile.

"I know. I know my sister pretty well. And I know I shouldn't have doubted her about this. She did it because she trusts you. And I don't think she'd ask if she didn't know you could handle it."

"You know Carrie was my handler at the CIA, right? It didn't stop her from asking the impossible of me.", he scoffed.

"I didn't say it would be easy. But it's not impossible. Surviving eight years of torture, a rep as a bomber? That's impossible.", Maggie reminded.

"A six year old shouldn't bring you to your knees."

Glancing up at her Brody shrugged, managed a small smile.

"I know. But she just might."

 


	115. Chapter 115

After reluctantly coming downstairs and getting in the car, not in the mood today to be carried, Farrah was quiet the entire drive to the community center, even though Brody let her sit up front and put on the station she liked on the radio. Once there, she sat in the corner of the library reading while Zahira, the imam and Brody got things ready. The food looked good and Farrah knew some of her friends, Tina and at some point Quinn would be there. But the one person she wanted to see the most wouldn't be. Not wanting to start crying again she put all her energy into reading her book.

Hearing some people come into the library she briefly looked up,only to see an older woman she didn't know nervously talking with Zahira and the imam. Who both pulled her off to the side, tried to reassure and calm her. Nose back in her book now Farrah didn't even hear someone walk over, look on the bookshelf for something to read. But she did hear the entire row of books collapse.

"Oh, shoot. Shoot!"

Looking curiously at the boy struggling to put them back, setting her's down Farrah stood up, walked over to him.

"You need help?"  
  
"I knocked the books down by accident."

"It okay, I help.", Farrah offered, arranging a few of the books back in the row while the boy scrambled to put back the rest. Once they were all properly restored, he sat down on the rug a few feet from her.

"Why you sit here?"  
  
"Didn't know where else to sit.", he shrugged as Farrah rolled her eyes.

"What's your name?"

"Farrah."

"Did you draw that?"

"Yes.", she answered, extending her hand to show off the daisy. "Why?"

"I just was wondering. I like it."

Smiling curiously at him, Farrah inched more towards him on the rug.

"Who bring you here?"

"My grandma. She's over there.", he said pointing to the older brunette woman still chatting with Zahira. "Do you have one?"

"Do I have what?", Farrah frowned.

"A grandma?"

Shaking her head no, confused at what he was asking Farrah decided to ask him questions instead.

"You have mother?"

When his face fell, she swallowed hard, wondered if she'd asked the wrong thing.

"I did. But she died."

"Oh.", Farrah whispered sadly. "My..fath...father. He die too."

"So who takes care of you? Your mom?"

"Carrie. She take care of me."

"Oh. Like Grandma takes care of me."

"Yes.", Farrah smiled in understanding, pleased they had something in common. But seeing how solemn the boy still looked her face went somber.

"My grandma took me away from my father."

"Why?", she asked. But then remembering the reason Carrie had given for taking her from her dad, she wondered if the same thing happened with this boy. "He do bad things?"

"Yeah."

"My father...do bad things too. Carrie, take me away from him."

"Did he hurt you?"

"He hurt...my feelings.", Farrah frowned as he nodded.

"My father hurt more than my feelings."

Letting out a gasp she didn't know what to say, how to react. Until she heard her name and saw Brody approach, peer around the bookshelves.

"Farrah?!", he called out as Farrah jumped to her feet, hid behind the shelf.

"Who's that? You have another dad?!", the boy asked.

"No, he Nick.", she said impatiently.

"Is he bad?"

"No! He not, I just, I no want to talk to him.", Farrah said as he nodded, grinned at her.

"Okay, then let's not talk to him."

Pointing to a side door he smiled, motioned for her to follow him.

"C'mon, let's go!"

Grinning, Farrah quickly and quietly followed him out of the library before he took off running down the hallway.

"Wait! You go too fast!"

"I know, it's called a race!", he panted, looking over his shoulder to see Farrah lagging behind him. Slowing down, worried she wasn't as fast a runner as he was, when she grinned and sped up he knew he'd been played.

"I know what it called!", Farrah giggled, running past him and beating him to the end of the hallway where they were forced to stop.

"You're really fast!"

"I know.", Farrah grinned, catching her breath. "Carrie say to spy, you need to run fast. I practice."

"Is that what you wanna be when you grow up, a spy?"

"Yes."

Smiling she sat on the floor and he joined her, sat across from her this time.

"I want to be like Carrie. She away being spy now."

"Oh. Do you miss her?"

"Yes."

Seeing Farrah's face fall, chewing his lip he changed the subject.

"My mom was a police officer."

"Is that like spy?", she asked as he shrugged.

"I dunno. Maybe. She could beat up bad guys."

"Carrie do that too.", Farrah noted, but then started feeling nervous. Remembering what had happened to her new friend's mother.

"She said her job was to protect people. That's what she was doing when she..."

"When she die?", Farrah asked softly, getting a nod that made the knot in her stomach feel even worse.

"Farrah, are you okay?", he asked when she didn't say anything, sniffled.

"Farrah?"

"Your mom die protecting? Being spy?"

"No, being a cop. Are...are you okay?", he asked, seeing her chin quivering. It looked like she was about to burst into tears.

"Farrah?"

Nervously standing up he told her he'd be back in a few minutes.

"I'm just gonna find a grown-up."

Luckily he didn't have to go too far, seeing the man he thought was Farrah's other dad coming from the opposite end of the hall.

"Hey. Hey?!", he yelled as Brody turned around, saw him. "You looking for Farrah?"

"Yeah! But who are-"

"C'mon. She's this way."

Catching up to the boy Brody walked at a quick clip next to him down the hall.

"She and I were just running around and then we started talking and she got upset."

"Talking about what?", Brody asked, on edge now hearing that this floppy haired older boy had upset Farrah somehow. Seeing her though at the end of the hall, his focus was instantly back on her.

"Hey, hey..."

Knelt now at her level Brody cautiously reached to slip an arm around her, prompting Farrah to throw her arms up around his neck. Cling onto him tightly.

"Easy, it's okay. It's okay, I gotcha.", he soothed, then after a beat spoke again. "What happened, Farrah?"

Pulling back, watery eyed, Farrah went to wipe her nose on her sleeve but Brody wrinkled his nose at her, handed her a kleenex.

"Thank you."

"Anytime. Now you want to tell me what's going on or am I gonna have to guess?"

Shaking her head, she started speaking rapidly in Arabic. Too quickly for Brody to understand.

"Hey just slow down a little, okay? Take a breath and tell me again.", he asked. Seeing Farrah look nervously over his shoulder, turning he saw the boy still standing nearby.

Luckily Zahira and Tina were close too, walked him away before Brody had to ask him for some space.

"Okay it's just the two of us, brat. Tell me what's got you so worked up."

Nodding, still speaking in Arabic but this time slower and at a lower volume, this time Brody understood her but almost wished he didn't.

"Hey, listen, okay? Nothing like that is gonna happen to Carrie. You have my word on that.", he assured, still holding her as she sniffled, hid her face in his chest.

"Look, the place she's staying is completely safe. There's people there that are gonna keep her safe. I know. I saw it myself just last night."

"Yes?", Farrah asked curiously, pulling back.

"Yeah, I did. Carrie's gonna be fine there. I swear."

When she looked at him skeptically, looked away, Brody sighed, moved her face so she could see him,

"Farrah listen, if you and I are gonna get through the next four months we have to got to start trusting each other again. I'm swear I'm not gonna lie to you. And I'm not going anyplace."

"You say that before.", Farrah reminded.

"I know. But this is different, okay? Last time I had to go away to keep you and Carrie safe. This time I have to stay to do that. And I want to stay. When Carrie gets back I want you and me and her and your brother or sister when they get here to all be together. But, only way that's gonna happen is if you and I can make this work right now. Otherwise Maggie and Danny are gonna have to take care of you, and it'd be fine, but it's not what Carrie wants. It's not what I want either."

"No?"

"No. I want us to go back to being friends. If it's just gonna be the two of us and that cat at the house-"

"Calvin!", Farrah corrected.

"Calvin..if it's just him and us we should probably try and make it work."

"Make it work?"

"Yeah. Only way it'll happen though is if you stop running and hiding and shutting me out. You think you can do that?"

Shrugging, Farrah chewed her lip but held his gaze.

"Look, I'm not trying to replace Carrie. I'm not here to take her place. I couldn't even try to take her place. Is that what you're afraid is gonna happen?"

Nodding, Farrah blinked back tears, wiped them away with her sleeve.

"And I afraid she get hurt."

Leaning back against the wall, pulling Farrah onto his lap Brody sighed, smoothed her headscarf.

"I give you my word nothing like that's gonna happen. Not to Carrie. You know how strong and brave she is, don't you? And besides that she really, _really_ , loves you. She's gonna come back. She's certainly not gonna leave you stuck with me forever. I don't blame you for not wanting that.", he snorted, getting a small smile.

"I want you to stay, but I want Carrie back.", Farrah said softly, snuggling against him.

"Soon, okay. Soon. The next couple of months are gonna go by so quick. And once they do you'll be stuck with both of us. So long as that's good with you."

"P..pink swear?", Farrah sniffled after a beat, holding out her little finger.

"Yeah, pink swear.", Brody grinned as she hugged him, didn't let go for awhile.

When she finally did sit back though, wiping her eyes she looked around and then smiled, waved and shifted off Brody's lap.

"Who you trying to get a hold of?", he asked, turning around, then standing as the boy from earlier walked over.

Seeing how enthusiastically Farrah had greeted him, he decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Knowing she'd been upset about a lot of things that possibly had nothing to do with him.

"So, who's your friend?", he asked as Farrah frowned, looked to the boy.

"My friends call me J.J.", he shyly introduced.

"How old are you?"

"Eight. Well really seven and three quarters."

"Hey those three quarters make a lot of difference.", Brody smiled, reaching to shake the boy's hand.

"It's nice to meet you, J.J. I'm-"

"Nick!", Farrah chirped. "His name Nick."

"Yeah she's my spokesperson in case you couldn't tell.", he said as Farrah grinned.

"Anyway, you guys may want to get back to the library. Good food's probably almost gone by now."

"C'mon! We go." Grabbing J.J's hand Farrah took off with him back down the hallway as Brody rolled his eyes, jogged to catch up.

 


	116. Chapter 116

After the picnic clean up started, Farrah was reading her book but glancing up from it, saw J.J standing by the library door. Checking his Batman watch and pacing.

Frowning, Farrah set her book down and approached him. "J.J? You okay?"

"I just thought my grandma would be here by now."

"It okay. I thought Pete be here now too.", Farrah grumbled, not pleased her friend hadn't made his promised appearance yet.

"Who's Pete?"

"He's my friend!"

"Is he older than us?"

"Yes. He grown up. But he nice. Silly too."

Shrugging, J.J checked his watch again. "You think they're in the hallway waiting for us?"

"I don't know.", Farrah shrugged. "We look?"

Nodding, J.J was set to open the door when he heard footsteps, a throat clearing behind him.

"Guys I thought we talked about this. No more-"

"Scaring Nicks.", Farrah muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Right. Thank you, brat.", Brody smirked as she smirked back.

"You brat."

"Thank you again. Anyway, J.J your grandma wanted to run some errands, and she just called Zahira to say she's running late. She wanted to know if you'd be okay going back to the house for pizza with Farrah and me. She knows the address and she'll be there as soon as she can."

Frowning, the boy bit his lip, looked up curiously. "Will there be pepperoni on the pizza?"

"I think we can make that happen.", Brody smiled.

"Okay, it's cool. My grandma knows though where..."

"Yeah, she does. And hey, speaking of which. C'mere for a second."

Walking over, J.J leaned close enough to hear Brody whisper something to him. Nodding he smiled, pulled back. "Yeah. That's the word."

"What word?", Farrah asked.

"Just a word J.J's grandma told him and told me so that I could repeat it back to him. Let him know it's safe to go somewhere with us."

"Ah. Like croissant!", Farrah blurted out before covering her mouth. "Oops."

"What's wrong with the word croissant?", J.J asked.

"It's my and Carrie's secret word,", she answered as he grinned.

"Well it's not a secret anymore! Croissant! CROISSANT!", J.J yelled as Farrah took off running after him. Muttering in Arabic about wanting to hit him. Much to Brody's amusement.

...

Once getting all their things together and packing up the car with the leftover food and picnic blankets, Brody let Farrah and J.J flip a coin for who got to ride shotgun. Farrah lost but J.J, per Brody's advice, let her sit up front anyway. Soon though him and Brody lived to regret it.

"No! Turn it off! My ears!", the boy whined from the backseat as Farrah blared "Let It Go", loudly sang along with Idina Menzel.

"Okay Farrah, three times in a row hearing this is a bit much. Time to put on another song."

"Why? We here!", she laughed, jumping out of the car.

Running up the driveway they impatiently waited for Brody to unlock the door before barreling inside.

"Nick, you call Pete, yes?", Farrah asked, pulling off her shoes.

"I was just about to.", Brody said, hanging up his jacket.

"What about the pizza guy?", J.J asked, getting an exasperated sigh.

"C'mon? Do I look like a personal assistant for you two?", Brody snorted as Farrah giggled.

"I dunno. Kind of.", J.J shrugged, getting a hair tousle in return.

" _Kind of_. Oh that's great. Fine,  _I'll_  make the calls, you guys go play."

"Play what?", Farrah asked.

"I don't know. A board game? Hide and seek?", Brody suggested as she wrinkled her nose, shook her head before turning to J.J.

"You like Mario Kart?"

"Sure."

"Okay! Nick you play too after you make calls."

"As you wish, mi'lady.", Brody said, taking a low bow as J.J laughed.

"You're a weird guy."

"Well, thanks!", he huffed, stomping away as Farrah giggled, dragged J.J over to the living room.

Watching, impressed that she was pulling him around by the nose already, Brody was about to order the pizza when his phone went off.

"Hello?"

"Brody?!"

"What the...Carrie?! Maggie told me you couldn't get phone privileges for a month!"

"Well I don't technically have them yet, but..."

"Jesus Christ..."

"Goddammit will you just let me talk! I played up my morning sickness to get out of group and I snuck into my friend Abby's office."

"You have a friend at the fucking psych ward?"

"She's one of the few people here that could pass for a decent human being, Brody. If she catches me she'll let me off with just a warning. I'm sure of it."

"Carrie I don't care if she's Mother Teresa! The last thing you should be doing in a mental hospital is breaking and entering!"

"What do you call you sneaking in here dressed as a goddamn doctor then?", Carrie snapped, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Look, I just wanted to hear Farrah's voice, okay?", she said, her voice cracking. "Is she there? Can you put her on?"

Calling for her, when Carrie thanked him Brody felt a lump form in his throat.

"It's okay. Look, how are you holding up? Do you have a better room now? When can I visit you?"

"I'm okay. My room is much better now, I...oh shit."

"Carrie?!"

"Look, Abby. I was just about to go to group. I just...I needed to talk to my daughter. It was an emergency, I..."

"Honey go downstairs. Now. You're lucky I'm the one who found you in here. Say goodbye, go on now."

"Brody, I..."

"I know, love. Good bye."

Swearing, Brody hung up right as Farrah came bounding in the kitchen.

"It Carrie? She call?!"

"She couldn't stay on the line, brat.", Brody said sadly.

"Oh."

"But she told me to tell you she loves you and she'll try and call again as soon as she can."

Watching her face fall even more, Brody knelt to her level, smoothed her headscarf. "Look, go on and play Mario Kart while I call Quinn, okay? And tell J.J I'm getting extra pepperoni on the pizza for him."

"And more cheese. For me.", Farrah reminded.

"Well what other way is there to eat a pizza, right?", Brody grinned, getting a smile and a quick nod before she ran off.

Tempted to call the hospital back and try to get a hold of Carrie again, but knowing he'd probably just make things worse, Brody leaned against the counter. Ordered pizza and cheesy bread right as the doorbell rang.

"Pizza!"

"No, brat. I just called ten seconds ago. Farrah!"

Jogging over to the foyer, he saw Quinn standing in the doorway holding a pizza box.

"Pete!", Farrah cheered as Brody rolled his eyes.

"You know I just ordered one of those thirty seconds ago. And cheesy bread to go with it."

"So you'll have leftovers.", Quinn shrugged, shoving the box at him as Farrah tugged on his coat.

"Pete, you play Mario Kart with us?"

"Okay, sure.", he said, hanging up his jacket in the closet. Looking forward to the prospect of kicking Brody's ass in this game, he stopped short in the living room, seeing who his actual opponent was.

"Hi." J.J said setting down the controller.

"This is Pete. My friend.", Farrah introduced, looking between the two of them and hoping they'd get along.

"It's uh, nice to meet you.", J.J said nervously, extending his hand.

After a beat, Quinn shook it, found his voice.

"Nice to meet you too."

"Here. You guys can get started on this."

Brody said, walking in with plates, napkins, some water bottles and the pizza box. Setting it all on the coffee table. "There's leftover picnic salad too if you guys are interested."

Not getting an enthusiastic response to that he shrugged. "Eh, was worth a shot."

Sitting quietly in the corner arm chair Quinn uncapped a water bottle, caught a look from Brody who tossed him a paper plate.

"Have a piece, Quinn. You bought the thing after all.", he reminded. Sitting on the sofa next to J.J who handed him his controller. "Hey, if there's only two of those don't let me keep you from playing. I can just watch, it's fine."

"It's okay. I play this game all the time anyway. You guys don't have Kumba War do you?"

"Mmmm, yes." Farrah said, setting her pizza down and opening the drawer underneath the TV. Retrieving the game she switched out the discs in the console.

"Jeez. Virgil really set you up, didn't he."

"Kumba is Max's.", she corrected, as Brody muttered about not being surprised.

Taking a slice of pizza, J.J barely took a bite before sauce dribbled onto and down his hoodie. "Oh, shoot!"

"Here, bud. Hand that over.", Brody said, taking the sweatshirt from the boy, revealing a Phillies tee underneath.

"You're a Phillies fan?", Quinn asked, finishing his crust as J.J nodded, smiled.

"My mom took me to to games all the time.", he said as Brody left with the sweatshirt, hoping to get the sauce stain out. Seeing the freed up couch space Farrah patted the empty cushion.

"Pete? You play?"

"Yeah, why not."

Crossing the room he sat down, took the controller from her before sitting.

"So what am I doing exactly.", he asked as J.J leaned over. "In this level you're a sniper trying to get into the fortress. So you have to take out the outside guards."

"Jesus Christ.", Quinn muttered, but figured if he couldn't kick ass at this game he had no business working in his profession. Knowing though for the sake of the kids he couldn't play too well, he misfired the gun a few times and missed most of his targets. But succeeded in being noticed and soon was under enemy fire.

"Oh man, give me that. I'll get you out of this.", J.J said, taking the controller and fending off the guards on the ground. But he was unable to avoid an aerial assault. "Oh c'mon! No! Shoot!"

"Christ, let me see it." Taking back the controls Quinn started shooting rapid fire at the enemy airplane, then switched views so he could see through the scope of the rifle.

"Wait, why did you-"

"Just watch."

Pressing a button or two he got the rifle in position, just in time to take out an onslaught of guards on his left.

"Whoa!", J.J marveled. "How..."

"You use your peripherals and see where they're coming from. Let your eyes do the work before you start shooting."

"I never used that view before."

"I have. Too many times.", Quinn sighed. "You have some skills though."

"Yeah, I've played this a lot before.", J.J said, only to see Farrah's player about to be gunned down by guards.

"Shoot!", he yelped, sending his player in to help her's.

"What you doing?!"

"Watching your back.", the boy said, fending off the guards. "I was afraid you were gonna get yourself hurt."

Smiling shyly, once her player was out of danger Farrah had him keep running, going against the order at the top of the screen.

"What are you doing?!"

"I want to run this way!"

"Damn it, be careful!", J.J yelled, having his player jump in again to protect Farrah's. Only to look down sheepishly realizing what word he'd let slip.

"I'm sorry. I know not supposed to say that.", he apologized as Quinn smiled.

"It's alright. I won't say a damn thing."

Smiling back, J.J looked on the coffee table and saw his mostly untouched pizza, looked longingly at it.

"Go ahead, eat. I'll take over for awhile."

Quinn offered. Seeing as they'd unlocked an option to upgrade weapons he smiled, opened the menu. Not seeing Farrah's face fall as she took her pizza and her book off the coffee table, sat in the corner arm chair.

"Farrah?"

"I no like this part of the game."

Pausing it, Quinn looked at her guiltily.

"It's okay, we can stop playing it if you want.", J.J offered.

"No. I read. You play.", she said. Pleased that the two of them were getting along.

Seeing as she was okay with it J.J picked up his controller again. "So is this a good upgrade?"

"You kidding? You'll get eaten alive by those fuc...fudgeheads."

"So you're picking  _that_  one!", the boy gasped as he selected a souped up looking rifle.

"You want to get past the damn guards or not?"

Nodding, J.J grinned. "Yeah, let's do it."

After they advanced a few more levels, finally Brody returned armed with the sweatshirt.

"Okay J.J, I did the best I could.", he said, handing it back.

"J.J.", Quinn frowned, looking between him and Brody.

"Yeah. That's what my friends call me anyway."

"Well what about those guards you just destroyed? What would they call you?", Brody asked with a laugh, grabbing some pizza as Quinn looked intently at J.J.

"Guess they'd call me John Jr.", he said softly. Focusing more on the game as Farrah focused more on her book. Both not noticing the shellshocked look on Quinn's face.

Eating his pizza, Brody frowned curiously seeing the sniper looking more twitchy and on edge than usual.

"Quinn? Is everything-"

Before he could finish the sentence, Quinn set his controller down and excusing them, took a grip on Brody's arm and brought him to the foyer, up the staircase.

"Jesus! I was just showing concern, not trying to get you alone!", Brody huffed.

"Brody."

"I'm just saying at least buy a guy a drink first.", he joked but Quinn was stone cold serious.

"How do you know that kid?"

"I don't. Not really."

"How many times has he been here?"

"None. This is his first time. For Christ's sake, Farrah and him just met today at the picnic."

"Who brought him here? His mother?"

"No. She didn't.", Brody said, eyes narrowed. "Quinn, what the fuck is going on? I haven't seen you this worked up since you gave me this.", he scoffed, holding up his scarred hand as Quinn shot him an icy glare.

"I'd rather John not know about that.", he said softly, sitting on the step.

"You mean J.J.", Brody corrected.

"No, I mean  _John._ "

Catching on after a beat, Brody braced himself on the railing.

"Hang on a second. You don't think-"

"No. I know. I fucking  _know_.", Quinn sighed, running a hand over his face as he shook his head.

"That kid in there is my goddamn son."


	117. Chapter 117

Looking as shellshocked as Quinn had in the living room upon hearing those words, Brody sat down on the step beside him. Ran the possibility of this over in his mind before speaking up.

"Listen, Quinn. I get that there's a chance J.J's-"

"It's more than a goddamn chance!", Quinn snapped, running a hand through his hair as he stood up. Pacing a bit before speaking again. "Tell me everything you know about him."

"I already told you, I don't know much."

"Then tell me what you do know again!", he snarled, slamming his hand on the railing as Brody jumped, then glared at him.

"Look around Quinn. I'm not in your fucking bunker right now!", he hissed as Quinn backed off, bowed his head.

"Look, I get you're worked up about this. But before you go stabbing my other hand for answers that I don't have, just take a breath and think about this. How sure are you that J.J's your son?"

"How sure were you that Chris was yours?"

"That's not the same thing, Quinn."

"You loaded out when he was what? Less than a year old? When you got off that plane and laid eyes on him, even if Jessica and Dana hadn't been there, you'd have known your own kid."

Looking pained Brody nodded.

"Even so. With something like this you can't go off just a feeling. Jesus, I felt a connection with Issa the day that we met. He wasn't mine but I needed someone so damn much. If it hadn't been for my bond with him I'd have lost what was left of my fucking mind."

"So you're saying I'm convincing myself J.J's my son because I'm depressed? Because I need a goddamn reason to get up in the morning? For Christ's sake, you make it sound like this is something I wanted!"

"You saying you don't?", Brody asked as Quinn looked at him, exasperated.

"I stayed out of his life for a reason, Brody. Not so I could find him in Carrie Mathison's goddamn living room almost eight years later!"

"Hang on.", Brody said, eyeing him nervously. "How many years later?"

"Eight. Oh Christ, don't tell me..."

"He said he's seven and three quarters."

"Jesus fucking...", Quinn groaned.

"Hey.  _Hey._  We don't know anything for sure yet.", Brody reminded as Quinn eyed him, arched a brow.

"You know more than you're telling me. That's goddamn obvious."

"Hey if you're looking to me for answers one way or the other you're looking at the wrong guy. I told you already I just met the kid."

"What about his family? Did you happen to stumble on them?", Quinn asked, clearly agitated.

"Hey! Don't take that tone with me. I'm trying to help you!"

"Well then answer me! Who fucking brought him here? For God's sake, there's no way an eight year old gets from Philadelphia to D.C all on his own."

"Quinn, just because he had on a Phillies tee shirt doesn't mean-"

"You don't pull for the Philllies unless you're from Philly. They aren't the goddamn Red Sox."

"Well I'm a Yankees fan so..." Smirking, Brody let out a laugh as Quinn scowled, rolled his eyes.

"I can't believe of all the fucking people I'm having this conversation with you.", he spat. Getting to his feet he walked to the coat closet, retrieved a larger flask from his coat pocket.

"Jesus. You brought that to a pizza night with a six year old?!"

"A pizza night where I may have met my eight year old.", Quinn reminded, uncapping the flask before taking a healthy swig from it.

"May have...", Brody reminded, sitting forward on the step.

"You never answered me, damn it. Who brought J.J here if it wasn't his mother?"

"His grandmother."

"And what did she look like?"

"I dunno. Short, brunette, glasses. She looked like a grandmother!"

"What was her name?"

"She said it was Ann. No..wait. Anita.", Brody answered, then watched Quinn make an effort not to spit out the vodka. When he staggered, braced himself on the railing. Brody didn't know if it was from the booze, the news he'd just gotten or a combination thereof.

"Shit.", Brody muttered. "Don't tell me..."

"Julia's mother's name is Anita Diaz."

"Jesus, Quinn."

"And she did not like me one bit.", Quinn bitterly laughed. Sitting back on the step he offered Brody the flask.

"No thanks."

Shrugging, he took another sip before sprawling back on the stairs. The vodka starting to kick in.

"You...you noticed the resemblance too, right?"

"I dunno, Quinn.", Brody sighed, not wanting to encourage things anymore than he had. At least not until they had more facts. "I mean dark hair, blue eyes. It's not that unique a combination."

Sitting up Quinn took another sip of vodka before capping the flask.

"I need some fucking proof. Hard evidence either way. Otherwise I'm guaranteed a shitty nights sleep tonight."

"I understand. I'd want answers too.", Brody said truthfully. "Look, I won't say anything outright, raise her suspicions any but I'll talk to Farrah if you want. See if she knows anything more about him."

"Thanks.", Quinn said. "Really. I mean if anyone's got a shot at uncovering the truth, getting someone talking."

"It's a child raised by Carrie Mathison.", Brody laughed.

Nodding, Quinn slowly stood, slipped the flask back in his coat pocket right when someone knocked on the door.

"I got it.", Brody said, reaching for his wallet and opening the door for the pizza guy. Once paying, sending him on his way he brought the boxes over to the kitchen. Noticed Quinn observing J.J from a distance.

"He's a good kid though. He seems to be anyway."

"Yeah and it's none of it's my goddamn doing.", Quinn said softly before excusing himself, reaching for his phone in his back pocket as he returned to the stairwell.

Meanwhile Brody opened up the boxes and seeing all the food, hoped the kids would be hungrier than he was. "Hey guys. Ready for round two?"

"Cheese bread!", Farrah cheered. Setting her book down she bolted into the kitchen. "You get it, yes?"

"Of course I did.", Brody laughed as she tore off a slice, set it on a paper plate.

"Carrie no let me get cheese bread."

"Then consider it a treat then, okay?"

"Okay.", Farrah said between bites as Brody walked over, stuck his head in the living room.

"Hey J.J if you want seconds I suggest you get in here quick."

"I just gotta get past this level.", the boy said, biting his lip and rapidly switching between the rifle scope and birds eye view of the game. The twitchy, tensed up way he was acting and the look in his eyes was all but identical to what Brody had seen from Quinn in that godforsaken bunker. Enough for him to keep his distance, shove his scarred hand in his pocket.

Going back in the kitchen he saw Farrah had devoured her strip of cheesy bread and was reaching for another one. Clicking his tongue Brody arched a brow.

"Okay what if I wanted to have some of that?"

"There still some left! See!" Opening the box Farrah smiled shyly at him before looking around curiously.

"Where is Pete?"

"I think he had to go upstairs, make a phone call. Listen though, so long as it's just us in here, can I ask you a question?"

"Yes."

"What do you know about J.J? Like what did you two talk about after you ran away and scared everyone.", Brody asked, tearing off some bread for himself, but breaking off a chunk of it for her. Grinning Farrah popped it in her mouth, swallowed before answering.

"We talk about running, spies, who take care of us."

"Who'd he say takes care of him?"

"His grandma. You meet her!"

"Yeah, you're right. Did he mention anyone else though?"

"His mother. But she die.", Farrah said softly as Brody sipped some water, wishing he didn't have to bring up this subject since it had set her off so much at the community center. But he knew she was the best shot at him and Quinn getting answers.

"Farrah, when you and I were talking earlier at the community center you said you were scared Carrie was gonna die or get hurt protecting people, like _her._  Was that her J.J's mom?"

Nodding sadly Farrah took a sip from her water bottle.

"Yes. He say she work for, cop?"

"You mean cops?", Brody asked.

"Yes. Cops."

"Okay so she was a police officer then."

"Yes. Police. Nick, why we talk about this?", she asked warily.

"I just was curious, Farrah. I didn't ask to try and upset or scare you I just, I wanted to know more about your friend. About his...mom."

Trailing off, looking over her shoulder when Quinn came in the kitchen, Brody froze at the expression on his face. He recognized it, had worn it too often himself. In spite of the antagonistic relationship between him and the sniper, it pained Brody seeing him so distraught. Especially knowing it was either the phone call or his and Farrah's conversation that'd tipped him off, caused the grief stricken look in his eyes.

"Pete?", Farrah grinned, looking over her shoulder. Once seeing him though her smile faded.

"Hey Farrah.", Quinn said softly as Farrah climbed off the kitchen chair, walked over to him.

"Are you okay?"

When he didn't answer, barely managed a smile, not sure what else to do Farrah hugged him. Surprised when he not only hugged back after a moment but held onto her tightly.

Remembering when Carrie had held her like this, before she'd left the courthouse, in Saul's hospital room, Farrah knew something was wrong but wasn't sure what. But she didn't let her confusion get in the way of helping her friend feel better. Reaching around she gently tapped him on the back.

"It okay. It..it okay."

 


	118. Chapter 118

"Farrah?", Brody said gruffly, quickly wiping his eyes before she glanced at him, still hugging Quinn. "Why don't you go split the rest of the cheese bread with J.J? Okay? You can bring the box in, just make sure you have some napkins too."

"But...what about?", she mouthed as he nodded in understanding.

"I'll talk to him, it's okay."

Nodding, Farrah broke the hug, took the box and napkins from Brody before going to the living room. Meanwhile Brody helped Quinn to his feet, led him over to the foyer and outside after grabbing their jackets. Snatching his, Quinn fished the flask from his pocket then uncapping it, chugged the remaining contents.

"Quinn...", Brody sighed, watching as he let out a yell. Threw the flask into the middle of the street.

"Fuck! Fucking sons of...FUCK!"

Hearing the commotion, a police car parked down the block flashed its lights, gave a warning with the siren.

"Shut up!", Quinn yelled, storming in the direction of the car. "Shut up! If it wasn't for shitheads like you she wouldn't have died playing human shield! You goddamn boys in blue killed her! You  _fuckers_!"

"For Christ's sake...Quinn!" Jogging after him when the officers stepped out of the car, Brody stopped short when Quinn kept egging them on, shouting down the street.

"Oh yeah, go right ahead! Fucking come at me, fuckers!"

"What the...have you fucking lost it!", Brody hissed as the cops approached.

"Sir, is there something you wanna say to us? Want to keep talking like that to our faces?!"

"Oh so fucking much, you have no idea!", Quinn snarled, lunging at the taller cop and attempting to hit him. Gripping his arm, Brody yanked him back just in time.

"Get the fuck off me! You fuck-"

"Shut up!", Brody growled, shoving him before turning back to the policeman.

"I'm sorry, officers. My friend's had too much to drink, he's angry. I'm just trying to get him in the house, that's all."

"He just tried to assault my partner!", the other cop exclaimed as Quinn shook his head.

"Better an assault than a goddamn  _assassination!"_ , he spat, running back at the cop before Brody grabbed him again, held his arm behind his back and roughly shoved him down.

Regaining his footing, Quinn came at Brody who anticipating it, took him by the shoulders and shoved him again. This time into a neighbor's shrub. Bending down he hissed out a warning.

"Shut the fuck up and stay there or I'll fucking knock you unconscious! Don't think I won't!"

Walking back to the cops he let out a heavy sigh, seeing the taller one, Officer Rollins according to his badge, reaching for his handcuffs.

"Excuse me, Officer Rollins. Can I call you that?"

"Yes, it's fine."

"Look it's like I said, my friend's drunk. I just pulled him out of a bar before he could start trouble there. He's not himself."

"Well whoever the hell he is has no business being out in his condition.", he snorted.

"I know. I just want to get him in for the night. He doesn't usually get like this. It's just his wife passed. She was killed in the line of duty."

"Was she D.C Metro?", Officer Rollins asked.

"No. Philadelphia P.D. She was trying to get transferred to D.C to be with him. They have a son together. He just wanted them to be a family again.", Brody said solemnly as the officer put away the handcuffs.

"Just get him inside, let him sleep it off."

"I will, thank you. Have a good night."

After the officers got a call, got back in the squad car and drove off, Brody turned around. Saw Quinn seated in front of the shrub, hands over his face.

"Jesus Christ."

Approaching him, offering a hand to help him up, instead of taking it Quinn got to his feet himself, threw another punch.

"Motherfucking...what are you doing!", Brody yelled, dodging him. "I save your ass from lockup and this is the thanks I...hey!"

Ducking and avoiding another hit, swearing, he took hold of Quinn's shoulders and shoved him into a tree, took him by the collar as he squirmed, fought him.

"Get off of me! You fucking ginger fuck, I swear to God I'll-"

"You'll what? You'll fight me?", Brody challenged. "You'll beat the shit out of me in the middle of the fucking lawn! Let Farrah and J.J watch from the house! Huh? Does that sound good to you!"

When Quinn didn't respond Brody let go of his collar, stepped back as they both caught their breath, glared at each other.

"You goddamn son of a..."

Trailing off, shaking his head, Quinn moved to sit on the curb.

"Quinn..."

"Can't you ever just shut the fuck up!  _Damn it!"_

Running a hand over his face, he swore realizing it was tear stained and there was shit all he could do about it. Looking straight ahead, he didn't see but rather heard Brody sit beside him on the curb.

"I'm sorry Quinn. I really am."

"What the fuck do you have to be sorry about?", he scoffed. "In regards to  _this_  shitshow anyway."

"I'm sorry because that's what you're supposed to say to someone dealing with shit like this. And I know if I'd lost Jessica or lost Carrie this way, I'd hope someone would have the decency to say it to me."

After a beat Quinn swallowed hard, spoke up.

"She was in a firefight in a warehouse. Caught a stray bullet from another cop, the perp, nobody fucking knows. I can't even track down the bastard."

"Jesus. Do you know when she..."

"The funeral was two months ago.", he choked out. "Two goddamn months."

"Quinn, you couldn't have known, I-"

"I wasn't supposed to  _ever_  know. I wasn't supposed to find out.", Quinn said bitterly. Reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket he pulled out a lighter, a worn pack of cigarettes.

About to say something but thinking better if it, when Quinn offered him one Brody took it, twirled it between his fingers.

"You want to fucking light it or..."

"No. I swore I wouldn't after Dana was born."

Nodding, Quinn lit up, took a long drag.

"Listen, Quinn..."

"Look whatever the fuck you're about to say, don't. I don't want to talk or hug this out with anyone. Especially you,  _Congressman._ ", he spat as Brody rolled his eyes.

"Fine, suit yourself. But you're putting that thing out before you come back in.", he said firmly, getting to his feet.

Turning back to walk up the driveway he saw Farrah run out the front door.

"Nick?! Pete?!"

"Farrah, what happened?", he asked, running up onto the porch.

"J.J want lemonade so we get it out of fridge but he drop pitcher."

"The glass one? Damn it."

Following her inside, to Brody's relief he saw the pitcher hadn't shattered entirely, but not wanting to take any chances he made Farrah put her boots on before they walked back towards the kitchen, and he walked over to the broom closet.

"What the hell happened?", Quinn asked. Seeing Brody walk past though with a mop and a dustpan he put two and two together. Rolling his eyes he went to go sit back outside, but felt Farrah tug on his coat.

"Farrah, what..."

Following her finger and her eyes he saw J.J trembling, his back pressed against one of the cupboards.

"He get upset after pitcher break."

"You guys didn't hear anything outside, did you?"

"No. I play music.", Farrah said as Quinn breathed a sigh of relief.

Meanwhile Brody got the lemonade and glass swept up, but noticing J.J's stance too he frowned, approached him.

"Bud, you okay? You didn't cut yourself did you?", he asked as the boy shook his head, flinched.

"Hey it's alright. Just if you're hurt you have to tell me, okay?"

"He not cut! He just scared.", Farrah interjected.

"Look it's okay, J.J. I got everything cleaned up, it's fine.", Brody said. Crossing the room he emptied the dustpan in the trash. When J.J didn't move though or respond, Quinn moved to stand in front of him. Heard him gulp.

"I...I'm really sorry. I swear, I didn't mean to..."

"J.J, Brody just said everything's alright. It was an accident, that's all."

"No! I got the pitcher without asking and it fell and..."

"Kid I promise, it's fine. Knowing Carrie it was probably a piece of crap anyways."

"But I broke it! It was all my fault!" J.J cried, then flinched when Quinn moved closer.

"J.J it wasn't..."

Trailing off seeing the fear shining in the boy's eyes Quinn swallowed hard, felt his chest tighten.

"Hey Farrah, let's go get the living room straightened up, okay?", Brody said, taking her by the hand as J.J sat on the floor in front of the cupboard, hugged his knees to his chest.

"Kid, what can I do for you? What do you-"

"I want my grandma to come back.", he whispered.

"She's on her way over. She's got the address and the phone number. If she's not here soon Brody can call."

Sitting on the floor across from him Quinn mimicked his position. "Believe me it's okay. You're not the only one who wants to go home."

"I can't go home."

"You can't go-"

"Grandma said we can't! Not while he's there."

"While  _who's_  there, J.J?"

"Nobody. I..I don't like talking about him. I  _hate_  him."

"Well then I hate him too.", Quinn said as J.J looked up at him, surprised.

"Why? You don't know him."

"You said you hate him. That's reason enough. What the hell did he do?"

"Grandma gets mad when I say that word."

"Yeah believe me, I know.", Quinn let slip before covering.

"I mean it's a bad word. Of course she wouldn't like it.", he shrugged as the boy cracked a smile that soon faded out.

"J.J? What.."

"Nothing."

"Look, whatever you tell me can stay between us. I promise."

"I shouldn't talk about it! He made me swear I wouldn't ever talk about what..."

"About what? About what he did?"

Seeing his eyes well up more, then seeing him nervously tug down on the sleeve of his shirt, Quinn's stomach knotted and he had to force himself to keep his rage in check.

"J.J...I need to know what happened to your-"

"I have to go to the bathroom."

When J.J ran off before he had the chance to stop him, standing, Quinn saw Brody reenter the kitchen after he got Farrah situated with a book.

"How's he doing?"

"Had to hit the men's room.", Quinn said, hands clenched over the round of the countertop like he wanted to pry it off.

"So what exactly did he say to you? He wasn't hurt, was he?"

"Not by a goddamn broken pitcher.", he said, shaking his head before he began pacing. Ran a hand over his face.

"Jesus. He thought because he broke...one of us was gonna hit..."

Jerkily Quinn nodded as his face turned a sickly shade of pale, bordering on green.

"Shit, hang on I'll grab the trash-"

Turning, Brody saw Quinn had run outside, made it to one of the bushes just in time.

"Motherfucking..."

Getting a glass of water Brody brought it outside, handed it to Quinn who rinsed, spat, then threw the glass onto the pavement, shattering it.

"Better?", he asked, not meaning to be flippant but earning a glare anyway as Quinn launched himself at him, screaming and throwing punches that Brody anticipated and didn't completely fend off.

"Fuck! Son of a fucking...FUCK!", Quinn choked out between breaths, hitting and swearing to distract himself from the way he was crying and how he was past the point of fighting any tears back.

Finally his punches let up and his body went slack. Prompting Brody to hold him upright and then just hold him as he cursed, wept on his shoulder.

"It's alright, Peter.", he said gruffly, tapping him twice on his upper back.

"It'll be alright."


	119. Chapter 119

After Quinn settled down and clammed up, started smoking in an effort to avoid discussing what had happened, realizing he'd have better luck conversing with Calvin, Brody went back inside.

Seeing J.J alone in the living room he chewed his lip, wondered where Farrah had gotten to.

"Hey, J.J. Where's-"

"She went to put on her pajamas.", he answered with a frown. "She's been upstairs a really long time though!"

"Hey, if she didn't take an hour to get changed I'd think there was something wrong with her.", Brody smiled, sitting next to the boy on the couch.

"Girls are weird. Except for Farrah I mean. She's cool."

"Yeah, she is.", he said in agreement. After a beat he spoke again, switched subjects.

"Listen, J.J. Earlier in the kitchen, after the pitcher broke. I wanted to apologize. I hope Quinn and I didn't upset you."

"Quinn?", J.J asked.

"Sorry. Peter...er. Pete. Quinn's his last name so that's what I call him."

"Oh."

"But anyway, neither of us wanted to make you feel bad."

"It's okay. When you and him were talking outside Farrah cheered me up."

"Yeah? What did she do?"

"She got out this stupid joke book. Kept telling me the same one over and over again until I laughed at it.", J.J smirked, getting a laugh.

"Well I'm glad the two of you are getting along. Farrah could use a few new friends. Friends that aren't grown-ups anyway."

"Like that Quinn-Pete guy?"

"Yeah.", Brody nodded. "I was just curious, what did you think of him?"

"He's awesome at Kumba War. I never played with anyone that good before."

"Yeah he kicked my as...butt, pretty good.", he edited, getting a grin.

"He says bad words and tries to cover them up too."

"Yeah, we're all a bit guilty of that. But I was wondering, when you two were talking in the kitchen what did you think..."

"He kinda scared me a little.", J.J said softly. "Not like  _he_ used to, but still."

"By  _he,_  you mean the guy you told him about who..."

Trailing off when he nodded, Brody chewed his lip, switched gears slightly.

"I understand though about Quinn. He used to scare me sometimes too. But I've gotten to know him better and he's not too bad a guy. He's really protective of people he cares about. I know he's helped out Farrah and her mom a lot.", he said honestly.

"Is that Farrah's mom? The lady in the picture?", J.J asked, pointing to a framed one on the sofa table of Carrie tickling Farrah in the backyard.

"Yeah, that's her. Carrie. She adopted Farrah not that long ago."

"She's pretty. She looks really nice."

Nodding, Brody swallowed back the lump threatening to form in his throat.

"She is.", he said, seeing J.J still looking intently but sadly at the picture.

"My mom used to tickle me like that."

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh. She used to call me her ticklemonster.", the boy said sadly.

"You know Farrah told me about her, about your mom. I'm so sorry J.J."

"I miss her a lot."

"I understand. There's still days I miss my mom a lot too.", Brody admitted.

"Your mom died?"

"Yeah. I was a soldier and she died when I was overseas."

"That's sad."

"Yeah. It was."

Seeing the pained look on his face, now J.J figured he'd switch subjects.

"So you were a soldier? Like you fought in wars and stuff?"

"Yeah. For awhile I did."

"Is that how you got that scar on your hand?", the boy asked, pointing as Brody glanced down.

"Sort of.", he answered, then caught a look at J.J tugging his shirt sleeve again.

Feeling his stomach knot, Brody tamped down his repulsion over the situation and figured he'd take an opportunity here. Thinking the two of them having marks in common would allow him to try and get some answers from the boy.

"I have other ones too. Other scars. I got hurt a lot."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I did. When I came home, the woman I was married to before I left saw the ones on my back and stuff. She got really upset."

"My grandma got upset too."

"Of course she did, it's because she cares about you and doesn't like seeing you hurt.", Brody said. "You know, Quinn didn't like seeing it either. He told me he felt sick after seeing what happened to your arm."

"It only happened once!", J.J exclaimed, then bowed his head. "Maybe twice.", he said softly, shifting on the couch before Brody shifted so they could face each other.

"Stuff like that should  _never_  happen, J.J. Not to kids just because an adult couldn't handle himself.", Brody said, his voice calm but gravely serious. Biting his lip J.J glanced up, blinking back tears.

"He was really nice! He...took me to Phillies games with Mom and we'd play soccer! After she died he kept coming over. But if I didn't do what he asked me to he'd get angry. He'd be mean to me."

"What happened to your mom doesn't excuse what he did. And nobody can force you into doing something if it hurts or scares you. Not grown-ups, not anyone."

Jaw clenched Brody forced himself to calm down, breathe, keep his rage in check. Refusing to frighten the boy more than he already was.

"Look, believe it or not it's good you talked to us about things. If you stick around, Quinn and I can try and keep tabs. Make sure nothing happens to you or your grandmother."

"She's scared he'll find us. Find us out."

"She doesn't have to be, okay? If he does we'll try and help you both. I promise.", Brody assured as J.J climbed onto his lap, hugged him.

"Hey, it's okay. It's okay.", he said, patting his back as Quinn walked back inside, then stopped short in the kitchen. Seeing him over the boy's shoulder, Brody froze, went to say something but the sniper turned, walked away before he had the chance.

Waiting until J.J calmed enough to pull back, Brody heard someone on the steps, then saw Farrah come in the living room in her blue pajama pants and purple and silver hoodie.

"I dressed! We make popcorn?"

"Sure.", Brody said, grateful for the suggestion.

"How about you guys pick out a movie while I'm making it and you two can watch it until J.J's grandma gets here. That sound alright?"

"Sure.", J.J said, then raced to the cabinet to try and find a movie before Farrah did.

After Brody got the popcorn started, made, bringing the bowl in the living room along with paper towels, he made sure the kids were settled before tracking down Quinn. Seeing him on the staircase twirling another cigarette between his fingers.

"Hey! I told you earlier-"

"Jesus, I'm not going to light it.", Quinn snapped.

"Look, J.J just wanted to talk and I happened to be there, I-"

"Brody it's fine. Really I don't give a shit."

"Don't you even want to know what he told me?"

"No, not particularly. I actually just want to get the fuck out of here."

Rolling his eyes he went outside only to have Brody follow him.

"For Christ's sake, I don't need an escort!"

"Just wait a second, okay. Wait!"

Reluctantly turning towards him, Quinn lit the cigarette he was holding, took a long drag before exhaling, making sure Brody was met with some smoke.

"Nice. Really fucking nice, can you just let me talk?"

"If I don't put some goddamn money in the meter I'm gonna be towed."

"You coming back?"

"Lower your voice, damn it. The whole neighborhood doesn't need to hear us."

"You didn't answer me, are you coming back?"

Not getting an answer, fairly sure what Quinn's was anyway, Brody rolled his eyes, shook his head.

"Really? You're fucking willing to up and leave the boy in there you just made yourself sick worrying over?!"

"Made myself sick? Fucking Christ. Blame that on the pint of vodka that was in my stomach.", Quinn scoffed, regretting with everything in him he hadn't parked closer to the townhouse.

"It wasn't just that and you know it.", Brody said knowingly. "Damn it, Quinn. Since the second you saw him you've been ninety nine percent convinced your own flesh and blood is sitting inside that house!"

"My flesh and blood who I waived any rights to when I changed my goddamn name!", Quinn hissed, getting up in his face hoping to intimidate and get him to back off. But Brody wasn't backing down.

"So what happens now then? The abusive prick who fucking laid hands on him gets those rights instead?!"

"Anita has rights. She won't let anything happen to him."

"You're saying a seventy something retired librarian's more capable of protecting him than a goddamn sniper!", Brody asked in disbelief.

"Look, I know how much shit's been thrown at you tonight. I get you want to just drive back to your house, get so drunk you pass out and pretend none of it ever happened. But that boy in there is scared for himself, his grandma. He needs someone, damn it!"

"So let it be you then!", Quinn snapped back. "You and Carrie and Farrah can be a fucking surrogate family for him. The goddamn  _Brody_  Bunch."

"Nice, you come up with that all by yourself.", Brody snorted.

"You know we don't even know officially if J.J's even mine. But if he is, or isn't...don't fucking try and make him my Issa. My Farrah. I'm  _incapable_  of that, Brody. I have no business playing Daddy to any kid."

"You think Carrie didn't feel the same way? You think she wasn't scared shitless at having to be a mom?"

"Carrie didn't have a choice. Farrah had no family left."

"Well what if something happens to Anita? What happens then, J.J goes into foster care? Gets cared for by some other monster who hits him? How could you live with taking that kind of a chance when he could be right inside that house?!'

"I don't know, Brody! How did you live with taking a chance in a fucking suicide vest! Strapping a goddamn bomb on when you had a wife and two kids waiting for you in  _your_  house!". Quinn retorted as Brody backed up, bowed his head.

"Don't you dare preach to me about being  _any kind_  of a dad. You may have been granted a goddamn do-over with Farrah and the one on the way, but don't tell me you did a thing to deserve it. The damage you caused your first born? Your only son! That's fucking irreparable.", he spat, shaking his head.

"At least I'm not selfish enough to open J.J up to that kind of pain. At least I'm not putting him in a position where he'd have to depend on me, look to me for guidance only for me to break him in the worst fucking way. The way  _you_ did."

"Yeah? Well what about the way J.J's stepdad did?", Brody challenged.

"I mean so long as we're talking about monsters. You and I both know what  _I'm_  capable of, what about him though? Or is the thought of that boy being that fucker's punching bag so awful you can't even bear to talk about it? Can't even think how petrified he is at that bastard coming back for him. How he has nightmares about him night after night. Because he does. I mean if anyone should fucking know...", he laughed bitterly as Quinn looked at him, stony-eyed.

"That fear doesn't have a chance at going away until J.J knows one hundred percent that  _that_ monster who hurt him, won't ever do it again. So you can waste time blaming yourself, coming after me, the cops, or you can do something, Quinn. If you can't be there for that boy as any kind of a dad, at least you could be there for him as a good shot."

"What are you getting at? I drive to Philly with my rifle in the trunk? Find a rooftop across from his house in the middle of the goddamn suburbs? Shoot the bastard between the eyes?", Quinn asked incredulously.

"Listen if you don't, I will. You're not the only one here with sniper training. And I've gone to worse lengths on behalf of a kid.", Brody reminded as Quinn scoffed, rolled his eyes right as a car turned onto the street.

Certain who it was, swearing Quinn jogged over behind some trees, content to stay put in the shadows until his almost mother in law left.

Not up to questioning him Brody called for J.J to come outside, then walked down the porch steps to greet Anita who was exiting her car. Her grandson at his heels.

"Grandma!"

"My sweet boy.", Anita smiled, hugging him close as Brody walked up.

"Thank you so much for looking after him. Was he any trouble?"

"No. He's a good kid. Really."

"Nick, is Pete still here? I want him to meet my Grandma.", J.J asked as Brody chewed his lip. Getting a curious frown from Anita.

"Who is Pete? I thought you only had Farrah to look after."

"Anita, it's not important. He's just-"

"He plays Kumba War, Grandma! He's really good!"

"Mijo, please. I want to hear from Nicholas who this man is.", Anita said, eyes narrowed.

"He's just a friend of mine, Anita. He brought pizza over and played video games with the kids. I invited him over to help out."

"You invited a strange man over to help watch my grandson?"

"I apologize, Anita. It's all my fault. I..I should've cleared it with you, I-"

"Brody it's alright.", Quinn interjected, slowly approaching the group.

"Hey listen, you don't have to..."

"No. It's alright, Brody. Can you excuse us for a second.", he asked as J.J frowned, looked between the tense looking adults before Brody took his hand.

"C'mon J.J. Farrah's gonna want to say goodbye.", he said, walking the boy back to the house as Quinn swallowed hard, looked the glaring woman in the eye.

"Hi, Anita. It's been a long time."


	120. Chapter 120

"Hi Anita. It's been a long time.", Quinn said, earning a withering stare as Anita shook her head, went to step around him. Rolling his eyes, Quinn blocked her path.

"If you would kindly step aside!"

"After we talk."

"Talk? I'm not going to waste my breath talking to you!", Anita snapped. "I am going inside to get my grandson. Get him away from the likes of you!"

"The likes of...", Dumbfounded Quinn shook his head. "Well, what about the likes of the bastard who beat him up, who you two just barely escaped?!"

Stunned, Anita froze, looked at him in disbelief. "How in the world do you-"

"He was afraid Brody or I were going to hit him after he broke a lemonade pitcher. I saw the goddamn bruises on his arm, Anita. I know what happened."

Bowing her head she crossed her arms, blinked back tears. "I took him away from him, as soon as I found out!"

"You took him from Philadelphia to D.C. You had to get him out of the goddamn state, not just the the house! Which means the fucker meant business, would try and track him down. Not just drown his sorrows at a fucking bar!"

"Your language, John. Please!", Anita exclaimed, swiping a tear away from her eye."He would get worse when he drank."

"But the abuse happened when he was sober too.", Quinn spat, shaking his head as another question entered his head. One he wished he didn't need an answer to. "Did..did the bastard try and hurt Julia-"

"No. No!", Anita assured. "He never laid a hand on her, John. You knew my daughter, she would not have let him! And she trusted him with J.J. She and this man were to be married. Nothing started to happen until after her funeral.", she said, looking and sounding pained.

"After...he kept coming around the house, offering to help. He told me he wanted to be there, for J.J. I thought nothing of it at the time. I needed someone there while I met with lawyers, went over the terms of her will. I believed my grandson was safe with him. He was going to be his father!"

"Stepfather.", Quinn said coldly.

"It wasn't until J.J told me he feared being in the house alone with him that I started getting suspicious. And then I saw the marks."

"Did J.J tell you anything that he did?"

"No. But Julia told me with her job, she saw horrible cases involving children. Adults who prey on them and hurt, force themselves on...", Anita trailed off as Quinn's jaw clenched.  
"I knew what to look for, and I started seeing indications."

"He was a goddamn predator."

Nodding, she wiped another tear before speaking again.

"If I had not intervened, I do not want to think about what could have happened."

"Why the fuck didn't you call a lawyer? Get him put away?"

"Do you not think that I tried! You do not know this man, John. He comes from wealth, he's respected in the community. His family is on good terms with the best lawyers. They have judges in their back pocket. He is protected back home. If we did make a case, anger him, he would have likely won, then retaliated, maybe even sued for custody! Running was the only solution. But I am doing my best to protect J.J."

"Anita, I know we've had our differences. But I want to help you. You have to let me."

"Why? You have known this boy for one night, now you want to ride to his rescue?"

"What choice do I fucking have if he's..."

"If he is yours?", Anita scoffed.

"What does it matter if he is yours? You waived your rights when you were recruited! When you left the country and you broke mija's heart!", she cried.

"Anita, I did what I had to to protect them. The work I do, it's dangerous. It's risky. Especially the assignments I left the country to complete. If a family had been traced back to me they could've been targeted. You all would've, to break or weaken me. I wasn't about to let that happen!"

"Well your  _protection_  led Julia into a depression! And led her to marry a man who targeted my only grandchild!"

"So tell me more about him. Besides him being wealthy, having judges on his goddamn payroll there has to be more. Tell me everything you know about him."

"Why?"

"So that I can find him. Trust me, I'm not about to let a sick bastard like him get within a mile of J.J again, or any kid for that matter."

"And how will you make that happen?", Anita asked before the answer dawned on her. Eyes narrowed she looked at Quinn with a mix of horror and disgust.

"This is your line of work? You kill?"

"Anita..."

"Taking another life is a mortal sin!"

"Julia was a cop, you think she wouldn't have pulled her gun on a perp? You think if she'd been able to she wouldn't have gunned down her murderer?"

"Mija carried, but never fired her weapon. Her partner understood her beliefs. He protected her."

"Until two fucking months ago.", Quinn spat as Anita's eyes iced over.

"You listen to me, John. I have dealt with enough blood and weapons and hurt and hate these past two months. It has been agony for me. I did not come here to seek you out or seek out your help. Especially that kind of help! Regardless of what this monster is or has done, I will not sic you and your guns on him so you can shoot him like a dog. I could not live with that sin on my conscience."

"Anita, this is what I can do for J.J. This is all I can do for him.", Quinn said with a pleading look in his eyes, but Anita was unaffected.

"Then stay away from him then! Stay away like you have done all this time! I will protect him without resorting to taking a life!", she snapped before brushing past him to the front door, calling for J.J, then rushing him over to the car.

Witnessing the whole scene, the defeated expression on Quinn's face, Brody approached him, tapped him on the shoulder.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"I just wanted to see if you wanted to come back in? See Farrah for awhile? She's still awake and if anyone out there could help take your mind off things."

Letting out a heavy sigh Quinn shook his head.

"I appreciate the offer. You're probably right, but I think it's time I get out of here. Get home."

"No, I understand, I do.", Brody said before reaching into his pocket. "Before you go though, here."

Taking the slip of paper from him, Quinn frowned, squinted at the writing in green ink.

"Who the fuck uses green pen? Jesus."

"Sorry, was the first one I stumbled across. I called Zahira while the kids were watching the movie. Asked her about the conversation she had with Anita? She told me she asked her to keep an eye out for a man named Dominic. Let her know if she ever saw him at the community center."

"Holy shit."

"It's not much, she just had the first name. But at least it's something to go off of."

"Thanks. Really, Brody. She wouldn't have told me his name in a million years."

"Track the fucker down, Quinn. Pull some strings, do whatever you have to. And know I'm more than willing to help."

"I know. Thanks.", Quinn said gruffly.

"Tell Farrah I'm sorry I couldn't stick around. I'll see her soon though, okay."

"Sure. I'll tell her.", Brody assured as Quinn nodded, started walking back towards his car. Once there he leaned up against the side of it, lit up his last cigarette with one hand and reached for his phone with the other, started texting.

_"Galvez, meet me at the coffeeshop closest to Langley tomorrow before work. It's fucking urgent."_

_..._

"Ha! Farrah look, the minions are on again.", Brody laughed, pointing to the little yellow creatures on the screen that the character voiced by Steve Carrell was scolding.

"That's what they're called, right? Minions?", he asked, only to realize she'd gone slack against his right arm. Looking down he saw she was softly snoring, out like a light.

Shaking his head, after switching the TV off along with the lamp, he stood up and hoisted Farrah over his shoulder. Carrying her through the hallway and then up the steps to her room. Grateful she was in her pajamas already, still holding her he pulled the comforter and covers back, then set her down against the pillows, tucking her in with Merriweather and Marvin both.

"Night, Farrah.", he smiled, brushing some hair off her face before stepping out, switching on the nightlight before shutting the door.

Quietly he went back downstairs, straightening up and locking up before hitting the remaining lights, going upstairs to Carrie's room. Most of his things were here but he was still living out of his duffle bag in the corner.

He knew eventually he'd have to unpack, get used to his new living arrangements but right now it felt strange disrupting her stuff, moving into her house when she wasn't there to move in with.

Once changing, climbing into bed, he tried not to dwell on everything about Quinn and J.J but it was proving impossible not to. All the heated conversations and revelations were weighing on his mind, to the point that he doubted even praying would bring him peace. What he wanted to do was talk to Carrie but he knew that wasn't going to happen at 10:30 at night.

Closing his eyes he rolled over, shut his eyes. Luckily the smell of her shampoo that permeated the pillow managed to lull him to sleep. No sooner did he drift off though did he hear a noise and a knock. Sitting up in bed he heard, saw the door creak open.

"Nick?"

"Farrah? Hey what...what happened?", he asked as she ran over and hugged him, sniffled against his shoulder.

"Lemme guess. Bad dream?"

"Yes. And I hear noise."

"Noise? What kind of a noise?"

"It loud. Scary. Like monster in dream."

"A monster, huh? Are you sure he wasn't a nice monster? Like one of the minions?"

"No! He mean."

"What was the monster doing, camping out under the bed?"

"No, in closet."

"The closet, huh? Well I think I know how to take care of this."

Scooping her up he carried her over to her room and after setting her on the bed, grabbed a pillow.

"What you doing?", Farrah frowned, picking up Calvin as she watched Brody plop down on the rug, sit in front of the closet.

"You said the monster was in your closet, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, monsters in your closet are gonna want to get out. But so long as I sit here, they can't escape. So they'll get bored and go away. It's a fact."

"How they go away?"

"The monster back door. It's the part in the way back of your closet that you shove stuff into and never clean up.", Brody said matter of factly as Farrah snorted, rolled her eyes.

"You silly."

"Well if I'm so silly then I guess I can't keep the monsters away, can I?", he asked, arching a brow as he went to stand up but Farrah shook her head, eyes wide.

"No! No you stay. You stay there.", she ordered, climbing back into bed as she pulled the sheets back over her.

"Well if you insist. ", Brody smiled, putting the pillow down before stretching out on his side in front of the closet door. Shutting his eyes before he heard something soft land near his head.

"Blanket. So you no get cold."

"Thank you. G'night, brat."

"You brat.", Farrah giggled as he cleared his throat, arched a brow. Prompted her to correct herself.

"Night Nick.", she smiled, switching off the lamp.


	121. Chapter 121

Walking into the coffee shop, Quinn suppressed a snort seeing Danny sipping on a bright pink beverage complete with whipped cream and cherry, through a curly straw out of a tall glass.

"What the fuck is that?", he scoffed, sitting across from him.

"Strawberry milkshake.", Danny answered through a mouthful of whipped cream. "You want one?"

"I'll pass. Jesus.", Quinn grimaced, ordering a cup of coffee.

"What's with the look?", Danny frowned. "It's fucking comfort food."

"What the fuck do you need comfort over?", Quinn muttered. Knowing if either of them needed it more...

"Maggie and I got into it last night."

"About what?"

"She wants to postpone the wedding until Carrie's out of the hospital."

"So what's wrong with that? Carrie  _should_  fucking be there."

"I know she should and I'm fine with it. I want her there too. So last night Maggie and I called the church and reception hall we'd booked and they said they can't accommodate the later date and we'd lose our deposit if we switched. Basically they said we were SOL."

"The fuckers. So what's your new plan?"

"I said we do something small and simple in the backyard. But Maggie told me her and her ex did the same thing and that he was a cheap SOB. She wants this time to be different, more special. Then I told her it would be and she said it wouldn't and before I knew it we were fucking screaming at each other and she made me sleep on the couch."

"Jesus Christ."

"It was our first fight.", Danny said sadly, plucking the maraschino cherry out of his glass before tugging it off the stem, eating it.

"I'm sorry, Galvez.", Quinn said sympathetically. Refusing though to get emotional, at least to the level he had last night, he cleared his throat, spoke. "You'll make up. It's not like she's fucking lost to you forever because of one goddamn fight.", he said gruffly, taking a sip of his coffee as Danny frowned curiously at him.

"Quinn, are you alright? You don't look so-"

"I'm fine. Can we talk though about why I fucking asked you here in the first place?"

"Yeah, sure."

"You bring your computer?"

"Yeah, figured I'd be putting my life on the line if I didn't.", Danny snorted, opening his briefcase. "You know I still want to know why you couldn't just ask me about this at Langley."

"Because your shadows don't need to know shit about this. And neither does anyone else."

"Sounds serious."

"Well it's nothing to minimize.", Quinn said, moving to sit on his side of the booth before pushing the glass aside.

"Hey! I still had some whipped cream left in...", Met with a glare Danny gulped, apologized.

"I tried last night to run a background check on someone but I hit a wall. You have more clearance than I do so I need your login or for you to look the fucker up for me."

"Jesus. That's a lot of trouble. Who is this guy anyway?"

"That's what I need you to tell me."

"Quinn, I don't like where this is-"

"He's an imminent threat if he sets foot in D.C."

"Wait, he's not even local?"

"No. From Philly."

"What's his name?"

"Dominic."

"His last name?"

"All I have is his first."

"Quinn, for Christ's sake. I'm gonna need more here than Dominic from Philly, I-"

"Carrie and Berenson told me a dozen times how you were their go-to guy. That you could find anything or anyone."

"Well that was before I became the fucking Director.", Danny snapped.

"What the fuck are you talking about? You have more clearance and access than anyone in the goddamn building now. That's why I came to you."

"For what? So I could track down some prick you knew from your Philly days?"

"If I knew him and where he was you think he wouldn't be fucking dealt with by now?", Quinn spat.

"Good point.", Danny acknowledged, but still had a wary look on his face. Not liking anything about this favor.

"Look, just do the goddamn search and see what hits we get."

"Right now I have a couple hundred, easy. You're gonna have to narrow it down for me."

"Fine, arrange them by wealth."

"What order?", he asked, moving the cursor to the top of a column of names.

"Penthouses to below the poverty line."

"Alright, loaded fuckers first."

After the column scrambled, reordered itself, Quinn pointed to the screen again.

"Now narrow the top names to anyone with a record, outstanding warrants. Who raises a goddamn red flag in the system."

Doing so, Danny saw the column shrink and smiled.

"That helped narrow it. Now one of them is-"

Interrupted by a phone going off, Quinn rolled his eyes, grabbed his from his back pocket. He was tempted not to take the call but then got a follow up text and frowned, seeing Brody's number pop up.

"Jesus fucking Christ..."

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, I have to go. Just keep digging, looking into this for me."

"But Quinn, I-"

"Galvez. Keep  _digging_." Quinn snapped, throwing his jacket on before leaving the coffee shop. Rolling his eyes Danny reached for his milkshake glass and a spoon, started eating the remaining whipped cream. Wondering what fucking genius out there thought up the idea that he be in charge of anything or anyone at the Agency.

Knowing though to stay on Quinn's good side he'd have to exert at least some of his authority, he picked up his phone and texted Virgil's cell. Told him and Max to meet him at the coffee shop near Langley ASAP 'or else'.

Almost immediately after sending it his phone buzzed, rang.

"What the fuck, Galvez?"

"Virgil..."

"You didn't just send me a text ending in 'or else', right? What, was your autocorrect acting up or something?"

"No! I need you and Max to come by and help me with something."

"Well then just say that. You sending veiled threats is completely OOC."

"OOC?"

"Out of character. It's like a cute tiny puppy trying to be a fucking attack dog."

"I'm not a fucking puppy, Virgil!", Danny snapped, getting odd looks from the couple a table over.

"Well you're no rottweiler either. What do you want, and can it wait? Max and I were just about to head over to Langley."

"I need your help tracking down this guy. It's a favor for a friend."

"Is he local? We can do a drive by in the van. Assuming Max got the piece of shit up and running again."

"Wait, you put Max in charge of the van? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"That I'd save a little money and see if my brother has any useful skills."

"Does he?"

"I don't know. I'll let you know if the heap leaves the driveway.", Virgil snorted.

"Well if it doesn't just be a civilian and drive your own car. And if you can't get to the coffee shop by nine than meet me at my office."

"Your  _corner_  office you mean?", Max asked bitterly, his voice coming through speaker phone as Danny rolled his eyes.

"Max, you do part time off book surveillance jobs with your brother. You do a good job but c'mon, did you really expect to be promoted to director?"

"Carrie was thrown out of the Agency and was still offered the job!"

"Carrie's special, Max."

"And so are you, Max. Just in a different way.", Virgil teased, getting a scowl.

"Max I'm not trying to bust your balls. I don't even think I'm the right guy for the job. But think about it, if it came down to who was more qualified, between you and Virgil he's got you beat."

"Hey, I resent that!", Virgil exclaimed.

"Virgil, it was a fucking compliment!"

"You implied I'd be a fit for a desk job! Goddammit, Danny. I mean how long have we known each other?"

"Long enough that I know I should've quit associating with you ages ago. Both of you, actually."

"Damn it, Galvez I am hurt!", Virgil pouted.

"Well get over it. And get over here."

"Fine,  _boss_!", Max scoffed before hanging up as Danny rolled his eyes again, then ordered another milkshake.


	122. Chapter 122

After driving for about twenty minutes Quinn parked the car near the entrance to the children's park and playground where Brody had told him to meet him. Not seeing him immediately though he pulled out his phone, texted him.

 _"I'm here, where the fuck are you?"  
_  
 _"Walk past the petting zoo until you get to the jungle gym."_  
 __  
"On what? The fucking yellow brick road?"

Rolling his eyes Brody shoved the phone back in his pocket, knowing Quinn had enough instructions to track him down.

"Nick look! LOOK!", Farrah yelled as Brody looked up from his newspaper, saw her and J.J climbing on top of the monkey bars and racing to see who could get to the other end of them the fastest.

"Hey! That's too high up! Be careful!"

"We are!" J.J yelled back.

"Guys I'm serious! Get down from there."

"But Nick!", Farrah whined, getting a look that got her pouting. Taking hold of one of the rungs she lowered herself back underneath the bars as J.J did the same, then they got off the contraption all together. Took off running towards the tire swings.

Relieved, Brody resumed reading his paper only to have it snatched out of his hands.

"Hey! What the-"  
  
"You ask me to meet you someplace I expect your full attention. Besides, you were reading the goddamn comics.", Quinn scoffed, folding the paper and shoving it in his briefcase.   
  
"What's so fucking urgent?", he asked, before seeing the reason across the way playing tag with Farrah.

"I spoke to Anita this morning. She called, asked if she could drop J.J off for the morning while she did some apartment hunting."

"Apartment...what?"

"Her and I had a long talk about the talk I had with J.J last night. How frightened he still was. That I agreed to help the two of them out. She took me up on it. Said she was thinking about settling here for awhile."

"I see."

"She said they've been staying with friends of her's since they left Philly but they've been moving around a lot. She said if she was twenty years younger it wouldn't bother her so much, but after two months of it she wants a setup that's more permanent. That it's better for J.J."

"Makes sense."

"She said that everyone at the mosque was welcoming. And she likes that J.J's found a friend. She told me he kept asking her when he'd get to hang out with Farrah again."

"Well the kid's got good taste.", Quinn said, still watching from a safe distance as he chased her across the soccer field.

"I just wanted to let you know it sounds like she's gonna stick around. In spite of the conversation the two of you had."

"You're shitting me, right?", he scoffed.

"I think she thinks you got the message and you'll steer clear of things."

"Well she's got that right. Are we fucking finished here?"

"Quinn, I..." Seeing the pained look on his face, Brody was about to protest but figured maybe asking him here was asking too much.

"Yeah. We are. I just thought you'd want to know. I know I would've if I were in your shoes."

"In my shoes...Brody we still don't know anything."

"I know. I know we don't, I just-"

"No. You don't just...you don't know  _anything about this_  from here on out. You understand?", Quinn hissed, sitting down on the bench as Brody frowned incredulously.

"No. I don't! What are you talking about?"

"From now on, this is a closed subject. You can't tell anyone what you and I suspect."

"About J.J? But Anita's all but confirmed..."

"It doesn't matter. It  _doesn't matter._  She doesn't want me involved with him and I don't want to get involved. I told you already, I'm not playing Daddy to this kid."

"Alright, fine. I get that."

"Do you? Because I don't want this subject leaving this goddamn bench. That means not a word to Farrah, to your colleagues at the mosque, to  _Carrie_."

"Wait, hold on! Carrie can be discreet!"

"Not a  _fucking_  word, Brody.", Quinn snarled, giving him a look Brody knew better than argue with. Even in a public park.

"Alright. I understand. It's your decision and I respect that. The subject's closed, okay? I swear."

"Thank you."

"But what about the other subject. The slip of paper I gave you last night?"

"That's being dealt with."

"Did the name help?"

"Yes, it did. Thank you, again."

"You're welcome."

Knowing he probably shouldn't ask, but feeling curious, Brody was about to ask how it was being dealt with before Quinn answered for him.

"We're narrowing the list. Whoever the fucker is he has a record. We can use that."

"How?"

"Never mind. Just know that if the bastard sets foot anywhere near D.C he's finished."

Seeing Farrah had beaten J.J back to the tire swing, that she was within distance of seeing him, before she could wave or make a move towards him Quinn stood up.

"I'll keep you posted about it. So long as you-"

"Keep quiet about things. I will.", Brody assured only to get a text from Anita asking what part of the park they were in.

"Listen, Quinn, if you're gonna leave I suggest you-"

"I got it. I...I'm going.", Quinn said, stealing one more glance towards the tire swings before going back to his car.

...

Once arriving at Langley, he went up to Danny's office only to see him and Virgil seated on the couch, browsing something on a laptop, while Max was on his but sitting comfortably in the arm chair behind Danny's desk. Annoyed at the sight, Quinn walked up, set to swat Max upside the head.

"Hey!"

"Hey what? You're in the goddamn director's office. You don't sit behind his desk!"

"It's okay, Quinn. I let him."

Met with a dumbfounded look Danny explained.

"Virgil and I were busting his balls earlier and I felt bad. So I let him sit in my chair. For one day what's it gonna hurt?"

"The whole fucking country if the power goes to his head.", Quinn scoffed.

"It's fine, Quinn. What, you want to take turns?", Danny teased, getting a glare.

"Hey if anyone's up next it's me. I think I earned myself a reward. Pulled up more matches than either of you."

Moving to kneel next to the couch Quinn squinted at the screen where Virgil was pointing.

"What are we looking at?"

"Danny asked us to look into some guy named Dominic for a friend of his.", Virgil explained as Quinn glanced at Danny, grateful he'd kept his name out of things.

"He's a real son of a bitch if we found the right one.", Virgil said.

"The right one? How many are listed?"

"Not that many after we narrowed down the search. We know the guy's from Philly, that he's loaded and doesn't have the most sparkling record."

"Hey, what about this match?", Max asked as Quinn walked over, but seeing what he'd pulled up on the screen rolled his eyes.

"According to this he's going by Dominique now." he scoffed. "Will you get out of that fucking chair already?! You're making me nervous."

"Quinn, is it really that big a deal?", Danny asked.

"It's unsettling. What if some clueless White House aide walked in here, looked in that chair and thought Max could be briefed on matters of national security?"

"Max, get out of my chair.", he sighed.

Reluctantly Max stood up, still scrolling on his laptop as he walked to the opposite side of the room.

"What, did you find something or you just trying to prove you can multitask?", Virgil snarked as Max glared, set the laptop down in front of him.

"Look. He's our guy, right?"

"What makes you so sure, Max?", Danny asked.

"He fits all the criteria. Dominic Lawson. From Philly, he's got old money, and look at his record. Lots of red flags."

"Jesus Christ.", he exclaimed, looking at the list of offenses.

"Indecent exposure, public urination. Went ballistic on a cop."

"When?"

"About a decade ago. He must've been lawyered up though, only did a stint in the psych ward."

"Anything more recent he could be brought in on?", Quinn asked, trying to keep his composure even though seeing the bastard's face on the screen had him seeing red.

"Whoa, holy shit."

"What, Danny?"

"This guy was suspected in a carjacking a few weeks back but left town on 'business'. Missed his court date."

"Shit, he's practically gift wrapped to be hauled in.", Virgil said.

"Let's do it then.", Quinn cut in.

"I can tell a guy I know at Metro to keep tabs, bring him in if he heads this way. But that's about it. We're crossing onto FBI turf if we pursue this more than we already have."

"Basically all we're doing falls under FBI and local territory.", Virgil said. "Danny, who the fuck is this favor even for?", he asked curiously.

"As Director I don't have to answer to you on that.", Danny covered.

"Well fine.", Virgil huffed. "Are we through here?"

"If any more information on this guy comes up I want you to report back to me with it. But yeah, we're finished here."

After Max and Virgil gave them suspicious looks but left the office, Quinn shut the door behind them, turned to Danny.

"Thanks. For not bringing my name into this."

"You're welcome. Max and Virgil are great guys but I had a feeling you wouldn't want them entirely in the loop.", Danny said knowingly before chewing his lip, looking warily at Quinn.

"What's the problem?"

"Look, I know I agreed to help, but if word got out I authorized this kind of investigation, I'd be in Carrie level shit."

"I realize that. But trust me, this fucker is just as dangerous as any extremist terrorist bastard we would be authorized to look into. Just, a different kind of dangerous."

"I believe you. I know you wouldn't have asked if it wasn't critical, just...if anything needs to get resolved here make sure it happens soon okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Galvez.", Quinn said before leaving the office. Heading down the hall to his he pulled out his phone, shot Brody a text.

...

_"Got a face, a name, and a reason to haul him in. He sets foot in D.C and we'll have him."_

Quickly reading the message, a relieved smile on his face Brody slid his phone in his pocket, apologized to Anita for the interruption.

"What is it, a message from her?", Anita asked, having just heard about Brody and his relationship with Farrah's foster mother. Being a romantic she hoped that the reason he was smiling was he heard from the woman he wanted to marry.

"No, I wish. It's actually from someone we both know.", Brody said as Anita's features hardened.

"You are still in touch with him? With John, I'm sorry...Peter  _Quinn_?", she asked angrily.

"Anita it's good news. He's dug up enough dirt on Dominic to get him arrested if he even sets foot in D.C."

"How? How is that possible?"

"I don't know all the details, but he must've had some outstanding warrant that Metro could bring him in on. Either way he's not going to be a problem for you or J.J anymore. Quinn's made sure of it."

"You sure he didn't just do what he intended to? Track him down and shoot him with his rifle?, Anita asked bitterly, cringing at the thought.

"Listen, Anita. I received sniper training too when I was a Marine. I became a Sergeant because I became that good at shooting a damn gun. But it wasn't something I signed up for because I wanted to or because I felt like taking a life. I did it because it was my duty. With Quinn it's the same thing. He only came to you with that offer because he wanted to protect J.J. The only way he felt like he could. At least now though he's found a way to protect him without resorting to that."

"I...I understand.", she sighed.

"Do you? Look I'm not trying to be Quinn's champion here, defend all he's ever done. But what he's doing is for J.J's sake, you gotta admit his heart is in the right place."

"Forgive me, Nicholas but this man, his heart, broke my daughter's. I appreciate the lengths he is going to to protect J.J, but I won't allow him to do to him what he did to his mother. I understand he has a job to do, I respect that. But he needs to respect my wishes and keep his distance from my grandson. J.J does not need 'Peter Quinn' as his estranged father any more than he needed an abusive one."

Anita said firmly as Brody nodded in understanding. Unaware they had an audience behind a tree nearby.

"Ha! I find you!", Farrah cheered as J.J jumped from his hiding spot at the base of the tree, turned around. Seeing the look on his face though she frowned at him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Fine.", J.J shrugged, getting an arched brow.

"J.J..."

"What? I said I'm fine. C'mon, let's go back to the petting zoo."

"But..."

"I want to see the goats again! C'mon.", he said as Farrah chewed her lip, then jogged to catch up with him.


	123. Chapter 123

_1 Month Later_

"Duck! Farrah, duck!"

"I trying, I trying!", she yelled, fiddling with the controller for the game and trying to get her player out of harms way before the guards attacked, cost them both their last life.

"Damn it!", J.J yelled, throwing the controller down in frustration as Farrah glared.

"You say bad word again.", she said, shifting on the couch so she was facing him but he still was staring at the TV.

"I thought you said Pete would teach you how to beat the level."

"I no see him.", Farrah shrugged, tossing her controller onto the coffee table.

"How come?"

"Nick say he busy.", she answered before standing. "You want popcorn?"

"Yeah. Sure. I'll reset the game if you make it."

Nodding, Farrah walked over to the kitchen where Brody was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper.

"Hey, brat. You need anything?"

"I make popcorn.", Farrah said, grabbing a pack from the box in the cupboard and tearing the plastic wrapper off.

"You guys just ate lunch!", Brody sputtered. Wondering when their stomachs had become bottomless pits.

"We hungry again.", she smiled shyly, pressing the button on the microwave.

"Look, it's a beautiful day outside. You guys want to go to the park or something?", Brody asked.

"We ask Pete to come?"

Shaking his head Brody stood up, leaned against the countertop.

"Farrah I told you, he's had a lot of work to do lately."

"J.J keep asking about him.", Farrah said softly as Brody arched a brow, frowned.

"What does he want to know about...", he started to ask as J.J walked in.

"Popcorn done yet? I reset the game for us."

"Good. I beat level this time.", Farrah grinned, grabbing the popcorn bag out of the microwave once it dinged.

"Wait guys, use a bowl, guys!", Brody called after them but they'd already started the game back up.

Rolling his eyes, he brought one in the living room, dumped the popcorn in it only to have his phone go off. Not recognizing the number he went into the kitchen to answer before J.J paused the game.

"What is wrong? I say I try again!", Farrah whined.

"In a second. Can I tell you something?"

"Yes. What?"

"You know how Nick asked you why I keep asking about Pete?"

"Yes. I not answer because I not know.", Farrah shrugged.

"Well, that day we were at the park with Nick and my grandma, I...I overheard them talking."

"What they talk about?", she asked curiously as J.J chewed his lip.

"They talked about Pete. My...my grandma said she didn't want him to be my dad."

"Wait...I confused.", Farrah frowned.

"Why would she say that if she didn't think that Pete was my real dad? My grandma doesn't lie or make up stories!"

"Wait, Pete... _my_  friend...you think, he your  _father_?", she gasped as J.J nodded, then shushed her when he heard Brody walk back in the room.

"Farrah, come here for a second."

"Why?"

"It's important, c'mon!"

Annoyed, she let out a huff and went to move off the sofa but J.J grabbed her arm.

"Don't tell anyone what I just told you, alright? We can talk about it but only us, okay?!" he whispered as she grinned.

"It secret?!"

"Yes, it's a secret."

"Okay I no tell. I promise.", Farrah said before Brody called her again. Rolling her eyes she ran into the kitchen and saw him standing impatiently, holding out the phone.

"Someone wants to talk to you."

Frowning she took the phone and hearing who was on the other end, a huge grin broke onto her face.

"CARRIE!", Farrah cheered as Carrie tried not to get choked up on the other end. "I miss you!"

"I know, honey. I miss you too. But I've got a few minutes to talk. How are you? How's Calvin? Are you two getting along with Brody?"

"Yes. We good.", Farrah said, smiling up at him before J.J yelled from the living room.

"Farrah! It's almost your turn!"

"Who was that?", Carrie asked, hearing the unfamiliar voice over the speakerphone.

"It my friend.", Farrah said as J.J yelled again, walked into the kitchen.

"My too loud friend!", she groaned. Turning the speaker off she ran upstairs with the phone as J.J and Brody exchanged looks, shrugged.

"C'mon bud, I'll take her turn."

Once upstairs, Farrah shut the door, than jumped onto, sprawled out on her bed.

"You turned off the speakerphone?"

"Yes. Nick always get to talk. It is my turn.", she said firmly as Carrie laughed.

"So who's the too loud friend you have over?"

"His name J.J."

"How did you guys meet?"

"At community center."

"What about his family? Did you meet his mom and dad?"

Hearing unusual silence on the other end Carrie frowned.

"Farrah? You still there?"

"Yes. I...I here."

"What's wrong then? You just got really quiet."

"I have question.", Farrah said softly, chewing the tip of her braid.

"Sure. What is it?"

"Do spies need to be good at secrets?"

"I don't understand. You mean good at keeping secrets?"

"Yes. Keeping them."

"Well, yes.", Carrie answered, trying not to sound too puzzled. "Keeping secrets when you're a spy is pretty important."

Frowning at this odd conversation, not sure where it would lead but curious about it, she didn't try and switch subjects.

"Why are you asking me about this?"

"Can one spy tell other spy secret?"

"I think that depends on whom you tell. If he or she is a friend. Farrah?"

"Yes?"

"Honey, did someone ask you to keep something a secret?"

After a beat the girl answered.

"Yes. I...I promise I not tell!"

"Farrah look, my being a spy or not you can always talk to me, okay? You can tell me anything."

"I...I want to. Tell this."

"Then you should, alright? Sweetheart I don't want you to keep things from me. You know I don't like when there's secrets between us, I-"

"Miss Mathison?", a nurse interrupted, giving Carrie a stern look.

"Can I help you with something?"

"There's a line forming behind you for the phone. You need to be courteous to the other patients here. Please wrap it up."

"I'll wrap it up when my five minutes are up! You think I give a shit about a line? I had to wait in one too!", Carrie snapped, getting a glare from the nurse and muttering from the people behind her. Intimidated but wishing she wasn't, she swallowed hard, spoke.

"Honey, I have to go okay? But I'll try and call back as soon as I can, you have my word, okay?"

"But...Carrie?!"

"Farrah I-"

Cut off when the nurse pushed a button to end the call, Carrie shot her a glare. Eyes welling up she slammed the receiver back in the cradle and stalked off towards the double doors. Walked right into Abby.

"Whoa!"

"I'm sorry, I...I'm sorry."

"Honey are you okay?"

"I've been better.", Carrie sighed, wiping her eyes.

"Did something happen? Remember what I said in group. Communication is key, especially in here. We're here to help you."

Swallowing hard, not wanting to burst into tears with this much of an audience, she crossed her arms.

"Well your colleague over there kicked me off the fucking phone. I haven't spoken to my daughter in weeks and when I finally have the chance..."

"You mean the nurse over there? Peg?", Abby asked, getting a nod.

"Honey she's had a stick up her butt all morning. Don't pay any attention to her.", the older woman snorted, getting a trace of a smirk that soon faded. "Don't look so sad. Even if you can't get to the phone your visiting privileges kicked in."

"They did?!"

"I got the last of the paperwork pushed through this morning. You've been attending group, taking your meds. Your monthly report looked good. So once the phone frees up call your sister or someone. They can stop by for a quick visit this afternoon."

Now trying to keep from crying for a different reason, Carrie nodded, smiled.

"I will. I definitely will.", she said before Abby nodded to a now freed up phone. Racing over to it Carrie reached for and grabbed it a split second before someone else. Who had the nerve to clear his throat.

"Excuse me, ma'am but I think I was here first.", he drawled.

"No, you weren't!", Carrie snapped.

"Fine then. Maybe I'll let you cut ahead."

Seeing him give her a once over she shook her head, scoffed.

"Why? Because I asked so nicely?"

Rolling her eyes she turned to dial the phone as he leaned up against the wall it was mounted on. His eyes still uncomfortably on her.

"Do you mind?"

"Who is it you're so eager to talk to?"

Tempted to bark about it being none of his goddamn business, chewing her lip she thought better of it. Knowing a surefire way to get him or any pushy man to back off.

"My baby-daddy two towns over.", Carrie smirked, moving her free hand to her belly for emphasis.

"I see. Well go right ahead then. I can wait."

Uncomfortable with an audience but knowing protesting or leaving could cost her the phone, earn her another day without a visitor, Carrie turned away, dialed Brody's cell before putting a suggestive smile on her face.

"Hey baby..", she purred into the phone.

"Carrie?"

"I really miss you, handsome. You miss me?", she asked, laying it on extra thick hoping she'd scare off or send the stranger away in disgust.

"Handsome? What the-"

"It's  _so_  lonely here all by myself."

"Carrie, for Christ's sake. What is going on?!"

"How are  _you_  feeling?"

"A little violated to tell you the truth!", Brody sputtered, thrown by the syrupy, singles line tone she was speaking to him in.

Giggling, Carrie moved as far away from the man as the phone cord would allow. Seeing his attention was mostly off her now she sighed, lost the flirty smile.

"Since when do you talk to me like that?"

"Since I had to show my complete commitment to my goddamn baby-daddy.", she hissed.

"Am I supposed to even ask what you-"

"No, you're not. Look I can't talk long but I wanted to tell you. I got visitation privileges."

"You did?! Shit, Carrie!", Brody exclaimed. "Can I come today?"

"You missed me that much?"

"What? I can't show my complete commitment to my baby-mama?", he teased, then grimaced at how that phrase sounded to him and must've sounded to her. "Shit. That was pretty cringeworthy, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, we don't need to ever...yeah." Shaking her head she smiled in spite of herself. "I really miss you."

"I miss you too. When can I come down? Would later this afternoon work?"

"I think it could. Talk to Maggie, she has the schedule."

"Is there anything you want me to bring?"

"I don't really know what's allowed. If Farrah has any artwork though she wants-"

"There's a folder full of drawings in her room. I'll bring it."

Blinking back tears Carrie nodded, smiled, then went solemn thinking of the last conversation she and her had had.

"Brody, is everything alright with her?"

"Yeah? Why do you ask?"

"She just sounded odd on the phone. Secretive. I don't-"

"Carrie, what else do you expect when practically everyone caring for her's with the CIA?"

"It's not like her, Brody. I'm used to hearing detailed descriptions of her entire fucking day. The Agency hasn't rubbed off on her that much. Hell,  _I_ haven't for at least the past month."

"Oh yeah? Because she gave me your patented scoff, snort, eyeroll earlier this morning."

"Well did you deserve it?", Carrie teased, only to hear a throat clearing and see the stranger's attention was back on her.

"Look I have to go, but try and come this afternoon, okay? I..."

"I know. I love you too."

"Be sure and tell-"

"I will. She knows, but I will. I'll be there with her drawings as soon as I can."

"Thank you. I...I can't wait. Bye."

After Brody hung up, seeing the man still standing nearby, instead of glaring or chickening out and not acknowledging him at all, Carrie walked up and shoved the phone into his palm.

"It's all yours."

"Thanks. You and your baby daddy have a good talk?"

"As good as you can when you're timed and  _watched.",_ Carrie snorted.

"I'm sorry. It's tough not to overhear when you're stuck standing around and waiting. You can listen to my call if you'd like."

"It's alright. I'm just gonna go back to my room.", she said, turning to leave.

"Want to make room for all the artwork coming in?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're getting some artwork, right? From someone named Farrah?"

"Jesus. You overheard quite a bit, didn't you!", Carrie bristled.

"Who is she? Friend of yours?"

"It's none of your fucking business who she is!", she spat.

"Again, I...I'm sorry. Didn't mean to cross a line I can't uncross. I just-"

"What?"

"I just want to get to know people around here. Make a friend or two.", he admitted, looking vulnerable as he did so.

"You want to make friends in the fucking psych ward?"

"Beats making enemies, right? Lord knows I got plenty of them on the outside."

"Point taken.", Carrie admitted. "I have a few of them myself."

"So you mind my asking who you are?"

"Who's asking?", she frowned, arching a brow.

"Well my friends call me-"

"We're not friends."

"That's true. But we're not enemies yet either."

"Yeah, well..." Carrie shrugged as a nurse walked into the lounge, approached them.

"There you are! Your lawyer's called for a meeting, Mr. Lawson!"

"Looks like you've got another friend to see."

"Hey, we'll get there. Give it some time.", he called after Carrie, watching intently as she walked out the double doors.

"This way, Dominic.", the nurse said, taking him by the arm and leading him out the opposite exit.


	124. Chapter 124

Sitting at the table in the visitor's lounge, anxiously drumming her fingers Carrie's eyes kept darting between the wall clock and the double doors. There were a few other tables and everyone was seated with someone aside from her. Her nerves were through the roof that he'd mixed up the times or was stuck in traffic and wouldn't be able to see her until tomorrow. She wanted to jump out of her skin and probably would have until...

"Carrie!"  
  
Quickly walking to the table as she stood up, when he reached for her she all but jumped in his arms. Threw her's around his neck.

"It's really good to see you.", she sniffed as he nodded. Holding her close he brushed his lips on the top of her head. Then getting a throat clearing from a guard he reluctantly pulled back. Sat in the chair across from her.

"How are you?", he asked, reaching to squeeze her hand, running his thumb over the back of it.

"I'm alright. I...I'm alright.", she choked out.

"Hey! Hey..." Reaching for her face he thumbed away a tear before it fell.

"Sorry. Fucking hormones."

"Shit, at least you have an excuse.", Brody snorted, wiping his eyes with the heel of his free hand. "Really though, how are you?"

"Had an interesting morning. Let's just leave it at that.", Carrie shrugged, twining her fingers with his.

"Leave what at what?"

"When I was on the phone earlier with you there was just this creep practically hanging onto my every word.", she said as Brody's jaw clenched.

"Well did you tell him to back off? Where is the prick? You want me to talk to him?"

"Brody...", Carrie warned.

"Listen I know you can take care of yourself but if some asshole thinks he can just-"

"Brody, I dealt with it. And I've dealt with worse!", she reminded as he nodded, swallowed hard.

"I know. I know you have. I apologize, it's just-"

"I know. But I'm fine, I promise. Besides he's not even the strangest person I've seen in here."

"Yeah, I bet there's a lot of interesting characters around.", Brody said, eyeing the others in the room with interest.

"Supposedly a woman across the hall from me bashed in skulls for a living. Or at least got some thrill from beating the shit out of people."

"Jesus. How many people are we talking?"

"She critically injured at least five. Killed two or three?"

"So why the fuck is she here and not in prison?",

"Supposedly all the people she went after were perverts or assholes who deserved beatdowns. Over privileged rich folks or corrupt government officials, law enforcement. People who thought they were above the law and could do whatever the fuck they wanted."

"You're saying she's got a vendetta against government and law enforcement and she's across the hall from you?!", he sputtered in disbelief.

"Brody she doesn't know I was with the CIA. Nobody in here does."

"You're sure? What about the press conference you-"

"They don't show the news here if they can help it. It can be a trigger to some people. Set them off.", Carrie sighed. "All it does is make me feel even more cut off from the real world."

Shaking his head now it was Brody's turn to sigh.

"You know I'm liking the idea of you being here less and less each time I see it. See you."

 _"Well you did put me in here once."_ , Carrie thought to herself but held her tongue.

"You've only been here twice.", she reminded.

"Well, that was enough."

"Jesus, it's not like you have to come!"

"Are you kidding?", Brody scoffed. "You think not coming before was fucking easy for me?"

"What do you mean, not coming-"

"I tried to visit you, Carrie. After Estes told me about your treatment, the ECT, I got in my car and tried to drive here. Until Berenson stopped me in the parking lot. He must've seen the look on my face because he told me if I set foot on the hospital grounds security would arrest me."

"Fuck.", Carrie breathed.

"He said I'd already fucked up your life enough. And I knew I had. So I resigned myself to never seeing you again and focused on being a fucking Congressman. It was easier. Staying bitter about what you'd done rather than acknowledge the bullshit I'd put you through."

Rolling his eyes, feeling disgusted with himself Brody untwined their fingers.

"Shit, maybe I ought to start seeing shrinks. They like a good challenge, right?", he laughed bitterly as she squeezed his hand, felt her eyes well up.

"Brody..."

"Hey, I was only half serious about the shrink thing."

"No, it's not that I just. I had no idea you'd tried."

"I figured I didn't succeed so why bother mentioning it. And I'm sure if I had I just would've upset you. Undone any progress you'd made."

"Maybe. I mean back then...I'd have probably kicked you out."

"If I'd been you I'd have definitely kicked me out."

"Nice to see we're in agreement.", Carrie softly smiled before quiet set in. Slowly she traced the scar on the back of his hand with her thumb.

"Earlier, when I said you didn't have to come...I didn't...I only meant if it bothers you being here. I understand if you don't-"

"It's fine, Carrie. I'm fine. For Christ's sake, last thing you ought to be worried about is my fucking comfort level. Though I understand why you won't let Farrah come here."

"It'd be too much, I couldn't...", Chin wobbling she swallowed hard, tried to keep it together.

"How is she? Has she adjusted to being with you?"

"Yeah. She has. We have a nice routine in the morning. She gets out of bed five minutes before we have to be at the mosque and she eats her breakfast in the car."

"Brody!"

"I'm kidding, Carrie. Its only happened twice."

"Twice more than it fucking should have.", Carrie snorted. "Tell me about that friend of her's I heard on the phone. J.J."

Swallowing hard, remembering the promise he'd made Quinn, Brody chewed his lip, spoke.

"He's a good kid. Been coming by most afternoons after we're done at the community center."

"Isn't he in school?"

"He's getting tutoring now at the center and I'm guessing he's gonna enroll next September as a new student. But yeah, he and Farrah play video games or we go to the park, the movies. You'd like him a lot, I'm sure."

"What does he look like? Tell me about his family."

"Christ, Carrie. He's just an eight year old kid. Why the interrogation?"

"Forgive me Sergeant, but it's what I do! Especially when  _this_  kid is Farrah's new best friend.", Carrie said firmly.

"You know, God help that girl when she gets asked out on her first date. God help her boyfriend actually.", Brody snorted, trying to lighten things but from the look in Carrie's eyes he knew she wasn't backing down.

"Why don't you want to talk to me about him?"

"Carrie I never said that I didn't-"

"Is there something about him I should know?"

"No! He's a good kid, Carrie. You think I'd let Farrah spend so much time with him if he wasn't?", Brody asked defensively.

"Then tell me more about him. C'mon, Brody.", she said pleadingly. "Look I'm not asking because I think there's some deep dark secret. I just need details, I need  _something_. I'm missing out on my daughter making a new best friend. I'm not going to the movies or the park or playing games with them. You are! You're there and I'm missing out. I'm missing out on everything.", Carrie said, fighting to keep her voice from cracking.

"Hey...hey.", Bringing her hand to his lips Brody gently kissed it.

"You're not missing out on as much as you think, okay? A few movie and pizza nights aren't gonna amount to much in the end, and you'll be back in the thick of it with us soon. I swear."

"I know..I..I know.", Carrie sighed, wiping her eyes with her free hand and deciding for her own sake to switch subjects.

"So has Quinn been helping you out with Farrah? He said that he would, I just..."

"Yeah, he's been there. The day she and J.J met Quinn came by the house, had pizza with us."

"Jesus. Him there with two kids running around? That had to have been an interesting evening.", she snickered as Brody bit his lip, glanced at their hands.

"Brody?"

"Sorry, what?", he asked, giving her a put on smile as she frowned.

"You want to tell me what's going on with you?"

"Nothing, Carrie!"

"You're still hiding something, conflicted about something. I saw it the second you sat down!"

"Well no sooner did I sit down did you say you were being harassed so-"

"I told you I'm dealing with it!", Carrie snapped, catching the guard's eye in the process.

"Look, first Farrah feels like she can't tell me something and now here you are tight-lipped. I know something is going on. And if it concerns her or you, I have a fucking right to know!"

"It's a long story, love."

"Well we'll have time if you stop avoiding the subject and tell me!", she spat as Brody glanced around the room, saw more people come in and others still present. Following his eyes, Carrie was about to call him on it before he spoke.

"It is a long story, Carrie. One I promised that I wouldn't-"

"Wouldn't what? Tell me because I'm  _in here?!"_

"No! Jesus, it has nothing to do with us being in here!"

"You mean  _me_  being in here.", Carrie corrected bitterly. "Fuck. We don't have a room to ourselves so you feel like you can't talk to me."

"Hey I wasn't just making small talk earlier!", Brody snapped.

"Or you were just trying to get my focus on something else.", she retorted.

"Carrie, if this was something earth shattering that you needed to know, I'd break my promise and fucking tell you!"

"Your promise to whom?"

"If I tell you that I may as well tell you everything.", Brody scoffed.

"Look, earth shattering or not I fucking want to know!"

"For Christ's sake! Can't we just change the fucking subject!", he asked, exasperated as Carrie glared at him.

"If there's one thing that's worse than being stuck in here it's not being able to know what I'm missing out there!", she hissed.

"Carrie, stop pressing this. Please. If I could tell you I swear to God I would."

Shaking her head, after dropping his hand she leaned back in the chair, crossed her arms.

"Carrie...c'mon. What's going on is complicated, alright? I don't want to start anything, upset anyone!", Brody exclaimed getting a snort, arched brow.

"Start anything? Upset anyone? Well, you're doing a bang up job of that. Really, just..fantastic fucking work."

"Carrie..."

"Just go. Leave."

"Love, c'mon."

Looking down, away from him she crossed her arms more protectively around her as a guard walked over.

"Sir the patient's asked you to-"

"I know! I...I know.", Brody growled, standing up as the guard helped Carrie to her feet, led her towards the double doors.

"Damn it. CARRIE!", he yelled after her before the doors shut, while another guard approached him, glared.

"Son of a...I know!  _I know!_  For Christ's sake!"

Shoving the chair out of his path he stormed out the other exit, not catching Dominic's smirk as he stood, left the lounge as well.


	125. Chapter 125

"Hey! Hall mate!", Dominic called out as Carrie slowly turned, frowned at him.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Just wanted to see if you were okay."

"I've been better.", she muttered as the scruffy blond man smiled sympathetically, perched on a nearby bench.

"Step into my office.", he grinned, patting the empty space next to him. Rolling her eyes Carrie was about to keep walking, go into her room. But seeing as she was already depressed and the dim, shitty room she was assigned would just make that even worse...

"Have you done a stint in here before?", she asked as she sat down, getting a nod.

"Yeah. Not one of my shining moments. What about you?"

"Second time in this place. Third being treated.", Carrie admitted. Shivering she zipped up her hoodie.

"Damn."

"At least both times here I checked myself in. The first time that didn't exactly happen. What about you?"

"Court mandated sentencing. First time went on a bit of a bender. This time it was this place or county."

"Jesus."

"I'd give details, but when I tried that at group Abby looked ready to smack me upside the head."

"Well it is a rule.", Carrie shrugged.

"To me those are usually optional.", Dominic smirked, getting a weak smile and not much else.

"Do you get visitors?",

"Occasionally.", he answered as she swallowed hard, nodded.

"How differently do they treat you? Did you feel like they can't talk or look at you the same way?"

"Yeah I've had it happen.", he shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason. I just...no reason."

"Look, if you want to talk-"

"I  _don't._ ", Carrie said firmly. "The only person I want to talk to can't even set foot in here."

"Why not?"

"Because she's not even seven yet and she doesn't know that I'm-"

"At the funny farm?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me about her. What's her name?"

"Hey, you know the rule from group. Don't get detailed."

"Fine, describe her then. What's she like."

"She's small. Feisty. Fast. I ran in college and half the time I can hardly keep up with her."

"She blonde and blue-eyed like mommy?"

"No. Dark eyes. Dark hair that I have to rebraid constantly. She...she likes purple ribbons twined through it.", Carrie sniffed.

"She sounds awesome."

"She's the best thing that ever happened to me."

Wiping at her eyes she shook her head.

"Jesus. I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"Easy crier?"

"No. Not usually anyway. The fucking hormones make it worse.", she sighed as he looked at her curiously.

"I'm pregnant, remember?"

"Oh, right. Is it too late to give my congratulations?", he said as she shrugged, thanked him.

"Look, I know I came on too strong earlier and I'm sorry. This place, brings out stuff in me.", Dominic shuddered, getting a nod.

"Yeah, I know the feeling."

"But my offer stands. You need a friend? Someone to lend an ear? I'm around."

"Thanks.", Carrie said appreciatively as a nurse cleared her throat, motioned for her to return to her room across the way. Rolling her eyes she stood up as Dominic rolled his too, gave her a smile.

"I may take you up on that.", she said, going over to her room as he watched with curiosity before returning to his.

...

It took Brody reaching the parking lot of the hospital for him to realize what he'd forgotten in the front seat of his car. Ordinarily he'd curse himself out but then and there, it felt like a blessing he'd forgotten the folder. Now he had an excuse to go back inside and hopefully see her, apologize and not leave things on such an ugly note.

Once grabbing the drawings he locked his car back up, jogged back to the front doors and over to the reception desk.

"Can I help you, sir?"

"I was wondering if I could get over to the visitor's lounge again before hours are up. If you could page Carrie Mathison's room for me? Her daughter drew her a bunch of pictures. I promised I'd give them to her and I left the folder in my damn car.", he said, giving the woman his most sincere, charming smile. Not getting much in return.

"I can try and page her room but...sorry, I need to take this. Hello, you've reached Virginia State Psychiatric Hospital?"

Checking his watch, the wall clock, Brody drummed his fingers on the desk, paced. He knew he had fifteen minutes at most before visiting hours were over for the day, and wasn't about to make Carrie wait until the weekend for the artwork. Unfortunately the receptionist seemed to have no trouble making  _him_  wait.

When he tried to hand the folder to her, holding a hand up she turned away from him in the desk chair. It took all of Brody's strength to not throw the thing at her.

"Son of a..."

"Some people can be so terribly rude, can't they?", an older, white haired, polished looking woman said disapprovingly. Her wardrobe and the way she carried herself, spoke, made Brody feel like a complete rube. Nevertheless he smiled politely, nodded.

"I just wanted to pass something along before they close up shop for the day. Unfortunately she couldn't care less.", he groaned, nodding to the still occupied receptionist.

Seeing the scribbly 'For Carrie' drawn in crayon on the front of the folder, along with hearts and daisies, the woman chuckled, seeing more drawings poking out of the top.

"Someone in your family must be quite the artist. My grandchildren spoil me with their drawings. Have them all over the door of my refrigerator."

"Yeah so do we. Thought I'd bring a few by to cheer someone up."

"Your wife?"

"Girlfriend, actually. But maybe, someday, who knows.", Brody smiled bashfully as a nearby bench opened up.

"Would you like to sit and wait? Can't be too comfortable standing in those.", he said, nodding to her stiletto heels.

"Darling I'll have you know these are the highest quality, most attractive shoes that money can buy. But they hurt like a son of a bitch so yes, I'll sit with you. Happily!"

Laughing, Brody took her arm and helped her over to the bench.

"Thank you! You are quite the gentleman, aren't you?"

"Hey, don't spread that around, okay? It'll ruin my image.", he teased.

"What's your name, dear?"

"Nicholas, ma'am."

"Well it's lovely to meet you, Nicholas. I'm Alicia. Alicia Cortland.", she smiled, shaking his hand.

"It's lovely to meet you too, Ms Cortland."

"Oh please darling, call me Alicia. My friends call me Alicia."

"So who are you here visiting?", Brody asked.

"My client. Been representing his family since the boy was still in diapers. But he's full grown now and certainly giving me a run for my money."

"Lot of run-ins with the law I take it?"

"Let's just say he's singlehandedly kept me in Jimmy Choos. But his family is dear to me and placed their trust in me long ago. They got my sad little law firm off the ground when I was just starting out. I owe my career to them."

"So is he just being kept here until his court date?"

"I wish, darling.", Alicia said mournfully.

"I stupidly trusted an associate of mine to handle his case while I was on vacation, and the bastard botched things miserably in front of the judge."

"Jesus. I'm sorry to hear that."

"It was quite the inconvenience. What was supposed to be a simple matter has turned into a gigantic project for my firm. But I'm trying to rectify things the best that I can."

"I'm sure. How though exactly?", Brody asked.

"Well right now I'm seeing to it he gets a day pass to use in the next day or two. It's the least I can do after the, pardon my indelicate language, fuck-up.", Alicia sighed, getting a slight chuckle from Brody before he saw the time, shook his head bitterly.

"Too bad you won't have the chance to today. Seems visiting hours are up."

"Not for me, darling. As an attorney I'm granted certain privileges."

Smile fading seeing the now despondent look on Brody's face, Alicia reached over, touched his shoulder.

"Tell me, what room is your lady friend staying in?"

"Carrie. Carrie Mathison's her name. And I'm not sure. I know she's on the third floor.", he said as her face lit up.

"That's the same floor I'm heading to! Now I can't access her room but I can ask my client to give the folder to the floor nurse, even to Miss Mathison in person. He'd be more than happy to do it if I asked."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't take you up on it but I really want Carrie to get a hold of these."

"It would be my pleasure, darling.", Alicia said as Brody stood, helped her to her feet before handing her the folder.

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."

"Just consider it a favor from a friend, Nicholas. It's no trouble at all. I know Dominic will be more than happy to do it if I ask him to.", she said knowingly before the receptionist waved over to her, told her she cleared her to go through to the visitor's lounge.

"Dominic..."

"Good bye, darling! Lovely chatting with you."

"Wait, Alicia! Wait!"

Not able to get to her before she walked through the double doors that locked behind her, Brody swore, ran a hand through his hair before going back to the desk.

"You're still here?", the receptionist frowned.

"Yeah. I am.", Brody scoffed. "Listen the patient you just sent Alicia Cortland in to see, her client? She's going to have him get something to my girlfriend for me. Can I get his name so I can write him a thank you note? I'm sure a nurse or someone can give it to him."

"Well I don't know, I-"

"Look I could've given it to Carrie myself but you were too preoccupied to buzz me through. I get it, you're busy. But I'd really appreciate if you'd let me do this. Least I can do if the guy's doing me a favor."

"Alright. I didn't mean to keep you waiting like I did, I just..."

"No it's okay, I understand. Getting the note to this guy will be fine.", Brody smiled, trying to conceal the sick feeling in his stomach that'd been there since Alicia mentioned her client by name.

"Ms. Cortland is going up to see Dominic Lawson.", the receptionist answered as Brody went three shades whiter.

"Third floor. Lawson's spelled L.A.W-"

"I...I got it. Thanks for your help."

Jaw clenched, taking the notepad the receptionist handed him, with a shaking hand he scribbled an illegible message then threw his jacket on, left the lobby and walked to, got into his car before slamming the door.

"Motherfucking son of a...FUCK!"

Hitting the wheel, sounding the horn in the process, after taking a few deep breaths to calm down he pulled out his phone, dialed Quinn's cell.

"Hey?"

"What are you doing?"

"Running on a deserted beach while my hair flows in the salty ocean breeze.", Quinn scoffed. "What do you think? I'm on my way to Langley."

"Can you talk?"

"I'm behind a fucker who's driving twenty miles below the speed limit so yeah."

"We've got a problem."

"You mean you've got a problem that I need to fucking solve."

"For Christ's sake, Quinn!"

"Will you quit your goddamn barking?! What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is fucking Dominic Lawson is about to be issued a day pass from the psych ward, and knows his floor buddy Carrie Mathison has a daughter who likes to draw!"

Any amusement he had at pushing Brody's buttons now gone, Quinn's mouth formed a thin line and his eyes iced over. He was half tempted to pull over to the side of the road.

"What in the fuck are you talking about?"

"I fucked up. I went to see Carrie today and forgot to give her Farrah's drawings, so this lawyer I was speaking to, there to see someone on the same floor, offered to take the drawings to give to her client so he'd give them to Carrie. Her client was fucking Lawson, Quinn. And if Alicia Cortland is as good at her job as she says she is, he'll be out of fucking lockdown within a day. Two tops."

"Jesus  _fucking_  Christ..."

"I had no idea until the drawings were in her hand and she was behind the double doors. I honestly...what the fuck are we gonna do?"

" _You've_  done enough. I...I got this."

"Got this how? Look, I know we thought a padded cell wasn't enough but we both agreed not to pull firearms on the prick! My swearing that to Anita is all that's keeping her and J.J here!"

"Brody.  _I got this._  Stay the fuck out of it. You understand."

"I..."

"You stay with Farrah and J.J. Don't let them out of your sight starting  _now_. That's what you can fucking do."

"Okay...okay.", Brody said, starting to feel his blood pressure come back to normal. Knowing as long as the kids were with him nothing could happen.

"This will be handled. You understand?"

"I understand."

"Good. Go be with our goddamn kids.", Quinn said before hanging up using the button on the hands free. Turning into the driveway to Langley he parked, got past security, and once inside the building got off the elevator on the third rather than fifth floor. Cut across the hall and knocked twice on a shut office door.

"Yes."

"Morning, sir.", he greeted, opening the door.

"Good morning. This is quite a surprise. Did we have a meeting scheduled?"

"No, sir. We didn't."

"Well, take a seat then. What can I do for you?"

"I have a situation, sir.", Quinn sighed, sitting down in one of the two arm chairs on the opposite side of the desk.

"Personal or business?"

"I..."

Frowning at the quiver in the younger man's voice, the way he wouldn't look him in the eye and the nervous way he was wringing his hands, Dar Adal sat up straighter at his desk, set his newspaper down. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen one of his own this on edge.

"Peter, what seems to be the trouble?"

"I need some help, sir.", Quinn said gravely, meeting his superior's now concerned gaze.

"I can see that. Close the door."

Nodding, doing so, sitting back down he frowned as Dar stood up and approached him, sat in the chair beside his.

"Now, tell me what you need."


	126. Chapter 126

"If you could have a seat right here, sir. The patient you asked to see will be brought in shortly."

"Thank you."  
  
Calmly removing his pocket square from his jacket pocket, wiping down the metal chair before sitting in it, Dar Adal motioned for the younger male guard to approach him.

"Yes sir?"

"Can we do something about  _them_?", he asked, nodding to a couple two tables over.

"Sir, they've been waiting for quite some time to visit with each other, I-"

"Young man, when your superior asked you to escort me here did she happen to tell you the reason for my visit?"

"No sir, she didn't."

"I'm meeting with a patient here on behalf of one of my associates at Langley. The headquarters of the Central Intelligence Agency?", Dar supplied, getting a nervous look from the man.

"When we're asked to take meetings outside of our facility we prefer they be in a private setting. You understand, yes?"

"Of course, sir. I...I'll see what I can do."

"And see if you can get us some coffees? Black, and from a fresh pot preferably."

"Yes sir."

While the man escorted the couple two tables over out of the lounge, ran to fetch the coffee, Dar shifted uncomfortably in the chair, checked his watch before looking over and smiling at the thirty something frizzy haired redhead being escorted in.

"I can take it from here, my dear. Thank you.", he said, nodding to the nurse standing near her to leave.

"Nicolette, lovely to see you."

"Dar Adal.", the younger, snappy woman snorted, pushing her unruly orange curls behind her ears. When the man returned with the coffees she shrugged, took a sip of her's.

"Thanks."

"I needed you alert.", he said, sipping his before grimacing, setting it down.

"So what the fuck do you want?", she asked, her voice husky from what Dar assumed was a cigarette addiction.

"You don't sound too thrilled at being out of your confines."

"Well you don't look too thrilled at being out of yours, grandpa.", she snorted, getting an arched brow from her former mentor.   
  
"New and improved Langley must be treating all you black op boys right. Corner offices, weapon upgrades."

"After the 12/12 disaster we regained quite a bit of our former respect, yes."

"Enough respect to get me out of this shithole? Or am I still Langley's goddamn errand girl?"

"My dear, we discussed this. Stabbing the prison guard and assaulting that small town sheriff just north of Hicksville cost you your original deal with us. They weren't on your list of targets. You let personal animosity get in the way."

"That sheriff was as corrupt as they fucking come. He let fucking rapists walk! And that guard? He harassed me every goddamn day before trying to attack me. You really expected me not to defend myself!"

"We expected you to follow orders, Nicki.", Dar said gravely as she looked down, away from him.

"Five of the fuckers you assigned I took care of before anyone could suspect a thing. That's more than your precious Peter Quinn did his first time in the field.", Nicki said bitterly.

"Quinn has proven to be my most valuable asset. He's my go to operative. Everything you would've been and then some if you hadn't gotten cocky and had a career ending slip-up!", Dar scolded as she bowed her head in shame.

"You should consider yourself lucky we arranged for your transfer here instead of down the hill at that prison to a goddamn solitary unit."

"Well I'm making popsicle stick mansions and goddamn macaroni art when pills aren't getting shoved down my throat. Solitary doesn't look quite so fucking bad.", Nicki scoffed.

"Well what about re-releasing you to the private sector? Would that be so fucking bad?", Adal mocked as Nicki nearly choked on her coffee.

"Are you fucking serious?"

"When have I ever been one to kid around?", he asked, getting a shrug.

"What's the catch? The gimmick?"

"One more operation. A fellow patient of yours here. He needs to be eliminated. As soon as possible."

"What's his threat level?"

"High. It's not professional so much as personal. A favor for a friend."

"You telling me you got friends now, grandpa?", Nicki smirked as he rolled his eyes, smiled in semi-amusement. "What's the douchebag's story? I'm gonna assume he's a douchebag."

"Of the highest caliber.", Dar groaned.

"Is he an extremist zealot? Holy book-thumper?"

"More domestic than that.", he sighed.

"Abusive? Women or kids?", Nicki asked, eyes narrowed.

"The latter. According to my sources."

"Emotional, physical? Don't tell me fucking Law & Order SVU shit."

"I'm inclined to believe all three."

"Jesus fucking Christ."

"He's about to be issued a day pass. And could know the whereabouts of one, possibly two children. They're being properly supervised but this son of a bitch is tricky. We don't want to take any chances."

"Makes sense. I don't even know the prick and I want him to suffer.", Nicki said menacingly.

"You take care of this situation to my satisfaction and I'll ensure your release."

"Thanks, grandpa.", she smiled softly.

"This is your last chance, Nicki. Don't make me regret offering it.", Dar said sternly, getting a nod.

"I won't. I swear, I won't. Now, let me see this fucker's file."

Sliding a folder across the table to her that contained a biography, background check, criminal record and operational/mission strategy, Dar smiled approvingly as his protege thumbed through it, read every document word for word.

...

"I told you I just fucking want to see if he left it behind! He told me he'd bring the folder so it must be on the goddamn table! I'll just be a second!", Carrie snapped as the nurse took hold of her arm.

"I'm sorry ma'am but visiting hours are over. You don't have access to the lounge until your next visiting day, I'm sorry!", he said firmly.

"Can I at least look through the fucking window then!"

"Fine. Go ahead.", he spat, as Carrie jammed her hands in her sweatshirt pocket to conceal her flipping him off.

Looking through the window, seeing a folder she was set to run in, try and grab it only to see it had a familiar insignia on the front of it.

"What the..."

Eyes darting up to look at the two people at the table, she recognized the woman as the one across the hall and the man as...

"Holy fuck..."

"Miss Mathison, please. Let's go back to your room."

"But I...what the fuck..."

Still spellbound as the guard dragged her back to her room, Carrie was on edge and shaking by the time they reached it. Perching on her bed she tried to wrap her mind around why Dar Adal would be here, perusing a CIA folder with a hardened criminal. The only explanations she could come up with were unsavory at best.

"Knock knock...hey hall mate.", Dominic greeted as Carrie jumped a mile.

"Jesus! Fucking announce yourself next time."

"Knocking doesn't cut it with you?"

"No, it doesn't.", she snapped.

"I wanted to stop by and see if you wanted to help me create a leaning tower of popsicle sticks."

"You're joking."

"Well, not really. But hey, maybe this will be enough incentive to get you to accompany me."

Reaching into his back pocket he handed her the folder of drawings.

"What the...where did you...?"

"It seems your visitor got to talking with my visitor,  _Carrie_. He couldn't get that to you so he asked her to give them to me, to then give to you."

"Oh my God...", Carrie smiled, tearing up as she flipped through the folder, laughed at some of the sketches.

"Thank you so much, uh-"

"Dominic."

"Thanks. Sorry, I thought I knew that."

"And here I was thinking I was memorable.", he smirked as she shut the folder but wrapped her arms around it like a kid with a plush toy.

"I needed to have these. You have no idea.", she said gratefully.

"Oh I think I do.", Dominic grinned before Carrie's suddenly faded. Following her eyes, he turned to look over his shoulder, saw a redhead across the hall giving him the snake-eye.

"Hey! What the fuck is your problem, bitc-"

"Hey...hey, don't. It's fine. Just leave her alone, alright?"

Jumping off the bed Carrie took Dominic by the arm, walked him out of then closed the door behind her.

"C'mon, let's work on that fucking tower.", she said, quickly guiding him down the hall. Away from Nicki who was watching coldly from a distance, shaking her head before cutting over to her room, assignment folder in hand.


	127. Chapter 127

Once seated in the arts and crafts room, Dominic looked incredulously at Carrie as she tore open a box of popsicle sticks.

"Okay, you mind telling me what had you so freaked out you dragged me in here? Not that I objected or anything.", he said slyly, getting a glare in return.

"I was trying to help you, asshole. You were about to pick a fight with a hardened criminal."

"I appreciate you trying to protect me but things weren't going to get out of hand."

"Yeah well, don't be so sure of that.", she scoffed. "Hand me that fucking glue, will you?"

Doing as asked Dominic watched her intently.

"Why shouldn't I be so sure?"

"I can't say. No details, remember? Just stay away from the redhead."

"I'm sorry details might come in handy here. Can't you at least give me a hint?"

Rolling her eyes, after looking around to see nobody was paying them any mind, she leaned across the table, lowered her voice.

"I used to have ties with government intelligence. There was a man speaking with her earlier who's in a branch of it that nobody likes to talk about. That nobody  _should_  talk about. He's bad news. That's  _all_  I can say. And so fucking help me if you tell anyone else.."

"I won't. I...I promise. How bad?"

"Just trust me, okay? If this guy was chatting with that woman the last thing you want to do is get on her bad side. He wouldn't have been here to see her unless they had a professional history. That much I know."

"Shit. She was shooting me quite the snake-eye earlier."

"Yeah, she was. That's why I'm warning you. You didn't have to bring me that folder but you did. And I appreciate it. This is my showing that."

"Thank you.", Dominic smiled, studying her as she laid out some of the popsicle sticks. When she reached in the box for more he reached in too, let his hand brush up against hers.

"Hey! There's another box, get your own.", she snapped, quickly removing her hand as he apologized.

"You know I really appreciate the tip, Carrie. I'd assume not get the shit beaten out of me before I get my day-pass issued."

"Day pass? How the fuck did you arrange that?"

"My lawyer pulled a few strings.", Dominic answered, a sly smile playing across his lips.

"Listen, you did me a favor so let me return it. Is there any drawings of your own, maybe a note you'd like to pass on to your little girl? Farrah?"

Eyes darting up from the sticks to meet his, Carrie went tense. Strangely uncomfortable with the way he'd said Farrah's name.

"Why the fuck would you do that?", she snorted. "You finally have a day in the outside world and you want to spend it playing delivery boy?"

"Like I said, just trying to return the favor."

"Well I appreciate the offer but no. That's not necessary.", she said, refocusing on stacking sticks.

"C'mon. What's the problem? Whatever I give her would be coming from you. A little note just saying you're okay and you miss her?"

Even though it sounded innocuous, an innocent, friendly gesture on his part, Carrie couldn't shake the feeling in her gut that something was off and shook her head.

"Dominic please, let's just drop it."

"Look, you have any idea how much I'd kill for someone to do this for me? For my kid?"

"Wait, you have a kid?!"

"My son. Well, stepson, technically. His mother and I were about to be married when she was killed in the line of duty."

"Jesus. I'm so sorry, that's awful.", Carrie said sadly as he nodded, chewed his lip.

"It still hurts like a son of a bitch. The one thing that got me through was I had to be there for the kid. I was teaching him soccer. Tutored him in math. I really came to care about him."

"Yeah I know what that's like, believe me.", Carrie said softly.

"I promised his mom I'd look out for him and I was planning to until..."

"Until what?"

"Her mother interfered. Said that I was unfit to care for her grandson because of my history. She dredged up how I'd done a stint in here, used it against me in court. Then she took off with him."

Knowing how close she'd come to enduring that with Farrah and Khaliq, Carrie looked on with pure sympathy in her eyes.

"Shit. I'm really sorry, Dominic."

"Don't apologize. Wasn't your fault.", he shrugged.

"You know I didn't mean to pressure you about getting something to Farrah. I just thought about the best favor someone could do for me in here."

"It's not like I don't appreciate it, it's just...my mindset."

"Mindset?", Dominic frowned.

"Those ties I mentioned having earlier? Let's just say I'm not the most forthcoming person because of them."

"Even around friends?", he asked.

"I'm not used to having many of them either.", Carrie said sheepishly as he smiled.

"Well maybe we could be each others."

Not sure exactly how to respond to that, she was almost relieved when a nurse walked in the rec room. Told her she had to take her meds.

"I'll be right back."

Nodding, Dominic smiled, watching her leave, unaware he was being watched as well.

"Hey.", Nicki spat, approaching his table and curling her hands over the edge of it, bending so she was eye-level with him.

"What the hell do you want?", Dominic spat as she stared him down venomously.

"I want you to know that I know what you're up to, you sick fuck. And that listening in on you just now made me want to fucking puke. Seriously, I almost did in that potted plant."

"I don't know what you're-"

"Watch yourself.", Nicki hissed.

"In here accidents happen all the goddamn time. Especially to little shits like you who think 'cause you've got deep pockets and bought off judges that you can get away with fucking murder. I'm onto you, Lawson. You think Blondie over there's gonna be able to protect you forever? You think once she finds out what I know about you she won't come after you too? You're a psychopath and a fucking pervert. And now it's time you pay for that, I-"

"Get the fuck away from him!", Carrie growled. "Making threats in the goddamn art room, who the fuck do you think you are?", she snarled as Dominic got up, stood behind her.

"Threats? Who's making threats? We were just talking.", Nicki insisted as Carrie rolled her eyes, hit one of the call buttons to page a nurse.

"Now why the fuck would you go and do that, Blondie.", the redhead spat. Standing up she approached Carrie before recognizing her as more than a random blond patient.

"Holy shit. You're Mathison, right?", she asked, wondering why Dar Adal hadn't mentioned that detail to her.

"What's it to you?"

"Carrie goddamn Mathison. You were one of our top spooks, right?"

"I don't know what you mean.", Carrie covered as Nicki smiled knowingly.

"C'mon, takes one to know one.", she said, arching a brow. "You're special though. One of those, gifted, brilliant, goddamn genius types."

"I don't know! I've never been tested or anything!" Agitated, Carrie went to hit the call button again but Nicki jumped in front of, blocked her path.

"Look, even the most intelligent intel officer can make some non-intelligent fuck-ups. So I'm gonna warn you. You being with this prick? Big fucking fuck-up.", Nicki warned as a nurse came in the room, along with a burly guard who grabbed her by the arm.

"Big fucking fuck up Mathison! Grandpa and his little lapdog Quinn won't be happy about this! Trust me on that!", she got out, then started cursing out the guard as he hauled her off to her room.

Meanwhile the nurse turned to a now pale Carrie, who Dominic had helped into a nearby chair.

"I just wanted to let you know someone was trying to get a hold of you, Miss Mathison. Said it was urgent I get you a message."

"Who? What was it?"

"It was from a PQ? He wanted me to tell you, this is all for your own good. Ask 'cabin boy'."

"What?!", Carrie spat, taking the slip of paper from the nurse with the same message scrawled on it. Crumpling it up she threw it across the room, swore. Scaring the younger woman out of the room.

"I can't believe he did this. What the fuck!"

"Okay, I'm gonna need more here.", Dominic said, watching curiously as Carrie stood up and paced, ran a hand through her hair.

"They don't think I can fucking take care of myself! For God's sake, I'm a goddamn grownup! I don't need protecting or hand holding or to be fucking coddled. I don't need some black ops bitch of a bodyguard assigned to look after me! Watching my every fucking move!"

"Wait, you're saying that woman was sent in here to-"

"To keep me from being harassed, harangued..whatever the hell Brody believes is happening to me in here and has asked Quinn to handle on my fucking behalf. The goddamn son of a...I can't fucking believe him!"

"You sure Red isn't just here because she's a nut like the rest of us?"

"Why would I get a message saying this is all for my own good?!", Carrie questioned. "No, she was sent here to stay with me. Watch me like I'm some fucking child. And they figure since she's ex CIA that we'll fucking bond or something. Fuck!"

"Okay, c'mon, lets get out of here.", Dominic said, seeing as they were starting to attract attention. Walking her out he turned down the corridor to get to their floor.

Seeing the hall was basically empty, not ready to go back in her room yet, Carrie leaned back against the wall and slowly sank onto the floor. Put her head in her hands before he sat next to her.

"You know on the bright side, you must be pretty cared for by those guys if they went so far as to send in a bodyguard for you."

"I don't need them to take care of me. I don't need  _anyone_  to take care of me! I'm a grown woman, I've been in firefights in fucking war zones before. All I asked was for them to take care of Farrah for me. But if they're this preoccupied with keeping things from me, keeping  _me_  protected who knows how much she's being looked after!", Carrie cried as Dominic slipped an arm around her. Against her better judgement, she didn't fight him off.

"Maybe it'd help if you got a hold of her. Let her know at least  _you're_  not too preoccupied in here to pay her mind."

"Your offer's still on the table?", Carrie asked curiously, wiping her eyes.

"It never left."

Standing, Dominic smiled, helped her to her feet before she led him over to her room. Grabbing a pen she tore out a sheet of paper from her journal, sat on the bed before scribbling her address down on the sheet. Chewing her lip she folded the paper up, handed it to him.

"I still don't know how the fuck you'll be able to get over there and give her anything."

"What were you planning to give her?", he asked as Carrie softly smiled.

"I wrote her a story. Just a short children's book with pictures. I was going to give it to her for her birthday but I got it finished earlier than I expected."

"Can I see it?"

Nodding, going into her dresser drawer only to remember she'd locked it up, swearing she crossed over to her closet, went to retrieve the key from the small safe before hearing a knock on the door.

"Miss Mathison? You have another call."

"Jesus. If it's someone going by PQ tell him I-"

"It's actually from someone named Farrah? Abby saw it was from her and patched it through. You can take it in her office."

Beaming, Carrie all but ran out the door and down the hallway, leaving Dominic standing semi-awkwardly with the nurse.

"Oh, Mr. Lawson as long as you're here. Your day pass came through. Six hours today all for yourself."

"Thank you, ma'am. Thank you so much.", he said gratefully, perching on Carrie's bed as he pocketed the pass, then unfolded the slip with the address written on it. Smirking now he looked from it to the framed picture on the dresser of Carrie holding Farrah.

"Six whole hours. Whatever will I do."


	128. Chapter 128

Rushing into Abby's office, Carrie answered the phone with a huge grin on her face. That faded out upon hearing who was actually on the other end.

"Carrie? Carrie you still there?"

"The woman told me that Farrah was on the phone."

"I know. I told her to say that because I know if I didn't you'd have told her to hang up."

"What's to say I won't just do that myself?", Carrie spat.

"Damn it, Carrie! I know you're angry but this is important! Can you please just put your fucking pride aside for a second and let me talk!"

Regretting his words immediately after hearing them, Brody braced himself for the explosion he was sure he'd just triggered.

"Put my  _pride_ aside! You mean what little I've got left?!"

"Little you've got...what are you talking abou-"

"I know you assigned a fucking black-ops babysitter to me, Brody!"

"What?"

"I mean Jesus, I tell you I'm dealing with someone and you and Quinn take that as 'quick, send in Dar Adal and his goddamn cavalry'!"

"Carrie, I'm trying here but I don't know what the fuck you're saying! For Christ's sake, I don't even know Dar Adal!"

"Well you and Quinn are best pals now, right? You tell him I need rescuing and he sics black ops on the place. Did you really think I wouldn't notice? Figure it out?! I-"

"CARRIE!", Brody shouted, about as loudly as Carrie had ever heard him.

"Fuck!", she exclaimed.

"Look, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about! But I'm not wasting what's left of this fucking phone call to try and figure it out.", Brody snapped before taking a breath, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"All I do know, all I called to tell you was you need to stay the fuck away from a man named Dominic Lawson."

Hearing her expected snort/scoff on the other end, Brody cringed. Fought the urge to smash the kitchen wall in with his head.

"Carrie..."

"You want to tell me how you even know about him?"

" _What_  I know about him is all that fucking matters, Carrie. The prick's a goddamn predator."

"What?"

"He's a child predator.", he emphasized, but kept his voice low for fear of Farrah walking past and overhearing. "He goes after kids, Carrie. In every fucked up way you can think of."

"Wh...what proof do you have?", Carrie asked, trying to hide the quiver in her voice as she lowered herself on the desk, sat perched on the edge of it.

"Has he asked you for your address?  _Our_  address?"

"What fucking difference does that make?!", she snapped as her hand anxiously went to her hair. She felt dizzy, nauseous, overwhelmed in the worst way and was hoping this was all some horrible misunderstanding.

"I told you...I need proof.", she said quietly.

"He abused J.J. His grandmother told the imam and Zahira if he ever came by the mosque to call the cops."

"Oh Jesus."

"I know.", Brody sighed. "But I had to tell you, Carrie. I mean you only fucking crossed paths with the prick in the first place because of me.", he said guiltily as Carrie frowned.

"Wait, I don't-"

"I asked his lawyer to give him Farrah's drawings to give to you. I basically set this whole fucked up thing in motion. If I'd just remembered to give them to you myself none of this would even be happening. I-"

"No, Brody. It's not...look I...I have to go."

"Carrie? Wait..Carrie! Damn it!", Brody spat after hearing her hang up. His mind felt like it was going in a million directions at once, but he forced himself to keep his panic at bay. Taking comfort that Carrie was at least made aware of the situation, and that he was fully capable of protecting the kids.

"Farrah? Farrah!"

"I coming. I coming!"

Scrambling down the steps with her backpack in one hand and her jacket in the other, she darted into the kitchen and started rifling through the cupboard.

"I almost ready. Five minutes for sandwich.", she said, pulling out a brown paper bag. Opening another cupboard, she grabbed a jar of peanut butter and some marshmallow fluff, then turned to the fridge to open it, grab a loaf of sliced bread.

"Farrah we haven't got five minutes." Shaking his head Brody closed the fridge on her.

"But I need lunch! For community center!"

"We aren't going today. Just do me a favor and put Calvin in his carrier. I'll grab us some snacks."

"Why?"

"We're gonna bring him with us to J.J's. Stay there for awhile."

Confused, Farrah frowned up at him as he put a box of graham crackers, two apples, and some chocolate chip cookies in the brown bag.

"But why?"

"Because we are."

"But why?"

"Farrah we're just going, okay? Now get Calvin ready and then get your shoes on. C'mon!"

Hearing him use a tone she knew better than to argue with, once coaxing Calvin into his carrier and getting her jacket and shoes on Farrah followed Brody outside after he locked the front and exited through the back door.

"Why we use this way?", she asked as they cut through the backyard.

"Just pretend we're spying, okay? Just be quiet for a few seconds."

Eagerly nodding, Farrah zipped her lips and threw away the key before Calvin let out a yowl.

"Shh! You be quiet, we spy!", she hissed as the cat mewed, cowered in the back of the carrier. Meanwhile Brody peered around the side of the townhouse, checked the street for any unfamiliar cars. Not seeing any he took Farrah by the hand and hurriedly unlocked the car in the driveway, helped her into it.

Instead of enjoying the game though, Farrah was starting to get nervous seeing how nervous Brody looked. And acted when he knelt to buckle her into the backseat, all the while glancing to the street for passing cars.

"Nick I can do it!", she whined, taking the buckle from him.

"I know, I..I'm sorry.", Brody apologized, turning his attention to the carrier and making sure it was situated next to her.

"Nick?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"What is wrong?"

Between the soft, knowing way she asked the question and the curious, wary look on her face, the wide eyed frown she was giving him, it amazed Brody that Farrah and Carrie weren't blood related. Their resemblance in that moment was uncanny.

Shaking his head he sighed, hugged her.

"Nothing's wrong, brat. Nothing bad is gonna happen, okay? I promise.", he vowed. Pulling back to smooth Farrah's headscarf he gave her as much of a smile as he could manage.

"You are sure?", she asked as he nodded, jumped into the driver's seat.

"Pink swear. C'mon, let's go see J.J."


	129. Chapter 129

Taking the stairs two at a time to the third floor, rage fueling her steps Carrie turned the corner and saw Dominic leaving the men's room. Luckily the one he'd chosen was in a deserted hallway.

"Hey, hallmate!", he called, approaching her. "You tell Farrah someone would be stopping by with a surpri- HEY!"

Thrown when she took a grip on his shoulders, shoved him back into the wall, Dominic caught himself, smiled suggestively.

"Hallmate, if you wanted to fool around all you had to do was ask nice-"

Kneeing him in the groin, when he groaned, slumped down the wall to his knees, doubled over, Carrie looked down at him venomously.

"What the fuck, Carrie?! They fuck up your meds today or something?", he sputtered as she glared.

"The only one of us who will need treatment today is you, you fucking pervert!"

"What did you just call-"

"You heard me."

Eyes narrowed Dominic looked up at her incredulously, scoffed. "Shit, Carrie. I thought we were friends."

"Friends?!", she snorted.

"After what you did to your stepson you thought we could be friends?!"

"Wait, hold up. You think that I-"

"No, I  _know_  what you did.", Carrie spat, looking at him with disgust. "And I know anyone who preys on a child is a sick fucking bastard that belongs in a cage!"

"Well, take a look around, hallmate.", Dominic sneered, gesturing to the stark hallway. "This place may be a shithole but does it look like a cage to you?", he asked.

"Better yet, you think I'd be issued a day pass out of here if I'd actually done what you're suggesting? To a boy who was going to be my own son? Who I came to love as much as you love Far-"

Answering him with a sharper kick to the ribs, Carrie knelt down as he swore, winced, bowed his head.

"Look at me. Look at me!", she snarled. When he didn't comply she took a firm grip on his jaw, raised his chin. Fought the urge to move her hand to clench around his throat.

"You say her name  _ever_  again and I swear, it'll be the last word out of your fucking mouth."

Mouth now turned up in a smirk, Dominic laughed.

"Very forthcoming with the threats, hallmate. I'm impressed."

"Fuck you.", Carrie hissed, using her grip on his face to shove his head back into the wall, hard. When he groaned, cursed her out she rolled her eyes, went to stand.

"And where do you think you're going?"

"Getting someone else to deal with your bullshit.", she spat, knowing she'd risked a lot confronting him the way she had, but also that she was past giving a shit. His mentioning Farrah by name crossed a hundred lines and she'd had to make that clear. A verbal assault wouldn't have been enough.

Unfortunately Carrie didn't expect Abby to see it the same way. Admitting to the incident would likely cost her visitation time, phone privileges, maybe earn her some time in isolation. But her fate right now was the least of her worries. If making a report knocked that day pass out of Dominic's hand, got him transferred out of the facility to a filthy cell, it would all be entirely worth it.

Looking to the wall behind him and then behind her for a call button to page a nurse, not seeing one directly in front of her she stood, turned on her heel and powerwalked towards one down the hall. Hitting at it, when it didn't light up she bit her lip, hit it again.

"I don't think you want to do that, hallmate.", Dominic sneered, but struggled to find his footing as Carrie picked up the phone nearby. Seeing there was no dial tone she slammed the receiver down, broke into a jog to a more populated corridor. She was confident she could outrun him, or at least get to a guard before he could, and she figured appearing slightly winded and frantic could only help her cause.

Rounding the corner though she felt a muscle spasm in her side. Ignoring it she pressed on, but felt the pain shift to her stomach. Slowing to a walk she tried to catch her breath only to feel another cramp. Sharper this time.

"Oh shit. _Fuck_!", she choked out, bracing herself on the wall. When the pain continued, legs shaking she dropped to her knees. Looking down, realizing her arm was clutched around her abdomen she broke out in a cold sweat. Wishing her posture and this sensation wasn't so familiar to her.

Hearing footsteps though she wiped her eyes, quickly stood up, not willing to show any sign of weakness as Dominic shook his head, approached her.

"I hit the call button.", Carrie bluffed. "A nurse is on the way up here as we speak."

"Oh c'mon, Carrie. I may be a twisted SOB but I'm not stupid."

"You're a fucking piece of shit.", she snarled. "And you don't scare me. I just assume let a guard shoot you up with Thorazine. Save me the hassle of dealing with you!"

"You sure you're not scared?", Dominic asked curiously, moving closer. "Because I got a day out on the town and your address in my pocket."

When he patted his sweatshirt pocket Carrie reached for and snatched the paper, crumpled and threw it before he snorted.

"It's in my head too. I have a really fantastic memory. Like everything you told me about Farrah. What she liked to draw, do, wear in her hair..."

After she lunged at him, anticipating her Dominic took hold of, shoved her into the corner.

"See, if you'd just let me enjoy my day out, you wouldn't have to be dealing with this. You or your little peanut in there.", he laughed bitterly. "See what your crazy bitch of a mommy's putting you through?"

His hand barely grazed her stomach before Carrie spat in his face. The one thing she could do to distract him since he had her pinned. Met with a slap across her cheek, her eyes welled up but she didn't whimper or cry out.

"You fucked with the wrong patient, Miss Mathison." Dominic hissed, reaching for something in his back pocket only to realize it was no longer there.

"Well she wasn't the only one.", Nicki spat, twirling his crude knife in between her fingers.

"Let me guess, made this little thing your last stint in county? Smuggled it in through your shoe? Such a fucking amateur."

When Dominic lunged at her for the knife Nicki tossed it to the side, sending him to the floor to grab it. Watching in amusement as he picked it up again the redhead shook her head.

"What's so fucking funny. You bitches thought you could double team me?", Dominic growled, wielding the knife as Nicki looked on coolly. Seeing as eyes were off her temporarily Carrie slowly went to back away, run like hell to find a guard but Dominic ran at her with the blade, managed to slash at her arm.

After Carrie faltered, with an eager, vengeful look in her eyes Nicki ran at Dominic, wrapped both hands around his throat.

"Fantastic. Now I can say this happened out of self defense!", she exclaimed as Carrie looked up horrified, watched the younger woman choke the life, or at least consciousness out of Dominic before lowering him to the floor. Glaring down at him she looked fully prepared to finished the job.

"Holy fuck..", Carrie gasped as a nurse who witnessed his fall paged for some help, ran to Dominic's aid.

"Hey! Nurse Ratched! You see what your golden boy did to my friend here!", Nicki spat, gesturing to the cut extending down Carrie's arm.

When the nurse was still trying to resuscitate Dominic, the redhead shook her head, looked on bitterly.

"Lemme guess. Daddy Lawson's money is paying for the new wing here so his boy over there gets top priority?! Bunch of fucking sycophants! The prick came after us with a goddamn shank but do you give a shit about that?!"

After the nurse muttered something about more help being on the way, helped the guards get Dominic onto a gurney before wheeling him off, Nicki let out a few more colorful curses, made a few crude hand gestures before returning to Carrie's side.

"How you holding up, Blondie?"

"Who the fuck even  _are you?!_ ", Carrie sputtered.

"Friends call me Nicki."

"Jesus, we're  _not_  friends.", she groaned as Nicki tore some fabric from her shirt sleeve.

"Well I am the reason that piece of shit pervert didn't rape you or slit your throat just now."

"Why are you here?", Carrie asked looking dazed, still reeling from everything that had just taken place.

"Look, how about you quit asking so many questions when I'm trying to bandage your skinny ass arm. That sound good?", Nicki muttered, struggling with the tourniquet.

"You're CIA, right?"

"Shhh..", she warned. "First rule in training. Don't talk about that shit!"

"Excuse me?!", Carrie scoffed. "You fucking broadcasted it in the goddamn rec room just a few hours ago!"

"I know. And it had the desired effect as they say.", the redhead grinned as Carrie frowned in confusion, then winced when she tied the bandage.

"W...what the fuck are you even talking about?"

"I'm talking about how I scared that knife wielding freak shitless."

"I don't understand, I-"

"I did my homework on him. I read the file his shrink had. Lawson's a conspiracy nut. He's convinced the Agency, the NSA, anyone and everyone in goddamn Intelligence is out to get him and his filthy rich family."

"You're serious?!"

"I figured letting him in on our little secrets would scare him. At least into walking around with that knife I knew he'd squirreled away. Then if he pulled it on me, I could off him in self defense. Looks less suspicious that way, you know? If that nurse hadn't come charging in I'd have fucking finished him right here."

"Jesus.", Carrie breathed. "How did you know though he'd be here with me and have it on him? I-"

"I've been tracking him since I got his case file. Figured out his routine. I knew he used the bathroom on this floor, that it was pretty quiet this time of the day. I thought I'd get the jump on him myself. He'd pull the knife, I'd take him out. But you got involved and made his being a SOB look a hell of a lot more convincing. Thanks for that."

Nicki said, tightening the bandage as Carrie cried out.

"Shit, sorry. Could've been way fucking worse though.", she said as Carrie shook her head, her non bandaged arm clutching her middle again as her eyes welled up.

"No, it's not that I just.. FUCK!", she choked out, leaning back against the wall. "Get the nurse back here!"

"Hey, I gotcha covered. Was just a flesh wound, I've seen way fucking uglier."

"It's not my arm, goddammit! Some...something's wrong, I don't-"

"Hey, you gotta relax okay. Don't worry. Dominic the Douche isn't gonna come after you or your kid. He's finished, okay? So stop looking whiter than a goddamn ghost.", Nicki said, rubbing Carrie's back only to see her double over in pain.

Frowning, it dawned on her what Lawson had been spewing when Carrie was cornered, and the redhead's eyes went wide.

"Jesus Mathison, you're...fucking  _shit_...hey, hey someone get over here! Hurry the fuck up!"

After a nurse ran over with two guards and one of them called for a second ambulance, Nicki swallowed hard, cut over to a nearby office and after picking the lock, hurriedly dialed the phone on the desk.

"Hello?"

"Hey, grandpa? I-"

"Nicolette, I told you to only contact me if there was a problem!"

"The target was brought to St. Mary's Hospital, sir."

"I'll find out if he was pronounced DOA. Is there anything else?", Dar asked as she bit her lip, spoke after a beat.

"It's Carrie Mathison, sir. Your guy Peter Quinn, he's friends with her, right?"

When he answered yes, Nicki sighed, pushed her hair back before speaking.

"Send him to the hospital too then. Tell...tell him to fucking hurry.", she sighed sadly.

"Someone really oughta be there with her."


	130. Chapter 130

"Okay so tell me again, what do I do to get past these guards?", Brody asked as J.J rolled his eyes, took the controller from him.

"Pete did this in like two seconds.", he muttered under his breath as Farrah shot him a look, hit him on the arm.

"Nick play fine too!", she snapped.

"Farrah no hitting, okay.", Brody warned, but snuck his arm over the couch, behind J.J to high five the girl, getting her giggling as Anita walked in, looking nervous.

"Grandma, is everything okay?"

"Yes, mijo. I just need you and Farrah to pause the game. My friend told me to put on channel two, see something on the afternoon news."

"Hey guys, why don't you go make some popcorn or something.", Brody suggested as Farrah shrugged, slid off the couch and went over to the kitchen while J.J paused the game, used the remote to switch back to the channel guide before handing it to Anita.

"Gracias mijo.", she said. Waiting until he was out of earshot before switching on the news.

"Anita, mind telling me what this is all about? I-"

"Shh, shh.."

_"In local news, an apparent altercation at a Virginia mental hospital has left two patients in critical condition at St. Mary's hospital. The staff are not releasing the names of the patients involved in the assault, but this news is cause for concern for the prominent Lawson family of Philadelphia. 30 year old Dominic Lawson, heir to the family's publishing company fortune, has been receiving in-patient treatment at Virginia State Psychiatric ever since his very public breakdown eight months ago.."_

"Hey Grandma, do we have a bigger bowl to make popcorn in? This one is too-"

Eyes wide, the too small bowl dropped to the floor as J.J sprinted down the hall to his bedroom

"Dios mio, J.J? J.J!", Anita called, running to catch him as Brody flipped off the TV then slowly, shakily sat on the couch. Fear filling his gut. He knew panic was useless but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was very off.

"Nick?"  
  
Frowning, Farrah walked back in the living room and also felt like something was going on. Something she didn't like. Especially when she didn't see her friend, just the bowl he'd been holding.

"Where is J.J?"

"Anita and him just had to talk about something in private, brat. It's okay.", Brody said, managing as much of a smile as he could for her sake if no one else's.

"C'mon, let's find that other bowl."

Picking the one up off the floor, he followed Farrah over to the kitchen only to hear his phone go off in his back pocket. About to answer, he heard Anita call for him.

"I'll be back in a second, Farrah. Make sure Calvin doesn't try and eat the popcorn."

Cutting over to the hallway, Brody frowned seeing Anita pacing and muttering outside of J.J's room.

"Anita, what-"

"Esta ridiculo! Esta  _ridiculo_! El foto del hijo de puta esta en mi television! En  _mi_  casa!"

"Okay, I only took one semester of Spanish a long time ago so-"

"I need you to speak with J.J. He needs to know that he will be safe here. He is afraid, seeing that bastard on the television. He is afraid he will return and take him. I tell him he will not but he will not listen to me! He does not believe me!"

Seeing how distraught she was Brody swallowed hard, put an arm around her.

"Look I don't know what good it will do but I'll try talking to him and do what I can. Only thing is-"

"What?"

"I want to go to St. Mary's and suss out what happened with this altercation. See if Dominic is involved, if he's not."

"Carrie is also a patient at the facility, yes?"

"That's another reason. It'll just put my mind at ease if I get over there. You understand, right?"

"Yes, but..."

"Anita, what is it.."

"No, I am ashamed to ask it."

"C'mon, you can tell me."

"I do not have friends in this building and, I do not know how comfortable I feel being here without..."

"I understand, look...I want you to call this number for me, okay?", Brody said, scribbling it on the palm of her hand with a green pen from his pocket.

"What is this, green ink?"

"Hey it's visible, right?"

"I suppose.", Anita frowned.

"The guy's name is Damon, he works at the mosque with me. Zahira and the imam have known him for years. Farrah adores him. Tell him you're a friend of mine and ask him to come by, look after you and the kids until I get back or all this bullshit blows over. He worked a short shift today, he'll be happy to do it."

"His name is Damon?"

"Damon Weston. He's a great guy, you have my word about that. He can keep an eye on things here until I get back."

"I do not like being babysat, but I would feel safer..."

"That's all that matters, okay? And for what it's worth he's not too bad looking a babysitter either.", he smirked getting a sly grin in return before she went somber again, looked at the shut bedroom door.

"You know though J.J does believe in and trust you. He loves you, Anita. I think he's just afraid now that you're in danger too."

"Believe me, if that bastard comes here, to kill him may be a sin, but I will punish him to the point that he will  _wish_  for death.", Anita hissed before going over to the kitchen.

About to knock on J.J's door, Brody heard his phone buzz once more and ignored it. Knowing his voicemail would have to wait until this conversation was over.

...

Ready to throw his phone in the trash at the ER entrance, seeing as Brody wasn't picking up, Quinn continued to pace back and forth until the ambulance pulled up, parked and the EMT's ran to open up the back, lower the ramp.

Dominic had already been brought to a room, and as much as Quinn wanted to run in to disconnect the tubes giving him oxygen, painkillers, he knew it wouldn't be much longer before Carrie was brought in and seeing her was top priority. Once seeing her on the gurney that feeling tripled.

"Carrie, it's okay. Everything's going to be fine, I promise.", he assured, running over and taking a grip on her hand.

"Wh..where the fuck is-"

"I just called his cell, he's on his way. Brody will be here soon, I promise."

Her face contorted in a mix of pain, guilt and pure fear Carrie shook her head.

"Quinn, what if something happens, what-"

"Carrie, relax okay. You're stressed out, you're not thinking clearly."

"If anything happens it's my fault. It's all my fucking fault... _fuck_!", she cried. Curling up on her side as she clutched her stomach. Squeezed her eyes shut against tears as they brought her into a room.

Still holding Carrie's hand, Quinn caught a look from one of the orderlies.

"Sir, excuse-"

"I'm  _not_  leaving.", he snarled. "She's fucking petrified something's wrong. Someone should be with her."

"Are you her husband?"

"I'm a friend. And I'm staying until the father gets here."

"The doctor will be in shortly. You can sort it out with him."

"Shortly? We're in the E.R, goddammit!"

Feeling Carrie's grip tighten on his hand Quinn looked down as she curled up in a smaller ball on her side, let out a whimper.

"Carrie...", he sighed, sitting in the chair by her bed as she looked at him wide eyed.

"This isn't fucking right. I...it's not, fucking happening again. I-"

"Carrie enough of that. You're not going to miscarry. The baby and you will be fine. As soon as Brody gets here he'll say the same thing."

"How the fuck do you know?!", Carrie spat. "You and Brody aren't doctors and you weren't there! I was. I remember every fucking thing that happened, agh, _damn it_ _!",_ she cried.

"Shhh, easy. Take it easy.", Quinn said as the nurse came in the room.

"Alright Miss Mathison, let's see what the problem is."

"What the problem is? She's fucking doubled over from cramps and you're asking what the goddamn problem is!", Quinn growled as the nurse went to insert an IV.

"This will just pinch for a second, honey.", the older woman soothed, brushing Carrie's hair off her face.

"What are you giving me?"

"Just something for the pain. It should be starting to take effect."

After a few moments Carrie nodded, let out a slow breath as the nurse checked her vitals.

"Good, good. Now the ultrasound machine for this floor's in use right now but we'll bring it around as soon as the doctor's available to see you."

"Is Dr. Addison here, or my sister?", she asked.

"Maggie's on her way, Carrie. I called.", Quinn said.

"And Dr. Addison's in surgery now, but Dr. Hennessy's on call. She'll be in soon. Right now I just want you to take slow breaths and try and relax, alright?"

Nodding, after Quinn thanked the nurse and she left, Carrie glanced up at him looking guilty and exhausted.

"How are you feeling?"

"I just want to know if the baby's alright.", she said hoarsely, wiping her eyes.

"Soon, Carrie."

"I can't lose it, Quinn."

"Look, that kid has the genes of the human cockroach that is Nicholas Brody, not to mention yours. It's not going anywhere."

"You don't know that.", Carrie insisted. "I went through this before. I was cramping and went to the hospital and was in a bed like the one I'm in right now, and they fucking told me!"

"That was before, Carrie. There's no telling that's going to happen again."

"I told Farrah. Why the fuck did I tell Farrah?! She's expecting a brother, I-"

"And there's no saying she's not going to get one. You have to stop beating yourself up about something that may not have even happened."

"It'll break Brody's heart. He wants this so fucking much."

"He still could have it. You both could. For Christ's sake, you don't know what's wrong yet, if anything's still wrong at all. So just relax, close your eyes, let the meds do their job and wait for the doctor to check you out."

"You'll stay?"

"I'll stay right here.", Quinn answered, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb as she nodded. Her eyes getting heavier before they closed entirely.

Once Carrie drifted off he pulled out his phone, looked to see no missed calls or new texts from Brody. Furious, he sent off another rage filled text. Still holding her hand with his free one.

...

Ignoring the chiming from his phone, seeing as J.J was petrified to leave his arms, Brody continued to hold the boy until he was finally ready to be released.

"Listen, bud. I know seeing Dominic's face on the news upset you but I promise, you're safe from him here. That jerk isn't going to get within a mile of you, or your grandma."

"How do you know?", J.J asked, wiping his eyes.

"Because I do, okay. And I also let a friend of mine from the community center, Damon, know what was going on. He's really nice and has probably the biggest arm muscles I've ever seen. He's gonna stay with you and Farrah and your grandma while I go find out some stuff."

"What stuff?"

"It's not important, just some things I want to take care of. But Damon will keep an eye on you guys as long as he has to, okay?"

"Can Pete come over too?", J.J asked as Brody's phone buzzed again on the bed. Pushing it aside it landed on the floor, and the boy picked it up. Frowned as he handed it back to him.

"There's a message from Quinn. That's what you call Pete, right?"

Nodding, Brody swallowed hard, grateful J.J hadn't read the message since it was probably laced with colorful words. After he read it though, his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach and he wished he hadn't seen it either.

"Nick? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, bud. I just..I gotta go okay?" Hastily exiting the bedroom Brody bolted to the closet and shoved his feet into his shoes, put on his jacket with trembling hands. Seeing him Anita frowned, walked over.

"Nicholas, is everything alright?"

"Anita, I..I have to go, it's important."

"Is it regarding-"

"Yes. Did you get a hold of Damon though?"

"I spoke to him, yes. He was at a coffeeshop just down the street and said he'd be here shortly."

"Good..that's good."

"What does he look like? I do not want to let some stranger in accidentally believing it his him."

Understanding her position but too frantic to think, Brody was fumbling to come up with a proper description of his friend before hearing a knock on the door. Opening it he could've kissed the man on the other side.

"Hey man, got here as soon as I could.", Damon said as Anita smiled, looked at the tall, muscular African-American man approvingly.

"Thanks Damon, I owe you. This is Anita Diaz. Her grandson J.J's in the next room and Farrah's in the kitchen."

"Hi Damon!"

" _Was_  in the kitchen.", Brody corrected as Farrah giggled, ran to stand between the two men.

"Hey kid, how's it going?"

"Going good.", she shrugged, smiling bashfully at him as Brody struggled to zip his coat.

"Nick, are you-"

"Guard them with your life, okay?"

"Don't worry man, I got it covered.", Damon assured, getting a nod.

"I'll call and check in as soon as I can, okay?"

"It's cool, Nick. Take all the time you need.", he said as Farrah walked over, tugged on Brody's coat as he knelt down.

"Nick, what is happening?! Where-"

"Farrah I just gotta go to the mosque. It may take awhile though so I asked Damon to come by and help Anita out."

"You come back soon?"

"I'll try. But I'll call you as soon as I can, okay?"

Getting a nod and a hug, which Brody needed more than he cared to admit, after a moment he pulled back, kissed Farrah on the top of her head before walking out. Then running as fast as he could down the stairwell and to his car.

 


	131. Chapter 131

The entire drive to St. Mary's was a blur. When Brody did arrive in the lobby, looking around frantic for Quinn when he didn't see him he swore, ran a hand through his hair. He didn't even notice Ava approach him until colliding with her while walking to the front desk.

"Nicholas..."

"Ava, shit. I'm sorry, I'm just looking for-"

"Carrie, yes?"

"Yes, where is she? Do you know what floor?"

Guiding Brody over to the desk, Ava began speaking with the nurse seated there in rapid Spanish. Again, too quickly for Brody to keep up with or understand. When the nurse, Esperanza, stepped aside Ava took a seat in front of her computer. Pulled up a chart of room assignments and the doctors on call for each on the computer.

"Esperanza told me that Carrie was brought into the ER. The computer tells me she is on the fourth floor now. Dr. Hennessy was assigned to her."

"Dr. Hennessy? Who's that?"

"She is the on call obstetrician."

Seeing the rest of the information on the screen, then glancing up to see Brody had gone ten shades whiter, Ava looked at him sympathetically, stood up from the desk to stand near him. Deciding it would be better if she broke the news to him in private and fast.

"The report the EMT's made, while vague, said Carrie had severe abdominal cramping, along with blood loss from-"

Bracing himself on the desk, Brody's mouth went dry and his head spun. He wasn't sure if he was going to be sick or break down in tears.

"She didn't...no. She couldn't have lost..."

"Nicholas. I am so..."

Before Ava could say another word he shook his head, walked over to the elevator.

"Nicholas wait! On the computer, it specifically said in the system she's being examined. They won't allow you in to-"

"You think I give a fuck if they allow it or not!", Brody growled, calling the elevator before pacing anxiously in front of it.

"Jesus, I could've fucking walked there by now!  _Damn_ _it!"_

"Nicholas, please! If you do not quiet down I'll have no choice but to call security!", Ava warned, reaching to take hold of his arm as he recoiled, moved away from her like a wounded, angry animal.

"For Christ's sake, what don't you understand! I need to get up there and see her! Her and I, it's our..."

Trailing off, lowering his voice to keep it from cracking Brody swallowed hard, spoke.

"I just need to see Carrie."

"I'm sorry, but until the examination is through I cannot..."

Shaking his head, when Ava approached him he waved her off and sat on a nearby bench. Folding his hands he used them to prop his chin. Eyes still focused on the ground.

"I need to see her. Please, Ava."

The pain in his voice enough to break her heart, Ava nodded, bit her lip.

"I will see what I can do.", she said softly, getting a small nod before Brody buried his face in his hands. Walking up, Ava ran a hand gently through his hair.

"I am so sorry."

When she walked away Brody didn't look up, react. Prying his hands off his face he stared blankly at the floor, took a few deep breaths. He didn't want to accept what he'd been told. He hoped maybe if he sat here long enough someone, a nurse or Quinn or Maggie or even Carrie would come and tell him this was all just a horrible misunderstanding. Right now though nobody was coming to say that. Nobody was telling him anything at all. Leaving him fearful and paralyzed and too stricken to even think clearly.

Hearing footsteps approach he looked back up, wiped his eyes only to see an EMT and a nurse standing in the corner.

"So did you see the marks on that guy's neck?"

"You mean the guy we just brought up to 315?"

"Yeah, him. Shit. I couldn't believe the bruises."

"Hey, that prick came at a pregnant woman with a knife. She was brought in after he was. They were both in the same psych ward.", the EMT said, shaking his head bitterly.

"As far as I'm concerned, that Lawson? He's earned whatever damage was done to him. Christ, if the blonde was my wife? That prick wouldn't make it out of this place."

His eyes iced over, Brody quickly got to his feet and calling the elevator again pressed the button for the third floor. If he couldn't see Carrie he could at least pay a visit to the fucker who put her here.

Dominic's room was at the end of the hallway but the longer walk did nothing to curb Brody's rage, get him thinking this decision over. All he could think about was the multitude of ways he could make the man suffer if he was lying defenseless in a hospital bed.

Once reaching the room he took a deep breath, was about to knock when a nurse pushing a wheelchair turned the corner. Running a hand through his hair he managed a smile.

"Good afternoon. Are you here to see someone?"

"Yeah, was in the neighborhood. Thought I'd stop by for a quick visit.", he said politely.

"Well visiting hours just started so take all the time you'd like."

"Oh I will. Thank you."

Catching a suspicious look from the man in a wheelchair, Brody waited until they were mostly down the hallway before knocking softly on Dominic's door.

"Excuse me, Mr. Lawson is it?"

Hearing a muffled groan he turned the handle, stepped in and saw to his relief he was in a single room.

"Hey. Seems you haven't got any other visitors. Guess too many people know what you're about."

"Wh...what? Who..."

"Sorry, I don't think we've been introduced."

Moving to stand beside his bed, when Dominic looked up, swallowed hard Brody stared down at him icily.

"I...know you.", Dominic said hoarsely. "You came to visit her. Carrie."

"That's right."

"So you're the one then. You...you knocked up that fucking cun-"

Grabbing the pillow from behind Dominic's head, Brody shoved it over the blond man's mouth. Moved the remote with the call button aside when he struggled to reach for it.

"You really are crazy. You know that? That's really what you want your last fucking words to be?", he asked, eyes cold as he watched Dominic's widen.

"I know about eight ways offhand to kill you right now. This is just one of them." Taking some pressure off the pillow, Brody still held it against his face as he spoke.

"And if you think I give a fuck what happens to me because of it? I was captured and tortured and lived in a fucking hole for years. I'd get along just fine in prison. You think I wouldn't be relieved, knowing I put a sick fuck like you six feet under? You don't think I'd sleep better knowing you weren't around to prey on another kid? Come after another pregnant woman with a fucking knife!"

Punching at, then pressing his fist into the flimsy pillow right by Dominic's jugular, seeing him squirm, tear up Brody shook his head, scoffed.

"So you can abuse kids and women but you can't take a punch? Is that right? I ought to just put you out of your pathetic misery right now!"

Putting pressure back on the pillow, blinded by rage and grief and not even entirely aware of what was going on, what he was even doing, Brody didn't hear but felt somebody come up behind him, pull him back. Swearing, he did his best to fight them off, but whoever it was wasn't giving up that easily. Somehow managing to strongarm him out into and down the hallway.

"What the fuck! Get off of me!"

"You son of a... _stop fighting me, goddammit!_ ", Quinn yelled, shoving him to the floor as Brody panted, looked up at him stunned.

"Have you lost what's left of your fucking mind?", the sniper hissed, crouching down to his level. "You honestly thought you could just smother him with a goddamn pillow and get away with it!"

Shaking his head Brody looked down, away from him.

"If I hadn't had to come up here for a goddamn water bottle, hospital security would've been paged and you'd be in a holding cell."

"He needs, to pay.", Brody growled. "Lawson needs to fucking pay! After what he fucking did I can't just.."

Getting to his feet he shoved Quinn aside, was almost back in Dominic's room before he heard his name being shouted from the doorway.

Turning around he froze when he saw her glaring up at him from her wheelchair.

"Carrie, I..."

When he approached her she wheeled the chair back, taking the orderly pushing it by surprise.

"Miss, if you want to speak with him, I-"

"I don't!", she spat as Brody knelt down, gave her a once-over before resting his hand on her face.

"Hey..."

Shying away from him she blinked back tears, shook her head.

"Carrie, I wanted to get in to see you but Ava said you couldn't have visitors, I didn't-"

"So you confront him instead?! Like doing that hasn't caused us enough damage?!", she cried, bowing her head as her chin quivered. Still holding her face Brody leaned in, rested his forehead on her's.

"Shh...I know. I'm so, I'm so sorry, love."

"Sorry for...the, the charges I'm gonna fucking press?", Dominic wheezed, pulling the oxygen mask off his face before coughing. Hearing him Carrie moved Brody's hand off her face, backed up her chair once more.

"Carrie..."

"I don't need this bullshit right now! I..I don't.", she choked out before Dr. Hennessy approached her, scolded the orderly before wheeling Carrie down the hallway herself.

"Wait. Where's she taking her?"

"There was an available ultrasound machine in a room on this floor. I was asked to take her over there to be examined."

"I thought she already had the exam."

"No, not yet.", the orderly said before running to catch up to the doctor.

Stunned, Brody quickly sat on a nearby bench, still looking pale and shaken.

"Here. You look like you need this.", Quinn said, offering him the bottle of water. Refusing it, Brody shook his head.

"What I  _need_  is to be in that fucking room with her."

"Well you should've been in the ER with her a half hour ago when she was brought in. She was beside herself, and asking for you!", Quinn spat.

"I know I should've been there! And I apologize Quinn, but I wasn't reading your texts because I was sitting with your son! Telling him even though Lawson's picture was plastered all over the goddamn news that he wasn't going to be able to find and hurt him again!", Brody snapped as Quinn bit his lip, guilt clouding his eyes.

"Goddammit."

"He wants to see you, Quinn. He keeps asking about you, for you. I think maybe on some level he just  _knows_."

About to respond but catching sight of the orderly again, as he approached Quinn cleared his throat as Brody stood up, bit his lip fearfully.

"How...how are they?"

"The doctor would like to see you, sir."


	132. Chapter 132

Following the orderly down the hall, on what felt like the longest walk of his life, Brody jammed his hands in his pockets, moved quickly with his head bowed. His heart jackhammered away in his chest while his stomach knotted in eight places.   
  
He desperately wanted to hope for the best but given his luck, all he could consider was the worst case scenario. Swallowing hard he wondered how she'd react if it had happened. Would she be quiet and withdrawn or crying and wanting to punch walls in. Either option made his heart hurt, and he had no idea how to be strong for her when he was on the verge of falling apart himself.

Swallowing hard he pushed the door open and saw Carrie lying on the exam table, drumming her fingers as her eyes darted around the small space. Meanwhile the doctor prepped her stomach and the scanner with gel, getting Brody frowning.

"Carrie? I...I thought..."  
  
Shaking his head he approached, sat in a chair beside her bed.

"I thought you already had the exam, I-"

Shaking her head no, Carrie blinked back tears, reached for his hand. Gripping her's he brought it to his lips to kiss.

"Are the two of you ready?", Dr. Hennessy asked.

Seeing Carrie nod, Brody replied with a gruff yes, and the doctor placed the scanner, started moving it around.

"Alright..let's see here. Ah, here we are."

Hearing an echoey sounding heartbeat reverberate in the small room, Carrie looked nervously at Brody who was tearing up, looking overcome and more emotional than she'd ever seen him.

"It's okay? It...it's okay?", she asked.

"You're at thirteen weeks, yes?"

"Yes."

"Well you're progressing normally. No irregularities that I can see here.", Dr. Hennessy said after zooming in on the image.

"You're sure?", Carrie asked, looking stunned as the doctor wiped the gel off her stomach.

"I'm sure, Carrie."

"Well then why...why was I..."

"According to your vitals we took when you were brought in, your blood pressure was extremely elevated."

"And that's what...that can cause..."

"Cramping? Yes.", Dr. Hennessy answered in a clipped tone. "You had a miscarriage in March of 2012, correct?"

"Yes.", Carrie answered softly, wiping her eyes.

"According to your chart, it was under very similar circumstances.", the doctor said, arching a brow.

"Carrie, if you don't make a serious effort at managing and lowering your stress level, getting your blood pressure under control, you run a high chance of having another miscarriage or going into preterm labor. That could cause a low birth weight for the baby, other complications."

Bowing her head, chin quivering, Carrie jerkily nodded as Brody twined their fingers, shifted closer to her.

"I understand."

"Do you? Really?", Dr. Hennessy asked sternly as Brody looked up at her, eyes narrowed.

"Because this isn't something to take lightly, especially given your history. I-"

"I think she gets the message, Doctor. And given what you've just told us I don't think badgering her about it is going to help at all.", he said coldly as the doctor snorted, headed for the door.

"You didn't need to do that.", Carrie sighed after she left.

"Carrie..", Groaning, Brody rolled his eyes. "I'm not up for a fucking lecture about coming to your defense, okay?"

"No, that's not...you didn't need to because she was right.", Carrie choked out. "She was completely right. I did this. If I had lost the...it would've been my fault.", she said softly.

Joining her on the bed, Brody stroked her hair, kissed the side of her head.  
  
"It's not all on you, okay? Shit, it's not like I haven't been a source of stress for you the past week."

Shaking her head Carrie fiddled with the tie on her gown, sighed sadly.

"I didn't start cramping until after I confronted Dominic. That's what caused this! I should've just stayed away, let someone else deal with him."

"I guess you could've. But I didn't expect you to do anything different. I knew the second you hung up the phone you were gonna go after him. If anyone's to blame it's me for telling you the way that I did. Making everything sound so life and death."

"All you did was tell me the truth, Brody."

"And look what it did.", Brody sighed. "For Christ's sake, I know you enough now to know that telling you something's a threat and that you should stay away will lead to you doing the exact opposite. Going after them."

"That's not entirely true.", Carrie snorted, getting him laughing.

"What?!", she snapped. "Brody, I don't just blindly take risks without knowing  _exactly_  what I'm getting myself into by taking them!"

"Says the woman who got away from a fucking terrorist only to run back to fight him with a crowbar.", Brody scoffed.

"And don't tell me for a second you didn't see  _me_ as a threat our first weekend at the cabin.  _You_  loaded that gun to have on hand just in case. Not me.", he reminded as she rolled her eyes, crossed her arms.

"Is there a point to you rehashing every fucked up thing we've been through? And what does my going after terrorists for a living have to do with Dominic fucking Lawson?"

"Hey, the prick may not have had access to a bomb but you saw him as a credible threat. And when it comes to those under any circumstances, you deal with them head on. This mess was no exception.", Brody said simply as she snorted, shot him a look.

"Well now that you've properly analyzed me, you expect me to change everything about myself?"

"What? No!", Brody exclaimed. "Jesus, Carrie. I was just making a point that it's a pattern with you. It  _is_ you. Shit, it's half the reason I fell in love with you."

"Just half?", Carrie teased.

"Well the other half of me was fucking terrified of you.", he said playfully as she rolled her eyes, gave him a soft smile before going serious.

"You're not still scared though, right? You're not upset?"

"Don't go that far.", Brody said bitterly as she sighed. Shifting more towards him, the sleeve of her gown brushed up against the pillowcase and when his eyes widened, she bit her lip. Knowing he'd seen the stitches on her upper arm.

"Carrie...what the..."

"It's not that bad, really."

"Was it because of...", he asked coldly.

"Brody, please. I don't-

"The fucking son of a..."

"Brody. It's not...I only needed a few stitches. Once they're out the scar will be barely noticeable. So I've been told anyway.", she shrugged, tugging the sleeve back down.

"How did it happen?", Brody asked, but seeing her tense up at the question he mentally kicked himself.

"Shit, I didn't. Look if you're not up to talking about...you don't have to get specific. I won't ask you to."

"No, it's okay. Jesus. I've been through worse.", Carrie sighed. "Besides, talking about it's supposed to make it less terrifying, right?"

"Yeah, where have I heard that before?", Brody, lightly laughed, remembering their conversation in the psych ward after his nightmare.

"From a woman that's too fucking stubborn for her own good?", Carrie snorted.

" _And_  too smart.", he added with a soft smile, barely getting one in return. "Look, if you're worried your telling me is gonna send me after him again..."

"So you can finish what you tried to start?", she scoffed as he shook his head, looked down and away from her.

"I'm through starting anything with that son of a bitch. He could've cost us enough today, I won't..."

Trailing off he sighed, reached for her hand.

"I swear. I'm finished going after him. I won't do it again, and I won't do it to you."

"Yeah. After today I'm through too.", Carrie said as he met her gaze, moved closer to her.

"Look, I know I said I don't need specifics but, can you at least fill me in on what happened between you and him?"

Nodding, Carrie twined her fingers with his, chewed her lip before speaking.

"After I confronted Dominic, I ran to find Abby, page a nurse. But when I turned the corner I started.." Seeing her hand move to her belly Brody nodded in understanding.

"He caught up to me and blocked me in a corner. Then he reached in his back pocket for this...makeshift shiv, shank. The piece of shit was sharp, whatever it was.", she sniffed.

"Someone got it away from him but he grabbed for it, got it back. I started to run away and he reached out, slashed at me. It happened so fast I hardly felt it at first. I..."

Seeing him go pale, run a hand over his face Carrie looked at him guiltily.

"Brody..."

"Please tell me he didn't, when he cornered you...he didn't, hurt you anywhere else. Try and do anything else..."

"No. He didn't. You have my word, what I just told you is all that happened today."

Swallowing hard she leaned back against the pillows. "And I'm tired of talking about it. I..I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay.", Brody said softly. Leaning back alongside her, repeating himself he kissed the side of her face. Then tugging her sleeve up he lightly ran his finger underneath the stitches, brushed his lips there too.

Tearing up, not sure of what to say, Carrie cuddled closer to him before his arm curled around her belly. Seeing her yawn, unsuccessfully try to hide it Brody kissed the side of her head.

"Try and sleep, love. It's okay.", he said softly as she nodded. Drifted off before he did as well.


	133. Chapter 133

Stirring after hearing the door open, assuming a nurse was here to kick them out, Carrie's eyes blinked open only to see a shadowy figure in the doorway. Squinting to see him better she froze, swallowed hard.

"Shit.  _Shit._ "

"Hey hallmate.", Dominic sneered, moving closer as Carrie jerked back, waking Brody up. Seeing him, eyes iced over he swiftly stood up, lunged at him only to be met with a punch to his throat.

"What's a matter, can't take a punch?", the blond man mocked, kneeing him in the stomach as he groaned, dropped to his knees. Pulling him by the hair Dominic shoved him onto the floor, then started kicking him in the ribs to Carrie's horror.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!", she shouted.

"What, you need him to protect you? From me?"

"I don't  _need_  a protector!", she yelled as he shook his head, laughed.

Hitting the call button but not getting a response, panicked, Carrie tried to climb off the bed as he jumped onto it.

"You think you can stop me? You can't." he hissed, pinning her down on the bed.

"No, get off of me! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!"

"You think you can keep those kids, keep  _anyone_  safe, you can't!"

"No, LEAVE ME ALONE! NO!"

Still feeling a hand on her shoulder, trembling she curled up in a smaller ball on her side, shaking her head.

"Carrie? Carrie?!"

"Leave me alone! No!", she choked out, her eyes still squeezed shut.

"Hey! Easy. It's okay, love. It's okay."

Holding, gently tapping the side of her face Brody watched anxiously as she twitched, whimpered.

"Carrie, it's okay. You're with me, Carrie-"

"No...NO!", she yelled, eyes snapping open as her breath hitched.

"Hey...hey."

Stroking her hair, the side of her face, he watched sadly as she caught her breath, looked around anxiously.

"Carrie what is it, what-"

"He was here, he...he was in the fucking room with us!"

"Who was..who..."

"Lawson!", she insisted as she sat up, looking frantic.

"He broke in here, he...he beat you up and got on the goddamn bed and-"

"Shhh, it was just a nightmare, love. He's not here. Dominic isn't here."

"But.."

"It's just us. You're in here, with me. We're safe, I swear." Brody assured as her chin quivered and her eyes welled up.

"Carrie?"

"Fuck.  _Fuck._ ", Carrie choked out, bowing her head. Sure she looked as humiliated as she felt.

"Hey..." Lifting her chin Brody thumbed a tear off her face but she shut her eyes, shook her head.

"Look, you have nothing to be ashamed of, you understand? That asshole threatened you, Farrah, the baby, me all in the span of just over a day. You've got every reason to fear him, and every reason to know he's finished.  _You_  finished him, Carrie. He's not going to be able to just walk away, not from all of this."

Opening, wiping her eyes she gave him a small nod.

"I just wish it all hadn't fucked me up so much.", she sighed.

"It hasn't, okay? It hasn't."

Pulling her into a hug he held her close, rubbed her back before lying back down, still holding her.

"What do you need? Can I get you anything?", Brody asked as she shook her head, yawned again.

"No. The meds they gave me just made me drowsy."

"Well we only slept for about twenty minutes. The nurse came in though earlier and woke me up, said they were gonna keep you overnight for observation.", he said, as Carrie glanced up at him nervously.

"I don't want you to have to leave, I-"

"I told her after everything that happened I'm staying put. She didn't argue with me about it. And I called Maggie. She said she'd pick up Farrah at J.J's when her shift was through and that she could spend the night at her and Danny's."

"Okay. Good.", she said softly as he reached over, held her face.

"Everything's fine, love. You're not alone, you're safe. Just try and relax, okay?"

Nodding, she turned her head, kissed his palm before closing her eyes again. After watching her sleep for a few minutes, making sure she was settled he curled up next to her, drifted off again too.

...

The first to wake up about two hours later, Carrie smiled, glanced down to see Brody's arm curled around her middle and his face buried in her neck. Shifting slightly, she stroked his hair, kissed his temple before smiling slyly at him. After her nap she was feeling better, and between her hormones and his proximity...

Moving his hand from her belly to her breast, when Brody stirred, then frowned at her she giggled. "Hey."

"Carrie..."

"What?" she asked, rolling slightly to kiss his neck, toy with his shirt buttons.

"Okay, now you're just teasing me."

"Yeah? So?"

Trailing kisses down his chest Carrie curled closer to him, let her hand wander lower as he shook his head.

"Carrie, wait. Wait!", he exclaimed as she looked up, frowned at him.

"What?!"

"I'm sorry. It's just...everything Dr. Hennessy said about your blood pressure. Do you really think that this is a good idea? I-"

"Brody, I think she meant high blood pressure from dealing with perverted psychopaths, not from hospital room sex.", she snorted.

"Carrie, I'm serious."

Meeting his gaze she shifted, rested her chin on his sternum then softly smiled, reached to smooth his hair. "I know. But I'm feeling fine. And if we need to stop I'll say so. Okay?", she asked as he nodded, pulled her up before kissing her. Sliding a hand between them to untie the front of her gown, when she whimpered under the kiss he panicked, pulled back abruptly.

"Hey! What...Brody?!"

"I'm sorry, I just.."

"I think you bit my lip." Frowning, she touched it as he sighed, rolled his eyes.

"Shit. Guess I'm not the right kind of pent up."

"Brody, just relax. Okay?", she said, trying to keep her agitation in check but having trouble.

"I mean, fuck. If all of a sudden you can only see me as some frail, fragile flower because of the asshole across the hall from us, I-"

Pulling her closer and kissing her again, this time without incident, when Brody flipped her under him Carrie shook her head. Sitting back up, still kissing him, she wrapped her legs around him then shifted onto his lap. Slowly she ground into him as he bit his lip, tried to keep in check.

"Carrie, Jesus..", he murmured, breaking the kiss just long enough to slide the gown off her shoulders. When he swore she quickly shushed him, seeing over his shoulder that the door was unlocked.

Wanting to move things along, still moving suggestively against him she slid her hand to the front of his jeans. Hearing him swear again, before the door creaked open and someone else began to.

"Fucking shit, Carrie. Right in front of me!"

"What the...Quinn!", Brody growled, quickly moving to shield Carrie's exposed chest.

"Yeah, like he's never seen breasts before!", Carrie snorted as Brody shot her a look, quickly retied the gown for her as Quinn rolled his eyes, turned to face the door.

"I didn't mean to fucking interrupt. Trust me. Maggie just wanted to make sure you got these." Holding two filled brown paper bags behind his back, Brody stood up, grabbed them.

"What the-"

"They're just some bagged lunches she packed. She knows how you feel about hospital food and figured no-name needed some goddamn sustenance."

Rolling her eyes, smiling, Carrie emptied the bag to find half a tuna sub, chips, an apple and a juice box. Brody happily found the same contents in his, only a ham sub had replaced the tuna one. Noticing, Carrie cleared her throat, eyed him.

"Yes?", he asked.

"May I?"

"Hey! What if I wanted the..."

Met with an arched brow Brody groaned, swapped them out. Getting a peck on the cheek in return before Carrie tore open the chips, glanced up at Quinn who was still studying the doorknob.

"Quinn you can turn around.", she laughed as he reluctantly did so. "And there's a chair right there if you want to take a seat."

"No it's fine. I wasn't planning on staying. I just wanted to bring you the food and get an update. The doctors weren't telling me shit."

"Everything's okay. The cramping was just stress related. My blood pressure was too high.", she said as he shot her a look, shook his head.

"Goddammit, Carrie."

"I already got a lecture from the doctor, Quinn.", Carrie snapped. "I know."

"Well know you had us extremely fucking terrified."

"Hey, the prick across the hall had a lot to do with that too.", Brody reminded bitterly as Carrie stroked his hair, rested her head on his shoulder.

"I think that you mean the prick in the morgue.", Quinn said quietly, getting surprised looks from both of them.

"Holy fuck..."

"Carrie..."

"Look, I know what he was going to...what he almost did but Jesus...I didn't... _shit_!"

"Hey, easy. Easy.", Brody soothed, holding her closer.

"I didn't just do it because of you, Carrie.", Quinn said, deciding to sit in the chair after all.

"What do you mean? Not to sound completely self centered but I thought...what the fuck do you mean?!", she frowned as Brody nervously shifted away from her, wiped off then munched on his apple. Prompting her to look curiously between him and Quinn.

"You mean you actually didn't tell her? Holy shit.", Quinn marveled.

"Tell me what? Jesus Christ!"

"Carrie!", Brody cautioned as she rolled her eyes, took a few deep breaths.

"Just someone say something here, please!"

"I've wanted Lawson gone for months. Ever since I found out he was preying on my son."

"Wait...Brody told me that he'd abused Farrah's friend, not...wait!"

"Her friend J.J is John Jr, Carrie."

Gape mouthed Carrie turned to look at Brody, then hit him on the arm.

"Ow! Hey!", he yelled, almost dropping his apple. "What the-"

"That's what you were so fucking set on keeping from me?"

"Hey, don't blame me! It's how he wanted it! And it's not like I wanted a stab wound in my other hand.", Brody scoffed as Carrie and Quinn rolled their eyes before she turned back to look at him.

"So J.J's really your son? You have proof, you know for sure?"

"I decided I'm going to talk to Anita about getting a DNA test done. But I'm sure it'll just confirm what we already know.", Quinn shrugged. "Brody, I know you and Anita are close. If you could try and talk-"

"I...sure. I definitely will. It's just..."

"What?", he asked, eyes narrowed.

"I'm just surprised. All along you've said you wanted to keep your distance and now-"

"You said he's been asking about me, wanting to see me. If he wants contact I'll make it happen, but I'm not about to keep him in the dark. He doesn't fucking deserve that."

Seeing Carrie watching him with curiosity, Quinn frowned at her.

"Why the fuck are you looking at me like that?"

"It's nothing, I just...this is probably the last thing I ever expected to hear from you.", she laughed in disbelief before something else dawned on her.

"So wait, Lawson told me that J.J's mother was...oh shit."

"Yeah. I found out just over a month ago when the funeral was."

"Jesus, Quinn. I'm so sorry, I..."

"It's alright, Carrie.", Quinn said softly, getting to his feet. Nodding, Carrie bit her lip, twined her finger's with Brody's.

"You know, you'll make a great dad.", she said sincerely.

"Goddammit, Carrie. Don't go that fucking far yet, I-"

"I'm serious! Look I've seen the way you are around Farrah. Believe me, I know you'll be able to do this."

Nodding humbly, Quinn stood, got to his feet.

"I'll give you two some space. I just wanted to make sure everything was-"

"We're okay.", Carrie assured. "And thank you, for staying with me earlier."

"And for getting me away from Lawson, I...", Brody trailed off, getting an understanding nod.

"So you know I got a guy I know who's taking care of the security camera footage, any possible witnesses. Cleaning everything up for us. As far as everyone's concerned that fucker died of strangulation related injuries sustained at the mental hospital."

Nodding, Carrie shuddered.

"I still can't believe he's-"

"Just forget about it, Carrie. Just forget about it.", Quinn said before exiting. Semi distracted as he walked down the hall to the elevator. Killing Dominic and the possibility of being caught weren't weighing on his mind at all. Quinn had treated him same as he would any high value target that needed to be eliminated.

What was weighing on him was his change of heart regarding J.J, the impact it would have if he moved forward with things. He didn't want to tear the boy apart, disrupt his life more than it had already been disrupted. But he did want him to know the truth, he did want contact.

Seeing Carrie Mathison of all people ,firstly, scared out of her mind, and secondly, scared out of her mind at the idea of losing her kid, affected Quinn more than he wanted to let on. He realized if she could turn her world upside down, put her career, even sanity on the line for the sake of two kids, who was he to push away one that apparently wanted to know him.

Once getting on the elevator he got off at what he hoped was the right floor, got a hold of a nurse. "Can I help you, sir?"

"Yeah, I just had some questions. If someone was looking to, get a DNA test done..."


	134. Chapter 134

"Thanks a lot.", Brody said with a smile as the nurse handed him Carrie's clothes. Once she left he started folding them on the nightstand.

"C'mon Marine. Your turn."

"Okay, okay. Don't get testy."

Joining her back on the bed he rolled his eyes, looked down thoughtfully at his cards.

"Okay, I'll see your Snickers. And raise you two Kit Kats."

"Well, I see your Kit Kats. And I'll raise you, your bag of barbecue chips."

"You're pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?"

"Yeah, what else is new?", Carrie smirked, showing her hand as Brody rolled his eyes.

"Fuck me!" he groaned, shaking his head as she moved the heap of vending machine candy to her end of the bed, then swapped the plain chips from her lunch out for his.

"Okay, fine. You get the barbecue chips but I get your grape juice.", he insisted as she scoffed, looked at him incredulously.

"Why do you assume I'll just hand over my grape juice?"

"Not hand over.  _Trade_. What, you don't like apple?"

"Maggie packed the grape in  _my_  bag for a reason."

"Your bag?", Brody scoffed. "Your...we swapped everything in the lunches besides the juice and it's the one thing I wanted to give up!", he sputtered, seeing as she'd come away with the preferable lunch using guilt and a seemingly rigged game of poker.

"Why do I feel like when you were growing up you made kids miserable at lunch by doing this. Manipulating everyone at your table out of the food they actually wanted."

"I wasn't nearly as skilled back then.", Carrie snorted. "And you're telling me you never did the same thing? Traded lunch with your classmates?"

"Yeah but we'd do it fairly. Just go around the table and swap out stuff."

"Let me guess, you were one of the popular kids, right?", she asked disapprovingly.

"I never ate lunch by myself if that's what you mean.", Brody said, taking a bite of his sub.

"You know there's nothing wrong with that."

"Wrong with what?"

"Sitting by yourself at lunch. It doesn't make you a fucking loser or anything.", Carrie snapped as he frowned.

"Carrie, I never...wait, don't tell me."

"So I sat alone, big deal! I did it by choice! For the most part anyway.", she shrugged, sipping her juice as he looked on curiously.  
  
"I mostly hung out with boys at recess and when lunchtime rolled around they didn't want a girl sitting at their table. It didn't bother me though. I'd just sit and read instead. It was actually preferable after spending all of recess doing stupid dares on the playground."

"What kinds of dares?", Brody asked curiously.

"One time I had to go to this field behind my middle school, and climb on top of this old wooden swing set that was falling apart and infested with bees."

"Why?"

"One of the bullies had thrown a boy's jacket onto it. I knew I could get it down for him so I did. All the other kids were too chickenshit to even try.", Carrie laughed.

"And even after all that they wouldn't let you sit with them?"

"Nope. My dad said the reason was I intimidated them all too much."

"I'd have let you sit with me.", Brody said as she smiled, rolled her eyes playfully.

"Anyway, it was fine. I read more than anyone in my class because of it."

"So between that and all the dares, you were just setting yourself up to be a brilliant adventurer, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Reaching onto the nightstand she reached for her clothes he'd neatly folded, set there.

"Okay, I've got to get out of this dress already.", she groaned.

Getting to her feet, untying the back of the gown, she glanced over her shoulder, then glared when she saw Brody intently watching her.

"What?", he asked. "It's not as if I've never seen you before. For Christ's sake, what were we almost caught in the middle of not too long ago?"

"Well I was planning on leaving this on for that.", she scoffed, gesturing to the gown. "Either that or I was turning the light off."

"Carrie..."

"Brody, I can barely fit into my fucking yoga pants anymore. Every time I look down it's like I'm...expanding.", she grumbled, pulling the sweats on.

"Well if you weren't starting to even a little at thirteen weeks I think I'd be a little concerned.", he said as she scoffed, rolled her eyes. Rolling his in response Brody sighed, stood and approached before hugging her from behind. His arms coming to settle around her waist.

"Brody..."

"Carrie. You're gorgeous, okay? You were the day we first met, you are now, and you're still going to be when you're eight months along and look like you swallowed a watermelon."

"I'm not exactly looking forward to that.", she muttered as he held her closer, kissed the side of her head.

"What about to having a full service cabin boy at your disposal?", he asked, pushing her hair aside to kiss her neck.

"Tempting...", she sighed. "But still not enough incentive." Nodding, Brody rested his chin on top of her head.

"Okay what if I stop going for runs, start living off of cheesy bread. I can gain a bunch of weight, have one of those sympathy pregnancies. How does that sound?"

"It sounds like you're more of a dork than I thought.", she snorted, turning around as he arched a brow at her.

"You're sweet though." Reaching to hold his face she smiled.

"Well I did finish your Milk Duds when you had your back turned before.", Brody shrugged, earning another hit on the arm.

"Okay, you need to cut that out!", he exclaimed.

"Do I?", Carrie smirked. Rolling her eyes she went to move, but felt something buzz against her leg and looked down, frowned, then looked back up at him.

"So is your phone happy to see me? Or.."

"Carrie.", Rolling his eyes, Brody stepped back, took his phone out of his pocket. Frowned to see he'd gotten a text from an unfamiliar number.

"What the...who?"

"Let me see.", Carrie asked. When he didn't relinquish the phone she glared at him.

"What? Are you sexting someone?"

"What?! No!", Brody exclaimed.

"Jesus, I was kidding. Who's the message from?"

"If I knew the number I'd fucking tell you.", he sighed. Opening the message he read it, went wide eyed.

"Motherfucking..."

"What?! Brody what is-"

Taking the phone when he handed it to her she read the message equally quickly, gasped.

"Oh my God. Shit. H...holy shit!", she laughed, eyes welling up as she ran back to the bed, started throwing the playing cards and snacks into her purse.

"Carrie-"

"We have to go!"

"Carrie, wait!"

"What do you mean, wait! I've been waiting for four goddamn months!" Carrie snapped. Taking Brody by the arm she was ready to drag him out of the room but he didn't budge.

"Brody!"

When he nodded to what she was, or rather wasn't wearing, looking down Carrie bit her lip. "Oh."

"Yeah. I may have seen you before but I doubt the nurse's station's ready to.", Brody said before smirking. "Not that you don't...you know."

"Shut up.", Carrie snorted, putting on her tee and sweatshirt before running out of the room. Brody had to jog to keep up with her as she made her way to the elevator.

"Carrie, for Christ's sake, slow down!"

"What?!", she asked, looking at him. "You run every day, Brody!"

"Not in a fucking hospital I don't!", he exclaimed only to hear footsteps behind him.

"Hey, what the fuck you two? Learn to turn around next time.", Quinn snapped.

"How long have you been following us?"

"Since I saw you tearing out of your goddamn room. What, you were too worked up to see me?", he asked as they all reluctantly slowed to a stop.

"Did you get Mira's message?"

"Of course. Why do you think I was trying to track you down."

After all three of them reached the elevator, Carrie called it and when the doors didn't open immediately she swore. Anxiously ran a hand through her hair.

"Easy, we'll get up there to see him soon.", Brody assured, rubbing her shoulders as she leaned into this touch.

"I don't even remember the last time I visited him."

"Carrie, don't beat yourself up. I haven't been by in a month and a half.", Quinn said guiltily.

"Jesus, Quinn. You have an excuse.", Brody interjected. "I mean after everything with J.J broke open-"

"I should've taken the bullet that night. For that reason I should've been here every fucking day."

"Well he didn't get shot protecting  _your_  child.", Carrie said, shuddering at the memory as the elevator opened.

"Fuck. Finally."

Once inside she was still just as anxious, and would've been pacing if the space had been bigger.

"Love, try and-"

"But-"

"Carrie, please. Remember what fucking landed you in here in the first place.", Brody reminded as she rolled her eyes, crossed her arms.

"Hey-"

"I know, Brody. I know.", she said curtly before the doors opened. Before anyone could move a muscle she was out the door, halfway down the hall.

"Carrie. For Christ's sake..."

"Once she sees him, sees he's doing better it'll help her. A lot.", Quinn said.

"I just hope he  _is_  doing better. The man just woke up from a fucking coma, Quinn. Who knows what state he'll even be in?"

"The District of Columbia.", he deadpanned, getting a snort, eyeroll.

"Just trying to lighten the mood.", he shrugged, brushing past Brody down the hall.


	135. Chapter 135

Once reaching the end of the hallway, Brody and Quinn saw Carrie perched on the edge of a chair, arms resting on her knees as she drummed her fingers, looked around impatiently.

"Carrie, what-"

"I couldn't even get in there to see him! The exam's still going on and the doctor won't let me in the goddamn door!"

"Well you want to go down to the cafeteria to wait?", Brody suggested, kneeling next to her chair. "I can get us some tea or something."

"I doubt they have your Yorkshire Gold.", Carrie muttered.

"Something hot to drink to settle you down?"

"I don't need to settle down!", she snapped. "I just need to see Saul. I should be seeing him. I...shit."

Standing up she ran both hands through her hair. Feeling completely on edge what with lack of routine and seemingly every stressful thing out there targeting her today.

"Hey...hey." Getting to his feet Brody came up behind, rested his hands on her shoulders.

"It's okay, just relax."

"Brody..."

When he started kneading his thumbs on her shoulder blades, massaged there and the back of her neck, her head dipped forward before she leaned back, more into his touch.

"Holy fuck..", she breathed. "When did you learn how to do this?"

"It's one of my little known talents.", he teased. Kissing the side of her head right as Mira stepped out of Saul's room.

"Mira?", Carrie called, approaching her. "How is-"

"He's still being examined. And they kicked me out so they'd have more space to work."

"But you're his wife!", she sputtered. "Jesus. You have a right to know what the fuck is going on!"

"You don't think I tried telling them that? But it didn't do any good. They just told me to wait, be patient."

Seeing Carrie on the verge of detonating again and Mira looking just as distraught, Brody cleared his throat, figured he could try to be a calming force here.

"Mira, look, we were just gonna walk down to the cafeteria. Get some air, maybe something to drink. You're more than welcome to join us if they aren't letting you in to see him right away."

"No, Brody. I'd love to but I'd rather stay close if something happens.", Mira sighed. "But please, you and Quinn and Carrie go ahead. Don't let me stop you."

"Okay. You have my number though so text if you want us to bring you back something."

"I will. Thanks." Shaking her head, looking stunned and exhausted, she sat down in the chair Carrie had been in earlier. Put her head in her hands as Quinn crossed his arms, moved closer.

"Look, you guys go ahead. I'll stay here.", he said, not wanting the older woman left alone. "Really, go on. I ate earlier."

Nodding, grateful that Quinn had opted to stay with Mira, Brody's arm came to rest at the small of Carrie's back as they walked back to the elevator.

"I'm not hungry at all, Brody."

"I know. Neither am I. But the cafeteria's technically the only place we're supposed to use these.", he said, pulling out his phone.

"Wait..."

"I texted Maggie. Farrah's still up."

Eagerly taking it from him, Carrie grinned, dialed before kissing Brody on the lips.

"Hello?"

"Farrah?"

"Carrie!", the girl shrieked, so loudly Carrie had to move the phone away from her ear. Lightly laughing, Brody went to investigate what tea they had available while she took a seat at one of the tables.

"I miss you!"

"I know, honey. I miss you too. But I've got some time to talk. How was your day?"

"Okay. Damon stay with me and J.J."

"Brody's friend from the community center?"

"Yes. He come after Nick leave.", Farrah said before chewing her lip. Still confused and upset over everything that had happened today and why Brody and everyone had been so tense and nervous.

"Is Nick..."

"Is he what, Farrah?"

"Is he okay? He seem scared."

"He was earlier honey, but it doesn't matter why. It's taken care of and he's fine now."

"You are sure?"

"Yes.", Carrie promised. "Tomorrow he'll get you at Maggie's and everything will go back to normal. You have my word."

"But J.J...he scared too. He afraid, bad man try to hurt him again."

"Did he tell you that?"

"Yes.", Farrah sniffled.

"Farrah, listen. The next time you see J.J I want you to tell him that that bad man...he's never going to come near him again. He's gone, sweetheart. I promise."

"Yes?"

"Yeah. Look I know things felt off and a little scary today but everything's taken care of now. Everything's okay."

"You okay too?"

"Of course I am. I'm talking to you, right?", Carrie smiled.

"How is brother?", Farrah asked eagerly.

"Farrah I don't know yet if the baby is a boy or a girl."

"But I want brother.", the girl whined.

"I know. So Claire can keep her clothes, I know."

"And I have name for him!"

"You do?"

"Yes. Nemo."

"Nemo?", Carrie laughed. "Farrah, I don't know if...look, we'll talk about that more when I come home, okay?"

"I wish you home now.", Farrah said softly.

"Yeah. Me too. But there's not that much time left. You've been keeping track on your calendar, right?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"Of course. You know what other big day is coming up though.", Carrie hinted as Farrah frowned.

"No. What is..."

"Your birthday, remember!"

"Yes! Yes. I remember."

"Did you remember to make a list of what you want?"

"I finish it."

"Well, okay then.", Carrie laughed. "Seeing as your finished with that though, I have another project I want you to do. I want you to make a new drawing, for Saul."

"Bear?"

"Yes. Can you do that?"

"Yes. I do it. After I sleep."

"Okay, good." Seeing Brody out of the corner of her eye motioning for her to follow him, Carrie stood up, started walking towards the double doors.

"Honey, look. I have to go but remember what I said, okay?"

"Okay.", Farrah yawned.

"Get a good night's sleep, okay. I'll call you again as soon as I can."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too, Farrah. Sleep well, alright?"

Hanging up, tears sprang to her eyes that she quickly wiped away. Reminding herself she'd only ended the call with her daughter so she could see one of her closest friends. Taking her by the hand Brody walked back with her to, then into the elevator.

"At least we got the route down by now.", he snorted but didn't get so much as a smirk.

"Carrie..."

"I've got so much I need to say to him. So much shit to sort out.", she sighed.

"I wouldn't tell him any of the big stuff right away, Carrie."

"I'm not planning to. But so much has happened since he...I don't even know where to start!"

"When the time is right you'll be able to tell him everything, love. Just focus on the fact that he's awake and doing better."

Nodding, once the doors opened, after reaching the room she turned around, wrapped her arms around him tightly.

"What's this for?", he teased.

"Making sure I could talk to Farrah. I really needed to hear her voice. It helped a lot."

"I figured it would.", Brody said truthfully, hugging her just as tight.

"You should go on in. Somehow I doubt he'll want to see me though."

"You're probably right.", Carrie nodded, even though she still hadn't left his arms.

"Keep hugging?"

"Just for a few more seconds.", she said softly as he obliged, stayed put.

Eventually pulling away Carrie turned, peered in the window then went to turn the door handle. Right as Quinn exited, blocked her from entering the room.

"What the..."

"Carrie, just hold on for a second."

"Hold on for what?! You were just in there!", she exclaimed, trying to get past him but Quinn held his ground.

"What the fuck are you doing, Quinn?"

"I'd like to know myself.", Brody said curiously.

"Look, I know I'm just the goddamn messenger but hear me out. Saul literally just woke up. He's not thinking clearly. I don't think now is the right time to-"

"To what? Look I'm not going to bombard him with everything that's happened since he got shot. All I want to do is say hello, let him know that I'm here!"

"Carrie..."

Looking pained Quinn sighed, shook his head. "Saul didn't recognize me. He didn't know who the fuck I even was."

"And you assume what? That he won't know me?!", Carrie snapped as Brody frowned, moved closer to her.

"I'm just saying you should be prepared. He might not-"

"Look Quinn. You've known Saul less than four years. I've known him for fourteen. If he can't identify me right away I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is him thinking I've stopped giving a shit or that I'm intentionally avoiding him! So let me fucking pass, please."

Looking to Brody, seeing him nodding in agreement with her Quinn sighed, shook his head. "I'm not trying to be a goddamn bad guy."

"We know, Quinn.", Brody said. "But if Carrie wants to see him its for her to decide. It's good you gave us a heads up though.", he acknowledged. "Did he really not..."

"He was looking at me like I was a complete stranger. It was tough to watch and the man's not even my goddamn mentor."

"Listen, Carrie..." Taking hold of her shoulders Brody turned her towards him.

"If you're not...I mean I know you want to see-"

"Damn it, will you two just..." Backing up she frowned at them both.

"Look, I appreciate your concern but it's unnecessary. I've dealt with worse shit than one of my closest friends possibly not recognizing me. Besides, it's not like I haven't suffered short term amnesia too.", she reminded.

Swallowing hard, Brody stepped aside before Carrie brushed past Quinn inside the room. Once seeing her Mira nervously smiled, went to stand.

"No, it's okay, I-"

"Carrie it's fine. Please. Take a seat."

Moving to the other side of the bed, Mira smiled, rubbed her husband's shoulder.

"Saul? It looks like you have another visitor.", she said softly. Smiling at Carrie as she nervously sat down, spoke up.

"Hi Saul."

Looking sleepily at her, frowning, Saul tensed up, tightened his grip on his wife's hand.

"Saul?", Carrie asked, fighting to keep her voice from cracking.

Remembering though how patient he had been with her after her first round of ECT, how it had taken almost a half hour afterward for his name to finally register with her, that he hadn't left her side even to get a cup of coffee, she composed herself. Forcing a brave smile on her face she cleared her throat, hoping the next words out of her mouth would help jog his memory.

"Mr. Berenson?"

Seeing a spark of recognition in his eyes, Carrie's forced smile turned genuine. Moreso when Saul reached over, slowly covered her hand with his own before softly smiling back.


	136. Chapter 136

After barely ten minutes in Saul's room, Mira politely suggested that Carrie step out, get some rest, right before a doctor came in and demanded that she leave. Reluctantly Carrie nodded, exited the room as Brody came down the hall.

"So, how did it go?", he asked curiously, only to see her chin quiver and eyes well up. "Hey.."

Pulling her close, more than a little concerned at her crying, Brody swallowed hard, fearing the worst until she lightly laughed, sniffed, pulled back.

"What's going on, Carrie? What happened?"

"Nothing. He's awake. He's okay. He fucking squeezed my hand."

"Well if that's the case then what's with all the waterworks?", he asked, thumbing a tear off her cheek.

"Like I'm supposed to know?" Shaking her head she shrugged, wiped her eyes. "I think crying is just my default setting now."

"I'm pretty sure exhaustion is helping out with that too.", Brody said knowingly. "Shit. If you're half as tired as I am you'll fall asleep before we get to the room."

Nodding, she simply leaned against him as his arm eased around her shoulders.

"C'mon, we should go." Slowly heading down the hallway, when Brody leaned closer, started whispering suggestive things they could do to pass the time in the elevator, giggling, Carrie turned slightly to nip at his ear. Made a few suggestions of her own only to hear footsteps and a throat clearing nearby. Turning to look ahead of them she froze.

"Hi Carrie.", Abby greeted warmly.

"Abby, hi.", Carrie smiled, then frowned curiously at the gray haired man she'd walked in with.

"Dr. Harlan.", she said politely but coolly. Not sure why the chief psychiatrist at the mental hospital had felt the need to pay her a visit.

"Brody, this is Abby Reynolds. From the hospital.", she introduced.

"Nice to meet you.", Brody smiled, shaking Abby's hand. "Carrie's told me a lot about you."

"Likewise.", Abby chuckled.

"And this is Dr. Harlan.", Carrie said as Brody frowned, greeted him in not so polite a tone. Something seemed off about this man. He just couldn't put a pin on what.

"Ah, the infamous Nicholas Brody.", Dr. Harlan said as Carrie's eyes iced over. Sensing her change Brody tightened his arm around the small of her back. Knowing if this guy was a hospital bigshot they ought to keep things civil. Or try to at least.

"I guess that's pretty accurate.", he shrugged. "So I take it running into the two of you here wasn't a total coincidence."

"No. I'm afraid we're here on more than a social call.", Abby said, biting her lip.

"We were sent in to do damage control. Over the unfortunate situation regarding Mr. Lawson.", Dr. Harlan said, getting Carrie shuddering involuntarily. Before a half dozen or so questions occurred to her to ask.

"Abby, what happened to Nicki?", she asked as the doctor frowned.

"Carrie, Ms. Reynolds is not permitted to-"

"She saved my life!", Carrie snapped. "Nicki saved my life. I think I have a right to know what fucking happened to her."

"She was released, Carrie.", Abby said, ignoring Dr. Harlan's glare.

"Miss Reynolds..."

"Doctor, I've been at Virginia State before you even had your medical license. I won't tell you what drugs to prescribe, if you don't tell me how to be a liaison for my patients.", she said firmly, getting an admiring look from Brody.

"Nicki was released just an hour or so ago. A court order came through not long after you were admitted. She went home with her family."

"Good, that...that's good.", Carrie said sincerely.

"However we didn't make a special trip to discuss Nicolette's case. Rather we came to discuss Carrie's.", Dr. Harlan interjected after Abby's phone went off and she quickly excused herself.

"What about it?", Brody asked suspiciously.

"That she's free to be discharged as well. At least from this facility. There's a transport van out front that will bring her back."

Frowning, Carrie shook her head, scoffed. "Dr. Hennessy told me I was supposed to stay overnight for observation."

"I can vouch for that.", Brody chimed in. "I was in the room when she told her.", he insisted.

"I'm guessing then that you were also in the room to help her hospital stay turn into one at a cheap motel.", Dr. Harlan said snidely as Brody frowned, scoffed.

"What the fuck are you getting at?"

"I have sources. A nurse who I asked to check in on the patient reported she saw you two in, as she delicately put it, a compromising position."

"Shit.", Carrie muttered as she crossed her arms, bowed her head in shame.

"You only brought this on yourself, Carrie."

"Hey!", Brody growled.

"It's Mathison _. Miss_ Mathison.", Carrie spat.

"Look, Doctor. I understand your reasoning and if it makes you feel better, I'll leave right now. But throwing Carrie in the back of a van at this hour just to drag her to another hospital seems a little fucking extreme.", he pointed out.

"When this hospital proves incapable of responsibly caring for our patients, we aren't left with many alternatives.", Dr. Harlan said calmly, but his tone and smug look made Brody feel anything but.

"Responsibly caring for...if it hadn't been for your hospital's lack of fucking attention to patients who hit call buttons, you could've avoided this entire situation in the first place. That frankly put you and your staff in compromising positions!", he bit back as Carrie shot him a look.

"Brody, please. I don't-"

"And instead of coming here to do damage control by shaming your patients, you maybe ought to consider contacting a lawyer. A woman in your care was harassed and injured on your watch. If that's not grounds for a fucking lawsuit-"

"Frankly, with your pasts you may want to avoid appearing in a court of law voluntarily.", Dr. Harlan snorted as Brody shook his head in awe.

"What the fuck is your problem? Is this the way you talk to people you treat? People in general?"

"Brody!" Carrie cut off, as she stepped ahead of, put a staying hand on his shoulder.

"Look, if you think I'm just gonna stand here, take his condescending bullshit-"

"He's an asshole, I  _know_.", Carrie hissed. "But calling him out on it isn't going to do any good or make my fucking stint with him go any easier!"

"Well, seems you  _are_ making progress.", Dr. Harlan piped up as Brody whipped around, ready to punch him in the windpipe. Luckily Abby returned before he could attempt to.

"Is everything alright over here?", she asked.

"I was just telling Dr. Harlan I'll go back to the facility tonight.", Carrie relented, exhausted and in no mood to debate this any further as Abby frowned.

"What do you mean, honey? You're not going anyplace."

"Wait, Dr. Harlan just said-"

"You're not under the care of Dr. Harlan. His unit, yes. But your psychiatrist is Dr. Winters and I'm your liaison and advocate. I'm the one who best represents your interests as a patient.", Abby explained.

"And as a patient you have undergone emotional and physical distress at Virginia State Psychiatric. As has your unborn child.", she said as Dr. Harlan shook his head, turned coolly towards her.

"Miss Reynolds, the patient was remanded to my unit within the facility by the court. I also was requested to treat her by a superior at the CIA."

"What difference does that make?", Brody interjected, getting a glare from the doctor.

"Excuse me?"

"Carrie's not with the CIA. So unless this superior has a say in the life of a civilian, you don't have a leg to fucking stand on."

"Which 'superior' was it?", Carrie asked as Dr. Harlan swallowed hard, shrugged.

"I'm not at liberty to say.", he covered.

"Fucking Lockhart. It's him, right?", she scoffed, already sure of the answer. "Jesus. Power mad much? The son of a bitch thinks he can just swoop in to fill Saul's seat. Doesn't give a damn that Danny's already sitting in it."

"Wait, Carrie...", Brody frowned, turning towards her. "If you're in the private sector then how-"

"I'm still on administrative leave, Brody.", Carrie answered quietly. "After Saul got shot everything got chaotic. And terminating anyone is a long process. Meant a lot more red tape than the higher ups were prepared to deal with." she sighed as Dr. Harlan looked on smugly. His features hardened though at Brody's glare.

"How much hold does the asshole have on  _you_ , Doctor?", Brody asked. "Signs your paycheck so long as you're keeping tabs on her?"

"Again, I'm not at liberty to say-"

"Yeah because you're not supposed to  _say_  anything. You're just some shill of his assigned to supervise me. Make sure I don't step out of line.", she spat, then looked at him with a triumphant gleam in her eyes. Having gained a second wind.

"Too bad what you're doing isn't going to work. Saul Berenson, the superior to  _your_ superior, is alive and  _awake_. If anyone from the Agency has the least bit of authority over me anymore it's my co-deputy director."

"Exactly.", Abby grinned, approaching the group. "And as of ten minutes ago, he appointed me to act in his behalf.", she said, as Carrie looked at her in surprise.

"I don't understand, why-"

"After your first round of ECT, Mr. Berenson asked me to keep an eye on you. That's why I was appointed as your advocate at the hospital, and why I requested a transfer to this facility. Along with yours."

"Are you serious?"

"Saul's insisted. Besides, it's in my own interests to protect you from whoever this schmuck is working for.", Abby snorted as Brody laughed. Amused now that Dr. Harlan was the furthest thing from it.

"And before you get testy with me, a judge has already signed off on everything. Here's documentation."

Handing him a file folder, Abby smiled. "Also if you could make sure Carrie's file, personal items are sent here it would be appreciated."

"I-" Met with a sweet smile from the brunette, and satisfied smirks from the blonde and the redhead, shaking his head Harlan took the file, then took out his phone.

"I need to speak with some colleagues about these,  _developments._ Will you excuse me?"

"Gladly.", Brody snorted as he glared before turning around, walking to the double doors.

"Please tell me that's the last we'll see of that prick.", he sighed as Abby shrugged, rubbed Carrie's shoulder.

"How you doing, honey?", she asked.

"I'm okay. Just wish I could get some air."

"Well we can arrange that. It's a gorgeous night. Why don't you go out on the grounds before you turn in."

"Is that okay?", Brody asked.

"For a little while.", Abby smiled, getting grateful smiles from them both as they thanked her, headed to the side exit of the hospital.

"Just do me a favor, you two. Please?"

"Anything.", they said at the same time.

"Keep it clean!"


	137. Chapter 137

Taking Abby up on her advice, Brody and Carrie walked out the side doors of the hospital and onto the grounds. There were gardens, a small pond, benches. and a winding tree lined path. It wasn't a well lit area, but the moon and stars in the clear night sky illuminated things nicely, and the cool air was just what the two of them needed after being cooped up inside the better part of the day. His hand in her's as they walked, Carrie smiled, leaned against his shoulder.

"It's so nice out here. You want to sit for awhile?", Brody asked as she shook her head.

"I don't remember the last time I got to go for a walk outside.", Carrie shrugged. "An unsupervised one, anyway.", she said as he let out a snort.

"Was Dr. Harlan insistent on overseeing  _them_  too?"

"Brody..."

"I don't like him, Carrie. He was an asshole back there. And I really don't like that that Senator has got him in his back pocket. All Lockhart's apparent interest in you is just-"

"Yeah I'm not exactly thrilled with it either.", Carrie spat, crossing her arms. Afraid she was chilly Brody slipped off, slipped his jacket around her shoulders.

"Thanks."

"Anytime. Looks better on you anyway.", he smiled before going solemn. "I still don't understand why he's got any say there at all. Over you or anything that's got to do with the CIA. I thought Danny was in charge."

"He is. At least I thought he was."

"You think there was some turnover recently?"

"Not that I know of.", Carrie shrugged. "I'll ask around though. Maybe mention it to Saul too."

Smiling, grateful she had the ability to do that again, Carrie leaned into Brody's side again, twined their fingers.

"I'm so glad he's okay."

"I know. I'm glad that you're glad.", Brody said truthfully, earning a frown in return.

"For Christ's sake, Carrie. Look I'm happy the man's alive. I know how much you and Farrah love him and I'm happy for your sakes. But Saul Berenson and I are never going to be best friends."

"I know that.", she snorted.

"Same as you know that once you explain yourself, everything that's happened, I'm gonna be even higher on his shit list."

Nodding, after a beat she swallowed hard, spoke. "You know that I wouldn't do anything differently, right?"

"Anything?", Brody asked, arching a brow.

"Anything that I've done  _recently_. That put me here with you right now.", she clarified. "I chose this. I chose  _you_. I want to fucking be with you."

"Carrie, I...look." Shaking his head he ran his thumb over the back of their linked hands. "I know how we feel about each other. And I know I couldn't be happier we have another chance. But like I told you before, I'll understand. Whatever you decide."

"I don't know what you mean.", Carrie frowned.

"I mean if Saul somehow finds a way to get you out of this, gets you off administrative leave and back in the Agency, not just off book. If you chose that life over one with me, I'd never hold it against you. I know how much you love it there.", Brody said solemnly as she dropped their hands, shook her head bitterly.

"Hey, what-"

"After all the bullshit you and I have been through, to be  _here_ , you really think I'll just give you up that easily?", she scoffed, turning towards Brody as he shrugged.

"Why not? I gave you up. I turned on you and fucked you up. For Christ's sake, I'm the reason you had temporary amnesia!", he said bitterly, bowing his head and continuing to walk. Swallowing hard, Carrie sighed. Realized what she'd said earlier must've landed with and affected him more than he'd let on.

"Brody, look at me."

When he didn't comply she took hold of his upper arm. Stepped ahead of him on the path.

" _Look_  at me.", she said more forcefully as he reluctantly slowed his pace, stopped. "And you better listen because I'm only going to say this once."   
  
When he finally met her gaze Carrie chewed her lip, spoke after a beat. "I haven't forgotten what you did to me. And barring some fucking freak accident giving me permanent amnesia I never will. I'm not in denial about what happened or what you're capable of doing. And you shouldn't underestimate what  _I'm_  capable of doing to you.", Carrie said firmly.

"Oh I know. I know." Lightly laughing Brody watched as she rolled her eyes, softly smiled before taking his hand again.

"You and I give new meaning to the word destructive. And we're so dysfunctional and fucked it almost hurts to acknowledge we still mean a fucking thing to each other. But we do. Otherwise we'd have probably killed each other by now. Not agreed to have a child.", she snorted as he smiled softly, reached to hold both sides of her face, stroke her hair.

"You might be right."

"Aren't I always?"

"Yes. Humble too.", he teased as she rolled her eyes, slid her hands up and over his shoulders.

"If you feel guilty because of what our being together might cost me, don't. I've made up my mind."

Even though her words and tone reassured him, he still wasn't entirely convinced one of his worst fears for her wouldn't play out someday. And he wanted her to know it.

"I just don't want you to have any regrets.", he said softly.

"Regrets? C'mon, Brody.", Carrie scoffed. "The only one I'd fucking have is if after everything we didn't at least try with each other. I mean, Farrah and the baby aside, don't we owe ourselves that?"

"Ourselves and our fucked up bond?", Brody asked before a smile filled his face. "I never thought of it like that."

"You never thought of us as fucked up? Jesus. You've got interesting standards."

"No, I didn't...I mean. Never mind.", he sighed as Carrie laughed. Leaned against him again as he rested their twined hands on her right shoulder, continued to walk with her up the path. A comfortable silence setting in before she finally broke it.

"So listen, Farrah's birthday is coming up. And I think I'm going to need you to start getting the stuff she put on her list."

"Sure. How long's the list?"

 _"_ That doesn't matter. All that does is that her presents start getting scattered and hidden around the house so that she can find them during her birthday week."

"Hang on. Birthday  _week_?"

"Yes.", Carrie said simply, but in a tone that Brody knew better than to question.

"Okay, fine. When do I have to start getting these presents? And where exactly are they supposed to be hidden? Under your coffee table? Behind a couch cushion? That giant fucking corkboard?", he laughed as she shot him a look.

"Hey, that's  _my_ giant fucking corkboard and if you think you can just fucking mock it-"

"Okay, okay!", Brody defended. "I swear, I'll never speak badly of the corkboard again."

"Hey, you don't mind speaking badly of birthday week, who knows what you consider sacred."

"Carrie. C'mon.", he sighed. "I wasn't speaking badly. I just, look, when I was a kid we had one day, maybe two tops for cake and presents. Not a whole goddamn week."

"Well in Iraq Farrah wasn't exactly getting showered with gifts the other fifty-one of the year.", Carrie said bitterly as Brody bit his lip guiltily.

"Well she'll be showered this year, okay?", he assured. "I mean it. She's a fantastic kid and deserves a special week. I'll do all I can to make sure she gets one."

"You swear?"

"I swear. Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure.", Carrie shrugged.

"Did you create this custom or was it inspired?", Brody asked as her smile went soft, sadder.

"My dad used to make a big deal about birthdays. Come up with all these amazing plans. He told me before my tenth we were going to ride roller coasters for a week. Drive up to this amusement park. I think for Maggie's he said we'd rent an ice cream truck. Binge on popsicles.", she lightly laughed.

"And did you?", Brody asked curiously.

"No. Most of the ideas he'd come up with when he was manic. By the time our birthdays did roll around he'd be holed up in his study on the couch."

"Jesus, Carrie."

"It's okay, Brody.", she said. "It was a long fucking time ago. I've matured. Moved on. Even now, you think I give a fuck when I turn a year older?"

"Well if you do age, you certainly don't act like you do."

"Should I take that as a compliment? Or-"

Kissing her gently she kissed him back, heatedly until she remembered Abby's warning.

"So much for keeping it clean.", she snickered as he rolled his eyes. Kissed her again before pulling her close.

"We should probably start heading back."

"Yeah.", Carrie nodded. "You should probably start heading home."

"Carrie..."

"I want you to get Farrah at Maggie's. She should be able to wake up in her own bed tomorrow. I didn't like how she sounded over the phone."

"How did she sound?", Brody asked fearfully.

"Scared is how she sounded. She's intelligent and intuitive, Brody. She knows if something is off, out of sorts."

"I know. She's like her mom.", he said truthfully as she smiled.

"I'd just feel better if you were with her."

"You're  _that_  tired of me?"

"No, but I'm definitely getting there.", Carrie smirked. "C'mon Sergeant, I'll be fine. You have my word."

"Fine. Fine.", Brody said as they looped back on the path back towards the doors they'd exited earlier. "So long as I get a hug too."


	138. Chapter 138

After Carrie finally talked him into leaving the hospital, Brody drove over to Maggie's after texting her and saying he'd be stopping by to pick up Farrah. It wasn't that late and he agreed with Carrie that the girl would be better off sleeping and waking up in her own bed. Pulling into the driveway he parked and left the vehicle, made his way onto the front porch. Not even having to knock before Maggie answered, taking him by surprise.

"Whoa!"

"Sorry, sorry. The girls are in bed already, didn't want them to hear the doorbell.", Maggie explained.

"Hey if you want I can wait out here for Farrah. I don't want to intrude."

"It's okay, really. C'mon inside, it's cooling off."

Shrugging, obeying Brody slipped off his shoes as Danny exited the kitchen, approached them.

"Hey Danny."

"Brody.", the younger man greeted, wiping his hands on the apron he was wearing.

"What are you cooking at this hour?", Maggie asked curiously.

"I wasn't cooking. I was baking. Remember Josie needs banana bread for the bake sale tomorrow?"

"I know she does. That's why there's a loaf of it in the freezer for her to take.", she said as Danny's face fell.

"But mine has chocolate chunks baked in and cinnamon sugar streusel crumbs on the top.", he protested.

"Is that right?", Brody asked, getting a nod.

"It's my mom's recipe. C'mon man, you gotta help me out.", Danny begged.

Looking between him and Maggie, Brody frowned. "Well I don't know. Doesn't feel like my place-"

"Well which one would you rather have? One with fucking walnuts and nothing but or chocolate and cinnamon.", Danny asked as Maggie glared.

"There's nothing wrong with walnuts.", she spat. "They're in Ruby's godmother's recipe!"

"Shit, guys. I don't..."

"Here. Try a piece and tell me what you think.", Danny said, returning to the kitchen island and taking a knife out of the drawer.

"Well good, with a chunk cut out of it now Josie can't bring it!", she pointed out as he rolled his eyes.

"I made a double batch. Two loaves."

"Smart.", Brody commented, catching a look from Maggie as he swallowed hard, sat at the island before taking the plate with his slice on it.

"Okay, but mine has to be sampled too then.", she said, reaching into a cupboard and pulling out a saran wrapped loaf.

"Hey! Where did that come from?"

"It comes from my being smart  _too_ , dear."

Grabbing the knife she cut a slice of her bread, plated it, while Brody tore off a small chunk of Danny's, slowly chewed it.

"Okay, what are your thoughts?", Danny asked as Maggie put her plate in front of Brody, arched a brow at him.

"Mind if I have a glass of milk to go with.", Brody asked. "I think that'll-"

Rolling her eyes Maggie poured, set one in front of him.

"Thanks."

After sipping it, trying both pieces of bread again, amused at the impatient glares he was getting, Brody slowly finished both slices and the milk, wiped his mouth with a napkin. All the while not saying a word.

"Okay seriously, what's the verdict?"

"Mind if I get another glass of-"

"BRODY!", Maggie and Danny yelled, getting him laughing.

"Okay, okay. Fine. I liked the chocolate. Wasn't too crazy about the cinnamon though."

"What?"

"Sorry Galvez it just felt like a little much. I think the simple route is the way to go here.", he shrugged, getting a triumphant look from Maggie.

"Damn it! Brody!", Danny protested. "I thought you'd back me up on this!"

Tearing off another chunk of Maggie's bread, Brody shrugged. "Well next time don't make me choose between your recipe and my fucking future sister in law's.", he said simply, not wanting to think about what choosing the former would've meant for him.

"Okay since I won the bread-off, you have to wake Farrah up.", Maggie said as Danny untied his apron, shook his head.

"Fine. Maybe I can win  _her_  over with the chocolate.", he sighed, trudging upstairs. Laughing Maggie shook her head, wrapped the loaves back up and put them away.

"So how's Carrie? I know the cramping stopped and the baby's okay but, how was she when you left the hospital?", she asked, sitting across from him.

"She's okay. She insisted though I come get Farrah, bring her home."

"She wants her to have that normalcy and routine back. It's completely understandable."

"She also insisted I start prepping for Farrah's birthday week.", Brody said, quietly in case the girl was in earshot.

"Ah. Had a feeling she'd keep that tradition going with her."

"You know about it?"

Nodding, Maggie smiled. "Carrie wrote me a lot when she was overseas. She told me one day she had gone to this marketplace, bought up all these toys and gifts to hide."

"She said that your dad used to..."

"Yeah.", Smile going soft she shrugged. "He'd plan but nothing would usually come of it. Aside from Carrie being disappointed on her birthday. That's probably the reason she refuses to celebrate her's now."

"Not at all?", Brody asked.

"Not since she went away to college. I'd go up to see her and she'd say she had a term paper or was up all night studying. And after she graduated it's like she swore it all off. I haven't thrown her a party in years."

"Shit.", he said softly.

"I was actually thinking I'd plan our wedding for that day. Just as an excuse to celebrate something. But then we bumped the date to what's actually Farrah's birthday."

"How come?"

"Originally it was so we could have the hall, the church. But since both locations have been screwing us over at every turn, Danny thinks we should just have the ceremony in the backyard.", Maggie sighed.

"Well that could be really nice, couldn't it?", Brody asked. "I mean you've got a huge yard. You could get a minister, put some tables and a tent out. Have the reception here too."

Sensing from Maggie's face he'd overstepped his bounds, he swallowed hard, started backpedaling. "Of course what the fuck do I know. It's yours and Danny's day. I should just keep my mouth shut."

"No. It's okay.", Maggie laughed, rolling her eyes. "As much as I hate admitting it, I think having the ceremony here could be really nice. Just don't tell Danny I changed my mind. Not yet."

"Hey, your secrets safe with me.", Brody grinned. "So your wedding is gonna be on Farrah's birthday though."

"Seems that way."

"And Carrie's birthday is when?"

"The day before Farrah's."

"Holy shit.", he breathed. "Look, I know her feelings on the subject but I can't just ignore her fucking birthday. Especially now that I know the date."

"Our rehearsal dinner. Yeah. I had an idea though..."

"What?"

"Well rehearsal dinners always seemed silly to me. It's not like we need serious practice walking around in the backyard."

"Hey, you never know with some people.", Brody smirked as she rolled her eyes.

"I was thinking though. Carrie's got a weekend pass from the hospital that'll be issued. Maybe we should try and make the rehearsal dinner a party for her too. We can say it's because of the baby, you, her being home."

"Maggie. That's really generous."

"Yeah, I get that a lot.", Maggie shrugged. "But Carrie's going to be thirty-five and-"

"Wait, what?"

"You heard me, thirty-five."

"She doesn't look thirty-five!"

"Tell her you said that. It's what we like to hear.", she laughed at the still stunned look on his face.

"How old are you, just out of curiosity."

" _Not_  thirty-five.", he said curtly, getting a look. "C'mon, women aren't the only ones who like keeping their age a mystery."

"Fine. Consider the subject dropped. Even though you don't look much above thirty-five either.", Maggie smiled as he rolled his eyes.

"Thank you. Now as you were saying...Carrie's going to be thirty-five and..."

"And that's an important birthday. One worth celebrating. Along with a lot of other things that've happened for her."

"I just hope she sees it that way.", Brody said nervously. "For someone as anti-birthday as she is, I don't want to upset her when she finally has some time at home."

"She'll appreciate it if it comes from you and Farrah. That much your future sister in law is sure of.", Maggie grinned as he rolled his eyes, gave her a sheepish smile.

"So, you really are thinking in those terms. You haven't asked her-"

"No.", Brody said, shaking his head. "But I want to."

"Do it at the party then."

"Now hold on a second..."

"I'm serious, Brody. Look, all the people we care about are going to be there. It's the perfect moment.", Maggie said, then realized maybe she was overstepping now.

"Unless you don't...I mean it's your moment, I don't want to try and talk you into-"

"No. It's not that. I mean it makes a lot of sense, like you said everyone who cares about her's going to be there. I just think you're starting to forget that it's your big day the following day."

"I know it is.", Maggie said going solemn. "But, my sister's been through a lot of bullshit lately, Brody. The last time I got married she was going through a lot of the same.", she sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"She'd just been diagnosed. And she was prescribed all the wrong medications and she was out of it, foggy and completely miserable. I barely smiled in any of my own wedding photos. And forget about being able to take any with her. I just don't want that to happen again. I want her happy."

"Well, if I have a chance to make that happen guess I'd better take it, right?", Brody asked with a smile before hearing his name being yelped. Turning he saw Farrah barreling down the steps before running, jumping at him.

"Hey, brat!", he laughed, catching her as she hugged him. "How long have you been awake?"

"I play with Dan and Calvin upstairs.", she said as Danny walked over, holding the cat's carrier.

"I forgive you for picking Mag's banana bread so long as you get this thing out of the house now.", he said as Brody snorted, took the carrier.

"Let me guess, he tried to-"

"Scratched me once, bit me twice." Danny sighed, holding up his right arm.

"You tease him and no give him treat. That why.", Farrah said matter of factly, getting looks from all the adults. "He like treats.", she shrugged as Maggie laughed, moved to whisper something to Brody.

"You should take her when you go ring shopping."

"Shop?!", the girl cheered. Frowning Brody looked at her appalled.

"How did you even hear..."

"Shop! We shop!"

"Yeah okay. Okay. After you sleep. C'mon.", Brody groaned, thanking Danny and Maggie before carrying Farrah and Calvin out the door.


	139. Chapter 139

_**One Week Later** _

After making her way down the hallway, reaching his room Carrie knocked twice. Taking a breath and forcing herself not be nervous. Remembering that Saul was one of her best friends, had seen her at her worst and seen her through some of her worst fuck-ups. He cared about her. He'd be happy that she'd found a little peace, wasn't destined for life alone. She hoped that he would be anyway.

"C'mon in.", Saul said as the nurse in his room rolled her eyes at him.

"What? Would you rather I sit here and let my brain atrophy in front of the fucking TV?", he asked, getting Carrie smirking and the nurse glaring.

"Mr. Berenson, you need to recuperate. And visiting hours-"

"Just started. Please don't try and tell me otherwise. I was in a coma for a couple months. Didn't revert back to being a couple months old."

Rolling her eyes at his snarky tone, the older woman stepped out as Carrie's grin broadened.

"Jesus. You've only been awake a week and you're already snapping at anyone that moves.", she laughed.

"It's getting goddamn difficult not to.", Saul grumped, then catching sight of the wall clock frowned. "It's only 9:30. You taking an early lunch?", he asked, then saw the sweatshirt and yoga pants she was wearing. "You just roll out of bed?"

"Saul..."

Hearing the tone in her voice and seeing her quickly wipe at her eyes, Saul's frown changed to a concerned look. "Carrie? What the fuck is going on?"

Swallowing hard she spoke after a beat. "It's a long story."

"Well we've got plenty of time..."

After she'd finished, Saul sat quietly, contemplatively, not sure of what to say but knowing whatever he did say wouldn't make a damn bit of difference. Carrie was out at the Agency. Galvez was in, and Brody was cleared. As cleared as the goddamn son of a bitch could possibly be cleared anyway.

Everything was done. All that was left for him was to figure out how to deal. Seeing Carrie's face though Saul sensed she wasn't dealing well at all. He guessed her saying it all aloud had solidified it. Made it real for her. Now it was all tearing her up.

"I needed to go through with it, Saul.", she said softly. "I didn't have a choice."

"Of course you had a choice. And you made it. A long ass time ago from the looks of things.", Saul sighed. "But it's okay. It has to be."

"How can you say that to me?!", Carrie snorted. "I've done what you've been petrified I'd do since I met Brody. But suddenly everything's alright?"

"Everything is what it is. And there's not a damn thing I can do to change it."

"Well I don't buy you being so fucking zen about it!", she snapped as he sighed again, shook his head.

"Carrie, I just woke up a week ago from a goddamn fucking coma. And I'm stuck in this bed listening to you tell me that your entire career has blown up in your face."

"Interesting choice of words.", Carrie spat, getting an exasperated look.

"But what do you want me to do exactly? Yell and rant and rave? Have you thrown out of here because of the choices you've made?", Saul asked. "You're a grown woman, Carrie. I'm your mentor, not your father. I don't have the right to say a goddamn thing to you. Not about this."

"But say something!", Carrie cried. "Please, Saul."

"Fine. Fine. I'll...I'll fucking say this much. Sit."

Obeying, she perched in the arm chair by his bed, looking on edge and slightly agitated as she fidgeted, wrung her hands. Then frowned when she saw Saul shaking his head, lightly laughing at her.

"What?"

"That day at Princeton, when you walked into the recruitment meeting? You sat in front of me that same fucking way."

"What way?"

"Fidgety, alert. I thought it was nerves. And then you started talking to me. Had more confidence than any of the schmucks I interviewed that day.", he smiled.

"You wound up being the best recruit I ever had. You've got a gift for the work that we do. Back in the Stone Age a superior to me, someone I respected, told me the exact same words. That I should keep at it. So I did. I felt like I was serving, protecting. That I could use my mind more than a gun. The work I did was valuable, and I knew it. But I knew what it was costing me too. It cost Mira and I a chance at having a family. I know that hurt her more than it did me, much as she says that I'm enough for her. I know it was painful for me being separated from her so much. But I accepted it. I was devoted enough to the Agency. The day I met you I saw that same devotion. And more fucking moxie than I ever had.", he said, getting her laughing.

"If you and I had to we could team up to save what's left of humanity. The trouble is that we're human too. If it comes down to it we're gonna sacrifice ourselves for the humanity we care about the most. I took a bullet for Farrah. And if I had to I'd do it all over again. You sacrificed your life at the Agency to save what you believe is your best chance at not being alone. You're petrified of that. For good reason. It's a shitty way to live."

"But what about who I'm not being alone  _with_?", Carrie asked. "What about the way I went about it? You told me so many times that I'd be throwing my fucking life away if I chose to be with Brody. And now you're completely content we're together?!", she snorted disbelievingly.

"Not completely.", Saul said gruffly. "But I don't fucking have a say, Carrie. The only opinion that matters here is yours. It's your life. So the question you ought to be asking here is if  _you're_  content."

"I..."

"I know you love him. That's goddamn obvious. But are you content with him? Sharing a life with him for the rest of yours. Can you imagine being that, having that with anyone else besides Sergeant Nicholas Brody?"

Shaking her head, Carrie shrugged, blinked back tears before biting her lip.

"I'm not gonna judge you for it if that's what you're afraid of."

"Saul, I-"

"And if you can't answer the question for me, there's no fucking way you can answer it for yourself."

"You interrupted me.", she said before a smile crept onto her face. Nodding she lightly laughed. "No. I can't Saul."

"Well, guess that's all I needed to hear.", Saul smiled, reaching to squeeze her hand. "And I guess one silver lining is the baby is going to have the both of you. A kid deserves to be raised by both it's parents."

"I was wondering when you were going to weigh in on that.", Carrie sighed.

"You mentioned as much to me in the monologue you gave when you came in. And even under that sweatshirt you're starting to show. Mazel tov, by the way.", he said, getting her smiling.

"Thanks. There's something I want to ask you though."

Seeing her nervousness Saul frowned. "What is it, I-"

"I want you to be its godfather.", she asked quickly, almost too quick for him to hear her.

"I..."

"I know it's a lot to ask. That it's so fucking strange of me to even ask..."

"Carrie-"

"I mean I'm an Athiest. And you're Jewish and then there's Brody who's Muslim. I don't even know how the fuck that's going to factor in, but-"

"Carrie..."

"But you protected, Farrah.", Carrie said as tears prickled in her eyes, the back of her throat. "You...took a bullet for her. If it hadn't been for you I don't know what would've fucking..."

"Listen to me, Carrie. Farrah's fine. I am too. And, I'd be honored."

"You would?"

"Of course I would.", Saul laughed.

"Okay. Good.", she smiled before he nodded for her to come closer. Doing so she gently side hugged him, careful not to disturb the IV or his bandages. In spite of that though when a nurse came in, Carrie was met with a look.

"Miss Mathison I need to escort you back to your room. Abby's orders."

Nodding, Carrie shifted off the bed, stood up. "I'll try and come back and visit."

"Looking forward to it.", Saul smiled. When the nurse went to lead Carrie out she snapped at her, said she was capable of leaving a room on her own before doing so.

Rolling her eyes, the nurse went to make a note in her file, catching a look from Saul.

"Hey, wait a second. Just..wait a second. I don't think that's necessary."

"Excuse me?"

"Carrie and I just finished a pretty heavy discussion in here. It stirred up a lot for her. Factor hormones into that and of course she's gonna be snappy."

"Abby's going to want to know that she-"

"Look, Abby and I both have Carrie's best interests at heart. Her and I are friends. I wouldn't withhold anything serious from her or ask you to omit anything important. I just don't see why this  _is_.", Saul argued as the nurse shrugged.

"Look if it'll make you feel better send Abby down here. I'll talk to her about it in person."

Shrugging, the nurse paged her before stepping out to finish her rounds. Five minutes later Abby knocked, walked in the room with a smile.

"Well, you're looking much better!"

"Eh I wouldn't go that far. But thanks.", Saul smiled.

"What's going on?"

"I just had a long talk with Carrie. It went fine, cleared a lot of the air between us. But the nurse sent down to bring her back got some attitude from her. Went to make a note on some fucking chart."

"Listen, Saul. I know that Carrie can be a little volatile."

"That's putting things mildly.", he snorted.

"But I know when I need to be concerned about her and when to just give her a little space. I'm sure that this was the latter. I'm glad that the two of you talked, I wouldn't want to discourage that."

"I'm glad you feel that way. 'Cause I was thinking, if our schedules here allow it, maybe she can build coming down here into her routine. I sure could use the company and I'm sure she feels the same way."

"I don't know, Saul.", Abby sighed. "I mean I just don't want to make any promises I can't keep. Like you said it would have to be built into her schedule."

"Well what's that consist of? Group therapy and fucking arts and crafts?", Saul scoffed. "We're in the same damn hospital, Abby. It shouldn't be that big of an adjustment to send her down here for an hour a day.", he grumbled.

"Sounds like you're looking for an adjustment to your schedule too.", Abby smiled, sensing Saul was after this for his own benefit as much as Carrie's.

"I just woke up from a coma. Can't I be a little goddamn selfish?", he asked, getting a light laugh.

"Of course. Look I'll see what I can do. But don't mention a word to Carrie about it. I don't want her getting her hopes up only to be disappointed."

"Yeah, that makes two of us.", Saul nodded in agreement only to hear another knock on the door.

"Since when did I get so fucking popular.", he frowned as Abby laughed, stepped outside and out of the visitor's path. Once seeing him, and more importantly the angered look on his face Saul frowned. Wondered what the hell was going on now.

"Danny? What's wrong? What-"

"I need to fucking talk to you."


	140. Chapter 140

"Danny what the fuck is going on?", Saul asked curiously. This was the first he'd seen of him since he'd woken up, and seeing how rattled the younger man was had him on edge.

"Look I'm sorry I just fucking barged in here. I didn't even ask how you were doing or bring flowers, a fruit basket.", Danny said guiltily, running a hand through his hair as he paced. "I just really needed to talk to you and-"

"Galvez, for Christ's sake!" Yelling to get his attention, Danny swallowed hard, looked at him. "Just relax. Settle down. And don't sweat it about the fruit. Flowers would've been nice though.", Saul smirked.

"Take a seat. Talk to me."

Pulling the chair out Danny nodded, perched on it. "I'm having some issues, Saul. With Lockhart."

"What's going on? You're the goddamn Director. He can't pull you around by the nose."

"He can't but he's fucking trying to.", the younger man muttered. "Look, I know I have your backing but Lockhart's a senator with influence at the Agency, and he's trying to weasel his way back into it. He's got clout and right now all of it's going towards ousting me."

"Ousting? What the fuck are you talking about? He doesn't have the authority to-"

"No he's just questioning mine until he gets it.", he said bitterly. "The prick undermines me every chance that he gets. He meets with high ranking colleagues behind my back and now everybody's questioning me. All because I didn't roll over and drool when he offered to step back in and take over. I'm don't mean to whine and unload all this on you, I just-"

"Danny, it's alright. You're not whining and you've got a right to unload. Lockhart's a prick.", Saul shrugged, removing his glasses and wiping a smudge off them with a corner of the bedsheet. "And trust me he's not the golden boy at the Agency that he makes himself out to be. I know that better than most.", he sighed as Danny nodded.

"I'm sure. You knew him before he switched gears and got into politics, right?", he asked, getting a nod that made him feel slightly more comfortable about making his request.

"Saul, do you have something on him? Anything I could use to try and discredit him?"

"That's a basket of snakes you have no goddamn business poking around in.", Saul cautioned as Danny scoffed, reached for and opened his briefcase.

"Well I started poking around anyway.", he said, handing Saul a file folder. "I tracked down this sealed file about an op he was somehow involved with. Digital and hard copy. It's partially blacked out but I'm running it through some scanning software a buddy gave me. Seeing if any of it can be retrieved."

"Goddammit, Galvez. You're pushing into Carrie territory here."

"I'm desperate, Saul. ", Danny sighed. "This guy is going to destroy me unless I destroy him first. He's power-mad and thinks he's superior. I'm not about to give into him."

"Well it's no secret I think you're running the ship better than Lockhart could ever dream to. But these files were redacted for a reason. You're the last person who ought to be-"

"I'm the fucking Director, Saul."

"Who can't afford a scandal.", Saul reminded. "Especially not after the stunt that Carrie pulled."

"You'd help her take Lockhart down if he was threatening her position."

"I absolutely would.", he said simply. "And what's to say I'm not gonna help you?"

"You will?"

"Of course. I didn't lobby for you to be my successor so some self entitled schmuck like Andrew Lockhart could interfere and get in your way. I'm just saying I'll review the files. See what they're all about. It'll give me more to do around here besides sit around and let my brain rot. Besides, I'm curious."

"Okay, they're all yours.", Danny said, standing up. "You'll let me know though if you find..."

"Of course. Off book though of course."

"Of course."

After Danny thanked him again, stepped out, leaning back in bed Saul thumbed through the folder, removed one of the sheets of paper from it. Slowly reading it, squinting he put his glasses back on, then frowned. "What in the...son of a bitch."

Reading the papers more thoroughly, doing his best to read between the lines he understood why this case file had been sealed, redacted, and stuffing it into his nightstand drawer, wished he hadn't seen the damn thing at all.

...  
  
Sitting in her room reading, hearing a knock Carrie sat up in bed, grinned when Maggie poked her head in the door.

"Hey!"

"Hey! I thought you were coming by tomorrow."

"I know but I was running some errands and have some time before I have to get the girls at school.", she said, pulling one of the chairs over by her bed. "How are you?"

"I'm good.", Carrie shrugged, smiling. "I know it's only been a week but being here's helping a lot."

"Good. That's the whole point. I heard you paid someone a visit this morning."

"Yeah. I did."

"How did it go?", Maggie asked curiously, trying to hide her nerves.

"It went as well as it could have. Saul seemed to understand. Still felt surreal though even talking to him about it. Explaining it all was just..."

"You did what you had to do, Carrie. And better you explained it now and got it over with."

"Yeah. Anyway, what's going on with you. What errands did you have to do?"

"Well, went and got some save the date cards made up."

"Wait...what?"

"Here's the template. What do you think?", Maggie asked eagerly, handing her one of the model cards. Seeing the date Carrie snorted, looked at her in surprise.

"You scheduled the wedding for the seventh."

"Yeah, I did."

"You picked my fucking birthday to get married on?", she laughed in disbelief.

"Well if you celebrated your fucking birthday then I would've chosen a different date.", Maggie said simply.

"So what, the rehearsal's the day before?"

"We can throw a party for Farrah too. It'll fall when you have your weekend pass, then you'll be able to be there to celebrate. We all will. Unless you're not okay with it and I have to-"

"No, I'm okay with it. Really."

"Good, these save the date cards weren't cheap.", she laughed as Carrie took a closer look at it.

"You picked turquoise for the color of them."

"Yeah. The white font looked good on that background. Since when are you so interested in color choice?"

"Nothing it's just, Mom liked turquoise. Dad always said it matched her eyes so her jewelry box was fucking filled with it. Remember?"

"Not really.", Maggie said curtly.

"You know the other day in group they had us talk about our families. Any positive moments, memories. I told them about that time at the cabin when Mom found that snake in the clearing, put it in Dad's boot as a prank?"

"You mean the one that tried to bite him, right?", she scoffed.

"Maggie..."

Rolling her eyes Carrie set the card down on the nightstand. "I thought you'd want to know what they have me talk about in here!"

"I do, sweetie."

"Well they bring up your parents a lot when you're in fucking therapy.", she snorted.

"I'm surprised I haven't been sat down with a shrink about her.", Maggie muttered, crossing her arms.

"You don't miss her at all, do you?"

"Carrie, you know I hate talking about-"

"Well I hate making pasta art with Olivia across the hall but I'm fucking doing it once a week.", Carrie spat, shaking her head.

"And I've been thinking about Mom too. Lately it's been difficult not to.", she sighed, resting her hand on her stomach. Realizing Saul had been right about her starting to show.

"Well I'm going to talk to Abby. She shouldn't be talking about her with you in group or one on one if it's upsetting you so much."

"It's not fucking upsetting me! It's upsetting  _you_!"

"You think it shouldn't?!", Maggie exclaimed.

"Maggie...I'm sorry. But I don't hate her as much as you!", Carrie admitted. "If Mom left because of Dad, I...I don't like it but I understand. It eats you up! What he and I have, I..."

"Do you really think that I don't know that!", Maggie snapped, taking her aback. "But I stuck it out! I stayed!  _She_  didn't. And she's not going to just come back and tell you it was all some misunderstanding, Carrie! She's not going to help plan your wedding or throw you a baby shower or be there to hold your hand in the delivery room! And the sooner you let that sink in the better off you'll fucking be."

"Maggie..."

"Why did you bring her up? Why did you ...I wanted to talk to you about your maid of honor dress and flowers and what kind of goddamn wedding cake to have. What the hell made you bring  _her_  up?!", Maggie choked out.

"Because I fucking wish that she was back!", Carrie exclaimed, but regretted the admission when Maggie's eyes iced over.

"Well she won't be. So I suggest you try and get used to it.", she said harshly as she grabbed her purse and stormed out. Colliding with a volunteer and her magazine cart on the way out.

Shaking her head, the slim, tall brunette got up off the floor before walking over, peering in the window of Carrie's room. Seeing her curled up on her side in bed she bit her lip, mulled walking in only to hear footsteps, feel someone tap her shoulder.

"Look lady. If you plan on volunteering here you need to make stops on every floor. Not just  _this_  one!", a guard barked, taking a newspaper and chocolate bar off her cart as he walked off. Unwrapping, then dropping the candy wrapper he nearly slipped, fell on it.

Amusement in her eyes the woman snorted, shook her head as she strode past him with her cart.

"You fucking moron."


	141. Chapter 141

Sitting in her room, flipping through a magazine, bored with it and frustrated in general, Carrie threw it across the room. Folded her arms over her chest as she sniffed back tears.

She and Maggie hadn't spoken since their disagreement the other day, and today was when Carrie's sonogram to learn the sex was scheduled. Maggie had promised to attend and Carrie had taken extra steps to make sure that Brody wouldn't. She'd scheduled the appointment for a morning she knew he had back to back meetings at the community center. Not wanting him to feel guilty about not being there.

Now it looked like nobody would be there and she'd be finding out the truth alone. In her overly sensitive state the thought of that made her want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Hearing a knock at the door she sat up in bed, wiped her eyes.

"Miss Mathison?" A twenty something blonde smiled, pushing her curly hair behind her ear. "I'm here to take you down for your ultrasound."

"Okay. Thanks, Kate.", Carrie smiled. She'd gotten to know most of the nurses on her floor by now and was starting to wonder if this one had developed a crush on her.

Following her out of the room, she politely smiled but kept quiet. Not wanting to encourage anything.   
  
Once reaching the right floor, Kate went to see if the doctor was ready while Carrie sat down in a nearby chair. Feeling lightheaded had felt like the norm for her lately, and the last thing she needed was to pass out in front of her adoring fan.

"Miss Mathison?", Kate chirped, approaching her. "There was an emergency with another patient, so the exam room is in use. But I can bring you back to your room if you like."

"No, it's okay. I'm fine here."

"Are you sure? I can get you your magazine from your room. Maybe some water?"

"Water would be good.", Carrie said as Kate nodded, scurried off.

Leaning back in the chair, Carrie wondered if this delay was actually to her advantage. When Kate returned with a glass of water, taking it Carrie gave her a shy smile.

"Kate, I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

"Of course, anything!"

"I want to get a hold of my sister. Do you have a phone that I can borrow? Just for a few seconds. I need to send her a text."

"Miss Mathison, I..."

"It's Carrie. You can call me Carrie."

"Carrie..", Kate corrected shyly. "It's against the rules for me to-"

"Kate, please? It's really important to me. And it can be our little secret.", Carrie said softly, giving her her most charming smile, getting a nervous one from the younger woman before she reached in the pocket of her scrubs for her phone.

"Just make it quick, okay?"

Smiling, Carrie hugged her, subtly taking the phone from her pocket and slipping it into her sweatshirt's before pulling back. Kissing the woman lightly on the cheek.

"Thank you so much."

"You...you're welcome.", Kate blushed.

Hurriedly texting Maggie, reminding her about the appointment Carrie handed the phone back to Kate who took off to make rounds.

Leaning back in the chair she drummed her fingers on the arm, then saw the time on the wall clock across the way. Chin quivering she sniffled. Her appointment was scheduled for right now and would probably take place in a matter of minutes, and Maggie was still nowhere to be found.

Quickly wiping her eyes when she heard footsteps, she looked over and saw an unfamiliar brunette pushing a cart with newspapers and candy. Thinking reading material and chocolate couldn't hurt her at this point she sat up.

"Excuse me? Hey!"

Jumping, the woman turned, frowned at her, prompting Carrie to stand up, approach her.

"How much for a newspaper? And that Snickers bar too."

Not getting an answer right away Carrie cocked her head. "They are for sale, right?"

"Yes. They are."

"Okay then, how much?", Carrie asked, reaching inside her pocket only to realize her wallet and what few bills were in it was back in her room. All she had was some loose change. "Shit. How much for just the paper?"

"It's fine. Here.", the woman said, subtly handing it over. Thanking her, Carrie went to go back to her chair but faltered, quickly braced herself on the cart.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine. I...I'm fine."

Met with an arched brow Carrie rolled her eyes, groaned.

"I'm just dizzy. That's all."

Before she could protest more the woman put her arm around the small of her back, guided her back towards the chair. "Easy...easy.", she said, helping her sit.

"Now bend over, put your head between your knees."

Rolling her eyes Carrie obeyed, took a few deep breaths.

"Any better?"

"Yeah. I'm...I'm good."

Once she was upright again the woman ran back, grabbed a water bottle and the Snickers bar. Seeing her Carrie sighed, shook her head.

"It's fine. Really. I'm-"

"Just have a few sips."

Reluctantly she uncapped the water, did so before reaching for the candy bar. Struggling with the wrapper though the woman took it back, quickly tore it with her teeth before handing it over again.

"Thanks.", Carrie smiled, but looking at the wall clock again she frowned, bit her lip.

"Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine. Not lightheaded in the least.", she snorted as the woman frowned, sat in the chair next to her. Frowning back, out of reflex Carrie gave her a once-over.  
  
She was fair skinned, slender, medium height. Attractive with high cheekbones and clear skin, but with some laugh lines that gave her away as being older. Her auburn hair curled loosely above her shoulders, and her bangs and dark rimmed glasses slightly hid her eyes. From the dark brown shade to them Carrie could tell they were contacts, she'd worn a pair herself. But there was still a familiarity about them. She wished she knew why.

"Well you seem upset."

"I've been better.", Carrie scoffed.

"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"You can tell me who you are.", she snorted, met with a surprised look, slightly arched brow.

"Excuse me?"

"I've gotten to know pretty much all the staff who work on this floor. I'm sure I'd have seen you by now with your cart. Did you just start here?"

"Yes. I did. Just on a volunteer basis.", the woman answered in a soft, measured voice. When an awkward silence crept up, she broke it. "Are you waiting to be examined?"

"Yeah, I have an ultrasound. Just waiting for the machine to be freed up."

"How far along are you?"

"Fifteen weeks."

"Congratulations. Do you want to know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Yeah. The father doesn't though."

"So nobody is going in with you?"

Shrugging Carrie bit her lip before speaking. "My sister was supposed to. But we got into a fight and we're not speaking."

"Did you use that young woman's phone to try and text her?", the brunette asked, getting a surprised look, laugh.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You're not a very good liar, are you?", she smiled. "It's alright. I promise I won't say anything."

"Fine, yes. I fucking borrowed it. Just wanted to remind Maggie what time the appointment was."

"Well I'm sure that she'll be here. It's an important moment. She won't miss it."

"She might.", Carrie sighed. "I can only push her so far."

"She's your older sister?"

"Yes.", she frowned curiously. "How the fuck do you know that?"

"What you just said about her. Pushing her only so far. Younger sisters tend to do more of the pushing."

Rolling her eyes, Carrie nodded. "Yeah, you don't know the half of it."

"Don't be so sure.", the woman said softly.

"What's your name?"

"Frances.", she answered, getting a laugh. "Something funny?"

"No. Nothing. Francis is just my dad's name."

"What a coincidence."

"I'm Carrie.", she introduced as Frances smiled, stared at her briefly before catching herself, reaching to shake her hand.

Shaking it back, all the while Carrie maintained eye contact, frowned curiously at the woman.

"Is everything alright, dear?", she asked coolly.

"Yes. Fine...", Carrie stammered. "I just...", Catching an odd look from her she shook her head, shook the thought off. "Never mind."

"Miss Mathison?", a nurse interrupted, poking her head out of the exam room. "They're ready for you."

"Oh, okay."

Slowly standing, with Frances' help, looking around to her dismay she didn't see a sign of Maggie anyplace.

"Miss, excuse me.", Frances asked.

"Yes?"

"Is there any way the appointment can be postponed until Miss Mathison's sister arrives?", she asked calmly, politely.

"I'm afraid not. And she's been kept waiting long enough as it is.", the nurse said.

"It's okay though. Really, I don't mind waiting.", Carrie said.

"Well Dr. Stevens  _will_.", she said snidely as Frances' eyes went cold. Rolling hers, Carrie looked once more towards the door before shrugging, following the nurse.

"Wait. I'll go in with her.", Frances offered as Carrie turned, surprised.

"No, really. That's not necessary."

"It's not an inconvenience. I'd be happy to."

"Well if we don't make a decision the doctor will be inconvenienced the most.", the nurse snorted, met with another stone-cold glare.

"I'm sorry. The ID tag you're wearing says that you're a certified nurse, is that correct?"

Nodding, rolling her eyes the woman held it up.

"As a nurse, are you responsible for patient care?"

"Yeah."

"Then you might want to consider putting the needs of those patients ahead of your compulsive need to clear Dr. Stevens schedule. All so that he can meet you in the third floor break room between rounds and screw you.", Frances said coolly, taking the nurse and Carrie aback.

"I'll see what I can do.", the nurse said, her face beet red as she quickly reentered the exam room.

"Holy fuck. How did you..."

"I'm an observant person. And I just assumed. She wouldn't have been so interested in that doctor having some free time unless some of it was for herself.", Frances said simply.

"Well you fucking nailed her to the wall."

"Actually I think that's what Dr. Stevens plan was.", the brunette said slyly as Carrie smirked, arched a brow approvingly.

"Anyway. If your sister doesn't show up I'm more than happy to sit with you. You shouldn't be alone for this important an appointment, I-"

"Carrie?", Maggie called before spotting, making her way towards her.

"Maggie! I didn't think you'd-"

"I made you a promise. I wasn't about to go back on that.", she said, getting a hug in return.

"Thank you."

"It's okay.", Maggie assured, rubbing her back before pulling back. "C'mon, we shouldn't keep the doctor waiting."

"Okay, hang on though, there's someone I want you to...wait. Where the fuck did she..."

Frowning, Carrie looked around and didn't see a sign of Frances or her cart.

"Carrie? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just this woman I was talking to."

"Who was she, a nurse? Maybe I know her."

"No she's volunteering. Went around bringing magazines and snacks to patients."

"Is she a friend?"

"We were just talking before you showed up! Shit. Maybe I can try and find her-", Carrie frowned as the nurse stepped back into the hallway, motioned to Maggie.

"Carrie, c'mon. We're up. We'll try and look for her afterwards."

Poking her head out of an empty room down the hall, Frances sighed, watched and waited for Carrie and Maggie to enter the room before pushing her cart back out in the hall. Only to see the nurse she'd hassled earlier approach her. In no mood for a confrontation she shrugged, raised her hands in surrender before lowering them.

"Hey."

"I apologize for what I said. It was rude, insulting and a cheap assumption designed to embarrass you."

"Well, it worked.", the younger woman snorted. "But that wasn't what I was here for. You can go into the room with them if you want. There's no rule about one visitor only."

Nodding, Frances gave her a small smile. "I appreciate you coming to tell me that but, it's fine. My shift's nearly through and her sister's in with her. That's who she wanted."

Before the nurse could say anything more, Frances thanked her again, then moved her cart into the elevator and then onto the sixth floor. Parking and locking it up she cut over to the break room, her locker, then into the ladies room with her purse.

Seeing it was empty, shaking her head she went over to the sinks, gripped the round of the countertop with her hands. Bowing her head she took a few slow breaths, managed to get her composure back before grabbing a contact case from her bag. Fumbling to open it she swore, slammed it down before trying again.

Managing this time she moved her right hand up towards her right eye, struggled to remove the contact. "Damn it."

"Hey. Is everything alright?", another volunteer asked as Frances turned, managed a smile. "Fine. Just having some trouble with these contacts."

"You having a reaction? You're all puffy and teary eyed."

"I'm fine." Looking back to the mirror she removed the one, revealed her eye that may as well have turned purple for all the red mixed in with the blue.

"Just needed to find some solution for them. They're...painful.", she choked out softly. "Very painful."


	142. Chapter 142

"You ready?"

"I guess so, yeah.", Carrie shrugged as Maggie reached over from her chair, rubbed her shoulder reassuringly. "You know I can go into the hall and call Brody for you."

"Maggie, I told you.", Carrie sighed. "He doesn't want to know the sex. I scheduled the appointment for a time I knew he'd be in meetings so he wouldn't feel guilty not being here. I'll give him a progress report later."

"Well you can give him a good one.", Dr. Addison smiled. After hearing what Dr. Stevens had been up to through Frances, Carrie had requested another doctor. Luckily her's had been on call.

"Everything's okay?"

"Everything is looking terrific with your little boy.", the doctor smiled as Maggie grinned, let out a squeal, while Carrie looked at the monitor, mystified.

"Carrie? Everything alright?"

"Fine. I...I'm fine.", she said after a beat as Maggie frowned, rubbed her shoulder again.

"Carrie..."

"I'll give you two a few minutes.", Dr. Addison said politely before stepping out.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just...", Voice cracking, trailing off, Carrie shook her head.

"What?"

"It's just... _real_  now.  _He's_  real now. It's...it's fucking scary."

"Yeah, I know.", Maggie said sympathetically. "You think seeing Ruby for the first time on that didn't scare the life out of me?", she asked, nodding to the monitor.

"If it did you did a really good job of hiding your fear.", Carrie snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Carrie, it's not as if you've had no practice around kids."

"Practice?", she scoffed. "She just said I'm having a boy! I've only had practice around Ruby, Josie and Farrah. They're pretty goddamn different!"

"But you're good with all of them. You'll be good with your son too.", Maggie insisted as Carrie sniffed, looked at her.

"You think so?"

"I do. And it's not as if you have to go it alone either. You know that if Brody was in here he'd be cheering, doing handstands."

"Yeah, you're right.", she smiled.

"And think of how Dad will react when you tell him. You know he's always wanted a grandson."

"Yeah. Remember when he went out and bought Ruby that boy's bike after he misunderstood you when you called? Thought that you said you'd be home from the hospital with Ruben?"

Laughing, Maggie nodded. "Of course. That bike is still in the garage. Maybe it'll be a present for my new handsome nephew."

"Handsome?", Carrie questioned. "How much can you tell from that fucking monitor?", she asked, squinting at it as Maggie gave her a look. "I'm serious! Even after our little tutorial I can't see that picture for shit."

"Carrie...", Maggie sighed. "C'mon. Your blue eyes, strawberry-blond hair? Your son's going to be gorgeous."

"Maybe. So long as he's not stuck with my nose anyway.", Carrie smirked, resting her hand on her belly before looking back at the monitor.

"Did you and Brody talk about names yet?"

"No. Not really."

"Well, how about this. Next week when I bring the girls for a visit, I'll have Ruby bring her iPad and we can pull up some of those baby-naming websites. See if anything jumps out at us."

"Okay. Sure. We can do that."

"And, now that I know, I can start stocking up on onesies and blankets and stuffed animals and-"

"Maggie!"

"Sorry. I'm just excited.", Maggie smiled shyly.

"Yeah. Me too.", Carrie said, managing a small smile that earned her another shoulder rub.

"Sweetie. I know it's overwhelming but I promise. Everything will be fine, I-"

Interrupted by a text, Maggie took her phone from her purse. Opening and reading the message she groaned, rolled her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Sheila wants me to swap shifts with her. Let me just call and tell her I can't, I-"

"No, Maggie. It's okay."

"It's fine, I can do it. On such short notice I'm not obligated to-"

"Maggie, go. I had the ultrasound. You found out what you came here to find out. All I have to do is talk some more with Dr. Addison and then I'm done. You can go. Take the earlier shift. You can go out and go blanket shopping afterwards."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Go. It's fine. I'm fine."

After repeating herself about four more times, Maggie finally gave in, hugged her, then stepped out. Leaving Carrie trying to compose herself before the doctor came back. Shutting her eyes she took a few deep breaths, attempting unsuccessfully to relax. Swearing, opening her eyes again she spotted a phone on the wall in the corner. Quickly climbing off the exam table she crossed the room, grabbed it, and dialed the first number she could think of, then 9 for an outside line.

"Hello?"

Hearing a woman's voice on the other end, surprising since she'd called Brody's cell, Carrie frowned.

"Hello? Who is this?", the woman asked.

"Is this Zahira?"

"Yes. Is this Carrie?"

"Yes. Hi. Is Brody there?"

"He is in a meeting but it should be finished by now. Ah, I see him. Nicholas?"

Biting her lip, glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one was walking by or in on her, when she finally heard his voice tears prickled in her eyes, the back of her throat. "Hey."

"Hey! How are you? How did the appointment go?"

"Everything's good. The doctor told me everything looks good."

"Carrie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm...I'm fine."

"No, you're not. I can fucking hear it in your voice."

Rolling her eyes she sniffed, pulled the corded phone down with her as she sat on the floor. Leaning back against the wall as she wiped her eyes.

"C'mon, love. Just talk to me, okay?", Brody coaxed. Shutting the door the rest of the way he walked over, perched on the desk in Zahira's office.

"It just was a lot.", Carrie sighed, her free hand going to her hair. "Just...seeing it. Knowing that it's-"

"Careful.", Brody playfully warned, not wanting her to give it away.

"It just was overwhelming I guess.", she sniffed as he shut his eyes, shook his head. Wishing he'd just insisted on being in the room with her and ducked out of the room before they found out.

"Shhh. Hey. It's okay. It's an overwhelming thing to find out. For Christ's sake, I don't even want to tell you the mess I turned into when I found out Dana was going to be Dana."

"Wait, so you were willing to know with her but not-"

"Hey, I wasn't willing. The fucking doctor told us without thinking about it. I wasn't exactly pleased.", Brody sighed. "But I should've been there with you."

"Brody, no. I fucking scheduled it at a time so you-"

"I should've been there with you, Carrie. Found a way out of the meeting."

"It's okay.", she said truthfully. "Really. Don't feel guilty because my emotions have gone fucking haywire. Besides, Maggie showed up and that helped."

"Even after the fight you told me you guys had?"

"She said she'd made me a promise and she was going to keep it. I give her credit, for hating Mom so much at least she refuses to act like her.", Carrie snorted.

"Let me guess though. After finding out Maggie's out running around buying pink or blue outfits as we speak."

"After her shift is through I'm betting that's the first thing she'll do.", she smiled.

"Look, as soon as I get out of here I'm coming by to see you, okay?"

"You mean you'll be seeing the both of us, right?"

"Right.", Brody laughed. "And hey just so you know, the imam and I were talking earlier. So you know, boy or girl, they are going to learn soccer and win the U.S a championship."

"As in the World Cup?"

"Sure. Why not."

"Brody, our kid could be David fucking Beckham and America still wouldn't win a soccer championship."

"Hey, never say never.", he chuckled before looking up. Seeing Zahira motioning to him out in the hallway, then seeing the wall clock he realized his next meeting was about to start.

"Carrie, look. I'm sorry but I have to-"

"It's okay. I'm feeling better now, really."

"Pink swear?"

"Yeah.", Carrie smiled softly, tearing up. "Hug her for me, okay?"

"I'll hug her twice. And tell her that Nemo or Boo is doing well."

"Who the fuck is Boo?"

"Monsters Inc was on the other night. So now if the baby's a girl..."

"Her name is Boo. I understand."

"Good, I'll let the brat know. Goodbye, love."

"Bye, Brody."

Standing, hanging up, Carrie got back on the exam table and perched on the end, swinging her legs back and forth over the side as she waited for Dr. Addison to come back.

Glancing over at the monitor, the image still frozen on it, resting her hand on her belly she rubbed small circles over it.

"So. Now that I know what you are, I figure you may as well get used to the sound of my voice. Get to know me. You heard your Aunt earlier. You'll be seeing a lot of her in a few months. I just talked to your dad on the phone. He says you're going to play soccer. Win the fucking World Cup, but I don't...oh,  _fuck_. Look, I'm going to start trying to stop swearing around you. Of course I said I'd stop swearing around Farrah and how long did that fucking last, I...agh. Shit. That's probably gonna be your first word at this rate.", she groaned, right as Dr. Addison knocked, walked back in the room.

"I'm sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt.", she smiled as Carrie shrugged, bowed her head to see her still swinging legs.

"That's something that you're supposed to do though, right? They can hear you in there talking to..."

"It's not something we discourage. So, do you have any follow up questions for me? Any concerns?"

"You want the list?", she snorted as the doctor sat in the chair across the way from her.

"It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed or like your nerves are kicking in. I've had expectant women who can't stop crying after finding out the sex. Sometimes it's happiness, other times they're scared out of their minds. I know too that hormonal fluctuations don't help one bit."

"No, they don't. Lately I've felt like a fucking walking tear duct.  _Damn it!",_ she groaned again, doing a facepalm. "I really am trying."

"Look, there's a lot of behaviors that concern us more than cursing. From what it seems though you've been avoiding them. No alcohol, smoking."

"Well the psych ward doesn't exactly have an open bar.", Carrie snorted.

"What about stress? Your blood pressure wasn't as elevated as it was before your last ultrasound, which is good."

"Yeah, I've been trying to keep it under control. It's easier to here than at the other hospital where I was."

"I can tell.", Dr. Addison smiled. "Have you had any morning sickness still? Any nausea, excessive fatigue?"

"I've been getting lightheaded. Aside from that though nothing major."

"I'll make sure you're getting enough iron. Anemia could be the cause of that. And make sure you're eating properly. According to your weight check earlier you haven't put on very much."

"Is that bad?"

"Well you'll have an easier time getting back in shape for swimsuit season. But feel free to have a little extra in the cafeteria. Eat healthy, but make sure you're full."

"I'll try. It's not easy finding much though that's appetizing and edible.", Carrie grimaced.

"I understand. Half of my meals are from that cafeteria.", Dr. Addison sighed. "Anyway. Aside from that things look good. For you and your son. Have you scheduled your next appointment?"

"Abby told me she'd set it up."

"Okay then. I'll consult with her. Take care, Carrie."

"You too, Doctor.", Carrie smiled. After the older woman stepped out and she changed back into her sweats, Carrie exited the room only to hear shouting, then realize she was being shouted at by an orderly leaving the elevator.

"What the-"

"Sorry ma'am. We're gonna need you to step off to the side!", the orderly yelled, making sure the hall was clear before signaling to someone else in the elevator.

"Jesus." Doing as asked, her back against the wall she realized why when she saw a gurney being brought off the elevator and down the corridor, then rushed right past her. Fast, but not fast enough that she couldn't see who happened to be on it. At least...she thought she saw him.

"Shit. Holy...holy shit."


	143. Chapter 143

After spotting, recognizing the man on the gurney, Carrie knew she was expected downstairs for group, but she also knew she could take the longer route there by cutting through the hospital lobby. Allowing her to stop by the front desk to talk to Esperanza or Ava about the man who had just been brought in and the circumstances surrounding it. Then afterwards she could sneak into Abby's new office, borrow her phone to call someone that she was sure would want to know about the situation.

Leaving the stairwell she opened the door, cut across the lobby towards the front desk, only to see someone familiar standing there. Wanting answers and circumstances as well.

"Listen, I just want to see my son and husband and find out how they are, that's all! Fuck, why can't someone here just answer me! I-"

"Jessica.", Carrie interrupted, tapping her shoulder to get her attention. Turning around, once seeing her the brunette's eyes went wide.

"C...Carrie? What-"

"I'm sorry I just...look I saw Faber being brought up to the third floor. I was about to get on the elevator when they were loading him off."

Nodding, spellbound, Jessica choked out a thank you, went to cut over to the elevator but Carrie stopped her. "They won't let you up. Not if he's in surgery."

"How do you know?!", Jessica snapped. "Do you work here now?", she asked as Carrie sighed.

"No. I don't. But a friend of mine was brought up to the same floor after being shot in the chest. They wouldn't let me past the double doors."

"Well Mike is my husband now. Not just a friend!"

"It doesn't matter. They won't let you through. You'll be thrown out of here by security if you try. But this is a good hospital. My friend survived. He's fine."

"Mike wasn't shot. He was in a car accident. Him and...and Chris.", Jessica choked out.

"Jesus. I didn't even see...is he alright?"

"They brought him over to X-ray, I...I saw him beforehand. He said he was fine, that I should go be with Mike but they're not letting me be with Mike! And I left Dana five messages but I haven't heard back from her yet and I..."

Seeing her trail off, fight to catch her breath, taking her by the arm Carrie led her over to a nearby bench. Her eyes widened though when the brunette reached for, start pawing through her purse.

"Jessica, what..."

"I...my inhaler..in...in my purse."

Quickly grabbing it, Carrie handed it to her, rubbed her back as she used it. "You okay?"

Nodding, Jessica took a few slow breaths, shoved the inhaler back in her bag before she shook her head, blinked back tears.

"Shit.  _Shit!_ "

"It's okay. My niece has asthma. She hates her inhaler."

"I haven't had that happen to me since high school.", she choked out, embarrassed.

"You're upset. It's understandable."

Shaking her head she looked up, laughed at Carrie in disbelief. "Okay. What the fuck is going on? Why are you even..."

"It doesn't matter. I thought that I could help, so I did. But I'll leave you alone. The last person you probably want to deal with right now is me.", she snorted. Standing she went to walk away but felt her knees shake and almost faltered. "Fuck."

"Are you alright?"

"Fine. Just...I'm fine."

Rolling her eyes Jessica stood, held her steady.

"Jessica, really, I-"

"If it hadn't been for you I'd have passed out going through my purse.", she snorted. Walking Carrie back to the bench though she swallowed hard, noticed her figure had changed considerably.

"What?", Carrie asked once she was seated.

"How far along are you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you've either started to let yourself go or you're only carrying in your belly. I can only hope it's the former.", Jessica scoffed as Carrie swallowed hard, looked down and away from her.

"Of course." Jessica sighed. Shaking her head as she sat back down.

"So how far? Three months?"

"Fifteen weeks, actually."

"It is Brody's, right?"

Nodding, Carrie met her gaze. "Yes.", she answered, getting an eyeroll.

"When I was fifteen weeks with Chris, I had ten pounds on you plus a filled out face. I looked like a blowfish."

"As if you didn't have enough reason to hate me already.", Carrie snorted, getting a light laugh before awkward silence set in. Clearing her throat she went to stand, broke it.

"Listen, I should really get-"

"No, Carrie, I-"

"Really, I'm better now, I should-"

"I could use the distraction. Please.", Jessica interrupted. Making the mistake of looking her in the eye, seeing how fearful she looked Carrie nodded, sat again.

"I saw the conference.", the brunette said after a beat. "The press conference you gave a few months ago."

"Yeah. My fifteen minutes of fame. Infamy actually.", Carrie snorted.

"Were you the asset who went on that assignment? Tracked down the evidence that-"

"Jessica, I'm not supposed to discuss-"

"I know. It's classified. Believe me I've gotten familiar with that word.", Jessica muttered as Carrie shifted a little closer to her, lowered her voice.

"But yes, I retrieved the evidence."

Nodding, after a few moments Jessica swallowed hard, spoke. "Thank you."

Shaking her head, Carrie turned towards her. "You don't need to-"

"I do, Carrie. Brody was my husband. He fathered my kids. When I fell in love with him he was a longhaired, Aviator wearing, military brat who sat across from me in Chem class, took me out joyriding in his father's car, and knew to buy me pistachio ice cream and to rent  _The Way We Were_  when I was sad. You know how hard it was to remember that, to even think about that, when the entire world was convinced that he'd killed two hundred and nineteen people? When we had cops surveying our house and death threats in the mail and our church telling us we were no longer welcome?"

"Impossible.", Carrie said softly. "It had to have been impossible."

"I didn't want to believe that he had done it. But it was in every news report, every paper. Every time a person looked at me or drove past my house or harassed Dana and Chris, I became more and more convinced of it until I hated him. Saw him as nothing but a fucking monster who destroyed me and destroyed my kids. It was easier for me to just hate him. It couldn't have been easy for you to do what you did.", Jessica said as Carrie shrugged.

"It was my job, Jessica. I just did my job."

"Well if you hadn't, I don't know where any of us would even be. Especially Dana."

"Honestly I don't know where I'd be either.", Carrie admitted before she heard a familiar throat clearing, looked up to see Abby arching a brow at her.

"Hang on I'll...I'll be right back."

Nervously approaching a stern looking Abby, she crossed her arms protectively over herself.

"Group started twenty minutes ago, you know."

"I know, I'm sorry, I just, Brody's son. He was just admitted."

"What? What happened?!"

"Him and his stepfather Mike Faber, they were in a car accident. I was going to try and call Brody, let him know what's going on. He deserves to know. Please, Abby."

"Alright, honey. Alright. Go use my office phone but be quick about it."

Thanking her, Carrie was about to walk off but looking over, saw Jessica leaning forward on the bench with her head in her hands.

"Carrie, did you hear me? I said be quick!", Abby exclaimed.

"I know, I just...Chris' mother is over there. I don't think she should be left alone, I-"

"Alright I'll go sit with her. Hurry up though now, c'mon."

Nodding, after reaching the office Carrie picked up the phone, quickly dialed Brody's cell only to get his voicemail. "Shit.", she spat, running a hand through her hair as she paced, shut the door.

"Brody, hey. It's me. Listen I need you to get down to the hospital right away. Jessica's here. Mike Faber was in an accident, him and...and Chris. She said she saw Chris and he's okay, he's in X-ray, but Faber's in surgery and you should really get the fuck down here. Right now, okay? Bye."

Slamming the phone back in the cradle, after composing herself she opened the door, walked back towards the lobby, only to stop short seeing Abby standing by the desk, and Brody standing by the bench where she'd been earlier. He had his right arm around Dana and his left hand on Jessica's cheek before she shook her head and moved closer, leaned against his chest.

Standing still, watching the three of them from a distance Carrie swallowed hard. Her hand absentmindedly going to her belly. She felt like she'd been transported to her living room couch. Like she was back watching the surveillance on the monitors of them as a family. It felt in that second like nothing had changed between now and Brody's homecoming. Like she was still the rogue, loner agent on the outside looking in, looking in on something she shouldn't. As much as she wanted to though, as guilty as she felt standing there, intruding, it was just like before. She couldn't make herself look away.

"Carrie? Carrie?", Abby repeated, tapping her shoulder as she jumped, moved her hand off her stomach.

"You okay, honey?"

"I'm fine. I...I'm fine.", Carrie said, not too convincingly.

"Well c'mon. Let's get you down to group then, okay?", Abby said, frowning curiously at her when she was forced to take her by the arm, almost drag her away from the scene.


	144. Chapter 144

After group let out, heading back towards the lobby, Carrie saw Brody seated on the bench beside Jess and Dana. Instead of getting caught up in watching them again, she was ready to turn around, walk back the way she'd came when she heard her name being called.

"Carrie!"

Closing her eyes, swearing under her breath, knowing she couldn't just keep walking after hearing him call her like that, Carrie swallowed hard, made her way to the bench.

"Hey."

"Hey. Look, I got your message just as Dana drove over to tell me the news. I'm sorry I didn't try to get a hold of you again."

"It's fine, Brody. Really.", Carrie said, crossing her arms protectively over herself.

"Is there any word on Faber? Chris?"

"No. Not yet. We're still waiting.", Jessica said as Carrie nodded.

"Well I'll leave you to it."

"Wait, Carrie..."

"No, Brody. I don't want to intrude."

"Like that's stopped you before.", Dana snorted as Brody turned, glared at her.

"Dana..."

"It's okay. Really, I'm going."

"Carrie, wait. Carrie!", Brody called, getting up and then going after her when she wouldn't turn around.

"Hey, wait! Wait!"

"Brody..."

"You going to make me chase you all over the fucking hospital?", he laughed, but went serious seeing the look on her face.

"Carrie, what-"

"Brody, it's fine. I'm just gonna go back to my room, okay?", Carrie sighed, turning before he put a staying hand on her shoulder, gently turned her towards him.

"Look, if something's making you upset I'm not letting you just walk off before I know what it is!"

"Why are you so concerned about me?!", Carrie snapped, swatting his hand off her shoulder. "Your son and best friend were just in a fucking car crash and your wife and daughter-"

"Jessica's not my wife, Carrie.", Brody reminded as she swallowed hard, looked down and away from him.

"It doesn't matter. She and Dana need you."

"I know they do. But I need  _you_.", he insisted as she blinked back tears, looked up.

"Brody..."

"Carrie, I'm not going back over there unless you come with me. I talked to Abby. She says it's fine."

"I doubt Dana feels the same way.", Carrie snorted.

"Hey, Dana's still my daughter and Jess's daughter. She can say how she feels but we'd don't have to kowtow to her. Not about this. And I talked to Jessica. She told me about the conversation the two of you had."

"Well we're not going to be best friends anytime soon.", she scoffed.

"I know. Shit, I know that. But she appreciated the fact that you tried to help her. Took the time to listen."

"I didn't do that much. And I still don't feel right intruding. This whole thing is clearly a family matter and-"

"Hey. You're my family too. Don't for a fucking second think you're not. Okay?"

When he reached to hold, stroked the side of her face, eyes welling up again Carrie nodded. Rested her hand on the back of his before turning her head, kissing his palm.

"I love you.", she said softly as Brody pulled her tight against his chest.

"I love you too.", he replied just as softly, kissing the top of her head. Ready to walk back with her to the bench, when he saw Jess jump to her feet he turned. Saw the doctor approaching them.

"Dr. Greyson. How are they?" Jessica asked as everyone gathered around, listened in.

"Mike is out of surgery."

"Well is he alright? What's going on with him?", she asked fearfully as Brody reached over, squeezed her shoulder reassuringly.

"Easy. Easy, Jess."

"He fractured his right tibia, and he's broken his sternum. We removed a small bone chip from the tibia fracture during surgery before we casted the leg. His sternum however will eventually heal on its own.", the young blonde said, pushing her dark glasses up more onto her nose.

"He was unconscious though when he was admitted. Chris told me.", Jessica said, voice quivering as the doctor nodded.

"Mike also sustained a concussion in the accident. We're going to closely monitor him over the next twenty four hours."

"But he'll be okay, won't he?"

Nodding again the doctor softly smiled. "The next twenty-four hours are critical. But Mike is strong, he's in good health. We expect he'll make a full recovery."

"What about Chris?", Brody asked nervously. "What's going on with my son?"

Turning to Brody, the doctor's smile didn't fade.

"Chris was very lucky. Aside from a fractured wrist and a cut on his temple that needed some stitching, he's going to be fine."

Nodding, Brody breathed a sigh of relief, prompting Carrie to reach for his hand, run her thumb over his scar.

"Can we see them?", Jessica asked eagerly.

"Chris is in Exam Room B. Just down the hall. Mike though is being brought to recovery so you'll have to wait until he's settled in his room to see him."

Nodding, Jessica thanked the doctor, shook her hand before cutting over to Chris' exam room. When Brody went to do the same Dana shook her head, stepped into his path. "Dad, I think you should hold off on seeing Chris."

"Dana, my son is in the goddamn hospital. I have a right to see for myself how he is!", Brody exclaimed as Carrie frowned nervously, looked between the two of them. Clearing her throat she spoke.

"Look, Dana. I wasn't planning on going in with your dad. I know my being in there would do way more harm than good."

"Carrie, no. I-"

"Brody it's fine.", she cut off. "I mean it. Your son needs you, I-"

"No he actually doesn't. Need you.", Dana said, looking and sounding pained as Brody frowned, looked closely at her.

"He won't want to see you, Dad. Especially now."

"Dana...", Sighing, Brody shook his head. "I know what happened caused a shit ton of damage but-"

"No shit, Dad. It did. Especially to Chris.", Dana sighed.

"I mean, at least I knew and remembered you and a small part of me actually believed you. To Chris you were just a former Marine he barely knew, who shot a deer in front of him, pissed off Mom, punched a reporter in the windpipe and killed two hundred and nineteen people. After the bombing he had to transfer to two different schools. He met with every counselor they had on staff. He quit karate but practically went out looking for fights to get into, and wound up getting the shit kicked out of him on a daily basis. If you could see the way he's been acting since you...you fucked up with him, Dad! You fucked him up!", she cried. It hurt her to say it but she knew Brody needed to hear it. And she judged from the guilt-ridden, hollow look on his face that he had.

Sensing the same thing from him, Carrie reached for, squeezed Brody's hand in an attempt to comfort him.

"Why didn't you tell me all this when we were staying with Rex?", he asked gruffly.

"You mean when you were on fucking deaths door for two days? I didn't think the timing was that great.", Dana snorted as he nodded, met her gaze.

"Look, I don't care if Chris refuses to speak to me, or screams at me, or has security throw me out of his goddamn room. When your only son's in the hospital after getting in a car crash, you make sure that he's fucking okay!", Brody snapped, walking towards the hall Jessica had walked down.

Frowning, Carrie turned, looked at Dana curiously. "How bad is it? With your brother?", she asked, getting a snort as the teenager crossed her arms.

"It's not your level yet but I wouldn't be surprised if it got there."

"My level?", Carrie repeated.

"You're in the fucking psych ward, right?"

"Yeah. I...yeah.", she said softly. "Shit."

Wringing her hands Dana slowly paced in front of the bench. "I know Dad seeing him is just going to set him off.", she muttered, but caught Carrie's attention.

"Set him off?"

"Yeah.", Dana shrugged, sitting. "He goes off on these tears lately. Just gets angry or completely worked up."

"Worked up how?", Carrie asked.

"He just starts ranting. Talking incessantly. Or he won't talk at all. When that happens he holes up in his room and plays fucking Kumba War. Or writes in that stupid journal the first counselor gave him."

Nodding, now Carrie felt the need to sit. "Does that help? When he writes?"

"It didn't help the other day. I came home and there wasn't stuff in the fridge for him to make a sandwich. He looked like he wanted to set the fucking thing on fire."

Involuntarily shuddering hearing that, Carrie swore under her breath, sat forward on the bench to stare at her hands.

"What?", Dana frowned before she stood, seeing Chris, Jessica and Brody reenter the lobby. Chris a few paces ahead. "I just want to see my real dad! Why is that so goddamn difficult to get!"

"Chris!", Jessica scolded as Dana rolled her eyes, marched over to him. "Because your real dad is standing right here, Dorkus! I don't care if you changed your last name or not!", she snapped. But went quiet, solemn seeing Brody's stricken expression. Seeing it too Carrie approached, rubbed his upper arm.

"Hey.", she said softly. "C'mon. We should-"

"Oh, what. You're with her now?", Chris scoffed. "So what? She can spy on and survey us but hey, so long as you can still sleep with her-"

"Hey!", Brody snapped, taking everyone aback but his son. "Say whatever you have to about me but leave Carrie out of it."

"Why should I? Because  _you_  said so?", Chris challenged. Shaking her head Jessica approached, took him aside. "No, because I did.", she snapped before her expression softened, went pleading. "Chris. Please. If Mike was here-"

"You mean  _my_   _dad_."

"If Mike was standing here you know that he-"

"He'd what? Tell me to cool off? Calm down? Christ! If I could don't you think I would have by now!"

Eyeing a chair in the corner, Chris forcefully grabbed it, dragged it away from the wall and sat down. Leaning forward on his knees he tried to breathe in and out, swore, plopped his head in his hands.

Watching the scene from the desk, Kate walked over to Jessica. "Mrs. Faber, is everything-"

When Jessica sniffled, shook her head with her hand clasped over her mouth, nodding Kate crossed the room, knelt down in front of Chris' chair.

"Chris? Is everything alright?"

"It's fine! I...I'm fine!", he spat, running a hand through his hair, over his face before he looked up. Seeing the blonde, when she softly smiled at him Chris' expression softened. His attitude changing considerably.

"You're...you're really pretty. You know that?", he said as Kate bit her lip.

"Chris, I think you should go back to your room. Maybe try and get some sleep. I think Dr. Greyson prescribed you some Ativan to help settle you down?"

"I don't need settling down!", Chris snarled, standing up. "I need  _him_  to leave!", he yelled, looking viciously at Brody before Jessica, Kate moved closer to him. Kate taking hold of his good arm.

"You're not my dad! My dad is the man who got a fractured leg after getting into a fucking accident with me! His name's Mike Faber, and my name's Chris Faber. And you haven't been my father since I was four months old. so leave me the fuck alone!"

Watching, wide eyed as Jessica and Kate forcibly led Chris back to his room, Carrie took hold of Brody's hand again only for him to drop her's, walk off.

"Brody...shit. Brody!"

Calling, ready to run and catch up to him, she stopped short remembering who she was leaving behind. Turning, she saw Dana standing with her back to her and with shaking shoulders.

Knowing she couldn't just leave her standing around beside herself in a place like this, Carrie walked over, gently touched her shoulder as she jumped, turned slightly. "Hey..."

Fully expecting Dana to recoil, fight her off, swear at her or walk away, Carrie was shocked when she did none of the above, but rather turned around and clung onto her. Hid her face in her shoulder as she cried.

"Hey, shhh. It's okay. It..it's okay.", Carrie said softly, stroking her hair. Adjusting to the surrealness of it all by imagining she was comforting a distraught Farrah, instead of a teenager who had long hated her guts. Or at least strongly disliked them.

When Dana composed herself somewhat, pulled back, Carrie pulled back in turn. Not wanting to linger and risk embarrassing Dana, or drawing more attention to the situation. She also knew the two of them needed to go and resolve another one elsewhere.

"C'mon. We should go find your dad.", she said. All the while, with Chris' outburst replaying on loop in her mind, Carrie made a mental note to try and call her's.


	145. Chapter 145

"You know this hospital isn't that small, right?", Dana snorted, walking alongside Carrie down another hallway. They'd asked Ava at the desk, Abby, a security guard and any other staff Carrie knew if they'd seen Brody, but so far they'd come up empty on leads. All they did know was his car was still parked in the front lot.

"Look, unless you have some sixth sense when it comes to my dad, we're not going to find him just wandering aimlessly like this."

"Don't you think I know that?!", Carrie scoffed, slowing her pace before looking down the hall, then over her shoulder. Making sure no one else was around before reaching into her hair for a bobby pin.

"Okay, what are you doing? Are you even allowed to-"

"Shh!", Carrie hissed. "Just shut up for a second."

Subtly removing the pin she used it to jimmy the lock, standing in a way that she could conceal the knob. Quietly opening the door she slipped inside the small room. Dragging Dana in by the arm when she didn't join her right away.

"Hey! Jesus, that hurt!", Dana whined, then watched as Carrie flicked on a lamp on the desk, revealing four computer monitors positioned on it.

"Shit. How did you even-"

"Snuck out of my room my first night here. Got the lay of the land.", Carrie said, trying to turn the monitors on only to realize the powerstrip they were connected to wasn't lit up. Shifting off of the chair she crawled underneath the desk.

"Hey, I-"

"What the- _Ow!_  Fuck!", she groaned, after sitting up too quickly and hitting her head under the desk. Rubbing the lump already starting to form, she shook her head, glared up at Dana.

"I'm sorry."

"What could be so fucking urgent to say to me that you couldn't wait until I was out from underneath the desk?!"

"I thought I heard something."

"You  _thought_  or you  _did_?"

"I don't fucking know!", Dana said defensively as Carrie rolled her eyes, flicked the powerstrip on before surfacing.

"So should they be going on by now or what?"

Pulling the keyboard out, Carrie entered a series of commands on it, drummed her fingers. "This system takes fucking forever. If my friend Virgil was here he'd be flipping a shit."

"More than you are right now?", Dana snorted, earning another glare. "What are you even trying to accomplish anyway?"

"I'm trying to get these monitors up and running so we can see the surveillance feed. There's cameras all over this fucking hospital. If your dad's still here, we'll find him."

"He could have left by now at this rate."

"He's still here.", Carrie said knowingly.

"How do you-"

"He's still here. When he's stressed or shuts down he secludes himself. I know, I've seen it. And I doubt after what happened he felt up to driving."

Punching in another command on the keyboard, Carrie pulled up a screen asking for a passcode.

"Well shit.", Dana scoffed. "There goes our chance at pulling up the fe-"

Trailing off when Carrie cracked the password after two tries, Dana looked at her in awe. "How did you-"

"After a demotion at Langley, I was sent to the basement cubicles. Had to shadow colleagues who worked on the tech floor.", Carrie snorted. "Their job was to keep tabs on suspicious hackers, interpret chatter. See if any of it fell in hotzones, was connected to terrorist activity. Watching them work was boring as shit but I picked up some skills."

"How? You made friends with NSA freaks?"

"I fucked three of them.", Carrie shrugged, getting a laugh.

"Seriously?"

"It was the only way I could get any of them talking to me about their work. This one guy Josh was the biggest fucking nerd. But he taught me how to hack into almost anything password protected."

"Remind me to change mine when I get home.", Dana shuddered, kneeling next to Carrie's chair.

Once getting into the feed, Carrie's eyes flitted between the four monitors and the four panels on each showing a certain room or floor. But she realized she was only seeing half the total locations. Hearing footsteps approaching, then voices, when Dana tightly gripped her arm she started to panic slightly.

"Okay, someone is definitely coming."

"Shit...fucking, shit." Frantically tapping the arrow keys on the keyboard to pull up other feeds and rooms, Carrie bit her lip, not spotting Brody anywhere yet.

"Shit. Can you pull up a list of all the rooms with cameras?"

"I...I don't know, I. Fuck!"

"God! Weren't you the fucking deputy director or something!", Dana sputtered. "If you don't figure out where Dad is in like the next thirty seconds, I-"

"Shut up! I got it! I...I got it."

Scanning the list of surveyed areas in and on the grounds of the hospital, with none of them jumping out at her Carrie broke into a sweat, bit her lip as she kept scrolling.

"Wait, go back up!", Dana yelled, pointing to the center of the list.

"The chapel? What-"

"C'mon, it's quiet, secluded. Pull up the fucking feed!"

Doing so, Carrie squinted, then nodded, laughed seeing the footage from a camera mounted in the chapel ceiling. Zooming in using the keyboard controls, she saw Brody wedged between the last pew and the back wall. Knees hugged to his chest as he sat on the carpeted floor.

Smile fading at the state he was in, Carrie's heart broke in half. Distracted, she didn't realize that Dana had crawled under the desk and flicked off the powerstrip until all the screens went dark.

"Jesus Christ, Dana! What the-"

"Look, you can either sit here, play voyeur and relive your earliest days with my Dad, or you can come to the chapel with me and fucking help him. Your choice."

Flicking off the desk lamp, Carrie stood up, pressed her ear against the door to check if anyone was outside.

"Is anyone-"

"Damn it, Dana!", she hissed, reaching back to clasp a hand over the teenager's mouth. Opening the door a crack, seeing the coast was clear, dragging Dana out of the room they ducked into a nearby alcove.

"I'm sorry for silencing you.", Carrie said, crossing her arms.

"Well I think I bruised your arm back there so, call it even?", Dana snorted.

Rolling her eyes Carrie nodded, turned down the hallway, then motioned for Dana to follow her. "C'mon. Chapel's this way."

"How do you know? You go there to pray or something?"

"I go there to think. It's calm. Helps me deal with things better."

"By  _things_  you mean.."

"Not seeing Farrah. Mostly."

"You can call her though, right?"

"Yeah. If I sneak into an office or con a nurse out of her cellphone.", Carrie scoffed.

"Is Farrah dealing with things okay?"

"When I talk to her she seems fine.", she shrugged, her eyes clouding over. "I don't know though. I was so fucking worried about her missing me. Now I'm worried that she doesn't anymore."

"She misses you."

"You don't know-"

"She's as old as I was when my dad loaded out. She misses you. Even if she doesn't say it all the time. ", Dana muttered, crossing her arms as they walked. Carrie did the same.

"Thank you.", she said sincerely, then nodded to the sign marking the chapel.

Slowly opening the door she saw it was unoccupied. Aside from the man she knew was still seated in the corner. Motioning for Dana to follow her inside, the teenager did so, slowly closed the door behind her so it didn't slam.

"Brody?", Carrie called, making her way towards the pews. Peering over them she saw him pressed between the back of the last one and the wall, and that his position hadn't changed.

Slowly she approached then knelt down near him. Brody was turned away, knees still hugged to his chest and his cheek pressed against the wall. But he could see her blonde hair in his peripherals.

"Hey. I finally found you.", she smiled softly, not getting a response. Reaching over she rubbed his shoulder, the nape of his neck.

"Brody, it's just me, okay? And Dana. The two of us just wanted to find you."

Still not getting a response Dana moved closer, made sure she was in Brody's line of sight. "Dad? I'm sorry. I should've told you before about Chris. I...I can try and talk to him, I-"

"It's alright, Dana.", Brody whispered, not meeting her gaze.

"No, it's not alright! None of this is fucking alright! I-"

"Dana come with me, c'mon.", Carrie coaxed. After reassuring Brody she'd be right back she led the teenager to the opposite side of the chapel.

"I just fucking hate this! Seeing him like-"

"Shh, I know. I know. Look, I shouldn't have asked you to...you don't have to be here."

"But I-"

"Dana, I'm serious. I..." Interrupted by a phone buzzing, Dana rolled her eyes, took it out of her bag.

"Mom just texted me. She got in to see Mike."

"Go be with her then. It's fine. I...I got this."

"Can you call me when he's...he's got my number, I-"

"Of course.", Carrie assured as Dana nodded, turned to leave.

"Dana, wait. I.."

"What is it?"

"Thanks. For all your help. I mean it."

Nodding again, Dana stepped out as Carrie walked back to and crouched in front of Brody, rubbed his knee.

"How is..."

"She's fine. She...she's okay."

"She shouldn't have been here.", Brody muttered.

"She wanted to know where you were. So did I!"

"I just needed some space." he said numbly as Carrie went from a crouching to sitting position. Still right in front of him. Seeing him so despondent was breaking her heart but she couldn't bring herself to leave.

"Hey...do you remember that day at the parade? When you found me in that alley?", she asked. When he didn't respond she swallowed hard, kept speaking.

"I was scared shitless, completely stressed out over Farrah. You found me and sat with me. You stayed. Told me that I was safe. You kept me  _sane_. For a little while anyway.", she lightly laughed, wiping her eyes with her free hand.

"I know you're scared and stressed out. You feel like you failed Chris. Same as I felt like I failed Farrah."

"It's not the same thing, Carrie.", Brody sighed.

"It's pretty close." Sadly Carrie reached for, squeezed his hand.  
"Brody please. I hate to fucking see you like this. I-"

"Nobody said that you had to find me."

" _I_  said that I had to.", she spat. "And Dana agreed. Jesus Christ! You couldn't expect to just leave like you did and have nobody give a shit!"

"Chris asked me to leave."

"I know. But I'm asking you to stay."

"I'm right here, Carrie." Brody said softly, still not meeting her gaze as she shook her head.

"No. You're not."

When he didn't make a move or a sound or give her a look to suggest otherwise, snorting Carrie wiped her eyes, stood up.

Going to walk past him though she stopped short when Brody reached up, wrapped one arm around her waist then the other. Clinging onto her seemingly for dear life. His cheek pressed into her middle.

"Don't leave.", he said gruffly, so quietly she didn't hear him at first.

Nodding though she looked down, gently ran her hand through his hair. Stood silently in place until he apologized, let go of her.

"Don't. It's okay." , Carrie whispered. Sitting back down on the carpet, legs outstretched she nodded for him to sit down with her. Then was surprised when he lay down on his side, rested his head on her lap. His complete vulnerability in that moment would've worried her if she didn't know it was completely justified. Stroking his hair she watched him, waiting until he drifted off before letting her eyes close too.


	146. Chapter 146

The first to wake, Brody forget for a moment where he was, how the fuck he'd gotten there, until it registered that his head was in Carrie's lap and they were on the carpeted chapel floor. Seeing an orangey glow coming through the stained glass window, he realized they'd been asleep for awhile. The sun was already starting to set.

"Carrie. Hey, Carrie.", he said, gently shaking her shoulder after sitting up. He was worried she'd get into trouble for being out of her room so long, but he hated disturbing her when she looked so peaceful.  
  
When she let out a soft groan, adjusted herself against the wall and curled her arm more around her belly, his feelings tripled.

"Carrie. Care..eee.", he sang before moving closer, kissing the side of her face, her lips. Knowing if that didn't wake her he was doing something wrong.

"Open your eyes, love. C'mon." Budding his nose against her's, he smiled when her eyes fluttered open, focused on his. "Hey."

"Hi.", Carrie mumbled, rubbing her eyes before they darted around, surveyed the space. "We slept."

"How observant of you.", he teased, getting a glare. "It's okay though. We've had a long fucking day."

"Yeah." Nodding Carrie stretched her neck, looked behind her at the window. "Shit. It's almost over. Gonna be dark soon."

"I tell you, you and those observations."

"Shut up.", she spat, hitting him on the arm. The movement though caused something to almost slip from her sweatshirt pocket. Before Brody could see the small envelope though she concealed it, stood up.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?"

"Away from the Marine that's mocking me."

Smirking, Brody watched curiously as she crossed the chapel, approached a table near the altar with rows of candles arranged on it. Then frowned when she reached for a long match to light one.

"What's that for? Or who's it for, rather?", he asked, standing up.

"Hey, you know I'm not religious.", Carrie scoffed.

"Well I wasn't either until my fucking world imploded.", Brody replied, approaching her as she lit one of the candles.

"Guess this is a superstitious way of making sure mine doesn't." Shrugging, she blew out the match before discarding it.

"It won't, okay. It won't.", Easing his arms around Carrie's waist, Brody kissed the top of her head.

"Well maybe I'm making sure yours doesn't again either.", she said softly, turning around in his arms to face him as he sighed.

"Listen, Carrie..I know everything with Chris..."

"No, Brody, you don't-"

"Look, if I didn't know how much I fucked up with him already, today solidified it.", he said bitterly. Sitting down on the closest pew Carrie shrugged, sat down next to him.

"Dana said she'd try talking to him.", Carrie reminded. "Maybe once Faber recuperates he won't be as riled up. More receptive towards you."

"Maybe. But who knows. Today just..."

"Yeah. But things may have to get worse before they can get better.", she shrugged. Thinking about everything she'd seen from Chris and how it reminded her way too much of outbursts that she'd seen from her dad, that she'd had herself.   
  
Part of her felt like she should clue Brody into that. Or into another fear that had crossed her mind, scared her awake and into a cold sweat. But instead she stayed quiet, held his hand a little tighter.

"Carrie?"

"Yeah, what?"

"I asked you if you were alright and you didn't answer. Just took a death grip on my hand.", Brody said, looking at her with concern as she swallowed hard, let go.

"Look, I apologize for what Chris was saying about you.", he said. "His anger was aimed at me. He has no reason to hate you. If it shook you up, I-"

"It didn't. He can feel however he fucking wants to about me. I just, the  _way_  he was acting reminded me-"

"Of what?"

"Nothing. I...nothing.", Carrie dodged, catching a look.

"You're being evasive."

"Yeah well, I'm fucking trained to be.", she scoffed as he moved closer, turned her face towards his. When he saw her eyes clouded over his concern tripled.

"Carrie..."

"There just was something that crossed my mind. Af...after the sonogram."

"What?"

"The very real chance that the baby winds up having my illness.", she said softly before shuddering.

"Carrie, you don't...you won't know that until-"

"Until they're older, I know."

Seeing how shaken she was talking about this, when she stood up, started pacing Brody anticipated it, got into her path.

"Hey...hey. Take it easy, it's okay."

"No! It's not-"

"Did anything pop up during the sonogram that worried the doctor?", he cut off. "Any abnormalities or things like that?"

"No.", Carrie shrugged. "Dr. Addison said the baby was perfectly healthy. That things looked good."

"Then focus on that. Look, if the baby winds up having your condition we'll be equipped to deal with it. Look at all the resources you've got, everything you already know firsthand. You think I haven't done some research on it too?"

"Wait, what?", she frowned.

"You remember how you said back when we were separated you did research on Islam? Said it was a way you were keeping me close?", Brody asked, getting a nod. "Well you can find books on bipolar disorder in Europe too."

"So you actually..."

"I was curious. And I figured knowing more about it would keep me from being scared off by it.", he shrugged.

"This is something we can manage if we have to, Carrie. It's not something I want keeping you up at night."

"Unfortunately that's something I'm just used to.", Carrie sighed, stepping around him.

"Carrie. For Christ's sake, I-"

"Look I'm sorry you can't just talk me down about this, but buying a few books on bipolar disorder isn't the same as dealing with it on a goddamn daily basis!", she snapped as she turned around, taking him aback.

"You're right, I know too fucking much about it firsthand. First from my father and then from my final year of college when I almost flunked out after my fucking flight. I know what it did to my family. And that until you I was content going the rest of my life without having one. But now we're fifteen weeks in and with a  _fifty fifty chance_  that the baby will have this bullshit to deal with when they're about the age of your son. And after seeing how much his outburst affected you? Seeing it scare you, shut you down, send you running the fuck away?"

Voice cracking Carrie shook her head. "Better to a chapel though than a fucking convenience store. Right?", she scoffed, squeezing her eyes shut against tears as she swore under her breath.

"Hey..hey!" Getting to his feet Brody turned her around and towards him.

"Carrie look at me. Look at me, goddammit!", he growled.

Doing so Carrie's eyes were narrowed, flashing with unshed tears while Brody's stormed over.

"And listen because I'm only going to say this to you once.", he said before taking a breath, lowering his voice slightly.

"I'm not running out on you, or Farrah, or our baby. I love him or her, Farrah, and you more than my own fucking life. And I've already lost enough. Whatever the fuck happens we'll deal with it. You and me. Same as we've dealt with every other fucked up thing that's come between us. You can try to push me away to protect me and you and us from your condition, but it's not gonna work.

I don't give a shit if you go into a flight and have a psychotic break or if you get so depressed you can't leave the fucking couch. I'll fucking stay with you. I'll help you and try to learn from it, so if someday our son or daughter has to deal with the bullshit that you do, I'll know how to help them too. However I fucking can.", he insisted as she scoffed, crossed her arms and looked down and away from him.

"You know that I'm not your mom who stopped giving a shit and left you behind by choice. I know that I'm not much but I'm better than  _that_. Because of  _you_ I know I'm better than that. And don't you dare imply because I was unprepared to handle Chris today that I'm gonna run out on him to the furthest fucking CVS. I've had plenty of things to be scared of in my life but a boy who I love isn't one of them. You of all fucking people ought to know that."   
  
Shaking his head bitterly he turned on his heel, headed to the door.

"Where the fuck are you going?!", Carrie spat.

"Take a fucking guess!"

Watching him leave, chin quivering she sniffed back tears. "Fuck. FUCK!", she choked out, sinking back onto the pew.

Seeing as nobody else was around she lay down on it, stretching her legs as she ran a hand through her hair. Forced herself to take deep breaths. With the entire ugly exchange replaying on loop in her mind, she knew that Brody had valid points, reasons to be frustrated. But going after him now with both their tempers so high wouldn't accomplish much, aside from her stress level going through the roof. There was also her pride to think about too.

Reaching into her sweatshirt pocket she pulled out the small square shaped envelope, tore the seal to take out the sonogram photo. Dr. Addison had made sure to choose an angle that didn't give anything away about the sex, knowing Brody wouldn't want to be spoiled about anything. Knowing though she'd spoiled things enough tonight she shoved the picture back in her pocket, curled up in a small ball on the too narrow bench.


	147. Chapter 147

Awoken by a buzzing sound Carrie frowned, looked to her right to see Brody's phone vibrating at the far end of the pew. Shifting over, picking it up to silence it, she realized Farrah was trying to call and hurriedly answered.

"Nick! Josie ask if I want to stay and watch movie and eat ice cream with her but Mag say I have to call first so I call and I ask and-"

"Farrah! Honey, slow down, okay.", Carrie laughed.

"CARRIE?! Why you use Nick's phone?"

"It's a long story. I...it doesn't matter though, you have my word.", she sniffed. "How are you?"

"I good! Last week, at Pete's house, me and J.J, we fight! With...light sticks."

"Light sticks? Honey, do you mean glow sticks?"

"No! Pete say they from Star War."

"Star War...Star Wars? Oh, you mean light sabers?!"

"Yes! That is them!", Farrah cheered as Carrie smirked. Picturing Quinn running around in a backyard light saber duel with his kid.  
"I win."

"You did?! Good job!", she laughed, but then frowned sensing even through the phone the girl wasn't thrilled.

"Farrah? Aren't you happy that you won?"

"No. I make J.J sad."

"Sweetheart, look. I know J.J's your friend and that he wanted to win, but don't apologize or feel bad because you did. Okay? If you played fair that's all that counts."

"You happy when you win fight with Nick?", Farrah asked curiously as Carrie's smile faded.

"Not really, no.", she shrugged before hearing Josie yell for Farrah across the house.

"I be there soon!", Farrah yelled back.

"Honey listen. Is Frank, is my dad there?"

"No. He out. I tell him though to call Nick's phone?"

"Yeah, that..that'd be great, sweetheart. Thanks."

"Carrie, I sorry but I have-"

"I know, go watch the movie, Farrah. It's fine. I love you."

"I love you too! Bye!"

When the line went dead Carrie wiped her eyes then stood up. Thinking by being up and awake she probably ought to get back to her room sometime tonight. On the walk to the elevator though, seeing a sign for Exam Room B she bit her lip, peered in the window.

Sure enough Brody was sitting in a chair in the corner of Chris' room, sleepily watching him sleep. Part of her wanted to go in there and clear the air and hold him. But same as she'd felt earlier in the lobby, she felt stuck. Trapped on the outside looking in. Only this time she was in a trap of her own making. Her own fears and doubts morphing into a full scale attack back in the chapel that not surprisingly put him on the defensive.

Shaking her head, kicking herself for letting it get to that point she headed towards to the elevator only to hear more buzzing, looking to see another call coming in.

"Hey, Dad.", she smiled.

"Hey! How's my girl? Those quacks in there had better be treating you right or so fucking help me..."

Hearing her sniff back tears on the other end, Frank's heart tore in half.

Meanwhile, having left Chris' room to stretch his legs, hearing Carrie's voice Brody paused before he turned the corner. Saw her sitting on a bench across from the elevator.

When he saw her wipe her eyes, heard the crack in her voice and who she was speaking to, guilt sank in and he sighed, shook his head. Her being frantic but forthcoming about the bipolar and him yelling at her as opposed to consoling her. Of course she'd seek out someone who understood, would be sympathetic.  
  
Not wanting to risk her seeing him eavesdropping, she'd seen enough from him tonight already, he quietly retreated back to Chris' room. Shutting the door behind him.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?", Frank asked.

"Well, I had a sonogram today."

"I know, your sister told me. So are things going well with my grandkid?"

"Yeah. For now anyway.", Carrie sighed. Knowing what she meant by that Frank sighed.

"Carrie, c'mon. You don't know for sure that he or she's gonna have what-"

"There's a fifty fifty chance, Dad. And I just blew up at Brody about it."

"Hey, if that fucker thinks he can just take a hike when he's gotten himself knee deep in this with you!"

"He didn't say that, Dad. He said we'd deal with it together if it happens. That he's not going anywhere. But Mom said she'd be gone only for ten minutes and look how that fucking worked out!", she snorted, wiping her eyes again.

"Sweetheart, you know my thoughts about Nick. Now he's not the fucking son I never had by any stretch, but he's also not one of the average assholes I'm used to seeing traipse in and out of your life. I know you love him and he seems to care quite a bit for you. But if you go into this with him  _expecting_  him to bail and break your heart he'll probably wind up doing it."

"But Dad-"

"Your mother did a number on all of us, I'm not denying that. But so help me, if you let her choice cost you a chance at being happy..."

Swallowing hard Carrie wiped her eyes again.

"I know. I'm just scared, Dad."

"I know you are.", Frank sighed sadly. "But, I have to ask. Did something else trigger all this in you? Besides my grandkid smiling for the camera for the first time?"

"Brody's son Chris was admitted today. He got into a car crash with his stepdad.", Carrie sighed.

"Jesus. Was he hurt?"

"Not that badly. But his behavior brought back some bad memories."

"Wait. You're not saying-"

"Dad, how old were you when you started, you know..showing signs?"

"You're making it sound like I turned into the fucking Incredible Hulk, sweetheart.", Frank snorted.  
"Look, I get you're concerned. But I think you're reaching here."

"Look, if anyone fucking knows about this it's you and-"

"I know. I know. But just because you and I deal with it doesn't make us experts. And besides, look where you are right now. Your disease is frontburner, on your mind most of the time. It makes sense you'd be seeing indicators of it everywhere you look. Maybe this Chris is just a typical moody brat without a mood disorder."

"Maybe. You might be right, I don't...I don't know. All I know was how torn up Brody was about all of it."

"And after seeing that, you started thinking how he'll react down the road if your kid shows signs of something. There's no way of knowing that sweetheart, not unless you got a crystal ball. And it may be a logical thought to jump to, but I doubt jumping will get you anywhere good."

"So basically pursuing this would be-"

"Thinking it'd be a good idea to clear the fridge and set it on fire.", Frank said knowingly. "Unless you want to torch everything you've done so far."

"I'd just assume avoid that."

"Good choice. And you know if I were you, I'd share this with Abby and all those other whackjobs-"

"Dad!"

"Sorry. All those other folks you sit in a circle with, and once it's out of your system don't let it leave that room. No need to go making trouble where there doesn't need to be any."

"Hey, remember who you're talking to.", Carrie laughed.

"I'm talking to my little girl, who's only focus ought to be getting herself and my grandkid the fuck out of that place. And getting a good night's sleep."

"Okay, I...Okay. Thanks, Dad. I-"

"I love you too, sweetheart. Sleep tight."

After hanging up, slowly getting to her feet Carrie went to slip the phone in her pocket, go back to her room. But feeling the envelope still in her pocket she thought better of it, quietly made her way back towards Exam Room B.

Brody had conked out in the too small arm chair, that Carrie realized he'd moved between the door and the bed. The way it and he were angled, it looked as if he was trying to guard Chris as he slept. The sight was enough to make her melt. And tear up if she hadn't been so fucking sick of crying.

Careful not to disturb him, she quietly took his coat off the closet knob where it was hanging, then slipped the phone and the photo in the inside pocket of it. Afterwards she knelt down beside the chair, brushed some hair off his face before kissing his bristly cheek. Gently enough so he didn't even stir as she stood back up, exited the room before quickly returned to her's.

 


	148. Chapter 148

The next morning, wanting to get out of Chris' room before the boy woke up and saw him, Brody got up from the chair before it dawned on him his phone was no longer in the back pocket of his jeans. Realizing the only place he could have left it was in the chapel, he went to get his jacket off the closet knob, only to find something in one of its pockets.

Frowning he reached in and not only located his phone, but an envelope too. Ducking into the hallway, shutting Chris' door behind him, he opened the envelope and a huge grin filled his face.

"Holy shit!" he laughed. Not able to make out all the details but not caring in the least. After tucking the photo in his wallet he took out the phone. Seeing a new received and a new outgoing call, he assumed Carrie had found/returned the phone and placed the sonogram photo in beside it. Brody could only hope it was serving as an olive branch of sorts. Their argument last night was still tearing him up.

Passing Dana in the hallway, who told him she was meeting Jessica's mom down in Chris' room, Brody was even more grateful he'd opted to leave when he had. And was relieved he was free to see Carrie without worrying about who was sitting with his son.

Once getting to the right hallway, looking in the window he saw Carrie was rolled over on her side, asleep. Brody was tempted to run down to the cafeteria, get them some breakfast, but at the same time wanted to be there when she opened her eyes.

Seeing a woman stroll by with a cart he realized he'd caught a lucky break. At least he could buy some snacks now without having to make a special trip.

Running over, he caught up to her before she turned the corner. "Excuse me, ma'am?!"

"Yes?", Frances asked, turning around.

"How much for two of those candy bars, two apples, some water bottles, a paper, and that pack of muffins? Oh, and those croissants over there too."

"You're going to clean me out!", she laughed, getting him the items. After he thanked, paid her, ran back to Carrie's room, watching him look in the window Frances smiled. He looked like a teenager with his first crush.

When he ran back over to her cart though, she frowned.

"Sorry, one more thing. You don't by chance have any flowers?"

Bending to open the storage compartment at the base of the cart, Frances grabbed a small bouquet with sunflowers, daisies, and a few wildflowers scattered throughout, handing it to him.

"These are perfect! Thanks.", Brody smiled. "How much do I owe you?"

"Take them. It's fine."

"No, thank you but I can't just-"

"Please. Consider it a gift."

Laughing, Brody thanked her, kissed her on the cheek before cutting back over to Carrie's room. Blushing, holding her face Frances smiled, watched him go inside before moving her cart to the elevator. Needing to restock it.

Taking one of the sunflowers from the bouquet, sitting in the chair beside her bed Brody grinned, gently bopped Carrie on the nose with it. Her face scrunched up before her eyes fluttered open, getting her resembling some Disney woodland creature before she frowned at him.

"What the-"

"Hey.", Brody laughed.

"Did you just wake me up by hitting me with a fucking daisy?"

"Sunflower, actually.", he corrected, waving it in front of her before she reached, took hold if it. "And it worked, didn't it?"

Rolling her eyes Carrie shook her head, blushed. "You're such a dork."

"I know. I...I know.", he said, smile fading as she chewed her lip, looked nervously at him.

"Brody, I-"

"I'm sorry.", he blurted out, wanting to be the one to say it first.

"Hey-"

"No, I fucked up. Yelling, running out when you were just trying to...I shouldn't have. I felt fucking horrible all night."

"Well you wouldn't have run if I hadn't forced it. I put you on the defensive. I shouldn't have..." Trailing off Brody nodded, hugged her. Hid his face in her neck.

"Fighting with you's like fighting with myself.", he said gruffly.

"Well we are pretty alike.", Carrie acknowledged, stroking his hair.

"But at least there's a perk to all our explosive arguments."

"What's that?", he asked, pulling back as she smirked, bopped his nose with the flower.

"Hey! What the-"

Interrupting him with a kiss Carrie grinned before pulling back slightly, budding her nose with his.

"We can graduate to make up sex.", she whispered, getting him grinning.

"Is that right?", Brody grinned.

Nodding, resuming the kiss, she pulled him back with her against the pillows before he broke free of her lips, nuzzled her neck. Hoping she wouldn't object to him not having shaved yet this morning. When she pulled away, he worried that she had until she nodded to his phone buzzing in his jacket pocket.

"Shit. Sorry.", Sitting up he pulled out the phone as Carrie reached for the food he'd brought in, tore open the bag of croissants.

"Want one?", she asked between bites as Brody shook his head, put his phone back.

"It's Jessica. Mike's awake. She wants me to-"

"It's fine, go ahead.", Carrie said, tossing him one of the apples. "One for the road?"

"I'd prefer this." Grinning Brody leaned in, kissed her again.

"Save me a muffin though, okay?", he asked as she smirked.

"Maybe if you're lucky, Sergeant."

Rolling his eyes he kissed her once more, took the apple and buffed it on his collar before tossing it in the air, walking out and to the stairwell. Once reaching the right floor he turned, saw Jessica pacing back and forth in the hallway. Frowning, concerned that she wasn't in with Faber he approached, tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hey. What's going on? I-"

Thrown when she walked up, hugged him tightly, Brody gently kissed the top of her head, rubbed her back. "Easy. It's okay. It's okay."

Exiting the break room after restocking her cart, Frances turned the corner, then stopped short seeing a familiar redhead with his arms around an unfamiliar brunette. Eyes narrowing in a glare she turned her cart around. Cutting over to the elevator, she angrily punched the button to call it all the while standing impatiently, shaking her head in disbelief.


	149. Chapter 149

"Hey, what the fuck is going on?", Brody asked fearfully as Jessica nervously stepped back from the hug. "You just told that me Faber was awake, I thought..."

"I'm sorry. He's doing better. He did wake up. But he was so disoriented, out of it. Before they kicked me out of his room he didn't even know who I was.", she sighed as he shook his head, softly smiled.

"Jess, c'mon. You've known Faber as long as I have. He takes a two hour nap in the afternoon and he's useless the rest of the day. You throw some painkillers into the mix too...?"

Laughing lightly she nodded, backed up entirely. "You're right. It's our backyard barbeques all over again. Only substitute the keg for Tylenol and codeine."

"Exactly. The guy's never done well with depressants.", Brody smirked, then caught a look from her.

"What's that look?"

"What's with the apple?"

"Nothing. Bought it off a magazine cart. You want it? Comes prebuffed and without any substantial bites taken out of it."

"Thanks but I'll pass.", Jessica smiled.

"Any changes with Chris?", Brody asked.

"My mom's down visiting him now with Dana. Her and I talked to him last night though for awhile. He apologized to us."

"And everything's okay?", he asked skeptically as she frowned.

"Not one hundred percent, Brody. I mean even not being in a hospital our son is a full blown moody teenager. Just think of you at that age."

"I'd rather not. Thanks.", he smirked before going solemn.

"Dana told me what he's been up against though. Transferring schools, seeing all the counselors, the fighting."

"He's turned a corner because of Mike.", Jessica said curtly. "You know that when they got in the accident it was because they were on their way to re-enroll him in karate?", she said as he shook his head.

"No. I didn't."

"Look Brody, let's face it. What you did-"

"I know everything I did, Jess." Brody cut off, then took a breath to keep from snapping further. "I know that Chris wants nothing to do with me. I just want to, I have to make sure that he's-"

"He's had a rough time.", Jessica interrupted. "He's had a rough time, and yesterday wasn't a good day. But after Chris sees Mike and sees for himself that he's doing better it will help him. A lot."

"I know. I'm sure it will.", Brody said softly. "I know the two of you are undoing a lot of damage."

"We are. But it's coming along, okay?"

"Okay. I believe you."

Bowing his head he wiped the apple off on his shirt, took a bite. Once finished chewing he spoke again.

"Look, I know you two have got it covered but I just...you know Carrie's met with a lot of shrinks. Right now she's in treatment at this hospital, and there's a woman she introduced me to. Her name's Abby. She's more of a liaison for people being treated, but I know she's a good listener, has worked with patients for years. She's helped Carrie out a lot. If you and Faber want I can try and see if she'd be willing to sit down with-"

"No, Brody.", Jessica refused. "I understand where you're coming from but it's being handled. Alright? I'd rather not keep Chris here any longer than needed."

Solemn now, Brody nodded, bowed his head. "Okay."

"I didn't mean for that to sound so harsh, I just...the sooner we get things back to normal for him the better-"

"No Jessica, I understand. I do."

When she moved closer, lifted his chin he sadly met her gaze. Saw her giving him a watery smile as she moved her hand away.

"I know these weren't the ideal circumstances but I'm glad we had the chance to talk. To see each other."

"Yeah. Me too."

"You look good, Sergeant Brody."

"I still have nothing on you though.", Brody said playfully, getting her blushing. "And neither does Faber. The asshole lucked out, that's for sure.", he smirked as she laughed.

"You know he and I have..."

"Yeah, Dana showed me a picture. Violet's her name, right?"

"Yeah. For Mike's-"

"Nana Violet. I remember. Good thing it wasn't a boy or he would've been named for his Grandpa Herman.", Brody snorted as Jessica rolled her eyes.

"No. I vetoed that pretty quickly.", she chuckled. "I heard that you and Carrie are-"

"Yeah. Got the sonogram photo in my wallet.", Brody smiled.

"Congratulations. You know she's lucked out too."

"I wouldn't go that far, Jess.", he said bashfully.

"Brody she's almost four months pregnant and barely looks it. She may as well have won the damn lottery.", Jessica said bitterly, getting him laughing.

"I'm glad for you both though. I'm glad that she came through for you."

"Me too. But she's not the only one.", Brody said as she nodded in understanding.

"When Dana told me what she actually did on her college trip I was completely...I wanted to be furious but I couldn't."

Growing emotional now it was his turn to nod.

"If it hadn't have been for her, I-"

"I know. Our little girl.", Jessica said. When her wistful smile went serious though, Brody frowned at her.

"What's with the look? Is something going on with Dana too, or-"

"No. It's not that, it's just...there's another reason Mike drove all the way here."

"To take Chris to karate, I-"

"No. Not just that. He was going to talk to Lauder too. For hopefully the final time."

"Final time? What does that mean? Lauder and Faber are fucking joined at the hip.", Brody snorted.

"Not since three months ago.", Jessica shuddered, getting a concerned look.

"Why? What happened?"

"I..."

"C'mon, talk to me."

"Lauder's been coming by the house in Charleston. The last few times he was completely drunk. Mike's usually handled it, gotten him to sober up. But I was home alone with Violet last weekend. Lauder burst in and I tried talking to him but he didn't hear a word. All he did was keep ranting and raving at me. He threw a chair! I wound up locking myself with the baby in the bedroom. I was scared to death!"

"Jesus, Jess." Shaking his head Brody swore, ran a hand over his face.

"After I told Mike he said he'd cut him off. Threaten him with a restraining order if he didn't keep his distance."

"Shit. I'd fucking do it anyway just to be on the safe side. After what he...never mind.", he said, thinking he best spare her the details.

"Brody I know what he...Dana told us. About what happened at the hunting lodge.", Jessica said softly as his eyes iced over.

"If he's still out for blood he should just fucking find me then.", Brody growled.

"And what?! Get even more of it from you?!", she exclaimed.

"Look, I may not be Jessica Brody anymore but I'm allowed to be concerned when a drunk with a chip on his shoulder is making threats or making people feel threatened. Lauder may feel he's completely justified in targeting you, but I've had enough of goddamn bricks being tossed through windows! Mine or anyone else's."

"Jess, I-"

"I wouldn't wish what we dealt with after the bombing on anyone. Not you, not Carrie, not my worst goddamn enemy."

"Sara Goodman.", Brody interjected.

"What?"

"Sara Goodman, she was your worst enemy. Back in high school when she got you kicked off the cheerleading squad? Then she became PTA president?", he reminded as she laughed, rolled her eyes.

"Against everyone's wishes. She was a piece of work.", Jessica grimaced before going serious again.

"I just want you to take care of yourself, Brody. Especially with Carrie and the baby."

"And Farrah, don't forget Farrah.", Brody added.

"Yeah, Dana told me about her too. She sounds like a sweet little girl."

"She's one of the good ones, that's for sure.", he smiled before his phone buzzed in his pocket. Pulling it out he opened the new text message.

"Speaking of which...shit, I have to get her at Maggie's. Take her to her friend's party. How could I forget? I baked the fucking cupcakes for her."

"Sounds like you're a regular Mr. Mom.", Jessica smirked.

"Hey, you ought to see the way I wear an apron.", Brody snorted as she rolled her eyes, moved to hug him again.

"Take care, okay?"

"Yeah. You too."

After she backed up, cut back over to Mike's room, Brody dialed the front desk, asked for the extension to Carrie's room so he could call, let her know the change in plans.

"Brody it's okay. Look I've got enough food to feed a fucking army and a friend gave me a vase for the flowers. I'm fine. Go get Farrah. No I haven't forgotten what we discussed. Yeah. Okay I love you too. Bye."

Smiling, after hanging up she reached for the stray sunflower again.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't apologize. It's alright.", Frances said, arranging the flowers in the vase.

"I'm assuming the call was from the man who brought you breakfast?"

"Yes. Brody.", Carrie said, smiling slyly thinking about what he and her had discussed and that they'd have to find a way around Abby's rule later on.

"He's also the father I take it."

"Yeah. He is. Believe me I wouldn't be this far along if it had happened with anyone else.", Carrie snorted as Frances nodded, sat in the chair by her bed.

"You know I saw Brody upstairs, when I was restocking my cart."

Frowning at her change in tone, the tense way she was seated, Carrie arched a brow.

"What? Were you worried he was going to clean you out again?"

"I saw him with an attractive brunette.", Frances said coldly.

"Yeah. She's his ex wife. Jessica."

"They still seem to be very close."

"Well they met in high school and have two children together. Of course they're close.", Carrie snorted. "But Jessica's husband, a man Brody served with, is being treated here after being in a car accident. Jessica and Brody's son was also hurt. If they have any reason to talk to or try to comfort each other I think that's a fucking good one.", she snapped.

"I apologize. I didn't mean to start anything or to upset you."

"It's okay.", Carrie sighed. "You just don't know what it took us going through to get where we are now. And I don't think you want to.", she scoffed before hearing a knock on the door.

"I can get that."

"It's fine. I need to stretch my legs anyway."

Getting out of bed she set the flower on the nightstand, crossed the room without realizing she'd knocked the save the date card from Maggie on the floor. Seeing Carrie's back was turned Frances bent down to grab, pocket it before standing back up.

"Abby, hi.", Carrie greeted.

"Hi honey. I just wanted to see if you were up for a visitor."

Shrugging, she stepped out in the hall, then gasped. "Saul?", she laughed, seeing him slowly walking down the hallway with the help of a nurse who he was noticeably agitated with.

"His PT specialist wanted to get him up and walking today. He insisted on coming down here and having you walk him back. Is that okay?"

Nodding, Carrie ran in her room to grab her sweatshirt while Frances quickly stepped out, unlocking then turning the corner with her cart.

"Who the fuck is that?", Saul asked, squinting at the brunette as the nurse frowned.

"New volunteer. I hear she's pretty jumpy though."

"She fucking looks it.", he muttered, making his way down the hall until he reached Carrie's room. "Can we sit in here for a few minutes or are you going to make me take another goddamn lap?"

"It's fine Mr. Berenson, take a seat.", the nurse sighed as Frances rolled her eyes, smirked. Her back pressed against the alcove wall as she crossed her arms, intently listened in.


	150. Chapter 150

"So supposedly I'm making progress. Could be out of this fucking place sooner than we thought.", Saul said as Carrie opened the door, helped him into his room.

"Let go of my arm, I'm fine.", he insisted, sitting back on the bed.

"So fine that they still have you hopped up on painkillers?", Carrie snorted, her eyes flitting from his chart to the IV bag the nurse just switched out.

"They have to shut me up somehow.", Saul shrugged, nodding to the nurse who rolled her eyes, promptly left after checking the IV.

"What's her problem?", Carrie scoffed.

"Her problem is I'm her fucking patient."

Rolling his eyes he went to lean back against the pillow, winced.

"Jesus.", Carrie muttered, adjusting it for him. "Can't they give you more of these if they're going to be so useless and understuffed?"

"The overstuffed ones go to the patients that haven't been griping for a month."

"You're not griping. You were gutshot and have to heal. You'd think the staff here would want to help you with that."

"Yeah you'd think.", Saul muttered, then thanked her for fixing the pillow.

"You're welcome.", Carrie sighed. Pulling a chair over for herself she plopped down into it, then reached into her sweatshirt pocket.

"What are you doing?"

"I have something for you."

"Unless it's arsenic or something to shoot me in the head with..."

"Okay this curmudgeon shtick is getting really fucking old.", she snorted as he shrugged.

"Who's calling it shtick? This is my new outlook on life."

"Well that outlook needs a little overhaul. Here."   
  
Handing over a drawing of balloons, butterflies, and a smiling bear with a bandage wrapped around his belly, Carrie smiled as Saul sniffed, smiled back at her.

"How did you...?"

"Brody brought it. From Farrah. She was very proud of it. Said it was her best work."

"It's perfect. Thank her for me when you get the chance."

"When you're up to it, Abby said you can go out on the grounds and Brody or Maggie can bring her by. That way she can see you but won't have to set foot in the hospital.", Carrie said as Saul nodded and reached for her hand, gave her a grateful smile.

"Tell her I'll be up for it soon. I swear."

Nodding, Carrie squeezed his hand back before propping the drawing against the lamp on his nightstand. Noticing the stack of paperback books there.

"So what are you reading? John LeCarre. And John LeCarre. Not surprising.", she snorted.

"What about you switch it up? Try some Stephen King?"

"Okay, what do you recommend.  _Carrie_?", Saul smirked as she rolled her eyes.

"Like I haven't heard that one before."

Setting the books back down on the nightstand Carrie frowned, noticed a folder there as well. With the CIA insignia on the front of it and Lockhart written on the tab in all caps.

"Saul, what-"

"Put that down!" Saul barked as Carrie jumped, dropped the folder.

"Jesus Christ! What?!"

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? I had that in a drawer!"

"No you didn't! It was on top of the goddamn nightstand! And I didn't even open it. Just saw Lockhart's name on the tab!"

"And you didn't take that as a sign to put the damn thing down? Pretend you never saw it?"

"When would I ever take anything as a sign to not do something, Saul." Carrie scoffed.

"Abby and I are doing our fucking damnedest to protect you from that shill Harlan, who you know is working for Lockhart. But you see a file with his name written in Sharpie across the top and think it's fine to just go poking through it? Administrative leave doesn't mean all fucking access, Carrie."

"It did when you and Estes roped me in after I was fucking thrown out of the Agency.", she bit back before biting her lip.

"That was then. This is now. After you gave up the title of Director, forced a scandal, and have one kid at home and another under your sweater."

"Sweatshirt, actually.", Carrie corrected quietly.

"You've got yourself a life, Carrie. You tangle yourself up in a mess with Lockhart and you can only blame yourself for letting it slip from your fingers. Agency matters like this don't concern you. And they won't concern you  _or_  me for much longer unless we're specifically sought out."

"What do you mean  _you_?"

"What do you think I mean? I'm keeping my promise to Mira. My resignation's effective as of two weeks from now."

"Jesus, Saul."

"She deserves better, Carrie. Better than an absentee husband who runs around getting himself gutshot. I told her a few years back if I was ever badly hurt I'd hang it up. I owed her that. Same as you owe Farrah and my future godchild and  _yourself_ , a chance at normalcy. Are we clear?"

"Yeah. We're clear.", Carrie said reluctantly, but knew he'd made some good points and that the last thing he needed now was her working him up more than she already had.

"Now lie down, okay? Before a nurse comes in and fucking kicks me out."

Obeying, Saul pulled the blanket over himself, let the pain meds do their job in relaxing him.

"You mind my asking though why you have it? The file?"

"Galvez gave it to me. Came in here a couple weeks back to tell me Lockhart's screwing with him. Making him look bad in front of the top brass. He asked me to root around a little, dig up some dirt on the schmuck."

"Why you?", Carrie frowned.

"'Cause I knew him back when the earth was cooling. I told you that when he got into politics."

"Yeah. You're right.", she nodded, saw his vitals were indicating he was as relaxed as his posture. Deciding to take advantage of that she bit her lip, spoke again.

"I remember you also saying he had a fair share of skeletons in his closet."

"Who doesn't in this fucked up business?", Saul snorted.

"He does though, right?"

"Whole graveyard full from the looks of things."

"From the looks of that file you mean?", Carrie asked.

"If it's any indicator he's got two graveyards worth.", Saul mumbled before yawning, starting to drift off.

Even though her every instinct was screaming at her to pick up, walk out with the folder, biting her lip, glancing at her middle Carrie swore under her breath. Quickly standing up she left, to avoid temptation and to try showing up on time to group.

To Frances' relief she left too quickly to catch sight of her.

Seeing as Saul's door was still open, Frances quietly crept in his room. Spotted the folder that had led to the loud, heated discussion she'd partially overheard through the walls just now when she was on her break.

Frowning, walking around the bed to stand in front of the nightstand, she carefully picked up the paperbacks, set them off to the side only to gasp, seeing the name printed in all caps on the folder tab.

Hearing footsteps, wondering if that nurse from earlier was back to pester him, Saul frowned, stirred slightly. Still lethargic and sluggish from the painkillers. His eyes opening a crack, he squinted, saw the tall auburn haired woman standing by his bed.

"What the..."

When she turned slightly, their eyes locked long enough for his to fully focus on hers. Frowning curiously at her, Saul laughed, leaned back into the bed pillows.

"Holy shit.", he mumbled, looking at her in awe.

"Annie. How the hell are you?"


	151. Chapter 151

Staring wide eyed at the name on the tab, her left hand trembling as she held it Frances opened the folder a crack with her right one. Quickly she skimmed the documents, then used her phone to photograph them. Realized why Saul had been so against anyone seeing them besides him.

Eyes narrowed now in a glare she shook her head, scoffed. Wondered why she was so surprised that her suspicions all these years had been confirmed, that she was fucking right about the goddamn son of a bitch and had been all along.

Too caught up examining the details of the shady, fucked up, too fucking familiar to her op, she didn't realize Saul had stirred, opened his eyes.

Hearing him shift around in bed though she jumped, turned, slammed the folder shut before setting it down. Throwing her phone in her bag she froze in place. Maybe if she stayed quiet, he'd stop staring at her with that curious twinkle in his eyes. Wouldn't be able to identify her.

When he swore though, called her a name she hadn't heard in decades, eyes welling up she shook her head.

"I'm sorry. You're...you're thinking of someone else.", she said, hearing her voice break and cursing herself for letting it. Bowing her head, quickly leaving his room she almost collided with a nurse making rounds. Luckily one who didn't recognize her.

"Ma'am? Is everything alright?"

"No, no. The...the patient in that room, he..."

Using her emotional state to her advantage Frances shook her head, rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"I asked if he needed a magazine or something from a volunteer cart, and he started insisting I was someone else. Someone that he knew. I'm not sure if he was hallucinating from pain he was in or because of his medication, but he seemed very distressed and out of sorts.", she sniffed. "It was upsetting to watch. I'm not a doctor, but I think that a sedative would be of some help to him."

Nodding, after the nurse thanked her, ran over to Saul's room Frances ran over to the lounge where her bag and jacket were stashed. Grabbing them she ran to and down the back stairwell, reaching an exit door to a side parking lot.

Once there, after unlocking, getting into her car she pulled out of the lot. Her knuckles turning white from gripping the wheel so tightly. Swearing when she ran a red light, heard three people lay on their horns, she knew she ought to pull over before she wound up getting pulled over.

But she knew she needed to get back, breathe, wrap her mind around things, regroup, remind herself why she was risking everything being here at all.

It wasn't so she could reminisce and remember, try and relive the past. As much as she wished it could be.

That couldn't happen when she had people counting on her. Who needed her to remain in the present, keep the plan they'd put together top priority.

Unclenching her right hand from the wheel she flipped on the radio to a jazz preset, turned up the volume. Maybe if she played music loud enough it would drown out the sound of his gruff, soft voice. Calling her  _that_. The name of that person she hadn't been since two days after she'd sent her youngest off to college.

All because of another person who's name in fucking black all caps was burned into her brain. And would be until he was fucking eliminated.

Pulling into the motel parking lot, parking her car on an odd angle but not giving a shit, Frances locked it then cut over to the manager's office.

"Evening, ma'am.", the man behind the desk greeted. "Something I can help you with?"

"I tried to speak with the man at the desk last night, but he was inebriated and not exactly up to talking to anyone.", she snorted.

"I only paid for a week long stay. I would like to extend it."

"Ma'am, I don't know if you were told when you checked in, but we don't like stays to exceed a week. We're not just a typical motel."

"Well how much money will it take for you to become typical?", she asked, pulling out her bag and retrieving a rubber banded stack of bills.

"Not that much! Jesus Christ! You rob a bank or something?"

"I was taught to save for a rainy day.", she said coolly as she handed the cash over. Figuring today was about as rainy as it got.

"This is still way too much, I-"

"Then do me a favor. Use it as an incentive to ensure your discretion about my being here. I don't need nosy maids or help disturbing me. I can keep a room perfectly clean without assistance. And if anyone does catch onto my being here..."

"I don't know you. Never saw your pretty face a day in my life.", the man said nervously as she nodded.

"Good. I'm glad we understand each other."

Leaving the desk she cut over to her room, took the key from her bag. But her hands were trembling so much she had trouble opening the door.

"Shit.", she spat. Closing her eyes, taking a deep breath to settle down she finally managed. Ducked inside the door before locking, securing it. Using the bolts and a few set up anti-intrusion devices. Setting her bag down on the bed, when a turquoise card fell from it she frowned. Picked it up before tearing up.

Swallowing hard, then swearing when her contacts began reacting she ran into the dingy bathroom. Removing her glasses, she flipped on the light before forcing the goddamned things out of her eyes. Still crying even after they were out to the point she had trouble catching her breath.

The save the date card, Carrie, Saul, the file he'd had, the name he'd called her. The fact that she couldn't even go by it anymore in front of anyone who mattered.

Arms braced on the vanity, her hands gripped the side of it as she looked blearily into the mirror. Beyond tempted to smash her head into it but knowing causing herself harm wouldn't do anyone any good. Harming who deserved it though...

Iciness and newfound determination filling her eyes, she moved her hand to her hair. Slowly started removing the auburn locks that were fastened to her head in too many painful places, revealing her short blonde pixie cropped hair underneath. Frowning after seeing a few grays, she contemplated making the wig a permanent fixture. But then thought better of it. At least now she looked more like herself.

Wanting to feel more like herself too, as opposed to Frances the mousey, timid, hospital volunteer, Ann walked back over to her bed, retrieved a locked strongbox from underneath it. Sitting on the bed, once opening it she took out the contents, including a burner phone.

Biting her lip she picked it up, dialed a number she'd long had memorized.

"Yes, I'd like to speak with Ms. Adal, sorry...Ms. Amir.", Ann sighed, waiting for the assistant to put her through.

"You are lucky we are not on an open line.", Sabina sighed, running a hand through her long black hair.

"Sorry. I'm a little distracted. Being here. Being back..."

"It is better than where you were a month ago."

Shuddering at the memory, Ann nodded. Launched into her reason for calling. "The joe you arranged for me to meet. Esperanza."

"You have worked out a suitable arrangement with her?"

"Anything I need she puts into my volunteer cart at the hospital. There's a storage compartment at the base of it."

"Well obviously you have received the burner phone. What about the needed ID's?"

"I have them. Fake passport, social security card, even a nurses tag for Ms. Frances Jacobson.", she scoffed, rolling her eyes at the picture on the tag before setting it down. Unlocking another compartment of the strongbox, she smiled.

"I'm also developing a nice little arsenal.", Ann smiled, removing two Berettas, bullets, and a gun cleaning kit.

"What about the contact information? Have you received it?"

"Espy's working on getting it to me. Soon as she does I can set up the face to face with Dar. Start enlightening your half brother.", Ann sighed, not exactly looking forward to that so much as her other task.

"And you will tell him everything? About the op, Andrew drafting it and assigning it to dispose of us threats?"

"Don't call that cocksucker by his first name.", she spat.

"Ann...", Sabina sighed. "I understand what has-"

"Excuse me, you  _understand_? Were you the one he wanted out of the country, or out of the picture entirely? Because I was selected to head up the team that he deliberately sent into harms way. And when all was said and done and I was thought dead, you were the one set up with a new cushy cover. Complete with a new identity and an office job. How is that adoption agency anyway?", Ann snarled, but felt her colleague's glare through the phone.

"If it was not for my cushy cover you would still be in captivity! I could have easily put my contacts and resources to use for myself and left you behind!"

"And gone where?", she scoffed. "One step out of line or out of Baghdad would've put you in the same shithole as me!"

"He trapped both of us, Ann."

"He at least was willing to let you live. And if it hadn't been for your relation to Dar I doubt that would have been the case."

"What about your relative?", Sabina interrupted, wanting this difficult subject changed. "Are you going to try and seek your daughter out? Carrie?", she asked curiously.

"I can't, Sabina. I refuse to do that to her.", Ann said softly. "She's trying to escape all of it. Langley. That life. She has a child, a daughter. And another one on the way with a man she cares deeply for. She's content. It's all I've ever wanted for her and I'll be damned if any of that is taken away. Not by me. And certainly not by him."

"Wait, you are not saying-"

"Saul Berenson is working to protect her from Lockhart. Apparently he sees her and her team as threatening as he did me and mine."

"Like mother like daughter I suppose."

"I don't want her within a foot of our mess. She's done nothing to deserve that. She's dealt with enough because of..."

Trailing off she sniffed back tears, swallowed hard.

"I've seen her and I know she's safe. Now I have to make sure that we'll be. The only way that's going to happen is if a certain someone is out of the picture."

"Well if you are not careful you will wind up out of the picture.", Sabina said, trying to hide the fear in her voice.

"I won't let that happen. I know what I have to do.. And now that we have proof of what we suspected all this time.."

Tasting bile just thinking about Lockhart signing off on the op, Ann's jaw clenched and her eyes went cold before she recited their plan back.

"I take care of Lockhart, and tell Dar exactly what lengths his trusted colleague has gone to to ensure their positions in the Company. Hopefully mentioning what he did to you will sway him to side with us."

"I hope so." Sabina sighed as Ann nodded.

"I have to go, but I'll keep you posted.", she said, saying goodbye before hanging up. Stashing the burner back in the strongbox, she locked it and everything else away for the night. Then stretched back on the old, springy mattress, reached to flip the radio on that was on her nightstand. Switching it to the jazz station she'd had on in the car she tried her best to relax. Let her mind wander back.

_"Mommy look! I did it see! You asked me and I plant it!"_

_"You mean that you planted it, sweetheart."_

_"Yeah I meant that.", Carrie giggled, grabbing her hand and dragging her to the other side of the flower bed. Kneeling down she showed off the small patch of marigold plants, looking nervously between them and her mother._

_"I did it right though, right? I didn't mess up?"_

_"Well, I'm afraid that this one is a little crooked..", Ann frowned. Kneeling down she adjusted the dirt around one of the plants, tried to keep it from tipping over. Not noticing that Carrie's chin was starting to quiver. Shaking her head, the girl quickly moved to sit in front of her._

_"No I gotta fix it! It's my job, I gotta!"_

_"Honey, it's okay-"_

_"No it's not, I missed it! I missed that one and now it's all messed up!"_

_Tears running down her face she sniffed, wiped her face with her hand not frantically readjusting the plant._

_"Carrie..."_

_"No!", she choked out, shaking her head as she tried, failed to keep the plant from drooping over more. Seeing her frustration Ann sighed, pulled her onto her lap. Carrie squirmed at first but eventually wore herself out, turned to hide her tear stained face against Ann's shoulder._

_"Shhh, it's okay. It's okay.", Ann lightly laughed, holding her close and rubbing her back._

_"You were a very big help today! I wouldn't have gotten any work done out here without your help."_

_"But I...I messed up.", Carrie hiccuped as Ann sighed, kissed her daughter's light blond hair that was presently pulled back in a French braid._

_"It's nothing that can't be fixed though, sweetheart. I swear."_

_Pulling back Carrie frowned at her, wiping her nose with her sleeve before holding out her hand, her pinky raised._

_"You have to pinky swear it."_

_"Oh, I do?", Ann teased, getting a look._

_"Yeah! If you don't, Daddy says it doesn't mean a god damn thing.", Carrie said, met with a gasp and a loudly yelled "FRANK!" Getting her giggling._

_"What? Did he tell me a bad word again?", she grinned._

_Rolling her eyes, Ann went to scoop her up, bring her inside. But before she could Carrie slid out of her arms, raced away from the back flower bed, around the side of the cabin and onto the porch._

_"Hey now you hold on! Carrie! WAIT!"_

_Reaching the porch, just as Carrie was about to jump off the far side of it, Ann paused, looked across the way at her and smirked. Took a step forward to try and fake her out, get her running again._

_Calling her bluff though Carrie grinned, didn't move a muscle as Ann shook her head, approached her._

_"You, my dear, are too smart for your own good. You know that?"_

_"And too fast, right?"_

_"Yes. You are too smart. Too fast. Soon you're going to be too big for me to do this!", she laughed, throwing her over her shoulder and tickling her._

_"Mommy stop, stop it!", Carrie squeaked between giggles before Ann let up, set her down inside on the pullout. Plopping down next to her she leaned back, laughed when Carrie climbed onto her lap, reached for something in her sweatshirt pocket._

_"What's that?", Ann asked._

_"A flower."_

_"I can see that. Do you know what kind?"_

_"Yeah. A sunflower. I picked it. Not outta the garden though."_

_"Did you pick it for me?"_

_Getting a nod, small smile, Ann smiled back, thanked her before stretching back on the pullout. Lightly laughing as Carrie snuggled against her, still holding the flower tightly as she dozed off._

Reaching over onto the nightstand, taking hold of a sunflower she'd plucked from the vase, Ann sighed, held it close. Squeezing her eyes shut against tears she curled up in a small ball on her side. Eventually managing to get some sleep.

 


	152. Chapter 152

_Three Days Later_

Sitting up in bed when she heard the door open, Carrie smiled, set the book she was reading down on her nightstand.

"Hey!"

When he gave her a small smile, one that didn't reach his eyes, Carrie's quickly faded.

"What is it? What's wrong?", she asked. "You were here to see Faber, right? Did something happen? He was supposed to be discharged today, wasn't he?"

"No, Faber's fine. We had a long talk."

"About what? Is it why you're upset?"

"Who says I'm upset?", Brody scoffed as Carrie shot him a knowing look, arched a brow. Rolling his eyes he plopped down at the foot of the bed, reached to squeeze her hand.

"Faber just confirmed something that Jessica told me the other day."

"What?"

"She said that Lauder's been coming by their house in Charleston. Shitfaced. The last time it happened she was by herself with the baby. He was ranting, raving, practically foaming at the fucking mouth. Jess was scared to death. Locked herself and Violet in the bedroom."

"Jesus.", Carrie breathed, absentmindedly cradling her belly. "Did she get a restraining order?"

"When Mike and Chris drove up here it was partly to tell Lauder that if he didn't back off they'd be forced to."

"Did they? Before the car accident?"

"Mike said yes. And told me Lauder didn't take it well. He just started going off again."

"About what?"

"About me.", Brody sighed as Carrie bit her lip, bowed her head.

"Fuck."

"Look, I don't care what he spews or tries to pull on me.", Brody said bitterly. "I don't want him going after you or God forbid, something he says getting back to Farrah, I-"

"What's he saying about you?", Carrie cut in, trying to sound more angry than fearful.

"Nothing specific yet. Mike just told me to be prepared."

"Great. He reminds you to uphold the fucking Boy Scout motto. Some help.", she snorted.

"What can I say? The guy made it to the Eagle Scouts."

Rolling her eyes at his smirk Carrie shook her head. Already starting to set up a plan of how to deal with Lauder if need be.

"Well look, whatever he pulls or tries to pull we'll deal with it. I'll be out of here for the rehearsal dinner, the wedding. If Lauder tries something between now and birthday weekend, I'll find the fucker and give him a piece of my mind. Maybe my fist too.", Carrie smirked.

"Carrie..."

"What? I was half joking about the fist.", she said, not getting so much as a smile.

"Brody-"

"I don't want to talk about it, Carrie. I'm tired of-"

"What? Telling me about things that could pose a threat?"

"He was a threat to  _me_. I can deal with that. But I'm not gonna sit here and listen to you talk about going after him!"

"I can take care of myself!", Carrie snapped as he shook his head, rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"I know that. I do. But between Lauder's mean streak and your blood pressure, I just assume you don't take care of  _him_. Okay? Is that too much to fucking ask?", he asked as she snorted, smiled slightly in spite of herself.

"Like I told you. I was half joking about the fist."

When Brody sighed again she shifted closer, twined their fingers.

"Look, you and I both know what Lauder is capable of."

"Yeah, so does my fucking leg.", he scoffed.

"I'm not taking what Faber relayed to us lightly. Lauder  _is_  a credible threat, I-"

Seeing the amused way he was looking at her, Carrie snorted, frowned at him.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just your talking about relaying, threats. Feels like I'm back sitting across from you in that boardroom at Langley."

"Brody..."

"Hey. If you knew what I was thinking sitting across from you in that boardroom at Langley...", he said suggestively as she smirked.

"What's to say I didn't?", she retorted, getting him laughing.

"But anyway, Lauder showed his hand already. He came after you before, proved his fucking point by rendering you unconscious. He may have been out for your blood but he already got it! Unless he's more vicious than I thought, I-"

"I don't think he wanted me dead, wants me dead. I know though he's a dangerous fucking drunk."

"Hey!"

"What?"

"I thought that was just what you called  _me_." Carrie pouted as he laughed, exasperated, rubbed the bridge of his nose with his free hand.

"Well Lauder's more dangerous. And more of a drunk. And even if he doesn't want to fucking kill me he'd love nothing more than to see me decimated."

"How? All he would possibly have on you is fabricated bullshit. I cleared you off the bombing. And if he says anything about Tom Walker, he was as involved with Nazir as you were. Unless there's some deep dark secret you somehow still managed to keep from me, I-"

"There's nothing, Carrie.", Brody cut in. "You believe me, right?", he asked, hoping he didn't sound as anxious and desperate as he felt.

"I do! I...I do, Brody."

Fingers still twined she traced the scar on the back of his hand with her thumb.

"Look, in spite of everything, even my so called better judgment, I do trust you, okay? If only because we're both so fucking done with secrets that we have no reason to let new ones form between us."

Getting a nod she continued.

"So if you tell me that Lauder's got nothing on you, I'm going to believe that."

"Okay. Good.", Brody said, relieved.

"What I'm really wondering is what bullshit he'll manage to come up with about you on his own."

"Yeah. Me too." Shaking his head he moved so he was leaning against the bed pillows. "I want to think that we're making too much of it, but..."

"But you don't.", Carrie finished, curling up on his shoulder as he nodded, swallowed hard.

"And I'd rather be a Boy Scout then get blindsided again."

"Same here.", she said as he laughed, frowned curiously at her.

"You'd rather be a Boy Scout?"

"Yes. Would've beat selling those cookies door to door when I was ten."

"You did that? Wore one of those little vests with the patches and-"

"Yes.", Carrie groaned. "And I fucking hated it too.", she said as Brody laughed, held her closer.

"Why'd you do it then?"

"My mom signed me up. She found out about the game of chicken on the tracks and completely lost it. She hoped I'd rid myself of that group of friends."

"Did it work?"

"Not at all.", Carrie smirked before going somber. "You know she's been on my mind lately. A lot."

"Well given your condition it makes sense.", he said, rubbing her belly.

"It would be easier if I could just hate her like Maggie. Just write her off."

"You don't want to do that.", Brody said solemnly, shaking his head. "It's not easier, Carrie."

"You know that from experience?", she asked curiously. Sitting up to see his eyes that were now avoiding hers.

"My mom and I had to move all over the country because of my dad when he served. New house near a new base. Like clockwork every couple of years. When I was a teenager I just got fucking sick of it. Leaving all my friends just to be the new kid at a new school. The day before we moved to Virginia, he asked if I wanted to go out back, play soccer with him in the yard. I said no. I holed up in my room, I didn't speak to him the entire car ride, or even at the base the following week when he loaded out. The last time I saw him we didn't say two words to each other."

"Shit.", Carrie murmured.

"Because I decided to be a stupid kid, my dad died overseas convinced that I hated him. If you think that was easy to live with when I was trapped in that fucking hole in the ground..."

"It couldn't have been. I..I'm sorry, Brody.", she said sincerely, sitting up slightly as he looked on.

"But what? C'mon. I know you've got a rebuttal to all this.", he said. Not angry so much as not surprised about it.

"There's a big fucking difference between my mom and your dad. You lost him because he was serving, doing something meaningful. My mom just left. Not because of something honorable or out of a sense of duty. She fucking walked out on us. And it would be easier to hate her than always wondering in the back of my mind if she's ever coming back.", Carrie said bitterly Brody he nodded.

"Hey, I understand. I do. I just know even if it's easier to hate it doesn't mean it's good for you. I mean shit, between what I just told you and everything you already know about me, I know from which I speak."

"I know.", she nodded, reaching to rub his shoulder, the nape of his neck.

"You know I never told anyone about how I left things with my dad. Jessica doesn't even know the whole story."

"No?"

"No. She doesn't. It wasn't as if I didn't trust her. I just knew it would make her upset. She's sensitive..it would've..."

"Yeah.", Carrie said. Curling back up on his shoulder her left hand came to rest on his chest. "But thanks for telling me."

"Anytime."

Kissing her forehead, Brody was content to curl up, take a nap with her and hope Abby wouldn't interrupt. As soon as he shut his eyes though he heard a knock, and saw the door open a crack but quickly shut again.

"Damn it."

"Quinn?", Carrie muttered, sitting up.

"Listen if you two are working up to something in there just let me know now. I don't have to do this today."

"Do what today? Look just get in here! I'm not having this conversation with a door between us."

Rolling his eyes he walked in the room, shut the door behind him.

"What are you doing here, Quinn?", Brody asked.

"I think the better question is where the fuck have you been?", Carrie snorted. "It's been weeks since you even visited. Saul was convinced they sent you back to the Venezuela desk and didn't bother telling us."

"Are you kidding? Galvez would miss me too much.", Quinn smirked. "Besides, I'm actually starting to put down some roots here."

"I doubt the soil around here is taking kindly to that.", Brody scoffed, met with looks from them both. "What? It was just a joke."

"Yeah. And a shitty one. Don't quit your day job.", Quinn retorted.

"What do you mean, roots?", Carrie asked.

"I mean I got a two bedroom apartment. Bought furniture that doesn't need inflating. Even though J.J didn't object to the air mattress."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, those things are actually comfortable, I-"

"I'm not talking about the fucking air mattress!", Carrie exclaimed. "I'm talking about J.J. He's actually staying with you?!"

"On a trial basis. A few nights here and there. We're seeing how it goes."

"Holy shit, Quinn.", Brody laughed. "So you and Anita...you must have told him the truth!"

When the sniper's face went solemn he frowned, looked curiously.

"So wait, J.J doesn't..."

"Anita wants to tell him on her own terms."

"Yeah? When?!", Carrie snorted.

"Carrie..."

"It's been how many weeks since they arrived? Jesus. If she hasn't said anything to him by now I doubt she'll-"

"It was the only way she agreed, damn it!", Quinn snapped, cutting her off.

"Quinn, look. I know it's rocky but the longer you keep this up. You're not gonna be easing J.J into things so much as lying to him about everything. He's a smart kid, he'll read into it.", Brody said.

"And c'mon, you're honestly okay with how things are progressing? The last time you talked to us you were ready to go forward with the DNA test!", Carrie reminded. "Look, I know this is personal and you're gonna handle it your own way. I just didn't think pussyfooting around was your style."

"Who fucking said it was?", Quinn scoffed.

"Hey, what about putting a deadline on it. Tell Anita she has two weeks to tell him herself otherwise you're going to step in.", Brody suggested, getting an agreeing nod.

"If she doesn't before this rolls around..."

Handing Carrie the rehearsal dinner invite he'd gotten from Maggie, Quinn arched a brow.

"I'll tell him that night."

"Good. Then I'll get to finally meet him.", Carrie smiled.

"He thinks you're pretty, you know.", Brody piped up as she turned to face him.

"What?"

"He saw a picture of you and Farrah at the house. He said you were pretty."

"Well. Already more of a gentleman than his dad.", Carrie smirked as Quinn scoffed.

"Hey!"

"When we met you made a not so subtle quip about my being crazy. And told me  _you_  were the one running things. As far as first impressions go your's pretty much sucked.", she snorted as Brody laughed, getting a look out of Quinn.

"Well Farrah wasn't too fond of me at first either and look at us now.", he retorted as Carrie rolled her eyes.

"Speaking of Farrah, apparently she kicked your ass at a light saber war."

"Like you would've let her lose. It's Farrah, for Christ's sake.", Quinn scoffed before checking his watch.

"Look I have to get going. J.J's spent the night at a friend's house and Anita asked me to pick him up, watch him tonight. I just stopped by because Galvez asked me to bring the invitation by for you. And Saul. He and Mira were invited."

"Sounds like it's going to be quite the gathering.", Brody said as Carrie went to put the formal invitation next to the save the date card on her nightstand, only to see the turquoise card was gone.

"What the...shit!"

"Carrie, what-"

"Nothing, just...I could've sworn I left it right there!"

"Left what. What are you talking about?", Brody asked, moving off the bed and over to where she was rummaging through the door of the nightstand, clearly frustrated.

"Fuck. I can't believe I lost it!"

"Maybe someone came in to clean the room, tossed it out.", Quinn suggested as Carrie shook her head.

"The staff know better than to throw out anything belonging to a psych patient. Especially a pregnant, hormonal one.", she snorted, wiping her eyes.

"Hey. We'll get you another card, okay?", Brody said, handing her a tissue as Quinn nodded.

"Yeah. I'll threaten Galvez into finding one at the house if need be.", he offered as she snorted, shook her head.

"Thanks but it's okay. It's just a fucking card, I don't know why I'm so upset about it.", Carrie sighed, wiping at her eyes.

"Look I'll tell you what. I have to get Farrah at the house next door to you-"

"Wait, the Hodsons? Why the fuck is she staying with them? They have that doberman that's bigger than she is!"

"No, not the Hodsons. The old woman that moved in not too long ago. Mrs. Lancaster. She has a cat. Farrah has Calvin.."

"And they bonded. Christ. She's not even seven and gets along better with the neighbors than I do.", she scoffed.

"Anyway, after I pick her up I'll see if she can give you a call. Let you talk to her for longer than ten minutes.", Brody offered, getting a watery smile.

"Yeah. I...I'd like that."

When she leaned in, kissed him, shaking his head Quinn got up from his chair as they pulled apart.

"Quinn, for Christ's sake-"

"Hey, I'm not taking any fucking chances.", he scoffed. Leaving Carrie's room he cut over to the lobby, out to the parking lot before jumping into his car. He arrived at the house on the early side, but saw J.J already sitting on the front stoop with his backpack.

When the boy saw the car pull into the drive he grinned, ran over. On instinct he went to jump in the backseat but Quinn shook his head, motioned for him to sit up front.

"I forget when you pick me up that I'm allowed to sit up front.", J.J smiled.

"Every driver needs a co-pilot. Don't forget to buckle up."

Pulling out of the driveway, Quinn drove back to the main drag.

"You have a good time last night?"

"Eh, it was fun until this morning. Everyone else wanted to sleep in so late and I was wide awake."

"Yeah, I don't like to sleep in either. So look, your grandma has to work late again tonight."

"She has to work late a lot.", J.J shrugged. "That means I stay at your place again, right?"

"Yeah, unless you want to sleep on a damn park bench.", Quinn quipped, getting a laugh.

"I don't want to sleep on a damn park bench. Can we get pizza again?"

"That depends. Are you going to ask for pineapple on it again?"

"But I like pineapple though!"

"We get it on half or not at all. Deal?"

"Deal.", J.J shrugged before smiling. "Can we go to the movies too? I want to see Guardians of the Galaxy sooo bad."

"Is that the one with the damn raccoon that talks?"

"Yeah! Please! You can decide what candy we get."

"Who said anything about candy? That shi...stuff, rots your damn teeth out.", Quinn scoffed, getting a look.

"Well those waffles you like at the diner have sugar too."

"Fine. We'll see the talking raccoon tonight and you get one damn box of candy. No pop though."

"It's a deal. Again." the boy grinned as Quinn turned right, wanting to take the shortcut back to his place by going down Carrie's street.

"Hey, we seeing Farrah?", J.J asked, recognizing the townhouses.

"Not now. Maybe tonight we can...for Christ's sake. What the...?" Frowning curiously seeing all the traffic, a crowd gathered on one of the lawns, Quinn slowed the car to a crawl, tried to figure out what was going on.

"Pete, what's going on? What's with all the cameras, I...hey, that's the lady from the news!", J.J exclaimed as Quinn shook his head, ran his hand over his face. Seeing now exactly whose lawn the crowd had collected on.

"Jesus fucking Christ..."


	153. Chapter 153

After getting a little more kissing in once Quinn had left the room, Brody reluctantly left Carrie's room and the hospital and was driving back to her house. He hadn't gotten over a mile on the main drag though before his phone went off in his pocket. Pulling over he checked the caller, rolled his eyes.

"Listen, Quinn. I know it's been awhile since we had some quality time together but shit, I just saw you at the hospital."

"Yeah, I fucking-"

"You know you really ought to work on being less needy. Honestly, it's a bit of a turn-off."

"BRODY!"

"What! Just saying..."

"Well just shut the fuck up and listen to me. If you're on your way to Carrie's I need you to turn the fuck around."

Smile faded out Brody frowned.

"Why? What the fuck is going on?"

"Just the D.C press congregating in the middle of the goddamn street.", Quinn spat.

"You're shitting me, right?!", Brody exclaimed. "Why? How come?"

"I don't know! Didn't feel like marching over to the slew of reporters on Carrie's lawn to ask! And I certainly didn't want to stick around with J.J in the passenger seat."

"Mother  _fucking_...shit. What about Farrah! She's still at the-"

"Farrah's fine. She and J.J are in line getting popcorn now. I brought them both to the movies.", Quinn said, shuffling ahead in the ticket line.

"None of the reporters-"

"They didn't get near or say a fucking word to her. I went to the neighbors, led her out the back way. She didn't even know they were camped outside until I told her."

"Good. That's good.", Brody sighed, feeling slightly more at ease as he put the car in drive. "I gotta see what the fuck is happening though. For Christ's sake, if they're on Carrie's fucking lawn! I-"

"Brody, no. Do not take a page out of the Mathison goddamn playbook. Not with this."

"Quinn, if they're dredging up that fucking press conference you and her set up-"

"You should be nowhere near any of it. Trust me, it'll just make this shit even worse.", Quinn said knowingly. "Look, don't worry about Farrah. She can stay at my place until all of this blows over. You go to the mosque.", he ordered.

"I'm heading there now. Just about to turn into the drive..." Trailing off seeing a TV van parked in the front lot, Brody swore under his breath.

"Brody? Damn it, what's-"

"I have to go, Quinn."

"But-"

Hanging up before Quinn could get another word in, Brody pulled into the back lot behind the apartment complex. Once there he cut over to the community center but went in through the side passcode protected entrance. Closest to Zahira's and the imam's offices.

He hadn't gotten a foot in the door though when Zahira grabbed hold of his arm, dragged him into her office before shutting the door behind her.

"Zahira...Jesus, what-"

"I am sorry. I just assumed since you came in the back way you did not want to be noticed."

"Well you dragging me in here by the arm was pretty fucking noticeable!", Brody snapped as she rolled her eyes.

"I made certain that nobody was around.", she retorted. "And you do not have to worry about that truck. There is a news crew and reporter here covering the story about the spelling bee finalist. Erica? She is in the after school group you used to supervise."

"Yeah I remember. She kicked my ass at Scrabble every time.", Brody smiled fondly before frowning, looking at her curiously.

"What is it?"

"You said that I don't have to worry about  _that_  truck. Why would you think I'd be worried about a news truck at all? What do you know?"

"You mean you have not heard?", Zahira asked, looking at him with concern as she grabbed her phone off her desk, scrolled to something before handing it to him.

Taking it, after squinting to read the headline on the blog post, corresponding article, Brody's jaw fell and his face went white.

"Come here, Nicholas. Please, take a seat.", Zahira coaxed, but he stayed frozen in place, shook his head.

"It's not true.", she assured. "There are lies and liars all over the Internet. A horrible person told and spread this one. I am certain of it."

"I can't stay here.", Brody said numbly.

"It is alright! The press do not know that you are employed here. You can stay in your apartment again. We will provide you with meals, whatever you need. You will remain protected."

"I can't. I won't risk that. If the press tracked me to Carrie's it's only a matter of time before they trace the mosque back to me too. That would put you, your husband, everything you've built here at risk. I'm not going to let that happen.", he said resolutely. Handing the phone back to Zahira he turned to leave the office.

Shaking her head stubbornly, Zahira moved to stand in front of him. Blocking his path. "Where else are you going to go?"

"Someplace safe. It's secluded there too. I swear, I'm just going to stay until all of this blows over. It's for the best, Zahira. You know it is. Please. I know what I'm doing."

Biting her lip, Zahira looked thoughtfully at him, then nodded.

"Alright. But you will take the extra van. And wear this." Handing him a baseball cap and some glasses she nodded for him to put them on.

"Zahira, this isn't-"

"Yes. It is.", she said firmly. "You will stay in the apartment until dark, then you will take the van. Is Farrah being looked after?"

"Yes. She's staying with a friend."

"You can trust this friend?"

"Yes.", Brody said, grateful but still surprised that Quinn had tipped him off about the reporters.

"What about Carrie?"

"Calling her now is too much of a risk. For all I know the press could already be trying to get to her at St. Mary's."

"She needs to know what is happening, Nicholas.", Zahira said sternly. "I will contact her for you."

"No, for Christ's sake! I've involved you enough, I-"

"You are the reason my brother held onto his home. His livelihood. And you and Carrie and Farrah are important to me. I want the three of you to find peace together. All that Allah will grant you.", she said sincerely as Brody gave her a humble nod, swallowed hard.

"That's all that I want too. I swear, if we are granted it, you and your husband will sit in the front row at our wedding."

"I will hold you to that.", Zahira smiled, hugging him before insisting again that he be careful. Wait in the apartment until dark.

After making him swear that he would, when he left the office she reached for her phone. Dialed the hospital front desk and asking to be put through to Carrie's room.

Setting her halfway decent hand of cards down on the bed, frowning, Ann stood up from her and Carrie's poker game. Picked up the receiver on the wall.

"Hello, Carrie Mathison's room."

"This does not sound like Carrie.", Zahira frowned.

"She just left to use the ladies room. I'm a..a  _friend_. Can I take a message?"

Her frown deepening hearing the panic in the other woman's voice, Ann bit her lip. Something major was obviously happening and whatever it was it would concern Carrie.

"I promise as soon as she comes back I'll fill her in. I just don't think the desk will patch you through to her room a second time. You're better off just staying on the line. At least that way someone gets the message.", Ann said, earning a sigh before the woman started explaining.

Listening intently her eyes widened in alarm. "My goodness, I...I can't believe-"

"Can't believe what?", Carrie asked curiously, walking back in the room as Ann jumped, slammed the phone down.

"Carrie! You startled me."

"What's going on? Did someone call my room?"

"I-"

"Can you at least tell me who it was?"

"I didn't catch her name.", Ann said, met with another frown.

"Look I can just call down to the desk, ask who they patched through. I'll find out who the fuck called either way so you might as well just tell me!"

"I told you, I didn't catch her name. She was speaking quickly, with an accent. It was difficult to completely understand her."

"Well what did you happen to fucking understand?", Carrie snorted. "Obviously you got at least general details from her otherwise you wouldn't be so on edge!"

"All I know is there's a situation going on. I-"

Interrupted by her own phone going off in her pocket, seeing it was Esperanza calling Ann hastily answered, excused herself.

"What the fuck!", Carrie spat, watching her as she cut down the hall before rolling her eyes, walking back to the bed. Once there she heard another knock, frowned.

"Yes?"

"Hello, Ms. Mathison?", a young brunette asked shyly. "I just wanted to see if Frances was still in here with you?"

"Jesus, how popular is she tonight?", Carrie scoffed.

"I'm sorry?", the younger nurse frowned.

"No, she's not here. Hopefully though she'll be back in a minute." Shrugging, Carrie stacked the deck of cards then shuffled them. Glancing up she saw the volunteer shyly standing in the door.

"You can sit down in here and wait for her if you want.", she offered. Nodding gratefully, the younger woman thanked her, perched in the chair across the way.

"Is there something important? Something going on that she needs to know? Or-"

"No, nothing like that. Just the latest gossip around here. Her and I started volunteering around the same time. We're friends!"

"I see.", Carrie nodded, eying her with interest. "She never mentioned you. At least she hasn't yet. What's your name?"

"Sharon. Sharon Davis."

"Well Sharon, you know I'm not exactly opposed to gossip.", she smiled. Even if this girl didn't know anything about the 'situation' Frances had alluded to, Carrie didn't see the problem with getting a little dirt. Even if the secrets weren't pertaining to national security, they were better than nothing.

"I know Frances will be back soon but if you're in a rush, you could just tell me and I'll pass it along to her."

"Well, my break is almost up.", Sharon grinned. Taking her phone out of her pocket she started scrolling on it, perched on Carrie's bed.

"There was this blog entry from a few days ago that an online paper picked up and ran with. Now the whole story is blowing up. There was even a local news team sent to cover it today.", she said, pulling up the sites before handing the phone over. Then turned, smiled.

"Frances, hi! Perfect timing, I was just about to...hey!"

Thrown when Frances ran over, tried to grab the phone from Carrie, Sharon watched as the blonde refused to let go of it. Her eyes widening as they scanned the text on the page. Rereading the headline and caption across the top.

_"Detonator, Disgrace, also Deserter? Source comes forth with claim one 'N. Brody', reported AWAL by unit, commanding officers."_


	154. Chapter 154

Running into the hall, Sharon looked around for someone to step into Carrie's room and help. She wished more than anything she hadn't pulled up the article in front of her. But how could she have known how she'd react to it?

Seeing a tall, blond nurse turn the corner she ran towards him, pulled him aside.

"Can I help you? I-"

"Carrie Mathison in room 12. She's completely worked up, pacing. I'm just a volunteer and something I did set her off and I don't know what to do! I-"

"Wait, did you say the name was Mathison?", the nurse frowned, jaw clenched. The name was familiar to him and he hoped it wasn't for the reason he thought it was.

"She's not a blonde is she? Tall, thin, mouth on her like a truck driver?"

"No, that's definitely her...", Sharon said nervously as the man tensed up even more.

"Do you know her?"

"Oh yeah. I know her. I still knew her after she knocked me out in that fucking closet.", the man muttered, remembering clear as day her trying to kiss and distract him before everything went dark. Upon waking up he'd been threatened by a dark haired sniper into keeping quiet, and reluctantly had kept his mouth shut even when the infamous blonde was admitted. Now maybe he was being rewarded for that.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Where's the patient again?"

"Just through here.", Sharon said nervously, opening the door a crack to reveal Carrie pacing back and forth, hand in her hair.

"Carrie, please.", Ann sighed, approaching her. "Just take a seat, try and relax, I-"

"You really expect me to relax?! Just go recline in bed with a remote control! Not think about that bullshit blog that bitch told me to browse!", Carrie snapped, shaking her head.

"I have to get a hold of Brody. I need to call, communicate. Convince him things are going to be fine. That this is fucking fixable. I can't just..."

Trailing off she looked in the doorway, frowned to see Sharon standing there with a tall, stern looking blond man. He looked familiar to her but she couldn't put a pin on why. Now though certainly wasn't the time to try and figure it out.

"You! Get the hell in here.", she said forcefully as the nurse glared.

"Ms. Mathison, watch the way you-"

"I wasn't talking to you!", Carrie spat before turning back to Sharon.

"The article you asked me to read. I need you to retrieve it. Refresh the page, relay what you remember of it back to me. Remind me exactly what it said!"

"Carrie..."

"The only way to dismantle, derail this is to study it in depth. Start trying to decipher what's fact, fiction. To do that I need to see the fucking cellphone!", she snapped, reaching for it only to be blocked by the nurse.

"I'm afraid I can't allow that."

"Well then allow me to see Saul Berenson. I can brief him on the situation, he and I can sit down, come up with a solution-"

When Carrie tried to get to the door he jumped in front of, blocked her path.

"You are not going to be leaving this room anytime soon."

"I just need to see Saul.", she sighed. "It..it won't take more than a few seconds, I just need to-"

"What you need is to sit the hell down and settle down!", the nurse barked, making Carrie jump as Ann glared, approached.

"I think that  _you_  need to watch the way you're speaking, sir.", she said coolly as Sharon quietly ducked out of the room, flagged down the head nurse named Tess.

"Listen, volunteer. You have no right to-"

"I have no right? I'm concerned about your treatment of a patient at this hospital. A patient I've gotten to know and-"

"Since when is how I handle her or any of my patients any of your goddamn business! I-"

"James!", Tess interrupted.

"Tess, hi-"

"I'd like to speak to you over here right now. You too, Ms. Jacobson."

After Tess pulled James, Ann aside, pacing around the room Carrie spotted Sharon's cell resting on the foot of the bed. Biting her lip she went to pick it up only to hear a throat clearing that made her skin crawl.

"You put that down, patient.", James said firmly, approaching her.

"Where's Frances? Or Tess? She's your superior. She should be in here instead of you!"

"She's talking to your friend. Making sure she doesn't interfere with the staff at this hospital actually being paid. Sorry she's not here to act as a buffer.", he said as Carrie let out a snort.

"I don't need a buffer. Or you standing here berating, belittling. Using your brawn to try and bully me. You may be bigger but at least my brains aren't all in my fucking biceps.", she retorted as he rolled his eyes, reached for a file folder in his back pocket.

"Why do you have my file?", she asked, trying to hide her nerves. But then seeing him pull out a pen... "What...what are you writing?"

"A report. Using my brains that aren't all in my biceps.", James said coolly. "And you know what happens after I submit this report? You get written up and you don't get visitation. Guess that means your deserting, bombing, big brother can't pay you a visit.", he snorted as Carrie's eyes widened, remembering right then where she knew him from.

"Also that weekend pass? Don't expect that to happen either."

Biting her lip she bowed her head, blinked back tears. The idea of missing the wedding, birthday weekend, not being able to see Brody and start resolving this fucking mess, it was enough to make her feel nauseous. Swallowing hard she softly spoke.

"Look, if you don't turn in that report, I promise there'll be no more phones, no more forgetting rules. Just...please, you can't-"

"Can't what? Last I checked there isn't some black ops sniper standing around and making threats, telling me what I can and can't do. For what it's worth I really didn't appreciate that. Or your knocking me out."

"He...he won't threaten you again. I...I won't make any more problems. But you can't make that report! I...I can't risk losing visitation, my weekend pass. I...I made promises, told Brody I'd protect him. He...he needs my help. He's going to need my fucking help!  _Fuck_."

Pacing again, hand in her hair Carrie perched on the bed, forced herself to take deep breaths as Tess came back in the room, approached her.

"Ms. Mathison. Everything's alright, just relax.", Tess soothed, handing her a paper cup with two pills. "I have something here to help you relax, I-"

"NO!"

Swatting the cup out of her hand Carrie went to stand up, trying to leave but James shoved her back onto the bed, held her down by the arms. His grip tight enough to bruise.

"You want to do this the hard way then?"

Before he had a chance to reach for, place the restraint straps he felt someone come up behind and take a grip on his shoulders, shove him aside.

"What the?! You bitch-"

When he took hold of her, shoved her against the wall, showing no sign of fear Ann held his gaze. Looked at him with amusement in her eyes.

"What...why are you, you think this is funny?! Who the fuck even are you?!"

"Someone who could and would love to make you suffer. Don't test me. Stay away from her!", Ann hissed as Abby ran in.

Seeing the panicked state Carrie was in and James holding Frances against the wall, her eyes narrowed and she waved a security guard over.

"Please escort Mr. Fields off the premises! And revoke his ID too.", she spat before running to Carrie.

"Honey? Honey what happened? What..."

Rubbing Carrie's back as she broke down crying, had trouble catching her breath, Abby motioned for Tess to come back. Entering the room, with the drugs in syringe form, seeing the needle Carrie tensed up more. Shaking her head and shaking her off as she cried.

"Alright that's enough! Both of you! Leave her alone!" Ann yelled, getting between Carrie and the other two women.

"Ms. Jacobson, you're only a volunteer, you're not equipped to deal with-"

"I'm better equipped than that barbarian that bruised her arm! And I'm not going to force drugs down her throat that she doesn't want!"

Shaking her head she moved to sit on Carrie's bed and stroked her hair, rubbed her back as she choked back tears, curled up in a smaller ball.

"Shhh...easy. Take it easy, You're safe, sweetheart. It'll be okay. Everything's going to be okay.", she soothed, repeating herself until Carrie's breathing slowed, went steadier. Curling protectively around her she continued stroking her hair, then saw Tess move around behind Carrie, syringe still in hand.

Glaring at the younger woman, she was met with an apologetic look. "It's better for the baby that she sleep."

Biting her lip she held Carrie a little closer, but nodded in agreement as Tess administered the shot. Once Carrie drifted off, Tess stepped out and Abby went to follow, but not before tapping Frances on the shoulder.

"She'll be out for awhile if you-"

"I'm not going anywhere.", Ann said coldly, getting a nod before Abby left, dimmed the lights. Moving into the chair beside Carrie's bed, she watched closely as she slept. Refusing to move a muscle until she woke.

Stirring, four hours or so after the fact, Carrie's eyes widened and she tried not to panic. She felt sluggish, like her limbs were weighed down. Her tongue felt heavy inside her mouth that was dry, difficult to move.

Hearing a whimper, quickly looking up from her book Ann's eyes went wide. "What the hell did they give you...what the..."

Standing she picked up, read her chart and saw she'd been dosed with Thorazine. Okayed by Nurse Fields and administered by Head Nurse Tess Mayer after her manic episode. Swearing she shook her head, entertained the thought of killing both of them with her bare hands, until she looked back at her panic-stricken daughter. Now struggling to sit up and speak clearly.

"I..."

"Shh, shh. Easy. It's alright. It's alright."

"I...can't...st..staaay he...here.", Carrie choked out, looking around wide eyed as Ann nodded, stroked her hair. Realized if she could get Carrie up and moving, they could get to the back stairwell and out the side exit to her car. They'd only risk being seen by other patients at this hour of the night, at least she hoped.

"Don't worry, dear. You won't.", she vowed, helping her to her feet and into her shoes. "We...we won't."


	155. Chapter 155

Eyes cracking open, Carrie squinted at the light peeking in through the blinds, sat up slightly in the musty smelling bed. It was late morning, far later than she was used to sleeping, but she still felt groggy and disoriented. Looking around the room, confused, she realized she was in a crummy motel. Recognizing the wallpaper, she realized it was one she'd been in before. With some random guy from a bar down the street, an encounter from her not too distant past.

Rolling her eyes she sat up, tried her best to remember how she'd wound up here this morning, only to hear the door being unlocked, opened.

"What the...shit. Who's there?! Who-"

"Well. It's about time you woke up.", Ann smiled, setting a grocery bag on the small table in the corner, then a carry tray holding two coffees on the nightstand.

"What the...but I don't-"

"Relax. It's just breakfast."

Taking the coffee, Carrie bit her lip, then took a small sip.

"I'm glad to see you're up. Those drugs did a number on you. I was just glad I got you to the car.", Ann said, perching at the foot of the bed.

"It's all pretty hazy to tell you the truth.", Carrie said sheepishly. "Probably a good thing, right?", she scoffed, looking pained. Shaking her head Ann reached over, squeezed her hand.

"Listen, alright? How you were acting doesn't justify someone holding you down and someone else giving you that powerful a drug to settle you.", she said firmly, earning a halfhearted shrug.

"Look, if it helps Abby agrees with me. That's probably why she was so lenient about you missing group this morning, and you leaving with me last night."

"Wait, Abby knows?", Carrie asked.

"I called her this morning. Told her that I was responsible for getting you out. That I was horrified at what happened to you and took matters into my own hands."

"But I asked you to get me out.", she reminded. "I remember that."

"Well nobody else does.", Ann shrugged. "And nobody else  _needs_  to know. I just assume they blame me for everything. Ban me from the premises if need be. You shouldn't be punished more than you already have.", she said calmly as Carrie's chin wobbled and she looked down, away from her.

"Carrie..."

"How come you're being so nice to me?", she asked tearfully, getting a soft smile.

"I'm not that nice, dear. Just trying to lend you a hand.", Ann said simply. "Anyway, when I talked to Abby I told her the breakout was my fault. That those beasts in scrubs forced my hand. She believed me. Said that she'd issue you a three day pass because of it."

"Wait, what?", Carrie sputtered.

"It's also because your weekend pass falls at the end of your treatment. Normally those are issued halfway through. But you've been attending group, cooperating. She felt it was unfair you weren't issued it early on and she's trying to make up for it. And given everything that's happened, everything else going on...", Ann hinted, getting a nod.

"So you're saying I have three days."

"Yes. Starting today."

"Shit."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just. I don't know what the fuck to do first. I need to get a hold of Brody, but I know that Lauder was responsible for that blog."

"I'm sorry. Who's Lauder?", she asked curiously.

"He served with Brody, they were in the same unit. But he's had it out for him ever since his homecoming. He's a dangerous, fucking drunk too. The last time Brody crossed paths with him he almost died.", Carrie shuddered. "I knew that the fucker was looking to start a shitstorm with this story. Now I have to figure out a way to stop him."

"What about Brody? How's he going to feel about you trying to stop-"

"He's not going to feel anything if he doesn't find out.", Carrie said curtly, arching a brow. "I have three whole days. I'll find a way to get to Lauder, then track down Brody."

"Track him to where? I heard that he took off late last night."

"Heard from whom?"

"This morning I paid a visit to the woman who called you yesterday. Zahira.", Ann said, earning a frown.

"You're kidding. She was the one who..."

"Yes. I got her number at the hospital and contacted her at the community center. This morning after I called Abby."

"What did you talk to her about?"

"What I didn't get a chance to talk to her about yesterday."

"Did she give you any clue as to where Brody may have gone?"

"No. She didn't know herself."

"Well it's not as if I can't find him. I mean I know him better than anyone, aside from his daughter. I fucking studied him for a month. I can track him down! I just wish I had a solid lead. Something to go off of.", Carrie sighed, nibbling at a muffin before setting it down, cradling her belly.

"You will find him. I'm sure of it, Carrie.", Ann said, getting a half hearted shrug.

"I'm just tired of always having  _to_  find him. I'm sick of worrying about where he is, how he's doing. I did that for over a fucking year and almost lost what was left of my sanity. Then he took off at the cabin. Now this! Isn't this bullshit supposed to be behind us?"

"It will be. Soon enough.", Ann reassured as Carrie shrugged again, wiped her eyes.

"I hope so."

"Look, I think I know just what will cheer you up."

Checking her watch Ann smiled, got up and walked to the door.

"Frances? What-"

Hearing a car pull up, Carrie frowned, got out of bed and made her way to the window. Looked out only to see a familiar looking sedan in the lot, and a familiar person exiting it.

"Oh...oh my God.", she breathed, running onto the porch.

"Carrie? CARRIE!"

Smiling as she exited the driver's seat, shut the car door, Zahira moved to stand by Ann, looked on happily as Farrah all but jumped into Carrie's arms. Clung onto her tightly.

"I really, really miss you!", the girl sniffed, curling up on Carrie's shoulder as she nodded, held her just as tight.

"Yeah.", she choked out. "I...I really, really missed you too."


	156. Chapter 156

"I really really missed you."

"Yeah I really really missed you too." Carrie sniffled, still holding the girl tight.

"C'mon let's go inside."

Carrying her into the motel room, Carrie went to set Farrah on the bed but she didn't leave her arms.

"Keep hugging?", she asked getting a nod.

"Keep hugging."

Giggling as Carrie fell back on the bed, still in her arms Farrah frowned realizing she and her hug felt different.

"Carrie?"

"Yeah?"

Sitting up Farrah looked at her curiously. "You puff. Puff up.", she said getting her laughing.

"Yeah, I sort of did. You know why though, right?"

"No.", Farrah said, shaking her head. "I forget."

"Farrah, what have you and Brody already come up with a name for?"

"The...the baby!", she recalled, smiling.

"Well, where do you think the baby's been staying?"

"In house?"

"No, not exactly.", Carrie sighed as Ann and Zahira suppressed smiles. "Look, I'm not going to get into it. Just, here."

Reaching for Farrah's hand Carrie pressed it to her belly. Feeling a kick the girl grinned.

"It there?"

"Yeah. I think it's going to like playing soccer with you too.", Carrie sighed.

"I see it soon?"

"In a few more months, yeah."

"But you done now with spying? You come home?", Farrah asked eagerly as Carrie's smile went sad. Shaking her head she sighed.

"No, honey. Not yet. But after birthday weekend, the wedding? I'll be back really soon after that."

"Pink swear?"

"Pink swear.", Carrie smiled, linking their fingers before Farrah's smile faded. "Farrah? What's wrong?"

"I...It nothing."

"Farrah, please. Talk to me alright?"

Reaching over she rubbed her shoulder, slipped an arm protectively around her. "C'mon. If you don't tell me what's wrong I can't fix it."

"I...no see Nick yesterday.", Farrah said softly, her big brown eyes welling up. "He leave again?"

Squeezing her eyes shut against tears Carrie shook her head, held Farrah a little closer before swallowing hard, speaking.

"Honey, Brody did have to leave. For a little while, he-"

"He say he stay!", Farrah cried. "He pink swear!"

"I know, I know. Just listen to me though, okay?"

Nodding, Farrah wiped her eyes, turned to face her.

"Sweetheart, there's a man who made up a story about Brody. It was a bad story though. It was all based on lies. Brody didn't do anything wrong, but the man who came up with the story is saying that he did."

"So, Nick leave because he scared? Of man?"

"Yes.", Carrie nodded. "But later today I'm gonna take a break from spying and see the man who made up the story. Get him to stop saying it. Then I'll find Brody and tell him to come home. It may take a day or two but I will fix this. You have my word. In the meantime though you've got Maggie and Danny, my dad, Quinn, Zahira, all these people who are gonna take care of you."

"I know they take care. I just..."

"What?"

"Nick say we all be together. Him and me and you and Cal and Nemo or Boo! I...I want..."

"I know. I do too. But he wouldn't have said that if it wasn't going to happen soon, okay?"

Nodding, Farrah curled up on her lap as Carrie leaned back against the bed pillows. Still holding her close.

"So, tell me what else you've been up to. How's J.J?"

"He good. We see movie with raccoon and Pete buy us snacks."

"Yeah? What kind?"

"Chocolate! He remember my teeth like sweets. Sweet tooth, yes?"

"Oh yeah. You've got a whole mouthful of them.", Carrie laughed. "What's been going on at the community center? Are you still drawing?"

"Yes.", Farrah grinned. "We play pic...nary."

"You mean Pictionary?"

"Yes! That it."

"How did you do?"

"I lose. But then I win."

"Of course you did.", Carrie laughed. "How's Calvin?"

"He get big!", Farrah pouted.

"Well you know that's a thing that tends to happen. How big is he? As big as me?"

"No, not that big. But I bring him to J.J's and he scratched me."

"How bad?", Carrie asked. Seeing the large neon green bandage on her upper arm, her eyes narrowed. Taking hold of Farrah's arm she brushed her lips on the bandage, getting her smiling.

"Tell Calvin he does something like this again and his claws are getting trimmed."

"He no like that."

"Yeah well I don't care. He's got a scratching post, he doesn't need your arm too.", she said firmly as Zahira nervously looked from her watch to the two of them.

"Zahira? Is something-"

"I am needed back at the center soon, I-"

"No! I no want to go, no!", Farrah cried, curling closer to Carrie and hiding her face in her chest.

"Shhh. Hey, it's okay.", Carrie sighed, brushing her lips on the top of her head. "Look, just sit here for a second, okay? Just wait here."

Standing up she approached Zahira who was standing by the door.

"Zahira, I appreciate you getting her here so much."

"I was happy to do it. I know she has missed you."

"It's mutual, believe me.", Carrie said softly. "I know you have to get back to the community center but can Farrah please stay? For just another hour? I'll make sure that she gets dropped off, I-"

"I can do it.", Ann offered.

"Please, Zahira. I've only got three days and this is the only time I've got with her until I'm released for good."

"If you can get her back, it is alright. She will be happier here, I'm sure."

Nodding, Carrie blinked back tears, hugged her. "Thank you so much."

"It is fine.", Zahira smiled, pulling back before biting her lip.

"What's with the look then?"

"It does not have to do with Farrah. Nicholas, he did not say where he was going. But he told me that he would be safe. And he told my husband before he left he was going to one of the few other places where he has found peace."

Nodding in understanding, Carrie smiled. Certain now where Brody had gone.

"I'll find him and fix this, Zahira. You have my word."

"That is all I can ask for."

After Zahira said goodbye to Farrah, stepped out, Ann went to follow her out. Figuring she'd get more coffee, run errands, whatever she could to give Carrie and Farrah some space.

"Wait! Where you going?", Farrah asked curiously, getting up.

"I just wanted to give you and Carrie some space, that's all."

"But Zahira say you Carrie's friend.", the girl frowned, looking between the two of them.

"Well, Zahira was right.", Carrie said, not wanting to confuse or lie to her. "Frances is my friend. My new friend."

"Fran?", Farrah chirped.

"You can call me that too.", Ann laughed.

"You and Fran friends from spying?" Farrah asked.

"Yes, actually. That's how we met.", Carrie said, looking to Frances nervously hoping she'd catch on, play along.

"Yes. You know, I've been a spy for a very long time, and Carrie is one of the best ones I've ever worked with."

"Yes?"

"Oh yeah.", Ann said, earning a grateful smile from Carrie.

"I meet her when she spy!", Farrah exclaimed. "She beat up bad guys."

"She did? How did she do it?"

"She kick! Like this."

Grinning, she demonstrated on Ann's shin.

"Farrah!", Carrie scolded.

"No, it's fine.", Ann laughed. "What else did she do, Farrah? Did she punch like this?", she asked, crouching down and gently chucking the girl on the chin.

"Yes! And like this."

Giggling Farrah playfully punched her on the collarbone, as Carrie warily watched. Worried she was enjoying this a little too much. Luckily Frances seemed to be enjoying it too. Watching the two of them interact, something struck her as familiar but she couldn't put a pin on what.

"Carrie. Carrie?"

"Sorry, what.", she asked, snapping out of it hearing Farrah's voice.

"We go outside. Pick flowers?"

"Sure, yeah. Let's go."

Following Farrah outside to a garden on the side of the motel, Carrie closely watched as Frances took Farrah by the hand over to a patch of sunflowers. Helped her cut down two or three of them.

_"See, Mom! Look! I picked them from the patch over here."_

_"It's alright, sweetheart. I believed you!", Ann said, kneeling down next to her with some gardening shears, in front of a rogue patch of sunflowers a few feet away from the garden._

_"Look, let's get a few more that we can take home with us. You want to do it?"_

_"Okay!"_

_Grabbing the shears Carrie went to start cutting the flowers, but jumped hearing a car horn._

_"Mom, Carrie! C'mon!", Maggie groaned, running over to them._

_"Dad says if you're not in the car in five you're both walking home!"_

_Rolling her eyes Ann shook her head, got to her feet as Carrie looked up nervously at her._

_"But I'm not finished yet!"_

_"It's okay, sweetheart. I'll go talk to your father."_

_"Wait, you'll come back though right? Finish helping me?"_

_"Of course I will. You know you're stuck with me, right?"_

_"Right.", Carrie smiled, watching_ _as Ann ran over to the car, bent down to talk to Frank through the driver's side window. Laughing at her giving him her most charming smile, teasing him, doing everything in her power to convince him and get what she wanted. Certain the strategy would work, she felt fine taking her time to cut down the rest of the flowers._

_***_   
_"Carrie, for Christ's sake, dinner's almost-"_

_"I'm almost done!"_

_"You didn't come home for spring break just to spend it in that goddamn garden, did you?"_

_Not answering she continued pruning with the rusted shears._

_"You're not gonna be able to salvage that, you know. Everything in there's gone to shit and you know damn well why, I-"_

_Shaking her head, wiping her eyes with her hand not weeding she let out a snort, kept at it._

_"I should've just poured grass seed over the whole goddamn bed.", Frank spat. "Saved you the trouble of-"_

_"Dad!", Carrie shouted._

_Seeing the look on her face, regretting his words Frank swore under his breath, approached her as she swore, threw the shears to the side._

_"I'm sorry, sweetheart."_

_Crouching next to her he slipped an arm around her as she shut her eyes, bowed her head._

_"She should be back! Why the fuck isn't she back! She.."_

_"I know. I know.", Frank sighed. Pulling_ _her close he rubbed her back as she hid her face in his shoulder, cried._

"Carrie?", Ann called, standing and then approaching when she didn't respond, looked to be someplace else entirely.

Her thoughts interrupted by a tap on her shoulder Carrie's eyes flicked up, met the older woman's,

"Yes, what.", she asked sharply, crossing her arms.

"Is everything alright? You seemed distracted."

"I'm fine, I...I'm fine."

"Are you sure?

"Yes, I'm sure. I should get Farrah back inside though, excuse me."

"Wait, hold on.", Ann frowned, stepping in front of her. "Farrah's doing just fine, Carrie. You've been acting strangely since we came outside. Is something bothering you?"

"Nothing is fucking bothering me, I just want to bring my daughter back inside! Farrah! Farr-"

Her path still blocked Carrie swore, tried and failed to get around her.

"Not until you tell me what's upsetting you."

Agitated, but knowing she deserved an answer Carrie sighed, wrapped her arms tighter around herself.

"Look I appreciate everything you've done, all your help. But I think I just want to have some time alone with Farrah."

"Alright. That's fine.", Ann nodded in understanding. "I'll leave the rental car with you so you can get her back to the community center. The only place I need to be is the hospital and I can get a ride from a friend."

"That's fine. Please. Just...just go."

Seeing her stance, shift in tone and just attitude in general Ann frowned curiously at her.

"Carrie..."

"What's so difficult to understand, I asked you to leave!"

"And I'm asking you why you want me to. There's clearly more to this than you just wanting time with Farrah."

"You sound pretty fucking sure of yourself."

"Well you're not a very good liar, dear.", Ann said, earning a snort before Carrie looked down, away from her.

"Look you've been a good friend, Frances. You helped me and I'm grateful. I really am. But I don't know your story. I don't know how you came to volunteer at the hospital, why you're living out of a shitty motel. If you're in town for good or just passing through, I don't know anything important about you aside from your fucking name. And it's fine, I really don't give a shit. Everyone has secrets including me. But I don't like keeping secrets from Farrah. And I don't like the idea of her getting attached to someone who could easily pick up and leave without a second thought.", she said bitterly.

"I understand.", Ann said solemnly. "And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep with her."

"You haven't. You...didn't. She's curious. She wanted to know more about you."

"But the problem is  _you_  don't know enough about me.", she said quietly, biting her lip before speaking again. "I can see where you're coming from, why you're hesitant to... I understand."

"Look there's no saying once I get to know you more that you can't get to know Farrah. It's just, aside from Brody she's my whole world. I have to trust someone implicitly before they're allowed within a foot of her. And trust doesn't exactly come easy to me."

"It makes sense, Carrie.", Ann said. "Really, you don't have to defend yourself to me."

"I just don't want her getting attached only to get abandoned. I've dealt with that. And it's awful.", Carrie admitted, crossing her arms again.  
"Anyway, I hope you-"

"No, I understand, I do. Take the car for as long as you need.", Ann said, giving her a soft smile. "And take care, Carrie. Farrah's a very lucky little girl."

Watching, swearing she'd seen Frances eyes mist up as she'd walked off, Carrie felt a pang of guilt. The woman had stuck her neck out, risked so much to helped her, and she'd returned the favor by raising her voice to and dismissing her. Looking over her shoulder though at Farrah still playing in the garden she knew she'd made the right decision. The last thing the girl needed was bonding with someone only to have them bail on her.

"Farrah! C'mon, let's go back inside."

Looking up, nodding, Farrah stood up only to frown seeing Carrie was by herself.

"Where did Fran-"

"She had to go, Farrah."

"But she nice though!", Farrah sighed, trudging over to her with the cut flowers in hand.

"Honey, I know but-"

"And she pretty! Her smile? It like yours."

"I forgot how observant you can be.", Carrie snorted. Leading Farrah back into the motel room and shutting the door behind them. Seeing all the anti-intrusion devices she frowned curiously.

"Carrie?"

"Yeah, what."

"Where the remote?"

Grabbing it Carrie handed it to her, sat on the bed.

"There anything special you want to watch before we head back?"

"I no want to go back.", Farrah sighed, curling up next to her on the bed. "I no want you to leave."

"You know that I'm going to come back though, right?"

Shrugging Farrah sat up, saw the nervous look on Carrie's face.

"Farrah, answer me. Please."

"I...you say you come back, but-"

"Farrah I'm not just saying it, alright? I mean it. You...you need to know that."

"Why you so upset?", she asked fearfully, shifting slightly away from her.

"I'm not upset, I'm just.." Rubbing the bridge of her nose Carrie took a deep breath. Tried her best to keep her emotions in check.

"I'm not going away for good, and I need you to know that!", she emphasized. "I'm not going to do to you what she-"

"She?", Farrah frowned, moving closer. "Who, she?"

"It doesn't matter. I..It doesn't."

Slipping an arm around Farrah she held her close, sniffed back tears. "Just know you're stuck with me, okay? I..I promise."


	157. Chapter 157

After killing about an hour at a coffeeshop within walking distance of the motel, Ann was making her way back down the road and noticed the car was no longer in the driveway, that Carrie and Farrah had left.

Breaking into a jog she reached the motel door, picked the lock with a hairpin before taking her duffle bag out from under the bed. She traveled light and knew it wouldn't take very long at all for her to pack up her clothes and things.

When she was at the coffeeshop she'd called Esperanza, told her she'd need a new car, place to stay, and a new identity as soon as possible. Frances the hospital volunteer was suitable when she was scoping things out, trying to prepare. But she'd let Carrie get close, close enough to start questioning and suspecting her. If she didn't make a move now, resume focusing on her job and assignment, the entire mission would be compromised.

After packing her bag she pulled out and unlocked the strongbox, retrieved the burner phone and dialed Sabina before going over to the bathroom. With her hand not holding the phone she slowly started detaching her wig, extensions. The process was painful and time consuming and when all was said and done she had every plan on throwing the damn auburn thing away.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me."

"Dear, are you alright?"

"Fine.", Ann snapped. "Just whoever approved these fucking hair extensions needs to be shot."

"Consider it your next assignment.", Sabina said dryly. "I received a call from Esperanza. You are planning to, as she put it, kick things into the higher gear?"

" _A_ higher gear. And yes. I want this all to be wrapped up as soon as possible. As soon as my new cover is issued I can set up the meet with Dar."

"New cover? Ann, you know my resources are limited. It is going to take time for me to arrange for a new-"

"Well then get it to me as soon as you can. I simply can't keep the Frances cover going any longer.", Ann sighed, feeling her colleague's glare over the phone.

"I take it your plan to not involve your daughter didn't go as planned."

"Carrie is not involved.", she said coldly. "Not in the way you think. She and I bonded over unforeseen circumstances at the hospital. I...I had to do her a favor."

"She has not realized that you-"

"I'm a better liar than you give me credit for, Sabina. And as much as I hate these disguises they do work. Carrie knows me as Frances. She just got to know me a little too well."

"So long as that too well doesn't implicate-"

"It won't. You have my word. Carrie is no longer an issue." Ann said resolutely. Removing the wig she tossed it in the garbage, then switched off the bathroom light and did a last minute sweep of the bedroom.

"If you are sure."

"I am. Trust me, my focus now is on the op, I-"

Trailing off, seeing something on the floor near the nightstand she bent down, picked it up.

"Ann? Ann, are you there?"

"Yes. I...I'm here.", she said softly, tracing the turquoise card with her thumb.

"And something is clearly wrong. You sound distracted.", Sabina sighed, knowing full well the only thing that caused that tone in her colleague's voice.

"It is something involving your girls, yes?"

Nodding Ann swallowed hard, spoke.

"Yes."

"Well whatever it is, please take care of it. You will be useless to me otherwise."

"You know me too well.", she sniffed, lightly laughing. "I promise, I'll go about it discreetly. I just...need to attend, something."

"Attend what? Does it involve Carrie?"

"No, my oldest. Maggie."

"If it is involving her you had better be discreet.", Sabina said knowingly before checking the time. "Dear, I have to go. I will work on the new cover but do not expect it for a few more days."

"Whatever you can do, Sabina. I promise though, I will get this done.", Ann said firmly. Eyes icing over as she looked at the card, the sunflower on the nightstand. Knowing exactly what the op had cost her, but that if she didn't see this part of it through it would cost her even more.

"I...I have to get this done."

...

After watching Finding Nemo and the first half of Monster's Inc, Carrie managed to persuade Farrah to let her bring her back to the community center. It wasn't Carrie's first choice either, if it was up to her the girl would be with her for the duration. But in order to take care of what she needed to take care of, mainly Lauder, she knew that she'd definitely be better off alone.

Once getting her composure back after the drop off she called the hospital, asked to be put through to a room she hoped was still occupied.

"Hello?"

"Faber? It's Carrie. Carrie Mathison."

Met with silence on the other end she frowned.

"Hello? Mike? Are you still there?"

"Yeah. I'm...I'm still here. I'm just surprised.", he lightly laughed. "You're probably one of the last people I ever expected to hear from again."

"I know.", Carrie said awkwardly. "It's been awhile."

"Yeah, since you told me to cease and fucking desist? It certainly has been.", Mike snorted as she rolled her eyes.

"Look, I'm not calling to take a fucking trip down memory lane. I need to ask you something. About Lauder."

Eyes narrowed Mike's jaw clenched. "Look I don't know if you heard, but I don't want a goddamn thing to do with that asshole. Not after the shit he pulled at my house."

"I know. Brody told me. About what happened with him and Jessica."

"Not to mention our daughter! Violet didn't let Jess put her down after it happened. And she didn't stop crying until I came home."

"I'm sorry.", Carrie said sincerely.

"Why? You didn't barge in the front door yelling and knock a chair over."

"I'm sorry that it happened. Jessica's been through enough bullshit. The last thing she should have to deal with is Lauder terrorizing her. No one should need to deal with that from him."

Picking up on the anger in her voice, Mike frowned, bit his lip nervously.

"Carrie, what exactly are you-"

"I need your help, Faber. To stop Lauder, I-"

"Jesus. Carrie..."

"Damn it, Mike I need to do this! Right now your former friend has sent Brody into hiding because of his fucking blog post making the papers. You warned him to steer clear of Lauder, now we know why. I have to confront this asshole. In person. Any information you have on where he is, likes to go. Even the address of his favorite bar would be a fucking help."

"You were the director of the goddamn CIA, Carrie. You're really telling me you don't have the resources to track down a drunken ex marine?"

"In case you haven't heard I'm not exactly on great terms with Langley right now.", Carrie spat. "Besides, going through them would take too much time. Just give me a location I can track Lauder to. That's all I need."

"Well, I'm sorry. But you're not getting it out of me. Not unless you sign me out of the hospital and let me ride along with you."

Realizing exactly why this guy had made it to the the highest level of Boy Scouts, Carrie groaned. "You're shitting me right now, right?"

"After everything Lauder's pulled the only way I'm helping anyone confront him is if they've got backup."

"Look, I know what Lauder is capable of. I also know what  _I'm_ capable of."

"Carrie..."

"I'm a big girl, Faber. I've spent the past decade of my life chasing terrorists. I don't scare easily."

"Look, you may be a terrorist chasing ex CIA girl, but you're also my best friend's girl.", Mike said as she bristled.

"I'm his girl  _friend_. And I'm not even fond of that fucking label."

"Fine then, forget labels. Brody's crazy about you."

"Not fond of that word either." Carrie muttered, rolling her eyes.

"He loves you, Carrie. A lot. Look he and I may not be as close as we were, but I can still read him pretty well. When we talked that day I asked him about you. He told me you guys were having a baby and I swear, he hasn't smiled that much since before we loaded out. Hell, since the first time he asked Jess out and she said yes."

"Faber, I-"

"I'm not about to get my face beaten in again for getting involved with another woman he loves."

"Getting involved? I'm not fucking propositioning you here! I'm just asking for a favor!"

"I don't mean that way. I mean getting you involved in a situation that could get you hurt. Get your baby hurt. Jess had high blood pressure when she was pregnant too. I know what her doctors told her to avoid, and I'm sure yours told you to avoid high stress situations. In my experience drunken lunatics with giant fucking chips on their shoulders tend to fall into that category."

"Look, I understand and I appreciate your concern. I do. But all that's stressing me out right now is not knowing where Lauder is and whatever shit he may still have up his sleeve.", Carrie sighed.

"And for what it's worth, I love Brody too. You can't expect me to let Lauder scare him into seclusion with his stories. I'm going to take the son of a bitch down with or without your help. I have to."

Swallowing hard, trying to keep her overrun nerves and emotions in check she shook her head. "I can't fucking live like this anymore, okay? With him always running, hiding, upsetting Farrah. I..It has to stop. And I'm the only one who can do it. With your help, anyway.", she snorted, wiping her eyes.

"I don't know, Carrie.", Mike sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Hearing his hesitation Carrie tried another tactic. "Look, wouldn't Jessica go up against anyone or anything posing a threat to you and  _her_  having a life together?"

Not getting a response she smiled, knowing she was wearing him down.

"Shit. Look, if Lauder pulls anything on you and Brody knew that I sent you to him-"

"He won't, Mike. Jesus. I'm not arranging a late night rendezvous in a fucking back alley.", Carrie scoffed.

"Just tell me the name of his favorite bar. Tell me that much and I'll be out of your hair for good. You have my word."

"You promise me that you'll look out for yourself."

"I always do.", she smiled, reaching in her glovebox for a notepad.

"Fine, get your pen handy."


	158. Chapter 158

After parking the rental car in the street, Carrie casually made her way towards the front doors. Attracting a look or two from passersby who noticed her starting to become obvious bump, and wondered what business a pregnant lady had in a sketchy dive bar.

Ignoring them she pushed the door open, walked inside past the pool tables and two men playing darts.

"Hey sweetheart, what in the hell are you-"

"Fuck off.", she snorted. Approaching the bar she caught a smile from a man on a stool who'd turned towards her.

"What are you drinking? I-"

Spotting her belly he bit his lip. "Jeez, sorry. I-"

"Look, instead of an awkward apology how about you just help me out."

"Sure, okay.", he shrugged.

"I'm looking for a man who frequents this place. Ex marine. Goes by Lauder."

"Lauder? You don't want to tangle with him, honey.", a man to her left piped up.

"Excuse me?"

"Lauder's bad news. Especially now that he's drinking again."

"I think that I can handle him. All I really need to know is if he's here!"

"Yeah. He comes around once in awhile."

"Has he been here today already?", Carrie asked, getting a smirk.

"Why are you so concerned? There are much better guys in this place you could be fixating on finding.", he said suggestively.

"Somehow I doubt that. Look, if he's been here already can someone just say so?", Carrie said, feeling frustrated and starting to wonder if this was a good choice. What she wouldn't give right now for a drink. Or three.

"Yeah, I'll tell you. I'll tell you anything you want to know." One of the men playing darts slurred, sauntering over to her as she rolled her eyes.

"Damn it! Can someone just-"

"Okay, back off of her you prick! She's with me!" A familiar, gravelly voice piped up. "I swear to Christ, Mathison. This shit is getting really old.", Nicki groaned, grabbing Carrie's arm forcefully. Pulling her away from the bar she pulled her into a kiss.

Met with a collective groan, muttering from the group of men they turned back to their darts and drinks, while Carrie jerked back, glared at her.

"Hey!"

"What? I got them to leave you be, didn't I?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Nicki!"

"Nice to see you too, Blondie.", the redhead snorted, walking her over to a corner table. "Here, take a load off.", she said, pulling out a chair for her before sitting in the one across the way. Flagging down the bartender she ordered a beer for herself.

"And ice water for my lady friend here, please."

Met with a look from Carrie she frowned.

"What? You better not be in here drinking!"

"No! I'm not."

"So what brings you into this shithole? Better you why'd you sit with that pack of fucking shitheads."

"Hey!", a man at the bar yelled. Prompting Nicki to make a crude hand gesture, roll her eyes. Seeing the worry in Carrie's though she smiled.

"Don't sweat it, I've known these assholes for years. They don't take well to outsiders though, hence my intervening. I hope I didn't scandalize you too much."

"No, it's-"

"If it's any consolation, you're a pretty good kisser."

"Thanks.", Carrie smiled, wiping some hot pink lipstick off the corner of her mouth. "And it's fine, really. I've always had a thing for redhead's.", she smirked.

"Noted." Nicki grinned. "Really though, level with me. what the fuck brought you in here? You don't seem like the shitty dive bar type."

"No?", Carrie asked, arching a brow.

"Shit, really? What's the seediest hole you've been at?"

Mentioning the pool hall, she laughed at the shock on the redhead's face.

"You've got to be fucking with me. That place right off the highway!"

"We didn't stay there that long. We actually kind of got ourselves run out by Nazi's.", Carrie smirked.

"Jesus Christ. Tangling with fucking white supremacists? You've got some balls on you, Blondie. I'll give you that.", Nicki said admiringly before biting her lip.

"Still though, I doubt you're here just to goof off and get an adrenaline rush. What were you trying to get outta the guys?", she asked as Carrie leaned forward slightly, lowered her voice.

"Maybe you can help me. There's this ex marine who's a regular here. I need to talk to him about some bullshit that he's been up to. Face to face."

"What's he look like?"

"Dark hair, tall, scruffy. I know he's on crutches too."

"Well, I may not know the prick personally but I think he just walked in.", Nicki said, nodding to the front where Lauder had pulled up a stool at the end of the bar.

"He looks like a piece of work too. You want back up?"

"Thanks, but I think it'll be more effective if he just hears it from me."

"Well look I'm only on my first beer. You need any help just holler, okay?", she said as Carrie nodded, went to get off the stool. "Here, allow me."

After Nicki helped her to her feet, seeing some of the guys eyeing them, Carrie smirked, took hold of the redhead's face and kissed her, this time more heatedly.

"Thanks for your help.", she said softly, pulling back as Nicki nodded, grinned at her.

"Any fucking time, Blondie."

Sitting back down with her beer, Nicki kept her eyes glued to the opposite end of the bar. Fully prepared to jump in and go after this drunken asshole too if need be.

"Whatcha drinking?", Carrie asked coyly, sitting on the stool to Lauder's right while he drunkenly stared straight ahead.

"Figured I'd start out with whiskey today. You like whiskey?"

"Blech.", she grimaced. "Give me silver tequila any day."

"Heh. I like that.", Lauder grinned, still not checking his peripherals to her relief.

"This guy I'm seeing though loves bourbon."

"Does he?"

"Oh yeah. Tastes like gasoline to me but I know it's his favorite."

"Gasoline, ha. My thoughts too.", he chuckled. "You know one of my buddies, back when I served. He drank straight bourbon."

"Yeah? What was this buddy's name?"

"I...I don't like talking about him. Son of a bitch fucked too much shit up.", Lauder muttered.

"He did?"

"He betrayed our unit. Fucker betrayed our unit and got off."

"Huh. What did you do about it?"

"Could've killed him, I had a chance to."

"But if you'd killed him, you would have paid for it. You wanted to make  _him_  pay. For everything he did to you, right?"

"Wanted to?", Lauder laughed, setting his drink down. "I...I already fucking did."

Turning towards her, at the icy look on her face his grin instantly faded.

"Oh,  _I know._ ", Carrie said menacingly, her eyes flickering as she leaned closer to him.

"I know everything you've done, Private First Class Lauder Wakefield. At that lodge up at Bear Lake, on your fucking laptop. And so help me,  _I'm_  going to be the one to make you pay for it."


	159. Chapter 159

"Surprised they let you in here.", Lauder muttered as Carrie let out a snort.

"What do you mean  _let_ me? I'm wearing a shirt and shoes!"

"I meant in your condition.", Lauder scoffed, gesturing to her bump.

"Unlike you I know how to fucking control myself."

"So what brings you here? Aside from you trying to threaten me. Knowing your boyfriend he's not thrilled.", he said as Carrie bristled.

"Shut up. I came here to tell you to cut out your bullshit blogging before I break your fucking fingers.", she snapped as he rolled his eyes, turned more towards her.

"You know last I heard, there's something called freedom of speech in this country I spent three years defending."

"There's freedom of speech and then there's spreading ridiculous lies!"

"If it was that goddamn ridiculous you wouldn't be here harassing me about it.", Lauder scoffed as she let out a hollow laugh.

"You're one to talk about harassment. What would you call barging into the Faber home and scaring their baby? Or you coming up behind Brody like the fucking coward you are to knock him unconscious! You put him in a goddamn coma for two weeks. That wasn't enough damage though?"

"Well what about the damage he did?", he bit back. "What about what Sergeant Nick Brody did to his family, his kids, friends? Everything he used to fucking stand for? What about the damage he did to you?", he challenged. Leaning closer as Carrie's eyes narrowed.

"Or did all of that just go away when you went and got your brain zap blasted?"

Glaring at him Carrie shook her head, went to stand.

"Yeah, that's right. You just keep...AGH!  _Fucking shit!"_

After bringing her right arm down on the back of Lauder's head, neck so the side of his face was smushed into the wood of the bar, keeping her hold on him Carrie bent so they were eye level.

"Don't pretend for one second that you know shit about me. Or Brody. If you did you'd know he and I worked through the bullshit you're so fucking bent on bringing up."

When he started laughing Carrie shook her head incredulously, wanting more than anything to just slap the smug look off his face.

"What? I wouldn't be laughing if a pregnant woman put me in a headlock, in the middle of my damn bar!"

"I'm...laughing, at something you just said.", Lauder grinned. "You're a funny one, you know? Really.", he said, earning a snort.

"You can compliment me all you want. I'm not letting you up."

"What's to say...that I'm bringing up  _his_ bullshit?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about, how I have ways to fuck with Brody that got nothing to do with  _him._ If you'd dug a little bit more you'd have probably figured it out."

"I  _dug_   _into_  everything I had to. I read the goddamn newspaper headline! And it was completely off base. Nicholas Brody was  _not_ a deserter.", Carrie spat as Lauder rolled his eyes.

"I thought that you said you read the headline.", he muttered. "Look, if it makes you feel better, I get you not wanting to delve too deep in all this. Trust me, you keep rooting around, you won't like what you fucking find. I mean I was even surprised."

Frowning, Carrie scoffed, hoped she didn't look as puzzled as she felt.

"What's there that's left to look into? Drunken moronic ramblings, more of your inane ideas?", she spat. "In case you didn't know I've got more to worry about then your fucking warped thought process, Lauder."

Looking up at her from where his head lay on the bar he snorted.

"So you know, sweetheart, my warped thought process stumbled on stuff your network of spooks couldn't have in a million years. Something that'll fuck your boyfriend up way more than any of his so called fucking brainwashing.", Lauder growled.

When Carrie tightened her hold he laughed, rolled his eyes before hearing an unfamiliar voice.

"Hey! What's so funny you drunken fuck?!", Nicki spat, nodding for Carrie to step to the side.

"Nicki it's fine, I don't-"

"Relax, I got this. Give your skinny ass arm a rest."

After she reluctantly stepped back, Nicki eagerly dug her elbow into the back of Lauder's neck. Smirked when he let out a groan, whimper.

"You're giving my friend a hard time. In my bar. I don't take kindly to that shit.", she said as Carrie rolled her eyes, frustrated.

"Nicki...Jesus! You don't-"

"What? I happen to be finding this very enjoyable right now."

"Well that makes one of us at least.", Carrie spat, shaking her head before storming out of the bar.

Standing, Nicki waved to one of the men playing pool. "Steve! Take over here."

"Huh?"

"Don't let this gimpy fuck out of your sight, okay?", she ordered before going outside. Seeing Carrie in her car, visibly upset, the redhead sighed and approached, knocked on the passenger side window.

"What the-"  
Rolling her eyes, Carrie reached over, opened the car door to let her in.

"Glad I caught you. Nice ride.", Nicki grinned, reclining the seat back before stretching out, resting her feet on the dashboard.

"It's just a rental.", Carrie snorted.

"It's a Rolls compared to my piece of shit. Anyway, I got eyes on the fucker inside. Until you give the word he's not leaving that bar."

"He's a useless drunk. Of course he's not going to leave.", Carrie scoffed. "And so what if he tries? Confronting him didn't accomplish shit."

"Well, what did you hope it would accomplish exactly?", Nicki asked curiously as Carrie rolled her eyes, crossed her arms.

"Something besides me feeling even more fucking vulnerable.", she muttered.

"Hey, who's calling you vulnerable? Are you saying that asshole in there made you look weak?"

"No. Just...he knows he has the upper hand! He does have it."

"Okay, you've got to fill me in here. What lie is this douchebag spreading that gave him the upper hand over a fucking ex intelligence officer?"

Reclining her seat back as well Carrie sighed. "The man I'm seeing. The one who..."

When she gestured to her belly Nicki nodded. "Knocked you up. Continue."

"Him and Lauder served together. They were in the same unit overseas, and a lot of shit happened."

"Not much of a surprise.", Nicki snorted, listening as Carrie went on to explain what had happened at the hunting lodge.

"Geez. What a goddamn prince.", she spat as Carrie nodded.

"Now, Lauder's published a blog claiming Brody was a deserter.", Carrie said bitterly. "The press ran with the story and camped out on my fucking lawn."

"No wonder you're after the son of a bitch."

"Well I can go after him as much as I want. It's not going to make a fucking difference! The damage is already done. I can't change it."

"You kidding? You could at least try and get the story redacted.", Nicki suggested. "If it's all lies as you say, you could threaten to sue Lauder's ass if he doesn't take it all back. Or you could disprove every point the prick made, give the press proof that your guy couldn't have been a deserter. Either way you nail the drunk to the goddamn wall."

"But to do that I'd have to dig into the article. And according to Lauder I'll just dig up worse shit."

"Worse shit then this?", she scoffed. "You can't seriously tell me you believe the bastard."

"I don't know what to fucking believe any more.", Carrie sighed, looking defeated as Nicki got her seat upright, swung her legs off the dashboard and turned to face her.

"Well you want to know what I'm starting to believe? That if that drunk in there was a high ranking terrorist, and the you sitting here now was the officer responsible for bringing him down, the whole country would be fucked."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I get we're in the private sector but for Christ's sake, your training hasn't gone completely out the window has it?"

"I don't-"

"You confront a suspect and it doesn't go the way you want, so you give up? Let him spew hate and blow shit up while you just sit in your car?", Nicki asked, getting a shrug.

"Look, your first strategy backfired, so resort to a different one. Instead of attacking Lauder over his argument, attack the argument itself. Tear it apart. Not only are you smarter than that son of a bitch, you just said this Brody was your goddamn case study. So dust off your books and notes about him and find out where he really was when this fucker claims he went AWOL. Who cares if you don't like what you find? You've dealt with shit before."

"I know I have. I just...I haven't got time to dissect a damn article, do research. I've got less than three days! I-"

"If you don't have the time find someone else who does. You got friends right?"

"Aside from you just a select few.", Carrie snorted.

"Well a select few is better than none. Go recruit some of them to take over this op, and then go track down who you really want to spend your two plus days of freedom with."

"Nicki, I-"

"C'mon. Take it from me, you need this. When you start taking a drunk in that shithole bar seriously, you need to get someplace to regroup. And while you're at it do a little research. Get up close and personal again with the fellow ginger that won your heart.", Nicki grinned.

"How the fuck did you know that he...", Laughing, Carrie was met with a shrug.

"Lucky guess I guess."

"Listen, you've really helped. A lot."

"Well I try. And trust me, if Lauder tries anything else I've got three guys in there who will gladly bust up his computer. And him if need be."

"I appreciate it. Really. I...I don't know how to-"

"Thank me?", Nicki asked before grinning. "Well I'd say buy us a round of drinks but in your condition, a hug will suffice."

Nodding Carrie reached over. Her gesture getting met with a pat on the back.

"Also for the record, you're a good kisser, great hugger. Usually, excelling at both of those means you're a pretty good-"

"Oh yeah. I am.", she said slyly, pulling back as Nicki snorted, shook her head before opening the car door.

"You know you're quite the fucking tease, Mathison.", she scoffed. Exiting the car she shut the door, peered through the still roll down window.

"Yeah? Tell me something I don't know.", Carrie retorted.

"If I didn't consider you a close friend I'd find that to be problematic."

Shaking her head, laughing, Carrie turned the car on, rolled the window back up.

"Very problematic!", Nicki yelled, knowing she'd been heard when Carrie smirked and turned up the radio before waving goodbye to her. Flipping her off in return the redhead shook her head, still smiling even after she drove off.

 


	160. Chapter 160

After leaving the bar, taking Nicki's suggestion to heart, it took Carrie about an hour to reach the cabin. Recognizing the mosque's van in the driveway, she was relieved her first instinct as to where he'd gone had paid off.

Getting out of the car, she barely beat the rain on the walk up to the porch. By the time she reached the front door there was a downpour behind her.

Opening the screen door she didn't even bother knocking before walking into the kitchen, then the den. Seeing him knelt down, putting logs on the fire.

"Hey.", she said softly. Not wanting to sneak up behind and startle him. Hearing her voice though he almost dropped the armful of firewood.

"What the...", he breathed, turning around to face her. "What are you doing here?"

"I escaped.", Carrie shrugged.

"Carrie, for Christ's sake."

"Had a feeling I'd find you here.", she said as he shook his head in awe, stood up.

"Farrah's at Quinn's.", Brody said, knowing she'd be curious. "I would've brought her, but if the fucking press had followed me here..."

Nodding in understanding, Carrie set her bag down, approached him as he practically fell in her arms. Hid his face against her shoulder as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"It's okay. It's okay...", she soothed as he shook his head, pulled back.

"None of this is fucking okay, Carrie. Lauder's just-"

"Look, don't think about him, okay? All he's doing is spewing lies!"

"That sent reporters to your fucking door!"

"But the reporters aren't here.", Carrie grinned, leaning in to kiss him.

"Carrie...", he groaned, pulling back.

"Brody, I didn't break out of the fucking psych ward just to talk."

"Wait! You broke-"

"Brody!"

"Listen, I have a right to know if the cops are on their way here instead of the reporters.", he scoffed as she rolled her eyes.

"Jesus Christ, I'm not a fugitive!"

"You were admitted by the court, Carrie."

"And I was granted a three day pass by the hospital the court admitted me to! Abby arranged it. After I broke out.", she shrugged.

"Jesus. That woman should be nominated for sainthood.", Brody sighed. "So what, did you sneak out the window? Stuff a pillow under your covers to fool the guards into thinking you were asleep?"

"Please.", Carrie snorted.

"Well what did you-"

"I don't want to talk about it, okay. I...It's not important. It's not.", she said softly, looking down.

Sensing her change Brody moved forward, reached to cup her face with both hands.

"Why don't you tell me why you did break out then?", he teased. Sliding his hands down her face to rub her shoulders.

Rolling her eyes, smirking suggestively Carrie reached for and undid his belt, knelt down in front of him. "Shit. Carrie..."

After she unzipped him, teased him through fabric before removing the obstacle of it, it took all of Brody's strength to keep from picking her up and bringing her to the bed. But he knew why she was doing this. He was so pent up and anxious he was liable to just wind up taking her and not taking his time.

When she replaced her hands with her mouth Brody's eyes practically rolled back enough to see his brain. Soon he was moving, cursing, twisting her hair in his hands and encouraging her, before his knees shook and nearly gave out entirely.

"Are you okay?"

Nodding, tugging his boxers and jeans back on, he sank onto the pulled out couch as Carrie grinned, joined him. After lying down she started undoing his shirt buttons, kissed his neck.

"Hey. I'm gonna need a second here if you want to-"

"Relax. I just want to do this." Unbuttoning his shirt the rest of the way she curled up on his chest, planted a kiss there before cuddling against him. "I missed this."

"I did too.", Brody smiled, kissing the side of her head and curling his right arm around her belly. "You alright?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You sound tired.", he said, trying to hide his concern.

"The drive here took longer than I thought.", Carrie said before yawning.

"Go ahead and sleep then. I was just about to get dinner started anyway. Unless you want to help?"

When she shook her head, laughing, Brody went to move but she curled her arm more tightly around him.

"Hey...what are you..."

"What the fuck do you think? I don't want you to move."

"Carrie..."

"Look you just said I should try and sleep. I-"

"I suggested you try and shut your eyes while I make dinner. In order to do that though I really ought to be in there.", Brody sighed, pointing to the kitchen as she cuddled closer to him.

"Just a few more seconds, okay?"

"Carrie, look-"

"Look you know how hard it is to get a good night's rest in a goddamn hospital? And then this morning I woke up on a musty motel mattress."

"Motel?", Brody frowned. "What are you-"

"It doesn't matter. This is just the most comfortable I've been in awhile, okay? I wouldn't mind it lasting a little longer.", she said softly as he nodded, held her a little tighter.

"Fine, I'll stay. But first you gotta tell me what happened between now and when you left the hospital. Something got you worked up, I can tell."

"Brody..."

"C'mon, love."

Rolling her eyes she sighed, spoke after a beat.

"I saw the blog Lauder published. A volunteer handed me her fucking phone to read it off of. And afterwards I...I got upset."

"How upset?", Brody asked fearfully.

"A nurse and doctor diagnosed me as manic. One of them drugged-"

"Carrie, Jesus."

"I came to and I was just...panicked. That volunteer with the cart though, Frances? She saw what happened and helped me escape."

"You're kidding.", he breathed. "How much trouble did she risk getting into doing that?"

"I don't know. At least she and Abby are on the same side."

"That's true. We caught a lucky break there."

"For once.", Carrie snorted as he kissed the side of her head before hearing her yawn.

"Look you should really get some rest. I'll stay here though until you fall asleep."

"Great, now I feel like I'm Farrah or something.", she scoffed.

"Well you are pretty fucking alike. C'mon, close your eyes, it's okay."

Rubbing her back he watched, waited patiently until she drifted off. Then carefully shifted out of her arms, kissed her forehead before getting up, covering her up. Hearing her softly snore, knowing she would be out for awhile he quietly walked over to the kitchen, started going through the grocery bags he'd brought up. Hoping he could make a meal for the two of them out of supplies for just one.

He settled on chili and cornbread. Hoping that Carrie was hungry and that meat still appealed to her. It took him less time to prepare the food than he thought, and he was putting some bowls together for them when he heard a soft groan and turned, saw her roll over. Still out like a light.

"Carrie?", Approaching her, Brody perched on the bed. Holding the bowl of chili with a chunk of cornbread sticking out of it.

"Carrie. Care..eee..", he sang, gently shaking her shoulder. When she still didn't wake he sat perched at the foot of the sofabed. Eating his chili as he watched her sleep.

Twenty minutes later he was more than halfway through eating, but she looked like she was starting to come around. Eyes cracking open she frowned, rolled onto her back.

"Hey..", Brody smiled.

"Hey. How long was I out?"

"About three hours. Maybe three and a half."

"Three hours?! Shit!"

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with a catnap."

"This wasn't a catnap, it was a fucking coma.", Carrie snorted, rubbing at her eyes. "You cooked."

"Chili. And cornbread. You hungry?"

"Starving.", she sighed.

"I'll be right back."

Watching as he got up, cut over to the kitchen, sitting up she stretched her neck before he returned with a bowl.

"Thanks.", she smiled, taking it before taking a bite. "Shit."

"You like it?"

Nodding she took a larger bite, then another.

"For Christ's sake? Do they fucking feed you at the hospital?"

"Yeah. Hospital food.", she snorted, eating another forkful. "Did this take a long time to make?"

"No. Not really.", Brody shrugged.

"So what else did you do when I was comatose?"

"I ate my chili. Watched you sleep.", he smiled, getting a look. "What? You're cute when you sleep."

"Nobody is cute when they sleep. Unless they're a little kid or a kitten or something."

"Puppies too. Puppies are really cute when they sleep."

"Jesus. You're lucky you can cook, Marine.", Carrie scoffed, finishing off her chili. She was about to ask for more when she saw some tomato on the corner of Brody's lip. Setting her bowl down on the sofa table she moved closer to him.

"Hey..what?"

"Nothing, you just got something-"

"What?"

"It's fine. I got it."

Smiling, she reached over, flicked the tomato away before gently running her finger over his lips. Leaning closer, she kissed him, but when she went to make it more passionate he pulled back, looked down and away from her.

"Brody? What-"

"I just...I don't think we should..."

"What? Look my blood pressure is fine, I-"

"Well my head fucking isn't.", Brody sighed bitterly, still avoiding her eyes. He could feel her frustration though and bit his lip, reached for her hand.

"I'm sorry, it's just...I can't think straight. I haven't been able to since those fucking reporters started camping out."

Squeezing his hand Carrie looked sadly at him.

"We're going to fix this though."

"I know. But right now, I just...look it's nothing against you. I want to be with you, Carrie. You know I do. I just don't want our first time not fumbling around like teenagers in a hospital bed to just be a distraction for myself. I won't do that to you.", he said as she shrugged, shifted away from him.

"Hey..."

"It's fine, Brody."

"No, it's not. You're upset and-"

"I'm not upset! I just...fuck!'"

Taking a breath she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"I'm not upset. I know you're being considerate. Frustrating, but considerate.", she snorted before looking up, softly smiling at him. "I don't want us just going through the motions either."

Shifting to the foot of the pullout she kissed his cheek as he frowned.

"Wait, what is it you want.", Brody asked. "Are you still hungry? Need something to drink?"

"What I want is to take a shower. Don't see you being able to bring that to me in bed."

Once getting to her feet she turned, smiled. "If you change your mind though come and join me."

After she walked down the hall, to the bathroom, stretching back on the pullout Brody reached for the remote on the sofa table. Flipped on the TV looking for either an old classic or stupid movie he and Carrie could curl up and watch. Something to take their mind off things and eat popcorn in front of.

Scrolling through the channels though his jaw clenched and he sat up, seeing he was the top story on the five and six'o clock news. He was even mentioned in the news crawler across the bottom of the screen. "Motherfucking..."

Seeing red, he threw the remote at the TV, hitting the button to effectively turn it off in the process. Standing, he stalked across the den and considered joining Carrie in the shower, telling her what was going on. Walking down the hall though he heard her humming along to whatever jazz song was blaring from her phone and froze. She sounded relaxed, or at least like she was trying to relax, and given everything she'd been through there was no way he was going to put an end to that. The thought of stressing her out over something she couldn't control, involving her in this mess more than she already was enough to knot his stomach.

Knowing only one thing could alleviate that, walking in the kitchen Brody reached into the cupboard above the stove. Grabbed a brown bag he'd stashed away for just such an emergency. Unscrewing the cap off the bourbon he drank a shot, or three straight from the bottle, before carrying it out with him onto the porch and down towards the dock. Not even shutting the door behind him.


	161. Chapter 161

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Officially through with the fun process that is chapter adding. If you're reading here consider yourself up to date! More to come soon. :)

After getting out of the shower, wrapped in just a towel, Carrie went out front to borrow, possibly steal, Brody's flannel shirt she'd seen neatly folded on the recliner in the living room. It was big enough on her to be a suitable bathrobe and had the added bonus of smelling like him. Maybe if she played her cards right he'd be trying to get her out of it later.

Smile filling her face at the thought, she crept down the hall to the den only to feel a rush of cold, damp air hit her skin. "What the..."

Looking to see the screen door in the kitchen was wide open, grabbing her jacket off the kitchen counter, she threw it on along with some sweatpants, used the towel to pat her still dripping hair dry before dropping it, running out onto the porch.

It was cold and dark and and windy and the thunderstorm from earlier had only gotten worse. Carrie knew she had no business being out here, especially with still wet hair, but then again neither did he this late.

Seeing his silhouette pacing around on the dock near the picnic table she shook her head, ran off the porch.

"Brody?! BRODY!", she yelled, trying to be heard over the rain. When he didn't react though she knew it was a wasted effort. "Jesus  _fucking_ Christ."

Pulling her jacket tighter around her she ran onto the dock. Moved to stand directly in his path.

"C..Carrie? What-"

"What do you mean  _what_! You're outside in the middle of a goddamn thunderstorm!"

Seeing the bottle in his hand that was mostly drained, she shook her head, snorted. "You're  _drunk_ _!"_

"C'mon...like you've never been drunk before.", Brody scoffed, getting her glaring.

"It's freezing out here and you're soaked through. C'mon!"

"No! I...I'm staying here! I...I wanna stay out here."

Moving away from her he plopped down to sit on the edge of the dock. His feet dangling off the side, he swigged down some more bourbon before reaching back, setting the bottle on the picnic table bench.

"Why?!", Carrie yelled. "So you can catch the fucking flu!"

"I'm not cold.", Brody shrugged, shaking his head. "I'm a deserting fucking asshole, but at least I'm not cold!", he chuckled as the rain continued drenching her and him both.

"What the fuck do you mean, Brody?! You're not-"

"Amy Pike on the five o'clock news said so. So did Craig whats his face on channel two. What was his fucking name? I...I used to like him."

"They're wrong, Brody. Craig-"

"Craig's never wrong. That's why I liked him."

"He's wrong about this! Look, Lauder made this shit up, the press ran with it. It's all lies, I told you that! They're all wrong!"

"Doesn't really matter though, does it?", Brody asked, looking as defeated as he felt. "I'm as hated now as I was two years ago."

"Brody..."

"Rex, Mike and Jessica...Dana. Chris. Who the fuck knows what they're thinking. No, forget that. I...I _know_  what they're thinking."

"Look, you don't-"

"And my dad. Jesus. He'd be thinking the same thing. Worse. He...he'd say I'm a fuck-up. That's just the start of what he'd be saying to me."

Not able to tell if it was rain or tears on his face, Carrie crouched down, rubbed his shoulder.

"Shh, c'mon. Lets go inside. We'll talk, okay? I don't-"

"I don't wanna go inside.", Brody refused, shaking off her touch.

"Brody!"

"No!", he yelled. Turning to look at her, realizing someone else he loved was involved in his mess when it was the one thing he'd wanted to avoid, tried to avoid by coming out here, Brody's features hardened before he turned away from her. Resumed staring down at the water.

"You...you shouldn't be out here, Carrie."

"Hey! I'm fucking out here because-"

"Just go back inside. Please, j...just go back inside.", he slurred, his tongue feeling weighted down in his mouth.

"Damn it, Brody-"

"You're not supposed to be out here, Carrie!"

"Not  _supposed_  to be!", Carrie scoffed as he slowly nodded.

"Bullshit!", she spat. "I  _am_  supposed to be here and you fucking know it!"

"No. You're not!", Brody insisted. "You...you weren't s'posed to find me out here at all, Carrie. You shouldn't have come. You...you should've stayed at the hospital."

"Look, I came out here because I fucking wanted to. It was  _my_  choice, I..." Trailing off now it was her turn to look away.

"After everything that happened, everything I fucking told you, I wanted to be with you. Okay? I  _needed_  you.", Carrie choked out. But looking back at him realized nothing she'd admitted seemed to have registered with him. He was still watching the water, shaking his head.

"You shouldn't have gotten involved, Carrie. With this, with me. You...you'd have been better off if you hadn't."

Glaring at him she let out a snort. "Since when have I done anything that's fucking better for me!"

When he didn't answer, rather got to his feet to grab the bourbon, freezing and frustrated Carrie came up behind, grabbed his right upper arm.

Out of pure reflex Brody spun back to defend himself, gripping her arm with his left while his right aimed to throw a punch. He was operating on instinct, under a fog of alcohol but seeing her face, seeing her flinch, nearly fall backwards off the dock, realizing what he'd almost fucking done his face went ten shades whiter.

Once getting her away from the edge Brody backed away from her, wide eyed.

"Jesus...Carrie...I didn't..I...I didn't...Are...are you okay?", he choked out, his face looking ready to crumple.

"Brody I'm-"

"P...please tell me you're okay. I...I didn't fucking, I swear..I didn't mean to, I'm so..."

Watching as he shook, bowed his head, when he staggered back, reached back to steady himself on the table she gasped when he lost his footing. Fell into a shivering, broken heap on the ground in front of the table.

"I fucked up. I...I just fuck everything up...I'm such..."

" _Fuck_.", Carrie sighed.

Kneeling next to, holding him close as he kept cursing himself out, apologizing, she knew she shouldn't have been surprised when he broke down crying in her arms, when she started crying too. Soon though she stopped, sniffed back any remaining tears before somehow getting him standing, steady against her.

He got sick on the walk back, resulting in more apologizing from him and muttered swearing from her as she got him upright again, up the porch steps.

The storm had calmed down but the cold had set in, and Carrie felt her teeth chattering as she led Brody inside, got him sitting in front of the fire that by some miracle hadn't died out yet.

Taking off her wet jacket, pants, she dried herself off with her towel before wrapping herself in his flannel shirt, then a large quilt from the pullout. After putting some dry firewood down on the fire she sat down next to him.

"C'mere, arms up.", she coaxed. Getting his shirt off she dried him off with the towel, then moved to sit behind him. Once he was situated, lying against her she tucked the quilt around them both as he groaned.

"C..Carrie, I'm sor-"

"Don't.", she said softly, brushing her lips on top of his head before stroking his damp hair. "Go to sleep."

When he curled closer to her, softly started snoring Carrie reached onto the sofa table for her phone, dialed with her hand not in his hair.

"Carrie? What's going on? How are you even-"

"It doesn't matter, Virgil.", she said softly.

"Why are you whispering? What the fuck is going on, I-"

"I need you to look into something for me. I...I need a  _friend_  to look into something for me. And, you and Max are pretty much..."

"The best most upstanding ones you got."

"Yeah.", Carrie sighed, biting her lip.

"Okay, what you got for us?", he asked, motioning for Max to quit playing Mario Kart and listen to her on the speakerphone.

"Okay. Have a fucking pen ready."


	162. Chapter 162

His eyes cracking open, Brody quickly shut them in an effort to keep the room from spinning. He hadn't been this hungover since the first time he and Carrie came up here together. Shakily sitting up on the cabin floor he ran a hand over his face, let out a groan. Trying to remember what had landed him here last night. Then seeing the empty bottle on the kitchen counter, it started coming back to him. The storm, the dock, the argument, him being a pathetic asshole.

Reflecting on what he could remember made him feel even more nauseous. He wished he'd never have to find out the rest.

Slowly getting to his feet he staggered over to the bathroom. Stripped before jumping into a cold shower. Hoping it would help wake him up. Once showered, wrapping himself in a towel he went back to the front where he'd left his clothes. While dressing, he realized that Carrie wasn't in the living room or the kitchen. Looking out onto the porch there was no sign of her either. Ashamed it had taken him this long to realize she wasn't around, he rolled his eyes and went to the back bedroom, the only other place she could be unless she'd taken off.

Opening the door he saw her sitting on the floor, her back mostly to him. When he realized she was folding a shirt into an overnight bag he froze, fearing the worst. What had he done last night that had upset, worked her up enough to send her home?

"Hey Carrie? Carrie?", he called from the doorway. Not getting a response from her he tensed up even more. Didn't even feel right to approach her.

"Carrie? Shit. I'm so...look, last night, however I was acting. Whatever I did or said. It had nothing to do with you, okay? For Christ's sake, I was drunk off my ass. I acted like a fucking moron.", he said bitterly. "Look, if I did anything to make you upset I'm sorry. Just, I'm begging you not to go before we talk about it. Before you can curse me out for what I did and I can beg forgiveness and we can try to move past it. Please, Carrie.", he pleaded, working up the nerve to enter the room.

"Please, love. Can we just tal-"

When he touched her shoulder, made her jump, realizing he'd startled her he jumped back in turn.

"What the...Jesus Christ, Brody!", Carrie yelled, tugging her earbuds down that were blaring jazz loud enough for him to hear.

"What the fuck, announce yourself! I didn't even hear you!", she sputtered.

"Shit, Carrie...I didn't. I'm sorry, I-"

"Look, if you could quit finding new and improved ways to frighten me up here that would be really fucking great.", she snapped.

"I didn't know you had music going. I'm sorry, I-"

"Ugh, can you  _please_  quit saying that?!"

"Saying what? I'm sorry?", Brody asked as she rolled her eyes.

"Didn't you fucking hear me?!", Carrie spat. "Ever since I got out of the shower last night you've been either self flagellating or apologizing to me. And take it from me it gets really fucking old."

Holding her hand out, she nodded for him to help her to her feet but he stood still, didn't comply until she cleared her throat, got his attention.

"Shit." Reaching his hand out, he went to help her and went to apologize again, only to get a look as she stood.

"I didn't mean to work you up, Carrie. Now or last night."

"I know, okay? But it's done. Let's just forget about it.", she sighed. When she went to step around him though he stepped in front of her.

"Hey..."

"What makes you say it's done?"

"Excuse me?"

"Because if it was done and forgotten about, you wouldn't be in here blaring your jazz and packing a bag. And you wouldn't be giving me that look every two seconds either."

"What look?"

"That annoyed, frustrated, Brody you're a fucking asshole look.", he sighed as she suppressed a smirk.

"Tell me what I did."

"Brody..."

"Just tell me what I fucking did, Carrie!", he snapped before taking a breath, sitting on the bed. "I remember going outside, getting wasted. You finding me, bringing me to the cabin. What happened on the dock though? Because now you've got a foot out the fucking door and won't even look me in the eye. You...you've got to tell me whatever it was I kept apologizing for. What did I fucking-"

"You didn't do shit, okay?!", Carrie interrupted. "Look, you got shitfaced. You said things about yourself that scared and shook me up. But that's not the reason I'm in here packing a bag.", she said before it dawned on him why she was getting ready to leave.

"You have to go back. To the hospital.", he said solemnly before seeing his duffle bag in the corner, packed and zipped up. Getting him frowning.

"Hold on, I'm going with you?"

"Brody..."

"Jesus, Carrie. I can't go back. You know I can't!", he sighed, in disbelief she'd even entertained the idea. "And even if I could go to just drop you off, I don't need a full duffle of stuff for one damn car ride. I-"

"We're not going to the hospital.", Carrie interrupted as he turned, looked at her.

"What?"

"We're not...I'm not. Not yet anyway."

"And how the fuck did you arrange something like that, I..." Trailing off, remembering the last time she'd been this calm and prepared and had that damn determined look in her eyes, he laughed without humor. "Don't tell me you decided we're-"

"What?"

"You...are you fucking cr-" Catching himself before he insulted her he shook his head. "We're not running away, Carrie! We can't possibly...what about Farrah?", he sputtered. "Is she just staying with Quinn indefinitely? You'd really do something like that to-"

"Fuck, Brody. No! Of course I wouldn't.", Carrie spat, clearly offended at the accusation. "I'm not abandoning Farrah! I'd never do that."

"Well what, is she coming with us then?"

"No. She...she can't."

"Well you fucking lost me then.", Brody sighed, his head starting to spin from more than just his hangover. Letting out a groan he put his head in his hands, prompting Carrie to sit down next to and reach over, rub the back of his neck and shoulders.

"Is that helping?", she asked.

"Somewhat, yeah.", he sighed before sitting up again.

"So would you telling me whatever it is you don't want to though.", he said, giving her a knowing look. The look on her's though before she spoke made his stomach knot.

"Last night, after you went to sleep, I called Virgil. I asked him and Max to do some digging into Lauder's story. Dissect it. Try and disprove his point."

"And what?", Brody asked.

When she bit her lip, the knot in his stomach doubled in size.

"They couldn't do it."

"What?"

"They couldn't discredit him, Brody. They tried, but..."

Trailing off at the look on his face she sadly watched as he stood up, started pacing.

"They didn't fucking try hard enough then."

"Brody..."

"I'm not a fucking deserter, Carrie!", he barked as she nodded.

"I know.", she said softly, working up the nerve to tell him the rest. Sensing so, Brody stopped pacing. Looked at her anxiously.

"What else do you know?"

"I know who the  _someone_  else was."

"Someone else? What does that even fucking mean?!", Brody scoffed.

"The someone else discussed in the article. Someone else with your first initial.  _Your_  last name."

"Who..."

Looking at her incredulously, after the most bizarre possibility dawned on him Brody shook his head. "No."

"Brody."

"No, you're wrong, Carrie. Your friends are fucking wrong! They...they fucked up. They had to."

"I-"

"For Christ's sake! Max is a Mario Kart playing mute! You're taking him seriously about this? Mother fucking..."

"Hey!", Carrie snarled. "I get you're upset but don't attack my friends after they do us a fucking favor!", she spat as he let out a breath, bowed his head before apologizing.

"I know they're trying to help us, I just-"

"Look...", Getting up she turned him towards her, rubbed his upper arm. "What they turned up threw me too. A lot. But Max and Virgil wouldn't fuck up. They don't fuck up. Not with stuff like this. Especially when it's this serious.", she said as he turned away again, avoided her touch.

"They were beyond thorough, Brody. And this morning on the phone with them I went over all of their findings. Every bit of research, every detail. They vetted you. And when they couldn't find evidence linking you to desertion they looked into other people fitting the criteria. What we came up with, who we came up with, it's the only possible answer."

Seeing how still, shellshocked he looked Carrie took him by the arm again, walked him back to the bed and sat beside him. Stroked his hair.

"We discussed how to make all this go away though. And we decided the only option is to take a drive to confront-"

"No."

"Brody, the only shot we have at proving you're not the deserter the press says you are, is to bring the actual one out of hiding."

"I can't do it.", Brody said numbly, shaking his head that her fingertips were still stroking.

"You can. I'll be with you the whole time."

"Carrie, I can't.", he said as she scoffed, stood up.

"Okay so what happens if we don't. Lauder doesn't get called out on his bullshit, making him think he can add on to this story or concoct a new one, making his vendetta against you even more damaging. You stay here at the cabin indefinitely or go back to Canada to avoid the camera crews that you know will come after you, or me. And what about me? I grab Farrah and we follow you? What kind of way is that for us all to live? Unless you'd rather I raise the baby alone. And when he or she asks about you someday I say you're a fucking fugitive and pariah and the only way to find you is to take a family vacation to the fucking woods!", she snapped as he shrugged.

"I said last night you'd be better off without me.", he mumbled as Carrie knelt down, took a grip on his jaw.

"And  _I_  said, I don't tend to do what's fucking better for me.", she said firmly as he shook his head, sat back.

"Carrie...if you're right about all this. You know what my doing this would fucking mean."

"Yeah. I do. But I told you, I'll be right there. I talked to Abby. She's...okay with all of it."

"She is?"

"She's okay enough. She knows what your future being fucked would mean for mine.", Carrie shrugged, one hand resting on her belly while the other stroked his bristly cheek. Taking hold of her hand on his face he turned, kissed her palm.

"I still...can't."

"You have to. This is the one thing Lauder hoped we wouldn't do. Is banking on us  _not_  doing. It'll give us the upper hand, Brody. Abby gave us three days, that's more than enough time to get to West Virginia and back."

"West Virginia...?", Brody breathed.

"What? I drove to Canada in one night. A trip over the state line is fucking doable."

"How did you track him to..."

"Virgil got an exact address. Some trailer park up in the mountains. It was a decent hideout, but we'll be able to find it."

"I just...  _can't._..all this time he's been..."

"I know. I know."

Moving to wrap her arms around his neck, he held onto her just as tight.

"I can't believe it, Carrie."

Nodding she sniffed back tears, rubbed his back. "I can't believe I didn't know until now that your dad's first name is Nathaniel."


	163. Chapter 163

After she finished packing their bags and he packed their lunch, they got in the car and left. Carrie had opted to drive and when he hadn't fought her on it, she knew his head wasn't on straight. Not that she expected it to be.

He'd been staring out the window since they got onto the highway, and had barely said two words to her. Luckily he hadn't objected to her setting the radio to the jazz preset and turning up the volume.

"So what did you pack for us to eat again?", she asked, moving her hand from the wheel to touch his shoulder, get his attention. "I know you told me earlier, I just-"

"Just some sandwiches.", Brody answered. "Are you hungry? You want to pull over and eat?"

"There's a rest stop in just five miles. I'm fine waiting unless you-"

"I'm fine.", he said, a little too quickly for her to believe it.

Five miles later they pulled into the rest stop, a small area with picnic tables situated near a lake. After Carrie parked and went to use the ladies room, Brody got them set up at one of the tables. Not the least bit hungry though he turned to stare out at the water. Not even realizing she'd come up behind him until he felt a tap on the shoulder.

"Brody?"

"What? Sorry. I wasn't-"

"It's okay. You're not hungry?"

When he shook his head she let out a slow breath, sat on the bench next to him.

"Want to go for a swim? I don't know if we could have as much fun as we did the last time with all the people around but..."

"After last night I don't think us being around water's such a good idea.", Brody said gruffly as she bit her lip.

"Hey, unless you threw a flask in the basket I think we're just fine.", Carrie softly smiled, not getting one in return.

"Look you should really eat something. You packed enough fucking food for two and I'm not eating all of it.", she snorted as he reached behind him into the basket for one of the sandwiches. Taking the plastic wrap off of it, he took a tiny bite before setting it on his lap.

Rolling her eyes Carrie grabbed it from him, took half out of the wrapper for herself before reaching for a folded map in her purse.

"Why don't you just use GPS on your phone?", Brody asked as she chewed, swallowed.

"Why don't I just ask twenty of my former colleagues to track our movements because I'm too lazy to use a fucking road map?", Carrie retorted.

"Point taken."

"I know it sounds paranoid. It's not as if what we're doing is top secret or anything. I'd just rather not create a trail if we don't have to."

"Hey, if it's a trail that leads us to him you think I really give a shit who catches up to us?"

"Brody..."

"Shit. I wouldn't care if the feds came marching up behind us to the door of his fucking Airstream."

"Well I would. Jesus. We don't know everything yet, don't assume that-"

"Don't assume what?", he asked incredulously.

"Look, there may be reasons behind what he-"

"You're fucking defending him?!"

"No. I didn't, I'm not. But, you should at least consider giving him the benefit of the doubt!", Carrie said as he snorted, shook his head before throwing down his remaining sandwich. Too appalled to consider eating.

"I can't believe that I'm hearing this. From _you_!"

"Well why shouldn't you expect to hear it from me.  _I'm_  the one who fucking told you everything!", she retorted as he glared.

"Well you also told me you know what it's like to have a parent walk out on you. At least your mom didn't fucking play dead to do it.", Brody growled, grabbing the picnic basket before getting up from the bench, storming over to the car.

Standing in turn Carrie's hand went to her hair.

"Fuck. Fuck!", she yelled, a little too loudly given the setting and the two families with little kids in close proximity. Glaring at the parents who had the nerve to glare at her, she marched over to the car where Brody was sitting in the driver's seat.

Rolling her eyes she rapped on the window as he rolled his eyes, lowered it.

"What the fuck are you even...we agreed that I'd be the one to-"

"Driving will distract me.", Brody muttered.

"Distract you from how much of an asshole you were being back there?", Carrie scoffed as he sighed, rolled his eyes.

"Carrie, I can't-"

"Then don't. Just fucking drive.", she spat. Getting into the passenger seat before slamming the car door, shoving the road map onto his lap.

Rolling his eyes again, putting the key in the ignition Brody did as asked.

When he opted to leave the radio off, agitated Carrie reached in her purse for her iPod and earbuds. Placing them, curling up facing the window she drifted off. Perfectly content to sleep the rest of the trip if it meant not having to deal with her travel companion.

Navigating to the trailer park wasn't too difficult using the map. But Brody's nerves were fried and his mouth was dry and his sweaty hands had a vice grip on the wheel. He tried to focus on his breathing. On not having a fucking panic attack. Not focusing enough to notice he'd nearly driven over the solid line.

The horn from the other car caused Carrie to stir, and the swerving jolted her awake right as Brody's right arm flung out, reflexively curling around her chest as he pulled over, slammed on the brakes before parking.

"Fuck.", she breathed. Knowing though he was shaken up enough without her adding onto it, Carrie held her tongue, took a breath, then unbuckled her seatbelt. Getting out of the car she walked around to his side, opened the door.

He was trembling, pale, with the stricken look on his face she'd seen way too fucking much of lately. It broke her heart but she wasn't about to break down alongside him on the side of the highway.

"Give me the keys.", she said calmly, getting a surprised look. It was like he was expecting her to scream and get angry and go off on him. And it had thrown him off guard that she hadn't.

"If you think I'm going to ask you twice..."

Removing them from the ignition Brody handed them to her, swapped sides and seats with her before she reached over, squeezed his hand over the center console. Putting the car in drive, she pulled back out onto the road.

"Carrie..."

"Don't. It's done.", she said in a clipped tone, eyes still on the road. "Just let me fucking drive, okay?"

"Okay.", Brody whispered. Twining their fingers together as she drove the remaining distance to the park. Before driving up the rest of the road though she pulled over and stopped the car, getting him frowning.

"Why did you stop?"

"To make sure you're not having second thoughts.", Carrie said.

"Isn't it a little late for that?", Brody snorted. "We just-"

"I dragged you out here without a plan, Brody. I don't know if confronting your dad will do shit to stop all of this. And if it doesn't work I don't know an alternative.", she sighed, looking down and away from him.

"Hey..."

Reaching over he gently turned her face towards his, held her cheek in his palm.

"I'm not having second thoughts, Carrie. I'm too worked up now to have thoughts.", Brody sighed. "I just know not seeing him would be a mistake. Not telling him how I feel would be a mistake. And I've made enough of those. Shit, the last two days I've made...", he trailed off as she nodded, finished his thought.

"Yeah. You have. But you're a mess, and I get it. If I had to go and deal with my mom right now I would be too.", Carrie admitted as he moved his hand off her face, bit his lip as he stared out the windshield.

"We don't have to go in right away.", she said softly. "We could stay here to finish our food and talk or-"

"No. I'd rather just get it the fuck over with.", Brody said as she nodded. Driving up the path to the front entrance, after parking they exited the car. Once locking it up Carrie moved to stand next to him.

"I can't believe he's been in this shithole the past thirty years. I can't believe that he's..."

"I know.", Carrie nodded, reaching for his shaking hand. "C'mon. Let's go see what he fucking has to say about it.", she coaxed as he nodded, walked with her inside the park.


	164. Chapter 164

"You sure this is the right part of the complex?", Brody asked as Carrie nodded, walked with him to a row of beat up mobile homes.

"Virgil gave me the exact address.", she shrugged. "And it's not as if the park's that big. We can keep going door to door or ask around."

"Ask what? Hey, there's a guy who looks like an aging deserting version of me in these parts. Mind pointing him out to us?"

"How much do you and your dad look alike?"

"Same eyes, chin.", Brody shrugged.

"What about the hair?"

Smiling softly Carrie reached up, ran her fingers through it.

"Red too. But his beard grew in darker."

"So does yours.", Carrie shrugged, moving her hand back to take his.

"What do you mean? I don't have a beard."

"Sorry, your  _scruff_  grows in darker."

"It does not!", Brody protested.

"I sat by your hospital bed for two weeks while you were fucking comatose, Brody. By the time a nurse rolled around to give you a shave, you had scruff and I saw it. If you don't believe me ditch your razor for a week."

"You paid that close attention to my fucking scuff?", Brody asked, as amused as he could be given where they were walking to.

"Yeah. And lots of other things too."

"This is where you tell me that since you used to spy I should expect this kind of thing."

"You should expect this kind of thing because you were lucky enough to get my attention, Sergeant.", Carrie corrected as he softly smiled, pulled her close as they stopped outside one of the mobile homes.

"You ready?", she asked as he swallowed hard, then nodded, marched up to the door before knocking. Not getting a response he knocked again, louder this time.

"What the fuck's all that goddamn noise, Nancy!", a gruff voice barked on the other side. "I told you I'd fix your piece of shit shower tomo-"

Opening the door Nathaniel's icy eyes narrowed.

"You're not Nancy."

"No. I'm not Nancy.", Brody said coldly, looking his father over. His once closely cut red hair had gone gray and longer, and his face was creased, tired. He was wearing a flannel shirt, worn jeans, and reeked of cigarette smoke.

The tall, stern Marine that Brody feared and respected growing up was replaced with an aged, beer bellied recluse. But the eyes were the same. Icy blue and stone cold serious. His stare would've stopped a younger Brody in his tracks. Now it barely made him flinch.

"Who's the blonde?"

"I think if anyone should be asking questions here it's me.", Brody snarled as Nathaniel cleared his throat, took a step back.

"Fine. Come on inside then. Otherwise the neighbors are gonna have a goddamned field day."

Peering past him into the cramped trailer, seeing it was relatively clean Brody reached back, took Carrie's hand and helped her up the step inside.

Closing the door behind them, securing it, Nathaniel reached into a cupboard above the sink for a bottle, two glasses.

"Want a drink?"

"No thanks.", Brody spat, surveying the tiny living area.

"What about you, sweetheart?"

"No. Thanks.", Carrie snorted, motioning for Brody to sit with her on the small couch.

"Sorry it's not the Four Seasons or anything. I'd have tidied up but wasn't expecting company.", Nathaniel snorted, plopping into a beat recliner across the way from them, bourbon in hand.

"So, what brings you by, son? You and Blondie looking for a place to park your camper?", he asked, leaning forward with a smirk. "Between you and me, I think the spot across the way'll be up for grabs soon. Poor Bertie. Doesn't have too much time left."

"We didn't come here to look at fucking property!", Brody growled.

"Well, you mind telling me why you did? I mean you did drop in unannounced, son. You were taught better than that."

Shaking his head in awe he couldn't help but laugh.

"Brody...", Carrie whispered, touching his shoulder. Wondering if he was on the verge of hysterics.

"You know I think I could use that drink."

Standing up he crossed the space and held up the bottle.

"Straight bourbon. Now I know where I got my taste for it from."

Pouring himself a shot, he downed it in one gulp as Carrie looked on nervously, bit her lip when he poured another.

"Listen son, if you wanna get lit there's a dive bar just down the street. I'm not here for that shit in my home."

"Your home, huh?", Brody asked, looking and then casually walking around the coffee table, the rest of the space.

"So this is where you decide to fucking settle down? After years of moving Mom and I around, dragging us from base to base, state to state. Saying it was for the Corp so we couldn't dare question it. This piece of shit is where Nathaniel Brody decided to hang his goddamn hat?"

"Son..."

"You know if your dream home was in a trailer park couldn't you have just told us?", Brody asked bitterly. "Just said something to let us know it was what you really wanted? I mean, wouldn't that have been easier than playing dead? Faking us all out?"

"What I did-"

"What you did...was let us think you died in a truck bombing overseas that killed two hundred and forty one Marines. You let two of them come to our door with a flag after they said they couldn't give us a body to bury. You let Mom cry every fucking night for a year!"

"Your mother was better off without me.", Nathaniel said solemnly. "You both were. I would've come back and broken both your hearts anyway.", he said softly, sipping some of his drink.

Looking between the man in the chair and the one shakily standing, Carrie's eyes narrowed.

"So you just decided to fucking abandon them?!", she yelled as Nathaniel met her gaze. "Just hide out here while the military recognized you as a hero? You let your family think you died in action when all you fucking were was a gutless coward!"

"Nick, your girl here's got some moxie.", Nathaniel said dryly before his eyes clouded over.

"Your mom did too. Went toe to toe with me, kept me in line. But she was sweet. She was something. Something I just would've decimated.", he admitted, looking over at Brody.

"I didn't want her to be burdened, Nick."

"No, you just left that burden to me. For Christ's sake, I was a fucking teenager! And I had to be the one to hold her up and make sure she ate and keep her from falling apart!"

"Yeah well, your responsibility to her didn't stop you from enlisting, did it?", the older man asked as Brody glared, approached him. Standing up, swaying slightly Nathaniel looked him squarely in the eye.

"My stint may have hurt your mother. I admit that. But your stint was the one that fucking killed her.", he said as Brody lunged at him.

"Brody don't...shit. Brody!"

Running up, Carrie tried to get in between them, intervene, but not wanting her caught in the middle of them Brody backed up, pulled her to stand behind him.

Watching, Nathaniel shook his head, smiled. "Have to be the protector, don't you? Not that she needs it.", he said, nodding to Carrie as she glared.

"Yep, still need to always be the hero. You get that from me. I wanted the same thing. Until I realized it would fucking kill me."

Sitting back in the recliner he took another sip of his drink.

"I had a choice, Nicky. I could die a blown up war vet, or die here an old drunk bastard. At least letting you think it was the former, let you think I was something to be respected. If I'd done my stint, come home after what I saw, I'd have been a fucked up wreck. Just would've broken you and your mom down anyway. Broken you even more than you are right fucking now.", he said knowingly.

"From what I can tell you're a fucked up wreck too, son. Not exactly surprised. That's what war does."

"Well at least I had the guts to stick it out.", Brody spat, downing his second drink from where he was standing in the corner. "I didn't desert anyone until they captured and fucking sold me to Nazir, not leaving me with much choice. At least I knew if I was gonna die, it was gonna be as a fucking Marine. Like the one I thought you were!"

"But you didn't die, did you?", Nathaniel snorted. "No, you just got so fucked up over there you were ready to come home in that vest and blow yourself to bits. Blow your fucking family to bits along with you."

"And you think what you did to us wasn't the same damn thing? You think what you did didn't destroy your family, Mom and I?", Brody asked, trying to keep his voice from cracking.

"For Christ's sake, Dad. If you'd come back...we would've helped. We could've at least tried to...you didn't even let us!"

"You could've tried to do what, Nicky? Get the flashbacks and shakes and PTS fucking D to stop?!", Nathaniel shouted. "You think your mother could've coped with that shit any better than that wife of yours must've?", he asked. "She couldn't handle what you turned into. Same as I know your mother couldn't have handled what I turned into."

Turning to Carrie he looked curiously at her. "Seems though you think you can, Blondie."

"My name's not Blondie.", she spat. "It's Carr-"

"Whatever you call yourself. After everything I've seen on the news, you...you signed onto a life with him?", Nathaniel laughed. "Shit. I don't even want to know what your story is.", he snorted, getting a glare in return.

"The only story we're here to talk about is the one leaked to the papers about "N" Brody. Except nobody's exactly caught onto the N standing for Nathaniel yet."

"Except for you. You're a smart one, aren't you?"

"Smart enough to know all we need from you is this."

When she reached into her purse for a sheet of paper, Brody frowned, knelt next to her.

"I thought you said you didn't have a plan.", he muttered.

"I fucking improvised.", she muttered back, then stood and handed the paper and pen over to Nathaniel.

"What the fuck is this?"

"It's a correction for you to sign. We'll submit it to the papers to get them off Brody's back. And hopefully get the cops onto yours."

Shaking his head disapprovingly Nathaniel rolled his eyes, crumpled the sheet in one hand.

"Thought you said you were smart, sweetheart.", he snorted. "You think I'm just gonna sign this rinky dink sheet here? Expose myself after thirty goddamn years?"

"If it prevents your son from fending off reporters the rest of his fucking life!", Carrie snapped.

"It's not just my son you're working in the best interests of though, is it?", Nathaniel asked, gesturing to her belly that she instinctively cradled.

"Look, sweetheart. No matter what I sign for you, however many reporters I fend off, that kid is still gonna have to grow up with a would've been suicide bomber of a daddy. And there's no amount of spin or findings or fucking wishful thinking that's gonna change that.", he said as Brody's jaw clenched.

"Well nothing's gonna change the fact that my father was nothing more than a deserting coward! I mean, shit. Was my grandfather a dictator in disguise, got the legacy started?", he scoffed.

"We're all disgraces, Dad. And I'm not excusing what I've done. But so fucking help me don't make it sound like you're an exception. I was willing to die to get a little boy I loved the justice he deserved. Justice the country I served decided to overlook. You claimed you died in action and maybe your soul did, but you didn't fake your death to do right by me. Or Mom."

Fighting tears he fought to keep talking.

"You did it because you're a selfish bastard. Who dragged us from base to base out of service to the Corp, but when the time came you ditched your unit and ran like a damned coward. Ran out here to do fuck knows what with the rest of your life. I certainly fucked mine up, but at least now I'm trying to pick up the pieces, start over the best I can. The same way that Mom tried. Really, what the fuck would she be saying if she was standing here right now?"

Swallowing hard, Nathaniel finished his drink, spoke.

"She'd thank me, son. She'd thank me for not letting her turn into  _her_.", he said, nodding to Carrie.

"A woman who bends over backwards to save a man that can't fucking be saved. No matter how much he wishes he can be. You won't get a new start with that kid or with her. By the time you're my age, Nicky, in your heart, in your head, you're still gonna be trapped in the same cell you nearly died in. There's no escaping that, or that vest. What you saw and went through is still gonna haunt you. The same way what I saw still haunts me."

Slowly standing, muttering something about seeing them out, looking between the men, seeing as Brody was spent and broken enough Carrie took him by the hand, led him out the door only to feel a tap on the shoulder.

"Hey, good luck saving this one, Blondie. You're gonna need it."

"And you can go fuck yourself.", Carrie hissed, twining her fingers with Brody's as Nathaniel swore at them, went back inside.

Looking up at Brody, seeing he was white as a sheet and shaking, letting go of his hand Carrie slipped her arm around him, held him close.

"C'mon honey, let's just go, okay? Let's just go.", she coaxed as he nodded, let her lead him back to the car.


	165. Chapter 165

Not long after getting into the car, heading back to the highway, Carrie saw storm clouds, heard thunder, before it started teeming rain. The dark skies fit the mood that had been hanging over them both after leaving the trailer park. Brody hadn't said a word and she couldn't bring herself to get him talking.

After everything he'd endured he had to process. She knew that. She just wished he'd let her on the process of him processing. Watching him suffer in silence like this, being all shut down and closed off made her stomach knot.

Her stomach didn't feel much better as the rain turned to hail.

"Jesus," she sighed. Looking ahead she could make out flashing lights and realized the weather had caused an accident, the traffic to be backed up for miles.

"Look, I saw a sign for a motel just up the road. We don't have to head back tonight. Let's just get a room."

Looking over at him, seeing him nod at her but not speak, still shellshocked and sheet white, Carrie took one hand off the wheel. Reached to hold his on the center console. Once turning onto the exit the motel was just a mile or so away.

Pulling into the lot, seeing there were vacancies, she parked and went to get them a room. Waving Brody over after.

"It's room number eight," she said, handing him the keys. "I'll go get the bags, lock the car. You go inside."

Nodding, Brody trudged over, let himself into the small room. Flashing back to the last time he'd stayed in one similar to it. It had been Carrie's doing. An attempt to get him to regroup, keep from running off the rails. He wondered if she was resorting to the same strategy tonight. Given how he'd behaved he wouldn't be surprised.

"Hey. Give me a hand with these?" Carrie called from the doorway.

Walking over, Brody slung the duffles over his shoulder, then took the picnic basket from her. After setting the bags near the TV cabinet, the basket on the small corner table, he sat at the foot of the bed.

"So, you want to watch TV?" Carrie asked. "Maybe we'll find a stupid movie to-"

Trailing off, realizing he hadn't heard a word she sighed. Plopped down to sit beside him.

"Hey..."

Putting her arm around him she bent her head, kissed his shoulder.

"Tell me what you're thinking," she said softly, stroking his hair as he turned, gave her a small smirk.

"You mean to tell me intelligence officers can't read thoughts yet?"

Pleasantly surprised that he'd cracked a joke, albeit a lame one, Carrie smiled at him.

"No, but I hear it's a work in progress," she lightly laughed as Brody moved out from under her arm, reached to hold the side of her face. Leaning in he kissed her. Gently at first before going to make it more passionate.

"Brody..."

When she pulled back he started kissing her neck, nipping at her skin while his hand slid under her top.

"Brody, shit. I-"

"You're so beautiful...", he murmured against her collarbone while his hand reached back, tried to unhook her bra.

Carrie's instinct was to help him. Get his clothes off too and pull him back against the pillows, over to the dresser, anywhere in the small room really. But she knew why he was doing this. The same reason he'd opted not to do anything at the cabin. He wanted a distraction. They both did. But what they needed to do was figure all this out, not just fuck and let everything fester.

"Brody, stop. Jesus, we can't..."

When he didn't pull back, went to lay her back Carrie shoved him back, hard.

"Hey! I said to fucking stop!" she shouted as he swore and got up from the bed. Looking ready to punch a wall in.

"What happened to us not fucking as a distraction for yourself?!" Carrie yelled. Not getting an answer, she rolled her eyes and stood up too. Rubbed his arm.

"C'mon, Brody. Nathaniel was nothing but a bitter fucking old man who-"

"Who  _you_  said to give the benefit of the doubt," Brody retorted as her eyes narrowed. Tightening her grip on his upper arm she turned him to face her.

"Look I asked you if you had second thoughts! One word from you I would've turned the car around at the front gate!"

"No you wouldn't have," Brody scoffed, moving her arm off of him.

"What do you mean?! Of course I would've-"

"Oh for Christ's sake. You said yourself that confronting my dad was the only way out of this mess. The only way to make this all stop. You wouldn't have let me pass that up! Not when our chance at a future's so fucking dependent on it."

"Look, if I knew then what I know now...," Trailing off Carrie sighed, shook her head.

"You would've said don't bother?" Brody scoffed. "The woman who gave up her career for us without batting an eye. You would've been fine if I'd said thanks but no thanks? Kept us in limbo until this all fucking settled down?"

"I wouldn't have been...I'd have found another way! I  _wish_  I'd found another way! Jesus, you think I want you to look and sound this broken right now?"

"Hey, so long as you can fix me up," Brody muttered.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"C'mon, Carrie. You protecting me,  _handling_  me, pulling me back from the fucking brink. Since you got my confession in that bunker it's just about all you've done. And you enjoy it. You'd have to! Otherwise you'd have given up on me ages ago," he scoffed.

"What's your point? That I've got a fucking savior complex?!"

"Yeah. You do. What else would you call what my dad said, you bending over backwards to-"

"Hey don't you quote that asshole back to me! Don't you  _fucking_  dare!" Carrie cut in, her eyes welling up before storming over. "I'd maybe call what you described  _concern_  because I love you and I'm having your child. But if you want to brush it off as my being obsessed, needing to be a fucking superhero you go right ahead."

"Carrie...I didn't-"

"Look if you want to take that prick's bullshit to heart, go ahead. It's your choice. Just don't expect me to stand around and hear it," she scoffed. Stepping around him she grabbed her duffle, slung it over her shoulder.

"Carrie, where the fuck are you go-"

"To get myself another fucking room! Jesus. I can't even  _look_  at you right now."

"Carrie...shit. Carrie!" Brody yelled.

Chasing her out into the hall, after a few steps he stopped, knowing it was useless to try and hash things out now. Not unless he wanted her blood pressure to go through the roof more than it had.

Thinking back on what he'd said, not even remembering half of it he felt sick to his stomach. He stood in place though and watched as she walked to the manager's office, got another room key and let herself into a room three doors down from his.

Slightly more at ease she'd gotten there and back without being bothered, he let himself back in his room. Dreading the thought of being alone in there all night, but knowing after the way he'd behaved he fucking deserved it.

Slamming the door shut behind him, he was sorely tempted to knock something over, hit something. But deciding to spare his knuckles he bent down, unzipped his duffle bag and retrieved a flask he'd stashed in a side pocket of it.

Uncapping it, his stomach lurched when he remembered the contents. Straight bourbon, same as what his dad had been drinking their entire visit.

"Fucking son of a..."

Cutting over to the bathroom he poured the bourbon down the sink. Then after throwing the flask as hard as he could against the bathroom door, he sank down onto the floor, wedged himself in the gap between the bathtub and the wall. The confined space giving him at least a little comfort in all this mess.

Hearing something hit the tile floor he glanced down, saw his phone had fallen out of his pocket. Picking it up he was tempted to call the burner Carrie had somehow gotten her hands on. But knowing she probably wouldn't answer he opted to call someone she would speak to, happily.

After three rings someone picked up, answered.

"Hey, J.J. It's Nick. Can you do me a favor and put Farrah on the phone? Thanks."

Hearing a soft 'hello' on the other line, in spite of everything going on a smile filled Brody's face.

"Hey, brat. How are you?"

"I okay."

"Just okay?"

When she didn't answer right away, Brody braced himself for a shrill "WHERE DID YOU GO?!"

"Where did you go, Nick! I...I miss you," Farrah cried.

"Farrah, I miss you too. There was just someone who I needed to go and see."

"I don't like someone," she grumbled.

"Honestly I don't like him either," Brody grumbled back. "Listen though, I need you to do me a favor, okay? After you get off the phone with me I need you to call another number."

"Who?"

"Someone I know you'll want to talk to. And she'll want to talk to you too."

"I want to talk to you though!" Farrah sniffled.

"Hey that's fine. That's fine. We can talk as long as you want," Brody assured. "Tell me what you've been up to. How are things at Quinn's?"

"I sleep on air mattress last night. And it pop."

"It popped?! Jesus, are you okay?"

"Yes. But it make loud noise. And then  _whoosh."_

"It  _whooshed_ on you, huh?" Brody laughed.

"Yes. So I sleep on Pete's bed and he sleep on rug."

"Did you give him a pillow and blanket like you gave me that time?"

"Yes! I nice!" Farrah said defensively, getting him laughing.

"Hey, easy. I know you're nice. So what else has been going on?"

After hearing her talk about Calvin, tell him a joke the imam had made at the community center, gush about the petting zoo Max and Virgil had taken her to and giggle about beating Quinn and J.J in a light saber rematch, Brody relaxed substantially.

Farrah started to relax too, yawning twice during her story about the light sabers. Worried if he kept her on the phone any longer she'd be too tired to call Carrie, Brody knew he had to try and wrap things up.

"Listen, Farrah, you remember I told you to make another call?"

"Yes. What is number?"

"I'll tell you but I want you to write it down okay? And call it as soon as we're done talking."

"Yes, I do it."

"Good. You have a pen?"

"Yes. It green though."

"Green's okay. Green's just fine," Brody assured. Rattling off the number to her, after he asked her to she repeated it back.

"Okay, you got it."

"Okay, I call."

"Good. And listen, brat. I don't know exactly when I'm gonna be back, but I love you. You know that right?"

"I know. I love you too," Farrah sighed. "I just miss..."

"Yeah, me too. Just call that number though. It'll make you feel better."

"Pink swear?"

"Yeah. Pink swear," Brody smiled.

"Okay. Bye, Nick."

"Bye, brat."

Hanging up, setting the phone down on the floor he resumed his earlier position, hugged his knees to his chest. Content to stay put in this dingy corner, for the rest of the goddamn night.


	166. Chapter 166

After being jarred from his stupor by a car backfiring in the lot, Brody realized he was still on the bathroom floor. That his shoulders and back had gone stiff. Slowly getting to his feet, wincing, he walked out in the bedroom, stretched. It was nine thirty at night, but after his nap he was wide awake. Thankfully a little more clearheaded.

Leaving his room, walking down the hallway to the vending machine he saw light poking out from underneath Carrie's room's door.

Turning the knob he opened the door a crack. Saw her curled up with her back to him in bed, kleenex strewn around her.

"So the air mattress really popped?" she lightly laughed, wiping her eyes.

"Farrah, I told you. I'm okay. I'm just happy. I missed talking to you."

Hearing the pain in her voice, knowing her missing Farrah wasn't the reason for all of it, Brody sighed, retreated back to his room.

Once inside, kicking off his shoes he climbed into bed, threw the sheets over himself. Too drained, agitated to even want to change his clothes.

Squeezing his eyes shut against tears he pressed his face into the bed pillow. Trying to pretend it was the back of her head, that they were home in bed and his arm was draped over her belly and that everything was fine.

...

_"Everything's fine, baby. I promise, okay?"_

_Frowning at her, Brody set his soccer ball and backpack down in the corner of his mother's bedroom. The curtains were closed and she was still in bed, still in her pajamas._

_He thought his walking to school, not making her drive him would let her sleep in. But he realized it just gave her an excuse to stay in bed all day._

_"Mom, I'm not a baby. I'm fourteen! You can't tell me you're okay when you spent all day in here and probably haven't eaten a damn thing!"_

_"Language, Nick. Please!"_

_Rolling his eyes Brody crossed the room, threw the curtains open before approaching her bed. There was a box of Kleenex and a framed photo on the pillow next to her. With the caption 'Best Wishes Nate & Lila' engraved at the base of the frame._

_It was one of their wedding photos. His mom had worn a veil and her strawberry blond hair up, and his dad had on his formal dress uniform. Brody wondered how long she'd been sleeping with the photo next to her at night._

_"Mom, c'mon. You gotta get up."_

_When she didn't move a muscle, Brody sighed, knelt next to her bed. "If you won't get up will you at least eat something?"_

_"I'm not hungry, Nicky."_

_"C'mon. I can make you something!"_

_"You can, huh?" Lila asked, looking at her son curiously._

_"Yeah! I made chili in home ec last week. The recipe's still in my notebook."_

_"When you made this chili how'd it turn out?"_

_"Good! Really good."_

_"It was pretty easy for you to make?"_

_"Guess so, I dunno," Brody shrugged, giving her a bashful smile._

_"You guess so, huh?"_

_Lightly laughing, Lila reached over, tousled his red hair that was getting longer, starting to curl. "You're going to need a trip to the barber soon."_

_"No I don't. I don't wanna go."_

_"Honey, c'mon. I'm not sending you off to school looking like a hobo!"_

_"I'm fine, Mom, geez.", he whined, dodging her touch. "I won't look like a hobo. I like it long!"_

_When it dawned on her why he didn't want to go, who he usually went to get his hair cut with and couldn't go with this month, or ever again, her blue eyes welling up Lila shook her head, sighed._

_"Nicky..."_

_"I'm gonna go get the chili started, okay?" Brody said before standing. "I'll bring it to you in bed if you want, okay?"_

_Leaving before she could say another word, throwing his backpack over his shoulder he dribbled his soccer ball down the hallway._

_Setting his backpack down on the living room couch, his eyes found the folded flag on the bookshelf, next to another framed picture of just his dad._

_Shaking his head, reaching his foot back, Brody kicked the soccer ball as hard as he could at the shelf. Knocking the frame onto the rug. Shaking his head, swearing under his breath he cut over to the kitchen, started getting dinner started._

_..._

Jarred awake after her nightmare, Carrie shot up in bed, caught her breath. The dream still on replay in her head. She and Brody were inside Nathaniel's camper and the two of them had been arguing, then physically fighting. Brody was outmatched, getting beaten up and kicked by his father and she was trapped in place, forced to watch.

"Fuck," she breathed. Her heart was still pounding and the baby seemed to be restless too, letting her know it.

"Jesus. Maybe you will win us the fucking World Cup," Carrie snorted, feeling light kicks.

Lying back down, hoping if she relaxed he would, running a hand over her belly she frowned. Seeing how much she was showing just shy of five months. She cringed at the thought of having to go out and buy maternity clothes, but didn't see an alternative at this point.

"Maybe I can talk your dad into braving one of those stores for me. You think he'd go for that?" she smirked before her face went solemn. Between the way they'd left things earlier, her nightmare just now, and the feeling in her gut that something was off, her worry about him was starting to spike.

Getting out of bed she threw on her jacket, walked down the hallway to his room after seeing the car was still in the lot.

"Brody. Brody?" she called.

Knocking, not getting a response she tried the knob, found the door was unlocked. Assuming he was still inside, just refusing to answer her, she pushed her way in. Searched the bedroom, bathroom.

"What the...damn it!"

After scoping out the room again, the motel grounds, even going so far as to ask the hotel manager if he'd see him, when he told her he'd seen a man leaving on foot Carrie sighed, shook her head. Cutting over to her car she pulled out her phone, dialed Virgil.

"Hello?"

"Virgil, it's me."

"Jesus, Carrie. You keep it up with these late night phone calls and my wife's gonna want an explanation."

"If Carlotta wants an explanation she can call me. And I'll tell her if I had any interest at all in sleeping with you it would've happened ages ago."

"Can you please call and tell her that? Please?"

"Help me now and I'll consider it."

"Help you with what at this hour?"

"Brody took off."

"For Christ's sake. Forget red headed menace, I'm calling this guy the fucking Flash," Virgil sighed. "You have any idea where he'd go?"

"We're in fucking coal country, Virgil. There's nowhere  _to_  go!"

"Maybe he's mining a diamond for your engagement ring," he teased, feeling her glare over the phone.

"Or maybe he's a fucking mess because of his fucking father and is drunk off his ass in a ditch somewhere!"

"Did he take the car?"

"No. I'm sitting in it."

"Well he couldn't have gotten that far on foot. You want me to track his phone?"

"Yeah. He probably used the GPS on it. My road maps are still in the glovebox."

"Road maps? Christ, you are fucking paranoid."

"What else would you expect?" Carrie scoffed.

"Point taken. Look Maxi's still at the office, I'll get him to trace the phone for you. Shouldn't take too long. Try and get some shut eye and I'll have him call you."

"Do I sound that ragged?"

"Worse. And you've got my honorary niece or nephew to worry about."

"Well your honorary niece or nephew has no plan on letting me sleep right now," Carrie groaned, feeling more kicks and just plain uncomfortable. "Besides, until I know where Brody-"

"Yeah, I figured."

"Can you just stay on the phone with me? Until you hear from Max?"

"Best offer I had all day," Virgil smiled. "So the petting zoo with Farrah was a big fucking hit. Max tried to pet a donkey and another got jealous and kicked him."

"Jesus! How is he?"

"He got kicked in the ass by an ass, how do you think he is?" he scoffed, getting her laughing.

"Did Farrah see it?"

"She took pictures. And then took a selfie of her and the donkey. I encouraged it."

"I'm sure. Wish I'd been there."

"Hey, we'll reenact it for you after when you're officially sprung. When's that going to be anyway?"

"When I make up for all the days I've been unofficially sprung. I don't know I just..."

Trailing off when she heard beeping, realized Max was trying to cut in and turn the call into a conference call, she rolled her eyes, accepted it.

"Hello? Anyone there? Hello?"

"Max we're all here. Jesus," Virgil scoffed.

"Max, what's going on? Did you track down Brody yet?"

Hearing a yes, and hearing where he tracked him to, Carrie's jaw fell.

"Wait. He's where? Did I fucking hear that right?"

"I heard the same thing, Carrie," Virgil said.

"So did I," Max piped up.

"Max you're the one who fucking said it," Virgil scoffed as Carrie rolled her eyes, rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Damn it, just shut up for a second! Max, are you sure that's where-"

"Yeah. I'm sure,", he said. "So you know I think it's weird too though."

"Just text me the directions, okay?" Carrie snapped as Max quickly hung up. Shaking her head she started the car. Could all but feel Virgil's concern over the phone.

"Carrie, are you a hundred percent sure you want to-"

"What choice do I fucking have, Virgil! Just send me the address. Please."

"Only way I'm sending it to you is if you swear on something close by to you that you'll be careful."

"Something close by to me?" Carrie snorted.

"It's late, I'm not feeling very creative."

"Jesus Christ, Virgil," she groaned.

"I mean it, Carrie. Look you don't know what kind of idiots could be there at this time of night," Virgil cautioned.

"I promise that I'll look out for myself. I'll be fine,", Carrie sighed, pulling out of the lot.

"Carrie..."

"I'll be  _fine,"_ she emphasized, chewing her lip as she turned the car onto the road. "I will. As soon as I fucking know that he is."


	167. Chapter 167

Opting to stay in the car, drive on the dirt roads until she found him, even thought it was nighttime and there was hardly any lighting in the area, Carrie managed to make him out.

Parking close by, she walked up the grassy slope to where Brody was standing. Making her way past the memorials and headstones, she cleared her throat so as not to startle him.

"Hey."

Slowly Brody turned, looked at her in awe.

"How did you-"

"You left a trail," Carrie said, holding up her phone. "I told you to use road maps."

Seeing the pain in his eyes that he was doing his best to hide from her, Carrie wondered if she had overstepped by coming here. Brody hadn't told her where he was going. He hadn't even mentioned that his mom was buried in West Virginia when they'd crossed the state line. She felt like she was intruding on a private moment, like she ought to turn around and jump back in her car.

"I'll leave you alone though. I...I can go."

"No, it's okay."

"Brody, I-"

"For Christ's sake, Carrie. You just tracked me all the way here from the motel," Brody sighed. "Besides, it's late. I should've started to head back already."

"It's okay," Carrie assured. "It's not like either of us could sleep anyway," she snorted, then got a better look at the headstone. Reading the inscription she chewed her lip, spoke. "Her name was Lila."

"Yeah," Brody nodded.

Nodding back, Carrie crouched down in front of the grave, removed something from her purse.

"Carrie, what are you-"

"Did she like sunflowers?" she asked, glancing back over her shoulder at him as he nodded, softly smiled.

"Yeah. They were one of her favorites."

"Okay. Good."

Setting the bouquet down at the base of the headstone, she held out her hand, nodded for Brody to help her up.

"How did you..." he frowned, doing as asked. "Where did you get-"

"There was a community garden not far from the motel," Carrie answered as she stood. "When I found out you were  _here_ , I stopped," she said.

Reaching over she squeezed his hand, but he only held on for a moment before letting go. "We should go," he said softly.

"Brody, I-"

"It's fine. You should get back."

"You don't want a ride?" Carrie frowned. "The motel's miles away from-"

"I can walk. It's fine," Brody said defensively, stepping around her. "C'mon, I'll get you back to the car."

Shaking her head Carrie followed, too tired and perplexed by things to argue with him right now. Following him to where she'd parked, she let herself into the car.

"Are you sure I can't drive you back? It's late. It's dark, I-"

"I'm a big boy, Carrie," Brody snapped before sighing. "I just want to clear my head. That's all."

"Okay," she sighed. When he went to walk off through she reached out the window, grabbed his arm.

"Carrie..."

"Just be safe, okay?"

"I'll be fine, Carrie. Go get some sleep, okay?"

Nodding, Carrie reluctantly let go of her arm before rolling the window back up, driving back to the motel. Doing her best not to think about the fact that the father of her unborn child was walking ten paces behind her car.

Once reaching the motel she realized he wasn't ten paces behind, more like eighty. And unless he was jogging he wouldn't return for awhile.

Cursing herself out for letting him fucking walk, after letting herself in her room, changing into his flannel shirt she curled up in bed, switched off the bedside lamp. She didn't even hear him when he let himself into her room a half hour later, grabbed a cushion off of the corner arm chair.

Waking up about two AM, Carrie groaned, got up to use the restroom only to nearly step on something, or someone.

Crouching down she shook her head, swore when she saw him curled up asleep on the fucking floor.

Going from worried to full on fearful for him, knowing the last time he'd done this he'd been in the throes of PTSD and flashbacks and fuck knows what else, Carrie bit her lip. The encounter with Nathaniel had triggered something in him. She was sure of it. And the fact she'd pushed for the meeting between them made her feel sick to her stomach.

Knowing though all she could do was focus on the here and now, reaching onto the bed for the extra blanket folded at the foot of it, she covered Brody up with it, tucked it around him.

After standing again, finally using the damn bathroom she crawled back into bed, buried her face in the pillow and tried to block all the bullshit out. Get some much needed fucking sleep.

...

Stirring, his eyes cracking open Brody realized he'd slept on the floor and that at some point during the night Carrie had gotten up, covered him up with a blanket.

He'd wanted to come back to her room last night so if she was awake or happened to wake up, she'd see him. Wouldn't be up all night stressing out over where he was. But once getting to her room, he couldn't bring himself to disturb her. Not when his sleep had been disturbed enough for the both of them.

Nightmares, the worst of which he'd had in awhile, had plagued him to the point that he couldn't shut his eyes, felt the need to go for a long walk. He couldn't bring himself to try and curl up in bed next to her. Petrified that he'd grip and bruise her arm again or worse in his sleep. But wanting to be close he resigned himself to sleeping on the floor beside her bed. It hadn't been as uncomfortable as he thought. After his hike to the cemetery he'd been exhausted and had slept soundly.

As soundly as she seemed to be sleeping right now. Not wanting to risk waking her Brody quietly got up, tiptoed outside and cut over to his room. Packing up his bag he showered and dressed, brushed his teeth. By the time he finished, came back Carrie was starting to come around.

"Hey," he said, perching at the foot of the bed as she sat up, frowned.

"You're dressed. Fuck, what time is it? How long did I sleep?"

"You're fine. It's still early. I just wanted to get a jump on packing."

"I can see that," she said, seeing her duffle packed in the corner and a change of clothes on the dresser that he'd folded and left out for her.

"We should call the hospital," Brody said solemnly. "We should go to the hospital actually."

"Okay. We can head back," Carrie nodded, trying not to look as upset by the thought of it as she felt.

"After we drop you off I'm gonna head back up to the cabin for awhile. At least until the press gets tired of me and sets their sights on someone else."

"That could take fucking forever, Brody."

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going back until things settle down," he said stubbornly. "I mean shit, the thought of them hounding the hospital, the mosque, Farrah, because of me?!"

"Okay, I get it. I...I get it," Carrie interrupted, biting her lip before speaking again. "She called me last night. Said you gave her my number, told her to."

"Yeah, I did."

Tearing up she reached over, squeezing his hand in a silent 'thank you' before giving him a sad smile. "She says she and Quinn and J.J are fine. She just really misses you."

"Carrie, I can't..."

"I know, I know," she sighed as Brody nodded, let go of her hand.

"I'm gonna go check us out. My stuff's in the trunk already but I'll bring your bag out too. Meet me at the car, okay?"

"Okay. Sure."

When he went to stand up, leave, Carrie quickly rolled out of bed, moved to block his path.

"For Christ's sake, Carrie, what-"

Looping her arms around his neck she kissed him, moved back enough to look at him.

"This is all going to work out, Brody. You have my word."

Nodding, avoiding her eyes he pulled back, rubbed her shoulders.

"Okay."

"What, you don't believe me?"

When he didn't answer, backed away Carrie swallowed hard, knowing that he didn't deep down. Not one bit.

"Brody..." she whispered.

"I'll meet you at the car, okay?" he sighed as he grabbed her duffle and slung it over his shoulder, walked out before she could say another word.


	168. Chapter 168

Rolling onto her side in bed Carrie glanced at the clock on the nightstand, rolled her eyes. 4 AM. At this rate she was going to need a sedative if she had any hope of catching up on lost sleep.

She'd been back in the hospital for four days. And hadn't seen or heard from Brody in three of them. She'd heard him when he said he wanted to get back to the cabin and lay low. She wasn't sure though he'd heard her when she'd promised him that she'd fix this. Find some way to get the press to back off. Use her resources, connections, sheer force of will to make things right again.

He'd just hugged her tightly, told her he loved her and to take care of herself and the baby before walking out, leaving Abby to walk her over to her room.

Since then she'd gone to group, made infernal pasta art with Olivia. She was supposed to journal but her notebook had been sitting in the corner of the room since she'd tossed it against the wall yesterday.

Ever since she'd been lying in bed on her side, tempted to throw out her meds each time they'd been brought to her. But then the baby would remind her with a butterfly kick or two she had to keep it together. That according to the wall calendar her release date, circled in sparkly purple, was in less than a month. She just hoped she could get some sleep between now and then.

Feeling restless, jittery she grabbed her sweatshirt and crept out of her room, walked down the hall that was quiet at this time of night. She wasn't sure where she wanted to go, but realized after ten minutes her feet had led her to room 205. Saul's. She was surprised to see he was still in the hospital, but a part of her was glad he still was.

Quietly opening the door she crossed the room to the arm chair in the corner. Sitting down in it, legs curled under her, she draped her sweatshirt over herself as a blanket. Managed to drift off in a matter of minutes.

The next morning, stirring when the sun poked through the blinds, Saul squinted, reached for his glasses on the nightstand to make sure he was seeing what he thought he was seeing.

Realizing his eyes weren't playing tricks on him he shook his head, got out of bed and slowly walked over to her.

"Carrie?" he whispered, gently shaking her shoulder. "Carrie?"

"Huh? What, I'm up, I'm up," she muttered, running a hand over her face as she sat up.

"How long have you been here?"

"Since four? I think. I couldn't sleep, I-"

"Come and sit on the bed. You look like a fucking human pretzel," Saul sighed, helping her to her feet as she nodded, sat on the bed.

"I didn't think you'd still be here," Carrie said. "It's been how many weeks since you-"

"I had a setback in PT. Got pissed, tweaked my back. They've been untweaking me ever since."

"Jesus. Why didn't you say anything to me?!"

"You weren't around. That was a big part of my griping. I was furious they let you get scared out of here. And I took it up with Abby and those schmucks on staff that drugged you."

"Saul, you didn't-"

"You're supposed to be in here to get better, Carrie. Not worse."

"Yeah, well..." Shaking her head she stood up, crossed her arms over her chest.

"Carrie?"

Looking on concerned when she bowed her head, Saul stood back up, slipped an arm around her before she sniffed, started crying.

"Easy, easy."

"I'm sorry," she choked out. "I just..."

"Don't apologize you understand?"

When she turned, nodded, hid her face in his shoulder Saul sighed, rubbed her back.

"It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

Holding her until she calmed down, Saul led her back to the bed, sat her down.

"Did one of those fuckers try something else now that you're back?" Saul asked angrily as she shook her head.

"Something happen on the outside then?" he asked.

"Guess you could say that," Carrie scoffed, wiping her eyes.

"Brody. Virgil told me you went up to your cabin with him. Went on a little joy ride after?"

"I wouldn't call it a joy ride. Far from it," she said with a scowl. "And if you're going to attack him I'm just gonna go back to my-"

"I'm not attacking, I'm just asking. And you wouldn't have jumped down my throat if this had nothing to do with him," Saul said knowingly as she snorted.

"You don't want to tell me?" he asked. When she bit her lip, avoided his eyes he nodded. "Fine, then you mind stepping out so I can-"

"His father's the fucking deserter," Carrie spat, taking Saul aback.

"What?"

Sighing she went on to explain what she and Virgil and Max had found out, where she and Brody had driven, much to the disbelief of the older man.

"Jesus fucking Christ."

"I had pretty much the same response."

"It's probably stupid of me to ask but how is...?"

"Not good, " Carrie said softly. "It triggered something in him, Saul. I fucking know it. He doesn't trust me when I tell him that I can fix this."

"Well if I was in his shoes I'd have trouble taking your word on that too," Saul said as she glared. "Hey, it's not a reflection on you! It's the situation,"

When the scowl left her face he continued.

"The man Brody trusted, respected, admired and thought died a war hero, surfaced a week ago as nothing but a goddamned deserter. I doubt he's trusting much of anything right now. Let alone anyone saying they're gonna try and make this mess right. Even you."

"Well I'm not just going to  _try_. I will!" Carrie snapped. "I fucking have to. It's just a matter of getting the press to back off of him. Once I do that we'll be fine, he can come out of fucking hiding. Be with Farrah."

"Well last I checked you played your trump card as far as getting the press to fixate on something else."

"So what? I'll just find another trump card."

"How exactly will you-"

"I don't fucking know!" Carrie shouted before quiet set in. Biting his lip, Saul broke it.

"Is that where Brody's been since you got back? Hiding?"

"Yeah. Why? Did you think we'd broken up?"

"Carrie..." he sighed as she rolled her eyes, spoke after a beat.

"I'm not used to having a civil conversation about him with you," she said softly.

"I'm not used to civilly conversing about him," Saul scoffed. "But I'm making an effort. Give me some credit for that."

"I'm trying."

"Well, maybe you won't have to try so hard."

"What are you saying?" Carrie asked.

"That I may know a way to help."

"Help me help Brody?" she asked skeptically, getting a nod. "Tell me."

"Honestly I'm surprised the idea hasn't occurred to you yet," Saul shrugged.

"Tell me what it is. I'll see if it was good enough to," Carrie snorted.

"The paper that picked up Lauder's blog post. It ran a fabricated story."

"But Lauder was telling the truth, Saul. The blog claimed an 'N' Brody deserted."

"But it's not Nathaniel's name and picture plastered everywhere, is it?" Saul asked, getting a nod.

"If we threaten to sue the paper for libel, they'll turn around and blame whoever provided them with the false story. It'll shut Lauder up. Maybe even shut the rumor down for good."

"Well who's going to file the lawsuit? Brody? Me?"

"Langley. The powers that be. Galvez, some other higher ups. If it comes from some high ranking official outta D.C they'll print a correction or redact it all together. They may even try and sue Lauder for presenting them with the misinformation in the first place."

Nodding in understanding Carrie lightly laughed. "You're right. That should've fucking occurred to me."

"It may backfire, but I think right now it's the only option. Aside from Brody staying in hiding and you getting more and more depressed as a result."

Smile fading she sighed. "Saul, I'm not-"

"My feelings about him aside, you're in love with him and you're having his baby. You want and need him with you. I get it. So it's for your sake I'm gonna try and pull a few strings. Yours and my godchild's. Are we clear?"

"Yeah. We're clear."

"Good. I'll set up a meeting with Galvez as soon as I'm sprung. Maybe even before."

Nodding, Carrie gave Saul a grateful smile. "Jesus. I don't know even know how to thank-"

"You want to show your gratitude? Curl up in that bed right now and get some real sleep."

"I can just go back to my room, I-"

"But you're here, this bed's closer and since I wrangled about five extra pillows out of the nurses it's one of the damn comfiest in here."

After thanking him, giving him another hug, Carrie reluctantly curled up in bed and dozed off, while Saul made his way down the hall to get some coffee, then over to Abby's office. Knocking twice on her partially open door.

"Well, Mr. Berenson. You've been discharged?"

"Almost. Still have a few fucking papers to sign. But I have something I wanted to ask you first. More of a favor than anything."

"Sure, take a seat and tell me.", Abby said, nodding to the chair on the opposite side of her desk. "Let me see what I can do."


	169. Chapter 169

Cutting over to Saul's room, Abby bit her lip, guiltily approached Carrie who was curled up in bed asleep. Reaching over she shook her shoulder, knowing the blonde hadn't gotten much sleep, but also knowing waking her up for this would be to her benefit.

"Carrie? Honey, wake up."

"What the...Abby? What-"

"C'mon, you have to get up."

"Why?" Carrie muttered. "What's-"

"It's an emergency. C'mon!" Abby exclaimed as Carrie quickly climbed out of bed, followed the older woman down the hall.

"Abby, what's going on? Can I help? I-"

"Just be quiet and come with me!" Abby ordered, dragging Carrie by the arm to the side door leading out to the grounds.

"Jesus Christ, Abby! Why did you-"

Once outside, getting her answer almost immediately, Carrie's expression went solemn, deadly serious.

"Abby. What is she-"

"Saul asked to see her, honey."

"I told you! I didn't want her to fucking know that I'm-"

"She doesn't have to, Carrie!" Abby sighed. "But she knows that Saul's here. That's why he agreed to this in the first place!"

Crossing her arms Carrie bowed her head, scoffed. Furious that her one request since this fucking thing started had been completely overruled by people she trusted.

"And what story does that leave me then? I just happened to be passing through?" she scoffed. "Fuck, I have to fucking lie to her!"

"Well how did your little meeting with her and Frances at the motel get explained away?" Abby retorted as Carrie let out a snort, not having a sufficient comeback at the ready.

"Look, if you don't want to see her you don't have to. But Saul requested a visit and thinks you should be there for it. He said with everything you're dealing with it would be good for you. And I signed off on it because I felt the same. I mean little Farrah's fine sitting over there with Saul. But I think she'd be even better if you joined them."

"Abby..."

"C'mon. Going over there, her giving you a big hug? Sitting on your lap?"

"You don't play fair," Carrie scoffed.

"Never claimed to. Go on now. You can even miss group if you do."

"Okay now you're just trying to bribe me."

"Trying and succeeding through, right?" Abby grinned as Carrie rolled her eyes. Arms still folded over her chest she bit her lip, approached the bench where Farrah and Saul were sitting.

"Hey Farrah. Looks like someone's here to see you," Saul smiled, motioning behind him as Farrah turned, squealed before jumping off the bench, running to and throwing herself at Carrie who knelt down, pulled her into a hug.

"Hey you," she sniffed. Glancing up at Saul he gave her a watery smile.

"Come, you sit with us," Farrah commanded, getting up before helping Carrie up, over to the bench.

"I miss you both so I sit between," she said firmly. Laughing, Carrie sat down, then watched the girl squeeze to sit in the gap between her and Saul.

"So, what have you been up to since I saw you last?"

"I stay with Mag and Dan now," Farrah said. "They bring me here."

"Why are you with them instead of with Quinn?" Carrie asked curiously.

"He and J.J need to see J.J's grandma. They stay over at her house."

"Quinn made sure to get you to Maggie's house first though, right?"

"Yes. He make sure. But I no like having to move," Farrah sighed as Carrie slipped an arm around her, bit her lip guiltily.

"Farrah, I hate that you keep getting bumped around so much."

"Bumped?" she frowned.

"Moved around. That you're going from Quinn's to Maggie's," Carrie clarified. "But it's almost over, okay? You have my word."

"I miss Nick," Farrah sniffled, hiding her face against Carrie's arm.

"Yeah, I know."

Holding her closer Carrie looked over pleadingly at Saul, hoping he'd change the subject and try and switch gears here. Nodding he softly smiled.

"You know, Farrah snuck up behind me earlier the same way you did just now."

"Yeah?" Carrie laughed.

"She was quiet. Careful not to get caught or noticed. She was good."

"As good as I was getting to the safe house in Beirut?" she asked.

"Just about, yeah," Saul laughed.

"What is safe house?" Farrah asked curiously, looking between Saul and Carrie.

"Well, it's a special house or building that only a few people know about," Carrie answered. "It's where spies go to try and regroup or rest during a mission. They may have colleagues or assets they need to meet up with there too."

"You meet up with ass?"

" _Asset,_ Farrah," Carrie corrected as Saul stifled a laugh.

"You've met up with some of the former too though," he smirked. "Remember that arms dealer from your first stint?"

"Ugh, don't remind me," she groaned as Farrah frowned at them both, not understanding.

"Anyway, when Carrie was in Beirut, she had to outrun and outsmart all these guys that had were coming after me and her. But she had to be sneaky and smart about it. Like you were just now when you snuck up on me," Saul said.

"She even caused a scene in a marketplace to get away, get the bad guys to leave her alone. She had to make sure nobody was following her before she could go to the safe house," Saul said as Farrah gasped, wide eyed.

"You have to fight?"

"Sort of," Carrie shrugged. "I knocked down one of the men who was after me in the middle of a marketplace, but I made it look like he'd fallen down and needed the crowd to help him up. It gave me time to get away."

"Were you scared?"

"A little, yeah," she admitted. "Being a spy can be scary. But if you've been doing it a long time and you're with people you can trust, you don't worry so much."

"You and Bear trust?" Farrah asked, getting a nod.

"Yeah. We do."

"You two friends that spy!" she smiled, looking to Saul. "Like Carrie and Fran, yes?"

"Fran?" Saul asked.

"Carrie's friend! She spy. She look like her," Farrah answered before shifting onto the lawn, opening the picnic basket she'd brought along for them. While she was occupied rummaging through the pile of plastic wrapped sandwiches and bags of chips, Saul frowned, moved closer to Carrie.

"Carrie...", he hissed. "What the fuck was she-"

"Saul, relax. Fran,  _Frances_ _,_ is that volunteer here. The one who helped me escape."

"So why did Farrah think she was a spy?" Saul asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could.

"Because I told her that's how we met! That it's how we knew each other. She thinks I'm on assignment  _now_. Remember?" she asked as Saul nodded in understanding.

"Right. Right."

"Why do you still look so freaked out?" Carrie snorted.

"Nothing, it's nothing," he insisted. Skeptically frowning at him Carrie shrugged, asked Farrah to hand her the picnic basket.

"I take ham and cheese. You get turkey," Farrah said.

"Why didn't you take the peanut butter instead? That's your favorite."

"Because Bear like it," she grinned, handing Saul his sandwich.

"I'm more than happy to trade if you-"

"No, it yours," the girl insisted as Saul thanked her, took a small bite before setting it down.

"You no hungry?"

"Not exactly. I'll save it for later though," he said, his stomach still in knots after hearing about Carrie's encounter with "Fran". The fact Farrah even sounded to be catching on.  _"She spy. She looks like her!"_

All Saul could hope was Farrah's theorizing ended there, but given who her foster mother was who the fuck was he kidding.

...

Meanwhile, watching the entire scene from a distance Abby smiled, waved across the way to someone. Then glared when he didn't obey her.

"Get over here! Now!" she hissed as Brody rolled his eyes, approached her. Seeing Carrie, Farrah and Saul on the picnic bench he snorted, crossed his arms.

"When you had Zahira call me you made it sound like the goddamn building had burned down," he spat, feeling like an idiot for speeding back to town like he had all so he could crash a picnic lunch. One he felt he was intruding on even watching from a distance.

"That little Farrah is the most precious thing, isn't she?" Abby gushed. "She told me when I walked her over here that she wanted to sneak across the lawn. Be a spy just like Carrie. I think that's what the three of them have been talking about."

Nodding, Brody guessed she was right given how in her element Carrie looked. Sitting with Saul, swapping stories, sharing what secrets they could with the girl who worshipped the clandestine ground they'd both walked on.

She looked happy. Happier than Brody had seen her in weeks, and he couldn't blame her. She was talking about the job and the life she'd fucking loved, succeeded at. The one he'd yanked away from her within months of them meeting. Looking down, away from it all he bowed his head.

"Brody...? Did you hear-"

"Yeah, Abby. I did," he said, nodding. "You're probably right. Farrah asked me to tell her about every fucking non-classified mission of Carrie's I knew about. She loves hearing about that part of her life."

"She wants to be an adventurer too, huh?"

"Yeah. Just like her mom," Brody said solemnly. "Look, I should really get back."

"No, Brody. Now c'mon. Carrie would love to see you!" Abby insisted as he sighed, turned towards her.

"Abby, I-"

"I know that Farrah and Saul being here boosted her spirits. But seeing you would-"

"Abby, I can't! Okay!" he yelled, then took a breath, rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"I'm sorry, I just...I can't. Like you said, she's got Saul, Farrah. She doesn't need me. Not now, not like this."

"Brody..."

"I'm serious Abby. I really have to go," he sighed. "Just tell me, Carrie and the baby. They're okay, right?"

Seeing the concern, fear in his eyes Abby sighed, nodded. "Carrie had an appointment the day you dropped her off. Dr. Addison said the baby's progressing normally, everything's fine. They both got a clean bill of health."

"Good. That...that's good."

"The kicking's started up too, you know," Abby smiled. "You've got a soccer star in there."

Nodding, Brody managed a watery smile before glancing over towards the bench. Saw Farrah nibbling her sandwich, listening attentively to Saul while she sat on a content looking Carrie's lap.

"Do me a favor. Please don't tell her I was here."

"Brody I-"

"Abby, please. I'm begging you."

Seeing the pained but pleading look in his eyes, against her better judgement Abby nodded.

"I won't say a word to her. I swear," she said as Brody nodded, thanked her, and after glancing at Carrie once more, quickly walked back to the same door he'd come in through.


	170. Chapter 170

_Two Days Later_

After accepting Zahira's offer to let him stay at his apartment at the mosque, just for a night...two tops, Brody made a phone call he'd never expected he'd make to Saul Berenson, asking if he'd meet him for a drink.

Saul had agreed, but suggested rather than meeting out someplace, that Brody come to his and Mira's home. Save him the risk of exposure and attention he'd likely receive at a local bar, and save Saul the trouble of driving somewhere when he was still recuperating.

Brody was ready to decline, not comfortable with the idea of imposing on Saul and his wife in that way, going to a home where he knew he wouldn't be wanted. But he knew he had to ask this, and if Saul insisted on him doing it at his house, so be it.

Sucking it up, bringing a bottle of Scotch that Zahira had graciously purchased, as well as flowers for Mira, after making sure he had the right address Brody parked the mosque van in the street. Nervously made his way onto the porch before knocking twice.

Answering the door, Mira gave him a small smile, "Sergeant Brody."

"Mrs. Berenson."

"Mira's fine."

"Sorry. I...thank you for opening your home up to me, letting me speak to Saul. I know he's still recovering so..."

"It's fine. Please, come in."

Nodding Brody smiled, handed her the bouquet.

"Brought you these. Didn't feel right coming by empty handed."

"They're lovely, thank you," Mira said, stepping aside so he could pass.

Once inside, after Mira offered to take, hung up his jacket Brody admired the foyer.

"You have a lovely home."

"Saul has the eye for decorating. I just buy souvenirs when I'm abroad and fit them in where I can when I'm back."

"You travel a lot?"

"Mumbai mostly, to see my family. And Saul and I have a trip to Greece planned soon."

"Nice," Brody smiled.

"He's in the study just through there. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Thanks, but I came prepared," he said, holding up the bottle of Scotch.

"Saul's favorite brand. You did your research," Mira laughed.

"Yeah, well. Least I could do."

After making sure he was heading the right way, Brody cut over to the study, knocked twice on the door that was open a crack.

"Saul?"

"Brody. Come in," Saul said, setting his newspaper down before putting his glasses back on . Getting up from the sofa in his study, he secured his robe over his dark blue pajamas.

"Excuse the outfit. Doctor insisted on comfortable clothes. Mira did too," he shrugged. Moving over to sit in the chair behind his desk, he nodded for Brody to sit in the chair on the other side of it.

"You sure the Scotch is alright?" Brody frowned, taking a seat. "I mean your wife didn't say anything when she saw it but-"

"One drink will be fine. Been looking forward to it all day, oddly enough," Saul said, thanking him for and reaching for the bottle before uncapping it. Setting it down on the desk he took two shot glasses out of a drawer.

"You looked forward to a drink with me?" Brody asked skeptically.

"I looked forward to having something to focus on besides golf or Mira's damn soap operas. The TV's been on in this house more the past two days than it ever has. I think my brain's gonna fucking atrophy," he scoffed, getting a laugh.

"Well, go ahead. Pour the drinks and tell me what you came here for."

Doing as asked, Brody poured, sipped on his own before speaking.

"Look, I know that you and I have had our differences."

"That's an understatement," Saul scoffed.

"But we both have one thing in common," Brody continued, arching a brow as Saul nodded.

"Carrie."

"Yeah. I know that you and her mended fences and I'm glad. She needs you, Saul."

"What are you getting at?"

"That there's no getting me out of this situation that I'm in with the press. They were trailing me on the drive from the cabin. I half expected them to be behind me on my drive here. They might have been, actually. I've got eyes on me constantly, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. People think that I deserted, and I can't shake that rep. There's no reason though that Carrie should get dragged into the same nightmare with me."

"Brody..."

"I'm not good for her, Saul. You've known that. You've told her that," Brody sighed. "Each time her and I think we've come out on the other side, found peace, shit happens. We point guns at each other or bombs go off or paparazzi take over her front lawn," he said bitterly.

"She tells me that we'll get past this, that she can fix it. But I don't want her to. Not on account of me. She's completely stressed out, bending over backwards and she's done it for me enough. I'm not worth it," he sighed as Saul frowned.

"What are you asking me to do then exactly? Why did you ask me to have a drink tonight? So you could sit across from me and throw yourself a pity party?"

"No! For Christ's sake, that's not...haven't you been listening? I'm not here to gripe or bitch about my situation. I'm here to talk to you about Carrie's. I know I'm fucked. But that doesn't mean she has to be."

Downing the rest of his Scotch, Brody set the glass down, looked Saul square in the eye.

"I'm asking for you to get her back at the CIA somehow. After she's released from the hospital, in whatever capacity you can. I know she burned almost every bridge. But she has before. You said she'd never set foot at Langley again but she was still in that bunker interrogating me and then handling me after. She was promoted to station chief in spite of her condition and history. I'm asking you to make that happen for her again. She'll catch some top ranking terrorist and rise in the ranks and be the goddamn director. It's a real possibility for her. You know it is."

"Of course I do. Why are you so dead set on it happening?"

"Because if I'm not in her life her job ought to be. Needs to be. She needs something to put her energy and genius towards besides me. I'm a lost cause. Carrie deserves better. And she's gonna get it if you help me with this. I know you've still got pull there with Danny Galvez, higher ups."

"Yeah, I do," Saul nodded.

"Then use it on Carrie's behalf, Saul. Please. Get her back at Langley. You can retire and she'll pick up right where you leave off."

"What makes you so sure that'll happen?"

"Because it's Carrie!" Brody exclaimed. "Your protege who's life I fucked up. You'll get to see what would've happened for her if I hadn't. If I hadn't come into the picture at all. You can't tell me you haven't imagined it. That it's not what you want."

"Even if I do want it, or you fucking want it, who are you to say that Carrie wants it?" Saul asked. "She sacrificed everything on your account. And you're gonna throw her grand gesture of love right back in her face like it meant nothing to you? It probably doesn't given everything you're saying."

"I do love Carrie!" Brody said adamantly.

"Well she deserves way fucking better than the love you're offering."

"I know she deserves better and it's not me!" he shouted. "It's  _never_  been me. You've known that for years," he sighed. "Jesus, Saul. You saw what I did to my family. Camera crews were circling them because they were related to the POW turned Langley bomber. Now Carrie and Farrah have to deal with Nicholas Brody the deserter? I'm not willing to risk that. I'm done putting the people I love through hell."

"You are?" Saul scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Jesus fucking Christ. Do you know what you bailing would do to Carrie and Farrah? Or are you just so fucking self absorbed you can't even see how much they care for you?" he asked angrily.

"You don't think I wish it was the opposite? Before you surfaced again all Carrie and Farrah had was each other and don't think I didn't welcome the sight of it. But you did come back. Because Carrie brought you back. And if you think it wasn't because she could see herself spending the rest of her life with you, you're more fucked up than I thought."

Sipping his drink Saul shook his head. "I'd get Carrie back at Langley in a second if I knew it was what she wanted. But it's not. Carrie doesn't deserve you and your bullshit. She never has. But she wants you in her life. She wouldn't still be involved with you if she didn't. And I'm tired of trying to interfere, passing judgment on this ever loving bond between the two of you. All I can do is fucking deal with you. As if I haven't done enough of that today already."

"Hey, you told me to come here for the drink," Brody reminded.

"I'm not just talking about the drink," Saul sighed. Rolling his eyes he reached into another desk drawer, retrieved a folder that he shoved across the desk at Brody.

"What's this?"

"Papers I had a lawyer friend of mine draw up. Danny Galvez and I contacted Lauder this afternoon, after Danny faxed him his own set of these. We told him if he didn't see to it his story about you was redacted he'd be sued by the acting director of the Central Intelligence Agency. He folded like a goddamn newspaper. And if a correction isn't printed on account of him, we'll see to it the paper does it on account of us. My guess is even under the mere threat of a lawsuit they'll stop hounding you within the week."

Stunned, all Brody could do was laugh as he thumbed through the convincing looking documents. Enough to make Lauder or anyone believe that the Agency meant business.

"Could you have actually done it though? Gotten the CIA to sue-"

"You kidding? I don't have that much pull. And Galvez couldn't have weathered an actual fucking suit. He's only been the director for a few months," Saul said. "But your friend bought everything we were selling. Hook, line and sinker."

"Lauder's not my friend," Brody said sharply.

"Yeah, I figured as much," Saul said. "This stunt of his didn't seem like the first time he'd ever fucked with you."

"The last time he did I was in a fucking coma for two weeks," Brody said before biting his lip, remembering what Saul was currently recuperating from. "Shit. I'm sorry, I-"

"It's alright. At least it's another thing we've got in common. Carrie will be happy about that."

"She should be, yeah," Brody smiled. "Does she know yet that you-"

"I figured you'd want to tell her yourself. Seeing you will do her good. Do the baby good too," Saul said, smiling softly as well. "You know she asked me to be godfather to it."

"Yeah. I heard through the grapevine she had," Brody nodded. "There may be a clashing of faiths but I'm glad she chose you."

"I was flattered that she asked. A little surprised too. Before the coma her and I weren't exactly on good terms."

"I'm guessing I was responsible for that," Brody said sheepishly.

"Yeah, you were," Saul shrugged. "But like I said, I'm tired of interfering and passing judgment, holding a grudge. Life's too fucking short. And besides, you and Carrie are creating a life. Trying to put one together that I think will make her happy. That's why I did what I did. Why I agreed to sit down with you tonight."

"I appreciate it, Saul," Brody said gratefully. "I mean it, everything you and Danny have done. I don't know how to-"

"You want to repay me? Cut the bullshit. Love Carrie as much as she loves you. Which is a lot. I mean Christ, even when she's hated you I know she's loved you."

"The feeling's mutual if it's any consolation," Brody shrugged. "In regards to what I asked though..."

"You not so eager to see her back at the Agency anymore?"

"As long as she's content not being back. But who knows for how long that will be," Brody said, the liquor freeing his tongue before he could stop it. "I mean I'm gonna do my best to keep her happy. I just don't want her to have two kids and a heap of regrets two years from now."

"Well, neither do I," Saul said. "But instead of you and I fixating on regrets she might have down the line, why not focus on making sure she enjoys the life she's gonna have. If that includes her running off to her cabin with you and living happily ever after, great. If she becomes Danny's go to girl or takes up sniper training with Quinn or works for the goddamn D.O.D, then so be it."

"I actually heard she might do freelancing with Max and Virgil," Brody said, getting a laugh.

"Well that would be quite the show."

Nodding, hearing the clock on the wall chime Brody frowned. Seeing it was a minute to nine. "Shit."

"What is it?"

"I always give Carrie a call before her curfew. Not the past few nights but now..."

"It's fine. Go tell her you're looking forward to your visit with her tomorrow," Saul said as Brody fumbled around in his pocket. Swore again when he found nothing there.

"I would but my phones in my fucking car. I'll just be a few minutes."

"Go on then. I'm pouring myself another drink though."

"By all means," Brody said with a smile before stepping out of the study.


	171. Chapter 171

Walking off the porch, wishing he hadn't parked so far from the house. Brody tried his remote key for the van. Realizing it wasn't working he rolled his eyes, cut around to the drivers side to unlock it manually.

Managing to do so even in the dark, he got in the car, reached in the glove box for his phone. Dialing the extension to Carrie's room. After three rings she picked up.

"Mathison."

"Hey. It's me."

Sitting up in bed Carrie flipped on the nightstand lamp, ran her free hand through her hair. "Hi."

"How are you?"

"Why are you calling me?" she frowned.

"I always called you before your curfew."

"Yeah. Before you  _stopped_  calling and speaking to me all together."

Rolling her eyes she snorted.

"Carrie, I-"

"Look Brody, I've had a long day. I don't want to get into-"

"I'm sorry," Brody interjected. "I'm so...sorry. The way I've been acting since we saw my dad, even before. I'm fucking ashamed of myself, Carrie. You did nothing wrong but I pushed you away like you had."

"Yeah. You did," Carrie sniffed.

"I'm sorry."

"Jesus, you keep saying that! It's not enough!" she yelled.

"I know...there...there's no excusing it."

Sighing, running a hand over her face she spoke again after a beat. "Farrah visited me. Me and Saul. We talked about Langley. About my stint in Beirut. She asked me if I was ever scared when I was over there. I told her that I was. But that it helps when you're with people you can trust. That you can depend on."

"Why are you telling me this?" Brody asked.

"Because I'm about to do something that's more terrifying to me than pursuing high ranking targets in fucking war zones, Brody! I'm having a baby in four fucking months!" Carrie choked out.

"And I thought I was doing it with a partner. With someone I could depend on. I thought I had no reason to be scared, but now?"

Between the crack in her voice and her words Brody felt his heart crack in half. Leaning forward in the front seat of the van he ran his hand over his face, shook his head. "Carrie, I'm so-"

"I asked one thing of you before I put myself in here. I asked you to take care of Farrah. And when we talked she was telling me how much she missed you every five seconds. I...I can't fucking handle that. I can't handle her feeling hurt and abandoned when I'm in here and can't hug her and tell her that she still has me. Not when she doesn't have me all because I'm...I'm stuck here in this fucking..."

Trailing off, looking at her dimly lit surroundings that felt like nothing more than a fucking cell, chin quivering her breathing hitched, went shallower.

"Carrie, I need you to take it easy okay. Take it easy. You're fine. You're alright. I'm here, I'm still talking to you." Brody soothed, hearing her gasp, fight for breath on the other line.

Putting the key in the ignition he started the van, but knowing he couldn't get off the phone he kept it parked, tried not panic. "Look, hit the call button okay? Get Abby in there. She'll-"

"No...No no no, I can't, no...no meds, no-"

"Okay then get to the window, love. Open it as far as it can go. C'mon Carrie." he ordered, hearing her get up, scramble for the window he knew was on the wall to the left of her bed.

"Get some fresh air in there and hold onto the sill. Just take deep breaths, love. Deep breaths. In and out. I want to hear you taking them, okay?"

"I...I can't, I-"

"Don't try and talk to me, just keep breathing!" Brody commanded. "Keep breathing, Carrie."

Able to hear her he leaned back in the seat, tears springing to his eyes. "Good. Look outside too, okay. See how clear it is? All the stars are out."

"I...I see them, yeah," Carrie choked out. Unclenching her still trembling hand from the sill she wiped her eyes, her breathing back to semi-normal.

"I'd ask you what you wished for but I...I think I know," Brody said gruffly, running a hand over his face.

"I didn't wish for this, Brody. Any of this."

Shaking her head she moved to sit back on the bed, still facing the window.

"Carrie, everything I've done...I never meant..." Voice breaking Brody swallowed hard, tried again. "I never wanted to hurt you, love. I was only trying to protect-"

"I didn't need it!" Carrie spat. "I don't need you to keep me safe or sheltered from you or any of your bullshit. All I, all I  _needed_  was for you to stay. All I asked for was that you stay!"

"Carrie, I couldn't-"

"I didn't put myself in here so you could just take off! That...that wasn't part of the fucking plan!" she shouted then swore under her breath, wiped her eyes.

"I did this, I did  _all_  of this to keep you here, Brody. For Farrah, for our fucking kid. For me, for the sake of what's left of my fucking sanity! Because I had to go fall in love with you and there's no way out of that for me. I...I didn't have a fucking choice!"

"Carrie..."

"My falling for you just happened. Just like this baby just happened. I didn't ask to be pregnant! I...I never wished for or wanted this. Any of this."

Moving his hand off his face Brody frowned, this being the first time he'd heard her speak this way about the pregnancy.

"If it hadn't been yours I wouldn't have fucking kept it. You had to have known that."

Trailing off, her hand ghosting over her belly she shook her head, choked back a sob.

"Please don't make me regret going forward with something that I never asked for in the first place. Please don't do that to me," she whispered, her eyes squeezed shut against tears.

"Carrie..."

After silence set in, swallowing hard Carrie was the first to break it, seeing the clock on her nightstand.

"It's past curfew, I have to-"

"Wait! Carrie wait, just...just wait a second, please," Brody begged.

"What?! I told you I have to-"

"Everything is gonna be fine, Carrie," he said sincerely, hoping with everything in him she'd believe it. "I'm not just saying it to make you feel better. It's the truth. I-"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Carrie cut in. "I have-"

"Saul and Danny got Lauder to back off!" Brody exclaimed. "They did, Carrie. Saul told me himself."

"I don't understand, when did you...how did-"

"It doesn't matter-"

"It does!" Carrie snapped, wiping her eyes. "It matters to me, Brody."

"Look, I'm gonna be at the hospital as soon as visiting hours start tomorrow and I'll tell you everything in person. Face to face, Carrie. I owe you that much. I swear though, it's done. Lauder's finished, the press are gonna back off. It's gonna be okay, love. Everything is gonna be okay. You believe me?"

"I...I want to," she choked out after a beat. "I want to believe that."

"Then do, okay? Then-"

Hearing the line go dead, then the dial tone Carrie frowned. "What the...Brody?"

Not getting a response, still holding, staring down at the phone she went to redial his number before hearing footsteps, the door creak open.

"Carrie? Honey, it's past curfew what are you-"

Shaking her head in exasperation Abby walked up, went to take the phone from her.

"Abby, I-"

"Carrie, you need to get your rest! Now Dr. Addison said-"

"I know what she fucking said!" Carrie snapped, but catching a stern look from the older woman looked down and away, ashamed.

"I'm sorry. Rest is important for me and the baby. I...I know."

"Especially when you were up at four o'clock this morning roaming the halls," Abby reminded, nodding for her to lie back before tucking the blanket around her.

"I know, I know. I just couldn't shut my eyes," Carrie sighed, her hand in her hair as she let out a slow breath,

"We said we were gonna avoid sleep-aids now that we're in the home stretch. But if you need to we can-"

"No, it's fine. I'll...I'll be fine."

Arching a brow, perched at the foot of the bed Abby looked at her skeptically.

"Did the phone call just now help any?"

Eyes welling up, Carrie sniffed, snorted.

"Before we got cut off he said everything's gonna be okay. Like I'm just supposed to fucking believe that."

"Why don't you?"

"I want to. I told him I want to, I just..."

When her voice broke, seeing her chin quiver, sighing Abby moved closer, pulled her into a tight hug.

"Shh, it's alright now. It's alright," she soothed, rubbing Carrie's back.

"I think you may want to try and take that man at his word. Just for tonight. And when he comes to see you tomorrow you can figure out for sure he's telling the truth. You're pretty good at that, aren't you?"

"Used to be, anyway," Carrie scoffed.

"I don't think that's a skill that really goes away," Abby smiled, still holding her when Carrie didn't make a move to let go.

"I just want this all to be over. I want it all to be fucking finished and to be back with Farrah and-"

"I know. I know. And you're gonna be out of here before you know it. That wall calendar of yours, taken a look at it lately?" she laughed as Carrie nodded, finally pulled back.

"I know you've been on edge the past few days, and you've had valid reasons. But you're almost out of here, honey. And once you are everything is gonna settle down. I'm sure of it."

"Yeah?"

"You and Farrah and Brody and that little one on the way? You're all gonna find peace together. I'm sure of it."

"That's pretty rare for us. Him and I anyway," Carrie said before yawning, curling back up against the pillows.

"Yeah but it's not impossible. I know that for a fact," Abby assured, tucking a stray hair behind the blonde's ear.

"You get some sleep now, okay. And if you need anything else you call me."

After Carrie nodded, shut her eyes, quietly stepping out into the hall Abby walked back over to her office, only to see her phone going off. Frowning, seeing the hour she nervously picked up.

"Hello?"

"Abby?! Saul. I...I need you to get Carrie for me. Get her downstairs to the E.R entrance."

"What the...what's going on?" she frowned, then froze hearing sound in the background. "Saul? Are those sirens?!"

"Just get her up, Abby!", Saul barked, watching fearfully as they closed the back door of the ambulance, drove off down his street.

"Please. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't goddamn fucking urgent. Tell her..."

Looking down at his blood stained shirt he swore under his breath, shook his head as Mira led him in the house, wanting to clean him up before they left.

"Tell her I'll see her there soon."


	172. Chapter 172

"Alright, about time this damn thing got working again," Nathaniel smiled, stepping out of the shower stall in Nancy's trailer before turning the water on, testing the spray. Seeing it was back to normal he grinned, started to pack up his tool box.

Hearing loud, raucous cheers coming from outside though he frowned, moved to stand by the front door. Saw two men he unfortunately recognized passing a flask back and forth, making their way down the road through the center of the park.

"Whoo hoo! Got that son of a bitch good, didn't we!"

"Didn't have a fucking chance. Thought he could hide out in that piece of shit van forever?"

"Goddamn ginger deserter. Maybe we ought to go after that blonde he knocked up too like we told him we would."

Jaw clenched, his hand instinctively forming a fist, Nathaniel went to open the screen door, confront the two idiots before someone blocked his path.

"If you have any idea of what's good for you you'll get the fuck back inside right now!" the thirty something brunette yelled, shoving him back into her living room before shutting, bolting the door.

"Hey, settle down! And don't even think about locking me in this hellhole! I didn't do a goddamn thing," Nathaniel scoffed as she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, not yet. You remember I fucking know you." Rolling her eyes Nancy took off her camo print cap, tossed it aside before shaking out her ponytail. "And I know you confronting them is only gonna land you in a world of hurt. Maybe even get you kicked out of the park."

"If anyone deserves kicking out it's those fucking vigilantes who went and mugged-"

"Those fucking vigilantes are ex military. So are half the people in this camp. You go after those assholes for going after a deserter-"

"Going after my son!" Nathaniel corrected.

"Going after a  _deserter..._ or at least someone they think is one, you'll be run out of here so fast it'll make your head spin."

"You think I give a fuck about my head!" he barked, crossing the room to the corner mini fridge. Opening it he pulled out a beer, chugged half the can before Nancy walked up and grabbed it from him. Took a sip herself.

"I didn't know you were so protective, Nate," she snorted. "Until the rumor mill started up nobody knew you even had a son."

"Well letting him think I was fucking killed in action wasn't one of my proudest moments," Nathaniel muttered.

"So just to confirm, your son is Nicholas Brody. The marine that-"

"I don't know the details if that's what you're after."

"I wasn't asking for them! But shit, if he was attacked by those assholes who knows what it triggered in him. After all the shit he must've went through in captivity?" Nancy muttered. She'd taken a strong interest in the Marine's story since his return to the States. Wrestling with PTSD, working past it enough to be elected to Congress. He was an inspiration to her, until she learned he hadn't dealt nearly as well as she thought.

Having served herself though and dealt in turn with flashbacks, nightmares she knew how difficult it was dealing without getting help. Since moving into the camp she'd helped organize a support group, worked to try and counsel fellow vets. Including Nathaniel who hadn't been very receptive, refusing every invitation so far.

Trailing off seeing the look on the man's face, realizing he'd heard her muttering after all, Nancy tried to come up with something that might improve the situation. For her friend and maybe for his son.

"Look, what about I go ask Brenda if I can borrow her van. We can do some investigating, see if we can find the hospital where-"

"What makes you so sure those fuckers put him in the hospital?"

"We're talking about Rick and Buck Olson, Nate. They decide to give someone a beat down they're gonna make it count!" Nancy scoffed. "If I go up and ask what hospital they'll probably tell me and fucking high five each other. They're sick!"

"Sick isn't the word I'd use," Nathaniel muttered. "I want those two fucks in jail when alls said and done. Their brand of justice has gone on long enough."

"If we get to the hospital maybe your son can identify them, press charges. Or we can find a witness. Either way though it involves us going!" Nancy said impatiently as Nathaniel leaned back against the doorframe, looking defeated.

"Why? He's not gonna want me within a damn mile of him. And he doesn't need me either."

"Yeah. You're probably right," Nancy said, biting her lip as she thought things over more.

"What's with the sudden fucking surrender? You never give in that easy," Nathaniel snorted.

"No, I'm serious Nate. You're right. Your son doesn't need you. At least not the version of you that's been here the past how many decades," Nancy said knowingly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nathaniel asked, eyes narrowed.

"You never attended one session of my support group. You think I haven't noticed all this time?" Nancy asked as the older man snorted, shook his head.

"What's the fucking point? It's not like I just got back from my first damn deployment."

"You may as well have with all your nightmares and day drinking. All those times I'd find you curled up in the corner of your den?" she said knowingly.

"You're still suffering, Nate. And if you haven't dealt with your shit what makes you think you'll be able to deal with your son's?"

"Hey you're the one who made so much noise about us tracking him down in the hospital. Now you're saying I shouldn't even go? Jesus, make up your goddamn mind, Nanc," Nathaniel spat.

"Fine, you want to know what I've decided. You're coming with me to group tonight, you're gonna talk through at least a little of your shit with everyone, find even one way to start coping, and then you can start helping your son do the same."

Rolling his eyes Nathaniel snorted, perched on the arm of the couch.

"You think it's just gonna be that simple? That after I go and sit in a circle with you I'll be fine helping Nick deal with the shit he's seen?"

"You can try and get him talking to someone who gets it. That's something, isn't it?"

"Why are you so goddamn concerned here? Wanting this to happen so much?" he asked curiously.

"Because you're a friend, Nate. And I know since your son showed up here you've been somewhere else. This will give you a chance to make amends, at least try to. Maybe you can even help each other."

"What's to say he even needs my help? He's got his blonde Bond girl from the fucking CIA. Shit, if he wants anyone in visiting him-"

"Wait, Bond girl? What CIA blonde you talking about?" Nancy frowned.

"The one here with him when he visited. They were together. Seemed to be anyway."

"Great, wonder how much help she's providing him with," Nancy scowled, knowing from experience how station chiefs, directors of the Agency had no problem treating members of her and her unit like damn toy soldiers. Winding them up, pointing them in a direction. Not giving a damn about  _their_  security, just how secure their fucking mission was. Now it didn't surprise her why Nicholas Brody was such a mess.

Frowning, seeing her scowl Nathaniel let out a snort.

"What?"

"Nothing. You just seem awfully ticked off all of a sudden."

"I'm ticked off because my gut's saying this blonde friend of your son's, probably quit giving a shit about him when he quit being a valuable asset for her. Hell, she was probably so set on getting him 'mission ready' she kept him from getting serious help," Nancy said bitterly.

"That's how all these operatives operate, Nate. Believe me, I know from which I speak."

"Well, if I didn't know better I'd say you were jealous of a certain blonde operative," Nathaniel observed, a small smile forming on his face.

"I'm  _not_ jealous!" Nancy snapped. "I'm concerned. For you and Nick both, and for good reason!"

"You know if I didn't consider you a close friend I'd tell you to butt the hell out, mind your own business." Nathaniel said as she rolled her eyes, moved to stand directly in front of him.

"Nate, you should be down on your hands and knees grateful that I so much as gave you the time of day."

"Should I?" he teased as she rolled her eyes, took her phone out of her pocket before dialing.

"Hey Brenda, it's Nanc. Listen I wanna hold an emergency meeting tonight for group. Think I finally convinced someone to attend," Nancy smirked as Nathaniel rolled his eyes and crossed back to the fridge, retrieved another beer.


	173. Chapter 173

"Carrie? Carrie, honey wake up," Abby said, gently shaking Carrie's shoulder as she stirred, frowned up at her.

"Abby, what the...I just got to sleep!"

"I need you to come downstairs with me now. Right now!"

"Why? What's going on?" she asked. Seeing the look on Abby's face she felt her stomach knot in eight different places.

"Damn it! Abby just tell me what's-"

"Just put this on and come with me," Abby ordered, helping Carrie into the gray flannel robe she'd grabbed out of the closet.

Fearfully standing, following her to the elevator, when Carrie saw her press the button for the E.R floor her mouth went dry.

"Fuck. Fuck!" she muttered, darting out of the car as soon as the metal doors opened. Right as Brody was rolled past on a stretcher.

"Oh my God. Br..Brody? BRODY!"

Her path blocked by an EMT and a nurse, Carrie swore when she saw his gurney rolled through the double doors.

"Shit...fucking..."

Brushing past the nurse she ran up, peered through the glass of the door. Seeing Brody bloodied up, unconscious, tears sprang to her eyes. " _Fuck!"_

Chin wobbling before her eyes went cold, stormed over Carrie whipped around. "What happened to him?! What the  _fuck_  happened to him?!"

"Ma'am if you just try and calm-"

"Get your hands off of me!" she snapped, shoving the EMT aside.

"Honey just sit down, okay? Sit down," Abby coaxed, taking her by the arm.

Snorting, Carrie reluctantly joined her on a nearby bench. Breathing heavy she wiped at her eyes. Forced herself not to fall apart until she had answers.

"I have to know what happened. I..I  _need_ to know," she said coldly. Biting her lip Abby sighed.

"I don't know the whole story."

"Then why the fuck did you bring me here?!" Carrie spat. "If you don't know what actually happened and these assholes are refusing to talk to me then why am I here?" she cried.

"You keep saying that I need routine, rest. That I need to fucking relax! And instead of letting me do that you drag...Jesus! I thought you were my friend!"

"I am, honey! I am," Abby assured, reaching over to rub her back as Carrie bowed her head. Chin quivering again she cradled her belly, took shaky breaths.

"Shh, shh, that's it. Deep breaths, it's alright now," the older woman soothed, speaking again after a beat.

"Carrie, I found out and told you because I knew if you found out from anyone else it'd just make it worse. They probably wouldn't even let you out of the psych unit to find out how Brody was doing."

Nodding, realizing she was all too likely right about that Carrie sighed, looked back at her. "How did you even find out? You never work the fucking night shift."

"I got a call."

"From who, a friend?"

"Carrie..."

"Look just tell me, okay? Who you heard it from isn't going to make this any worse," she scoffed as Abby nodded, swallowed hard before speaking.

"Saul called me."

"Saul?" Carrie repeated, only half listening as Abby said he'd been at the scene after it happened at his house, wanted to come down and explain.

All her mind was letting her think of was that Brody had gone to see him tonight, gone to the house of a man that had long hated his guts.

If Brody hadn't gone, none of this would've happened. He wouldn't be hurt and in the fucking hospital. She wouldn't be sitting here stressed out of her mind right now.

"Carrie? Honey, are you listening? Did you-"

Following the blonde's eyes to the blood on Saul's shirt as he walked in the E.R, Abby nervously stood up as Carrie approached him. "Carrie, Carrie!" she called.

"Good, Abby got you down here," Saul said. "Carrie, there's something I have to-"

"What the fuck happened!" Carrie shouted, taking him aback.

"Carrie, I-"

"You asked Brody to come to your house tonight. Why?!"

"He said he wanted to talk, what does that even-"

"You couldn't bring him to a bar? Some public place?"

"What are you saying?!" Saul scoffed. "You think that I-"

"You ask him to see you and he's on a stretcher in the ER the same night. You think that's a coincidence?!"

"Jesus Christ, Carrie. Just try and calm-"

"Calm down?!" Carrie snorted. "Brody was injured tonight on your watch, Saul! His blood is all over your fucking shirt!"

"You're scared and stressed. I get that. But I won't have this conversation with you when you won't let me get a goddamned word in!"

"Get a word in, why? So you can tell me I'm throwing my life away again?"

"Do you not remember one bit of the conversation we just had? I told you I was going to help you help him!"

"Yeah, help him into the hospital!"

Taking a breath to keep from snapping Saul rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"You think I wanted this? What happened to Brody was-"

"It  _shouldn't_  have happened!" Carrie snarled, hand going to her hair as she started pacing back and forth like a caged tiger. "I..it shouldn't have happened, it shouldn't have! I... _fuck_." she muttered.

Seeing how agitated she looked, sounded, fearing what this could turn into if she didn't intervene, Abby walked over, got in her path.

"Carrie, c'mon now. I need you to try and settle dow-"

"I'll settle down when I know that he's fucking alright!" Carrie snapped.

Glancing at the double doors she knew she wouldn't be able to get past tonight, she turned on her heel, choked out that she needed some air. Luckily Abby and Saul both opted to let her.

Cutting through the lobby to a stairwell, she went out a side door where she knew staff and nurses went outside on their breaks. Seeing a doctor outside smoking, glad her loose robe was obscuring her bump, Carrie walked up, reached for a pack of cigarettes in the back lab coat pocket.

"Excuse me!" Reaching back the dark haired man gripped her wrist. "What on earth do you think you're, you are a patient in this hospital!"

"And you work in  _oncology_ , Dr. Khan," Carrie scoffed, her eyes flicking up from his ID to meet his brown ones. Yanking her hand back she crossed her arms, watched him slip the cigarettes into his breast pocket.

"Guess the rumor's true. Doctors are the worst patients."

"It appears that you're in the running as well," Khan retorted. His refined British accent sending a tingle up Carrie's spine as she admired his bronze skin, built body.

"I won't say anything though if you won't."

"About us being horrible patients?" Khan frowned as she moved closer.

"No," she laughed. "About the smokes."

Reaching up, tracing the opened pack with her fingertip she smiled deviously. Heart skipping when he took hold of her wrist again, lowered her hand.

"I can not in good conscience offer you one. It would be irresponsible."

"You always need to be responsible?" Carrie asked softly, moving even closer before she felt a sharp kick. And she judged from Khan's face, his stepping back he felt it as well.

"When it comes to patients,  _expectant_  patients I feel it's an important trait, yes," Khan said coldly as she let out a snort, turned away.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked. "Are you alright?"

"Oh yeah. Yeah I'm fine. I'm fucking fantastic, you can't figure that out?"

Pulling the robe more around her she shivered, prompting Khan to slip off his lab coat, drape it over her shoulders. Seeing he'd left the cigarettes in the pocket Carrie frowned.

"What happened to your good conscience?" she scoffed, removing the pack.

"If you wish to have one that's your right. But I wouldn't recommend it."

When she reached for one, twirled it between her fingertips, Khan sighed.

"I am trying to quit. Truthfully." he admitted.

"I started to try and self-medicate. Sounds stupid saying it though, I know," Carrie admitted.

"I've heard worse."

"It was a way to calm down. Come to grips. It's not a habit though. It never has been," she insisted, getting a skeptical look. Reaching into the pocket again for the lighter she flicked the flame on.

"What is that there, dangling from the pocket of your robe?" Khan asked curiously, seeing what looked like a green braided rope loop.

"None of your fucking business," Carrie spat, gearing to light and take a long drag from the cigarette. Just being around the smoke from his was starting to take the edge off.

"I did offer you my lab coat," Khan reminded. "Does that not earn me one question asked and answered?"

Rolling her eyes Carrie lowered the cigarette, reached into the robe pocket and removed the purse.

"It's something I brought that my daughter made for me. A handbag. She braided it."

"It's lovely. May I?" Khan asked, holding his hand out.

"Why? You want one?" Carrie scoffed.

"It looks like a purse my mother owned. One my daughter is attempting to recreate."

"You have a daughter?" she asked as he nodded.

"She'll be ten this spring. How old is yours?"

"Her seventh birthday is coming up soon."

Softly smiling Carrie handed over the purse, brought the cigarette to her lips right as Khan unzipped the bag, getting her glaring.

"Excuse me! Did I fucking say that you could-"

"Your photograph was stuck in the zipper. I didn't think you'd want it to tear."

When he handed her the photograph, one of her and Farrah and Brody they'd taken in front of the waterfall, she nodded, blinked back tears.

"It's a lovely picture. The three of you together. You really wish to jeopardize that...?" Taking the cigarettes and lighter back he arched a brow. "The chance of making it four?"

His eyes on her, reaching up with a trembling hand for the cigarette in her mouth Carrie turned away. Tossed it down to stamp out with the toe of her shoe.

"Yeah. Like  _I'm_ jeopardizing it," she muttered, clearly agitated. "I'm the only reason the four of us have a half a shot at being happy!  _I'm_  the one who's been stuck here for four plus months. I fucking commit myself so he has his second chance but then he gets scared and shuts down and cuts and runs and ends up unconscious or in a fucking coma for two weeks. And now he's being treated here as a patient while I'm a patient and pregnant and panicked. All while Farrah's left abandoned and likely angry and it's all just  _fucked up_  and..fuck! FUCK!"

Watching her stamp at the cigarette butt with her entire foot now, swearing and muttering as one tear slid down her face, then another, when Khan heard her voice crack he walked up, took hold of her from behind. Surprised when she didn't fight him off or swear, just broke down against his chest.

Rubbing her back, feeling compelled to be of some comfort to her he went back over in his head what he'd heard of her rant.

"Where is he being treated? What floor of the hospital?" he asked as she sniffled, shook her head.

"He was brought into the E.R. But I don't know who's treating him, if he's still there. They wouldn't let me in to see him at all!"

"I see," Khan said, getting a look.

"Let me guess, you think you know a way around that," Carrie scoffed.

"Well there's only one way to know for sure..."

Yanking his lab coat off her shoulders he rolled his eyes.

"And I think for it I best look the part," he smirked, getting an eye roll in return before Carrie followed him back inside.


	174. Chapter 174

After checking a nearby computer for the room assignment, making sure the hallway the stairwell led up to was clear, Khan motioned for Carrie to join him.

Feeling a little like this was some kind of bizarre op, the baby feeling it too as he did somersaults in her stomach, Carrie couldn't help but smile in spite of everything going on, who they were sneaking in now to see.

Following Khan down the hall, she watched him swipe his key card to unlock the double doors. "I pulled up the room assignment. They've transferred him from the E.R to a private room."

"Well that's good!"

"I'd see it as such, yes. We'll go this way."

Taking a left, then a right down a different corridor, when a nurse got off the elevator, eyed Carrie with suspicion Khan eyed her and approached.

"Evening. I'm escorting this patient to the third floor," Leaning closer he lowered his voice. "Caught her wandering the halls in a distressed state. It was most unfortunate."

Nodding in understanding, getting a soft smile in return the nurse blushed, continued making her rounds. Not catching Carrie's enraged expression.

"What did you say to her?" she hissed.

"What? I simply-"

"You told her I was a deluded patient who was roaming the fucking halls!"

"Well you did roam out onto the patio," Khan reminded as Carrie snorted, crossed her arms. "I apologize. I didn't intend to insult you. I was just hoping to send her on her way and move this process along. I would like to get home to Sophie before sunrise," he said curtly as she frowned.

"Sophie? Who-"

"My daughter. Did I not mention-"

"You did, just not by name," Carrie said. "It's pretty though. I like it."

"Thank you," Khan said softly. "What is your girl named?"

"Farrah."

"Delightful."

"Well, I didn't name her that. Her biological fami-"

"No, the name Farrah. It means delightful."

"It does?" Carrie asked, getting a nod that got her smiling. "Well that fits her then. Completely," she said wistfully, reaching out of reflex for the rope loop in her robe pocket.

"Forgive me, I don't believe I asked what your name was," Khan said ashamedly.

"Carrie. Carrie Mathison."

"Carrie. Well, the meaning of  _Caroline_  is beautiful."

"Too bad I don't go by it," Carrie snorted as he arched a brow.

"Perhaps you should start."

"What about you?" she asked, trying to get the focus off of her. "What does Khan stand for?"

"Khan is my surname. But it means leader, so I've been told."

"Well it fits. You're leading the fucking way right now."

"This is true," Khan chuckled, watching as Carrie rolled her eyes, rested her hand on her bump. "Are you having discomfort?" he asked. "Something-"

"I'm fine. I think he knows though it's past my bedtime. He keeps kicking at me."

"You have a footballer on your hands," he grinned. "Sorry. I believe you'd call him a soccer star."

"Yeah I believe we would," Carrie smirked.

"What name have you chosen?"

"I have one picked out. But it's a secret between my nieces and I," she said as they turned a corner, reaching the right hallway. "I'll give you a hint though, it means sold-"

Trailing off, seeing they'd reached Brody's room, looking in through the window tears prickled in Carrie's eyes, at the back of her throat. "Soldier."

Nodding, after opening the door Khan grabbed a chair, moved it next to the bed for her.

"Sit down, Carrie," he instructed as she shakily did so. Took hold of Brody's hand and held it close to her face.

Not wanting to stare impolitely Khan picked up, thumbed open the sedated man's chart.

"Tell me what it says," Carrie said numbly.

"Carrie..."

"I need to know what it fucking says!" she shouted. "Trust me, I..I can deal with it."

Nodding Khan cleared his throat, interpreting the medical jargon on the chart to be sure she'd understand it. "The injury to his right shoulder was a flesh wound. No deeper. Though it required stitching there was not an excess of blood loss, no sign of infection or substantial nerve, tissue damage."

"What caused it?" she asked.

"He was stabbed. They're speculating it was with a short blade. At close range."

Jerkily nodding, flashing back to Quinn and that fucking bunker Carrie ran her thumb over the back of Brody's hand. Held it tighter. "What else?"

"According to the X-rays taken, he sustained deep bruising to his third and fourth rib. There's also visible, substantial bruising on his torso. Appears to be the result of repeated, severe blows. Kicking perhaps, it's difficult to determine the exact..."

Looking up from the chart at Carrie's pained face, her looking like she'd been repeatedly struck, Khan paused, bit his lip. "Do you wish for me to contin-"

"Yes," she choked, brushing her lips on Brody's hands again.

"There are no severe head injuries, no bruising, concuss-"

"Why the fuck was he unconscious then?!"

Her eyes stormed over, demanding answers, Khan swallowed hard, glanced at the enclosed EMT report in the folder.

"There's a report here in his file. From the medics assigned to the ambulance."

"Let me see it," Carrie demanded, about to stand when Khan stopped her.

"No, sit. I'll read it off," he ordered, getting a nod.

"The patient showed signs of extreme agitation and distress during transport and became increasingly violent. We opted to place restraints and administer a sedative in order to prevent further injuries to the patient, and injuries to the staff attending to him."

"Fuck. F... _fuck_."

Shaking her head, kissing Brody's hand again she curled up on his uninjured shoulder, too tired to even cry. Glancing up at a weary looking Khan though, he looked like he was gearing to say something else.

"What? Is there something else on his chart? What-"

"He was a prisoner of war overseas. Held captive, tortured. For years if I had to guess."

"Yeah. You...you guessed right," Carrie frowned, sitting up. "How did you-"

"The photo taken of his torso wounds, enclosed here in the medic report. His scarring. It's extensive."

"I know, I've fucking seen it," she scoffed, her thumb tracing his scarred hand again. "You're in oncology though. How often are you treating former POW's that you'd recognize their injuries?"

"It was quite often. When I was stationed in the Mid East."

"Wait, you were-"

"After university I served as a military physician with the Royal Marines. I did stints in Kabul, Islamabad. Once settling my tuition debts I moved to the States. Pursued cancer research."

Intrigued, Carrie nodded, looked curiously at him. "You could tell though just from fucking scar tissue that he'd been held in captivity."

"I knew from his face as well," Khan admitted as she nodded, swallowed hard.

"Right."

"Carrie, I-"

"No I want to make one thing clear!" Carrie said forcefully. "Whatever you've heard about him. In the news, in the papers, about Langley or about anything else! Nicholas Brody  _is_  a good man."

"I believe that," Khan said as she nodded, looking relieved.

"Well, okay then," she said, wiping her eyes with her free hand.

"The name you selected. It's fitting. Given who his father is."

"Thank you," Carrie choked out. Curling back up in her earlier position by Brody, then closer to his chest she shivered, swore under her breath.

"I'lll be right back," Khan said, cutting across the hall to the supply closer. Grabbing an extra blanket he walked back in the room, draped it over Carrie's shoulders.

"That should help. You looked chilled."

Thanking him again, Carrie nodded, fought back a yawn.

"Try and get some rest," Khan encouraged. "And don't worry about any intrusion. Before I leave I'll ask a friend to run interference. Ensure you're not disturbed."

Nodding, reaching over with her hand not in Brody's, Carrie squeezed his. "Tell Sophie her dad's a good man too."

"If you insist," Khan smiled. After telling her to take care, stay in touch he stepped out, shutting the door behind him.

Sitting up, sighing, Carrie ran her thumb over the cut on Brody's lip, the purpling bruise beneath his eye.

"I shouldn't even be in here right now," she scoffed. "Any second Abby's gonna come in and scream at me, kick me out."

Delicately resting her chin on his sternum she bit her lip, stroked his hair.

"Damn it, Brody. Look I'm fucking done with this, okay? I've had it up to here," she choked out.

"We can't both be hospitalized at the same time. Farrah's probably going out of her mind. Who's she even staying with right now?! I don't..."

Exhaustion, frustration setting in she shook her head bitterly, glanced at all his bruises, bandages, IV lines.

"I wish they hadn't sedated you. I needed you to be awake. To tell me what fucking happened so I could find whoever put you here!" she spat.

When his heart rate kicked up though and the baby kicked her, sitting up again Carrie's chin quivered and she took a breath. Tried to settle down for their sakes.

"I'm sorry, I don't...please don't get stressed out on me. Everything's okay, it's okay.." she assured. One hand in Brody's, the other came to rest on, rub circles on her belly. A last ditch effort to try and calm the two of them down, her by extension.

When the kicks subsided she moved her hand to smooth Brody's hair, sniffed back tears before speaking. "Whatever happened to you it's over now, Brody. It's done. You're with me, you're safe. Everything's gonna be fine, okay? It...it fucking has to be."

Kissing him on the cheek she curled around him in bed, careful not to disturb the IV's or monitors as she rested her head on his chest, hand still in his. Between the sound of his heart in her ear, her belly being secured between them both she finally managed to settle down. Get some much needed sleep.


	175. Chapter 175

Shaken awake by someone shaking her shoulder, Carrie swore, shifted away from Brody so as not to disturb him.

"Jesus Christ, Abby!"

Glaring, taking her by the arm the older woman brought her to the opposite side of the room.

"This waking me from a sound sleep thing is really starting to get old!" Carrie hissed.

"Well you know what else is getting old? Finding you in every bed but your own in the morning!"

"Sorry, old habits are tough to break," she snorted, but from the look she was getting she knew Abby wasn't backing down.

"What do you want me to say? I'm not apologizing for staying here all night. It calmed me down, it let me get a few fucking hours of sleep! Isn't that what you wanted?"

"You know what I want...you...you know what I fucking want?!" Abby spat taking Carrie aback, never having heard her friend swear.

"I want to get a decent night sleep and calm down too. But I can't! Because you are so damn determined to break rules, go against regulations."

"I haven't...look you signed off on-"

"On what? You extending your stay? Losing your weekend pass? Because one more slip-up and there's a very good chance of that happening!"

"Abby, I-"

"If anyone else had found you this morning you'd be in for it, Carrie. We both would!"

"Look you didn't let me in the fucking room! Dr-" Catching herself before she blew Khan in, put him in danger of being in for it too, Carrie covered. "Someone else did."

"Well that someone else isn't responsible for your case! I am! I'm responsible and I'd be held accountable. I could lose my job! Did that even occur to you, Carrie? Once?"

Realizing it hadn't, that she'd been taking advantage of Abby's kindness for weeks now and hardly giving a damn, Carrie bowed her head, crossed her arms.

"No. It..it hadn't."

"Look, I care about your well being. But I need to know you care even an iota about mine, about everyone else's! It's important, Carrie. Do you know what your description was in your case file when you were sent here?"

Nervously looking up Carrie shook her head.

"No, I never-"

"The patient is single minded to the point of recklessness and destructiveness. Her need to meet her own ends comes at the expense of people around her as well as herself."

"Shit."

"That's just the opening line," Abby sighed. "Honey, everything we've been working on with you since you were admitted is to help curb those tendencies. Get you practicing behavior that doesn't harm you, doesn't take advantage of others. If you can't meet that criteria, if I don't believe you have, I can't sign off on your release, even your weekend pass. I can only say I let things slide for your benefit so many times before my boss stop trusting me with your case. If that happens forget it, you'll be in here even longer! Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Nodding, chin quivering Carrie sat at the foot of Brody's bed, squeezed his hand.

"I'm sorry. I...I didn't mean to jeopardize anything. Not my release, your job! I'd never intentionally do that!"

"Is that right?"

"Yes!" she insisted. "Look I didn't come in here last night to achieve my own fucking ends. It may have been reckless but it wasn't destructive. Brody needed me in here! It settled him down, it settled our kid down! That's not being selfish and wrapped up in myself, that's me caring about _them_. And if anyone has a fucking problem with that tell them to find me! It was my choice! You had nothing to do with it."

Letting out a heavy sigh, Abby nodded. "Well, let's hope it won't come to that. It hasn't so far. No one has confronted me and luckily no one caught you! But I need you to get back to your room before that changes."

When Carrie looked hesitant, turned back to Brody, Abby sat beside her on the bed.

"Look, we'll go back. You can catch up on sleep, get some breakfast. Then after group I'll arrange it so you can come back down."

"How? You just said we're walking thin ice, I don't-"

"You said the baby settled down last night too?"

"Yeah, what does that have to do with-"

"You're almost into your sixth month and the father of your child is in the hospital unconscious, Carrie. My boss is a lot of things but he isn't made of stone," Abby said.

"So I can come back?"

"After group and a little reflection time we'll make it happen, okay? Just no more mishaps between now and then."

Nodding, still holding his hand Carrie couldn't make herself let go. "What if something happens to him though? I don't-"

"If it's anything major you'll know about it. That much we can do."

Wiping her eyes with her free hand she nodded, sniffled, getting Abby looking on in concern.

"Carrie?"

"You read me the fucking riot act I deserved to hear and now you're being so nice to me," Carrie said incredulously, looking up. "You're right, I've completely taken advantage. Why do you even care so much?"

"Because you're my patient, honey. Look...you have been put through the wringer. What you went through before you came here, Brody's issues, his getting hurt. That's why I've been lenient."

"Because you feel sorry for me?" she scoffed.

"No, because I care about you. And yes, I got frustrated but it's because I was concerned!"

"About your job."

"Hey," Abby cut in. "You're my patient, missy. You're my job. And I want to see you succeed in here and be done with this place for good. I don't want to see you upset and in tears all the time."

Glancing at Brody she arched a brow, rubbed his upper arm.

"Nice muscles on this one," she said approvingly, getting Carrie laughing in spite of everything.

"Bet he can just swoop you up in the air without thinking."

"Yeah, five months ago anyway."

"He's a tough one though. I can tell," Abby said knowingly. "He'll be out of here soon, and the two of you will have your birthday/wedding weekend. And before you know it you'll be discharged for good. So long as we keep on the up and up. No more screwups."

"There won't be, I...I promise."

"Okay. Good."

After Carrie kissed Brody's cheek, said she'd be back soon, slipping her arm around her Abby walked her out.

"C'mon, lets so get some food in you."

...

Eyes cracking open, Brody frowned, tried to sit up as his head swam. Slumping back down he tried to take deep breaths, felt pain when he did. Guessing it was his ribs he groaned, then found his face feeling like it had been broken three times over. When he moved his arm he winced, bit his lip to keep from crying out. His shoulder, his whole body hurt like a mother and the sensation felt too fucking familiar.

Curled up on his side, eyes darting around, between the cinderblock walls, dim lights, pain each time he moved, mouth going dry his blood ran cold. Shivering now, reaching with his good arm for a blanket on the chair he caught a whiff of vanilla. The lotion she liked.

_"That blonde you knocked up, we'll find her too!"_

"C..Carrie.." he choked. "Motherf... _Carrie!_ "

Sitting up, head spinning from the drugs, his injuries, both, not seeing her his vision slid out of focus and he put his head in his hands, rocked back and forth.

_"You gonna sit there in that van all night, motherfucker? Get out!"_

Hearing the slams on the window, windshield he flinched.

_"Get out! You piece of shit deserter! GET OUT!"_

Feeling the knife in his arm after they pried him from the van, the repeated kicks to the ribs Brody lay back on his side, tucked his knees to his chest. Whimpered as flashbacks threatened to overwhelm.

_"This is for my friends in Guantanamo, you piece of shit!"_   
_"Afsal enough! You want to kill him before he talks?!"_   
_"And kill his family after..."_

Muttering, pleading in Arabic now he clutched the blanket tighter, held it to his face, heard her voice. _"You're safe...you're not there, everything's fine. Everything's fine.."_

Shaking his head he curled up smaller, shivered. "No Carrie, no. You can't stay they'll kill you..you can't stay here. You...you can't stay here.."


	176. Chapter 176

“Hey,” Sloan greeted, approaching the nurse who was sitting on a bench in the hallway, examining the mark on her right wrist. 

“Thought you might need some gauze or something.”

“It’s fine, I’m fine,” Jen sighed. 

“No, you’re not,” Sloan said knowingly, sitting beside her. 

“C’mon. Talk to me. What the fuck happened in there?”

“Well I was making rounds, and I heard this patient mumbling. Loud enough for me to hear him out in the hall. I walked in to see what was wrong and after he noticed me, he stared for a minute before he reached out, clutched onto my arm.”

“And left you with that bruise!” the brunette exclaimed.

“I don’t think he was trying to hurt me, Sloan. He didn’t seem angry. He seemed scared.”

“Of what?”

“I’m not sure. He just kept asking me if I was okay,” Jen sighed, pushing her shoulder length blonde hair back and away from her face.

“Really?”

“He said that I had to be okay. That I had to be safe.”

“Whoa.”

“I told him that I was fine. Just to try and settle him down. And then Dr. Stevens walked in.”

“You mean Arty?” Sloan teased as Jen rolled her eyes.

“No, I mean Dr. Stevens. God, I fuck the guy once in the break room and he thinks he has a claim on me or something.”

“Shit, really? I thought you guys were way into each other.”

“It’s not mutual. He flipped a shit seeing me that close to the patient. Got between us and just started yelling at him. Said he had to get his hands off me, leave me alone.”

“Did he listen to him? The patient?”

“No,” Jen sighed. “He started yelling back! Swearing at him too. In English and I think even in Arabic.”

“Bilingual cursing out. Jeez.”

“I recognized it from when I did that stint at Walter Reed. Sometimes the patients with really bad PTSD, from when they were over there..”

“Wait, wasn’t the guy in there a former POW?”

“Maybe, I don’t know. I was too busy trying to keep him calm to pay much attention. Either way he didn’t get away from me. And then the asshole in scrubs made everything worse.”

“By doing what?”

“Stevens shoved me, off to the side of the room. The patient lost it. Said if he saw him ever lay another hand on me he’d snap his neck.”

“Jesus,” Sloan breathed as Stevens walked out of Brody’s room. Approaching Jen he grabbed her by the arm, hauled her to her feet.

“Hey!” the brunette snapped. “Leave her alone, asshole! She’s already been through-“

“Shut up,” Stevens spat, looking to Jen.

“We’re getting out of here. And getting that maniac in there fitted for a muzzle.”

Yanking her arm back Jen glared at him.

“I’m not through with my shift yet,” she said coldly.

“I can get you out of it early. It’s fine.”

“No thank you, Dr. Stevens.”

“Hey, I thought I told you to call me Arty.”

“And I’m telling you I have patients to tend to, Dr. Stevens,” Jen retorted. “I’ll look into that muzzle though. How big is that empty fucking head of yours so I can size it?”

“Hey!” Stevens sputtered. “Look, that lunatic in there came after me! He tore his fucking IV out trying to attack me!”

“And you’re worried about yourself?” Jen snorted. “What kind of doctor are you?”

“The kind that makes Dr. Evil look great,” Sloan smirked.

Ignoring her, Stevens looked incredulously at Jen. 

“I can’t believe you. You’re defending that asshole in there?”

“The only asshole I’m seeing is right here and standing in front of me. Clearly the patient’s not in his right mind!”

“Well clearly you’re not in yours if you’re blaming me for how he behaved!”

Met with a slap that left a red handprint across his cheek, swearing, Stevens stomped back over to Brody’s room. Looking in the window he rolled his eyes, saw him cowering in the corner.

“Fucking Christ.”

Shaking his head in disgust he walked down the hall, left through the closest exit he could find.

…

After Sloan checked that the coast was clear, thanking her Jen cut over to Brody’s room. Bit her lip seeing the state he was in and that he was no longer in bed.

“Damn it, Nick. You really can’t stay on the floor,” she sighed, kneeling in front of him as he shook. “C’mon, I’ll help you get back into-“

When he flinched, shied away, Jen shook her head, reached onto the supply cart in the corner.

“At least let me clean this up, okay?”

After disinfecting, bandaging up where his IV had been torn out, Jen stood, went to find an orderly to help her get Brody back into bed. 

Leaving his room though she saw an agitated older man pacing back and forth, and a thirty something brunette standing close by. Going to cut around them she was surprised when the man called after, cut in front of her.

“Excuse me sir, but I have to-“

“You assigned to Nick Brody’s room? The lady at the desk said it was around here someplace.”

“Are you family?”

“I’m...I’m his dad, yeah.” Nathaniel muttered, reaching into his back pocket for his cigarettes. Taking one from the pack much to Jen’s horror.

“Sir! Smoking is forbidden in this-“

“Settle down, I’m not gonna fucking light it.”

Rolling her eyes, Nancy took the cigarette from his mouth and the pack out of his hand, slipped them both into her purse.

“I’m sorry about that. I told him to leave them at home.”

Nodding, Jen turned back to Nathaniel.

“Feel free to go on in and see him. I think it’ll do him some good. He’s in quite a state. Hopefully having family around him will help.”

“Can I go in and see him too?” Nancy asked.

“Are you family as well?”

“No, just a friend. But I feel like I could really be of some help-“

“I’m sorry, but only immediate family is permitted in this unit.”

“But I just-“

“Nan, just go get a cup of coffee or something!” Nathaniel hissed. “Don’t make a goddamn spectacle,” he said gruffly as Nancy snorted, crossed her arms.

“Just through here Mr. Brody,” Jen said, walking him over to the room. Two orderlies were attempting to get Brody off the floor and back into bed, getting him cowering and flinching away.

“Please…enough, I..I’ve had enough, please stop hurting me. I..I’ll do anything I swear just please stop hurting me…” he pleaded, his head bowed as his eyes squeezed shut.

“Jesus, son,” Nathaniel breathed, waving the two men aside as he approached, crouched down. 

“Hey, you look here now Nicholas. You’re in a hospital right now and you’re fine, you understand? Nobody’s gonna lay a goddamn hand on you.”

Snapping his fingers at one of the orderlies, he got him to hand over the blanket from the bed.

“Hurry up and give that here. He’s fucking shaking like a leaf.”

Moving to drape the blanket over Brody’s shoulders, Nathaniel tried to hide his shock at his son resting his head on his. 

“Make it stop Nazir, please. Make it stop.”

Shutting his eyes, shaken to the core hearing that but trying not to let on, Nathaniel patted him on the back. “Shhh, easy, son. S’alright. I…I’ll get you through this.”

——

After getting coffee, waiting in the lounge for about an hour, cutting over to outside of Brody’s room Nancy peered in the window. Saw Nathaniel shift uncomfortably in his spot on the floor.

Smile forming on her face, seeing the hall was deserted and that the pesky nurse was gone, entering the room she shut the door behind her. 

Shaking his head seeing her, Nathaniel got to his feet, careful not to disturb Brody. 

“For Christ’s sake, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Giving you a reprieve. You’ve been on that floor for almost an hour, Nate.”

“You’re not supposed to know that, you’re not even supposed to be in here!” he hissed.

“It’s fine, nobody saw. What’s the latest on Nick?”

“He was flashing back. Hallucinating. They said it could be the meds he’s on making him loopy, just the beating itself triggering shit.”

Trailing off Nathaniel bit his lip. 

“You holding up okay?” Nancy asked.

“He thought I was Abu fucking Nazir, Nan.”

“Jesus, Nate,” she sighed. “How long’s that supposed to go on for?”

“Should wear off soon they said. It’s just…I think I gotta take a minute. Get a cigarette or something.”

“Sure, that’s fine.”

“Just, keep an eye on him so long as no one’s here to kick you out.”

“Of course, go on.”

After Nathaniel reclaimed his cigarettes, stepped out, Nancy knelt down in front of Brody. Stroked the side of his face as he slept. “Been to hell and back but still so damn handsome,” she sighed.

“Didn’t see any blonde station chiefs outside. Guess I’ll have to keep you company.”

Smiling she leaned in as he stirred, flinched at her touch.

“Shh, hey. It’s okay.”

Feeling a hand settle on his face again Brody’s eyes fluttered open, locked with her blue ones. Too bleary to focus on anything else. 

“You okay?” he asked fearfully. “You okay, Carrie?”

“I’m fine. I’m right here, I promise,” Nancy whispered, leaning in so they were nose to nose. “I promise…”

Kissing him, gently at first before making it more passionate, Nancy softly moaned, shifted onto his lap.

“Wait, wait..”

“It’s fine, just a little kiss, honey. It’s fine.”

About to start his next shift, Khan decided to take the longer route up to the oncology wing. Stop by a certain room and if he had time, give a progress report to a certain new friend.

Glancing in the window, wanting to make sure he had the right room, he froze then frowned. Shook his head in awe and disgust.

“Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.”


	177. Chapter 177

After Abby arranged it so she could make a trip downstairs after group, reaching Brody's floor she got a frown from the unfamiliar nurse working at the desk.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm here to see a patient. I think he's just through there in room 20-"

"Are you family?"

"No. I'm not. Look I have permission from Abby Reynolds to be down here, I don't-"

"If you're not family I can't allow you to see him. I'm sorry."

Feeling frustrated, sensing that even Abby signing off on this wouldn't get her past this woman, Carrie knew she had to try and get creative. Glancing at the romance novel she was reading a sly smile formed on her lips.

"Is it your first time reading that?"

"No, it's one of my favorites."

"Yeah. Mine too," Carrie lied. "The ending though is so..."

"Oh I know. So sad right!"

"I haven't picked it up in months. I cry at the drop of a hat these days, don't need more of an excuse," she scoffed, cradling her belly before seeing the framed photo on the desk.

"Is that you and your son?"

"Yes, it is," the nurse answered, getting a soft smile.

"I'm having a boy too."

"Congratulations, I-"

"His father's in that room over there," she said quietly, pointing. Then spoke again after a beat. "Do you interact much with the patients on this floor?"

"No, I'm sorry, I just work the desk, I-"

"No don't...don't worry about it. I just thought..."

"Ma'am?" the nurse frowned, seeing her trail off.

"I just thought if you'd been making rounds you could give me an update on his condition. If he's making progress. Something. I...it's been a rough couple of weeks. They didn't even know if he'd pull through, I..."

Sniffing, wiping at her eyes Carrie reached for a tissue off the desk.

"I'm sorry, this is just, pregnant lady craziness," she cried. "Of course he'll pull through. He fucking proposed to me. He has to be alright."

"He proposed?" the nurse asked, pushing her book aside.

"Yeah. As soon as I told him about the baby. He didn't have a ring yet but he gave me this."

Reaching for the purse Farrah made her, she took out a small blue rubber band, slid it on her ring finger.

"You two exchanged rubber bands?" the nurse gushed, tearing up. "That is so.."

"He said we'd drive to Maryland, elope."

"Oh! They have some gorgeous little B&B's up there."

"Yeah. And it's supposed to be beautiful in the spring."

"That's what I've heard, yeah," the nurse sniffled, handing Carrie another tissue before taking one for herself.

"That's when the baby is due. Before the accident he sang to him. Every night before bed. I just...I know if I went in there and saw him it...it would help."

Nodding in understanding the nurse pulled up the room assignments on her computer after Carrie gave her Brody's name.

"Looks like you were right. Room 202."

"Thank you so much, I really appreciate this," she said sincerely, slipping the rubber band back in her purse as she went to go past the desk.

"Tell your future father in law though that he should wrap it up. There should really be only one visitor at a time."

Stopping short Carrie frowned, turned back towards her.

"I'm sorry, what did you just...who's in there with him?"

"Mr. Nathaniel Brody. He's on the approved visitors list, I-"

"Let me see that," Carrie demanded, taking the clipboard from her. Reading the name on the list she saw red.

"Fuck...FUCK!"

"Ma'am, is everything-"

Throwing the clipboard down, knocking down a container of pencils in the process Carrie swore again, slowly bent over to pick them up.

"Here, let me give you a hand."

"No, I don't-"

Recognizing the hand first, then the voice Carrie snorted, shook her head. Pulling herself up with the aid of the desk she rolled her eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to check in on you. On Brody," Saul said, picking up the remaining pencils before standing as well.

"Are you still furious with me?" he asked.

"Not with you, no." she scoffed as he led her away from the desk and the curious looking nurse.

"What's going on?"

"Nathaniel's here!"

"What?"

"He's in Brody's room right now! They give me shit about seeing him but the prick that abandoned him gets full fucking access!"

"Jesus fucking Christ," Saul sighed as Carrie folded her arms, paced.

"I don't understand. He let Brody think he was dead for decades, but now he's determined to play Dad! Jesus Christ!" she said bitterly.

Seeing the look on her face, Saul nodded in agreement, understanding. Tried not to think about a certain woman they both knew who had a tendency to take off.

"Look what about we go to the cafeteria? You can get something to drink and come back up when Nathaniel's gone. I'll even make sure the coast is clear before you do."

"I just want to see Brody, Saul! I-"

Looking down the hall, seeing Nathaniel stepping out of a room at the end of the hallway. "Finally."

Storming down the hall she called his name, took him aside.

"What in the hell are you-"

"What are you doing here?!" she snarled as Saul swore under his breath. Made his way over to her.

"I came here to see my son! I thought-"

"Thought what? You'd make up for lost time when he's too weak to walk away?!"

"Look, that's my boy in there!" Nathaniel shouted. "If I didn't need permission from the floor nurse to see him I don't need permission from you, Blondie!"

"Hey! She goes by Carrie or Ms. Mathison," Saul interjected.

"Whatever she goes by I'm not gonna stand around and listen to her harassing me!"

Leaving the bathroom after touching up her lipstick, seeing Nathaniel arguing outside of Brody's room Nancy frowned, walked over.

"Hey, enough! The man came here to see his son, not to be hassled!"

"Who are you, his fucking bodyguard?" Carrie scoffed.

"I'm a friend. And I think you and yours may want to quiet down before they throw us all out!"

"If anyone needs to be thrown out," she snorted. "Who the fuck even are you?"

"She's a friend of mine,  _Carrie,"_ Nathaniel emphasized, glaring at Saul. "She convinced me to come and visit Nick today."

"Well let her convince you to leave then," Carrie spat, getting a snort from the brunette.

"Something funny?"

"I just want to know why you're so insistent that Nate go. His only son is in the hospital, the least you could do is..."

"The least  _I_ could do?" Shaking her head in disbelief, she crossed her arms.

"Look, I don't know who you are. But your friend's  _only son_ wasn't enough to keep him from disappearing for decades! Not letting his family know he was even alive!"

Seeing the nurses and staff looking in their direction Saul touched Carrie's shoulder, tried to take her aside. "Carrie...people are staring. You want to get us kicked ou-"

"I'm fine, Saul," she snapped, moving towards Nathaniel. "Tell me something, why are you bent on breaking your deadbeat streak? Brody's a grown man and he can't stand you! He doesn't need or fucking want you here!"

"Actually, Nate comforted and calmed Nick down," Nancy interrupted, catching a glare.

"I don't care what he thinks he did! Not when I was the one comforting Brody after he threw him out of his fucking trailer!"

"Hey! I didn't throw either of you out! I-"

"Shh, Nate. People are looking," she warned, turning back to Carrie. "And you  _should_  care about what Nate did in there. He was there for Nick while you were off finger-painting in arts and crafts."

Stricken hearing that, but trying not to show it, Carrie shook her head. "Arts and crafts, what are you-"

"The psych ward isn't that far from the coffee cart. That's where you're supposed to be right now, right? Making popsicle stick art and-"

"Hey! You're out of line," Saul growled, fury in his eyes. "This is a hospital, she's being treated for a goddamn illness. You have no fucking right to-"

"Saul, don't. I...I'm fine," Carrie sighed, wanting to avoid a scene. Turning to her he scoffed.

"I'm not going to stand here and let a complete stranger insult you like that! I-"

"I can deal with it!" she insisted. "It's fine. I've heard fucking worse!"

Hand running through her hair she bit her lip. "I think you should go."

"Carrie."

"I'll be fine. I can take care of this. I'll get rid of them, see Brody. It's fine."

Nodding, knowing if he argued she'd just get more upset, Saul reluctantly agreed to get a cup of coffee. Staring daggers at Nancy and Nathaniel both as he walked away.

"If you're through I'd like to get in to see him," she said, cradling her belly as Nathaniel reluctantly nodded, stepped aside, went to smoke another cigarette. Nancy however wasn't as accommodating.

"Get the fuck out of my way! I'm not-"

"I'm sorry, Carrie. That's your name right? Carrie?"

Met with a nod the brunette continued. "What I said was out of line, it was insulting. I just saw you going after my friend and I-"

"Whatever, it's fine. Can I just-"

"When I saw you in the psych ward, you were almost through with a group session, right?"

Snorting, Carrie shook her head in disbelief. "So you're spying on me in addition to insulting me?"

"I'm not spying. I just...I know how treatments like that, how group therapy tends to go."

"Why. You did a stint in the upstairs suite too?"

"Not at this hospital but, yes. I did," Nancy said.

"You check yourself in?"

"No. After my tour in Afghanistan I , had some issues. My family checked me in involuntarily."

"Jesus," Carrie breathed.

"It was actually the best thing they could've done. It helped me a lot."

"Well for someone it's helped, you have no problem being a condescending bitch to someone being treated," Carrie spat as Nancy nodded, laughed.

"What's so funny? You were giving me shit about arts and crafts!"

"You think arts and crafts don't deserve getting a little shit? Honestly how much help do popsicle sticks provide?" she asked as Carrie shrugged.

"Look, group and support groups helped me more than anything else."

Nodding, Carrie crossed her arms. "I admit, they've helped me in here too. But why are you telling me this?"

"I just wondered how you felt about Nick being in one. In mine, actually."

"You run a support group?" she asked, getting a nod. "Okay. Why are you asking me like he needs my permission or something? Brody's a grown man. He can join whatever fucking group he wants."

"Really?"

"Why are you questioning me?" Carrie snorted. "Yes,  _really_."

"I'm not questioning," Nancy shrugged. "I'm just surprised. It seems you've had no interest in him getting help before."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Carrie bristled.

"The man obviously has never attended a support group or anything to help him since he came home! He hasn't dealt with his problems, Carrie."

"Well not everyone is capable of dredging up shit they've been through and spouting it off in front of strangers!" she retorted.

"It helps though. And it would help Nick. Of course why would you be concerned about that?"

"Excuse me?!"

"You worked for the CIA, right?" Nancy asked, knowing the answer. "Recruiting assets, that was your job."

"You have no right to ask," Carrie said coldly.

"So in other words, yeah. You did. Let me ask you. How invested were you in a potential asset who had served getting help?"

"How invested was-" she frowned as the brunette continued.

"I mean you're all about manipulation. Talking them into doing your dirty work, right? How much did you care about Nick getting the help he needed? About him recovering."

"He goes by  _Brody!_ " Carrie spat.

"Well if  _Brody_  had gotten help after his homecoming where would that have left you?"

"We...we wouldn't have crossed paths," Carrie said, looking down and away as her hand went to her hair. "The Agency wouldn't have taken as much of an interest-"

"And he wouldn't have taken an interest in  _you_. He would've just come home to his wife and his kids, wouldn't have given you the time of day."

Taking a breath before looking up again, Carrie's jaw clenched before she spoke. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Telling me all this as if I didn't fucking know it already!"

"I'm someone who's interested in soldiers getting help they need. Not being further damaged, especially by people in the public sector of the country they goddamn served!"

"I don't know how much you know but I didn't  _damage_  Brody! All the bullshit he went through, what he nearly fucking did!"

"Was something a support group could've helped him with. If he'd gone, gotten help, found someone genuine that he could've turned to-"

Bowing her head again at the genuine remark she crossed her arms.

"He wouldn't be with me. I get it," she said softly before looking back up. "At least though I didn't fucking abandon him! Like his sainted father did!"

"Nathaniel's trying to help. He's getting him talking! Not bottling everything up like he's used to. He's being a help to his son. Maybe convincing him to get into real therapy," Nancy said, getting a snort.

"Well his sudden change of heart doesn't excuse what he did. Nothing excuses what the fucker did to him!" she snapped, moving to stand in front of the window. Seeing Nathaniel had snuck in again, was sitting by Brody's bed her eyes stormed over.

"Well what about what you  _didn't_ _do_  for him," Nancy asked curtly.

Arms wrapped tightly around herself Carrie bowed her head, sniffed back tears.

Rolling her eyes Nancy shook her head, opened the door to Brody's room. Glancing back at Carrie who was seemingly frozen in place.

"I do love him," she choked.

"Well you sure have a funny way of showing it," Nancy scoffed. Going inside the room she turned back to shut the door, smirked after seeing the blonde had finally walked away.


	178. Chapter 178

_The Next Day_

After Brody had slept, healed up somewhat and been weaned off the heavy duty pain meds, more apt to talk he had a long conversation with Nathaniel that Nancy joined in on.  
Talking about being overseas, what he'd seen and endured had proven to be a help, and Brody felt relieved getting some of what he'd suppressed so long out in the open.

But he knew he'd feel even better seeing Carrie again. Letting her know he was fine now and that soon enough they'd all be fine.

"So son," Nathaniel grinned. "Think you'll go to the meeting with us? Nancy and I like to stop off at the bar down the road from the trailer park afterwards. Play pool, have a drink. We have fun."

"Sure," Brody shrugged. "Once Carrie's released we can play doubles, how's that sound?" he laughed, thinking back to the pool hall incident.

"Well we usually go right after the meeting, Nick. You gonna drag Carrie along to that too?" Nancy snorted.

"Why not? She wouldn't mind," Brody said, frowning at her. "Look, I appreciate all you've done, but I'm better now, a lot better. And I'd really like to see Carrie, let her know it," he said as Nancy bit her lip.

"What?"

"I just don't know if that's such a good idea, Nick."

"Hey, if the doctor's gave you permission to be in here there's no reason that she-"

"I'm not saying she can't be in here, I'm just saying that maybe she shouldn't," she said, getting him frowning more. "You're finally starting to deal with things. Don't you think Carrie will cause a distraction? Get in the way of that?"

"I don't think that at all. Of anything I'd welcome some distraction right now!" Brody exclaimed.

"I'm serious," Nancy sighed. "I really don't think it's wise. Like I said you're finally dealing with-"

"Dealt. I've dealt with what's happened, alright? I'm sitting up, talking. Not flashing back. I'm finally fucking functioning, for Christ's sake," Brody scoffed. "I'll keep going to support group if that's what you're worried about."

"That's not-"

"But you're not going to talk me into ignoring Carrie or cutting her out of my life. We love each other. We have long before either of you came into the picture, or back into it," he said, nodding to Nathaniel.

"I understand that, but-"

"No, Nancy. No buts. I  _love_  Carrie."

"Do you?" Nancy questioned.

"What?"

"Do you love her? Or did she just distract you? Attract you all the while trying to manipulate, make an asset out of you."

Jaw clenched Brody's eyes iced over. "None of that fucking matters. It's in the past, one that you frankly know nothing about!"

"Easy son," Nathaniel warned. "Nan's just-"

"I know exactly what she's trying to do," Brody spat as Nathaniel rolled his eyes, excused himself to have a cigarette.

When he left Nancy turned back to Brody, smiled. "So what is it you think I'm trying to-"

"Whatever it is I'm not okay with it," he said bitterly.

"Look, Carrie and I are raising her seven year old daughter. We're having a baby of our own in just over three months. What her and I have is real. Don't ask me how it evolved into that but it has, and I'm grateful."

"So, what you have is real enough that you've talked with her. Really talked with her, like the way we've been?" Nancy asked, rubbing Brody's knee.

"Yeah, we have," he frowned, his gaze flicking downward then back to her in disbelief.

"What's wrong?"

When he nodded to her hand she quickly moved it, bit her lip. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"You just what?"

Shaking his head he shifted away from her. "Look, Nancy I'm not-"

"No, let me talk, Nick-"

"Don't call me that," he growled.

"Look, I served too. I saw hell too."

"So has Carrie."

"Has she?" Nancy scoffed. "Or is that just deception? Some kind of tactic? She inserts herself into your life when you're at your most vulnerable? Tells you she gets it? That she understands?"

"You mean what you're doing right now? Since you came in my fucking room?"

Rolling his eyes Brody moved further away. "Look, I don't know if this is your trying to hit on me, or if you've just taken some sick interest in me because of my past. But either way I don't like it, and I'm through listening!" he snapped, getting out of bed.

"Nick, wait. You shouldn't-"

"I told you! I don't go by Nick!" he shouted. "Where is Carrie? She's been in here, I know she has."

"What, you could smell her obsession with you?" Nancy scoffed.

"You're one to fucking talk!"

Walking back in the room Nathaniel frowned, seeing Brody out of bed and angry. "What the hell do you think you're-"

"I'm fine. Just need to stretch my legs. And get the fuck away from her!"

"Wait, what happened? What did I miss?"

"Nothing, nothing," Brody sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Look, Dad. I appreciate all you've done. Getting me talking, being here. But I'm not interested in being your friend's pet project. If that's why you brought her here and asked her to stay, then you better just leave right now."

"Pet project? What the fuck do you mean pet-"

Seeing Nathaniel caught off guard, Brody calmed slightly. Seeing there was a chance this was all Nancy's doing and that his father hadn't been involved.

"Look, it doesn't matter. I'm going to find Carrie. Just make sure  _Nan's_  gone before I get back."

Turning to leave he stopped short when she cut in front of him. "For Christ's sake!"

"Nick, I'm sorry. This has all gotten so...this wasn't what I wanted!"

"All you've wanted to do is cut Carrie down at every turn! Pursue me!"

"I wasn't trying to cut...I just don't think that goddamn spook is good for-"

"She's the love of my life. And has done more me for me than you'll ever know. You have a problem with that? Go find a fucking group and talk about it with them. I'm through," Brody snapped, stepping closer to her. "And so help me, you call her a spook again, say or do anything else against her, you  _will_  live to regret it."

Before she could respond or Nathaniel could react, Brody cut out of the room and over to the nurse's station. Asking the woman at the desk to get a hold of Abby for him and send her down if she was available. After making his request, turning around he nearly bumped into Nathaniel.

"Jesus, Dad..."

"Sorry, I'll wear a damn bell next time," Nathaniel muttered.

"Look, I'm not going to apologize. I don't care if Nancy is your friend."

"Nicky-"

"No, that woman is up to something! And I'm not going to sit there and listen to her go after Carrie and-"

"I know, son. I get it," Nathaniel sighed. "Look, what she said, to Carrie. I almost wish you hadn't found out about it, I-"

"Found out about what? I...did Carrie and Nancy talk?"

Realizing right then Brody hadn't actually learned about that, Nathaniel looked away, bit his lip. "Son of a bitch, I thought you already knew about-"

"Knew about what?!" Brody exclaimed. "Dad, what the fuck happened?"

"Carrie and Nan got into a discussion. I didn't hear most of it but-"

"What did you hear?"

When Nathaniel went on to explain how Nancy may have scared Carrie off, knowing that Carrie didn't scare easily Brody's stomach knotted and he swore, paced the hall before spotting, walking after someone.

"Hey Nick! NICK!" Nathaniel yelled, seeing him catch up to a blonde.

"Nathaniel, Nicholas? What?"

"Jen, I need to get someone removed from the hospital. Can you help?"

"I can try, of course! Were they disturbing you?"

"Yes. And she may have disturbed another patient here. Carrie Mathison. She's been in the psychiatric unit here. This woman and her talked and something might have happened, I-"

"Son, I said I didn't hear the entire talk they had! I-"

"Dad, the fact that she's talked to Carrie at all is reason enough!" Brody hissed as Jen went to page security. Swearing, brushing past Brody, Nathaniel plopped down on a nearby bench.

"Jesus, Dad I didn't-" Shaking his head Brody sat next to him. "Look, I get Nancy's a friend and she's helped you out."

"She helped you too," Nathaniel scoffed.

"I know, but I didn't like what she was saying about Carrie while she was helping me! I didn't like the vibe I was getting from her."

"Vibes? What are you talking about, vibes...I don't-"

"Dad, she fucking hit on me in my room after you walked out!"

"What? Nancy wouldn't have-"

"I think by now I can tell if a woman is interested in me," Brody snorted. "Look, that on it's own wouldn't get me calling security, but if Nancy's getting Carrie worked up?"

"I'm sure Blondie knows how to handle herself," Nathaniel muttered, getting an exasperated look in return.

"Of course she...I know she can handle herself! For Christ's sake she's with the fucking CIA. She doesn't scare easily. Which is why not seeing her around now is making me nervous."

"She could be off doing that damned fingerpainting again or-"

"She'd find a way to be down here! The fact that she isn't and the fact she and Nancy talked..." Shaking his head, the knot in his stomach doubling in size he ran a hand over his face.

"Something's up, Dad. I can fucking tell, I-"

"Brody?! I-" Abby interrupted, approaching them as Brody stood up.

"Hi, Abby. I'm sorry for calling you down here, I just needed to see how Carrie was doing. I-"

"See how she was doing? What do you mean? She was supposed to be down here!"

"What?"

"I told her she could come down after arts and crafts. The supervisor must not have given her the message."

Taking out her phone to call her, Abby stepped off to the side of the hall as Brody continued to pace.

"Son, easy," Nathaniel soothed. "Just try and..."

"I don't like this. Carrie wouldn't  _not_  be here, it doesn't make any fucking sense, I don't-"

"Look, I get you're worried but just-"

"Worried? Dad she's fucking pregnant with your grandchild! You ought to be worried too!"

Seeing how on edge Brody was, how he looked on the verge of shutting down like he had in his room earlier, getting up Nathaniel approached Jen who was still trying to get through to security.

"Hey, Jen? That's your name, right?"

"Yes, I'm sorry this is taking so long. It shouldn't-"

"It's fine. I just, make sure this woman my son spoke about, Nancy Johnston, does get removed from this place. I don't want her stressing him out anymore than she has."

"I understand. We'll make sure it's handled, don't worry," Jen assured as Nathaniel nodded, thanked her before going back over to Brody.

"Son, they're taking care of Nancy, don't worry about that, I-"

Trailing off when Abby approached them both, looking nervous, Brody stood, swallowed hard.

"Abby what happened? What's-"

"Carrie didn't attend arts and crafts this morning at all," she said, trying to be professional but feeling like crying or punching a wall in.

"Jesus! Well where the fuck is she now?!" Brody shouted, attracting the attention of everyone in the hallway, including a doctor who bit his lip, retrieved his phone from the pocket of his scrubs. Turning to face the wall he dialed, brought it to his ear.

"Sorry, I just wanted to check in. Are you alright?"

Nodding Khan lowered his voice, made sure nobody was looking in his direction.

"I'm doing all I can to run interference but people are growing curious. What should I say if-"

Trailing off when the line went dead, cursing he slipped his phone back in his pocket. Starting to regret getting involved in all this ridiculous drama in the first place.


	179. Chapter 179

Looking up from his paperwork after hearing a knock on his office door, Khan frowned. He didn't usually get visitors and it was almost the end of his shift.. He'd only been in his office to gather his things before going home for the night, and was frustrated that the trip was going to be delayed.

"Come in."

Not recognizing the short, stocky brunette glaring at him, Khan's frown deepened. "Can I help-"

"Oh yeah. You can definitely help me, bucko!"

"Bucko? What in the world are you-"

"Look, I know you're the new hot young thing at this hospital, you're used to every intern and nurse going gaga over you, but I know what you're really about!"

"Well please, enlighten me then!" Khan exclaimed, genuinely curious and confused.

"I know what you did!" Abby growled, slamming her hand on the desk and making him jump.

Shaking his head Khan snorted, tried to recover. "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. I haven't done anything-"

"You  _have_  done something! To my patient! And you sure as hell aren't going to get away with it!" Abby spat as he scoffed, leaned forward in his chair.

"Your name is Abigail Reynolds, yes?"

"How do-"

When he pointed to her ID tag Abby went red, tried to conceal it. "I prefer Abby," she snapped.

"Very well then, Abby. Would you mind taking a seat so that we can discuss this calmly."

"I don't want to sit down! I didn't come down here to have a calm discussion, Dr. Khan!"

"Clearly," Khan muttered.

"I came here to figure out what you did to my patient. Carrie Mathison!"

When Khan bit his lip, looked nervous all of a sudden Abby smiled, knowing she had him where she needed him.

"Did you help Carrie leave the hospital?"

"I...I do not-"

Lunging Abby slammed her arm down on the back of his neck. Smushing his face into the desk. "Answer me!"

"Alright, alright! Good God, you're strong!" Khan exclaimed as she applied more pressure. "Alright, yes! YES! I helped Carrie leave here, yes!"

"Do you have any idea what you've done!"

"I'm starting to, yes," Khan sighed as she let him up. Rubbing the back of his neck he snorted.

"You think this is a joke?!" Abby yelled. "Do you know what will happen to you if I report this?"

"The same thing that will happen to you, is that correct?" Khan retorted, rolling his eyes. "Clearly you care deeply for Carrie, Abby. If you had seen the state she was in, how desperate she was to leave here, you certainly would've helped to-"

"Don't assume that about me! You don't know me from Adam," Abby spat, pacing the small room. "If Carrie was that distraught the first thing I'd do is get her the help she needed here! The hospital where she was placed by the court!" she exclaimed, running a hand through her hair before sitting in the corner chair.

"Where did you bring her?"

When Khan looked hesitant to answer, her eyes narrowed. "Do you want me to put you in a headlock again?"

"After I answer you probably will regardless," Khan groaned. "I brought her to a bus stop on the corner of Fifth and Oak Street. Per  _her request_ ," he added.

"She refused to tell me where she planned to go. She just said she needed to think. That she needed some answers."

"Well I'm gonna need some answers too."

Looking up, seeing Brody glowering in the doorway, Khan's eyes went cold.

"Did you bring him with you?!" he asked as Abby shook her head, stood up.

"No! Of course not," she hissed, approaching the door. "Brody, I have this under control! You don't have to-"

"I just heard him admit to helping Carrie take off. I think I have a fucking right to confront him about it!" Brody snapped as Khan stood as well, looked at him stony eyed.

"You don't have any right," he growled. "Not after what I've seen from-"

"What? What have you seen?" Brody spat. "Who the fuck even are you?"

"You barge into my office demanding answers! What's to say you even deserve to hear them!"

"I deserve to know what you fucking did to her!"

"What  _I_  did to her? What I..." Trailing off, Khan laughed without humor. Shook his head in awe.

"Is this a fucking joke to you! Carrie's almost six months pregnant. She's the mother of my child!"

"Seems that's all that she is to you. As if you even deserve that chance, you traitorous, cheating, miserable..."

When Brody lunged at Khan, Abby swore, quickly got between them.

"Alright you two that's enough! Settle down. NOW!" she ordered, taking Brody but the arm.

"You come with me, Sergeant."

"Abby, for Christ's sake..." he griped as she pushed him out the door, into the hallway.

"Hey, take it easy! Jesus, I did get the shit kicked out of me two days ago."

"If you were healthy enough to go after him you can handle a little shoving from me." Abby snorted, walking him over to her office. Once there she sat down behind her desk, reached for the phone.

"Who are you calling?"

"Someone who may be able to point us in the direction of the blonde we love," she sighed. "Just sit tight. Here."

Reaching into her desk drawer she took out, held out a candy dish.

"Hey, thanks!" Brody said.

"I usually just bring it out for the kids, but since you were acting beyond childish in there..."

"Hey, so long as I get a treat out of it."

When he grabbed a second peanut butter cup Abby set the dish back in the drawer, smacked Brody on the hand.

"Only one treat, Marine," she said firmly, bringing the phone to her ear before speaking. "Hi, Saul. It's Abby. Listen, don't get upset. But we've got a situation."

Smile fading Brody put the second piece of candy down on the desk.

"Look, I've got Brody here with me. Can I put you on speaker? Yeah, he's doing fine. Well...fine as he can be given the circumstances," Abby sighed.

Reaching across the desk she squeezed Brody's hand reassuringly as he squeezed her's back.

After Abby relayed what Khan had told her, and Saul calmed down enough to think, Brody piped up, asking if the older man had any ideas as to where Khan could have helped her get to.

Before Saul could reply, seeing he was getting another call he frowned, switched to call waiting.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Berenson, this is Gary Sanders. I'm head of the evening security team at Langley."

"Of course, Gary. Christ, I've known you for years," Saul frowned. "What's this about?"

"I just learned that someone made an attempt to access your office this past hour."

"That's impossible," he scoffed. "What about the alarms? The guards who work outside the damn building?"

"Mr. Berenson, because of budget we don't have an active evening guard out front. The only way to get past the security gate though is keying in a numeric code and scanning an ID badge."

"Well I still got my fucking badge. Who-"

"Mr. Galvez's ID was scanned, sir. That's why I'm calling. I wanted to see if you gave him clearance to enter your office tonight."

"Gary, Galvez is the acting director. Of course he has clearance to use my office."

"Well it just came as a surprise, sir. After all he has his own office," Gary said. "I was just concerned and wanted to inform you before I sent a team to search the area."

Swallowing hard, Saul ran his free hand over his face. Thinking of one person that would want access to his office at this hour. One who had far more reason than Galvez to try and access it.

"Gary don't send a team to check it out. Your men have more important work at this hour. I'll head over there myself. See what's cooking."

"Mr. Berenson, it's really no-"

"Leave it, Gary. I'll be down there in twenty."

After hanging up, hitting the call waiting button Saul chewed his lip, waited for Abby to answer.

"Abby it's me. I got a lead. On Carrie."

"Where the fuck is she, Saul?" Brody barked. Rolling his eyes Saul was tempted to hang up.

"None of your goddamn business."

"None of my...you son of a bitch! If you helped set this up-"

"You think I wanted this to happen?! Fucking Christ."

"Look it doesn't matter. I'm coming with you to find her! Hell, I'll follow your fucking car!"

"You're not gonna do a goddamned thing, you understand?!" Saul spat, rubbing the bridge of his nose and trying to keep in check. "Whatever Carrie was trying to get away from at that hospital involved you, Sergeant Brody. Otherwise she'd be stuck to you like fucking glue." he reminded. "I'll handle this. And so help me if you try anything..."

Hearing Brody swear, stand up and shove his chair across the room, Saul rolled his eyes. Moreso when he heard Abby sigh on the other line.

"Saul, do you really have to keep him at arms length in all this? Why-"

"You know I do. For all the reasons I just gave him."

Rolling her eyes she sank onto the edge of the desk.

"I just don't like him being shut out! It's not-"

"Look, if Brody's in any way responsible for Carrie taking off, she sees him walk up alongside me and she'll shut  _me_  out. Maybe fucking shut down all together. Who's your priority in all of this?" he asked as she sighed again, nodded.

"You're right. I know you're right, I just..."

"I know. I'm as sick of this bullshit between them as you are," Saul muttered, unlocking his car.

"Look I gotta go but I'll-"

"You'll keep me posted!" Abby insisted. "About everything. You understand?"

"Yes," Saul assured, softly smiling as he got in the front seat. Buckled up. "You'll be kept in the goddamn loop. I promise."


	180. Chapter 180

Turning down the hallway after having his last cigarette of the day, Nathaniel frowned, hearing muttered swearing and then seeing his son kicking at and hitting the side of a vending machine. Trying to retrieve a stuck bag of trail mix.

Shaking his head he lightly laughed, approached him. "You know, when you were a kid and your food went and got stuck in one of those, you'd try and shake the life out of that thing. Even when you weren't tall enough to reach the coinslot," Nathaniel recalled as Brody rolled his eyes. Gave the machine one last hit before walking away from it.

"What about your-"

"I wasn't that hungry anyway," Brody muttered, sinking onto a nearby bench.

"You finished all those discharge whatchamacallits? Get those papers squared away?" Nathaniel asked as he sat beside him.

"Yeah, I did. They prescribed me some pain meds. Said I should take it easy."

"So you decide to beat the living shit out of that machine?"

"There's not much else I can do until my cab gets here."

"Cab? C'mon now. I'll give you a ride."

"And then what? You drop me off at home and I sit on my hands? Be up all night wondering where the fuck Carrie disappeared to?" Brody said bitterly, leaning forward on the bench and wringing his hands. Copying his pose, Nathaniel sighed.

"Still haven't tracked Blondie down, huh?"

"Carrie, Dad." Brody corrected. "And no. But I'm not going to be the one looking for her anyway."

"What's that mean?"

"Her mentor Saul Berenson has a theory about where she is. But I'm not allowed to fucking know about it," he sighed. Reaching for the cigarettes between him and Nathaniel he removed one from the pack. Catching a look from him.

"Hey, they're gonna fucking yell at you if you try and light-"

"I'm not going to. Jesus."

Shaking his head he twisted the cigarette between his fingers.

"It's probably for the best anyways."

"What is?"

"My not being involved with the search."

"What the fuck makes you say that?" Nathaniel scoffed. "Anyone around here can see that you're concerned. That you love-"

"It doesn't matter," Brody interrupted. "If I was blameless in all this Carrie would've stuck around. She wouldn't have left my side until they forced her to."

"Son, I know-"

"She would've stayed with me, Dad. You don't know her. You don't know a fucking thing about her."

"I have a couple of ideas about her," Nathaniel muttered, getting a glare. "I'm sorry. What don't I know about Blondie?"

"That she's the most stubborn woman I've ever met. She's fucking fearless. If she wanted access to my room she would've gotten it, no matter what the doctors were telling her. She would've stayed until she knew for a fact I was better. But instead she took off to fuck knows where, and I know I'm part of the reason."

"That's a load of horseshit. Nancy's the only reason. Well, her and Blondie's fucked up impulses."

Met with another glare he sighed. "That came out wrong. I meant to say that she must have some tendency for doing this kind of thing. Taking off. Otherwise she wouldn't have had such an easy time of it."

"You're one to talk about taking off," Brody scowled as Nathaniel rolled, narrowed his eyes.

"Hey, I know you're upset and still have a right to be sore at me. But I'm trying here, son. I really fucking am."

Sighing, Brody looked down and away apologetically.

"I know you are. I apologize, I just-"

"Don't beat yourself up. S'alright," Nathaniel said, reaching over to pat him on the back. "Believe me, if your mom had split like this when she was pregnant with you, I'd have been a fucked up wreck."

Looking back at him, Brody bit his lip. "Sounds like you actually loved her."

"I did," Nathaniel nodded, taking the cigarette from Brody and putting it between his teeth. "What the fuck she saw in me though I'll never fucking know."

"Yeah. I know the feeling," Brody sighed before he heard footsteps, saw Abby approach them. Quickly he stood, met her halfway as Nathaniel followed.

"Abby did you hear anything? Did Saul-"

"No, honey," she sighed. "If there is any word Saul's keeping quiet about it. Even to me. He's made it clear he wants to handle this himself."

When Brody swore and strode away from them, kicked a garbage can over that was in his path, Abby bit her lip. Knowing better than to try and go after him.

"That prick son of a bitch. Where does he get off?" Nathaniel snarled. Tempted to pick up the garbage can and kick it over again himself. Rolling up his sleeves he went to step around Abby instead.

"Mr. Brody..."

"He's pulling this shit on my son and he's not gonna fucking get away with it, I-"

"Mr. Brody, stop it!" Abby scolded, blocking the older man's path. "Come here and take a seat."

"Yes ma'am," Nathaniel muttered, joining her on the bench.

"Now look, I've known Saul a long time. And he's been Carrie's mentor just as long. If anyone knows where to find her it'll be him."

"Look however I feel about Blondie she's pregnant with my grand baby. If anything happens to her or to that kid it's gonna put my boy in a world of hurt."

"Look, Saul cares about Carrie and the baby too. She asked him to be his or her godfather! He doesn't want anything to happen and I'm sure he'll find Carrie and get her back safe and sound. He's got her and your son's best interests at heart, Mr. Brody. You have to believe that," Abby assured, getting a slight nod.

"It's Nate. I go by Nate."

"Alright then, Nate. You can trust me, Saul's got this handled."

"How can you expect me to trust you, I don't even know you."

Reaching out her hand Abby smiled, shook his. "I'm Abby. Abby Reynolds. And don't I look trustworthy?"

"You got a kind face and a good grip. I guess so," Nathaniel shrugged, managing a smile.

"Good. Now, speaking of handling things, maybe you ought to try and get a handle on your son. He keeps knocking over trash cans and people are gonna get nervous."

"Hey! He's pretty upset and blowing off steam, don't you think that's healthy? Cathartic or whatever it's called?"

"There's cathartic and then there's not solving anything and just making a mess!" Abby exclaimed, walking over to pick up the trash can as Nathaniel rolled his eyes, helped her out.

"Look, I heard about the impromptu therapy session in Brody's room. That it actually did him some good."

"It did. Til Nancy went and upset him," Nathaniel spat, throwing an old coffee cup back into the bin before sitting back down.

"Well, take that meddling little thing out of the equation then," Abby scoffed. "Take Brody to a meeting. Without her."

When Nathaniel shrugged, looked hesitant she gave him a look. "C'mon. At the very least it'll give him something to occupy himself instead of sitting at home fretting about Carrie."

"He is gonna do a lot of that. Fretting," Nathaniel sighed. Knowing deep down that Abby made a good point.

"I think there's a meeting tonight at Grace Church. I'll see if maybe I can get him to-"

"Good!" Abby grinned. "Good, I think it'll help him out."

When Nathaniel still looked wary she arched a brow. "C'mon, you just said I had a kind face and a good grip. I know what I'm talking about."

"Alright, I'll talk to him. But if I can't convince him..."

"Give me your cellphone for a second."

Frowning, taking it from his pocket he did as asked. Watched as Abby programmed her number into it.

"If you find him and can't convince him call me. I'll talk him into it."

"What if I can? Convince him."

"Then send me a text saying you were successful. We clear?" she asked, getting a nod.

"Yeah, we're clear."

After Nathaniel made his way down the hall Brody had walked down earlier, Abby returned to her office. Got some paperwork squared away before getting a text from Nathaniel saying Brody would attend the meeting. Relieved she dialed her phone, attending to her next order of business.

"Saul? How's it going?"

"Fine, I'm driving though so make it quick."

"I just wanted to tell you I got Brody to go to a support group tonight with his father. It's at Grace Church."

"Great," Saul shrugged. "Why are you telling me?"

"Because I think it would be a good place for you to bring Carrie after you track her down. If she's up to it that is."

"I was just going to bring her back to the hospital, Abby," he frowned, rolling his eyes when a car cut him off.

"Well if everything had gone off as planned, she'd be getting ready to go home for the weekend anyway," Abby reminded. "So unless things are really dire, her going to a support group can double as the group she attends here. I can swing that, Saul!"

"And I suppose you can't swing her attending a meeting that's not at Grace Church and doesn't include a disgraced ex-marine," Saul scoffed as Abby scoffed back.

"Well what point would there be in that?"

"Look. I get it, you're a romantic and want them together. But-"

"But nothing, Saul!" she said firmly. "Carrie and Brody in a room together where they're encouraged to communicate can only help Carrie, not hurt her."

"Well, that may be your opinion, but-"

"Saul!" Abby shouted. "I agreed to let you handle Carrie and get her back. But if you discourage anything or try to talk her out of her relationship with Brody. Shame her or try and start something, I will hunt you down and rip that beard clean off of your face!"

"Abby, for Christ's sake," Saul sighed. "Save the lecture. I've done more on behalf of Nicholas Brody for Carrie's sake than you'll ever fucking know."

"Well keep at it or I will make you pay."

Shaking his head he turned into the lot. "You're very forthcoming with the threats."

"I had a man twice my size in a headlock today. Don't you cross me."

"I wouldn't dare," Saul laughed. Parking his car he went through security, took the elevator and then turned down the hall to his office. Nodding and chuckling as Abby explained how she'd put Khan in his place, when he reached his office he saw the door was still open a crack.

"Abby, listen I'm gonna have to call..."

Trailing off, seeing the lights were dimmed and Carrie was sitting on his rug, legs folded under her as she wiped at her eyes, listened to music through her headphones, his smile faded all together.

"I'm gonna have to call you back."


	181. Chapter 181

Slowly stepping into his office, shutting the door behind him, Saul bit his lip, shook his head. She was sitting in the spot on the floor where his rug used to be, leaned against the side of his cleared out desk. Occupied with her music she didn't even seem to notice him. Tissues were strewn around her and her eyes were red rimmed, puffy from what he could see of them in the dim light.

All Saul could think of was the last time he'd seen her looking this distraught. Back at her house when her depression had kicked in and he'd stopped over, heard her confirm that she'd fallen for Brody. Now she was looking as vulnerable and broken as she had in that chair, and it made him want to punch a wall in.

Knowing though that wasn't an option at the moment he stepped closer, cleared his throat so as not to startle her.

"Carrie?"

Looking up, wiping at her eyes her chin quivered involuntarily. "Hi," she said softly, removing the earbuds. "Look, I can explain why..."

"No, it's alright."

"I just needed someplace quiet to try and calm down. Gather my thoughts." she said.

Nodding, Saul crouched down, then sat next to her. "Everyone was looking for you at the hospital. How did you get out?"

"Convinced a doctor to drop me off near Maggie's. I walked to her house but remembered she and Danny and the girls were at the cabin."

"So you took Galvez's ID and used it at security?"

Nodding Carrie let out a sigh.

"Why'd you come here?"

"Felt familiar," she said, giving him a sheepish smile before tears welled up in her eyes. "Jesus, this is one of the few places where I felt exactly like I belonged. Now I have to sneak through security into the fucking building," she scoffed.

Sighing, after a beat Saul spoke up. Said words that felt fucking wrong leaving his mouth. "What about the other place where you said was exactly where you belonged?"

"What?" Carrie frowned.

"That day. In the interrogation room. Or was that just something you came up with to get him to break?"

Rolling her eyes she snorted, wiped at her eyes again. "I thought you blocked that whole day out?"

"Answer the question, Carrie."

Tears welling up again before she could stop them she snorted. "We were both broken already, Saul. We were both fucked up wrecks that collided and broke each other. And now we're bringing a fucking life into the world. Jesus, how fucked up is that?!" she cried.

"What about the conversation that you and I had?" Saul asked, shifting closer. "That you can't imagine the rest of your life without Brody? For Christ's sake, what's changed between now and-"

Trailing off, realizing what incident could've caused this change in her, now it was his turn to scoff. "Don't tell me. That woman that talked to you at the hospital?"

When she didn't respond, knowing he was right, Saul rubbed the bridge of his nose. "My God. You let her get to you?"

Still not getting a response he looked Carrie square in the eye. "I can't believe this. One stranger shares her warped thoughts on the two of you and now you're questioning everything?"

Chin quivering Carrie looked down, away from him. Her hand resting on her stomach as she cried.

"Hey, listen. Just listen," Saul coaxed as she glanced up.

"I get you're afraid. You're seeing another side to something you thought you knew everything about. A new perspective. One that's got you doubting whatever you thought you knew. That's scary as shit. No question."

Nodding, Carrie sniffled, wiped her eyes again.

"Believe me, I get it. I know that kind of fear too," Saul admitted. "Watching you in that bunker with Brody. Christ. I was more terrified than I've ever been."

Frowning, Carrie met his gaze again. "Why? I wasn't the one who fucking stabbed him!"

"It wasn't about what you did. It was what you were saying."

Leaning back against the desk, Saul lightly laughed as her frown deepened. "From the first interrogation you ran alone, I used to be able to keep track of you in there. Your technique, all your tactics with the suspects and prisoners you were assigned. You had interrogation down to an exact science," he said as Carrie sat up, intrigued.

"What do you mean?"

"Each time you'd bring in just the right amount of sincerity, strategy. It was a perfect balance. Why do you think I was so eager to mentor you? You had a natural talent."

"And I used that to get the truth out of Brody. Why did that fucking scare you?"

"Because I lost track of what was what, Carrie. What you were saying that was real, what was fabricated. I couldn't tell fact from fiction. For the first time in over a decade, I lost track of you. And it wasn't just because you turned the fucking cameras off."

Nodding, swallowing hard she bowed her head again.

"You know the reason, right?" Saul asked as she nodded.

"I was too emotionally involved."

"Yes. You were," he sighed.

"If I hadn't been though, if I hadn't taken such an interest in Brody maybe he could've-"

"What? Gone to a support group and dropped his allegiance to Nazir?" he scoffed as she shrugged.

"Maybe it could've helped," Carrie whispered.

"You're right. Maybe it could have. But you did help, Carrie," Saul reminded as her eyes flicked back up, met his.

"You're the one who sought Dana Brody out. Because of you she called him. Because of you both, that panic room wasn't blown to bits," he said as her eyes welled up again.

"That Nancy or whoever the fuck she is. She may think she knows all there is to know. But, as much as I fucking hate admitting it, the only one who knows Sergeant Nick Brody entirely is you. Hell, you forgot more about him than any of us will ever fucking know," he said as she sniffed, looked away again. Reaching over he turned her face back towards his.

"You knew enough to stop a goddamned attack on America. You. Not Nancy. So don't let her attack you for the choices you've made. Get you second guessing your decisions."

Moving out of his hold Carrie shook her head. "My decisions are the reason I'm not allowed in this fucking building, Saul! Why are you trying so hard to convince me they're right when all you've done for a decade is want this for me?" she choked out. "Why aren't you doing your best to keep me here? Even with your change of heart, the talks we've had, sitting here with you right now! It doesn't make sense!"

"Did you find answers here that you told Abby and Khan you wanted to find? Did you find any kind of peace, sense of belonging after you broke in?"

Shrugging, after a beat she sniffled, shook her head. "No."

"What about when you were working here? What about all the long days and lonely nights in your cubicle? Going over files and staring at classified documents until you can't see straight. What about not being able to breathe a word about any of it, the important work you're doing, even the rare bit of good news to anyone in your life that matters?" Saul asked, glancing around his nearly cleaned out office and feeling relieved to finally say the words.

"Do you feel like you can slip back into this life that seamlessly after getting a taste of life on the outside? If you do I applaud you. You'll be the most ruthless one to walk these halls. Probably be promoted to director within the month. I used to want that for myself, want it for you. But now, is that something you want? That you can't imagine going without?"

After a few moments, lightly laughing Carrie shook her head, glanced back at him.

"Shit. It was so much easier when you just gave me orders, Mr. Berenson," she smirked, getting him laughing in return as he stood up, helped her to her feet.

"C'mon, who was really the one in charge?"

Met with a hug Saul stroked her hair, rubbed her on the back reassuringly.

"Any better?"

Nodding, wiping at her eyes Carrie pulled back. "Yeah. I think I just want to go home."

"We will. Soon as we make a stop first though." Saul said before switching off the lamp, glancing around the office once more before walking her out. Locking the door behind him.


	182. Chapter 182

"Alright Jill, that was excellent advice for Maya. Anyone have other suggestions to contribute?" the group leader asked, turning to glance at Brody and Nathaniel's side of the circle.

"Gentleman, I know it's your first time with us but if you'd like to share please, feel free."

"Thanks," Brody said, but opted to stay quiet. Rolling his eyes Nathaniel gave him a nudge.

"You haven't said a goddamn word! What would Nan be saying?"

Rolling his eyes now, Brody leaned over. "Something inappropriate or too fucking forward, I'm sure." he hissed. Crossing his arms his father did the same.

"Group's almost through, Nick. I thought you'd at least try to get some use out of it."

"Nobody expects you to say anything until the second or third meeting anyway."

"Yeah, assuming you get there," Nathaniel scoffed before something caught Brody's eyes across the room. Staring intently he sat up.

"What is it? What...oh."

Shaking his head Nathaniel snorted, seeing Carrie try to quietly slip in through the church basement entrance. When she smiled at Brody he smiled back, his eyes misting up.

"Hey," Nathaniel hissed, leaning over. "I get you haven't seen her in awhile but settle down. There's people around."

Seeing people sitting on either side of Brody, Carrie settled on a chair across the way from him. Took a seat.

"Thank you for joining us tonight, ma'am." the group leader said in a soft drawl. "Would you mind sharing your name with us? First is fine."

"Carrie," she introduced. "My name's Carrie."

"Alright, Carrie. My name's Albie," he smiled, getting one in return.

"Would you mind sharing with us now what brought you here tonight?"

"I...well, I don't..." Biting her lip, not expecting to be put on the spot Carrie swallowed hard. Eyes darting around as Brody cleared his throat.

"I'd actually like to say something, Albie," he piped up.

"Alright, great!" Albie said as Brody nodded, sat forward. Giving him a grateful smile Carrie sat back.

"Since I returned home, I've hurt people I've cared about. People who were only trying to help me. I thought what I endured justified my actions but it didn't. I know that now. There's someone who's been a constant in my life since I got back," Brody said, glancing across the circle.

"This woman has pushed me, comforted me, kept an eye on me. She's gotten me to admit things out loud that I couldn't even admit to myself. Because of her I feel like I'm a good person again. Without her there's no way I'd be here, that I'd have a chance at a decent future. I owe her everything. And I hope she knows that. That I never give her a reason to doubt it ever again."

"Brody..." Carrie whispered, blinking back tears.

"Why would she have doubted something like that?" Maya asked curiously.

"Because I'm a guy. Fucking up comes pretty natural to us," Brody shrugged, getting some laughs.

"I've mishandled a lot. But I'm working to make it right. Besides, I've got more than just her as a constant. We have a family together that's dependent on me. I've disrespected family before. I was too wrapped up in myself to even think about the people I affected after I came home. And made too many mistakes to even try to make right with my kids. I'm not about to let something like that happen again."

"You sound very determined, Nick," Albie piped up. "If you feel though that you're losing faith in yourself we're here to help," he said as the group nodded, smiled in agreement.

"Does anyone else want to share something based off of what Nick said, or offer him some advice?"

"I'd actually like to..." Carrie cut in, awkwardly raising her hand. "It's not advice, but..."

"It's fine, go ahead," Albie encouraged.

Nodding she took a breath, spoke.

"It's been awhile since my last stint overseas. The losses I endured over there weren't anything compared to what people here have endured. But they still did some damage. Because of what I saw and my own struggles, letting anything in aside from my job was a foreign concept. I never let anyone get close until someone crossed my path and didn't give me much of a choice. We've hurt each other. But we've both been hurt before. Seen things we never should've fucking had to. Because of our experiences, in spite of our problems, our pasts, we fit. The thought of losing that, having that come close to happening more than once. It scares me. Same way this person used to scare me," she admitted.

"In spite of that though, in spite of how I felt and how we both screwed up. How we're both screwed up. I feel like we've got something between us that's more important, more meaningful than any of that. I think we were put here so our paths would cross. And yeah, I know how crazy that sounds," she shrugged as Brody leaned forward in his chair.

"Are you finished?" he cut in.

"Hey! What the fuck are you..." Nathaniel hissed as Carrie frowned, looked at him incredulously.

"Yeah! I'm finished," she said curtly. "Why-"

"Because I don't think that sounds crazy at all," Brody said. Getting to his feet he crossed the circle to move in front of her. Helping her to her feet he smiled, stroked her hair.

"I think that sounds like the only fucking sane thing left to hold onto," he said softly. Chin quivering Carrie looked down, away from him before he pulled her into a hug, eliciting a chorus of 'awwws', applause from the group and a snort from Nathaniel.

"Fine, just turn the whole damn thing into a fucking free for all," he muttered, rolling his eyes as a woman shifted one chair over so Brody could sit beside Carrie.

"Not gonna sit by me anymore? Pfft. Fine, who needs you anyway."

After the meeting drew to a close and the group stood, started filing out, Nathaniel crossed the room to where Brody was still seated.

"Dad. I'm sorry I ruined the meeting for-"

"It's alright, no harm done. I'll catch the next one," Nathaniel shrugged. "Anyway I'm heading to the bar. Meet me over there if you can rouse that one," he snorted, nodding to Carrie who was sound asleep on Brody's shoulder.

"I'll see what I can do," Brody said, arm still around her as he kissed the top of her head. Not noticing Albie approach.

"Nick, I don't mean to disturb but I gotta lock up."

"Yeah I figured. Can you give us a few minutes? She hasn't been sleeping well, it may take a second for me to get her-"

"That's fine. I gotta get the refreshment table put away anyway."

After Albie crossed the room, took down the table before bringing it elsewhere, Brody shook Carrie's shoulder.

"Carrie? C'mon love. Show me those eyes."

Frowning, letting out a soft groan her eyes slowly blinked open. "What happened? What-"

"You conked out about twenty minutes ago. Didn't have the heart to wake you."

"Shit," Carrie sighed, running a hand over her face as she shook her head, smiled.

"What's so funny?"

"There's a reason I don't go to the same meeting twice," she laughed, but only got a smile that soon faded out. Her's fading too she looked at him curiously.

"What's wrong?"

"How much sleep have you had this past week?"

When she snorted, rolled her eyes his narrowed. "I have a right to ask, Carrie. For Christ's sake, you broke out of the fucking hospital!"

"It wasn't the first time," Carrie scoffed.

"What made you do it? Where did you even go?" he asked as she stood up. Folding her arms over her chest she looked down, away from him.

"Carrie, can you please just tell me. I don't-"

"It was fucking childish. I know that," she snapped. "I just got upset. I needed to leave!"

"Couldn't you have just talked to Abby? Insisted on seeing me? Saul? Couldn't you have called Maggie?"

"I wanted to see her! And Farrah. But I got to the house and they were all at the cabin. I didn't want to call and have them rush back! Risk scaring the girls."

Nodding in understanding, Brody sighed. "That wasn't childish. You've been worried about Farrah for weeks, of course you'd want to see her," he said, feeling guilty for not making it happen himself.

"But after I found out I couldn't I didn't just come back to the hospital! I kept running. And I know that I shouldn't have. I know it was wrong."

"Look, if you were upset about something I'm the last person who can pass judgement about taking off. I just want to know where you went and why you did it. That's all, Carrie."

Nodding, after a beat she spoke.

"I took Danny's ID from Maggie's, and I went to-"

"Langley?" Brody sputtered. "Why?"

"I wanted to go someplace familiar. Comfortable."

"A government building with armed guards everywhere you look?" he scoffed, getting a glare.

"I had a life there before I even knew about you, Brody. A life I didn't fucking mind at all!" Carrie reminded as he nodded, sighed.

"I know you did. And I'm sorry, I...I understand, I do."

"Yeah?" she asked, arching a brow.

"Yeah."

"Why the conflicted look then?"

Sitting back down on the closest chair, sitting forward he wrung his hands, glanced down at his shoes.

"Did I do something to set you off? Make you upset?"

"What? Brody..."

"When I was out of it. Did I start screaming? Bruise your arm again?"

"Jesus. No, Brody. That didn't happen," Carrie insisted, sitting beside him.

"Well then what was it that made you upset enough to leave? I know you were in my room. I know you were worried. So why..."

When he trailed off and looked up at her, a questioning look in his eyes Carrie bit her lip. Stayed standing.

"It doesn't matter. It-"

"It fucking matters to me, Carrie," he said firmly. "Look, what did we just get through saying to each other in here? Were those just empty words from you or did they actually mean something?"

"Of course they fucking meant something!" she shouted. Shaking her head she sighed, sat back down.

"I had a conversation with someone at the hospital."

"Who was she?"

"I didn't say it was a-"

"It was though, wasn't it?"

When she nodded, confirmed his suspicion it took everything in him not to throw a chair at the wall. Needing to do something though he reached over, squeezed her hand tight.

"Look, whatever Nancy said-"

"How did you know it was her?"

"I just know, okay? Look, whatever bullshit she fed you-"

"You don't want to know what she said?"

"No, I don't." Brody said coldly. "It doesn't matter. Whatever she did or said she's fucking wrong, okay? I don't trust her further than I can throw her. She's looking for problems that aren't there and and she needs to stay away. She's obsessed with me."

Met with a snort he frowned. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just not that long ago you said the same about me. And look where we fucking are!"

When Carrie gestured to her bump he rolled his eyes.

"For Christ's sake, Carrie. That was different. Nancy's taken a sick interest in me for one reason or another. I told her to back off."

"Like you told me to in the parking lot?" Carrie scoffed. "Maybe Nancy can get arrested on your lawn too!"

When she snorted, got to her feet again, kicking himself for the way he'd been handling this entire exchange, Brody stood, rested his hands on her shoulders. She flinched, shied away but he stuck close.

"Look, you can draw all the comparisons you want. But the kind of attention Nancy's offering isn't the kind I want. There's a difference, Carrie."

Leaning into his touch when he started rubbing out a knot in her neck, Carrie smiled.

"There is a difference, huh?"

"Oh yes," Brody chirped. Her smile going sly Carrie turned around.

"How big a difference?" she asked coyly, pressing herself against him as he grinned, pulled her as close as he could.

"A really big difference."

Leaning in, kissing her, smiling under it Carrie it more passionate. Her hands going to his shirt buttons while he nipped at her earlobe, nuzzled her neck. Hearing footsteps though Brody pulled back, caught his breath.

"We have to go."

"Why?"

"'Cause unless you want us getting started with an audience in a fucking church basement-"

"Hey!" Albie shouted.

"Oh, shit. GO!" Carrie ordered, laughing as Brody quickly obeyed, grabbed her arm before they took off out the door and to the stairwell.


	183. Chapter 183

After fleeing the church basement, Carrie made it as far as the stairwell before Brody grabbed her by the waist, laughed as he spun her towards him.

"Sergeant Brody, we're still on church property," she teased.

"I'll keep an eye out for strict nuns," he murmured, nipping at her ear before kissing the line of her jaw, curve of her neck.

"Brody, shit. We can't…oh, shit." Carrie sighed as he dropped soft kisses down her throat. When he slid his hand under her top though, snapping back to reality when his hand grazed her belly she jumped, backed up.

"What is it…what?"

"Nothing, nothing, I just…fuck."

Trailing off, pulling her shirt back down she bowed her head as Brody came up, rubbed her shoulders.

"Carrie…"

When his hands moved to cup her face she sighed, shook her head.

"I want to. It's just…" Feeling light kicks she bit her lip. Not sure how to admit to him how fucking self conscious she'd felt since her ankles began swelling and her walk turned to more of a waddle. Instead she shook her head, glanced back up at him and softly smiled.

"It's been awhile," she said, reaching up to hold his face. When his hand came to rest on the back of her's and he turned his head, kissed her palm Carrie's knees shook. Slipping her free arm up around his neck for support she kissed him, deepened it when he responded.

His turn to pull back now, Brody smiled. "Hasn't been that long since we did that."

"What are you talking about? It's been-"

"Just a day or two since you broke into my hospital room," he said, then frowned at her confused expression.

"A day or two?"

"Yeah, what's wrong?" he asked.

"I broke in your room during your first night there, Brody. And I kissed you-"

"Yeah, you did," Brody grinned as she moved away from him, then up a step in the stairwell. Playfully he moved up to join her, only to see from the look on her face she wasn't feeling playful at all.

"No. I kissed you when you were unconscious! And not like that!" Carrie scoffed.

"Unconscious? Wait, you hadn't come in there since?"

"No! Wait, did you think that I had? Jesus, what kind of drugs were you on? I don't-"

"I wasn't on fucking drugs, Carrie!" Brody exclaimed.

"Well tell me what you do remember. Every little thing." Carrie coaxed.

"I'd flashed back, I was with my dad. Then I was alone. I was sitting on the floor in the corner. It was dark, and you came in the room and knelt down and-"

Going quiet seeing the look on her face, he swallowed hard.

"I didn't come in your room, Brody," Carrie said gravely.

"Well who did? Who the fuck would-"

Looking at her when it occurred to them both who had, Brody's eyes narrowed as Carrie's iced over.

"That fucking bitc-."

Before he could finish his sentence Carrie was already running out of the stairwell, after grabbing the keys from his jacket pocket.

"Shit, Carrie? Carrie!"

Overwhelmed with deja'vu when she power walked ahead of him across the parking lot, Brody called after her but she didn't turn around.

"Hey, wait. Wait!"

Catching up to her at the car, seeing her fumbling with the keys he shook his head.

"Son of a...fuck."

"Let me help," Brody offered. Taking the keys from her shaking hands he unlocked the car as she pulled the handle, jumped in the driver's seat.

"Hey, are you okay to-"

"I'm fine. Just get in the fucking car!" Carrie ordered as Brody nodded, obeyed. When she started the car, sped off he swore, clutched the center console as the tires squealed.

"For Christ's sake, Carrie!"

After she turned out of the lot, cut off about three cars in the process she cursed them out, turned to Brody.

"Where's Nathaniel's bar?"

"It's right after the exit you take to get the trailer park. Not too far."

Met with a glare he shook his head, looked at her incredulously. "What?"

"I meant for you to look it up on my phone or on the goddamn road map! Did Nancy give you directions?"

"No! Nathaniel did! And will you slow the fuck down, you're gonna get us pulled over!"

"Tell the cop if we're stopped that I'm in labor. And you were too fucking useless to drive!"

"Like they're gonna believe that."

Met with an even fiercer glare, Brody apologized and grabbed the road map. Reluctantly navigated the rest of the way.

Once reaching the bar, swerving into the lot Carrie parked on an angle. Taking up two spots doing so.

"Nice parking! We're gonna catch some shit for that I'm sure," Brody scoffed.

"I'll be in there two goddamn minutes," Carrie hissed. Getting out of the vehicle, slamming the door behind her, she stormed over to the bar entrance. Went inside before Brody could argue or attempt to stop her.

"Hey, Blondie!" Nathaniel greeted. Getting off his stool to see if Brody was nearby, he missed Carrie brush past him and approach Nancy who was sipping her drink. Rolling her eyes she tapped the brunette on the shoulder.

Turning, Nancy rolled her eyes seeing who was staring her down. "Carrie? What the hell do you-"

Her answer coming in the form of a punch to her nose, Nancy fell backward into the bar as Nathaniel sputtered, swore. Grabbed her some napkins to curb the blood.

"What the fuck! Where did that come from?!" he barked.

"When you get that blood off her lips, tell her to keep them to her fucking self!" Carrie snarled, letting out a snort before she turned on her heel to leave. Only to feel a tap to the shoulder when she reached the door.

"Not so fast, Blondie."

"Damn it! Nathaniel my name is Carrie. Carrie Math-"

Turning to see it wasn't Nathaniel, but rather two goonlike men behind her, Carrie snorted. "Bouncers? Don't worry, I'm going."

"We don't need bouncers in this bar, sweetheart." The taller man said, moving to stand in front of Carrie, stare her down.

Staring him down right back Carrie didn't even flinch as he stepped into her and his buddy moved to stand uncomfortably close behind her.

"Careful," Carrie scoffed. "Or people are gonna think the two of you are responsible for this."

When she moved her hand to her bump, the bigger man laughed. "Us two? Darlin, you couldn't handle the two of us," he said suggestively.

"Well you've got what, one ball between the two of you to put to use?" Carrie asked, getting them glaring. "I'm sure I could handle that, given your minuscule fucking dicks!"

"What are you talking about, minuscule?"

"It means small, asshole!" she spat.

"Anyone ever tell you you're a piece of work, bitch?"

"Yes," Carrie said simply, not intimidated so much as increasingly annoyed as the men closed in on her.

"Look. My problem with Nancy doesn't concern either of you. She knows my feelings, it's finished, and now I'm leaving."

"Nanc is a friend of ours, you know."

"Well find some new fucking friends! Excuse me."

When the men didn't budge Carrie shot them icy looks. "I'm sorry. Did you not hear me?"

Still not getting a response, Carrie kneed the man in front of her in the groin, then reached back to sock the one behind her in the jaw. Finally getting away from the two of them as Brody stormed into the bar.

"You said you were gonna be two minutes! What the fuck did you-"

Trailing off, seeing the two men doubled over and Nathaniel tending to a bloodied up Nancy, Brody shot Carrie a glare.

"Mother fucking...Carrie!"

"C'mon, we should go," she said, grabbing his hand and going to walk them out.

"Not so fucking fast!" the man snarled, getting to his feet and immediately taking a swing at Carrie. Prompting Brody to lunge at him. Taking him by the collar he shoved him into the jukebox.

"She's six months pregnant, you fucking sack of shit!"

"Shit, Brody-" Coming up behind Carrie tried to pull him off him. "Leave him, Brody. He's not worth it!"

"Well neither was she!" Brody spat, glancing over at Nancy who was laughing from her spot on the barstool.

"You didn't say that when you had your tongue down my throat, honey!" she crowed. Still holding her bloody nose that Carrie was aiming to bust open again. Jumping between the women, Nathaniel held Carrie back.

"Easy, blondie. You got your hits in alread-"

"Get the fuck off of me!" Carrie snarled, trying to break his hold on her as Nancy continued to laugh.

"Just get her a straitjacket, Nate!"

"Shut up Nan!" he hissed as she shook her head.

"Go back to your fucking finger painting, psycho!"

Breaking Nathaniel's hold, lunging at her, Carrie shoved Nancy off the stool, onto the floor of the bar. Catching the attention of the whole room.

"Catfight!"

"Fucking shit!" Brody spat, turning away from the too familiar looking goon he'd bloodied up to intervene with Nathaniel.

Once they pulled Carrie off of Nancy, and the both of them off the floor, Brody barely got Carrie outside before he doubled over, swore when a closed fist landed on his lower back.

Flashing back to the last time he'd been in this much pain he froze, realized why this goon and his friend seemed so familiar.

Reaching up, he tried to pull himself off the floor using a nearby chair.

"You fuckers," he laughed, catching his breath. "You thought you'd killed me, right?"

After catching her breath outside, assessing the cut on her face and Nancy's bite mark on her arm, then smiling remembering the black eye she'd left the brunette with, overhearing Brody's quip to the goons, Carrie's eyes iced over and she stormed back in the bar. Pretended she hadn't heard Brody's plea that she stay outside.


	184. Chapter 184

After the bartenders turned into bouncers, threw everyone who was brawling into the parking lot, (including some patrons just watching the brawling) when Rick Olson went after Brody again, Carrie intervened with Nathaniel's assistance.

Distracted trying to pry the two men apart, Carrie didn't notice the goon she'd punched, Buck, come up behind her. When he pulled her in a chokehold, started hissing perverted threats in her ear she did her best not to panic.

"Let go of her, now!" a woman hissed, landing a kidney punch of her own on Buck's back. Falling back, he nearly dragged Carrie down with him until the older blonde intervened, held her upright.

"You stay the fuck back," Ann hissed, running into the mob before Carrie could react or recognize her. After seeing the fight play out from her barstool in the corner, she figured she could be of some help. Running to relieve Nathaniel, she dropkicked Rick before giving Brody the same instructions she had given her daughter.

Seeing his son refusing to back down, Nathaniel swore and dragged Brody over to Carrie who was leaning against the side of the car, trying to catch her breath.

"Get your keys out, get in your goddamn car and go!" he ordered.

"No! For Christ's sake,  _we_  started this, Dad!" Brody shouted. "If you think you're gonna get the shit kicked out of you because of-"

"In case you couldn't tell I got fucking Wonderwoman in my corner now," Nathaniel said, gesturing to Ann who had her foot on Rick's throat.

"Go!"

"But-"

"The cops are gonna be here any minute and you best not fucking be here!"

Knowing spending the night in lockup was the last thing he or Carrie needed, nodding Brody thanked Nathaniel, then helped Carrie into the car. He barely had the doors locked when Buck ran over, started shouting and banging on the window.

"Oh shit, GO!" Carrie yelled as Brody backed up. Turning, he sped out of the lot, down the road before hearing sirens, seeing flashing lights in his rear view.

"Motherfucking... he wasn't kidding about the cops!"

"Just go, goddamn it! Drive!"

"Jesus Carrie, they're already on our fucking tail!"

"Fine pull over! Pull over."

Doing as asked, parking the car, Brody rolled down the window as Carrie sniffed, started whimpering.

"What's this about, officer?"

"Sir, we just saw you speed out of the parking lot of that bar back there and take off down the highway. Any reason?"

When Carrie's whimpering turned to sobs the officer shined his flashlight on her.

"Fuck! D…don't let him look at me after what she did!" she cried, hiding her non black eye with her hand, ensuring the cop could see her injuries.

"Ma'am?" the officer asked, concerned. "Do you mind telling me what happened?"

"What happened?!" Carrie cried. "A drunken slut in that bar came up and started making out with my husband! That's what fucking happened!"

"Ma'am, your language, please."

"I'm sorry. I'm...I'm sorry," she sniffled. "I just wanted to talk to her! And then she punched me right in the..."

When she broke down sobbing, Brody slid an arm around her, gave her a pat on the back.

"A big fight broke out afterwards. Everyone in the bar started going at it. It was like something out of a fucking Western."

Met with a look he sighed, apologized. "Excuse my French. Look, I just wanted to get us the hell out of there before something happened. My wife's six months pregnant. We only stopped in the bar to get some directions when that woman..."

"No, I understand, sir. If I could just get your information, maybe a statemen-"

"I don't think she's up for that right now," Brody said curtly. "Look, I just want to get her home, okay?"

"I understand," the cop said. "Where are you two headed?"

"We just want the quickest way back to the interstate."

"Alright, sure. I can point you that way, not a problem."

"Thank you, officer." Carrie smiled, wiping her eyes.

"It's no problem, ma'am," the officer smiled back. "But look, sir. If you're too worn out to drive, there's a little motel called the Starlight Inn just up the road. My family owns it. If you want to crash for the night I can make sure a room's available."

"That'd be great, thanks!" Brody said, getting a nod.

"I'll make that phone call now."

After the officer reserved them a room, thanking him Brody pulled away from the side of the road, drove only a half mile before Carrie burst out laughing.

"What's so funny? My busted knuckles and back or your fat lip and black eye?"

When her laughter continued, turned to squeaks all he could do was shake his head.

"For Christ's sake..." he sighed. Pulling into the lot for the motel he parked the car, winced as he unbuckled his seat belt.

"You okay?" Carrie frowned. Not getting an answer, she rolled her eyes, went to check them in while he made his way down to the room.

Once she arrived with the key, taking it from her Brody hastily unlocked the door. Slowly sliding off his coat he winced as he did so.

"Fuck...Brody,"

"I'm fine," he growled. "Grab the first aid kit. We should clean that gash on your forehead."

After grabbing it from the drawer Carrie sat on the bed. Set the kit aside before she started undoing his shirt buttons.

"Carrie..."

"I don't care about my fucking face!" she snapped, then gasped seeing his torso and lower back was a patchwork of new and old bruising.

"Holy fuck..." Shaking her head she bit her lip, blinked back tears.

"I've been through worse," he reminded.

"You were still healing and I started a fucking bar fight!" she spat.

"Hey, I started it too. I wasn't about to let those assholes harass you and get away with it."

"But if I hadn't..."

"Hey, it's over now. C'mere." he coaxed, reaching to hold her face before using his free hand to open the kit.

Getting out some antiseptic he put some on a cotton ball, dabbed it on the cut as she winced, squeezed her eyes shut.

"Easy. Almost done."

Once applying a bandage he shook his head, seeing her black eye.

"Know where we can get a frozen steak?" he asked as she laughed, then winced again, held the side of her face.

"Carrie, you okay?"

"Fine. My jaw just hurts as much as the rest of my fucking face."

"Well you were jawing with Nancy pretty good," Brody snorted.

"Well what else did you expect me to do?" Carrie scoffed, eyeing him as he made his way to the fridge. Taking out some ice he wrapped it in a washcloth, pressed the makeshift pack to the side of her face.

"Ow, fuck!" she spat, squirming away from him.

"Can you try and hold still? For Christ's sake, you're worse than a kid."

Eyes narrowed Carrie obeyed, clenched her jaw as much as she could without it hurting.

"What's that look?" Brody asked.

"You never answered me. What else did you expect me to do about Nancy? Buy her a fucking drink?"

Arching a brow Brody smirked, adjusted the ice pack.

"If I didn't know better I'd say you were jealous," he teased.

"Well I've got a fucking reason to be, don't I?"

Smirk going serious Brody lowered the ice pack.

"No. You don't."

"Except for the fact that Nancy's got Jessica's looks and is as obsessed with you as I was."

"And you really think I'm going to act on that?"

"She's not just going to go away, Brody!" Carrie snapped, standing up.

"Hey, hey..." Standing as well, when he stepped towards her she backed up.

"No! Look, I know what women like Nancy are like. I know because I've pulled the same bullshit. She will be ready and willing when I won't even want to look at you. And three months from now, fuck. Who knows if you'll even want to look at me!"

When she cut over to the bathroom, slammed the door, shaking his head Brody ran a hand over his face. He was in awe of how jealous and worked up she still was, even after their conversation in the church basement and their moment in the stairwell. Thinking on that moment though, he thought about how she'd recoiled when he'd tried to heat things up. Replaying her last sentence in his head he felt like an idiot.

Rolling his eyes, wanting to kick himself he swallowed hard and worked up his nerve, walked over to the bathroom before knocking.


	185. Chapter 185

Okay here's the latest, finally managed to get this chapter out. Kind of jump from drama to fluff to romance and back again in this update, hope that's alright. Thanks so so much Bookworm, lipamo and zarqa for the kindhearted reviewage. Here goes nothing. More to come soon. :)

As she went to take off her stretch pants, loose fitting top, making the mistake of looking at herself in the mirror Carrie's chin quivered. She felt swollen, huge. Knowing the stretch marks and varicose veins awaiting her when she took off her clothes, she sank down on the edge of the tub in the dingy bathroom. Putting her head in her hands she tried not to be sick.

She almost had been after exerting herself so much during the bar fight. When she wasn't nauseous she felt tired. And acclimating to the lighter dose of meds made her feel like the littlest thing could set her off and send her spiraling. The way she was right now.

"C'mon, Carrie. Open the door," Brody coaxed.

When she ignored him he let himself into the bathroom, rushed to her side when he saw her seated on the edge of the tub in tears.

"Carrie, Jesus. Is it the baby? Are you cramping ag-"

"No. I'm...I'm alright."

His relief changing to sorrow, knowing even if the baby was fine Carrie clearly wasn't, Brody sighed. Knelt down next to and shifted closer to her.

"No, you're not," he sighed. Slipping an arm around her, he bit his lip as one tear slid down her cheek. Then another.

"Nothing is going to happen with Nancy," he assured. "I know with my track record you have reason to..."

Trailing off he sighed, shook his head.

"She isn't going to be a problem, Carrie. I swear."

"Yeah, because I'm the one that's the problem," Carrie spat, shifting away before standing up, bracing herself on the vanity.

"What do you mean?" Brody frowned, standing as well as she bit her lip. Responded after a beat.

"I'm a fucking mess, Brody," she choked out.

"Fucking mess, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how I'm a fucking mess!" she spat, looking over her shoulder at him. "I started a barfight after breaking out of a mental hospital. I'm huge, hyped up. I haven't slept. I'm having a baby, even though I have a daughter at home who I haven't talked to in months!"

Turning back around she stared down at her hands, gripping the edges of the counter. Setting her palms flat on the vanity she saw they were shaking along with the rest of her.

"Carrie sit down, okay? Sit down," Brody coaxed as she swore. Seeing her hand going to her hair Brody took hold of it, guided her back to the edge of the tub.

"Easy, Carrie. Deep breaths, take it easy," he soothed once they were sitting. Watching, he saw her take a shallow breath, wipe at her eyes.

"C'mon, deep breaths. You're fine. Just talk to me."

"I'm a total wreck, Brody."

"No, you're not."

Scoffing she looked at him incredulously. "Yes. I am. Jesus, who abandons one child and doesn't fucking talk to her so they can go ahead and make another in a mental institution! Who gets the fucking cops called on them after everyone who fucking cares for them, risks everything to try and bail them out of trouble!"

"Carrie, nobody risked-"

"I almost cost Abby and Khan their goddamn jobs. I stole Danny's ID to break into Saul's office, I got the cops called on us, I landed us in a fucking brawl at a bar!"

Thinking back on his injuries and her own from earlier, Carrie shuddered. Thinking of what would have happened if things had escalated.

"Look, if something had happened back there.. who the fuck would take care of Farrah? Jesus, I didn't even think about her when I went after-"

"Hey, hey! Look at me, Carrie. Look at me."

When she refused he sighed, pressed on. "Look, Farrah's okay, love. She's just fine, and we are too. We weren't arrested or questioned because of you. For Christ's sake, you were laughing after we drove off!"

"You weren't," Carrie reminded, blinking back tears as she turned to face him.

"You were already hurt, Brody. Fuck, I saw your bruises in the bedroom. I saw you in the hospital when they had you on the goddamn gurney! The whole time you were in there, that you were unconscious, I...I thought-"

Trailing off, when her hand clasped over her mouth and she sank down off the tub edge, onto the bathmat Brody slid down with her, reached an arm over her shoulder.

"Shhh, hey! Hey..." Pulling her against him as she shook, sobbed, Brody stroked her hair. Kissed the top of her head. "It's okay, love. I'm here, I'm right here."

After her shaking subsided, her breathing returned to normal, sitting up somewhat Carrie reached over, stroked Brody's face before bridging the gap between them, kissing him gently on the lips.

Deepening the kiss, when she responded in turn Brody eventually pulled back. Catching his breath, he smiled seeing streaks of dirt on her cheeks, near her collarbone.

"What's wrong?" Carrie frowned as he lightly laughed, helped her to her feet.

"Nothing. Let's just get cleaned up, okay?" he said, smudging some dirt off her cheek with his thumb. After he showed it to her, Carrie scoffed, stepped back.

"I think I need it more than you, Sergeant."

His smile broadening, when Brody reached for, went to lift her shirt Carrie shook her head, backed away.

"Carrie..."

"It's fine I got it. I...I got it." she stammered. When Brody dropped his hands, took a step back as well Carrie bit her lip. Crossed her arms over herself protectively.

"I can take a shower alone, Brody."

"I know you can," he teased. "But I'm not saying you have to-"

"I want to," she snapped as his smile faded. Dejected, Brody nodded, reached behind him for the door knob.

"Fine. I'll go turn the bed down, okay?"

After exiting, shutting the door behind him Brody went to pull back the bedspread before seeing a small basket on the nightstand. Realizing it contained soap, shampoo and a washcloth, things that Carrie wouldn't get far cleaning up without, quickly grabbing it he cut back to the bathroom.

"Carrie...?" he called, knocking.

When she didn't answer he let himself in, heard jazz blaring from the radio on the vanity. Rolling his eyes at the volume he walked over, pulled the shower curtain aside just enough to hand the basket to her. Scaring her in the process.

"What the...Brody!" Yanking the curtain back slightly Carrie poked her head through the gap, glared.

"What?" he scoffed. "I thought you'd need this."

"And that you'd reenact the scene from fucking Psycho to give it to me!" she spat, snatching the basket from him.

"For Christ's sake. I knocked and you didn't hear... Jesus. Look just forget it!"

Agitated he yanked the curtain closed again, only to have the shower rod holding it up give out, fall to the bathroom floor with a clang.

Startled, Carrie jumped backwards in the tub. With her back pressed to the tiles the shower stream reached, sprayed all over Brody.

"Fucking son of a..." Shaking his head, lifting the rod and the curtain, he hastily attempted to reattach it all before it fell again.

"Fuck. Just leave it, Brody," Carrie hissed, turning away from him. "Just do me a favor and close the fucking door. Maybe try not to knock it off its hinges on the way out!"

Moving the downed curtain and rod aside, Brody's jaw clenched before his features went softer, seeing Carrie's tense, uncomfortable stance in the tub.

"You really don't want me seeing you, do you?" he asked as she snorted, wrapped her arms tighter around her.

Taking off his soaked shirt, pants, after he stripped out of his boxers Brody joined her in the tub.

"Carrie..."

Rubbing her shaking shoulders he gently turned her towards him. Seeing her stretch marks, her trembling and that she was still avoiding his eyes, he assumed they were what was bothering her the most.

Not sure of what to say to her he instead reached down, traced the marks across her abdomen with his free hand before using his other to thumb the streaks on her left, then right breast.

"Brody..."

When he bent his head, kissed them one by one as well Carrie shuddered. Looked down at him briefly before taking hold of his head, bringing his lips back to her's.

Eventually, his hands moving to her hips Brody turned her to face the wall of the shower. Reaching, teasing between her thighs with his fingers he moved his left hand, than his right to her breast. Then moved closer and inside her. Slowly at first before speeding up as Carrie cursed at, encouraged him before crying out.

They made love in the shower until the spray went cold. Laughing, Carrie reached to turn the water off while Brody stepped out of the tub. Swearing, not seeing what he was looking for he rolled his eyes, left the bathroom search of towels.

"Hurry, Sergeant. I'm fucking freezing!" Carrie scoffed, stepping out of the tub as Brody walked back in the bathroom, approached her before wrapping her in a large white bath towel. When he went to try and secure it around her, reached for her chest in the process Carrie rolled her eyes, moved his hands.

"Hey!" he pouted.

"Hey, you already had your fun in there," she snorted, nodding to the shower as he grinned.

"From the sound of it you did too," Brody said playfully as she rolled her eyes, smirked.

When he turned though to wrap his towel around himself, snatching it from him Carrie dried the ends of her hair, then draped the towel around her shoulders.

"Hey!" Brody protested. "Look, I grabbed enough for two, not one!"

"Well I'm drying off for two," Carrie retorted, getting a look that got her grinning. Running out into the hallway she laughed, scrambled onto the bed.

Chasing after her Brody shook his head, leaping onto the bed before trying to wrestle the towel away from her. Hearing her gasp though he jumped back, fearing he'd hurt her.

"Carrie, shit. Are you okay? What happened, what-"

Anxiously watching her sit up, her back straight against the headboard, when Carrie bowed her head, moved her hand to her belly Brody's blood ran cold.

"What is it, love. What-"

"Holy fuck," Carrie breathed. Reaching for Brody's hand she laughed, shook her head. "Oh my God..."

Realizing what sensation she'd felt he laughed in turn, feeling a sharp kick to his right hand.

"You felt it, right?" Carrie asked as he laughed.

"Yeah I did."

Grinning, he kissed the side of her head before curling around her in bed. Keeping his hand in place as he watched, rubbed her bare belly.

"Future soccer star, right?"

"Yeah..." she nodded, sniffling. "Right."

Smile fading Brody sat up, looked at her. "Carrie? You okay?"

When he thumbed a tear off her cheek she sniffed, nodded.

"Yeah. I just..."

"What?"

"I just, when I told Farrah that babies kicked she got scared. Thought it would try and hurt me,"

"That sounds like something she'd say," Brody smiled softly, rubbing her back. "What did you tell her?"

"Maggie came over with one of Josie's baby shoes. Said a foot that size couldn't hurt anyone that much," Carrie snorted, wiping her eyes as Brody moved his arm, shifted away from her.

"What are you doing?"

"Hang on a second," Brody said, swinging his legs off the bed as he reached for his phone.

"Jesus. Remember who you're talking to, Marine," Carrie snorted, getting up as well to dry off, put on his flannel shirt.

Turning back to the bed she saw him listening to a voicemail and frown, swear under his breath.

"What's the matter?" she asked, climbing back on the bed as he hung up.

"I was gonna try and call Maggie. See if she could get Farrah here."

"And what?"

"She left a message. Said they're back from the cabin but Farrah's spending the night somewhere with Josie."

"Oh."

Watching her lie down again, try and fail to hide her disappointment, Brody bit his lip. Picked the phone back up.

"Brody..."

"Look I'm gonna call and ask Maggie where. I can leave now and get Farrah back here."

"Brody don't. Don't," Carrie sighed, putting a staying hand on his chest.

"It's not a problem, Carrie. I can leave right now, I-"

"No. It's late. She's probably asleep by now anyway, I don't-"

Voice breaking she curled up more against the pillow, sighed.

"Hey, it's fine, I can just..."

"No, don't go," she choked out. Twining her hand with his she looked up at him watery eyed. "I...It's been a long day. I want you here,"

"You're sure?"

Nodding, Carrie sniffed, managed a smile as Brody leaned in, kissed her gently. Cupping her face with his free hand he budded his nose with her's, then brought their joined hands back to rest on her belly.

"Alright. Can I get you anything? Sardines? Pickles? A hot fudge sundae?"

"Just the light. I'm tired," Carrie yawned.

After reaching over, doing as asked Brody moved closer, stroked Carrie's hair as her eyes went heavy, heavier still.

"Close your eyes then, okay? I'll be right here when you wake up, okay?"

"Okay. I...I love you," Carrie whispered as he smiled, kissed her forehead.

"I love you too."

"Thank you, for ev-"

"Shhh, try and get some sleep."

Cuddling closer to her, after she finally drifted off Brody carefully shifted away from her and off of the bed. Grabbed his phone before going back to the bathroom, dialing. Relieved to get an answer on the second ring.

"Maggie, it's me. Look as soon as you get Farrah tomorrow morning, I...I need you to bring her to this address. Yeah, I'll text it to you, just get her here as early as you possibly can, okay? It...it's important."


End file.
